My LDR fiancée mother died and he push me away

Hi my LDR fiancée lost his mother last March, our love story was more in a fairy tales, we devoted to each other we met in person 3x a year we been travelled together doing a lot of stuff, I'm from Philippines and his from USA. I read some articles of grief stage, and fully understand what's happening to him, but I don't understand why he end up our relationship so fast, it's been 3 months now we're not taking I sent him email for the first month every couple of days, just to let him know that I'm here for him, he ignored me, 2 weeks ago he sent me an email he cares a lot for me, this is the last email he sent me. Ive seen all the messages you’ve sent. You’re read on what was happening really wasn’t right and I don’t want you to be out there waiting for me as you are. I care for you very much and I wish it hadn’t come to this. I’ve become certain over this time that there isn’t a future for us. You’re not coming here and I’m not going there. That’s the crux of it. I can’t live the online, pretend world anymore. I just can’t. I’m so sorry. At some point, you’ll realize this was true for you too. But I know it will be hard as it has been for me. I’ve never felt so sad as I do sending this message. I’m going to drop out now because I think that’s the easiest and most humane thing to do. I wish there had been another way. I know him very well that's why I don't understand why this things happened to us, I know how much he loves me Please help me, I'm to much depress, devasted, I don't know how long I will stand the pain, I'm scared to myself I will do something to end my life. Please help me

Three times a year isn't exactly a relationship, is it. Maybe once his mother went he realised he needed something fuller-on much closer to home? But, HMMM... The fact his 'mouth' is saying he cares a lot for you (which he should if you were the only person close to him left) when his actions are saying the distinct opposite makes me suspicious. Do you know for a FACT that his mother has died? Sounds heinous to suggest he might come out with such an amoral whopper, but it does happen, especially when the woman doesn't have nearly enough access to the reality of his total situation to say one way or the other... makes it rather convenient to the man who basically is too much of a coward to just tell you straight that he wishes to terminate the relationship and, more to the cowardly, convenient point, why. I mean, if the guy was in love with you, saw you as His One, surely his mother dying would see him wanting to be and feel CLOSER to you? You'd think. But not if secretly he'd been seeing this relationship as petering out or dying a death anyway. In that instance, his mother dying would spur him into wanting to get on with living properly and not messing around any more....clearing his decks, so to speak, ready for new and real deal. Certainly, that seems to be the crux of what he's trying to say in his email. 'Pretend world', he says. So that means, pretend relationship as well. It sounds convincingly like you're not going to see or hear from this man ever again (sorry). But that he could sever the seeming tie he had with you so swiftly and easily like that does suggest to me that he's already in another, this time up-close relationship. If not, then, clearly there either wasn't truly ever any bond (i.e. it was he who was (quote) pretending) OR this guy was never capable of bonding in the normal, healthy ways (hence chose what was moreover a virtual reality substitute). Furthermore, if he'd always kept these secret misgivings or, lately, goings-on to himself - which he of course would have - you WOULD be sat there still convinced as usual that he loves you and always did. But as I say, his actions say, NOPE. And you can't argue with actions. Now to you: If you'd caught a bus to Heaven but realised along the way that you'd mistakenly taken the wrong bus or said bus was always merely a shuttle service to the correct bus to take you the rest of the way, and you really, truly, badly wanted to get to Heaven, would you, on finding out it wasn't the ultimate bus you'd been on, decide to end your life and thereby that oh-so-promising destination that you were already well on your way to? Not if you truly wanted heaven or wanted it enough, you wouldn't. Every time you have a relationship you are practising ready for the biggie: Mr Perfect(-for-You). Do you REALLY want your true soulmate, when the time comes, to find himself plonked by Fate on that cross section where your path and his should collide, but, because you're not there as pre-scheduled, to hook up with some other woman, someone LIKE you? Stop getting all unnecessary just because it hurts. It's supposed to. It's a psychological version of childbirth: agony ends in a 'bundle' of lifelong joy. The pain is what makes that bundle all the more joyful and you all the more appreciative for it. That's how it works (we've all been there). Grit your teeth...the pain lessens day by day anyway (plus there are multiple pain-free pockets throughout each) whilst the 'epidural' waits to kick in. Don't see each wave of agony as 'yet another one'. See each as ONE LESS from the total bucketful. Each wave of pain is bringing you closer to recovery (including lessons learned as ups your wisdom) and a likewise higher grade male-attractive, much-improved vibe. So every time a wave hits, yell, 'Yippee! My eventual prince and I just took one step closer to each other AND I JUST FELT IT!'. Because that is how it works. (He's probably sat there crying over his own just-failed relationship as we speak. That's part of how it works too.) You're not dying, you're emerging (from a chrysalis). In painful steps. Not easy, is it. Nothing life-changing and happiness-bringing ever is. The greater the eventual prize, the greater the pain as qualifies you for it. I repeat, that's how it works.