Me and my bf love each other but he is not ready to accept me

Me and my boyfriend dated for 1 year.we are studying in an complicated university.here passing final exam is must to get to next year.he was having health problem during exams.i was there with him all those days taking care of him like a mother and not studying for exams which is my lyf.when i knew he cannot pass in the exam i decided to get fail so that i can b thr wit him.bt unfortunately i passed evn i didnt write well in exam.and he failed.then he got angry and depressed.and started thinking that i left him alone.he didnt undrstnd that i too wanted to b with him and so didnt write the exam well.bt it was my fate to get passed.we were so in love lyk v were inseparable.i promised him i wont leave him under any circumstance.he started sayng tat i cheated him.then bcos of angry and hatred he started datng anothr grl.he told me that.and after few months he called me and said that he cant live without me and was dying to meet me. Then we met.but again he was saying the all se old tthings like i cheated him by pasding and leaving him alone. I was soo much in love with him to a extent of attempting suicide.bt i recovered.he s the only one to know that.evn after knwng that he didnt trust me that i passed unfortunately. He s vry different in character. Smal smal thmgs vl make a vry much difference in his opinion. Then he started scolding me evry day with vry bad words that i didnt evn heard of.meanwhile he continued dating wit that grl also. He used to say tat she was d the one thr fr him durng his depressed prd nd he cant leave her jst lyk tat. Bcos she was havng mental prob and nt a gd family. Bt sayng that he doesnt love her. Same thng continued fr 2 yrs nw.talking to both f us. When he was in a depressed mood he vud cal me. Othr tym he vud speak to her. It seems lyk as i m his ex gf. I wanted to b thr fr him and i thought someday he will realise my sacrifices and come to me.til nw i hv nt evn scolded him once inmy three years f lov nd evn wn he scold me lyk i m a dirty dog to hear al tat he say,i vud take it with pain in my heart and vud nt tel anythng to him.he evn slapped me once. Til nw i hv nt evn spent a single day without cryng bcos f his scoldings fr past 2 years.til nw i love him.evn aft treatng me lyk a non livng thng. Recently one day,it seemed lyk i cant take his relationship wit that grl. Nd i attempted suicide again.aft a wk f hospitalisation,lukily i ws saved.nw my parents knew abt al f tis.nd r vry patient. Nd evn nw aftr knwng tis too he s behavng the same old way. Actualy he was d one who saved me nd admited me in hosptl. Then he told al f tis to his gf and mom. Both cald me said he vl nt b thr f u r dead. His mom cried to me.nd i also know that he vl nt liv if i am dead. And evn f he scolded me lyk tat,he also took gd care f me lyk a mothr. He has nvr let anybdy speak a single word wrng abt me,evn my parents. Who evr tat may b,he vl stand by my side. Nd has evn made a big scene in clg wn a boy tols smthng abt me recently. He s vry possessive abt me,he vl nt evn lyk wn i was wit my parents. Actualy the prob s he dont knw wt he wants. He likes me and he cant leave me. That grl helped him and so he cant leave her also. I dont knw wt i sud do. Whether i hv to acept all f his,evn d part wit her nd continue to lov him and self destruct me, r i hv to try to talk to him... or what i should do??? I hv already attempted suicide 2 tyms... and i dont want to do it again.. i hv sacrified al f me fr him. Bt he s nt undrstndng me. Bt that grl s no where near me. She s flirtng wit another boys. She evn lies to him. Bt i hv nvr evr done any of that. Evn wn he left me,i was tryng to talk to him and not to othr boys. He does nt lyk to see me in clg whr i m his senior. Bt in othr places he behaves wel. So ahould i wait for anothr yr to complete my clg lyf??? R should i decide nw?? What should i do??? Someone help me

Actually i dont know how to explain the things going on here. We have been in relationship for 3 years. And many things have happened. He was the happiest man i have ever seen. Carefree etc. But when i alone passed he could not accept that. That is the first thing affected him in his whole life. And he is depressed about it till date. And he cannot tackle it on his own way. He needs help. And he is my first love. I have even thought that he is the love of my life. So it is almost impossible for me to let him suffer all of this on his own. Believe me,i have even tried to not talk to him,to not message him. But when i get a single from him that he is off mood. It is almost irresistable for me to not text him. I am afraid that if i leave him,it will add up to his depression. And i am afraid that i may hurt him. I dont want to do that. Yes,i accept that in the process of making him feel better, i am self destructing me. And putting myself in depression to an extent of attempting suicide. I just want to know one thing,if i died he would die for sure. He will not live here without me. He didnt tell this. His mother and that girl told me this. And even i know that is 100% true and sincere. If he doesnt live in this world without me,then why he is not accepting me and why he is scolding me at everything i do... And i forgot to mention this. He has a bit inferiorty complex with me. I m beautiful than he is,and believe me i m realy smart at evrythng i do. And i am successful at everything i do. Is that the reason he is being rude to me only at college(where i am his senior because he failed) and nice at other places we go.

You're not LISTENING to Susie. And I DID wade through the whole of your post so I know she's right. This guy isn't ready to be a responsible grown-up. He's a childish machinator and manipulator. He tried to avoid his exams through psychosomatic illness and simultaneously tried to manipulate you into failing yours by being too busy taking care of him. That actually failed to work - you passed without even TRYING - so now he thinks the fact he feels inferior to you is YOUR fault (for just being your shiny, capable self), and is still hell bent on pulling you down a peg or ten so that he doesn't feel as much as a failure in comparison. He's not your lover, he's your COMPETITOR who constantly measures himself against you, under the GUISE of lover. And he's trying constantly to sabotage your ability to compete by doing things that'll destroy your confidence (like cheating on you and keeping you on an ego- then self-esteem-eroding emotional rollercoaster). Unfortunately for him, you're OVER-reactive and go one step further as makes him LOOK bad, meaning, he has to make slight reparations... ones that give you (in your overreactivity) TOO much hope, far more hope than actually exists...whereupon the whole push-me-pull-you dance begins all over again. The minute you seem to start bouncing back is when he either cranks up his insults or introduces a new one - to knock you back down again. If you've failed miserably when it comes to keeping out of his crosshairs then, like Susie says, you need counselling so as to be coached into locating, activating and USING your mental reserves of strength. Your mind is convincing you that because this boy is the source of your ego's deflation then so too must he be the source of the reinflating mechanism. No he is not. He's unwilling and incapable of being anyone's re-inflater. He's just a DE-flater. Him making you feel small and miserable makes HIM feel big and powerful. BERBOM! So of COURSE he doesn't want you going anywhere (think about it)! But that has NOTHING to do with like or love. He is jealous of you and hates you for it. You have to seek ego and self-esteem inflation from any OTHER quarters in life. Only once you've done this will you be able to see him for what he is and, like us, find your only reaction has become THIS: "Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, UGH!!!" Now, then, you asked for help and this is it. Susie and I are NOT under the toxic influence of this creep, meaning, we see into and through and around and underneath this whole situation with full, working mental cylindry. Your thinking is disabled; you're under the influence and neither seeing or thinking straight. So either trust that what we're saying is true - that the quicker you get this highly addictive but dangerously harmful Class A drug on legs OUT of your system, the quicker you'll feel healthier, happier, more inspired and excited by life and all its possibilities, as well as capable of attracting a man who'll give you POSITIVE thrills and excitement and the power to meet your true potential...a drug that ENHANCES your total wellbeing, not bit-by-bit destroys your very life force. But if that thought scares you, meaning this fear of success is what you and Tweedledummer have most in common, then you just carry right on on your route to self-destruction. Is that clear enough for you?

Thanks vry much for both of you. I think i am getting some sense of what he has done all through these days. Bt i have to accept that it really hard for me to believe that he actually did all of these things to me. Because he has done so much for me that nobody has ever done for me. I dont have fear of success like u said. Actually i have tasted the sweetness of success a lot in my life. all want now is to be bit happier and a day without crying to sleep. But i want that happiness with him. I cannot really believe that he thought like u explained. But all u said is logical. Because he has actually told me once that who he will scold when i am dead and who will hear all of his nasty words. And like u say he is all always very intended in closing all the doors of my success and happiness. I dont even have any friends in college. Because he doesnt like when i talk to other. Even to girls. I want to ask one thing. Dont think i am a lunatic for asking this. Is there any way of making him understand that i am not responsible for the things that happened in his life. That even i tried my best and even now i am trying my best to make it work. And it should be obvious that after attempting suicide two times,i would be going for counselling. Yet i am here asking for solutions because that doesnt seem to work.

He might have started OFF sweet enough, but latterly he is merely paying you to ensure you stick around ready for the next bash. I promise you - you feeling more miserable, powerless and small than him makes him feel better and gives him somewhere to dump his woes. Go google 'cycle of abuse'. Also google 'criteria of emotional abuse' or (ref not liking you talking even to girls) 'abuse and isolation'. And, considering you sound too intelligent to be manoeuvred this way, also look up 'emotional abuse and gaslighting'. No, he DIDN'T "think" like I explained. He wouldn't even know what he has been up to and would probably deny it, outraged at the accusation, because this all comes from under his own conscious radar (or at least, I would effing HOPE so or otherwise the way he's treated you (that as he's seen has sent you suicidal), would make him an actual PSYCHOPATH rather than just an immature, bitter idiot!). In which case - no, he would need to take a long, hard look at himself courtesy of a therapist before he understood anything. What he most likely DOES do, however, is boast to his friends about how he's got you squarely under his thumb and how (he's so utterly irresistable to women that) you can't leave him alone no matter WHAT he does to you. The solution to breaking an unhealthy addiction is little known but highly common-sensical and piss-easy, so piss-easy that if you do as I suggest you'll look back at LAUGH at how easy it was despite your ignorance at the time: transfer your addiction as quickly as you possibly can - onto a rebound partner who's secretly looking or his own less-harmful 'methodone'. Get your arse onto as many dating websites as you can RIGHT NOW THIS SECOND and start pumping your confidence back up with as much flattering attention as you can handle. It'll also remind the part of your mind that's convinced you need him, about just how many NICER men there are out there, as well as remind you what romantic FUN feels like! At the same time (sounds silly - isn't - works) start looking in the mirror every morning and saying with as much belief and indignant pride as you can muster: How DARE he have treated me like that - who does he think he is, the little creepy bully? - I'm GORGEOUS, I'm LOVELY! Meanwhile, start dating YOURSELF: spoil yourself rotten in any way you can think of - even special bubble baths with lit candles around the bath, your favourite music on (preferably stuff you used to play BEFORE you met him - to remind you of You), and a glass (ONE glass - stay away from resolve-weakening inebriation) of expensive wine or liqueur. Buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to luxury food delicacies. Even the simplest of treats meted frequently will all help to quickly re-raise your self-esteem to where you're strong enough to tell this dud to BOG OFF and never darken your doorstep again (and feel GREAT doing it). Then be prepared to find yourself growing increasingly angry. But DON'T feel the need for revenge. Get your revenge through the knowledge that you were his one chance at a decent partner rather than the she-snakes found on his own level, meaning that's all he'll be resigned to for the rest of his life (until and unless he ever learns and changes his ways) - meaning, he will continue growing INCREASINGLY miserable. Then your anger will switch to pity and feeling massively superior for being more intelligent than he could ever HOPE to be. The rebound man won't be the BEST partner you've ever had, but just as long as he's any meaty degree of BETTER - that's all it'll take to elicit the first "ugh!"-in-hindsight from you and ensure this horrid episode stays firmly behind you, and for you to have a springboard to reaching the higher levels. Do all of this in secret. The LAST thing you want is for him to panic at the thought of loss of his personal punching bag and to start gaslighting you (warping your sense of reality) again. And by the way, you ARE a lunatic for asking that - a temporary one - only you can't yet see it. You will. In time you absolutely will and will see yourself as pathetic for asking that. But know that it's just a symptom of the systematic brainwashing (go google Stockholm Syndrome to see what you're suffering in micro form) and that only the shiniest people ever get victimised and mentally enchained by bullies. So it's not a fault on your part, it's a fault on the *bully's* for wanting to take a fine crystal vase out of the cabinet and knowing nothing better to do with it other than kick it around like a football (what a thickie). Also, if you want to speed things up even further, keep looking until you find a counsellor who's LIKE YOU, one that you DO get and gets you - instantly - "CLICK!". But first, the do-it-yourself bona fide/acceptable short-cut - dating sites - *now*.

U said i sd strt datng new people nd it was rt. Bt wn i entered a new datng site i felt lyk i was cheatng on him so i thought i sud frst end talkng to him. And i knw very well that if i say the reason for it ,he would act so lovingly and will make me regret for even having such thoughts. So i told him that we should stop talking and i have to start a new life and i dont want to cry for the rest of life and blah blah blah. Even if he didnt accept it at first,but when i kept on saying those things then he accepted it after explaining for 2 days. After that was a celebration for my sister marriage for 3 days. And then i came back to school. He didnt even message or call for about 5 days. And i also thought that it was all ended and i should start anew. But before 2 days he called me. It was completely for another reason. We were saving money together for something. And atm card for the account was with me. He said it was something urgent and he want that money. And i said that i will give the card next day to him in class. But between that his results for the exam came. I knew that and i said congratulations for passing while giving him card. He angrily replied me that i have no rights to tell that and he was not happy for that and also told me to think about because of who his life is like this. Everyone else in his batch were enjoying for passing and he was shouting at me. I ignored that. And walked away. Even if i walked away i was upset about that. As we are attending same classes,we have to each other. And i was having an episode of fever for a day before that. And he noticed that i was sick from watching me. And at the end of class i fell dowm. So he took me to hospital. My roomate said to him that she will take me to hospital,he shouted at her and took me to hospital. And was near me till i discharged. But didnt even speak a word to me in 2 days at hospital. When i said thanks,he just replied its okay. Even though i was not consious all the time,he didnt speak even when i was consious. Other than telling me to take tablet and feeding food,he said nothing. When discharging also,he told me that it was because of me he failed. And that he can never take that away from his heart. And he can never that pain. And so on. U will be actually wondering why i am saying all this. Now my only question is how to make him understand that i m not responsible for that. And how to make him accept that it is his fault. Dont think that i am doing to get back together withhim. Because i have no such ideas. All i want is to make him understand that he is responsible for everuthing that happens in his life and not somebodyelse. I want to do this because he can learn something only from me and not from anybody. His parents are not that much caring and responsible. And i care for him. I want him to understand that i am responsible for everything bad that happens in this life.(for ex,he was cheated by someone a big amount of money,he scolded me and said that because of me he was cheated wheni have dome nothing) like this he thinks that i am responsible for every thing happens in his life. How to make him understand that he is the one responsible for his life and not anybody else.

AGREE VEHEMENTLY WITH SUSIEDQ! This very unhappy and badly programmed boy is in effect a slow-acting, semi-murderer that is trying to reduce you to some half-dead zombie - perfectly adequate as a dumping ground, a bile bucket for his self- and world-hatred in-motion, yet incapable of having the mental wherewithal to take yourself permanently out of his reach! Sounds melodramatic - sadly isn't. Don't think we more mature women on here haven't, whether first or second-hand, sampled a desperately unhappy and hatred-filled creep like that once or however many times in our own lives, because we have. Sadly, mal-programmed people like him exist in abundance on this planet. We wouldn't be here as free-of-charge advisers to perfect strangers in the first place were it not for wanting through sense of social responsibility to protect other potential victims AND knowing what gross injustice feels like, how it sticks and itches in your craw and thus to know how to avoid putting or keeping yourselves in these situations to begin with. We know how you have to just grit your teeth and rise above that sense of outrage and idealism fervency out of realisation about how these types of creeps haven't a clue what justice IS. Their idea of justice is one way - theirs! That's not justice, is it, it's the mindset of a PREDATOR. You can't seek justice with a predator. LIFE/NATURE is the one that metes out punishment to these types. Let it do it's job and stop being so arrogant as to think yourself chief of worldly emotional justice. So put your money where your mouth is in proving yourself the justice-denied victim by doing what victims who can't win by Fight DO: Take FLIGHT! You remain engaging with this creep in HIS horrid world under HIS rules of life and interpersonal conduct and you're doing nothing but showing yourself up to yourself and the world as co-predator - specifically, aider and abetter. Capiche? This is what Susie means by take the high road. The cliff-side high and low roads don't meet, they are parallel existences on very different reality planes. If he even WANTS to live on the high road with you, let alone has it in him, let him do the work involved in climbing up to your level instead of you keep climbing down to his. Meanwhile, satisfy your ego with this knowledge: What is he going to do once suddenly devoid of his usual poison-puking bowl (you)? Answer: SWALLOW THAT POISON AND ROT FROM THE INSIDE-OUT (- until/unless it dawns on him that he's full of poison, why that's not right nor normal or healthy, and finally goes in search of bonafide medicine). Hurrah - just punishment is yours! Plus, as I'm sure you can now appreciate: you would have done him the greatest favour one person could do for another: been his life-changing catalyst. So get back on the dating site and this time stick with it (NO MORE EXCUSES like how he must surely deep-down care to have taken you to the hospital despite I EXPLAINED why he'd want to keep you around and just functional). Keep doing it until your new attitude takes, whereupon he could even offer you a MILLION POUNDS to have anything more to do with you and you STILL wouldn't cave because you'd rather gouge out your own eyeballs. Taking care of yourself because you love and like yourself whilst leaving these people to do likewise or learn how, IS justice...AND winning/succeeding. It's called cruel to be kind, tough love. And even if you don't do it for them specifically as individuals, you do it for the world. Dating site! Arse! Back on! You can't so-called cheat on a so-called partner if they're breaking all of the normal healthy tacit terms and conditions of partnership so-called contract, anyway, because by doing so they've rendered the contract null and void, meaning there IS no contract, meaning you are single and unattached and cheating/two-timing not even POSSIBLE! Now...does *that* do it for you?

Suseidq... you asked why do i feel like i need to do this. This is exactly the same question i have been asking myself before posting. But i actually dont know why. May be i realy care for him and i know that his parents wont take any steps to teach him or tell him that he is wrong. Or may b i dont want any other girls undergo the pain i did. Or i think that he should understand me. Or may be i am using this as a reasn to talk back to him. Although i dont want to get back with him. I mis him even nw. But u all know that 10 days is realy a short time to forget someone. I dont know why but i care fr him is one reason that i know sure as for now. But i realy want him to understand that he is the one responsible for his actions and i want him to mature and take responsiblity for life.

I will not think that he really cared for me and took me to hospital and i will not think that as a reason for nt dating othr people. Because i think there may be one of these two reasons for him doing that more than care. One,he will not like when i talk to EVEN GIRLS. When he is not ready to allow mw me to talk how will he send me with that girl. More than caring and all that,he would have taught that nobdy else should be with me except him. Two,may be he would have again wanted to strongly empathise the point that he failed because of me(as he did before discharging)

Thank you both f u... really thanks. Because of your advice and clear scenario about the crap in his mind. I understand smthng nw. And also thank u fr listening to crappy questions i am asking and answering for that too....

Listen, your questions aren't crappy and neither is the situation you're in. What frustrates is merely that you keep knee-jerking. E.g., your replies come in so damn quickly that's it's obvious you haven't really sat and thought more deeply about what we've explained to you, and it's this lack of chewing and digesting that leaves you susceptible because there are LEVELS to your psyche - like departments in a company - and each and every department needs to read and understand these 'memos' in order to be firmly united and an immovable force to be reckoned with. Nobody said Cold Turkey was easy. It takes determination and tenacity (through said all-departments reconciliation). THIS IS YOUR LIFE TEST. It's BECAUSE you lack these things that you became vulnerable to getting hooked on a mess of a bloke like this. It's like being a piece of seaweed in damp weather. You ATTRACT the damp and absorb it. You should be made of stronger stuff so that you repel it. Understand? Persistent, consistent resistance is like a diet. Thanks to The Investment Principle (go Google), each day you manage to clock up becomes incrementally greater and greater guarantee of no longer being vulnerable to his advances and summons (no matter WHAT excuse he manages to come up with). Toughen up those muscles, that resilience and resistancy, so that this is the LAST TIME you're hook-able, manipulable and made to be at the mercy of another predator type. Here's the rule to dating: if it ain't fun, you're doing it wrong or are with the wrong partner. That simple. Go and remind yourself what fun feels like. Jeez, it's not like you haven't EARNED it, eh! If you like, report back about what guys are flirting and trying to get a date with you?