Mental

I believe I may need genuine Help. I just can't seem to get it anywhere.

Hi Doggy Dilemma, What is it, you believe, you need help with?

What is wrong with me and why this is happening

I know I'm not what people say I am. I know I'm terribly depressed and confused.

I'm feeling very flat. Very low. Very misunderstood. That is more than half my problem. I can't seem to relay my thoughts or articulate in a way people comprehend my meaning. It all somehow gets lost in translation? I'm not a troll. I'm a very confused, scared and hurt human being. I spend most of my days and nights thinking about death and possible suicide.

I've made mistakes. Many! I have come across as deceptive. I honestly did not mean to be. I was scared. Scared of privacy and being revealed. Scared of taking up too much of others time. Scared I'm cursed. As ridiculous as that sounds.

Let's put it all into the one place: "What is wrong with me and why this is happening" Is everything that's happening included in your final paragraph? "I know I'm not what people say I am. I know I'm terribly depressed and confused." What do people say about you (or is it, what they're lately saying)? How old are you? Or should I say - how young? What's your situation? Can you give me a chronological account from when whatever it is began and the situation today? "I'm feeling very flat. Very low. Very misunderstood. That is more than half my problem." Well, it's an extremely common one, especially since Covid, so you're definitely not alone in that. "I can't seem to relay my thoughts or articulate in a way people comprehend my meaning. It all somehow gets lost in translation?" Try me? "I'm not a troll.-" Tell me why you felt you had to deny being a troll? "I'm a very confused, scared and hurt human being. I spend most of my days and nights thinking about death and possible suicide." Death AND possible suicide? Do you mean if you're not fantasising about ending yourself you're wishing 'a grand piano would fall out of the sky onto your head?'. Is that because an accident would be easier? That's not fun is it. Nightmare. Start from the beginning so I can know your age, situation, when it began, how it started,...all of that. And I'll see what I can do. ;) And when was the last time you had any fun?

PS: Hey, is that you, Eryengesh?

Obviously say if you're not But if it is you - good, we can continue from where we left off. Either/Or :) (Like the alias, btw.)

I am not this username Eryengesh? Age 55 When it began? Slow decline into this new persona (I didn't notice apparently others did) I was very liked by all up until about 40+ years I NEVER have fun. EVER. Honest truth.

All that is happening is not in my final paragraph. There has been so much happening it would take me forever to type it all down. I thought last year broke me and nothing could outdo it. I was wrong. This year has been horrific. My rental home was taken over by termites and they moved us into a horrible Hotel (but it was to be for 7 days) They contacted me and said that the walls etc had concaved in onto all of my 'uninsured' furniture & personal possessions. They said they'd need a further 7 days to kill the termites and sorry about your stuff it is covered in wood, dust, yellow chemicals (staining). The dirty & horrible hotel was busy & noisy. I was on the rooftop. The dog whom I adore had only ever known one place. Never been moved ever. She didn't like the place or the lift down 10 flights to toilet constantly. She threw a minor seizure then a major one. I had to rush her to vets. They told me it was either stress or a brain tumour. If she has a third they'd do more tests but didn't wish to stress her further. Sorry this will be long...contd.

After the dogs seizure i said we couldn't stay there anymore. They said the work would take another 2 weeks. Sent us to a different Hotel 1.5hours drive from my rental home. A suburb I'm unfamiliar with. I sneaked home one week end & literally broke in as they'd taken my keys & put a new lock on the premises. I was DEVASTATED! All my personal possessions even clothes had been gone through. The box with my wedding gown in had been opened. Many things broken & many items missing (presume stolen). My tv & dvd's had been watched. Stove used. Fridge used. Exercise bike used. Children's toys on the floor & even a baby bottle with stale formula left in the bottom. Beer cans. I phoned the Agency & literally lost my shit at them! Badly! I admit it. I yelled, I threatened with the media. I cried. They promised to compensate me. They promised to find out which contractor (there had been many plumbers, electrician, termite/rodent etc) had used my place as if their own. They said they needed another 2 weeks to clean it up and the work had not been completed. TWO MONTHS LATER WE WERE STILL IN THE SECOND HOTEL! They just kept asking for more time. The season changed & we were cold. We had been given originally only 3 hours to leave our rental place with the owner standing at the door demanding the keys. So had taken clothes only for 7 days! Had to buy everything to live out of home. Costly. Savings dwindled.

I wish to apologise to you for the length of these messages. I had been feeling very sick. I have many health conditions so did not think anything much of it. I'm a plodder. I soldier on. However I knew it was getting worse. Two days before I was to leave the Hotel and head back home well I lost feeling in my legs, Couldn't eat, drink & no toilet action working. Could barely stand. Rushed to Hospital in an ambulance. I went to emergency surgery. They told me it would be a one hour keyhole operation to find the cause. I woke up in recovery nine hours later attached to 12 IV's and completely sliced down my abdomen top to bottom. They did 3 operations in one. They found a few issues. Major Surgery. Lost use of my legs needed physio. Seven days & six nights in Hospital (not one visitor, no spare clothes or toiletries). I nearly died. Peritonitis had set in & I was close to sepsis. They removed a 15cm section of bowel. They removed a foreign object. They found a cotton wool ball piece and two clips left behind from a previous operation six years back. Basically, I nearly died! I was there number one patient on the ward. It was a horrific experience. Meanwhile the Agency refused to keep paying my Hotel Bill whilst I was in hospital. I had to leave my Assistance Dog who'd NEVER been away from me. She was fretting badly. (How can I conclude anything other than a curse is upon me. No i'm not trying to be amusing. You don't know my life's story).

Keep in mind that you did ask what has been going on to make me depressed and suicidal thoughts. I returned to my rental home with staples all down my centre, unable to stand up straight or do anything for myself. Internal stitches & staples. Bruises all over my body. My arms black & blue. My legs still wobbly. Diet of baby food. You get the picture. Upon entering home (they assured me all work was completed & my premises returned to normal). They lied! I could not use the stairs. I could not walk through the place. They had thrown furniture into a bonfire style pile in the centre of the living room. They had poured our & emptied every draw in my place ontop of the lounge sofas. I did not have a place to sleep nor sit. I could barely walk. THEY TRASHED MY HOME & PERSONAL POSSESSIONS. I just stood there & cried. Agency said somebody must have been angry that I complained when I reported the stranger usage of my place. They got revenge. The curtains were torn from the rods. Leaving windows open & exposed to elements & passers by etc. I had to strain to clear a sofa to sleep on downstairs. My body rejected the staples. I got an infection. I had to return to the Hospital several times. I'm back home now. Still recovering. Have weekly hospital clinic check ups. I can't clean my place up. It remains a life in shambles. Many things I treasured are broken or gone. Further tests show I need two more operations. I look like a shark attack down my abdomen. I'm still in a lot of pain. The many drugs & droids they gave me made me vomit & hallucinate so I stopped taking them. I broke down and asked my family for help. My adult daughter did assist me for one week & I really appreciated it. Then she got sick of it. Left in a huff saying 'I helped you for a week. I'm living my own life now. You are not my problem!'. Hospital advised that I must not lift things, carry anything over 5 kilos, Have to eat baby food, can't wet it so sponge bathe only, bowels still not function normally for at least 12 weeks. It has been about 6 now. I rang my Mother & Step Father hoping he'd drive me up to the Clinic for my appointments (I don't own a car & taxi is expensive). Step Father said 'Sorry no. I'm not parking at the Hospital it costs money & I hate the place. Besides you should be over it by now. Stop harping on it'. My Mother said 'I hope you lay in that Hospital bed and spent some time thinking seriously about what you did to deserve this. God is clearly punishing you.' They never visited me once in hospital nor have I seen them at all since. I can't shop for groceries. I've never felt more alone in my life! I phoned them once again & begged for some help. They said 'sorry today we are going to meet friends for coffee & cake so you are on your own. we have our own lives you know'. Can't help but think of Christmas and how I did it all for this family. From food to decorations. Everything! I always make a fuss for their Birthdays, Mother's Day etc. There is more but I'm tired from typing. Reader you are probably already sick of me also.

Sorry I haven't had a chance to read and reply yet, Doggy Dilemma - please bear with me - either tonight or tomorrow!

PS DoggyDilemma: haven't read yet, but I can see you've gone into greater detail so thanks mucho for that; the more detail, the better. ;) As there's quite a bit to take in, I'll check-in again tomorrow when I'll have enough peace and quiet to give you my full concentration. Meanwhile, if you WANT to add more then - go for it, get it all out and don't worry about me (I can read actual books, doncha know, LOL) :)

Hi again, First thing's first - have a much-needed hug: ((((((((((HUG)))))))))))) You no doubt need a friendly voice to talk to so please feel free to use this thread as your blog, wherein I and others can chat with you to help re-set your no-doubt messed-up neurological system, the original way (cup o tea n a chat). I'll do my best to say Hi daily, myself, if you say you'd like that, but my life is a bit roller-coaster on the practical level, with too little notice, so I can seem to have disappeared for a few days but - I live here - I ain't going nowhere, so it's only ever a case of When I'll be back, not If, usually not more than a day to three days (in which case I'll keep posting for you to 'bear with', like I've just had to do). The good news is, *at this point*, I don't have that much booked-in this week (brace-brace!...). I'll do my very best. So - to biz. Feel free to re-order and re-bumber according to your own prioritising. I'm going to post each separate issue in its own post, to keep things tidier and easier for us both. Issue 1: Stabilizing into lifting your mood as well as getting your energy and fight back. ******* Please-please-please see your GP urgently. Things have moved on quite a bit since your 'zombifying' Prozac et al: Drowsiness not necessary, none or barely any other side-effects, either, and then only barely noticeable (usually none). Some types you don't even need a continuous course of, can be taken as and when needed, like a headache pill (such as, Citalopram, which is the No. 1 these days - taken it myself (I've been to Hell and back!), almost all my friends are on it (life's tougher now!), even my gardener-handyman....beeping fantastic, what a life-restorer and game-changer, I exaggerate not!). Also, I'm glad you have a dog because it's really vital - people don't realise how! - that you spend a lot of your days surrounded by Nature - the Greener, the better (colour therapy - no. 1 colour for stress). Also choose somewhere where you can sit on a bench and throw bread pellets to the ducks (that's 'to', mind, not 'at' LOL - just in case that's when your anger kicks back in ;)). (You can look into how vital, online.) You also need, by the sounds, to meet likemindeds, and dog-walking is the No. 1 way to make a lot of acquaintances-into-friends, very rapidly. Taking doggie for a walk would then become a social event for you both as well as gain you a support network. Can you do that? Also look into anti-anxiety foods - e.g. brightly coloured fruits/veg, oily fish, nuts, CHOCOLATE! :), etc. But as your brain will be spinning, lately, it does need fat (skin on roasted meats, pate...). Finally, please feel free to get in touch with your anger on here, and write a number of stinky letters to the stinkers in your life. This is crucial AND very relieving. As long as you asterisk any f***ing swear-words - I'm giving you free license. Start to get it and them, OUT of your system! I'll start off if you like? My life is f***ing sh*t - mainly because all of the so-called people in it, the sick, uncaring b***ard w***ers!!!!! (How did I do? :)) I might mark you out of 10 - for Technical Merit and Artistic Impression. Let's see if you can score a 10. :) Yeah - I'm deadly serious - you go for it! Don't be shy, make it as "psycho-sounding" as you want/need. Best way is to just type, just be natural and see what comes out (Stream of Consciousness) (that's how I'm 'talking' to you now - ain't got time to edit anyway). ISSUE 2 TO FOLLOW...

Hahahahaha!!! Case in point: "Feel free to re-order and re-bumber" Bumber. I like that word, actually! Haha! NUMBER, obviously.

...CONTINUED: Issue 2: Your flat/apartment: ******** "My rental home was taken over by termites and they moved us into a horrible Hotel (but it was to be for 7 days) They contacted me and said that the walls etc had concaved in onto all of my 'uninsured' furniture & personal possessions. They said they'd need a further 7 days to kill the termites and sorry about your stuff it is covered in wood, dust, yellow chemicals (staining). The dirty & horrible hotel was busy & noisy. I was on the rooftop. The dog whom I adore had only ever known one place. Never been moved ever. She didn't like the place or the lift down 10 flights to toilet constantly. She threw a minor seizure then a major one. I had to rush her to vets. They told me it was either stress or a brain tumour. If she has a third they'd do more tests but didn't wish to stress her further." _______________________________ Without knowing which country you're in - and can you say, please? (remember you're anonymous and there are two many Yous right now around the world) - I would have thought you would be covered under your landlord's insurance unless stipulated otherwise in your Rental Contract (or within any email/texts, or the original advert, before moving in)? I'm not sure, though, because it's decades since I was a renter. Also, the termites were not your fault - unless your contract made pest control/treatment your responsibility AND you were aware (or placed to be aware) there was an infestation but failed to contact your landlord/rental agent. The problem sounds so bad, however, it had to have pre-dated your tenancy to have become so bad that the walls, etc. basically crumbled. A rental has to be fit to live in, and I really don't think a pre-existing terminate infestation (particularly as they can, I believe, remain dormant for a good number of years before finally hatching) counts as habitable accommodation. Plus, with proper, regular, building upkeep by the landlord/agent, it wouldn't/couldn't have happened. Clearly they failed in that duty. Claim One. The staining is a separate matter - that damage was the fault of the pest-control contractor for not taking care where they sprayed or, better and more professional yet, for not having refused to spray the chemical until the flat had been cleared of any at-that-point salvageable possessions of yours (and the landlord's). A solicitor would be able to establish liability there, between the landlord/agent and contractor. But as you yourself had no say or control at that point (because you'd vacated to the hotel) and therefore weren't able to protect your stuff - that's potential Claim Two. (rotten w***ers) It caused major stress to your dog which had financial consequences (vet bills) and possibly future health knock-ons (more vet bills). So that's potential Claim Three. Ditto the fact you were not moved to accommodation that was equitable, but totally unsuitable for you and your beloved doggie. Claim Four. You need to see a solicitor/lawyer asap - or Citizen's Advice (if you're in UK?) - to find out precisely where you stand, legally, regarding, I'd have thought, **considerable** fiscal compensation, *including* for the incredible emotional distress to both your dog (baby) and yourself. (f***wits) (- well, *I'm* getting angry, anyway, even if you're not...jeeez...) CONTINUED....

QUICK CHAT: What's doggy's name? What breed, age, gender, marital status and profession (haha)....? Have you trained him well - and, any tricks? For doggy ((((((((HUG))))))))))

Need to break off for a bit - got to go water all of my pot-plants (they're my babies - low maintenance, innit, LOL). (I'm in Spain, btw.) Arnie voice: I'll beee back.

CHAT PS: Having suicidal thoughts is natural and pressure-relieving in your situation (think pressure-cooker valve). Hell, I thought about it every month for pff...two, three years? This was...buuuh....six, seven years ago? Wasn't my first 'rollercoaster dip', either. The diff that makes all the diff is, your mindset is REACTIVE (all the sh*t pelting you), not clinical. Those thoughts are perfectly safe for you in your position, though, because you know you won't, because you wouldn't leave doggie. It's people who feel that literally no-one and nothing needs them that are actually vulnerable to going through with it. You'd think it'd be the other way round - feeling that they had no-one TO need, wouldn't you. Plus, you're complaining (about all the bad treatment). And asking for assistance. Actions! People at that stage haven't got it in them and are no longer interested anyway. I found it quite handy and liberating, actually, first time. I thought, well if I can do it then I can choose when. In the meantime, since I'm probably leaving anyway, sod it - I can do and try bloody anything I like! It was almost like I imagine the Post-Liberation Craziness convicts get, right after being released. The sky's the limit (not in illegal, antisocial ways in my case, obviously). It's also called, F**kit, I've got nothing more to lose, so literally, the only way is up. We have to help get you out of your 'treacle' first, though (doctor/self-medicating via diet & nature) or you ain't movin' in any direction. (Pots are calling) (haha, not literally)

CHAT PPS: "I NEVER have fun. EVER. Honest truth." Everyone's life is a roller-coaster. For some, the highs, loop-the-loops and troughs occur on a, say, 2 to 5-yearly basis, others 10, others 40 (only twice in a lifetime, therefore). That bit is not the problem. We deal with that when we take our R&R (rest and relaxation) and administer the antidote to things being capable of getting you this down, known as (drumroll...) FUN. Fun can be anything absorbing, mentally challenging/stimulating....just anything you enjoy, no matter how trivial. Even if you find they're not making you laugh - or even smile - watch raucous comedy series and films anyway - they will work, even if you can't feel it at first. Force yourself to smile at your reflection, any time you pass a mirror, followed by your best comedy face (or create a new one). Teach doggy more tricks. The said feeding the ducks (they'll need you - you betcha!) during your walks. Anything that makes you feel good. Start spoiling and caring for yourself and your body (including super-healthy as well as treat food; we don't want to shock your system with a chasmic change). YOU, you can control. And You, is, in fact, your Home. What you live in is, Shelter. See it as an experiment. The results kick in quite quickly and - well, you'll see how much better and prouder you start to feel already. And then....watch out world!....because you clearly are capable of incredible strength and tenacity! And you don't even have to think about being like that, let alone see it as foreign. Anyhooo... let me read and take-in the next issue... (PPPS: Sorry if all of this is too lengthy? Heh-heh-heh ;))

Wait - forgot to say: Eryengesh was suicidal but kept abandoning thread. Just when I'd got his trust and got him to sit still, another fairly new poster went Jekyll & Hyde on him and halfway through her post, accused him angrily of making it all up and being a troll. Don't worry, I dealt with it, this is a Zero Tolerance zone. I do it, here/on-thread, in front of everyone. Put it this way - they all skidaddle rather sharpish. Were you unfairly accused of trolling on a previous forum, then?

Tomorrow's come unexpectedly free so I'll leave it till then...especially as - I don't read ahead BUT...I have had the odd word or two slap me in the eyes, meaning, I suspect Issue 3 is the biggest problem...the Mother-Ship. But just for now.....

(ISSUE 2 - HOME/DOG) Forgot to say: Important to get your vet to put in writing, suspected stress DUE TO the (needlessly OTT) moving AND to stressy digs AND home-wrecking AND your mood inevitably affecting doggie and vice-versa. (He's an animal lover, right? Explain it all and what you (maybe/might) intend and I'm sure he'll be on your side (which is the side of Right, anyway). The fact it was doggie's first fit, and the TIMING of it - and the second fit - (scuse pun) 100% FITS. Even IF your dog had an underlying condition - exacerbation is a valid complaint. You could both SEE how distressed doggy was. WHY *WOULDN'T*, HOW *COULDN'T* THESE FITS BE OVER-STRESS INDUCED. And it was all needless and avoidable. Plus, it would make it worse for your agent/landlord if it can be seen/shown that petty, unprofessional, inappropriate, needless revenge was behind it. Because then we're talking Intent - Malicious, and therefore Criminal Damage. (Hmm! Often blessings come in the most bizarre-seeming, even downright painful disguises, eh.)

(Gosh, thinks DoggyDilemma...And there was me, thinking I was going on too much!) (HAHA!) (Night! :) ...And don't worry - you'll be alright. At this point in our evolution - you're programmed to be, so, it's not your decision anyway, it's your genes'. And yours are clearly Fighters, not Freezers or Flighters. Frustrating but true!)

ISSUE TWO - MEDICAL MALPRACTICE AND NEGIGENCE Claim 5! No doubt abiut it! When WAS this 'discovery' surgery that rendered keyhole ineffective as left you stapled?

(Issue 2) Sorry - OR Neglience Well, put it this way, if it was just a careless mistake, leaving those, I'd have thought perfectly visible, foreign objects inside you (what - no surgical follow-up appointment with the surgical consultant?), then...put it this way: That takes a special kind of stupid. Depending on date of discovery and the relevant Statute of Limitations - I imagine that would be one big pay-out. You definitely need to see Citizens Advice or any relevant solicitor who offers the first consultation appointment free.

" (How can I conclude anything other than a curse is upon me. No i'm not trying to be amusing. You don't know my life's story)" Hey, that's a perfectly logical-seeming suspicion in your position. Loads of people, particularly Empaths, feel like that. Hell, even I've said it. Or used to. But you've got to open your mind, particularly now you're over 50(?), stop focusing on only your own awareness of how it feels, and thereby your interpretation of what's going on and why and why me... Try to be more spiritual and philosophical because, for one thing - you KNOW that none of your family could have hung on and coped NOR had energy and heart space to-spare (*loving your pet as deeply as you do) on top. They'd be insane or dead by now. (* That's a Successful Relationship: evidence proves you're not the relational problem - or if you have been (doubt it), it's been purely reactive to all that sh*te). When I said Hell and back, I didn't just mean, the once (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha - Matron?!!!) (LOL). So I've given all of this - life, what the bleedin' 'ell is it all for - a LOT of A LOT of thought... And it adds-up (as Einstein said: the solution has to have perfect symmetry)... It's not a curse, it's crash-course training, to strengthen you to where you should and would have been by now had you not been constantly 'interfered' with - *and beyond*! A free but not exactly pleasant-feeling(!) course of intensive, daily, mind-strengthening, -bending (for agility) and -quickening exercises....in a Five-Star Psychological Gym. When the however-many-part course is over, you'll be utterly 'ripped'. You'll be able to handle or take on anyone or anything. *Some of that pain is Delayed Growing Pains as well. By now, I reckon you could, pshchologically-speaking, put both legs behind your head! Yeah, I know, I know... "WHY ME, LEAVE ME ALONE, I JUST WANT A NORMAL LIFE!". Sorry - no, not you, comes back the answer, time and time a-bloody-gain. TELL me about it! Blame your brilliant genes and your ancestors, eh. You're clearly being taught and trained for something important - in your future - or the next plain? - maybe even 'world'-changing/law-changing/lives-changing, whatever - that, had you NOT had to constantly over-work your brain like some elite officer trainee on Fast-Foward, you wouldn't have a clue even where or how to start so wouldn't get 'given' whatever it was. (You're not the only You type with You problems being trained-up simultaneously - you do know that, yes?) Slow and steady DOES win THIS type of race. The name of the training game/race is Endurance. All the other strongest, adult mental skills and qualities - AND VIRTUES (like incredible patience) get dragged along for the muscle-pumping ride, because they're all connected (hurrah!). RIPPED, I tell you! Even if you can't believe this - time will show you, always does. You're only 55 on paper, though, I can tell. *You're 'Girl, Interrupted'. Hence I asked this: "How old are you? Or should I say - how young?" What are your passions?

I think we should deal with the more pressing practicals first, so I'm going to leave Issue 3 for now. Plus, I'm not able to respond fast enough, meaning, you're sitting there, no doubt with a lot to say, having to wait too long. Feel free to start posting back. :)

Sorry, I've just realised I missed the other half of Issue Two (legal action), about your locks having been changed and your house - I strongly suspect - RENTED OUT TO SOMEONE(S) ELSE! You *absolutely* have a super-strong action to bring there! Compensation for Criminal Damage AND FRAUD (need more weeks, more weeks, to fix it, my arse! - to keep double-renting, more like!). Crikey, you're going to get some litigation solicitor/lawyer all excited when they hear all of this!

Hello Soulmate, Thank you for your responses. I haven't replied previously due to forgetting my password and having to set up a new username all over again. I appreciate your words and advice. Thank You Heaps

You're welcome. :) Did you want to follow that up, start replying and answering my questions at any point soon-ish or are you still processing everything? Take as long as you need, but - just so's I know, whether I should continue or wait? I don't want to overload you when already, I've given you so much food for thought.

Hello again, yes...I would like to proceed. I am just a bit all over the place. Scattered mind. Thank you for so much information. It is a lot to process. I intend to give a good go at answering everything. However tonight the mood is low. Same shit new flies. The Aunt made a phone call last night that has left me perturbed. The Sister requested our Aunt (a relative I'm not comfortable with) phone me. Sorting me out. Somehow I'm not grateful. Then this evening my daughter puts on a documentary about how to be a good parent (the dos & don'ts) and she sat here pausing the TV every 5 mins to re-iterate everything I did wrong by her & how I was a really bad Mother. This seems to be the consensus amongst my family members. The Mother agrees. The Brother agrees. Nobody asked my opinion of their parenting skills (or lack there of). I think they sucked...big time! I'd call them epic fails. Although I have enough common sense to know it isn't kind nor wise to go around telling people they did a bad job at it. Considering nobody gets a do over. New topic following...

Soulmate, I'm a bit upset by your words... You're only 55 on paper, though, I can tell. *You're 'Girl, Interrupted'. Hence I asked this: "How old are you? Or should I say - how young?" can we talk this over please. I know that movie. Wondering which character you perceive me as. I'm guessing the main girl (Winona Ryder). As she is the 'girl interrupted'. So you think I have BPD. OK...I'll play... I googled. Yep it is quite possible. I think I'd be the petulant type. Could be a combo of two types. Not sure. So they are all correct. I am f**ked in the head. I am Mental then. Great. Figures. So what do I do? Furthermore...How old am I? I'd guess about 11 years old. Where do I go from here? White rubber walls? Be the best holiday I've had in a while. Do they do the laundry & prepare the meals? Sure could use a break from reality.

I chose 11 years old as major changes took place then and I guess I had to grow up a bit suddenly. Dad left Mum (and us 3 kids) he already had another lined up in the wings waiting. Lucky Lady...NOT! Had to pack away my dolls and help her pack up the home they built together. Bro & Sis did not help out. Had to deal with phone calls from 'The Bastard' as Mum so fondly named him. He lied to me so that was it for me. To me he made a fool out of me over a rag doll. It is a long & odd story. I wouldn't take his calls after that. Had to deal with the hard hitting questions like 'your Father might want to see you because you're the one he liked and the court might ask you in to be interviewed on the stand'. *Footnote: it didn't happen Had to move to a house not as fancy in a less affluent suburb and change to public not private school seemingly overnight went from... the youngest child of hard working parents who ran an accounting business together with an immaculate home who regularly threw 'business schmoozing dinners' *Footnote: nobody knew about the spitting, knife chasing, throwing each other over furniture & so much more fun evening activities. Became the Divorcee's youngest kid, bet her Mum has boyfriends over & you aren't allowed to play with her anymore. My only two friends vetoed. Had to learn how to lose the only real person who ever truly loved me for me. My beloved Great Grandmother! Loved me Warts & all. I literally had warts on my legs. Doctor said they were from stress. Kids teased me. Doc said they'd only go away if the stress went away. So I got my hands on a book in the library about spells for warts. I rubbed them with an old penny & said the ritual religiously. By Jove they went! Nana Eagers lived in running distance from my new 'sole parent home'. I often ran to her as fast as my chubby tree stump legs would take me. To escape either my mothers wrath or my bad tempered brother. Nanna had peppermints & cola ready for me. She also had her first heart attack. The second massive one took her the day before St Patricks. It was the first time I'd lost anybody. It was my first funeral. So yep...I reckon I got locked in time here...that year.

Heya! Be with you shortly, but first - spotted this: "You're only 55 on paper, though, I can tell. *You're 'Girl, Interrupted'. Hence I asked this: "How old are you? Or should I say - how young?" can we talk this over please. I know that movie. Wondering which character you perceive me as. I'm guessing the main girl (Winona Ryder). As she is the 'girl interrupted'. So you think I have BPD. " HAHA! - NOOOOOOOOOOO..... The point of the film is, Winona does not have BPD - or anything (it's just a bad phase she's going through). Her life gets disrupted and interrupted, needlessly. She's palmed-off. Abusive by way of Neglectful family, innit. I meant - you sound youthful. It's an energy/vibe (I have a weird brain that can "hear" voices and said energy through text - I don't know, don't ask me, I didn't ask for it, LOL). Slowed-down aging is one of the bonuses (of many, I might add!) of having been 'interrupted'. I mean, these are calamities that have been DONE to you - you didn't bring them on yourself. Sorry, I'll try to explain more. I know what F.O.G.'s like (Google). PS: Any more confusions like that, save your energy - don't reply to your assumption, just ask me a one-sentance question, or even just say "Que?" :)

ISSUE 3 : THE SO-CALLED NEXT-OF-KIN: "Same shit new flies." Have I been saying that wrong for all these years? I say same sh*t (ASTERISK PLEASE, THANKYOU), different smell. 1. "The Aunt made a phone call last night that has left me perturbed. The Sister requested our Aunt (a relative I'm not comfortable with) phone me. Sorting me out. Somehow I'm not grateful." 2. Then this evening my daughter puts on a documentary about how to be a good parent (the dos & don'ts) and she sat here pausing the TV every 5 mins to re-iterate everything I did wrong by her & how I was a really bad Mother. 3. This seems to be the consensus amongst my family members. The Mother agrees. The Brother agrees." The Aunt, MY daughter, The mother, The brother. At-a-distance monikering for emotionally-at-a-distance "family" members (bar daughter)- Ok, so you're The Family Scapegoat, that's obvious. "Nobody asked my opinion of their parenting skills (or lack there of). I think they sucked...big time! I'd call them epic fails. Although I have enough common sense to know it isn't kind nor wise to go around telling people they did a bad job at it. Considering nobody gets a do over." As long as you know it, that's the main thing. At least you're not blaming yourself for their bad behaviour and inadequacies, unlike most victims (it's called Internalising). So that totals this: was Scapegoated because you were the Truth Seer, into Rebel ("these attitudes and behaviours of yours that you're trying to get me to swallow as true, are NOT RIGHT, it's twisted nonsense!"). GOOD - then you were barely brainwashed. ...but now being punished (they wait till you're down to say 'Nnnnnnyo!'. I know the drill.) "New topic following..." Well, let's take this one topic at a time. *******Go into detail on Point 1 and then when we've done that we'll move onto Point 2.********

I just can't! I can't cope. I can't fight these feelings anymore.

I'm delusional. It was my birthday and everything was a total fallacy. A fabrication. I fell for it all AGAIN! I LOVE my daughter but I struggle to like her. Everything she says throws me for a loop. I live in a constant state of confusion. Right when I convince myself things aren't as bad as I think. If I just start to feel a little bit better about my life. Then WHAM I find myself in the shit again & being called names. I sit, shake my head & wonder what the fuck I did wrong this time?

I don't want to rehash the past. It is over & was bad enough to go through the first time. I can't handle the present. The day to day.

Issue 1: Stabilizing into lifting your mood as well as getting your energy and fight back. You asked me to start here. No. I can't afford to go to my GP. Then when I beg for a phone consultation she is always too busy. I'm just soldiering on. No choice otherwise really.

Hi! So sorry to keep you - you're the top of my queue now, so I'll do my best to log-on tonight or tomorrow latest. :)

"I don't want to rehash the past." Well, if you don't want to understand why you were treated as you were, I'm not sure how I can help you? What is it you need from me/this forum - just someone to talk to? What do you mean, can't afford to go to your GP? What country are you in?

Hello again Soulmate, Please don't think my delay rude or a waste of your time. I've actually been very busy. You'd be proud of me! I listened to you. I took action. I have been fully occupied taking the appropriate actions you recommended. I have a FREE Lawyer and we are seeking Property Damage, Economic Loss, Mental Personal Injury and Criminal Damages. Gathering the required evidence, filling out paperwork, seeking JP Witness, Taking Photographs etc it has me exhausted but hopeful that a different future may be possible. The Lawyer warns me that this will be a long and drawn out process. How this will be excessively stressful but worth a try. I've nothing to lose.

As far as my family goes... Mother, Stepfather, Sister, Her Boyfriend, Her adult son/daughter all have come down with covid19. Unable to leave the house they phoned me in total distress. Asking me to do their shopping for them, using my money, bring it to them in a taxi (I don't own a car or license). Basically begged HELP. KARMA. A large part of me wanted to be a total BITCH and say 'what goes around comes around'. A big part of me wished to play the 'revenge is mine' card. I decided to be the bigger person. Trying hard not to keep recalling to mind the neglect whilst I was in hospital and the aftermath. My adult daughter deemed me the World's Biggest Fool. I did their shopping at great time and expense to myself (with my operation still hurting & not yet totally healed). Surgeon not happy with me for the lifting/carrying. I cooked a massive pot of stew with dumplings and tiramisu for dessert. I took a taxi & left it outside their front door with the invoice of what they owe me. As I walked away in the sunshine headed for the bus home (with my daughter on my mobile calling me a total dickhead) well I held my head high. I won't darken my soul with petty revenge. Maybe just maybe my actions will make them reflect on themselves. Even just a little. One can hope & pray. I don't ever want to be like them! Selfish. I don't require recognition nor accolades from anybody. I'm NOT a good Samaritan. Believe me this troubled mind went through all the glee associated with thoughts of 'ha..ha..you got yours' & 'every dog has its day'. I'm just hoping (Mother would approve this demented thought pattern as she believed my emergency surgery a punishment) if there is a God out there he may see I'm making an effort to be a better human being. I'm really trying to improve both my inner self and my living conditions. I'm hoping the cosmos may throw some positive light my way in the not too distant future or at least some cash LOL

Be with you tomorrow! (Haven't peeked.)

Haven't read yet, just about to. Just wanted to say: Smirk! 'Mental', my arse. Nobody who posts like this is mental (you daftie): https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13476/In-my-head-or-reality You've been trapped in La-La land, surrounded by Narcs...like a cult. It's obvious. But you've managed to keep your head! Talk about mental strength and resistance and using stubbornness the RIGHT way! That is some feat, DD.

"Please don't think my delay rude or a waste of your time." I'm not! :) Everyone's over-busy these crappy days - no worries. Slow and steady wins the race, anyway. Gives you time to process before you then post, which guarantees a considered Response rather than a knee-jerk Reaction. It's all good. :)

"I've actually been very busy. You'd be proud of me! I listened to you. I took action. I have been fully occupied taking the appropriate actions you recommended. I have a FREE Lawyer and we are seeking Property Damage, Economic Loss, Mental Personal Injury and Criminal Damages. Gathering the required evidence, filling out paperwork, seeking JP Witness, Taking Photographs etc it has me exhausted but hopeful that a different future may be possible. The Lawyer warns me that this will be a long and drawn out process. How this will be excessively stressful but worth a try. I've nothing to lose." ********************** Wow. WOW. No wonder Narcs 'hate' you. You and your massive brain, energy and self-discipline must make them feel like total failures and cripples (which they are, so try to covince you YOU are so that you'll feel like they're all you deserve, couldn't do better, therefore won't dare LEAVE THEM! They NEED their Scapegoat...their personal secret toilet to puke their toxins into, bit like showering their otherwise putrid stink off of them before going outdoors and facing "their public",....the emptying into you enables them to better self-control in front of those they can fake-impress and dupe. You're too convenient and vital....unless they find a replacement human toilet). I always say this about victims, and you're yet another example of living proof: The problem is never that you're not gorgeous or impressive enough. It's that you're TOO gorgeous and TOO impressive. You must be pecked into submission and Less Than, by a whole GANG. More than proud. Astounded. I wish this were a profit-making company rather than a privately-funded charity. I'd hire you (and Jane) on the spot! Anyhoo, let me read on... :))))))) PS: "I have a FREE Lawyer and we are seeking Property Damage, Economic Loss, Mental Personal Injury and Criminal Damages." Make a forum Donation once you're rich, will you? :D Fan-f***ing-tastic.

"How this will be excessively stressful but worth a try." I (will be holding your hand and giving you great feedback during the whole of it. It'd be my please. Let's squish the bstds. Get them where it really hurts: the wallet. This is brilliant. :) YOU'RE brilliant, DD. You are. What a woman.

"Property Damage, Economic Loss, Mental Personal Injury and Criminal Damages." Has he given you any rough figure for each yet? Or told you what the payout min and max is for each? Bloody hell fire. I cannot believe you got straight onto it. Speedy Gonzales or what! (Haha, pleased to meet you - I'm Bugs Bunny.) Yes, it WILL be a long-haul project. But that's because the pay-outs will be HUGE. PS: What about Animal Cruelty? (wiggles eyebrows with huge grin on face) Talk about no pain, no gain, hahahahahah!!! Talk about what goes around, comes around! You're not a victim. You're a survivor. He ain't charging you a bean, save for a percentage of the pay-outs when they come in, because he knows it's a done deal and the only question is, HOW MUCH.

Nana Eagers is looking after you. :)

The reason you didn't get that 'not so petty' revenge on your (er) family was because you just knew it would be far more cannily intelligent to leave them unsuspecting that anything different is going on - "tra-la-la, nothing to see here, folks". Do not breathe a WORD to any of them. See this as a top-secret mission. You can emjoy telling them once your solicitor xfers your settlements into your bank account....and then take great pleasure when they ask you to "lend them X" in saying, 'Ummmmmmm............let me think abo- NYYYYO, I DYON'T THINK SO, but thanks for asking". ;D

I've got to get ready to shoot off out now but I'll endeavour to continue later tonight, failing that, tomorrow (and Jane and everyone else). I'll include a list of Anti-Anxiety foods for you. Food's the best and Mother Nature's original source anyway. You're probably low on Vits D and B Complex as well.

PS: "I decided to be the bigger person. Trying hard not to keep recalling to mind the neglect whilst I was in hospital and the aftermath." Got a huge chunk of 'correct angle' wisdom to impart to you next.

"I don't ever want to be like them! Selfish. " You're their COMPLETE OPPOSITE. Which is why 'you' disturb and intimidate them too much. You're known as, a Narc's Worst Nightmare (- Shahida Arabi) - go oogle. ;) Right - defiinitely got to get ready now. Bit difficult. It's so sodding hot and humid here, you wouldn't believe it.

Wait - one more: Tell your daughter, you did it for you (and her). Not them. There's the diff that makes ALL the diff. Mummy is a lot cleverer than them (which she's 'soon' going to find out! :))

Hey again! Assuming you're still reading but still too engrossed in your case actions preparation... "PS: "I decided to be the bigger person. Trying hard not to keep recalling to mind the neglect whilst I was in hospital and the aftermath." Got a huge chunk of 'correct angle' wisdom to impart to you next." When those pay-outs come in, you're going to realise that you couldn't have done this - started these cases - without them. You wouldn't have chosen to, let alone got off your understandably 'low' bum as instantly as you did. Your family were your 5-star gym....day-in-day-out for years and years. Thanks to their 'boot camp', you have what pursuing these cases takes: perseverence, determination, endurance, tenacity, confidence in your own convictions, the knowledge that you ARE the normal one, faith....etc., etc., etc.,......and nothing now to lose. With training like that, something like this - you GOING FOR something like this - was only ever going to be a case of When. Not If. Who knows what you'll do with that money. Not that money is the answer to everything in ALL cases. Like any potential drug, it depends on the user not abusing it. But - you could start your own company...or a charity, even... something connected with your familial experiences, perhaps? Or something that's always been your passion - whatever. But I know you'll do immense good with it. (That lot would just fritter it, buying popularity, gambling...the usual...Narcs abuse EV-ER-Y-THING...until they frittered their way down the plughole - giving Narcs vast amounts of money (think Lottery win) just fast-tracks them to their own, inevitable demise. PS: Does daughter KNOW that you invoiced them? And has daughter (terrible teen, is she?) looked on the web about growing-up the Scapegoat/Rebel in an extended Narcissistic family? What you did is very common and perfectly healthy: REFUSED TO LET NARCISSISTS CHANGE YOUR PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ATTITUDES, DECISIONS AND BEHAVIOUR. Which you refused to do. I would have as well. Daughter clearly doesn't see it from our side. Explain it to her. I understand her frustration at her inability to see it from this "always doing the right thing, no matter what" viewpoint and instead seeing it that you're letting them treat you like their skivvy/doormat again. Tell her - No. NEVER change yourself for seriously disturbed people. Right Qualities (Yours) WRONG RECEIPIENTS (Them) Memorize it. :) And if that doesn't work, tell her I said, Shaaadaaaaaap and go and tidy your room, and don't come down until you've ceased thinking you can boss me around all the time. You probably just need to let her see AND FEEL your new confidence and sassyness. She just needs to know you're NOT A VICTIM, you're just a tolerator/enabler BUT NOT FOR MUCH LONGER. Yes. I am very proud and impressed. Ten Gold Stars on your forehead for you, too! :) PPS: Keep keeping us posted?

PS: back to, not letting your family in on it (AND ENSURE DAUGHTER DOESN'T DARE TELL THEM!)... All experts agree that when you're dealing with Malignants (Overts, Coverts or Spaths) you *do not* divulge anything important that you have planned for the future. You tell them AFTER the event (if you must). Always, always, AFTER. They would start acting-up ten-fold to exhaust you and put you off - guaranteed! And if they didn't, or even offered help, it'd be held against you forever aas justification for why you should be letting them KEEP "borrowing" money off you (which they never pay back). You make sure daughter knows, that telling them a thing about this will equal, lowered energy, attention span, concentration and not being in the zone enough. I.e possible failure, less money for you and she. TOP SECRET. :) (Should be very bonding, that! ;))

Thank you for your responses. Yes...you are completely correct. Zapping away my energy with negativity is what this extended family does best. I'm feeling down today. Falling back down that hole. Why you might ask? My daughter. She is nearly 32 years old. Right when I think we are finally bonding again well it ALWAYS goes pear shaped. She bought a puppy. Her Reason: I STOLE her dog from her (I have my own opinion on that bullshit) The puppy is a nightmare! Trust me when I say that I know they are all a nightmare at this developmental stage as I've been exposed to dogs my whole life. Background experience of puppies has me realising this one is a bit of a case (quite wild & a little erratic therefore will fit right in with our family LOL). The WHOLE day it had been acting up...barking incessantly for hours on end, ripping everything, biting, picking on our other dog (my dog?), stealing items and trashing them and so much more. By midnight I was well and truly over it. I can't even cook in the kitchen as it tries to get in the oven, hangs around my feet biting my toes. I think I'm over the puppy thing. Having had so many of them in our family over the years (or should I say the responsibility of them falling on me during my life as they were not actually my dogs). I gave her a lecture on spoiling it and there be no consequences for its actions. Such as time out in its playpen to give us some breathing space. Hence my handle 'doggonedilemma'. She said not a single word during my rant. Her face was set like concrete so I knew she wasn't happy with me for the unasked for advice. When I finally shut up she finally turned her face/head towards me which had been turned away the whole time focused on the TV and simply said this... 'Consider it pay back for what you did to me'. SHE WINS! I should have just kept my bloody mouth shut & got on with the chores. Because this statement has plagued me ever since. Hence the title of my initial forum entry 'Mental'.

I took a small break as daughters puppy just attacked me whilst I sat on the sofa typing this. Raya (big doggy girl 7 years old) did something totally out of character yet I do not blame her at all. She turned on the puppy (not badly!) but growled at her loudly for doing this. So it seems life is 'paying me back for all I did'. Because Mother said the operation was 'Gods pay back' & two weeks later during a disagreement daughter agreed with Mother adding 'Nanna was right you did deserve it'. So I found myself at the kitchen sink this morning coming literally out of a trance like state (reality not fiction), I had been rinsing my cup. I actually don't know how much time had passed before I realised I was still standing there, the tap was still running & I was fixed on the spot. This is NOT the first time this has happened over the past 12 months. The worst was when I was supposed to be grocery shopping. Anyway... There I was in my head. Wind the clock back 28 years. Single Mum with 3 year old daughter on what was to be a magical week end at the Beach. *Note: not Nanna Eagers from my previous forum entry. My Grandparents (Mums side) Nanna V & Grandad C had taken us to their beachfront unit (only 2 weeks before Christmas) to spend time with their only Great Grandchild (my daughter). Arriving late Friday afternoon the highlight of this venture was to be the putting up of a small Christmas Tree. Nanna V wanted to decorate it with daughter. The car journey had been long but lovely. Like a movie. Gran C put a tape in the player and we sang Christmas Carols for the road trip. Upon arrival Gran C took daughter for a walk on the beach whilst Nanna V and I unpacked. *Note: daughter whilst at beach with Great Gran C had been throwing handfuls of boggy, wet, smelly sand in the air & letting it rain down upon her. She got heaps of the stinking wet sand in her hair. The unit was positioned between two different beaches. One side being an estuary of still water where a large drain would empty out some sewage into the huge pond like section whereas a small walk around the rocky corner led you to a beautiful beach of dry white sand, crashing ocean and shells etc. Gran copped a lecture from Nan V for taking her to the yucky side. He was tired from the long drive down the Coast. Sorry this tale of woe is long...

I'll try to shorten the story for you. Daughter got dirty, stinky, wet sand in her scalp. Three year old daughter had waist length thick brown hair. I told my girl she needed a shower with me (no bath in unit) and would be having a hair wash (DREADED HAIR WASH AS SHE DESPISED HAVING IT DONE DUE TO KNOTS). She protested loudly. I told her 'no hair wash equals no putting up of Christmas Tree tomorrow'. In the shower I tried washing her hair. Miss 3 squirmed like crazy & would not stand still. Then she tried to escape several times. I yelled at her to stop it. Nanna V was outside the bathroom door telling me to just let the sand stay in her hair as she'll be on the beach again tomorrow. But by this stage I'd already put shampoo in. I was distracted calling out to answer Nana V. Daughter took that moment to lay 2 hard kicks into my leg. It hurt. I scolded her loudly & told her to stand still whilst I quickly finish her hair wash. She continued to fight me. She was wet & slippery with shampoo (I was exhausted by this battle). She was screaming & crying loudly. I SWEAR TO YOU THE READER I HAVE NEVER LAID A HAND ON THIS CHILD! Coming from a childhood of physical abuse I made a pact with myself before she was born how I'd never smack her. So as fast as I could muster I finished her hair. I then picked her up in my arms to carry her out of the shower recess to dry her. She took revenge at that moment for the hair wash. She grabbed my cheek with her right hand & pinched it hard twice. I very nearly dropped her. It hurt a lot! It left a bruise! I dried her hastily telling her off for having hurt me. I dressed her hastily. I told her she was going to her bedroom for time out whilst she thought about how she just hurt mummy. We left the bathroom (I carried her kicking & screaming in my arms to the bedroom, plonked her on the bed & shut the door. she couldn't reach the handle). Since leaving the bathroom Nanna V had been on my heels. Demanding what was going on & telling me to 'just let the poor child go and you shouldn't have forced her to have her hair wash now you've ruined our lovely week end'. Grandad C was in the loungeroom calling out to Nan C to 'come away & mind her own business'. Nanna C gave Gran a mouthful back to keep his opinions to himself & what did he know about child raising (they had 4 kids!). Meanwhile brat was yelling bloody & crying loudly 'get me out of her Nanna repeatedly & I hate mummy'. Nanna did not know she'd kicked me twice nor did she know that she'd pinched my cheek twice. Grandad told Nanna 'just come away V and let her Mother handle it her way'. Nanna V stomped off into the kitchen shaking her head. Grandad came up to the closed door (brat still crying & imploring to be let out of her prison) and standing beside me addressed my Brat saying 'don't cry like that darling, just calm down, sit quietly on the bed and in a little while mummy will let you out then tomorrow Grandad will take you to the shops and buy you a colouring in book'. I left Gran C by the door & went to tidy the messy bathroom. When I came out of now cleaned up bathroom (I checked on daughter who had fallen asleep on the bed). I left her bedroom door open & went out to get a cuppa. Nanna V was waiting for me. I copped it before I made it to the kitchen. She was furious at me! She said many things...it went on & on... like 'that poor little mite', 'how could you be so cruel', 'you've ruined everything', 'if she wasn't in the mood for a hair wash then you should have just let it go' etc But then the big one! Which echoes in my head to this day... *Background Knowledge: I'd not long come out of Court with full custody of her and her Father had been given visitation rights (supervised at first because she didn't know him at all). I have a degree in Early Childhood Education. Prior to daughter I was a Preschool Assistant. I LOVE babies and little children. Nanna went over to Grandad and said deliberately, excessively loudly on purpose meaning me to hear 'do you know what I wish...(she paused for emphasis then...) 'The best thing that could ever have happened to that child would have been if her Father had gotten her to raise'. Then she turned to me and said 'She should be taken off you. You don't deserve her. You shouldn't have her. You are despicable. You are a bad Mother'.

Heya! Bear with - be with you tomorrow night or failing that, Friday. :)

Hi again! First post: 1. Question: Obviously your daughter has stored-up resentments and frustrations. Question is - is she entitled to, are they reasonable? In what way did you 'steal' her dog? 2. I wouldn't worry. Now that you're starting to properly detach and grieve from the family you never had, you're bound to have on and off days because grieving and healing tends to come in waves. The trick is t o roll with it: get as much done as possible on the good days and just basically write-off the bad. Remember, on the day you're feeling bad, it just means your in-tray is creaking under the weight, wit your mind having to work unusually hard. Also remember that Thirst as an emotion. 3. I must be honest and say that your daughter seems to have appropriated an amount of power over you yet lacks the maturity, including self-discipline and sense of responsibility that goes with it. E.g. leaving that puppy to you to look after. I mean, does she want the puppy or doesn't she. Should we take into account said bottled-up frustration and resentment and assume the puppy was just a tool of rebellion and payback? It doesn't mean you're not bonding, though. It's both together. In fact, the closer you re-get and accordingly the safer again she starts to feel (re you being the parent, the one in charge and control) the more she will leak out that latent bitterness. Better out than in (only don't let her ACTUALLY take the piss). But do let her vent. 4. Maybe it would help if you were to explain - I'm not a Doormat. What I am, however, is too fascinated in their abormal psychology. But I appreciate you don't want me to keep going into that tiger's cage because you don't want to see me hurt. (See what she says to that.) However, people who don't understand being victimised/scapegoated or being a risk-taking, mental explorer, more often than not DO get very impatient and frustrated with victims for not "just leaving". Even if your reason is the latter - there's not a lot you can do about it. Not until you start to see cuts and bruises, and THEN you pull out. This isn't advice or suggestion from me - it's just how humans are and why we're the dominant species: we're too inquisitive, WE CANNOT STAND "NOT KNOWING"; the itch is excrutiating, especially when it's important to you. MY advice would just be - 'know when to fold them; know when to walk away; know when to run' (wossisface Rogers - The Gambler). There comes a point when holding on does more damage than letting go. You can always revert to hitting the 'books' and study them, safely from home in your fluffy bunny slippers. 5. This is one of the ways they start to ruin your life: "The WHOLE day it had been acting up...barking incessantly for hours on end, ripping everything, biting, picking on our other dog (my dog?), stealing items and trashing them and so much more. By midnight I was well and truly over it. I can't even cook in the kitchen as it tries to get in the oven, hangs around my feet biting my toes." As you say, Narcs leech your energy - especially a whole coven of them. So when it comes to staying on top of your own life, prime example, training your puppy OR your daughter (particularly during the entire teen years), you tend to have to let too much slide because you're permanently too exhausted, thereby later realising "you" 'made a rod for your own back'. This is also true if every clash tends to be a shouting-match due to having grown up with this sort of high-octane drama as the norm. If your daughter wants to see you start to self-defend against them - even just mentally - it's better for you to be seen by her, first, to stay calm and quiet or to just refuse to respond until they recover themselves, in fact). Don't let her carry you off on a cloud of frustration because she's talking over you, etc.; take notes on a pad to raise later if you have to. Learn to give your goods, including your energy, only to those who RECIPROCATE and thereby energise you back rather than leave you with a deficit as they make off with your precious life force ("I need radiators in my life, not drains"). The puppy won't stay a puppy for long, though. PS: So she does live with you, then? But, look, you're getting too far ahead for me. There are still comments and questions from me up there, such as that one, waiting to be answered or gone into, if you can please? Ta. :) And then I can get properly into your latest. Slow down, Speeedy :D

I can answer a few more salient points, though: Post 2: "I took a small break as daughters puppy just attacked me whilst I sat on the sofa typing this. Raya (big doggy girl 7 years old) did something totally out of character yet I do not blame her at all. She turned on the puppy (not badly!) but growled at her loudly for doing this." Raya expected you of the head of the household to do it. So when you didn't - she did. Jungle Law, innit. Might be an idea to refresh your memory of how to behave necessarily more dominant (as aligns with "Big dogs don't bark...they don't need to") and unmoveably firm, by watching Jo Frost Supernanny (or similar) and any programmes on puppy training. Get your mojo back by being reminded that all you need be is SUBBORN (which you've already got), which doesn't require much of a lift of a finger, luckily. "So it seems life is 'paying me back for all I did'. Because Mother said the operation was 'Gods pay back' & two weeks later during a disagreement daughter agreed with Mother adding 'Nanna was right you did deserve it'." God's payback for WHAT? (Christ, your mother's so sick. No sane, healthy mother would say that to her own baby. Never.) It's funny, isn't it. Because all I see - as a further-up chain that was lead to by the above prior one - is a pay-OUT. A BIG FAT ONE. How's that God's revenge??? (Can I have some revenge, up there, please? LOL) "So I found myself at the kitchen sink this morning coming literally out of a trance like state (reality not fiction), I had been rinsing my cup. I actually don't know how much time had passed before I realised I was still standing there, the tap was still running & I was fixed on the spot. This is NOT the first time this has happened over the past 12 months. The worst was when I was supposed to be grocery shopping. Anyway..." NORMAL. It's your mind going back into the filing archives because it's realised it filed certain stuff in the wrong place 'back then' and/or said Emotional Data sheet needs re-examining. Like opening up a closed Police case due to advancements in historical forensics that this time catch the buggers red-handed. (And that's where I have to pause until you can catch up with my earlier questions so we'll be on the exact same page.)

Sorry...I've reached rock bottom. The 'free' legal service has dropped our case. Assigned Lawyer got sick and has been away. Upon her return she has realised her work load of 'paying' clients and has fallen very behind in her cases. Decided she was spending too much time, paperwork and phone calls on this case. Apologised but stated 'you can't win a case against Government Public Housing Agency' if it was a private rental then we'd have had a good chance of winning. Quote 'Government Department of Housing' make their own rules and change them at their own will'. So that is that! I've done a phone around of MANY Lawyers and nobody will take the case on. Those that were interested will not do Pro Bono. Daughter is hating me again! Everything wrong in our lives is 'my fault'. It just goes on. I honestly don't believe her anger, resentments, grudges will ever go away. I also don't believe they are justifiable. I feel like she'll never just 'grow to f_ _ k up and act like an adult. I'm getting more than a little tired of waiting for this miraculous event to unfold. I'm over being her verbal punching bag. I'm over her wild puppy. She says she has a 'shit life' and it is because I'm dumb, hopeless and made poor decisions etc Says she can't move out due to her debilitating Anxiety caused by me! Unable to go it alone and I did that to her. Have to say...I'm a mighty powerful woman if I'm able to reek such havoc in so many lives. Yet these people seem to phone me then use me when they need me. (Mum, Stepfather, Sister) Told my daughter last night to shut her motor mouth, get off her a_se, wash her own clothes, cook her own meals, clean up after herself, stop playing games on her computer all day and night, do something about that nightmare dog who is making all our lives hellish and bloody GROW UP! Raya is so sick of being picked on around the clock by the puppy and the yapping at glass breaking volume is hell when you try to fill out important documents at 2am, needing to concentrate and can't even get some peace at that hour. Never mind the case has gone up in smoke so all those hours were for naught. Apologise for the self pity. I'm just done. Over and out.

Over and out?? You suddenly don't want to post here any more?

Hello Soulmate, Thank you for responding. All I really want is to know two things. What the heck is wrong with my Mother? All my life it has been torture. I don't want to die without the true & honest answer to this great mystery. Why? Because she ruined my life and outlook on everything Why? Because she has seen even the Hospital and had tests done to check her even check her brain. The conclusion was 'nothing abnormal', suffers 'depression'. BUT as one of her victims I can tell ALL that there is definitely something undiagnosed about my Mother. One Doctors conclusion was that she just has a 'terrible personality'. NO WAY! It HAS to be more. Why? Because I fear I am her just in a different packaging and THANK GOD not quite as bad. I'm tired of this life. The constant disappointments. The nobody truly 'gets me'. They want to tell me everything that is 'wrong' with me. My soul deep down in there is good. My intensions have always been good. People listen to me with this look on their face of confusion. The look in their eyes is yep this one is a nutter. Because I don't talk like them, think like them, act like them, react like them. Or they same my name twice over & shake their heads. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? Nobody loves me. Nobody likes me. I'm unlikable & unlovable it seems. I have a short fuse (I know that. Not violent just super fast frustration.) I'm sick of the World telling me 'your mental' whilst they consider themselves 'all together'. Yet what I see is they don't have it 'all together at all'. They have made 'huge' mistakes also. So why the constant name calling of me. Why am I getting 'change who you are', 'get help' and other constant criticisms? If I'm a 'nutter' ok. Fine. Lock me up. Throw away the key. My own nice clean room with fresh white walls. To me sounds like peace and tranquillity. YES PLEASE!!! Have to stop typing now. The daughter just came downstairs with her wild puppy. She reads my screen over my shoulder & makes comments. She drops her dog on the sofa beside me & it goes ballistic jumping all over the keyboard and biting me. My dog who had been calm, happily laying beside me quickly jumps up on the sofa to get away from her puppy. The puppy continues biting me whilst jumping all over the keyboard & I scramble to save this typing. I'M OVER LIFE!

Hello Soulmate, I truly appreciated it when you said this You no doubt need a friendly voice to talk to so please feel free to use this thread as your blog, wherein I and others can chat with you to help re-set your no-doubt messed-up neurological system, the original way (cup o tea n a chat). I'll do my best to say Hi daily, myself, if you say you'd like that, but my life is a bit roller-coaster. I realise you have many people to answer but as my moods, emotions are all over the place 'a friendly voice to talk' is exactly what I need from time to time. I saw my adult daughter reading over my shoulder the other morning when I was typing on here. Try as I might to seek some privacy. I could tell her mood became rather 'shitty with me'. Next thing I could see her typing like crazy. Fingers going one hundred miles on her laptop. She is a very intelligent woman. She could run rings around me by age 5. It sounds paranoid but I asked her what she was doing (because her games she is ALWAYS playing don't require paragraphs of typing) I made a joke of it saying because it sounds like your writing another book. She replied 'just my usual games'. I believe she has made a couple of bogus forum posts hoping I read them & hoping to have me analysed. She lives with me. She is the one that constantly says I'm a nutter & need help. I can tell her style of writing. I know her well as she knows me. I also noted the time she was typing and it matches up. Soulmate I feel like it is psychological warfare against me. She hates me enough to do this? Seriously? She takes zero blame or fault with the unhappiness in our home. Not fair:(

Nowhere to turn. Nobody to talk to. No answers. I'm sitting here and my daughter is assassinating my character again. Probably for the third time this day. It NEVER ENDS. It has been many years now. I no longer have any confidence in myself. I no longer trust another human soul. I no longer like life. It has damaged me. It has plagued my mind. I am now twisted. I am unstable. I didn't have much to work with in the first place. This daughter of mine is lost to me. I don't believe I know her anymore. I love her but struggle indeed to like her. It is like living under a microscope. She analyses my every phrase each day. Then I hear her report back. How I'm mad, mental, disturbed, self involved (typing all these forum entries I guess it is definitely true. I always forgive her. I try to get over it. I try to just get up & get on. This is messing with my mind 24/7. I broke mentally a long time ago (truth be told). I know it! My daughter shattered me. Years back...emotionally. I never recovered. We are so far gone now (as in our relationship) I don't think it ever can recover. When trust is gone you have zero left. My crime tonight was...when the movie ended I made comments about the main character and his art then I dared relate his childhood trauma back to my own. I am apparently a self involved, damaged, warped human being & she hates me. Everything about me. So just shut up. Don't try to make conversation with me blah...blah... Today I did not do what was requested of me with Raya (older dog). She is furious. She told me not to give the dog her breakfast milk. I wondered why. I thought it was because it would be 'cows' milk I'd give her as their special dog milk carton had run out. I decided to give her some warm cows milk with boiled water added for two reasons 1) it was a very cold morning & 2) she goes back to her bed for an extra hour after this each morning (giving me one hours peace and space in this small villa). Daughters came in & said 'did you give her milk when I asked you not to?'. I said 'yep I did. I thought she was my dog'. Daughters face looked like cement. Then it came tumbling out. I disrespect her constantly & her wishes. I'm a control freak. When I'm told something pertaining to the dogs then I should just do it & not question her. I should respect her decision making and be mature enough to realise she has a reason why she asked in the first place. I did it again. I failed her test. She knew I would. I am just that conceited. I only ever listen to my own voice and it is damaged, mad, unstable, fluctuating. Her rant just continued on. I am cracking Soul Mate (or other reader). I've been under tremendous stress and I'm no longer floating. I'm sinking. I'm drowning. Once again I reiterate...I am Mental and nobody will help me.

Confessions... I am the doll lady Soul Mate. The writer. I talked to you many times last year. When I referred to 'my partner' it was actually my daughter. I did not understand these forums when I began and I just didn't want to confess to myself nor others that the person who smashed my favourite doll and tells me off daily is actually my own flesh and blood. My only child. My only (once a long time back) friend. I lied. I was never a troll. My daughter told me that if I wrote on here then people could find out who we are and I'd get found out. She said it is a great betrayal. She said she had found my posts here and read them. So I closed it for awhile and came back under another name. I thought last year was the worst year of my life. I thought it was behind us and we'd rebuild our relationship with lessons learnt. This year (during my operation I came to a realisation which I still do not want to face). My daughter does not love me. Not at all. She hates me. Loathes everything about me. Has wished me dead several times over. I even heard her say it under her breath when I'd been out of Hospital about a week. She says my personality sucks. That I'm horrible. Nobody likes me for good reason. I use to laugh (lots), I use to sing (heaps), I use to dance around the room. I do nothing now! As I type my chest is actually hurting. How many people awake from major surgery and are actually disappointed that they survived? I did. I missed the dog. I find it hard to admit these things out loud & I hope to goodness she doesn't read this because I do love her still. But... Returning home post op I was in a taxi filled with trepidation not happiness to be coming back. I knew nothing had changed except that my abdomen now resembles a shark attack. She did not hug me upon my arrival. She did not smile at me. I noted it instantly. Nearly dying did not give my girl any type of 'wake up call'. That she could have been left alone in this world. She has actually said things since that I pretend don't hurt. Such as 'I wish you'd died', 'I was disappointed you haven't had that second operation was looking forward to being rid of you for awhile'. So much more. So very much more. I made mistakes raising her. I was poor and alone. I was 23. I didn't realise what a bad job I was doing. She certainly has let me know these past few years. So why is she still here? To torture me? To punish me? To use me for cleaning, cooking etc? I've been told my face irritates her. My expressions are 'dumb'. I'm 'unintelligent'. I am embarrassing for not using words in their correct context. Basically 'I don't breathe right and she'd rather have had ANY Mother over me'. I am a 'Mental Control Freak', I am a 'disturbed human being'. I am 'pathetic'. I am 'a bad dog owner'. These are just the tip of the iceberg of my crimes. She has pushed me to breaking point. I am a shell of my former self. I have no confidence. I am standing in shops unable to choose a brand for fear of what she'll say about my choices when I get home. She puts me on the spot firing questions at me. I'm so eager not to appear mental, slow or stupid that I stall in responding whilst I plan the correct response. Even my time taken to deliberate my decisions gets me told off. I just want to be me again. I need to confide. I need somebody, anybody. Here is a truth. I was in a shitload of pain in the hospital. Had many an operation but this one took the cake for worst ever. But by day 3 I started to feel like 'me' again. I relaxed a little. I befriended the lady in the next bed, I chatted to my RN sitting on the end of my bed for about 10 mins each day (she felt sorry that I had no visitors) and my young nurse 'Sally'. I adored her! A more heartfelt girl perfect at her job you never could meet again. She was somebody very special. I felt 'liked'. She said 'I'm nice' and I burst into tears. I liked who I was there. I listened to the two ladies sharing the ward with me (the one man didn't talk to us even though I tried to include him). I had the pathologist laughing. The catering lady also. My daughter rang 61 times to talk about herself and her feelings and the dogs. Even after midnight. Even when I told her I had physio trying to help me walk right now. She got cheesed off when I couldn't take some of her calls. She DID NOT ask about me. I volunteered information and she talked over me. I own I'm damaged. I own I can be pretty self involved (I realise these posts are a bit much). But I go 24 hours talking only to Raya. Great listener not much of a conversationalist. I've gone on too much. I know! You are busy. I am too needy. I'm sorry. I'm just lost. Thanks for taking the time to read all this and to tolerate me.

I'll get to you asap as well. Meantime - Yes, as I was going I was getting the feeling it was you, and then your using your unique nickname for your grandfather, 'Gran' confirmed it. Well, if you think about it - distorting to that degree, certainly, is lying (and it wasted mine and other readers' time), which makes it trolling. But I guess intention is the true definer there, and, I'm too understanding to be plagued by grudges (knowledge is power and all that)...plus, it takes balls to confess like that (assuming it's real this time?...but you know I'll be able to tell, right?)... so.... Second Chance, it is. But we'll take it slowly and you'll let me set the pace - which is for YOUR benefit (we don't want your brain-cogs jarring). Even if I weren't even shorter of time this year, it would still need to be done that way because there's a lot to unpack and you ARE very emotional (albeit, understandably) and haven't so far discovered your coping mechanisms. Back asap, then. :)

Thank you for forgiving me. Please believe me when I say...none of what I told you last year was a 'lie'. No story telling. The only aspect that I lied about was when I said 'My Partner'. Meaning my partner in life. Not a man. Never ever said it was a male. When you asked sexual questions I always avoided answering because it was my daughter I was having major issues with. I also thought it she read the forum she might think it somebody else if it was written like my partner is a male. My intention was NEVER to deceive. Only to get help/advice. You did help me heaps! Literally saved my life. I was in my bedroom with a bottle of bleach and a glass. I walked out in front of on coming traffic and caused a car to screech to a halt. I even contacted a psychic for advice. Honest to Goodness Truth! All of it! So I didn't feel I was wasting your time or anybody elses. I appreciated it! I was stuck in my room night after night & sometimes during the day for hours on end. Have to go...she is right here.

Hello again Soulmate, I'm much more mellow today. Trying to calm down emotionally. Trying to put things into perspective. Reading other people's posts makes me realise I'm a basket case and others have far more serious matters to address which need your time more than I do. Shouldn't take you from them. Just wish to reiterate that everything I've told is the honest truth of my life with the only exception being that it was my adult daughter and not a male counterpart. My intention was to protect not lie nor be seen as a Troll (which I don't entirely understand what one actually is). I fear now you won't believe a word I say so not much point in continuing. My life reads like a very bad novel and I've had others say 'you've got to be making this shit up' when sadly I'm not:( That is the God awful truth. Hence I honestly believe I'm cursed and sought the advice of an Intuitive Medium. I've laid awake at night churning absolutely everything over in my confused head. The realisation that I'm not right up top hit with clarity in the early hours of this morning. The next will sound like a desperate cry for sympathy to win the reader over. It is not! I've gone it alone for a long time and I will continue to do so. I was a little girl hiding under the dining room table & taking it all in. I was a little girl hiding in the bar room cupboard hands over her ears to try not to hear the goings on. I was a middle school girl who had to straighten that mat perfectly or God would punish you and take your Mother/Father. I was a teen who had to turn the tap off 3 times consecutively or something more bad would befall me. I was a late teen who had to lock & relock the front door several times over for fear a baddie would come in. This shit is not normal! There you go! Why didn't I realise it before? My daughter (if I were to give her the satisfaction) would jump up & down on the spot, wave her arms in the air and yell 'Testified'. She's done this before. Proclaiming to an empty room how she is 'always right' and that she is justified in her 'your mental' comments every moment of every day. This all sounds very self pity and that is because it bloody well is. I have nobody else to take my side in any arguement. I lose. So diagnosis desperately needed. Shock therapy, drugs or whatever it will take to make me befitting of this World and my marvellous family. I'm of the opinion (in my own twisted, melancholy mind) that a 'High Maintenance' woman from days of old (smart, sassy, independent) is nowadays referred to as 'Bipolar'. Perhaps that is what I have? They need a label for me. To make them all right in their assumptions and conclusions and therefore all their actions justifiable. Confirmation required that I'm pitiful and pathetic. What or who I really am is 'crushed', 'deflated' and 'broken'. I was once a dreamer believing things could be different. I was once hope filled. I was once strong, firing on all cylinders. I was once referred to as 'analytical' personality by a friends Mother. I was once referred to as 'sparky', 'desert head', 'dead shit' by Grandad. I was told this message by my ex husband as he walked out the door leaving a 23 year old with zero money and a baby allergic to everything known to mankind who was constantly in/out of Hospital and Specialist Doctors rooms. 'It was your spunk that made me love you and it is your spunk that made me leave'. His parting gift.

You're running too far ahead again. Save yourself the trouble because as soon as I get a substantial-enough window, it's going to be more of a question-answer process, focussing only on your most urgent predicament, which is the fact that your own, grown daughter is bullying you. Sadly not nearly as uncommon as one might think. Back as soon as I can. PS: And you were FivePetalPromise as well (ref. Gran).

YES! I was FivePetalPromise. I've been many entries under different names. Why? Daughter minding my business. also Why? I need to hog here. I need help. I have sooo many problems. I feared you'd get sick of me or see me as taking up too much time. So I made different posts. I'm Sorry! I am not a troll person. I'm a real sad case. That is the God Awful Truth! Believe me or don't. Nobody can seem to have this many issues. I get it. I understand. I look like a story teller, a liar, a troll, a jerk or whatever. But I'm not Soulmate. I'm crying typing this. I'm a person surrounded by chaos and as a result I'm sadly F**KED IN THE HEAD!

I've had nobody to turn to for so very long. (yep cue the harps and violin now) I've been called so many names over the years there is little that can shock me. However, Troll hurts me. I NEVER wanted anything but help. I've been desperate for so long. I'm completely lost. Life is just a big void to me. Nobody gets me. Nobody wants to spare the time to understand me. I am worth knowing. I may be twisted mentally. I accept that. But I have a voice. I want to understand myself and others. I want to be a better person. This is NOT who I wanted to be. I wanted to be a great Mum. I wanted to be a good sister. I wanted to be a daughter who is respected and worthy of some sort of praise. I wanted to be a wife that was truly loved for herself, warts and all. I wanted to be a Granddaughter which they could be proud of. I think I finally snapped last year when my daughter lied to her Counsellor. She taped me yelling at her (yep...I own it. she is disappointing me beyond. I'm hurt. I don't feel I completely deserve what she dishes out). She told her Counsellor that I am emotionally & physically abusive/violent. I stumbled across her notes totally by accident when I was cleaning up the desk. I saw papers referring to 'The Voice'. I thought she was interested in the program on TV by that name which we have here. I was shocked & shattered. As I read them I realised 'The Voice' was me and these were her grievances to tell her Counsellor. After one slap across the face (which she denies). After one squeeze of both my cheeks like a vice grip (which she denies). I was devastated. Add on the notes I discovered. Add on the tape recording every conversation that is bad as evidence to have me quote 'locked up'. Add on the fact I never even smacked her as a child. Add on the smashed doll. Add on the words and accusations thrown at me. The other evening we watched a movie & the boy ended up in a mental institution. My daughter turned to me and said 'see Mum the Institutions aren't like in the old days with the ill treatment and electric shocks. You'll get a nice room of your own, a computer, arts & craft classes & might make some friends'. She wasn't trying to be funny, no humour, she was deathly serious. She has me doubting myself. I have watched recently this show I'm referring to 'The Crowded House', 'Girl Interrupted', 'Sybil' and 'Flowers In The Attic'. Why? I'm trying to discover ME. Which one am I? Reviewing these films I'd say I'm mostly like the 'girl interrupted'. As for 'FITA' well Mum was four times worse than that old bitch. She had nothing on my Mother. That isn't a horror film about a wacky Mother it is a stroll through a park compared to my childhood. As for Sybil we were all three of us emotionally abused & physically (but not quite as bad as that poor girl). When I start to relive it in my mind though (our childhoods) I am realising now at 55yrs just how bad it was & how we were taught to cover it up. So very few knew. I just recently told my Aunt. I just recently told my Step Father as Mum was lying to him and I'm done with covering up her past. That ship has sailed leaving quite the wake behind it. I'm very near at my end. BELIEVE ME OR NOT.

Food for thought. Nah...too crazy. Are my doll characters possibly my alters? Am I DID? I love them! I need them! I can't let them go. I've tried. I talk to them and yep they respond in my head. I cried myself to sleep for nights when my daughter made me kill my favourite off. I know I've based some of them off family members. Now that I've typed this I realise I am NUTS. Grown adults don't do this. I reckon you've contacted some authority and they are about to arrive here with their funny cart, a white jacket with buckles in the back and take me away. Can't say I blame you. Well at the very least...I'm an interesting case. Right? You can mull over me for ages. A shrink could put their kids through college if I could afford to pay.

Mum use to tie me to a chair and hit me. With Dads belt (sometimes the buckle got us). Sometimes with a wooden school ruler. Sometimes with her hands. Sometimes with a wooden spoon. I was 5, 6, 7. Punishment for peeing my pants or saying 'shut up'. Mum use to lock me in my room (all parents do that right?) like sent to bed without dinner etc. Mum use to knock me to the ground, straddle me with her legs, sitting on my chest, then use her left hand to pry open my mouth and her right hand to pour Palmolive dishwashing liquid in or sometimes wet soap suds, shoved in or sometimes medicine poured down. I'd begged for release, I'd gag, I'd choke. She also brushed my teeth with Ajax Powder. There were other punishments. I had nightmares a lot! She'd drag me into a shower, strip me & turn the cold tap on (even in Winter). There is heaps more. I don't have time to type it all out. Mum attacked me with a belt when I was 5-6months pregnant with my daughter that one shocked the shit out of me.

Sorry I have to go. My daughter has just come home to find me a sobbing, shaking mess with a nose bleed after typing this. I've kept it all inside. I only wanted your help. Sorry if I broke the rules. I'm a mess. It is all flooding back to me. I'm there. I can see it. I'm reliving it...right now...at this very moment. Too much! It has all been just too much!

"YES! I was FivePetalPromise. I've been many entries under different names. Why? Daughter minding my business. also Why? I need to hog here. I need help. I have sooo many problems. I feared you'd get sick of me or see me as taking up too much time. So I made different posts." Yuuuuh,... I have a problem with this explanation: 1. Your daughter reading your business doesn't account for why you each and every time, turned round and bit the hand that was feeding you (namely, mine). You would be rude and derisive without provocation, and then flounce off...and then come back days or weeks later. 2. Switching personas out of not wanting me to get sick of you doesn't make sense when you're aware I've had a post ongoing with Lily31 for over 8 years. 3. Different personas and stories or versions of would hinder my ability to assist you, not help. So what accounted for those? What happened, what was going through your head just before you turned 'funny' on me?

And, like last time and the time before, you still haven't answered my previous questions. Can you do that first please? Go through my posts for all the unanswered questions? Thanks.

Thank your for responding Soulmate and many thanks for your time. If I knew the reason why I react the way I do well then I wouldn't need to be on here would I. You are right in all the things you've said. I get defensive. I'm always told by so many 'what is wrong with me' whilst they seem to go unjudged. Makes me cross. I'm always afraid of not being liked. So change it up or make a new one so I can start over (be prepared beforehand) for when whoever ditches me next. I don't need any more confirmation. Your messages say it loud and clear. I'm unlikable because I'm unstable emotionally. Your words: You would be rude and derisive without provocation, and then flounce off...and then come back days or weeks later. True. Correct. Me in a nutshell. I'm angry. I was really nice for years and got walked all over and used by everybody. I get in and piss people off quickly to get the inevitable over with. My reactions are not 'normal' confirmed. But I am reactive. I start the day out happy and then somebody ticks me off and I go off. Because I'm tired of the 'character assassinations'. I just don't get why others are afforded their right to act out but I'm not? Example: I was having a happy enough day. Keeping to myself & minding my own business. Doing chores. Doll diorama. Even humming a tune. I wasn't feeling well but chose to soldier on. Daughter starts at me... Let's go take both dogs for a walk. I say I'm not feeling up to it. Feeling a bit sick. (no caring whatsoever! persists at me. I cave) She has her dog (a teacup/petite), dog lead & one light canvas bag on shoulder. I have a shopping cart, handbag, doggy backpack (contains water, bowl, treats, poop bags etc) and 14kilo dog yanking me to get going (operation wound hurting and feel dizzy). Daughter has eyes right? She can see right? I'm encumbered. I told her I'm not feeling well. No answer nor reaction from her. She is not encumbered! She turns to me & hands me her dog on its lead & says 'have to run back I forgot my sunglasses'. I say 'take her with you I'm standing here unable to move like a pack horse'. She ignores me & heads for home. I'm struggling...Raya is pulling hard & now barking. I lean over to tell her to stop & the bag on my shoulder falls off & open with contents spilling out on the sidewalk. I try to bend to collect small items. (operation hurting more & vertigo) I see her little dog pick up a small pebble to eat. Now I know I'm in big trouble. I beg her to drop it, leave it. My arms are full & I can't even scoop her up. I think she dropped it. Daughter returns looks at me flustered & says 'WHAT?'. I say I think she may have swallowed a small pebble. I can't see it anymore and I was scrambling to control Raya & pick up the items I dropped. ABUSE BEGINS...'you are useless, now my dog will die and it is your fault. pebbles are one of the worst things to get caught in a tiny puppies intestines and block it. you had one job to do. you are so hopeless. i should have known better than to trust you with her.' Picks up dog & sticks her fingers down her throat & is shaking her head at me, side to side with disgust. We walk on in silence for a way. Then she pipes up 'there is two stinging nettles useless (my new name) see if you can avoid them with Raya. Continues...'avoid that magpie' they may try to eat it. The magpie is ripped open, feathers everywhere, probably a cat attack I think in my head. I say allowed 'yep avoiding the dead magpie'. She turns, stares me in the eye and says 'it isn't just dead. is that all you have to say?'. I respond 'yep looks dead as a door nail to me'. She gives me a look like I'm the most dumb person alive and says 'it is discombobulated. you might try to use words with more meaning than the base ones you use like 'dead'. Nice sky, nice warm sunshine, nice dogs, nice people smiling as they walk past us. It is all lost on me now. Day over. I'm just useless and dumb still! Everyday I am crucified. My character attacked. Then once home the Mother rings and it is drama, drama, drama & her tears. Then I get on FB to see the latest doll club news & within 6 seconds my sister sees the light on & it is PM's all about her life, her depression, her troubles. If I try to type about mine after reading her messages for ages she exits fb instantly. When I say you left the page rudely later that nights she says 'sorry had to pee'. So basically every Mother F**ker in this World may be selfish, may be rude, may criticise & may judge others BUT I'M NOT ALLOWED TO GET DERISIVE?

Soulmate, I can already tell by your change of tone within these messages that you no longer like me nor trust me. No longer a 'friendly voice to talk to'. You are trying hard to be tolerant now. Persisting and doing your job because you are a lovely, forgiving personality type. Whereas I'm a 'rude and derisive type without provocation, and then flounce off'. Precisely! I get angry, hurt, go off at the person then I go away to cool off. Some of the responses I got on this forum previously I felt were presumptuous, judgmental, assuming and unkind. (regarding the condition of my home in particular mould and income). It upset me. I felt it should have been addressed. To me the comments went against the rules and were not 'helpful' so this 'damaged being' over reacted. I felt their comments warranted my reaction and was not 'without provocation'. But heck I'm warped so always the person in the wrong.

I've got my answers. It's ok. I am done now. So I'll flounce off. Not going to return this time. My apologies for all the inconvenience. My apologies for over reacting. My apologies for being 'me'. My apologies for that self pity. Forget I existed. Enjoy your 'normal' life.

Yeah-yeah-yeah, heard it all before... I can neither like you or not like you for the simple fact that I haven't known you (as one persona) for two years straight. And in reality, we've only just met as online personas. I'm just *very busy*, while you're very, very venty and not ready to knuckle down yet. Fairenoughski, you've been through barrel-loads of shite...but until you can feel better with less need to vent, I can't get a grasp on you, let alone get you to sit still, so to speak. But I've found some articles for you to read so that you can learn how and why your daughter ticks and how to greatly improve the situation. And afterwards, you can comment - and vent - on what behaviours and attitudes most chimed with you. Do that whilst bearing in mind something I noticed about your approach to her last week. Rather than ask her during a peaceful moment to please join you in the living-room because you and she needed to talk, you went ballistic and gave her what she wanted: a sibling-figure to have a no-holds-barred barney with. Look: "Told my daughter last night to shut her motor mouth, get off her a_se, wash her own clothes, cook her own meals, clean up after herself, stop playing games on her computer all day and night, do something about that nightmare dog who is making all our lives hellish and bloody GROW UP! " If my Mother had ever talked to me like that I would have slapped her face. Frankly. These articles I'm gathering together for you are going to show you how to be cleverer and more adult-like-superior (or in-charge if you prefer), to slowly-but-surely tip the dynamic to where it SHOULD be. Another question: Where's her father in all this? You divorced? Final question: Does she have either a full- or part-time job?

I mean, don't get me wrong: you were RIGHT in evry complaint you cited to her. But intelligence is not about what you do, it's about HOW YOU DO IT. And you can't make her change 100% in 0.6 seconds. It took TIME to get your favourite jumpers/pullovers caught in this barbed-wire of a dynamic, the pair of you, it's going to take time to extricate yourself - single barb by single barb, reversing out the same way you went in . if you don't want to come out with your jumpers in shreds or worse, ripped flesh. Let's make it FUN and PLEASANT, not painful. I know you're luckly because you're powered by Duracell, but like I keep saying, Slow and Steady wins THIS race. :)

(...And seriously - it is BEEPING hot here!) First article: *********************************************** https://psychcentral.com/pro/exhausted-woman/2018/08/10-strategies-for-coping-with-an-adult-narcissistic-child#3 10 Strategies for Coping with an Adult Narcissistic Child My daughter who is 18 fits most of these (narcissistic) examples. For the last year, after her second suicide attempt, I have probably been way too lenient on her because of my fear of losing her. I truly feel at my wit’s end with her unfair accusations and manipulative behavior and have now had to reconcile losing her in one way or another in order to save myself. She lives with me. How can I support her while still enforcing safe boundaries? What strategies have helped others, especially when she wants to engage in a battle with me (at 1 am) and starts threatening to move out, sleep in the car, or harm herself? This is an excerpt taken from a comment on the article Narcissistic Abuse Cycle. The mother is struggling with how to cope, manage, and deal with an adult narcissistic child who threatens to harm themselves. Her concern is very valid as narcissists have one of the highest suicidal rates of any personality disorder. Here are some strategies she can use to help both herself and her child: Affirmations work. Narcissists need a daily supply of attention, affection, admiration, and appreciation. By giving them the affirmations that they need, their ego is boosted, their insecurities are tamed, and they feel noticed. Think of this a preventative medicine rather than a prescription afterward. Take a daily break. Even full-time jobs recommend several breaks during the day to rejuvenate, eat, and use the restroom, knowing that this increases productivity. The same should be done at home, especially when a narcissist lives there. Begin by adding 15-minute breaks into morning and nighttime routines. Find several safe places to hide that provide a time-out of sorts to think and reflect before reacting. One of the typical abuse tactics of narcissism is to generate confusion so that the only voice others hear is the narcissist. This break technique is extremely beneficial at counteracting that. Focus on recovery. The process of recovery takes time, patience, and energy; time to invest in sorting through the narcissists abuse and trauma, patience to go at a pace that allows for healing and doesnt re-traumatize, and energy to release pent-up emotions, thoughts, aggravations, fears, and confusion. Some of this can be done alone, but much of this should be done in a therapeutic setting. This ensures the process is complete and lasting. Use other narcissists. Point out the narcissism in others such as political, sports, and entertainment figures. Once the seeds of the narcissistic dysfunction are planted, it is easier to help identify the behavior in the adult child. This is even more effective when the narcissistic figure is on the adult child has little to no respect for. Set absolutes. In the case of repeated suicidal threats, it is essential to seek out the assistance of a professional. A contractual agreement can then be generated that includes immediate hospitalization if a threat is made. For a narcissist, the embarrassment of being hospitalized is usually enough to keep them from making another threat again. But if they do, the agreement must be executed immediately and without extending a second chance. Go to family counseling. The best type of therapy is one in which the parents and adult child are equal participants. If needed, siblings can be added to the treatment as well. This allows for a level of accountability for everyones behavior, helps to mediate between disagreements, and provides a safe place to vent frustrations. Use the hamburger method. One of the best ways of confronting a narcissist is the hamburger method: compliment, confront, compliment. By sandwiching a confrontation in between two compliments, the likelihood that it will be heard and understood dramatically increases. Confronting head-on is never ideal. This makes the narcissist feel attacked and they become too defensive to be reasoned with. Dont tolerate any abusive behavior. One of the main reasons for divorce in a marriage including a narcissist is the narcissists abusive behavior. There is no reason to tolerate any type of abuse. When dealing with narcissists, usually you should just walk away, hang up the phone, block them if needed, and/or call the police. Move the tolerance level to a more acceptable pace. Dealing with a narcissistic child is a little bit different, but you should still make it sternly evident that you will not allow any abusive behavior to continue. Counteract the gaslighting. A typical form of mental abuse commonly utilized by narcissists is gaslighting. This is where the narcissist denies reality and instead paints an entirely different picture so believable that the other person thinks they are going crazy. To counteract this tactic, it is useful to keep a journal of facts and incidents. For instance, writing down that the narcissist had a fit at Thanksgiving over an ungrateful relative. This is not to keep a record of wrongs, but rather to have some point of reference when the story is twisted into the relative losing it and verbally assaulting the narcissist. Dont lose your identity. Narcissists have a way of trying to transform the people in their lives into mini versions of themselves. Their dominant ego dictates that others lives would be better if they were more like the narcissist. It takes a large amount of self-awareness to keep an ego intact in the face of such pressure. While it is difficult, it is not impossible. These strategies can help when living with a narcissist. Whether you find yourself related to a narcissist through blood or marriage, creating these healthy boundaries and limiting the amount of control the narcissist has over you and others will help to create a safer environment for all involved parties. Remember, if you are having difficulty on your own, there are always resources you can use to seek help, something you should never hesitate to do if needed. Last medically reviewed on August 31, 2018 Medically reviewed by Scientific Advisory Board — By Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC on August 31, 2018

(PS: Anyway, I don't dislike anyone. I only dislike bad or pointless behaviour. Equally, I like things like YOUR LOVELY POST right after Jane's, as Doggy Dilemma (so there! :p). Throw away the Rule Book when it comes to trying to second-guess me, would be my advice. I'm very different to most other people. And so is Richard and this forum of his. We'll just take it one step at a time. Just bear this in mind: I'm not your daughter. Nor your Ex. Nor your parents. Nor- any of them. I'm the opposite.)

THANK YOU! SINCERELY! Read it. Reread it. Tried one strategy out and (shock) it worked on her. Decided to practise by way of using something she is emotionally attached to and LOVES to talk about. The puppy! I did the 'sandwich'. I opened with it has been very cool to watch you as a Mother with her and I'm impressed by how patient you can be. I then said how I have a few concerns over some of her behaviours. (I put it gently using even monotone and tried not to sound judgy) Then I concluded with a few compliments like for a seven month old the toilet training is fantastic. Well Done. Then a few more compliments. She lapped it up (pun intended). She calmly said 'yes Mum I know she is a bit much...a drama queen...gets to me too'. We had a NICE chat. WOW! _____________________________________________________________ I LOVE MY GIRL! Her name means 'Tower of Strength' and I did that on purpose. I knew coming into this family that this was exactly what she'd need to be to survive them. Didn't count on her being 'too strong' for me though did I LOL (you live, you learn) ________________________________________________________________ I have read and seen your weather conditions there and I really feel sorry for you. I can relate somewhat. We've had high degrees out of control here in Aussie Land where the air is so thick your lungs can't expand. Literally. Some people die. It also makes your head fuzzy. Hard to concentrate. Then add on the lack of sleep. Bed damp with sweat. Buzzing of the fans. Sticky. Heavy. Can't get comfortable. We are in bush fire area and the last couple of years lightening has made deathly fires. Which of course added to the heat and smoke. I FEEL FOR YOU AND CAN APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORT TO ANSWER ME WHILST YOU ARE GOING THROUGH THAT WEATHER PHENOMENON. We have slept flat on kitchen ceramic tiles with just a pillow under our heads to try to survive nights. We have slept in a cool porcelain bath tub (no water due to drowning obviously) with just a pillow under head. The wading pool in the kitchen with a fan over head works also for some relief! I think the World has gone mad! So I fit right in LOL Take care! HUGS & MUCH APPRECIATION for all your time and effort on my behalf xo

Info: Australia Not divorced technically but he left in 1992 one week before daughters first birthday. So reality being 'separated for 30 years'. To explain he wouldn't pay any fees. Lawyers or paperwork for a divorce. I dug my heals in as I had the toddler and all responsibilities (financially and physically) so said I'm not paying it. So here we are:( Daughter has worked hard from 15 years of age until 1.5 years ago (but she HAD a casual job in meantime). There is so much to unpack in our lives:( She was the 'Diamond Specialist for two High End Jewellers with studies in Gemmology for nearly ten years. She was very successful and got AWARDS. Client for many actual STARS & the Queen. Yes...you read that right and it isn't the fuzzy heat messing with your head. She even got to hold the Melbourne Cup. Proud Mama! BUT the pressure and stress took a HUGE toll. It got fierce. The Industry is a tough one. It started to take a severe toll on a once confident young lady. (She was the youngest Gemmologist to ever start at their firm). I noticed her decline in happiness, biting nails, shaking hands etc by the eighth year with them. She was always coming home, pent up &/or angry. She'd vent for hours! Then go back the next day & repeat. BUT she wouldn't listen to Mum. NEVER DOES! Just when it was 'breaking her' well Covid hit. They shut as nobody was coming in to buying diamonds! She started seeing a Doctor as she gets occasional tremors up her right arm. Diagnosed with 'Adult onset debilitating anxiety'.

PS once my ex found out he could continue to claim 'married mans tax' here in Australia whilst being only 'separated' still 'technically married' loophole. Which he informed me. He said so I'll never divorce you. I've never had the spare money. I dabbled early on in a couple of love interests but once bitten twice shy. So I never found a Prince Charming. After awhile liked things 'my own way' as in no justifications for spending and no 'skid marks' on undies. So independence I chose over further romance. Besides people were already finding my daughter a put off. Comments like 'spoilt', 'precocious' 'needs a good slap' etc She has always been head strong, intelligent and opinionated. At 3 she told adults off. I'm doing it again. Talking too much and hogging your time. Sorry.

(My asterisks, Point 5) ************************** https://www.momjunction.com/articles/how-to-disarm-a-narcissist_00786705/ What Is Disarming A Narcissist? We cannot control or neutralize an individual’s narcissistic behavior. Therefore, we must be able to spot them and disarm them to protect ourselves from being hurt. Disarming a narcissist involves actions that protect you from the person’s narcissism and might also help tone it down a bit. It is necessary to plan an exit if you find yourself in such a situation. The biggest challenge with disarming a narcissist is that they are manipulative, selfish, and demanding yet exceptionally charming (2). Therefore, you must be aware, be in control of your emotions and firmly reject declarations to avoid feeding their ego to disarm them. 12 Tips To Disarm A Narcissist The best way to disarm a narcissist is to be better prepared. Here are 12 effective tips for disarming a narcissist. 1. Keep your cool If you know a narcissist, you know how much they love to fight. The best way to disarm a narcissist is to keep your cool and not press the ‘argue’ button with them. When you lose your cool and end up fighting with a narcissist, they will pin you down as the bad person. Keep your cool, reduce contact, and don’t respond the way they want you to. This requires some strong emotional conditioning on your part but, eventually, when you don’t react, the narcissist will back off and move on. 2. Avoid feeding their ego Narcissists have inflated self-esteem and ego. They may already be used to being praised or lauded for things they do or have done. Feeding this ego is dangerous for their narcissism and others who deal with them (3). An effective way to subtly defuse a narcissist is by not feeding their ego. Once the narcissist is used to you not praising them, they are less likely to affect you later. 3. Don’t take responsibility for their actions Every time you deal with a narcissist, remember that you are not responsible for their thoughts and feelings. It is very natural for most people who fight with a narcissist to go on a guilt trip and feel responsible for what happened because they can manipulate emotions. But remember that if a narcissist is angry with you, you are not responsible for it. Offering to take the blame for what happened is the worst thing to do. As you ignore the narcissist and do not take any blame, they will eventually recover from their outburst and move on. 4. Avoid ultimatums Trying to gain control and giving ultimatums is not healthy for any relationship. When dealing with a narcissist, many people are tempted to use ultimatums. If you do not like the narcissist’s behavior, resorting to ultimatums is stooping to their level to get things done. When you use ultimatums or force, you are allowing the narcissist to do the same. 5. Don’t give them negative attention The last thing you want to give a narcissist is attention, especially negative attention. Narcissists crave attention but giving them negative attention, such as lashing out at them, targeting them, or humiliating them, can result in them holding a grudge against you. Stay focused and do not criticize them because it will not make you feel any better. Point to consider Some narcissists are manipulative, jealous, or controlling because of their insecurities. ******These traits can make a person in a relationship with them feel suffocated and reactive, thus giving the narcissist the reinforcement to exaggerate their behavior.****** 6. Be empathetic If there is one way you can reach the mind of a narcissist, it is by empathy. You don’t have to call them out or expose them. Instead, an empathic confrontation is an effective way to get a narcissist to listen to you and is often used by therapists to treat people with narcissistic tendencies. Develop a deep understanding of why they think a specific way and use this information to confront them about their behavior. Over a period, the narcissist may become receptive and oblige to visit a therapist or counselor for further treatment. 7. Always remember their nature Narcissists hurt people in more ways than one. When you feel upset or bad about a narcissist’s unacceptable behavior, remind yourself to manage expectations and that they are suffering from a problem they have no control over. That’s how they are wired! Also, remember that their nature, behavior, and personality disorder have nothing to do with you, and you are in no way responsible for their behavior. Whatever they might say about you is not true, and you must always keep your self-esteem high. 8. Maintain clear, firm boundaries Narcissists are the last people to follow their prior commitments, even if that has to do with staying within their limits. When you are dealing with a narcissist, you must set clear, firm boundaries (4). Withstand pressure of giving into their whims. Also, never say or commit to something that you do not intend to do. Be watchful Narcissists are unable to distinguish between entitlement and intrusion. As a result, they may use manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, stonewalling, demanding, tricking, or assertion, to get what they want. To safeguard yourself from a narcissist, you must do all you can to ensure you and they stay within their defined boundaries. Do not let them dominate or overpower you. If a narcissist crosses the boundaries, you must promptly show them their place, even if it means legal action. 9. Accept that you cannot change their behavior It is natural for you to want to help someone with narcissism, but it will only aggravate their behavior. Instead of falling prey to their charming, gas-lighting, and manipulative ways, accept that you cannot change their behavior or personality disorder. The fact that they haven’t changed in so much time is indicative that they might not do even in the future. Accepting that you cannot change their behavior will diminish your expectations and give them less power to trouble or manipulate you emotionally. 10. Don’t try to win Many of us deal with narcissists in our day-to-day lives and try to beat them at their game or outsmart them. However, this is not a good idea. By doing so, you are only helping them and adding fuel to the fire. While your anger, frustration, and hatred come naturally, you should accept these feelings and move on. Avert conversations or stop responding if you think you might lose your cool. Every time you feel like giving it back to the narcissist, tell yourself that their behavior is their problem, and without your consent, they cannot put you down. These thoughts are instantly liberating and make dealing with a narcissist easy. 11. Ignore at times If you are dealing with a narcissist who is not in your close circle of friends and family, the best way to disarm them is to ignore them. Be it a workplace colleague, a neighbor, or a parent in your child’s school, ignoring a narcissist gives them fewer chances to interact with you. 12. Build your self-esteem Dealing with a narcissist regularly can be taxing and begin to affect your self-esteem. Many people live with a narcissist’s emotional abuse for years out of love and/or respect. In most cases, the non-narcissist begins to lose their self-esteem, making it even more difficult to live with a narcissist. An effective way to disarm a narcissist is to rebuild your self-esteem to give yourself the strength you need to deal with one. Knowing how to disarm a narcissist is often necessary for people who live with a narcissist. Emotional abuse from a narcissist is common, and it can damage the self-esteem of their near and dear ones. Understanding how a narcissist thinks and that they do not behave this way purposefully can help you ignore their remarks and empathize with them. You can disarm a narcissist by telling them that you feel sorry for how they feel or by expressing your disagreement by saying you disagree but you stand by their right to express their opinion. You may also help them seek professional support to overcome their problems. But if these tactics don’t work for you, it is important to understand that you may have to end the relationship to protect yourself. Infographic: Effective Words To Disarm A Narcissist A narcissist, by nature, is manipulative and inconsiderate and may not listen to your explanations. So while disarming, you must know the right words to say to stop feeding their ego and selfish motives. These phrases can help you stay strong and unfazed by their tactics if you are with such a person. Learn how to shut down a narcissist with these 20 key phrases. Disarm them today and take back control of your life. Get the power to stand up for yourself and protect your mental health. **************************

F**k here I go again. I just want you to get me. I've always seen my Mum as a 'victim'. She was cursed from birth. A situation she had no choice in. A victim of her own circumstance. Everybody instantly detests 'Dragon Lady' her nickname and hates her. Everybody abandons her. She had only me for a very long time. It was nice being 'needed' BUT she is rather 'heavy' to tolerate. Depletes the energy. Breaks your spirit. I could relate to 909090. You live feeling 'defeated'. But isn't that the 'challenge'. Building your own resilience, strength of character, good soul? If you are religious then a Mum like mine becomes your cross to bare. What you must 'overcome'. You pick up the phone, bated breath, tentatively and hold it, waiting...testing...to recognise that person which answers on the other end. Only then do you know whom you're dealing with for that day, minute, second, hour perhaps Jekyll, Hyde or somebody new. You hold out longingly for that rarest of rare days when 'nice old lady' actually comes across the line. ____________________________________________ Funny sad but true short story following... My phone rang & I picked up and said 'hello' On the other end a very old lady said in a flurry 'Oh hello Darling, I'm so happy to hear from you, I've been thinking of you, how are you getting along, I've missed you'. I responded 'I'm sorry but you seem to have dialled the wrong number'. She responded 'Oh how do you know that dear?'. I said 'because my Mother has never spoken to me nor cared like that EVER'.

I see you've posted, but I'm up quite early tomorrow so I'll have to finish reading you tomorrow. But for now... "We had a NICE chat. WOW!" Uh-huh. In normal-healthy world, the saying is, It's not what you know, it's who you know. In La-La Land everything's reversed, so it becomes, It's not who you know, it's what you know. Can you see that truth now? _____________________________________________________________ "I LOVE MY GIRL! Her name means 'Tower of Strength' and I did that on purpose. I knew coming into this family that this was exactly what she'd need to be to survive them. Didn't count on her being 'too strong' for me though did I LOL (you live, you learn)" Yeah, well, I have to admit, I've been suspecting for a while that she might have all this time been desperately but kack-handedly trying to bully you into standing-up for yourself...against your bullies. Ironic, huh? But it seemed to always have been working for them, see. (Ping!...pingety-ping-ping-ping! :)) I was going to suggest that you suggest that you and she (in a box in a box LOL) join together to teach both dogs tricks....or to dance... whatever the dogs and you two would enjoy. (I trained my cats.) (Dogs are a doddle.) (Haha - just friendly pet-owner sparring there.) (To be fair, though, you couldn't get cats to dance.)

PS: Don't start using all those tricks all at once, mind. Get her used to this one, then add one or two others. Soon enough, you're going to feel like a Wizard with a magic wand...and think - where have I been all my life! :)

PPS: Also just want to add for the record (while I'm brushing my teeth): I strongly disagree with labelling mere 18-year-olds as Narcissists. There's a huge difference between the natural, teenage narcissistic phase and actual NPD. Eight-TEEN means STILL TEEN. Duh. That's like opening the oven door because you've simply decided from the smell, that your souffle is going to be a sunken mess, despite it's not a glass-fronted door so all you have to go on is cooking time, hence have no basis, but, by opening the door, creating that very result. And also there's such a thing as Narcissistic Fleas. And Narcissistic Victim Syndrome. Anyhoo - "Laters!"

Soulmate, you sound very tired. This all must get on top of you. You need a really good rest. You deserve it. Dealing with everybody's problems is huge. I got a bit confused by your last couple of messages. My daughter is 31 years old. An adult. Not a teenager. Nighty Night

Thank-you - I am, yes. But it's the humidity added to the heat (dry heat I'm fine with). I'm like a human sprinkler, have to be careful I don't drip all over my keyboard (bang-pop-fizz!), and even the nights are staying hot now. And even the heat of my laptop through through a lap tray gets too warm on top. So is everyone else I know suffering and unable to dry their hair. Grumble-grumble... Yuh, I know on paper she's 31. But you've got to admit, she's been behaving for a long time similar to a Terrible Teen (but And Then Some). Whatever portion of her must still be stuck back there, still confused and bitter. What happened, what did she go through with you or have to watch you go through? Where's her father? His side of the family?

Yes, sorry, some people do have to read me slowly or more than once in one go until it all clicks. I pack a lot of info into single sentances - have to with so little time at the mo - plus have quite a unique wavelength ("Nannoo-nannoo!" LOL).

A couple of answers to some of your questions. I have answered before in some of my previous posts but I totally understand how bogged down you get so therefore you can't possibly remember it all. Ex Husband: Her father left one week before her first b'day. She had zero contact with him or his family. He served papers on me when she was 2.5 years old. We went to mediation, we went to court. He got supervised access initially as she didn't know him at all. Nor did she remember him (by then she was about 3). Court declared once they bonded and she was comfortable then the access could become overnight etc. He didn't turn up to the initial court case. He was playing Skirmish in a competition at the Coast. Rescheduled. Eventual Court he turned up for. He stated to Judge how he didn't want regular alone access with her or overnights ever (claiming too busy). Judge tested him by peppering with questions: her age (he didn't know), her fav toy (he didn't know), what she likes to do the most (he didn't know), her fav colour (he didn't know). So they granted him supervised access once a fortnight at my place. That was difficult! After a few times of him coming, watching TV, eating my food and asking me to cook his favourite for him, completely ignoring our child & asking me for sex saying he wanted to come back to me. I told my lawyer. He still wasn't providing anything for her financially. My lawyer spoke to him over the phone and via paperwork about 'responsibility'. A new access regime was typed up. He was three years older than me. Supervised access now had to be in a public place ie park or McDonalds. I had to be in the back ground. So sit far enough away I couldn't hear them however close enough she knew I was there for security. During this access she would run away from him. Even climb a tree to hide. Came up to me and said 'she wanted to go home to her toys'. Cried as he got himself McDonalds but told her he couldn't afford to buy her any & that is what Mummy's maintenance money is for. Called him a 'dumb, dumb'. Her words not mine. Mine would be way more colourful. He came for this access only a couple of times. He stopped turning up. He kept zero contact. He's never even phoned her. He has never given her a gift in her life eg xmas, easter, b'day. Never bought her a toy or a dress or anything! He never paid child support I had to take him to court for that. They eventually garnished his wages. He kept appealing sighting 'financial difficulties'. He got a new woman. He had another daughter. I offered her several times growing up to meet her Father or at least phone him for chats. She called him a 'loser' and didn't want to. I provided her with his address and phone number. I told her all about his side of the family. Aunts x two. Cousins etc. She'd say 'not interested'. Eventually the half sister contacted her (7 years ago) wanted to meet for coffee. I thought it a good idea however my girl doesn't want to know any of his family. Daughters words: They all neglected her. He wouldn't even financially support her. Their loss. She will not be allowing any of them to fulfil voids in their life now by using her! Doggy Dilemma: I never meant to steal Raya (age 7 now) the dog away from her. It just sort of happened. She wanted a cat. We searched. I'm allergic. We bought Raya together for us as a family unit. Shopped together for her. But mostly my girl wanted another dog four years after Angel had passed. She has always been dog crazy! She had Angel the dog for its whole life span growing up. Bought her Angel when she was 5. So Raya is dog number two (whom I supposedly stole???) So the new addition 'Mighty Mouse' not its real name is daughters third dog technically. Puppy is wholly hers. Her decision to buy. Her money. I'm told not to interact with her and many other rules! So many rules! Yet...when daughter goes out I become handy to mind her. Also, when daughter is busy doing other things at home it suddenly changes to 'will you just care for her for a bit'. My side of the stolen Raya Story: She worked. High pressure job. Long shifts. Overtime. Night Events also. Busy. Not home much. Raya and I bonded. I missed my girl. Raya missed our girl. When daughter got home she was venting for hours (high pressure job), cranky, frustrated, tired. I'd take Raya for walks whilst she was at work. I did EVERYTHING pertaining to Rayas care. Just like I did for ANGEL. Then daughter started yelling at me (a lot!). We kept having arguements. I told her she was scaring Raya. As the dog would come to me, stay between my legs, follow me everywhere. Like when I'd go to my room to avoid getting in 'angry girls' way. I actually left the door ajar initially. So Raya could choose. Then Raya started to groan (not so much a growl) she is super submissive when daughter would come near her. I did not give her treats until daughter got the training jar. I don't agree with it. However, I'm a cook. Sweet treats are my fav thing to make. I'd slip Raya a piece of cookie etc. breaking my daughter's 'no human food for the dog' rule! Her side of the Story: I stole the dog away from her by coercion and treat tactics. I should have ignored the dog whilst she was at work.

"I have answered before in some of my previous posts but I totally understand how bogged down you get so therefore you can't possibly remember it all." Cheers. I can, in fact. But this is the first time you've posted as yourself. On a clean slate. Starting anew. :) I much prefer you as DD, tbh... (And I still say your posts were really lovely. Keep going - it's very therapeutic for you?) ..."An-izzn-id-ironic....doncha think?" (- name the 90s female singer-songwriter!) DON'T hide yourself in future? That's what they WANTED you to do! I'm going to get to your meaty post tomorrow when I'll have a meaty window, cos I spotted a few sentances and they contain VAST volumes. PS: I note it looks very tidy and organised? (Gold Star!)

OMG! LOVE Alanis Morissette! Know this song off by heart. I adore singing. Always have. Her songs are so 'me'. You made me smile Soulmate. How dare you LOL. That just isn't normal for this old girl.

Had a good day. F**cked up royally with the Stepfather and Mother. Should feel guilty. Sort of do. Shamed to admit it. They can't be in the dark now about how I feel about either of them. Oops. Borrowed the daughters super modern phone which I can't work. Mine had run out of credit & she said I could. Wouldn't show me how to use it. Got told to not be so useless & figure it out for myself. Thought I did figure it out. Left a quick b'day wish for the stepfather. Forgot to turn the thing off didn't I. Daughter & I had a convo about them which was NOT complimentary. They heard every word apparently! I'd call that free therapy. Laughed so hard I wet my pants!

I'll get to the meaties later, but I've got a brief window and having just read your latest two, just had to respond! OMG. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I don't normally do three excl. marks, LOL.... I am chuckling my face off along with you (but was full-blown gaffawing and air-punching while I was reading!). WHAT AN AMAZINGLY LUCKY BREAK! 'What were the chances!?'. Remember this: if ever you find yourself saying that, then, it's NOT "a coincidence", it's Fate having made a move on its multi-dimensional chessboard...using Daughter as its pawn. (And any move it makes, creates a chain reaction in order to assist or deliver lessons to many, all along that line....wonder where it'll end up?). I've been studying Fate my entire life, how it works (I check up on people/events long after), and this is how. Daughter hasn't yet hit the Warm 'n Fuzzies For You to the extent of 100%. Hence wouldn't do you a favour to the power of 100%. But she DID do it to 50%. So that's where you're at with her - halfway there already! (Which YOU made happen.) And BECAUSE she wouldn't go as far as do the second half - THIS HAPPENED. :D Furthermore: you got to speak the entire, unbridled truth - including how you both FEEL about it - and didn't have to spend weeks, first trying to persuade them to have a 'sit-down talk', then followed by constantly whittling and worrying about what to say, when, how, what to remember not to say....all of that high-stress trepidation in the run-up... ....PLONK! - handed on a plate. :)))))) 'Fate moves in mysterious ways'... And it's obviously just got firmly on your side, now that you're pitching-in yourself (it's a 'doubles' partner, I've discovered, and it waits for you to Serve before it moves a muscle...obviously). SO WHAT DID YOU BOTH SAY????? Tell-me-tell-me-tell-me-tell-me-tell-me!!! :D And what's Daughter thinking? Is she laughing too? PS: Alanis is a genius; she changed the world, killed the stiff upper lip. But You Oughta Know will always be my No. 1 fave....that line that goes, As I scratch my nails down someone else's back - do you feel it?..., and, Does she know how you told me you'd hold me until you died, 'til you died, *but you're still alive* (referencing and dispelling that typical, past, female plaintive cry that goes, But he said he LOVED me!). Brilliant.

HAHAHAHAHA! - "Happy Biiirthday tooo yooooou, Happy Biiirthday TOOO YOOOOOU!" Yeah, I feel a tiny bit bad as well (it's natural). But Fate spoke, so...clearly we're not supposed to! :)

PPS: "I'd call that free therapy." Me too! Because it is! The truth ALWAYS is.

Psyche Update, please: "That just isn't normal for this old girl." That just didn't use to be normal for this old girl. That just didn't use to be normal for this old girl. That just didn't use to be normal for this old girl. That just didn't use to be normal for this old girl. (read it as many times as you can stand to - get it RIGHT in there! - and them OUT!) (PS: Not sure I agree with the 'old' bit, but at least you countered it with 'girl') It will be normal now...for New You. This is how this particular, typical script goes. She'll be Old You before you got sat on from all angles, plus the You that you'd have become (faster, but never mind, you still sound very youthful) had you not been pecked down/sat on, plus You with your new knowledge, confidence, self-pride and power (shield against future nasty people). You were just missing some consistent support, eh. :) (Who isn't, when there are so many damaged or broken idiot ahole bullies out there!) But anyway....REALLY can't wait to hear the gory details, LOL LOL...

(Fab post to Snowball...*thumbs-up* and thanks!)

Hi, I'm SUPER down! I'm more than a little over my daughter's constant disrespect. I've tried reasoning, calmly talking to her. I've tried every tactic I googled. You can't make a 'selfish' person 'unselfish'. You can't make a short tempered person to not have a temper. You can't make a person respect you. You can't make a person love you. Everyday she is SO VERY MEAN & NASTY and it is unnecessary angst causing in our household. I just want peace! Everything I say she has a rude comeback for which just shuts me down. Every threat of tossing her out is followed with 'you can't make me' and 'your mental' so lucky I tolerate you. I am washing for her, cleaning for her, cooking for her, folding for her, ironing for her, putting her shit away she leaves everywhere. Minding her puppy and preparing its meals. Same for big girl but I consider Raya mine. She says Raya is mine when the dog rego bill from the city council just arrived. She says she is mine when her $45 bag of dry food needs to be purchased. However, to all outsiders when we walk them Raya is hers and I'm just the old Nanna out for a stroll with her and her two dogs. She tells people this right in front of me. I just asked my daughter if she'd mind helping me with something on the computer I want to do but don't quite know how. I asked her day time yesterday and she said 'no I'm doing things myself'. Later in the evening I asked her again. She said 'no I'm about to watch my program'. After her tv program I asked her yet again and she said 'figure it out yourself I'm tired'. Today I just asked again and a pile of verbal abuse flowed out her mouth in a monotone. Not yelled or anything. Just her making certain I know how 'f__cking dumb' I am etc. She still won't help me. Says 'maybe she'll get to it later'. Yes...I've said everything you'd say...such as well I'll not cook you food until then, well I won't wash your clothes. I get 'whatever lazy'. I'm really losing affection for her. I'M REALLY HATING MY LIFE! I didn't sign up for all her adult wants being fulfilled and none of my wants EVER being attended to. Now the bills are coming in and she is lying about how much money she has left over claiming she can't pay any and I'll have to cover them as they are now getting late fees. She really went off at me and said 'you can't make me pay them so I suggest you get to it'. I just give her a look that tells her I think she is a 'disgusting person'. Because I am not proud of who she has become. Outsiders haven't a clue. To them she is soooo sweet. They tell me how lucky I am. She reminds me constantly 'the lady down the park said you are blessed to have a daugther like me' blah...blah... then she says I have friends where are yours? (TRUE I HAVEN'T ANY THAT AREN'T ONLINE IN THE DOLL CLUB). Then she states the relatives like me (NOT TRUE BY THE WAY!). In an earlier post I typed how I verbally in a temper lost my shit at her and the words I said. You agreed with her that you'd slap me if I said that to you. This shocked me Soulmate. I don't condone any physical violence because of my childhood. Please realise this girl pushes me to my limits. I start off monotone, desperately trying to be patient and I ask her politely to please 'discuss this with me adult to adult and request she doesn't start the name calling'. When she over & over calls me names then my switch is flicked to anger. So I yell. How else can I get this frustration out? She simply can't be nice! That is my ultimate conclusion. It isn't in her DNA. Sometimes I think she can't help herself. Like my Mother with the cruel taunts. I've put up with other peoples 'abuse' my whole life! Physical & Verbal. I don't want this anymore. Once upon a time the thought of her leaving would reduce me to tears. I remember 7 years back when I had an operation I begged God not to let me die because I'm all my daughter has in this World who'll look out for her and tolerate her 'smart arsed' manner (that is her Uncles words amongst other more colourful ones). This year I went into Theatre alone & actually thought with some excitement that I might die and get to be with Nanna Eagers again. I was disappointed when I woke up! I spent 6 days & 7 long nights in Hospital alone. Heaps of time to think. She rang & it was ALL about herself. Then within 24 hours of being back at the Hotel she began with the name calling and no longer helping me. I'm shards of the person I once was. I'm super depressed, lonely, down, miserable. The only joy in my life is 'Raya' but daughter uses her as a weapon also:(

It is very difficult to live like an ant under a microscope 24/7. My every move is scrutinised. My every word is analysed. My every phone call is listened in to & then I cop lectures the very moment I hang up. She is computer savvy & looks into what I've been doing & then brings it up (in a smart arse way) and says 'I'm an embarrassment. I talk like a mental patient. I'm pathetic'. The following is an example of how out of control 'ridiculous' she gets... One we were to have a happy outing to the movies. When things are going 'her way' she is very happy & pleasant to be around. It changes quicker than you can flick a dime. During the movie I burst out laughing at a comment the actor said. Nobody else did in the theatre. I noticed her stiffen. I noticed her facial expression changed when she looked over at me. The moment we left it began...'I'm not normal. That was embarrassing etc.' She goes on & on at me. I find I'm nervous around her nowadays & that makes me stuff up more therefore proving her theory that I'm a dickhead. I make more mistakes like forget my keys because I'm on edge constantly. When I'm alone I sing. I feel chilled. UNTIL THE PHONE CALLS START! The other day she'd been out 9 minutes and then the calls started rushing in one after the other. She says 'I'm controlling!'. NOPE. It is the other way around. I can never relax! Truth be told...I had a very hard time getting past the two times she physically hurt me. It was mild action (I mentioned in a past post) but it broke my heart. I sobbed for hours. I rang my Sister (that was a huge mistake!). Now...I'm still struggling to get over last year. I can still see her face and the action of her smashing my favourite doll against the pine chair & then moving on to the furniture in the diorama I'd just completed. Her words were horrific but this was the first time she'd done personal property damage. It was fierce over reacting. I have 'zero idea' what triggered her that day. All I know is she wanted to hurt me badly. She did. I don't do the game/play or write storylines with her anymore. No dressing, displaying dolls and competitions. I just restarted after not having done anything doll related for a very long time (months). Just couldn't bring myself to. Struggling still to do it. Can't forget. Had to forgive. She has down played the doll smash to me several times. Now calls me a liar. I have its head in a box & its damaged body alongside of it. I have the broken doll sofa. We still make doll things and sell them through the doll clubs for extra money. However, she kept taking the money and not splitting it fairly. We now make things & do doll activities separately not together anymore. Doll Club ladies have noticed the divide and change. We use to go to conventions together and our store was super popular. Now she won't do anything to help me. Like she would make a dress and I'd make the hat. I'd dress the dolls and she would take the photos. Then I'd put the ads on the clubs and deal with sales, packaging & posting. She refuses to help me in anyway. You (Soulmate) asked me when did the super bad resentment towards me begin. What caused it? It was the storyline to the novel we were writing. I disagreed with one of her characters actions tried to discuss but it always ended in a fight. She hated one of my main characters (my fav) & made it KNOWN! Voicing her opinion loudly and every single day! She'd even cross to the other side of the road rather than walk alongside me on our trips to the shops. 24/7 criticising. I use to meet her at 10pm or later Friday nights after her work to escort her safely home in the dark on the last bus. Her workmates socialised with both of us sometimes (not often but they liked me). She banned me from going in or saying hello to them anymore. One evening her male workmate & friend saw me waiting across the street. He was on his way to the public bathroom. He came gave me a huge wave, then crossed the road & came straight up to me & asked 'why aren't you coming in anymore. He said it is cold and not safe out on the street at this hour'. I fobbed him off with 'I think old mum cramps my daughters style in the high end world' and laughed. He apparently went back in and said 'we like your Mother why can't she come in anymore' she was furious because he added be kind to your Mother as you only get one'. There was often drunks on the late evening bus. They'd yell, scream obscenities & vomit in the back. She would no longer sit next to me. I was told until I kill off my character, rewrite it all and formally apologise then her treatment would remain the same. We were two peas in a pod once. Breaks my heart. The family called us the 'Gilmore Girls'.

"I'm more than a little over my daughter's constant disrespect. I've tried reasoning, calmly talking to her. I've tried every tactic I googled. You can't make a 'selfish' person 'unselfish'. You can't make a short tempered person to not have a temper. You can't make a person respect you. You can't make a person love you." Aww, you've only been AT it for five minutes! Takes longer than that. You need to watch Jo Frost Supernanny on YouTube - you'll see. Spoiled kids (she's your kid), when you try to introduce new house rules and set a new tone, don't like the loss of power and their cushy convenience changed. That's when you have to grit your teeth and persevere, AND NOT REACT. But, listen, I've got an early morning and it's already 2.35am here so I'll make you my first stop next log-in, which will either be tomorrow or Friday evening, very next window. Chin up! Seriously, do watch. It'll all click into place.

No Soulmate, I just CAN'T do any of this anymore. My day: daughter: starts out with the don't let my dog sit beside you & then more. She ended with 'it is simple. your life and days will be ok if you just obey all of my Golden Rules pertaining to the dogs and how the house is run. then you'll get your peace you want'. I've have watched (she thinks it is behind my back) how she is slipping Raya treats all the time & stroking her, telling her she loves her. Buying her a new toy & giving it to her whilst I'm at the store for supplies. Raya is no longer sitting next to me. Raya is no longer following me room to room. Raya is no longer at my feet whilst I cook. She is with my daughter now. I'm losing Raya. Saw daughter googling how to train a dog to like you over your flat mates. sister: total psycho. steals my identity for the past four years. I made the mistake of telling her what I want out of life a week ago. So she went out & got it for herself! Then sends me photos to show me. Small cottage house, car (she bought two), dog, pink kitchen with pink utensils & so much more. Mother: phoning to 'cry' about her hardships 3 times a day. Then telling me off 'the reason your life is how it is I can tell you that. you didn't marry well. your sister & I did (both twice) so we got all the money & things we needed. but no...you had to be independent and protect daughter by not letting a man in so you are where you are & living how you are because of it. don't be jealous of us for having what you want'. Neighbours: F_ _ KING BITCH yelled as he throws his full body weight against my front screen door. Off his face of pot. You rang the cops for our music. It was 2.28am & 'no' I actually did not. Somebody else must have. Police have told us to stay inside & be vigilant. He is angry as his DVO and court case kick in over the next week. He spits (covid hawkers) at the dogs, ficks his cigarette butts at them & throws devon sausage coated in chilli sauce at them. Our Villas are joined no big wall inbetween (old fashioned design). He's been using a bobby pin to try the front door lock late at night. Lawyer: Sorry I have other paying cases I send a social worker. Social Worker: Housing crisis sorry there is nowhere to transfer you both two. Be vigilant. Stay inside. Take care. Call Police if neighbours cause their (third riot) in our yard this year. Steel poles hitting each other, 22 people involved & throwing bricks. Police: We are aware of the situation. But we have other things to attend to right now. Stay inside. Don't be seen at the windows. Lock the doors. Push something up against the doors like a wardrobe (my operation still hurts right down my abdomen). They will eventually simmer down. Me: dogs need to pee Cop: try to teach them to do it inside on paper or something. NO SOULMATE I CAN'T TAKE ANY OF THIS ANYMORE!

So now it is 10pm at night. I'm exhausted. I can't fathom my daughter. I'm so over her. All day she talked to her friends online & played games online. At 2pm she said I'm off to the shops (on foot we don't own a car). I reminded her how the Police said it isn't safe & avoid around 3pm as the gangs start to pick up at our local stores. She said 'well I want to look at the new Halloween ornies they got in. My life. My choice.' Thought I had a couple hours peace. No. She was there for 3 hours & I was phoned 7 times. I was minding her dog & doing all the housework & washing. She got home, grabbed a blanket & pillow, grabbed her puppy & went to sleep. She eventually woke up, ate a piece of carrot cake & then asked 'what's for dinner?'. She watched a dog programme. She has been on 'Monopoly Go' ever since. She yelled at me that Raya went for puppy. I fought back as I witnessed the goings on & puppy scraped Raya's eye with her paw so Raya growled at her. I've been cleaning the chemicals & organising the mess from the contractors all day. I've been packing our stuff in boxes all night since cooking, washing dishes. I tell her I feel sick and tired. Ignored. I tell her I'd like some help with paying a bill online. Told figure it out yourself. Then I notice Raya's right eye is rolled up & won't come down when I try to get her to follow my finger. I panic. Vet said 'she may have a brain tumour due to the seizures'. I say 'please come & look, please google what it could be' to my daughter. I'm snapped loudly & rudely at. 'Do it yourself or wait! I'm at a crucial part of my game. If you're so worried get to it'. I thought it was 'her' dog. I thought she loves Raya??? As I type this her puppy is annoying me jumping on the keyboard. Raya is hiding from her puppy. I have heart pains, red face (high blood pressure) & tachycardia. I just CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS! I get ZERO help but yelled at rudely all day & into the night. Then suddenly a change. Hey Mum...can you stop packing long enough to see my shopping please? She is like my Mother. Hot & Cold. Fierce then Nice. It really messes with your head. It really tears at the heart strings. This is my girl yet I've had enough. I've done enough. I want freedom now, I want my own space, I want some peace. I don't want this cycle to continue. However, she out does in smart arsed retaliation anything that Jo Frost says. I've watched the show! Seen it heaps of times. Enlisted its help when she was a child. Didn't help then & not going to help now. Daughter shrugs her shoulders...shakes her head at me...says 'what crazies free advice have you been taking bitching about me now when you are the problem & always have been...walks away...as she goes says 'your nuts'.

How do I watch 'Super Nanny' when she commandeers the TV. Stating I bought it so it is mine. Says you can have a turn after I've watched the dog show. then I want my TV off whilst I talk to my friend online & concentrate on my game. I had an old tv which I could use. It wasn't a relic or anything. She complained about it not being 'modern' enough or with the options/things she wanted. This place is a tiny villa. Couldn't fit two tvs & don't have outlets/sockets in my bedroom nor an antenna on the roof to run mine. She used it for a trade in discount on this fancy pants one. Which I struggle to use the 3 different remotes. Besides she will know what I'm doing & scoffs at me. It won't bother her at all. It will give her another reason to mock me. PS Rayas eye seems to have come good. It isn't perfect. I'm thinking the puppy hurt it with her claw. No blood or anything. I feel so low. I feel so alone. I'm sorry all these messages are tedious for you. I apologise. Others need you more. I'm just venting. Meanwhile bad neighbour is outside my door & Raya is at the door snarling. I'll go leave you in peace. Thanks for reading.

I can't sleep. Don't want to eat. Can't concentrate. Just can't bare being this ant under her microscope any longer. I can't get the voice out of my head. Over & over it chants. It is getting more persistent...do it. Kill yourself. It is the only way to get out of all of this. If I don't nothing is ever going to change. I can't change. She can't change. My family can't change. It is what it is. It won't get better because it can't. There is no cure. This is it. As good as my life gets. Everybody dislikes me. They all find me a pain in their arse. I find me a pain in my arse. Their minds are all made up about me. I can't unravel their minds. I can't give the dog a treat. She stood beside the jar & supervised. I can't switch of the TV. She stared & said 'wrong remote stupid'. 'It's the other one'. When I'm alone I never get it wrong. I am just a mess. A nervous, shaking, heart racing mess. I see no way out. I'm so messed up that a couple of hours ago I said I wouldn't bother you again for awhile & here I am. Yesterday...according to her...I tried to steal this new dog. She is sitting next to you. She rolled up in a ball to sleep beside you. Make her get off. Make her go away. Put her on the floor. Tell her 'no' with meaning. I obeyed all commands (to try to keep the peace this evening). Now I'm told I'm a cruel person & so mean to her puppy. Oh poor puppy. Come here. I'll be nice to you. She is horrible. This is doing my head in! My mind is racing. Matches my heart rhythm. I feel like that kid in 'Home Alone'. Only I'm not joking & I'm not trying to be funny. If they'd all only disappear. But they aren't ever going to! Reckon with the way things are going...I'm going to die before my bitch of a Mother. Who rang four times. Letting the phone ring out each time. She doesn't give up or in. I'm not answering. I'm tied of being her lackey. F_ _k off bitch! Go piss in somebody else's ear about your hard life whilst you sit in your mansion and not give anything to anybody ever! She doesn't listen. She doesn't hear my words. She doesn't absorb. She doesn't offer help. She doesn't care! WTF is that? This year has been horrific. We are in danger. Gang riots outside my front door. Dogs growling & barking. Bricks being thrown. Screaming. Punching. Police Reports etc. She knows all this! Just like my operation...NOTHING! BUT EVERYDAY! Several times a day. She phones & expects me to listen to her tears about her hard done by life. Which it isn't. She has however ruined many people's lives or at the bare minimum stolen their happiness away in whatever way she could. The Doctor accidentally discovered a 2cm breast lump now when I was having a check up scan. I am supposed to have it seen to. NUP! Don't give a shit. Been through enough. Could be my ticket out of here.

S_it has gone down - Part One! Yesterday was not a good day. Mum has been phoning 3 times a day, 4 times a day. (It got up to 16 calls). Crying 'I miss Mummy & Daddy, I want them back, I want to be with them' (It is repeated every single call over & over). Stepfather wants me to 'babysit' her via the telephone. He encourages her to ring me. I am tired. I am dealing with my difficult daughter. I am cleaning yellow, sticky toxic chemicals left by Tradies all over our stuff. I am packing our stuff into boxes. I am dragging those huge boxes down 14 polished slippery internal stairs & taking them out the front to line up against the wall for the op shop to collect. Daughter sat on the couch, head down, playing 'Monopoly Go' when I very nearly fell down the steps struggling with a large, heavy, filled bag. She never moved. She never said a word. Yesterday she said 'why did you clean the bottom shelf of the pantry?'. I said 'what you haven't seen the thick, smelly, chemical goo they left behind? Your puppy was trying to eat it. It was foul'. She said 'Martyr' and walked off. Daughter is constantly going off at me about our need to move & transfer out of here. Yet she won't lift a finger? I don't get her? Meanwhile I am doing all the household chores (washing, cooking, dishes, folding, dogs). Meanwhile I am doing the grocery runs (on foot don't own a car). I barely have the energy to shower. My operation hurts. I get 2-3 hours sleep a night if I'm lucky due to the partying wild neighbours. So I feel like I'm about to drop from exhaustion and pain.

S_it went down - Part Two. So I asked my daughter, begged her! To take the time to phone her stepfather and explain that I'm tired and at wits end with the calls could he please have Mother call my Sister or her own Sister/Brother. Daughter refused bluntly to make this call for me. I had gloves on & a mask as I was cleaning their mould removal chemicals off everything. During this convo the phone was ringing out in the background. So I then said at least text him for me! She refused stating she was at a crucial stage in her game and please shut up. Mum just kept on calling. Over & over...the phone rang non stop. I took my gloves off & through FB private message asked my Sister to do the above favour for me. She said she would. She didn't! The phone kept ringing. I switched it off. Daughter switched hers off. I knew if I picked up then I'd be on there for hours again same old routine. Mother doesn't take 'no' for an answer!!! I sent a follow up PM to Sister to ask her why she didn't do that favour for me & why she said 'yes she'll do it and then didn't?'. That is when her tirade towards me began... Side Note: The Aunt (Mums Sister) had text her to please call stepfather as Mother was going ballistic. I found this out mid Sisters stream of verbal abuse. Sister stated she refuses to 'get involved' and 'Mum isn't her problem besides she has shopping to do'. The Aunt apparently sent another text saying 'the stepfather can't cope please phone & what is your sister (me) doing? Tell me to deal with it'. So Sister told me off! Big time! I am causing all this by not answering my phone. I can 'handle' Mother. Apparently I'm the locality closest and therefore should deal with her. Apparently I'm the only person who can quote 'deal with her'. Sister called me 'selfish'. That is when I cracked! Then she called me 'Abusive' and a 'Sad Person'. That I need to grow up and take the call, deal with Mother blah...blah... She added in that I must be 'abusive' to my daughter and that they'd discussed my being 'unstable' when I was in the Hospital. Meanwhile the number of incoming calls was collecting on my switched off phone. I dug my heals in for the FIRST TIME EVER! I refused to deal with Mother. I told them 'she is their problem!'. Why? I'm over them all! I'm tired. Immature perhaps? I know I should have taken the call & dealt with 'dragon lady' as we called her when kids. I'm over being used and abused by this family! PERIOD! Side Notes: I've spoken to Sister about Mum. I've spoken to Brother about Mum. I've spoken often & at length with Stepfather about Mum. I've spoken to the Aunt about her Sisters deterioration into total madness. NOBODY WILL DO ANYTHING! ALWAYS TOLD 'YOUR PROBLEM'. So I told Sister off big time. Saying Mum is 'everybody's responsibility' not just mine or my stepfathers. I got back that I'm abusive, immature, jealous of everyone and 'Mental'. Hence my Handle 'Mental' on this forum. All of this aside...I'm not coping Soulmate. I'm planning suicide. I can't get the desire to die out of my head. It got so strong yesterday. I'm just frozen. I feel like I'm suspended in time. Can't explain it. I'm just going through the motions of daily life but having very real difficulty functioning. Raya is growling at daughter now - big time! Lip curling. This is NOT her! We are shocked. Raya is growling at puppy now - big time! Lip curling. This is NEW! She even took a snap at puppy. Daughter is screaming at me to 'do something about my BAD dog!'. That I 'made Raya turn this way. it is my fault'. I just got my keys & walked out the door! I just kept walking only my legs were shaking under me. I wanted to take Raya with me but she is 14 kilos & pulls like hell and my insides (operation) is hurting. I just couldn't deal. I felt awful leaving my beautiful girl behind. She looked confused & sad out the window watching me go. I'm a mess. I walked and walked. I FELT FREE!!! As I type the evil neighbours are outside my front door, in my courtyard & spitting hawkers on my path on purpose! They have covid-19! They are the crud of society! Sorry for long entries! I am selfish. I know you are bogged down. I just have this need to feel like I have a friend. Somebody out there in the great beyond. I came back home. Gave a big love to Raya. Had bought her a bone on the way back home. I didn't speak a word to daughter. I just started cooking dinner and continuing the chores. I didn't watch tv. I just kept busy doing housework. Feeding time at the zoo. I'm very depressed. I just lie on my bed & stare at the ceiling. I feel GUILTY BIG TIME over Mum. I'm torn between....hopefully they tasered her, put her in a cage and carted her to an asylum OR what were you thinking, it was immature, you should have just answered the f _ _ king phone and dealt with crazy again! Then all of this would have gone away until the next episode of 'she is your problem'.

"I just got my keys & walked out the door! I just kept walking only my legs were shaking under me. I wanted to take Raya with me but she is 14 kilos & pulls like hell and my insides (operation) is hurting. I just couldn't deal. I felt awful leaving my beautiful girl behind. She looked confused & sad out the window watching me go. I'm a mess. I walked and walked. I FELT FREE!!!" Thank beep for that - you took action! ('Any action is better than no action'.) Good. About time you gave THEM sh*t, considering they leave you no other choice by refusing to do this the civil way. And no, you shouldn't have to answer the phone. You're NOT the family lackey. Next time, don't just sit there, listening to it ring and ring - unplug the damn thing. If you can't make any of them see reason then, voting and protesting with your feet will work. Actions are all they understand, anyway...anything you say, they tend to hear Charlie Brown's teacher ("mwaa-mwaa-mwa-mwa-mwaa"). You're forgetting it's not personal, though. You're just an object, a role. Remember, you're dealing with a lot of mental illness amongst your family members (and typically, that makes YOU the mad one). Just keep holding onto your truth, not taking it personally, giving them all - ESPECIALLY YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER. Pff, she is NOT 26, she acts EXACTLY like she's still a moody, hormonal, blinkered, selfish, self-centred, 'will say anything to "win"', foul-mouthed, SPOILED BRAT 13-15 year old, totally addicted to her games (hiding from life then taking her resentment out on you). GIVE HER A VERY WIDE BERTH, try not to talk to her, unless she approaches you nicely. The MINUTE she 'turns', go schtum again. Let's do this hardball since she thinks she's so tough, yeh? If she doesn't respond to that, you go on strike. And you make threats to behave, that you follow through on. Things have to change. And they will if you continue giving them all the middle finger. Also, any more foul-mouthedness from daughter, saying nothing but a quiet "Ugh". Your family? - say, I won't be spoken to and treated like this - you're disgusting!, and PUT THE PHONE DOWN ON THEM. NOBODY gets talked or responded to from now on unless they are prepared to be NICE and WELL-MANNERED. END OF. You are perfectly capable - as the evidence is starting to show. You just need to keep up with this practise. :) PS: I don't mind you venting as you go. Better out than in. But meanwhile, start getting used to the idea of throwing her out. PPS: If the idea of loneliness is holding you back from telling her to shape up or ship out, then, don't let it because it's an illusion. You will find things to fill it with (advising regularly on here, for example...it's not like you haven't got the full range of victim experiences, is it!). There's a reason why you're yearning for peace and quiet, right? That is not venting, that is a DIRE NEED. You'd bloody love having the place to yourself, you would. PLUS, you'd increasingly become more attractive to other people as you had all opportunity to wash that stunted, Mean Girl bully out of your hair. And then it becomes a case of: You can come for Sunday roast if you're going to be nice; any lip or nonsense and - game over, you go home. I think she feels far too safe. I'll say that again: I think she feels far too safe. Talk about 'jumped up' and 'not knowing her place'. Cheeky little beeper. Give her to me for a week (pff...we wish!).

I'm proud of you for starting to stand up for yourself. Turn the tables if you like - with my blessing! Start bullying and being REALLY nasty to THEM for a change. After all, wtf have you got to lose? Hah! Everything to gain, more like! You're far potentially stronger, more solid and scarier than them put together (despite you've only just opened that door a crack) and that's precisely why they wasted no time during your childhood, as soon as they noticed, to all start sitting on top of you to keep you down and non-threatening, unlikely to show them all up for what they were and/or keep pointing to the ill elephants in the room. Throw them off. It's far easier than you think. I've done it. ENTIRE FAMILY AND RELATIVES (not kidding), bar my child. The truth is always, always - dominators and bulies are far more scared or daunted by you...you WITH enough confidence to take back your true pack position. I don't know about you, but in my world the loons don't get to run the aylum. The SANE one does! I did that for years (role reversal - took charge of the ship's wheel), then got fed-up with it and started firing the toxics one by one in order to severity. Then got even ore fed up with it and told the dngifd lot of them to go eff themselves. Been MUCH happier and lighter ever since! Should have done it decades earlier. Certainly I'd always had good reason to be tempted (except for my fantastic late father). Don't get me wrong - I'm not bullyable (as the uckers soon find out), and nor can other people affect my confidence (bloody useful (benign) psychopathic trait in with my genetic package :)). But neither do I want to spend the rest of my life HAVING TO FEND-OFF idiot, illogical, nasty, nutjob a-holes with knived tongues and almost constant need to antagonise and exploit one another...UGH...ACH.... I've got better things (and people) to do with my time (like my diamond kiddie) (he was pretty foul for a while, though). In other words, I don't miss them a jot (and kid didn't rate them anyway). Especially since, there comes a point during your recovery where you start to realise that 'their smell' on you was putting other, nicer people off, and that that was the hidden 'thanks' you were receiving for your charitable nature. Give the charity ONLY to those that deserve it (and on whom it ACTUALLY has a productive, positive effect!). Every time you (futilely) help a Narc, you deprive a Nice-Normal-Healthy. I used to feel cheated that I was meant to have a normal family. But I'm where I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and I'm very into it. Not straight away, but - it's surprisingly rapidly easier living on your own than keeping up contact with 'the nest'. No constant, only-natural expectations - no constant disappointment, sense of short-changed-ness or downright backstabbing attempts. Bloody spoiled, nasty kids in grown-up suits. Narcs and helpless victims, helpless victims and narcs. No thanks - me name ain't Alice! (Vive la Revolution!) :)

Right...promised example list of anti-anxiety foods to start including in your diet (Mother Nature's own medicines)... Trust me, You'll be surprised how soon you'll feel it. As you can't get a doctor's appointment, you'll have to doctor yourself the old-fashoined (but best) way. Oh, and re. your tachycardia: you'd better start being a forager (it's more fun, you'll find), instead of eating sets meals and eating too much in one sitting. (You can google for the rest, but these have the strongest, fastest effect...) Fish: *Salmon, mackeral, *sardines, trout, herring. (*Also contain Vit D to combat depression.) Fruit, Nuts, Veg, Pulses: Cherries, citrus fruits, apples, prunes, plums; almonds, brazils; avocado, spinach, asparagus, sweet potato, pickles; kidney beans. Dairy: All. Especially Yoghurt. Meat: Liver pate, beef. Herbs/Spices: Turmeric and Chamomile, Green tea, Treats: Dark chocolate (Daughter will eat what she's given or buy and make her own food. Despite her attitude to the contrary, she has no rights in or to your house, other than a roof over her head IF she's paying rent.) PS: your neighbours sound like ASBOs or what you call Trailor Trash...raised by bloody pigs and wolves. Animals in grown-up suits. Stay right away from them; their type spend their DAYS always looking for a target. Keep totally out of their crosshairs, let them start having to aim at someone/thing else. Make like a weathervane woman: they go in, you come out. PPS: "what you haven't seen the thick, smelly, chemical goo they left behind? Your puppy was trying to eat it. It was foul'. She said 'Martyr' and walked off." Stupid comeback, doesn't even make sense! How is that martyrdom, anyway? It isn't. Yeah, anything to have the last word. Typical teen (well, that bit anyway).

Thank You Soulmate. I had typed out the latest but my daughter suddenly came down the stairs. The dog jumped up. The computer was knocked off my lap and onto the floor. It went black. I lost everything I'd typed. Lucky you LOL Saved by Raya! Gotta love that dog!

I'm fine! Honestly! I'll say it again - I much prefer the real you. And your (obviously very much-needed and justified) venting is becoming more structured and coherent - which is a fanf**kingtastic sign! You're on your way....The worm is turning. (Well, the lioness that got convinced she was a worm.) Sounds like you need a desk! Also - can you google how to create yourself a laptop(? - is it?) password on your particular machine so that she can't read what you're typing? Note how threatened she feels at you telling other people how she's mistreating you? THINK ABOUT THAT. MORE whistle-blowing-and-pointing required, not less. :) And while I'm at it: has anyone bitched and revealed (non-justifiable) negative feelings to you about someone else in the 'cult' - ever? That would take focus off you for a good while, eh. ;) Just start thinking about it, don't do anything yet. You've got to think it through long and hard... how YOU are the threat that has to be contained and controlled. You've probably got a number of nuclear bombs in your apron pockets, oh, yeah, baby! I know all the tricks - stick with me, kiddo. And it's all very well, the popular vernacular going about it all so politically-correctly but here's the truth with idiots like yours, to their severity. You're 6ft tall, they're 1ft tall...keep biting your ankles to shreds. They are NEVER going to be able to stretch up to your level. So stop staying UP there. Get down to theirs, fight dirtier. That, sometimes, is all that's open to you because nothing else has worked. And that's why. Out of interest - what's the bitchiest thing you've ever said back to anyone, ever?

PS: As you type in this box, every time you finish a para, using your keyboard - 1. press-and-hold Ctrl (Control) with your Left little finger 2. then press A with your middle finger (to highlight All the text on the page) 3. then C (to copy) with your third. 4. Then if you lose it, you just place your cursor at the top of the typing page and press-hold Ctrl and press V (paste). In short: Ctrl... A then C Ctrl....V Using those fingers it soon becomes second-nature without having to look. Next, although I don't know how to do it (I only know what I need to, other than that - Techie Duh-Brain) (Richard isn't, he's a Wiz), Google how to make your screen instantly go Black (sleep mode) just by touching one key, whereby you then have to enter a password to get back in. And then tell Trunkie to go find a bun instead. :p

Oh, and also - keep forgetting!... Have you tried googling yet for witty memes about narcs generally or in certain roles? If not - DO. It's such good medicine and as well as hugely insightful, some are utterly hilarious. Here are my faves that I can recall right now (not the hilarious ones - it'd spoil it for you, but the inarguable truisms): "With time, you'll come to see that the frantic, broken, anxious, unginged version of you waas nothing to be ashamed of. You were simply a kindhearted person reacting to a very unkind situation". "Trying to understand the behaviour of Narcissists is like trying to smell the Colour 9". Victim: "You told me you were interesting!" Narc: "I said I was 'into resting'". "Nobody falls in love faster than a Narcissist who needs a place to stay". "Once you've caught a Narc cheating on you, they'll never trust you again". "The reason it ended was because he wanted to get married. And I didn't wamt him to". (- Rita Rudner) "A Narcissist is someone who expects you to give up everything to be their nothing". "Your pompous attitude and condescending comments have convinced me that you are very smart and important. Said no-one ever". "Know that whomever is trying to bring you down is already below you" (- my point exactly in the above post; it's PULL you down, not push, INNIT). "I don't like cutting people off. But it's like they're handing me the scissors". "I don't have a problem with those who don't like me. I do have a problem with those that pretend to". 'Therapist: It seems like you fall in love too easily. Narc: What babe?' "Sometimes you have to give up on people. Not because you don't care, but because they don't". "A Narcissist's Worst Nightmare is an educated Empath". Bloke at desk with phone headset: "Narcissist Helpline, how can you help me?" "You can never find happiness by making a Narcissist happy. Because their happiness comes from making you miserable" (Annie Kaszina, recoveryfromemotionalabuse.com)" "A Narcissist wants the authority of a King while having the accountability of a Toddler" (sums up Boris Johnson and Donald Duck Trump, eh) (AND Trunkie) And the biggie (for you at your stage of recovery): "- Narcissist And Truth Tellers - Narcissists hate the Truth Tellers. They don't want anyone to destroy their delusions. Many times the Truth Tellers in the family end up being the Scapegoat or The Black Sheep. They refuse to lie to themselves or anyone else. For that reason, the Narcissist and their Enablers try to crush them. They don't want the system that the Narcissist, or Narcissistic parent created to give them constant Narcissistic Supply, to be destroyed with the truth."

Here - missus - you've been thanked! :) https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13493/11-yo-daughter-feels-uncomfy-around-my-moms-bf

...I thought I'd let you be the one to say, You're welcome! or some such, or add more comments? :)

Tell me when you're ready for it, and, I've got some VERY powerful mind self-tricks to teach you so that you can literally turn off your emotions (your Captain Kirk) at will, during any confrontations with Trunkie (or anyone), and deal like Spock. How are you at acting? (Not that you'll need to, with these internal 'switches' that you newly can reach. But it would be a fantastic bonus if you can.) It'll unnerve the UCK out of her...make her suddenly very wary and eager to gain your approval. Or should I say, Unnerve the huge arrogance, superiority, over-entitledness and spoiled brat out of her. Until it becomes her NEW HABIT. She's only 26. It's perfectly do-able. Plus, what you don't realise, is...She is CRYING OUT for tough-mothering...to be gently but very firmly controlled LIKE the young teen she still is (and will remain unless and until you finish that bit of mothering). When I've got more time I'll explain how, and why she is like she is. Remember: my son was the same. Virtually all kids whose fathers abandoned them (emotionally or physically...same thing) - particularly once they reach a time in their life when they need one - react like she's reacting. But the key to de-training an overly narcissist-IC (- different) child (thank god she's stunted - every cloud!) is by CHANGING HOW *YOU* BEHAVE. You turn Reacting into Responding. It is SO easy. But then, anything is once you've been properly shown how, eh. And they can't do a THINGGGGGG about it! Except the PROPER, DECENT thing. Stick a cherry inside each side your cheeks in front of the mirror and quote that Godfather line in Marlon Brando's hoarse voice - go on! : Imma gonna make-a-you an offer you cannot-a refuse. :D

"I'll say that again: I think she feels far too safe." I'd better explain this while I've the time, still. (I took your advice and made today a Me Day - cheers mam! LOL) (Everyone needs a Mum sometimes, eh.:)) Narcs spend their life in Cognitive Dissonance. At the same time as she feels far too safe with you, underneath that - AND BIGGER - where she refuses to look (because it's too scary) - she feels far too UN-SAFE. VERY, VERY INSECURE. She is constantly-constantly, trying to bully you off the floor, bully you into taking control, but going about it ignorantly and/or by what she's seen that seems - SEEMS - to work but doesn't, is self-destructive...negative, self-fulfilling prophesy...like a totally unskilled, out of his depth, s*dding sergeant major (if it doesn't work, shout at it to work, harder!). Does that make sense? I had to do that on son. It worked. Changed him back to the lovely, sweet 'kiddie' he'd once been (before the trauma hit and the gaslit smearing campaign, subtle as silk, commenced during ex's Custody), brought him back forever in one, fell swoop. He's now so-so-so glad I did it. So am I. But BOY it was daunting back then. We are emotionally-mentally closer-than-close again. As it should be. :) (His follow-up apology text made me cry, and say out-loud, I've got my baby back. :)) While THEY'RE on the floor but pretending the opposite, through not daring to risk agitating their already massive sense of insecurity and vulnerability by JUST NICELY AND HUMBLY ASKING OUTRIGHT for help/attention/mothering-fathering programme completion - in case they get a No ("rejected", humiliated, emotionally abandoned, hit when down...") - this is how they do it. They haven't got a clue how else. Think about it: if YOU were the only one on the floor, and she on her two legs, she would be able to pick you up off it. With this illusion she's ignorantly, inadvertently created that you've bought into, being the true situation - she basically is on the floor WITH you. So cannot pick you up. So just yells in your face. To PROVOKE you up. See it now? She lacks the courage. Maybe with my help you could even side-step the 'turning the tables' part and go straight to 'killing her with kindness' as a pre-test? And then, if that didn't work, we move to flipping. What do you think? ___________________ Now a super-important question that might not yet have occurred to you: Knowing that 'cult' as you do: Can you imagine however-many of its 'members' (that's why I'm calling them a cult - I get to call them members, gnaaarf, LOL) might have however-many times said to YOUR daughter: "Well, if she ever gets too much, Darling, you know you always have a place here with ME! And *I* wouldn't charge you any rent or anything, either!" ?? Does that strike you as characteristic and realistic, something that could have happened - trying to really bash you down by stealing her off you (wouldn't work, never does, yawn, yawn, but ?? (PS: fyi, yeah, they wouldn't charge her rent - for the express purpose of stripping her of any rights to complain and protest ("or else you can GET OUT!"), once they began bullying the uck out of her. You as a bolthole would be gone. She's be Prisoner Cell Block H (for Hateful) (without a cause, obvs). She hasn't got the freedom-gaining skill, called, the ability to put her ego/pride aside. It'd have to get TOO bad for her to finally do that, turn up at your door, etc.) I wouldn't be surprised...wouldn't put it past them one jot. Note it isn't working, though (ah-haah!). But it WOULD have a huge influence on her attitude and behaviour. So that's why I need to know, whether you know or suspect or even merely concede it sounds like the sort of thing they'd do?

Lastly but not leastly - just for fun - to test how good you are spotting "jarring" details... Pattern-Recognition skills. I put a tiny little spoonful of Narc-like (but harmless, just playful) Word Salad into one of those posts. See if you can find it (it comes in 2 parts, but in the same 'breath'). I'll bet everyone else missed it, heh-heh-heh. (You can tell it's my day off, can't you, LOL)

Meanwhile, I'll try to think of a prize for you, if you manage to find it. :) (Sadly, it WON'T be chocolate.) Actually, sod-it, I'm going to give it to you now cos my money's on your finding it anyway... "I had typed out the latest but my daughter suddenly came down the stairs". It's because you'd gone too quiet for too long. Every ten minutes or so - make a point of talking audibly to doggie. Peace and quiet will be yours for longer. And - bonus - even if she can read this - she still won't know whether you ARE talking to doggie-not typing OR NOT. And another bonus - by having to go up and down the stairs all day long for the next however-many weeks, she'll lose weight and tone up! :D (They're good. But I'm better. ;))

BTW, just need to clear something up from earlier due to a pattern I've seen: " You agreed with her that you'd slap me if I said that to you. This shocked me Soulmate. I don't condone any physical violence because of my childhood." 1. NOT if my mother had *said* what she said. The disgusting *way* she'd said it - tone, choice of combatitive words, all that. Not the What - the How. Needlessly antagonist, highly disrespectful, etc. 2. It was just an expression to illustrate how much it would have impacted me. Personally, I'm a big dog, I don't need to slap. IRL, I've perfected my art to just a LOOK. But - wowzers! Very much noted how you take things LITERALLY. That, missus, is an Aspergic trait. Ah-ha-haaaah...that could be WHY you're so hard-working and giving and incredibly tenacious and all of that, even when it's not warranted (except by your high standards)! And you don't procrastinate. And have to have things clean. And tell the truth...be transparent, as if that will make The Other do likewise. And that your default is "too" gentle (except when poked to oblivion, and then - stand back everyone!). That's another. The lazy-minded of this world ALWAYS-ALWAYS (at first) mistake Aspies for Narcs! Or "Doormats". But the intentions and aims of the Aspies are for the power of Good (and as they get older - Good for all...super-generosity, right?); the execution - delivered in a different 'language' - is the problem....like foreigners...takes a while to understand them and where they're coming from and then you realise they're really, really nice (just don't genuinely over-provoke them - or stand back!). I'll put this on the To Do List. :) Blimey, if you are - you've got a set of almost super-natural (note the hyphen) skills you don't know about and that NTs - especially weak NTs gone rotten (Narcs) - can't do! Asperger's is not a weakness, it's a strength - if you learn how to harness it - AND THAT'S WHY YOU GET SAT ON if your family is under the thumb of onen or more Narcs! Because THEY SENSE that you are a natural-born NARC-SLAYER (usually a Super-Nova Empath - google) who is destined - with encouragement - to pose to them AS KRUPTONITE. If you ever got given a chance to 'get up off the floor', you'd get your pieces of Kruptonite out of your pockets and start making them shrink with it!) Is any of this PINGING with you at all?

Tsk - Kruptonite - haha! Bloody Kryptonite! ...although, saying that, it IS the Narc version so, really, it needs its own name. Actually - I'm keeping Kruptonite! Because it sounds like Corruptonite. And they're corrupted! Love it when it comes out under my own radar like that. It's me, getting ahead of me. LOL

Soulmate: Out of interest - what's the bitchiest thing you've ever said back to anyone, ever? WOW! Where do you get this stuff? This question is kind of cool. Wondering how you'll analyse my response. Answer: Came to me quite quickly. I've always felt super rotten when I recall it to mind. Haunted me ever since. I'm going to admit up front. I can be quite diabolical. In my own defence I had amazing teachers at home of how to be 'wicked' LOL Middle School. Age 8 years. (NOT PROUD BY THE WAY!) WARNING THIS STORY WILL BE SUPER LONG!!! I am run down and I'm sick caught a bad cold. So today I'm sitting on my butt typing. Paul was my Brothers friend. Pauline was his Sister. Their Mother hung around the School a lot! She was a bit of a bitch. Opinionated. Stern. Everybody thought so. My brother agreed, my sister agreed, I heard other Mothers saying it and other children. Everybody gave Mrs Pender a wide berth. Mum often conversed with her over tuckshop duties or over the phone pertaining to the boys latest antics. (Yep I'm setting up the justifications for my bad actions). Pauline had ZERO personality. The type of kid that couldn't answer the simplest question ie what is your fav colour? Shy, dopey. The word that comes to mind is 'insipid'. She had ZERO friends! Apparently Mrs Pender phoned Mum to make a request. Mum said I HAD TO BE PAULINES FRIEND! My brother backed her up! On the bus to school he'd remind me 'you have to play with Pauline today, you have to include Pauline'. I didn't want to. The girl was a drip to me. Unimaginative. Uninspired. Empty vessel which carried no sound. So, she walked up to me & said 'you HAVE to be my friend!'. SORRY BUT YOU'VE SENT ME BACK YEARS! This one has bothered me. Now I could fib & play it down. Make it shorter for the reader. But I reckon you need to know just what I'm capable of. I ignored her & walked away! I did this for many days. BUT EVERY SINGLE BLOODY LUNCHTIME LITTLE PEST FOLLOWED ME EVERYWHERE two steps behind and repeating 'you have to be my friend my mother said so'. In my mind if I ignored her she'd eventually get tired of harassing me and go away. NOPE! She did it for weeks. *My Birthday was coming up! So I made a plan for revenge. Please realise reader I know this was really wrong of me. I got punished! If that helps you not see me for the bitch that I truly am. Basically, I spoke for the first time ever (took some courage) to the two tough, popular girls. Said to Veronica & Sally. Need you to help me with a plan. They agreed. I knew they'd do the main dirty work for me. *Now I really don't want to tell you what I did! I made a BOGUS Birthday Party up for my self. V & S got many other little girls to act and play along. THEY ALL KNEW IT WASN'T TRUE OR REAL! I didn't have to actually say or do anything. V & S did not like Mrs Pender or Pauline. Much giggling went on. Yep I knew to use the 'total bitches' to do my dirty work. Whenever Pauline came up behind me & followed me they'd rush over & tell her 'she isn't my friend because she isn't invited to my party this coming Saturday so go away!'. Pauline & her Mother turned up to our house on Saturday afternoon. Pauline had a very fancy new party dress on & a big present in her arms. Mum was gobsmacked when she opened the door. I was downstairs with my new bike as it actually was my birthday. Just the party was bogus. Basically, shit hit the fan. Mrs Pender went off like a rocket. She didn't realise she'd met her match in 'dragon lady' my Mum! I was called upstairs & made to own up to it & apologise to both people whom I detested. So I did so dutifully to get dragon lady off my back. I will never forget Pauline's smart a _ se expression smiling when I was made to apologise & as they turned to leave she leant in & whispered 'ha, ha, I got you in trouble'. On Monday at big lunch time I requested permission to stay in the classroom alone & go through the reading book box. This way I thought I'd avoid Pauline. Nope! Within about 10 mins of enjoying my solitude on the mat with the books well Pauline came up to me. I turned my back on her towards the book shelf & began putting books back in alphabetical order. I ignored her! Figured she'd bugger off. Nope! She started 'now you HAVE to be my FRIEND. I got you in trouble. If you don't be nice to me now I'll tell my Mum and my Brother and then you'll get in trouble again'. I did not turn around to face her (you need to know this is why I didn't see the doorway of the classroom). I was still facing the bookshelf against the wall. Without turning I said...(so here goes my worse thing I've ever said to somebody!) 'Pauline do you know why your Father died?' Her response 'he had a heart attack' My response 'NO! Just like all of us he couldn't stand you or your Mother and it was his only way to get away!'. So there you have it Soulmate! Note: she burst into tears & then I heard the booming voice coming from the doorway. Mrs Pender had come to find her little darling and witnessed the whole scenario. "You are in sooooo much trouble now Miss. You're going straight to the office and I'll have them phone your Mother!".

Thank you for these & this information. This one is my favourite: "A Narcissist is someone who expects you to give up everything to be their nothing".

THANK YOU ONE MILLION TIMES OVER... These Narc comments made me SMILE! I could relate to so many of them. I've saved my favourites to a folder on my computer. In low moments I will refer to them. AWESOME! Never thought of any of it this way.

OH my daughter is 31. You keep saying 26?

WOW!!! YES! Mum has said this to her for years! "Well, if she ever gets too much, Darling, you know you always have a place here with ME! And *I* wouldn't charge you any rent or anything, either!" Mum has also added (to my daughter) "don't worry, one day when I can get you alone, we'll talk and you'll find out what your Mum is truly like. That is the real reason she keeps you away from me".

Thinking about your words Soulmate: something that could have happened - trying to really bash you down Daughter confirmed that while I was in Hospital her Aunt (My Sister whose never given her any time ever) instigated conversations with her every couple of days via fb pm's. She said 'I could see straight through her Mum. She was trying to draw me in with conversations about you. She implied that there definitely is something mentally wrong with you. She clearly wanted me to agree with her because she persisted when I changed the subject'. I said 'oh great. instead of caring about you being alone and looking out for you she saw my operation as an opportunity for attacking my character'. Daughter said 'Mum why did she suddenly supposedly 'care' about me?'. Did you ask her to?' I didn't want to hurt her by confessing but the truth is I did. I was worried about her being in a strange Hotel in a strange suburb alone with limited money and no car (we were away due to the mould/termites remember) and I hoped she'd be upset that I was rushed to Hospital. So I rang my Sister from my Hospital bed post op Day 3vand asked if she'd check in on my daughter every couple of days via phone. My girl has diagnosed adult onset debilitating anxiety (they say her job caused it). She phoned me 61 times. She got herself distraught over the dogs mostly like the puppy ate a dust bunny from under the hotel bed will she be ok? Soraya is pining for you and jumped up on a chair and pulled a muscle. I was worried about her. I knew my girl would hate that I forced her Aunt to care. In hindsight I shouldn't have done it. My Sister has never taken an interest in her. I knew miss intelligent would figure it out. Only I was super ill and worried. I'm a Mum. It was the longest we've ever been away from each other. Raya also! So my Sister took the opportunity to start turning my only child against me. Talk about beating a person when they are down.

Oh I also wanted to thank you for sharing a bit about yourself with me. This means a lot to me. Makes you more like a friend and trusted confidante. Opposed to person with education who will probably deem me 'nuts'. I also worry that I'll become (may already be too late) too self-involved, self-pitying etc I don't want to be all self consumed. I know I come across as that some times. I feel my Sister is and it isn't a trait I wish to have.

Soulmate sent me this one: "Sometimes you have to give up on people. Not because you don't care, but because they don't". I'm struggling with a bad flu (misdiagnosed as covid19) & I've kept to my room all day & all night for the last 72 hours with the exception of wearing a mask to put the washing on, do the dishes etc then returned to my room. Why? Daughter is saying 'get away from me. you better not give this to me' and many more such comments. She is even running to the opposite side of the room if I enter. She is saying I bring every illness into this villa and she is sick of it. She is saying a lot (always does). So I've said 'nothing' and stuck to myself with beautiful Soraya by my side constantly. I've asked my daughter for 'nothing'. No help whatsoever. Until today. I got this much out 'could you please... I got yelled at loudly & severely "WHAT!!! I'm in the middle of this". She is playing Monopoly Go. She NEVER had any sort of guilty conscience for this treatment of her sick Mother. We never spoke for the next 3+ hours. I think about how much I've cared for her since her birth. She was an allergic to everything baby/child/school girl. Constant trips to the Hospital and Doctors. Special diet. Projectile vomiting the list goes on. then my Sister... has just bought two new cars, a dishwasher, a house & is putting an offer in on another house. she likes to skite & send me photos. she is well-heeled due to a fantastic divorce settlement. She got 1 million dollars, a car and a beach side house. she spends money like water. in the last few days I've been sent through fb photos of her wedding dress, wedding earrings, wedding shoes, wedding crockery the list grows. However, SHE IS NOT ENGAGED! As a matter of fact I've spoken to this man only a handful of times and he's made it clear that is NOT an option and has no intention ever. In earlier, older posts I told about her Xmas announcement on fb with a ring. It was my Mothers ring she had changed & said 'she's engaged'. She got many supportive & lovely responses. she IS NOT ENGAGED & he knows nothing about this! Mum called her out on it. She said 'we have made secret promises to each other'. She did the ring because he is out of work at the moment so can't afford one. Sister knows my current life situation. However I got a PM fb request. It said... 'I'm having some money issues at the moment. Remember when you got married (1990) I gave you $200 as a gift. Could I please get it back. I'd really appreciate it?'. I feel LOST! I don't know any other word for this feeling inside of me.

I'm feeling guilty! I was rude to my Mother. I just don't know if her 'dementia' is real or whether she is actually faking it. I have my suspicions it is turned on & off a little too conveniently. Example: she will be lucid and seemingly her opinionated, judgmental self but when I address a topic she doesn't like out comes angry and then when I address her reaction out comes the 'who are you again? who is this man in my kitchen?' My stepfather says 'your Mother is losing it'. My Aunt says she often suspects it is an 'Act for Attention' as she's been an actress her whole life. Her opinion. Not literal. My Sister says of course it is dementia. My Sister in Law says her depression makes them stay away so she doesn't know if it is dementia, real or not. Mum REFUSES to go to a Doctor.

Emotionally drained. Everyday no better than the one before. Just new issues. More problems. Why can't it just be normal? Some smooth sailing even for a little while. I cracked. I'm really sick. I'm still cleaning & packing here. After the phone rang 15 times (which I ignored, then switched off). Later I HAVE to put it on because the Social Welfare Worker has joined a Housing Community Centre to try and find us a new place to live in our price range. She complained that my phone is always switched off or giving a strange signal. She said 'if a potential place becomes available for you well you only have a few hours to respond with yes or no whether we will take it. If no response then it goes to the next person on the list. The lists are 200+ people long & we've been given priority due to the bad neighbourhood situation. My phone is an old retro flip phone. I don't get shown a caller id. I only know when I say 'hello' who'll be on the other end. So of course it was my Mother. She could hear my flu. So she started 'what did you do to cause this? did you go without a jumper, didn't stay warm enough, didn't eat right' the list of accusations went on. Ending with somebody up there (meaning the afterlife) doesn't like you do they. They've been punishing you for a long time now. I think of how I supported them with an abdomen full of staples through their covid19. I let fly at her. Lost my temper. BUT she wins. She always wins! I left some of my doll business stuff there during the maintenance works here. Now I can't get it. Stepfather won't bring it down to me (he owns a car & I don't). I have to earn it back by being kinder to my Mother. I am so over all this! Meanwhile daughter leaves me speechless, drained, tired. Will it never end?

OK! I JUST READ ERYENGESH thread. Some people do have worst problems than me LOL

Well at least ERYENGESH knows it works! He just needs to tame the beast. Loved this song growing up... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HF9-o0kUb5E My ding-a-ling by Chuck Berry

Did I pass?

Cuh-rikey! You've been busy? I'll read those tonight and tomorrow morning and then post, hopefully before the eve (it's a Me Weekend...you've created a Me Time monster LOL). Saying that, I've got 10 mins spare right now so I'll make a start. PS: I hope you've remembered to recount EavesdropGate with the 'parents', including how your daughter reacted to it? ****************** Message 1 - Aug 15 2023 at 02:22: 1. Your mother tried to choose your friends for you, even girls you didn't like or had zero in-common with? Their control-freakery is jaw-dropping, isn't it?! You were 8, not 4! I imagine it was probably your smother's cynical attempt to curry favour (or even the slightest approval) wtth Herr Highness (- see what I did there? ;) ...couldn`t find anything to rhyme with Pender except Bender and Rhodedendra). 2. What did it have to do with your Brother?!? Oh, wait - course... as long as he's backing Smother up to remain in her good books, he's not the one in the firing line...yip. The Usual. (NOT a courageous rebel, then.) Also, I imagine Pauline would hang around Paul and he whenever they were playing. 3. "So, she walked up to me & said 'you HAVE to be my friend!'." Wow. (...Do I? Do I really? Do I really-really, though?... Ya Vull,... well then...let's play Hide & Seek...I'll let you hide first...I'll count to a Hundred (Thousand) (and note, I said nothing about it being today) (LOL). I did mean AS AN ADULT, THOUGH. All kids are prone to be bitchy and insensitive, with still fairly low empathy and emotional intelligence, and all of that, especially with a cause. You imagine if they were as apt to take pity and get involved with helping less fortunate people, as much as adults? When would they find the time when they're supposed to be busy, learning about their environment? It's if they're still that self-centred AS AN ADULT; then it's a problem. But anyway... 4. "I ignored her & walked away! I did this for many days. BUT EVERY SINGLE BLOODY LUNCHTIME LITTLE PEST FOLLOWED ME EVERYWHERE two steps behind and repeating 'you have to be my friend my mother said so'." Houston? I think we've just identified why this spoiled - and clearly, neglected - little kid had no friends (any more). Nah, that's not bitchy. That's just you defending yourself with whatever you had to-hand at that age. And quite right, too! 5. WEEKS???? Good god! Well, from this point on, you were justified in doing whatever, within reason, you. as a kiddie, saw fit (I'm not reading ahead). 6. "Please realise reader I know this was really wrong of me. I got punished! If that helps you not see me for the bitch that I truly am." Good grief - really??! You were 8. I doubt you locked and tortured her in your basement for weeks. You got punished. For defending your right at that age to choose your own friends or to stay away from people who unsettled you. No proper discussing-it by your mother to find out WHY you were that dead-set against, or concede your right. Figures. (They see you as possessions/extentions of themselves or puppets/accessories/pawns/bargaining chips/tools.) 7. " Yep I knew to use the 'total bitches' to do my dirty work." Yeah, it was a fairly typical scenario for 8-year-olds, but that's just par for the middle-school course. What I notice more was your resourcefulness in how you went about it (Aspie super-imaginer and -planner?), including, knowing how to manipulate Mean Girls. Sounds typical female Aspie Headstrong-type Defiance to me. In the face of being over-controlled and directed. Again, you weren't a toddler who still needed mum to organise her playdates. I would have done the same thing. 8. "'ha, ha, I got you in trouble' Ew. Basically, two adults an another 8 year old, all telling you what to do and punishing you (Pauling, by gloating) when you didn't. A mini Mrs Pender, then. *Note she WHISPERED it, though.* Mummy's Little Angel who could do no wrong, was she? Had her mother fooled, then? Or was she too scared of her own mother to be seen, pitching-in, uninvited? 9. "My response 'NO! Just like all of us he couldn't stand you or your Mother and it was his only way to get away!'. So there you have it Soulmate!". Haha, I don't, actually. Repeat: as an adult. And bitchy means, *without* provocation or with-provocation but reaction way out-of-kilter with the actual event (over-reaction). That was serious provocation and, at the end there, antagonism. And just bloody bad timing. Tsk. See me after class. ;) So - nothing in adulthood, then? What about - *with-provocation, justified* thus self-defensive, bitchiest bat-back? Have you ever stuck it to a bully IOW?

Mind you, Pauline was grieving her father so we have to let her off. But not her mother. Nor yours.

"Thank you for these & this information. This one is my favourite: "A Narcissist is someone who expects you to give up everything to be their nothing"." From what I've seen, it's everyone's favourite. :) Sums it all up beautifully.

"AWESOME! Never thought of any of it this way." Oh, there are loads more on the web....Pinterest is a good source. But I just google "Hilarious Narcissist Memes". Some are literally pee-your-pants funny. Talking of hilaroius pee-taking of Narcs galore: Have you ever watched CHeers or Frasier?

Hi there, sorry for the bombardment you don't have to respond. It's ok. If you have more pressing matters or need a break. All good. Yes. Watched ALL of Cheers and loved it. Yes. Watched much of Frasier and really enjoyed it.

Don't want to tell you about what I said for Eavesdropgate. I feel embarrassed & ashamed. I was immature venting. In a way I thought would make daughter sit up take notice and actually talk with me about something other than Monopoly Go or Dogs. I was childish and I know it. I was also trying to win daughter over by making her laugh. I said I'd never forgive for the Hospital blah...blah...& all I'd done for them blah...blah... Daughter was ignoring me as usual. Until I spiced it up. My pissed-off-ness made her sit up, take notice & join in. I knew it was wrong to do at the time. I'm a rather sad individual.

Soul Mate I've said heaps of nasty, bitchy, mean, uncalled for stuff over the years as an adult. Not proud. Don't like that fact. It would be hard to choose which one to name there have been so very many times. I've flown off the handle, cutting remarks because of rude comments that I just couldn't ignore which pushed me over the edge or even...truth be told... out of jealousy.

I think my Sister has copped the most 'bitch' attacks from me. She often reacts confused. Like where is this coming from? Then she always says it is because her life is better than mine. Because she has houses. Because her marriage lasted longer. Because men find her attractive. Because she has more money. Because I'm not a real woman like her & our sister in law. You see they gave birth but I had a C section. She says she feels sorry for me so will always forgive me. She calls me pathetic often. But the day she referred to my daughter as 'The Monster'. She crossed a line!!! I usually take her insults on the nose. BUT she started on my girl. Began with the above comment & then vomited out all her nasty opinions about my daughter. Say what she likes about me but don't start on my girl EVER. That is below the belt. Unacceptable. Never bring offspring into it. That is my motto! I've listened to her grievances in regards to her two kids. I never take sides. I never try to poison them against their mother (she has done this to me). She felt my full force & wrath!!! I left no stone unturned. Could not believe her audacity. I was furious! All her bad moves over the years (which she's begged me to keep secret from the family & I have! To this very day as I sit here). Well it all came pouring out. I figured she needed reminding. I ended with 'my kids a Monster is she? How dare you when your son (age 22 years) locks himself in his room for days on end, doesn't shower, doesn't eat, has lights off & just candles lit, surrounds himself in a circle of large knifes, smashes picture frames, keeps feral black cats in there with him, rocks & chants. Has threatened to hang himself twice. Got taken away by the Police for trying to kill you. Ended up on a psyche ward at the Hospital. You are a drunk and a home wrecker. Now ruined three marriages for other women and they are only the ones I know about. You DARE to call my daughter a fucking Monster! Start in your own back yard!". I hung up! She has dobbed on me to everybody. Told them I yelled dreadful things at her. I note she never told them why nor what I said. But I'm the black sheep with everybody. Have been for ages since. I call a spade a spade. She didn't like it. They all think her so lovely with her candles, affirmations, runes, stone collection, angel divination cards, candle blessings of white light. She hugs & kisses everybody. She tells them they look beautiful. She buys gifts for them. She drinks with them. She dances with them. She 'apparently talks to them at night for hours about what is wrong with me' (just found this out from an Aunt). Then comes along me. Shame you 'USE' to be funny. Soulmate I talk too much. I'm being needy. Selfish to others with real problems on this forum. This stuff is petty. I've taken a lot of Sisters blows which are not noticeable to outsiders (subtle) but I get them instantly. So does my daughter. Sister will put what she thinks is clever on her fb public posts. Negative sister comments & memes. Then a whole series of star sign negative traits (just mine on purpose). With comments under like 'most likely to commit murder', 'biggest whinger of the zodiac', 'most common sociopath'. We had a friend in common from school. We'll call her Betty. Betty liked me but preferred sis the best. Then over the years Betty would say things to me about stuff sis had said or done to her. I always defended sis or changed the subject but I knew internally that Betty was on the money. Sisterhood code. I wouldn't break it. Betty ended up asking to meet me in town for coffee. I wouldn't do it. I knew a sister bitch session was coming. Daughter told me to go & have fun. She said her Aunt deserves to be 'outed'. I didn't go. But I ran into Betty by accident weeks later at local shops. We chatted & it was nice. Until she mentioned Sister has been saying bad stuff about me to her. THIS EXACT SITUATION has happened before with another friend my Sister p_s_ed off then cast aside. She uses you whilst you serve a purpose for her & then you are disposable. This includes me. Anyways, too long a tale to tell. Back to Betty. Basically Betty began being more my pal through fb & emails. Sis got ticked off royally. I told her upfront that I had been chatting with Betty. That it was Betty who contacted me. Truth. Soon I noticed a sudden lull in communication from Betty. Then I noticed her back on sisters friend list. My Sister had removed her. I HAVEN'T A CLUE WHAT WAS SAID OR WENT ON but Betty 'unfriended' me. Won't answer my PM's anymore. Knew her since I was 12 years old. Kind of makes me sad. Oh well sister won out.

"WOW!!! YES! Mum has said this to her for years! "Well, if she ever gets too much, Darling, you know you always have a place here with ME! And *I* wouldn't charge you any rent or anything, either!" Mum has also added (to my daughter) "don't worry, one day when I can get you alone, we'll talk and you'll find out what your Mum is truly like. That is the real reason she keeps you away from me"." Yup. It's in the Narc family script. Toxics literally *are* "all the same", in all types of relationship roles. All that separates them is the degree...severity, frequency, duration (how they are is a "Pervasive Pattern") and whether or not they're aware of how they are (and what instant-gratification it gets them). Anyway - no. You keep her away from them because they're toxic and bad for her - and yours and her relationship. And as her mother, it's your for-life job to keep her away from all danger if only you can see it (albeit you can only suggest/explain/advise/encourage at her age)... ___________________________________________________________LISTEN UP!_______________________________________________________ Your daughter (and others) needs to ask herself: What kind of mother tries to steal her own daughter's 'baby' off of her as some kind of solution (especially when THEY are the problem)? A normal, healthy grandmother, the minute she could see there was a rift going on, would set about giving and garnering proper support to the mother/her daughter SO THAT mother and child need NEVER be separated....because it goes against Nature. And there's the beeping difference that makes ALL the beeping difference!******** ...but then, her feet certainly seem to know this so, she's still very much your daughter, with your gut instincts. But that question would help articulate it for her. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Re EavesdropGate: "With time, you'll come to see that the frantic, broken, anxious, unginged version of you waas nothing to be ashamed of. You were simply a kindhearted person reacting to a very unkind situation". Style does not trump content. I doubt ANY of what they overheard contained a lie. You should be PROUD, not ashamed. Your Inner Animal (we're still just hairless apes at root, remember that) DID know you hadn't cut the call. And it let you. It didn't stop you. It could have, you know. It frequently does. But it didn't. Because it knew those things needed to be said AND it knows it was it was Conscious You, sticking-up and standing-up for yourself. And that's what it's got in-common with your daughter. Er...let me think of another bitchy-but-true thing I've said (under Narc attempted abuse, of course). Oh yes, haha!... "Listen, pal. If someone as seriously psychologically-disturbed as you RATED me, there'd have to be something seriously wrong with me!" Ultra-subtle one: ex (yes, Narc) bf....me sauntering around his bedroom, naked (after sex)...."Do you LIKE your body?" / "Do you like yours?" / "I asked first" / "Which is why I asked second" / "............." . (Pretty sure he spent the rest of the day trying to work it out, haha). He didn't like my confidence. A normal person would have found it inspiring and let it rub off on them. But not Narcs. Makes them FEEL BAD, BOO-HOO, get-rid-of-it-get-rid-of-it.) (GOD IT'S HOT! UGH! Too sweaty. Even my fingers are sticky. Bloody Nora, what the hell is happening to this planet. We've got kids - what are THEY gonna have to deal with?!) Tell you what - no need to regurgitate, verbatim, but just tell me what truths about them they heard? PWEEEAASE? (puppy-dog eyes)

UGH. YOUR BLISTER. UUUUGH!!!!! Can't talk yet. Just UUUUUUUUU-UUUU-UUUUUUUUGH!!!! And - tell her I said, "FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK-OOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRFFF, YOU NUTTER! GO ON - YOU *AND* YER MATES!"

(Tsk: un-HINGED, obvs, not unginged. Sounds like un-gingered. Now THERE'S a next slogan for Tango, eh!) PS: And add - "YOU'RE *DIS*...*GUSTING!*"

Re your daughter: And THAT'S HER "AUNTIE"??? No effing wonder. The woman is a MONSTER (just with fake 'table manners'). Poor girl. If Blister-Monster is a typical example, then, you're being outright gang-battered. There's no other word for it. Sorry - WERE. Again, if it takes e.g. 10 people to 'Bundle' you and keep you down, that means you're worth and are as strong as 9 npeople. And I'm 9 people-strong, too. So that makes 18 against 10 (or so). If your daughter sees the light and gets on-board - 27. (Me, I can't wait!) Oh, I wouldn't just slap that woman in the face, I'd punch her. I would. I'd hit back. But just with a really loud, really dramatic, "UUUUUUUGH...A-HEEEUUUUUGH-------UUUURRRRRRRRCH! (click, brrrr....)". She's too far gone to waste any effort on. PS: (Say this in a Haribo voice) But we ARE EDJDUCAYTID! Just extremely unconventional, dwahling. Unconventional & Proud. :) And early-retired and too hot. LOL What is it Seuss says? "Be yourself. Everybody else is taken." Can't argue with that, eh! No pretensions. Just Yourself. Your best self. Which nobody else can be, either.

Oh - you HAVE given me the bones of what you said. Sorry, still playing catch-up.... P(howevermanytimes)S: "Daughter was ignoring me as usual. Until I spiced it up. My pissed-off-ness made her sit up, take notice & join in." EXCELLENT!!!!!! "I knew it was wrong to do at the time. I'm a rather sad individual." NO. NO-NO-NO. IT WAS THE CORRECT THING TO DO! After all...Where are the Police? Social Services?...coming to rescue you both? Where? This is Jungle Law. They make it so. Nobody cares how you get away from a gangful of monsters, just that you get away. You do whatever you have to do out of that almost empty menu. Again - they made it so. This is what they want. So your solely two options are this (they're not good or salvageable enough for Grey Rock): 1. Go Zero Contact. And if after 6 months, nothing's changed, they haven't come forward and stepped up - keep it going forever (hellooo!!!). 2. 'Beat them up' BACK, and do the job properly (um...did that too, LOL, before Pt 1). EITHER option has to be done properly...sustainedly...irrepressibly....with Faith but little or no Hope (not because there isn't any, but because it's the attitudinal cherry on your top, as flavours your behaviour/lack of). And then... 'If you absence doesn't bother them then your presence never mattered'. And then you can give your goods to healthy people who deserve them and naturally, automatically, without-thinking, give theirs to you so that you're both 're-energised', no-one being 'short-changed' (-fuelled). Just - whatever you do, do it PROPERLY. You can do this. Because you do things properly (like that floor, and doing their shopping when they were ill). Ultra-stubborn wotsit, eh,...like a dog with a bone, LOL. ;) I'll bet ALL the qualities and strengths you have get slandered/painted Black. (....Ashamed. Of standing-up for yourself, showing your muscles? No way. Gold Medal.)

I say, No Way, BECAUSE... If you're not protecting and standing-up for yourself then you're not protecting and standing-up for your daughter. See how that works? What do they tell you on the plane? To put your OWN mask on BEFORE attempting to help others - especially kids/dependents. If you die - they die. I use this one on men, but, since you're MumDad... Question: "Would you take a bullet for your kids...die for them?" Answer: (Always) "Yes". Question: "So how come you can't do the far easier thing of telling your bullies, the ones interfering with your ability to parent, to piss or get off your pot/behave or eff-off"? Answer: "......................Oh."

"I said I'd never forgive for the Hospital blah...blah...& all I'd done for them blah...blah..." No, no would I. Anyway, you're not Jesus (religious or not - he existed as a man, that's for cert). Only he got/gets to forgive without the offender asking for it. Mongst (- bastardisation intentional) us mere mortals, the perp has to sincerely want and ask for our forgiveness. We then grant it or not. It's said to be a personal choice whether we do or not. Not really. It's because we sense they're not sorry or not enough. Think about it: when someone gives you a GENUINE, HEARTFELT apology, it has that certain 'vibration' that makes you suddenly feel better and forgive instantly. Ohhh, the lies The lies you will see If you live your wee life Among Narcopath Dweebs (- *not* Dr Seuss, LOL)

Petty, my arse. Yeah, so is a pin-prick. But NOT when you get pricked (pun intentional) everywhere (even your privates), too often, by too many all at-once. Then it ain't petty at all. Then it's called, Death By A Thousand Cuts (narc-style). I'll tell you when something's petty, alright? You save your brainpower for more important matters.

THANK YOU! I really do appreciate your time:)

"Daughter confirmed that while I was in Hospital her Aunt (My Sister whose never given her any time ever) instigated conversations with her every couple of days via fb pm's. She said 'I could see straight through her Mum. She was trying to draw me in with conversations about you. She implied that there definitely is something mentally wrong with you. She clearly wanted me to agree with her because she persisted when I changed the subject'. I said 'oh great. instead of caring about you being alone and looking out for you she saw my operation as an opportunity for attacking my character'. Daughter said 'Mum why did she suddenly supposedly 'care' about me?'. Did you ask her to?' I didn't want to hurt her by confessing but the truth is I did." OH, WELL, THEN!...If your daughter can think and talk like THAT - AND other quotes I annoying can't re-find right now - there's nothing wrong with her, other than the same as you: HAD ENOUGH OF HAVING HAD ENOUGH!, and, needing to get your head around it. The chronically bullied aka traumatised and injured, DON'T tend to act prettily when they're close to breaking point (aka, hit the point where they incorrectly believe they're powerless and with no foreseeable way out). Including Borderlines (broken-ish, almost trust-phobic, but fixable by your vocational therapists). Sometimes so much so that it's easy to mistake them for a Narc (*permanently* crippled and nasty with it - diff/all the diff). Google symptoms of NVS, you'll see. Or not - because now you have that quote about not blaming yourself for how you behave while being abused. "My girl has diagnosed adult onset debilitating anxiety (they say her job caused it)" Not exactly. Her so-called father (textbook Spath) and relatives - plus your having been in a bad way when she needed you most - got her used to and not suitably perturbable in the face of a narcissistic office...and over-estimating herself into believing that she can take on that challenge....where she just got further abused. Not surprised she's suffering Anxiety by now. That's not pretty, either. (You going to start finding recipes for those healthy foods I listed so she can be benefitting too?) "I knew my girl would hate that I forced her Aunt to care." Next time you'll know: only protect her from lies, not the truth. Lies give you lifelong chronic agony as opposed to the short-term sting of truth. Her aunt had to be forced(?) because her aunt's a nutter, devoid of genuine, healthy Aunt-ness, so has to be forced. (That simple! :)) 'Kids' can deal with anything if they know you've got their back and just what (put in kiddie terms if necessary) they're dealing with. Although, there ISN'T any sting if one has already learned that why and how they abuse you is ZERO reflection on you or your loveability, etc. In fact, it's perversely (very!) a huge compliment (while showing you how to toughen up so that next time you'll be ready and see them coming). Even if the Pope himself moved in, they'd soon enough starting treating HIM that way - trust me on that! But here's a parental victim-typical example, of the abandoned wife and mother, having had a rod for her back FORCED on her, having been made incapable (overfull in-tray) of staying in-line with nor caught up to their kid's actual age, hence, instead protecting her like you would an actual toddler, as if she couldn't handle it - or as if you couldn't handle the reaction?? (If you knew how many Yous and Your Daughters were out there as we speak,and have been for 'eons' - you'd fall off your chair! Plus, teens are on-off horrid at the best of times, which only complicates matters further for being unable TO know which are battles and which is just noisy teething pain.) But anyway, you don't NEED to handle her reaction, you just need to let her have it...to be her "safety buddy" if you like (the one that stays sober just in case). And then have a sit down once her brain re-engages. That way, you handle her RESPONSE. And no barney need occur because she'll have vented it all out already. Start telling her EVERYTHING - including the 'rock and hard place' decisions you were forced by circumstances and a non-existent support network, to make, like when you had no choice but to ask (ugh) "Auntie" to check in with her because (back then you still believed/hoped that, given the situation) even she was better than nothing and no-one and surely she'd step up to-suit at Crunch Time (nope!). That was just a genuine mistake made out of ignorance and under extreme pressure. But obviously you still apologise for it. (And when was the last time you gave her a big hug for no reason other than she's your baby? Kill her with Kindness, see if she responds (bet she will; things she's said up there discount her as NPD, just make her inadequately parented due to the trauma and chaos, and following her 'rellies'' bad example of how to get your insta- (spoiled baby) way - thanks inclusively to your (so-called) co-parent, her father (sperm donor), leaving the scene as, Giant Ego & Willpower, powered by Duracell (kid) versus Normal-sized Ego & Willpower on, by-then, "Poundland" batteries (parent). It's actually not a fair 'fight' if it's one-on-one, which is WHY nature (normally) ensures each kid has TWO, full-grown adults. (Not rocket-science, eh.) THEN it's fair. But anyway, the Jury's in with this latest additional data: NOT "a" Narc. Just the product of too many traumas and rollercoasters and delayed terrible teens. In which case - she is NOT lazy, she is just very-very overworked, *mentally*, having hit a point where she's trying to solve the past events and rollercoaster-ing, while keeping her conscious mind distracted so as to do it in the background. My kid was the same. That was his self-medication. I knew once he'd finished processing, he'd stop. And he did. He wasn't addicted to it as such. He genuinely needed it. After all, I had my crutches (ciggies), where were his? Instinctually, under his own awareness, he just knew that keeping your conscious mind occupied and leave it to your more primitive, MORE EXPERIENCED brainparts, gets the grieving and recovering job done faster (nature plus genetic memory). With that incoming 'verdict', I'm not sure, now, about the 'doing her washing, etc.' bit being a problem in the grand scheme of things and it may be more beneficial to her speedier recovery, thus your own, than you realise. I really miss doing that sort of stuff for my kid. Plus it's free gymwork without the boring gym bit (nor the sweating). But mainly, I liked that I left him free to get on with the more important stuff so that he wasn't too overloaded to continue realising and processing or grieving with every new developmental passage and phase. My way of 'making it up to him' (wasn't my fault but it certainly wasn't his - and he was more hurtable - AND you can't find a replacement Mum & Dad unit like the latter can find replacements if they want). But I was Narc-Spouse-free(ish) by then so did remember to set gadget ground rules and to make it clear I was not 'being his lackey', merely being sensible in SAVING HIM what would usually be his chores because I understood that the devastating trauma his father had caused - including the seeming rejection of him in the process - was a Mature Adult workload, too much for a kid without help and support, and which usually interrupts your childhood development schedule (plus he was in a hothouse of a school). A chance for him to regain ground faster 'despite' and 'in spite of' it all. (You just need to let kids know exactly where they stand, at every available opportunity. I've a great visual analogy for plugging-in to EXACTLY what it feels like to be a kid (or new-ish adult but with missingU/unfinished bits of parent-child programming) who isn't given enough rules, boundaries and discipline at a time when, seemingly counter-intuitive to a parent as regards an injured chick, they NEED to feel somewhat controlled. Don't let me forget.) Not that he didn't push-push.push or try it on, here there and everywhere, including getting ideas above his station and "try on" being verbally abusive - *according* to his teen-from-broken-home programme to flex his muscles on the parent they most trust. That part you are absolutely going to have to put paid to. It's as unhealthy for her as it is for you. She's hurting herself VIA you. Best you cease the prior threatening to throw her out part, though; that'll definitely make things worse now that I know the truer, deeper situation. Anyway....Literally, it was like a switch going off: "Not now! I'm playing XBox! I'm in the middle of a game, get out, eff-off!' ("meugh-meughmeeuugh" as I called it), one day became "I'm off out to skateboard with X and Y, back at 5, love you!" And then it was skateboard, skateboard, skateboard. (What is it they say? It takes a whole village to raise a child? And you didn't even have a teammate.) BUT...he showed his gratitude BIG TIME once he started coming out of it. Started doing chores, unasked. And (I was gobsmacked) cleaned and tidied BOTH our entire house AND entire garden for a housebuyer viewing (this was back in UK) when I was away, here, in Spain, doing villa viewings. He spent an entire day and night! I've just cleaned the sh*t out of the house, is how he texted it. Turned out to be a really excellent cleaner and tidier! So I started paying him to be my window-cleaner. Other than that, all he had to do was keep his room acceptable. Keeps his apartment these days perfectly clean. How come, without all-round practise? Answer: it's not about what you tell them, it's about what they see YOU consistently doing. "Monkey See - Monkey Do". However, if your Daughter hasn't ever lived by herself, then, effectively we're dealing with a 17-20 year old who has yet to have undergone that 'forcing you to grow up quick' experience, regardless of paper age. But, with your help as outlined above - she WILL realise and WILL come round. It's in her situational script. All that's missing here, and really slowing things down, is COMMUNICATION. Constant communication. HUMBLE, VULNERABLE communication (e.g., even mid-rant if they say they HHHHHATE you, you just say, I hope not cos I love you...piss on their firework with the type of piss they need.) And, actually, feeling blessed that your daughter, albeit on-off kid from Hell while she's going through this upsetting time of delayed processing and reacting later (equalling harder and for longer than the average), trying to help you fight back in the wrong ways.... all of that. BUT. She's not a Narc - can't be! - eliminated! - so she is absolutely capable of healing with you. SO THAT'S REALLY GOOD, REALLY HAPPY NEWS, ISN'T IT! :) (PS; Bring back spanking, that's what I say. Other animals do it and it doesn't hurt them any. I mean just one spank on the bum-cheek, sharp enough only to shock them back into the present and focus them - and only for as long they're too young for explanations about Why Not - not an excuse for abuse and cat-kicking. The two are worlds apart (opposite intentions), despite I get the governmental desire to keep the grass COMPLETELY short so as to give the human snakes of this world literally nowhere to hide. But it's not healthy as a broad-brushed measure (as usual). This is yet another example of how Narcs get to spoil the world for us Healthies....don't get me started.) ********************* Back to your Blister. This is worrying... "Then a whole series of star sign negative traits (just mine on purpose). With comments under like 'most likely to commit murder', 'biggest whinger of the zodiac', 'most common sociopath'. " ...because Narc accusations are nine times out of - no, 9.9 times out of 10, PROJECTIONS, aka CONFESSIONS! Not surprised if your sister is a giant one, though. The VIOLENCE in the above quotes of hers...Oy-oy-oyyy... She's just another slow-murderer (I've always said that online and, happily, many veteran experts are lately agreeing: leave no bruises, leave no crime-scene)...same as she only shows you a side of her true-self monster to you when 'behind closed doors', no witnesses....except, presumably, your daughter (there it is). How could she NOT be, when we have: Shameless... Sadistic.... Breaks social rules (probably legal ones too if you rifled through her 'closet') to point of Lack of Morality, Spirituality, Empathy, Compassion...all the finer qualities that make one Human, not Feral Animal...that THING wouldn't know how to be a sister if you superglued a How To manual to her face!... Takes Enormous Risks with their relationships (please realise that too many other people would have exiled her on-the-spot for that).... I mean, you wouldn't even say those things to a STRANGER that you DESPISED...because you'd deliberately killed their Granny!.... It's at the level where, it's not about 'the person/recipient' any more, it's about, those are things you JUST...SHOULDN'T...SHOULDN'T BE *CAPABLE* OF THINKING - or at least, OF SAYING. EVER. That's (sort-of) a difference between Normal-Healthies and Narcs. We might THINK dark thoughts, but we instantly shoo them away....too wild-animal for us evolved people. We don't like THINKING them, let alone letting them out into the open - woah! If she ain't Anti-Social, I'll eat someone ELSE'S hat! (...except hers, though, hahaha...Spaths are antisocial in their habits and hygiene as well....(and yes, yes, yes, so are their victims - for a while - before anyone goes there)). (Oh, yes, I remember the engagement/your mum's ring, haha. Delusional, Desperate, and massively Controlling, anyone?) VITAL QUESTION: Did she deliver those downright sadistic barbs angrily..seethingly - or cooly..coldly? And how much 'out of 10'? And which, *typically*, does she tend to employ? *********************** PS: You need to cease pitying people who brought it on themselves. Like Pauline. AND your sister. It's only your duty to finish mothering-fathering your daughter. (Not your sister and your own mother, and brother, etc., etc., they're trying to keep your hands too full SO THAT you can't recoup your once-closeness - think about it!). But it's not work. They call it, Salvation Through Your Kids and is going to be one of the items coming next in the curriculum. (Plus there's none of that horrid screechy chalk on blackboard nonsense ;)). Oh yes - PPS: About 'the weed-grower thing'. Myself and the other poster got over-frustrated with 'him' and vented, using the *male* stereotype, not knowing it was your daughter. (Although - you were the one who said there was mould, remember?) But anyway - yep, we got a bit carried away, there. However, we would have said sorry back then if you'd let us so, next time, you just do what you did up there and say, This upsets me - can we talk about this. (Yes - always.) ...Voila, easy-squeezy. But, yes, it's understandable now, why it upset you so. ********************** "The moment we left it began...'I'm not normal. That was embarrassing etc.' She goes on & on at me." She cares WAY too much (LIKE a typical, stuck teenager!) what other people, even strangers, think of her. Yup, she's been brainwaashed there. A good retort would have been, "I'm FREE. You should try it some time, it's much nicer than being caged". (And if you were me - added -) And by the way, it's a psychological fact, that other people DON'T "think" this/that about you (not normal-healthies). They're too busy worrying about what YOU'RE seeing and thinking about THEM." (Anizznidironic...) Or quote Dr Seuss: "Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those that mind, don't matter, and those that matter, don't mind." *********************** "Which one am I?" I don't know. One, I haven't seen all of those films and, two, it's your call, and, three, undoubtedly none of them, knowing you, haha. PS: Evidently, your blister can't feel superior to you unless she has more shiny things in her lap than you. And believes (projection!) that you feel bad if you don't have shiny things. And crows about it in your face (to pump up her constantly-deflating ego, especially whenever you're around - using your oxygen (when you engage and argue)). Isn't that so pitifully pathetic? Tell her you know someone who's got far more shiny stuff than her, yet has also known life lived with practically NO shiny stuff - and it doesn't make a blind bit of difference. Probably because misery makes the shiny stuff immaterial (scuse pun). Hence why, when you're stressed/anxious/depressed, the doctor doesn't tend to prescribe you shiny things (a-duh-a-duuuh) (wow, she's thick - in that "special" way - isn't she?!). Truth is, no extreme is good for any human. Too Little isn't healthy, too much isn't healthy. BALANCE is one of the keys to Contentment (Happiness occurs during the journey there and at certain moments, it's the froth at the top of the Contentment Beer, not the beer itself; Contented is your aim). You just need your basics, and to manage to save up 5k for a rainy day, and one or more people who get you. Oh, and to keep occupied (think WHILE you're doing, not as a solitary pursuit - save for when there's danger about). That's it. Have you ever tried taking the piss out of her whenever she gets like that? Stops them RIGHT in their tracks...then makes them lose all control, whereupon you go, "Whuuuuuh!" and cut the call (called, "Out-Narcing The Narc"). Things like, "Haha! You sounded JUST LIKE a prize a-hole when you said that! Nice one, I didn't know you did impressions? - do it again, go on, haha! Do it at Christmas when all the rellies are there, haha!" (etc. etc.)...Lemmie see if *I* can do it (proceeded by taking equal or bigger chunks off of her)... I mean 'while you're down there', you may as well? Have fun with it. Whistle while you work. Here's a fave of mine if I happened to have energy to spare: I'd let them rant on and on down the line at me until they inevitably stopped-sharp, going, 'Hello? Are you there??', whereupon I'd go, 'Oh - sorry - something on the News caught my eye and sucked me RIGHT in! Sorry, what were you saying?....No, before that.....Before that.... Tell you what, just start again'. Or, along that same 'make 'em sweat' line - I'd play dumb and keep saying - But what do you MEAN? Give me an example...... Ok, but in what WAY?.......No, still don't get it. Hmm..Are you tired today? You're not making ANY sense. Wanna try again tomorrow?' (LOL, NO THEY DON'T - THEY NEED THE LOO *NOW-NOW-NOW!*) Another is: Oh, sorry, I didn't realise this was going to be a long one - I've got something under the grill - call you back later!' (then don't). Next day, Oh, sorry, I forgot! (Those come under Grey Rock-ing.) Basically, just don't lift your Loo lid. Or don't lift it properly. Or look like you're going to lift it all the way, but then let it fall shut again. Start being really non-cooperative, really high maintenance, a REALLY exasperatingly bad-bad slave. :D *Make bullying and taking-out-on-you, not worth *their* while.* Alternatively, you need to NOT waste your energy stores on them whatsoever and substitute codewords for ranting back. Your ranting back - they (cuckoo!) take as your confirmation that they're still all-powerful (pff, ridiculous), as well as getting to excrete their toxins - is what they WANT and NEED....a good puke...into YOU, their secret toilet. Take it away and give them an empty MacDonalds Fries carton instead (Regular), if you have to give them anything. What on EARTH are they going to do if they can't empty it all anywhere? Yup, that's right...puke over "their public", those they were trying to a-lick or impress/dupe...that, or, if they've time before the next vomit session - find a new toilet, quick! And it's almost WORSE getting only to do a 'starter' puke and not be able to finish.) My fave on that depriving-them score is just the word "Yuck" (or "Ugh") or "Yawwwn!" or just plain doubling-over with laughter. My son's is: "Hows about No?", said over and over.) Better and best yet - next time (probably won't be if I have anything to do with it), record her. Google how to do it on your phone, or buy a handheld dictaphone. Then you can play it back repeatedly until you work your way through the 'layers' of data and meaning to the tiniest missables and subliminals, as well as work out/realise it's all nonsense, and feel SO much better. (Little wonder that you had an Only Child.) PS: Are *you* going to tell Victoria Beckham that having a C-Section somehow makes you inadequate as a person, or am I? :D ******************* You need to watch this (and ignore any reference to the romantic partnership): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCc60iY_RSA Dr Ramani. It might have you going WOAH, same as her interviewer. She describes a side of your Blister and explains it. ******************* "However, to all outsiders when we walk them Raya is hers and I'm just the old Nanna out for a stroll with her and her two dogs. She tells people this right in front of me." Give those other walkers a little smile and wink (on daughter's blind side, obvs), while saying, 'That's right, sweetheart'. They'll get it. Or continue saying nothing and just letting her have that one. That's how a Mum reacts...they *indulge* their kids when it won't harm anyone and the kid obviously needs that outside, (hopefully) unbiased recognition and approval. I mean, she knows darn well it's not strictly true. And she knows you know it isn't. What she doesn't (in this instance...yet) need to know is that you know she knows you know. See what I mean? She still has leftover 8-9-year-old NEEDS. This case, to show-off and feel important and needed (by someone NOT related. ('You're my Mum, you've GOTTA say that".) So feed that type of harmless, throwback need in the meantime, while you're waiting for New You to start rubbing off on here, including the correct attitude, that 'strangers don't give one hoot what they think of you; only Narcs do, because their type are constantly measuring themselves against you, over-competitively (like Blister, in amongst all the cruel insults)'. Anyway, worth knowing, but, you have to pick your battles or you could be there arguing with her all day, every day. Conserve your energy for the deadly-serious, beyond the pale stuff and secretly tut and roll your eyes at the rest. And PS: no matter how she puts it, I keep hearing this: Leave me alone. Leave me alone. Leave me alone. Give her what she wants (uninterrupted processing time?) for a week and see if it makes a difference. Experiment Time. ************************ "You pick up the phone, bated breath, tentatively and hold it, waiting...testing...to recognise that person which answers on the other end. Only then do you know whom you're dealing with for that day, minute, second, hour perhaps Jekyll, Hyde or somebody new. You hold out longingly for that rarest of rare days when 'nice old lady' actually comes across the line." Er. No, you don't. You say, "Mother, I can't possibly deal with you when you're nasty and uncooperative like this. Call me back once you're in a better mood and can remember your manners AND THAT YOU'RE A GROWN-UP, bye for now! (click, brrrrr....)". That's how to get any type of monster trained to 'pay the toll free' called play nice or no dice! Remember, when dealing with Narcs, it's vital to make like concrete and not waver even once, no matter how tired you are, etc. They take longer-harder to train but will do anything for their version of a cookie, even fake good manners. Make them do it for their OWN sake, yeah? ************************ Try not to panic next time you 'fall down that hole'. It's a rollercoaster. Not a park bench - yeh? Does what it says on the tin. Yes, the bad days do end, whenever you get a good day (when you make hay while the sun shines/strike when the iron is hot). Then you get more and more good days. Then the good days become the norm and the bad days just nasty, unwanted but rare surprises. And then you suddenly realise, you're down to only bad spells. Coming off the Narc Matrix and adjusting back to normal life, is like the psych version of childbirth, an endurance test (gotta 'work' for your freedom, to strengthen your muscles ready for the thriving in the outside - healthy - world. See it like you did the childbirth contractions: not, 'Oh, sh*t, here comes another one!!', but, 'Hurray, one down, less to go!' It's just a process. 'This too shall pass'. Also try to keep bearing in mind that a process goes like another process you went through - your driving lessons. You'd have a breakthrough one week, assume it would stay like that from then on, and then were really disappointed when, next lesson, it didn't and you went 'two steps back'. It's because your mind was still processing the good lesson and your next was just too soon. Come the lesson after that or after that - great lesson again. You "lurch" in this process like a Learner driver, too. And stall, and have to restart. Doesn't matter what size portions progress happens in. If you've covered X amount of ground, you've covered X amount of ground. Which is a distinct improvement on Nil. It'll help once you starting throwing those sub-human weights off your back. Walking is much easier without. I'm walking testament to that. And so are many, many...too many others. PS: I'd like nothing better than to divulge more info, but I have to pick and choose as well as not leave a pattern. Being long-term resident here, if I left too many clues....Identity Theft and all that. Albeit what any ID thief *doesn't* know, is that there are Narc stalkers out there, still trying to Hoover and track me down. And not petty ones, not neiver. That'd soon wipe the thieving smile off their face, eh! (In LaLa Land, I'm a Fugitive, see. LOL) My lovely father used to say, 'The worst thing that can happen to you in this life is, dying. And that's the EASY part!', and 'Things are always alright in the end. If they're not re alright yet, just means it's not the end yet'. You've got the strength, bravery and endurance. You just needed it pointed in the RIGHT direction. I'm not panicking, am I. When I panic - THAT'S when you panic Awright, Spowrt? (Or is it, Cobber?) PS: How hot is it over there at the mo? It's supposed to be your Winter, isn't it? PPS: Did you say anything to Snowball? Haven't had a chance to look yet. PPPS (earwigo LOL): "pink kitchen with pink utensils". No disrespect, but - UGH. Pink??? Kttchen?? Pink?? Utensils too?? Whaaat? Okay, NOW I think you're insane. (Haha, just joking) (Colour-Blind maybe, haha) AAT (and another thing...getting bored of post-post-post-post-script): Blister's covert blows are known as "Dog Whistling" (google). Swot Narx do. AND ONLY NARCS. Jury's in again...and they ain't liking your family much, that's for-sure. Keep venting/talking and we might end up identifying each and every one of them. Even aside from any other benefit, it makes for amazing Closure. And AS I'm back on the topic of her/it... "Then she always says it is because her life is better than mine. Because she has houses. Because her marriage lasted longer. Because men find her attractive. Because she has more money. Because I'm not a real woman like her & our sister in law. You see they gave birth but I had a C section. She says she feels sorry for me so will always forgive me.". ((No way! You (- am talking to (ew) her -) mean to say that bullying *doesn't* leave the Bully harmed and constantly shellshocked, de-stabilized, hurting and functioing at far under their otherwise normal capabilities, and all of that? Just the victim, the one who RECEIVES all the blows? NO WAAAAY! Wowwww. How does that even make SENSZZZ.ZZZZZZZZZZ.)) What a pile of condescending DRIVEL *from* a human blob of Drivel! Grown, healthy women don't talk like that to their own sisters like that. They just don't. Disturbed kids might. Wow. Talk aboutgobsmacking arrogance and inviting bad Karma, aka jinxing herself, and 'Pride comes before a fall'. Ooohfff, she's too thick...TOO THICK....brain doesn't like it....eeeeee....gimmie the gun, just gimmie the gun. ((Good for you, luv. You're an inarguably sick uck of a bully with the morals of a flea (who's by the sounds, rearaed mini-sick ucks) but at least you have a plush sofa to have a nervous breakdown on when your Comes Around hits you full in the face aka you reap what you sow. And it must be big becauwse it's taking a long time to ripen. No sister by then, though. Awwww...shoulda THOUGHT o' that, eh, Thicky McTricky from Shinyville. I think you'll find thin ice is also shiny.)) Bloody hell. She really hasn't a CLUE how the adult world works. Her poor husband! I mean - could you be him, even for a week?!? Anyhoo...I'll get to the other posts tomorrow re the doll incident and daughter's jumped-up attempts to control you...this weird, very disorientating back-and-forth from your your kid to your mother. Makes you bloody dizzy, doesn't it? But, still 'with a cause', still fixable. As for community support these days: just what kind of enormous queues and backlogs do they HAVE by now?! Great. Yet MORE latitude for narcs and crims to prey on the public and get away with it. ************************* Do me a favour and don't post until I type "ROGER...OVER". You're streaking ahead of me again. You're an Aus, you're used to OTT heat and humidity and hot wind, I ain't Today's felt like over 90pc humidity again. For now, I'll leave you with this. I repeat: piss-taking is so cathartic, and don't these comedians know it! : https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLpFP5F42FM8uL3ZHbCxoHiHrpsEp9BsR8 "Kevin The Teenager" - all episodes. Enjoy! :D Keep it to yourself, though. She's nowhere NEAR ready to laugh at herself, might inflame her even more...albeit - who cares when if it wasn't this it'd be something else. Well, I'll let you decide. I guess to be fair we should balance it out with a parady of an (in one way) over-protective mother, haha: Start listening more. To all the arts and entertainments industry-members and what they're singing about...taking the piss out of...hinting away at. (You do know how to Google effectively, I take it? Say if you don't, it's not a crime?) Sorry you've caught flu. Narc abuse plays havoc with your immune system. Can't blame daughter for not knowing that or dreading catching it. CAN blame daughter for her verbal abuse under any excuse. It ain't the puppy that needs training and de-flea-ing, is it. The puppy's behaviour is just a symptom and reflection. OF HER and how SHE needs training/de-brainwashing. ************************ Oh, wait - one more: "Now I can't get it. Stepfather won't bring it down to me (he owns a car & I don't). I have to earn it back by being kinder to my Mother." Wrong way round. Gather your 'balls' up and tell/text him that, you've thought about it and decided it's YOU who gets to call the shots if he's the one asking for help. So if he won't do you that simple favour then he can get on with doing his husbandly duty without your help or support from now on, that being, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS DEMENTIA-ED *WIFE* like a proper bloody *husband*. You're not her husband. And neither are you his no-charge Carer. Is it lazy idiot or helpless idiot? Or both...connectively. He needs you more than you need your stuff. AGAIN, you have the power but don't know it - which is HOW he sneaks in with his grossly inappropriate, back-to-front ultimatum/holding to ransom. THAT IS YOUR WEAKNESS: NOT KNOWING YOUR POWER. ...anizznid-stillironic, doncha think? New thoughts on this? Hope that was comprehensively written rather than a mess. I can't really tell, nor have the energy to read it all now I've just looked up...and up n up(!) - I'm that hot. Didn't realise I'd gone on so long, sorry. Take it slowly. Soz in advance for any typos and other mistakes. Going to have a nap now and then tackle the queue or at least apologise for the wait. Then continue here. Again - wait for "Roger - Over!" to know to resume typing. Or landing your private jet, whatever (joke aimed at Blister).

I forgot the youtube about the over-protective mother but rather than a piss-take, all that came up was this typical example! Seems a heck of a lot of kids are getting cleverer, more critically-thinking. Excellent! https://www.youtube.com/shorts/O8WzcWv4xoA I will find a piss-taker, though. It's like, whenever I tell this joke: 'Why did God invent men? Because v*br*t*rs can't mow the lawn.' I have to continue with this one: 'And why did God invent women? Because sheep can't type'. That's about as PC as I get, haha.

Hah - found one! Good old Russ whassisface! It's actually just below the first one that appears with that link (the TikTok Shorts). That IS funny!

Hey-hey, DD! So sorry for the delay - we've got another heatwave and it's too much for normal functioning - or functioning at all, if I'm honest. Haven't forgotten you, though. :)

"Psst!".... Just between you and I - on here only for the mo. (until I can deal with it): What would your answer have been (on "Fold's" thread), had she, the OP, given you the benefit of ALL of the data/evidence, including the most salient - his using his trips as torture tools - to wit (under the alias, Tilop) (and, it seems, another new thread and alias today): https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13437/Help-needed-badly SOULMATE (moderator) - May 12 2023 at 03:31 Member since Aug 2014 "Shhh!" :)

Here you go... I may have too little energy but I'm now't if not resourceful. Been a-hunting and found this for you (- and for meeee, save me typing with this burning-hot-feeling laptop LOL). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z24SRmw_PsY This Dr Ramani Durvasula clip addresses and explains better than I have up there, every single little aspect of your latest posts: Scapegoating & Flying Monkeys, Triangulation/Smear Campaign, Emotionally Disconnecting thus No Longer Reacting, Walking Away, Resisting Hoovering.... Watch that (it's not long) and then feel free to start typing and reply again. PS: Like all manipulation-victims or victimisation-avoiders, Betty's eyes *will* get slapped open and she *will* climb off the matrix, as well...When, not If...you're just on different time-schedules...and then, will come running back to you. It's what happens (rigid script). If she doesn't, then, what your sister has 'achieved' is, removed a large piece of deadwood from your life for you. Either Not Nice herself or, frankly, too weakened or uninsightful to see and not deny it or know what to do about it. Not In Your League. As Ramani says, however: it is not your job to go back in to save other grown adults, just because you yourself escaped (with your daughter). Basically, it boils down to courage....which the 12-year-old you proved beyond a shadow of doubt, you intrinsically have a lot of (- run the "hence got sat on in the first place" tape). PPS: To achieve disconnection, you can also enforce a time-specified (6mths, year...) Zero Contact Separation Period. If you then return, newly unaffectable, you'll find they've all somehow 'shrunk' (you'll remember this moment once you're in the situation and know exactly what I mean), whereupon you tend to realise that the person(s) may as well be androids because they're missing (or have too-long shunned) the side called, Humanity. At which point - spending time with them strikes you as pointless, futile, boring, irritatingly nonsensical, a waste of time, just a really sensless CHORE...especially if you've counter-trained them and they're (contrivedly) behaving themselves... you realise how TINY and INSPID and PITIFULLY PATHETIC, they are (and how opposite to them thus how fortunate YOU are...all thanks to your particular genetic mix). You realise they really ARE giant kids in grown-up suits. They start to repulse you even though you still pity them... (Have you noticed they don't tend to have hobbies and (active) interests or read books?) METHOD-wise. You cannot CANNOT beat the witty one-liners, taking-the-piss, laughing at said own jokes even when they and their coven aren't (VERY important!).... They don't know how to deal with it in that format; it's totally outside of their precious script; they've no sense of humour (which more than anything, means, being able to laugh at yourself)....You can even 'say it all' with funny, appropriately-derisive facial expressions. They either flounce or their mask controllably explodes off IN FRONT OF EVERYONE WHO GOT DUPED. If you achieve a flounce, that's 5 points (LOL). An explosion, that's 10 - and your Freedom, Justice, Vindication, Closure in-one. :) It saves a lot of talking and explainining, does that one. Actions speak louder, innit. One of my faves. And you have great fun amusing yourself. (It's basically you, taking back your self-esteem.) That's why I was asking how bitchy. Wanted to see if you have the gift of the gab, or whether you're just a really good, biting lecturer. Again - no shame. You're not hitting, you're hitting BACK. For the power of good (salvaging and enhancing your r/ship with your daughter and seeing your, the victim-survivors' lives, finally, nicely-gradually, take off (When, Not If)). PS: that first period of total peace and quiet and chillness is PRICELESS. The house feels different. Even if the uggers didn't live with you! And you have bags of energy and usually start to get the urge to pretty your house up....and then you find yourself fancying getting yourself a job or starting a little cottage industry (EMBROIDERY!) aaaaaand so on and so forth. Whatever, you get sucked back into playing by yourself, happily, enjoying your days again.... The benefits and reliefs are just too numerous to mention. Anyway, so now you know why Sister 'got in there first' and started telling lies about you. Probably told Betty that you'd said something(s) horried about her, lies like that, playing on her insecurities. So that they wouldn't listen if you came to them to tell them everything she'd said on that call. PS: Jeez. Her son sounds veeery in need of serious professional intervention pdq. PPS: Taking absolutely everything into account: you have too many reasons to shut-down/eject them. I can't even think of ONE in favour of sticking around! Can you? PPPS: It's 7 yrs for me and I'm increasingly seeing Comes Arounds. PPPPS: Bet your sister pukes into you so that she can lay off and play nice for her fella...so, thinking about it, he'll probably start getting it now. You watch that space. And BLOODY WELL DONE, GAL!!!! You are now part of an elite minority (escapees).

(Oh, sorry: ROGER - OVER!)

And - Thank-you right back (for your fab posts)! And, thank-you for thanking me, LOL.

Hello SM, Hope this message finds you both well & happy. I have been doing some listening to and reading from the Narcissist information you provided when I can fit it in between the cleaning and packing. I've found it all really interesting, fascinating & sadly relatable. My daughter and I are 'doing well'. The crowd cheers! We've had a few deep & meaningful conversations and she has been refreshingly calm. Saying things like 'thanks Mum for making that really nice dinner for me', 'hey Mum do you want me to listen to you? got anything you'd like to talk about?'. Only once did she retort rudely for no good reason, realised it and apologised with an explanation! I'm feeling warm & fuzziness towards my girl so I made her cookies LOL It has been enlightening this change. I changed MY way, manner & attitude (as per your advice & implemented some steps) there has been no quick to temper nor escalation of raised voices etc. I gave her space (as advised you felt she needed alone, alone, alone). Gave us the chance to miss each others company. She made (indirectly) some confessions. I picked up on it instantly. In a past fight she told me in anger that during her 'IMPROV' class the teacher assigned her the character of an evil, vindictive bitch. Then she added how the class said she did it 'fantastically'. This I believe because I've sneaked up to the window of the hall to watch her in action. I was banned from any performances. Even on her big show nights she has made me wait outside down the street, in the dark and cold. It has hurt my feelings excruciatingly but I realise she needed 'HER THING'. Anyway, back on topic. So as stated previously above during an old argument we had a long time back she yelled at me 'I'm fantastic at my role because I channel YOU! Yes everybody in my class is amazed at how well I can do evil, vindictive bitch'. This one hurled at me awhile back really stung. It has sprung back into my mind several times. Really left a scar. She yelled it at me on the side of the street when I'd come to escort her home. I did not speak for days. I was hurt beyond and lay in my bed trying to figure out when I'd ever gone to that point. A few nights ago she came up beside me while I was doing the dishes and said 'Mum, I miss improv' then 'you remember when I played the character of the wicked wife/mother figure' I held my breath and said 'yes I do'. She said 'it was Nanna I was channelling. it was very easy to do. I literally mimic how I've seen her with you.' I cannot begin to tell you how relieved I felt. I fought back tears. I said 'I love you. You know that right?'. She said 'no sloppy shit please' turned on her heels and left the room. It was a WOW moment. But wait there is more!

More on daughter... During another argument we had a few months back... She yelled at me 'my debilitating anxiety is because of YOU! YOU alone are to blame! It is the result of having been raised alone with you. ALL your fault. You have failed as a Mother. I'm a wreck and my hands shake and you are TOTALLY to blame. It wasn't my high pressure job. It was YOU the failed Mother. YOU ALONE CAUSED THIS! YOU DID THIS TO ME! I can't move out. I can't cope with life. I'm damaged and it was ALL YOU'. I HATE YOU!'. Once again impact fully felt. I asked her 'how?'. She told me to f_cK off and she stomped away. I put myself in my room with the dog and sobbed for hours. I am ashamed to admit that I had indeed forgotten what is coming next here so her revelation truly threw me. The experience at the time was so shocking and stressful that I think I may have actually put up a block against it in my mind. That fact plus the stress of our daily life which has long since followed. BRACE FOR IMPACT READER! Daughter actually put down her tablet and phone. Switched off the tv from running in the background. Daughter said 'Mum are you busy? Do you want to talk?'. I said 'Sure. About what in particular?'. It came pouring out... 'Mum...you can't die. Ever. You can't leave me. I can't live alone. I'm scared. I can't get it together. I try. I act all brave. Inside I'm a mess. My hands shake and you know the tremors go up my arms sometimes. My anxiety was since Panel Van Man. Mum have you forgotten? I was only 14 Mum. I had a Stalker. We went through so much. I've never been more terrified in my life. I never got over that whole thing. You think I did get over it don't you? You think I've forgotten or put it away, gotten over it. I NEVER got over it Mum. I'm scared that I never will'. Reader: I was stunned! She then went on for over an hour recalling to mind exactly each experience that she went through. Reminding me of all that happened. I had indeed BLOCKED IT. I'd gotten up & gotten on with life. She behaved cool, tough & brave at the time. I realise now it was all an act. It was great to hear that I'm not really the cause of her debilitating anxiety nor her work in the high end Jewellery industry (as she tells everyone). YET I AM TO BLAME! I failed to protect her. Now I know where some of the anger comes from towards me. How could I be so stupid as to not realise that she never got any kind of counselling. I remember saying she needed to talk to somebody about the trauma. She refused. This girl digs her heels in. She can be as stubborn as a mule. BUT YES THAT IS NO EXCUSE FROM ME. I DID INDEED FAIL HER! How do I fix this?

TOTALLY NEW TOPIC: WOW! Never a dull moment in this dysfunctional family. Three days ago my Mother rang me. She said she could talk because Stepfather was outside watering the garden. She said she has asked him to leave! Pack his stuff & go! I said 'Mum why? What's going on?' She said 'this Bastard has turned out just like every other Bastard. I don't like him anymore'. I said 'what did he do?' She said 'he's been treating her badly'. I asked 'how?'. She said 'controlling me'. Right then he came in & she quickly changed the topic onto the dogs. ________________________________ BACKGROUND: She has mentioned other concerning stuff before. Like he controls all her tablets. (I've wondered to myself is that why sometimes she is lucid and other times bat shit crazy?) Like he's been yelling at her. _________________________________ Today Mum phoned. She sounded upset. Not stressed. Sad but very determined. She had a fire in her which I haven't heard for quite some time. 'Quickly, listen to me. I'm letting you know that I'm getting this man out no matter what it takes. I've had enough. He's been trying to control me. I have no idea what these tablets are he gives me. Please love (she never says that!) I need you to know some stuff is going to be changing really soon. I may need your help.' She said so much more! ZERO SIGN OF DEMENTIA. TOTALLY HER OLD SELF. Said she'd stopped taking the 'handful' of pills he gives her daily. I said 'they are your anti depressants Mum aren't they?'. She said 'no. I haven't had those for ages. I have no idea what these are. He hands them to me with my morning coffee & tells me to take these'. She said she found out that he's taken everything! Not a penny does she have literally. Not even her old handbag can she find. IT IS ALL GONE! A woman phoned & said she's coming out to assess me & have me taken away because he's said I'm non compos mentis. But Love I'm not that far gone. She was super calm (scarily so for my Mother) she said 'I've asked the Bastard to leave my house and reminded him that it is & always was 'ALL MINE!'. Then he came inside & she quickly changed the topic to the dog over her neighbours fence. He demanded to know who was on the end of the phone and what she was saying. He was angry! She said 'I'm telling everybody what you've done. Taken my last cent. Where is it?' Repeated x 2 I'm phoning everybody. You won't get away with this. This is MY HOUSE! That is the car I bought you. My bank account and everything I saved my whole life for my three kids when I'm gone. WHERE IS IT YOU BASTARD! In the background an angry voice (his) answered in a tone which my daughter & I have never heard before from him. 'It is mine. All of it. The house IS MINE!!! (HE EMPHASISED). 'Your out of your head and all your money is gone!'. 'Gone bloody where?' she yelled. 'You an a**se h*le. where is my kids money? That is theirs. It isn't yours not a single penny ever was. You had nothing!' So much more. Too much dialogue to type. NOTE: My stepfather came in to her life 30 years ago with a bicycle he rode everywhere. He'd never owned a car. Mum bought him his first car. She's bought all cars since. The 3 of us kids have always been a bit miffed as she never bought us a car. We grew up without one. Stepfather rented a one bedroom unit in a very old fashioned, cheap rental block in a dodgy suburb. Mum owned her house outright. Mum inherited my Grandparents money. Mum had Superannuation from when she finished working a number of years ago. Mum also had money on term deposit. I've no idea what to do? I can't afford a Lawyer. I'm estranged from my Brother for past 7 years. I'm not on speaking terms at the moment with my Sister. They both live far away. I'm the only child she has here. My girl is the only Grandchild she knows well or sees regularly. Now I'm sick in the stomach because I know my Mum. She said 'don't come here until you next hear from me. Just want you to know things are happening'. It is not outlandish to say she just may kill him!

Well it just happened didn't it. 2am phone call. Police Station. They have my Mum & my Step Father. What a year! I can't sleep. I'm scared of what is coming next.

OMG! How I wish I had somebody here to support and help me. This has gotten really bad. I'm shaking. Police & Ambo attended Mum/Stepfathers house last evening. They stayed 2 hours. _________________________________________________________ This morning she has phoned me screaming & crying. Saying Stepfather has hit her. She fell to the tiles. She has an egg on the back of her head. He is yelling & denying. He is aggressive to me via the telephone. The Police have been wrung & say they are attending another big matter & can't get out there for some time. I'm shaking. I'm very nearly vomiting. I'm scared.

Shockingly bad day unfolded. Mum is in Hospital. Police calls, social welfare calls, lawyer calls, denials, recriminations. I just don't know anymore. I'm exhausted and the Hospital want me back there again tomorrow early for a round table discussion.

Hiya! I can see you've got lots to talk about! I made time to post tonight, but now a visual migraine's set in. :( (If you've never had one, it's like looking into a colourless kaleidoscope. Very, very distracting.) Think it's the air pressure and humidity now. Hopefully I've caught it quickly, before the pain can hit. So I'll go to bed early (pff) and try again tomorrow. Saying that - this text looks somehow 'all rainbow-y'....which is nice. LOL Don't worry - I'll get to you by hook or crook...always do; you're first on my list. Night!

Hello Soulmate thanks for responding Lovely. I appreciate. Things are god awful. Such is my life. However, I've enough exposure to searing heatwaves here in Aussie Land that I greatly sympathise. It is already warming up here earlier than usual this year. Storms have come nearly 7 weeks before our actual season. I know how humidity fries the brain. My daughter gets migraines and they are shockingly horrific. You just get yourself well. You've been wonderful to myself & others. Time to have some time out & take care of yourself. Thinking of you & sending get well wishes.

Hello Peoples Problems, Soulmate I usually talk to but she is away. I'm devastated. Is there anybody out there who can talk to me please? Today I was told that my Mother will NEVER be allowed to return to the Home & Yard she loves so very much. I was told that my Step Father will also NEVER be allowed to return to their Home & Yard which he likes very much. The Govt has declared that all decisions have been taken out of their hands due to a domestic conflict they had. Mum rang the Police. Step Father rang the Ambos & had my Mother taken away. I've visited daily & done all I can for her. Feeling really down tonight & dreading the day coming when they take her kicking & screaming to a Nursing Home. She is already full of fear & panic. Feeling so worn out. My adult daughter just turned to me & said 'This is really ALL your fault. You were in a sense the catalyst of this outcome. Instead of her 80 B'Day party at Home in November she will be in a Govt run cheap & nasty Nursing Home'. I said to her 'how the hell is their domestic fight (I wasn't even there!) my fault or what has followed?' Daughter said two weeks ago Nanna asked you is she losing her marbles & begged you to tell her the truth. So Mum you did. You told her nicely that you feared she had early onset Dementia coupled with her already existing mental health issues. Then Nanna said 'so I'm going downhill then?'. You said 'yes Mum I fear you are'. BUT MUM YOU SIMPLY DON'T REALISE WHAT YOU DID. YOU TOLD A MENTAL LADY THAT SHE IS LOSING HER FACULTIES WHEN SHE SAID HER HUSBAND TOLD HER SHE IS NUTS. SO THEN NANNA RESPONDED WITH 'Well then I'll set my plan I've made in motion'. I'm guessing Mum you thought that meant her Will or something? BUT SHE IS MENTAL SO SHE PLANNED TO THROW YOUR STEP FATHER OUT FOR telling people she is going crazy. Her plan was clearly to throw him out & enjoy the rest of her life alone at home. It backfired. So Mum when they remove her kicky & screaming it is in essence your fault not your step fathers.

Right - here I am... I'll take it post-by-post... and try to be succinct (smirk). (Well, I can try!) "Hope this message finds you both well & happy." Contented with Happy Bit Sprinkles here and there, but not sure about well. Summer has been so "too much" that, now it's gone cooler (not really) for a few days, I can really feel how drained I am. Mostly only physically, though. Ta for asking. :) ********************************* "I have been doing some listening to and reading from the Narcissist information you provided when I can fit it in between the cleaning and packing. I've found it all really interesting, fascinating & sadly relatable." *Long, sharp-sounding intake of breath*.....YUP.........*long sigh* Probably made your mind go a million miles per hour as well. More. (Hahaha!) "My daughter and I are 'doing well'. The crowd cheers! We've had a few deep & meaningful conversations and she has been refreshingly calm." YES, IT DOES!!!! FAN-+++KING-TASTIC NEWS!!! Remember, though, before you celebrate - the process always goes too steps forwrd, 1, 2 or 3 back....like a lurching car. But that's a big lurch forwards so it's now perfectly within reach to do again and again - and start to perfect! BRILLIANT. BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT. :))))) That's made my day, that has! Oh, there's more!... "Saying things like 'thanks Mum for making that really nice dinner for me'," Oh, doooon't...you're gonna make me cry. (Too late.) (I can't see now) (What did you make? Did you put extra effort in or something or was this all her initiative?) (Sh*t, if you're that good - open a restuarant! LOL) "'hey Mum do you want me to listen to you? got anything you'd like to talk about?'." No way! Wow - REALLY?!?! WOW! Haha, she's out-competing you again! :D (You guys are FAAAAST.) "Only once did she retort rudely for no good reason, realised it and apologised with an explanation! I'm feeling warm & fuzziness towards my girl so I made her cookies LOL" BLOODY NORA, MATE - ME TOO! You made her cookies - you rewarded her in a concrete way? EXCELLENT, WELL DONE! The Positive Interactional Loop (as I call it) is OFF AND RUNNING, HOOORAYYYYYY! "It has been enlightening this change." Always is, yeah. All that bottom-line's been missing from both of you, is realising you both have incredible mind powers....you can change situations just with your mind. Mind Over Matter. And it's piss-easy...that's the self-kicker! "I changed MY way, manner & attitude (as per your advice & implemented some steps) there has been no quick to temper nor escalation of raised voices etc." There will be again, it's inevitable, two egos trying to share a house. But the point is - they'll be rare and the warm-fuzzies will be the norm. (And UP YOURS, Parents, Siblings and Family Legacy - I - Mrs So-Called-Powerless Doggie-Dilemma - am in fact, a mental wizard! And so is my daughter! This is, Manipulation (after all, even Hello is human manipulation), FOR THE POWER OF GOOD. It was never The Gun that was the problem, it was what it was being used for. Normal-healthy with gun will use it to protect or feed you. Abnormal-Unhealthy with gun will threaten to shoot you or actually shoot you. Don't blame the poor gun. Killing Someone With Kindness, it's called. (The Oldies are the Goodies.) "I gave her space (as advised you felt she needed alone, alone, alone). Gave us the chance to miss each others company. " GOLD STAR ("thlup!"). "She made (indirectly) some confessions. I picked up on it instantly. In a past fight she told me in anger that during her 'IMPROV' class the teacher assigned her the character of an evil, vindictive bitch. Then she added how the class said she did it 'fantastically'." AH. There again, could it simply be that she's got the gift of the gab that way? Or the confidence to pretend she was actually a bitch, where others didn't? The Villain is a star part as much as the Goodie - think about it. "This I believe because I've sneaked up to the window of the hall to watch her in action." Good move! (thlup!) "I was banned from any performances. Even on her big show nights she has made me wait outside down the street, in the dark and cold." Hahahaha - brings back memories or something similar from that "Don't stand near me, Uncool Wrinkly One!" phase. Or "Just drop me on the corner, not at the door...NO - THE CORNER - HERE, AAAGH!" :D "And no you CAN'T come inside their house to do a wee - do it outside!" (- as if!?). They think it makes them cool to be Without Parent (the teenage pretension of, "dun ave em, me, I'm a grown-up"). What they don't realise is that by treating parents as radio-active outside-of-doors, they're achieving the exact opposite of what they're after: showing their immaturity (anizzinidironic). Soon as I pointed out and explained it to son, he started toning it down. Symptom of the blind leading the blind due to lack of available role-modelling (using peers as somehow fonts of knowledge). "It has hurt my feelings excruciatingly but I realise she needed 'HER THING'. Anyway, back on topic." Thlup! (I know. It does. When you're tired/ill, whatever. Whereas, when you know the Why, you can secretly laugh at it and humour them more successfully.) "So as stated previously above during an old argument we had a long time back she yelled at me 'I'm fantastic at my role because I channel YOU! Yes everybody in my class is amazed at how well I can do evil, vindictive bitch'." OW. I can imagine. Oh, no - wait - I can remember! "This one hurled at me awhile back really stung. It has sprung back into my mind several times. Really left a scar. She yelled it at me on the side of the street when I'd come to escort her home. I did not speak for days." Natural thus correct response, actually, when done because you're injured, not trying TO injure. "I was hurt beyond and lay in my bed trying to figure out when I'd ever gone to that point." She was just ignorant and confused about what was really going on in that so-called family of yours, that's all. Mixed with angry and resentful. Standard stuff in her position. "A few nights ago she came up beside me while I was doing the dishes and said 'Mum, I miss improv' then 'you remember when I played the character of the wicked wife/mother figure' I held my breath and said 'yes I do'." I'm holding my breath and not looking RIGHT NOW, hahaha.....ok........... "She said 'it was Nanna I was channelling. it was very easy to do. I literally mimic how I've seen her with you.' I cannot begin to tell you how relieved I felt. I fought back tears. I said 'I love you. You know that right?'. She said 'no sloppy shit please' turned on her heels and left the room. It was a WOW moment. But wait there is more!" Mate, you don't need to tell me how you felt. I've been there. But - why fought back? BE VULNERABLE, BE VULNERABLE, BE VULNERABLE. Teach her how to be vulnerable AS HER DEFAULT with intimate relationshp 'partners' while there's still time. It's not about whether you cry, it's about how you feel about it thus deal with it ("haaaah, that's better...I needed that" - or - "happy tears, don't worry!". Be free. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to....You would cry too if it happened to you! Hahaha - no sloppy shit - HAHAHAHAHA!!! Here - what are you doing with my son in your house?? BRILLIANT. Right - next post...

PS: ""I was banned from any performances. Even on her big show nights she has made me wait outside down the street, in the dark and cold." Hahahaha - brings back memories or something similar from that "Don't stand near me, Uncool Wrinkly One!" phase. Or "Just drop me on the corner, not at the door...NO - THE CORNER - HERE, AAAGH!" :D "And no you CAN'T come inside their house to do a wee - do it outside!" (- as if!?)." The primary reason is because, it's YOU she wants to impress. She wants her Mum to be PROUD of her. She doesn't want to be seen LITERALLY in a bad light (or what she was convinced was) - BY YOU. It's another reason why they won't let you within their social zone. In case they uck-up or changes your opinion of them. That's a lifelong child need. Age immaterial.

Next post... "More on daughter... During another argument we had a few months back... She yelled at me 'my debilitating anxiety is because of YOU! YOU alone are to blame! It is the result of having been raised alone with you. ALL your fault. You have failed as a Mother. I'm a wreck and my hands shake and you are TOTALLY to blame. It wasn't my high pressure job. It was YOU the failed Mother. YOU ALONE CAUSED THIS! YOU DID THIS TO ME! I can't move out. I can't cope with life. I'm damaged and it was ALL YOU'. I HATE YOU!'. Once again impact fully felt. I asked her 'how?'. She told me to f_cK off and she stomped away. I put myself in my room with the dog and sobbed for hours." Understandably. But unnecessary. The truth stopped at 'raised alone' full-stop. You did not fail as a Mother. You failed as a Mother-&-Father. WELL, OF COURSE YOU BLOODY DID - HOW COULD YOU NOT? ARE YOU TWO PEOPLE?! NO! TAKES IMMENSE COURAGE AND PRACTISE, PRACTISE, PRACTISE, MAKES PARENTING *MORE* THAN TWICE AS HARD! And yes, she CAN cope. She's just post-traumatically (chronic as well as acute) processing, healing, recovering, meaning, her mind ISN'T FREE to get on with environmental stuff. There have been Tigers and Wolves surrounding her - F**K STUDIES, F**K WATCHING WHAT YOU EAT,....JUST DEAL WITH THE DANGER. That's how she's (correctly) programmed. She's been responding to normal-but-abnormal programme. She's just delayed but will make up that lost grouond BECAUSE of what a constant work-out her mind's had for so long. Brainiac City. Her schedule has simply been shuffled out of order. But so have too many other people's - the world over. She needs to chill. She'll always live there - the state of the economy has seen to that. You've both been fighting off dangerous predators. Little wonder, therefore. You're delayed, she's delayed, your relationship is delayed. But now you're both sprinting and gaining lost ground, FAST. And it's going to make the pair of you a pair of this-time POLISHED, SPARKLY, OBVIOUS Diamonds. You'll become more and more popular. And that's not the end of the end benefits, either. You two have won already. You've seen the other side of the dungeon compound now. You're over the wall and running through the trees. But back to the Then & There... "I am ashamed to admit that I had indeed forgotten what is coming next here so her revelation truly threw me. The experience at the time was so shocking and stressful that I think I may have actually put up a block against it in my mind." Long-Term-Victim-normal, to be expected. "That fact plus the stress of our daily life which has long since followed. BRACE FOR IMPACT READER!" Nah, thanks, LOL. Knowing you, there isn't any reason to. (You're a giant sucker for even needless guilt, aren't you....We have to deal with that.) "Daughter actually put down her tablet and phone. Switched off the tv from running in the background." Ooh. Serious. "Daughter said 'Mum are you busy? Do you want to talk?'. I said 'Sure. About what in particular?'." (Thlup!) "It came pouring out... 'Mum...you can't die. Ever. You can't leave me. I can't live alone. I'm scared. I can't get it together. I try. I act all brave. Inside I'm a mess. My hands shake and you know the tremors go up my arms sometimes. My anxiety was since Panel Van Man. Mum have you forgotten? I was only 14 Mum. I had a Stalker. We went through so much. I've never been more terrified in my life. I never got over that whole thing. You think I did get over it don't you? You think I've forgotten or put it away, gotten over it. I NEVER got over it Mum. I'm scared that I never will'." Oh, bless her little heart... She will. She can't Not. It's in her (delayed but now re-activated) programme). No worries. Anyway - that speech itself is Recovery made manifest so, that's a bit like complaining you're starving and need food WHILE you're chewing on a sandwich. "Reader: I was stunned! She then went on for over an hour recalling to mind exactly each experience that she went through. Reminding me of all that happened. I had indeed BLOCKED IT. I'd gotten up & gotten on with life." Too much in your In-Tray (MumDad and Faminily, etc., etc., etc.). "She behaved cool, tough & brave at the time. I realise now it was all an act." Trying not to be a burden. "It was great to hear that I'm not really the cause of her debilitating anxiety nor her work in the high end Jewellery industry (as she tells everyone). YET I AM TO BLAME! I failed to protect her. Now I know where some of the anger comes from towards me. How could I be so stupid as to not realise that she never got any kind of counselling. I remember saying she needed to talk to somebody about the trauma. She refused. This girl digs her heels in. She can be as stubborn as a mule. BUT YES THAT IS NO EXCUSE FROM ME. I DID INDEED FAIL HER! How do I fix this?"" You're not to BLAME. You're Responsible. Because you're Mum. Different thing. And you didn't fail to protect her. You were blocked with threatening missiles coming constantly at you. You simply failed to succeed in your attempts (with broken arms and legs and a To Do list as long as an Andrex Roll) to protect her against all odds. You ain't Superwoman. Again - not to BLAME. Just your responsibility, same as if this were a company, with her the Manager but you the Founder-Owner of the company. Buck stops with you. Doesn't have to be the director's fault per se. Just role thus responsibility. Got it? What do you mean, How do I fix this? In case you hadn't noticed - YOU ARE! You're right in the middle of doing it and that confession right there is the concrete evidence you're doing it and that it's working. 'HOW'. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!...You ARE funny, hahaha! Right, onto the next...

"She behaved cool, tough & brave at the time. I realise now it was all an act." Trying not to be a burden." She should be becoming an actress if she's that good. And that puts The Villain co-star casting in a positive light. Just a good enough actress to make the all-important Villain character seem real. (What a lovely, insightful, helpful drama teacher!) Daughter needs to take the Black-Tinted Glasses off now and see these things for the positives they are/were. You can keep helping her to do that.

PS: "DOGGYDILEMMA - Aug 29 2023 at 10:40" Thank-you. :) (Blush-blush)

Next... "TOTALLY NEW TOPIC: WOW! Never a dull moment in this dysfunctional family." That's the trouble. We NEED dull moments for coming up with our OWN, healthy-style excitements and POSITIVE dramas. And good ideas. "Three days ago my Mother rang me. She said she could talk because Stepfather was outside watering the garden." PARDON?! "She said she has asked him to leave! Pack his stuff & go!" PARDON?! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh. I get it.... you've set an example with your Warrior stance. Wow. "I said 'Mum why? What's going on?' She said 'this Bastard has turned out just like every other Bastard. I don't like him anymore'. I said 'what did he do?'" Yeah! WHAT did he do? "She said 'he's been treating her badly'. I asked 'how?'. She said 'controlling me'. Right then he came in & she quickly changed the topic onto the dogs." Righto. Is this Dementia talking or has he been an abusive spouse all along and only now is she 'coming out'? "________________________________ BACKGROUND: She has mentioned other concerning stuff before. Like he controls all her tablets. (I've wondered to myself is that why sometimes she is lucid and other times bat shit crazy?) Like he's been yelling at her. _________________________________" Okay. So - turns out your mother's an abused spouse (not behaving prettily), you're your mother's daughter and Daughter's her mother's daughter. Yep, this is a rotten Pass-The-Parcel line, alright (legacy). "Today Mum phoned. She sounded upset. Not stressed. Sad but very determined. She had a fire in her which I haven't heard for quite some time." Oo-er. "'Quickly, listen to me. I'm letting you know that I'm getting this man out no matter what it takes. I've had enough. He's been trying to control me. I have no idea what these tablets are he gives me. Please love (she never says that!) I need you to know some stuff is going to be changing really soon. I may need your help.' " Oooookaaayyy... Hmm. Going to need your help. Hmm.... Pity Ploy to made-up drama or real and very well hidden for ages? Let's see if she does, shall we? *Proceed with Caution* "She said so much more! ZERO SIGN OF DEMENTIA. TOTALLY HER OLD SELF." Old self? You mean, before she met him? "Said she'd stopped taking the 'handful' of pills he gives her daily. I said 'they are your anti depressants Mum aren't they?'. She said 'no. I haven't had those for ages. I have no idea what these are. He hands them to me with my morning coffee & tells me to take these'." Okayyy. "She said she found out that he's taken everything! Not a penny does she have literally. Not even her old handbag can she find. IT IS ALL GONE! A woman phoned & said she's coming out to assess me & have me taken away because he's said I'm non compos mentis. But Love I'm not that far gone. She was super calm (scarily so for my Mother) she said 'I've asked the Bastard to leave my house and reminded him that it is & always was 'ALL MINE!'." OH, IS IT! Symptom (parasite alert!!!). Okay, I'm convinced now. "Then he came inside & she quickly changed the topic to the dog over her neighbours fence." VERY lucid! "He demanded to know who was on the end of the phone and what she was saying. He was angry! She said 'I'm telling everybody what you've done. Taken my last cent. Where is it?' Repeated x 2" Oh, dear. Never tell your kidnapper what you're planning. "I'm phoning everybody. You won't get away with this. This is MY HOUSE! That is the car I bought you. My bank account and everything I saved my whole life for my three kids when I'm gone. WHERE IS IT YOU BASTARD!" Woah. "In the background an angry voice (his) answered in a tone which my daughter & I have never heard before from him. 'It is mine. All of it. The house IS MINE!!! (HE EMPHASISED). 'Your out of your head and all your money is gone!'. 'Gone bloody where?' she yelled. 'You an a**se h*le. where is my kids money? That is theirs. It isn't yours not a single penny ever was. You had nothing!'" Right. She's married to a Covert. (Are they legally married?) "So much more. Too much dialogue to type." Well, at least - what did he say to that? "NOTE: My stepfather came in to her life 30 years ago with a bicycle he rode everywhere. He'd never owned a car. Mum bought him his first car. She's bought all cars since. The 3 of us kids have always been a bit miffed as she never bought us a car. We grew up without one. Stepfather rented a one bedroom unit in a very old fashioned, cheap rental block in a dodgy suburb. Mum owned her house outright. Mum inherited my Grandparents money. Mum had Superannuation from when she finished working a number of years ago. Mum also had money on term deposit. I've no idea what to do? I can't afford a Lawyer." You don't need a lawyer. This isn't a Civil case. It's called being long-term scammed. Fraud. You call the Police. "I'm estranged from my Brother for past 7 years. I'm not on speaking terms at the moment with my Sister. They both live far away. I'm the only child she has here. My girl is the only Grandchild she knows well or sees regularly. Now I'm sick in the stomach because I know my Mum. She said 'don't come here until you next hear from me. Just want you to know things are happening'. It is not outlandish to say she just may kill him!" I'd better read on...

Or he may kill her. PS: If this is true - you won't all be estranged for long.

Next post... "Well it just happened didn't it. 2am phone call. Police Station. They have my Mum & my Step Father. What a year! I can't sleep. I'm scared of what is coming next." ******************************************************************* Next... "OMG! How I wish I had somebody here to support and help me. This has gotten really bad. I'm shaking. Police & Ambo attended Mum/Stepfathers house last evening. They stayed 2 hours. _________________________________________________________ This morning she has phoned me screaming & crying. Saying Stepfather has hit her. She fell to the tiles. She has an egg on the back of her head. He is yelling & denying. He is aggressive to me via the telephone. The Police have been wrung & say they are attending another big matter & can't get out there for some time. I'm shaking. I'm very nearly vomiting. I'm scared." ******************************************************************* Next... "Shockingly bad day unfolded. Mum is in Hospital. Police calls, social welfare calls, lawyer calls, denials, recriminations. I just don't know anymore. I'm exhausted and the Hospital want me back there again tomorrow early for a round table discussion." ****************************************************************************************************************************** Right. Roger all of that. What's the latest?

PS: This 'setting the bar'...'leading the way'..... is very common in this, your life situation. The mother sees the daughter rearing-up and dealing with her bullies (including - unwittingly? - her included), which gives her "the shames" which aids the courage to follow her lead (if she can - I can). (Told you you were scapegoated because your sense-able internal power threatened the Narc Family Order, didn't I. YOU'RE the only one in that family fit to run it. And that's the truth. And why so many of them hate/hated it.) So, NOT Dementia-ed. Drugged. So mimic Dementia. Poisoned. Typical, veteran Narc-Spath and newly single mum who rushes (rather than recovers) into the arms of a SEEMING hero. And it then, whatever point along, turns out he's not JUST a bstd behind closed doors, but he's the exact opposite of a hero. Anyway - latest?

Prediction: This is going to (IF she was only ever narcissised, not narcissIST....and narcissistIC can be fixed) end up as The Golden Girls. All three of you living in the same house and getting on great.

Oh, wait - there is more... Just before I continue, though: "Soulmate I usually talk to but she is away." 'She'? Nobody on here knows my gender. Out of interest - how come you've assumed She?

Post dated 29 Aug: "I'm devastated. Is there anybody out there who can talk to me please? Today I was told that my Mother will NEVER be allowed to return to the Home & Yard she loves so very much. I was told that my Step Father will also NEVER be allowed to return to their Home & Yard which he likes very much. The Govt has declared that all decisions have been taken out of their hands due to a domestic conflict they had. Mum rang the Police. Step Father rang the Ambos & had my Mother taken away. I've visited daily & done all I can for her. Feeling really down tonight & dreading the day coming when they take her kicking & screaming to a Nursing Home. She is already full of fear & panic." Don't worry about that. The Police and medical profession, particularly A&E, see these sorts of injuries (and attempted lies/justifications by the perp), all day, every day, all day, every day, all day, all day, every day, all day, ev- got it? "Feeling so worn out." Bound to be! "My adult daughter just turned to me & said 'This is really ALL your fault. You were in a sense the catalyst of this outcome. Instead of her 80 B'Day party at Home in November she will be in a Govt run cheap & nasty Nursing Home'. I said to her 'how the hell is their domestic fight (I wasn't even there!) my fault or what has followed?' Daughter said two weeks ago Nanna asked you is she losing her marbles & begged you to tell her the truth. So Mum you did. You told her nicely that you feared she had early onset Dementia coupled with her already existing mental health issues. Then Nanna said 'so I'm going downhill then?'. You said 'yes Mum I fear you are'." How were you to know it wasn't dementia? You're not Telepathic, nor a medical expert? And actually, the behaviours of the two aren't that dissimilar. *shrug* Methinks she - in panic - reverted to her 'comfort-zone' - old habits. "BUT MUM YOU SIMPLY DON'T REALISE WHAT YOU DID. YOU TOLD A MENTAL LADY THAT SHE IS LOSING HER FACULTIES WHEN SHE SAID HER HUSBAND TOLD HER SHE IS NUTS. SO THEN NANNA RESPONDED WITH 'Well then I'll set my plan I've made in motion'. I'm guessing Mum you thought that meant her Will or something? BUT SHE IS MENTAL SO SHE PLANNED TO THROW YOUR STEP FATHER OUT FOR telling people she is going crazy. Her plan was clearly to throw him out & enjoy the rest of her life alone at home. It backfired." Sorry??? Are you now telling me that it WAS all a ruse by your mother? That he DIDN'T make off with the marital wealth, etc.? "So Mum when they remove her kicky & screaming it is in essence your fault not your step fathers." I still don't get her point, sorry. Explain what she's saying - in plain English?

Sorry, I honestly meant no offense in presuming you are female. I do apologise. I think the 'hugs' sort of made me think so. I'm old World. Old fashioned. Only ever imagine a woman being so caring. I'm no good with the pro nouns. I'm not thinking straight.

No offence was taken at all - I said 'out of interest'. "Only ever imagine a woman being so caring." Just an assumption (based on bad experiences) - okay. That answers it - cheers! :)

(Carry on answering - soz for the interruption) PS: "The Govt has declared that all decisions have been taken out of their hands due to a domestic conflict they had. Mum rang the Police. Step Father rang the Ambos & had my Mother taken away." You mean, while they're sorting out what's what and who's who?

Wait up - think I can answer my own question: "A woman phoned & said she's coming out to assess me & have me taken away because he's said I'm non compos mentis. But Love I'm not that far gone. " I'm not THAT FAR gone. Okay, so she HAS been medically diagnosed with early onset dementia but, as she rightly says, she's not THAT far gone. And got MORE LUCID from secretly NOT taking her so-called dementia pills. Surely this is too easily proven true or delusion, by someone taking a look through all of hers and any joint bank-account and other statements?

The Story Goes according to Doctors & Social Welfare Worker: Mum confessed. For many days leading up to this physical altercation that she had been yelling at him that they are over, get his stuff & leave. How he'd 'Controlled' her for long enough. How he'd taken all her money. So she thought that possession is 9/10 tenths of the law. Therefore she needed to get him out of her house as it technically in beginning of their relationship everything was hers & provided by her. He came into the relationship with a bicycle & his job (that is where they met). He rented a one bedroom unit. So moved into her first house which she owned outright (my childhood home) with her. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Her now home is way, bigger, better, more beautiful with many rooms. No debt or loans. She owned this house 'outright' also. She got the idea in her head back then that as her 3 kids were adult and all newly married (30+years ago now) that she'd need a bigger place with better yard so Grandchildren could come & stay. She told me at the time she wasn't sure about her relationship with Bill as to where it was going. She liked her independence. But unlike my Father he was a gentle natured, kind man who put up with her bipolar/manic mood swings when few would. Soon he proposed. They got married on my daughter's Christening Day when she was 5 months old. So after honeymoon, they moved into new fancy home together. She quit working (the plan to be a stay at home Grandmother to help her adult kids out. Saying she wanted to make up for the past. Total BS!!! Real reason was she was tired of working and wanted to enjoy her home and appear as though a 'kept woman'. She adores gardening. Needed the time to create it. She did. It is lovely. So she retired early & he kept working. His wage was very small. She had inheritances, divorce settlement, superannuation & savings. The deal was she'd buy him his first car. She had no confidence to drive. She laughingly said to him 'you may be my Chauffeur' they'd bank the remainder of her money and use his for day to day living. However, his income could not cover the bills and everything. So she set aside a budget and paid whatever was needed after his wage. In the following years her behaviours 'mentally' got worse. Grandchildren visited rarely & only stayed once! Because she lost her he mables OFTEN! They called her 'The Witch' & they were scared of her. I would never leave my girl with her unsupervised unless it was for an hour or so to duck out to the store. I trusted my step father to look out for my little girl and I rang to check on her constantly. We stepfather and I had a phone code. So if Mum was 'no good as in her mood was showing signs of turning darker' I'd come back very quickly to rescue my girl before she Mum could turn too sinister. I knew my Mums behavioural patterns well. Jekyll to Hyde. I was a single Mum so occasionally needed to go to the Doctor or whatever without my little girl in tow. Bro & Sis rarely visited with their kids same goes to this day. After they all witnessed a few of Mums episodes (both siblings did use her for overnight baby sitting. I would not!). Bro & Sis and their families moved far away. Mum NEVER sees them nowadays. For many, many years now. My daughters whole growing years. Dealing with Mum was left to my Step Father and myself. He was often lost as to how to handle 'the woman'. I have been called to rescue many times. I can placate her. Nobody else can! Adult Sis got hit so did her kids. Yet she kept using Mum sporadically for child minding. Adult Bro kids got frightened when she threw one across the room (I was not there) and that was his last straw for no over night stays however he still used Mum & Step Father for sporadic regular long child minding as in 5 hours or so if he & wife were going to the Theatre, Restaurants or whatever. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Sorry it is all just too messy & too long. If you don't know the full story I don't know how it can be pieced together for an outsider.

Over the years she has treated him 'shockingly'! Understatement! Example: My Sisters little boy when 3 was asked at the shops if this man was his Grandfather. His response was 'no he is Nanna's Butler'. We had warned him before they married about how she is. He'd never seen it prior! He said he knew what he was in for but loved her regardless. We wished him luck. My husband at the time said 'hope you can duck quickly mate'. My husband told him not to marry Mum. My sisters husband told him not to marry mum.

Back to present day. I am 'supposed' to be at the Hospital with Mum right now so I best be off. I DON'T WANT TO GO! I'm avoiding. Brother took control of the situation yesterday! (Bastard hasn't seen her in nearly two years) He took control of me (or tried to. it didn't go over well.) He took control of my sister. (he succeeded with her but she is crying). He took control of step father (he crumbled like a biscuit)

Today...I arrived at the Hospital and Stepfather was allowed in (previously they'd banned him) Mum was totally lucid (not impressed with everything!) I spent 10mins there before daughter rang in a state to say there was another riot going on outside our back door & she was terrified. The third this year. I jumped in a Taxi & rushed home. _______________________________________ A few hours later Mum got dressed & attempted her escape out of the Ward. She was furious because a Nurse has stated she could leave today (got wrong patient chart). Mum yelled & screamed at everyone. They sedated her. She is now watched closely considered a runner risk. They won't let me talk to her. She has been crying, talking to nobody & staring out the window. Big storm happened (literally) unusual for this time of the year. Apt! Stepfather told Aunt he loves being at home with the TV, food, Scotch & peace all to himself. I'm livid. _________________________________________ Hospital phoned to advise they have now arranged an all round family session for tomorrow morning regarding Mums future. Was to be Stepfather with Myself (both present) & Sister (via phone conference) However Brother abused the crap out of everybody & got permission to attend WTF! Brother demands 'chuck her in a nursing home'. Stepfather invited him (agrees chuck her in a nursing home). Stepfather also invited the Aunt she agrees 'chuck her in a nursing home'. I'm furious! These people will over rule me & dominate backing each other up. Why is Mum disposable? Sister can't quite make up her mind. Guess whose spent time with Mum this year? Myself, Stepfather & my Daughter. Brother last stopped by for 5 mins about two years ago. I LOST MY S_ _ t today! Can't stop crying & have bad heart pains. I'm so worried, scared, tired. Tried to convince daughter to attend. She said 'no' but will join via 'phone conference' method. Trust me when I say 'This Meeting will not go over well'.

(Mate, if you're copying and pasting in from Word or whatever, can you sort the disruption to your formatting before you press Submit, please? Ta. Or type in here and keep doing the Control-A, Control-S to save, that I showed you up there, if you're worried about losing it?) There's far more to this than meets the eye, in terms of your mother and her marriage. "If you don't know the full story I don't know how it can be pieced together for an outsider." Never under-estimate me, Grasshopper. ;) I can extrapolate while holding a huge number of evidence pieces up in the air as I do so, backwards, forwards, sideways, using my frame of references, no problemo and am gobsmackingly patterns-sensitive. Etcetera. I just need the true data to do it. So please do answer every single question, don't miss any, yeh? Read this SLOWLY and pause to think between paras...all of that.. And as I'm going bit by bit - only ignore my questions if you've answered them in your subsequent post to this. 'Cheers, Little Ears!' :) We need to try to get to the bottom of this. Your inheritances are at stake. I've seen this set-up (the one I now heavily suspect) too many times with the so-called Stepfather or Mother, believe you me. Here's (some of) what I see. (Taking it post by post, para by para again.) He was basically a loser who could barely support himself in adult fashion, let's face it. To him, she was his Sugar Mummy who scooped him out of the gutter, not least because then she'd have home help, including get to own a car at last (and a driver because she'll never have the confidence to pass a test now, at her age). Maybe she did say, you can be my chauffeur. But maybe it was to make him FEEL better - in response to his fake self-pitying, fake dented-pride about how bad he felt that she had to shout him a car (- classic Spath manipulation: 'Oh, but, oh, but, I couldn't, it's not righ- *grab*'. You're left convinced that they DO have a problem with being kept (nope, they love it...Master-Slave/Prey for-REAL! Evil Gigalos.)). Question: is he younger than her? Certainly, he was notably far behind her in life stage and achievements. Anyway, sounds like it was a transactional arrangement to me at that point (which all narc relationships are). Allegedly, your grown-woman mother was so jaw-droppingly naive that she thought she could MARRY him yet still get to keep her own wealth and assets (divorce settlement) mostly to herself? Who is that naive they don't know that marriage means 'all my worldly goods I thee endow'? She wasn't eight. That bit doesn't ring true AT all. Not if she had this financial plan/that plan all organised, uh-uh. Maybe there was a private arrangement, that she naively believed, but which he ended up "somehow" not sticking or being 'unable' to stick to (again - classic move)...as has lately elevated to his helping herself. Never mind how ill SHE may or may not be - that doesn't change the fact that a smaller bully (Narc) can be hooked by a bigger one (Narc-parasite) who wants to conveniently appropriate a lonely and not very capable divorcee's lifestyle elevation and otherwise unattainable, comfortable retirement for-free. I mean - where was his male pride?! Normal-healthy-functional men don't WANT to be the kept man. They want to earn and own their OWN car! And they want to, like the rhyme, 'pull out a plumb, and think, what a good boy am I'. And then there's "Intermittent Reinforcement", leaving the victim (especially if she's a control-freak at that point herself) desperate to do something to get him out of this, his latest NOT Nice Guy phase (rather than just say: I didn't sign up for this outrageous nonsense - eff-off. It's bloody hard to get rid of them when they're living in your house, though). It just has to be seen to work the first time and there follows her 'magic wand' - spend, spend, spend (on him). But she wasn't naive, naturally, was she. Look at all the financial planning and organisation she'd had in place before she met him and he moved in! And we're supposed to believe SHE spent it all, without knowing what and when she was spending, whereby now it's all gone and she's shocked, only just realised?! (Question: did she eventually give him access?) Doesn't gel. Questions: 1. Why, as you clearly overheard, was he angry that she was even ON the phone, and demanding to know who it was and what was being talked about? Any justification for that? Otherwise, that sounds exactly like how a Dominator and Coercive Controller behaves. It certainly doesn't gel with his being "a gentle natured, kind man", the opposite of her ex-husband/your father, or "lost as to how to handle her", now, does it. (THINK, DD, THINK! Get your daughter looking into this with you!) 2. Is she formally diagnosed as Bipolar? Or is it a mis-diagnosis for the terrible state your father left her in? (3. And again - is she formally diagnosed Early Onset Dementia-ed?) 4. And has he or has he not, spent all of her money without her consent and knowledge? And look at this: This man had her and everyone believing that he's so mild-mannered and gentle that he could do nothing to get involved and assert himself over her during those episodes as even badly affected the kids. And yet, you've just heard him asserting himself - behaving like her boss or dad - JUST FINE. How does THAT work? Doesn't gel, does it. Never does with Spaths. What kind of man would shout and yell at his wife when she has early onset Dementia, anyway? (Answer: one who's ego is too immature to not take any of it personally OR one who's trying to hurry her along, beat her up while she's down.) Maybe she treated him "really badly" BACK. He's endured (but meantime, probably emotionally covert-manipulated her), where other men wouldn't, for the money. After all, it sounds like the marriage would NOT have been HER idea, look: " She told me at the time she wasn't sure about her relationship with Bill as to where it was going. ((BECAUSE)) She liked her independence." (which standard statement usually also means, financial independence). He managed to talk her round. Ultimatum-ed her with ending it, maybe (classic move), and because she was desperate, she gave in. At the start, he probably told her he wasn't that interested in money, generally, that he was a simple man with simple needs - 'as she could plainly see for herself'...that he could live quite happily on very little...liked the simple life (classic move). Put it this way, someone must have given her the belief that she COULD marry yet simultaneously act financially as if they were unmarrieds because 'the only reason he needed to be married was so that X (something legal or beaurocratic), not the money'. Yeah, a lot of Spath's victims' have swallowed that kind of line. Many had no intention of re-marrying, had made that repeatedly crystal-clear from the start. Strangely hadn't even been that into him to begin with and don't really know WHEN or HOW they'd suddenly found themselves hooked ("Trauma Bonding"). And yet, that didn't stop him (or her), the N-Spath, from pushing. Meanwhile, looking like the sane one...like butter wouldn't melt... And always showing his best Nice Guy mask to, this case, you, the closest daughter, being so helpfully cooperative (codewords, etc.) with you. Well, how helpful and cooperative and mild-mannered-gentle is it to SHOUT at someone, you know, has early onset Dementia. Who brings their partner's pills to them, in their hand, rather than just the whole bottle and then dispense them in front of her (people do that without thinking)? Maybe he's decided he doesn't want to wait/endure any more to inherit her wealth. Maybe HE Jekyll & Hydes her, ambushes, destabilizes and revs her up, possibly for hours or ALL NIGHT, before you turn up, and what you see is, so to speak, her Jekyll & Hyde REACTION in line with his J&H INPUT. Spaths are very, very good at winding you up into an incredible state, RIGHT BEFORE, say, family turn up (and if you're a Benign/Classic Narc, your ego makes you engage, rise to the bait, where a healthy one might not fall for it*)...but which he'd kept going for hours in the run-up. In front of family/others, the Spath then looks like Mr Cool Benign. In contrast, the still-distraught victim ends up looking like the mad - or in your mother's case, madder one. If you've jumped into a relationship too soon after a giant Narc ex, you're even easier to manipulate and wind up into a lather because your neurology hasn't recovered, making you still in Fight Or Flight mode, easily set-off. The Police Domestic Crime Units had to be trained to see through that one: "It's not me, Officer, it's her! - she's out-of-control...hysterical, look at her...she just went crazy at me!". Look at this in that same vein: "Example: My Sisters little boy when 3 was asked at the shops if this man was his Grandfather. His response was 'no he is Nanna's Butler'." SEEING IT? Who the hell would say that! What kind of man would want people to KNOW that? (LOCAL shop, was it? Course it was). Again, where's his normal-healthy, male pride? What kind of man thinks that's appropriate to say in front of a 3-year-old! (How (classic) Irresponsible! How opportunistic (aka IMPULSIVE). Answer: someone so overly aware of and intent on ONLY his agenda (and social rules and etiquette be damned) to slowly and steadily throughout the fauxlationship, slander his victim behind her back, to make her look bad (and therefore, later indefensible) and he like the put-upon, dominated, poor wee man. (Or they're 'only saying it - just between you and he, of course - because they're CONCERNED about their love, lie-lie-blah-blah'. It's another classic in the Narc-Spath playbook (low-functioning). And so is their getting themselves 'taken away from all of this', their living on the fringes of society (only one or two steps up from a bum). (*Just quickly: Another trap a benign narc or borderline, 2nd-time-victim falls into, is this: more than wanting to end it - not wanting ANYONE outside of doors to know that she 'has failed' again, chosen ANOTHER dud. Her pride would be her downfall, keep her incarcerated and trying-trying-trying to make things better - Frustration City...you end up blowing your top, unusually unplanned (but they "Whistle Blow" in company as well. (Although, NOT including, hurling a kid, I swiftly add.) But I wouldn't want boistrous kids around me if I were in that state, no. The stress they stoke in you is unbelievable....fraught and distraght.) What kind of man wouldn't be doing everything he could to KEEP his beloved (the woman he loves sooo much he would CHOOSE to put up with her 'bipolar') at home with him in the house she loves for as long as possible. Loving spouses are in agony when the time comes and they have to agree with the doctor to let them go into a home (which is NOT during early onset!). What kind of man wouldn't, having seen what he saw, TAKE OVER the babysitting to as to ensure she COULDN'T take her 'outbursts' out on the grandkids? Instead, do nothing and let it keep happening? Come off it. It's pure Machievellianism. What kind.... Awww...I could go on and on with the giveaways I've seen, but, suffice it to say - I do not trust him A JOT and I think you should surf the following site (which deals with every aspect - if not angle - of an N-Spath and how he/she is like in a fauxlationship. I repeat: just because you're a small, 'petty' bully, doesn't mean you can't be targetted by a bigger, more serious bully. Especially a parasitic one if you've money (including inheritances set aside for your kids): ___________ https://www.truelovescam.com/5-stages-of-true-love-scam/ By Jennifer Smith (survivor-turned-honorary-lay-expert) Extracts ((my double parentheses - and note especially where I've typed NOTE against the most discernible parallels with your mother's 'marriage')): "True Love Scam: A Nightmare on Steroids True love scam is a nightmare of epic proportions. It starts out feeling magic, even beyond normal relationships. ((Or even just, nothing like the ex, the seeming complete opposite in nature and personality, sooo kind and sooo gentle.s)) This is an occurrence that brings pain and loads of confusion. It’s an event that comes to light slowly as we’re in what we think is a true love relationship only to discover it isn’t...." ___________ ((these are the stages of the scam:)) "Catch Our Eye: Assess The first thing that happens is that we notice that someone notices us. Maybe this happens online, on a dating app, at a party, or through a friend. Could be a work colleague, or classmate. There’s also the built-in romance of an old friend reaching out. In this first moment of introduction, the user does an assessment; a rapid-fire intake of who we are as potential prey. It’s here and in this split second of sizing us up that the sociopath aka narcissist feels out how to get a foot stuck into the door of our life. If we happen to have unresolved trauma from other similar life invasions, they’re delighted because they know we’re still spun out. They *smell that we don’t understand what happened..." ((*Smell, eh, Jennifer? What happened to 'sense'? Hmm...methinks someone's recent site update now includes a few nabbings of my lifelong, unique sayings. Oh, well, at least it's getting spread around, that's the main thing ...bit like Americans now say Bloody this/that (I think that was my fault - I started on American sites (because it's the Mother Ship), sorry, LOL). Oh, but if one more American says: I could - instead of couldn't - care less, I will SCREAM!...all over the internet! Here - Jen - if you're looking (course you are, we all are!) - spread this: "Swot Narx Do" (It's What Narcs Do)...has a double-meaning 'n all: "Swot Narcs - do!" ("We Super-Nova Empaths, will, thank-you, we always do, eh, "M'Colleague"!) LOL. Anyway - my usually laid-back ego made me burp that, LOL. She and all the other overt, veteran experts must know I'm 'underground/under-cover/incognito' by now so...what am I going to do about it? (shrug). I wouldn't want to be referenced, anyway...can't think of anything worse than fame - do what?! - UGH. Can you?! So what am I even complaining about? ...Back to the regular, scheduled programme... (I think I'm tired thus a bit susceptible to indignation today...sweat, sweat, ruddy sweat... Still, at least you know I'm *not* a robot/computer programme posing as human, LOL. PS: You can spread it round for me as well: -"SWOT NARX DO!". Let's see how long it takes to get into the common vernacular. "Backatcha" is mine as well (took 2 years to get on the radio). Just saying... haha, what am I like today! Your family, I think! :D It can be infectious, though, it really can - if you're not careful, hence RL sessions are limited to under an hour (yeah - see?...'*method* in their madness'. I'll shut up now...)) "Contact: Win Trust and Empathy As normal people, when we meet a new person, we want to be pleasant and leave it at that. Friendships and romance with normal people go at an easy pace and blossom naturally with mutual interest and effort on both sides. From this devious parasitic predator’s side, they know something that we do not. They know that they desire to get into our lives to take and use as much as they can before they exit. They know that exiting does not mean they won’t want to come back for more. They must work quickly to get in, to hook us hard so that they can make use of us, and then to get out before we see or know too much that could tear their house-of-cards life apart." ((Obviously in your scenario, your stepfather wants her incarcerated, whereby he then sells the house from under her and effs-off somewhere, untraceable, goes back to living in a hovel, waiting for the next 'sucker'. This is the (er) human version of a Tick. A Tick sits, waiting, waiting, waiting, on the end of a branch of blade of grass, sat on its behind, claws up and out....the target brushes past them - WHOOMPH! - claws in your clothing and crawling towards your vulnerable (thin skinned) areas to get under your skin and stay there until they've gorged your lifeforce, before DROPPING OFF (and maybe left you with the slow-death-sentance called Lyme's Disease). They're so similar, it's eerie. They don't like spending their own money, are happy to live in someone's freezing-cold garage in between targets (perched on the end of the blade of grass), especially as it all helps to make the target take pity on he who does not belong in, is too cultured and classy for, a hovel!...thus dare to get near to and then feel somehow obliged to share their wealth with he who not only contributes woefully too little, but COSTS (like Stepfather). They're lazy, uncooperative, can't 'be told' by even their boss, and bounce from low-wage job to low-wage job or petty criminality. BECAUSE MOVING-IN/MARRYING WOMEN WITH MORE MONEY/ASSETS THAN THEM IS THEIR REAL JOB. They don't get emotionally attached full-stop, not even to a home or place or country...drifters, a lot of them, the low-functionals. BUT SEE HOW THEY'LL PUT UP WITH *ANYTHING* FOR MONEY-MONEY-MONEY! Some are content to stay, having cheated their way up the social status ladder...until you (- hah!) become too much trouble, like, start to question them and their behaviour... or they're bored and/or see a shinier object elsewhere and jump ship (go to the shops and never come back isn't exactly uncommon). Whatever. They can always try coming back, Hoovering you...BECAUSE ALL MALIGNANT NARCS ENSURE TO LEAVE YOU IN THAT CERTAIN STATE - LIKE YOUR MOTHER WAS AFTER YOUR FATHER: DESPERATE AND UNABLE TO THINK STRAIGHT - ping-ping-ping!! Their being so down on their luck and penniless is NEVER their fault, but other people and circumstances...they've been cheated!...KEPT or REDUCED down...they're a victim just like you (not). That's why a woman wants to get him OUT of that hole. It's rubbish. They live like that to preserve their secret bank accounts that you never know of or see statements to...just the scam-prop one: Current Account Balance: Ten piddly quid-fifty. They also, some, need secret funds for criminal acts. They just want a YACHT for zero sweat and don't care how they get it or who gets hurt in the process.)) "The way they get what they want is surprisingly simple: they drop the bait. Bait is in nearly every word they say and most easily seen when they say things like, I’ve always wanted a Mercedes… Or, we’d make beautiful babies… Or, my roommate owes rent, I need to move out… Or, we can be married and live in different places… The pathological user is hoping we pick up the bait and fulfill what they’re fishing for. The bizarre hypnotic and stunning effect that comes along with the narcissist aka sociopath means that very often we do just that. They aren’t actually geniuses; they’re simply being what they are. This is the invisible, powerful, and misunderstood element of their inborn quality of coercive control, that thing about them that we might think of as “charm”. (("Sociopathic Hypnotic Effect")) Narcissists aka Sociopaths Believe Our Things are Theirs ((GOD, yes!)) The other way they take and use couldn’t be more simplistic. They take it…whatever they want. Extra room in the closet ((yup!)), our credit cards ((ohhh, yup! - not me, though, I prepared well, before he landed)), cash, cars ((- once. I WENT BALLISTIC, well, quietly-growlily anyway)), and our friends become their prey. ((yup-yup-yuppety-yup!)) These people who make use of others as a way of life take as easily as we breathe. They lie about who they are and what they intend. This is how they live. There’s no such thing as “boundaries” on what they will or will not do. ((Poo on your bedsheet, anyone?...whether Depp did it and framed Heard or she did it before she left, we'll never know...although, I'd have thought he'd have taken a photo as evidence, wouldn't you?...it's certainly what most people would feel themselves urged to do....funny, that.)) We may not see this for a long time. The thing is, we as regular people look at the world through a lens of “good” and aren’t expecting or even aware that people who live by using other people exist. That’s okay – and that’s about to change. Take and Use More True love scam can go on for quite some time or can be a short yet soul-ripping tumble. ((*))I give guided recovery and restoration sessions with clients who’ve been in it for their entire lives, with parents who are sociopaths, from 30-year marriages to only months, to a span of entrapment of just a few months. Or maybe all three. ((*Free advertising, Jen - in exchange for you spreading Swot Narx Do for me, cheers. LOL)) ((I like her - she's feisty and calls a spade a spade, doesn't sugar-coat it...non-PC like me.)) In all that time what they ((the N-Spath)) never stop wanting is more. More money, more sex – or no sex – more stuff, more freedom to go about their day and night in any way they wish. They continue the promises, and the swings from being either nice or mean. These different tactics are made in hopes that some emotion or other of ours will be tapped and that we’ll give up what they want in response to our own emotions. Fail and Bail and Smear This last bit is a trio of head-shaking, gut-wrenching poop. It’s possible you’ve heard of people referring to the end of the true love scam as the time when the narcissist aka sociopath “devalues” and “discards” us. There’s a specific way we shine the light on these surreal rides in coo-coo land ((La-La Land)) to see the truth and resolve loss, be safe, heal, restore our lives, and become user proof forever. Yes, you feel devalued and discarded, but this is not what’s happening. Our emotions about what they do – no matter how strong our emotions are, do not accurately reflect the pathological user’s intention or motivation or purpose, or goal. ((Yup. No looking at them through your Normal Bloke lens or you're done for.)) Our emotional reactions do not explain the purpose of their actions. In truth, this disintegrating madness spanning the closing months or weeks ((or years)) reveals the sociopath aka narcissist as they fail and bail. This isn’t readily seen by us from our normal way of thinking; our not seeing this is what they count on. ((NOTE!)) The thing is: things aren’t going so well for them. The days of easeful and plentiful taking and using are failing… so they bail. Just as all they do… it’s basic rather than the work of a mastermind: the scam fails, they bail. ((Stepdud is trying to get HER bailed instead! Using her 'dementia' (probably just Reactive BPD - and the narcissism is natural (injured animal being self-focused) but huge...daughter-becomes-mother shows daughter-becomes-mother shows daughter..., as I've already pointed out re. the legacy (almost constantly too over-distraught to tackle things properly, be articulate, leading to over-heated verbal slanging matches, etc.) running down from her to you to daughter. Just because he ("Impressions Management / The Mask Of Sanity" (or loveliness/niceness) acts gentle and self-contained in public, doesn't mean he's the same behind closed doors - AS YOU ONLY JUST OVERHEARD - INCLUDING HOW HE SPOKE FOR THE FIRST TIME, TO YOU. Question: Did you think, Who are you and what have you done with my stepfather? It's quite simple: the Narc/Narc-Spath gives you the same (but more intensive) treatment their trusted carers gave them as made them become like that. Given time, it'll make you like that too. If they don't want or have time, they do it in highly condensed fashion instead (acute rather than chronic). But they do to you what they were shown to do: DOMINATE AND LIVE ALL-RULES-AND-TABOOS-FREE. Not rocket science. Just Grooming and Brainwashing a 'powerless', 'weaker' (weakened) person using psychological warfare and torture tactics (the ones thought-up by Narc interrogators).)) Smearing is The Narcissist’s aka Sociopath’s Self Protection ((NOTE!)) During the fail-and-bail, ((or right from the start of the fauxlationship)) the sociopath aka the narcissist concentrates heavily on talking badly about us to other people ((usually in the faked manner of love and concern)). This is called the smear campaign. It’s literally a campaign taken up by the pathological user to convince others that they’re good and normal and amazing and that we were the problem and in fact, that we’re crazy. This is unavoidable. Every sociopath aka narcissist does this. They do it, in the same way, every time. The reality is, they’ve been talking trash about you to someone – or to several someones – since the day you met. Remember the things they told you about others? – We each become a woven fabrication of a version of a story for their use in the future about their past. Seeing This For What it Is True love scam follows a specific cycle or phases whether the narcissistic hijacking goes on for three days or thirty years. It’s horrific to extract ourselves from. – In other words, what you’re feeling is normal. The doubt, the sadness the confusion is all part of this. When it started, what we didn’t know is that this person hooked us. With any predator the early attention is overwhelming, and their enthusiasm is contagious. Their actual intention in our lives is not seen… it’s impossible to see because this narcissistic abuse or coercive control is something we didn’t know existed. The basis of this is that these are crimes rather than relationships. This isn’t readily accepted when we still feel like we love them or had good times together. This is hard to see when we think that they are the way they are because of something as off the mark as a “tough childhood”. Seek Answers That Fit If you experienced the five stages of a true love scam, consider yourself as targeted and ensnared by a pathological user, a predator, a sociopath, a narcissist if that’s the term you’ve discovered. The thing is, an actual diagnosis of them isn’t needed. ((Nope. It's all in the actions and lack of...like *not* intervening then taking over as Main Sitter like a normal bloke would do when seeing your partner-sitter acting crazy/unfit with the kids, N'EST PAS!) There’s a specific way we shine the light on these surreal rides in coo-coo land to see the truth and resolve loss, be safe, heal, restore our lives, and become user-proof forever. I invite you to seek answers. Answers that fit in place, and resolve that burning question or that piece of the puzzle. Our experience reveals what we’re facing. Delving into what our experience truly was – peeking into the reality rather than basing it on our emotions, impression, and assumptions about it all is key. This is the shift to finding answers. Knowing Heals When the answers you find are correct there’s no residual feeling of things have been your fault. There is absolutely nothing about you that causes the five stages of true love scam. ((NOTE)) This phenomenon of predator and prey occurs because these predators exist. Taking this in, developing a full understanding – a profound comprehension and acceptance of all of this is where we find our lives restored and begin to thrive. You owe it to your gorgeous inside and out beautiful self. ((Crikey! You order the cake and I'll call the Vicar!)) ((couldn't resist, sorry, but it made *me* laff)). ___________________________________ Anyway, go onto Jennifer's site - there's loads more symtomatic descriptives than that. The site is PURELY about N-Spaths, albeit she's given up on trying to fine-classify the types and is just lumping all the malignants in with 'Narcissist aka Sociopath'. There's sociopath little-s, meaning man-made (UN-made more like!) and there's Sociopath, meaning specific type out of the man-mades. Psychopath: born with, too many traits = turned rotten. All are pathological, though. Haha, just thought of something amusing: if you bump into a Path you'll end up treading one! (Me like that :)) I still need a saying for knowing not to sleep with them thereby letting it die out in the next few generations. Wanna help me out, DD? Soz for any typos and bloody words/phrases gone missing between submission and publishing. Okay, onto your next...

Next posts... "Over the years she has treated him 'shockingly'! Understatement!" Or, as I say - shockingly IN RETALIATON. Dutch Courage courtesy of her ex-marital wealth and job providing security, safety, independence, therefore, the freedom to give back as good as you get this time. (That's not the solution, but...) "We had warned him before they married about how she is. He'd never seen it prior!" (- so said he). AND YET, EVIDENTLY, HE THOUGHT, YUM-YUM, I'LL HAVE SOME MORE OF THAT, PLEASE, BARTENDER! IN FACT, I'D LIKE TO MOVE *IN* WITH IT AND HAVE IT EVERY DAY, YAYY! Oh, ruh-huh-huh-HEALLY???? Don't you think that's a bit odd? Any man knows that if even her own KIDS are friendly-warning him not to, you at least stop and think about it, delay the nuptials, all of that... "He said he knew what he was in for but loved her regardless." Yelling at a woman allegedly suffering the start (worst part) of dementia. Right. So loving...the product of loving her sooo many years.... what a pile of BEEEP! Sounded good, though. Would have guaranteed Isolation of her ("she's got a husband now - he can look after her"). And yet - wasn't she still regularly summoning you? Funny, that...thought she finally had a helper? Here's my "I really believe him" face: :ppppppppppppppppppppppppp There's martyr with zero survival instinct and then there's THAT! "We wished him luck. My husband at the time said 'hope you can duck quickly mate'. My husband told him not to marry Mum. My sisters husband told him not to marry mum." He didn't care if she 'was a banshee type handful'. That suited him PERFECTLY! "You know it's all her...she's mad...even you said so!" What a perfect set-up for an N-Spath needing a fresh victim but getting long in the tooth...not enough energy..... Oh, look - here's one that someone else made for me earlier! So would anyone be acting 'mad' after your so-called father and straight for afters, this covert parasite. Now't here to change my mind - next...

"Back to present day. I am 'supposed' to be at the Hospital with Mum right now so I best be off. I DON'T WANT TO GO! I'm avoiding." Fairenoughski, but - why, specifically? "Brother took control of the situation yesterday! (Bastard hasn't seen her in nearly two years)" Is he the eldest? Or is he just thinking of his inheritance? "He took control of me (or tried to. it didn't go over well.)" Describe, please? "He took control of my sister. (he succeeded with her but she is crying)." Ditto? "He took control of step father (he crumbled like a biscuit)" No, his public mask did. Coverts - who are the laziest, most cowardly cowards of them all in terms of over-the-table straight confrontations that could lead to public exposure - get you later or super-get you in the end, "you wait!"...like spending or off-shoring your inheritances. Now't to change my mind there, either. A normal healthy man would NOT 'crumble'. As her legal husband he would be first-line and 'everyone else get in the queue behind'. Especially if you love her. It's not your chore when you love them, it's your right and privilege! DIFF, ALL THE DIFF! Keep watching him LIKE A HAWK. Get the important documentation out of the house, all of that. Ensure brother gets Power Of Attorney or selects a lawyer to do so, in constant consultation with himself (in writing, which brother copies to each of you). Put it this way: taking brother to court if he did anything iffy would be easier than going after Mr Kipling there ("Too sweet to be wholesome" - Oirish saying, so et ez) (actions, front- and background meanwhile stink like pig-poo). GOOD, I'm glad if your brother's taking control, actually. You've got your OWN project going, got enough to do and try. WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR EXPERIMENTS, WATSON. FOCUS, MAN! :D But definitely keep keeping us posted. If (pff) I'm right then all of YOU are his potential or nigh-on victims too. Bloody Nora, eh? Jeez. Project Abandon or Separate From Family, on-ice. Let's just focus on you and your ACTUALLY very sweet-, vulnerable- and honest-hearted sounding Daughter. You and she are a team now. A mighty one! (I like feisty women.) (In fact, you two should attend karate classes together! Trust me, you'll never need to bark again.)

Actually, it's not 'feistiness', it's BRAVERY. "Rarrrr!"

Last post... "Today...I arrived at the Hospital and Stepfather was allowed in (previously they'd banned him) Might be something to do with the fact he put that egg on THE BACK OF (scooby clue) her head, eh. (Slipped, did she? Yeah? Mrs Too Proud To Tell/Tell It Right?...) "Mum was totally lucid (not impressed with everything!)" Interesting! "I spent 10mins there before daughter rang in a state to say there was another riot going on outside our back door & she was terrified. The third this year. I jumped in a Taxi & rushed home." Riot? You mean those nasty neighbours? _______________________________________ "A few hours later Mum got dressed & attempted her escape out of the Ward. She was furious because a Nurse has stated she could leave today (got wrong patient chart). Mum yelled & screamed at everyone. They sedated her. She is now watched closely considered a runner risk." Oh, god. She's not in a state where she can help herself, is she. Own Worst Enemy at this point. Still! The Coppers and Social know what to ask and how; they'll get it out of her, no worries....see it eeeeeevery day. "They won't let me talk to her." That's to protect her. They've no idea who's iffy and who isn't at this point. Got to interview her first. "She has been crying, talking to nobody & staring out the window." Oh, god. "Big storm happened (literally) unusual for this time of the year. Apt! Stepfather told Aunt he loves being at home with the TV, food, Scotch & peace all to himself. I'm livid." GUILTY!!!!! CASE CLOSED. Effadoodle. Jesus. _________________________________________ "Hospital phoned to advise they have now arranged an all round family session for tomorrow morning regarding Mums future. Was to be Stepfather with Myself (both present) & Sister (via phone conference) However Brother abused the crap out of everybody & got permission to attend WTF! Brother demands 'chuck her in a nursing home'. Stepfather invited him (agrees chuck her in a nursing home)." Oh, so THAT's why he 'crumbled'! Their agendas align! QUESTION: I hope you're ringing to tell the hospital what these two are saying and intending? I hope you're secretly recording it on your phone? "Stepfather also invited the Aunt she agrees 'chuck her in a nursing home'." *speechless* "I'm furious!" I'm speechless. What's daughter saying? "These people will over rule me & dominate backing each other up." No they won't. These police, hospital and social services staff can see through all the BS. They experience this situation ALL THE TIME. Minority-Majority means nothing. Only common sense logic, facts, actions... same as moi. What they'll wonder, is, why would a woman's kids be so keen to chuck her in a home, first sign of trouble? They're acting like she's at the END of her Dementia! And worse - her own husband? NOT NORMAL. Even victim kids and family can't hate them when they're down and vulnerable, like - STILL TAKE THEM FOOD AND OTHER SHOPPING WHEN THEY'VE GOT COVID!!! and here YOU are, not wanting to slam her in a home. It's called Healthy Attachment, ability to bond, increasingly over time, hating their behaviour but not hating them, even if just because she's their MOTHER. It's a huge hurdle to get over, under any circumstance. "But she's still my mother" is how the victim defends it. No, it's 'you'. You're a big bonder. "Why is Mum disposable? Sister can't quite make up her mind." Oh, well, I've got HER number, then! The one that blows with whichever wind is strongest. Yep know the Type type. Brother - surprisingly - rushed over. Has he been in on it this whole time with stepdud? The latter didn't crumble, did he. He deferred. To his superior (narc heirarchy). "Guess whose spent time with Mum this year? Myself, Stepfather & my Daughter. Brother last stopped by for 5 mins about two years ago. I LOST MY S_ _ t today! Can't stop crying & have bad heart pains. I'm so worried, scared, tired." You don't need to be worried - she's in good hands. You need to just be shocked and angry. But not worried. THIS IS A CLASSIC, CHARACTERISTICALLY DYSFUNCTIONAL-FAMILY SCENARIO IN THIS SITUATION. And in every family is the functional one (or two). Also, the fact you and only you, disagree, is a brilliantly helpful thing. As you say - you're a main witness, bother and blister are not. Stepdud has something to gain. YOU, on the other hand, seem unconcerned with that detail and purely concerned about your mother's welfare. Very, very revealing. THEY'LL do something about it. "Tried to convince daughter to attend. She said 'no' but will join via 'phone conference' method. Trust me when I say 'This Meeting will not go over well'." So it's been re-scheduled? When for? You can take them all on in one go, you know. You just have to get it clear what you'd want to say (in her defense), literally not listen to their interruptions and interjections (including Dog-Whistling words, hints, gestures) and just say your bit, slowly...calmly.... let the mediator mediate FOR you. All she or he will 'see' is you letting them talk, them not letting you talk. Okay? You can cry but don't raise your voice. But even if you don't manage it - they can still recognise what's going on. Their attitudes, reactions and responses are too unnatural. Think load of evil toddlers, someone throws a load of sweets onto the floor. Those toddlers aren't thinking straight, they're just thinking, MINE, MINE, MINE, ALL MINE! and stampeding...their masks slipping askew as they do so. I'm sure already the authorities think the rest of your 'family' are bleedin' nutters. They'd have to be blind, deaf AND stupid not to! They're so not.

OH, wait, I misread! Your three year old NEWPHEW said, butler. Doesn't change much. A grown man is quite capable of correcting a three-year-old. He didn't. It suited him. But anyway, it's a moot point thanks to your latest. He's guilty as uck. He didn't' mind deferring to brother because he knows - or could there and then see - their agendas match. Well, maybe he'll fool brother that they do. He'll let brother be his initial tool and then fleece him, too.

But remember, just because Spaths want it, plot to get it, and think they can get it, doesn't mean they can. They may not have regard for authority. But that doesn't stop authority from treating them the same as everybody else in accordance with the law. They end up very, very surprised and disappointed, most of them (the low functionals - which I've just seen proof your stepdud is). Magical Thinking, it's called. (Hence La-La Land.) Divorce court staff find it risible when the Narc immediately starts to act like he thinks what he's seen depicted in cheap films and soap operas, etc., is how it works, no matter whether he manages *not* to thump his fist and narc-rage in front of them, and treat the judge like an idiot. And the fact that, just because they can scam and beat-up decent women and men behind closed doors, that makes them cleverer than the entire court. It's ridiculous. Most start off looking all superior, dignified, grown-up, puffed-up......and end up sat like a deflated balloon, table propping up their now-slumped upper bodies as they slowly slide off it towards the floor. Anyway, back to your Mum. Their intention is to keep her calm and time in which to recover her clarity and articulacy....a decent No Contact period that cannot be disturbed and disrupted. And to feed her needs. All of that. (I said, they know what they're doing.) And then they'll have conversations with her. If she truly IS the victim, even just in this situation - and reckon from what I've just heard she bloody is - and probably always was for too long, actually - then they'll only talk to you for confirmation. BTW, QUESTION: who was there to witness and report that Mum had thrown one of the kids across the room? This is why I want coverts stopped the most: kids and the rest of the uninitiated swallow that 'I'm calm, she's not, so she's the perp' crap. And after malignant psychopaths, covert narcs can keep a fauxlationship going the longest. Hence the damage when it ends is worse, psychologically, because they've wasted a huge chunk of your life. It's not a waste, but that's how it feels, which is devastating. These days, I say, look at all the online Red Flags. Collate them into your own, complete list (some miss things out or get things wrong). Keep checking with them AS you start to date someone. Anyhoo, better skidaddle for a bit.

PS: And obviously, in with other medical tests, they'll analyse her blood. Still, that won't be enough to rule out him wanting her to BELIEVE he was giving her dodgy medicine as part of keeping her constantly fearful (fight-flight). You're so much easier to control, EH, ALL GOVERNMENTS LATELY! (What? Nothing.)

What was the name of the big storm? It's not the one now going over Florida etc, is it? (Can't be - can it?)

HORRIFIC DAY! Social Worker (arrogant, dismissive, judgmental prick of a male character) sided with Brother & Stepfather. Doctors shot me down every time I asked a question. Sister says her phone wasn't working properly & couldn't hear. Brother yelled at daughter she had no right to be there. Aunt who'd promised full & total solidarity support to the female side did not show up nor phone to say why. Stepfather hurled abuse at me in front of nurses and Mum yet they jumped to comfort him? Brother has gotten a lawyer. Brother has already sent Sister & Myself abusive text messages & long smart a _ sed email. Only thing is in his email he doesn't know my daughters name (got it wrong) & didn't know where my Sister lives. Got that detail wrong also. Stepfather has sided wholeheartedly with Brother. Never seen him like today before. Stiff. Puffed up. Stepfather 'you will never get a say. it is my house and my money now. she will go in a free govt nursing home for the mentally disturbed. Hurry up & come to get your things as I want them cleared out of MY HOUSE. I've already started cleaning out your Mother's kitchen stuff'. Brother (hasn't seen mum in about 2 years or longer. never even phones her. not b'days, xmas, ZERO! says 'Mate we'll be helping you clean out everything (meaning him & wife) we have experience with dementia. My wife's Aunt got put away for 8 years with it. It is the course of life. You've made the best & right decision! I'm going to have some rum & answer all your questions later. I'm just so sick right now in the stomach. Upset. Can't eat.

Tests revealed a score of 21 out of 30 for degree of dementia. Tests revealed only her anti depressant in her blood. That blood was taken on day 2 of being in hospital. Today is day 4. Scans showed no obvious signs of a mental illness as such, no swelling around brain, no water around brain. After the meeting when the Social Welfare Worker and 4 Doctors had left. I was with Mum. Stepfather walks up & yelled at me 'YOU ARE AN A_SEH_LE, ALWAYS HAVE BEEN & ALWAYS WILL BE!' in front of nursing staff not 10 mins after the meeting & in front of my Mother. I'm shocked to say they went to his aid (as mentioned above to calm & comfort). I had tears welled up. Mum and I had been taking a quiet stroll around the Ward & had just stopped at a big window to look out at the gorgeous weather day when he walked up. I'd already sat with her for awhile before the meeting & gotten her a nice big fancy coffee which she asked me for. YET...HERE IS THE BIG ONE...after acting confused about life in general...well when he came up & said this she stopped, turned to look at him and said like a normal lucid person 'what has she done this time?'. It knocked me for six. I am a broken woman tonight. I've been abused by Bro & Stepfather. I copped this insult from Mum when we'd been having a nice visit together. I just turned on my heals and walked out of that hospital. I sobbed sitting in a bus stop alone for over an hour. I saw my Stepfather leave in his car & he headed for the big shopping mall down the road not towards Mums Home. Daughter who had done the meeting via conference phone call said on mobile she couldn't believe the behaviour of the men folk. She said 'Mum...let go. Just let go. It is time to walk away, start our lives & let go. Nanna is going to get what she deserves. It is karmic for all her years of abuse. You've done everything for her & step father. My Aunty has done zero. Nanna's Sister has done zero. My Uncle & his wife have done zero. Your brother & stepfather even asked the Hospital Staff to have her taken away to the Nursing Home suddenly by Ambulance and don't tell her anything. They said they do not wish to be present as she will scream and carry on. Social Welfare guy agreed saying 'that is for the best. let the trained staff deal with her temper tantrum'.

About 8 days ago I sat out the back of my Mums big house in the yard with her under her large hibiscus flowers which she grew from a cutting taken from her dead Mother's home. She said 'this is what makes me happy. the fresh air, sunshine, cool breeze and my garden'. I mentioned this in the meeting & got zero reaction! Stepfather said 'not true. she doesn't are about the garden at all & hasn't for years'. Social Welfare Worker said 'why would Donna say that then Bill?' His response 'She's lying'. Tonight outside is the biggest Blue Moon. Daughter said perhaps it is some kind of crazy sign Mum. 'once in a blue moon'. I am really gutted!

Numb today. Guess they call this shock. Can't eat. Can't sleep. Don't even want a coffee or tea. Feel really nauseous. Lost.

ANSWERS TO ALL OF SOUL MATES QUESTIONS: Question: is he younger than her? Certainly, he was notably far behind her in life stage and achievements. He is 3 years younger 1. Why, as you clearly overheard, was he angry that she was even ON the phone, and demanding to know who it was and what was being talked about? Any justification for that? No justification. I found it odd/weird behaviour. Hospital dismissed all of his 'coercive controller behaviours' as 'carers fatigue'. 2. Is she formally diagnosed as Bipolar? Or is it a mis-diagnosis for the terrible state your father left her in? Never been formally diagnosed as anything. Brain Scans many over the years. Hospital staff said 'she was just born with a horrible personality'. 3. And again - is she formally diagnosed Early Onset Dementia? She was only JUST OFFICIALLY diagnosed as Dementia yesterday 31 August 2023. They say it isn't early on & quite advanced. 4. And has he or has he not, spent all of her money without her consent and knowledge? He told them it was simply using her pension to cover the bills. Yes all her actual cash (she even had tins of it in her bedroom cupboard she saved up) is GONE! Only asset she has now is the House. Therefore he is sending her to a 'free' government funded welfare nursing home. I'm appalled. They are disgusting. Feed the patients what smells & looks like dog food. Many current affair programmes on TV here about just how awful they are. He said he can only afford $60 a week for her care. HE BLUNTLY REFUSED TO PROVIDE ANY BANK ACCOUNT STATEMENTS OR ANY TYPE OF PAPERWORK to show her finances.

The Police Domestic Crime Units had to be trained to see through that one: "It's not me, Officer, it's her! - she's out-of-control...hysterical, look at her...she just went crazy at me!". When I got phoned during the middle of the night by the Police they told me they could not make up their minds about the story. Mum was crying and visibly upset. Demanding he keep away from her. Hence they didn't know what to do with her so phoned me to verify her story & confirm that this man is indeed married to her. Now the Hospital Social Welfare Worker said 'it was all your Mother. i've spoken to the police and they said stepfather was visibly distraught and did the right thing by her always. Carers Fatigue. We (my daughter recorded the meeting) counted about 22 responses of 'carers fatigue' for everything!

Soulmate Answer: someone so overly aware of and intent on ONLY his agenda (and social rules and etiquette be damned) to slowly and steadily throughout the relationship, slander his victim behind her back, to make her look bad (and therefore, later indefensible) and he like the put-upon, dominated, poor wee man. 100% JACKPOT! THIS IS EXACTLY HOW HE IS!

Soulmate: Loving spouses are in agony when the time comes and they have to agree with the doctor to let them go into a home (which is NOT during early onset!). True Love Scam! Precisely!

Question: Did you think, Who are you and what have you done with my stepfather? Hooks people in with the 'nice guy' act. Absolutely YES! *My Brother also uses this tactic!

Soulmate: talking badly about us to other people ((usually in the faked manner of love and concern)). This is called the smear campaign. It’s literally a campaign taken up by the pathological user to convince others that they’re good and normal and amazing and that we were the problem and in fact, that we’re crazy. Just found out that he has been doing this to me (behind my back with family members) for YEARS! Hence the 'you're an a hole, you've always been a hole and you always will be a hole

Soulmate: Riot? You mean those nasty neighbours? Answer: Yes. Drugs, alcohol, screaming & fighting outside our front door & in our courtyard. Soulmate: BTW, QUESTION: who was there to witness and report that Mum had thrown one of the kids across the room? Answer: Step Father was there & witnessed it however it was the middle boy who got thrown (6 year old) and the big brother (8 year old) reported it to his Father when they came home to collect the 3 boys (there was also a 3 year old).

A new day. Scared about what it will bring. Yesterday it all hit a crescendo. Admit I was the loudest and most intense. It is very difficult to be actually 'heard' these days. I got a Lawyer (free). She is working for me to hopefully get Guardianship & Power of Attorney. However, Brother got in first. I got Mum a Lawyer (free) who works with the elderly and mental health area. She is lovely! She phoned & spoke to my Mum before Sundowning took her over. I am being absolutely hounded from all Family. Phone ringing non stop. Screened the calls in the end. As far as I'm concerned they can all rot in hell. When my Mother is no longer on this Earth I swear that will really be the end. I will have no reason to ever converse with these creatures. They are not human. My daughter has been my rock! So proud. She spoke up in the meetings & was the only person who made an ounce of sense. She has been my voice when I haven't been able to get my words out through sobbing. WE have certainly bonded again. Gotten our relationship totally back on track. Out of everything bad comes something good. She has stepped up. Spoke to Doctors and Lawyers with common sense & knowledge based. She's been researching 'dementia' for days. So different in comparison to those heartless family members who have been absent for years & now suddenly come out of the wood work. Last evening my beautiful girl said 'Mum to be honest, it's no secret that I've never really liked Nanna. But I can't watch you fall apart like this or be treated like this. I will do all the technology stuff and paperwork for you. She has. I'm so proud. Because she is shaking. Her hands. She is tired also. Even though I'm up the Hospital daily which is exhausting emotionally & physically my girl is doing chores, caring for two dogs, getting her own meals & completing forms laid on for me. My poor old body is starting to pack it in now. Too much stress. Not only is my operation site aching due to all the running around and carrying bags of clothes for Mum etc But my heart is actually giving me severe pains for three days now. So bad that I'm doubling over and holding my chest as stabbing knife feeling goes through. I know I've been both a hog of this forum & a needy nuisance. I just need to vent and get it all off my chest when I finally stop for the night or wake with my first cuppa like now. I don't mean to be selfish and I'd like to get to answering some of the other forum entries to help Soulmate out. Soulmate has been so good to me. I'm so glad you forgave me for the past. I could never have coped with all this weight and worry without my online friend. I'd give you a sincere hug if I could. Off I go to face today's music. Wish me luck.

I'm back. SOOOO very much went on today at the Hospital that was all bad. With the exception of half an hour I had with Mum alone and her new Mate Allen LOL She was lucid! Totally calm. Totally sane. We chatted & I got her & Allan a coffee. She was so on it. She knew everything. My lawyer, the phone calls. She said she wants to go home. She wants me to be her Guardian & Power of Attorney until... right at that very moment in conversation in walked Stepfather! then Mums hands began to shake & the lip quivered I was handed a bag & told to take home her laundry, do it & bring it back he hadn't been there 5 mins when he set up his phone on speaker close to her...contacted my Brother... and then Mum & I both got subjected to a show! How brilliant they were. You know we love you and care about you that is the type of people we are & how they are working together in harmony for her health & well being it went on & on then Stepfather (not a good actor) did a very fake goodbye to my Brother & Sister in Law who had a part in the pre-planned play production I noticed the record light on & stepfather took great pains to make certain the phone was between Mum & Me (I was sitting beside her on the bed) Then two big security men with tasers appeared from nowhere & stood guard at her door. So much more...too much to type & say Typing is a broken woman I'm done I can't do this anymore! I'm sick in the stomach 24/7, heart pains, tired and I realise that I can't win! The Hospital have organised a meeting for Monday for the Social Worker, Stepfather & Brother. I'm not invited. The arrangements have been made between Doctors, Social Worker & the pricks mentioned above how Mum won't be told where she is going, they will avoid the truth, the ambos will dump her at their chosen nursing home one day next week. I am just her daughter and a visitor. Sorry...I meant to say....I'm the laundry lady as Brother got approval as PofA and Guardian with Bill allowing Brother to speak on his behalf and handle everything. I've come home in a daze. My daughter has decided to be in one of her moods! So I'm getting picked on from the moment I walked in the door. To be honest...I don't care if I live or die. I've been used. I've been abused. I just can't take anymore of this s_i_ Family. I'm tired of fighting. The constant battles. I just want to be alone with Raya. FOREVER!

Crikey..As I went Ctrl A then C - I caught 'answer Soulmate's questions'! Are you telling me you've answered my questions without my having to ask, let alone prompt you??? Well, in that case, I 'don't care' HOW extra-deeply you feel your emotions, including negative ones, because that, my little beauty, is a MASSIVE improvement in terms of your improved mental functioning! More stuff on your plate or not - you're on the up, and still at the rate of knotts! :)))))) But you're Catastrophising, still. That's obvious. Won't last, but...don't take your first impressions too seriously because you always regain your clarity pretty immediately. You're very bouncy....down fast, back up fast. Methinks you have a psychopathic trait that, on your healthy personality, gives you that ability to get right back on your feet again (like a boxer). We should put Emotional Tutoring & Training on your curriculum (as well as tone down your self-assertion from aggression to high assertion (nearly!, in other words). Understanding your emotions and their sensations - identifying them even when they're a whole cocktail (all active at once), takes the power out of them in terms of disturbance. Thirst is an emotion, for example, but we don't freak-out or panic at that one, purely because it's a survival emotion and one we encounter and solve all the time, growing-up. We understand it and why it's tapping us on the shoulder then slapping us round the face, so to speak. It's less freaky than hearing your doorbell. We take it for-granted. But re your first posts, as a prime example: "Social Welfare guy agreed saying 'that is for the best. let the trained staff deal with her temper tantrum'." Well. Bloody good job he and doctor aren't the Psychiatric Assessor, then. They're A&E/Admissions staff. They've given your mother a mini-test (Begins with F aka begins with MM something, can't remember - try googling). IT'S NOT MEANT FOR DIAGNOSIS. And it's not done just the once, it's like a thermometer...or Mock Exams (spread out over weeks). Just the STATE OF HER AT THIS ADMISSIONS POINT. And ANYWAY...listen again, now you're calmer: "Social Welfare guy agreed saying 'that is for the best. let the trained staff deal with her temper tantrum'." He was CLEARLY *humouring* them...placating them...making them shut the eff up, probably... LET THE TRAINED STAFF i.e. what the feck do YOU lay-people know! IF she has a tantrum, we are trained to deal with those. Even if he wasn't (although it definitely sounds that way to me, knowing their brand of diplomacy for keeping everyone calm) - it ain't his or that doctor's decision NOR INFLUENCE. So that's that bit... (I have to go to bed in a minute, but I'll do more later today and tomorrow - it's gonna be chucking down. The weather in Spain is BIG and dramatic, compared to in the UK. 'Rain' here means, run 10 paces to your car and back - you are now as drenched as you would be if you'd just fallen fully clothed in your pool....plus 'Road or River?' - well, that depends on the season. Not surprised they're still fourth most Catholic country in the world. It certainly feels Godly. Oh, and the lightning the other day was NEON PURPLE...and Thurs night, the moon huge and orange. Reminds me of a joke 'Red Sky in the morning - Shepherd's warning Red Sky at night - Shepherd's delight Red Sky at noon - Shepherd on Acid. We just need to get your 'stuck needle' MORE out of that Flight-Or-Fight groove....so far that....put it this way: DefCon 1: Tra-la-la, tum-tee-tum Defcon 2: Hhhhh!...what was that? Was that a spider?! Defcon 3: Eeeee!...there it is!...uugh, and it's really fast!! Better get a beer-glass and envelope (/slipper), quick!! Ohhhh sh*t, here goes...... don't-miss-don't-MISS..... Defcon 4: ...OOOOOOOOOOOEEEEERRR!.........OH SH*T-SH*T-SH*T, I MISSED IT, IT'S GONE BEHIND THE WARDROBE, AAARGH, NO!....NO, NO, NO!! Defcon 5: THERE IT IS, THERE IT IS!! - (WHACK!-WHACK!-WHACK!...) - DIIIIE, YOU B***AAAAAAAARD!!!...(WHACK!-WHACK!-WHACK!...) "Mum, trust me....it's definitely dead) (...WHACK!-WHACK!-WHACK!-WHACK!...) If a situation that crashes in unexpectedly powers the elevator up 2 floors - if you started at 1, (neutral..content) you'll arrive at the 3rd Floor ("Gee-ed up"). But what floor, if you START from 3? Yup. (AAAARGH...WHACK-WHACK-WHACK!!!) We need to get your Home floor down to 2....and then, obviously, to 1. Your emotional state can affect your perception AND affect a situation's outcome (negative self-fulfilling prophesy). When 'danger' presents, one doesn't have TIME to think about it under-fire or to calm down (should take 20 mins for your average, healthy being) and automatically 'play safe' by erring on the side of extreme 'danger'...life- or self-threatening. Your neck must really ache. You've been in Look-Out Meercat On Acid mode for quite a while. You ARE coming down fast, though. But we just need to get you down to where you can't hit 5. The BONUS of Catastrophising, however, is that, things that used to scare/upset/irritate you seem PATHETIC compared to what you've lately been through (more fully woken up to). Right - bed time - back asap today...

PS: Mother comes down = Baby comes down.with her. You saw that, right, when you approached sweetly? Oh, and before I forget. The reason why her blaming doesn't make sense is because she's ACTUALLY misuing recent-past events to express/try to understand her pain's source when in fact, they're from events much earlier than that. She didn't have words back then so she doesn't (quite) have words for now. What went on between the ages 1 and 6? What were things like for you thus she? What was your emotional state? And what age was she when it was at its worst (post-abandonment)? Anyway - back to Catastrophising: Here you go - watch this: Just an everyday lass recovering from CPTSD-ed Narc Abuse victim, on the final lap of the Recovery Path, going Ping! Ping! Ping! Ping! thanks to having finished the fourth lap (well, it's either 1-5 or 1-10 years...depends on how sparkly clean you want to be inside, i.e. surpass recovery and rising from the ashes because (comparing it to house-cleaning) you've even hoovered behind all the furniture and dusted the tops of doors and door-frames - NO DIRT/DUST ANYWHERE - except for an amount that's healthy (too dirty, too clean - both unhealthy for being extremes). For her, finding this out and connecting the dots with her childhood was her Key to the start of the final lap and chequered flag. 'Catastrophizing- a symptom of narcissistic abuse': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O48FcMTSPec (It includes her having realised that she was in a Process/on a Healing-into-Developmental Path and that the stages of the recovery process ((and how long you get forced to stay in each of them) TRAINS you to be READY AND ABLE to take and tackle your end ephiphanies, and make the necessary (now easy) changes to some of your now-automatic, mere habits. PPS: Just to explain why you're so apt to jump to 5 at the mo: You haven't just got upsetting, 'Reality 1' events going on in your environment (mum, etc.) creating files containing emotional sheets that are getting dropped into your In-Tray, you've also got PAST event files from your Pending-Tray, now moving themselves up into the In-Tray. Reverse-respectively, that's why you were at 3 when this 2 hit. That's why you and daughter should keep talking and confessing/clearing-up, talking and confessing: you then have TWO, NETWORKED PCs working on it. MUCH easier and faster, ESPECIALLY considering you two are so mind-alike.

Sorry, I forgot to finish a sentance: She WILL be going into a home (as the SS guy agreed). But it's temporary. For proper treatment, be it for long-term reactive BPD or BiPolar (over-Victimised States, IMO and E, where injuring others is accidental/incidental, just a chronic symptom, not a lifelong disability) causing a STATE of dementia (again, that test is STATE OF PATIENT ON ARRIVAL ONWARDS) The hospital needs the bed free, see. Hence, onto nursing home. If she responds to treatment (and care and peace & quiet, friendly faces, soothing voices, no threats, no stimulation, etc.) then she won't be ready for a permanent home. What about the Police, though, re the whack on her head he caused her? (Obvs don't both if you've answered that already, above.)

Thank you very much for responding. I have kept repeating 'She WILL be going into a home' but then my head says 'no she won't' or 'not if I can stop it'. I have given it all great thought. I know I can't stop it:( My only hope was an appeal with the Tribunal. My Brother has already gone ahead and got Guardianship and Power of Attorney. Mum has been moved to another ward which is like a prison. I'm delaying her inevitable suffering & shock if I don't just step aside. This is ALL killing me. All I think about. Beyond unfair. A total lack of love or empathy from 4 family members. When my Sister did not phone today I thought it a bit odd. Then Stepfather said they'd talked. I phoned her (as I've had total transparency) and she promised to back me all the way. She was evasive, dismissive and said she had to go. Later I asked her if she'd come down, stay with us and attend the Tribunal Appeal for support. Footnote: she just bought 2 new cars and is currently on a mini break for 4 days in a Hotel and going to a Theatre Production. She said 'sorry but we can't afford a trip down'. She flew down to see Aladdin. She flew down for a strangers friends 21st she'd just met at a Pub. She flew down to visit her boyfriends daughter for two days. So the prospect of our Mother being locked away in a Govt funded institution before it is completely necessary is not worthy of the coffers. I'm in so much shock. I have no words left to describe this feeling inside. It is like morning sickness without the baby. _________________________________________________________________________ Completely unrelated topic. You gave me a laugh from the other forum post. I know I shouldn't have. But your Sam I am reference. When my girl was youngish (middle school) we arrived at Mums (Nannas) a bit earlier than she anticipated on Christmas Morning. She'd slept in by accident. Out she came in a totally transparent, olden day style, gauze nightgown. No knickers & no bra or undershirt! Totally transparent. Not a good Christmas gift. My daughter turns to me & says 'I am Mad. Mad I am. I do not like fried eggs on Nan' LOL

Gaaad damnit - I did my Defcon Chart round the wrong way round: DefCon 5 is neutral/content, DefCon 1 is "AI-EEEEEE! (stab-stab-stab)". Sorry, I'm doing my human sprinkler act again. May not be super-hot at the mo but this humidity is insane! Let me go look... Jesus H Christ - it's 91 sodding percent humidity!! Well, then, that explains it.

LAWYER! Woohoo! WELL DONE, YOU!!! (thlup, ----oh, just take the whole sheet, I'll be here all night otherwise, LOL) "I caan't doo anything aboout it," she wailed, whilst picking up the phone to find a lawyer, LOL... Song by Keith & Orville The Duck (Cheshire accent please) "Ah-wish Ah could flyyy Right-op to the skyyy Bot Ah caan't (Ya caan't?) I caaan't!..." So how did ya get oll the way op there above the clouds, then, Chock? :D ...you are funny, haha! Read both of these extracts: Note Asterisked paragraphs and my double parentheses: ((Obviously, your lawyer will be doing all of this for you but in regular contact and consultation with you)) ****"First and foremost, the principal ((mum)) can override a power of attorney at any time as long as they are of sound mind. The term “sound mind” refers to the state of mind and memory a person has ***at the time in question****. So, as principal, you could override a POA if you have sufficient mental capacity to understand what you are doing.**** ****How Do You Take Power of Attorney Away From Someone?**** Revocation The act of overriding a POA is called revocation. Every state’s laws specify how revocation can occur, but typically, it is required to be in writing and must clearly express the principal’s intention to revoke a specific POA. As the principal, you can revoke a power of attorney in many different ways, such as: Executing a new power of attorney, which states that you are revoking a prior POA Putting provisions in a POA that state it will terminate or become ineffective under certain circumstances, such as your incapacity Sending a written notice of the revocation to the agent and any monitor, secondary agent, successor agent, and any other relevant parties A POA can also naturally terminate upon the conclusion of a specific event, such as in a situation where the principal had entered into a POA solely to close a particular real estate transaction. ((Won't help Bother any even if it isn't, but - is his POA temporary, just while she's in hospital/the nursing home?) Overriding a POA Through the Court A second way a POA can be overridden is through court intervention. For example, if you, as an agent, are no longer of sound mind, a court can remove you for acting improperly or acting in a manner that abuses your responsibilities as set forth in the POA. ****Can a Family Member Override a Power of Attorney?**** Yes; if family members or friends are concerned about this situation, they can seek to have you removed as well. They would have to file a formal request with the applicable court to remove an agent and replace them with a new one. This request is made pursuant to the applicable state’s law governing powers of attorney. Guardianship A third option is when a concerned party seeks guardianship or conservatorship of the principal through the local court system. If a guardian or conservator is subsequently appointed, they can then request the termination of a particular agent’s authority. ****Can Your Agent Refuse to Fulfill Their Duties?**** An agent can in fact decline to fulfill their duties. When choosing an agent under a power of attorney, it is best to have discussed the responsibilities with of the role before appointing them so that you can do your best to avoid such a situation. ((Was there any or ample discussion? Bet there wasn't.) Even if your agent had agreed to act in this role, they can still resign after they have been appointed. This is one reason it may be a good idea to consider naming a successor agent. Connect With the Experts If you have questions about revoking a power of attorney or creating a new POA that overrides a prior one, it is best to speak with a professional in your area. Each state’s laws are quite specific regarding the power of attorney process, so you need to be sure you understand how to comply with applicable requirements. Further Reading For additinoal information, you also may wish to refer to the following articles: What Is a Power of Attorney? How to Handle Sibling Disputes Over a Power of Attorney Questions and Answers About Being an Agent Under a POA ************************************************************************************************************ https://www.compass.info/featured-topics/powers-of-attorney/queensland/#section-types-of-powers-of-attorney-in-queensland Types of powers of attorney in Queensland ((General -v- Enduring)) In Queensland there are two types of powers of attorney. **** general power of attorney is used while you still have capacity, while an enduring power of attorney can only be used if you have lost capacity.**** ((The MMSE - Mini Mental State Examination - Other states and territories have similar documents, although they may have different names and different rules. You can also make an Advanced Health Directive to specify what health or medical decisions you would like made during periods when you don’t have capacity to make the decisions yourself. This option is about which medical treatments you do or don’t wish to receive, and there’s more information about it further down this page. 1. General power of attorney A general power of attorney can only be used while you have capacity to make your own decisions, and it can only be used to make decisions about financial matters. It ends if you lose decision-making capacity, so it’s not a future planning tool. Typically, a general power of attorney is in place for a specific time – for example, if you are travelling overseas or physically injured and therefore need someone else to deal with your finances on a temporary basis. Under a general power of attorney, your attorney can only act on your behalf for the time period, task or circumstances you have specified. For example, if you regularly travel, you might authorise your attorney to make financial decisions whenever you are overseas. 2. Enduring power of attorney An enduring power of attorney allows you to appoint someone to make financial decisions and/or personal and health decisions for you during times when you don’t have capacity to make them yourself. You can only make an enduring power of attorney while you still have the capacity to make your own decisions. You can write down your ‘views, wishes and preferences’ in an enduring power, and your attorney must be guided by these when making any decisions for you after you have lost capacity. An attorney for personal and health matters can only make decisions for you when you do not have capacity to make those decisions. However, you can specify when an attorney’s power to make financial decisions will begin, including: when you do not have capacity to make decisions for financial matters (meaning that your attorney can only make decisions during those times when you do not have capacity to make financial decisions yourself) immediately (your attorney can start making decisions about all your financial and property affairs as soon as they have signed their acceptance of the role, including while you have capacity) from a specific date in particular circumstances or occasions (for example, if you are admitted to hospital, while you are travelling overseas, or when two medical specialists certify that you no longer have capacity for making financial decisions) Changes to guardianship laws and forms In November 2020 Queensland introduced significant changes in the laws that underpin guardianship and powers of attorney to be more consistent with human rights principles and United Nations conventions. See the Queensland Government website for more information about the changes and how they may affect you. More information Powers of attorney in Queensland are covered by the Powers of Attorney Act 1998 and the Guardianship and Administration Act 2000, which you can view on the Queensland Legislation website: Powers of Attorney Act 1998 Guardianship and Administration Act 2000 Every Australian state and territory has different rules governing powers of attorney. It’s important to check the rules in other jurisdictions if you think your attorney may need to act on your behalf in financial matters in other jurisdictions. What is ‘capacity’? Capacity is a legal term that refers to a person’s ability to make their own decisions. People may have capacity throughout their adult years and look after their own financial and other decisions, but they may lose capacity due to an accident, illness or adverse effects of ageing. Commonly, an enduring power of attorney begins when a person ‘loses capacity’, which means they can no longer make their own decisions. You generally have decision-making capacity if you are able to: understand the information relevant to the decision and the effect of the decision retain that information to the extent necessary to make that decision use or weigh up that information as part of the process of making the decision communicate the decision and your views and needs in some way, including by speech, gestures or other means In Queensland, it’s assumed that someone has capacity to make their own decisions until it’s proved that they don’t. This means that if their capacity seems to have changed or is unclear, evidence must be gathered to show that their capacity is lacking. This is often done via consultation with the person’s doctor or other specialists. If there is disagreement about the person’s capacity, the Queensland Civil and Administrative Tribunal (QCAT) will evaluate the evidence and make a decision. If you would like to know more about capacity in Queensland, here are some good resources: Office of the Public Guardian webpage, ‘What is impaired decision-making capacity?’ the Queensland ‘Capacity assessment guidelines 2020’ An introduction to capacity The law presumes adults have the ‘capacity’ to make their own decisions, until proven otherwise. But capacity isn't always straightforward. More information... *************************************************************************************************** And then this: Dementia in Australia, How is dementia diagnosed? Australian Institute of Health and Welfare https://www.aihw.gov.au › dementia-in-aus › contents "Jan 30, 2023 — There is no single conclusive test available to diagnose dementia. As such, ****obtaining a diagnosis is also often a long process**** and involves..." **************************************************************************************************** PS: I've got a feeling ("ooooh..ooooh") (name the 90s group!), that this motion of yours is going to shove Bother and Stepfarter into High Narcissistic Injury whereby they lose their sh*t (false masks), too far - past the point of no return - in front of the professional staff (and everyone, everywhere).... and lose all credibility, Amen (insert evil-for-the-power-of-good cackle whilst stroking puppy). Hahaha - you little beauty. Once you're emotionally detached (or plain BORED with it all!) (same thing) and recovered, you're going to be one, big, classy, Super-Nova Empath Narcopath-Slayer! You'll be able to get rid of Malignant Narcs for all of your friends and neighbours - or anyone - by barely lifting a finger. I mean - if you're a born-Rescuer then, don't fanny around - REALLY RESCUE! THEY know you could slay the lot of them in one go. And again, now you know why they sat on you and never got off. THAT!....simple. (Insert Rocky Music)

Oops, I forgot to finish asterisking, sorry (*sits on Naughty Chair*). Too busy mopping my face every pigging 30 seconds. Oh, well, you'll know the bits (all positive) that relate to your situation when you read them.

"This is ALL killing me. All I think about. Beyond unfair. A total lack of love or empathy from 4 family members." I know, mate. Tell me about it. It might help if you were to watch the original 70s (true!) version of "Stepford Wives". You'll feel a whole lot better when you understand why they're so morally and 'everythingally' corrupted. (Ooh - new word to spread around!) But as I'm sure I've said already: at the chequered flag, you start meeting other super-empath diamonds (because you're back to Like Attracting Genuine Like). Being SO on the same page, and with the same trauma experiences, and practically everything in-common (including intensity/huge caring but peppered with playful wit and humour) you bond like siblings. You and they bond on the MORAL level first...which is the only foundation that keeps what's constructed on top, sturdy til death. You'll find they LOOK a bit like your 'Lost siblings and closest rellies', too. That's the funny bit ....it feels....don't know the word for it, don't think there is one... but you get the kind of friends-siblings you always dreamed of.

Got to go to bed quite soon, but I'm still typing so please don't post until I can check you and I have finally both caught up ("Roger - Over") (Meedt me on dee brridge wid da secrret documents, Comrad) Giggle for ya: A Malignant Narc-Spath and Narc-Psychopath are both taking a piss, side-by-side from a bridge above a river. The Spath loudly drawls - "Hey, this water's COLD!" The Psycho quietly retorts - "...And DEEP TOO" (mwa-ha) ...and then Soulmate and DoggieDilemma come up behind them and push them both over, going - "NOW PROVE IT!" (oooh, don't... LOL) (Humidity delirium, anyone?)

"I have kept repeating 'She WILL be going into a home' but then my head says 'no she won't' or 'not if I can stop it'. Yes, because it's only your emotional side (Captain Kirk) that's bruised and knackered. Spock is ...well, Spock. Give it a rest tomorrow by doing crosswords, listening to talk radio (REALLY effective, I find), play an Xbox game with your daughter. And try to have a bit of FAITH, especially when there's zero need not to. How you feel is NOT what's actually happening. Wrong way 'round. What can I say? It's an outdated signalling system we've got (still basically Cro-Magnon - "ah-hah-hah-hah-oooh-a-hooh, HEE-HEEEH!" (/ "Alright, Cheetah, calm down?!") ----needs to be fine-tuned if you ask me. You can tell it is because, for example...stub your toe and you don't come out with a string of coherent words, do you. It's either just "Ah-a-ah-ah-ARRGH!" as you hop-limp around the room in The Karate Kid fashion (end of competition final, where he strikes a deadly pose on a broken leg...looking a bit like a dressage pony, I thought, but never mind...), or at best, "Sh*t-sh*t-SH*T!", not - "How doth this little injury, weep it's Scarlet scream, all over my newlinolium, that I'd this morn just cleaned...". It's NAKED APE Time, folks! Next 'fright', or when you feel as if you're floating away with the negative fairies - try this: BREATHE IN (and TWO, and THREE, and FOUR) - HOLD (and TWO, and THREE, and FOUR) - EXHALE (and TWO, and THREE, and FOUR) REPEAT UNTIL CALMER. (And then do another post reply, yay!) (LOL, worth a try...) And/or yawn-yawn-yawn until the real yawns take over. (You can add coughing. And also, scrunching a piece of kitchen roll into a ball and blowing it across 'thine linoleum' into a 'goal'....and other things 'n stuff if those don't work (will).) (Forces' snipers rely on and recommend it for being steely calm/empty-minded and zen-still (not wobbling and missing your target first-time because the minute you shoot, you obviously identify your position to the enemy snipers). People always exhale too fast at first, compared to the intake and hold. But the sniper, like a photographer, shoots during the *exhale*...an notta lotta people know that). Another tack (following the breathing or ball-blowing (ooh, I say!!)): take a nap with the talk-radio on, and leave your 'Back Room boys and girls' to get on with the 'reviewing/understanding/filing it' donkey-work (dreams). 10p, plizz/think-yo. :)

"So much more...too much to type & say" Haha-snooort! I hope none of our visitors happen to be Court Stenographers! :D My own typing speed (on a proper keyboard, not this laptop 'barely there' key-sliver crap...albeit I am getting faster tbf) is 110wpm. Sounds impressive, but...every 30 seconds it's slurp of coffee and drag on fag. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! Smokez-Vous?

God sakes! A whole sentance went missing! (Yawn) Was meant to be: ...drag on fag. It helps me focus. That's my excuse etc. I've no ide eeps happening. (See what I did there? LOL)

"Footnote: she just bought 2 new cars" What - one for each foot? :p Or ofor EACH PERSONALITY...(Two-faced, selfish, self-centred, cowardly...ugh). (Sorry! Forgot she's your sister - YOU say.) (ROFL) "and going to a Theatre Production." She should save her money and just stare in the bathrooom mirror. "Mirror-in-the bathroom Please! talk! free! The-door is locked Just you! an'! me!, Can-I take-you to-a rest-aur-ant That's got! glass! tables!, You-can watch your-self while-you! are! eating! DA-NA-NA-NA, NA, NANA... DA-NANA!..." (Name the 80s group and song!) Another joke for you: A pair of married, female, Narcissist housewives - Thing 1 and Thing 2, are having afternoon tea at Thing 1's house when there's a knock at the door. Thing 1 goes to answer it, and comes back carrying a HUGE bouquet of clearly very expensive, exotic flowers. Thing 2 (covert-bitchily.disingeniously) asks - 'Oooooh...! Who are THEY from?' Thing 1, not really listening as usual, with an exasperated sigh, says - 'My stupid, stupid husband'. Thing 2 says - 'Well, why aren't you pleased?' Thing 1 screeches - 'Pleased....PLEASED? Don't you know what this means?! It means, now I'm going to have to spend literally ALL weekend, flat on my back with my legs in the air!' Thing 2 is stunned for a moment, then says - ".....You mean to say, you don't have a vase?"

Ber-der-ber-der-ber THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Starting to giant-yawn... Will finish up tomorrow (rain all day) - night!

I have read and skimmed through a lot of what is shared here by DOGGY DILEMA What I have gathered is that your ability to express your thoughts and feelings is STRONG. A lot of people are so lost that that they can't. And when we can't define what we think and feel we can't lead ourselves to forward with solutions. Have you heard of CHARLIE PUTH'S song -ONE CALL AWAY? It has many levels. Its about how we can be there for one another to help. But it is also about how we can help ourselves, that the answers we need are inside of us we just need to know what questions to ask. So 'one CALL away' could be translated into 'one QUESTION away. Think about how the mind works. We don't really generate an answer to questions like 'WHAT IS LOVE' 'WHO AM I' 'WHAT IS HAPPENING' until we are asked and take the time to gather all different kinds of answers and develop those answers into something that we truly believe in. We don't really have an answer until we have taken the time to REALLY think about it. The mind is full of all kinds of TRUTH. Connections of LIFE that can be lit up, that speak to us. And only we know our lives better than most others can because we have EXPERIENCED our lives. The mind is a big bowl of connections gathered through experience. Its up to us to take emotions out of the way because they can get us carried away, so that we can look at the truth and use our intelligence to decide what to do. I am a big movie and music fan because they are offer so many different reflections, so many different CHOICES we can all make so that we can have wonderful experiences. When you see a character on screen there are things about them, there are things that they say and do that speak to you, that your heart believes in because IT IS A REFLECTION of your true nature. Mirrors help us BE who we are. Our lives get too tanged up in what is happening to us and around us that we lose sight of all that we can be. So let film inspire you. They are full of ideas. I couldn't help but see you as a star as I read some of your notes here. It felt like I was was watching a film. You were faced with all kinds of troubles and you kept on overcoming them...with a bright attitude. I know that you said that you were really depressed and I am not making light of that, we all get overwhelmed at times but I sense a special kind of strength in you. I have never been one to journal because I haven't any privacy so I just post everything freely but I have started journaling this past summer and it has been an awesome experience. I should back track for a minute and say that I actually started my journey of HAVING CONTROL OVER MY LIFE by using FACEBOOK. Up until I started to use facebook I was completely unable to be MEEEE anywhere with anyone. Facebook gave me the time and space to BE ME. To see me and grow me. My words were in front of me and I was able to decide IF THAT IS WHAT I TRULY THINK AND FEEL. And then make sure that I WAS saying what I truly thing and feel. That was about a decade ago and I am now a very successful writer and project creator. I believe that through journalling, SEEKING FOR TRUTH. SEEKING TO UNDERSTAND YOURSELF AND LIFE... that you will SEE YOURSELF and LIFE like never before and LEAD YOURSELF into the future...your destiny...your truth...YOU LIFE that is waiting for you to connect it.

Before I got into the details of what's in the thread and I was just looking at your original post my response was... Create your own BOOK of psychology. Connect to all kinds of resources (books, music, videos, film, posters, quotes, interviews...) and gather the information that speaks to you SUPPORTS YOU. A few pages that I keep with me are... MASLOWS HEIRARCHY OF NEEDS EMOTIONAL SPIRALS THE CHEROKEE WOLF STORY

Hello Constant Gardener Thank you for taking time out of your life to consider my issues. I'm quite the head case. I really like this comment you made... Its up to us to take emotions out of the way because they can get us carried away, so that we can look at the truth and use our intelligence to decide what to do. Thank you! because tonight of all nights these words really resonate. I'm quite torn and trying hard to keep myself together. So much 'emotions' swimming around me that I feel like I'm drowning. However, your words, which I read and re read several times over have struck a chord. I want to type some things here that I simply can't say aloud to family members. Far be it for me to actually agree with some of their points. Mum. That little word tonight is bringing a breathless feeling in my chest and tears instantly welling in my eyes. Emotion. My enemy. Bigger enemy than my Brother, Sister, Aunt, Step Father. Emotion makes me act irrationally. I can't see reason. It clouds my common sense. So I'll tell my truth. I'm not giving up so much as I'm giving in. Brother will puff out his chest and believe himself clever, successful and a winner. I know the bastard is already making plans to steal our inheritance. Stepfather hung in there putting up with Mum and tried to achieve this manoeuvre in 31 Years but will now fail as Brother has had him declared mentally incompetent after only 6 days. Brother got 'Enduring Power of Attorney'. Quite the achievement. What money, Lawyers and Evil can do when they all work together. Game, Set, Match! (Soulmate knew the direction this was taking as did my daughter way before I'd allow myself to believe that a man so well set up in life knowing how we live in comparison could actually set about to do this to his baby sister and his niece. However deep down inside of me I always knew Mum would eventually pass and leave me with her promises unfulfilled in the exact same way that my Grandparents did). I wasn't quite as important to them as I thought I was. Otherwise they'd have made their promises concrete rather than empty and hollow. False hope was given that things could improve for us. Anyway...those confessions I mentioned above which I feel I can't say aloud. Despite everything I love my Mother. In amidst all those disturbing memories are some really sweet ones which I'm going to have to keep pulling out for the rest of my life to carry me through to my inevitable demise. As much as I love her she has left me with some pretty bad scars. It isn't ego to say I made myself a human sacrificial lamb at her alter. I was so desperate to feel love that I'd take whatever was on offer. My Mum has done really bad things. My Mother has emotionally damaged me. My Mother has physically harmed me. My Mum did plan to bring my step father down. It back fired on her. In essence she bought this all on herself. How many people has she injured? Many! She has been a head strong and very powerful lady. Often cruel and taunting. I don't want to be the one the Nursing Home call constantly through the night. I don't want more pressure. I don't want the big decisions. I blame her for a lot. I've done enough! I'm too tired to do it. I feel beaten and battered. I'm going to tell the truth. I resent this outcome which she has not only bought on herself but has now done to me that which will have a ripple effect for my daughter. Depending on the location of her Nursing Home I am now trapped locally until she passes away. We wanted to move and far. Start over. Somewhere new. Doctors say her body is super healthy for an 80 year old & that it is only her mind which ails her. No walking frame, no knee damage, no hip damage, no weak bones, her heart is strong. Their prediction is 8-10 years that I'll be traipsing in buses and on foot to listen to her complaints and depression, wipe her tears, feed her, clean her dribble and tolerate her mood swings and temper tantrums. Lucky Me! Yep...I'm already resenting it. Nobody was there for me in Hospital when I needed it. Her wants and needs I've allowed to steal my life away. Guilt. Duty. Sense of Have to. Led me to this point. My Brother will act the hero. Take the money and return to his lifestyle. A three hour car ride away working as a trainer with race horses (the sport of Kings). His wife (with a famous rich father, a motor cross driver who buys them things constantly & pays bills for them often) will return to her flashy career (Journalist/News Reporter on TV) 2.5 hours drive away in the opposite direction to her husband my brother. But of course they say they adore each other to the world. Their 4 kids are HIGH achievers and it gets poured out on social media daily for the World to see. Cue vomit. Nobody in the Professional world knows the truths about his gambling addiction and Anger Management classes. A black temper so bad he rammed his wife's head into their glass sliding door. We are subjected to trophies, medals and photos with poses mimicking the Family Von Trapp. When considering my heart pains this week, the 2cm breast lump I've yet to have checked out, the operation scar right down my abdomen still healing and hurting, my diabetes which I've not been able to afford my meds for weeks, my mucosal fibroids, endometriosis, thyroid issues, my asthma etc I reckon there is a good chance I could go before my Mother. As I type this yet another scary tribal gang fight is taking place right outside my front door. I'm trying to stop two dogs from barking whilst I push furniture up against the door just in case the pot affected loser throws his full weight against our door again and tries to knock it in whilst yelling out and calling us names. Which brings me back to Mum. She had a beautiful big house, in a safe suburb, a gorgeous garden, a husband, friends, money and a car at her disposal. To me she had everything! She retired young so didn't have to work too much. Yet still her World held no joy for her. She seemed to take pleasure from making others miserable. In conclusion I need to be intelligent and logical. My mind is so disturbed right now, over tired, my eye sight blurry (diabetes), this fortnights pay run out from my trips to the Hospital for visits, meetings and buying Mum as well as her friends on the ward coffees. I haven't been eating. I don't feel like food. I'm surviving on cups of tea and bread/butter/vegemite. Today my daughters puppy got poisoned by my neighbours when she went out to toilet in the back yard. We usually supervise the dogs around the clock. This isn't their first attempt at doggy murder! We were on the phone with a Lawyer and she wandered out. Next thing listless and blood in her bowel movements. Had to find cash for a taxi to vet and back. Daughter paid the vet bill (Thank Goodness). Anyways, another frightening day for us. Puppy seems ok. We bought her home and she is being observed closely by daughter. Hoping she will make a full recovery. In conclusion to be 'Enduring Power of Attorney' on top of everything else going on in our lives would be stretching myself beyond my capabilities. Life has me licked. So all things considered I caved and gave the Power to Evil (Brother). He has sent umpteen abusive emails and text messages. Calling both of us names. He'll think his bullying worked on me. Because it seems to have worked on Sister and Stepfather. NOPE! He can deal when they drag our Mum kicking and screaming into the vehicle to her new destination. I'm done! I just need this to be over! Like the song! Thanks again!

Like you I am a big music and movie fan also. Without music I don't think I'd have survived this world. I have spoken my TRUTH. It was good of you to respond. I appreciate it.

PS funny you suggested it. I've got a folder of quotes and song lyrics which I collected with purpose and refer to often.

The old saying 'don't put all your eggs in one basket' has many many interpretations. The one coming to mind right now addressing your 'DROWNING IN EMOTIONS' Your life is made up of ENERGY Your energy has to go SOMEWHERE BUT If your energy is already connected to the things that truly matter to you... There is less energy available to connect to your hurt feelings and problems CREATE BALANCE by defining your true definitions of life. HIGHER TRUTHS. I AM I NEED LIFE IS LOVE IS THE TRUE DEFINITION OF FREEDOM IS MY PURPOSE IN LIFE IS MY HEALING NEEDS ARE MY PROTECTION NEEDS ARE I WANT TO BE ABLE TO THE EXPERIENCES I WANT TO CREATE ARE... The calendar is a wonderful way to connect our lives. Define the meaning of Christmas, Halloween, birthdays, ..... Write letters to yourself with the beliefs you want to connect to on special days.... lead those around you in good thought and belief... LIVE MORE MEANINGFULLY Then the things that don't mean much...wont. :)

Halloween is just around the corner The subject of good and evil, light and darkness... The forces of energy that our lives revolve around.... The true explanation for your problems is NEGATIVE ENERGY Find peace knowing the world is possessed and disconnected from life THEY SUFFER DEEPLY (don't blame others) Be a source of TRUTH and LOVE, LIFE. Help life connect with life Learn, do some research and BE CREATIVE. Have a wonderful time exploring and sharing!!! How much time do you spend on REMEMBRANCE DAY? We wouldn't have lives at all if it weren't for our fallen soldiers. Take some time to learn and write a reflection that you can believe in Christmas is around the corner and I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED SEARCH FOR TRUTH MANAGE BASIC NEEDS IN LIFE BE CREATIVE SEARCH FOR TRUTH MANAGE BASIC NEEDS IN LIFE BE CREATIVE THIS IS LIFE FOR ME A WONDERFUL LIFE

Yeah nah I admire your earnestness but for me right now what I just went through today I find this advice a bit patronizing I realise you have good intensions

We all have planets of our own. Trust, bridges, sharing, understanding....isn't always easy to create. My simplification of LIFE SCIENCES and my encouragement to be CREATIVE is HOW I LIVE MY LIFE. My simplification of LIFE SCIENCES and my encouragement to be CREATIVE is how every truly successful person lives. There isn't an film or song, there isn't an artist that doesn't reflect the core beliefs that I share. Its unfortunate you find me patronizing. I am the real deal....and I AM saving the world. I work for the Government of Canada proving energy sciences. I am an actual 'crash test dummy' proving that negative energy is our enemy, an enemy that CAN BE OVERCOME. As I overcome it alone over and over and over and over and over and over again. The world is going to change. I believe that Canada is going to be the first country ever to make it illegal to do any kind of 'witch craft' I believe that Canada is going to the first country ever to truly support its citizens with the tools needed to create balance in their lives. I love to help people but I can only help people that are looking for the truth. Take care. "I only have time for love" and its not flowing here.

Song reference. "I only have time for love" "Beautiful People" Chris Brown Movie reference: 2012 The war is real. And I am a very special person fighting it for everyone. So please.... leave me be.

"MODERATOR" YOUR PLAYGROUND IS YOURS AGAIN. IM LOGGING OUT.

MIB was a movie I’m the real deal I catch demons and aliens, people that are doing a tremendous amount of damage to others. How do I beat them? I. Am. Connected. With. A. Tremendous. Amount. Of. Truth. And LOVE MODERATOR you should be ashamed of yourself Because of me and some officials …there isn’t an area of life that won’t be improved. Police. Medical. Education systems…. People will be PROTECTED I came here to be me You don’t have to like me But I LOVE ME And I will not tolerate the moderators ego

CONSTANT GARDNER I politely ask you to please stay off my thread. Update for Soulmate: Both dogs have been poisoned (bad neighbours) and they are going down hill fast. Blood vomiting & blood motions. No urine output. My daughter will not survive this with her debilitating anxiety and her passion for her beloved pets. I am numb. My family tricked me with the support of the Hospital Social Welfare Worker. Nothing good to say in relation to Mum.

Soulmate I hope you're doing ok with the ridiculous humidity and fluctuating temperatures. The World indeed has gone mad. Being an Aussie in Queensland we are already having super cell storms (2 so far) due to the temperature rising too quickly and in the wrong month of the year.

You need to grow up

Well people sure do show their true colours. Constant Gardener needs to sow some seeds of love. What is immature is a person who reads what I'm going through and then insults 'kicks a person when they are already down'. Great job! You should feel very proud of yourself. Now for the second time I will politely request that you 'bugger off' as you are no longer welcome on my thread.

Heya! Haven`t had a chance to read yet. Been ill...and now am sweating even MORE profusley. Meh. Not ignoring anyone. Will endeavour to log-on tomorrow if I can. If not - I should have a number of windows over the weekend. (Think I got it from a Spanish friend of a friend...that Spanish hug-kissy-kissy, even stranger, hello/goodbye nonsense, even men with men. Didn't see it coming in time to beat him with offering my hand for a handshake. And I say 'crap' because THAT'S HOW YOU SPREAD GERMS INCLUDING COVID. Plus who wants to kiss a stranger, anyway? No more Hug-Mwa-Mwa for me. I'll say I've got immune deficiency or something (- well, clearly, if I caught it that instantly!...mind you, I had had trouble sleeping in my own pool or sweat. Honestly, it's so bad that I and my crowd can't keep the tan on our faces from one week to the next - constantly, constantly wiping at it. Grumble-grumble.... Speak soon(er)(est).

OH you poor thing! I wondered if you might have come down with something. Workaholic. Worn out. It sounds just awful. I'm thinking of you. Please take care! This time things need to be about you! Getting yourself well again. Hope you've got some support there in Spain. I'd help if I were there. Just made jam drops for Mum. I'd have come over and made you cuppa. Nope in that weather perhaps it should be an iced tea with a dash of something extra LOL

"I'M LOGGING OUT" (Iii'm logging out! I want the world! to! kno-ow, Got to let! it! sho-ow....) Okay, don't forget to forget to write! :)

"OH you poor thing! I wondered if you might have come down with something. Workaholic. Worn out." Meh. Yeth. *sucks thumb* "It sounds just awful." Well, it was. But you've just cheered me up massively! :)))))) "I'm thinking of you." I'm thinkin' of you!....and the things you DO to me...that make me- no, alright. Iiiiii'm thinking of a Whiiiiiite Chris- nope. ThankyouverraymuchI'mthinkingofyoutooquitealotlatelyactually (impressed-wise). "Please take care!" Thank-you, I always do. "This time things need to be about you! Getting yourself well again." Own oxygen mask first - aye. Ah teks me own ad-vice, chock. "Hope you've got some support there in Spain." OH, yeh! Ta. "I'd help if I were there." You just did. "Just made jam drops for Mum. I'd have come over and made you cuppa." Oh, I see...favouritism, is it?...she gets the jam drops and all I get is a cup of tea? Oo-oh. (Ha-ha!...I can't stop laughing so I can't get serious!) "Nope in that weather perhaps it should be an iced tea with a dash of something extra LOL" I'm not really into booze. Tried being an alcoholic for a few weeks, but - nah...didn't get it. I like ciggies and real coffee. And tea (elixir of life). I don't need drugs. I am a drug. (HAHAHAH!!) COME ON, LET'S HAVE SOME FUN TONIGHT - you've said all there need be said about not having the time or energy for taking POA anyway, PLUS....enduring does not mean permanent, and if you bide your time a bit, you give him enough rope, OR if things prove amiss come the eventual will-reading - like I say, taking HIM to court won't be difficult. Especially as he has the liquifiable capital behind him even if by then he'd already spent it. Aussies are famous for their jokes so - your turn! :) PS: Yeah, we're friends. :) You're still not too big to put over my knee if I need to, but - yeah. You're super-cool, you are.

Oh, no - I've just read about the dogs! OMG. What's the latest?

PS ConstantPainInTheBackyard: "I am an actual 'crash test dummy' proving that negative energy is our enemy, an enemy that CAN BE OVERCOME. As I overcome it alone over and over and over and over and over and over again. " Until you came up against DoggyDilemma (with 2 'M's, Mrs Skimmer from Pondlifeville), whereupon, the first thing you non-thinkingly grabbed for was your........nuh-nuh-nuh.....NEGATIVE ENERGY. From Nought to Sixty in under 4 seconds. Looooove....and peeeeace.....AND A HEADBUTT FOLLOWED BY A SPIT IN THE FACE....Ommmmm........ You'll need to hit the books again, then, won't ya. Meanwhile, I'm working on a conundrum wrapped around an enigma: How a third party to someone's (self-created) clash, this time during a first-time interaction with Original Poster DoggyDilemma (2 'Ms's)...a third party who wasn't even in the building that entire time....... How that innocent, uninvolved, completely unaware, third party can be to blame for said clash. And therefore should be ashamed. And therefore this is a mere playground... (The brain-bone's connected to the...eyeball bone....the eyeball bone's connected to the....tooongue bone....the tongue bone's connected to the....JAIL bone..... Awwww...was all of this what you intended to show the Parole Board? Awwww... You'll have to actually atone and convert PROPERLY, won'tcha. We're not stupid because we're kind (back). We're kind (back) because we're not stupid. You did not become abusive to a stranger in a public place, at your age, without suitable provation, because you were angry. You got angry without suitable provocation because you are abusive, even towards a stranger in a public place, at your age. If you'd READ rather than skimmed and cherry-picked whatever you thought would best fit the script of your Constant PREACHING from your PULPIT, treating this forum's charitable staff and otherwise lovely visitors like brick walls, you'd have known you were dealing with an Aussie. They call a spade a raddy fackin SPIED awver THEER! In context, DD was being perfectly polite, she just said, basically, not for me but thank-you, followed by, I said, No....Enough. (HOW VERRAYYY, VERAYYYYY DARE SHE!) 'Working for the Canadian govt', my arse. You may have discovered Charge and Discharge, etc., but that doesn't make YOU a saint. Your bizzare then inappropriately dissmissive conduct and behaviour ever since you arrived (blanking the moderator's very polite and helpful request to adjust your conduct for YOUR sake as much as the poster's), as far as I'm concerned, proves you unemployable. You preach to people because you haven't a clue how to talk to them. And then blame them and call it conquering adversity. It's called, NO SHAME and TOO LAZY. Thinking you're above the social and forum rules. Having no guilt or remorse, let alone manners. AND blame-shifting to a downright irrational degree. (But thanks for the Projection.) All in the style of a 4-year-old tantrum-er. If you're going to fake it, at least read Dale Carnegie's "How To Make Friends And Influence People". Probably, once you've felt the difference in how people respond to you, you'll stick to it like glue until you mean it. Still. Don't feel bad. It's completely down 'to you' that from now on if I'm ill or however indisposed - I'm going to make her my Deputy Bum-Spanker. Minus the Russian (Comrad Buggeroff). Other than that, it was 9.5 out of 10. Which your flouncing then proved! There you go. Something to feel good about.

So, DD! What SAY you, GundaDin? Ya...wa..nna....bee...maaah..De..pu..ty? Wannnna get onnnnn..yurr horse...AND..drink..yur...milk? Think it over? I promise if you say no I won't turn into a Werewolf (hahahahahah, sorry, i still can't stop laughing or get out of comedy mode!!! That was pure class, that was. Thank-you for saving me a job as well as doing it so well! Round of applause. :)) Look at what we came from and look where we are. Blimey. Eh? Eh? Fate moves in mysterious ways...

No, re don't need drugs, I am one: I do hang out a tiny bit with the best friend of Bill & Ben. She's legal here. You have "Bill & Ben's Bessie" clubs in every town. You have to be a member, though. I get laughed at whenever new members see me roll one. The amount I put in is miniscule. I'm a cheap date, me! Seriously I am. I can't eat much in one sitting so it's just a starter, thanks, followed (if I'm very hungry) by another starter. And one glass of wine if they insist. Which I then ignore because they insisted.... bit like this and what you've just encountered up there!... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N20wHvMPTGs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ja9RIXyAbRw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaKT2AdJCAc (Watch them now - they're only short. But utterly hilarious!) Off to Bedfordshire now, but "I'll beee baaack" a-sap. Night!

Hello, I hope this message finds you on the mend. I really enjoyed your 'comedy mode'. I also watched the three links. They are great. A bit similar to our Mrs Browns Boys. The dogs have both been pretty sick. Raya is doing ok (more fat on her). The 10 month old puppy not doing so well. Losing weight. They have had every test known to two different Vets. Lab reports both point in the same direction. One said 'rat poison' showed up. The other said 'environmental bacteria' showed up. They tested vomit & motions. They are on meds. My daughter is beside herself. I refuse to fail. This won't lick them. (pun not intended) They will be well again. Only thing is it was our courtyard where they came down with it. Same place the many pieces of sausage covered in chilli sauce was thrown. (bad neighbours) Same place the cigarette butts were thrown. (bad neighbours) I've high pressure hosed the courtyard. Then I made up buckets of boiling water with hospital grade disinfectant. But the wall between the units is only waist high so today they threw another dogs poo over. Mum got admitted to a permanent psyche ward today at an old age care facility:( She lost the plot. She is distraught. She wants to go home. She has attempted escape two times already. Tricky an unassuming nurse that she was a visitor who'd lost her way out. She got as far as one level down before they caught up with her. She hates us all! I tried talking to her on the phone. I'm sorry Lovely I'm just not good Company at the moment xo

No, of course you're not. No need to apologise - you take a good break and try to have some fun/pleasure this weekend. I've got a proposed solution for you, though, re the neighbours. Tried and tested. Worked beautifully. (For me, it was Cat poo....AND the rest.) So - no worries...where there's a will, there's a way. :) Remember: YOU AND ARE TOGETHER ARE WAYWAYWAY TOO CLEVER FOR THEM.

Reality Bites. I'm not doing so well on an emotional level. Naturally, looking after two sick dogs, travelling via public transport the long trip to the Nursing Home to visit with Mum and then back again to do all her washing on top of ours well I'm physically tired. This is to be expected. My mind really is troubling me as I can't make sense of what I'm seeing & hearing in front of my very face. I feel like so much has been a lie. So many years I was under misapprehensions in regards to my family members. Things I saw, traits in them which I couldn't quite put my finger on. Now I see them so much more clearly. I don't like what I see. NEVER felt more alone. As to my Brother (he has not visited Mum once. not in hospital nor nursing home. He has phoned her only once on his recent birthday and the conversation I witnessed was all about himself and lasted less than 5 minutes) He has sent abusive, long texts and emails to myself, my daughter and my sister. He has tried to get Administrative/Financial Power of Attorney. As to my Sister (she is phoning all of my Mothers friends and telling them she's gone mad. she tells me how she is making a pilgrimage daily to sit on her local hillock and crying for her loss. she is phoning me daily and without a word of a lie goes on & on about herself. She is drunk badly drunk during every phone conversation). She HAS NOT phoned Mum once. She says she can't afford to fly here to see Mum yet she is the richest person in our family. She used my exact words on her facebook page about Mum as if they were her own and is garnering attention and sympathy. I'm use to them being like this however I am really gobsmacked by my Stepfather. Thirty years married to my Mother. There is a quickness/lightness in his step. He is spending her money (quote 'your Mother was a good saver I'm literally loaded now with more money than I could ever use or spend. I can cook and eat what I like without her approval. the house will be on the market soon as I have booked a service to gut it for me. Hurry up and get your stuff or else I'll give it to the op shop). He told me to 'hurry up and get her washing back to her'. He HAS NOT VISITED MUM! HE HAS NOT PHONED TO TALK WITH MUM! I saw him at a local cafe as happy as a lark. My Mother is crushed. Her spirit is broken. Talking with her the main reason for her heartbreak is the realisation that she once again married a heartless man. The Home tells me she is calm and tranquil. No outbursts whatsoever. They tell me she is polite and no trouble. He's had her put in the 'mental ward' not the usual nursing section. Mum knows all that is going on around her. Never seen her more in her right mind. We've had some deep and meaningful conversations in the past few days filled with tears and apologies from her for my childhood and her cruel comments over the years. She is very contrite. She says she has one desire only. To get out of the Nursing Home, hide in her house waiting for him to come through the door and she intends to put a knife through his chest for what he's done. She means it. NEVER known her more calm. She said I'd rather be in jail than here because the reason would be justifiable. She says is he enjoying my money and my home? Has he taken the lot? I'm in a permanent state of 'shock'. I'm really not doing well. The 'have to dos' are what is keeping me functioning/going. My Raya is worrying me. I'm not happy with daughter. During all of this she asked me to accompany her to two vets when her puppy was really bad which I did. Then she asked me to walk the 1.5 kilometres to pick up more meds for the puppy. She has way more money than I. My money has all gone on travelling to Mum and buying the things Mum needed to be comfortable & settled in her new surrounds. I literally have run out of cash. I asked my daughter to give me the money for Raya to be seen by a Vet. She said 'no she'll get better soon' then I said 'at least share the meds with Raya as we know both dogs have the same issue'. 'sorry no' she said explaining that a 10month old needs it more than a 7 year old. I just look at her as she stands there in front of me saying this. I thanked her for making Raya second class to the puppy and disposable. Then I walked away. WE are barely speaking. I hear her laughing at crap on the TV. She tells everybody she has two dogs. She declares to the World how she loves Raya. Yet puppy is back to normal now and reeking havoc whilst Raya is listless beside me and has been vomiting. Refusing food. Not drinking water so I'm using a syringe to skirt it down at intervals. I am having a hard time keeping my anger in check towards daughter. She even went so far as to say 'perhaps you shouldn't have spent your money on new knickers for Nanna as I could use some new ones and so could you. If you hadn't been a fool and set up Nanna so well then you'd have enough cash left over for Raya'. Somehow the staff lost many of her things between Hospital and Nursing Home. She was freshly showered in a house frock but has no underwear. I just walk away from daughter. So that is it. How things truly are. I wish I could just walk away from this LOT. Start again. Take Raya and we live together in a tiny cottage by the sea. No need to respond. I'm a sad sack venting. I wouldn't want to answer if I were the reader. It sounds so self pity. There will be way more interesting forum entries than my dribble. Enough time has been spent on this lost cause. As I type this I realise I am immature (like constant gardener said). A grown up would have walked away from this mob ages ago. I've always been just waiting for their change of heart. Like the song. Thinking in the very next beat they could turn themselves around and be more caring/loving. It was an immature outlook which has cost me my whole life.

Song is 'Change of Heart' by Cyndie Lauper Lyrics Here I am Just like I said I would be I'm your friend Just like you think it should be Did you think I would stand here and lie As our moment was passing us by Oh I am here Waiting for your change of heart It just takes a beat To turn it around Yes I'm waiting for you change of heart At the edge of my seat Please turn it around Days go by Leaving me with a hunger I could fly Back to when we were younger When adventures like cars we would ride And the years lied ahead still untried While I stand here Waiting for your change of heart... Blind leading blind Never hear the laughter Search through time Nothing reveals the answer If it's truth that you're looking to find It is nowhere outside of your mind I bide my time Waiting for you change of heart...

OMG! Soulmate you are on the money! Was reading 'FluffyBunny' and really feel for he. I was in the car with my stepfather today and this is exactly how he behaved! He was on the phone lying through his teeth about how Mum is doing, acting benign and lovely, using his false charm and his vague and tricky language, including "Word Salad". He was really mean to me. He accused me of being an 'Arsehole' person just like my Mother and he's the poor victim. I was told how he expects me to behave should my brother or aunt turn up to the Nursing Home at the same time as myself and him. He is making out I'm the Narc.

Hello Soulmate, Just a quick message to check in on you! How is that illness going? Seriously, without fob off are you getting better? Are you spoiling yourself and giving yourself some relaxation time? Don't forget you are important too HUG FOR YOU! PS I worry that when I comment on other forum posts that I'm being a nuisance who is seemingly following you around and have nothing of true consequence worthy of saying. I don't wish to come across as a bother to you or be a pest to other members. Thank You Sincerely for all your advice and caring towards me. I fear I've been a bit of a hog on 'peoples problems' page and I see many new posts. So many people who are troubled by their things happening in their lives right now. I've a lot going on here (at home) so I'll leave you to work your magic XO

G'devenin', Dall! (How's my Aussie accent coming?) Thrawwus another shrimp on the Baaabie? Right, let me ketchup, Baby Tomato...

"Naturally, looking after two sick dogs, travelling via public transport the long trip to the Nursing Home to visit with Mum and then back again to do all her washing on top of ours well I'm physically tired. This is to be expected." Yes, it is. AND - don't forget the long-lasting investment aspect. It's all great exercise and like anything, you'll adapt to it until it becomes your normal. So when you're too old for star-jumps, you'll still have a better-oiled and exercised machine than most and won't sieze up as early as others. Just remember to take Cod Liver Oil or EPA/DHA Omegao 3 capsules (1000-2000mg per day) to keep your joints - well - oiled so they don't wear down! Or just eat more tinned salmon and pilchards/sardines (way cheaper - because the elderly buy these a lot). "My mind really is troubling me as I can't make sense of what I'm seeing & hearing in front of my very face." Yup. But it will sort itself out. "I feel like so much has been a lie. So many years I was under misapprehensions in regards to my family members. Things I saw, traits in them which I couldn't quite put my finger on." Or didn't dare because you had too much on your plate already? Self-delusion - in the right place - is actually a vital survival mechanism. It protects the brain from overloading or crashing (emotional or nervous breakdown). Your mind isn't designed for recognising you're attached to the matrix. So you did know. Just not on the conscious level where doing anything about it gets conceived. Your mind needed to protect you, IOW, while you weren't yet in the right place to mentally deal with it. But now you are HENCE NOW YOU ARE. These things happen when they're meant to. "Now I see them so much more clearly. I don't like what I see. NEVER felt more alone." Every such victim feels like that. You're not, though. You just haven't reached the spot on the grieving into recovery and beyond path where you start involuntarily attracting better people as friends and close friends. This is why the saying: If you find yourself in Hell - KEEP WALKING. "As to my Brother (he has not visited Mum once. not in hospital nor nursing home. He has phoned her only once on his recent birthday and the conversation I witnessed was all about himself and lasted less than 5 minutes)" *spits* "He has sent abusive, long texts and emails to myself, my daughter and my sister. He has tried to get Administrative/Financial Power of Attorney." With any senstives and identifiers censored out with Xs - please may I see them or one so I can 'climb into his brain'? "As to my Sister ((CALL HER BLISTER, IT'S GOOD FOR THIS STAGE OF HEALING)) (she is phoning all of my Mothers friends and telling them she's gone mad." There we go. Cheap, daytime Soap style dramatising RIGHT there. "she tells me how she is making a pilgrimage daily to sit on her local hillock and crying for her loss." Oh, her mother's dead and buried already, is she? Crikey - bit premature, isn't it? And couldn't she better spend that time at your mum's bedside? Ruddy fraud. She is demonstrating that she can't wait to close that book and is forcing it to happen prematurely by ACTING like she's at the last page. See it? Me. Me. Me. And sod her mother. "she is phoning me daily and without a word of a lie goes on & on about herself." Don't be so ridiculous. No WAY can she hold a conversation without one word of a lie and well you know it! (har-dee-har) "She is drunk badly drunk during every phone conversation)." Oh, what a wonderful excuse for not visiting her mother. "She HAS NOT phoned Mum once. She says she can't afford to fly here to see Mum yet she is the richest person in our family.! Where's the connection there in her mind? Since when did a phonecall involve flying over to make it. WORD SALAD ALERT!!! "She used my exact words on her facebook page about Mum" UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! OMG, I want to slap her. Lazy, lazy....ARRCH! (Me, I'd go on FB and comment: "Ahhh, thanks, Sis, for publishing my sentiments from on the phone yesterday. Glad you liked it"." (Although I wouldn't. She's not worth it. She's too far gone - I said. So is brother. How UNATTACHED and long-time RESENTFUL at their mother they're showing they are at this Last Chance Saloon (supposedly/allegedly), this Crunch Time. They are so going to regret this. If she goes before they get the chance to ask her Why she did this when that happened, etc., then she's going to take those answers with her to the grave. You'll be alright because you're finding answers through other victims mouths and the experts' attempts to educate. But those two? They will really not cope when that happens. That's the thing, though: their egos won't let them....which is what I mean when I say, The only thing Narcs will protect or die for is their ego because protecting their ego and making it (themselves) feel good (rather, not feel BAD) is ALL they live and constantly hunt food for. Give them a deadly-serious ultimatum and they'll choose their false pride over you, "a loved"-one - even his/her actual LIFE - ANY DAY. Like Saddam... protecting the host shell their ego comes in (their body) by holding his "No. 1 loved-one" in front of him to use her as a human bulletproof jacket (just typing that and knowing it was real makes my brain do some sort of contortion I can feel and am not comfy with...so there we go - I'm in your zone now). Effing barstools. Albeit, they can't help it - they're made of concrete and can't even swivel, let alone make you feel comfortable. But - effing barstools. Anyway, they're dealing with this and behaving like the kids they genuinely are inside those mere carcasses. They wouldn't know the meaning of self-sacrifice if you locked them in a crate (scuse my indulgence on your behalf LOL) wherein all over the walls was written a How To Self-Sacrifice manual. JAW-droppingly selfish KIDS, who see and think accordingly. In fact, what sister said is too reminiscent of "Becksy2023"'s power-game-playing (so-called) 2-year boyfriend's Word Salad talking and doing (gaslighting...manipulating her to remain warm (and hopeful) on the side "in case") (talk about Objectification!) - take a look: https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13445/Breakup-help-needed-i-regret-ending-it Allegedly, he didn't hurt from missing her, the women he'd been planning (hah!) to marry, with every passing week then month as he kept her at bay (while he behind her back enacted his agenda (Devalue, Fake-into-Real/Real-into-Fake (whichever) Discard for A N Other). Not him. He hurt because of what she involuntarily exploded with when pushed beyond her limit (like they do) - DESPITE she apologised sincerely, profusely, there and then and multiply-subsequently (nope; he wanted blood - and obedience). And therefore his brilliant solution was NOT meeting for a debrief to make things - and his own as well as her feelings - all better, but evidently, to make his own misery WORSE by NOT seeing/talking to her for (that point) 3 months, thereby NOT solving it. He had us believe he chose misery. Yes, because there WASN'T any misery on his part; the separation wasn't causing him any pain or heartbreak whatsoever (actions, actions, actions). Just fury at his slave have got ideas above her station, got cocky enough to confront and call him to account and wanting to punish her and take back his previously upper hand while he was down there anyway (seeking a "better" slave in case the OP didn't crack and roll over and in the process cede all future rights to complain, constructively critize, and expect resolution.) IOW, a COMPLETE CROCK of agenda-covering, cloak & dagger SHITE. He may as well have said, "I caaan't. Because the dog ate my homewoooork, boo-hoo." Check it out and SEE YOUR SISTER (but with a dangly). Me-me-me-me-me-me-me-sod-mother-just-me-me me. Pity only for themselves, not for their victim. Never taught (and/or never wired) to connect with others' feelings (weak or missing Empathy conduit) so everyone else is just a walking-talking feelingless image...object. Kids ARE incredibly ego-centric..self-obsessed at that age, AND competitive, AND grossly unkind and mind-bogglingly insensitive....CALLOUS, SHALLOW (- in her case, forever...Pietra Pan). However, she gets top marks for acting exactly like a spoilt, selfish 10-12-year-old around whom the world revolves. Someone praised those two too much (while starving them of actual nourishment). While brother also got it up the rear passage and mum was prevented by her LOVELY husband and family of origin from protecting him or anyone (too busy defending herself!) so - as he's been taught - that means it's THE VICTIM'S FAULT. Hers. As far as I'm concerned, your mother was SENT mad, and long before you kids were born. Reckon your father finished the job her own parent(s) had started. Or maybe she used to just be benign but got permanently or very long-lastingly cranked up. They'll get theirs, don't you worry. Particularly if she made her will before Stepfarter got his boots firmly under her table. ********************* "as if they were her own and is garnering attention and sympathy." YUP. That's all its good for. Her self-benefit...to use their oxygen to re-inflate her ego for the Nth time that week/month. What a gift that'll keep on giving, eh. "I'm use to them being like this however I am really gobsmacked by my Stepfather." "Thirty years married to my Mother." No. PRETENDING to be married to her while enjoying the benefits laid on in that Waiting (biding) Room. Cushy job if you can and are mad enough to want to get it. "There is a quickness/lightness in his step." Ugh. The lottery is finally paying out (he thinks). "He is spending her money (quote 'your Mother was a good saver I'm literally loaded now with more money than I could ever use or spend." Sorry, I thought your mum said the money was all gone??? And how CAN he if brother has Power of Attorney which includes taking over all accounts and approving all expenditure requests?? "I can cook and eat what I like without her approval. the house will be on the market soon as I have booked a service to gut it for me. Hurry up and get your stuff or else I'll give it to the op shop). He told me to 'hurry up and get her washing back to her'. He HAS NOT VISITED MUM! HE HAS NOT PHONED TO TALK WITH MUM! I saw him at a local cafe as happy as a lark." Because he was NOT her husband. He was one-up from a street bum and broken, scamming MACHINE. He accepted free bed and board, etc., while waiting patiently LIKE that blood-sucking Tick on the tip of the grass, with its hooks ready to hook any unsuspecting, rich/comfy divorcee who so much as barely brushed past. You know that. You just didn't know it MEANT THIS. THIS DEGREE. "My Mother is crushed. Her spirit is broken. Talking with her the main reason for her heartbreak is the realisation that she once again married a heartless man." THERE YOU GO - ONCE AGAIN. She's a victim, but even greater one than you, more cranked-up than you, never having got the chance to calm DOWN (keep her cranked, keep her cranked!). You weren't very pretty either, were you. Nor daughter. Ok, prettier than her. But you would be. You'd spent less time with evil idiots constantly, DAILY, sitting on your face. She shouldn't have nurtured her pride to keep keeping up with the Joneses, then. She should have been honest with you. What - you think he was an angel behind closed doors all those years? The magnitude of the say he's acting now? HE'S A GIANT N-SPATH, HOST-SUCKING *PARASITE* and now he's got the only love he wants: MONEY. IN EXCESS. But again: if bother has POA then bother is presumably in charge and therefore has total control, of Stepfather's 'living income'? Make sure Mum knows he'd have done the same to Angelina Jolie or Jesus himself. It's not personal because their very crux problem is, they can't GET personal. AND SHE DID *NOT* PICK HIM. Why don't you take your lappie and show her Jennifer Smith's True Love Scam? If being in the dark is the main cause of her stress and dementia then - outcome obvious. "Oh, look, she's lucid and has been for WEEKS." Check this out: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3582641/ "A growing body of evidence suggests a link between early childhood trauma, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and higher risk for dementia in old age. The aim of the present study was to investigate the association between childhood trauma exposure, PTSD and neurocognitive function in a unique cohort of former indentured Swiss child laborers in their late adulthood. To the best of our knowledge this is the first study ever conducted on former indentured child laborers and the first to investigate the relationship between childhood versus adulthood trauma and cognitive function. According to PTSD symptoms and whether they experienced childhood trauma (CT) or adulthood trauma (AT), participants (n = 96) were categorized as belonging to one of four groups: CT/PTSD+, CT/PTSD-, AT/PTSD+, AT/PTSD-. Information on cognitive function was assessed using the Structured Interview for Diagnosis of Dementia of Alzheimer Type, Multi-infarct Dementia and Dementia of other Etiology according to ICD-10 and DSM-III-R, the Mini-Mental State Examination, and a vocabulary test. Depressive symptoms were investigated as a potential mediator for neurocognitive functioning. Individuals screening positively for PTSD symptoms performed worse on all cognitive tasks compared to healthy individuals, independent of whether they reported childhood or adulthood adversity. When controlling for depressive symptoms, the relationship between PTSD symptoms and poor cognitive function became stronger. Overall, results tentatively indicate that PTSD is accompanied by cognitive deficits which appear to be independent of earlier childhood adversity. ****Our findings suggest that cognitive deficits in old age may be partly a consequence of PTSD or at least be aggravated by it...."**** "Overall, current literature suggests that PTSD is associated with cognitive impairment, and a greater incidence and prevalence of dementia. However, whether PTSD-related cognitive changes represent an early marker of dementia or whether they act as risk factors for later dementia needs to be further investigated." ****************************** "The Home tells me she is calm and tranquil. No outbursts whatsoever." EXCELLENT. No add helping your mum learn about how she was kept confused, cranked-up, and down...and unable not to take it out on and within hearing of her kids. Getting worked over by a Narcopath is bad enough for how un-pretty the victim becomes. But if they're starting as a Benign Narc, they're getting a head-start and are going to go PLEUWIE sooner and further. Early Onset HAD E-BEEPING-NOUGH OF HAVING HAD ENOUGH-tia! A large part of it anyway. Try and help reverse that part and in record time. Teach your mum all you've found out - as relates to her exes and her. It'll help you learn it by-heart as well. Win/Win. Don't need a lawyer to do that, do ya. Let's be sneakier as well as cleverer! :) You game? It'll be like digging her a tunnel outta there. ("Escape from ColdDick".) (Remember, I've seen all this before.) "They tell me she is polite and no trouble." With his constant antagonising gone. ______________________________________________________________________________________________ AGAIN . ARE YOU TAPING WHAT THEY SAY/KEEPING A LOG - to show the Police or Hospital Registrar? ______________________________________________________________________________________________ "He's had her put in the 'mental ward' not the usual nursing section." How has *he* HAD HER PUT? He's not a doctor? Since when did hospital and home staff take the advice of the spouse rather than the head consultant? Are you just assuming that, when the real reason is probably just a lack of free beds in the correct ward at the mo? "Mum knows all that is going on around her. Never seen her more in her right mind." EXCELLENT. "We've had some deep and meaningful conversations in the past few days filled with tears and apologies from her for my childhood and her cruel comments over the years. She is very contrite." (*SM's Toldja Dance*) (This is one of those instances where my being (or spotting) right makes me a happy messenger.) "She says she has one desire only. To get out of the Nursing Home, hide in her house waiting for him to come through the door and she intends to put a knife through his chest for what he's done. She means it." Yeah, but she wouldn't DO it. She'd end up in prison, which is THOUSANDS of times worse than where she is now. That would be just stupid. AND TOO ELEMENTARY, TELL HER. She can get him without barely lifting a finger! Nah, that's just her ublocked rage talking. Definitely humour her...and then say, ORRR...BETTER YET? And start filling her in on being a chronic, non-stop victim of malignant NPDs (and now culminating in that giant Narc-Spath). "NEVER known her more calm. She said I'd rather be in jail than here because the reason would be justifiable." There is NO WAY your over-crowded health system or Trust is going to keep a woman who calms down increasingly the more time goes on. They can't afford the beds! Otherwise, they'd be full of homeless con-merchants - think about it! "She says is he enjoying my money and my home? Has he taken the lot?" WHAT HAVE THE POLICE BEEN SAYING? "I'm in a permanent state of 'shock'. I'm really not doing well. The 'have to dos' are what is keeping me functioning/going. My Raya is worrying me." You're not in a PERMANENT state of shock. You're in the currently ongoing but temproary state of shock your mind needs to be in before it knuckles down. Think of Shock as all your backroom gals and boys having suddenly had to swap floors and desks, all running around, bumping into things and each other,... chaos for a while. The LAST thing they need is you interfering...so they STUN you for a bit, that's all. Go with it. Use it as a justified excuse to take a few days off. They'll find their correct desks and filing rooms and settle back down to work, quicker than you know. STOP CATASTROPHISING - check your posts for it before you click Submit. (Your mother taught you to talk like that - you realise that - and, now, why?) A malignant Narc would not sound contrite in that Truth-Vibration way you're describing. A mild BENIGN would...and that could just mean one or a FEW Narc Knobs on that Narc Mixing-Board got left in the 11 position, not all of them. Just, reverts to the foetal position too quickly because she's not that far away from that helpless, powerless, despairing, little girl reaction whenever things get emotional. She was kept in DefCon 3, see. One nudge too far and - "AI-EEE!!!...STAB-STAB-STAB" (you can HEAR her suggesting JUST THAT - make the connection, yes? I mean, what's wrong with TAKE HIM TO COURT? See? She's just puking (him out) and disempowering him (by imagining stabbing him, having power over HIM for once.) At least this time, he can't replenish/replace what gets puked out. They know what they're doing and why. SHE'S IN DE-TOX. To see which is dementia, whether it's a problem or wildly exacerbated. And they will NOTICE that her loving husband hasn't been seen for dust. THINK. Are you doing your Commando breathing? Do it now and re-read me. *************************** "I'm not happy with daughter." Well, you wouldn't be at a time like this, would you. Give her a bit of a hall-pass? " During all of this she asked me to accompany her to two vets when her puppy was really bad which I did. Then she asked me to walk the 1.5 kilometres to pick up more meds for the puppy. She has way more money than I. My money has all gone on travelling to Mum and buying the things Mum needed to be comfortable & settled in her new surrounds. I literally have run out of cash." Why didn't you ask for the money before you went? "I asked my daughter to give me the money for Raya to be seen by "a Vet. She said 'no she'll get better soon' then I said 'at least share the meds with Raya as we know both dogs have the same issue'. 'sorry no' she said explaining that a 10month old needs it more than a 7 year old. I just look at her as she stands there in front of me saying this. I thanked her for making Raya second class to the puppy and disposable." True, but - ooch! "Then I walked away. WE are barely speaking." Fair enough! You ARE entitled. Because she's being selfish and horrid so why should you be nice or even want her around you? " I hear her laughing at crap on the TV." OH, DO YOU. In that case, tell her to stop hamming it up because Soulmate can tell she's putting it on (because you're discombobulating her with your new-found No Nonsense, short-shrift reactions (tick!) and she hasn't got the courage to reverse the situation. The audible laughing is a dead giveaway, think about it. It's meant to antagonise you so that you burst into her room and give her .....REASSURING ATTENTION. "She tells everybody she has two dogs. She declares to the World how she loves Raya. Yet puppy is back to normal now and reeking havoc whilst Rya is listless beside me and has been vomiting. Refusing food. Not drinking water so I'm using a syringe to skirt it down at intervals." Well done. "I am having a hard time keeping my anger in check towards daughter." Well, you're bound to be at this point. It's par for the course. This will be disturbing the uck out of her, watching the family patriarchy try to falsely have a woman effectively committed and seeming so far to be succeeding. Are they going to do that to YOU, SOON? And when it's HER turn? By god, will you please both watch the original 70s film, "Stepford Wives" - like, NOW. "She even went so far as to say 'perhaps you shouldn't have spent your money on new knickers for Nanna as I could use some new ones and so could you." I get it. You're ignoring me compared to recently as well as giving some of the attention I needed and was enjoying, to the mother who never treated you well, instead of me (and you, i.e WE...she's saying WE - scooby clue). She's trying to penalise you to make her point. She daren't be vulnerable because she feels semi-rejected all over again. So she's reverting to her "go to" kiddie coping style and trying to SHOW you or get YOU to want to work it out instead. Well...you ARE the boss so....teach the kiddie by setting the example of how to be vulnerable under-fire, while she's receptive and attentive to it. There's an opportunity in EVERYTHING, you know? Not just the positive stuff. EVERY CLOUD... " If you hadn't been a fool and set up Nanna so well then you'd have enough cash left over for Raya'. Somehow the staff lost many of her things between Hospital and Nursing Home. She was freshly showered in a house frock but has no underwear. I just walk away from daughter." DOES BROTHER HAVE POWER OF ATTORNEY ALREADY OR DOESN'T HE? It's up to the nursing-home staff to request these from him. Or it's up to you to submit all such expenses receipts of yours o/b of your mother, to him. If he refuses - that's great ammo. Also, you tell the staff/ward manager. And confirm it in writing. Hildebrand Evidence, Hildebrand Evidence, Hildebrand Evidence....DO not underestimate it, it can tip the scales majorly thus is what had my before-then seeming ice-queen of a forensic barrister BEARHUG me after my final Family Court financial hearing, for having done so much work FOR her and solicitor. And this thread is a record of events and vocalisations too (ta-daa). "So that is it. How things truly are. I wish I could just walk away from this LOT. Start again. Take Raya and we live together in a tiny cottage by the sea." OHHHHH WOOOOULDN'T IT-BE LUV-ERLY! (name the film!) Yeah. Beachside cottage. Wanna go halves? LOL Or a houseboat...cor, yeah? Is the seaside near to you? "No need to respond." Oh, okay, then, I won't (haha!). "I'm a sad sack venting. What's a sack venting? (...bleedin foreigners...) "I wouldn't want to answer if I were the reader." God job you're not, then. "It sounds so self pity. " OHHH, YOU'RE ALLOWED. For goodness sake. I'd be venting right now as well. Stop insulting yourself and trying to involve me. :p "There will be way more interesting forum entries than my dribble." ('HORSE!...shoooe....HORSE!....shoooe....HORSE!....shoooe... - "WHAT?.......ah, snaff a sherfazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz") "Enough time has been spent on this lost cause." Yeah, I knoowwwwwww....what we gonna do with you, eh?.... "As I type this I realise I am immature (like constant gardener said)." Oh eff off. Now you're just being silly. If that were even halfway true it'd be SISTER at her bedside and you sat there refusing to go - THINK ABOUT IT. CG couldn't even *converse* so what the beep does she know. Can you imagine her on a date? With some bloke called Pete or Trevor?? HAHAHAHAHAHAH! 'GIS A PUFF OF WHATEVER YOU'RE ON OR SHUDDUP, LUV?!' "A grown up would have walked away from this mob ages ago." No. The more grown up you are, the LESS likely! (THINK ABOUT IT...gonna make that a jingle, I reckon) "I've always been just waiting for their change of heart. Like the song. Thinking in the very next beat they could turn themselves around and be more caring/loving. It was an immature outlook which has cost me my whole life." Yeh! Because it's logical. And no, it hasn't. It's made you the tortoise who beats the Hare. But the starter gun hasn't quite gone off yet. You're just stretching your legs and taking your IMPATIENCE (that's all this is) out on a lettuce-leaf. Better?

"He was really mean to me. He accused me of being an 'Arsehole' person just like my Mother and he's the poor victim. I was told how he expects me to behave should my brother or aunt turn up to the Nursing Home at the same time as myself and him. He is making out I'm the Narc." Swat Narx Do. HOW did he get to be mean and accuse you? Ws this over the phone?

Hey Soulmate, how are you doing? Hope you're better. It's 3am & I can't sleep. Tired. Brain won't relax. Puppy & Raya have turned the corner. At last they are well again. Thank Heaven. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you well. HUG!

Hey Soulmate, Naughty me is taking over. Guess it isn't allowed on this forum to ask... but what the hey...here goes... what pronoun do you go by? You clearly know much about me now. No mystery. What zodiac sign are you? Guessing you aren't really into that. How did you get so smart/clever? It would be easy for you to make friends as you are a very interesting person BUT me thinks it would be quite difficult to keep them (as they'd fear you are always reading them). I don't really drink either. Very rare. Occasional purely for medicinal purposes LOL You asked for a joke. Only ones I know you've probably already heard & they are pretty corny. Dad jokes really. Do you know the one about the dress up party where the guests have to come dressed as 'emotions'?

Hope it doesn't offend! A lady is throwing a party where each guest shows up as their favourite emotion. A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in. A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!" and lets her in. A naked guy walks up to the front door. He is holding a bowl of pudding with his penis stuck in it. "Wait a minute," she says to him. "This is supposed to be an emotion party!". He answers "Yeah, and I'm f**king dis-custard."

Sorry! Tried to warn you upfront. Am I now thrown out of this forum?

Hey-hey, matey-batey!...let me catch up! "I was told how he expects me to behave should my brother or aunt turn up to the Nursing Home at the same time as myself and him." Next time, say nothing. If he pushes, just say, "Mmm". If he pushes again, say, "Good grief". Disinterested, unimpressed, DRAWLING. Translation with Plausible Deniability ready if you need it (you have a headache) backatim: "Ugh. Yawn. STFU."

"Puppy & Raya have turned the corner. At last they are well again. Thank Heaven." Thank UCK! And do you feel up to calling the RSPCA yet? And have you a witness, like a vet? If not, keep urine and poo samples in the fridge (obviously in plastic, tight-lidded tubs, like empty vitamin tubs and in a ziplock bag...bottom shelf). "I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you well. HUG!" Fank-ooooo! :x

"Naughty me is taking over. Guess it isn't allowed on this forum to ask... but what the hey...here goes..." Intriguing?.... "what pronoun do you go by? You clearly know much about me now. No mystery." "S/He" (pronounced Shuh-Hee) or "They (pronounced, Supercalifragilisticgetsbealidocious :D). "What zodiac sign are you? Guessing you aren't really into that." Am, as a serious science, calculated by a proper scientist (but with social skills). Not allowed to tell you my sign, though, sorry. "How did you get so smart/clever?" Good genes. "It would be easy for you to make friends as you are a very interesting person BUT me thinks it would be quite difficult to keep them (as they'd fear you are always reading them)." Yep. Nope. "I don't really drink either. Very rare. Occasional purely for medicinal purposes LOL" I tried a Tequila for the first time 2 weeks ago. Bleugh....alright for paint-stripper. "You asked for a joke. Only ones I know you've probably already heard & they are pretty corny. Dad jokes really. Do you know the one about the dress up party where the guests have to come dressed as 'emotions'?" No, never heard that one! Go on...?

"He answers "Yeah, and I'm f**king dis-custard."" GOOD ONE! Any more?

"Am I now thrown out of this forum?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ya 'nana.

Aussie joke: What's an Australian bloke's idea of foreplay? "Dya want the lights on or off, Shiela?"

PS: Are you still wobbling, then?

PS - I didn't get a chance to answer this before now: "Now that I've typed this I realise I am NUTS. Grown adults don't do this." Hah! They fckn do, mate. A LOT. A LOT do it a lot. It's actually your survival instinct coming up with a very clever solution and coping, not JUST mechanism, but WORLD. A form of spiritual self-serving and -healing. You're FINE. And I'm really enjoying you this time, and very impressed and pleased. Nah warries, Mite! :)

('Enjoying' isn't quite the word and sounded insensitive - sozzers. I'll try to think of a better word.)

Thanks for tolerating me Soulmate. Also, for bringing the humour. I'm down...so down... Feels weird Mum not being 5 mins up the road anymore. I hate how alone she must be feeling. However, she was bloody awful to me on the last visit yesterday. Super angry. Took it out on me. Called me a bitch for leaving her there amongst other insults. They were coming thick & fast. About 6 months back her best friend (who lived right across the street from Mum) died quite suddenly. It hit Mum hard. I noticed a change in her after Rosemary passed. Mum went downhill quickly. Depression severe & forgetfulness really started to show. She started to sit & stare out the window across the road at Rosemary's house an awful lot. Rosemary use to pop over for a cuppa and slice of homemade cake every couple of days. Today, her second best friend Lurline just died (also quite suddenly). She was a lovely lady I'd known since I was just 15 years old. Haven't told Mum yet. This is going to really sting. Mum can't go to her funeral. I am NOT enjoying 2023. I thought 2022 was bad but this one has out done it. Oh heck...now I'm in strife was that Catastrophising?

New Forum entry NO_ONE_SPECIAL intrigues me. I have a theory. I can't wait to see what you say in response Soulmate.

I went to the Doctor today. It didn't go well. I came home. Talking to daughter didn't go well. I went of facebook. That didn't go well. Discovered my Sister had recently added 4 new people. Three of which she knew had really hurt me last year (as a group). I'd told her all about it. She has been sending me demanding messages. No rather commanding messages over the last few days to 'answer her now!'. All of which I've ignored. Then I see that on her FB page she has used all my information sharing what I told her to other outside family members talking as if it was her own information/ideas. The very words literally taken out of mouth and used as if her own experiences with Mum in the Nursing Home. She HAS NOT EVEN SEEN MUM NOR PHONED HER! Aunt went to Nursing Home & removed things I'd decorated Mums room with? Why? Head Staff talked to me for hours regarding Mum. I shared some of this information with my step father and he called me a 'liar'. Why? I just feel rather suicidal tonight. I really don't care to go on. I've shut down my FB page. Daughter seems to have won over my dog whilst I've been run off my feet making trips alone to the Nursing Home & with the extra workload of her washing etc. Daughter has played with my dog & over fed her treats. I feel like I have absolutely no reason to stick around anymore.

This is not a plea for sympathy. Nor is it attention seeking. I quite simply have nothing to go on for. I just want this life to end. It has nothing to offer me. I find no pleasure in it anymore. I'm alone. Nobody genuinely cares. My daughter fluctuates so wildly between 'now she is nasty...now she is nice' that I'm sick of walking on egg shells around her for fear I'll set her off. I quite simply can't say or do anything right by her opinion. She has been making defending Aunt & Step Father comments. She has indicated she hates her Grandmother & the bitch had it coming comments. I simply don't fit in here anymore. Nobody is in my corner. I'm actually feeling a bit afraid. Why? I don't trust them. I don't trust my daughter anymore. Comments like 'you are nuts and flip flop all over the place'. I believe it is only a matter of time before these 'heartless' and 'emotionless' people put me away. Get rid of me like they got rid of Mum without a backward glance. Without a pinch of feeling. Zero remorse. Zero heart. My Mother has ALWAYS been left of centre and a big worry (physically & emotionally violent) however she is the only single one that seemed to tolerate or get me. She'd say 'when I'm gone you'll be very alone because daughter doesn't seem to like you much'. Well the 'crazy lady' has turned out to be 100% spot on with her prediction. Next to her I am considered the next in line 'crazy'. I've no doubt I'm next on their hit list. I have spent this evening reading suicide stories. It actually appeals to me. They will justify my death by saying 'see...we were all right. she was nuts like her mother'. They will believe themselves innocent of any wrong doing, blameless. With me to my grave will go the facts. Living in a den of Narcissists is the epitome of 'Hell on Earth'. I'm not just venting due to being front line battle worn. I feel like the enemy have rallied the troops & obliterated me. I am only a servant. Shut my bloody mouth, nobody cares for my opinions & just do the washing, the cooking and the mundane domestic shit they don't want to do. This is the only purpose I serve. I am certain (without a doubt) that there is not a single soul who loves me here. I'm even losing Raya. I could step up & like a sad desperado quickly play a few games & throw her a handful of treats to try and win her back. But 'no'. I wanted her to love me for me. I loved how she loved me. Daughter has said I'm just a cook to her. The equivalent to a larder of goodies or a fridge of food. I just spent time, money, fear & prayer on this doggie for the past 2 weeks even syringing water down her throat. So dogs are fickle also. What is there in this life worth fighting for?

"What is there in this life worth fighting for?" Nothing. Zilch. Zero. Because you're not IN "this life". So - not until you get OUT of LaLa Land and stay away from ANYONE who as a Pervasive Pattern drags you down, makes you feel wrong, distressed, etc., etc., etc. You're right - you don't belong with them. Go No Contact, except for visiting your mum - and keep all contact with daughter to a minimum, remembering the choccie-drop for good behaviour, turning your back on her (disinterested) for bad. Make her WORK for interaction, by being NICE and DECENT. Nothing else, now, will gain admission. Okay? Things will not, cannot change for the better until you DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT and CONSISTENTLY. New mantra: STOP REWARDING BAD BEHAVIOUR. (Giving them the time of day is rewarding.) And: I refuse to keep partaking in Afternoon Tea with my emotional rapists! Sorry this has to be so brief for now. I had last-minute guests descend on me (waiting for affordable flights!) and now don't even have time to fart, let alone answer posts. :( I aim to try tomorrow or Friday, but, really, after Friday will be easiest as one of my guests is leaving that night. But let's see... Seriously. Try to stay away from them as much as humanly possible.

Is anybody here to answer me? I am locked in my room & i'm seriously considering killing myself. Please talk to me...

PS: Dogs aren't fickle. But they ARE programmed to put food first. Once the treats stop (and they will) - she'll be back, by your side again. Don't let it bother you because that's what it's supposed to do. Your daughter can't be vulnerable whenever she's vulnerable. Instead, she has to pick a fight, make you cry, and THEN she feels less intimidated. Typical Teenage behaviour yet again. There comes a point when you have to say: YOU eff-off...AND you....and you and you and especially you. Until you're prepared to act like a decent human being, I don't want to know so don't talk to me unless you have something nice, or neutral, to say. They can't handle being ignored. LITERALLY can't. Nothing wrong with the Silent Treatment when used as it was designed to be used: as a way to get yourself, the picked-on..bullied party, to emotional safety, out of the person's range. You DON'T UNDERSTAND, DD. I can HEAR you don't. THESE PEOPLE ARE UNHINGED. Don't mean this critically or even personally, because it's a typical sticking-point on the path for victims. But, you are still complaining that the mentally ill and morally corrupted people among whom you're trying to live your life, are behaving towards you - and your mother - like the mental patients they are. GET OUT OF THE ASYLUM. The lunatics are running that one. In Opposites Day Land (La-La), you aren't the one to get out. You push THEM out of YOUR environment. (Not daughter, she's a different kettle.) PUSH THE EVIL LOONY TUNES OUT, OUT, OUT! It's time, DD. It's time. NOTHING is going to change until you do. And when you do - the only way is Up. Read this again and again until it's really 'in there'. And don't be daunted. I rejected my ENTIRE family - all 50-whatever of them (can't even be bothered to re-count). Except for son. He was just reactive (and how could he not be!). One is easier to re-train (de-louse every time, from spending too much time with his (HA-HA-HA!) "other parent" (PFFFF!). I did it for him. And it was a darn sight easier than constantly trying to manage the unmanageable. Especially as they worsen with age (IGNORE that Narc propaganda about them getting easier....HAHAHAH, DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH! That's purely and simply an attempt to further dissuade their victims from daring to leave them - END OF). Okay? Getting it? I DID IT FOR MY SON. And for HIS kids and THEIR kids.... "Cruelty to children must stop - Full Stop". You and your daughter are where the rotten legacy stops. I and my son are where mine stops. Daughter goes back-and-forth, you've said so yourself. THEY Don't. Just Back. Daughter still spends 'half' the time, going FORTH. Understand? Also - ADDITIONALLY.... SHE'S BORED OUT OF HER BRAINS. You do realise this, yes? There's a meme that goes (not verbatim but nearly), "Sometimes, the best reason to leave an abusive situation is because your kids are watching'. You can't save them. You CAN save your daughter. And the rest of your quality of life. Enough venting. Time for action. You're too knackered for Option B - Keep Fighting. So you have to do the other extreme with these extreme "people" - Walk Away (i. mentally, 2. phyiscally). "I'm waaalkin' awaaaay...frooom..trouble in my-yy life, I'm walkin' a-waaa-aaay....To find a better day". NOTHING in life that's easy to achieve is worth it. The longer the mountain path climb, the more spectacular the view. Okay?

"Is anybody here to answer me? I am locked in my room & i'm seriously considering killing myself. Please talk to me..." Errr..... haven't you noticed I'm posting??

I want to elaborate on this: "They can't handle being ignored. LITERALLY can't" IT IS INCREDIBLY PAINFUL. Not heart-painful - they don't have a working one of those. EGO painful. WAY more - I repeat - WAY more painful than the worst pain they have ever put YOU through. SHOW THEM YOUR POWER. HURT THOSE BULLIES BY SIMPLY STAYING AWAY FROM THEM - ZERO CONTACT. I promise you, they will go doolally...wherever they go, whomever is watching and listening.... complete deterioration of self-control (not that they had much or any to begin with). They are nothing but nasty, nasty, nasty, nasty BULLIES. All this time, you've had the Big Guns to yourself and never, ever used them. They know you're healthy and that your opinion therefore matters GREATLY. You ostracise the lot of them (bar daughter) and, SOD SAFETY IN NUMBERS, they will each and every one of them be so furious and outragedas, as a cover for major panic at the thought of losing their secret Toxins Toilet AND the only person fit to judge and whose opinion is real and serious. (They DO KNOW they're crippled; they do.) THINK ABOUT IT REALLY DEEPLY: the reason they keep harrassing you is because they know they don't have your approval so, like the idiot, broken bullies they are, they try to shoehorn you into play-acting that you rate and like them and agree with their very logical and clever-actually ideas and actions. Forcing and threatening people to ADMIRE them (despite they're reprehensible all the way to downright evil), is all they spend their lives doing. BEING REJECTED OR ABANDONED SENDS THEM BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS, THE FURNITURE, THE FRONT GARDEN WHERE ALL THE NEIGHBOURS AND CAN, AND ALL THE WAY DOWN THE STREET. I've always had one or two Benign/Classic friends. NOT A PROBLEM getting them to "leave this/that out" or to dominate just for as long as it takes to re-train. They're happier, I'm happier, everyone's happier. Win/Win. It's the bloody Malignants. And (being dinosaurs with zero ability to change and update, doing what their type tried, back in Victorian times - i.e. getting "difficult" women sectioned or however plonked out of the way - is as Malignant as you can get. The GOOD news, however, is that the experts are cleverer than them, so on the whole they rarely succeeded, even back then (despite it makes good telly). As for truth and why it outs: it's like standing up to your shoulders in the sea trying to keep a football under the water. Too many variables, even leaving aside the expecteds: a suddenly larger wave unbalancing you, uneven seabed, arms growing too tired... Ain't gonna happen for long. That ball is coming UP - and out of the water a good 5ft at least, where everyone sees. Just because they're Dinosaurs, doesn't mean the rest of us are. You find them in all sectors of life, including hospitals. But the good, healthy people outnumber them. And when you factor out the cowardly, the good'uns are still the majority. Look at that UK nurse, recently. Truth Outs. It's just a question of WHEN. Not If. WHEN. (Think about it seriously. Tell me when you're ready to start discussing how to go about making them all self-combust. And let's not forget, it'd happen EN MASSE. ;) What is it they say? The bigger they are, the harder they fall. En Masse goes "Crash!"). It was so easy. My god. Talk about kick myself. Not immediately, granted. But at 6 months and no apology. It was so Black & White indefensible, what they did. My only regret is why I didn't do it (properly, fully) bloody decades and decades ago. HOWEVER...things happen for a reason, WHEN the timing is right. Just between you and I (haha): I've just met someone. Well, I say 'just' but it's been slowly (tick!) building since May. And he's LOVELY. I said - Shop Closed!...although I was experienced enough to remember not to box myself into a corner by adding that it would never-never-never open again. I just said, I doubt I would ever, etc. Seven ...SHORT years, actually, of being single and celibate. NOT being interested, I just made friends with him.... The chemistry was there (strong glow, rather than fireworks) and then I got to like him and his company more and more...until I started to MISS him.....then miss him BADLY, between group meets and dates... So I DON'T just fancy him. I LIKE him. A LOT. Plus - he's a GENUINE beach-lover this time (so many say they are, then prove they aren't)... he bloody lives on one and his fave bar is on one! And he's capable of deep, meaningful (e.g. philosophical) talk, emotional talk, and playful/banter). And SUCH a gentleman. He's Highest-Functioning Aspergic. YESSSS! Aspie men are bloody lovely (if you learn their language and understand they're very different from females). Wouldn't hurt a fly - unless the fly were attacking a loved-one; then they're lethal. So now I'm hitting "Phwooar!" stage, LOL. (Ohhhh shit.) And this is the first time in my love-life that I've approached a relationship, feeling SCARED rather than laid-back-confident and self-assured. Excellent! What a difference it makes! 'Proceeding with caution'? I should cocoa - I would only offer my hand for him to shake, for the first month, haha. Spaniards aren't used to that. Even Aspie-o men do the hug-mwa-mwa nonsense. So anyway, other than getting to talk about him (haha - sorry!), my point is this: I had to escape La-La Land and not ever-ever-ever go back...In order to de-slime and "date myself" (I'm a Spoiler. Which isn't a problem with another Spoiler.) If I hadn't thrown my ex out, I wouldn't be here and wouldn't have met the wonderful friends/adopted-sisters and brothers I've cononected with, nor met this gorgeous gentleman. He's going to have a long wait, however, if you know what I mean. But I don't think he minds, I think he's the type goes through the Friends With Prospects Door (it's how they date in Spain - make platonic friends with you first). Seven years ago, I was tempted to take the easy way out...and then un-tempted seconds later by remembering my (still re-orientable) son. Tempted once per month, I think it was. It just made me feel less powerless while I was on the floor. For a warrior/Fighter or Flighter (not Fawner or Freezer), being on the floor is just taking a breather before getting back up, and this time meaning business. But - if you live, they die. They can't function without that secret Toxins Toilet. They get incredibly busy trying either to find a new replacement or demote someone(s) among them. The in-fighting starts, heh-heh-heh-heh. I SEE PROOF ALL OVER FAKEBOOK THAT I FELL UP AND THEY FELL DOWN AND ARE STILL FALLING. Sometimes, you only have to do it for a while. Sometimes forever. But I promise you, although it's a hike, it's like coming out of the desert into an oasis. Meme: I hate having to cut people off but it's like they keep handing me the scissors. Yes. They do. Because THEY hate living (and why wouldn't they!). THEY are suicidal but lack the balls (childish In Door, adult Out Door inaccessible to children = can get themselves INTO trouble but lack the adult faculties for getting out of it). That's why they spend their lives picking on, aka PROVOKING, the WARRIORS! They DETEST life and living. They hate the world and hate everyone in it. Starting with themselves. And the world owes them favour-after-favour. (Oh, don't get me started, LOL.) Am I making sense? Just rest (and mainly ignore) and keep processing (that's your Breather).

In other words, although it feels HELLISH!...you feeling suicidal is a GOOD thing (emphasis on Feeling). Mate? It's called Depression Into Acceptance. You don't even have a whole lap left to go. You're YARDS from the Chequered Flag. Tell me how suicidal you *FEEL* (not are), out of 10 (that being worst)?

PS: Think of all the money daughter's saving you by buying doggie those treats. It's not like doggie doesn't need to be spoiled for a while, eh. Every cloooouuuuuud - remember? Why do malignant narcs wear platform boots? So that when they walk down the street, their knuckles don't scrape on the ground.

Thank you for responding Soulmate. I guess I'm doing ok as I'm still here. Can't say I'm feeling very happy about still being here. Just had the worst day. A REALLY bad one. Don't want to go into it just now. It is 12.49pm and I can only just now calm down. Got distracted by a loud explosion. Glass shattering. Smoke. I could smell pot. My neighbours! When I saw 11 adults traipse into the tiny villa and 4 children I knew we were in for a wild night. Then a Police Raid. Raya going ape at the door and window. Puppy frozen on the spot and just staring wide eyed at the front door. So much commotion. Daughter visibly shaking and going to throw up. I just sit like a statue, afraid to move off the spot and wait it out. When on for hours. Only just stopped. Emotionally exhausted. Police took 4 of them away kicking & screaming. Fighting trying to get them in the wagon. The rest ran down the street and hiding in various places. There was an interval and then it was on! 3 Police cars. Running through our yard. Tackling to the ground. Swearing, punching, threatening. Toddlers on the footpath involved in it all. Oldest being about 4 years and youngest about 2 years. We watched the action on the feed into my daughters phone from our cameras front and back. We are beyond drained.

Before this latest riot broke out early evening well I had a total melt down. I was on the floor uncontrollable sobbing & heaving and literally me legs would not support me. I've been having severe heart pains. Chest, back and down my arm into my fingers with tingling and pain. Daughter insisted I go to the Doctor. Sounds like she cares but I saw and was very disturbed by her maniacal smile while I sobbed. So I took myself to my GP. Broke down in her office. She prescribed anti depressants and took my blood pressure which was oddly changing from dramatically high to sudden dramatically low. In the hospital (op) they noted this also. So she recommended I buy a machine from the pharmacy and monitor the scores. Whatever. Couldn't really afford the Doctors appointment. Can't afford the tablets. The machine is $120AUD. So that all wont' be happening. Unfortunately I haven't sold anything this week through my online store. What little money I have left over until next part pension day is needed to transport me to see Mum (who incidentally attacked my Stepfather the moment he walked in to the Ward today. Slapping him repeatedly and the Staff had to pull her off him). Inwardly I cheered when he phoned to tell me. It has been one hell of a day! Understatement. This all may sound like 'catastrophising' but I swear I haven't exaggerated anything written here at all. I've told it as it is.

Literally from the moment my eyes opened this day was doomed. I ran myself ragged dashing around doing the chores at full speed so that I could make the first bus to the Nursing Home (the bus being every 1hr & 15mins but I have to walk a kilometre to the stop in a shocking heatwave). As the neighbours had been rowdy swearing & yelling angrily at each other this morning I was feeling very insecure about leaving daughter & dogs alone. I asked her to phone me in half an hour to let me know all was calm and ok. She agreed. She didn't phone! I tried 7 times over 10 minute intervals. I sent text. No answer. Fearing the worst. My imagination going wild. I got off the bus & ran the kilometre back home in the heatwave! My heart pounding in my chest. I knocked and she didn't answer the door. I pounded on the window. I called her name. Raya wasn't even barking or excitedly waiting for me at the door. I found my keys & rushed in. She was upstairs, head phones on with both dogs on the bed, looked startled to see me & simply said 'what?'. I tore shreds off her verbally for not answering her phone or calling me as promised. She flippantly said 'well the neighbours quietened down and I was playing 'monopoly go' and switched my phone to silent'. As I was yelling at her I'd left the screen door shut but not locked. The step father had made an impromptu visit. Let himself in & was behind me. I didn't even know! Daughter didn't see or hear him come in either. We both jumped when a sudden male voice told me to 'get a grip and don't slam the screen door'. I yelled back at him for telling me to 'get a grip', coming over uninvited, letting himself in & telling me what I can & can't do with my own front door'. He left in a huff. Daughter looked at me, shook her head and simply stated 'YOU'RE MENTAL'. Exhausted, frustrated I sat on the floor and sobbed. Daughter was smirking? Yes...I let my mind panic. I over reacted. At least I bloody care about somebody other than myself. So I left. Didn't go to the nursing home. Went to my GP. (I concede. Reading this back I did indeed 'catastrophise' over daughter not phoning me or answering the door.)

In answer to your question how 'suicidal do I feel?'. I told my GP 'I want to die with tears pouring down my face'. By this stage in the day I just wanted it all to stop. I do feel cursed. I do feel it won't ever end unless I break it. (yep that is some mental talk right there). I long to be 'free'. FUCK! I JUST HEARD SOMEBODY OUTSIDE THE FRONT DOOR. IT IS NOW 2AM.

RAYA HEARD IT ALSO. RAISED HER HEAD. IS FACING THE DOOR. I am deliberately staying up because of this evenings events I don't feel safe enough to sleep. RAYA IS STICKING HER NOSE UNDER THE FRONT DOOR & SNIFFING LOUDLY. I'm hoping it is just a possum. I just pushed a cabinet up against the front door and another up against the back door. This isn't 'catastrophising' this is my reality. Honestly my thoughts of suicide have been increasing. I feel overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, stressed, hopeless, angry, trapped, numb and like I have no hope of a better future. It sits at a 9. Today, when I typed locked in my room before going to the GP it was a 9.75. When Raya didn't greet me I was devastated. That is how needy I am. When my daughter did her wicked grin at my meltdown well I felt crushed. I don't believe she loves me. I don't believe she cares. Her actions speak louder than her words. Where once she was my everything. My reason to live and keep soldiering on. Now I find her often to be selfish, dismissive, unhelpful. If she makes me a cup of tea she expects accolades. Yet gives very little of herself or her time. I'm disappointed by her coldness. Her lack of empathy. I just keep hearing 'Nanna is getting what the b _ _ ch deserves. It is karmic Mum.' This is usually followed by 'You're a fool'. I calmly/peacefully explained to her today late in the afternoon over a cuppa how I'm feeling and my personal beliefs about life after death. A possible Spiritual World. She laughed in my face. She told me 'what if that is all a crock of shit Mum? what if you're just worm feed? then you did all this good Samaritan crap for nothing and wasted both our lives'. Safe to say we are not on the same page and possibly never will be. What I do know about my girl is that once she makes her mind up that a person is a d _ _ khead then she will never unmake it. My only purpose is household duties. To her I'm a nut job, waste of space. I'm a pathetic human being. I made her be exposed to this toxic family and she will never forgive me for it (her exact words).

When I sat on my bed in my room today I started randomly tidying up. Thought it best to keep busy because of my low mood. As I was stacking I came across a plastic bag. I heard myself...I hate confessing this... my head said 'just do it. over your head. tie it tight. lie down and wait. you'll break the curse. you'll set daughter free. Raya has shown that she'll be alright and get over it.' So that is where I was at today. Previously, I've filled a glass with bleach and put it up to my mouth. Then went into the bathroom and poured it into the toilet. I did not feel relief. I felt disappointed that I didn't go through with it. I need a spot next to Mum on the mental ward right?

After thought... Why do I get so angry at my daughter? I'm disappointed in her. She just doesn't see the bigger picture ever. She is clueless. Example the other day: I'm washing all the linen. I'm doing all the usual chores. It is super hot here. I went to the corner store for milk, bread, sliced meat and biscuits. I made her lunch then left to travel to see Mum. I lugged Mums washing home. Stopped at the store. Filled 4 grocery bags. Walked the 1 kilometre home in the sun totally weighted down. Opened the front door. Daughter looked relieved I was home! She said 'oh thank god you're back mumsy. I'm exhausted and going upstairs for a nap. looking after two dogs & sewing two doll dresses sure takes it out of you'. Off she went upstairs to her bedroom. As she reached the entrance to her room she called back 'oh be sure to wake me when dinner is ready in time for my favourite tv show'. I was still struggling in the door with the groceries. Rushing to put the cold things in the freezer due to our heat waves. I just shook my head. She didn't ask how Nanna was, she didn't offer to help me at all. She doesn't realise what real 'exhaustion' is. I feel 'used'. I feel 'resentful'. I believe I gave raising her alone my ALL. Shouldn't it be my turn now to get some help without begging for it or yelling at her? Haven't I earnt my freedom by now? It should be my time for some peace and quiet. Time for my hobbies. I watch her doing what she wants, when she wants all the time. Always banging on about her 'anxiety' and how it is my fault. She wanted two dogs. She hogs the TV. She does no chores unless nagged. I come home and the dryer is still flashing the red light and intermittently going around. Even though before I left for the nursing home I asked her to empty it when it finished drying the load. She stated oops I forgot. Her dishes are in the sink. She doesn't even rinse her cup out. Often her mug is left in the lounge room next to the sofa. Her laziness really bugs me. I feel like her personal slave. My Grandad use to call her lazy and ask me sarcastically whether she can actually bend at the waist to pick something up. I type this and feel guilty for knocking my only child but I'm disappointed in her. We rarely work as a team. Like the other day she was playing 'monopoly go' again and I was trying to fill out a form for the lawyer online. I'm not good with technology. I asked her to please come and help me out with it for a bit. Her response was 'No. You figure it out. I'm at a crucial stage in my game. Besides your brain will turn to mush like Nannas if you don't use it more. Mum I fear you are already starting to lose your marbles. I think your brain is getting lazy. You must train it you know or you'll be next to get dementia. I have faith in you that you'll work it out yourself'. I said 'Thanks for the speech. The time you took to say it could have been better spent going click, click for me and fixing this computer glitch'. I often think to myself her mouth uses up all the power/electricity. Says me typing all these long, wordy, tiresome posts. Sorry. I'm just venting. Not important. Answer other people. It's ok. I know I'm boring. 3am time for sleep. Thanks again for tolerating me. I LOVE THE SOUND OF YOUR MAN FRIEND! SONG LYRICS 'YOU CAN DO IT. IT'S ONLY LIFE THERE'S NOTHING TO IT'. I'M JELLY LOL

This Song is for Soulmate titled 'From The Inside' by Marcia Hines xo New Day. Wish us luck. Stepfather just phoned. He isn't going up to see Mother anymore by himself so... he's meeting my Brother at the Nursing Home this coming Sunday and told me he'd prefer it if I kept away. The Controller and The Coward making a joint visit. Supporting each other. Two big, strong men. One frail, tiny, bony but powerful woman - my Mother. Even losing her mind she has more backbone, guts & gumption than that pair put together.

Starting my non-fiction novel or what would be best described as my 'Memoir'. Very auto-biographical. Title 'A Blighted Life'. A first hand account of existence when trapped inside a diseased wormhole. Character List so far: The Controller Brother (Histrionic personality, borderline personality and malignant narcissist suffering from regular narcissistic collapses) The Coward Stepfather (Moocher. Instigator. Judas) The Blister Sister (annoying, infected and best left alone) The Busybody Aunt (gossiping meddler. Hypocrite. Doing things without any authority having been given to do so) The Disturbed turned Victim Mother/Wife/Grandmother (Schizophrenic. Major depressive disorder. Demented) What do you think? Care to add anything? I'd appreciate your input. I'm not afraid to hear nor include the adjectives pertaining to myself. I've heard them all before. New ones would be helpful.

Hey, please don't feel like you have to reply. I know I'm being both a hog of this forum and a nuisance. Other people need you help. I'm just a sad, pathetic, loser who has nobody to talk to. So I talk here rather than to myself. I'm feeling cheesed off royally with daughter this afternoon. I'm feeling peeved with Stepfather for a comment he made towards me over the phone. I'm super sensitive because I'm super over tired. Stayed up late into the wee early hours to ensure our safety from the neighbours so the crankiness has set in and is frankly starting to swallow me up. I'm lonely. I'm feeling low, down & yes...very depressed over Mum. When I came home today Raya didn't give me her usual excited over the top greeting that always brings a smile. This hurt. She just sat and didn't move a muscle. After catching up on chores thought I'd have a nap with Raya. I set us up all comfy & I was sharing the pillow with her & giving her a stroke as I was drifting off. Five minutes later she jumps down. Usually stays with me for hours. BUT Daughter had a new rubber toy and a handful of treats & enticed her away from me. I also noted daughter's tell-tale smug grin. When daughter ducked outside for 5 mins she got my usual welcome upon returning. 'oh Raya settle down I wasn't gone 5 minutes darling', daughter said. Raya always lies under my feet as I make my doll dioramas. Nope today she lay under daughters feet. I duly noted that when I have my usual cuppa and cookie at the table well Raya is always at my feet and I use my toes to give her a tummy rub. Nope today she lay under the table at daughters feet. I'm losing my doggy girl. Lost my daughters affection years ago & now I'm losing my dogs affection after 7+ years of devotion. I'm hurting. Sounds immature of me but I literally have nobody and nothing else in my life. Puppy still gets all the attention and praise from passers by on our group of 4 afternoon walks. I watch as Raya just gets over looked by strangers. An older dog can't compete with a cute puppy, all excited and alight with joy. This attention is lapped up by daughter but it isn't enough for her. Not satisfied with puppy she insists on winning Raya back off me. I'm really hurting inwardly as she made the comment 'I had it just the way I liked it when you were in hospital. The two dogs and myself had a perfect routine and I loved that one bedroom studio apartment. Then you came back and it all disappeared.' She sure knows how to make one feel loved. So glad I didn't die in theatre but returned to continue being a 31 year old's permanent housemaid/cleaning lady. So much gratitude from everyone in my family that I'm simply swimming in contentment and love. Here is hoping the 2cm breast lump is malignant. Nobody would care. Sad but true. That would at least put an end to all this hoo-ha waste of a life. Nice knowing one person only would be at your funeral and she'd be suppressing her excitement of having gained freedom from me and full ownership of Raya. Yes...I am feeling sorry for myself. I think I deserve more than this. I have worked hard at being a single Mum. I've been a devoted daughter to a Mum who didn't really deserve it. Likewise with the Brother and Sister. Never reciprocated. Taken for granted. Used and abused. Over it. Period.

I apologise for unravelling. Thank You for indulging me xo

Just talking because I'm lonely & as always confused. Can't fathom my daughter. We aren't talking yet again! I'm literally in the dog house! Today, she did a really nice thing. Being Saturday the buses don't run to the Nursing Home. Daughter said 'all 4 of us could catch an Uber & go see Nanna'. I said great idea Mum would love to see you. Daughter hasn't visited Mum nor spoken to her over the phone for many weeks. Not even when Mum was in the Hospital. I reminded my girl how I can't afford the Uber fares this week. She sighed loudly and said 'well as it was my idea I'll pay'. I said 'if you are sure'. Then I felt the need to remind her of just how many things I bought her last week (at her request) out of my pay. I never ask for the money back. Whereas she always does. The visit, walk in the gardens was all going really well until Mum was enjoying one of my homemade choc chip cookies and gave a small piece (about half a centimetre) to the puppy. Footnote: Mum with her dementia often thinks Raya is my previous dog (Angel) who she ALWAYS shared cookies with. However today for whatever reason she dropped a piece to the pup not Raya. Daughter turned on me! Went right off! It went something like this... 'I said NO! It is your fault (me) for making & bringing the bloody cookies. Now my dogs special diet is ruined. Now she will most probably die from a choc chip. I do not allow cookie for the puppy and you know it!'. She then turns to Mum and says 'Nanna I yelled NO and you gave it to her anyway and you had no right to do that'. Mum said 'I'd already dropped it to her before you said NO. It's was just a little bit. I won't do it again'. Daughter huffed, scowled loudly, crossed her arms over her chest, red faced & shaking her head at us in disgust. Mum turns to me and says 'right there. what just happened then is one reason why I'm not unhappy to be in here. Control. It is all about control. She wants to control that puppy. She thinks she can control you by the way she spoke to you just then. Bill thinks he can control me. It's how I ended up in here. Everybody wants to control somebody. I don't like men. They ruin your life. First Ray controlled me and now Bill. I think I'd have preferred to be free. I liked it when it was just me and my girl friends after your father left us. I let a man do it again...control. Look where it got me.' She then turned to my daughter and said 'your Mother didn't give the dog the cookie I did. so why are you telling her off? controlling. maybe you should be living on your own now. that is the only way you'll control everything and have it the way you want.' Mum then got up from the table pushed her chair in and called the visit quits because daughter was still huffing and snorting in the air with a face set like cement towards ME. I took Mum back to her room. We went home in silence. The moment I entered the house daughter began. I owe her an explanation and an apology for allowing Nanna to do that. I should have stopped it. Stepped in. Spoken up. Not just let it go. blah...blah... she went on at me for ages! I couldn't get a word in edgeways. I eventually got a turn. I said what she did today was a lovely thing by taking the dogs and going to see her Grandmother. Also for paying for the Uber service. I said it was a shame it had to end the way it did over a tiny piece of cookie. (she interjected the chocolate will probably kill my puppy). I told her how I saw Mum dissecting her cookie & wondered why. I now realised in hindsight after cleaning up the picnic table. Mum had removed two choc chips from the segment she gave the dog. They were sitting on a serviette. This piece of info spoken to placate daughter just enraged her further! I allowed it to happen. I didn't care. I did it on purpose. I want her puppy to die. I care more about nanna and not about her or her feelings at all. I'm disrespectful. I dismiss everything she considers important. That I know the dog is on a special diet since the rat poisoning and I allowed the diet to be broken by cookie. That she spends hundreds of dollars on that puppy not for the likes of me the selfish bitch and my likewise selfish bitch Mother to ignore her wants. She & only she knows what is best for the puppy. Daughter went on & on at me... Then I was in trouble for not responding to her tirade. So I said 'sorry it happened a bit quickly I'm sure the dog won't die'. Then I copped 'that is all you have to say. you don't care at all do you? you never do. you or your mother. you're both the same. Selfish. Control freak bitches'. She stomped upstairs and has remained there ever since! WTF! It was a tiny piece of cookie. Guess I was supposed to blow the crap out of a dementia ridden lady to please the daughter? It happened so quickly that she dropped the piece of biscuit to the puppy that I couldn't even get to the other side of the table to retrieve it as puppy literally caught it in her mouth & swallowed. I'm really sick of living with my daughter truth be told. She is a nag. She is no fun. She is always sour! Mum sure is right about something...I want to be free, not controlled and told off every second of every day. She gets angry quicker than a hyena on heat. I didn't respect her boundaries I'm guessing that is the issue. I didn't support her wants right? When the hell does she EVER support mine? Everyday I'm told my ideas & thoughts are dumb, stupid and that I'm base. She makes herself hard to like.

Hey Soulmate, You were spot on about my family. I have kept to myself completely (many days now) and they have (annoyingly) increased their demands. Stepfather is phoning and turning up (uninvited) daily which is weird. However, telling me I'm not welcome at the Nursing Home on Sunday as Brother and himself wish to be with Mum alone (ok fine with me) but then he added where did you take her for afternoon tea and what did you do with her? He is now planning to imitate it??? He said 'we will do that too'. He then said 'I figured out why you go early in the day to see your Mother. I thought it was because of the long bus trip but now I realise you get her sane and lucid first thing in the morning. Very smart. I will do that now also after her hitting me. I also don't want to go alone so if you want a free ride there let me know. I intend going Tuesday'. Aunt is making comments about me (gossiping) to other family & friends of family saying I'm clearly a VERY SAD PERSON and that I have no friends and it is me with the problem because they are all working together for my Mum (they being Stepfather, Brother, Sister & Herself) and I'm just the trouble causer. Note to reader as of this moment both Bro & Sis still have not even talked to Mum on the phone nor gone to see her. Bro has told step father he is going twice now & both times never turned up. Sister is ANGRY! MAJOR BIG TIME! I'm not on my FB Doll Club two minutes when it starts. Abusive PM's. Like 'Answer me! Answer me now! I want to know right now exactly what is happening with Mum! Everybody says you are abusive. We are all getting along great. You treat everybody like shit. We are sick of the way you behave. It goes on... SM you stated they'd get angry at not having their source anymore. Correct. They are ticked off. However, I don't know how to stop what is now happening. I'm getting harassed even more often and more regularly and way more abusive than before. I closed my family FB account & only kept the doll club. She sees me on & within seconds income the abusive pm's. She realises that I've seen the 'new friend list' with every enemy of mine upon it. So she now put private on her friend list. Too little & too late. She's lost clearly without my words and stories about Mum to tell others (as if they are her own). Now she is writing poems about Mum & putting them on her public display and getting praise for them. I just know they as a group are bitching about me and it hurts. My daughter has been hurting me also. I feel like the most hated woman in the world. I've got a serious ache inside. I'm super lonely. I miss old Mother. Even an on again off again abusive Mum was better than one who stares at my face oddly and is only sane for 4 hours a day now. Another interesting out of the blue occurrence. Just now 9pm Stepfather rang and said Nursing Home can't pacify her. She is packed & standing by the door waiting to be picked up by him. She is angry. He phoned to ask me to call and talk to her, quote 'handle her', calm her down for them. Another random occurrence from Tribunal regarding Stepfather being PofA. Long email. Says they are re considering and want to meet with me to discuss re assigning Power of Attorney to myself. Then out of blue the head Sister in charge of Dementia Ward asked me why I am not PofA and said she believes I should be because Stepfathers presence upsets her and makes her angry. Mentioned she thought I was Mums only child due to the absence of any communication from my Brother or Sister. She said she is keeping a record book of visitors, their frequency, the time they stay with Mum and her reactions/behaviours with them. Dementia RN said she will provide it for the Tribunal if I'd like. She believes my Aunt (Mums Sister) is trying for PofA. She had not gone to the Hospital in the 10 days she was there. Did not visit Mum in her first week of being at the Nursing Home but is now quite suddenly turning up daily (timed before me. super early) sitting talking to Mum and making her laugh. I myself find all these changes gobsmacking. Mum was estranged from her Sister for two plus years. They only recently decided to meet once a fortnight for coffee at the shops. They did this twice ONLY then Mum started to refuse going saying that my Aunt was agreeing with Stepfather and whispering behind her back. Bossing her around at the shops when she wanted a pair of earrings. Telling her 'no you don't need any and tell me what do you need earrings for anyway'. Out of the Woodwork now has come so very many caring but previously 'invisible' folk. I note Aunt took things from Mums room I provided and changed the set up Mum & I did together. Mums favourite retro orange tin I filled with her fav biscuits, fruitcake and chocolates is gone! I had given Mum a framed photo of her parents. The dementia nurse said they looked like kind and lovely people. Which they were! Mum loved it and said she talks to them every night before she goes to sleep. The photo is gone! Nurse Tracey & I searched for it together. Aunt apparently told my Stepfather to get Mum flowers and a vase. He didn't. I Love my Mum. Regardless of the rough childhood. I hate all these sudden, magical 'do gooders'. I note they take her washing and do it for her. They didn't buy her knickers or toothpaste when she needed it. They don't even bring her a coffee. I'm not a good Samaritan and I don't want accolades. She is my Mum. If I didn't help her settle in during this terrible time in her life with her 80th Birthday looming then what kind of a daughter would I be? Time for bygones in regards to the childhood. You only get one Mother and my heart is broken for her that things have come to this. I know how alone and devastated I felt in the Hospital with my sudden, major surgery and recovery. Not a single visitor. Daughter had to stay in the Hotel with the dogs. It was bloody awful. I can't even fathom being put on a Mental Ward (with patients way further gone in the head than you. some of them are really scary!!! knowing this is it. She asks every time 'when will I go home?' Is my garden ok? The garden breaks my heart. It was BEAUTIFUL! She'd worked on it for years. Just got it perfect. The neighbours would say they were envious. They'd send their Grandkids over to see the flowers. He stopped watering it all when she went to hospital. With our heatwaves it is dead! Brown, crispy & dried up. Beyond saving at this point. Over come with weeds. He watches movies, football, listens to the radio blaring reading the paper daily and drinking coffee after coffee. I sneaked over. Curiosity got me because on the phone early in the morning I thought I heard a woman's voice in the background and she sounded old (like them) and it didn't sound like the usual echo of a TV. The female said 'who is it Bill?'. He said to me 'hang on there is something I have to attend to for a minute'. Then no more voice again. Personally I'll be up for murder if I discover this! I think it was my Aunt. About two months back my Sister said laughingly I think they are on together because he talks about her all the time.

I'm sorry to go on so. I'm embarrassed. I'm on here over talking about myself too much. I'm needy and desperate. You don't have to put up with me nor respond to all my woes. Please help the others. Don't waste more time on responding to me. Seriously. We both know I'm a lost cause. I'm not saying ANY of this to seek pity, praise or attention. It may come across that way to the reader. I'm just venting & over talking. I read it all back myself and yell 'LOSER'. I want to stand alone, walk alone, be stronger. I'm just feeling so sad and don't know which way to turn next. I don't really want Power of Attorney. The thought of money would be helpful to start a new life. However, the fact told by a Doctor that Mum could go on for years as her body is healthy and that they'd all be phoning me for years (from family, to Doctors, to Nursing Home at all hours day & night) on top of dealing with daughter. On top of dealing with the neighbours. On top of still packing for a hopeful move. On top of two dogs. I just don't think I want anymore! I just want it over. All of it. I want to 'begin' as I feel I never really have. The only other alternative being I might as well 'end'.

Stepfather rang me from the free coffee room at the Nursing Home to say Bro did not show up. Shocker. I'm wanting to discuss something (debate if you will) a new topic completely! Dying to know what others think. Should I start a different new Post to do this? Nobody wants to scroll through nor read all my family crap. Want to see peoples reactions (if any).

I am sick to death of my daughter. Struggling to like her. Fear I'm really starting to detest her personality. She just is 'NEVER' nice. Only when she wants something or got something she wanted. First thing this morning I got early for some alone time. NOPE. Down she comes within 5 mins. Face set like steel. Her puppy jumps from the staircase to greet me (nearly falls to her death but luckily hits the soft sofa). My fault apparently! Puppy jumps on my laptop and wipes out my photos I was working on. Told 'get over it'. Daughter goes outside for dog to pee. Her next drama is coming only seconds away! She runs in. Did you put the bins out? Unfortunately, last night so exhausted I forgot. I am absolutely physically and emotionally wiped out. So, I forced myself awake at 5am ran down the stairs grabbed the wheelie bins & as I was attempting to take them out to the street the bin truck goes straight past me. I explain to her. Response was huffing then 'dumb arse'. He next drama...well somebody has been in our yard during the night she says. She grows from seed flowers. It is a hobby which is really important to her. She continues on... The two plant houses were uncovered. Pauses for effect. I say 'I know. I saw. Presumed it was the strong wind.' Respond 'Wind? Really? Did the wind remove to of my 1 foot high plants? One stolen from each green house'. I say 'oh no. really? The two gaps where the missing pots have gone is obvious!' Last night we forgot to put the cameras on before bed. Once again I'm too tired to even make it up the staircase. I have to pause in the middle. Then I realise there was a one pot gap last week in one of the plant houses. I noticed it whilst daughter was sleeping in. I told her about this and said I closed the gap. Just moved another plant into its place. I presumed you'd removed a pot for some reason. Her response 'dumb arse'. Two times in less than 10mins. I'm impressed NOT. Then the tirade begins. The lecture on how useless I am. Can't remember to do anything important. Can't remember to say anything important. I'm hopeless apparently. She goes on & on at me. Then returns to her bed for another long sleep in. Bless the sweet heart (sarcasm). SM please don't tell me to cut this lazy 31 year old some more slack. She is being a bitch 24/7. She does ZERO to help. If she makes a cup of tea (never finishes it for me just puts the bag in the hot water) then she uses this as verbal reminder of how good she is to me for the rest of the day. I'm over her! I've had enough. She can go. The family can go. I'm so done. There is zero joy in living with my daughter. Just another lazy, verbally abusive, nasty person. Carrying on the family legacy and doing a swell job at it.

The ignore my family and start afresh without them isn't working. I don't know how my Sister got around my blocks on FB & email. I received an email telling me... It had no kind salutation. It went like this... You will be receiving photos from me in the mail for Mum and instructions on what you will say to her & tell her about them (as if you are me). I expect you to do this for me. Thanking you in advance, Your sister These people are blowing my brain.

Hey DD, That's a beck of a lot of posts to wade through when I'm still busy with guests so I'll try to read up now, in one sitting, while they're still asleep (heavy night), but I'm not sure how much time I'll have to formulate replies and may have to do them in dribs and drabgs and keep breaking off. Please don't add any more posts until I say - Roger, Over! - or I won't be capable of catching up until after they leave (open return date, but should be Thursday). PS: as I'm typing in the reply box, I can see 'These people are blowing my brain' so at least I know what the ending is, LOL.

No, it's no good - I have to take each message one-by-one... 1st post: "There was an interval and then it was on! 3 Police cars. Running through our yard. Tackling to the ground. Swearing, punching, threatening. Toddlers on the footpath involved in it all. Oldest being about 4 years and youngest about 2 years. We watched the action on the feed into my daughters phone from our cameras front and back. We are beyond drained." Still, at least the Narc Chavs 'got theirs', finally. So that's brilliant! Let me read on...

Daughter threw up? Is she on Anti-Anxiety medication? If not, she needs it. What about you - what are you on? And have you been gorging on the anti-anxiety foods I listed for you?

2nd post: "I've been having severe heart pains. Chest, back and down my arm into my fingers with tingling and pain." That's a massive grief outpouring (from a massive spate of processing into acceptance), that is. Yup, I've had that happen. The tingling and pain is an Anxiety Attack (not as bad as Panic, however). "Daughter insisted I go to the Doctor. Sounds like she cares but I saw and was very disturbed by her maniacal smile while I sobbed." Never mind her smile - it could have been a nervous reaction - her ACTIONS are what matter, and she showed she cares and was that disturbed she 'insisted'. "So I took myself to my GP. Broke down in her office." Broke down. EXCELLENT!!! WELL DONE! (They feckin take you seriously THEN, don't they; I should cocoa...it's the economic climate: squeaky wheels gets most oil - and that's AFTER they've 'shaken the tree' to get rid of time- and resource-wasters; it's nothing personal.) That was you daring to be 100% VULNERABLE. And getting rewarded for it instead of punished (ref your fam-illy). Fantastic overlay and expectations raiser. Really pleased to hear that. "She prescribed anti depressants and took my blood pressure which was oddly changing from dramatically high to sudden dramatically low." Yeah - it's called, Thank God, the Cavalry have arrived! "In the hospital (op) they noted this also." And knew what it too strongly suggested. Mate, they see "you" (especially nowadays), mulltiple times per day, every day, every week, every year, decade.... You're only 'non-obvious' to yourself. Anyway, this is fantastic because now it's on your records that you're being heavily victimised. "So she recommended I buy a machine from the pharmacy and monitor the scores. Whatever." Well, I definitely still think you're on the Aspie side of things. And this sums up Aspie emotionality: When a Neurotypical has a bad day at the office, they feel down. When an Aspie has a bad day at the office, they feel suicidal. Aspies are NOT unempathetic. They have TOO MUCH and their emotions weigh TONNES. That's why their solution - at first - is to simply AVOID 'GOING THERE'. This is weight-training. You're going to USE your intense and heavy emotions but re-direct them (TOWARDS THE LIGHT) and see for yourself the POSITIVE results you get! (I'll BET that doctor 'felt you'. Properly felt you. She might even be an ex-victim.) And then - preview - you could end up using your massive empathy and emotional expressivity in a CAREER setting. I.e. your lemons will automatically be Lemonade. (Sense?) "Couldn't really afford the Doctors appointment. Can't afford the tablets. The machine is $120AUD." What do you think people did before these machines? Have a google re manually monitoring and recording your own heart rate. "So that all wont' be happening. Unfortunately I haven't sold anything this week through my online store." Online store? I didn't kmow you had an online store? What do you sell?

Oh - and stop caring a jot about what mentally ill or disturbed people think, do or say. Think about it. It's ridiculous to do so. ACCEPT that they are and that it's FUTILE to keep giving a shite because your giving a shite DOESN'T HELP THEM, DOESN'T FIX ANYTHING, IT JUST FEEDS THE MONSTERS, AND YOU'RE THEN "AN ENABLER". You're an intrinsically HEALTHY venter. They are 'an' intrinsically UNHEALTHY ALL THE WAY TO EVIL venter. Yours HELPS you. Puking out, purges you of the toxins. Their puking helps them but destroys all the healthies around them...but even then only helps them in a useless, self-gratuitious, too-short-lived way for '5 minutes'. You have a 'tummy bug', in your tummy; your immune system will deal with it, it will pass. They have a tummy set to FOREVERMORE keep puking, even out of nothing, because of a permanent 'brain bug'. Diff/all the diff. They infect you with their permanent infectiousness as continually gives you tummy bugs. They have permanent Covid of the brain. Get it in your stomach enough, and it'll eventually infect your brain. First in spates and then permanently. (Not you personally, I mean anyone that...well, basically DOESN'T have Aspie traits, meaning, their own brand of stubborn wiring and pre-templating...it makes you a Weeble that wobbles any time you're prodded but you don't fall down...CAN'T fall down even if you wanted to!) Stay Away. Minimal Contact. I'm not nearly finished but DO give me a one-off post to tell me all about this online store of yours?

You're not in trouble for catastrophising but all this 'I'm a loser or a nuisance' nonsense is really quite off-putting. Please stop that, you're just undoing any effort I've made plus progress you've made in the interim - that's WHY it's known as doing yourself down or beating yourself up. You're basically copying your monsters, maintaining their bullying of you FOR them (enabler alert, enabler alert!). THIS DOING YOURSELF DOWN, BEATING YOURSELF UP *IS* THE CURSE. REMOVE IT. By just stopping. By just re-reading your whole reply before you post and noticing where you do it and JUST DELETING IT. And what are you doing still taking Srtepfarter's calls? Wait for your visit and let the STAFF update you. Just don't answer. One text to say you're ill/whatever if he follows up with a text (or 10). And then be ill as long as you like. His VOICE going in your ear is unhealthy. Keep it to NOTHING or to text only. For starters, it makes it very hard for him/them to go on and on. Come on. You can do this simple thing. It'll have such a positive effect on you, you know it will. Why do you think everyone keeps banging on about Grey Rock and No Contact, Minimal Contact, and Emotional No Contact, and what lifesavers they are. It's called Separation (usually 6 mths to a year), it's nothing new, been around for centuries...and it's always been a lifesaver. It's just unfortunate how the decision to begin feels (FEELS) so daring and daunting because it's a miracle-worker, it really is. Begin it and you soon enough won't even NEED meds or a change in diet (although I still highly recommend it - I'm still on it, just because of the physical improvements...head hair thickening, going darker again, shining...lovely skin-colour (under the present tan as well as over)...a better tan this year for a start!...whiter, shinier eyes, less eye-bags, muchless dry skin, less wrinkles...putting weight back on at bloody last!... And I've got this cold bug, too, but I'm the only one NOT IN BED with it. I would never recommend ANY course(s) of action I hadn't circumstantially or deliberately been through, myself, and more than once and/or been privy to, the whole A-Z path up, first-hand. PS: If you can't afford meds, etc., then look into using herbs and foods. They were (still are!) our medicine for FAR longer than these modern-day, contrived, 'chemical' copies. Have you outdoor space enough to start growing these things, whether in the ground or pots? Do you do any gardening? Have you ever tried growing your own produce? It is MAJOR therapy - and the results are your own, free-of-charge medication. Have you ever tried Weed? Is it allowed in Aus? I know you guys and galls are fans, that's for sure. It's Mother Nature's own. The law here in Espana is, you're allowed either to become a member of a weed dispensary...basically a social club, open daily..without booze (because we don't eat Caviar off of mouldy toast, dwahling :p)....all creeds/colours/ages/stages of post-victimised empaths.... AND/or, allowed to grow two, fairly big-sized floor pots of the stuff (the Spanish know it's for self-medicating and why - virtually everyone around here smokes it - no kidding, even your village Town Councillors!...you see them sitting outside the bars with the 20-somethings, sharing their spliffs.......... And if you know how to use weed PROPERLY, where most smoke/drink/eat (WASTE) theirs in 2 or 3 months (- PISSES ME OFF!), they COULD be making it last them - AND anyone they know, in a similar state - the entire year, entirely free-of-charge after the initial small outlay of the pots, coconut hessian inner pots, a drinking glass, tissue, water, and a few seeds....... Saying that, it's imperative to know which type (upper or relaxer or clever mixtures that avoid the Being High sensation) or strain that will deal (mentally, emotionally, physically) with your unique-ish cocktail of woes/traumas/ailments.........So these expert-professional clubs, if they don't have the exact hybrid for your particular woes, will grind/mix cocktails for you or even sell them by the pre-prepared and labelled/explained, cheap-as-chips spliffs.....now these people DO know their stuff. .........So 'dispensary' is right. It's medicine. For Victims of life and/or Narcs. So you can smoke it or cook/bake with it, make butter out of it, plonk the stalks in the teapot with your teabags. Sometimes, if it's a strong strain, I just need to SNIFF it. At this present time, it's now just my one glass of wine when with friends or after a hard day, but I'm putting in less and less and getting affected even from a pathetically tiny line of DUST when I do, which is what always happens (moving here was a trauma all its own!). I just automatically start whittling it down to nothing without even realising. And that is all I need for knowing that, like the rule of Dehyrdration: if the saltwater tastes GOOD, you're dehydrated and need it; if not - you don't. So if a TINY amount, actually, of weed still gets you actually stoned - you don't, it's no longer needed. It's like any drug - you have to be aware and determined to stay in control of it, not it in control of you; to approach it like an adult and be SENSIBLE. So...what I'm saying is: 'Oranges aren't the only fruits'. And you are not powerless by ANY means. As Richard Dawkins ("The God Delusion", "The Selfish Gene"...) says: the successful 'gene-vehicle' takes advantage of ALL the tools its environment provides for them (- not verbatim). You don't tend to BECOME ill in a unilateral way. It's the effect of lots of things from all angles. So the fastest way to recover is to be holistic about it. PS: Did you know that our copy of Aspirin originally came (still can) from a riverside plant? And did you know that the jury's in on Chicken Soup (homemade espec)? It absolutely is effective medicine - and not just for a Cold. (I can hear the guests showering...might have to log off in a few mins - just to warn...)

"It has been one hell of a day! Understatement. This all may sound like 'catastrophising' but I swear I haven't exaggerated anything written here at all. I've told it as it is." Mate - I've LIVED it! People close to me have lived it. People not so close to me have lived it.

"She didn't phone! I tried 7 times over 10 minute intervals. I sent text. No answer. Fearing the worst. My imagination going wild. I got off the bus & ran the kilometre back home in the heatwave! My heart pounding in my chest. I knocked and she didn't answer the door. I pounded on the window. I called her name. Raya wasn't even barking or excitedly waiting for me at the door. I found my keys & rushed in. She was upstairs, head phones on with both dogs on the bed, looked startled to see me & simply said 'what?'. I tore shreds off her verbally for not answering her phone or calling me as promised. She flippantly said 'well the neighbours quietened down and I was playing 'monopoly go' and switched my phone to silent'." Nuh-nuh-nuh NINETEEN. What was she doing/having to deal with while censored and self-censoring as a teenager? You still haven't answered that question.

Fearing the worst, there, is Catastrophising. Stop trying to be in control of everything. It's futile and just pisses you and her OFF. She ain't a toddler (she's a teen...half the time). Next time, it's YOU ring ME "if". See the difference?? Replay that morning with THAT having been the instruction. Or was it a passive-aggressive attempt to be late or unable to turn up??

"Aunt went to Nursing Home & removed things I'd decorated Mums room with? Why?" Is she married?

Is she on Anti-Anxiety medication? If not, she needs it. Answer: She was written a script ages ago. She won't get it made up. She won't take it. "Aunt went to Nursing Home & removed things I'd decorated Mums room with? Why?" Answer: My very lovely Uncle died of Alzheimer's about 5 years back. Online store? I didn't know you had an online store? What do you sell? Answer: I have mentioned it a couple of times but no matter that is ok. I understand. You poor thing having a cold, visitors and dealing with me is more than enough for anybody. I send so many messages makes it near impossible to recall every tiny detail. I honestly feel selfish and worry I'm just too much for people. A Doll Store. Manufacturing ourselves out of home. We started (many years back daughter & myself) as a Partnership. It was very successful and popular. Sold items all over the World. But after many years daughter naturally wanted to spread her wings and pursue her own career choice. So I've been struggling and soldiering on ever since alone. However, I've slowed right down to nearly zero due to all my health issues, having to move away for the mould/termite remediation, my operation etc. Even walking to the Post Office to send off the parcels became impossible due to my mucosal fibroid issue. Meanwhile the Collectors themselves are 'fierce'. Demanding, bullying. These products are used in doll collectors competitions. We use to go to Conventions selling. These serious dolly people turn on you. Get aggressive. So it wasn't always fun & games. Oh! While I think to mention it. Yes. I have followed some of your diet. I actually had more energy. I lost weight which is good. People noticed that. Until last night. I needed comfort. I made lemonade scones. DIDN'T EVEN THINK of my diabetes. I even put golden syrup on them. Then I nearly collapsed. Couldn't even walk straight. Daughter ran for my meds and I'd run out. Been too busy running to Mum and doing extra washing etc. Then the fact that I didn't wish to leave daughter & dogs alone (due to neighbours). My kidneys hurt all night. Serves me right! Can't grow our own. The neighbours poisoned our actual gardens of flowers even left the empty packaging beside it as a message I guess. Daughter loves gardening (I enjoy it also) so she set about doing everything in pots under our kitchen window awning. During the night the neighbours jumped on the pots smashing them and squashing her beautiful cottage garden. Smashed the gnomes. When you read on above (somewhere in my many posts) you'll discover now they are stealing some flower pots and smashing the remainder. Cleaned it up yesterday. Daughter is devastated! She said 'I can't have anything'. It is true. Every method we try to keep ourselves sane gets thwarted. Like the white dove she bought me for my birthday some time back to bring 'peace' to our lives. It's head got chopped off in the cage and they left it dripping blood (when we were shopping) but they recovered the cage with its shade cloth. So daughter got a nasty surprise when she went out to feed 'Bliss'. What was she doing/having to deal with while censored and self-censoring as a teenager? You still haven't answered that question. Answer: Sorry but I actually don't quite understand your question. That is why I haven't answered it. I'm not sure how to respond? Only answer I can say is this 'she has had HEAPS to deal with as a teenager just by living here and our family, then her Stalker'. I'm no picnic either. Or was it a passive-aggressive attempt to be late or unable to turn up?? Bloody hell you're good! The bus was quite literally approaching and I so DIDN'T want to get on or go to the Nursing Home. Mum had been nasty to me the last visit. Called me a 'Bitch' for leaving her there. Knocked my personality. I SOOOO didn't feel up to the long bus trip and then walking in the heat wave only to be abused. Daughter didn't phone me. I was worried when she didn't respond. It is all true BUT I really DID NOT want to go. Spot on! Can't get one past you SM that is for sure.

How's your love life going? I've been thinking of you. You deserve to be super HAPPY. Helping others as you do! He'll be lucky to have you (when you give the green light). He better be worthy of such a catch. Tell him I said so LOL I just love that beginning bit. Even the fear factor. That dash of 'Magic' before real relationship issues kick in. Enjoy SM! Let yourself go in the moment. It isn't easy to do when you're such a sensible, independent person as yourself. Let him see the snot and red nose (your cold reference) and see how he reacts. I'm hoping he'll bring you that chicken soup. I'm praying for a 'Winner' for you!

I just received 7 long emails of abuse from my Sister. It is really bad. I'm feeling sick. This faux family are backing each other up and my head is on their chopping board. I've kept to myself and done nothing to warrant this treatment. That is where her anger started...I dared to ignore her. I am however shaking and stressed beyond. I feel so alone.

Just got out of bed to get water, but should get a window to continue tomorrow, either morning (yet another airport run, bleugh) or avo/evening. Seven long ones??! OOH! Post them in for me, quick, and let me 'climb in her brain' (don't worry, I'll wear a gas-mask). Most of the time, when I 'hear' them, I can tell or predict what they 'plan' to do next! PS: Gimmie-gimmie!! LOL

"Bloody hell you're good!" PMSL! - Oy, try not to sound so pigging surprised, you cheeky wotsit! :D Cough!I'm even cough!better with cough!emails (dann-dann-DAANN!). PS: You're not a nuisance, etc. If ever you were BEING one - or behaving LIKE one, I'd tell you the minute I noticed. I really would; I don't have a problem with that side of things (you know I don't). My only complaint is/was, I just have trouble keeping up with you - and events, that's all. But this time round I'm realising you've got *decades* of banked-up crap to cry/shout/yell out of you, plus your faminily really churn their crap out, plus it seems to work so... Anyhoo, I'm half-asleep as it is so - seeyuztomoz!

Sorry I can't send them because I deleted them straight away. Same goes for the long SMS my Brother sent me a few weeks back. I always feel like I just have to get rid of it. So I hit delete and then I permanently delete. I don't want to admit that I don't feel comfortable keeping that stuff as my daughter snoops into my private email often and then uses information (agreeing with them) as a weapon in our next fight. It is also this feeling of if its gone then it didn't really happen. She didn't really say those things to me. I really don't like how she thinks that way or how she speaks to me. I'm actually super upset. I feel like I'm in a haze. I'm use to one person being out of sorts with me at the one time. But a whole family hating on me together is a little more than I can handle. I miss Mum. In between her bipolar/manic moments. When the family came down on me then she'd step in. Often she herself would pick on me but I'm use to that and always accepted it as 'my Mum has a mental illness and can't help it'. I didn't go to see her today. The neighbours place has been boarded up literally. With planks of wood across every window and even the doors. They were allowed to go in for some stuff. I'm not sure what this means but I've overheard convos as these walls are thin. Their meth lab in the kitchen blew up. Blowing out the light & the glass in the window. I'm not convinced they'll be leaving. I think they are being sent away for cleaning and repairs like we were. Four out of 7 were taken away that night by Police but the main troublesome bloke and shiela were back in there today to get items. They have 3 tots and left all their toys in the front and back courtyards so I'm sadly presuming we aren't rid of them. Also afraid they'll think (like previously) that it was us who called the cops. It wasn't. So we are fearful of retailiation.

Got a window (my timeclock's all messed-up at the mo), and just wanted to elaborate on this: "Come on. You can do this simple thing. It'll have such a positive effect on you, you know it will. Why do you think everyone keeps banging on about Grey Rock and No Contact, Minimal Contact, and Emotional No Contact, and what lifesavers they are." ...in connection with this, your response: "I've kept to myself and done nothing to warrant this treatment. That is where her anger started...I dared to ignore her." I thought you'd watched Jo Frost, Supernanny? How is that, when the running main theme in every episode is how the bully will push and push, harder and harder, at first, and in more than one episode, in order to over-frustrate and exhaust you SO THAT you drop the new, famiy regime? You HAVE "done something" (befitting/good) to warrant this (wrong/evil) treatment. You're forgetting you're in La-La Land any time she comes into your environment or awareness. Okay? Opposites Day Land. In normal-healthy land, you get a round of applause and gasps of awe for having the balls to overcome such a huge, mental barrier (that most can't do and then wonder why nothing changes but a worsening of the whole Hellish situation). So - edit: I've kept to myself and it's started working ("Yay, me!"). The horrid she-toddler-monster hit the stage of mounting a tantrum-style revolt. All I have to do is continue making like an immovable, DISTINCTLY UNIMPRESSED..REPULSED rock - i.e. Do Nothing - and she'll soon (albeit not as speedily as a normal-healthy child) get bored of getting zero reaction and rising to the bait, and give up and turn her crosshairs onto the next (her idea of) weakest in the pack or social group (probably her husband, normally is.........she'll probably end up divorced and with huge egg on her face...usually what happens). I take it you DIDN'T reply to any of them? Doesn't matter, this time, if you did. Practise and perseverance make perfect. Next time you'll know not to. If you CAN'T resist, however, then you should out-Narc the Narc and use her weapon against her: by informing her in one, formal/polite ("more tea, vicar?"), brief-as possible sentance, that you MIGHT have come round, had it not been for her having done NOTHING but throw fat (emails) on the fire instead of water like a normal person...someone with a bit of bloody breeding...with DECENCY, MORALS AND BLOODY MANNERS. You don't want to talk to her because she is so vile, now, that she repulses you and makes you so cringingly ashamed of her. (Hit her - right in her fear of losing her SEAT as well as toilet pan!) She behaves like trailer-trash...Jerry Springer fodder, and makes the whole family LOOK bad. YOU are the Queen. She is the jumped-up, highly deluded Peasant. And she's orn Our lyeaaand, uhf... We are not!...amuuuused! (slam). OR you can shorten it to: "Ugh. Good grief. There's something seriously wrong with you. Don't talk to me, I'll call you when I'm ready" (- rub it in, rub it in). (Plausible Deniability for backtracking in an actual emergency: 'Yeah-but-no-but...it was only cos I was feeling incredibly ill'.) Understand, it won't stop her from trying to break your resolve and patience all over again, in the interim. And she might well even 180-degree-change her approach from "I'll huff and I'll puff", to, "sugar and spice and all things nice" (in which case, know to switch focus to only the actions...think like a reporter: What, When, Who, Where, How - and Why). But bear in mind at all times, that you know now, that she is NOT doing it to get her, secretly, deep-down, beloved sister back. She's not wired to want/need/appreciate a sister, and that's the truth of it (WATCH STEPFORD WIVES!). She HAS no deep-down - no or too puny a heart - that's her whole problem. Being ignored, being locked-out, not getting any of your attention.....painful and destabilizing/damaging enough for us normals. But, for m-Narcs? Near-lethal. Can even trigger the equivalent of a nervous breakdown. But that's not OUR fault, us normals! Why the eff should WE suffer constantly for it? We shouldn't....because the continuation of a healthy race and society relies on us and only us, Amen - Truth. So - NAIR, hyou hrrear-llay doo noort wish to partaake ian afternooon teeeea with your emohhh-tional rrrapist. How vereh, vereh queer hov hyou....How verreh, VERREH, dhare hyou, air...! *swoons from the outrageousness of it* ) (No means No, and Uck-Off means Uck-Off.) Your motivation and incentive is this: she WILL implode then explode (Swat Narx Do), without a shred of self-control or say-so about where or in front of whom. (Oooh, the power...that you never knew you held ;) - and, remember, you're doing her a Tough Love (even if just in-memoriam) favour. And all YOU'RE doing, is NOTHING you're not supposed to do: being a natural, normal, heathy human being who does NOT hang out with smelly drains. Because you want and NEED Radiators in your life from now on. So that it will drip-drip into splosh-splosh, get nicer and nicer. Back to "Daunter": "I'm over her! I've had enough." Fine, then. GOOD, in fact. This attitude, is, you standing up for yourself and your human rights. You do whatever you need to do to get your peace of mind back ...assuming, that is, that what you actually mean (narc-victim version -) is, you've had enough of having enough? If so - I agree. I mean, were it true what she said about her relying on you so heavily for her sanity and survival then, it strikes as a tad contradictory for her to meanwhile be showing such determination to put said self-safety & security SO TOTALLY AT RISK! Fffffffffffffunny, that. Eh? EH? I said - FUNNY, THAT. (Where's my 20Point when I need it!) But that doesn't make her a Narc. A Narc wouldn't insist you go to the doctor (provide a realistic solution). They don't want to go anywhere near ANYONE qualified/experienced to identify them, with clout behind them to make it stick! They'd rather put behind-doors effort in to pull you up and lick you better - granted, all for the sake of their inheritance or because they rely on being able to use you. ...And other things a Narc wouldn't feel/think/say/do. It just makes her adult toolbelt woefully inadequate (at this investigative point, I mean). Her Emotional Self-Regulation is SSSSSH*T. However, the fact you stand there, LETTING her have the incredible cheek and arrogance to call you - her senior and mother! - a dumb-ass (or was it arse?), twice-in-a-row, when you're exhausted BECAUSE OF HER REFUSAL TO (aaargh!) BEEPING-BEEP-BEEP-BEEEEPING LIFT A FINGER TO HELP! - ....and then, if that weren't bad enough: LETTING her get away with it twice, with no reprisals twice... I mean - where is the, "Don't you DARE talk to me like that - get away from me if you're going to be so disgusting!...go to your room and don't come down until you're ready to apologise and act your age!". Where is it? And don't say, I want a quiet life because that'd be what got you INTO this mess, Stanley. Well, I'm afraid that is you, having time and time again SHOWN HER (actions louder than words) it's No Biggie. But why would you have trained her to ACTUALLY BELIEVE she can treat and speak to you like that? Because you weren't capable of being consistently aware that's what you were doing? Because then home feels more like 'home' (fuller)? Because you've been too non-stop injured to train her how to be nothing LIKE your family of origin (well, not that extreme because extremities are unhealthy, but you know what I mean)? Can you not see for yourself how far behind her otherwise intelligence, her emotional strength and skills and coping tools are lagging? You have to finish your job before you can write her off, mate. Sorry, but...that's what happens when you - like countless others - have the misfortune to marry a lunatic creep (gender immaterial). If you CAN afford it (Amazon - 2nd hand) - or should I say - if you realise you can't afford to not afford it - please-with-bows-on buy Lundy Bancroft's book, "Why Does He Do That?" because not only will he help you put everything I've been telling you into place, regarding the WHYs, but, the final, nicely meaty section is on how to repair, like new or better, your relationship with your little co-victim(s) who suffered far more than you did and didn't even have the adult brains to cope with the adult-sized trauma. And anyway...this way's the most efficient because if daughter sees you CUT OFF your "oh-so-important" sister.....well!...THAT should certainly scared her back into proper line, OHHH YASH. :) PS: And for a while now, I've been wondering whether Strepfarter has been working on Hauntie (as I'm calling her). The fact, you now tell me, her late husband had dementia should have gauranteed at least experiential empathy enough, NOT to strip her room of those all-important, home-from-home touches. SO WHAT'S *HER* MOTIVATION TO DO THE OPPOSITE, THE ANTI-EMPATHETIC, THEN??? Marriage and money? Have a long, hard think. PPS: To be continued...

Summary: When an overt or covert bully attempts to bully you - NEVER climb into the argument and NEVER-NEVER do "boo-hoo" and "why are you beeeing sooo meeeean to meeeee!". Always do, "Uuuurrrgh!" or "YyyyUCK!" or "Good GUH-RIEF!" or "What the serious uck!?!" or "What's WWWRONG WITH YOU???"....recoil and stay like it as you hurry off, giving a very wide berth, showing your disgust and disturbance in the style of, as if some mad stranger had just taken off their underwear and 'openly' Mooned at you at close-range in the street (or, just picked up and eaten dog-poo before lunging at you, going, Give's a kiss!) (feel it? haha). PS: daughter might even be subconscious deliberately upping her bullying ante SO THAT you don't have the strength left over, to keep Blister severed. Because, obviously, once you've proved you CAN cross that (normally taboo) line and get comfy there - once you've USED that big gun of yours, the power might go to your head (yup) and have you directing it at her (yup), this time, without even breaking sweat (yup).....and then it would all become TOO REAL. She, Little Lazy Arse, would have to attend life-classes (...'uh...work...uh'... ) called, Cease that behaviour immediately or forever feel on a precipice. (Can you imagine?) Yet ALL you are doing is showing yourself protectiveness and respect (own oxygen mask first). For a change. Note how that word Change sounds just like 'Change', which itself, sounds like exactly what you've been after? :D ;D Blister's futile. Daughter, not so much, putting it mildly. Swat Blister. 'In front of' Oughta. Show those idiots your massive muscles. Bout sodding time.

Not finished/still to be continued...

SM actually had a bonding moment chatting to daughter in regards to this latest development of previously estranged 4+ years from our side of the family my Aunt having suddenly become so involved. I thought it was 'Power of Attorney' and 'Financials' she may have been after. As previously mentioned my own Sister (discussed prior to our recent disentanglement) well Sis believed them to be sexually attracted to each other based off Astrology as their birth dates are only a few days apart. So daughter pipes up and blows me away with her theory. I think she may be on to something. A huge story precedes this. The motivation is 'REVENGE'. Long standing sister rivalry ongoing since childhood. My Mother big noter and shocking flirt around Aunts husband. Aunts husband got Alzheimer's and my Mother became 'Florence Nightingale'. A shared Sister/Sister-in-law timetabled caring visits to his Nursing Home gone awry (He lit up for Mum not his Wife). Mum asked to step back. Mum refused and increased her visits (Feeding him/helping him). Nursing home Staff made mistake that Mum was his wife as she visited more often. BIG ARGUEMENT ENSUED! BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE... Uncle died. Mum howled louder and sobbed more at the Nursing Home. The funeral!!! WAS A HUGE PUBLIC BLOW UP BETWEEN SISTERS! Priest had to call them to behave. All family members were given a short verse to read and then a red rose to place atop the coffin. Aunt left Mum out! She wasn't given a verse nor rose. After caring for Bro-in-law at Nursing Home for three years. ESTRANGEMENT FROM AFTER WAKE! Wake went badly also. Back to now... A couple months back Aunt started having coffee with stepfather 'Bill' to discuss her Sisters faltering mind. It became a fortnightly thing. Aunt rang my Bro to try to get him onside over the funeral debacle (he agreed they began contact). Aunt rang my sis to try to get her onside over the funeral debacle (she agreed they began contact). Aunt rang myself to try to get me onside over the funeral debacle (I said I wouldn't backstab my Mother nor come into it. Zero contact. She hates me). Aunt was encouraging Step Father to have Mum put in a Home. Ironically? The incident soon took place (Head hit tiles, Police, Hospital & now Nursing Home). Aunt is now visiting Sister every second day. Rearranges her room & wardrobe. Removes items. Talks to my Bro & Sis regarding Mum every few days. Talks to Bill constantly. Never phones me. No surprise there. Update to today!!! Sister visited Mother and said 'don't worry I'll look after Billy, your home and kids for you now'. Mother lost it at her verbally (staff begged her to stop). Aunt left. Bill turned up to visit Mother next. Mum lashed out and whacked him several times. (staff tried to gently pull her back so she then flailed arms wildly to make staff leave her alone). They asked Stepfather to leave as his presence was upsetting my Mother. RN & Head of Dementia phoned me. I was informed of the goings on. I was informed they called the Doctor out to sedate her. ***Therefore*** I concede to daughter...Aunts motive...REVENGE!

28 September 2023 6:02pm (Australia) I'm dating this entry due to today's events. Went to see Mum (leaving daughter & 2 dogs alone). Mum told me that Aunt, Step Father and staff had been talking about her in front of her face and planned to have her sedated for a quiet evening for staff. She stated she hates him, her sister and can't wait to die. I asked to see her medical records. They did indeed sedate her the previous night heavily. Then she told me that they'd sedated her again early in the morning as she was walking into the recreation room and her legs went out from under her and many hours later she woke up in her bed with no idea how she got there. Before I left today they came in and handed her 3 pills. They said they'd be supervising her swallowing them and she'd have to show them her mouth that she'd taken them. She picked out the little blue one. She said I know the other two. My usual medication but this I know is to sedate me as they gave me them at the Hospital. Why are you sedating me? I'm totally calm and only yelled at my husband when he visited yesterday. I thought wives yell at husbands daily so I ask you do they all get sedated?'. She was told 'just take the pill'. I said 'is this necessary?'. They told me yes...her husband and your Aunt have no objection and have signed approval because your Mother gets argumentative often. I said 'that isn't dementia that is her personality'. I welled up. Mum said 'don't cry love with a bit of luck they'll weaken this old heart and I'll get to go to Mum and Dad sooner'. I then left as a huge storm was fast approaching. Result of the Heat Waves we've been having. Bus got in to terminal at my local shops right as loud crack wiped out the power in the whole shopping mall. Leaving all customers in dreadful fright. Loud Speaker said 'Weather Bureau warning of Super Cell Storm headed for this suburb. All stores within mall will be closing now & security will guide customers out all exits. Public Transport and Taxi's have been ceased by the City Council until the threat passes. We advise you head for home and prepare for strong winds and large hail'. I had to RUN in fork lightening, strong wind and driving rain with cracking thunder home. 1klm pounding the pavement. Got home. Storm taking place. Daughter had not let dogs out to pee (due to neighbours) whilst I was gone. She had heard noises in there. Even though they'd been taken away by Police days ago & the place boarded up. As I was preparing to take them outside for their badly needed pee we heard glass smashing. We looked at each other and went 'odd'. I told daughter to stay inside as I was sensing danger. In the lightening and rain I stood encouraging them to pee when Raya stood in front of me & started barking furiously! On our awning were two no goods brandishing a large stone and attempting to break the glass in my bedroom window. He jumped down and I was unable to re enter the house or let daughter know that I needed the police called straight away. He sneered at me and then sneered evilly at both dogs. I couldn't get passed him. He whistled to the girl who was trying to break my bedroom windows glass (her back was turned) and she was still on the awning. Only now did she even notice me & grinned wickedly. Brandishing her large stone in a menacing manner arm raised as if she was going to throw it at me and grinning. They were dressed in all black and hoodies. With din of storm daughter still had no idea what was taking place but then she stood in the doorway when she heard Raya growling. I was using my head to indicate to her to go in and shut the door but she didn't. I said to the girl 'what you are about to do isn't smart. you need to go'. She said 'why would I do that?'. Moving closer to the edge of the awning (the distance is not too far to jump to the ground). I hadn't a clue they were up there due to the noise of the wind and storm. So I said 'that awning isn't stable. it will break and go out from under you'. She said 'why would I believe you?'. I said see the big hole there, that junk missing in the middle. That is where the maintenance guy fell through and landed in hospital. so think about it before you take another step towards me. I suggest you go back the way you came and get down.' The lad said 'she's right. let it go. Get down. We'll come back tonight or later'. She thought about it for a moment then started to head back the way she'd come & he had to get on the brick wall between the units to help her down. So daughter saw the opportunity and called the dogs both in by name and I ran following them inside. We slammed the door shaking and phoned the Police. They didn't even come out. Wouldn't file it as a report. Stated it is hearsay. Stated no crime has actually taken place other than trespassing with a light threat. They said zero evidence on my property. No footprints. They weren't on the ground. No surveillance camera photos. No mobile phone photos. Nobody actually harmed. No audio recorded on our mobile phones. Sorry lady...according to us two curious youths climbed onto an awning in a storm from the neighbours property and when you advise they leave well they did. If they actually come back and break your window then film it and we'll come out. As for the neighbours smashed bathroom window well that is their problem when they return. We sat for the rest of the afternoon and listened whilst the two youths phoned friends who came in a car and helped them pull down the boards on the neighbours place and start removing stuff and taking it. They were laughing loudly. My daughter rang her Social Welfare Worker and has had an emotional break down. Crying uncontrollably. Dry retching. She is in bed shaking. Her anxiety has taken over. I am sitting here typing this knowing I'm not going to bed tonight at all. I phoned Step Father (who is sitting in Mums huge house and told him we need to come and stay) he refused and said just stay inside and phone Police if they come back).

Hi SM, I know you asked me to hold off posting for awhile to allow 'catch up' but I'm sitting here at 2:12am scared out of my wits. Daughter gave up on our planned vigil to keep watch together. I understand. She is emotionally drained. So am I. So much has gone down since my last post. Spent nearly the whole day at the Police Station. Drinking my 150 coffee. It is no longer working to keep me awake. Had to pull the pin on the grenade so to speak. Regretting it a bit. Daughter who was all for 'further involving the Police' is now going back on the decision saying 'wish we hadn't'. I'm understanding her feelings and way of thinking as mine reflect hers now in hindsight. Probably just stirred up an even bigger hornets nest. Been crying a lot. Having difficulty functioning normally through out our days. Can't concentrate on the simplest of tasks. Between Nursing Home phoning to ask my advice on 'handling' Mum through her sundowners. She is really playing up on them. However, when I visit in the earlier part of the day she is very lucid and like her old self and we've had some really precious (desperately needed) bonding moments. Laughed and cried together. She actually understands and remembers what we are going through with the wicked neighbours. Told me not to visit her if it means leaving daughter and dogs alone. Hence I didn't go see her today but went to Police Station instead. Our Govt. Rental Agency decided to cancel our Transfer application even though we've had an URGENT PRIORITY TRANSFER REQUEST in now for six months. With Police Reports and Doctors Reports attached. They decided we can cope and should stay put here. Stated on the phone that unless we submit a new and recent Police Report about our neighbours 'disturbing the peace' then the application would be made redundant. So earlier this day I manned up enough courage to take our household rubbish around to the bins in our side yard. This resulted in a total melt down. I discovered rubbish thrown across our yard. Squashed lawn behind our low brick wall (as if somebody had been sitting there in wait) and a shiny new steel bar that had been sliced into a sharp point. Upon returning to the villa with the bar in hand to show and tell daughter she got the camera footage up and can see a blurred anomaly which looks like a person sitting with their face peering around the corner of the wall watching for us to toilet the dogs in our usual spot. Cue emotional melt down. In one of the previous gang riots in our courtyard they used steel pipes such as this to hit people with. Typing this is making me sick enough to vomit. We are terrified! Understatement. So Raya and I are keeping watch. Jumping at every little noise. I went to visit every neighbour in the street. Nobody would answer their doors to me. So I popped notes in the letterboxes of the private residences outside our Villa complex. I was hoping for witnesses and support. I got it! Only one. Better than none. Couple directly opposite us (over the road). Have seen much of the goings on. Have stated very worried about us but didn't wish to get involved. Stated they are going to list their house soon and move because of it all. Like us they were kept up all the previous night by the fracas. Husband says although they purchased their beloved home not yet two years ago and he's worked really hard in the yard and renovating the house he won't stay here and raise their toddler in this environment. So we are about to lose our only ally. The wife stated she was terrified for us last evening as we were surrounded in our villa and unable to escape. They submitted a formal complaint letter today to the Govt Rental Agency which is in charge of our complex. So our Social Welfare worker stated today if they ignore Doctors letters about our stress levels and anxiety, another Police Report and the private house owners Statement then surely they will move us promptly. NOPE! FAILED! Early this evening we got an email from the Head of the Agency saying they still do not believe it is grounds for a Priority Transfer. That Queensland is having a Rental Housing Crisis and that we should appreciate our Villa for reduced rental rates and how lucky we are to have it. That they will offer us a new place within the next three years. Yep you read that right.

PS Our Social Welfare Worker is scared for us. She is gifting us new and better quality surveillance cameras.

Hey-hey! Sorry I couldn't continue. I'm properly ill now. Temperature, very painful throat, zero energy. But it's very up-and-down so I'm striking while *my head isn't* hot. Haven't got into anything yet, but, looking at the main board, I see you've been attempting to hold the fort - thank you sincerelyreally for that and please don't stop (!). I'll be back with you here asap. PS: feel free to inform visitors that this is still a forum, and they are expected to chat, commiserate, support, compare notes, with one other while telling more of their story? For starters, it then gives you and I greater background and details and saves us time. Cheers m'Dear. :)

Just a quickie for now... "Then our cameras showed us a bad dude standing at our front door in the early hours of the morning. Creepy stuff." I think I know what this is. They're erstwhile Meth customers of your neighbours' LO----VELY sons, getting the address wrong - or is it perhaps, wanting to enquire where they've gone? Have the equally lovely parents returned yet?

Response for SM: getting the address wrong - or is it perhaps, wanting to enquire where they've gone? Have the equally lovely parents returned yet? Answer: No. There are 5 villas in the complex. Our neighbours have relatives in villa 1. Friends in villas 2 & 3. They live in 4. We are in 5. The guy at the door is a member of their gang. Same guy that was the 'watcher' for the girl who was on our awning and he whistled to let her know we'd come outside. He said he'd return tonight and the evil piece of s _ _ t was true to his word. We are very scared and actually in danger. We are surrounded and very vulnerable. Their gang rules the block and the street.

Forgot to add: Door guy & awning girl are from villa 1. Yes. The lovely parents returned on the 30th September. Dear Soulmate: Thinking of you and worried. Hoping you have somebody to give you the extra care, love and attention you need right now. You deserve some pampering. No doubt in my mind that you are burnt out from giving so much of yourself to others. You are important too! Remember to just take it one day at a time and in no time, you will be completely healthy and smiling once again. Sending good, healthy vibes you way. I care XO

I'm okay, ta, just exhausted - good day, bad day...striking when the iron has enough energy.... You okay? TBH, I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to catch up on everything up there, though, in terms of replying! Any chance of a brief list of any new changes/alterations that have occurred to any aspect you've previously reported up there - before I start reading tomorrow (so I know what to disregard), pretty-please? (I need the beach, is what I need...while we're having an Indian Summer.....Not long now (gasp-gasp LOL). It's my therapyy, maaan. :))

I honestly worry about you SM. You push yourself too hard. Eventually that takes a toll on your health. You don't need me to tell you that. You are a super intelligent person so you know it yourself. I'm not in a good way but thanks for asking. Things are ridiculous. It is beyond comprehension how this much could keep on happening from Transfer delays, to genuine safety threat ongoing, to abuse relatives ongoing to daughter being down right difficult ongoing. I'm a lost cause. Don't waste your time here on me. Just get well. If you want to talk/chat about Mr Potential I'll listen. I truly do appreciate all you've done and the thought came to me last night that I may just be a curse and wore you down/out. I'm too much. I'm taxing on energy and emotions. Things actually are very bad for us. I spent yesterday evening wondering whether life insurance will pay out for suicide? Then my girl and the dogs can move on and be free.

YES...OH YES...THE BEACH! Salt air & sea breezes equal no more sneezes. Fill those lungs. I LONG for the beach also. Every Easter for two decades I took my girl and we went to the beach for two weeks. Loved it. Fond memories. Miss it. Can't afford it now. Prices of everything here has gone beyond ridiculous. Food and bills wipe it out. Nothing left for travel to the sea side nor accommodation sadly:(

yep...pain in your a*se is here. 1:09am and can't sleep too troubled. So low. So down. Feeling so alone. Our only slight allies (across the road) packed and left! Gone! Just that quickly. Now their big dog which alerted us to every bad movement in the street has left with them. I confess to often relying on their dog for direction and a slight sense of comfort. Now nothing and nobody here for us on the block. The others have sold up earlier this year (because of the neighbourhood) and long gone. Feel more in line of danger than ever. Literally they can all do what they want now. Nobody left to report them. Just us. This is not comforting. We are very much afraid.

On the very day this lot moved in to our complex the head ring master declared loudly outside 'we will rule the street'. Now they do! We feel stuck. Like our feet were sinking in wet cement. Now it has hardened. We really can't move. No money. No friends. No family. Nowhere to go. I've no idea what to do. Scared out of our wits. Daughter had a really bad tremor go down her left arm today. It wouldn't stop and her hand so bad that she couldn't pat her puppy.

I'm losing it! Big time! I'm slowly descending into madness. This isn't me being dramatic. It is very true and real. I've been pushed just too far. I discovered an email I had failed to delete from my Sister. I read and re read it. Over and over. It is sadly true. I am what she says. Daughter magically knows the contents of the emails (even though I never told her)? Daughter magically knows about this forum. She had a lot to say on that score. Daughter is being most unkind to me. I may have kidded myself again in to believing she loves me. Delusion shattered. She is siding with the others again. Calling me names. Saying really mean stuff. Walking the dogs we got to the shopping centre for a drink and sit down. There is a cement steep staircase to climb. Once Raya ran so fast & hard to get to the top that she pulled me over and I hit the cement stairs hard. I had bleeding cuts and scrapes on my hands and knees. I got a bruise on my chest. Yesterday, daughter knew I wasn't feeling well (my health conditions) and couldn't keep up. I asked her several times to slow down. I begged her to care. She didn't. She had been saying hurtful stuff most of the day. After I took a phone call with our Social Welfare Worker (she sat & listened in staring at me) the moment I hung up she said 'you are an embarrassment and a mental case. you are so pathetic'. I asked why and what did I do wrong? She said it is everything about you. I can't stand you. The tears for God's sake. Pathetic. Weak. Mental. So back to the cement stairs a couple of hours later. She ran up them super fast with pup in her arms and then... she turned and encouraged Raya to hurry up & come & run! Raya pulled so hard on the lead the tug sent me forward and I stopped myself from falling on the stairs. I had to let go of the lead. Daughter caught Raya at the top and gave me the most wicked, pleased with herself stare. It literally sent chills down my spine. I attempted to lecture her when I finally caught up to them and got to the top of the stairs. No yelling nor shouting. I was angry though. I said 'why did you do that? she very nearly sent me flying. I nearly fell like last time. I told you I felt sick and couldn't keep up. This time I could have cracked my skull on the cement if I'd fallen'. Her response 'yes. shame that. wish you had'. I don't have the words to say how I felt. I just stared at her. She stared me down. She didn't even shift uncomfortably. She meant what she said. Tonight she has verbally stated several times... You're pathetic. You're delusional. I wish I could get rid of you. I wish I could live alone but YOU need me. WTF! What have I done now to deserve this sudden change yet AGAIN? I can only conclude that I'm shit on every bodies shoes which they want to hose off. I'm a right off. Not worthy of love. No respect. Step Father keeps phoning and says what to me is odd comments. Today he went to the Nursing Home and met Aunt there. After last time they were there together with her and it didn't go over well I am surprised they did it again. I had told him I was getting her head phones and a cd player so she could lie in the bed and listen to her favourite music. He asked me what music might that be. (you'd think after 31 years married he'd know). So he got it and told the head RN it was his idea to soothe her in the evening when Sundowners hit. They were my words to him & it was my idea. He'd told me they phoned him and asked what method could they use for her to stay calm. He suggested a baby blanket or teddy bear. NOPE! My Mother would throw that at him. So I said my suggestion. Then he told me he didn't know what to talk about with her. She had made a huge collection of photo albums over the years. She was very proud of them and so into genealogy. Mum asked me to bring one of her large albums each visit to look at together and that would help her remember faces. We (Mum & I) had a lovely visit doing just that with a tiny album. Also a friend of hers sent her a long letter. Mum had lost her glasses so I read it to her. It was lovely. We both shed a few tears. I told Stepfather this tale. He took one of her albums. She told him that if he handed it to her then she'd hit him with it and to go home and take the bloody album with him. He delighted in saying to me 'you were very wrong for suggesting it'. Daughter sarcastically suggested I become an 'inmate' and join Nanna on her ward. Because I actually enjoy visiting Mum. Her ward has 8 residents living there and 4 staff members. I've gotten to know everybody by name. The inmates can be scary. They lose it sometimes. Bless them. From temper to tears. Break your heart. I bring Raya for them to pat. I sit with them for quiz time and craft time. I talk to them. I love music day. They laugh, they smile, they dance and they sing. I've learnt from the staff about each one. How they use to be. Who they use to be. Like their jobs. Their kids. Their story! It is a disturbing place to visit but it is also a big wake up call. Daughter says I belong with them and can relate because I too am quote 'gone in the head'. Can't help but wonder if her words bothered me because they may be true. I wish you'd tell me the truth. No pussy footing around. I still wonder 'am I mental?'. They all say it therefore it must be so?

FOR SOULMATE! Are you OK? Seriously worried. I'm hearing this song in my head...(Shout by Tears for Fears) Shout Shout Let it all out These are the things I can do without Come on I'm talking to you Come on when I'm starting to sound 'sane' over others there is a SERIOUS need for you to get well and come back LOL THE WORLD NEEDS YOU! XO

Just pasting this over from FluffyBunny's thread, like I said, re what Blister said to you, and I'll be back to read your LATEST latest (haha) tomorrow... ___________________________________________________________________________________________ PS: "'YOU'LL COME CRAWLING BACK AGAIN JUST LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO LOSER'." Who does she think she's talking to! Can't she hear herself? What a way to talk to your own sister! What does she MEAN, 'crawling' back? What is that - wishful thinking? If you listen carefully enough, you can just HEAR the mixture between CONTEMPT and NEEDINESS talking. In fact, uncannily enough, it aligns with the psych industry phrase for Borderlies: "I hate you!/Don't leave me!". (Mine's shorter: "F*ck-off-NO-DON'T!") IN TER RES STINK! We'll plonk this over on your thread (in a tick). Assuming this was over the phone, I'd have replied - I haven't lost anything - I've (trigger-word!!!) abandoned something. I mean someone. Actually, no I don't (click!). ...although, more truthfully I'd have just said a really long, loud - UUUUUUUUUUGH! (...*thinks*: I should start a phone service.... Yes, hello, this is Squish-a-Narc...Tracey down the road hired me to tell you - She doesn't want to go out with you any more..you're nasty...and plus you smell...You're welcome, goodbye.)

Just spotted this briefly: "when I'm starting to sound 'sane' over others there is a SERIOUS need for you to get well and come back LOL" HAHAHAHA - nice one! Still self-deprecating, though. Hmm... But I'll let you off as it's tongue-in-cheek AND very funny, LOL. Comedy Sluttery wins! :) (And conventional also is what you sound.)

Here you go, DD - hear your blister, pretty-much word-for-word, as spoken and described by Dr Ramani: When Narcissists Lose Their Scapegoat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z24SRmw_PsY Tape time 5:55

I've listened to her in the past. I watched this today. She is just wonderful. Seeing her and listening to her is uplifting. Dr Ramani emanates truth. Such an honest countenance.

Thank You SM. I've now watched it 3 times. I needed to. My resolve or strength was slipping. I'm very tired. Be proud of me (somebody has to be) because I have not caved. I've heard back that Blister is being a 'pain in the butt' to Step Father. Trying not to grin. His turn. Enjoy Step Daddy. I gift you my Blister. You lot knocked yourselves out a few weeks back (pulling me apart). I walked away. Blister started to implode. I'm not proud that she is hurting. I actually feel guilty for NOT feeling guilty this time. I've always caved to guilt. I've always forgiven but not forgotten. This time was different. It continues to be different. What has transpired cannot be undone. I don't want to go back. Found I don't need her and her crap. I thought she was the last shred of family I had (due to receiving flowers when in Hospital) but then when I was in there she tried to bitch about me to my daughter. At OUR lowest point in our lives! My daughter was in a Hotel, in a strange suburb far from our side of town, virtually penniless, dealing with a new puppy and our bigger dog who'd had two seizures and a torn muscle. Her Mother literally under the knife having emergency surgery. Blister (drunk) decided this was the exact moment in time to try and turn my daughter against me. She got her alone on the phone at 10pm at night. My girl was so vulnerable. She never offered to fly down and be with her (yes she can afford to do that and the flight is only 2 hours). Instead she decided it was the perfect opportunity to throw me under the bus. Stick her boot in. Kick me when I'm already down. Blister ceased this opportunity to try to turn my daughter against me. But Blister didn't know who she was actually dealing with. My anxiety ridden daughter is also a 'Tower of Strength' and that is precisely why I gave her the name I did. Spoke about my love of name meanings with Hayleigh on this forum. I knew this girl of mine would need to be strong to slay the evil she was born into. And SLAY SHE DID! My daughter and I may have issues (personality clashes often) but we still love and care about each other. That is why we soldier on and neither one leaves the other. In your face 'Blister'. When you failed to sway my daughter against me then you turned to Step Father, Aunt and friends of the family. How low can she go?

Oops I said 'Blister ceased this opportunity'. Sorry I got carried away. That was meant to be 'seized' not ceased LOL

PS I don't wish her any harm. I don't want revenge or for her to suffer in anyway. I don't wish any ill on her. I just wished to be 'FREE'! One down and SEVERAL more to go. I'll get there. I'm my Mothers daughter (f_ck that made me shiver LOL)

"I've now watched it 3 times. I needed to. My resolve or strength was slipping. I'm very tired." I know... But there's no need to panic. If she DID manage to catch you at a low mmoment, you just take whatever you said back, 'explaining' you were overloaded and/or behave accordingly again in order to make the fact it was a blip, clear (i.e. deny her experience aka Gaslight her...taste of own medicine. It's a diet, basically. If you're tempted by a cream-cake one day, you don't put the brakes on the whole diet, you just compensate by eating less fat or more fruit n veg the next day. "Be proud of me (somebody has to be) because I have not caved." Oh, I AM! *VERY*. Don't worry about that, either! For me, this is the show topic. I do not doubt it's being followed by many in your same position. You're one of an elite, mate. You'd be shocked at how many people never have the strength of mind to make the break. This is where having a whizzy brain is an advantage...your mind's like a built-in dynamo, energy-wise. Idea: wherever you tend to plonk your phone when you charge it - stick a post-it-note on the wall saying: "Once is a mistake. Twice is deliberate." And you'll remember how many thousands of deliberates there've been (and/or involuntaries - what's the differencio when toxic puke is toxic puke), ergo, how many times you tried to fix and improve things to no avail...reminding you that she can't change unless SHE has the motivation and, sadly, other people, rarely, are that. Suitcase full of money on the other hand - yeah! But even then, they'd revert too soon to their previous behaviour OR add new crimes and acting-up to 'compensate'. THEY NEED TO PUKE, MAAAN. Just because they might have seen others sitting on you, that doesn't mean you're a toilet, it means YOU'RE PEOPLE'S ROCK. ...stupid idiots. (Or that fave of yours that basically goes, narcs expect you to give up everything to be their nothing. (Yup, you give, they take and never reciprocate...or do so once and bang-on about it for years as if it's some indelible favour-doing Ace card...WHICH IT ISN'T).) (Oops, I'm getting started, LOL) Point is, although your reason is healthy (self-protection, you and daughter), it'll still be impacting onto her as if you've turned the tables and are Jekyll & Hyde-ing - head-ucking - HER. It's her ego, ability to attach, perception, introspection, self-regulation, empathy, compassion, etcetcetc...her HUMANE brain that's her problem...not yours. And you're not even having to put any mental effort into it. It's just poo-yuck, stay away (unless you stop stinking for-good). If she wants you back - it'll cost her. Counselling...which will have to be private to ensure she gets someone good (vocational and up-to-date) and a longer-than-average (hahaha!) course (sorry - my own understatement made me laugh...can take 10 years, kid you not). They go if they hit rock-bottom enough, albeit, tend to go as the victim, for their benefit alone. "I've heard back that Blister is being a 'pain in the butt' to Step Father." THERE WE GO. :))))) Highly validating and exonerating, isn't it. "Trying not to grin." Why? GRIN! You've earned it and deserve it. "His turn. Enjoy Step Daddy. I gift you my Blister." HAHAHAHAHA! Yep! And the hidden bonus is: she'll be too busy with him and he'll be too bush with her. "You lot knocked yourselves out a few weeks back (pulling me apart)." 'What goes around, comes around...' "I walked away. Blister started to implode. I'm not proud that she is hurting." Why? She LOVES it! Have you never realised that?? Oh, well, then!... pressie: (About Narcs) “Never wrestle with a pig because you'll both get dirty and the pig likes it." - George Bernard Shaw (Is that a mind-Ping! I hear? :)) "I actually feel guilty for NOT feeling guilty this time." I remember that one. There really is no need, it's a complete waste of energy. It's just the jarring going on in your head as your mind sorts itself out, the problem being, it realises it's base interactional programme can't apply with this person becaue this person's programming is incompatible. So it's trying to work out another way. Meanwhile, however, you've got the healthy programming saying 'feel guilty and forgive', but the survival part of your mind is going, 'DON'T YOU BLOODY DARE - I've said Flee and I'm pulling rank because this is MY department, thank-you!'. It's also linked with the Grieving...you realise you're really close to getting over them. And once that happens (you right now feel), it'll be like you've killed them. Only you haven't. That happened before you were born. You're just lucky you're the family anomaly, the rotten family legacy's *"Full Stop".... removing the disease from YOUR line. (Ref the RSPCC's non-stop campaign: Cruelty to children must stop - FULL-stop! "I've always caved to guilt." So does every victim. Again, it's not your adult quality that's the problem, here. It's that the receipient corrupts your (in terms of 'what goes up must come down') "I've always forgiven but not forgotten." Normal. Healthy. You can't forget something that keeps coming round again and again, anyway, only things that became the Past. Otherwise, it's Ongoing...which means a feature of your present - think about it. And again - you're not Jesus, qualified to dole out forgiveness without the transgressor asking/pleading/begging for it. But first, they have to show they know what they've done wrong. It'd be like trying to drive someone somewhere when they never asked nor wanted to go there! "This time was different. It continues to be different. What has transpired cannot be undone." Agree. And it or similar was always going to happen. WAS happening. But you weren't ready. Because you didn't have any CONSISTENT, RELIABLE help and always too much in your mental In-Tray to consider anything outside of the 'blazing fires and explosions' going on all the time. Do you think Lockdown helped? It did a lot of men and women. Hence now we seem to have more N-Spaths than straight Narcs. Yeah...because they finally got chucked out and have become someone else's (x 15 max.) problem. Which is 'new'. Plus a Narc getting voted into office (Trump) made them feel that their type is just great, thanks! Feeding The Monsters. And don't we know it today. "I don't want to go back. Found I don't need her and her crap. I thought she was the last shred of family I had (due to receiving flowers when in Hospital) but then when I was in there she tried to bitch about me to my daughter. At OUR lowest point in our lives!" Too similar to my own experience. But then they're all similar to everyone healthy's experience. Brings to mind this meme again: "Narcissist Helpline - how can you help me?". It's not humanly possible to love or stay loving someone who not only doesn't reciprocate by meeting the other person's needs but is too frequently nasty and cruel with it. Same happens with abused dogs. Ever seen Oliver Twist....the ending, where "Bullseye" proves what he really thinks and feels about his owner, Bill Sykes? He votes with his feet - helped/tipped into escape by a heightening of fear of his master? Bullseye realises that with Nancy gone, he'll be the new toilet. (Animals aren't stupid...animalistic pack behaviour and what follows what, is an inherent, genetic memory *well* lodged and accessible in their brains, no worries.) Try YouTube. You won't have realised because you'll have had urges preferring you NOT realise, but all you are is, heavily addicted. Or WERE. And not even of your choosing! ...bit like your Eastern European, illegal immigrant, trickedi nto sex-slavery, eh. First thing their captors do is forcibly get them hooked on a class A, like Heroin. Chained. She's not your captor. The addiction is. And this is Cold-Turkey (psych version). And you're starting to see that her absence is a BREATH OF FRESH AIR, ACTUALLY, when you're not going through a contraction. (Or maybe, now, even when you are?) It's just a mind process...picture your neural pathways like live strands of electrical spaghetti, unplugging from sick sockets and plugging back into healthy ones. There's quite a dance going on in there. (And you wonder why you're so tired? LOL) I tried-tried-tried, you tried-tried-tried. It's healthy to persevere IF THE OTHER PERSON IS HEALTHY. What would the world be like if people cut and ran too soon in their relationships? Human civilisation would have petered-out rather quickly. "My daughter was in a Hotel, in a strange suburb far from our side of town, virtually penniless, dealing with a new puppy and our bigger dog who'd had two seizures and a torn muscle. Her Mother literally under the knife having emergency surgery. Blister (drunk) decided this was the exact moment in time to try and turn my daughter against me." Is she an Alcoholic? They usually are addicted to a substance (for recreational purposes). They abuse (abnormally use) everything they touch, not just you. ("Narcissist - Reverse Midas Touch") They're greedy and over-do everything. They'll gorge on anything to fill that unfillable hole. Plus, they're arrogant and think they've above getting addicted like the 'mere moral saps/softies'. All of that and more. Honestly, you'll be able to picture this once you're there (bloody nearly, not long now!) Just grit your teeth as you keep feeling the up and down feelings...remember this is a psych version of childbirth and that couldn't kill ya, either: Phew!...one less painful contraction, not 'one more'... use the same breathing through the pain technique (and yawning), but let the wave finish and it's gone forever...imperceptibly at first, the next will be shorter and less painful until - ".......Pff!" "She got her alone on the phone at 10pm at night. My girl was so vulnerable. She never offered to fly down and be with her (yes she can afford to do that and the flight is only 2 hours). Instead she decided it was the perfect opportunity to throw me under the bus." Snap! "Stick her boot in. Kick me when I'm already down. Blister ceased this opportunity to try to turn my daughter against me. But Blister didn't know who she was actually dealing with." Mine made the mistake of trying (by text messages) to dupe to use my kid as a tool and, when he cleverly side-stepped, turn the crosshairs on him. He said nothing (he'd already been making his own mind up, independently) and just Unfriended the lot of them from Fakebook (and he stopped using it as well as me...bloody Narc's playground, it is (- and what's so frustrating is, we KNEW it was coming, as well!). I NEVER felt comfortable on there (in that "special" way). Never. And that's a giant symptom and I trust that feeling, so. (Hadn't even been my idea to start a profile on the damn thing, anyway.) Coming off and feeling nothing, wasn't hard. "My anxiety ridden daughter is also a 'Tower of Strength' and that is precisely why I gave her the name I did." Spoke about my love of name meanings with Hayleigh on this forum. I knew this girl of mine would need to be strong to slay the evil she was born into. And SLAY SHE DID!" I worked out what here name was 'up there'. :) Won't say, though. I presume daughter knows it's meaning and origin, etc.? "My daughter and I may have issues (personality clashes often) but we still love and care about each other. That is why we soldier on and neither one leaves the other." Yeah, I know. It's obvious. This is par for the course with a 'traumatically divorced' kid. You're still both normal! :) You're not the issues. You're the victims of issues. "In your face 'Blister'." Haha! *thumbs-up*. Sassy. "When you failed to sway my daughter against me then you turned to Step Father, Aunt and friends of the family. How low can she go?" Snake height.

CONCLUSION: Grieving at the fact you can feel you've nearly finished grieving, means: I don't know how you've done it so fast but - You're about 80% over the chequered flag (Acceptance) with only a calf and foot behind it in 'Depression' territory. TA-DAA-AAA-AA-AAAA-AAAAAA! (And you make a perfect resident poster, too; you've filled a long-term gap.) VERY proud. But you couldn't have done it without You.

Psssst! Re 'you've heard back': who's the friendly Mole (or two-faced, interfering bstd with an axe to grind)? Family member or family friend/neighbour?)

Don't say 'Stepfarter' or I'll fall off my chair and split my insides rolling on the floor, gaffawing! And you'll just be feeding the comedy monster, LOL. Come on - it's practically the weekend (already!?!) - give us another Aussie joke!

"That was meant to be 'seized' not ceased LOL" I realised, LOL. We always do realise, don't we, but that still doesn't stop us from having to anally correct ourselves. There again - since clear communication/good English is our only real weapon against the snakes of this world - it's probably just as well. Espec. if there are any kids reading..... next thing we know, "Cease the day" will be in next year's Oxford English Dictionary. 'Sick'.... ridiculous bastarisation... it's a wonder any parents can understand their teens and 20-ers these days... "Hi gorgeous, how are ya?" "Sick! How are you?" "Oh, no - what've you got?" "No, I meant I'm great" "I see..., said the blind man to his deaf son."

By the way: "Just us. This is not comforting. We are very much afraid." Phone and inform your local and main police stations of this concerning change in situation - and confirm by email. Ask the switchboard operator to put you through to a female officer in the Domestic Crime Unit (and refuse to explain why; you can explain to the officer you're put through to, tell them). Meanwhile, you and daughter start looking for self-defence moves on the web and practise them together.

Also order some Pepper spray from Amazon. It's not expensive. You probably won't need it. But it's good to know it's there. Alternatively, anyone who confronts you - pretend they're stepfarter and blister rolled-into-one (which they basically are, anyway) and let them have it with a frying-pan, LOL. Question for ya: Is it their violence you're afraid of unleashing - or your own?

Hello SM, I really do hope you're feeling better. You sound like your old self. I love you. Not in a weirdo way! You're the Voice and I try to understand it LOL You make it loud and clear. Love that about you. Referring to this: Is it their violence you're afraid of unleashing - or your own? Yes. As usual SPOT ON! That makes me bad right? Do anything and these bastards will not just feel the full force of what they deserve but they'll be copping what everybody else deserves also. A volcano erupting! They should run, hide and duck for cover (like they did with the Police) but this time the person is 5ft 2 and will not require a baton. Her anger will be enough to slay them forever! This fact about myself scares me. It is an issue isn't it? I haven't lashed out! I did very nearly hit a taxi driver with a bunch of celery once (funny story LOL)

PS I feel differently now and hate that my handle is 'Mental'. I think it may put people off from talking to me. Like I'm too much or it is contagious LOL I don't feel as 'mental' anymore. Wish I could change this?

PSS Fakebook (love that) just sent me a notification through my email. Odd as I've closed my account with them (many weeks now) due to Blister. It says... Your Sister has sent 4 messages which are unread. Perhaps you'd like to 'reinstate' your FB account to keep in contact. CRIKEY! She is imploding. Ignore GUILT! Ignore GUILT! I have always been too curious. The ex-husband said I'm a fish who can't resist a lure. I am staying strong! I will continue to stay strong! I do not want to disappoint my friend SM. SM has put up with me for so long and is a wise owl. I CAN DO THIS! I CAN! Blister bought it on herself. Also... SM said: Phone and inform your local and main police stations of this concerning change in situation - and confirm by email. Ask the switchboard operator to put you through to a female officer in the Domestic Crime Unit (and refuse to explain why; you can explain to the officer you're put through to, tell them). Did all this! Senior Constable Karen is on the case. (Immature laughing how she is a 'Karen'). Now off to Amazon for the pepper spray. Also... SM: Don't say 'Stepfarter' or I'll fall off my chair and split my insides rolling on the floor, gaffawing! Yep! Step Farter it was! LOL Simply can't get one past you!

Dear Soulmate, Hope you don't mind that I called you 'my Friend'. Rather presumptuous of me. You're a bloody good friend to have. I haven't had a true friend in so very long.

Sorry forgot to answer another of your questions. YES! My Blister has been an alcoholic (for real official) for many, many years. Been to AA. Tried to stop several times over. She drinks two bottles of champagne a night. She hides booze in various places around the house. She phones me (in the past not anymore) and is so drunk it is shocking then can't remember the next day. Doctor says her kidneys and liver are showing damage. She simply can't stop. I've seen her start drinking before lunch. The local bottle shop know her by name and try to stop her purchases so she drives to another. It is a serious problem.

Sit tight - be with you and everyone tomorrow and Sunday...maybe daytime, depending on the weather, definitely evening.

Sitting tight. All good. I understand completely. Just typing so I don't forget. Thought you might be interested to hear this latest update. Stepfather turned up at the door. He looked frazzled. He came in. He said this... I don't really care to call your Sister anymore. I rang to ask her a favour on her computer (he doesn't have one) and I thought I'd tell her the latest about your Mother. The first time I tried to ring her she was dismissive. Said she didn't have time to talk. So I let her go and said I'd try again later. I've tried several times since. Now when I phone her it just rings out. I mentioned this to your Aunt and she said that your Sister is ghosting me? I said I don't understand that. Your Aunt said she is screening her calls. Doesn't want to answer me. So I'm here to ask you if you'll use your computer to google this car part for me. (I note I'm helping him for the car he never wants to give us a lift in ironically). He said I'd really appreciate it. So I sat with him and searched until we found it. Together we rang many car yards and repair centres. I put the phone on speaker so he could hear better. He was quite dithering/nervous. He was 'super' grateful afterwards. Said he doesn't understand what is wrong with your Sister. He then added and your Aunt has started saying she can't visit your Mum as often as she is tired and has her own family to attend to. Side Note: Aunt lives within a 5 minute car drive from the Nursing Home. She is the closest in proximity to the Centre. Irony just days ago I asked if we could stay a couple nights at Mums due to the neighbours acting up badly and we couldn't get any sleep and he said a blunt 'NO'. He also asked me to tidy Mums room AGAIN and make it nice for her and remember to take the laundry to do for her. I'd already done this! Daughter not trusting them all and knowing Mums items are going missing took photos on her mobile before we last left of everything. She promptly pulled out her phone, showed him saying 'Mum looks after everything. See here is the photos of all she does. Nanas room looked lovely last time we were there with the dogs for a visit. Mum even put out framed photos of her parents on the duchess'. He replied 'oh very good. very good. who messes it up and takes things then?'. We said we didn't know. *Then a tiny miracle took place! He said... 'I'm off to the Shopping Centre for the bank and a few groceries, how about I take daughter so she can stock up on supplies and bring her back home for you as it is a heatwave'. They went together. He came back with her and at the door said... 'I didn't realise how hard it must be for you girls to carry groceries home on foot in this weather. You've been doing this for years.' Daughter said 'yes we have. while relatives drive past in their air conditioned cars and toot the horn and give us a wave but don't stop and offer a ride.' He said 'well I was happy to help today now when will your Mother (meaning me) be going back to the nursing home with the clean washing?'. Daughter said 'why would you ask me that when Mum is standing right there. ask her yourself'. It is SUCH ODD BEHAVIOUR! Not normal conversation flow or interactions. Does my head in!

I feel like SM must be sick to death of me and my posts. I understand. But nobody will just 'chat' about problems or issues. I try to engage and then it falls flat. I'm really eager for people/friends online to chat with. I don't want to seem like I hog SM or use this wonderful person until they're worn out. Poor SM must feel obligated because nobody else will engage. I hoped to discuss the concept of harems. I find the topic interesting. I wanted to talk about recipe stealing. Is it wrong or am I super sensitive? Should I be happy to share my own inventions? I like to get other peoples opinions. It would be good to get others perspectives on various topics (sort of debate like). I'm finding it very difficult to get people to respond and I'm finding the problems people type here (even my own) are super serious, require a Professional and are way out of my league to advise on. I'm fearful of giving somebody a bum steer in the wrong direction. Their lives and happiness are at stake. The issues are deep. Situations I've no experience of so feel I'd best not enter into. How to overcome this?

"We have the chance to turn the pages over We can write what we want to write We gotta make ends meet, before we get much older We're all someone's daughter We're all someone's son How long can we look at each other Down the barrel of a gun? You're the voice, try and understand it Make a noise and make it clear Oh, whoa We're not gonna sit in silence We're not gonna live with fear Oh, whoa This time, we know we all can stand together With the power to be powerful Believing we can make it better Ooh, we're all someone's daughter We're all someone's son How long can we look at each other Down the barrel of a gun? You're the voice, try and understand it Make a noise and make it clear Oh, whoa We're not gonna sit in silence We're not gonna live with fear Oh, whoa..." John Farnham....one of my fave driving tapes-I mean CDs (phew, that was close!) during the 80s-I mean, 90s (aw no!), LOL. Obviously, when I say, driving, I mean in my Tonka car, LOL. BTW, I've just left a wee message for you on FalseAlarm's thread. It's not a ticking-off - no panicking please - just a pointer and a suggestionU/request. As for calling me a friend - we already dealt with that, up there, have you forgotten? Let's put it this way: picture a 12 inch ruler. I only know 1 inch so far. But I'm loving that one inch and/which means I look forward to knowing more. Sense? So - friend-in-the-making or New Friend. Yes. If you're a resident poster (Hotel California - nice, homely version), you're on of the team. Welcome Home. :) Anyhoo, I'll be back in a tick - am flitting around first, trying to get less indepth/complicated threads dealt with so I can give the latest novella above (hee-hee) my full attention.... (I love reading, it's fine ;)...just taking the piss out of your constant self-excusing/apologising, you giant but lovable nana haha.)

1 inch so far on a 12 inch ruler. ok.

I've learned a lot from my time on this forum and I really have appreciated the time devoted to me. I've had many down moments but also some enjoyable ones. I know I'm a bit of a case and I've been told I'm difficult to 'like'. I have been fearful of being seen as an 'attention whore' for making so many posts. I honestly don't feel that I have the skills to respond effectively to other posters. I haven't got the insights or inner strength yet to get it right but I'm working on me. I have tremendous gratitude to SM for their time, energy and expertise. YIKES! That is a lot of I's which I've just used. My Mum taught me that saying the word "I" too much is very revealing. She'd say it indicates you are a very self-centred person with a narcissistic personality. Fearing now that rather than engaging in conversation with others I've focused on talking about myself too much. I do understand social cues and have been long since fearful I've hogged this forum. Been a bit too needy. So how am I today? Not too bad. Hanging in there. So for now I'm going to step aside from posting and allow more focus to be given to others on this forum.

"s it their violence you're afraid of unleashing - or your own? Yes. As usual SPOT ON! That makes me bad right?" Nnnnope! You're allowed to self-defend and match might with might (albeit, not really, because you would likely be so panicked and so on auto-pilot in terms of survival instinct clicking in - PLUS extra force because it's your baby as well as yourself - PLUS it's hard to judge how much damage a frying-pan could do or how much force you use to whack them with it. (Heavy based, obviously....keep it accessible.) And there's the iron... a full kettle.... full bottle of wine... tennis racquet.... WET FLIPFLOP! - ever been whacked with one of those? Absolute agony, long-long intake of screechy breath, worse than when you come off the bike saddle onto the crossbar, completely 'paralysed' and incapable of not putting both their hands over the spot... and of course, for Madame's plaisure, we ave ze oold favvorreet, prro-videed by 'Im Upstairrs, 'imself - ze danglies at ponching orr knee-ing height. No threatening with a knife though - in case they wrest it off you. Honestly - wet flip-flop across the back of the thigh - you ain't felt anything like it. Or your garden hose on full-force. Or hairspray or lemon juice squirted in the eyes followed by whack with pan or rolling-pin... Or ALL of it in rapid succession (rabid women- help! LOL). And I don't doubt the dogs would join in. There is also, simultaneously acting crazy...crazier than they are...Inappropriate Affect... start laughing maniacally or singing loudly at them, using "high octane" facial expressions (think The Joker) then switching to showing your gritted teeth while hissing. That's how to freak-out thugs - act insaner and more white-hot furious than they are. Pack law says, they have to sane up to compensate and 'save the pack' (basic survival mechanism). You are surrounded by very effective weapons all over your house in case you hadn't realised? Again, seriously doubt it'll come to that - especially if you're vibing that 'in the zone' scent. You can even mind-uck them by smiling menacingly as you relishingly say: 'Police said if you try anything we can pulverise you with impunity. They hate you lot.' And nothing else. Just stare with an Ooh, it's Christmas, look on your face.

Huh?? "Stepfather turned up at the door. He looked frazzled. He came in. He said this... I don't really care to call your Sister anymore. I rang to ask her a favour on her computer (he doesn't have one) and I thought I'd tell her the latest about your Mother. The first time I tried to ring her she was dismissive. Said she didn't have time to talk. So I let her go and said I'd try again later. I've tried several times since. Now when I phone her it just rings out. I mentioned this to your Aunt and she said that your Sister is ghosting me? I said I don't understand that. Your Aunt said she is screening her calls. Doesn't want to answer me. So I sat with him and searched until we found it. " What do you mean 'so you sat'? Surely you should have said, 'Drive my stuff round first and then I will' ??

"It is SUCH ODD BEHAVIOUR! Not normal conversation flow or interactions. Does my head in!" Because it's CONTRIVED. He's just sucking up to you because Blister isn't talking to him and Aunt isn't offering to intervene.

"I feel like SM must be sick to death of me and my posts." On what basis when you've only just read me saying this for me is the showtopic? No basis. What's the real reason? Why don't you, while you're waiting for me, go into the Chatroom if it's basically a sort-of phonecall you need?

He didn't fool daughter, look: "Daughter said 'why would you ask me that when Mum is standing right there. ask her yourself'." Yes - ask her yourself. Ah, but, no, you see - that was him trying to spread the butter onto HER. That 'unamused', straight-talking, no-nonsense, undoubtedly unexpected response makes her pretty slime-proof, actually.

Alternatively, we could actually schedule a long evening slot per week and be typing 'live'? _______________________________ "Daughter said 'yes we have. while relatives drive past in their air conditioned cars and toot the horn and give us a wave but don't stop and offer a ride.'" And that rhetorical, warrently cynical statement, meaning, why the sudden concern now, today? Christ, though. That really brings it home how nutjob these so-called relatives of yours are. Reminds me exactly of this: 2:19, noting 2:23... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtMIgr7pryo It's what they reminded me of, with their cars and failures to stop. So they're all around about 5, 6 and 7 then. Clearly.

G'day!....continuing on... "This fact about myself scares me. It is an issue isn't it? I haven't lashed out! I did very nearly hit a taxi driver with a bunch of celery once (funny story LOL)" Haha, was that one of your Five A Day? What's an issue? That you fear your power? Well, yes, but not a huge one because in any threatening confrontation situation like that, especially with your daughter present, your base animal would take over automatically anyway. Never never underestimate the motherly instinct and its power. You've heard the stories in the past about, say, the mother who single-handedly lifted a whole car off of her baby? We all of us have enough of a psychopathic wild animal inside us who's as capable as the next person to self-defend, you know. Don't forget we're still just hairless apes, yeah? And with what you've been through, you're bound to have banked-up fury or be triggerable more easily than usual, so - if they wanna piece of you, I really don't think you'd have anything to worry about in terms of having yours triggered to come to the fore, I really don't. (PS bag of oranges or potatoes is another little-known weapon.) It's all very well showing your mushy lovely side but you need to be able to unleash your inner warrior when warranted, and to know you can. In fact, I have a theory anyway, which is that the loveliest people of this world - most choose to be that way as a sort-of apology for the fact they can sense this wild animal side and feel ashamed or guilty for it. But in actual fact, the thing that scares other humans the most is UNPREDICTABILITY (and its cousin, Volatility). That's why I say, act fruit-loopy. These types HAVE A SCRIPT. Go off-script and, without it, they'll be thrown for six and leg-it, trust me. Don't underestimate daughter and your two dogs, either. The pair of you probably wouldn't even get a look in! And remember how confidently and matter-of-factly you handled ConstantGardener up there? I don't see that every day, that's for sure.

"One down and SEVERAL more to go." I doubt that very much. Methinks Blister is inadvertently going to do that FOR you. Next time Stepfarter wants a favour, you say, Well, I'd be far more inclined to do you a favour if, first, you were to do something for me for a change (and then name it). Narcs understand that. Human relationships for them are purely transactional, anyway. Use it or lose it, while the iron is hot. :)

Re your thread title - no, I don't think so. All along, I've been interpreting it to mean someone(s) in your life - and/or the situation - is mental. If anything, it'd be more likely to pull people IN - intrigue. There just aren't many people with spare time, lately - well since Covid, really. Or they're too overloaded to have the space for anyone else's problems? Probably a lot of things. For example, used to have a gardener and window cleaner in on a regular basis - now can't afford to so are having to do all the house maintenance and repairs themselves. Or have the building contractors in to extend their house because they can't afford to move but need a granny annexe. ALL sorts of things. Plus, as I say, most people find posting their problem, publicly, too daunting and would rather be readers ("Lurkers"). Also, the size of this attracts attention, too. It's not personal. But don't ugger off. Think about your co-victim lurkers, yeah? And poor overloaded me (mew-mew). Try taking a few days' break and see how you feel. But let me know?

I have an idea because, most of the time when I see you've begun posting, I think you're done but then you post again so I think - oh, okay, she's not done so I'll wait... Other people might assume the same and be waiting, but then you're off again, quite possibly onto a new update/topic and they're bound to feel that what they were going to (garnering the courage to) post is now a moot or obsolete point. So...maybe type FINISHED! so that people know it's their turn? Reember the wise truism: if you want different results, you have to try doing something differently, i.e. change YOUR pattern>/behaviour? Want to try it?

...on this thread, I mean. Frankly, I don't think anyone these days has time for philosophical discussions. Actually - wait up! There was a chap not so long ago. I wonder if I were to post the link to your new thread, whether he's left his thread alert on and will see it? Worth a try... Crikey, why didn't this occur to me before! Well, I know why, don't I: TOO BUSYYYYY, haha. Right, I'll try him... ("Hold the line, please, Caller?")

Round objects! His thread expired. His name was NotDog. You'll see he didn't get many takers, either, when it came to chatting, plus I had to keep trying to explain I had even less time when there were problems queuing up.

Recipe swapping. Why not? It's more practical? And topical if the total cost of ingredients were relatively low-cost? Depends on how you feel. If you're not ever intending to publish your recipes then, what difference would it make? You need a project, don't you. Something to make your zero contact with Blister more do-able by taking your mind off it all for decent periods each day. Yep, I agree. Common stuff, anyway.

"YES! My Blister has been an alcoholic (for real official) for many, many years. Been to AA. Tried to stop several times over." Goes with the Narc territory: again - childish enough to get into trouble (serously addicted from over-use), not nearly adult enough to get themselves out again. "She drinks two bottles of champagne a night. She hides booze in various places around the house." WOAH. Wow. How much does THAT cost?! Does she Drink And Drive as well? Bet she does. "She phones me (in the past not anymore) and is so drunk it is shocking then can't remember the next day." Yes, it's very convenient for them. Old Chestnut excuse, IOW. Blame-Shifting: It's not me, it's the booze. (Naughty booze!) "Doctor says her kidneys and liver are showing damage. She simply can't stop. I've seen her start drinking before lunch." Oh she's an alcoholic alright. "The local bottle shop know her by name and try to stop her purchases so she drives to another. It is a serious problem." There it is! DRIVES to another. Yup. Well, trust me, you are doing her a huge favour with this Zero Contact, not just yourself and daughter (and brother-in-law and their kids...and all who sail in them).

PS re stepfarter's visit: "Daughter not trusting them all and knowing Mums items are going missing took photos on her mobile before we last left of everything. She promptly pulled out her phone, showed him saying 'Mum looks after everything. See here is the photos of all she does. Nanas room looked lovely last time we were there with the dogs for a visit. Mum even put out framed photos of her parents on the duchess'. He replied 'oh very good. very good. who messes it up and takes things then?" *He* does. Hence the mental leaning post, to buy himself time to think of how to respond (to lie) when put on the spot: "Oh very good, very good". But, thinking time or no - who on EARTH would say that? How inappropriate a response is that! How is that in any way, shape or form, `very good'? You'd expect the person to say the usual, like - 'What?' - or - 'Oh no!'. And they'd be at least annoyed. And also, just - 'Who does?' And - 'What do you mean, messes it up?'. Or 'What have they taken?'. Instead, we have a blurting - Very good, very good, and - Do you know who did it? It sounds very much like what's called, a Narc-Sociopathic "Tell". That's my very strong suspicion, anyway. Question: Were any of the things that were taken, saleable on Ebay, etc.?

"I'm fearful of giving somebody a bum steer in the wrong direction. Their lives and happiness are at stake. The issues are deep. Situations I've no experience of so feel I'd best not enter into. How to overcome this?" It doesn't matter if you haven't walked in that person's shoes before and therefore get an opinion wrong. The person with the problem will feel if it is, and say so, which can only help them to identify what's correct, themselves, and lift them out of their confusion. So you'd still be helping them to find clarity, whichever way you look at it. Support is the thing. 'Tea and sympathy'.

"My Mum taught me that saying the word "I" too much is very revealing. She'd say it indicates you are a very self-centred person with a narcissistic personality." It depends on the context, the frequency, and in particular, the degree, and whether it's a pervasive pattern. Nope. Nope. Nope. And, nope. But, then, it would have been in your mother's interests to have told you that, seeing as she was so volatile and no doubt too hands-full, thanks to your late father and co., to want to listen to your complaints, requests and attempts to stand up for yourself (I think you'll find all of those do tend to begin with 'I'). In that situation, and especially with her type, it's just another underhanded, emotionally-manipulate method of censorship.

Oh - sratch that about Stepfarter - I missed this one (and that's what I was afraid of, why I was asking you to slow down, not keep streaking ahead)!... "SM actually had a bonding moment chatting to daughter in regards to this latest development of previously estranged 4+ years from our side of the family my Aunt having suddenly become so involved. I thought it was 'Power of Attorney' and 'Financials' she may have been after. As previously mentioned my own Sister (discussed prior to our recent disentanglement) well Sis believed them to be sexually attracted to each other based off Astrology as their birth dates are only a few days apart. So daughter pipes up and blows me away with her theory. I think she may be on to something. A huge story precedes this. The motivation is 'REVENGE'. Long standing sister rivalry ongoing since childhood. My Mother big noter and shocking flirt around Aunts husband." Aaaaah. The mist starts to clear... "Aunts husband got Alzheimer's and my Mother became 'Florence Nightingale'. A shared Sister/Sister-in-law timetabled caring visits to his Nursing Home gone awry (He lit up for Mum not his Wife)." Ah-HAAH! "Mum asked to step back. Mum refused and increased her visits (Feeding him/helping him)." Well-intentioned but lack of boundaries. Narcs don't do caring for other people - or maybe after an initial '5 minutes' if you're lucky. QUESTION So was it a case of your mum not registering boundaries - or IGNORING them, because, otherwise, Aunty's visits and degree of caring were wholly inadequate? Or was she just naturally outshining her? Why was your mum co-carer, anyway? "Nursing home Staff made mistake that Mum was his wife as she visited more often." Ok, scratch those questions, you've just answered them in the affirmative. "BIG ARGUEMENT ENSUED! BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE... Uncle died. Mum howled louder and sobbed more at the Nursing Home." It's called, personal investment - and appreciation-type reciprocation (from uncle) - equalling Mutual Cooperation - resulting in Bonding. "The funeral!!! WAS A HUGE PUBLIC BLOW UP BETWEEN SISTERS! Priest had to call them to behave. All family members were given a short verse to read and then a red rose to place atop the coffin. Aunt left Mum out! She wasn't given a verse nor rose. After caring for Bro-in-law at Nursing Home for three years." Who was the one caused a scene...how did the exchange that led to the highly socially-inappropriate/anti-social blow-up get started? "ESTRANGEMENT FROM AFTER WAKE! Wake went badly also." Same question? "Back to now... A couple months back Aunt started having coffee with stepfather 'Bill' to discuss her Sisters faltering mind. It became a fortnightly thing. Aunt rang my Bro to try to get him onside over the funeral debacle (he agreed they began contact). Aunt rang my sis to try to get her onside over the funeral debacle (she agreed they began contact). Aunt rang myself to try to get me onside over the funeral debacle (I said I wouldn't backstab my Mother nor come into it. Zero contact. She hates me)." (Lala-Land...180 degrees twisted...insult becomes...) Excellent! Brilliant enough if they dislike you, but - HATE you? That means you're REALLY impressive, make them REALLY pathologically jealous and threatened/constantly reminded, and make them grind their teeth to stubs!) "Aunt was encouraging Step Father to have Mum put in a Home. Ironically? The incident soon took place (Head hit tiles, Police, Hospital & now Nursing Home)." Tellingly, you mean. "Aunt is now visiting Sister every second day. Rearranges her room & wardrobe. Removes items. Talks to my Bro & Sis regarding Mum every few days. Talks to Bill constantly. Never phones me. No surprise there." Shame she wasn't that attentive when it was her own husband, eh. Without this sick type of attention being included, I mean...re-arranging? That's injurous to a dementia-sufferer. And it's Gaslighting (like hiding your keys until you feel you're going mad because normally you put things in their same place and you just can't understand it......leading to losing a bit of your sanity (specifically, self-trust) when suddenly you find them, NOT in their usual place, or never find them. You don't even have to be a dementia patient already: Swat Narx Do (google something like, Gaslighting - hiding stuff). That's a malignant move, that one, especially your N-Spath. "Update to today!!! Sister visited Mother and said 'don't worry I'll look after Billy, your home and kids for you now'." Which in the circumstances would have been correctly read-able as a threat. "Mother lost it at her verbally (staff begged her to stop). Aunt left." (And mum failed to calm down for ages - medically-noted, no doubt.) "Bill turned up to visit Mother next." What a coinkydinky. HOW SOON after? "Mum lashed out and whacked him several times. (staff tried to gently pull her back so she then flailed arms wildly to make staff leave her alone). They asked Stepfather to leave as his presence was upsetting my Mother." Ah-hah - they HAD been listening and noting, look! - that last sentance! 'You being here is upsetting her'. Could have said something kinder, like, 'She's having a bad day today, been like this with everyone' (dementia nurses are used to agreeing/upholding delusions with patients or anyone clearly deluded, for kindness's and emotional calm's sake, so it would not be difficult in that circumstance to do so with the (deluded) visitor. Yeah, they know. They do. (Good!) "RN & Head of Dementia phoned me. I was informed of the goings on." And think why they were doing that, then. In line with what I've just said - can you work it out? Why Tell? Why You? Why asap? (Who, What, When, Where, How. He who thinks longest - down ALL alleys of possibilities - thinks cleverest, the fastest (everyone else gets stuck at what they believe is a dead-end and end up going round and round that circuit ("in circles") again and again). There is no such thing as "over-thinking things....reading too much into". Only over-thinking IN THE WRONG DIRECTION/DOWN THE WRONG ALLEYWAY. Analogy - keys (assuming non gaslighter is in the house, haha)... You've lost your keys but you know they're in the house, somewhere...can't be anywhere but. Do not go room-to-room at speed more than once the 'circuit'. Second search: slowly, thoroughly, most likely room-to-room. THEY ARE IN THERE. IT'S NOT IF, IT'S WHEN you'll come across them. (And then, thanks to that panicking slog, you'll make a permanent 'home' for them that you religiously return them to each time so that you'll never put yourself through that ever again. Or have lots of spares in safe (but bizarre) places as back-up - which is what I do - and because I've no need to panic, I find the lost ones far quicker for it.) "I was informed they called the Doctor out to sedate her. ***Therefore*** I concede to daughter...Aunts motive...REVENGE!"" AGREE! So, therefore, I'm adjusting my prior conclusion that it was stepfarter, to: HE KNEW ALREADY. Yeah, makes even more sense out of his reaction/response now. He knew. They're in it together, mate. Do you think brother had whiff of this? Could THAT be why he wasted no time in getting Power of Attorney??

PING!.... ""Aunt was encouraging Step Father to have Mum put in a Home. Ironically? The incident soon took place (Head hit tiles, Police, Hospital & now Nursing Home)." Tellingly, you mean." So it would seem stepfarter WAS more fake-obseqious towards your mum prior to this incident/period? Until he got offered a team-mate (willing, future dispensible, slow-murder-enhancing TOOL), whereupon, 'suddenly', he got incredibly cocky and controlling towards her. Yep. He's definitely a malignant covert Spath with negative-type Psychopathic traits to-boot. I.e. COULD have been good, coulda been a POLICEMAN, but got corrupted and now is a slow-murdering, life- and interpersonally-dysfunctional, zombie. Just num-num-num money-money-money, want it, gonna get it, don't care who gets hurt, and then I'm off (back to another seeming hovel) or to "Linda down the road". Probably NOT Auntie. Because if he'd ever fancied her, HE would have been the pursuer (getting to shag a handy tool...that's what you CALL a Swiss Army Knife! haha.) ...Putin puppetteering via fake admiraton and awe of the mere malignant Narc (Trumpety-Trump). Trump thought he'd done what every other country's leaders had tried before: to prove his specialness by being the only one to, not just get through to Putin but MAKE FRIENDS. Now THAT'S delusional! Auntie will find herself discarded like a used tissue. Having upset her sister "back" (but to over-the-top degree where becomes Highly Inappropriate and O.T.T. (2 x tick!) for nothing. And with him long gone - SHE would have to take all the blame. What a desperate, desperate, effed-up woman. Revenge? What - never heard of 'having it out with her own sister' and only then deciding what and whether to do? (SEE? DON'T WORK RIGHT. Swat Narx Do. Just to varying degrees/extremes/repetitions - which FYI that sums up ANY mental illness or permanent mental condition. It's the DEGREE, the How, not just the What. As strangers, they start out (your perception) as great....then bad-mannered/inconsiderate/controlling/responsibility eschewing and deal-breaking, all of that......then nasty into cruel.........until you realise THAT WAS AND IS BECAUSE THEY'RE LOW OR NO-MORALLED. Another word for those who are or ALSO are Severely Malignantly Narcissistically PD-ed, is, Morally Corrupt... Laughing - or fighting (but it's about who started it and forced the other to have to fight back) - at a funeral and defecating on an alter. No Shame. N-Spath. And them's the dangerous ones, as you can now tell. THANK GOD SHE'S SAFE AND PROTECTED IN THAT HOME!!! THANK GOD YOUR STEPFARTER OR AUNT WEREN'T THE ONES GOT POA!!! Those two silver-linings definitely deserve three exclamation-marks.

Just some bits 'n bobs that have particularly caught my attention as I've been catching up (will probably see more): 1. About the friendly neighbours: Fri 29th September (Spanish Timme) you wrote of that morning: "Stated they are *going* to list their house soon and because of it all." And on Wed 4th Oct (teatime Sp Time), you updated with: "Our only slight allies (across the road) *packed and left! Gone! Just that quickly."* How the hell did they sell within 6 piddly days - or less than, considering all the prep work it always takes (photos and details, solicitors' searaches, etc., mutual contract-sending/reading/amending/re-sending...signing, etc.) - if the neighbourhood is known to be so rough? Especially in today's economic climate? 2. "I reminded my girl how I can't afford the Uber fares this week. She sighed loudly and said 'well as it was my idea I'll pay'. I said 'if you are sure'. Then I felt the need to remind her of just how many things I bought her last week (at her request) out of my pay. I never ask for the money back. Whereas she always does." Why did you feel the need to say that at that precise point? How did she respond? 3. "I just keep hearing 'Nanna is getting what the b _ _ ch deserves. It is karmic Mum.' This is usually followed by 'You're a fool'." Ignoring for a moment that bitterness of hers towards your mother and, in turn, you - it's evident that when it's less directly to do with her, she can see the bigger picture AND the details, in terms of unhealthy/nefarious behaviour, even better and faster than you can (like our kids, our 'human upgrades', should, of course, if we've done a decent enough job). For example - Tell her yourself, she's stood right here in front of you. (Me, I'd have put it like this: Why are you x when y? Try to take on this 'who wants to know' and 'why are you asking' attitude from now on.) So you're not "a" fool. But Narcs, this one as a case in point, are still getting to fool you, purely and simply because you have a need - for lifts. So he offered one ALL OF A SUDDEN (and promised more, but we'll see, shall we?). Again, if he wants transactional, then given that he already owes you, he should be the first to offer or let you ask first (so we see back-to-front again, look). But also, it's you, *pre-paying* by letting him get you to play online researcher. And yes, you SEEMED to get unsolicited reciprocation (which would at least convince you he was 'having a normal week' or something). But again - (1) let's NOT believe the liar so soon, and (2) where was all this compassion and helpfulness all these years beforehand when you needed this help with the shopping? What - he's too stupid to reailse the patently obvious? And (3) WHY NOW? Answer: because it suits him now that his usual supply (Blister) isn't talking to him. (4) Whom healthy, all things considered, would DARE ask for that favour, let ALONE feeling he's entitled to drop round whenever it suits HIM AND ONLY HIM. The above too heavily suggests he's not doing you a favour back. He's roping you (priming you) into doing HIM more...to fill Blister's gap (she was his unwitting slave, so why would that make her daughters anything different or worthy of respect where she wasn't?) Then we have this: It'd be fine if this were business - a deal for a deal - and he HADN'T just spent the last X months withholding his cooperativeness with you BIG-TIME - to point of becoming your ENEMY...not to mention, hadn't struck your mother, or now using/duping your Aunt. But HE'S TOXIC AND BEING IN THE SAME 'ROOM' AS TOXICS IS AUTOMATICALLY BAD FOR YOUR EMOTIONAL WELFARE....whether or NOT you can feel that subtle but steady erosion going on. Verbal is only a piddly 17% of all communication signals. So if the corrupt vessel logically issues corrupt signals - best NOT to be subconsciously and subliminally with receiving distance. Daughter would only be wrong in finding this sort of undeserved camararderie towards any of them (but presently still her gran) frustrating, save for the fact it puts you back each time - despite she hasn't articulated this consciously (nor realised it applies even more to to stepfarter) yet.... But you shoud know (and normally would - see below). You and I KNOW what sort of 'man' he is now. This arranging to spend time in his presence is NOT good for your self-respect and self-esteem, despite helpful practically. I MEAN - LOOK AT THE STATE YOUR MOTHER'S BEEN REDUCED TO AND - ENOUGH SAID (case rested). After all, YES it may be a slog back from the supermarket but it's bloody good exercise both physically and mentally, and bloody good fresh air and Vits D and C...helping to keep you healthy and your weight down and muscle-strength maintained/improved (including in your mind), i.e. NOT SEIZING UP. Rich women pay big money for exercise like that! (They could, of course, just be doing their housework themselves, albeit, that's another keep-up-with-the-Jones and Just-Wanna-Have-Fun story.) You don't just avoid more corruption by continuing to do without lifts, you GAIN IN HEALTH as well as protect what health you have and that I've been helping you to heighten. Men like that don't DO favours. They do themselves favours under cover of doing for you. He's deliberately - AND DAUGHTER (Blind Hypocrisy Alert!) - cast his hook in front of the pair of you with a worm you both THINK you need but actually just want: chauffeuring to and from the supermarket. (If he really wants to do you a favour and you really want payback while duping HIM that there'll be more where that came from, then, you could change your mind, ask him buy you each one fo those personal, wheeled shopping trolleys.) He's know for AGES you wanted that. He has eyes. Has driven past and secretly-jeeringly waved. But only now does he need YOU - to fill Blister's gap. SEE? You have to be prepared to hold onto your principles and to suffer for your better life-to-come, to NOT sacrifice your pride and principles by giving OR accepting favours. Just get on with your crunch duty (mumO) as you have been. And stop seeing him,if that sometimes proves impossible, keep it to the absolute, business minimum (and conversation confined only about mum - same as if you were divorcing a Narc and mum were the kid whom you share custody over). You KNOW he's not going to be genuinely helpful because look at the neglect when you asked to stay at his that 'riot' night. Basically, all you got was a flat-out NO....an, I Don't Care. Alright? And this is HOW they get you doing that 'letting them in' and 'doing them a courtesy/favour'... He throws (as in, stuns) you (nowadays after years of it - under your own radar) by HIGHLY RUDELY turning up unannounced and uninvited so that this mini-stun tips you into Fight/Flight mode, nicely dumbed-down, and having to fall on OLD HABIT (because you haven't had enough chance to have replaced those bad ones yet...'Narc fleas')... Old (still-primed) auto-pilot habits/solutions now reflexive. Without having the wherewithall to stop and think - YOU LET HIM IN. It took DAUGHTER to notice him needlessly talking to her; you didn't...not enough to SAY something. Sorry, but, no, you're NOT protecting her properly yet. Although, you're getting there. (Grieving-wise you're ahead, yes, but this one is about learning new skills (Narc-proofing) because the innate version got kicked out of you, growing-up. Because you're not cutting them ALL out yet, and seeing Mum and only mum. Whenever she sees you doing that fall-back behaviour and gets frustrated, I imagine it DOES bring every past similar incident back into the present and bring her bitterness back with it, regardless of whether she knows precisely why she feels that way again or not i.e. where precisely it came from (doubt it). If anyone - ANYONE! - even if it were a boyfriend - turned up at MY house uninvited and unannounced, I'd tell them something along the lines of - 'No, sorry, it's not convenient, shame you didn't think to phone and ask me if I would be free beforehand, please do that next time cos it would be great to catch up'. And I immediately think: Over-Entitlement, Lack of Respect for mine or other people's time generally, going againsst Social Tacits (expectations/rues), equals Unreasonable - equals PROCEED WITH THE UTMOST OF CAUTION. If next they repeat the disrespect - that's it. I'm done. I know giant Red Flags when I see them. Twice may not be enough of a pattern compared to thrice. But it's more than thrice when twice is done twice-in-a-row like you never told them just the week or so before (what - your wishes (rights, actually) not worth respecting enough to remember?) (you can continue deeper like that and find even more sorts of Red Flags, actually). Your mother is one thing but think about why on earth you have been letting this disgusting sub-human in every time, in spite of how rude and disrespectful this is? You know if he's offering something then it's because he wants to, it's in HIS interests, doing it for himself/his agenda, NOT "for" you...not even "you". Don't you? Meanwhile, as I say (because Swat Narx Do), you'll find the price of this mean-spirited help of his will proe too high while you'll start to get out-of-shape, the pair of you. Plus you could both end up agoraphobic. Does all of that make sense?

In short, NEVER GROW TO RELY ON A NARC. It's one of - if not The - main ways they get ya in their net. See Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang? If not - do. Or refresh your memory. Pay particular attention to the Child Catcher and his 'sweetie cart'. Don't confide in a narc, either. Don't TELL him anything, least of all how you've noticed the disruptios to mum's room. All you're doing is teaching the narc(s) how to do it better next time MORE SUBTLY/LESS DETECTABLY. This is unwitting, non-consensual Enabling, you see. Not on my watch while under my charge, missus. ;)

See how incredibly maestro they are at conning and manipulating you? And you literally sleepwalk into it, believing it to be harmless or a good thing? He's proven he doesn't love your mother NOR EVEN LIKE HER. He is her enemy and yours. You guys need to start acting like it. No 'sleeping' with him. Now notice how I see these things where too many don't? Eff qualifications, luv - EXPERIENCE tops everything. And YOU have experienced it all, too. All you lack is the iffy flags/iceberg tips identification expertise. I don't. I'm your secret shield and weapon. Use me or lose me!

PS: "This is unwitting, non-consensual Enabling, you see." This is why narc-malignants, this case, N-Spaths and Psychos, and are considered particularly dangerous. They don't NEED your consent when it comes to forcing you to be complicit or enable. And, oh, how innocent does he look because Aunty's the one doing the hands-on dirty-work for him. She's not his match. And he hates every single one of you more or less equally, you betcha. Like the kids' song - only, think about the lyrics this time: Never smile at a crocodile No, you can't get friendly with a crocodile Don't be taken in by his welcome grin He's imagining how well you'd fit within his skin Never smile at a crocodile Never tip your hat and stop to talk awhile Never run, walk away, say good-night, not good-day Clear the aisle but never smile at Mister Crocodile You may very well be well bred Lots of etiquette in your head But there's always some special case, time or place To forget etiquette For instance Never smile at a crocodile No, you can't get friendly with a crocodile Don't be taken in by his welcome grin He's imagining how well you'd fit within his skin Never smile at a crocodile Never dip your hat and stop to talk awhile Never run, walk away, say good-night, not good-day Clear the aisle but never smile at Mister Crocodile ****************** Get who the song-writer-lyricist was talking about now?

Scuse the seeming repetiton but this is me letting you behind the curtain in baby-steps because you're having another wobble... "This is unwitting, non-consensual Enabling, you see." It's psycho-emotional RAPE. Fill daughter in and that she needs to obsess less over an elderly woman who's at present stuck in a home and can't/wouldn't touch her, and that way she'll notice the free-swimming ones circling she and you. She's still impressive, though. PS: ARE you passing on my tutorage to her? Haven't thought to ask you that before... PPS: All these incredible weapons lain around your feet and I'm having to point them out? Tell Kirk to give it a rest for a bit - you and Zulu have got a ship to steer through hostile galaxies right now and he's getting in the way of the windshield! LOL Well, let him have a few days' holiday first, obvs - you're not a slave-driver.

SM, I tried to send you a long message. It disappeared when I hit submit. It is over. Much has gone down. Tribunal wouldn't give me a hearing. Decision made. They all got together on it. I was contacted today. I'm unstable. Don't give it to me from Stepfather, Brother, Sister in Law, Sister & Aunt. Stepfather got Guardianship. Brother got Financials/Administrative. I'm not broken SM. I'm smashed! No turning anything back. The Hospital Social Worker told them about my single sentence yell at my Stepfather and leaving the meeting. He agrees I'm unstable and not fit to make decisions for Mum. The Nurse who was in the room backed up that she witnessed my 'outburst' and turning on my heels leaving. I feel so back stabbed, betrayed. I can't talk anymore.

I don't get it. None of the people at that hospital home seem to be behaving as you'd expect. Doesn't sound like a single one of them has any knowledge, experience, training or professionalism. A whole Mickey-Mouse process, let alone tribunal. Is there something ABOUT that location you live in? Do you have Age Concern or similar charity in your region to call and report all of this? However, I recall you saying you didn't WANT any responsibility like that, for having so much on your plate as it was? So are you upset because of the ganging-up plus obviously having completely duped an entire hospital department and consultants, parts? (And daughter thinks YOU'RE the only fool around here?? Not any more, I'll bet.) Take a break if you need to. I'm not goin- actually, I'm never 'going anywhere'. I'll be waiting.

I've confused you. My wording wasn't clear. As daughter stated yesterday 'I'm so dumb it kills her'. SM: None of the people at that hospital home seem to be behaving as you'd expect. I was referring to The Actual Hospital - Many weeks back now. Where Mum was taken by Ambulance after she hit her head on the tiles. She had an egg at the back of her cranium. She was in Hospital for 10 days. End of August. Her story being stepfather shook her then shoved her and she fell backwards onto the kitchen/dining room tiles. Stepfathers story she slipped on the tiles and he had carers fatigue. She was transferred from the Hospital to the Nursing Home, High Security, Mental Issues Ward about 5-6 weeks ago now. Early September. The Hospital declared her unable to look after herself. A mix of fast progressing dementia/alzehmeirs and possible pre existing, undiagnosed schizophrenia. GP and Family only ever knew Mum as suffering severe depression, possible bipolar/manic. I'll send this part of the explanation and start anew (due to long entries disappearing when I click submit)

Whilst Mum was staying in the actual Hospital well The Social Welfare Worker (a male) held a Family meeting with concerns there was no Enduring Power of Attorney in place. Stepfather attended in person. I attended in person. Brother attended over the phone conference call. Sister attended over the phone conference call but missed more than half coming in late on the line. My Daughter attended over the phone conference call. My Aunt was supposed to attend but didn't show up. As the Family is totally dysfunctional and couldn't agree on the next course of action for Mum the Social Welfare Worker contacted an Agency here which deals with people who are mentally incapacitated but have no elected Enduring Power of Attorney. You fill out the documents and each person wishing to be a decision maker for Mum gets a Hearing at the Tribunal if the Agency considers you a worthy responsible candidate. Brother jumped in and took over like Chief of Tribe. Stepfather let him. I got the shits as Bro has never been involved in Mums life nor visited for years. I was sitting in a room at the Hospital with three men telling me what would be happening with Mum. I was hounded down, intimidated, told off by Bro (politely in front of social worker but later at home I was abused over the phone and follow up text messages by both Bro & Stepfather). Long story short: Sister didn't want POA. Aunt didn't want POA. Bro wanted only financials/admin decisions due to the stress of Guardianship being a bit much for him and he's too busy. Stepfather wanted it all financials/admin but would consider my Bro and his wife taking over the financials/admin. Sis & I advised Stepfather (who hasn't ever interacted closely with Bro/Sis in Law before that he is a Gambler and very aggressive, history of stealing and this being the reason why we are all estranged from him. Aunt agreed on that score. Not fussed on my Bro either rarely communicates with him. Stepfather wouldn't listen. I was told I'm just a bastard (his actual word) and my sis a lush were told.

Due to Family fighting the initial decision for placing Mum goes to Doctors at the Hospital and an added report/recommendation by that Social Welfare Worker submitted to QCAT. Notes from Nurses taken into consideration as to what they've observed from the Family visiting Mum. Bro did not ever visit the Hospital. Has not visited the Nursing Home. Sis out whoop, whoop. No visits to either place. Aunt did not visit the Hospital but is now visiting the Nursing Home. Stepfather visited Hospital every second day. I myself visited Mum at the Hospital every single day for the 10 days she was there. However, one day I had to leave after only 10mins due to a riot breaking out in our street again and daughter in panic state alone at home with dogs. So the applications for Enduring P of A were submitted many, many weeks back to QCAT with the attached recommendations of Doctors, Hospital Staff and this male Social Welfare Worker. The applications are submitted under a non disclosure of any particulars Act. So we don't get to know what any person said on their submission forms (in the who you would not recommend and why section). Sorry this recap is very long. Suffice to say over the past few weeks unbeknown to all Family Members this Agency QCAT got records (whilst mulling over their Enduring P of A decision) kept from Visitors Book with comments filled out daily by the Staff at the NOW Nursing Home.

So we've (The Family) have been waiting many weeks for the decision to be made. I have to admit to some personal toing and froing over that time in my head (as you are aware) due to the stress going on here at home & family fights whether I really was up for the responsibility. Nobody else knew that I was wavering though. I'm not actually stupid. At the Nursing Home I've been a bloody Angel of Mercy LOL Get along great with Staff at Nursing Home and they phone me. Head of Dementia and I have become quite close (Tracey). Long story short. QCAT contacted each Family Member for a final verbal opinion on who should NOT be elected and why in their opinion. Based off that communication and whatever each family member had written on their QCAT application forms they mull it over and make a decision. Every family member said 'not me' and then the Social Welfare Worker backed them up because one day (many weeks back) at the Hospital Step Father approached me in an empty corridor and pulled my sleeve and had a go at me about saying he'd shaken Mum & then pushed her over (which was her story). HE was very angry at me but NOBODY WAS AROUND JUST ME! Literally in a stairwell off a secluded corridor. No witness this aggression by Stepfather. I burst into tears and told him to leave me alone. I walked away headed back to see Mum in her Hospital room. He followed me there close on my heels. I turned and asked him to just leave me alone to spend time with my Mum one on one. He went faster right up behind me. Nobody witnessed his yell at me 'You're an Arsehole, you've always been an arsehole and you always will be'. I was crying when I caught up to Mum who was walking down a corridor near her ward on a nurses arm. All that nurse saw was red faced me, crying I was approaching very fast trying to get to Mum with him on my heels. He switched straight away to Mr Jovial. I failed to keep my cool. Mum demanded 'what is going on?'. Stepfather told Mum in a perfectly calm, tranquil voice 'She (meaning me) is having one of her fits again, going off at me, saying things that are not true, you know what she is like'. The Nurse watched this whole episode. I lost my cool! I was sobbing by this point and yelled at him this one sentence 'TELL MY MOTHER THE BLOODY TRUTH!'. I turned on my heels and left as I was shaking and distraught. NOT my finest moment. Nurse reported incident. Social Welfare Worker said I up and left the meeting in a huff (which I did) and the rest now as they say is History. QCAT decided I'm a loose canon. My application for Enduring P of A has been thrown out based off every thing people have said. I did not get my hearing date nor will I be getting one. The decision has been made and is final.

So, I'm most regular Nursing Home Visitor. I'm Mums laundry lady. I'm the bedroom cleaner. I'm the cook who takes her treats. I'm the one who Nursing Staff Phone with questions and decisions because quote RN 'I think your Stepfather is losing it a bit himself with stress'. I'm the one Head of Dementia Tracey takes aside for talks regarding Mums progress. Quote from her 'Mother is more nervous and agitated around your Stepfather we've had to ask him to leave a couple of times'. I've helped her with the craft activities for the Residents. Together she and I cleaned and straightened Mums room one day. I've done every Christmas, Easter, Birthday, Mothers Day Party for Mum for many, many years. NO Aunt, no Bro, no Sis. Stepfather begs me to come and quote 'work your magic and make your Mother happy'. For years he has been her husband but as we didn't know (none of us until this Hospital admission) that she had this 'dementia' I don't think it is accurate to call him her 'Carer'. That was NEVER an official thing. He was the man that left her home alone for many hours whilst he had coffee with my Aunt. I babysat her via phone every single time! I took her 3-12 phone calls a day when she was depressed and lonely or upset. Stepfather would snatch the phone out of her hand and say rudely to me 'hey...deal with your Mother for me'. He'd beg us to go up and sit with her. Quote 'You cheer her up the way you do'. He never offered us a lift. We caught taxi cabs with two dogs coming along this has been going on for years. This was how it was up until that Police phone call in the middle of the night and the Ambulance the next day for a 'bump on the head'. My daughter found the Nursing Home and filled out all paperwork for Mums placement. My daughter went to the Nursing Home for the initial walk through and orientation. My daughter has done all paperwork for Step Father over the past 5 weeks. I've helped Step Father finds the part for his car. BUT I'M MENTAL! UNSTABLE! Not worthy of Enduring Power of Attorney for my Mum. OMG THIS COMPUTER IS NOW SENDING THE LONG SUBMISSIONS! I just realised.

Nursing Home phoned Step Father and asked him how to calm her down when she was angry at a male staff member. He told them 'he didn't know and they are the professionals'. So they phoned me. I said get a head set and put a CD of calming music on. She likes (I named them all). Nursing Home phoned Step Father and told him she is crying and upset what should they do? He said 'give her one of those dolls or stuffed dogs you've got there to hug, I don't know'. So they phoned me. I said pick up the large photo I took there of her parents, sit on the end of the bed and tell her to tell you about them. My daughter says she watched and listened to him goad Mum the other day at the Nursing Home when I took Raya and Essie for a pee outside in the garden. Mum was asking Step Father when is he taking her home and she feels better now and why am I here because the egg on the back of my head is healed'. Daughter said he repeated to her over and over 'you're mad. you've gone mad. you're night right in the head. you're never coming home. you're crazy now. this is your home'. Daughter said Mums hand began to shake, her eyes welled up with tears and said 'you're still a bastard then and living in my home'. What Staff don't see or hear! What QCAT has zero idea really goes on in this dysfunctional family! I'm really crying now SM as this is all not fair. I'm hurt! I'm a broken human being. You only like me 1 inch out of 12 inches. Am I really so horrible? I know I'm not up for the job of Enduring P of A. I'm permanently exhausted. Hence I'm typing now with my one hundred cup of coffee because my diabetes has my circulation in my legs stopped. They are ice cold and hurting when I walk. My operation is hurting because Raya pulled hard on the lead, got a foot full of prickles and I had to lift Miss 14 kilos into and out of the Taxi cab when visiting Mum. Daughter picks on me. Around the clock. It wears me down. I never say or do the right thing. Some days she is a diamond. Helpful. Other days she is a stone. Unfeeling and verbally mean spirited. I'm trying to cope with it all! Of course I'm not stable. Of course I'm all over the shop emotionally. Of course I'm struggling to make decisions. Of course I'm not sleeping. I have EVIL living right next door and I have to be vigilant 24/7. I'm bloody envious of my Mum right now. Private Room which is lovely. Posh Place. Meals cooked. Laundry done. Kind Nurses looking after your every need. No relatives picking on her anymore. She is safe. She is cared for. Hell we are having heat waves and she has air conditioning. I have one stand up fan. She has regular visitors. Her friends are sending her presents. I'm remembering my stay in the public hospital ward earlier this year. YES I'M FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. POOR PITIFUL ME. I had nobody and nothing. I was totally alone. Couldn't even walk. It was shocking. I remember my Mother saying it was a punishment from God. Yesterday trip to & from Nursing Home cost me $60. When I was leaving the Nursing Home after sitting with Mum and the two dogs for hours. Having also taken the dogs around the ward to visit with other Residents to brighten their day. As I was leaving I gave Mum a hug and said... 'Mum despite everything that has happened over the years I really do love you and thanks for being my Mum'. Her response was stated drily and blunt without any emotion in her voice or expression on her face. 'Just hurry up and go if you're going'. So I said 'come on Raya' and walked away. Usually I turn around and give her a wave or blow her a kiss. Not this time.

Be with you tomorrow re the above, but I just wanted to come straight over from poor Monica's thread to say - Come quick and say hello to this poor but sweet-sounding woman. You are absolutely qualified to relate to this one and she needs a verbal hug for-sure. She must feel like no-one in the world cares about her. It's really ....I can't even express the word right now, I'm still reeling... I'm just sat here going, uh, buh, huh, gaah, buuuuh..... I have't even HIT "gimmie the gun" stage yet! https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13539/Friends-not-friends Only if you're up to it or would welcome the distraction, of course, but it's got your name all over it.

Oh...just need to clarify I haven't told you any porky pies My only allies across the street did indeed move out doing a midnight flick several days ago now. However what you don't know is the follow up. She has sent me emails. They didn't like how wild it was getting in our street so they deliberately packed up what they'd need and went to stay at the in laws. She said to give things time to cool down here. Also, fearful my wild neighbours will realise they put in a formal complaint about them. Now there are trucks, tradies, workmen everywhere at their house across the street. She said there are many things that need fixing before it gets put on the Market. That whilst the renos are being done to add value to their property they intend to stay on at the relatives however... Being a young married couple of three years with a toddler should things become to much at the in laws they may return home for a bit. As yet undecided. She asked me to let her know via email when things on my side of the street had settled down and if I hear anything back from the Rental Agency regarding their complaint. Like if the neighbours will be forced to move or whatever chastising they will get. Also, she asked us not to acknowledge them please. No waves. No visits. No calling out hello across the street. Her husband doesn't want my immediate neighbours (the riff raff) to know that we are in cahoots. He says he needs to protect his family first and foremost. So I feel abandoned a bit by them but grateful for the complaint letter sent. I feel lonely without their big dog barking at night letting us know if no goods are walking about. I feel not good enough to be seen as their friends. Such is my life. So officially they aren't gone per se. They've put the wheels in motion. Like we did back in March they've gone away whilst maintenance is taking place in preparation for getting to fuck out of here. I'm jealous. This Lady from across the street popped back home briefly yesterday to talk to a contractor. She sent an email saying she had their big dog with her and would be taking him for a walk down towards the shops. Asked if we could meet her in a side street for an update. I sent my daughter to meet her with Essie. Like she was taking her dog for a walk. I didn't go because I'm simply knackered as you stated to Hayleigh. I was doing chores at home at the time and I had food cooking on the stove. So daughter met her. They chatted for a little while then went their separate ways. Returning to the street at different intervals. It wasn't much of a convo. Basically just her asking what the riff raff have been up to. Stepfather just rang as I type this. He's organising a Birthday Party for Mum to be held at the Nursing Home. However, he doesn't think it would be a good idea for me to be there with the others. Whatever. I don't want to be there with them anyway. He told me perhaps I could come alone a bit later. Too many people he kept repeating. He said your Aunt, Brother his Wife and their 4 teenage kids and my Sister with her adult daughter will all be there. Sis & Niece will be flying down and staying at HIS house. I note well for the past 31 years it was referred to as 'your MOTHERS HOUSE'. He said 'It might be best if my girl and I don't attend with them all because we'd tip the scale of too many people which would be daunting for Mum. Perhaps I could organise a cake and leave it there the day before in advance for the party?'. Sadly...I need my Mum to die. How bad does that statement sound coming from her youngest daughter? Mum has been saying she wants to kill herself for as far back as I can remember. She made a rope noose once and got a chair placing it under a beam in our childhood home. Threatening to do it in front of us kids (Dad was at work) her quote 'you are three evil kids with your fathers bad blood running through your veins. But I don't have his blood in my veins so I'm good but cursed with you lot'. I was 7 that time. Many other like situations & same statements over the since. As a matter of fact she says it regularly now how she wants to die. Said it on my last visit. Says she just wants to be with Nan & Gran on the other side. This would once and for all SET US FREE! We need this. Perhaps she could do us all a favour. End the torment for all involved. Herself included in that summary. Quote my 10 year old brother at the time mentioned back then 'Just do it Mother'.

Spoke to Monica. Oh f _ ck me! The riff raff are yelling out in a group in my courtyard. A WARNING! A WARNING! SHIT! Now we are terrified! I have no idea how to interpret this! Daughter has a migraine & is in a bad way. I think we are in serious danger! We are guessing they got the complaint from across the street which was put in anonymously. They think it was us. We are as good as dead next time we walk outside. We watched them last week knock a girl to the ground in the middle of the main road. A few weeks back we watched them surround a lass in a group outside also on the street. They grabbed her (she was crying and screaming) by her ponytail and beat her then ran off. I can't protect us. There is one of me and heaps of them! We saw them planning something yesterday evening up in the communal car park. We are so scared.

Will read and respond just as soon as but meanwhile, back at someone else's ranch - An invitation from moi to toi ...to show you - you've convinced me. But we'll need to discuss how it'll work, the three or however many of you :) : https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13532/Im-extremely-lonely (just click on it and scroll down to the bottom)

Oh cripes, I've only just noticed this: "The riff raff are yelling out in a group in my courtyard. A WARNING! A WARNING! " Sorry - they're shouting the words, A Warning? "SHIT! Now we are terrified! I have no idea how to interpret this! Daughter has a migraine & is in a bad way. I think we are in serious danger! We are guessing they got the complaint from across the street which was put in anonymously. They think it was us. We are as good as dead next time we walk outside. We watched them last week knock a girl to the ground in the middle of the main road. A few weeks back we watched them surround a lass in a group outside also on the street. They grabbed her (she was crying and screaming) by her ponytail and beat her then ran off. I can't protect us. There is one of me and heaps of them! We saw them planning something yesterday evening up in the communal car park. We are so scared."" You have to ring the Police and tell them all of this. And you have to do it at the time so that you can put them on loudspeaker and let them hear it for themselves! Do you have it taped?

I can't concentrate. Flat doesn't cover what is going on inside my mind. Body has packed it in. I am not feeling well. Can't eat. Don't want to. Nauseous around the clock. So be it. Just thought I'd tell you that since his recent great success my Step Father is now phoning more than I've EVER heard from him before. Oh he's being caring! I'm checking on you both, how are you today, might I pick up some milk for you and drop it in? I said 'no' to his paperwork need. Fobbed him off with a truth. Daughter is in bed with severe migraine. She too is very unhappy. Mum had always promised us a large chunk of money when she passes away. We saw this as a light at the end of our dark tunnel. She told us it was all on term deposit and if she broke that early then she'd lose a lot of money as in interest accrued? SHE LIED TO ME! He's been very forthcoming telling us that he has more money now than he knows what to do with. Is buying a very fancy villa in a retirement village. Pool, tennis courts etc. He told daughter all about it with great excitement yesterday over the phone. He told her everything down to which one. He's been & seen it several times. Had a walk through. Very excited. She googled it! He is buying the fanciest one in the complex. The most bedrooms, air-con, lock up garage for two cars (he only has one). She showed me the exact one as they have names and a number which he freely volunteered the information. This man has a new lease on life. Never seen nor heard him like it! Step Father suddenly super well! Cured if you will of all ailments. He'd say I can't drive you anywhere the car is broken. Then he'd go all over the place. He'd say my legs aren't working, they ache and I can barely walk. Now he is rushing around, practically sprinting with no longer his usual slow meandering pace. He is as high as a kite in his voice, tone, demeanour. He's floating on happy clouds of money. My Mums money. He even told my daughter a complete break down of Mums money & what he got. As next of kin. SHE LIED! There is some on term deposit but the majority was cash in two bank accounts. One her own secret saving account. Like he says 'I didn't even know your Mother had that one with $70,000+ dollars just sitting there. She even had $4,000 in her underwear drawer. After the floods and deluge when we had mould/mildew climbing down our internal walls and the ceiling leaking a cascading flood down the internal bricks I asked Mum & Stepfather if we could stay over 4 nights whilst maintenance cleaned with harsh chemicals...NO was the answer. When the first riot hit here and we were terrified. Bricks, steel posts thrown. Mums youngest daughter (me) and her first born granddaughter (my girl) phoned her sobbing. My girl was vomiting. The dogs were going ape in the back ground as they also were terrified. I begged them to let us come there and stay awhile...NO was the answer. When I phoned and asked for a couple of thousand dollars loan and said she could set up a direct debit to take instalments out of my disability pension fortnightly she said... NO I honestly don't have any spare loose cash that I can help you out with sorry. LIES! Daughter was furious after his disclosure of all the financial information. Hence her severe headache and off to bed whilst I continue to look after all household chores, two dogs, shopping, walk on foot to pay all the bills and handle the rather blunt phone call from our 'free lawyer' and then another call from our Social Welfare Worker who said sorry but she has quit her job and unfortunately you're on your own now. Brother has race horses is a trainer and on the radio, huge house and famous father in law that buys their kids everything label brand and over the top unnecessary has now gained more. Even though his family NEVER visit Mum! Not even for Christmas or her Birthday. BUT he is now coming to her party second week of November. Daughter is blaming ME. QUOTE: You have been proven to be one dumb arse and it has cost us our lives. I actually want to end it. I am done. I need this life to be over and out! There is just so much one single human being can take and I've reached my quota. SM I can't help others. I can't help myself. I destroyed my daughters life from the get go. I failed us. There actually is nothing more to say.

You say you can't concentrate but the evidence contradicts you: you had the presence of mind to say NO to his paperwork request. You've also just written a comprensive and comprehensible summary. You've started thinking really clearly under-fire. Your mental cylindry is turning just fine. You're just emotionally expressive AS WELL, now, instead of predominantly (gold star!). But it's actually all this 'uninhibited', healthy venting that's doing it for you - toxins straight out, not kept in or internalised. But YOU are making sense. THEY....ARE NOT. Anyone with half a brain (and no vested interest, not even chauvenism) will be able to see that if I can, just from what you describe, from this distance. I do that...get things immediately out of my system. Unless it's an emergency, e.g. car accident, and then I'm pure business, usually taking over, issuing instructions, bossing everyone about (which I always note they're supremely relieved and grateful to comply with) and only once the emergency's over, THEN I have my reaction. But with toxic people...*emotional/psychological* emergencies, I'm all, 'Oy!...don't you talk to me/him/her like that' or just, 'don't you daaaare' (but always the loud Oy! bit)....after that, if they're still acting-up, it's onto my famous 'Paddington Hard Stare'...I DO NOT LET GO, not even when they do (that usually does the trick; they can FEEL I'm still boring my eyes into them) (PS: are you studying up on self-defense and Karate moves yet, you and daughter (Shotokan Karate or Kick-Boxing are the best - in that order)? I'm telling you, there's no confidence injection like it or as massive; narcs are ferrel, have predator senses, they can tell you know for-real you could do them serious damage, just from your voice.) Narcs not only don't like being shown-up or humiliated in front of their public, they also can't handle someone hard-staring at THEM for a change. They're afraid of confrontational whistle-blowers. That way might lead to their exposure. Ridiculous, isn't it, having to reprimand grown adults for their rotten attitudes, behaving like nasty children, because too many people can't handle confrontion or "making a scene" (you're not MAKING a scene, you're responding to one someone else has created, UNDER the table). Bring back the public stocks, that's what I say. Fact: most effective form of social punishment ever. For it's PUBLIC HUMILIATION. So I do my version, LOL, and clearly I'm not the only one because a new friend and I had cause to do this only last week (diners, kicking a dog to make him stay away from their dog when all he was doing was saying Hello). We BOTH stood up instantly, yelling OY, pointing at him and doing nothing but staring warningly at him - like a confrontational Torville & Dean, to our immense surprise and delight...talking about a bonding shunt. There are more Yous out there, too...just got to get out and about in order to find one another...another reason for continuing to walk the dogs to the supermarket...in fact, there are TOO MANY reasons not to accept his lifts, not just the ones I've mentioned. The waiters were particularly nice to us after that (it's deliberately a dog-friendly restaurant-bar, right on the beach dunes where owners walk their dogs). Openly. Made the other table wait while they attended to us first. Making their point, too. It's about having the balls to make a stand, isn't it - Social Responsibility....which you do too. So in YOUR situation - if you can't blow the whistle because the narcs outnumber you (and have created a Flying Monkey or two out of the staff), and insist you're "unstable" (i.e. have normal, suitably strong, human *feelings*, i.e. work right), then, switch to what you're doing and appears to be working: SHINE. Because Narcs can't. You then present a gaping contrast.... NOW they see it. Capiche? (You're never powerless, like they try to convince you you are, there is always a way.) So, back to the nursing home situation: well done. You've simply shone brighter than the rest of the family and shown Tracey and co. that your mother is (all things considered) just fine when she's with you (funny, that). And still now, NOT with stepfarter (funny, that)...he who knows TOO LITTLE about his 'charge' for her husband and "carer". Actions-actions-actions...This will all be going into Tracey's notes. She clearly ain't stupid, either. And don't forget the records of visitors, either. :) (Stepfarter may as well have said - Try her with a carrot! But note he actually SAID - I dunno?... Whoopsie-daisy. If anyone should know, it's him.) Remember, it's not over until the fat lady's sung. 'Just keep swii-mming, just keep swii-mming....' (name the film!). QUESTION: Re the inheritances: by all evidence, your mother was particularly financially organised. She must had had a Will written, and long before this episode? PS: Sorry for any repetitions. PPS: (not :D) (drumming it in, drumming it in...hahaha..but with GOOD brainwashing (counter-)...repetition is how we learn, innit.)

"I was told I'm just a bastard (his actual word) and my sis a lush were told." Take it up with my parents and their parents. But you're an evil git - what's YOUR excuse? (Walk off) Anyone who has you physically isolated that tries to block your escape by not letting go of your sleeve - don't even OPEN your mouth, just stamp hard on their toe with your shoe-heel or kick them in the shin-bone, and stride quickly away AND TELL SOMEONE IN AUTHORITY IMMEDIATELY...DON'T let them get in there first with their lying version. Or scream your face off, yelling, Help!, Help! It may feel like overkill to YOU. But you think about how any other woman - NOT brainwashed against seeing bad behavour as somehow normal or par for the relationships course - would have reacted in your shoes. And there you have it. Be her. Bloody headbutt them if necessary. This is self-defense - against a MAN who is verbally attacking then physically aggressing you. HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH YOU, FULL-STOP. They want playground rules? They gottit...with effing fries on the side. Yes? Promise me?

Shame you didn't have the pepper spray in your handbag already. When is it supposed to be delivered? PS: "I haven't told you any porky pies" Stop that, you. (And while I'm at it - again, stop the beating-yourself-up, especially in front of newbies; you're defeating your own pen-pal-seeking objective, which is worse than pointless. Let THEM decide what they think of you - it's UP TO THEM, NOT YOU - which takes time when done properly). I wasn't suspicious of you, I was suspicious of THEM, like, they'd said they were going to put it on the market but in fact, (evidently now) already had. SEE-EE-EEEEE?...Clever-Clogs? ;p No more slapping egg on your own face, please, missus. Anyhoo - thank-you mucho for your input on the other threads. Bar the self-punching bit - nicely done. :) I haven't finished reading your above write-up yet tho so...

"My daughter says she watched and listened to him goad Mum the other day at the Nursing Home when I took Raya and Essie for a pee outside in the garden. Mum was asking Step Father when is he taking her home and she feels better now and why am I here because the egg on the back of my head is healed'. Daughter said he repeated to her over and over 'you're mad. you've gone mad. you're night right in the head. you're never coming home. you're crazy now. this is your home'. Daughter said Mums hand began to shake, her eyes welled up with tears and said 'you're still a bastard then and living in my home'. What Staff don't see or hear! What QCAT has zero idea really goes on in this dysfunctional family!" Take daughter so she can tell Tracey. And to be prepared from now on to tape anything like that using her mobile.

"You only like me 1 inch out of 12 inches. Am I really so horrible?" No. I like you 1 inch out of 1 inch. I haven't had nearly enough time to get to know Inch 2, 3, 4... yet. Did you really take that as a negative or is it just because you're in a rollercoaster dip right now? It's a compliment, ya nana. People usually get that (*shrug*).

Just focus on whether (and what specifically) YOU like the other person. You might get to decide I'm not actually YOUR cup of tea, after all! And then what? Egg-on-face again. You take care of YOUR side and let the other person take care of theirs. There is no point becoming liked increasingly by someone if there's still a chance you could discover you don't like THEM. "Awks!" And focus on the actions. I'm still here and putting effort in, aren't I? (You think I can't bear to say if/whenever I'm backing-out of any thread? Think again, missus.) But - you tell me. What reassurances do you think are reasonably give-able that I'm not giving (appropriate to our still-early acquaintance and given the confines of my role)? If I can give it, I'll give it. But you're clearly more comfortable with verbal affection than me so for me, it's in the actions. I've just offered you to be in-charge of a group 'chat' thread, haven't I? Aww, you'll be alright once you've calmed down. I do understand what it's like when you're being picked-on from all quarters. Not exactly easy to trust anyone in that situation. Here you go - next wobble, try this: codeword: "WE GOOD?" or "Help, I'm having a 9/10 wobble". Feeling unliked and persecuted is normal under-fire. But you need to throw away the Normal Person rule-book with me. I'm just not like others. And I'm an extreme minority. Can't tell you why. But I'm not. Medical fact. If you do something wrong - I'll just tell you! And then we sort it out and move on. The friendship path has stile after stile (hurdle), you know. It's not good to rush. Makes you vulnerable to bonding with iffies - they ALWAYS want to rush you. And you've been surrounded, so this is a Narc Flea. (PSHSHSHSHSH!) (- flea spray LOL) You're alriiiiiight. And we're alright. Everyone here is alright. This is your safe place. And no, it's not you wearing me out. It's the crap going on all around me in RL...non bloody stop. E.g. said doggy-lover later confided in me about having been discarded coldly 2 weeks ago. She showed me the text and voice-message exchange in her mobile. I burst into tears. She thought it was her, that nobody liked her. THAT'S WHAT THEY *WANT* YOU TO THINK...because otherwise, how does it make sense, including, why it keeps happening to "me"? Unknown slime or fleas. Or blood in the water, however you wish to analogise it. I'm a champion flea-squisher. :D I'm used to this. Been doing it my entire life, luv, kid you not. Frustrated Superman? I don't know. I just know I've been like this since 18 months so it's clearly in my genes (and genes are more powerful than us). I don't think ANYONE doesn't like you round here. So relax about that now or use the codewords, okay?

Back again in a bit...

PS: Above-said lady is constantly scared and worried as well. Her trust goes UP, DOWN, UP DOWN. Can hardly blame her. Actually, if I think about it - almost everyone around here is like that (multiply bitten, Nth shy). I thought UK was bad but out here is worse, they literally are everywhere. My longest-running friend here, however, has finally 'got me' and relaxed. It's taken over 2 years, though. It's like if you 'Supaglue' your broken flip-flop strap. If you don't give it a generous amount of time to bond - any non-usual strain and it'll just break again. The longer, therefore, the more unbreakable. And that's the difference, in fact, when (normal but 'troubled') spouses cheat (the once). They use the analogy of a broken vase, still being broken even if it's glued. Not if you've used the correct, high quality glue and allowed it to bond to the vase pieces 100%, it isn't. Then it's Fixed.

You WILL BE popular again - I guarantee you that. This is standard for all post-Narc victims on the Recovery Path, it really is. You're just one of the more vocal ones, that's all. Braver thus more honest, daring to say what others daren't. That's the opposite to a bad thing....IF you're with your same birds-of-a-feather. Let the youngsters do that exploring different people types thing. At your age, it's about sticking with 'your people' in terms of your INNER circle. Once you're slime and flea-free - Boom!...one increasingly happier bunny.

"She asked me to let her know via email when things on my side of the street had settled down and if I hear anything back from the Rental Agency regarding their complaint. Like if the neighbours will be forced to move or whatever chastising they will get. Also, she asked us not to acknowledge them please. No waves. No visits. No calling out hello across the street. Her husband doesn't want my immediate neighbours (the riff raff) to know that we are in cahoots. He says he needs to protect his family first and foremost. So I feel abandoned a bit by them but grateful for the complaint letter sent. I feel lonely without their big dog barking at night letting us know if no goods are walking about. I feel not good enough to be seen as their friends. Such is my life." It's not about good enough. It's about NOBODY is good enough, not even you. Even if you were some superstar, it wouldn't make any difference. He's in Young Father mode - yes, baby DOES come first. AND wife. You seem to be reading situations based on how they're making you FEEL. Feelings aren't facts, though, especially when you've had your negative glasses forced on you and therefore are braced continually for more negatives. He's a GOOD dad and she's a GOOD mum, enough that even the nicest neighbour isn't enough to stop them. Well, YOU'D move if you had their means, wouldn't you! And what would you think if THEY took it negatively-personally as a rejection from you? Your next challenge is: to try NOT to form any conclusions while you're over-aroused, wait until you calm down and can 'see round corners' and 'colours, properly' again. Or if you've FORMED the negative - now self-disciplinedly sit and search for the benign or positive reasons. Unfortunately, there is a lot of waiting-and-seeing, 'holding your fire' and 'keeping your powder dry' on the Recovery Path. As to who dobbed them: actions, actions, ACTIONS. CLEARLY, it's more likely the people who have done a runner straight after telling, and now plan to make that runner PERMANENT hence are doing up their house all-of-a-sudden after (clearly) ages. Duu-uuuuh? Shame you don't smoke...LOL.

PS: The wife seems quite confident that her complaint could result in their being evicted from the neighbourhood, though, doesn't she, interestingly.

Please pass on to Richard that after another interlude of not accepting my password and saying 'deactivated account' well I'm back in business? It must be on my end. Sorry:(

No, it's probably that Richard's sorted it. He doesn't mess around! Plus, this level of IT is toddler-blocks for him. And he does read so he'll see this.

Thanks for responding to Chances! As I didn't get a chance to give you pointers re being the 'meet and greet' poster, I'd better give you the benefit of a quick critique - but, overall marks out of 10: a whopping 9! :))))))))) I'm VERY impressed... 1. "Hello Chances400 and Welcome to Peoples Problems." Perfect! 2. "I'm known as DD here (no not drunk & disorderly which I just realised it could be taken as) but rather Doggydilemma." Totally unnecessary. Your alias banner already says DoggyDilemma (LOL, ya nana). And no, drunk & disorderly would be D&D. Would ask that from now on, you just say 'Welcome to the forum, and feel free to call me DD'....And then launch in. 3. BUT *NOT* WITH THIS, PLEASE: "I'm trying out my new big girl pants as official meet and greet guide whilst you wait to be given the awesome advice that flows freely from SM or Soulmate. You may have a little wait for SM services as their in high demand. Truth be told there is a lull in respondents at the moment unfortunately." ***Please don't even make mention of me.*** Again, I'm NOT sole respondent here, and this ISN'T some online clinic. it's a free-for-all forum for getting opinions and advice from absolutely any visitors who can relate to the "original poster's" (OP's) issue(s). ***If you keep saying this, no visitors will feel free to post their own responses, you'll make them feel inadequate.*** On this matter, since I have explained this to you before and assumed you'd read and taken it on-board - please confirm in your next reply that you understand now? Because, other than that - as to the rest itself? PERFECT - SPOT-ON! - 10-10! You asked ALL the right questions and got straight to the heart of the problem, and gave a wholly pertinent tale (re stepdud) to provide a comparison. So much so - there's no need for me to get involved, nothing to add, other than IF I spot there's something, e.g. a clue or red/pink, amber or green flag that you and the OP might have overlooked or missed. Sadly, I doubt anyone else will feel they can join in now, because of your opening response AND because you've got it pegged already, so that's now your one-on-one thread. Which is great because you're experientially VERY qualified for this one. (And I say that because I recogise this lady's situation and the her speech-patterns and styles, and believe she's someone I've already advised. If I'm right - she's dating "your stepdud"...or "his close cousin", if you know what I mean.) ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT AND THAT YOU'VE UNDERSTOOD MY ONE TINY ADJUSTMENT REQUEST, PLEASE, M'COLLEAGUE? And bloody well done again! Very, very pleased. :)))))))

Hello SM, Yes I acknowledge and understood. I made a right fool out of myself. Misunderstood the brief. Too much obvious try hard. I suspected I'm not up to standard for the job. Gave it a red hot go. Please apologise to Richard for me if I was out of line or embarrassed his Forum. That wasn't my intention. I didn't really want the job but was trying to please and impress because you've been so supportive of me. I think I shall take a back seat now and leave it rightfully to the Professionals. I'm actually socially inept. I do believe I've spent so much time by myself that I'm awkward at mixing/socialising now. Time I skulk away.

I should add... Thank You for the job offer but it isn't really my cup of tea. Not in a good head space. Need a holiday from my life LOL

Just wanted to add that I'm not upset at all so please don't worry. As a matter of fact I'm feeling quite happy today/tonight. I took your advice from way back above. Today I said to myself (no more stepfather, sister sent stirring message to my daughter but I we will not bite back, no visit to Mum today). The neighbours are a concern as they have made a few loud comments at us and are preparing for a party out the back courtyard but I'm trying to stay calm and not let them bother me when I take the dogs to toilet. Putting on a brave face but inwardly nervous. I refuse (for tonight) not to be intimidated by them. I did two things I haven't done in ages! I had a long bubble bath. I started making doll ensembles for Halloween and Melbourne Cup. Missed all the photo comp entries so far this year when I'm normally right on it and in it to win it. It felt good. Familiar, escapism. Friends who can't hurt you. Imaginary. Typing this yep I am a bit mental. No matter. They'll have a spare bed in Mums Nursing Home waiting for me soon LOL

I'm flummoxed. You didn't misunderstand the brief because (apart from my separate attempt to get you, Thea and Haleigh together on the latter's thread) there wasn't any brief. You dove in before I had had the opportunity to give you the brief. So that critique had to pose as your brief. The feedback I gave you amounted to an A, rather than an A*. In which case - the negativity you've come back with, is chasmically out-of-proportion, as if I'd just told you you'd been shite or something. One tiny constructive criticism in a whole barrel of praise and thanks, and you respond by beating yourself up and to that degree, and down-tools? ???

Yep! One hundred percent. That is me. I hear negative only in everything. I can't absorb positive. I don't believe it when people say it (not personal nor pertaining to you above). I believe I'm seriously damaged by my Family. They have criticised myself and my daughter to within an inch of our lives. Total desecration of our characters. Soul destroying. Confidence removing. I feel like Jesus Christ himself. Hung up on that cross. Persecuted without a real trial. It seem every character in this family feels they can verbally attack us. Nanna Eagers was the only one who never did. When people (strangers) pay both of us a compliment well we simply don't believe it. We mistrust them instantly. We think they want something. A means to an end. We simply feel unworthy of friendship or the companionship of others. I've been told repeatedly that I'm evil. That I have bad blood running through my veins. That nobody will ever truly 'like me' that they 'use me' because I'm dumb and they can get away with it. This is NOT a sob story. It is the truth. The whole way along I've stated I'm not normal and long since suspected 'Mental'. Hence the handle. Example: Mum has told me non stop as far back as I can remember the above. When I had a doll store lady take issue with a product I was desperately trying to be polite and remain calm and deal. Until she said 'you are evil. an evil piece of shit'. I just crumbled. Folded like origami. So many people have said it. I've also been told by a nurse that my optic nerve behind my eye is negatively impacting my thought patterns and perception. She said I don't hear nor absorb what people are saying nor interpret it correctly. I struggle with your messages SM. I have to read them and re read them. You are super intelligent and you word things cleverly and in riddles. I admire this. My daughter is the same. However, I struggle to comprehend your meanings often. If you can be simplistic like your talking to a spastic person then I'd have a better chance of understanding. I'm just too much to unpack SM. Even for myself.

I want to get to know YOU! I find you interesting, intelligent, different good. I don't even know your sex. Your name. I enjoyed reading that truth about you being a VERY UNIQUE type of person and character. It positively fascinates me. Makes you very special. I think it could make your life a little harder for you though. I'm very sorry truly that you too have had friend strife of late. Something in the air. I'd happily talk to you about it but fear you like to be an enigma and are quite guarded. I respect that. Don't want to push your boundaries or make you dislike me by prying. You help everybody! BUT WHO HELPS YOU? I care about you SM. I'm not a user! It is not all about me. I'm here for you also. Give & Take. HUG!

Hey! Soul Mate, I just this moment saw & read this: The honest answer; Haleigh, is, I just don't know. She seems to have created a drama out of nothing and abandoned forum. You need to be know, however, that she's abandoned forum multiple times before, under different aliases, which, if you read the opening quarter of her thread, you'll see discussed. And then read again from 19th October 19:33 - and especially from 21st at 08:54. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I thought this time she'd settled down and was intending to stay. OH BOY! That is judgmental and a bit unfair. I'm quite shocked. What drama have I created? I fully intended getting back to Hayleigh as soon as I finished dealing with some serious issues at home. Which I told Hayleigh. In the meantime I tried to be a Welcome Person as you requested. I am NOT an all about me person. I spent last night writing in word my next conversation to send to Hayleigh. She is an absolute doll and I can sure relate.

I took twenty-four hours off my computer to attend abandoned CHORES & deal with family issues. The neighbours were doing a loud, all night party. Difficult to concentrate. I'm justifying because I did not 'do a drama and abandon'. I packed boxes until I was so exhausted I couldn't make it up the internal staircase without stopping half way. So I had a long bubble bath to clean & relax. Only then did I grab my computer to type to Hayleigh. I decided (struggling to concentrate over the din from music/loud chatter next villa) that I'd do it in a word file and then try to copy paste it later. Also, because the 'submit' kept losing my long entries. I've no reason to abandon Hayleigh. I've no reason to create a drama on here. OUCH! I don't believe I deserved that SM.

SM wrote: Here you go - next wobble, try this: codeword: "WE GOOD?" or "Help, I'm having a 9/10 wobble". Feeling unliked and persecuted. DD response: "WE GOOD?" and "ARE YOU GOOD?" SM wrote: But you need to throw away the Normal Person rule-book with me. I'm just not like others. I'm an extreme minority. Can't tell you why. But I'm not. Medical fact. DD response: I know this. Long since realised. I find you fascinating. Have I managed to frustrate your inner Superman? I do that. SM wrote: PS: Above-said lady is constantly scared and worried as well. Her trust goes UP, DOWN, UP DOWN. DD response: Which lady are you referring to please? Scared, worried and trust up and down. I'd like to talk to her. I can relate.

Referring SM: "Gotcha". Congratulations. Enjoy your pound of flesh. Referring SM: I'm a Consummate Professional. People who are very sharp may generate, very quickly, arguments for why their claims are the correct ones – but do so in a very biased way showing cognitive prowess but no humility. Pride filled and arrogant. This response is filled with speculation and judgement. As Socrates had it: the wisest person really may be the one who can admit he knows nothing.

As usual - MIS-referring. I said "Consummate Vocational'. (Can't even be bothered to get that right...or so you'd have me and everyone believe, rather than your irrepressible urge to slander me out of both zone and context. Why aren't you doing as instructed and replying on your already-beloved's thread?....We know why, it's as obvious as the noses on your faces, so save it.) Ignoring your switch from claiming not to be an expert but suddenly being the expert. Ditto your projection: it is NOT arrogant to use the sensible authority endowed me in my position, to use same said as-intended. (Ridiculous.) Yes and people who want help, cooperate as much as they can, not try persistently and bloodymindedly to chip the shine off of the venue containing the hand(s) that feeds you, which you each and every time bite. I can't HAVE a conversation with someone this irrational, it's just not possible and gets you nowhere. Just go. You've probably already gone. This time, don't come back. I don't think you're capable of ever being ready, not with that allegedly uncontrollable petilly malicious streak. Abuse Victim is NOT Latin for Anti-Greatful A-Hole. It's too obvious you've got it in for this forum, and whenever I get in your secret way - me. I'm now freezing this thread. Well done, you.