Barbra Streisand

I'm having relationship issues with my long term partner. I've realised after 30+ years just how immensely different we are. I very much admired many of his attributes. Such as his intelligence and excellent writing. I believed he admired my imagination and strong opinions. I have always been a bit of a muso and romance movie buff. I use to walk around the house singing even if it is mediocre. Babs has always been a favourite. Evergreen from 'A Star is Born' melts me into a puddle. It seems all aspects of my personality now irritate him. Just like the character of Katie I realise he is not the man I once idealized. My Hubbell is now seeming to me more Rubble. I truly miss 'The Way We Were'.

I understand that you don't feel valued anymore. And that can hurt. You have all these beautiful things about you and you just want him to love and appreciate who you are the way that he once did. However unfortunately, this happens in many marriages. Sometimes, both parties can feel this way towards one another but when it's only one, it leaves the other feeling unloved and no longer validated. I'm sure he loves you still, but depending on how long you've been together, sometimes certain emotions fade over time. Or we just have gotten use to having that person around so much that we don't often realize that we take for granted what their presence and personality brings into our lives. I'm a strong believer in communication. This is the most effective thing that you can do concerning this situation. If he doesn't know how you feel, how can he change it? You have to let him know that this is how you feel. And I'm sure that he doesn't realize that you feel this way. So you have to talk to him. Tell him what you need. Ask questions so you can gain clarity about how he feels and why things have changed. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to continue feeling this way so you can't go wrong with open and honest communication. The issue is you feel unappreciated and somewhat taken for granted. And no man who loves their wife will continue to let her go on feeling this way without doing something about it.

Well Hello Dolly, This is me Dolly, It's so nice to be back where I belong. I'm still glowing, I'm still crowing I'm still going strong One of our old favourite songs from way back when Have a little faith in me, fellas Dolly'll never go away Promise I'll never go away Dolly'll never go away again

Please, I'd like to chat to the Moderator Soulmate when she is well and feels up to it.

Hi Soulmate, Hoping you're ok? Don't wish to burden you if you're not up to this. Had a meltdown of epic proportion. Having heart pains as a result. This past week has been a bit much. My Partner (you know the one) made the past week unbearable. Git dolloped on his own special brand of bastardom. Mum had her birthday and it was really special when I was alone with her but then Bro wiped out my efforts with his families big show. Displayed on FB for all to see. His first visit in a year. Receiving accolades from all. I can't compete. My cake, candle, paper plates, napkins, flowers, jam drops and wrapped dress were stolen from her room after I left. I've been told that Bro & his beautiful wife/perfect Mother (yes in those exact words) will be made Enduring P of A at Gits request. Now I'll never receive a penny ever of what was once promised me. I see no hope for the future. No change possible ever. No new beginning on any horizon. Yep...no point in saying anything more really. Just letting you know this desperate, needy, pathetic pest is still hanging around. Take care of you. DD

Eyup, DD, I'm here (and well done!), Yeah, I'm not feeling too clever, it's definitely Omicrom again. The flu part is manageable yet constantly niggly, but the 'sleeping sickness' part is not, and is the most characteristic sign. Be careful yourself, given it's doing the Winter rounds, internationally, again. Anyhoo... Another thing in common. Plus Evergreen's my fave track of hers too. I thought the film 'A Star Is Born' was shite, however. But that was down to Chris Christopheropherson (as I call him)...crap actor, wrong looks type for her. (Is he still alive, btw?) Oh, and 'Papa Can You Hear Me' or whatever it's called...that was from Yentyl, wasn't it? So here's where we got to: "It seems all aspects of my personality now irritate him. Just like the character of Katie I realise he is not the man I once idealized" And me reminding you that the toddler pretty soon mounts a massive rebellion against your attempts to instill the new familial/household regime. And here's your latest (carrying on from where you left off via this link: https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13782/notfeelingthelove) (Like the new alias btw!) "My Partner (you know the one)" (Hahahaha! - you make it sound like you have 10! :D) (Christ - imagine...) "made the past week unbearable." The reality is: when didn't she. But you're more acutely aware of it now, are accepting the reality of Her Today (never mind the past before somehow having got acutely but deeply corrupted by those narc businesspeople whom stupidly believe superficial and temporary status and money are the route to happiness (fools)). 'False Gold/Gods', innit. "Git dolloped on his own special brand of bastardom." Haha! I'm noticing and liking how you're waxing lyrical with your account and admonishments! That's a really good and noteworthy sign of psychological progress! (PS: (voiceover man voice) 'Newwww "Basstud Sauce"!... like Daddy's Sauce, only farrrr more powerful, wayyy more basstudom!......For those that like to think they're REAL men - try our REAL sauce TODAY!....orrrrrr whenever you like cos - You're The Man!'...'Freebibwitheverypurchase'.) "Mum had her birthday and it was really special when I was alone with her but then Bro wiped out my efforts with his families big show." What do you mean, wiped them out? "Displayed on FB for all to see. His first visit in a year. Receiving accolades from all. I can't compete." Compete in front of WHAT AUDIENCE? His type? Fakebookers? Why would you want to? Get off FB, is my advice. At least for a while to see the difference. It's nowadays more toxic than not, like a bloody floating lunatic asylum. (Ooh- reminds me of fantastic 'factional' book called 'The Floating Brothel'. You'd enjoy that. Probably peanuts 2nd-hand on Amz etc.) "My cake, candle, paper plates, napkins, flowers, jam drops and wrapped dress were stolen from her room after I left." What?! "I've been told that Bro & his beautiful wife/perfect Mother (yes in those exact words) will be made Enduring P of A at Gits request." Oh, great. Another monster getting fed. "Now I'll never receive a penny ever of what was once promised me." That's not how it works, DD! They can't just break the law like that, especially not over something that serious! Question: do you have a Citizen's Advice Bureau equivalent in any of the towns near you? Or a phone number of one? "I see no hope for the future. No change possible ever. No new beginning on any horizon. Yep...no point in saying anything more really." Not at this precise point, no. Let's see what Fate's got in-store, then. For the time being? "Just letting you know this desperate, needy, pathetic pest is still hanging around." Self-insult not allowed. __________________ Right, keep keeping me posted. Meanwhile, fancy swapping some more funny memes? I really enjoy doing that. And I need cheering-up cos my throat's sore. Again. (Up, down, up, down, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyde...asleep for too long - repeat... This is why my friends and I say Covid is the viral/psychological equivalent of Narcs. CUZ ID IZ.) (PS to your partner: Fur Queue, Screechy McGrough.)

PS: I'm wondering what the heck's going on at ABCD's end. Ach...I hate to think. Don't spose you could have another try with him for me, could you, pretty-please with bells on? As soon as you're up to it, obvs. :)

Here you go - a complete guide: https://a.storyblok.com/f/119877/x/85457d772a/2711_compass_monthlytopics_powersofattorney_document_1.pdf Extract - page 62: "If you have nominated an attorney but have doubts later, you may be able to change the enduring power and choose another attorney, as long as you still have capacity. Once an enduring power of attorney takes effect (which may be immediately or because you have lost capacity), other people close to you may be able to apply to a tribunal to have your attorney’s actions investigated if there is doubt that they are acting in your best interests. See the articles about powers of attorney in your state or territory for more information on what can be done." (relevant links included)

As you'll see - there are heavy rules for being an attorney, and such a thing as 'transaction conflict', and having to submit yearly accounts. They can't just spend her money. Everything has to be justified as being in her and only her financial interests. No fur coat for the (hah!) perfect wife & mother nor holiday in Greece, therefore, OH NO. Read it- you'll see. After all: if it were a magic, Golden-egg-laying Goose - why on earth would Git have suddenly decided he wanted rid of that 'luxury'? THINK ABOUT IT. Nay worries, lass. Say it with me: Ah could'n' giv uh Four Ex, mite! Now cheer us both up with an Aussie joke if you please. I only know the one about Aussie man's version of foreplay ("Want the lights on or off, Shiela?"). Or sprinkle more fairy-dust over more OPs. Just - let's change your routine and see what new chains happen. :))) PS: Christmas is coming. And Narcs like to spoil all special occasions, Xmas being the 'best'. I'm gonna need a bigger 'butt' or an extra shipmate/mite.

...Yeah.... Stepdud didn't LIKE his new toy in the end because it didn't do everything it said it'd do on his childishly phantasmical tin. Won't be long until Bother & Strife get (pathologically and too rapidly) get bored with it as well. Then it'll be Blister. And then when they're all finally convinced of the reality that it was NOT a golden goose, just a boring CHORE, it'll be HANDED TO YOU (finally), Cinders. :D You watch.

...And then they'll ALL PEEL OFF from the Mum Scene until there's just you and Mum left, in-peace. And then, despite her dementia won't wear off, the F.O.G. portion of it will, which will make a huge positive difference in her lucidity. (That's enough from my crystal-ball tho - it uses up a heck of a lot of charge haha.)

(PS: Thanks anyway, Jateace - you weren't to know this was an ongoing one-on-one thang. :))

And now I'm going to move you down the board, out-of-sight (nyack-nyack) by doing a mass bump-up.... ('Furque, furque, furQUE', lol)

Firstly wanted to thank ASKJATEASE for responding to me. I do appreciate your time and effort. I'm just most comfortable with Soulmate as we are familiar with each other.

Secondly, Hi again Soulmate, Get that finger ready to push me right down the page! Perhaps you can delete this? Want to help out. Truly I do. Referring to ABCD. However, I've had a shocking week and are not in the frame of mind to gently converse with ABCD. Fearful my current annoyance would over flow and be totally inappropriate. Example below: (so you can see the scary frame of mind I'm currently exhibiting) Just had an image in my head (brace yourself for crazy) of the wedding cake topper. Saw her take you ABCD (the groom figurine) out & put her Mother in beside her. But doesn't this just say it all? You are removable. You are not of high value to her. You are the solid, resin, figurine to fit the 'normal' image/picture. She needs a 'groom' beside her to get the life she is after. But she 'wants' Mother there 'always' not necessarily 'you'. ABCD this isn't LOVE. This is 'acting out the scene of a romance and the inevitable going down the aisle'. You have a purpose (for now!). To complete the look (image) to all guests & make her (fiancée) feel to all like a 'success' in life. Your fiancee needs the groom figurine and you're the schmuck mate (sorry not sorry). You are the only pliable male she has found to fit the bill. Nice enough to manipulate into believing she is nice enough to marry. Please look in the mirror and practise these VOWS. Usual: For better or worse. ABCD: For worse Usual: For richer or for poorer ABCD: For poorer Usual: In sickness and in health ABCD: Through Mental sickness as well as physical sickness Usual: For as long as you both shall live ABCD: This will damage me for as long as I shall live As the wedding gets closer watch her get nicer towards you. She has to succeed. This schmuck must be waiting for me at the end of the aisle. Manipulation & Control. Solve it now. Once and for all! Tell her... “I'm not making suggestions nor getting involved in the wedding plans not because of work but because you and your mother are getting married and I'm just a guest. If I suggested anything would it really make a difference? Would you change things now to please me?” Then add a clincher 'and your choice of ________ (colours/flowers/whatever) really sucks. Talk about bad taste'. Sit back & watch your world burn!!! Your actual, genuine future begins from this moment! Does she stop dead in her tracks & think before she speaks and makes her next move? Is she taking time and being careful figuring out her words. Must keep up the façade. So close and yet so far. Can't lose the fish of the hook this far in. 'oh darling I didn't realise you felt that way' rub of arm and smile, head on side'. Mate your balls are on the chopping block. Look down and say good-bye to them. Or Sit back & watch. ANGER. Explosive. Different woman. Who the fuck is she? Yelling 'well you are ungrateful and mum says this about you...blah...blah...you're lucky to be getting me'. Either way BIG CONGRATS ABCD you've achieved 'Happily NEVER! After'. And you are about to choose to ruin potential innocent little souls lives with mommy dearest there. So from a victim of non stop EMOTIONAL & PHYSICAL ABUSE as a child and well into adulthood then I'll speak for them and say this to you their potential Daddy... 'Thank you Daddy for choosing a totally manipulative, mentally disturbed, bitch for my mummy and my matching Nanna. I'm damaged for life and have had more spankings than I could count. At school I watch other parents and wonder why I didn't deserve that kind of consideration, caring and genuine love. You exposed me to this forever. You had real doubts about both of them. However you went head long in ignoring good advice and that warning voice in your own head. You and you alone chose to permanently TAINT and negatively IMPACT my little life due to your indecision. If only you'd manned up & grown a set of balls then I'd have had a normal mummy, loving home and good life. You have failed at 'unconditional love'. You have achieved 'selfish love'. All I can reflect on is how you must have really wanted mummy to deliberately make me with her and place me permanently in this situation. Daddy you had doubts. Daddy I had no choice in this life you provided for me. I'm a victim of Nanna, Mummy & YOU!'. *SEE SOULMATE...can't talk to ABCD. Best avoided. NOW BEST TO DELETE.

Sorry Soulmate, That entry was a hearty helping of what my daughter yelled at me. Just 'tweaked' to suit saying it to a Male/Father. She followed it with 'I will NEVER forgive you. I hate you. I don't even like you'. Angry Bird. Don't blame her at all. She was right. I did go ahead and bring her into a Dysfunctional Family. It was egotistical of me to think I could protect her and be all she'd need. Clearly I failed. It doesn't sit comfortably with me. ABCD is making me feel rather cross. His procrastination is frustrating me. He's ignoring sincere, good advice. He thinks he is in love and yet admits to warning bells. OH! I know. I know. I should know better. We've all been guilty of it. New topic: YOU! I'm worried. I've been thinking about you on & off for days. Shocking illness. Do you have somebody there to help you out? Please tell me you aren't going it completely alone. You are a tower of strength BUT even you need to take better care of yourself. Rest up. Sleep more. Eat well. Ignore the demands of nutters like me for awhile. Give yourself time. You are always switched on! It is a lot to ask of yourself. Your mind, your body. It is taxing. Exhausting taking on all these people & their issues. I'll bet you'd say it is candy to you. What you love doing and you're fantastic at it! However, don't forget about YOU. Your body is making you slow down and catch up. Please take care! I'm not just being selfish (as in I need you in my life) but as a fellow human being who appreciates you and can see the value in you. You are your own kind of special brand. Rare, unique, special. STOP WEARING YOURSELF OUT! You deserve time for you. To relax. Chill. Lecture from Mum time. You go & go. It is ok not to answer everybody all the time. Kick your shoes off, lay back, close your eyes. Some times you need to slow down, recuperate! You'll fizzle out if you don't. As for jokes. I don't know many. Told you one previously about 'emotions'. Remember '_ucking dis custard'? I only know the inappropriate, dirty ones my husband use to tell. I don't retell very well. Did you hear the one about the guy jogging along the beach? He hears a female crying. He stops at the towel where she is. She has only a torso. Why are you crying? he asks 'I've never been hugged' she says through her tears. So he bends down and gives her a big hug. 'There you go now you've been hugged' he says. But she keeps right on crying. 'Why ae you still crying?' he says. She responds with 'because I've never been kissed'. So he bends down and kisses her smack on the lips. 'There you go now you've been kissed' he says. Yep. You guessed it. She keeps right on sobbing. 'Why are you still crying?' he says. Her response 'because I've never been f _ ucked'. He quickly picks her up, walks her to the waters edge and throws her in the ocean. He calls out 'there you go, you are fucked now!'. There you go Soulmate. APOLOGIES! This is so not allowed I'm guessing? Aussies are always inappropriate.

My ex husband was rathe immature and full of dad jokes. He did 'get me good' as we say many moons ago when I was but an innocent young girl. You MUST already know this one. Very popular. He had me recite as fast as possible, over & over the 'Fletcher the Pheasant Plucker' tongue twister. I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son, But I'll keep on plucking pheasants 'Till the pheasant plucker comes. Like he knew I would end up saying... I'll keep on fucking pleasant 'till the pleasant fucker comes SORRY AGAIN! YOU ASKED!

You surely know the movie 'Their a Weird Mob'. This 1966 Australian Comedy Film depicts exactly how we were before all this Political Correctness took over. I grew up watching that which is now considered so wrong. The Benny Hill Show The Three Stooges The Paul Hogan Show with his offsider Strop aka Arthur Dunger Graham Kennedy and his 'Blankety Blanks' show. Bert Newton his off sider. We loved them all! The more inappropriate, the more funny we found it. My Grandfather was a shocker for stirring us up. Teaching us 'dirty little ditties' etc He came out with funny one liners non stop! Nanna use to refer to him as Bob Hope. Without a word of a lie. He looked exactly like him! People would stop us in the shops and say as much. Nan would say 'yes I married bloody Bob Hope'. She was laughing though. Pretending to be annoyed. That was their camaraderie which carried them through 63 years of marriage. Their special magic saved us 3 kids. We knew laughter. Gran used it as a pick me up. Watched heaps of Comedy movies growing up! An old fav is The Court Jester, Danny Kaye Then as I got older (whenever I was down) I'd deliberately put on The Odd Couple 1 & 2 (more modern versions) by Neil Simon starring Walter Matthau & Jack Lemmon Side note daughter often says she is Oscar and I'm Felix. Also a big fan of the 'Grumpy Old Men' Movies. Such a huge reminder of Grandads character. Side note will NEVER forget my Sisters accusations against Gran after he's gone. Bro won't forgive her either. Only thing Bro & I have ever agreed upon. Sorry I jump back & forth. A bit of a scatter brain these days aren't I? Hopefully, these suggestions may appeal to you! Now go & get your favourite indulgence (whatever that may be) mine is liqueur cherries, put your feet up & watch something until you either wet your pants laughing or fall asleep. Take care of you! Talk soon HUGS

"NOW BEST TO DELETE." Ollocks, will I - that was perfect! AND appropriately in-yer-face earnest and desperate-on-behalf for this 'latening' hour (is that a word, cos it should be). Big fat grin from me and I'm pasting it over to him right now! Back in a tick... PS: You're obviously convinced I'm a woman as you've called me She again. I don't mind which you picture me as because my gender literally has no bearing on here, but from now on, it's "s/he", please/ta.

"You are a tower of strength BUT even you need to take better care of yourself. Rest up. Sleep more. Eat well. Ignore the demands of nutters like me for awhile. Give yourself time." Yeah, ta, I am. I've managed to re-set my timeclock (note time - Tweet-Tweet, you're newly a Songbird and I'm now a Morning Lark, was up and awake yesterday and today at 8.30am (I knowww!). Trying to squeeze as much daylight and sunshine out of the days, now that it's getting dark before 6. Apparently, good Vit D stores are imperative for avoiding or foreshortening Omicrom, (as well as using saltwater every night as your mouthwash), despite it's just another 'normal' flu now (so no need to call Meals-On-Wheels just yet hahaha, bless). PS: That's quite shpookily coinkydinky, actually....think about it: I decide to become more Morning Lark and next thing, you're coming on here calling yourself Songbird. Ooo-ERR... (insert Twilight Zone musak)...

Get to the rest in a bit (day off(!!!)) - haven't even had my morning coffee (and coughie) yet - gaaasp!....

"SORRY AGAIN! YOU ASKED!" Yeah, I asked, but, A-HEM!, I also asked more than once that you please asterisk your swear-words. Might have to delete those two messages now... Try to remember, yeah?

"mine is liqueur cherries" Bloody Nora???? NO WAY! Here in Spain, they sell Ma Cherie (think that's what they're called, think I've still one left in the fridge, will check next coffee break) - (real) dark chocs containing cherry liqueur and a Marachino. No sugary shell. My favourite Winter choc! (Getting shpookier....)

PS: Might be safer just to send me witty memes.

PPS: I don't think I need to keep bumping you lower, actually. Thanks to Jateace, if 'Schweppes' ("Shh, you know who!") opened this thread, she'd start reading from the top and quickly dismiss it. (She's not exactly patient, anyway, is she.)

PPPS: DELETE OUR LINK FROM YOUR HISTORY AFTER EVERY VISIT, THOUGH.

"She followed it with 'I will NEVER forgive you. I hate you. I don't even like you'." She can't feel powerful without her resentment as her ever-circling and -regenerating,...well - generator. That's why she's holding onto it. PLUS it means she has an excuse to sit around all day on her low-confidenced a*se. Tell her that, and when she denies it, tell her to PROVE it: by writing you a long, no-holds barred (but not verbally abusive) letter, which you will read over and over and discuss once you've had time to think it all through (and sift any crap or over-exaggeration from the truth). Bet she won't. Because she needs that Resentment (as above). Or (worst case) because it's now indelible. But let her prove you/me wrong. The challenge is AWWWWN! PS: I take it you haven't dropped your Grey Rock-stroke-retraining programme, just because she tightened the thumb screws? Your thumbs will grow back so don't worry about that. KEEP TRUCKING, cement those "I ain't 'avin' it!' feet into the ground. Are you/have you? What's the specific situation/climate now?

Oh, and also - ask her: then, with that the (alleged) case, why on EARTH doesn't she want to move out? ...The usual healthy retort, usually said to a fartner: If I'm the bane of your life, then why haven't you left yet? How can you stand to remain 24/7 in the company of a woman you rightly-or-wrongly so despise? Ffffunny, that!...always-always funny, that. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER. SO WHAT'S SHE GETTING OUT OF STAYING, THAT SHE DAREN'T CHANGE/LOSE? (What's your theory, DD?)

And, now, just between you and me - read this: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201208/which-comes-first-resentment-or-narcissism (by Steven Stosny, Ph.D) " Which Comes First, Resentment or Narcissism? Sometimes the Egg Eats the Chicken THE BASICS What Is Narcissism? Take our Narcissistic Partner Test Find a therapist who understands narcissism. Narcissism and resentment go together. The usual explanation is that narcissists are resentful because the world doesn’t recognize their brilliance or meet their demands for special privleges. That's probably true in a great many cases. But it is also possible that chronic resentment leads to narcissism. A derivative of innate anger, resentment emerges in pre adolescence when children develop a strong sense of fairness. Resentment requires a perception of unfairness. It shares the physiological characteristics of anger but is less intense and of longer duration, i.e., it reaches much lower levels of arousal but lasts much, much longer. Where anger (when directed at others) is an aggressive exertion of power to get someone to back off or submit to what you want (either in reality or in your imagination), resentment is a defensive way of mentally devaluing and retaliating against those whom you perceive to be treating you unfairly. Preadolescents are vulnerable to resentment because they perceive a lot of unfairness, in large part because the immature prefrontal cortex cannot objectively evaluate their behavior. This deprives them of context for evaluating the fairness of other people's behavior and makes them feel bewildered and illused by negative feedback they get from those whom they offend. As a result, their egos are generally fragile, in need of a lot of defense. Resentment functions as an ego defense when perceived unfairness seems to devalue the self. If a child perceives a lot of unfairness, resentment expands into a defensive system, which activates whenever he/she feels uncomfortable. The systematic use of resentment as a defense occurs before prefrontal cortical development can provide a substantial sense of self that is less in need of defense, i.e., less fragile. Pre and early adolescence is characterized by black and white thinking and oversimplification, with fantasy substituted for self awareness and unrealistic projections obscuring awareness of others - characteristics retained in adulthood by the resentful and the narcissistic. Maturity of the prefrontal cortex provides a substantial sense of self for most people, who are able to outgrow the need of resentment as a generalized ego defense. The mature self is less in need of defense because it is more realistic, self-aware, and perceptive of actual social context of achievement and acceptance. However, the prefrontal cortex does not reach full maturity until the late twenties. By then, some people have formed entrenched habits of using the low-grade epinephrine, nurepinephrine, and cortisol of resentment for energy and ego defense. As a result, they are less able to avail the full power of their prefrontal cortex to counteract the confirmation bias and cognitive distortions inherent in resentment, much less to fortify a sense of self free of unrealistic attributions and projections. Because the world seems to treat them especially unfairly, they feel entitled to special compensation. In other words, they become narcissistic." _____________________________________________________________________ About sums her up, wouldn't you say? (Note: narcissist-IC is not the same as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is the gateway, though. And, depending on degree, horrible enough on its own to try to have any relationship with. Same as the overly insecure. Suffice it to say: she's stuck fast up her own a*rse and needs pulling out, basically.) Thoughts/feelings?

Read it. Nailed it. Yes that is it. In a nutshell. Resentment turned to Narcissism. But how does one mend this? Can it be? Seems pretty firmly established. I always delete my history. Grey Rock-stroke-retraining programme still in place. I've actually seen/experienced some positive changes here in the last few days. Hope upon hope it lasts. Sorry can't send you witty memes as I don't really get what they are and I don't know how to find them or do it? Not great with modern technology only the minimal basics. Could use a box of Ma Cherie right about now LOL so much for the diabetes. Increase meds LOL They only are available here once a year between October to Early December. Our temperatures get so very high that the centre 'liqueur' dries out very quickly and the chocolate turns white. Even in the fridge. It doesn't matter what you try to keep them in tip top condition. I actually befriended the man who orders them in annually at my local store. He knows the sad facts about Liqueur Cherries here in Aussie Land. He tries to get them in earlier say Sept. and phones me to let me know if they arrive on the truck early. Because the stores (to save money and power) turn off the air conditioning at night. Hence, choccies at Xmas Time here are not a success. Same as Easter the eggs turn to mush in your hand or sweat profusely in the fridge. Our fridges can't cope already this year. They leak water and are hot to the touch on the side. We've been having shocking heat waves & super cells & flash flooding non stop. Haven't been able to go out in days (as we walk). These chocs make a nice gift if only they'd live longer on shelf here. He said they get tonnes bought back for a refund due to the middle having evaporated. A bit of chocolate in Australia trivia. You can tell tea and chocs are passions of mine LOL

You said: ...The usual healthy retort, usually said to a fartner: If I'm the bane of your life, then why haven't you left yet? How can you stand to remain 24/7 in the company of a woman you rightly-or-wrongly so despise? Ffffunny, that!...always-always funny, that. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER. SO WHAT'S SHE GETTING OUT OF STAYING, THAT SHE DAREN'T CHANGE/LOSE? (What's your theory, DD?) I HAVE said similar to this to her in just the last week. I actually believe I won that round. She has been rather contrite since. She simply can't get past her resentment of her life in comparison to the other now adult kids in this family. Her anger towards me for being a 'failure' in all areas apparently. By the way...I'll pay the being poor sucked big time and watching the others be spoilt was/is still very difficult for her. But her life was very good in non material ways. I really devoted myself to quality time spent with her & imaginative play. We were best buddies up until about 16. All I ever wanted was a baby girl. A live dolly. In my opinion I spoilt her love, time, attention and praise. She is a lazy girl who values her freedom from the 'have to's' of life. She literally avoids what everybody else does automatically daily. She uses me. I'm less a Mother and more unpaid hired help. I watch what little she does in a day and it really riles me. Within one hour I've done more chores & 'have to's' than she does in one whole day 24 hours. She does next to nothing. Then has the audacity to say she is tired. The other day I minded these two dogs in a heat wave so special attention needed (cold, wet towels, extra iced water, cooling pads on their bedding, making dog friendly ice-blocks etc), I did all the housework, I did some yard work and got sunburnt, I walked to the shops and got sunburnt (it is so strong here that UV rays go through my umbrella and my TShirt, and hat. The top of your head is still very hot to touch). I put the groceries away & began to cook dinner for the four of us. She slept in until 3pm. She then drank the iced coffee I'd made her and was waiting in the fridge. She then talked to her friends on line for two hours. She then declared she was 'exhausted' and needed to go for a nap! It is like she doesn't see what I do. She doesn't want to. By the evening I could barely serve her, her dinner. I was walking doubled over at the waist. I looked in the mirror and saw how white my face was completely drained of colour. More tests coming but couldn't get out in the storms to travel to the City yet. I said to her... I don't want you getting back in that bed (queen size) and biggest room in the place. Because in the heatwave you've made the sheets and pillow slip smell sweaty. We don't have air cond. Only stand alone fans. I need to change the linen but I'm in pain so please do it for me. 'Nope I can't' she said. 'I'm not sure how you do it so neat and proper whereas I just throw a loose sheet over the bed'. I said 'will you please come and we'll do it together then. I'll teach you'. 'Nope I can't as I'm in the middle of something important here on my computer. You do it and then I'll go for my nap'. It takes everything in me not to scream at her! I said 'what the heck can be so important and can't you see me struggling here? I'm sick. Do you even care?' I got told she is in a cue online with a dog forum problem page and needs to discuss her puppy and doesn't wish to lose her place but can barely keep her eyes open so please have the bed ready for me as soon as I've gotten my answers about puppy. Now I know I should not have done it for her right? But I can't stand the room smelling of sweat. It repulses me. Also I weighed up the freedom time. Naughty me. I like to get some space from each other. I literally need it. She slept. Got up at around midnight and then watched Alien shows on TV until 4:20am. So in answer to your query...she will lose her freedom. Her lifestyle. I call her 'Permanent Holiday girl'. She only cares for herself and that puppy (lately I've become pups mum and this is now causing strife). The girl doesn't learn ever. She is on repeat with her errors of judgment and mistakes. She simply doesn't seem to 'see' anything clearly??? No comprehension that if you leave this puppy alone for five hours with me to go do 'fun' shopping then puppy clings to me for all her needs. Puppy turns two in a week. She is also copying Big Doggy and following her around. Monkey see, monkey do. So when Raya jumps on my lap & gives me kissess then puppy squeezes in and does it also. Now puppy won't sit with daughter to watch the Alien Movies all night long. She is following me room to room as does Raya. I'm sick of pointing things out to her. She is very intelligent yet she has eyes with which she doesn't see what is going on right in front of her face. Situations she has created. One of her friends is rich. She won a court case years back and NEVER has to work. So daughter spends hours every day sending memes with her, discussing their dogs, laughing, joking etc She'd lose her cleaning lady, her cook, her dog minder, her freedom, her couch and it's actual dint groove from her arse.

She also suffers from severe jealousy. Of her cousins. Of everything! Like if I speak to my Niece. If I speak to anybody other than her. I see it most and hear it in her speech mostly after a visit to my Mother. She gets angry. She can be forked tongued and rather nasty. She rang me constantly to interrupt my Birthday visit with Mum. She was sarcastic towards me. She called me pathetic. Then when I got home and I was crying she scoffed at me. Really rudely mocked me. I sort of get why. I was on a little high getting home that day. I achieved my goal plus got a bit extra I wasn't expecting. She did not like that I was happy. She complained I was gone too long. She accused me of not caring about her being left home alone in this neighbourhood and of putting my Mother first. I told her she was being immature and unreasonable. That her words don't make an ounce of sense. I'd offered for her to come with me. Bring the dogs also. The Residents love seeing our two dogs. I was paying for travel etc so it wasn't going to cost her anything other than her time. She said she 'wanted' to stay home and had things she had 'planned' on doing without me there. I'd like to chat with you further Soulmate about Mums Birthday if you will indulge me. I don't have any friend to tell what happened. The day was weird good. The days that followed were not. I've done a lot of crying as a result. Of course I tried to confide in my adult daughter about what happened and how I was feeling. She did say 'why are you crying?' when I got in. First returned home. It quickly changed to 'you are so weak and so pathetic'. So I didn't discuss the rest with her. I just got on with the chores. She did nothing when I was gone. Didn't even take her coffee mug out to the sink.

If I'm boring you or you don't have time to read this then that is ok. I understand. You have an important role and I'm more than a little 'too needy'. As I mentioned previously post Mums B'Day everything I did for her and gave her was stolen! I was upset at the time. Bawled like a 3 year old. Let's say I was over tired and drained emotionally. I now realise that on her actual B'Day I was given a gift. A fantastic day with some down right magical moments thrown in. It was weird. It was amazing. Makes one believe in something out there beyond us. Bigger. Watching. Knows what is what. Steps in and sets things to right. I am at peace with my Mother now. Can't seem to make anybody understand my thought patterns nor analysis. I get heads shaking at me. I get comments like 'you're so desperate'. I know Mum tortured us as kids. I could spend hours on a psychiatrists couch. I have written it all down in a journal. To face it once and for all. Why? You may remember Soulmate how I began to tell daughter about the emotional and physical abuse. At first she listened and I thought I was getting somewhere. By way of understanding from her. BUT she quickly shut me down when I started up the topic again the next day. Even put her hand up in a STOP sign. Said 'I've heard enough about the evil b*itch and what she did. I won't be visiting her again and I don't want her around my dogs. I can't believe what a weakling loser you are. The fact that you still dote on this woman and visit her is mind boggling. She should be left there to rot alone. I have zero respect for you. You think yourself strong but Mum you are so desperate for love that it makes me want to vomit. I won't listen to anymore of it. My Aunt and Uncle are the strong ones. They have abandoned the b*tch as they should. I cannot fathom for one moment why you still run to her, dote on her or even care'. I offered to explain why I do but she walked away and said if I bring the subject of Nanna up then she will just keep on leaving the room until I learn. I want somebody to actually 'hear me' and try to understand my reasoning before I die. Somebody who will listen without judgment. Somebody who won't shake their head at me nor name call me. Somebody who will tell me the truth though. I can take it. As daughter turned her back & walks away. Will not listen. I started writing the memories down in a journal. It has made me realise how bad it was. How damaged I am. However, it has made me see Mum differently. I get some of what she must have been going through. Her struggle. Her inner turmoil. It can't have been easy being her. She gave it all her best shot. She crumbled under the pressure. She didn't have much to work with from the get go. Mum was BORN mentally unhinged. She can't help that. She had to cope as best she could. Situations in life were just too much for her to handle. She snapped under the pressure. This I get. I can now see through her eyes more from my own experiences as an adult and Mother. My daughter simply can't relate to any of it. I can now see the bigger picture. I've talked to Mum for hours at that Nursing Home. Mum is lucid A LOT. WAY MORE than Doctors predicted. What I see is a lady locked up for her personality and those not in the know think it is dementia. I'm going to say her name for the whole world to hear. It doesn't matter. She is an 81 year old woman struggling in a high security ward of a Nursing Home. OH yes...dementia is there and starting but her reactions are Clare. Her behaviours are Clare. IT is how she has always been. Now she is medicated. On the correct drugs. Now she has some clarity and therefore now so do I.

Change of Topic. Did something silly. Contacted a free psychic. Yeah...I know what you're probably thinking as I think it too However I found her response quite enlightening I gave ZERO personal information away She asked me to concentrate on a topic and then to type a one sentence question which I wanted the answer for So I did. I did not mention names or anything. I will tell you that I was thinking of my Sister (side note: I haven't been on FB socially for ages with family members! I do have to check daily for doll orders and club messages. Sometimes a message box opens whilst I'm on. I read it but do not respond. Only an old friend has made contact once in a month. I haven't been tempted at all by Social Media. Neither have I been on Instagram.) So this is back ground knowledge. Now I'll go send you the psychic reading. Merely out of curiosity am I sharing it.

This person was definitely expecting a reaction from you This person was expecting an emotional outburst from you what they didn't expect was your silence This person expected a big reaction something to feed the chaos that follows them The person made a terrible mistake by projecting their issues onto you You made a choice for silence and peace This person wrongly thought your silence as a sign of weakness This person underestimated your kindness for weakness This person didn't expect you to stand your ground You stood your ground and it has thrown them for a loop You are showing them that their actions are irrelevant You have become a mirror for this person to face themselves in You made the decision to respect your peace rather than engage The person doesn't deserve your time Your strength is currently haunting them more than anything you could have said or done You were right not to engage with this person who doesn't deserve any of your energy The person was battling their own demons and was projecting this onto you You know who this is because they constantly picked fights with you Picking fights over the littlest things The person is only now realising the weight of what they have done This person is panicking over you right now They thought that you'd be running back to them by now This person really underestimated you They treated you poorly and you showed them your strength This persons intention was to prove themselves right by getting a reaction from you This person wanted to get under your skin This person believed they would win by you losing it with them This person failed because you left the situation rather than engaging with them Do not think your silence and disconnect means you are weak I am giving you confirmation that you've made the correct choice You've truly shown them your strength I reiterate the person is not worthy of any response from you I reiterate you made the right choice The person thought they'd have won The person was expecting to have won This person is now realising they made a big mistake! It is time this person faces themselves

Romeo wherefore art thou? It was the lark, the herald of the morn, no nightingale. Look, love, what envious streaks do lace the severing clouds in yonder east. Night's candles are burnt out, and day stands tiptoe on the misty mountain tops. How are you? Worried Let me know how your health is progressing when you are up to it Omicron and its variants are wicked Fight it. Stay strong. Hang in there HUG (PS not love bombing just care doesn't matter if we don't really know each other nor live far apart. Just one human being concerned for another who has been very supportive of me)

Hi, just going to chat about general stuff happening if that is alright. I know I come across as annoying, demanding, needy (because I am). I have nobody to talk to nor confide in & this Sunday is not turning out to be a fun day. Whilst I was alone pottering around all was fine. Partner having a long sleep in. Once finished the chores started creating The Thanksgiving Doll Diorama & was really enjoying this past time. Me and the two dogs. Peaceful. They were sleeping after a play, pee & breakfast. Tranquil. Before too long Partner comes down. Phone rings. Git. Partner answers. Things went pair shaped from that point. Yesterday and few days prior I'd made actually progress with Partner. I wouldn't call it any great leaps & bounds achieved but I was noticing a change. A slight breeze. A little breath of fresh air. Actually in truth it is easier to get along with Partner when they sleep half the day away and then go shopping for 4+ hours. So a lull until today. Apparently Git went on & on about the 25 year old cousins great success and fun time had in Japan. She just returned and he had much to say about her photos (how beautiful she is? How independent travelling to a foreign land and staying all alone. How clever she is as she can't speak the language. It just went on...I could hear him from across the room. Then he informs Partner that other cousin (age 21 years) is about to leave in the next few weeks to work and live in Japan as an English Teacher. She too will be all alone. once again he went on about how (she is a really good looker, stunning with a sexy body on her?) then adds how she has turned out well. Once again it is on speaker & I'm in our small villa so can hear every word spoken with my own two ears. Partner soon hangs up the phone. There is that expression I'm very familiar with. Anger. I felt rather nervous and a bit scared to be honest. I knew what was coming. A tirade. So I left the room. Went to do the laundry folding. However, I was pursued. Contd.

Background Knowledge: This first female Cousin who just got back from Japan is leaving in a few weeks for a European Tour. Gone for months. Needed an escape due to her depression? Mummy & Daddy are rolling in money and gave her the funds to travel. She is an unpaid actor doing roles here & there. She works a few days a week at a Pharmacy as a Counter Sales Assistant not a Chemist or any such career. This second female Cousin leaving to be an English Teacher soon just turned 21 recently. Had a party. Got given her first car with a big bow on it. Worked Part time in a take away food store. Has a rich Uncle. He helps her Mum & Dad afford things. Her Dad was a stay at home father who began being a post man when the kids became teenagers. Her Mum works in a TV studio behind the scenes in the office. They are not rolling in money. They have just enough & Uncle does indeed frequently give them large hand outs. I won't even begin to tell about the other family kids. I've touched on it in the past. Spoilt rotten. Rich & famous grandfather.

Neither of these young females has worked exceptionally hard in their lives to date. Both work part time or casual. Both are given money hand outs to travel regularly this was not the first time. So partners tirade began... She was the highest achiever annually in Japanese at her school & spoke it fluently. Each year of her school life she received awards on stage for outstanding achievement in Japanese. At 15 her male Aussie but Japanese teacher phoned and offered to take her to Japan with him. He thought it would be great for her. He said she'd need about $1000AUD for costs. He was a family man (father of 4) was very friendly, kind & spoke to me on the phone often. Said he was greatly impressed with her academic level. I trusted him to a degree. Realistically he was a virtual stranger asking to escort my daughter half way around the world. I didn't have the money. I was fearful sending her unchaperoned away so young. She'd never spent one night away from me. She flipped out when I said 'no'. She kept on at me. I asked the opinion of her Grandparents and Great Grandparents. All agreed she was not worldly enough and way too young to travel alone with a male teacher. She threw a temper tantrum. Insisted they pay for her to go & extra for me to go with her. Her Grandparents said we'll make you a deal. You have two more years of high school to go. Get the top award for year 11 & year 12 and then at 17 years of age nearly 18 we'll let you go on the trip with Mr Maths (as he goes annually). She harped on & on. She cried. She was angry. She said 'that is a breeze as I've always gotten the awards and I don't see what difference two years will make'. As usual living with her when she didn't get her way was a nightmare for me and she didn't let up mentioning it for about six months. Halfway through year 11 she quit Japanese. Said she didn't want to do that subject anymore. Male Teacher fought her on quitting. She said she wanted to do Mythology and Gemmology instead. She did do the Gemmology. So today she hangs up the phone...yelling at me...everything is my fault! Quote 'I'm a cowardly, piece of shit Mother, no guts, no gumption, no gall. I'm a pathetic human being. I never came through on the deal for Japan'. I went to the laundry to escape her tirade. She followed and persisted. Quote 'I'm pathetic, I'm a loser...blah...blah... it went on & on. I could see she was holding back tears. Initially I tried to sympathise and say I understood how she felt but this made her more angry. The accusations were flying. The insults kept right on coming. she became her usual 'hard to love or like Monster'. I admit to calmly saying words I probably should not have said. I lost my temper without yelling. I know what I said was wrong but I'm soooo sick of her! She is a 32 year old baby. I'm so over it! I said good things come to nice people and that her personality sucks so nothing will ever change. I left the room. Now she is not talking to me. Mother of the Year!

I am exceedingly unhappy. I don't know how not to be unhappy. I know I spoke coldly to my daughter today and out of line. At least I did not name call, raise my voice nor swear. I have since apologised to her twice for what I said. I can tell that she hasn't forgiven me. I am expected to forgive the one thousand insults and hurts she bestows on me however the same is not reciprocated. I am over tired. It is 2am. I have sat up until 5am every evening for many now & allow my girl to go to bed. Why? Because although the perps next door were evicted they are still in the area. One who came to our door & stared straight at the cameras was walking our street in a rain storm the other day. Another of the gang saw me in the grocery store and instantly told his mate who I was and then they followed me aisle to aisle until a staff member asked them to leave because he noticed and said if you aren't buying anything then go. Also, the gang (I recognise their car) has been doing tail gating and drag racing in our street for the past few nights which has been frightening me. My nerves are on edge. Sometimes they play the car radio gangster music up loud (no regard for the hour) and this makes me even more nervous. On top of all this I've been quite unwell with the usual pain but then severe fainting & dizzy spells and nausea. It seems I have a blood infection. I'm now on strong meds. So back to the trouble causing phone call made to daughters phone by Git today (now yesterday)....

He said to her the following. “Your Uncle and his family gave your Grandmother the best time ever two days after her birthday. Yes, she had the only good time since the last time they took her out. Their kids are all so successful, polite and doting. Even your Uncle was patient, tolerant and gentle with Clare. I have 20 photos to show your Mother. I'll send you one now if I can on this new phone. We were driven to a fancy CAFE for brunch in their new $45,000 car. The meals were so expensive and all four kids plus the oldest boys girl friend ordered big meals with fancy drinks. I only got Clare and myself a toasted ham and cheese sandwich as everything else on the menu was too expensive. We all laughed and chatted for two hours. It was wonderful. Just wonderful. Then we took her back to the Nursing Home and she seemed happy”. He then sent through one photo to her of all of them around a big table. Even the new girl friend. Nobody was doting on Mum. She was a little away from them (to the side and did not look happy at all. No smiling. She was very white/pale and looked super tired). But Git well he was BEAMING (never seen him so happy in 32 years) also he was giving a double thumbs up signal to the camera. Never known him to have a personality either. Guess for him it was another 'MAGIC' moment. If you recall his word when he got Mum declared non compos mentis at the tribunal and took all her money, the house, the car, bank accounts. The Lot. I have seen my Mum nearly every second day for over a year. I've held her whilst she shook with sobs. I've wiped her eyes. I've done her laundry. I've organised her room with her. I've given her parties. I've taken the dogs to see her. I've taken her in the garden. I've bought her music. I've decorated her room with ornaments and photos of her parents from home. I've taken her to the Nursing Home cafe several times. I take her for walks with the dogs. So much more. BUT ALAS...my Brother, his wife (the rich ones) and their four spoilt kids with a new girlfriend in toe took her out for the first time in over a year to a CAFE for two hours and they are HERO'S. To add insult to injury is the way Git informed me the day after her actual B'Day which I spent with her. That everything was gone. Her gifts (one yet to be unwrapped), her card, her birthday cake with candle still in it, the picnic stuff, her new dress, her home made jam drops, her chocolate bar, the lunch box they were in, the vase of everlasting flowers on her bedside table I gave her 'Statice' my Nanas fav because it doesn't require water and never dies. The miniature satin rose bouquet I made and put in a lace tussie mussie for her bedside table. He chuckled slightly and said 'sorry to say (my name) but it seems to all have all oddly gone up in smoke. When I said I was going to see the person in charge about the stealing he told me 'No! (my name). Don't do that. It will only cause trouble and awkward feelings and they'll probably take it out on your Mother when we are not there. Let it go (my name). A wandering dementia patient probably came in her room and took it all. I said 'that is ridiculous'. The ward has only 8 beds on it. They can search the rooms because that was a lot of stuff, even a still wrapped gift, there would be paper left behind as the rooms don't have a bin. All those items carried out by one elderly person? I don't think so. He responded with 'don't be a trouble causer (my name) let it go, let it go. Your Mother won't remember anything you did anyways. I really hate that man!

I'm hurt. I'll be ok. I can rise above it. What Git doesn't know at all IS HOW HER ACTUAL BIRTHDAY WENT. I was the only family/visitor who attended and I got my MAGIC. He has zero idea. Mum was totally lucid! It was amazing. She was Mum. I had her back without any confusion or forgetfulness at all. She gave me a huge smile when I entered and a massive hug. Git had said she'd forgotten me. According to him she doesn't even know my name nor recognise me in a photo on his mobile phone. I CALL B*LL S*IT! She totally knew me and no prompting whatsoever required. She was thrilled that I came. She did not know it was her Birthday. When I told her she was like a little kid all excited. I gave her the bunch of dried flowers. A card. Her first gift. I told all the Staff how it was her 81st Birthday (they didn't know either). They came and hugged her & made a fuss of her. She was delighted. They put her flowers in the middle of the table and the cake I bought her. Typing this and reliving it well I'm trying not to cry. The staff made her a poster for her bedroom door. They were gone a little while then came back with a signed card for her from every staff member on the ward. Other Residents (dementia patients) clapped her and some wished her a happy birthday. Then the staff put on the Birthday Song & we all sang it to her. She was thrilled with her new nightgown. I took photos of her. She wouldn't undo the dress. I'd put effort in and wrapped it very prettily because it wasn't much of a gift. Just a $20 house dress. I made a double bow for the top and combined blue & pink wrap, ribbons & the mini bouquet of roses I made her on top. She said 'it is just too pretty to tear open, will you please take photos of the parcel for me, can I unwrap it later tonight on my own, will you go put it beside my bed on the chest of drawers'. So I did. Then I got out my computer. My daughter and I had sat up the whole night before together. YES WE ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING TOGETHER WITHOUT BICKERING! We went through her old slides (if you know those which you'd watch on a projector with a white screen against a wall). Well they'd aged. Had spots on them. Fit for the bin. We went through hundreds. My daughter knew how to photograph them, remove the age spot patches and put them onto my laptop. We zoomed in & blew them up so that she could see them clearly without her glasses (she lost them). Git refuses to get her new ones says she doesn't need them. We chose the photos I knew she'd love best. Mostly her parents. Us three as little kids. The picnics, the Christmases. So she (Clare) asked the staff & other residents to gather around and we went slowly through the old memories. She laughed & she cried happy tears. She told them about some of the events depicted. The staff really took an interest and told me 'well done. That is the best gift you could ever give her. Yesterday'. Mum lapped up the attention. She was really happy. Then the staff asked if she'd like some music put on in the common room. She chose the Carpenters. An exact CD of the album she played over & over when I was little. Some residents tapped their feet to the music or even their hands on the table. Then my Mum turned to me and said come closer I want to whisper something in your ear. So I did. She said 'thank you Love this has been the best day ever'. Then in front of all she stood up and began to sing (serenade) directly to me one of the songs. Its title is 'For All We Know' by the Carpenters. The staff broke down in tears and I sobbed. She even changed a few words to suit us... Love, look at the two of us Strangers in many ways We've got a lifetime to share So much to say and as we go from day to day I'll feel you close to me But time alone will tell Let's take a lifetime to say I knew you well For only time will tell us so And love may grow for all we know Love, look at the two of us Strangers in many ways Let's take a lifetime to say I knew you well For only time will tell us so And love may grow for all we know When the song finished, they clapped her & I hugged her. She said 'it was always just you and me kid. I'd have been lost without you Love. When I found out I was having you I cried. I didn't want a third baby. Then you were the easiest birth only 5 hours. As a toddler you always wiped my tears with a tissue when I cried. You always made me coffees when you got older and you always made me laugh. You have been my life saver. The others left me alone. Didn't understand me. Abandoned me. Not you daughter. You have always stayed. Look at today. Do you remember when your Sister and Brother p*ss*d off? It was just us and we had a nice time didn't we? I'm sorry for the bad times. I really am. I love you kiddo, I always have.' They can take the cake, the gifts, her money, everything! But they can't take that day nor what she said away from me ever. It is our secret. An irreplaceable memory. That day was MAGIC!

Heya! Still Covidy (which is putting pressure on my eyes and making them by various degrees blurry), but have read up to here: Nov 21 2024 at 00:23 GOOD, glad you're still keeping up the retraining programme! (huge thumbs-up) And, specifically, likewise glad you boxed her into a corner with the salient question, Then why do you insist on sticking around me. Am hoping I'll have time to log-on tomorrow, otherwise Tuesday - keep bearing with... :)

Yess - window! You've left me a lot, though, which I couldn't possibly find time right now to comment on so I'll just go chronologically and address whatever particularly pops out at me... Unless you did so further on - describe the progress/new conduct or behaviour you're noticing in amongst the usual shite. " Because the stores (to save money and power) turn off the air conditioning at night." Oh, DO THEY, INDEED! That explains a lot! So they must do it here, too. Re your fridge and freezer: the more full up they are, the better because the items retain and share the cold, meaning, the fan can take long rests; yours is obviously over-working. Lots and lots of Lemons are good for that, including in the freezer (you can make Lemon Marmalade out of them once you no longer need them) (add some Gin or Ginger!). Mine are packed with them haha. But it works. Got that from an online Life Hack thingumy....Speaking of which: you just type 'Funny Memes' in your google search, adding, 'about X' (whatever it is....Difficult daughters/teenagers?). "These chocs make a nice gift if only they'd live longer on shelf here." What about keeping them in a sealed, insulated, thick plastic Cool Box, the type you take to the beach? Regulated temperature plus lack of oxygen, in a cupboard on the North side of the house - that'd do it, surely? I haven't tried it myself - just conjecturing based on logic/physics. Try it? (Haha - "No - you" / "Noo - yoooou!....") I like choc that's partly healthy, like Fruit 'n Nut, Bounty (mostly coconut), Snickers/Lion Bar.... And Cherries are a superfood, doncha know! (Plus choc is surprisingly nutritional, the darker the better (tick!).) And-and-AND,..have got just what you need (so no wonder you crave Ma Cheries). Check THIS out!... (PS what's happened to the Dark-Choc Bounties - the red coloured package? And what happened to Texan Bars, the caramel-flavoured nougat covered in milk choc? That disappeared in the 80s, I think. ...Bsstds.) Anyway, back to Cherries... ______________________________________ "1. Fight inflammation and diseases ((YOU NEED THAT!)) Red cherries get their rich color from anthocyanins and are high in polyphenols like flavonoids. These phytonutrients, or plant chemicals, have antioxidant properties. “Antioxidants protect against inflammation and fight free radicals, which can cause cell damage and contribute to chronic diseases like cancer, diabetes and heart disease,” says Sedlacek. Snacking on a bowl of fresh cherries also provides antioxidants like: Vitamin A (beta-carotene). Vitamin C. Vitamin E. One review of multiple studies found that eating at least 45 cherries every day reduces inflammation brought on by free radicals. “But if you’re sensitive to salicylates, a natural plant chemical found in cherries and also used in aspirin, eating that many cherries can lead to an upset stomach and diarrhea,” cautions Sedlacek. 2. Promote more restful sleep ((YOU NEED THAT!)) The same review showed that tart and sweet cherries help you sleep better thanks to the fruit’s high levels of: Melatonin, a hormone that helps regulate the sleep-wake cycle. Serotonin, a chemical that helps your body make melatonin. Tryptophan, an amino acid that increases serotonin and, as the saying goes, puts you to sleep after a Thanksgiving meal. 3. Soothe sore muscles ((YOU NEED THAT!)) Studies of long-distance runners indicate that tart cherries and tart cherry juice may ease inflammation and soothe sore muscles after a workout. “The anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties of cherries work like nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) such as ibuprofen for reducing or preventing pain. However with cherries, you don’t have the risk of harmful side effects such as potential gastrointestinal, kidney and possible heart issues,” says Sedlacek. Another study found that consuming a tart cherry powder supplement enhanced exercise performance in endurance runners. Runners who took the supplement for 10 days before a half-marathon had 13% faster race finish times than those who took a placebo. And they felt less achy afterward. 4. Prevent and ease arthritis pain ((?)) As many as 1 in 4 people with gout consume cherries, cherry juice or cherry extract to lower their risk of a painful gout flare-up, according to a 2017 survey. A buildup of uric acid causes this inflammatory arthritis, which can make your big toes and other joints feel like they’re on fire. “Eating cherries or drinking cherry juice every day can lower uric acid levels and ease the pain and swelling of arthritis,” says Sedlacek. In a study of more than 600 people with gout, participants who: Ate fresh cherries for two days had about 33% fewer gout flare-ups than those who didn’t eat cherries. Ate cherries and also took gout medications experienced a 75% reduction in flare-ups. 5. Protect your heart ((Probably, albeit temporary/reversible)) A cup of fresh cherries has 260 milligrams of potassium, very little sodium and high amounts of plant sterols (phytosterols). “High-potassium, low-sodium foods, eaten in moderation, can help lower your blood pressure and reduce your risk of heart disease,” notes Sedlacek. Plus, consuming plant sterols are an effective and natural way to lower your cholesterol, another heart-healthy move. 6. Improve blood sugar levels ((YOU NEED THAT!)) Another benefit of eating cherries: The fruit is low on the glycemic index. Cherries also contain fiber from their skin, which makes them raise blood sugars slower, as long as they’re not canned in syrup. This makes cherries a perfect treat for people with diabetes. Sedlacek notes that they should be enjoyed in moderation, as the fruit is still a carbohydrate. In one study, people with diabetes who drank 1.35 ounces of concentrated sour cherry juice every day for six weeks saw significant drops in blood sugar levels. Research is underway to see if a healthy diet that includes cherries may reverse prediabetes. 7. Lower cancer risk “We know that eating a balanced diet with lots of fresh fruits and vegetables can help lower your risk of different cancers,” says Sedlacek. The high amounts of anthocyanins and melatonin in cherries protect against cancer-causing cell damage. Cherries also have bioactive compounds, chemicals that may help prevent cancer, according to research. 8. Pack a nutritional punch ((YOU NEED THAT!)) A cup of pitted sweet cherries has approximately: 74 calories. 19 grams of carbohydrates (7% daily value). 0.23 grams of fat (0% daily value). 2.5 grams of fiber (9% daily value). 1.24 grams of protein. 15 grams of sugar. Nutrient-wise, a cup of cherries has: 15 milligrams of calcium (1% daily value). 0.42 milligrams of iron (2% daily value). 13 milligrams of magnesium (3% to 4% daily value). 260 milligrams of potassium (6% daily value). 8 milligrams of vitamin C (9% daily value). How can I get more cherries into my diet? You’ll reap cherry benefits regardless of whether you like your stone fruit sweet or sour. Sweet cherries may be more delightful for your tastebuds when you eat them by the handful. Tart cherries are often used in baking. “Aim for one cup of fresh cherries a day or a quarter-cup of dried ones,” suggests Sedlacek. Try them in your favorite recipes — they can add a tangy twist to your brownies, coleslaw and rice pilaf. You can buy cherry supplements made from the juice or extract of cherries at your local drugstore. But Sedlacek stresses that you’ll get more nutrients through foods. " ___________________________________ Since you have to keep intake to a minimum, and no doubt could do with the magnesium etc in the choc - just stock up on your Ma Cheries! Or you winkle out the cherries with a spoon and give the shell to Oughta haha! /continued....

(continued...) Note where I've asterisked, and really observe and think about what and how you've put certain things (not criticism, just my own observations; it's for you to say what's what or what's behind them). And please can you answer the questions in order? Ta.: "I HAVE said similar to this to her in just the last week. I actually believe ***I won that round***. She has been rather contrite since." BTW, what did she actually say to that? Or, how's she shown her contrition? "She simply can't get past her resentment of her life in comparison to the other now adult kids in this family. Her anger towards me for being a 'failure' in all areas apparently." What - because if you were rich, her avoidance of real, adult life would be more comfortable or salubrious? "By the way...I'll pay the being poor sucked big time and watching the others be spoilt was/is still very difficult for her. But her life was very good in non material ways. I really devoted myself to quality time spent with her & imaginative play. We were ***best buddies*** up until about 16. ***All I ever wanted*** was a baby girl. ***A live dolly***. In my opinion I spoilt her love, time, attention and praise." What about discipline and constructive criticism/feedback. I notice you don't list those? "She is a lazy ***girl*** who values her freedom from the 'have to's' of life. She literally avoids what everybody else does automatically daily." Yes, she does. A Peta Pan if ever there was one. Are you sure it was she who was being picked-on at work by her colleagues and not the other way round? And before you answer that - remember how she speaks to and treats you and has for well over a decade. I wouldn't say she has any freedom, though - would you? I'd say she was incarcertated by her own hand (and then whatever's behind that). "She uses me. I'm less a Mother and more unpaid hired help. I watch what little she does in a day and it really riles me." It would anyone. But she clearly needs help - agree? PS: How obese is she? It may not be as simple and clear-cut as 'using you'. She may have passed the point of having any (easy) choice if she's effectively become crippled and (or due to having) grown a massive mental block about getting back on the work/career horse because she's been off it for so long - which anyone would, if you think about it (e.g. remember when you'd been off school for more than a day, how irrationally daunting the thought of going back? Similarly, when you'd overslept and had to go in late?...so it somehow seemed easier to stay home and go in on-time the next day?) How content out of 10 overall would you rate her? By the same token, how discontent out of 10? (Sounds contradictory - isn't, so please humour me.) "Within one hour I've done more chores & 'have to's' than she does in one whole day 24 hours. She does next to nothing. Then has the audacity to say she is tired." I'm sure she is! No stamina. Too little activity as the norm (muscle makes for energy). Her stamina would have to be built up again from fresh. Have you thought any more about the dusk-time walks through the countryside? Tell me again how many years she's been atrophying? "The other day I minded these two dogs in a heat wave so special attention needed (cold, wet towels, extra iced water, cooling pads on their bedding, making dog friendly ice-blocks etc), I did all the housework, I did some yard work and got sunburnt, I walked to the shops and got sunburnt (it is so strong here that UV rays go through my umbrella and my TShirt, and hat. The top of your head is still very hot to touch)." Sounds like you need a UV protective parasol. "***I*** put the groceries away & began ***to cook dinner*** for the four of us. She slept in until 3pm." Well, what's she got to get up for?? "She then drank the iced coffee ***I'd made her*** ***and was waiting in the fridge***. She then talked to her friends on line for two hours. She then declared she was 'exhausted' and needed to go for a nap! It is like she doesn't see what I do. She doesn't want to." Correct that last sentance. "By the evening I could barely ***serve her, her dinner***. I was walking doubled over at the waist. I looked in the mirror and saw how white my face was completely drained of colour. More tests coming but couldn't get out in the storms to travel to the City yet. I said to her...I ***don't want you*** getting back in that bed (queen size) and ***biggest room in the place***. Because in the heatwave you've made the sheets and pillow slip smell sweaty. We don't have air cond. Only stand alone fans. I need to change the linen but I'm in pain so please do it ***for me***. 'Nope I can't' she said. 'I'm not sure how you do it so neat and proper whereas I just throw a loose sheet over the bed'." "I said ***'will you please*** come and we'll do it together then. I'll teach you'. 'Nope I can't as I'm in the middle of something important here on my computer. ***You do it*** and then I'll go for my nap'. It takes everything in me ***not to*** scream at her! I said ***'what the heck can be so important and can't you see me struggling here? I'm sick. Do you even care?'*** Why would she need to when you do it anyway? "I got told she is in a cue online with a dog forum problem page" Oh, RUH-HUH-HEALLY... Dog FORUM PROBLEM PAGE? Bit coinkydinky, don't you think? Is that her hint, there, at why all the making you suffer? "and needs to discuss her puppy and doesn't wish to lose her place but can barely keep her eyes open so ***please have the bed ready for me as soon as*** I've gotten my answers about puppy. ****************Now I know I should not have done it for her right?******** "But I can't stand the room smelling of sweat. It repulses me." "Also I weighed up ***the freedom time. Naughty me.*** I like to get some space from each other. I literally need it. She slept. Got up at around midnight and then watched Alien shows on TV until 4:20am." YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS, DD. You realise that, yes? Plus this daily routine is WHY you need it. Can you see that? You're tying yourself in a figure of eight...self-perpetuating and -fulfilling. See it? In regards to 'it repulses me'. What other, practically-zero efforted action could you have taken so that it couldn't have repulsed you and thereby stayed her problem instead of yours? Also: consider this: by changing her sheets, you're Enabling her, and in TWO ways. Can you identify them? "So in answer to your query...she will lose her freedom." What freedom? Surely you mean, her having a roof over her head? She wouldn't afford one on her own, now, would she. "Her lifestyle." WHAT lifestyle? I don't see any style? I see very low income, I see ennui, lethargy, complete lack of motivation, stuck fast in a rut, atrophying mentally and physically. "I call her 'Permanent Holiday girl'. To continue my point: Would YOU book that?! "She only cares for herself and that puppy (***lately I've become pups mum and this is now causing strife***)." *In which case - strike 'and that puppy'. "The girl doesn't learn ever. She is on repeat with her errors of judgment and mistakes." Doesn't need to. "She simply doesn't seem to 'see' anything clearly???" Doesn't need to. "No comprehension that if you leave this puppy alone for five hours with me to go do 'fun' shopping then puppy clings to me for all her needs." Yeah. She wants the perks and for you to do the work part. (Perks without Work - typical Narc characteristic.) "Puppy turns two in a week. She is also copying Big Doggy and following her around. Monkey see, monkey do. So when Raya jumps on my lap & gives me kissess then puppy squeezes in and does it also. Now puppy won't sit with daughter to watch the Alien Movies all night long. She is following me room to room as does Raya." And...? "I'm sick of pointing things out to her. She is very intelligent yet she has eyes with which she doesn't see what is going on right in front of her face. Situations she has created." She's in denial, and the rest she refuses to look at, let alone deal with. But not so deeply that she has to have things pointed out to her as if she's actually 6. And yet you still do. Why? "One of her friends is rich. She won a court case years back and NEVER has to work. So daughter spends hours every day sending memes with her, discussing their dogs, laughing, joking etc" BINGO! Tell me more about this friend - how long, how close, won it how many years back - everything. "She'd lose her cleaning lady, her cook, her dog minder, her freedom, her couch and it's actual dint groove from her arse." LET'S SAY IT BIGGER: SHE'D LOSE HER ((FREE)) CLEANING LADY, HER COOK, HER DOG MINDER, HER FREEDOM ((to avoid life from her chosen prison)), ((YOUR)) COUCH. PS: you forgot Laundry Woman, Gardener, Shopper..... Would Skivvy be going too far? But now, what about: her only real-life friend; her mother; her only reliable relative; her serious, cost-of-living subsidiser; her housekeeper? _____________________________________ Now to you: What is it (you fear) YOU'D lose? ______________________________________ (Cheers for having waited but you can respond to this next, but do keep it brief because I haven't finished going through your other messages yet.)

Are you waiting for me to finish, first? Well, I've got tomorrow and Sunday off (allelujlia!!) so I shall do so (in bits, have got a lot of housechores to do, hoo-hiisss).

Heya! And this is me doing my best! Guh-reat... Anyway, to continue... "She also suffers from severe jealousy. Of her cousins. Of everything! Like if I speak to my Niece. If I speak to anybody other than her." TICK! "I see it most and hear it in her speech mostly after a visit to my Mother. She gets angry. She can be forked tongued and rather nasty." TICK! NOTE: 'S/he gets angry because s/he's narcissistic-abusive, not narc-abusive because s/he's angry.' Really think about the difference. Commit that to memory now by saying it 15 times on the trot. It's important to keep in-mind at all times. Reason they do it: She doesn't want you alone - without her being present - with anyone whom could give you no-nonsense feedback, were you to crack and burst into tears, say, and spill all. They might talk some sense into you. That shows, she KNOWS the way she's been treating you for too long is so very, very wrong and completely unacceptable by any sane person's standards. QUESTION: CAN YOU SEE THAT? "She rang me constantly to interrupt my Birthday visit with Mum. She was sarcastic towards me. She called me pathetic." TICK! (Narcissistic Sociopathic Comtempt.) It's just plain bullying, to get what she wants (which is, you away from any normal reactions and feedback, including from the nurses whom you've been getting to know and build relationships with, let's not forget). "Then when I got home and I was crying she scoffed at me. Really rudely mocked me." TICK! Narc-Spaths are contemptuous of your show of vulnerability because if it became a fashion, they'd be done for. So it has to be kicked out of you...of all Empaths. Plus, it's 9 times out of 10 how they themselves were 'raised'. Plus, they want you to 'be them' and walk in their shoes. But mostly because you could prick what's left of their conscience and "make them" feel bad. But ultimately - because they have a serious mental-health issue. They don't work right. They're on all fronts, Out-Of-Order. Because they ceased to CARE and now cannot/don't wanna. "I sort of get why. I was on a little high getting home that day. I achieved my goal plus got a bit extra I wasn't expecting. She did not like that I was happy." That too. Because that regrows your confidence (Fun is the makeshift antidote to abuse). Plus provides an undeniable comparison then contrast to how you tend to more-constantly-than-not feel around her: Bloody hurt and miserable. "She complained I was gone too long." ((Aww, pee-off. What are you - 5? (Don't answer that.))) Do me a favour: If she does that again, in passing (always in passing), say : "Next time I'll hire you a babysitter" "She accused me of not caring about her being left home alone in this neighbourhood and of putting my Mother first." ((Boo-hoo-hoooo. Maybe you should follow your mother's lead, you big, spoiled baby.) Next time, tell her: I put her first because, although she's by no means perfect - these days, increasingly, you make her look good. (Say these things flatly. No emotion whatsoever. No emotional words, like, Crikey or Bloody. Just flat fact.) Question: why were you in tears? "I told her she was being immature and unreasonable. That her words don't make an ounce of sense. I'd offered for her to come with me. Bring the dogs also. The Residents love seeing our two dogs. I was paying for travel etc so it wasn't going to cost her anything other than her time. She said she 'wanted' to stay home and had things she had 'planned' on doing without me there." Stop explaining to another adult, how the world works, including the things we all learnt (had drummed into us) in ruddy Nursery School! They LOVE it when you explain in detail like that! You're using up the energy you might use later/the next day to defend yourself! Also, it shows you still care too much. (Yes, too much.) "I'd like to chat with you further Soulmate about Mums Birthday if you will indulge me. I don't have any friend to tell what happened." Yeah, that's fine. As long as you can continue being patient as I play serious catch-up. "The day was weird good. The days that followed were not. I've done a lot of crying as a result." We've established she's a narcissist. So why are you crying? That's not a rhetorical question. Do you know specifically, why? I need to know if you can work it out. ...Sit and feel it. What does it feel like those tears are for? Are they you letting go of something? What are you letting go of? "Of course I tried to confide in my adult daughter about what happened and how I was feeling. " WHY did you, DD? How many times are you going to keep banging your head against a brick wall? Just GRIEVE. *Then* dealing with her will be EASY-PEASY and just be natural. Meantime - me, I'm just here to legitimately speed you up. Your little girl and best mate 'has left the building'. "She did say 'why are you crying?' when I got in." Normal reaction from a loving daughter: "Heyyyyyy, Mum - what's wrong, what's happened, heyyy (rushes to hug you, take your shopping bags, whatever)." If you want that back, DD, you're going to have to switch your role, inwardly, where she can't detect it. You, as I say, have to let go. So that you have nothing left to lose or fight for where 'she's' concerned. She uses your emotionality against you. So take it away. Make her deal with YOU. With the ISSUE. Give her no 'extras' to play with and with which to send you down side alleys. Stick to the Jo Frost path. Once she's been consistently well-behaved (because she wants YOU back), then you can tentatively reintroduce those 'choccie drops' and gauge more doling-out or withdrawal, to suit. Also, while I'm at it: Don't say you need to wash her sheets blah-blah. Just - as you walk past - sniff and go UUUUGH...cough-cough and quickly close the door. Once she's reverted to 5-Star Daughter, THEN she can have her 5-Star Mother back. Meanwhile, it's wash yer own beeping bedding, whaddareya - 5? "First returned home. It quickly changed to 'you are so weak and so pathetic'. (TICK - as above) So I didn't discuss the rest with her." GOOD! OKAY - GOOD! (hadn't read ahead). "I just got on with the chores." Phew, thank God for that! WELL DONE!! Okay, you're doing it instinctually now. GOOD. PROGRESS. :) "She did nothing when I was gone. Didn't even take her coffee mug out to the sink." That's because she's a lazy, over-entitled, self-gratuitously bullying pig. Aka narcissistic. And horribly cruel and sadistic (if you're her very mother). Aka Narcissistic-Sociopath (we've come full-circle, look). *Dare you to agree with me and call her that (on here). Or if you want it easier - add '90 percent of the time'. (Dann-dann-daaaaaan....!) Anyhoo! Gold Star for having Walked Away - and that much sooner than before (correct?). "THLLLLLUP!"

PS: I think you can order Ma Cheries from Amazon? And then you can eat them all in front of her, saying, 'No..........And you know why!' (Start saying that a lot, insted of Womansplaining how to tie your shoelaces to a 30-odd-old woman.)

Right - you go now... :) I'll keep catching-up in between. PS: In need, not needy. Diff/all the diff.

Oh, okay - this answers the why-you-were-crying question: "As I mentioned previously post Mums B'Day everything I did for her and gave her was stolen! I was upset at the time. Bawled like a 3 year old. Let's say I was over tired and drained emotionally." That happens again and you come on here and type it out IMMEDIATELY. Bypass Oughta. See how it feels in-comparison.

"I know Mum tortured us as kids. I could spend hours on a psychiatrists couch. I have written it all down in a journal. To face it once and for all. Why? You may remember Soulmate how I began to tell daughter about the emotional and physical abuse. At first she listened and I thought I was getting somewhere. By way of understanding from her. BUT she quickly shut me down when I started up the topic again the next day. Even put her hand up in a STOP sign." Eff-me, SHE IS SO RUDE!

"I offered to explain why I do but she walked away and said if I bring the subject of Nanna up then *she will just keep on leaving the room until I learn.*" She definitely was reading your last thread, look. "The fact that you still dote on this woman and visit her is mind boggling." Only to someone seriously-to-wholly lacking in Empathy. (TICK!) LITERALLY 'only to'. PS: Is that what she's going to be like with you when you get old and infirm, then?

Hello Soulmate, I appreciate all of your responses. I really do. However, right now I'm just not up to responding. I'm going through ALOT. I'm also very ill and struggling with trips to town for tests. I am under tremendous amount of emotional abuse right now. Mostly from the Step Father and I'm literally sick to the pit of my stomach. Doctor says possible ulcer on top of everything else. His anger has increased. I'm a bit weirded out truth be told. I'm taking each day as it comes. However, the weight of everything is taking a toll. I need live support and to communicate with a counsellor one on one and frequently. There is just too much happening every single day for me to be able to keep up. I am NOT coping very well. I'm now receiving mystery packages in the mail that have no codes on them and no return address and no name even as to who is sending them. I've asked the Post Office. They said it is 'odd'. It is messing with my mind and freaking me out. I'm struggling to keep myself calm, logical, sound. Antiseptic wipes. Bandages. Hospital slippers. A 20 x 30cm striped towelling wash cloth. And more. All sent in separate parcels nearly one package a day. It is disturbing. I feel like life is trying to break me, snap me. In a nutshell when I'm enjoying being on the lunatic ward with my Mother and the other Residents for 4 hours and honestly don't want to return home I think it says a lot. Got new neighbours. Had hopes of a change for the better. NOPE. A woman about my age and her adult daughter (ironically). Twice I've smiled at her and said hello (I was given daggers and she whipped her head away). Once I tried to befriend the adult daughter and she actually ran. WTF? The nicest thing I can say is that all their tattoos are spelt correctly. They aren't very neat and clean people in their dress sense and don't wear shoes on their feet. Heaps of smoke and beer smells coming in my kitchen. I know this sounds terribly judgmental and my Great Grandmother smoked and drank morning through night but was the loveliest woman in the World! I just wished for somebody I could relate even slightly to. OH Hell I'd take just a nod or smile at this point. Typing this has already left me exhausted. I wish to Thank you again and wish you a lovely Christmas. Hope you're on the mend after your bout of illness. Cheers for now. Sorry if this was too long winded.

Heya! "I appreciate all of your responses. I really do." I know. "However, right now I'm just not up to responding." That's okay. You'll be processing non-stop at the speed of light so you won't have room for distractions and any new concepts to deal with. "I'm going through ALOT." I know. "I'm also very ill and struggling with trips to town for tests." I've only just started feeling human again today. Feels like weeks and weeks that I've been ill. I've lost count. "I am under tremendous amount of emotional abuse right now." Well said. "Mostly from the Step Father and I'm literally sick to the pit of my stomach. Doctor says possible ulcer on top of everything else. His anger has increased. I'm a bit weirded out truth be told." Then let me remind you again that I warned this 'tightening of the thumb screws' out of rebellion of the new regime, would happen. And (to use the Irish vernacular) so it is. "I'm taking each day as it comes. However, the weight of everything is taking a toll." Yup. I've been there, remember? "I need live support and to communicate with a counsellor one on one and frequently." Can't argue with that. But CAN add: fun. You need more fun. Just...ANYTHING you enjoy doing to pass the time. "There is just too much happening every single day for me to be able to keep up. I am NOT coping very well." No-one does when they're going through another phase of processing really important, really destabilizing, thus urgent-feeling, need-to-know stuff like you are right now. "I'm now receiving mystery packages in the mail that have no codes on them and no return address and no name even as to who is sending them. I've asked the Post Office. They said it is 'odd'. It is messing with my mind and freaking me out. I'm struggling to keep myself calm, logical, sound." "Antiseptic wipes. Bandages. Hospital slippers. A 20 x 30cm striped towelling wash cloth. And more." Hang on - those are HELPFUL things! And are hospital supplies. Someone at the home trying to help you out the only way they can, maybe? "All sent in separate parcels nearly one package a day. It is disturbing. I feel like life is trying to break me, snap me." I repeat: they're helpful thing...obviously from someone who means well. Nearly one package a day, eh? You could sell them online, couldn't you? (PS any bandages? Then you could mummify Oughta in her sleep haha!...that'd keep her quiet....."What's that, dear? - 'Mmm-hmm-hm hm hmph-umph?' No...can't understand a word you're saying, sorry".....(just fantasising, LOL).) "In a nutshell when I'm enjoying being on the lunatic ward with my Mother and the other Residents for 4 hours and honestly don't want to return home I think it says a lot." SAYS EVERYTHING. Who's name is on the tenancy agreement? "Got new neighbours. Had hopes of a change for the better. NOPE. A woman about my age and her adult daughter (ironically)." INTERESTING! "Twice I've smiled at her and said hello (I was given daggers and she whipped her head away). Once I tried to befriend the adult daughter and she actually ran. WTF?" HUH??? Oh, great...more nutters. You really are in the wrong neighbourhood for you, aren't you. I mean, you've got a mouth on you when you're riled/upset, but, really, you're quite a Gentlewoman, aren't you...what we in YUK would call Middle Class? (We won't go by Oughta because all Narc-Spaths constantly behave like repulsive Chavs, even the ones born with a silver spoon in their mouth.) "The nicest thing I can say is that all their tattoos are spelt correctly." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me......OW! Love it! HAHAHAHAH!!!! That was so bitchy! Ten out of Ten, mate! (See? Venting does make you feel better...because this is becoming a pattern: you say you can't really talk but once you get going, it's apparent that you start feeling better and then suddenly your sense of humour kicks back in.) (More like that, please, Bartender! ...thumbs-up...love bitchy humour. Does you the power of good in your situation, too.) "They aren't very neat and clean people in their dress sense and don't wear shoes on their feet." Er.................. what? "Heaps of smoke and beer smells coming in my kitchen." What about banjo music? (Made myself laugh there! - hope you got it?...ref the Dueling Banjos scene from film Deliverance?) "I know this sounds terribly judgmental" I'll be the judge of that, thanks! ;p (Ha-ha) "and my Great Grandmother smoked and drank morning through night but was the loveliest woman in the World! I just wished for somebody I could relate even slightly to. OH Hell I'd take just a nod or smile at this point." Awwww.... ((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) "Typing this has already left me exhausted." Yeah, I can imagine. Don't worry - it's just a wave; you'll get through it...and the next and the next will bother you less. "I wish to Thank you again and wish you a lovely Christmas. Hope you're on the mend after your bout of illness. Cheers for now. Sorry if this was too long winded." Nope, not long-winded at all. I was going to ask you, actually, whether you'd like to co-run the Alone For Xmas thread with me this year?

"I just wished for somebody I could relate even slightly to. OH Hell I'd take just a nod or smile at this point." What Community Groups do you have in your area? Try to find out online or from your local Council. Maybe you could start one? Share your craze with these high-class dolls and their clothing? PS: As it's really quiet lately (Crimbo preps, no doubt) - do you fancy arranging a live conversation on here? What are you up to late-night tomorrow or Sunday? (Well, late night for me, anyway.)

PPS: "Once I tried to befriend the adult daughter and she actually ran. WTF?" You hadn't forgotten to wipe your face-pack off, had you? :D

Here - see if your brain likes this. I know mine does. :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49O_cemW8lc

Hi Soulmate, I don't know where to start. Too much to say. We are suffering here. Big time. Sweltering through the most horrific heat waves of our life & super cell storms with funnels. Yesterday and the evening the temps were so high you couldn't breathe. Dogs suffered badly & little ones heart rate went crazy & she was erratic breathing & limp. Raya coping a bit better but extra hard work & care being given to keep them alive. This is horrific weather conditions. We living here are very use to high temps & killer summers. Many oldies pass away. Storms take others. However, yesterday & the night (usually evening reduces by about 1-2 degrees not this time! Increased by about 8 degrees!). NEVER experienced anything like it. Generally we sleep (all 4 of us) on the kitchen tiles with just a pillow under our heads. This time the tiles were hot. You could fry an egg on them. We bought the dogs cooling jackets, cooling mats, cooling pillows. We made them dog friendly & safe ice-blocks. We bathed them in cool water. So much more. As a result of all the extra running around & work. I have been shockingly sick through it all with pain & doubled over. Last night I collapsed from heat stroke in the loungeroom. Badly! Daughter says I was white & speech wasn't coherent and I fell off the side of my chair. Couldn't climb the stairs without help to get to the shower. No exaggeration. This is beyond conditions that humans can live in. Having said that please understand our lives. Others have big houses with air conditioning. Others have ceiling fans. Others book a Hotel room with pools & cooling systems. My Stepfather is sitting in their beautiful house with covered outdoor area that always gets a breeze, air cond, ceiling fans, stand up fans and had the audacity to tell daughter yesterday over the phone how he couldn't cope anymore with this heat. We have 3 x $10 stand up fans with a 30cm circumference. On long leads. Not easy to take from room to room. The dogs have 1 small desk fan each so I can place it on them on the floor. Literally following them around all night to keep moving it as they move. All my money goes on bills, food & dogs needs. There is NEVER enough left over to buy more fans or something better. So that is what is keeping me busy. Extra workload. Extra sick. Extra weak. The Truth of it all!

Other news. My girl has been an Angel. Yep!!!!!!!!!! Much change. I implemented everything. Didn't help (or perhaps it did?) that she read the other site. She has realised there is something VERY WRONG with my health. She has told me 3 times in two days 'Mum I love you are you alright?'. Even phoning to check on me from the shops. I'm unable to walk the distance for groceries. I've been doubled over. I need the hospital but I don't want to leave them alone in these weather conditions and in this neighbourhood. Police out here this morning as I type this. We have joined a 'neighbourhood watch group' just new & set up. The goings on every night are shocking & now day time break ins also. They are taking peoples cards out of letterboxes, they are taking presents from under trees. Even entering whilst people are home (day & night). People can't lock up due to the heat. The Evil that is are even stopping cars in full on traffic in masks with knives and demanding wallets. They are stealing dogs out of yards and selling them through Gumtree. Amongst other things. Needless to say the Police here are proving thoroughly useless. Back to daughter...

OMG! I'd typed it all out & we lost power. It's gone. It was soooo long. She has been an ANGEL. Honest to God the truth.

I can't take the time to type it all out again. I'm sick. Just had diarrhoea & fighting the vomiting. Daughter had read the forum entries. I have been implementing all suggestions. They have worked. She has been 'amazing'. A different person. Loving! Caring! Helpful! Chores etc. Kind words. Cooking. Cleaning. Everything! Many, many days now. Kept up. Like a Christmas Miracle Movie. I'd written every word of our convos out and what she's said & done. IT WOULD MAKE YOU CRY!

We've talked into the night for hours on end. About EVERYTHING. Step Father is our biggest problem right now. She had been getting/taking phone calls with him daily. I refuse. She had been meeting him at the shops. NOW STOPPED! WITH A 'YOU WERE RIGHT MUM'. SHOCKER! He has turned his selfish up two notches. He has turned his hurtful, snide comments up three notches. He lied to her. He lied to the family about her. He back stabbed her. She is not happy with him! We have been informed that he bought himself only a ticket to the Nursing Home Xmas Party (which includes dinner, dessert & a gift). He informed us that all places have already been taken so no chairs at dining table on Mums ward left available for us. Told us he won't be driving us there and back so don't ask. Told us to 'stay at home with your dogs'. He has been confiscating anything & everything I take to Mum on my alone trips once a week to see her. HE is saying I don't care about Mum to staff members & others (such as family friends) through phone calls. He is closely in cahoots with Sister, Aunt & Bro. Phoning them every second day. We are definitely considered Satan & spawn. He is telling Mum that I don't visit her anymore and don't care about her. He is telling the family I fake being sick. Much more games afoot.... Yet....somehow...I feel guilty? It is Christmas. I hate animosity at anytime but right now it feels worse. Up until recently over weeks daughter has told me to cave. Suck up to them all again. Go with him to the Nursing Home (free ride as I'm sick and it is heatwaves being her reasoning). BUT...I WON'T CAVE. I WON'T GIVE IT. I WON'T WAVE A WHITE FLAG. I WILL NOT SURRENDER. I've come too far. I'm happier being semi-free of them all. I've made my stand and I won't crumble. I am a tough nut to crack. It hasn't ever made me popular. But I don't need to be liked. I don't need to be the popular, party girl like my Sister. I need to be respected! I never was. I need to be less stressed, more relaxed and actually have some semblance of twilight years. Some peace in my life. In any approximation. This is what I'm fighting for.

So you mentioned helping out on here for the lonely folk over Christmas. Thank you sincerely for that honour. Me of all people? You sure I'm the right candidate? Remember who I am? Nobody ever talks to me here but yourself. I'm not sure about it. I wouldn't know what to say. I can relate. WE (daughter & myself) have been alone for many Christmases now. Just the two of us. Plus our two dogs. A fold up table, paper plates, a cooked chook & a dessert I make. Gingerbread also. My speciality. I'm quite famous for it. We play board games. We play Xmas music in the background. It is nice. However, over shadowed by a sense of loneliness. Wishful longing and nostalgia for what once was. The beloved ones lost to us now. Those big Christmas Day parties thrown by the two sets of Grandparents when I was a kid. We play it safe. Best be alone in our tiny villa loungeroom the four of us rather than being verbally berated, abused by those that remain living. We've endured some shocking Christmases! Many not fond memories! Santa not coming because us 3 kids have evil blood running through our veins. Mum and Dad a knife chase through the house. More recently Mum going to throw a huge rock at my Raya's head & we ran & stopped her but when my back was turned she threw a bucket of water over a happy lying at rest dog for no reason whatsoever. No presents ever. So we'd give gifts but there was no exchange. Leaving us out of pocket for groceries the next week. Stepfather insulting my meals & dessert contributions I made & took over. Calling me fat. Telling my daughter she is 'ugly' and 'ruins photos in the album'. Also insulting my singing under my breath quietly Christmas Carols. Don't try to sing it is offensive (my name). Other Family member punch ups. Mum snatching and throwing a new computer down the hallway. Mum shaking little kids & throwing them across the room. One 3 years old over a bed and he fell off the other side. So many other Mum stories. If I typed them all my fingers would fall off. SO...we choose life LOL Home alone. As for a live link up Soulmate. What does that entail exactly? I'm a dork with computers and don't like asking my daughter for help. She thinks me stupid enough. I'm a bit shy. I don't wish to commit myself to it due to my health also. I also don't know when I'm going to the Nursing Home. I need to think on this a bit longer. The doll club ladies have seen me once in person at a convention many years back. They are always telling me to talk live with them through the computer. Saying they can see each other & converse. I don't want to. So I never do. I'm not comfortable with it. Anxiety. Nerves. I've an ugly home in the background, I'm not a good looker etc. My place is small so daughter will listen in and over hear. I do care about all the lonely people. Tell me more about what it would entail. If I commit and then get sick or something comes up then I'd feel just awful and I don't wish to let you or the team down.

PS I know you can relate to the heat as Spain got hit badly not so long back PSS I'd enjoy hearing how you spend Christmas (hopefully with your son, family & friends) PSSS Hope you're over that awful bout of illness. I didn't mean to be selfish & go on so much about us. I meant to ask after you. I got called away by daughter with a doggy drama. I wish my SUPER LONG entry hadn't been deleted when power cut out for only minutes. Over heating due to fans no doubt. Happens some times. However, I know you are feeling under the weight of much and my long winded entries get on top of you. Needy me. Sorry. I don't mean to monopolise you or your time. Once you told me to just type it all out and don't worry about length but then I got carried away & it was over whelming. S*it probs doing it again.

OH Dear... My Daughter just phoned from shops and said 'anything you want Mum?'. Brain thinks...ceasar salad, a mango Mouth says...please pick me up a box of liqueur cherries & I'll pay you when you get home This is your fault LOL I HAVE to blame somebody! Only joking.

Jesus! Your weather sounds horrendous! Anyway, I'll catch up properly tomorrow as I've cleared my tray, bar your good self and Lily/Scopes. I had a good day today and I've noticed they're starting to come in pairs, as opposed to last year's one in 3 or 4, but then, I'm going with it more...working around it as best I can (it's Long Covid, as in, yearly visitor triggered by cold air...Northern Europe and UK have got the opposite prob to you at the mo, bar the wind bit, but ours is bitter). PS: don't go OTT by moving the fans to the dogs. It might be that after a while they're waking up cold and moving away. They ain't stupid, they're perfectly capable of shuffling back in-front of them again once they need to, surely?

"This is your fault LOL" Haha...I'm *terrible*, Rhonda! Any road up!... WELL BEEPING DONE. GIANT GOLD STAR (THLUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPP!). And now you're at the potential danger-point. IN CASE it's just another 'break the new regime' tack (better safe than sorry, that's all), DON'T immediately 'fall back into her arms' by way of scrapping the new regime or being so grateful and relieved that you start spoiling her/doing too much, any of that. It has to be SUSTAINED and become a Pervasive Pattern (google) before you'll fall all the way back in-love with her. Possibly not! Depends on how much of a shock regarding your health she's received. But well done Strepfarter for all those attempts IN FRONT OF HER (as well as TO her) to kick you right when daughter finally understood that you actually ARE down and in a serious way. It obviously all brought her up sharp. Fingers seriously crossed. __________________ Don't worry about the live convo now - I'm now out of time for extras (preparing for guests). But it's not LIVE-live. I just mean, we post back and forth more like texting. __________________ (Drums fingers....) Remember and tell me what I explained to you regarding WHY people aren't POSTING ON YOUR THREAD. (They ARE talking to you - whenever you post on theirs. You've even been thanked here and there as well.) Bet everyone's *reading*, though. You've been battling a whole ARMY of monsters at-once and for aaaages! - which is a clue/reminder.) Stop being a banana. PS: I've no idea why Cockneys switched being daft to being a 'nana (Banana)...should go google that, I should - I use it enough! ...Oh! Just did! It's not Cockney - it's Australian! - look!... "If you cast your minds back, you may remember calling the humble banana a nana as a child. Originally an Australian toddler's word, dating back to the 1890s, this is now a very common term. So common in fact, that Australian Bananas uses it as well." The Cockneys obviously adopted it! But I'll bet there were a lot of them shipped to Aus originally. Fact Of The Day, courtesy of Smatey (50p please, absolutely everybody). ____________________ "IT WOULD MAKE YOU CRY!" Well thank god it disappeared, then, hahah! Not in the mood for weeping, I'm in the mood to be zen with a spattering of par-tay! But by GOD it's especially properly cold here today, brrrr... I'm even wondering if there's going to be snow! Last time it snowed in Spain was...certainly over a decade ago...might be 15, trying to remember. PS: I realise it far colder elsewhere but, once you've acclimatised, it becomes relative, ESPECIALLY since you're either hot and sweaty or just sweaty for most of the rest of the year here so the contrast is enormous. Wanna swap? Well, half-and-half swap anyway. I don't want either extreme! Too many extremes in the world. _____________________ Re the Xmas thread: it's not fielding problems or anything, it's an online local-pub-style party of sorts so that the singles and divorcees have a live person or more to chat to and have a giggle with, with Crimbo tipple or liquer in-hand/on-desk. Mind you! If daughter's changed her tune this close to Crimbo, you and she are probably going to have a ball! Just pop in here and there, maybe, if you have time. Sup to yooou. :) Also, with her laying-off you now, your health will start to improve and your neural pathways mend and correctly re-route themselves back to where they should be. PS: Yeah. I know she did. I could tell. I'm the sphookayyy human-anomaly one, remember? Hahahah.

"Mouth says...please pick me up a box of liqueur cherries & I'll pay you when you get home" Well done. Healthfood doesn't have to be boring or saintly. "Everything in moderation" and "A little of what you fancy does you good" (cravings are desperate signals) are still true. And, the more desperate your system is for any special or depleted nutrient, the more it uses up every single little atom, wastes NOTHING. Just cease as much as possible from mixing/eating together high fat content and high sugar (ice-cream, pizza, biscuits/cake); they don't happen in the wild in the one foodstuff/in the one sitting, our bodies can't metabolise them properly so they get shoved in the store cupboard (body fat - usually round the middle and the organs). So don't have a roast lunch followed by pudding. Have pudding 4 hours or more later. Or vice-versa, finish with the savoury. Just keep them apart whenever you can, at every opportunity. And (F-Plan) make everything that is high-cal/fat as speedy at going through your whole digestive tract as fibre, by adding fibre (Apple with your Mars Bar, e.g....CRUNCHY peanut butter, loadsa celery (it's a whole tract-scrubber and hoover, to again speed the journey up once the nutrients have been absorbed)...it gets rushed through with the fibre where there's less time for CALORIES to be absorbed. Tain't Rocket-Science. Can be a side-effect of meds, though. But it'll still work. And, of course, shoot all the Narcs :p... That'll get you shrinking. I call it the Puffer-Fish effect: 'Don't mess with me - I'm big and heavy, look' (it's not a conscious decision however, it's a survival one where the person tends to self-soothe with food ANYWAY). You getting enough Licorice? (Iron) Bassett's Liquorice Allsorts are fab - and they put in one of the best intestinal scrubbers/polishers ever - Coconut - as well (clever!...cos too much iron can constipate you). They clearly read the F-Plan, haha. Try a stick of celery spread liberally along its concave with crunchy peanut butter - and thank me later. :) DELICIOUS! I call them celery boats. You can even glue two sticks together with the peanut butter running through the middle (to keep your hands clean). Damn! I want some now but I haven't got any Celery....

""The nicest thing I can say is that all their tattoos are spelt correctly."" Did you say you liked Ricky Gervaise? That, to me, was very Gervaisey. Or a mix with a whiff of Jimmy Carr. What about Eddie Izzard (in his younger days)....the Hoovering sketch ("hodder-hodder")? And the 'growing up with Wolves' one. Right, got to Hoover the spare rooms now ("Oh, please come back to me, spare rooms, pleeease? - I promise I'll change...!" HAHAHAH!)

"We are definitely considered Satan & spawn." GOOD! BECAUSE IF SOMEONE AS NASTY AS "HIM", RATED YOU, YOU'D BE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE, as in, Call Matron, effing nnnnowwwwww! The more he hates you, the more of a compliment it is. Both "do a Nigella". Not one, single, reactions (yep - Slandering hasn't got him a reaction/response, either :ppp). That way, the spotlights on him as he gets more and more panicked and livid, whereby people who'd normally listen will start to go - 'Well, STEADY ON, MATE?...this isn't some Bond villain or serial-killer we're talking about... You sure you aren't just a little bit obsessed?' (shuffle-shuffle....) Let him POO HIS PANTS in front of EVERYBODY! 'You're wiiii-nnning, you are wii-nnnning' (- my You're Winning song).....

PS: "The doll club ladies have seen me once in person at a convention many years back. They are always telling me to talk live with them through the computer. Saying they can see each other & converse. I don't want to. So I never do. I'm not comfortable with it. Anxiety. Nerves. I've an ugly home in the background, I'm not a good looker etc. My place is small so daughter will listen in and over hear. " What about the Neighbourhood Watch group - are they online? You two could do that together as a 'household'. Just a Suggestive Biscuit..

PP(whatever)S: "Daughter had read the forum entries." Heh-heh. Tee-hee. Oo-er. Ouch. But I greatly look forward to her changing my mind about her for me. :)

HAHA!...you can truthfully tell her you've yourself been through that bit of the cheese-grater with me, already! PMSL!

PS again.. ""Antiseptic wipes. Bandages. Hospital slippers. A 20 x 30cm striped towelling wash cloth. And more."" Somebody at the home, really-really likes you and feels for you. They're risking their job doing that. It might be a case of switching the address of a 'standing order' (maybe these boxes get shipped to their other 'branches'?) to your own. Just one box out of however many tens or hundreds, at-a-time? Dunno...but you're blocked from doing the normally right thing in returning them so... Ebay/Amazon... What's the 'and more'? Finish the list for me? And describe the slippers and wash-cloths? Good quality? What colours? Washable? Those - proper hospital grade - don't sell for peanuts you know. ...More money for Ma Cheries AND mango and-and-and! Or more floor fans. And more ice-cube trays - pref the giant cube ones (and place in a bowl directly BEHIND the fan, not in-front). And a paaar-tri-idge in-a peear treeeeeee! ..Fou-our brawling birds, Three fresh men, Two-oo drunken thugs, And a Ro-hipnol in my Ma-aar-tini.... (London Nightclub at Xmas Version)

"No presents ever. So we'd give gifts but there was no exchange. Leaving us out of pocket for groceries the next week." Okay, so here's a prime example in hindsight of WHY - or at least one of the reasons behind why daughter got more and more and more angry and resentful at you, yes? As in - why are you feeding our food - MY food - giving away OUR MONEY - to a bunch of aholes? (It's called F.O.G., luvvie)

And it's why YOU, DD, feel guilty. THEY don't care?! They're not SAD. They're just outraged for being defied by their emotional slaves and psychological toys and contrived sourced of drama and-and-.... nothing normal. So don't give the normal reaction, don't waste your precious - AND IT IS PRECIOUS RIGHT NOW - energy. Again, it's called F.O.G. When you get a minute, look up all the press articles in order re Nigella Lawson (yeahhh!) v Charles Saatchi (bleugh). She handled it like a Queen (healthy one). Said NOTHING. She stuck fast to the ploy that suited her and would work and didn't break from it. For months and months and months and months.... She did not add her poo next to his poo on the public stage whereby he could/would swiftly shift the spotlight over onto it, leaving his own, unnoticed/forgotten in the shade. She left him do all the pooing with the spotlight completely on HIM... aaaand it didn't take long for people to start realising - this geezer's completely obsesssed!.... maaaaaad!...AND REAAALLLY HORRID! You've just got to be consistent in whichever ploy you choose, is the point. Which you have! Aren't you pleased for-once that you're so 'stubborn'? It's called Tenacious. :) And it takes deliberate STRENGTH. Which is why they - the Runts - consistently tried to keep you - the sole fine specimen - DOWN. (They couldn't have that staying power under-fire. NO WAY. Which is how they turned narcie and you didn't. BOOM!) Methinks the person at the home, listening to his ridiculous slander as went against everything they'd for-too-long seen (loving, HEALTHY - if injured/brused - daughter) thought - this geezer's REALLY, REALLY...HORRID. So did the only thing they could. Orr maybe they had permission from management and just made it anonymous so you COULDN'T over-modestly refuse it (like you would have, be honest) and to save you from feeling like a charity case? It's not charity - it's sympathy and you've earned it. You've even helped keep whatsherface bed-neighbour happy (sorry, I'm crap with names and too busy to search up there at the mo) - which can only make their job easier. See? Earned it. "E-bay! E-bay! E-Bay!....." :)

You're not going to be alone for much longer. Not once you're slime-free. Then you'll smell NICE to the normals, but horrid to the Narcs. Sssow it works, innit.

You'd have done that, wouldn't you...sent a dosh parcel. See? There are many more of You out there and not that far away. Some just aren't as brave as you (yet).

PS been meaning to ask: Is Barbra Streisand Barbara Streisand's twin sister or something? (*ducks and runs*)

Good grief - I missed this! "This person was definitely expecting a reaction from you This person was expecting an emotional outburst from you what they didn't expect was your silence This person expected a big reaction something to feed the chaos that follows them The person made a terrible mistake by projecting their issues onto you You made a choice for silence and peace This person wrongly thought your silence as a sign of weakness This person underestimated your kindness for weakness This person didn't expect you to stand your ground You stood your ground and it has thrown them for a loop You are showing them that their actions are irrelevant You have become a mirror for this person to face themselves in You made the decision to respect your peace rather than engage The person doesn't deserve your time Your strength is currently haunting them more than anything you could have said or done You were right not to engage with this person who doesn't deserve any of your energy The person was battling their own demons and was projecting this onto you You know who this is because they constantly picked fights with you Picking fights over the littlest things The person is only now realising the weight of what they have done This person is panicking over you right now They thought that you'd be running back to them by now This person really underestimated you They treated you poorly and you showed them your strength This persons intention was to prove themselves right by getting a reaction from you This person wanted to get under your skin This person believed they would win by you losing it with them This person failed because you left the situation rather than engaging with them Do not think your silence and disconnect means you are weak I am giving you confirmation that you've made the correct choice You've truly shown them your strength I reiterate the person is not worthy of any response from you I reiterate you made the right choice The person thought they'd have won The person was expecting to have won This person is now realising they made a big mistake! It is time this person faces themselves" WOWWWWWW! Free? Good God - they're brilliant at it! Not silly AT ALL! Spot!...ON! What date was it? I'll scroll up... 21st Nov, while I was illest (is that a word?). ________________________________________________ Missed this too: "At 15 her male Aussie but Japanese teacher phoned and offered to take her to Japan with him. He thought it would be great for her. He said she'd need about $1000AUD for costs. He was a family man (father of 4) was very friendly, kind & spoke to me on the phone often. Said he was greatly impressed with her academic level. I trusted him to a degree. Realistically he was a virtual stranger asking to escort my daughter half way around the world. I didn't have the money. I was fearful sending her unchaperoned away so young. She'd never spent one night away from me. She flipped out when I said 'no'. She kept on at me. I asked the opinion of her Grandparents and Great Grandparents. All agreed she was not worldly enough and way too young to travel alone with a male teacher. She threw a temper tantrum. Insisted they pay for her to go & extra for me to go with her. Her Grandparents said we'll make you a deal. You have two more years of high school to go. Get the top award for year 11 & year 12 and then at 17 years of age nearly 18 we'll let you go on the trip with Mr Maths (as he goes annually). She harped on & on. She cried. She was angry. She said 'that is a breeze as I've always gotten the awards and I don't see what difference two years will make'. As usual living with her when she didn't get her way was a nightmare for me and she didn't let up mentioning it for about six months. Halfway through year 11 she quit Japanese. Said she didn't want to do that subject anymore. Male Teacher fought her on quitting. She said she wanted to do Mythology and Gemmology instead. She did do the Gemmology. So today she hangs up the phone...yelling at me...everything is my fault! Quote 'I'm a cowardly, piece of shit Mother, no guts, no gumption, no gall. I'm a pathetic human being. I never came through on the deal for Japan'. I went to the laundry to escape her tirade. She followed and persisted. Quote 'I'm pathetic, I'm a loser...blah...blah... it went on & on. I could see she was holding back tears. Initially I tried to sympathise and say I understood how she felt but this made her more angry. The accusations were flying. The insults kept right on coming. she became her usual 'hard to love or like Monster'. I admit to calmly saying words I probably should not have said. I lost my temper without yelling. I know what I said was wrong but I'm soooo sick of her! She is a 32 year old baby. I'm so over it! I said good things come to nice people and that her personality sucks so nothing will ever change. I left the room. Now she is not talking to me. Mother of the Year!" YES, actually! YES, Mother Of The Year! I'd just got through that first paragraph and said out-loud - WHEUUUUUR!....DODGED A MASSIVE BULLET OR WHAT! DD, that was so suspiciously inappropriate! NO 15-year-old girl is allowed to be alone hundreds of miles away under the complete control of a grown male - f*ckadoodle, mate?! SHE SHOULD BE THANKING YOU! I'll bet you anything you like that the reason she lost interest in Japanese is because once he realised you were too strong and functional as a mother (NOT prepared to send your daughter away to a dangerous situation just to get some kid-free time ffs, unlike her poor cousins horrid parents!) - HE LOST INTEREST IN *HER*. GET ME? Phoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Print this page out and show daughter. (OMG - can you imagine?) You've never done ANYTHING wrong. You've just been told over-repeatedly that you do wrong and treated like it (brainwashing)! I am SHOCKED. And to be perfectly honest - 15 is a bit old to be that naiive (despite I know why the delayed maturing). Spoiling her FUN? (Define fun, darlin.) Woah. That would have actually broken her, DD. There's nothing wrong with you nor ever was. You're the Fine Specimen - outnumbered by runts. END OF.

And she beeping needed to hear this - so well done for that and for saying it matter-of-factly because it was the stark, raving truth! "I said good things come to nice people and that her personality sucks so nothing will ever change. I left the room." And that was a very succinct, very well-put truth as well. It's not her personality though because that offers you some of her food, etc. It's her attitude and behaviour (the completely unwarranted resentment). WHAT NON-SUSPICIOUS, GROWN MAN IN A POSITION OF POWER AND RESPONSIBILITY WOULD EVER.....*EVER*....MAKE THAT OFFER TO A YOUNG, CLEARLY UNWORLDLY-WISE *GIRL*. Young, CLEARLY TROUBLED, THUS VULNERABLE *girl*. A normal healthy would steer clear, even if he DID want to genuinely help. Because the very suggestion is WHAT PAEDOS DO! A normal-healthy wouldn't WANT to be seen alone with a 15-yr-old girl! Or the seriously stupid - and who wants their one-and-only precious baby in the hands of someone who's meant to be one of her protectors yet is that much of a special kind of stupid?! OMG. Fckn Guilty! He primed her using a presentation of surrogate Fatherhood. OMG...punished for so long for doing the RIGHT thing, the HEALTHY thing, the FUNCTIONAL thing (and just not ACTUAL Saint enough never to lose it when pushed further than far and retaliate/self-defend). All because Strepfarter does sh*t like rubbing her face in what in actual fact is merely AN ILLUSION laid atop of an act of PARENTAL DYSFUNCTION! I wouldn't have let my son do that even as old as at Uni. ("What's this weird and creepy proposal of yours towards my son, Fella?"....*blows whistle*....Nee-Naw-Nee-Naw...). I feel like saying more but I don't know what it is.... just - BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.

Ohhh, write a beeping book, DD. You've got a Trilogy here! Or an Aus Wild Swans. Here - instead of Wolf Creek, you could call it - Creaky Wolves! HAHA! Or - My Family & Other Dangerous Animals. God. Outside of the town and cities, Australia's a really dangerous place, isn't it. As it's huuuuuuge, meaning, you could say - where in Aus are you? I keep thinking Adelaide but I don't know why. You ever seen a Tarantula or Black Widow or, what's the other? - a Funnelweb? Any other Steve Irwin type encounters? PS: Strepfarter is really-really monstrously vindictive, antagonistic and sadistic, isn't he. Oh god, your poor Mother....

Shame you didn't think to tape him. I would have. And would have straight away called Social Services in order to get a disgusting madman like him/it, BANNED from visiting MY...mother, MY...blood-relative, my LEGITIMATE Kin (trumped, monstrous matey!). And all you'd have to do would be, play that to them. Nuff. Said. TOO characteristic. No wonder he sent your mother half-mad. (Is she still getting more lucid?) Be ready next time. Start collecting evidence. You and daughter.

No, actually - silly suggestion - don't print it out (my shock said that). Just say you had a conversaton about it with someonoe (another Home visitor or something) and they fell off their chair because they could quite plainly see for themselves that you saved her from GOD KNOWS WHAT! Complete and utter control over her, miles and miles from anyone and anthing she knew, COERCE-ABLE TO UGGERY, THEREFORE, no matter how iffy the requests/suggestions/demands....uh-fuh-fuhf-fuh-fuuuuuhf. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Here are words you will rarely hear spoken from my lips... I'm actually Happy! I'm really ill and in pain but I won't allow that to steal my joy. I feel different. I feel freer, stronger and more independent. It took a year and 2 months to learn my lesson but now that I have I won't look back. Regardless of how even more difficult it is getting. Regardless of the Haters. I will endure. I will prevail. I have to. It literally became a matter of life or death. Quite surprisingly I chose 'life'. My Daughter is being wonderful. No joke. No exaggeration! YES...I both read and absorbed your words! I will not back down nor get carried away on this 'high'. I'm not fool enough not to know how that phase is most likely going to be a temporary thing. Can't mend years in just weeks. Reality bites. However, she is being 'Darling'. OMG I've missed her. Even though she's been right here the whole time under my nose. Today was interesting...

The Stepfather rang Daughter (he's FINALLY quit the daily phone calls to me). I ignored ALL and never answered for two weeks straight. It was tough going. My conscience pinched me. I persevered. Success in the end. Unfortunately Daughter is now his main audience and target. He spoke excitedly like a child. I could hear the echo of his booming voice from across the room. He'd been delivered a big box with a surprise inside. It did not display a sender nor a return address. He was laughing saying A Mysterious Admirer. Daughter convinced him to undo it & see if inside the box was a note or invoice saying who had sent it also she said was curious to know what was inside. Git rang back. It was a really big Christmas Hamper. It had the price on it. Over $100AUD. He was thrilled because he could see it was filled with goodies. Nice food & treats that he'd never splurge to buy himself. Still oddly no evidence of who had sent it inside the box. (OH while I remember...I'm a Queenslander. Yes! seen most of the scary creepy crawlies such as a funnel webs, brown snake, sharks and crocodiles. Short Train ride to Steve Irwins 'Australia Zoo' and we've been several times over. Met the family when Bindi was just 4 years old. Took my animal crazy kid. Steve was such a bogan but a really friendly bloke. We did a trip there again about six months after he'd passed away to support the zoo which had started to take a slide). Obviously the Zoo picked up again after the shock of losing Steve subsided). Anyways, back to hamper. Git phoned back a few hours later and said this to my daughter... 'I went through the basket and it is wonderful. There is so much fancy stuff in it. More than I could ever eat. I discovered who sent it to me. It was your Aunt. She thought it would be fun to send it as a Secret Santa to me. I just talked to her on the phone about your Grandmother and I mentioned the Hamper. She confessed to it. I'm to tell you that you're not to have anything out of the basket and nor is your Mother. Your Aunt told me not to give either of you a thing from it as you don't deserve to get anything. She spent a lot of money on it for me alone and I will abide by her wishes. You're not getting a thing from it ok? got it? Have I made myself clear?'. Daughter said 'um...I don't know why you're telling me this or why you'd think we'd want anything from your Hamper. I don't eat that kind of stuff and Mum has diabetes. No need for any explanation (his name) just enjoy it'. When she hung up the phone she turned to me and said 'did you hear him?' I said 'yes'. Daughter said 'I can't believe he said that what an a*sehole'.

Later in the day. I took myself to see Mum. Whilst gone Git phoned daughter twice more. She hit me with the news the moment I got in. She wasn't happy. It seems during his first phone call he gave her a hard time firing questions at her about quote 'what exactly is wrong with her Mother?' (ME). She said 'nothing is wrong with her'. He apparently went on & on about why am I behaving the way I am such as thinking I have the right to go see Clare by myself without him and what am I up to? She said she played coy. Pretended she hadn't a clue what he meant. Fobbed him off. Placated him and changed the topic and was relieved when his demanding tone subsided. She said she felt she'd handled him well and side lined him. HOWEVER... He further stewed on it and rang back again! This time he was according to her... WAY MORE FIERCE AND FORCEFUL. She said he was REALLY angry in his tone. Demanded she answer his questions properly. Told her I was being a fool. Told her I was trouble causing. Asked her just what I talk to my Mother about when he isn't present. She said he went on & on. She said I dodged it for the most part Mum because he was raving and not stopping to take a breath so I didn't need to respond as I couldn't get a word in edgeways. She said she decided to pepper him with rhetorical questions back rather than give him directive answers which he could further press her on. She answered his questions with questions. Like he said 'why does she go alone I demand to know'. She responded with 'why wouldn't she go alone to visit her Mother?'. He apparently said 'why doesn't she come with me anymore'. She said 'why does it bother you because she likes to visit Nanna alone?' She said he was sighing loudly literally exhaling and letting out air. He said 'what do they talk about when I'm not there' She said 'I'd have to be a fly on the wall to know that wouldn't I'. It went on and on. She said 'I let him get no answers out of me whatsoever but I'm angry'. I said 'ok thanks for sharing that information what is behind your anger?'. She said 'you have created this situation Mum which negatively impacts me. It isn't fair. I tried to stay neutral and pander to him for months because I want a piece of the pie one day. I've been in this for the long haul not like the other cousins. I've tolerated their combined crap for years. The only way I'll ever inherit any money is if you get some'. 'You cut him out of our lives sending him straight to your Brother. The two male egos are puffing out their chests saying the women in this family are all nuts. I could have played git for a sucker for years. You ruined it all with taking this stand. You Mum need to realise that your decisions ultimately impact me and my life. What is done is done. You've cost us any chance of any money now when Nanna dies. Sorry Mum but you're a fool. Your pride has cost us what is rightfully ours. Nanna's Will is done and dusted. The Great Grandparents promised money left with Nanna is now in Gits hands'. I said 'I'm sorry you feel that way but I will always do what I consider to be right. I've been poor my whole life, I'm use to the struggle, the scrimping and eating cereal to pay the bills. What I never will accept nor allow is anybody to continue to walk all over me, boss me around, call me names or use me as their buffer or scape goat. I'm not his nor anybody's punching bag and I have a limit as to what I will or won't tolerate from family members. I will give help and love to those who treat me with consideration and kindness. From now on I don't answer to anybody other than my own conscience and God if he is real. I will not blacken my Soul for any amount of money. No amount of money is worth surrendering my self respect. I've taken too much s_it for way longer than I should have and I've been put through enough s_hit. You are right when you say it is over and ended. Through the help and support of decent human beings who happen to also be Professionals my eyes are now wide open to just what I've tolerated for way too long. I let you all treat me badly. I am capable of great love. I will give that love only to those who treat me right. I cut off my bad brother. I cut off my bad Sister. I handled my bad Mother and she has apologised profusely and I've forgiven her. I have cut off my bad step father and my busy-body, judgmental Aunt. You've seen now how strong I can be. Best you keep that in mind (her name). I left the room. About 5 minutes later she walked up behind me in the kitchen and hugged me and said 'I love you Mum'.

Have I said too much? Did I go too far? Was I too forceful or too harsh? I really don't know how to be a Mother. It is so difficult. It just all blurted out of me in a flurry. I was tired. I'm always emotionally drained after 4 hours at the Nursing Home and the long travel time there and back. She hit me with all this before I'd even put my handbag down. The very moment I walked through the door key still in hand. Was I too harsh? I think it has gone over alright with her? Why? Because she played a silly joke on me later and it was funny. We both laughed until I wet my pants.

To be completely truthful that baby girl had me over a barrel from the moment she first held my little finger in the hospital theatre. I vividly remember how I whispered to her 'it is just you and me kid against the World'. I'd do anything for her from the moment when she first smiled at me. I have always been her captive. Finally I had somebody to love whom I hoped upon hope would love me back. I can hear you sighing at me. You're right. That is where and when I went wrong. Right from the start. I won't lose her. I'm learning.

Hello again Soulmate, Just was thinking of you as I went about my morning chores. Worried about how you're struggling with long covid. Hoping you have a really good Doctor that you trust and can rely upon. It has really put you through a difficult time. It has to be exceedingly hard to recover when the weather is freezing cold. I can't even imagine it. How does one recover when the temperature has you breathing in icy, cold air? I can imagine how you are running about preparing and 'Hoovering' for Christmas Guests. You do however need to set aside some time to rest and relax. Remember you don't always have to be the strong one. Hoping each new day finds you steadier, stronger and better. Answering all my long winded messages during the peak of your illness was very kind of you. In case nobody has told you today...YOU really are amazing. My Christmas Wish for you is that each new day brings you closer to a full recovery HUG!

Hi Soulmate, you probably won't see this or read it for days. Just wanted to let you know that things have turned for the worse for me. Tomorrow I'm going to the Hospital for Four invasive tests. I'm fasting tonight. I was happy. Tried to be. Gave it my best shot. Just got the longest abusive message from my Brother & Sister in Law regarding Mum and telling me what I should & should not be doing. In full support of Step Father. I burst into tears after reading the long email. Daughter screws up her face at me and says well what did you expect they are right. (She hasn't read it. Hasn't a clue what it says.) I asked her what do you mean? She said 'take one look at you Mum. You're a washed up mess. You come across as a total loser who can't handle anything. Git thinks it. My Aunty thinks it. Your Aunty thinks it. It just makes sense that your Brother and Sister in Law think it to. Hell I think it. Pull yourself together and handle things. You're pathetic.' I'm speechless. I'm devastated. Tomorrow is Friday the 13th here. I'm hoping for the words 'it is Cancer' from the Doctors. It is the ONLY way I will ever be FREE. Things are so out of control and it seems like the harder I try the worse they become. That free psychic actually contacted me today. Said she had a message for me from my Guardian Angel regarding my Mother from the Grandparents on the other side. It was all mind blowing. Very weird. This out of the blue today. Then this email this evening. Yeah...I'm done. There really is no point in trying to be happy. The moment I feel it something happens to wipe it away. This daughter has just left me numb. I'm staring at a stranger. Somebody I won't ever really know, be able to relate to nor understand. I no longer serve a purpose on this earth. I really want it over. No more bullshit that it can turn around. It can't. Not while this mob of ar*eh*oles exist. I'm out numbered. I'm alone. I fool myself into thinking I have a daughter who cares for me & loves me. It isn't the truth. I am delusional. I kid myself my Mum loves me. Delusional. I kid myself my Sister cares deep down inside. Delusional. I'm an Island.

I think my Father put it best as he was walking out the door and out of my life in 1977. Abandoning me. Leaving me behind with this lot. I'd been his favourite. I'd always defended him when the others were rather mean towards him. Yep...he had a bad temper and he sure enjoyed using his brute strength but luckily not on me. I got the odd spank. Of course he'd been yelling at my Mother as he gathered up his belongings. He turned looking directly at me with loathing in his eyes because I stood there steadfast on the spot alongside my Mother (I was 11). He was my favourite. However, I knew that if I stood there he wouldn't hit her in front of me. I held some sway. He pointed his finger at me and shouted 'as for that one she's a candle in the wind and never knows who to cling to when the rain sets in'. He can thank Elton John for the words. I didn't comprehend his meaning that day. However I felt his wrath and disappointment in me. He was right though.

According to that psychic today my heart chakra is black. I've shut a door on my soul. Yep...no shit sherlock!

I will convince myself that daughter is just mad at me today because I yelled at her puppy. For two years I slept on a short 2 seater sofa to be able to buy my double bed with mattress. It is relatively new. I love getting into it. It is something I waited a long time to acquire. I stripped my bed today to do the linen and quick as lightening the little turd jumped up and did the biggest pee right through in the centre of my newish bed. It was a huge puddle. She had clearly held it a long time. I'd let her out 4 times this morning. Raya peed on the grass every single time but not that bloody puppy. Yep...daughter the dog whisperer was sleeping until 3pm again. I'd minded puppy for over 8 hours. Sure as heck that thing can spin when told, dance on hind legs but woah betide it pee in the yard. Lucky me! Extra housework. Just what I was longing for. Even a creature the size of a shoebox has it in for me.