When do I let go?

Sorry if this is long. This is my first time on this site, and I found myself here in a desperate attempt for some input as I feel extremely alone at this point in my life... I am 26 years old, and have a 6 year old son with my ex boyfriend. My ex and I were together up until my son was about a year and a half old. He was a liar, cheater, and emotionally abusive to say the least. I finally mustered up enough courage to leave and spent a little bit being alone and focusing on my son and myself. I met a man who is a little older (35) and seemed to have the same values that I do. He believes in being faithful, and I trust him (which is a surprise to me, as I did not think I would be able to trust a man again. I have a 6 year old son, and I moved into his house. I pay rent here, and am set up on a rental agreement just like a roommate would. I understand his concern in not wanting to get screwed over, but I actually feel like I am nothing more then a roommate. We have been together 2 years, and we are intimate MAYBE once a month (I initiate it). He is a frequent porn watcher...which I wouldn't have a problem with, if he would occasionally show affection towards me. He is emotionless. He works from home most days, but we don't talk because he is usually pretty absorbed in his work which is understandable, but as soon as the work is done he is ready to go out for the night. I have a child, so I stay in and clean, do laundry, ETC..... I DO love him, and I honestly think he would be devastated if I left...but I don't feel like we have much of a connection anymore and it's really starting to hurt my feelings. I have very few friends now, as many of my prior friends were of the opposite sex and they sort of disappeared when I got with him. I feel so alone and all I do is sit in the house, or go to school. Whenever I try and talk to him, he doesn't listen and expresses little concern when i'm upset. He actually gets angry when I cry because to him that's just me trying to make him feel guilty so as soon as I feel it coming on I try and rush to the bathroom so that he doesn't frustrate me more (I hate getting angry). I don't know when things started to go downhill, but I have never had such a distant boyfriend in my life! I am not one of those females that expects presents or flowers, but it would be nice to be appreciated. I take care of my child, keep the house clean, and cook pretty much all of the meals. He NEVER compliments me, he thinks dates are a waste of money, he does little to help me in any way, and it seems as though we are co-existing. I believe he is an alcoholic, as he will ALWAYS choose a night out with the boys over anything we have planned. He also gambles, and will come home after losing money and be angry and extremely disrespectful. This is my son's home. I am scared to pull him from that as he has never really had a chance at a normal life, but I don't believe this relationship is going anywhere. I want SO BAD for things to be like they were before, but I am not even able to tell him how I feel because he gets defensive and disrespectful. Should I walk away from this? I have never been so scared and confused in my life. I know I am not perfect but I try VERY hard to make sure he knows he is appreciated on the daily. I tell him, show him, kiss/hug/etc on the daily. I just wish he could reciprocate that as well... While most of the time we don't talk, we DO have some happy times and I feel like he is my best friend. When I first got with him, things were much different. I just think he doesn't want to put the effort into appreciating me anymore and i'm starting to get exhausted by it all. I have been desperate to try and rekindle the fire that we once had, but he isn't open to anything and our time alone is limited with a little one. If anyone has any advice in this area, it would be much appreciated.

Firstly, the environment where your son is, is not the best when your bf comes home to be disrespectful to you because he's had a bad night. You have stated that you suspect he's an alcoholic and that he is sometimes becomes verbally abusive. All red flags. You're correct when you state that this man has stopped putting the effort into your relationship together. You are trying to rekindle what you had but if he's not responding then, I'm sorry, you're wasting your time. If you're starting to lose communication and intimacy then you're losing two very important things for a successful relationship. You have listed all the negatives and when you put them onto paper, they far outweigh the positives. If you love this man and you think he would be devastated if you left, then you should be forthright with him and tell him how you feel. At the age of 35, and given this man's obviously entrenched habits, he will quite likely never change. If you need to stay with him, then you will need to accept him and his behavior totally. Your son needs you to be happy but your current circumstances are stymieing the very happiness that you are looking for.

Communication is key here. Talk to him about it. Give the relationship a chance by talking it over with him and sharing how you really feel about his behavior. He may or may not agree to change, but what is important is that you get your frustrations out of your chest and let him know about them. Now it appears that there's no actual conflict in this relationship yet and that's a good thing, but the both of you will need to make some compromises to make things work in the future. I would suggest going to some joint couples counseling sessions if you can.