5 year relationship is over, right decision?

hey guys so heres my story. I have been in a relationship with a girl since I was 17 years old. I was a junior in high school when we started dating and she was a senior. College came and she chose to stay about an hour away which allowed me to go see her a lot as she did the same, coming down often and seeing me. We continued this pattern until she ultimately came back home permanantly after 2 years and finished her BA online. I have held a position at State Farm since high school and chose to stay home for college to work and study. Fast forward this and I stand today a 21 year old man that chose to leave this relationship because I feel the need to go out and explore life and see what I can do on my own. My relationship was great, the friendship I have developed with this girl is something that I know makes me happy but for some reason I felt the need to leave. She is an amazing soul. I have fun with her and love her with all my heart. I guess I have always felt that she has always loved me more than I love her but I cant say that with a straight face because I care about her so damn much. I found myself giving in to the "happily ever after" talk and she truly believes that I am the one for her but I told her that it is crazy to say that when she has never experienced another man not just sexually but emotionally and intellectually as well. I cant say that I have been the most faithful man to her, having cheated on her 3 times in 5 years I just have always been afraid to fully commit. Maybe its because im so young... In high school I was able to mess around with girls but as an adult I have not been able to see what life outside of a relationship is like. I made the decision to leave and give my self time to reflect and soul search. I dont want to find another women or be in a relationship but I do miss her. We have a trip planned for november this year and Im trying to decide whether I should go with her as friends. I can handle that, and from what she said she seems like she can as well. I told her that it wasnt a make up trip, its simply a trip to experience something new together. But should I go through with that? I guess I also freaked out with all the hopes and dream she has of marrying me one day, which I do feel like I can be happy with her for the rest of my life but I find myself questioning the unknown at this point in my life... is there another women out there for me? The relationship was very serious, with plans for us to move away together in pursuit of our graduate degrees and that freaked me out a little as well. I guess I felt like i was lost in the "us" talk and felt the need to make a decision for me. Not to say I dont want to go away with her but is it the right thing to do at such a young age? having my life planned out already seems crazy... but idk. I want be able to live my life fully and make sure that she is ndeed the girl for me because at 21 I dont think I can say that just yet. I also want her to do the same, she thinks im the one but I want her to know im the one. She told me she would give me all the time I need, that she would be there when Im ready when ever that may be. Im sorry for being all over the place, I just have so much on my mind. I appreciate you for reading this and hope to hear another perspective on this as well as how I should handle things moving forward. Thanks, Hector

Here are my personal thoughts on the matter: Only you will be able to tell when you are truly ready for marriage. If you still have some misgivings about permanently entering this relationship, then you should get rid of them before you commit fully. Let me tell you though that if you are looking for the "ideal girl" for you that you might be deluding yourself. If she seems like a girl that you can and have fallen in love with, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing her. The truth is that she is probably a good match for your lovemap specifications, but you are the one holding back your own feelings for her because you feel that you need to find "the one." Well, the truth is that "the one" is a media-manufactured myth and it doesn't have any actual place in objective reality. Every one of us has this subconscious list/criteria of our ideal romantic partner called "the lovemap" and this is what determines whether a person can be considered to be a prospective romantic partner or not. It goes without saying that this girl is probably already a good match for your lovemap, but at the same time, there are also thousands of other women in this world who can be a good match for your lovemap -- none of them are really the right choice over the other because the reality is that they are all just good matches for your lovemap. What I'm trying to say here if you are trying to find "the one" is that there are thousands of "the ones" out there for you, and I believe this girl might also be one of them.The truth is that you will never find someone out there who is a 100% match for your unique lovemap specifications because your lovemap is as unique as your own fingerprint -- even moreso because it continues to develop as you gain more experiences throughout life. It's never a static thing and it continues to gradually change every single day/moment.

John I appreciate your advice and insight. Just to be clear, I didnt make the decision to find and ideal girl. I guess you put it perfectly when stating that I i have some misgivings on my end that I need to figure out before getting back with her. Some more insight on how I was feeling in this relationship... I felt like I was already married. We saw eachother a everyday, she has keys to my house and sleeps over multpile nights a week and I guess I just felt like I was in a routine with her and some where along the line i lost myself and what I truly wanted. there was too much "US" and not nearly enought "ME" on both ends. Would it be a bad thing to just take this time apart to re evaluate my life goals and where I want to be and come back to her having my own plan for me? If she wants to leave for grad school I encourage her to do so without me, she is older and I dont want her to wait on me to make a move so thats another thing weighing heavy on my mind... the fact that I dont want to be the reason she doesnt leave and experience life.

Hi Hector, It's definitely not a bad thing. You're still young, so it's your decision after all. You shouldn't feel pressured to get into a relationship with her if finding a relationship isn't even your top priority right now. Just focus on what lies ahead and if you two are really right for each other, then you'll just find your way back eventually. I think you're making the right decision to try and not hold each other back. You don't want to have any regrets later on by getting into a long-term relationship and even marriage when you still had some unfulfilled plans, goals/hopes and dreams that you could no longer fulfill while in a married relationship.

Hector, don't let other people confuse you with their cryptic values on love and what they believe is right. At the end of the day you had a ball with this woman, you were pretty much kids at 17 and now you are 21, that's quite a lengthy relationship to have at your age. Most people your age had had multiple relationships by then, so right on by being an adult and settling with someone. Think about it like this. Sometimes you outgrow people, you need to unclip your wings and fly again, whether you accept it or not, in more ways than one even the people you love can hold you back. Like family for example, if you've ever been in a situation where your mother doesn't want you to go out because she's scared you might get hurt, and you go out and have an amazing time? That's you making your own decisions and choosing your path, and that is something YOU ARE ENTITLED TO DO IN LIFE. You can love someone so very very much and at the same time, feel held back whether the reasons are logical or not. In this situation I can completely vouch for all you feel. 5 years is a long time and you were young when you got together and you are still young now but at the same time, you are older and wiser and you are at the most important pinnacle of your life and that is choosing where to go, what to do and how to do it and you can't say you know that until you become free and sometimes in life, it just has to be YOU sat on top of that mountain looking at the creatures God put on this planet and the land that surrounds us and all beings, all our existence boils down to.. being free. This is your time to fly! You have no regrets, you did this the best way possible and I respect you for being able to hold a relationship for that long and then have the respect and the honesty to come clean in the best way possible, you have the whole world at your fingertips and whether that seems like a big thing or a small thing, whether you still remain relatively the same or change is all down to YOU but either way, you'll never really know what's out there and who you really are until you start experiencing things, challenging things and exploring and you can do it just by opening your mind to possibilities and the whole endless stream of life that contains no boundaries but what you create yourself. You don't have to try and prove yourself here, your point is entirely valid. Well, you are free now Hector to do as you please, use the time and freedom wisely and good luck with your journeys, I hope everything works out for you. And remember, stay positive. Stay optimistic. Through every dark cloud comes a silver lining. Good luck, God bless.

Thank you all for the input this is really helping me be more positive as this is still fresh. I appreciate you all for taking the time to read this and respond with great wisdom and advice. God Bless you all.