Issues in my long-term relationship

Me and my partner have been together since 2020. We have 2 kids a house and a dog together. let me just give you some context into our relationship before I start When me and my partner got together I did everything for him I was and still am completely selfless. There were a few issues when we first got together such as I once squeezed his hand so he punched me in the arm. He also never walked me home or to the bus stop since he lived in the city and I lived in the countryside. He was also very handsy. These were minor issues that I didn't really bother about and just ignored. However When I became pregnant with my first child we had a conversation and I said "you can be involved or not that is your choice I'm never going to force you into anything you don't want to do" and then I told him I'm keeping the baby and he agreed he would stay by my side then a few minutes later he punched me in the stomach and laughed and joked saying free abortion, now this hurt me on a new level. I then went home and shook it off and kind of just ignored everything. Then 8 months down the line I stared getting a strange rash on the lower half of my body. Which confused me as I had only been intimate with one person ever and that was my partner. I didn't think much of it unit I went to get checked out and turns out it was HPV. I then found out that he cheated on me with another girl and he took her to the place we called our spot he was also on the phone with me while cheating on me. He then lied about it todays but I saw every single message as I had his social media account on my phone from when he logged in to check it and told me to leave it on there so he doesn't have to keep logging back in. He then met up with me and was adamant that he didn't sleep with her and said that he did it to prove that he actually loved me. I was completely heartbroken I was about to have a baby in a few weeks and now I found out he was sleeping with someone else at the time I blamed it all on myself, My pregnancy and my baby, which I know was wrong but at the time I was just flooded with emotions. A few Weeks Later I had my son and I loved him to pieces I agreed to let my partner come see him and look after him however when he did he left my son in a shitty nappy, gave him a drink from an unsterilized bottle and fell asleep instead of watching him bearing in mind he only came up to to see him for 1 afternoon a week and never showed up on time. This was getting me increasingly angry then one day I got a message from the girl he cheated on me with she said " Hi I just wanted to let you know that when you and ______ were on a break he slept with me and I now have an STD so you might want to get yourself checked" so not only did he sleep with the girl he gave me an STD While I was pregnant!!! we then chatted for a bit and told me the truth about what happened I then sent the screenshots of the messages for proof to him and his mum so that they both couldn't try and make me out to be the bad one. 3 months later there was an issue at my house that resulted in me being homeless. He was the only person that offered me help and a place to live so we then moved in with each other. When we lived together the house was a mess and It would always be down to me to do the cleaning so I got a fulltime job where I was barely ever home. I found out I was pregnant with my daughter and it was a high risk pregnancy so we decided to moved back down to my home town when I was 8 months pregnant with her. This now bring me up to now I let my partner do whatever he wants so in the morning he goes for a run and doesn't get back until 8:30 he then goes to work at 9 when he come home he then makes food for himself goes to the gym and then goes swimming afterwards. When he goes out with his mates I ask him to be home at 10 by the latest and he comes back at 11-12 at night. This leaves everything else to me getting the kids ready and dressed getting the washing done, making meals, bathing the kids etc I do it all and sometime I feel like a single mum! in order to get some "me Time" I bought myself a dog I walk my dog for an hour max every night bearing in mind my partner doesn't come home from work until half 6 and then I have to get the tea made and the kids to bed. so I usually get back at around half 8. He came up to me and said from now on if your going out you have to be back before 8 so I can get to the gym. I was fuming but for some reason no matter what I do instead of saying how I feel I just say Okay. I really don't know what to do in my relationship my parents think he's selfish, his own mum thinks he's lazy however I feel trapped in a relationship I can't get out of. The worst part is I have been thinking about someone else who treated me like a Queen but I kicked them out of my life for him. What should I do?

Hi, sorry for the lack of respondents at the mo. Please continue being patient and I or anyone else here will respond just as soon as humanly possible (- perhaps even those waiting in the queue, themselves - cough-cough-hint-hint! :D)

Hello! First of all, wow. How have you managed to stay with this person for so long? You are incredibly strong. You’ve been through so much, and it’s clear you’re a dedicated mother and partner. It sounds like your partner has way too many red flags. Throughout your entire story, I couldn’t find a single good quality about him, aside from being the father of your two beautiful kids. He’s been irresponsible, disrespectful, and downright abusive. From hitting you while pregnant and making terrible jokes to neglecting his responsibilities as a father, it’s clear he hasn’t treated you well. You’ve been doing everything on your own – taking care of the kids, managing the house, and even working full-time. Meanwhile, he’s off doing whatever he pleases, whether it’s going to the gym, hanging out with friends, or just not showing up when you need him. It’s like you’re already living as a single mom, even though he’s supposed to be your partner. Your parents think he’s selfish, and his own mom calls him lazy. That’s very telling. You deserve someone who respects you and shares the responsibilities, not someone who adds to your burden. Here are a few steps you might consider: Talk to Someone: Find a trusted friend, family member, or therapist to talk to about your feelings. Sometimes, just having someone to listen can make a big difference. Set Boundaries: Clearly tell your partner what you need from him. Let him know that his behavior is not acceptable. If he continues to ignore your needs, it’s a sign that he’s not willing to change. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to lean on your support network. Your parents and his mom see the issues and might be able to offer practical help or advice. Plan for Independence: Start thinking about how you can become more independent. This might involve looking into legal advice about your rights and what support you can get, securing a job, and finding childcare. Consider Your Kids: Think about the kind of environment you want your kids to grow up in. They deserve a stable, loving home, free from neglect and disrespect. Also, you have a life too. You deserve to be someone's queen. Think about all the aspects. Do you want your children to grow up with this person? Think about yourself. Do you see a future with him? Would you like to be with him? You deserve a lot of happiness. All of us have one life. Just one. How would you like to spend it? Since you are aware of your family dynamics and you know him, do you think you can communicate clearly with him? Rather than overthinking and going in circles, we should communicate clearly. Decide on the best solution that works for you and maybe work towards it. You have every right to feel alive and experience all the bliss. He has given you a lot of pain. And please, don't ever think that someone else's cheating is your fault or your doing. That's on them, and that's unforgivable. Because you have a family, I suggest communication first. Had it been just you, I would have told you to run, leave, and live your life. But you have two kids, and we have to think about them too. Remember, you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. You have the strength to make changes for a better life for you and your children. It’s okay to seek help and prioritize your well-being. Your happiness and safety are the most important things. Take care, and remember that you’re not alone. We’re here for you, and there are people and resources that can help you through this tough time. Stay strong.

HHK, that was an EXCELLENT reply! A-n-o-n, "I really don't know what to do in my relationship my parents think he's selfish, his own mum thinks he's lazy however I feel trapped in a relationship I can't get out of. The worst part is I have been thinking about someone else who treated me like a Queen but I kicked them out of my life for him. What should I do?" What do you WANT to do - what do you WANT to happen - and how? Let's see if we can achieve it.