My first attempt at a relationship

I had a crush on a girl in my class, and though I was getting over it, we started chatting two weeks ago. For the first three days, we chatted for over four hours each night (from midnight to 4:00 AM). After the fifth day, I asked her out, and she agreed. On our first "date"(idk if we can call it a date) I bought her a rose, and she accepted it, hugged me, and we had a great time. She mentioned wishing she wouldn't stay indoors all day, so I offered to take her out and asked when she was available. On our second "date," I got her another rose, and again, she accepted it and hugged me. Later that day, we held hands (she grabbed my hand), and she leaned her head on my shoulder. She sent me TikToks with messages like "you are loved," "you are enough," and "always thinking about you." She expressed feeling safe with me, said she likes me, and wants to take things slow. I agreed since it was my first experience of this kind. Our third "date" was normal, and I got her another rose, which she accepted with a hug. On the fourth date, we hung out for a shorter time due to her limited availability. We held hands and cuddled on a bench. Later that day, I noticed she had deleted all reposted TikToks about me from her profile. Confused, I asked if something happened or if I did something wrong. She replied that she doesn't want to continue because she can't fall in love with me. She felt sorry for giving me false hopes and explained that she said nice things in the moment because she felt that way in that moment and she can't force herself to love me. She considers me a great person but wants to focus on school and her future, not relationships. She said she was never treated so nice like this for a long time, she also told me she likes the way I see her, and it wasn't my fault. I have no idea if I was too nice, and she lost interest in me because of that. I respond almost instantly to her messages I don't think more than 10 minutes would pass.

Hi AdvancedAstronaut (haha!) (can I come?...wherever you're going next?...just not here on Planet Uuughth), Not reading ahead, as usual... "I had a crush on a girl in my class, and though I was getting over it, we started chatting two weeks ago. For the first three days, we chatted for over four hours each night (from midnight to 4:00 AM). After the fifth day, I asked her out, and she agreed. On our first "date"(idk if we can call it a date) I bought her a rose, and she accepted it, hugged me, and we had a great time. She mentioned wishing she wouldn't stay indoors all day, so I offered to take her out and asked when she was available." 1. . "Had" (a crush) - Was getting over it - YET...started chatting 2 weeks ago. Was that because you'd hit 'Ah, f*ck-it!' stage and were more relaxed? Or because she sensed it, didn't like it, so finally reciprocated to keep your fire alive (or re-light it?)? Sounds more, like she advanced - correct? 2. UH-OH! POTENTIAL RED FLAG ALERT!... - Over four hours each night - into the wee hours (Love-Bombing, come, Sleep-Depriving Alert!), INCLUDING ON *AT LEAST ONE* SCHOOL NIGHT. That's excessive and NOT HEALTHY. Who was it, kept that conversation going too long? You were starving by then, I get that. But what about her? How come it wasn't too much for HER? Does she ALWAYS stay up that late yet presumably get up normal time in the morning? Was it also too long per night because you needed to do a condensed check under her bonnet? And why isn't/wasn't she available prior to Midnight? Who named Midnight? 3. Asking her out after the 5th day... Well, of COURSE you did. What more encouragement did you NEED? (Well done for dragging it out to 5 days, though. Nnnnot sure that would have been enough test-driving of her keenness or, especially, intentions, though.) WHY don't you know if you can call it a date? She communicated with you consistently for 5 nights during New Lovers Hours for Romantic or Best-Friend call-duration. You bought her a Rose - and she happily accepted the Rose. That itself means it's a date. And then she handed you your cue to ask her out. And why are you mentioning it even now? (Well, I suppose you'll get to that in a tick...) 4. She wanted to get out more. Got it. Do you own a car/motorbike/moped/e-scooter? 5. How old are you both? "On our second "date," I got her another rose," Aren't you lovely. :) " and again, she accepted it and hugged me." Ok. "Later that day, we held hands (she grabbed my hand)," - She grabbed. 6. If she's this bold/proactive then how come responding to your 'crush' took her so long that you were almost over her? "and she leaned her head on my shoulder." 7. GOT IT. But how come Miss Pushy couldn't plant a kiss on your cheek or side of mouth? "She sent me TikToks with messages like "you are loved," "you are enough," and "always thinking about you." She expressed feeling safe with me, said she likes me, and wants to take things slow. I agreed since it was my first experience of this kind." If she wanted to take it slow then she was defeating her own object by love-bombing you in such a Green Light way right before saying so. In other words, if you want a tortoise and buy a tortoise - because a cat would move to fast - why put a turbo under its engine and rev it that high??? RED FLAG - MIXED MESSAGING - CREATING KEENNESS VIA FRUSTRATION. "Our third "date" was normal, and I got her another rose, which she accepted with a hug." :) (re. you) "On the fourth date, we hung out for a shorter time due to her limited availability." 8. Limited availability? "We held hands and cuddled on a bench. Later that day, I noticed she had deleted all reposted TikToks about me from her profile." HUH???? "Confused, I asked if something happened or if I did something wrong. She replied that she doesn't want to continue because she can't fall in love with me." HUH???? "She felt sorry for giving me false hopes and explained that she said nice things in the moment because she felt that way in that moment" NARC ALERT, NARC ALERT!!!! That's what they say! (including everything non-ordinary above). 'I dustht FELT like it at da thiiime.....costh I'm only FWEEE'. Google 'Narcissist - Impulsiveness' It can be impulsiveness (and lack of forethought, conscienciousness, conscience, sense of responsibility) or APPEARING to be impulsive/spontaneous can simply be a more preferable label to MANIPULATING! COVERT ALERT, COVERT ALERT!!! This is the Withdrawal following a successful (in your case, really fast) "Love-Bombing" campaign. Yeah. She crammed it all in during those three marathon conversations, heard the Tinggg! of you reaching optimum state, then - off to busy herself with her OTHER admirers (that you know nothing about). ***HOWEVER, THIS IDENTIFICATION ALL DEPENDS ON HER AGE*** "and she can't force herself to love me." Well, you were getting over her so, why not just leave you be? Likes having young men chasing her, does she? Attention-glut, is she? But anyway - what a crock! "She considers me a great person" Well, you ARE; how you're talking/thinking and your actions PROVE it! But that doesn't automatically mean she APPRECIATES that quality in the way normal-healthies do. "but wants to focus on school and her future, not relationships." And she didn't know this all those (sarcasm) decades ago. Yuh, right... Is she a young woman or a goldfish? "She said she was never treated so nice like this for a long time," Got it! BELIEVE HER. It is not her Comfort Zone, she doesn't like it, it's threatening - she'll act-up like crazy. She actually DOES rate you - enough that she let you go. (See how gorgeous you are? You're too nice to do that to in terms of the entire long-con period (8mths to 2yrs). Alternatively - or additionally - maybe she sensed you were not going to make a great target-victim because you're too 'see it like it is' and BS-proof? "she also told me she likes the way I see her," Translation: I wish I WERE your league (healthy) but I'm not and I'd rather damage someone else. BUT IT COULD BE A TACTIC, meaning, she hasn't finished with you at all and this is a fake letting you go, in the hope you'll chase her back (and be LESS see-it-all and LESS confident so you'll be less able to stand up for yourself when "the trouble" starts (she starts)..... ....Bond, James Bond...Have a roooose, Ms. Moneypenny/Swoon-swoon! Hell, even *I'd* go on a date with you at this point! "and it wasn't my fault." Nope. Can't be - not possibly by the laws of NPD psychology (no power=no blame) -v- NT Psychology (shared power = shared/portional blame). Also Nope because I feel very certain very little in your life since you were a kiddie has been your fault/mistake - because you do things SUPER-PROPERLYYYYY, yayyy! Oh, you're going to make someone a LOVELY boyfriend, AT! And a lovely husband. Please shake your father and mother's hand- sorry, wrong way round - mother and father's hands for me? Unless one/both were gits - in which case - gimmie your hand and have a medal! "I have no idea if I was too nice, and she lost interest in me because of that. I respond almost instantly to her messages I don't think more than 10 minutes would pass." No, you're super-nice. Super-sauve without even realising it! Meet another super-nice of your opposite gender and VOILA! What a lovely married with lovely kids THAT'LL be! Don't you DARE touch that dial, Little Mister?! Well, anyway: she's got issues (so - age now immaterial). You don't. Too good for her. SO-HO-HOOOOO too good for her that she ceded fecking defeat! (I presume and hope?) Stick around just in-case it IS a ploy and she re-advances. I'm on your team - okay? Not that brilliant at turning-up on-time but turn up I always do. WELCOME....Mr Bond, James Bond... :)))) And have a parental hug: (((((((((((((((((BEARGHUG))))))))))))))))))) You're VERY grown-up, too, aren't you. Have you thought of friending and dating young women older than yourself? Ones READY for an actual relationship rather than flexing her fledgling Narc-claws? OMG, they'd be fighting over you, hahah!...presuming you look or present as a couple of years older than your age? (I'm SO pleased....we're getting such lovely people on here lately, more and more.)

Actually, NOT James Bond because he took AGES to mature and marry, before which he was culturally misogynistic, treating women like (cough) banking aids and blow-up dolls. Someone sauvely romantic but with beautifully pure intentions......................................... Er....................................... Jesus? HAHAHAHA! Or Santa Clause? ......Help me out here, will ya? :D