Should family members get involved?

My 30 yr old daughter has just disclosed to her longterm partner that she has been having an affair with a married man. The affair has now ceased apparently, but her partner is devastated. My wife has always got on very well with her partner and he has started confiding in her about his feelings etc. My wife has spoken to our daughter and assured her that while we are very upset about what has happened that we still love her. What my daughter and her husband do not know is that my wife had an affair with a married man & co-worker about 11 years ago (We've been married for 28 years). We stayed together and time has healed the hurt I felt at the time. Unfortunately, I recently found out that my wife was conducting an intense online correspondence with an old boyfriend without my knowledge. We are trying to deal with issues raised by this, and she has stopped all contact now. However, I am concerned about my wife's ability to maintain boundaries in our marriage at present, and I feel uneasy that our daughter's partner is now confiding in her. Am I being unreasonable, and in any case, should either of us get involved in advising either of them. I would prefer they obtained counselling.

Family should NEVER get involved because often you can end up making the situation way more worse than it is. You should address these concerns with your wife, and your daughter, and then lay down some boundaries. I imagine your daughter feels quite betrayed by her mother butting in and taking his side. You and your wife do not really know everything that has gone on; you get the highlights. By all means be there to support your daughter when she needs or wants it, but get your wife out of it. It's not her life; it's theirs. Therefore THEY alone are responsible for getting the appropriate help. SusieDQQ: he's worried that his wife might get too close to the daughters partner. wink wink. Am i correct TOIA?