Girlfriend can't trust me

My girlfriend is very insecure, and I have lied about my past to her before, all sexually things that I was uncomfortable with and I didn't want to hurt her or her opinion of me. Now she can't trust me, and overanaylyzes everything thinking I'm lieing. I also told her I don't watch porn. Which I rarely do. Two nights ago she got upset because I had buttdialed her, her name came up in the conversation. Her assumption was out of context and she thought I lied. That night she looked through my phone and saw porn. Now she says she dosnt know who I am, and she can't trust me. I don't want to lie and I know it was wrong, but she caant realize why, its just a lie. What should I do? I don't know if shell be able to trust me. And without that I can't deal with her insecurities. But I love her and were perfect other than this.

I think you should tell her everything. I also think you should apologize to her; she must be feeling devastated that her boyfriend lied to her. And, if she still doesn't trust you, then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship with her. Hope this helped! Good luck!

If you lied (clearly more than merely a handful of times) to her then you aren't justified in calling her insecure like the problem comes from within her and doesn't take all that much to get activated. Your opener should have read, 'My girlfriend found out I have lied a number of times to her in the past and so now she's understandably insecure'. Question: How on earth did she find out you'd lied? You broke trust even as it was in the process of getting built. So it's little wonder that your trust foundation is so shaky she doesn't even know if she wants to continue building a 'house' onto it. You are not her father, you do not get to decide which information about yourself that she has a bog-standard relationship right to know, to give, re-shape or withhold. A romantic relationship CONSISTS of all things possible shared. And trust is a word to describe getting to know, via someone's repeated, myriad actions, big and small, how they will not only again act in afore-witnessed/repeat situations but, predictably, in any as-yet-unencountered ones. PREDICTABLE in ways positive and productive, that's Trust. So what were you busy building with her way back when - a fallacy? An illusion? 'Just a lie', my arse. As Susie implied, there's no 'just' ABOUT it. Likewise, how can you say she's OVER-analysing when you've proven that whatever you merely SAY isn't at all reliable as now has her trying to investigate the truth in any wordage you produce (because in her investigative capabilities she *does* still trust)? Rarely watching porn is not the same as 'I don't want porn'. 'I rarely watch porn'/'I very occasionally watch porn' is the truthful statement via either coin flipside. (Did anyone ever tell you you missed your vocation as a politician or Spin Doctor?) And you cannot reasonably reproach someone for acting mistrusting of you and coming automatically to negative conclusions first and foremost if you've only just finished proving you'd behaved in ways that even back at the time, let alone due to overdue enlightenment at this late juncture, proved all prior trust of you and all positive conclusions drawn about you....WERE FALSE AND ERRONEOUS! Question: What exactly did this conversation about her that she oversaw say? "Now she says she dosnt know who I am, and she can't trust me." She doesn't. She can't. It's not even *her job* to just *decide* to completely factor out all prior evidential deterrent against continuing with you like she doesn't have any intellect or any need to emotionally self-protect. IT'S YOURS. So - rather - if you can't MAKE her trust you again in remedy of the fact of having showed her you weren't trustworthy, then maybe she shouldn't be in a relationship with YOU. Take your responsibility for the consequences of your free-will actions like a man! You CREATED those insecurities so you can damn well deal with them!! They're yours! If you REFUSE to put paid to them (when it is not rocket science) then you are 'saying' you prefer what you gain out of NURTURING them. So what are you busy *DOING* towards repairing or re-building that false and shattered 'house of love' foundation? Anything? Or just telling her over and over with your (unreliable) mouth to trust you (and shut up) because you are, in fact - against evidence - trustworthy, 'you are-you-are-you-ARE-BLAH-BLAAAAH'?