I'm extremely lonely
I am very lonely. I am 23 years old and I have no one to talk to. My best friend is in college and is busy. She never has time to talk to me. I can't afford college so I'm kinda stuck. I just want someone to talk to me.
I'll chat with you lovely. I'm old though. So probably a bit boring for your age group. Consider me an adopted Grandmother.
What would you like to talk about? I'm open to most topics. Try me. Don't be afraid to discuss almost anything because at
this age and my life experiences there isn't much can shock me by this point.
Thank you for replying to me! I really don't mind if you are older than me, I'm kind of an old soul myself so I feel like I connect with older generations better than mine. I feel like I have no idea what the heck anyone is talking about with all this modern day slang and everything. We can talk about anything, I don't really know what to say about myself. I honestly didn't expect anybody to reply.
I more than happy to have a chat.
Love the spelling of your name. Perhaps it is a pseudonym?
I've always had a thing for names. Nothing too over the top. Like calling a child 'Apple'
is a bit fruity (pun intended) Gwyneth Paltrow. Calling a dog 'Possum' is a big weird to me.
But giving a child a name with a special meaning and a pretty way to write it (to me) that is a bit of fun.
What do you think? It is ok not to agree with me.
Where I am most people are sleeping right now.
Nope (not me).
I'm actually chatting to take my mind off the knots in my stomach
and to distract me.
Got some SERIOUSLY SCARY neighbourhood issues going on here.
Spent the majority of this day at the Police Station.
Feel like a child but I'm supposed to be the wise, old one
comforting my grown daughter.
Literally 1:30am in the morning and we are each of us on a sofa
as if frozen to the spot.
Wish we could afford to just pack up and move to somewhere of our
Sadly we can't. Such is my lot in life at the moment.
So how are things with you?
Well both dogs are sleeping (snoring actually) peacefully
so that is a good sign.
Means they aren't sensing anybody bad hanging about.
Like the other night growling and sniffing furiously at the front door.
Then our cameras showed us a bad dude standing at our front door in the
early hours of the morning. Creepy stuff.
Not pleasant experience living here at all!
Hope your home life is better than ours.
Do you have any pets?
Yeah, I totally agree with you on the name thing. I'm hispanic but I talk and act southern and love southern names. Like I always think about if I ever had a daughter, I think of pretty first names and middle names to call them. I love like the name Olivia Grace or Baylee Jolene. You know like something pretty. Also I'm sorry about your situation with your house. That's awful. I don't really have any problems with our house but my mom does. And as the saying goes if mama ain't happy, nobody is!
Ran out of room for the first one! As for dogs, I have 5 dogs! I got a puppy last year and I am literally head over heels for her. I don't know ever since I got into my twenties, I have felt this mama bear personality come out of me. And it's like I baby the dogs because I have nothing else and it makes me happy. But I also feel like I should be married with kids already. Very unpopular opinion nowadays, I know. But that's just a me problem, I guess.
I also forgot to say I'm so sorry for just getting back to you. I haven't had a moment ti myself today. I have no idea where you are, so I'm sorry for the late hour
Just a very quick interjection, if I may?
Hayleigh, you spelt the last word of your Alias incorrectñy. You put N instead of V.
(Oops- and I put a Y in Haleigh - duuuh - sorry - I'm poorly at the mo.
Anyhoo, lovely chat - like a little respite, an oasis of loveliness - carry on you guys!)
I didn't mean to spell my name incorrectly, it just happens when I'm typing too fast and I don't take the time to proofread it.
And I honestly have no idea what you're talking, I don't see in my chat, even mentioning my name, so...yeah.
NOO, it was a witty compliment after having read you. N instead of V - in 'LONELY'. Geddit?
Sorry - it's late and I'm ill, probably didn't make it clear enough.
how are you going along?
are you still lonely and wanting to chat?
SM is unwell at the mo. You know what it is like when
your head gets that fuzzy feeling.
SM is also very clever and sometimes I can't quite follow
their meaning and have to re-read a few times. Would never mean any harm.
I check back here regularly when I'm up late keeping watch over our Villa or when I'm lonely.
Often when I'm baffled by people and life.
So if you just wanted to chat about anything I'd like you to know I'm still here.
Cheers for now,
Yes!! :) I definitely want to keep talking to you. I was very confused by SM but I get it now
What is something you want to talk about? I'm open to discuss anything.
What is something you want to talk about? I'm open to discuss anything.
We could discuss music (what types do you enjoy?).
We could discuss Astrology (are you into it?)
We could discuss pets (we've had many how about you?)
We could discuss romance (I always seem to fail yet I still believe there is a 'Prince Charming'
rather than the 'Prince Alarming's' I always end up with)
We could discuss movies (I watch heaps. How about you?)
We could discuss recipes (I cook a lot. Prefer making novel things than general evening meals)
We could discuss craft (I make a lot of crap and sell it LOL)
We could discuss collecting (maybe you do or don't collect anything? I collect fashion dolls like Barbie
but fancier than her. Though I have many Barbie's also. I collect baby dolls, porcelain dolls. YEP I've always
been a DAG/NERD type).
We could discuss books/stories (what do you read if you do. I love reading).
We could discuss shows you are currently watching on TV.
We could discuss Floriography, Tasseography, Palmistry (I've delved into this crap over the years purely for my own amusement LOL).
In honesty it was my Sister who tried to get me involved in the weirdo stuff but it all holds great entertainment value.
We could discuss the possibility of 'Life After Death', 'Ghosts/Spirits', Myths like Big Foot or Lock Ness (what do you think).
Let us NOT discuss Politics nor religion (those topics can lead to arguments).
We could discuss what art you enjoy (if any. I'm no expert on any topic but I do look at art sometimes and try to interpret
what looks to me like the stuff my pre-schoolers did way back when I worked in Childcare but now they call it art and make a
fortune of money selling finger paintings LOL)
GO FOR IT LOVELY! I'm here on & off between home duties. I often return in the middle of our nights as I'm sitting sentry.
OH...before I go...I'll add...
I'm an Aussie.
I live in Australia. The land down under.
So while I'm typing this (over my mid-morning coffee break between household chores) it is
So I probably won't be back on for about 10 hours.
I'm back but nobody's home LOL
Sorry D.D, that I haven't responded until now. That is so cool that you're from Australia! I'm in the United States, so I guess when I'm sending this, it is 3:51 p.m my time, but it is probably dark, where you are. So, have you ever been married? The reason, I ask is because you said above that you haven't met your prince charming. Once I thought I met Prince Charming but that went nowhere. And it broke my heart. But now I just hope and pray that he is out there. Because honestly I'm the type of old fashioned gal that thinks that I should have been married at 18! :) Ridiculous, I know, but I've always wanted to be married and have children. One time I had my palm read by my friend and she said I wouldn't have children until I was 36! She wasn't a professional palm reader or anything, so I hope that is incorrect!
Hi American Girl,
Thank you for responding. I was sadly starting to think the bum was falling out of this forum.
I was very keen to move out of home young. Dad was gone before I was 12.
It was just myself and my Mother as my two siblings had been tossed out by Mum earlier in the piece.
My Mother has been a difficult and complicated lady.
Let me put in terms a young one such as yourself will understand 'Mum was/is bat shit crazy'.
Yes. I married young. Not by old world 'young' standards. My Grandmother married at 18 years.
But perhaps I was considered young by modern time standards. I was 22. He was 25. If memory serves.
We thought we knew what we were doing LOL. Together for 8 years in total. Had a longish engagement
approx. 18 months to be able to afford the small and not elaborate wedding.
I had my daughter at 23.5 years old. He first left us when she was just weeks old. Saying that he'd decided
marriage wasn't for him. I was devastated! Then he came back a couple of weeks later.
Only to leave us for good 5 days before her first Birthday. I was planning her big family/friend party.
The invitations had gone out. This time he didn't return. He didn't even phone or show up for her big day:(
Now as a very worn out and old 55 years (hopefully a bit wiser) I realise we were both way too young! Understatement.
This birdy had barely stretched her wings let alone left the nest. This fledgling hit the ground hard.
Therefore I would recommend 'having some freedom, travel and experience of young adult life before tying
yourself down to a permanent state of full on 'responsibility'. Don't wish your youth away. Don't throw it away.
Young love disappears way too quickly whereas obligation, duty and sacrifice are forever!
I had a head filled with Cinderella dreams and empty purse. I couldn't afford the rent nor bills.
Baby and her Mummy had to move into Government funded shitty housing in rough areas. Baby girl was very sick often.
She was born allergic to everything. Specialists and Hospital stays. Life became very serious and full on difficult
When she was 2 or 3 can't quite remember the time line correctly I was bathing my toddler when a stranger
turned up at my door and served papers on me. Her Father was going for custody! It has been a long and scary ride.
Suffice to say he didn't win. He got supervised access granted (because she didn't even know him and was a toddler).
He turned up for access only a couple of times. Then he stopped coming. So my daughter has never really known her Father.
Quite tragic really. Not exactly the Fairy Tale. More like 'Happy NEVER after'.
***Funny Story we (daughter and I) laugh about now. As a tradition since she was born every Easter we'd take a
long bus ride and then an even longer train ride to the coast (we've never owned a car).
We'd stay for two weeks in a relatives BEACH FRONT unit. Right on the sand! It wasn't super fancy but to us it was!
It was small but we LOVED IT THERE just the two of us alone together. HAPPY MEMORIES!
Anyway, when she was 15 and we were on our annual Easter vacay. We decided to catch a bus and go shopping.
Standing at the bus stop waiting for our route we could see a blurry figure in the distance running towards
the bus stop we were standing at. I could see this bus (not our number) was fast approaching. So being a good Samaritan
I flagged it down for the person.
The bus pulled up and waited at the stop for him. He got closer. I stood back and let him get on his bus.
He smirked at me. As the bus pulled away from the stop my daughter stated 'that mangy hippy didn't even say Thank You'.
I turned to her and said 'that mangy hippy is your Father'.
Our bus pulled up, we paid and sat down. I was worried about her silence. I turned to her concerned and said 'are you ok?
do you want to talk about it?'. She responded with 'hope your standards have improved Mum'. We both burst out laughing.
She last saw him at age 3 years therefore she didn't recognise him. I however very nearly 's _ it my pants when he came
into full view'.
Post script: He wasn't a mangy hippy when we were together! Quite the opposite in fact LOL
There you go Hayleigh. I've chatted your ear off. You'll wish to be lonely after me.
Hi!! It's so cool to think that I have a friend in Australia! I do love to hear your stories and talk to you. That was a very funny story. It kind of sounds like my situation with my mom. But I never knew my dad. I mean I'm 23 years old and my mom still wants me to believe that a stork brought me to her or that she prayed hard to have me. What she doesn't know is that I took sex education in my junior year of high school, so I know. But that's a dirty word in our house. And I honestly just don't care to know my mothers sperm donor a.k.a biological "father". I feel that he didn't love me enough to stick around, when there were things at school for dads when I was young and everybody else had a dad except for me. And that was a very hard thing for me to go through as a kid. My mom should have told me. You said your mother is bat shit crazy, well my mother is the queen of all bar shit crazy moms. If she knew that I was talking to you, I'd be dead meat.
She is the reason I had to break up with my boyfriend. So a little back story. I was in gymnastics when I was younger and everybody thought I was Olympic material and destined to be an Olympian. But it's like after a while that just didn't seem realistic to me anymore , I mean I was literally terrified to do any skills. So in my gym we had a boys and girls team and of course I liked one of the guys on the team. I told him one day and three days later he said he liked me too. I told him that I really wasn't supposed to have a boyfriend because sex and boys are a no-no in my house. We went on just liking each other for months and he wanted to start dating and going out but I was scared because I didn't want to tell my mom. And my mom is kind of prejudice and I told you I'm hispanic and he was like middle eastern, so she wouldn't have been happy if I showed him to her. Well I had this coach who didn't like me because I had a bad knee injury and it was her fault. So she told my mom that I was having an inappropriate relationship with one of the boys and I mean really we were two 15 year olds at the time, it was just a sweet puppy love romance, it never went to an inappropriate level.
She was just feeding my mom all this garbage. And when I got home that night, it was the worst night of my life, I had never been so terrified in my entire life like I almost had a heart attack. She told me never to talk to him again and being the rebellious person that I still am today. I thought Hell no! He's my boyfriend. So I kept on talking to him, we kind of took it easy for only two weeks but he realized that they shouldn't tell not to talk to each other. So it started escalating a little more and one day I tild him that I loved him and he said it back. We were good sneaky people though, I mean we didn't talk at all inside the gym but when we were done then we would talk so it wouldn't be considered "inappropriate." But that coach that hated me she tried to change our hours that we ended on us. What I mean so we all use to end at 8:00pm cause that's when the gym would close, but she had it changed to where the boys would end at 7:00pm and the girls would end at 8:30pm. I mean just such a bitch like really she wanted to sabotage and destroy a 15 year old relationship? I never told my mom that the hours changed but I told my coach that my mom had to pick me up at 8:00 which was a lie. So for months I got to spend an hour alone with my boyfriend and I was in heaven because I felt that I finally had gotten away with something! :) But of course that came crashing down too. One day the coach caught us and told my mom again and my mom found his moms email and she told her off and the next day I went back to gym and I tried to play it off as nothing and my boyfriend didn't even talk to me. He got all of his stuff and he left and never came back. To this day that story is still so hard to repeat because i was only fifteen, I had just started my period the emotional roller coaster from that and then losing my boyfriend. My mom still throws in my face to this day like she's so proud that she made my life miserable I mean who does that? For 6 years I went to hell and back with all of that constantly replaying in my head and thinking that I could never love somebody because of her. I hope she feels good at the end of the day knowing that she intentionally broke her daughters heart.
Okay so now I have officially talked your ears off! Sure you still want to talk because there are years of baggage that I've held onto and nobody cares to hear it. We don't even know each other.
I hear you Hayleigh.
I care to listen.
I can relate.
Oh boy! I know. I get it.
I'm going to respond in full a little later.
Just wanted you to know that I'm not ignoring you.
Type away. Get it out. I'll be back ASAP. HUG FOR YOU!
Thank you so much XOXO!
I wish I could meet you cause I don't think of you as like a grandma, my mom is around the same age as you
Please don't think I haven't responded because I have.
Sadly I typed out a long reply to you. Took over an hour.
I'm having issues with this site (and others).
This forum keeps shutting my thread down and I have to keep
asking them to re instate me.
I was in email and the screen just went black when I was typing.
Ebay issues also.
My daughter says I've been hacked. She says their is a bug in
my computer and I'll need to buy a new one.
I didn't have any anti virus in here. I'm not good with technology.
I'll be back. I'm lucky it let me type this. Now hopefully when I
hit send it won't go blurry and then say 'deactivated account' like the
last two times.
I hope you are well and happy,
will come back ASAP.
DD, it's not us - your account isn't de-activated. No reason to be, for a start.
You could try emailing Richard ("Support" drag-down menu situated on the green banner above, choose Technical Support) just to double-check?
My daughter helped me fix my computer.
It was a virus situation which had to be
removed from the control panel.
Hope you are going along ok.
Thinking of you,
Thank you. Thinking of you too ❤️❤️❤️
If glad that you daighter helped you fix your computer too!
Been a little bogged down here. Life overwhelming me.
I feel so sorry for your situation.
Worse still that your 'young Love' got thwarted.
I seriously wish I could remember all of the contents of the
extremely long message I'd typed out for you before my computer screen went black and
I vividly do remember however with great clarity my first couple of young love
experiences. It burns. Many tears.
You won't appreciate this next comment but the experiences of 'young love' sure do make for some good
'the one which got away' romance tales to tell your future Grandkids.
I'd title this one the tale of your 'Secret Love'.
By that stage in your life it won't hurt anymore and you'll actually tell
it with a smile on your face realising how sweet, naïve, and a pinch of foolish you were at the time.
MIND that is NOT a criticism. It is EXACTLY how you should be at this age and stage in your life.
My Mum didn't make it easy either.
Alas, as a Mother myself I know our actions can some times seem
unreasonable and we may lose our cool at you a bit but it
honestly comes under the heading of 'wanting the best for you',
'trying to help you not make a mistake like we did'.
We just haven't done this insurmountable task before (been a Mother ourselves)
and so we go in blindly and stumble, trip, stumble, trip hoping we are getting
it right along the way. More often than not Mums will stuff up too.
The book writers tell you how to feed and change a nappy but don't really cover
that heart wrenching, tugging feeling that overwhelms you as a Mother.
When the weight of the responsibility gets a bit much sometimes we may be prone
to lose our shit at our child. WE SHOULD NEVER DO THIS! Sadly though we do.
Don't forget Lovely that Mum may be a bit messed up herself. Baggage, emotional damage.
It manifests just under the surface. Panic makes Mothers 'lash out angrily'.
YOU ARE LOVED! It may be pushed deep down inside her due all the worries of being a Mother.
I think perhaps sometimes Mum anger stems from fear and panic.
It is a huge responsibility holding another persons heart in your hands.
You mustn't let it be crushed, dropped or stomped on.
Brace yourself for corny coming!
Do you know the song 'A Good Heart' by Feargal Sharkey?
If this particular young love didn't turn out then it is the cosmos
stepping in because the right person for you is still out there
waiting for the time to be right before he/she/they (whatever pronoun you go by)
enters your life. You can't speed up your destiny.
Don't feel unusual about not knowing your Father. This is commonplace these days.
My daughter knows of him but never really 'knew him'. Saw him only a handful of times as a tot.
My Daughter has said to me when I ask her whether she regrets not having contact with her Dad
'Nope Mum. You can't miss what you haven't known' then she added 'You believe I missed out Mum but did I really?
You base this concern off the fact that you had a Father present up until 12 but he turned out to be a dud who
left a trail of damage behind him so in essence I dodged a potential bullet to the heart'.
My girl often talks in riddles and it can be difficult to decipher what she means but I think I get what she was saying there.
I'm not much of a support (better guidance is out there to be had rather than mine) but I come and go here
and I'm ALWAYS happy to chat with you BIG HUG!
Thank you so much for your sweet response. You honestly had me crying because never in my life have I had my mom talk to me the way you did, like with such love and understanding. I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to talk and respond to me. I understand where you are coming from but my mom is not normal like your typical mom. My mom is what I believe is the devil in disguise. She wants to make me suffer and miserable and I can't lie she is succeeding with that mission. A little back story... So back before I was born my mom had a boyfriend and he went to Mexico for a couple of weeks but they were planning a trip to Las Vegas so she lost a bunch of weight before he came back because she was planning to also have sex with him and she did. What's funny is that as far back as I can remember my mom always told me she hated kids and she hates me. She also told me she was going to get an abortion and I was literally about to get my brains sucked out and she changed her mind. And if you know my mom like I do she loves money and her dad was rich and I feel that she changed her mind because he threatened not to leave her any money because my aunt did the same thing she got married and had a kid fast. I know you mean well because you don't understand but if you were a fly on the wall and saw my life and what I have been through you would understand. I have had knives thrown at me, I've been choked, a can opener thrown at me and stabbed my leg, beaten with a bat. A normal mothet would not do that. So when I say that she is bat shit crazy and if she found out that I was on the internet talking to you, you would little see me as another victim on a dateline, or 48 hours show. I don't know if you know what that is because it's an American shows.
OMG! It did it again.
I just typed you the hugest message.
It just disappeared forever when I pressed click once to submit?
Sorry Hayleigh. I just don't know what to do about this submission problem
which keeps repeating.
It disappears into the abyss.
I type for about 45mins. My Rheumatoid arthritis in my fingers is really hurting now.
It sent this message so why not the long one I did.
Perhaps they are too long?
Fact it just took me 4 attempts to get it to send this submission.
SM said I need to talk to Richard (runs this forum I think).
I have to go as I'm super exhausted from the Nursing Home Visit today
and the stress, heat wave and two dogs in tow really takes it out of me.
I'm no spring chicken anymore LOL
Hope it will send this message.
If so, then it is the long entries it is tossing out and refusing to submit.
Lovely, I had typed such a long response.
I'm super sorry you didn't receive it.
I'll try again some time later.
I'm just exhausted.
But I do know! My Mother was the same. Devil inside.
I had violent parents. Both Mum & Dad physically & verbally.
Seen heaps of stuff & experienced what no daughter ever should have
You need to rescue you. I don't know how you'll do it but Lovely
you MUST find a way.
You deserve your own life. You deserve freedom. You deserve to be loved for real XO
Hayleigh, DD is knackered so tomorrow onwards I'll take over for her.
Meanwhile, though, now that you know what 'loneliness' can be code for - please read THEA1, our newest visitor:
Tomorrow (today), would you like me to paste your link into hers and invite her to come on over and chat/compare notes?
Yes please if you could that would help me out because I don't know why it won't let me copy and paste into the box.
Right, I'll get right on it!
And I'm thinking the time has come, now, that we need a thread for purely socialising on, what with there being a worldwide loneliness epidemic going on (oh, yeah, baby, it's not just you and the other few here, it's TOO many...and it's not good for your heart)
So....let me think it through, the logistics side, a little and get back to you all on that as the founding group - if you each like?). And then, tonight (I'm waiting for an important phonecall at the mo) I'll re-read this thread and give you my thoughts, etc.
I'll inite them onto here, actually - just temporarily. I'll ask DD to be thread creator-moderator-poster.... Or she can just read it here (LOL)...getting my ether and fresh air mixed up a bit there (I'm knackered...heavy weather today)...
I've invited and pasted your link to:
And a brand-newbie called Monika (although she's having log-in problems at the mo) whoseso-called friends poo-ed on her from a great height on her b-day (last week).
Now we wait for them to toddle over...
(That's 3 or 4 of you - good start It can be evryone's R&R Room. You could meet 'there' on a Saturday night. :))
(Sorry - typo: Monica with a C.)
But will Doggy Dilemma still talk to me because she really has been helping me and I want our chat to be separate from any other chats with other people. You know I feel comfortable with her and like I can open up but with other people, it won't be as personal as it is with Doggy Dilemma. So maybe the lonely thing can be put on someone else's thread but I think I just want this one to be private between me and DD
The honest answer; Haleigh, is, I just don't know. She seems to have created a drama out of nothing and abandoned forum.
You need to be know, however, that she's abandoned forum multiple times before, under different aliases, which, if you read the opening quarter of her thread, you'll see discussed. And then read again from 19th October 19:33 - and especially from 21st at 08:54.
I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I thought this time she'd settled down and was intending to stay.
I undertand what you're saying, but, although I don't have the time nor the freedom to talk about myself in terms of potentially identificatory details, I'm still here for you, though, as much as I'm able.
And don't forget that in the meantime, you're free to respond to other Thread owners with problems or issues that you can imagine having or relate to.
Please don't take her abandonment personally. I'm not.
I would like to discuss your dynamic with your mother with you, though? Have a think and let me know. (((((Hug)))))
PS: What I can tell you is that I'm a parent (divorced, awarded main custody) with a young-adult child roughly your own age (other parent a covert narcissist), and very much on the side of kids, especially what's known as ACONS.
And I don't abandon posters (unless they're unready/uncooperative). I wait until they can fly solo and, well, fly the nest, basically. See 9-year thread with Lily31 :
PPS: should mention: the good news is, now that Winter's approaching, I should have a lot more time to post.
Referring to this:
The honest answer; Haleigh, is, I just don't know. She seems to have created a drama out of nothing and abandoned forum.
You need to be know, however, that she's abandoned forum multiple times before, under different aliases, which, if you read the opening quarter of her thread, you'll see discussed. And then read again from 19th October 19:33 - and especially from 21st at 08:54.
I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I thought this time she'd settled down and was intending to stay.
YIKES! That from SM has both shocked and hurt me. It wasn't necessary. Hope she hasn't turned you away from me?
Starting with I WAS having computer issues. I DID indeed type long messages to you Lovely & it lost them when I hit
Only one night have I not come on here and done what SM asked me to do. I spent that evening packing.
I could not sleep due to the neighbours doing an all night loud party. I chose to give some space for one night on
my computer (even with my doll store) because I needed to clear my head.
YES. I originally came on this forum a long time back pretending to be a woman with issues with her Partner.
I was having a really hard time dealing with both my family and most especially my daughter at the time was
I did aliases because she told me that these forums are dangerous. That I should NEVER go on them nor put any
She had been reading over my shoulder and got into my computer at the time when I wasn't home.
Daughter and I were going through a rough patch.
So to get advice and protect our identities for safety precautions I did use aliases. I didn't want my daughter to
discover nor read what I was saying about her. She is a computer wizard. Knows how to get into everything.
I've NEVER DENIED that I have issues. That is why I started on here a long time back.
JUST LIKE YOU HAYLEIGH I'VE GOT NOBODY TO CONFIDE IN OR JUST CHAT TOO TO CLEAR MY HEAD SPACE.
I think you are Lovely. I feel for your situation. I can relate.
You can type a million entries and I will read and respond as soon as I can.
I have recommenced my doll store.
I run to the Nursing Home every few days.
I am packing in preparation for a Transfer out of this hell hole.
I do housework, shopping, cooking and dog duties just like everybody.
I have many health issues which make me feel very sick every single day.
These honest truths are reasons why I may delay in responding.
I AM HERE FOR YOU! I wish I could talk to you somehow outside of here as friends. Not problem page.
I HAVE NOT ABANDONED YOU! NOR WOULD I.
I will add (as I've stated on each thread I've responded to previously) that I do not have
any qualifications to advise you in regards to dealing with your Mum and life situation.
Which is VERY serious.
The best person to help you out there is SM. Which I told you.
SM is a mastermind. Knows so much psychology. A whiz at it. I've always been impressed.
I've always been appreciative.
Their advice and guidance (for free) is priceless.
I've tried not to be 'all about me' even though my venting has been OTT.
It has helped me enormously just to get issues off my chest.
It has helped me tremendously to be heard.
I've been a genuine 'mess' for a long time now.
I'm just an everyday person who can't deal with her own issues therefore
went on this forum a long time back needing an outlet and hoping to be heard.
What I also needed was 'friends'.
I thought it was ok to chat here in general but I guess I misunderstood that it is
only for big issues and problems.
You are NOT alone. Strangers are here for you. Why? because when you reach a certain age
then you start to see the bigger picture. All that really matters in this life is being kind and
Lovely, I can't really 'help' you per se. No skills. As I've said 'I can't help myself'. If I
could then I wouldn't have reached out (like you have) in the first place. I can't advise what
next move you should take with your Mum because I'm fearful of endangering you or giving you a
bum steer in the wrong direction.
When I'm not around on here there are others reading who hopefully will answer.
I'm not going anywhere unless they chuck me off here or block me or whatever.
You sound like such a dear girl. Yes as SM said 'a Sweetheart'. A young woman such as yourself
in the situation you are in is really sad. I want you to get help. SM knows I'm not the best
person for the job. But I am friend material or at least I hope I am with my dramas and all.
Hey for you I'll break rules. Throw care to the wind. Too bad about privacy.
I know you are 'Hayleigh'.
Nice to officially meet you Lovely.
Such a pretty name, it's part of my dog's middle name. I do love talking to you and I understand that you are not able to answer me right away and I totally don't expect that. For one, you're in Australia and I am in the US, so we're in completely different time zones and two you have a life and I know you probably have a job and have other things to do. So please don't apologize. :) I also hope you understand why I can't answer you right away either because I am also not on my Ipod 24/7 and don't even get a chance to check everyday. I wish that we could talk outside of this too. I just want a friend to talk to and I found that in you. I don't want to be psycho analyzed by someone, I just want things to be casual. My situation is serious but I don't believe that a psychologist could make things any better. You just talking to me with sympathy has helped me so much and I don't understand SM message above and what the point of it was?
Thanks for responding.
Is one of your dogs middle names really 'donna'?
You have 5! OMG. Put me to shame.
I have one (middle sized dog) and my daughter has a puppy not yet one year old
who she dotes on and has spoilt rotten. A yappy little bugger. At first I
thought oh my gosh this puppy is so different to Raya in behaviour however
now she has grown on me.
What breeds, sizes and full names (if you want to reveal their names I understand
the need for anonymity on here).
I gave our dogs nicknames only. Raya (we share her really) our big girl & Essie (my daughters she's a petite).
Though I've probably stuffed up and said it somewhere in my long, wordy posts previously.
I have 2 Lhasa Apsos named Prince and Coco. A havapoo (havanese/poodle) named Calais. A belgian malonois/ german shepherd mix named Molly Marie. And my new puppy that is an Irish Setter named Bella Rue Donna.
Do you watch Youtube? What is your favorite content to watch and who is your favorite?
Hello Honey Jumble (that is a sweet biscuit here),
I'm boring (warn you upfront).
I watch songs and their clips on you tube often. A vast variety. I love PINK (singer been to her concerts).
I watch crafts (how to's) on you tube often.
I watch 'Girl With The Dogs' on you tube often.
Happy Dog on FB.
Cooking on you tube with B.Dylan Hollis.
I watch Tyler Henry.
I watch Kitty Flannigan.
I watch Katherine Ryan.
You might not know any of these?
I really enjoy our chats and look forward to hearing from you (when you can).
Cheers for now Lovely:)
PS Hope Mum is treating you alright at the moment?
My Mother was a right proper b*t*h today at the nursing home LOL
I'd like to lie and say it was her dementia but it wasn't.
She was super lucid and like her old self.
The head of the dementia department (Tracey) who I befriended
quit out of the blue after 32 years.
I said 'oh hell was it Mum made you go?'.
My favorite Youtubers are Its the Donnellys. I have been watching their channel for 8 years now. It's really good. And I'm in love with their son Brennan, he is so gorgeous and so sweet. I hope someday I will marry him. I know its weird but I feel like I've known him my whole life. I always put it out there that I am going to marry him then maybe something in my life will finally go my way.
Other youtubers I like are: Jess Conte (she's from Australia), Kelly Strack, Sydney Cummings, Christina Randall (if you love true crime, you should waych her), Farmhouse on Boone, The East Fam, The Scott Fam, Feel good foodie, and Donia luvs u. There are probably a lot more but those are my go-to.
Things with my mom are so bad. She is like sick or something, IDK what is wrong woth her and she is driving me crazy!!! She always tells me I'm a horrible person because she expects me to read her mind and make food for her. She treats me like a slave and I'm so done! She has had these things on her back and I don't know what they are. They're like scabs or its shingles I really don't know. She has had them since 2011 and every night she picks the scabs off to make them bleed. She use to have me peel them off for her because she likes to eat them. Really disturbing, I know. But one day I was like thinking to myself are you stupid or something? You're going to peel this thing off and what if she bleeds to death and then I get blamed for it. And I know that's what my mom wants, she doesn't want me to be happy. So I think it got infected now and she's saying that she's going to have to kill me before she dies. So not getting a lot of sleep. I'm so tired!!!
Lovely I explained that I'm super happy to be your friend but all I'm capable of is 'chit chat'.
I'm actually pretty mixed up and going through a lot (the result of a mentally disturbed Mum
and her abuse for years).
As I never sought help of any kind and she went undiagnosed she was able to control many people.
She destroyed my life. I didn't leave her as I should have.
I never spread my wings and moved away to find/start my own life. I've always been 5mins down
the road from her house. This has cost me everything.
I don't want that for you.
It is time for psycho babble if this is real. You do indeed need help of some kind as it is
way not acceptable and out of the norm.
Odd stuff has been going on here. In that SM seemed to suddenly change and now vanish.
Therefore I hope there will be somebody here (reading your posts) that can offer suggestions,
advice or help for what a young lady such as yourself is supposed to do in this situation.
I am clueless. I feel so disturbed from what I just read.
I also worry because soon I'm going to go to Hospital for awhile.
I've been sick all day. I need two follow up operations to the one I just in April.
Also investigations into a breast lump that has grown since it was discovered a number
of weeks ago.
On top of this I'm worried about my daughter, the neighbours and Mum at the Nursing Home.
I'm just not the person in the right head space to cope with knowing a lovely young woman
such as yourself is experiencing all that you've mentioned.
I'm going to have to implore (any adult out there with skills handling this type of trauma
to step in and advise Hayleigh what she should do).
I only want what is best for you Lovely. This post you made has me so worried.
Don't disappear. I'm your far away friend. These issues however do need addressing by
a qualified person. XO
I'm so sorry!! I didn't mean to unload on you when you already have so much on your plate. We'll just stick to chit chat.
So what I said about Youtubers above was: my favorite channel is its the donnellys. I have been watching for eight years now and I feel like I know them. I'm in love with their son Brennan. He is so sweet and so gorgeous but I know I don't deserve him. One day somehow someway I'm going to marry him. I put it out there so that something I want in my life, it will go my way.
Other youtubers I like are Jess Conte ( shes from Australia), Kelly Strack, Christina Randall ( if you like true crime, you should watch her), Feel good foodie, Sydney Cummings, Farmhouse on Boone, the East family, the Scott Family and Donia luvs u. Those are just a few of my favorites.
My favorite music artists are Michael and Janet Jackson. Kacey Musgraves, Lainey Wilson, and Megan Moroney.
Not familiar with 'the donnelly's' but went and took a look. Brennan seems like a nice young fella. Not bad looking either LOL
Couldn't believe this surname. Exact same surname as a boy I went with and was totally head over heels in love with when I was
17 through to 19years of age. I thought we'd get engaged, married, kids. Nope! Sadly:( Didn't work out.
What ended it was an incident when I woke up in his bed and he was holding a loaded gun at my temple. NEVER RUN SO FAST IN MY LIFE!
That is an interesting way to break up with somebody you thought you knew well LOL
Jess Conte is a lovely young woman.
Michael and Janet Jackson have some cool songs.
Enjoy Megan Moroney's song 'I'm Not Pretty'. Sad but true lyrics.
Did you date someone with the last name Donnelly? That is so weird. If you would have married him you would have been Donna Donnelly. That's actually really pretty. :) I know it's probably so weird to fall in love with someone over the internet and my friend thinks I'm crazy. But I can't help it. I mean for eight years it's like they have shared everyday of their lives so even though we have never met, I feel like I've known them my while life. Last year my mom and I sent them Christmas presents and they actually sent a card back to me. This is what I love about you Donna, it's like I can actually crush on a guy and not be ridiculed for it. And I can tell you everything and it's like I get your experience and wisdom from being a mom. ❤️U
And I love Megan Moroneys song I'm not pretty. I like singers with like a raspy, rough voice. My favorite of her's though is "The girl in the mirror" because it's like my song.
My favorite Lainey Wilson song is: Things a man oughta know.
My favorite Kacey Musgraves song is: Someone to love.
But I also love every song from her Golden Hour album.
My favorite Michael Jackson song is: Dirty Diana.
My favorite Janet Jackson song is: love will never do without you.
It is thing. For young ones. Crushing on a guy on TV or whatever medium/network.
I confess (being so young you won't have a clue who I'm talking about) but many a
guy over the years this silly woman you're talking to crushed on.
Character: Brandon Walsh
Real Life: Jason Priestly (when super young now a days getting a bit weather worn as we do!)
Show: Beverly Hills 90210
at the time all the girls dreamed about the character Dylan played by Luke Perry & I admit he was hot HOWEVER
there is no way I'd have thrown Brandon out of my bed for eating cookies and dropping the crumbs.
He melted my butter. I even considered when I was pregnant with my daughter that if this baby
turns out to be a boy I'm going to name him 'Brandon'. My husband did not agree. Probably jealous LOL
No harm in dreaming Hayleigh.
Imagination can be a good thing.
Gets you through the tough times.
Like a little bit of Disney Magic brings joy to the little ones.
I NEVER really grew up mentally. Could be more than half my issues.
Been told many a time I live in a dream world.
Yeah well my answer to them would be the real world and the people in it scare the s*it out of me.
We NEED people with imagination, believing in romance still and a dash of magic.
The World would be impossible to live in nor cope with if it weren't for it.
We don't tell the Steven Spielberg's (Movie makers), Lyricists (song writers), Novelists (story writers)
nor the artists (especially the Jackson Pollocks who do abstracts) that they are 'mad' do we?
Instead the World embraces them and gives them Awards/Prizes.
I am a member of a huge doll club (over 10,000 members in it).
We write bios for our dolls. Giving them names, characters, personalities, star signs and we do
life like dioramas for them. There are regular photo comps to enter. In this club is men/women
of all types/pronouns. I've been called 'Mental' for it. However this escapism has saved my sanity
from my own horrid reality many a time.
I thank God or whatever it is out there for giving me an 'imagination'. Without it I would not survive!
No, definitely not young enough for 90210! I think Brandon was so hot!! But unfortunately I wasn't a 90's kid. I have been loving everything 90's latley like especially hair and makeup.
Was Brandon your favorite character or did you have another favorite?
I like Brandon and Donna the best!
I have a love hate relationship with Brendas character. She can just be so bitchy.
I'm the same as you though like even if I didn't marry Brennan, whoever I do marry and have a son I would name him Brennan because I think it's such a pretty name.
But I think with high profile celebrities, it's kind of hard to be realistic about really ever getting with them because you know like how would even get in touch with them. Youtubers are just normal everyday people. I personally don't think of them as celebrities. I mean I just sent them a present and got a personal letter from Brennan and his family.
(Please excuse this interruption for a moment, Kaleigh, but this is an 'open-plan' venue, meaning, wherever one makes a mistake(s), regardless of in front of whom, is where they're called-out on it (you're new, you wouldn't know this.)
First-off, there's no emotion nor personal feelings contained in this message, it's purely a response to factual observation under call of duty, so, please imagine Spock's voice... albeit, Spock frustrated, displeased, disapproving... which was and has been my same tone throughout, with you, despite to-date you've projected an awful lot of untrue feeling and intention onto me.
Nice try, yet again, since you first landed here, at trying to avoid culpability of consequence by making the purely logical, negative, allegedly-unwanted-yet-not-avoided result of your recent conduct, even attempting to make it sound somehow my fault or someone/something else's. But - not this time, sorry.
This time, you're going to take it on the chin like the grown woman you are - the one-hundred-percent responsibility that rightfully belongs to you, including the latest consequences you're complaining about, which, including most recently, your action(s) and yours alone have led to, in terms of obliging me to waste no time (thereby wasting my own precious time) in doing my Moderator duty by Haleigh in informing her of the too-convincing development/decision from your side, rather than have seen her kept for one minute on painful tenterhooks. I expect she's had a gutful of being made to wait, alone, in the dark, without a torch, for an (at that point) indeterminable period. Don't forget she was free at any point to go into your thread and 'stumble' upon your bowing-out statement and noises to me (- oh, yes, they were, despite your attempt to paint otherwise up there).
And as you chose to put these wholly unjust, blame-shifting comments, rather inappropriately I think, on here, rather than your thread - this is where I'm now obliged to respond, so, again, please see where your non-thought-out i.e. impulsive attitude and actions have forced me, in my forum capacity, to follow.
...Goes around - Comes around.
It's called Gestalt. And also, because it's Haleigh's business now.
However, I'm very confident that nobody cares as much as you - or I - or indeed, Haleigh - anyway, particularly as posters and lurkers are unavoidably more concerned with their own troubles, so I wouldn't even waste time worrying how you look.
Buckle-up, please, because you're getting it straight now...no more pussyfooting on my part because, if you can't take it you shouldn't dish it, every mature grown-up knows that:
1. Whether paid or for charity, I'm a consummate vocational who, underneath the some-time banter and playfulness, takes people's upset sensitivities, feelings and optimum mental health, including threats to such, deadly seriously. As does Richard because he had a choice to do something self-serving and instead, he did something wonderful for victims everywhere and anywhere.
All I myself have have 'done - where other forums/moderators, in view of your consistently bad conduct record would have given you short shrift before sending you away - is trust and take you at your word. Albeit, you've just set me straight and therefore right back on that score with your latest responsibility-deflecting, because it's a bit of a betrayal. You have been *choosing* to make a drama out of too many innocent or benign interactions and actions on my part, including calling my merely factual, non-sugar-coated (but, as you're aware, very mild for me) reprimands as too harsh, as if to suggest unwarranted and over-the-top....me just being a Meanie for no reason, out of nothing.
Hardly. And that'd be a first.
Never mind your mouth, even - IT'S YOUR ACTIONS. Whether in-isolation or -tandem or based on your past record with us.
Maybe, thanks to your family, you're stuck in a rut of passive-aggression (which contrary to modernday vernacular, is NOT related to Covert-aggression - you can google the difference)... I don't know. I'm just doing my job because you're stepping over too many lines now.
2. For prime example: Your latest, current thread - very opening post - very opening statement:
"I believe I may need genuine Help. I just can't seem to get it anywhere."
I BELIEVE I MAY NEED GENUINE HELP. Then launching (logically) straight into...well - less launching and more, cryptic broaching - your personal problems.
Not - 'SOMEONE MOREOVER TO CHEW THE FAT WITH'.
(Or do you 'buy 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife'? No... exactly. And it's not as if there aren't social media a-plenty out there, meaning that coming here (again) instead, in spite of all that'd happened before, spoke encouraging volumes. Albeit, I'm now discouraged.)
So...I chose to believe you one last time (and said so), and have already spent a great deal of time and effort on you since - meaning, from start to finish we've been at wholly cross-purposes, fully-knowingly only on your part. (Yuh!...that was always going to end well (not).)
But again, too many of your total actions, more than not have been contradicting or hypocrisising your words and claims.
Now you're here on Haleigh's thread, seemingly 'where you'd secretly wanted all along to be. Good, great, excellent - happy ending (hopefully)...
However, as I say, by anyone's standards of integrity, your first statement was a soliciting of my attention under false pretenses, considering you could more simply have opened with the whole truth (at last)...like Haleigh here, in the same boat but considerably younger than you, has bravely done: recognised she needs to make herself vulnerable as well as wholly cooperative on here in return for help (and/or as a sample for not being intimidated at the thought of seeking in-person, prescribed or private counselling). Free-of-charge help. By Voluntary staff with their own lives and problems (not just me).
You're going to have to follow brave suit. (Still, that's no bad thing because, as I maintain - her agegroup are upgrades on our own when it comes to boundaries and less tolerance or internalising of the Enabling kind, so - pay attention and learn, 'Sonny Jemimah', is my advice; she might well have more to teach you on that score than the other way 'round, and quite possibly make you dare more to give your daughter joint, adult responsibility - or at least give her a consistent test-run - in case over-frustration is her problem.)
3. At the same time, you've have had far too many, lasting experiences on here - with myself too-all-intents *exclusively* - to claim sudden realisation to Haleigh that our business really does adhere to our namesake: people's *problems*.
It's for Haleigh's sake (youngsters trapped still at home are true, 100% victims, whom have to come first, always, before any damage becomes long-lasting), *then* your own, in that order (Nature's dictat), that I'm giving you two special dispensation to simply chat randomly, freely, non-structuredly, off-topic, and as free-flowing/darting-around as you please, as a one-off exception to the rule (we obviously don't want this turning into a socialising venue).
Chatting on here as opposed to the proper place - the Chat Room - is usually simply whistling *while you work*, to make it more fun, ...on-the-side, never the main dish. And the leading ethos in that respect is: Work first - play second (or in the background *only* if you can multi-task inside your head as much as out thus stay focused on problematic-topic). Plus, people in agony don't tend to want to have a laugh or chit-chat first and foremost; they want the 'arterial spurt' stemmed, a fast-acting anasthetic for the pain, and medicine for the psyche and soul, now-now-now. When they feel better - of if they're resourceful thus coping - THEN they tend to slide into playfulness and socialising a bit. Otherwise,.....mayhem...emphasis on fun predominant, and a lot of frustrated, waiting posters with actual problems not getting a soon-enough look-in and, at surface sight, believing we're *not* (despite small/boutique) the most consistently caring, morally and socially responsible forum ever (certainly in my copious experience!) - our continually self-demonstrating USP.
I've explained this to you more than once, many a time before "Mental" and since, and therefore do not want to see you acting as if you need it explained all over again for the Nth time. My requests have been too simple to grasp. Plus I refuse to divert my attention from people willing or actually desperate to cooperate, to have to teach any adult how to behave in a public, group setting, to the frequency and degree that feels like deliberate not listening, taking on-board, abiding, instead "whoopsie-daisying' followed by playing dumb and innocent and just constantly misunderstood, poor them... all basically amounting to insulting my skills, experiences and intelligences.
Again: not misunderstood. Believed. Trusted. Letting me down again (again, again). But gaining nothing when I'm not wired to find it a massive hassle nor let anything slide even if it were. I nip in the bud, not look the other way "for a quiet life". Prevention is what brings a quiet life. And that takes work, just not as much as the great steaming mess that the latter stupidly and avoidably causes.
It's pointless for anyone to try to hide information, including by generally refusing/avoiding cooperating, especially here. You end up the loser (as in, losing a golden opportunity) and, worse - a self-made one. Ok? This is by no means our first time around, so again, it's useless to curl up in a ball and feign total surprise, any time I try to pull you up over your difficult or downright mis-behaviour, in accordance with my primary role here (Mod first, poster second). I mean, this is just to galling for anyone with any sense of justice:
"YIKES! That from SM has both shocked and hurt me. It wasn't necessary. Hope she hasn't turned you away from me?"
(Not.) (No, it hasn't, you've many a time had to take worse from me.) (Yes, it was - and *I* will decide what's necessary or not....so here you go AGAIN-again-again!) (However, if "I" have, that's Haleigh's decision, based on an overall so-far impression, which, again, you and only you had control over yet instead chose to push your luck over. Your bad again and my simply official call to deal with it.)
If you act-up in front of another poster, on their thread, that's where you'll get pulled up. Just common sense even if I hadn't forewarned you every time/alias. So how's about you do what it takes, finally, by being on best behaviour, switching from over-high to LOW-maintenance, for HER sake if not your own or your daughter's (least of all, mine)? Simple - do as everyone else knows to do/refrain from doing....problem over!
4. In the same way, I've had to KEEP asking you (I've now lost count how many times now!), NOT to immediately launch in with visitors, about their needing to wait solely for me as "the professional" and/or only person qualified...and meanwhile, 'crappy, useless you' will have to do and please excuse-you for breathing' because, like just now to Haleigh, 'you're not qualified'.
SERIOUSLY? This begs the question, have you even been reading or taking-in anything I've said to you that wasn't purely for (in your opinion) your benefit?
How many times, DD, have I told you, again just days ago, that you *are* - *experientially* - *highly*? This is not a rhetorical question, I would like your answer with an explanation of why you are STILL insisting on persisting - yes, INSISTING on saying it LIKE a script! - even now. Seriously, are you a Joanna Schmoe or a competitor?
It's unbefitting and for starters, that depth of divulging or describing this forum's purpose when evidence, natural or self-contrived, shows you're still ignorant of how it works and nor is it remotely your call. (Yuh, great welcome, great impression.) So if it is lack of confidence or ineptness - *why didn't you wait for me*? Anyone would have. So that's another claim that doesn't compute nor stack up with your claims and sentiments.
Ditto, in the process, persisting against wishes in offering your own stubborn opinion as if it's the forum's own self-representational norm, that this is some kind of clinic, rather than a free-for-all forum with bells on but where I contribute if need be (some detail or the whole crux problem missed or too surface-read or worse, skimmed-over, to do the poster's effort true justice).
Ditto doing it AGAIN on your thread in your (basically) 'I'm downing tools, going to concentrate on myself and play with my dolls because they can't hurt you unlike live people' statements.
To wit: "I think I shall take a back seat now and leave it rightfully to the Professionals."
Again - SERIOUSLY? STILL SAYING THAT? So I'm supposed to conclude you're - what - blind?
For the last time: It is not about 'Professionals', least of all with a capital P (new add-on I note). It's about *behaving* professionally, like one would at work....with care, caution and decorum, remembering your potential impact on other vulnerable people, more so these days than ever, thanks to the you-know-whos. It's about caring whether you tread on anyone's toes, even the once, let alone repeatedly.... basically...walking on eggshells when it's legitimately warranted.
Ditto stating, per se, that someone's problem needs a professional - like you've literally just repeated on here with Haleigh.
Hopefully, now, you're coming clear on why I've reached the end of my tether and had to have this serious talk to you that has suddenly evolved to a head.
And it always, always happens when I'm 'away from my desk' for a long enough time.
5. This unilateral decision of yours, lately, to 'shoot your mouth off' to posters, is precisely why I made it abundantly clear that we'd need a briefing meeting before you started playing 'Doorwoman' - which itself, gave you the perfect opportunity to SAY if you 'didn't really want to do it' and were 'just trying to please me'. Quite how you expected to do the latter by ignoring/defying my pointed, rightful instructions, I'm sure I don't know. Again: mouth has said A, body-language/actions have said Z.
So - you tell me because I want to know, now: why keep disregarding what I say? And why *did* you go ahead and help yourself to the reception desk, regardless?
The above are *not* the actions of someone who, quote, didn't really want to play door-hostess, now, are they.
6. So your statement back on your thread that you gave it - the role - meaning this thread included - 'a red hot go' is not true. The minute I fed-back was when you decided it wasn't for you after all (and cue statement about non-live friends, your dolls). It's not hard to join those dots.
Had you done as I asked and waited for me, and (presumably) followed my instructions thus got to apply your 'training', there'd have been no need whatsoever for any belated pointers and corrections, nor the need for you to take it badly/defeatist-ly, and - actions-wise - sound uncannily like you were 'spitting the dummy' again, to the point where denial will not be entertained.
Your bad. Your own-goal. Hence, the time has come for you to take more care. Especially considering you've told me in the past under more than one other alias, that you have had experience of forums similar to this before. (Again - mouth says one thing, actions say another.)
6. Despite the too many occasions where whatever I've said has been a compliment, you've somehow managed to twist it into a negative - to wit:
...well, basically, all through your thread from start to finish.
And how ANYONE could have read my "I'm fond of you one inch out of 12 on a 12-inch rules for the simple fact that's how little ground it's possible to know 'intimately' this soon into our acquaintanceship' sentiment, given I'd already explained I was a slow, steady bonder, is frankly beyond me and all common-sense rationale. You're obviously not interpreting then having an emotional reaction. Your emotional reaction exists beforehand and becomes the tint of glasses you view through, thereby justifying and easing a level of arousal that doesn't even make sense to *you* to ease your anxiety about it by mis-demystifying where it's come from. (Answer: the undealt with crap from your childhood now finally getting to hold the microphone.)
Here's my response:
""You only like me 1 inch out of 12 inches. Am I really so horrible?"
I like you 1 inch out of 1 inch.
I haven't had nearly enough time to get to know Inch 2, 3, 4... yet.
Did you really take that as a negative or is it just because you're in a rollercoaster dip right now? It's a compliment, ya nana. People usually get that (*shrug*)."
Again - no thought to apologise to me for having taking it negatively AND UNFLATTERINGLY TO ME, even just out of courtesy. Why not?
7. Where was - ' Oh, crikey, from the fact they felt a need to rush and warn you, to minimise your upset, I obviously gave SM the over-strong impression I was off for months and months again - I owe him/her an apology, I should have thought to make myself clearer, especially as you could have read for yourself and gained the same impression. ?? Nowhere. Just subtly trying to paint me as to blame again, but without the ammunition.
8. For I fail to see how this below chain of events *doesn't* translate to I'm abandoning this forum right now (again) - for my dolls, etc. - and automatically by-default, Haleigh, as follows:
- *You ceased posting to Haleigh up there, on the 17th Oct*....
- Then posted to me the following (going OTT with the violin-scraping, as per) (I'm sorry, but I've had a gutful now):
"Too much obvious try hard.
I suspected I'm not up to standard for the job.
Gave it a red hot go.
Please apologise to Richard for me if I was out of line
or embarrassed his Forum. That wasn't my intention.
I didn't really want the job but was trying to please and
impress because you've been so supportive of me.
I think I shall take a back seat now and leave it rightfully
to the Professionals.
I'm actually socially inept.
I do believe I've spent so much time by myself that I'm
awkward at mixing/socialising now.
Time I skulk away."
You were *not* talking purely about your presence and interaction on your own thread with me, or else it wouldn't have made one iota of sense to say you were going to leave it to the professionals. (Gotcha)
"I had a long bubble bath.
I started making doll ensembles for Halloween and Melbourne Cup.
Missed all the photo comp entries so far this year when I'm normally
right on it and in it to win it.
It felt good. Familiar, escapism.
Friends who can't hurt you. Imaginary.
Typing this yep I am a bit mental. No matter. They'll have a spare
bed in Mums Nursing Home waiting for me soon LOL"
..and you didn't return and post again to Haleigh until the 24th. Complete radio silence in between. (So, you were prepared to have her sit there for days on end, believing you HAD quite possibly gone? Or having had to ask me instead? And because I rush preemptively to her aid, that's MY fault and I'VE put her off you? Maybe now, but only because I'm pointing it all out above-the-table.)
I "getcha" every time. So stop acting-up and acting-out then fielding confrontation by immediately feeling sorry for you and only you, finally, as well as, via your 'shock-horror, poor innocent me who (effectively) only went for a quick coffee break, being accused of abandoning customer after having allowed her to bond to me'.....undermining via complaining, my rightful, reasonable, role-obligated responses to your string of behaviour, to another poster (this case, Haleigh). You are only hurting yourself in the long run if you don't change this part of your tune with immediate effect, but now *not* only...you could detriment Haleigh, and I won't allow you to risk that on here when her whole issue is her 'mother-figure', which is the dynamic at play between you.
This is a healing place, not a teething-ring nor a cushion to punch, nor where anyone is made to watch you describe things as if you're undergoing one, long, train-crash, while feeling powerless to help or know what to do, not least because you're refusing to listen. People come here because they're sick of being deprived of any sense of rightful power, agency or integrity (of the "what goes up, comes down" variety).....stability, normality, people keeping themselves under dignified and concertedly diligent control, especially when pulled up by the venue management when acting under the owner's best interests and that of his very kind provision.
I am even displeased that taking you to task, by the time I have time while this constantly busy and overwhelmed (counter to your sympathy noises to not tax myself and burn out) (haven't yet and it's been too long, but anyway), is always like separating a basketful of highly tangled reels of cotton, not even as individually meaty as that. But then, that is the "web" we weave, etc.
Again, whether you're aware you're doing it or not - it stops today. If for nothing else - for Haleigh's sake. Do you understand? That is all I want to hear you say this time. That, and, to set an example as a mature mother, a proper, sincere apology that doesn't get undone by re-committing everything I've had to mention in this post.
8. FYI, everyone* on here is going through a lot. In fact, everyone in the world. If you think about it - it's all - all of it, worldwide - an Abuse of Human Rights issue (including poor Prince Harry, even, as a victim of institutional, socially long-sanctioned narcissism, as we were all enlightened on, details-wise, today).
You yourself have noted that there are issues here that've struck you as far more grave than your own.
It's not about 'more' or 'less', however. It's about how big a stomach and appetite, thus the point at which the quantity or density of 'foie-gras-ing' you, the individual, can take before hitting that human point of "painfully too full-up"...suffering to capacity - end Of. Yet they still all seem to consistently manage to remember that they're in a public space and behave impeccably and very cooperatively toward myself and each other, like ladies and gentlemen of good breeding or genetic inheritence (or just by 'fitting-in', 'team-playing' rote). For example, when asked a direct question, they answer it. First time, twice at worst; never thrice or more because that's when I see that help is not truly wanted, that there's a hidden agenda - which you've now categorically confessed, on here.
My overall point and demand is this: I would like to see you playing things straight from now on if you're to fit in. But I trust you'll do that with Haleigh, if not with/for me. Forgive me for saying, therefore, just as a precaution, that I'd like to straight-away insist you refrain from talking about The Big S on here, too. It's very heavy for Haleigh's age...she needs to save her mental energy for getting a proper handle, emotionally, on her mother in terms of severity and, accordingly, severity of need to escape emotionally until she can escape physically. And that's where you come in: to demonstrate and bring home irreversibly a contrast between yourself and her mother, so that she can see JUST HOW BAD/OVER-HEAVY her mother's behaviour towards her is. (To that end, if I see any accidental minimising, e.g. out of ignorance (since you're not out of your own trees, not a fully-fledged survivor thus guide yet), I shall step in to correct it.) Mental illness is moreover all about DEGREES of Whats, not the What's themselves (...mostly). Nobody turns Purple in the face and starts quacking when they turn mentally out-of-kilter, downright unhealthy or irreversibly crippled. They do (mostly) only what humans do, but OTT or UTT....however-wildly too far outside of the normal, more balanced range aka healthy and rounded. They key to life is Balance - for the individual's 'weight, build and proportions' and environment.
Any more causing problems by not being straight and up-front AND AS CLEAR AS POSSIBLE in your communication and intended meanings, where could impact negatively on anyone, and I'm going to have to admit you're too much of a liability in terms of needless over-complicating, confusions and time-consumptions, i.e. too High Maintenance for a mere forum. But without bad feeling, just simply put down as due to your being in the wrong place or right place but at the wrong time (not ready to be helped or helped effectively), thereby kinder to you to let you find your true ether home OR continue putting yourself first for a change and re-starting your passion, those competitions.
What I'm saying is, this is an official but neutral-to-friendly warning.
If you truly wish to befriend and never abandon Haleigh then please prove it by from now on by not giving me any argument back. You need for H's sake to be erring on the side of caution and thinking about how what you're about to send will/could quite possibly be interpreted and understood, given what's gone on beforehand and under your past aliases as, please remember, are in plain sight for all to 'forum-search', in your thread's first third. By this, I mean the context when taking everything into account, before pressing Send, so as not to jeopardise your chance to continue your mutual learning/exploring with Haleigh, and, potentially, her own unwillingness as a direct result to continue here with someone else, along with it.
As for me as a poster-adviser, you have to look at it from mine and this forum's point of view: I tried...gave it my all - for the sixth time at least(!) over - what is it - two years?...nearly three?
(And that was the other thing: you also minimised your earlier-on, 'honest' confession when, if you're going to bother, then why not do a full one. Instead, you got defensive when I mentioned the other aliases. Answer: not as ready to have had enough of having had enough, as you or I wish you to be.)
But you still have been refusing to cooperate or comply...or maybe just aren't capable in terms of managing your own thread. E.g., failing to answer my important, salient questions, answering only what you wanted to - even when I've repeated them. I can't work like that, despite I've been persevering, waiting patiently for you to finally gain control of yourself for a protracted period, enough to 'sit up straight' and pay attention, and take me and this place, staff and customer reasons for visiting, seriously.
I don't appreciate being 'thanked' with insults, slights, and slurs, including you reacting as if I've devastated your ego every time I need to say something you might not like but have, as I say, willingly, freely walked into. Nobody likes being treated like they're a brick wall. Not on ConstantGardener's scale, obviously/thankfully...but these are your Narc Fleas, not mine...you're going to have to make an effort to improve those things to be acceptable on this forum. If not, I will be sufficiently disapleased and honest and open enough to say so and behave so. Until such time as you prove that you will do as I ask, as the keeper of good conduct, including conversational, on this forum (thinking before you speak and act). I don't have this problem with other posters. I ask a straight question/make a straight request and they comply with said, *not* difficult compliable.
So let's see how you do from now on. Let's see you start with taking this on the chin and as intended - for the good of all here present today and in future. The challenge to show what you're made of is on.
This forum is a rare gem nowadays, worth appreciating, respecting, protecting and defending.
Any more treating me or acting as if I'm trying to 'do you down' when any fool with half a braincell need only read your own thread to see me striving (futilely, it now seems) to do the very opposite and build you up - and any more acting crushed because I've gailed, against your usual type, to have fallen into instant best friendship with you when I made how I tick very clear on yours and other's plus your prior threads thus never promised you a rose garden - and I will, I'm afraid, have to delete the offending post(s).
You are not a stupid woman by any means; you've understood my repeated requests perfectly.
PS: There may well be repetitions, sorry about that. Not sorry about giving you such a lengthy reprimand, however. Needs must, and -
It's my job.
No feeling picked-on, no flouncing, just taking time to think about the truths I have told and nothing else. And then I'll know they're just habits...N-fleas.
Now looking forward to your New You response to a 'workplace' issue. The sort your 'family' couldn't manage or stomach in a month of Sundays, and who's attitudes and behaviour you wish to disassociate yourself from. Okay? And remember, I did warn you that no amount of forum-friendship would tie my hands against giving your behind a spank if ever your behaviour sorely warranted it.
I made a mistake in thinking this forum was for
general chatting as well as problems.
What made me believe this was two years ago reading
(been told since it is lurking) Lily and her clique of friends
discuss absolutely everything not just serious problems even
things like Aliens and they were all back here just a few days ago
I honestly didn't realise it is meant for deep,
intense advice only. My bad.
I truly do care about you and your situation.
I do hope you can find a way to live independently of your Mother.
I felt that you just wanted a friend 'pal' to lighten the load.
Give you a relief, outlet. Lift your spirits. I felt I could be that.
I like you very much. I implied a number of days back now that
I intended having a little break. A few days off to clear my head
and restart (after a long hiatus) that which makes me relax.
I never intended to abandon you. I am just afraid to advise (in the
area of your Mum) as I couldn't handle my own well. It does require
a Professionals direction. There is no shame nor embarrassment in
needing help with Family issues.
I feel however that I have to leave this forum.
Feel free to email me at [e-mail address removed]
if you'd like to chat.
I'll probably be in strife for having provided that on this public
page but I don't know how else to keep in touch.
In the meantime,
please take care and consider talking to a Professional about your
Mum for advice on what course of action to take because Hayleigh
it is serious Lovely and needs addressing.
OMG Donna! Please don't leave!! Soulmate doesn't understand that the only reason I told you about my mom is so you would understand why some days I can't reply or I'm so to replying. My main issue is loneliness and I loved where our chats were going. If I can't talk to you because you were bullied off the site then I'm done too. I'm very confused and don't know what the hell is going on between you and Soulmate. But I don't want my thread to be used to intentionally hurt you or others just because you don't have a psychology degree. I am fine and I do not need nor want any help psychologically. That will literally do nothing for me. Like Oh Haleigh how do feel about that or other stipid questions that will never solve the problem. I'm not here because of that! I want someone to talk to and I found that in Donna. So I don't know or understand your purpose of hurting my friend Soulmate. I don't know why your trying so hard to convince me of what an evil person she is or something like that. I couldn't even finish your novel above because all it did was make me mad and sad. It's not right that you are purposely attacking Donna for having multiple aliases and not having a degree in psychology. Soulmate, if you have any beef with Donna take it somewhere else but do not bring that drama shit to my thread and do not talk about my friend like that. And if you can't control your obvious hatred for her then keep it to yourself. Or start your own thread entitled why do I hate somebody on the internet that I don't even know.
Hi again Hayley,
I came to this forum seeking help a long time back because
I'm emotionally fragile.
I honestly don't know whether I should stay here and post anymore.
I wanted to understand myself more and perhaps get some tips on
coping with life better.
I'm left feeling like I need a lobotomy to be truly liked.
You have been a delight! Considering what you are going through.
I want to be here for you but at the moment I can't for another
reason. I'm really unwell. As I type this I'm having zero circulation
in my legs and struggling to walk. I need the hospital but can't go.
The reason I can't go is we own a doll store online.
I'm not immature and 'playing with dolls'.
This is part of our household income. This year I've been away due
to bad neighbours, maintenance on our villa and an emergency Hospital stay.
I haven't had time to manufacture our products or list them for sale.
I lost touch with the doll collector community which is bad for us
because of our need for sales and repeat customers.
It took me weeks to recover from op. Then weeks to fix the mess
left behind by the workmen. Packing & unpacking.
I'm exhausted. So if I'm missing for days on end it is because
Halloween and Melbourne Cup are two our biggest Doll Sale events
of the year. Which will be followed by Thanksgiving and then Christmas.
Sorry to bore you with the details.
I feel like I'm 'intolerable' as a person. I must rub people up the
wrong way or something.
What I can say is I struggle some times to get my point of view across.
SM has made many assumptions and has been wrong. My intentions have always
been good. I vent too much and it can be seen as me, me, me or selfish.
I just spent so many days/nights in my room alone and not talking to anybody
that I got super excited to be heard. I admit I got carried away.
I just want you to be ok. I do worry Hayleigh because I know what it is
like to have a disturbed parent.
I delight in your company. You are young and dreamy which is refreshing.
I sense you have a determination within to not let Mum completely control you.
You have a strong character in there. Had to have that hey.
I will be away on & off as mentioned. I have a Doctors appointment and
I may be put in Hospital again for my other two operations. I won't know
for a number of days as we will be holding the Halloween Stall. I don't
even know how I'm going to stand for hours but my daughter is determined.
Also SM being Moderator may can me from being here or Richard.
I truly don't know.
All I do know is that I don't want to leave you.
All I do know is that I don't want my every word analysed to within
an inch of my life. Feel like I can't utter a phrase without being
Kiddo I intend to come back and forth for YOU!.
If I get deactivated, blocked or some such thing please stay strong
and for goodness sake take care of you!
You're precious. Don't let anybody convince you otherwise. XO
Donna... You're so sweet. I hope you know I never complained to SM or anybody that I was mad that you didn't reply to me or something. I understand that you have a life and we are on different parts of the world so believe me I totally understand. I never had an issue with you. Just with SM to be honest. I don't understand what the hell is going on. I don't know why she is trying to break us apart. But if you're gone than I'm gone. I'm done with this stupid drama that she is creating. Nobody would be upset right now if she would just butt out! Please don't leave. I don't care if we only talk once a month. I love having you as a friend! :)
Here is my email... [e-mail address removed]
SM, do not take my email down. I don't care if its up. I want Donna to see it. You took her email down and I wanted to see it
It wasn't me, Haleigh. I haven't been on Mod duty since my last post. I'm the senior and only *messaging*/hands-on, forum moderator, but there are others who stay in the background. And unfortunately, it's against the forum rules as we have a legal and moral responsibility, not to allow posters to compromise their personal safety. Your latest will no doubt soon be removed, too.
"I never had an issue with you. Just with SM to be honest. I don't understand what the hell is going on. I don't know why she is trying to break us apart."
I think you mean, 'split us up', don't you? Break us apart is more commonly used in the romantic context once the relationship has become 'steady'.
No, Haleigh - it is my job here, *not* and *never* to 'butt out' during - what her latest defiant replies - on her thread instead of this, note - have now proved is, was and always has been, a less than healthy, potentially nefarious, agenda.
This forum did not 'start' the drama, we are objecting to it while pointing-out its deep Covertness and deviousness as flies under most normal human's radars when they are the ones who are the seeming object of - having been starved of it for too long - seeming adoration. Why are YOU now being verbally offensive to the authority figure here? Can YOU not say what you want to say, politely?
And may I ask how you think you can possibly have past-tense 'had' an issue with me after only one, very brief interaction, which consisted entirely of my paying you a lovely compliment? Where is your evidence that I am the fire-starter or even COULD be or would be ALLOWED to be when being the occupier - for the last DECADE - of the position of being in-charge of the goings-on within this website's forum?
You're not thinking intelligently nor clearly, Haleigh. You have no basis until such time as I can fill you in properly. This itself - nonetheless taking the side of the to-all-intents total stranger in the street as opposed to the long-standing, respectable, reputable beat Police Officer, is 'beyond' me and very concerning.
Haleigh, your issue with me is misplaced. You're correct that (ostensibly) you *don't* know what is going on, including that this individual has a whole history of trying to troll/catfish with us, long pre-dating your own arrival, thereby about which you would understandably be completely unaware thus wholly ignorant, thereby unfit to judge, let alone pass verdict.
I thought she wanted to change her ways, but - here we go again: the same trouble-making with the same, unavoidable, inevitable CONSEQUENCE.
Her behaviour matches Deeply Covert, subtle as Hell, and slips unnoticed until too late, by most people, including the less knowledgeable and experienced experts, victim-experts and lay-victims.
You know nothing about this individual, nor even have any proof they're a woman. Emotional Predators are known for trawling social media for victims. No sane and healthy woman her age would be so (you'd think!) needlessly, childishly antisocial as to break the laws, rules and expectations in front of other adults at an important gathering, nor, thereby, biting the hand that has fed her by being so adult-irresponsible as offering a very young woman whom "she" "her"-self has no way of verifying. Has "she" - as a self-claimably just as hurtable, supposedly already constantly vigilant - not got any victim-typical fear of strangers, "herself"? (Why not. Could be because Predators aren't scared thus cautious about whom or how fast they bond with, and it's in their interests, anyway, because it's only the victim that bonds.) All you've had is a few posts containing words and sentiments that sound good to you in your dire state of mothering-starvation. Already, False Intimacy abounds, with her calling you, a stranger, "Lovely" as if she's known you for years already, and you, ready to make the illogical choice about whom here to believe.
Bit soon, don't you think? Love-Bombed, it's called. I gave you only the ONE compliment - which she has since latched onto (open your eyes, Haleigh, please).
If she'd bonded so deeply and instantly with you the degree she makes it sound, then, why didn't she do the too-easily do-able that this forum via myself called-for (simply to sit up, pay attention, take more care, behave yourself) if it meant (at that point) getting to KEEP you/her Insta-Precious "relationship" with you.
If she's innocent then why didn't she have the confidence to (do what I'd made a condition, not to do) 'respond' in front of you, here (which I'd insisted should continue being the case).
VERY POTENTIALLY - which is good enough for us professional or retired-professionals/business people - you are being Love-Bombed - using the very well-worn, Pity Me, Everyone Else Is The Meanie, tactic.
Or is this - yourself having the nerve to verbally insult and slander a long-standing, highly-successful website moderator - normal for you, too? If not - ask yourself how you've found yourself wanting or feeling a need to do so for the person who *doesn't* come long-'rubber-stamped' and authenticated.
And PS for now: "DD" knows full well that Lily's issues have been over, done and dusted, for ages now, thanks purely to highly cooperative TEAM-work on both our sides. Work First - Then Play has been adhered to. Work is over, but she, I and Scopes have been through her entire journey of recover and justice together so are too fond to let go in one, PLUS, Lily would probably like enough of a period of peace in her life as to signify she no longer needs this same thread. The once-girl-now-woman has never once shown arrogance and disrespect towards me - nor I toward her. Not One Clash...and certainly not, of interests. And it's *because* we've been interacting on her thread for nine whole years (before 2017, posting very frequently indeed) that, never-broken trust has grown in the real, authentic thus NATURALLY-EVOLVING fashion. Plus, again, the fact that cannot be stressed enough: I'm here in an official capacity, now for what is my TENTH year, clearly not going anywhere, each and every conversation wholly witnessable and monitorable by all, including the owner and all other moderators, meaning, nothing untoward or against social grain *was even possible*....which all amounts to my being an wholly dependable, reliable, easy-to-trust, responsible member of staff.
You may not be used to a forum being this caring and responsible when it comes to the safety andinterests of its visitors and guests, but that is not evidence for my being 'weird'. Style is immaterial compared to CONTENT.
You don't see me, tempting to lure Lily away from her thread and into my private domain, in doing so, wantonly, carelessly breaking a fundamental forum rule.
Enough said for now. I repeat: this firmer conviction and stance is a direct consequence of DD's IN-appropriate, EVER-defiant, EVER over-entitled attitude instead of the one it too easily would have taken TO KEEP YOU.
Whether purely due to personal incapability to be anyone's stand-in mother-figure or consistent, life-enhancing friend - be that a temporary or lifelong incapability - your needs are unlikely to be met by her. OR WORSE, as I've explained. It is because of you (in my choice to believe that you at least are 'real') and what you could be letting yourself in for (a quasi-*daughter* all over again, at least, when what you need is a parent-figure) that I regret letting this person back on here and trying to help her help herself to be more socially-palatable as well as not keep acting AGAINST every interest of this establishment. She has abused that opportunity and then FAILED to save her relationship with you whom is right now prepared to blindly defend her, in the process being offensive to this forum via myself.
Insta-relationships with their false intimacy - JUST INTENSITY - are the hallmark of toxics/trolls/catfishers/personality disordered narcissists...and at best, BPDs.
"DD" could be 6'2" with a beergut and hairy chest for all you know. Already, she has set you up to expect very little by claiming ignorance despite meanwhile on her own thread regarding her mother, has claimed epiphanies and acceptance galore of the problems between them, including how to spot all the narcissistic Red Flags, generally. AND YET, SHE WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE SHE IS INCAPABLE OF PASSING THAT NEW FOUND REALISATION AND EDUCATION ON TO *YOU* WHOM NOW IS IN THE SAME BOAT AND WHOM SHE SHOULD WISH TO USE THOSE TOOLS TO SAVE - under the excuse of not being what it isn't even necessary to be on here: 'not being a professional'?
Please take time to think this through, Haleigh. I'll be back soon to explain more fully as well as provide you the links to various of her past characters' threads, as well as the expert Red Flags, terms, vernacular and descriptions so that you can see for yourself how "Groundhog Day" her 'participation' has yet again degenerated into, thanks ONLY to her problem with authority (this case, me - forum management).
Why, to her, aren't you and her already deep feelings towards you worth making an effort for?
Why am I stepping in here but nowhere else?
If I'm the out-of-order one - why isn't the owner and colleagues deleting MY posts?
Ok? Just hold fire, and reserve judgement, will you, please?
(Excuse any repetitions/typos, etc. - I've had to rush this.)
And now you're going off on me? Wow!!! And DD said you're a professional psychologist? Ok? Save your time, Dont explain to me another novel long explanation as to why I shouldn't trust DD and trust you. I don't understand what you're saying 100% of the time. No need to get so triggered by what I said. I honestly just wanted you to butt out since the beginning. And I don't need to reprimand me about speaking correctly. If I say something funny or doesn't sound right to you, I don't need you to correct me. Just because you're a "professional" and think you're above everybody else, don't talk to me like a child! You've been doing that shit since the beginning. You and your stupid post like trying to be "nice" and oh haleigh is lovely and telling me I didn't spell my name correctly in my post and confusing the hell out of me. I'd rather be lonely than have to speak to someone like you. If I get kicked off because of this so be it.
If I'm scared of anyone on this site, it's you! You're weird obsession with trying to help me and save me from everyone is VERY WEIRD!! DD was so sweet and kind and loving and all you have been is a royal pain in the ass. I'm an adult and I don't need you to tell me what to do and tell me Oh DD is an old man with a beer belly! Do you see how psycho you sound. That's my point, you're telling me all this stuff and not to trust DD because I've never seen her. Well I've never seen you either. All you have done is PISS ME OFF! Why should I trust YOU!?