Is this love bombing or moving too fast?

I'm 24 and he just recently turned 31. His birthday made a month since we've been entertaining eachother. I met him through a mutual, he came over to my apt and came over every night 4 days in a row, he wouldn't just wake up and immediately leave either he'll stay for a hour or 2 then leave. When we first met we both disclosed we had kids, and he is open about his situation with his 1st babymother, he has another child and that child is 4-6 months old he doesn't say as much about this situation like he does the other. I know first red flag? Throughout all this we are vibing heavy and diving into each other lives, taking shower and baths together! I will say I have intimacy issues as my attachment style is DA/FA. So I'm not ever doing things like this with guys. The sex isn't quite all that good so I wouldn't say it's that either. Fast forward it's the week of or before his birthday and I mention kind of sorta telling him he has to take me to see bettlejuice he says ok lol. It's the day before his bday and he said he will probably come see me if he has time because his family was doing something for him. Next day was his birthday I said happy bday he said thanks. I said send a pic so I can see your outfit and no response from that point on. So I texted "bet f you" ! I know dramatic. He responded his brother had died on his birthday and i apologized and asked if he was fine but no response. 5 days later we hang out and he asks if the movie I want to see has came out, how he feels comfortable with me with everything going on, more about his co-parenting situation. He also said he thinks things are going great then I start spazzing on him out of nowhere which I kind of have a few times. He told me he missed me. I usually don't go on dates with guys, have personal convos it's all uncomfortable to me but then again I've been traumatized. He texted me today and said he enjoys hanging out with me and hopefully I'm free soon. Although it's been a month, I'm just trying to tread lightly here or am I missing red flags of love bombing?

I've seen many red flags in your message. I honestly wouldn't entertain this guy, he's got a kid to a another woman (fair enough) but he's also got a four month old baby!!! He doesn't seem to stick around during relationships or take time after relationships. Are you gonna be baby mama number three??? I think you have both rushed into this far too quick, instead of getting to properly know one another like going out a few months for dates, you're already off taking baths and showers at hello??? I'm sorry but I can see this ending in a disaster, get out while you can. Next man you meet take time knowing him properly, men respect a respectful lady. Knowing someone within a month and ready to move in together is crazy!! Have you introduced your kids to this man already?? Last thing you want is introducing different men to your kids it'll only confuse them as time goes on... Girl you can already see red flags so why you entering him???

Move in? LMAO what are you talking about? There is nowhere in hear did I talk about moving in AT ALL

Why would I be babymomma #3? I got my own kid and have no intentions of having anymore. Step kids? Cool but more of my own no. We use protection. And why would i introduce my child to him? I've only known him for a month...... my child is never home when I'm with him. And idk I'll ask him why he's asking to take baths and showers with me and it's only been 1 month. I've never dont that before hence why I'm asking is this fast , love bombing , or is this a pace some people move at... idk. And his oldest is 8 years old so... that's a long enough time line between kids for me to tell he's not just having kids out here back to back and with anybody.

When you said he stays over 4 nights a week within the first month?? Doesn't your kid not live with you? It's good you're using protection keep yourself safe.. I'm a bit old fashioned I believe sharing your bed with a new partner getting to properly know him takes about 6 months to a year in any new relationship is appropriate, but that's just me. I see red flags and believe it's moving way to fast too soon but it's up to you what you'd want to do! (you reap what you sow) after all it's your future.. Goodluck to you 🍀

Yeah he stayed over coming and leaving those 4 days not just staying 4 days straight and my daughter was out of the state at the time so I had free times on my hands. And yeah sadly I'm not at the stage where I think sex is so "sacred". Nothing wrong with casually having sex with people everyone you come across isn't meant to be a serious partner well at least to me 🤷🏽‍♀️.

I honestly don't understand your question then? When you're casually sleeping with this man and finding it a normal thing to do, especially when you think he's not a serious partner or going to be?? I don't know what advice you're looking from here?? I've tried to advise you from my point of view, that's all I can do..

Quick tweak, if I may? "I'm a bit old fashioned" Not old-fashioned. HEALTHY. "I believe sharing your bed with a new partner getting to properly know him takes about 6 months to a year in any new relationship is appropriate, but that's just me." ...that's just how healthy, self-respecting women think and feel. FantasyAllure, you can't change male psychology...which is a bit like this: Man has to work extra hard (overtime) for an entire year in order to save enough to buy a car to be proud of. Man takes great care over said car: in-time with services, repairs, MOTs, etc., and washing and waxing it religiously every Sunday. Work first, THEN play. That way, from having been EARNED...WORKED FOR...play is longer-lastingly delicious. Man gets given car for nothing, with the promise of more free cars where that came from. Man drives it like a bumper-car and lets it get dirty. Even the men don't know it, but - IT'S A TEST. If YOU don't value yourself enough to hold out until you know whether he's WORTHY - long-term relationship or fling or one-night-stand or NOT - then he knows you don't have it in you to value and protect *him* or any future wee bairns, either. ..and other things 'n stuff. Definitely not fair, and women's age-old gripe about dating-age men and their dual standards, but, what can you do. Call it a giant design-fault and complain to management? The other factor is, this soon, you know too little about him and what he's like. He could secretly be a mad axe-murderer for all you know. (Are you even doing online and Police background checks?) Talking of which: the fact and reality is, he has two kids that you are *aware* of, *that you've been made privy to*. Until you've had time to find out for a fact there aren't others - there could be. That's the point of taking it slow. Taking notes, doing a proper test-drive, rather than too-soon floating off with the Cloud 9 Fairies and regretting it later. Gotta go in eyes-wide-open. Like a business woman (Heart Inc.). Being a-bit-hard-to-get buys you that time as well as raises your price-tag. Means they can't cheat or continue keeping up what is just an act. Time to make slip-ups and giveaways. I repeat: who cares how long or short you want it to last when, with your acted-out signalling/too-low self-price-tagging, you still suffer a loss of their respect and esteem for you, for being "too easy", which in turn 'trains' you each and every time to lose another smidgen of pride and pricing, *yourself*....and those pennies start to add up, affect your decisions and choices, and lower your life quality and future choices from there. You're Royalty. Act like it. That's how to get a Prince. Even ones that just passing through. Not sure you can do anything, now, with this one in that regard, although - see how you go and keep us posted. Maybe he was flattered by your annoyance, the fact you made it obvious you even cared? Time will tell. But next time/guy - act like you should be surrounded by a security team (body guards) and - No Work? No (premature) Perk! Certainly not getting to check-out your royal jewels. And that way, even your flings are top-shelf, meaning, experiences more apt to RAISE your self-esteem. Not rocket science but I appreciate your perfectly natural lack of knowledge. Maybe try reading Steve Biddulph's "Raising Boys" (latest edition) and then "Norton's New Psychology of Men". However, you've said yourself that you're traumatised. That means, in emotional hospital with your leg in traction, meaning, shouldn't really be on the mating ground, should be healing and learning how to love being single so that you can take a bloke or leave him, meaning (lots of meanings haha), he then has to do the full workload to earn you, the Lambourghini. And then you get worshipped and polished until you sparkle! :) Or you can start polishing yourself instead, since you're the expert and 'can love you better than any He can'? Once you read up on how and ("just Nike!") start doing it, you soon realise what you've been missing. It's amazing, the effect. Life-changing. Hope that helps?

Found this for you - this'll definitely help: Here you go ((my double brackets)): https://thoughtcatalog.com/katerina/2024/07/why-high-quality-men-hate-cool-girl-pickmes-and-love-crazy-mean-women/ "Men love and get obsessed with so-called “mean” otherwise known as assertive women and high quality men are especially attracted to these women. Low quality men take advantage of the “nice girls.” ((I agree with this next para, but advise you *turn the writer's dial down a notch; one can be suitably hard-to-get without hurting them whereby they store-up resentment toward you for later.)) "You may think being a pick-me woman and being overly nice and spoiling a man will win him over, but the truth is that men in general whether high quality or low quality get addicted to chasing women who reject them ((*resist them, actually)). They want validation and approval from the woman who doesn’t give this to them that easily." ((They want the woman they fancy like crazy but whom they have to work hard for.)) ((Let's just repeat that:)) They want validation and approval from the woman who doesn’t give this to them that easily. ((Healthy men love hard work; lazy and over-entitled gits who fancy themselves as Players, want it all on a plate, for-free, so get PUT OFF by women with high standards and expectations (thankfully!).)) "Deep down they get turned on by a woman with high standards, airtight boundaries, and a woman who doesn’t think they’re shit." ((Read that again, too; even if you don't think you're shit, they'll (mis-)interpret your 'male'-grade confidence/swagger and sense of liberty as 'lowering yourself', ANYWAY. ...Well, they will if they're Dinosaurs with "issues" with women.)) "They get a h*rd-on for a woman who is hard to please. They may complain about these women and deny it with fury all they want, but all you have to do is observe how they exploit and use the women who bend over backwards for them and bend the knee for the women who put them in their place." ((Read again)) "These women value themselves, take pride in themselves, and never sacrifice their self-respect settling for crumbs." ((Analogy: Just because it's going to be a never-to-be-repeated, spontaneous, one-off - or even week-/fortnight-long - set of visits (e.g. holiday stay) to a certain restaurant - that doesn't mean you shouldn't expect to be allowed to order the Lobster like any of the local Regulars, as opposed to stale Crackers. "Innit" ;))) "Toxic men especially take for granted the women who care about them because they believe you’ll always be around; they pursue and compete for the women who date other men and laugh in their faces ((metaphorically-speaking)). If you don’t believe me, look at any chat history of a man you have ever ignored – they’ll be double texting and triple texting you trying to regain your attention and fearing that you’ve moved on. This isn’t to say you should be actually mean to anyone – it’s just to remind you that you need to stop wasting all that effort centering men." ((Be a tough nut to crack; admit it: they're the nuts we all of us enjoy munching the most!)) "Don’t spoil him, don’t talk to him, and don’t entertain him unless he’s benefiting you. Be authentically so “into” your life that you are no longer into any man who doesn’t go out of his way to please you." ((By healing whilst getting used to literally LOVING BEING SINGLE.)) "Chances are, he’s busy chasing a woman who gives no f*cks. Now get busy chasing your dream life and only settle for a dream partner who will treat you right." ((Yeah, not, one that appears to be doing the keen-as-mustard act then suddenly, oddly, illogically, making a huge departure from the already-set 'routine', by Withdrawing His Affection & Attention, and, when you pull him up on it, tries to distract you, disarm you of your rightful anger (although FYI 'royal' indignation and "Ew" - disapproval - is more potently Queenly than 'Why you being meeean to meeee' or 'Rarr-rarr-rarr, take that!') - by wasting no time in getting you to (wait for it).... FEEL SORRY FOR HIM! AND FEEL THAT IF YOU WERE TO CONTINUE PURSUING YOUR CONFRONTATIONAL CASE, IN LIGHT OF THIS "NEWSFLASH", IT'D MAKE YOU A DOWNRIGHT *HEARTLESS COW*. An' ya don't wanna be one 'o THOSE, do ya. Nobody does. So you instantly stop. Instantly let them off. And feel guilty for having started giving them a hard time when they (allegedly) were purely and simply on the floor. (Oh were they? Whose floor. :p. Where was the preventative text to say, Sorry, not ignoring you, gimmie a few days' grace because...?) And so give them soothing verbals instead. Meaning, they completely avoid the consequence(s) of their shoddy treatment of you and even get extra, unearned TLC into the bargain. Whilst you have "your expectations (google) Managed Down". And-And-AND... PURE Emotional Manipulaton at its worst. He now has Power over you, where that has NO place in any personal relationship because no friend or lover is your pigging boss/keeper, meaning, any relationship is now doomed anyway (but they don't care) - by having shown you that he can take you or leave you so you'd better try harder to insure against a repetition (- as if, He, Jane - you, Tarzan...Role Reversal...Swat Narx Do). So - Aim, Fire, Bullseye. He gets to sample another sweetie from the shop whilst keeping his grip on your 'ignorant' sleeve at arm's-length (where his arms are longer than yours, meaning, you can't get any grip on HIM!), in case she doesn't work out? It's called the Pity Ploy and is what Covert Vulnerables do and Narc-Spaths in Covert/Priming mode over-do, to keep access to you if/whenever they need you (and eff you needing them, thinking you can likewise summon them!). So if he does that misbehaving/mixed-messaging/serious Dater inadequacy/idiot who doesn't know how the social world works at his age, plus pity-ploying in response to your confronting (especially something they should have told you before 'conveniently all-of-a-sudden, only now'), again - JUST RUN! I've had that sacreligous excuse tried on me, to an even more extreme level (downright evil): Saturday night. Guy stood me up (online, Match Dot Com, early days, moreover inquisitive-ness on my part, luckily). Enquired via site email about what and why the next day (lunchtime): 'My mum died....(VAGUE/OVER-GENERAL details-details)...'. My response, given that I'd watched him being pigging Active all beeping morning: 'Do you always go cruising and flirting online after your Mum's dies?' ("(vomit)...Neeeext!"). Maybe, in this case, it WAS the anniversary of his Late Brother. Maybe it wasn't. You don't know (yet). But here's a clue: What - (a) was he perfectly okay LAST anniversary, so had no clue this would happen THIS year...got taken wholly by-surprise?...(how does THAT work, then??). Or (b) did suffer like this last year too, yet, strangely didn't think to forewarn you, given the approaching calendar date? ...Instead, agreed to a date with you that clashed with that week? HYUH, RIGHT.)) "Men can and will spend money on the things that matter to them. Don’t waste time with a man who’s not generous or romantic. If he’s not taking you out to nice and meaningful dates, or being thoughtful about what you would like, he’s not valuing you the way you deserve to be valued. “But I am a feminist and can hold my own!” you might say. A real feminist knows the world hasn’t achieved equality yet, so trying to impose “equality” on unequal circumstances only leads to more adversity for you." ((Like trying to have the same sexual liberties as men - HOW VERRAY DAARE HYOU.)) High-quality men are more than happy to go out of their way to please and impress women they’re interested in, so you should never feel like you need to settle and play the “cool girl” who is low-maintenance and “easy” to date. With all the burdens, inequality, and safety issues women confront even going on a date with a man who might assault or murder her, why should you settle for less? A woman who is used to being taken out and properly “courted” will feel a natural “ick” toward any man who approaches her and doesn’t have some sort of solid and romantic date plan. Some women may think that going 50-50 is “equality,” but a man who’s okay with not impressing you from the beginning ((which is what they're hard-programmed to do - show-off their Provider skills whether it comes to that or not)) isn’t going to try to impress you down the road either and is likely to be emotionally stingy." There you go - that's everything Curlylocks was trying to convey, all laid-out in detail... so I now pass you back into her very capable, experienced hands! :)

I think there are some red flags of EA and possibly love-bombing. he has a baby to focus on right now and i don't think he should be pursuing anything right now. Thank you for using protection. It's still a brand-new relationship and the last thing anyone needs is a pregnancy scare. That being said, i definitely think that you are moving too fast with this guy and either slow it down or end the whole thing completely. This guy has so many red flags and its best not to get caught up in it

His co-parenting situation should be of no concern to you this soon in the relationship. I think you're being a little paranoid. You don't know the whole story of what has happened between him and the mother of his children so don't judge him too soon or make assumptions. You're only concern should be how he makes you feel and if he treats you right. If the answer to those two questions are positive, then leave it at that, and appreciate all that he is to you now. No need to get too far ahead of yourself. He may be a really great guy, so don't become toxic by assuming things about him and acting on those assumptions just because your paranoid. Get the facts first, then make your decisions about whether or not this guy is good for you, and move on from there.

(AskJateace - again, just x-referring this with tonight's heads-up on this thread: https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13779/upset And this second instance: https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13780/a-note. The rest of this above message and others elsewhere are good, though.)