Lost, walked out of a 15 yr relationship and doing so I left 6 baby's :(

I'm feel so alone fighting with my ex who uses our kids against me I can only see them when he says Um battling his claims in court but unable to find a lawyer to represent me asive moved towns .y eldest is 14 my youngest now one he was 4mths old when I left my ex. we stuggling for two years before I walked away I would always kick him out but he would never leave for long so I always took him back i felt in the end the only thing I could do was leave myself with nowhere to go I had no choice but to leave my baby's I've been a mum 14yrs 24/7 to nothing at all I'm scared alone and miss them crazy. unexpected as hell a man I knew for 18years walked into my life 8mth ago last i seen him I was 12 a d he picked me up off the hospital grounds and walked me to the Morg where my 3 ur old brother lay dead after being hit by a car running across the road to me I was a much. at the age of 9 as I raised my 4 brothers a d sisters dad a gang member mum doing what she has to for 5 kid's, he carried me thru the worst part of my life all those years ago and here he is again thru the worst part of my life losing my baby's only problem is I don't know if I'm just a rebound for him .. ...he has a long list of ex's I have one ... he is wonderful don't get me wrong but i love him and am scared to let what's left of my heart go in fear of it breaking me more then I already am and my ex is jealous and all he has to deal with his hurt is too use my kids because he knows it kills me not seeing them.i also am addicted to meth all though I hate it with all that I am i think about doing it again just to Num my hurt... .

A few thoughts: 1. Get help for your addiction. It sucks, but you'll be a better parent (and feel better) without that hanging over your head. 2. Keep looking for a lawyer. IT's suck, it's hard, but do what you can. 3. I'd give up on the ex, just from what you've written here. The heart wants what it wants, but it doesn't sound like it's reciprocated. (Which just leads to heartache.)

At 1st U need a help with your addiction. If you don't take yourself under control you will not win the custody of your kids. At 2nd you need a really good lawyer. Ask these guys http://solicitors.guru/family/ . They will give you the best advice. If you get a handle on your addiction the judge will give you the full custody.