He won't open up and I'm getting desperate

I (29) and in a relationship with my partner (60) for nearly a year now. I knew him for a short summer before we started dating and was the one to initiate the relationship. With a bit of help from some friends to encourage him. The age gap has never been a problem for us, I was forced to grow up a little quicker than most as a teenager and having grown up with older parents (70's now) I am used to being comfortable with any conversation or situation. Our relationship went quickly. We spent as much time together as we could and in truth we still do. We are both self-employed and both in the same industry so we decided to merge our talents, me being the scientist and him being the engineer. So we work a lot together as well. In fact, we have broken all the rules of couples working and living together and have succeeded. Recently though, things have become a little bit stressful. Financially. I have never had much, but I have also never been without so before things go crazy, I was very aware that my partner does not have much either. I continue to work for and with him now for nothing and I will continue to do so until our business is underway. For now I will continue to sell what I can to keep my car and cheap food when I can. Anyhow. My partner owns a shop. Which him and his son look after and I just fill in every now and again. His son is older than me, has a home him and his wife owns. His wife works 3 days a week for 40k/year and every weekend they're somewhere on holiday. His son is a strong character, many skills and talents and has a few jobs on the side for extra cash. However in the last few months, he has increased his monthly wage by 500GBP, more than what the small shop is currently making. My partner has now drained all his own cash for his son's wages, put the shop in debt loaning money to try and counteract this. He is now using the money I am earning for him and myself to live on so he can pay his son. Meanwhile, we live in someone's shed, we have had no running hot water for 8 months. I love him to bits and pieces, but everytime I ask why his son takes priority over his daughter, myself and himself he just gets angry and says someone has to give him a job. Now that his son is having a baby things are worse, because he is constantly worrying about paying him. I am mostly worried that when my partner passes away I will have to work till I have nothing so that his son can flourish. How do I convince my partner that it's time we chose us, earned some money to get out of debt and find a home that's warm and doesn't have animal waste seeping up through the floor. I want him and myself to build a life, I want him to retire so that I can spoil him and take him on holiday. He has been such a good lift in a my spirits (he saved me from myself numerous times). He doesn't force me into things, doesn't try and turn me into something i am not. And If you knew me, you would know that I have never had this kind of love before. So please, I need advice. I am at my wits end

Sorry for the wait - we're very short on respondents at the mo. If no-one else takes this, I will, but I am limited on opportunities at the mo. and still have 'long-haulers' to keep on top of, so can't promise by-when, only that it'll be by this weekend, latest, MAYBE sooner. Meantime, please feel free to respond, or just say Hi and take an interest, to those queueing alongside you (this is an old-style forum so that's how it'd done). :) PS: Am posting a duplicate of this to the other 3 posters still waiting at the moment.

(Moderator bump-up - OP still awaiting a response)

Sorry again, Guyton - it really can't be helped...but I remember it was like this last Summer too (holidays, maybe). Anyway, let's dive straight in... "I (29) and in a relationship with my partner (60) for nearly a year now." Pardon? SIXTY? Why the huge age-gap? "I knew him for a short summer before we started dating and was the one to initiate the relationship. With a bit of help from some friends to encourage him." Why, encourage him? "The age gap has never been a problem for us, I was forced to grow up a little quicker than most as a teenager and having grown up with older parents (70's now) I am used to being comfortable with any conversation or situation." Surely that then includes, with someone your own age/stage of life? "Our relationship went quickly." Why? "We spent as much time together as we could and in truth we still do. We are both self-employed and both in the same industry so we decided to merge our talents, me being the scientist and him being the engineer." Uh-oh....mixing business and pleasure... "So we work a lot together as well. In fact, we have broken all the rules of couples working and living together and have succeeded." I have friends who've likewise managed it. They do bicker a lot, though. 'Familiarity breeds contempt', I guess. Some are more sensible and deliberately have separate time-off. It's about preparation, really...discussing and agreeing all the mutual rules and boundaries before you start. Did you? Or just dive in and let it evolve? "Recently though, things have become a little bit stressful. Financially." Oh. There we go. (I don't read ahead in opening posts.) "(Financially.) I have never had much, but I have also never been without so before things go crazy, I was very aware that my partner does not have much either. I continue to work for and with him now for nothing and I will continue to do so until our business is underway. For now I will continue to sell what I can to keep my car and cheap food when I can." (Did you mean, before things 'got' crazy?) So, as is good biz sense, you're not yet taking a salary, you mean? Okay - good. Same for him, too, presumably? "Anyhow. My partner owns a shop. Which him and his son look after and I just fill in every now and again." The two of them can't keep it covered, themselves? Aren't you supposed to be dedicating all the hours to your fledgling biz? "His son is older than me, has a home him and his wife owns." Noted. "His wife works 3 days a week for 40k/year and every weekend they're somewhere on holiday. His son is a strong character, many skills and talents and has a few jobs on the side for extra cash. However in the last few months, he has increased his monthly wage by 500GBP, more than what the small shop is currently making." Noted. "My partner has now drained all his own cash for his son's wages, put the shop in debt loaning money to try and counteract this. He is now using the money I am earning for him and myself to live on so he can pay his son." OH, NO, HE DOESN'T! Get a lawyer - quick! "Meanwhile, we live in someone's shed, we have had no running hot water for 8 months. I love him to bits and pieces, but everytime I ask why his son takes priority over his daughter, myself and himself" Yeah, I'd like to ask him that as well! "he just gets angry" OH, DOES HE NOW. HE HAS NO RIGHT TO. THE OPPOSITE, IN FACT! "and says someone has to give him a job." Are you even sure what he says he's paying your son is even true? You sure he's not stringing you along with a cover story while he's embezzling off you? "Now that his son is having a baby things are worse, because he is constantly worrying about paying him." Why, if he's multi-talented and good at earning money?? It's not making sense, is it. Embezzling is. "I am mostly worried that when my partner passes away I will have to work till I have nothing so that his son can flourish. How do I convince my partner that it's time we chose us, earned some money to get out of debt and find a home that's warm and doesn't have animal waste seeping up through the floor." By visiting a solicitor (get three free consultations) - or an accountant/forensic accountant. "I want him and myself to build a life, I want him to retire so that I can spoil him and take him on holiday." So you can spoil HIM and take HIM on holiday? You sound like you're talking about a son or your dad(?!). "He has been such a good lift in a my spirits (he saved me from myself numerous times)." So he could keep his cash cow still functional? Sorry. But no man who lets his own in-effect WIFE live in what sounds like a cow-shed because he's (allegedly) giving away YOUR very basic, survivalist income - when he has no such right nor should WANT to - loves her. NOPE. He's pleasant to be around, etc., but he's using you. Surely you can see that by now? "He doesn't force me into things, doesn't try and turn me into something i am not. And If you knew me, you would know that I have never had this kind of love before. " What, where you're the man and he the woman. You sound like you're hitched to a Sociopath, who keeps himself ingratiated with "his boy" at your huge all-round expense (whereas bribery doesn't work on daughter). Again - SO HE ALLEGES. "So please, I need advice. I am at my wits end" I'm not sodding surprised! I'm sorry. :( FIRM OF BIZ SOLICITORS / FORENSIC ACCOUNTANT (to follow all the money trails and unearth secret accounts. WORKED FOR ME! :)) Or your local Police Domestic Crime Unit. You're LITERALLY being syphoned by a Parasite, whichever way you look at it. And that's the trouble with sociopaths: charming, smiling, oh-so-friendly...meanwhile, simultaneously picking your pockets. He's not relationship material. New thoughts? And what does his daughter think?

PS: His 'shop' is probably just a 'front' for his (and possibly his son's) more nefarious 'business' activities. What sort of shop? PPS: With NSpaths - they can be as nice to you as they like, but you're still their job (and behind-closed-doors MOTHER). Fits now - right? I think, Domestic Crime Unit. What country you in?

PPS: "He doesn't force me into things, doesn't try and turn me into something i am not. And If you knew me, you would know that I have never had this kind of love before." Wanna bet? He's turned you into his mother and financial provider while he, just like a still-at-home teenager, contributes nothing and has no urge to protect and nurture you; He's forced you into poverty and where, next is your mental welfare; And all new victims of NSpaths say that last bit. UNTIL SUDDENLY THEY REALISE IT WAS TO KEEP YOU DRUGGED AND NOT LOOKING AT WHAT IS *REALLY* GOING ON. We'll do anything for love, eh. It's fake. He's fake. His actions positively SCREAM it! Long-term Romantic-Domestic Scam job. Police will pull in the Fraud Squad. They'll do all of it. Sorry to have to be the one to burst your bubble. :( But I've seen in your boat and I've BEEN in your boat. So have most peeps here. Now I see why you were left for me.