What should I do if my young cousin likes an old man?

I am 19 years old, and my younger female cousin is 14 years old. She recently went to a new school for 8th grade this year. She has developed a crush on a 43 year old teacher. She claims it's not a crush and that she constantly thinks about him, etc, but I believe that it's disturbing. She knows it's disturbing, but has "undeniable feelings" for this man 3 times her age. What should I do, How can I help her? ( Therapy is being considered, telling the teacher can't happen) I would appreciate general solutions please, Thank you!

Hi KO, "I am 19 years old" Me too! (Hahah- I wish) Fourteen and ripe for crushes, ergo, has formed one on a (presumably, male?) teacher. Okay? "She claims it's not a crush and that she constantly thinks about him," Oh, it's her one, true love, is it? Haha...typical. But - how would SHE know the difference between a typical teenage crush and the real thing? She'd have to know the real thing to know this was a crush. So ignore that bit. The point is - to her, it feels real....so be sensitive, tread carefully... Why is it disturbing? Have you tried googling about teenage pupils developing crushes on their teachers? Ever heard the hit by The Police, called, 'Don't Stand So Close (To Me)?', about a teacher whose pupil has a crush on him?... the line that goes, 'You know how bad, girls get'? They indeed do. But no established, professional teacher (which, at his age, he must be) would sacrifice his hard-won, long-slogged-for, career (and regular salary in this economic climate, not to mention getting himself added to the Sex Offenders' Register, etc., etc. - by 'biting'; with healthy men, the fact they're only under-age girls puts them RIGHT off and out of the equation...just NOT an option nor a desirable one (like the song, it can make them feel distinctly uncomfortable, albeit that they these days know how to handle it and rise above it). So teachers - both genders - are too used to it, it's par for the course. Here you go - try this: ______________________________________________________ https://www.familyeducation.com/teens/puberty-sex/student-has-crush-teacher#google_vignette "Q I'm in ninth grade and I like my teacher who is 26. I mean I really like him. I think about him all the time and I can see myself with him in the future. The problem is that I'm only 16. I really like him but I don't think he likes me back. What can I do? A Having a crush on a teacher is very common in middle school and high school. Even elementary school children may develop serious crushes on their teachers. I am sure that you could tell me in great detail why you "really like" this teacher. I would guess that he is attractive to you in many ways and that he has treated you with respect and kindness. I bet that this man likes being your teacher. But 26-year-old teachers do not look for girlfriends or boyfriends among their students. They are forbidden by the school and by the law to engage in anything beyond a friendly teacher/student relationship. It's probably hard for you to think he likes you only in this limited non-romantic way but you will have to learn to accept the boundaries that must exist between students and teachers. I am not telling you that your fantasizing about him is wrong. I am suggesting, however, that you accept the fact that the relationship you may dream about with him can exist only in your fantasies. Sometimes we develop crushes and fantasize about people we know we can never have a real-life relationship with - it's safer than going after a real-life relationship and being rejected. You might learn some important things about yourself from your crush on this teacher. By identifying the things that you admire in this teacher, you'll see what qualities are important to you when you have opportunities to have romantic relationships with your peers. Please don't expect the boys your age to match up with this teacher in terms of their appeal or their maturity. I would be concerned about your infatuation if your thoughts and fantasies about this man dominate most of your thoughts and you find yourself unable or unwilling to lead a normal 16 year-old's social life. I know that your feelings are real and intense. I hope that my advice has helped you understand how to put them in perspective. Thanks for writing." _______________________________________________________ She doesn't need therapy just for having a crush, no matter HOW much she swears blind it's "real". But undoubtedly she could do with your guidance and monitoring of the situation as it continues, even secetly on your part, so if I were you I wouldn't alienate her by making her worry there's something wrong with her or, otherwise, she'll clam-up and bang goes your means for supervision. Take an interest and KEEP taking an interest. She's just flapping her romantic wings - and, as the article says - it's safer than an actual romantic relationship when she's still that bit too young for one. You'll see. :) Does that help to reassure you?

PS: Articles tend not to mention - ALSO, it's most likely when the teen, due to their age/stage, is finding school increasingly mind-numbingly boring. Having a crush puts some excitement back in and therefore gives one the motivation and impetus to roll out of bed in the (FAR TOO EARLY!) morning. (That is often the case with workplace crushes, as well.) PPS: I've thought about it and..I didn't have a crush on one single teacher in any of my schools. As far as I remember, they were all distinctly unattractive, LOL. (I feel cheated...who do I complain to?)

Wait a minute....are we both being a bit thick here? Let's recap from another angle. - She's 14, you're just the right age for her to make her feel 'serfistikaytid' and grown-up by-proxy, as well as are trusted thus a safe practice relationship. - For some reason, it's YOU she's confided in. - If she knows it's disturbing, then, how come she isn't keeping it completely to herself? - She knows it's disturbing, but, yet it's REAL, doncha know. Hahahahah! She fancies you and is trying to convince you she's mature enough to pick as your girlfriend BECAUSE, LOOK! - she's capable of love AND interested in older men! Is that to evoke in you a sense of time-pressure, as in, 'Hurry up before stocks run out!'? Haha! When I put it like that - doesn't it fit? Beautifully? Plus, we have: - How to keep you around more and in greater communication (because the damsel's in trouble and you're old enough to be her knight on a White charger). Sneakkyyyyyy. Haha, you might want to play that track by The Police (- how apt! hahaha) whenever you're around her. "Awks".... But what do YOU think? Oh, wait - PS: And we ALSO have, her trying to engage you via your ego due to the fact of being at that age where the 'Beta male' challenges and conquers the Alpha (older man). Yeah........I reckon....