I gaslit myself into thinking I was different people for an ex-friend

I feel guilty, yet also abused. It ruined my relationship with him and my family. It's something I've been thinking about and needing to get off my chest for a good while. His name was Christopher. We aren't friends anymore. He cut me off because "we" were starting to feel like too much for him to handle. It's all my fault. I just wanted him to be happy, to stay with me. He was like a father-figure to me. He was the one that got me through my worst times. Even now I still miss him. I love music, and I have a little hobby of composing. We met because of our obsession with Vocaloid. He had his own little bubble of artists. Amazingly underrated music. and to this day I still think its still great. I just don't have the time, money, or energy to be that right now. There was a lot of pressure to keep up with his group, and I felt very left out because of that. We roleplayed a lot together, sometimes with other people even. We're both weird teenagers who love to world-build, it's what we do. We mostly played characters from another semi-popular musical artist. Cakey and Crispy, both complete opposites that we somehow thought of as cousins. Eventually, I started also take on the role of another character. His fictional crush James, a character from a similar artist, who I'll refer to as Janet because that's what it became later on. I played Janet as his spouse, and he slowly became more and more obsessed with her, and I, in a way. Then he opened up to me about how Crispy was his past life, and that I, Cakey, might be his cousin and adopted daughter from that life. I was in an extremely vulnerable point with my family, and hearing this was like something that I had been praying for. The inverse of what my real family was going through. I was reuniting with my family, instead of splitting apart. With his help, I was able to convince myself I was actually Cakey. Strange, I know. Then we dove into the world DID/OSDD when a couple of his friends developed it. Disassociative disorders that involve developing multiple identities and personalities, called alters due to severe traumatic events. It's a complex thing that isn't very understood as of now. But he was obsessed with the idea of having his fictional spouse "come to life." There was the twisted, love-starved part of me that thought if I had this disorder, I'd bring Janet to life, he would get to have her, and we could all be the big, happy family I had lost. It was painful. Constantly trying to convince myself Janet was really inside my head, along with these other alters and characters. But at first, he was so happy. We'd talk together, hours upon hours, with me switching between Janet and I, sometimes another alter. He and Janet, technically me, "married". I loved the little makeshift family we created, it was would just keep growing. He had created characters of his children, and I gaslit myself into thinking they were my alters too. But it took a toll on me, trying to balance out all the identities, covering up all the lies I convinced the both of us to be a side effect of my disorder. I started to isolate myself from everyone else but him. Each moment I could I'd talk to him. My family was extremely concerned about me being with him and tried to separate us. I always found a way back to him through sneaking around, and to this day it still causes issues between my family and I. Eventually, he started to grow apart from Cakey-Me, even being spiteful, and closer to Janet-Me. This caused me to not didn't want to be Cakey anymore. In fact, I wanted to be just only Janet. I felt so loved by him when I was Janet. I now realize that I was starting to love him more than just platonically. I talked as Cakey way less, but only focused on Janet. Then, Dubi came along. There was V1, an alter based off of a video game character he played quite often. V1 herself was cool, she was asexual and aromantic, but her and Chris became close. I still suspect he was romantically interested with her, despite always telling me it was platonic. It put a major strain on us, and eventually, we just... grew apart. Then one day, he just cut me off. I'm pretty sure it was just not being interested in me anymore. It shattered me. It still shatters me. I really want to let go of this part of me I had created over these years. But I can't, I just can't let go of him yet. I just want to me loved and never left. I just want someone to tell me that I'll be okay, and that they'll always have my back. I just want to not cry every night about how much I screwed myself over with this. I wish I never met him. Something tells me he played a part but I don't want to think of him that way. Please tell me everything will be okay. -Ponka.

Hey again, Ponka! :) You gaslit yourself into thinking you were different people for an ex-friend? Huh? How intriguing (am deliberately not reading ahead)... "I feel guilty, yet also abused." Ah. (That's a very characteristic cocktail - Scooby Clue No. 1!) "It ruined my relationship with him and my family. It's something I've been thinking about and needing to get off my chest for a good while." Okay?... "His name was Christopher. We aren't friends anymore. He cut me off because "we" were starting to feel like too much for him to handle." Huh? If you haven't, below - can you go into far more detail and give examples please? "It's all my fault." Yuh - I'll be the judge of that, thanks. "I just wanted him to be happy, to stay with me. He was like a father-figure to me. He was the one that got me through my worst times. Even now I still miss him." (Scooby Clue No. 2) "I love music, and I have a little hobby of composing." Snap! Although I haven't composed (violin and piano) for decades because I switched to composing comedic poetry and entering poetry competitions. But nuff bout me... it's just, this is a wee bit shpookay because just a few hours back, I and my son were having a conversation with a friend, that began: "Imagine if music didn't exist..." (- we all agreed that life would be SH*T...pretty boring and miserable - particularly car journeys). "We met because of our obsession with Vocaloid." I've no idea what that is - can you explain? "He had his own little bubble of artists. Amazingly underrated music. and to this day I still think its still great." So, er...he was a - what - session musician and was informally starting his own employment agency? "I just don't have the time, money, or energy to be that right now." To be WHAT? Sorry, not getting it. "There was a lot of pressure to keep up with his group, and I felt very left out because of that." Yuh - again, go into far more detail and explanation, plizzies. "We roleplayed a lot together, sometimes with other people even. We're both weird teenagers who love to world-build, it's what we do." Ermagheerd - I must really be out of touch! I don't even know what world-building is or why it needs role play! (Heeelp, LOL) "We mostly played characters from another semi-popular musical artist. Cakey and Crispy, both complete opposites that we somehow thought of as cousins." Ditto explanation, please (gaah). "Eventually, I started also take on the role of another character. His fictional crush James, a character from a similar artist, who I'll refer to as Janet because that's what it became later on. I played Janet as his spouse, and he slowly became more and more obsessed with her, and I, in a way." Obsessed with the character as a way to get away with being obsessed WITH YOU, PER CHANCE?? "Then he opened up to me about how Crispy was his past life, and that I, Cakey, might be his cousin and adopted daughter from that life." What?? How could you be his cousin AND adopted daughter? What life - a past life? I'M REALLY LOST. Okay, here's what I DO know/suspect: He suggested some musical roleplaying, taking on personas of actual music artists, and used it to hide behind then approach you from...romantically. Correct? "I was in an extremely vulnerable point with my family, and hearing this was like something that I had been praying for. The inverse of what my real family was going through. I was reuniting with my family, instead of splitting apart." Narc Family by any chance (hence the Scoobys?) If so - ROUND OF APPLAUSE! That takes huge bravery and self-preservation instinct! (PS: I did that. Two (the healthies but back then confused) have come back after a whole decade, luckily with apology beyond the mere verbal. Soon to be three. ("Leave them alone, And they'll come home, Wagging their tails behind them" - you wait. :)) "With his help, I was able to convince myself I was actually Cakey. Strange, I know." No. NOT strange at all. But is IS a Red Flag for a Narcissistic Sociopath! Hope not, but, let's see... "Then we dove into the world DID/OSDD when a couple of his friends developed it. Disassociative disorders that involve developing multiple identities and personalities, called alters due to severe traumatic events. It's a complex thing that isn't very understood as of now." (It's to do with fragmentation, but, yeah, I know it.) "But he was obsessed with the idea of having his fictional spouse "come to life."" Ah! DID he now... Yeah, THERE it is. Thought so.. Sounds like you got pounced-on by a secret predator, worse than your family, when you were down and vulnerable. And what did YOU think about this insistence (nagging) (Spath in Covert Mode speciality, they go ooon and ooon and OOON ANDOOOOOOOOON-AAAARGH...until you say yes just to shut their broken-record self UP! (...Aim,Fire, Bullseye.) It's known as, Getting their spoilt baby way and/or inappropriate or unreasonable demands met by wearing you down (usually in-tandem with Love-Bombing). "There was the twisted, love-starved part of me that thought if I had this disorder, I'd bring Janet to life, he would get to have her, and we could all be the big, happy family I had lost." But HE wanted you as a SPOUSE-figure, not a daughter or sister or whatever. Did you feel like you could 'stomach' the 'fee' (the tactic deal: 'If you want me to be your friend you have to be my girlfriend')? "It was painful. Constantly trying to convince myself Janet was really inside my head, along with these other alters and characters." So in actual fact, the fee was a headf*ck...a complicit (but not really consensual) course of self- and other-brainwashing, yes? ...All that repetition and staying too long in character - plus with something to lose ever-present. That whole set-up in that situation, my Luv, is known as, COERSION. Me no likey him at this point fyi...and I could already be tempted to kick him in the shins...and I'm like that song, 'My mamma don't like you, and she likes everyone', so I know what that means. It's sounding increasingly like you indeed got taken full psychological advantage of. Unless HE was likewise post-traumatic?) "But at first, he was so happy." HE was so happy - and no mention of yourself. NOTED (Scooby Clue 3). All About Him, was it? That'd be right. "We'd talk together, hours upon hours," Yeah - see? Hours and hours and hours and.... Now Google "Sociopathic/Psychopathic Hypnotic Effect" - you'll see. "with me switching between Janet and I, sometimes another alter. He and Janet, technically me, "married". I loved the little makeshift family we created, it was would just keep growing. He had created characters of his children, and I gaslit myself into thinking they were my alters too." He sold you a (seemingly cathartic) fantasy as buffered you against the realisation that you were effectively on your own in this world, family-less. Does that sound like a reasonable sum-up? "But it took a toll on me, trying to balance out all the identities, covering up all the lies I convinced the both of us to be a side effect of my disorder." Sorry - did someone tell you you had a disorder? Or you mean, the fictional disorder as part of the plot of this 'play' or whatever. And yes - very confusing! Especially given that in your shocked and traumatised state from having done the HUUUUGE thing of excising your unhealthy/abusive family, you'd have had a mental In-Tray that was HEAVING and waiting desperately to be read through, understood and filed in the correct places of your mind. ***********Talk about keeping you in your post-traumatic state - WOAH!************ PS: you're also very suggestible in those post-Traumatic plus Vulnerable states. Clearly, your welfare was all a game to him. Bleugh. It's also a slo-mo tack of 'putting you under' compared to your 'plain' malignant narcs. So that's another TICK! for Narc-Sociopath (they're in it for the long-haul con - to basically live off or take advantage of you for-life (if you'll 'let' them) - so have to actually prepare a SORT-OF foundation, which means, staying Nice/Lovely etc. for up to 2 years, and then it's - ARSE OUT!...either in one go or bit-by-bit). Never seen a Love-Bombing and Brainwashing THAT creatively sneaky/'around the houses' though - that's a new one on me! "I started to isolate myself from everyone else but him." (TARGET-VICTIM SYMPTOM TICK!) "Each moment I could I'd talk to him." (TICK!) "My family was extremely concerned about me being with him and tried to separate us." (TICK!) (You're THEIR emotional dumping-ground, not his - how dare he!) "I always found a way back to him through sneaking around, and to this day it still causes issues between my family and I." Aww, get over it! (- them, I mean). "Eventually, he started to grow apart from Cakey-Me, even being spiteful, and closer to Janet-Me." (TICK!) THE POSTURAL "DISCARD" (3 stages of a Narc fauxlationship: Idealize...Devalue...Discard (fake or real). See it? You'd had idealize....then 'suddenly' Devaluing started - the FIRST Devalue of *two*, whereby, IN EFFECT, he got to knock that confidence, bravery and ace functionality out of you TWICE. Two For The Price Of One (TICK!) "This caused me to not didn't want to be Cakey anymore." Hardly surprising. Except to him who's no doubt used to the mistreatment achieving GREATER engagement of the other party via their ego/pride AND ADDICTION...which is what is deliberately contrived in you by them. "In fact, I wanted to be just only Janet. I felt so loved by him when I was Janet. I now realize that I was starting to love him more than just platonically. I talked as Cakey way less, but only focused on Janet." Yup. "Then, Dubi came along. There was V1, an alter based off of a video game character he played quite often. V1 herself was cool, she was asexual and aromantic, but her and Chris became close." Who's Chris?? "I still suspect he was romantically interested with her, despite always telling me it was platonic. It put a major strain on us, and eventually, we just... grew apart." Sorry, but I'm assuming this was another real person (young woman) who was playing this theatre game with you both? Yes, of course it would have put a strain on things. And it was meant to (google: Malignant Narcissist-Sociopath - Triangulation to make you jealous). This is part of the Devaluation stage. "Then one day, he just cut me off." ...DISCARD! Mate, you stunk of the last bozo(s)'s slime (Sociopath - Victim Priming) when you met him, which meant, a victim to torture whom was still too down to self-assert or -defend enough and properly...that's what was the problem. But you weren't to know so... "I'm pretty sure it was just not being interested in me anymore. It shattered me. It still shatters me." It does, yes. And just about everyone here (AND there these days!) has been through it or similar. "I really want to let go of this part of me I had created over these years. But I can't, I just can't let go of him yet." Letting go is filing away, and you haven't even read through everything in your tray yet! Patience, Glasshopper... "I just want to me loved and never left." Well, me, I don't love you, obvs, but (unless you behave like a git), I won't leave you. I 'live' here. "I just want someone to tell me that I'll be okay," You'll be better than just okay, actually. "and that they'll always have my back." I can do that. So can anyone else here if they fancy chipping in. "I just want to not cry every night about how much I screwed myself over with this." Pff - no you didn't. Hah, don't make me laugh! "I wish I never met him." Once you've completely finished filing and then had a rest before getting back on with life again - you'll celebrate it and raise a glass to him because 'had it not been for (ugh) him, you wouldn't be where you are today, hurrayyyyy!') Something tells me he played a part but I don't want to think of him that way. So there's no bad news here - just a bit of work. And that's not even hard because it's just talking and reading (- the original and the best form of therapy there is). "Please tell me everything will be okay." I guarantee it. :) "-Ponka." (As in, Hontas? :D)

PS: "He cut me off because "we" were starting to feel like too much for him to handle." Effing cheek. HE STARTED IT! (Tick-tick-tickety-beeping-tick- CASE CLOSED!) (on what he is, I mean).

PS: You'll find your misplaced guilt explained if you google "Narcissist's Victim - F.O.G."

"But HE wanted you as a SPOUSE-figure, not a daughter or sister or whatever. Did you feel like you could 'stomach' the 'fee' (the tactic deal: 'If you want me to be your friend you have to be my girlfriend')?" Sorry - TACIT deal, that should have read. Unspoken but very much 'read and understood' from the surreptitious human comms (or in his case - animal) channels. I wonder if he was deliberately punishing you from having rejected Narcissism to the furthest extent one can?...because you rejected the Narc World View. Question: Did he manage to charm your family at first?

...Because he deliberately did a Double Whammy fauxlationship (set-up for being torn down, you over-confident 'mere' woman, you, get back in the kitchen!) (they're raging misogynists). He coerced you (at first, using the carrot) into agreeing to split yourself into two personas (although, note he originally intended you to be in THREE separate parts?!), just so that he could abuse-campaign you TWO TIMES ON THE TROT! That's like (effects-wise) going from Guantanamo Bay 1, straight into Guantanamo Bay 2! And you're not even on the floor! Yeeeeah, no worries - you'll be fine. But you will feel like shite for a while, first. Well, less so now you're here, but, still. ((((((((((((((PARENTAL HUG)))))))))))))) RSvP.

PS: "Then we dove into the world DID/OSDD when a couple of his friends developed it." Couple of his friends. So he did that number on them prior to meeting you, but with them it worked? (That's an highly above-average strong and independent mind you've got there, not to have ended-up like those two. Did you realise that?) You should be VERY proud.

Hello Soulmate First off I wanna say sorry for not going into a lot of detail. This was my first post on here to this is very new for me. Also I kind of wrote this in a very emotional episode so I know it's really confusing! I should've probably mentioned Christopher/Chris was an online friend. It probably only adds to how chaotic it was. Also I should've realized not a lot of people here are going to know what these words are. I understand how hard it is for some to keep up with terms from communities they're not a part of, so I have some further definitions

Vocaloid is a singing voice synthesizer software product originating from Japan, although it is now an international software. It uses synthesizing technology with specially recorded vocals of voice actors or singers. There are a total of 92 different vocaloids created by different companies. Vocaloids are often accompanied by character mascots, typically drawn in a manga/anime style. The software enables users to synthesize "singing" by typing in lyrics and melody and also "speech" by typing in the script of the required words. It's basically like singing robots lol. It surprisingly has a HUGE community, mostly made up of teens and young adults. Some companies have collaborated with nintendo and sega to make their own video games based on their vocaloids. Hell, there are even companies that have live virtual concerts for them. The most iconic vocaloid Hatsune Miku had been on world tours. Even though everything is electronic, it can get pricey and storage-consuming. Vocaloid itself is downloadable for a minimum of $135 USD, depending on which version you get. Some Vocaloid synths cost up to $200. There are now free vocal synth softwares but they're of much lower quality and still take up storage. There's so much I can dive into but I think that's enough of my nerd rant now. Roplaying is just a term used to describe acting out or performing as a person or character. Cakey and Crispy/Christopher Pierre, as I mentioned, are characters from two different songs by a semi-popular English vocaloid producer GHOST/Ghost and Pals. Now I also probably should've mentioned another term that we both identified with. Later on, after the whole past life conversation, we both started to identify as Fictokins. A Fictokin is someone who actually identifies as a fictional character, which are referred to as kins. Some people have multiple kins, and not all kins are aligned with its canon (Canon describes being aligned with the main media. Take Batman being an orphan, that's canon. The Joker born in Arkansas? That's not canon.) I'm not sure if fictokins are actually a valid thing or not, but it certainly wasn't for me.

Now some info about me. Yes, my father is a suspected narc. He mistreated my sisters and I, especially me, throughout my whole life. However, he was abusive to mainly my mother, until my parents separated, which was absolute chaos. With my mom gone, he started to abuse me to a worse degree. Eventually things were taken to far, and I spoke up about it and got myself out of the situation. He stills has some custody of my sisters, but I haven't interacted with him outside of court since 2022. My mom, though I love her and she tries her best, is neglectful. One of my sisters hates me because I don't want to see my dad. My family says I exhaust them because I am autistic, have depressive disorder, and, despite ongoing efforts, am susceptible to developing PTSD. About the group Chris was in. They're all teenagers, so all they have are YouTube accounts and perhaps a Spotify or apple music account if they are lucky. They use Vocaloid explained above and other instrumental synthesizing software. Unfortunately, I have a lack of supplies and money to really indulge in some of these softwares like they can. Yet there was still a lot of what I do think of as unintended pressure to ditch the free tacky softwares and spend bucks on higher quality. Chris was also sexually groomed online by another person (by an 11 YEAR OLD, YES IT WAS CRAZY) and met me shortly before cutting him off. Excluding his past life, (again, don't actually know if he was genuinely serious or not) he does not have any familial trauma, contrary to me. Chris is also transgender. When I had met him as originally going by Gio, and then later changed it to Christopher to align with his past life. I want to note that some of his story does align with the character Crispy. So according to Chris, in his past life, which he said had taken place in a completely different universe, he was born in 1904 as Charlotte Pierre to a wealthy abusive family, and then later transitioned to Christopher in his teens (coincidence?). He had actually described himself as being manipulative (he claimed he was different now), and in his early twenties, he had convinced a friend to commit suicide with him using cyanide. His friend had agreed, but did not follow through. Now this is the crazy part. He came back to life as an undead, more so a ghost, with the power to distort and cause illusions within his home. He was alone for most of the century, until I came along in the nineties. Apparently my mother had inherited the house after a relative who had owned the property died, and had decided to move in. My mother was abusive, so Christopher killed her and then took me under my wing. He knew I was his distant cousin but had kept that from me. He said I was only three when this happened. I lived to be 18, before dying in a tragic accident. He then told me that after I had died, God took him to heaven and rebirthed him as punishment for "breaking a promise." You know, writing this all out is making me realize how bats--t crazy it was. Thinking about Chris being a sexual predator is a little unfathomable to me, however him being a narcissist doesn’t surprise me honestly. Although I knew him from just being online he was never hesitant to be loud for attention, and had a super short temper. He was super affectionate with me, and I am a clingy person. Maybe he was more sinister all along.

James/Janet is more complicated. James Vela another character developed by a less popular vocaloid producer Vane Lily, and their song is part of a developing album about a story set in hell. They're basically a demon who tortures rapists and sexual predators, and is head of the Lust department. He was alive from 1910 to 1936, and during his time was a detective by day, and a serial killer that brutally predators at night. It's also heavily alluded that they are a sexual assault survivor themself. The James, later on Janet, we developed was more of an extension of the lore. Still James, she met Chris after an unrelated dispute between him and one of her other demon friends. They married and she fathered one of two children that were biologically Chris's. Later on she discovered she was transgender and started calling herself Janet. Despite being a former serial killer and executor, Janet is a sweet soul and a great mother. I'm not gonna lie, I am still attached to Janet as a character.

Oh and another thing that might be helpful. Here are the links to some of the songs I had mentioned Crispy - The Distortionist https://youtu.be/NZ0muYBh2HY?si=pHAlbl9Rc_R-KYWZ Cakey - Appetite of a People-Pleaser (The irony.) https://youtu.be/kf3Err9MvDg?si=vf3Ss_hxOLwleXbD James/Janet - This is my Heart https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LA9i5pkavzM

I know it's a lot to read through. I know, teenagers are weird

Hello Ponka, I'm here (if that is ok with you?) I've read your entries. I'm sufficiently intrigued. Much of the lingo is very new to me HOWEVER role playing and getting into characters is not new to me. VERY familiar in fact. I know where it leads. I can relate in a sense. I got myself caught up in something similar. Lost my identity to my character. Eventually lost my favourite character. Heart broken. Nights awake sobbing. Missing my fav character. Sort of became DID for years. I get this part of your story. I was loved for my character. Then when my character cheesed off my partners character I started to get verbally assassinated by the other characters & my Partner in real life. I get the obsession. I get the escapism from dysfunctional family. I come from a background of NARC family. I get that your family became concerned. I get that you preferred the imaginary world to reality and probably ended up spending more time there? I'm guessing? It is now 4 years later. My relationship with life real person partner has not survived our dive into role playing, imaginary worlds etc Permanent damage done. Irreversible. Bought to the surface a temper in my partner that I did not know was there beneath the surface. Long road to recovery. You're in great hands. Stick with Soulmate. I'll sit on the sidelines with your permission.

Ah, thanks DD/SB - much appreciated (Mwa!). And, yeah - it was you who came to mind the minute I started reading, actually... You could team up with me on this if you like and if Ponka likes/wants to try? Ponka, I'm aiming to respond to you tomorrow. I have Long Covid, triggered by breathing air below 16 Degs C, and it's unusually cold (Spain) due to a bitter wind, recently (the knock-on effect of that recent hurricane in Ireland), and it's very up-and-down, I never know whether I'm going to be up to logging-on (or even getting out of bed/staying awake) until on the day...but I can have one really bad day followed by a brilliant day so - it's not a case of If with me, it's just By When. But I'm eager to try tomorrow - please bear with me and, if you like, chat to Songbird (formerly DD) while you're waiting? She's a veteran poster-respondent now. Meantime, I've dug this (surprisingly, given the media) impressively detailed article out for you - as a starter...main course and pudding to follow (as in, food for thought, hur-hur-groan)... (And actually - DD, you'll no doubt find it validatingly/exoneratingly informative as well)... My double bracketed comments... ____________________________________________________ https://www.businessinsider.com/phrases-narcissists-use-2018-8 "Narcissists all follow the same patterns — here are some of the most common phrases they use to manipulate you Narcissists often follow the same pattern in relationships: idealize, devalue, discard. They also have a certain way of talking to manipulate their victims. Here are some things narcissists are likely to say in relationships, and when to expect them. It's possible to meet someone and feel like you've known them your whole life. Often, this just means you're comfortable in each other's company. But sometimes it can be a sign of something more sinister — particularly if someone you're dating is professing their love for you when you've only known them for five minutes. Narcissists sometimes engage in "love bombing" ((or present as just refreshingly normal and nice)) — pretending to be everything you've ever wanted ((or a perfect refreshment)), only to turn it back on you further down the line. It's a manipulative tactic to reel in their targets. First, they shower them with affection and gifts. ((and/or constant attention)) Then, they start gaslighting and abusing their victim, causing them to wonder what's real. It's all part of the plan to gain total control. Although there's no global summit for all dark triad people to get together and discuss their tactics, they do seem to operate in a similar way. "It's like they read from the same manual, even though nobody gives them that manual," said psychologist Perpetua Neo, who works with victims of narcissistic abuse. "They're almost programmed in the same way." ((MAL-programmed, actually)) Here are certain phrases narcissists use, and ways they express things, that may be eerily familiar to anyone who has dealt with one. They love bomb you during the idealization stage. Relationships with narcissists move very quickly. Neo said some people simply do mesh really well, because they have similar interests and complement each other's differences. "But anybody who tries to do it too quickly early on is basically accelerating intimacy, and that is bad news," she said. "Anybody who has to do that suggests they are doing something a bit creepy." In the first few weeks narcissists will say things like: "You're my soul mate." "I've never met anyone like you before." "You understand me so much better than anyone else." "It's fate that we met." "I've never felt this way about anyone before." "Am I your only friend? You're my only friend." "We don't need anyone else." "You're so kind, creative, smart, beautiful, and perfect." "We'll be together forever."" (("You're perfect for me" (After slagging-off the ex-spouse for hours/days/weeks) "...whereas, I can't EVER imagine you and I ever fighting (TWO 'evers', look) It's just You and Me (against the world), baby You love me, don't you. ...and many more (puke)... Basically, malignant narcs will purposefully replicate exactly all the things a healthy-normal man says and does, when and how and in what order, when it's a genuine case of Love At First Sight...and they're 'Bafta Award-winning actors/mimics' (with a whole manipulative plot, screenplay and script, as includes knowing which of your buttons to push, plus the very high turnover of fauxlationship partners...which itself is due to always inevitably ending-up found-out and rejected/spat-out once they start feeling over-safe and cocky and revealing their true colours (usually from behind closed doors), which it transpires, are hideous, ridiculous, cruel and sadistic, ...POINTLESS/FUTILE). They behave wonderfully for TOO LONG for the victim to harbour even a smidgen of doubt that they're the real deal. They don't bond (Narcissist - Attachment Disorder). They're just toying with you before destroying you - moreover because you threaten their Over-Superiority Complex AND misogynistic/people-hating/resenting world view, meaning, all they can do is *fancy* you (or 'hold their nose' and pretend to anyway. Your one was serious level: a malignant mind-f**ker, possibly a bit shady too, behind the scenes...petty criminal)). You didn't ruin anything except your slow and painful demise. TRUST ME ON THAT! 'You dodged a bullet'. Anyway...back to the article)) "Then the devaluation stage happens. Once a narcissist has hooked their victim, they start showing their true self. This is where the insults and put-downs ((and/or, with a narc-spath, insulting or costly actions)) start slipping into what they say. They suddenly criticize things about the partner that they once seemed to love ((whereas it was Coveting, in fact)) — everything they say is part of their scheme to shatter their partner's confidence. ((An Empath is their tastiest prey/greatest triumph - remind me to explain that later.)) But the nastiness is intertwined with some affection, because the narcissist knows they have to keep up the illusion that the relationship is worth saving. By pretending they can still be loving, the narcissist makes their victim believe the insults are their own fault. ((IT'S ALL RINGING A GIANT BELL, ISN'T IT, GUYS!)) During this phase narcissists may utter some of these phrases: "You're crazy." ((/paranoid")) "You're too sensitive." "No wonder nobody else likes you." "My friends hate you, but I always defend you and have your back." "You're so insecure." "What's wrong with you?" "Aren't I more important to you than your friends?" "Your tears won't work on me. Why are you crying?" ((said contemptuously)) "You're being so manipulative." (("You're only crying, to try to manipulate me"....Again, and loads of other similar, disgusting phrases)) They will explain away their behavior: Alena Scigliano, a licensed psychotherapist, author, and clinical expert in narcissistic abuse, told Insider many of the phrases that pathological narcissists use fall under the manipulative tactic category she refers to as "distraction." "For example, narcissists may deflect, project, victimize themselves, or scapegoat ((you or)) another person as a means to distract someone from focusing on a failure or shortcoming of the narcissist," she said. "Projection is an example of deflecting back onto the accuser." ((Narcissistic Sociopaths will do that AND include "The Sociopathic Pity Ploy" - ref. Martha Stout - google)) They will probably start explaining away their behavior if they are ever challenged on it, saying things like: "I'm like this because my parents were so mean to me." "My ex cheated on me." "Love is just hard. We have to work on it." "Everyone abandons me, so you have to help me." "I'm acting this way because I'm scared to lose you." "I don't do it on purpose; I have a problem." "Don't you remember how good things were at the start?" "You need to stop being so selfish/careless/busy with other people." "You can't blame me, you know I have a problem." (("It's because of how you approach me with a problem", when you've already exhausted every other avenue of 'treading carefully' - google "Narcissist's Victim - walking on eggshells" and "How Narcissists censor/silence you"! "But you never SAID...!", when you damn well did.)) The ((sic - 'they')) will criticize everything their victim loves and isolate them. A person in a relationship (("Fauxlationship")) ((they're never in it for love or partnership)) with a narcissist is subject to constant criticism, said the psychiatrist Dr. Edward Ratush in an interview with Insider. "The love they receive can feel transactional, ((with a Malignant, especially a S'path, it absolutely, wholly is!)) as a narcissist's need for acceptance and constant approval ((Spath - constant admiration and fear in you)) sucks up all the light and leaves their partner forever in the shadows," said Ratush, who founded the mental-health platform SOHOMD. They'll try to devalue everything their victim loves, such as their interest and hobbies, and even their family. They'll insult everything they can, saying things such as: "I don't like your friends — they're not good enough for you." (("She/He talks about you behind your back - I've heard them" - google "Narcissist - Plausible Deniability"....the Narc's word against his/hers)) "You like that? It's terrible." (("...No, it just looks cheap and tacky", or, "Get with the times, girl/boy!"...)) "I can't believe you enjoy doing this." "Your family doesn't like me. You probably shouldn't see them as much." "If you leave and see your friends, I'll be angry." They will guilt-trip you and make you feel 'lucky.' Clinical psychologist Lauren Cook told Insider that narcissists know how to induce guilt and indebtedness fast. This creates a power divide in the relationship, she said, and makes them the "dominant" partner. "They may be quick to say, 'If you really loved me,' or 'If you really cared,' rather than try to earn your respect or take your feedback that you need to set a boundary," she said. "They try to lay the guilt on thick so that you feel like you're a 'bad person' for not doing everything in your power to make the narcissist feel special." They may say: "You're lucky to be with me." "You're lucky to be in my presence." "You're so fortunate to be receiving my time and attention with everything else I have going on. They play to their advantages. Narcissists also play to their advantages, especially if they are older than their victim, or brought them over from a foreign country. They'll assert their authority by saying: "I've been through more relationships, so this is why I'm saying this." "You can't wear that, because I said so." "That makes you look stupid." "Your dress is too short." "You know I'm smarter. You know I know more about this than you." "I'm the local here, I know better." They will wear you down. When a narcissist has completely worn their victim down, they may tire of them. It might be because they've bled them dry of funds, or they've simply found someone new to abuse. Either way, at this stage their insults will reach the worst level, and they'll find more ways to tear their partner down, ensuring they leave the relationship as the "winner." They'll hurl poison at their victim, such as: "Everybody hates you." "You're a bad person." "Nobody else will ever love you." "I'm the best you'll ever have." "Have fun being alone for the rest of your life." "You did this to yourself." It will only get worse. When a narcissist has completely worn their victim down, they may tire of them. It might be because they've bled them dry of funds, or they've simply found someone new to abuse. Either way, at this stage their insults will reach the worst level, and they'll find more ways to tear their partner down, ensuring they leave the relationship as the "winner." They'll hurl poison at their victim, such as: "Everybody hates you." "You're a bad person." "Nobody else will ever love you." "I'm the best you'll ever have." "Have fun being alone for the rest of your life." "You did this to yourself." ((Note - this doesn't cover EVERYTHING they do and say; it's not even the half of it!) Ponka, you'll soon be realising that, his having Discarded you means you dodged a giant bullet. Laters, tasty gaters. :)

Can't sleep so here's some more of that web article: "It will only get worse. The only way to escape a narcissist's insults and threats is to get away from them, and run fast and far, Neo said. They keep their victims in a constant state of stress, and they know exactly where to dig the knife in deeper. "So you are just kept on your toes, and bending further backwards like a dancing monkey," Neo said. "And nothing will ever change — things will just get worse." Leaving a narcissist can resemble "defending oneself against a shark," said Ratush. "You have to punch them right in the nose," he said. "Despite the fierceness of their appearance, they often crumble when confronted. Their bullying ways will quickly dissolve and reveal what's beneath." The best defense you have against their words is your sense of self, he added — knowing exactly what your needs are and how they can be used against you. "As the master manipulator, the narcissist will know how to influence your thoughts and behaviors," Ratush said. "Self awareness offers the best defense against those tactics." If you suspect you might be in an abusive relationship, or you know someone who is, there are services you can reach out to. The MyPlan App from One Love and the National Domestic Abuse Hotline are resources that can help. This article was first published in August 2018 and was updated in February 2023 to include more experts and new information."

Heya Ponka, sorry I'm late - there's nothing I can do about it, I'm afraid; you'll have to keep being patient. But that's good because it gives you time to "replay all your mental tapes" of past interactions and incidents and, with this new knowledge, re-contextualise these memories and this time spot the manipulation to force you to give them their spoilt baby way, including under-the-table insulting of your intelligence, criticisms, etc. Anyway, my responses to your posts: ____________________________________ "First off I wanna say sorry for not going into a lot of detail. This was my first post on here to this is very new for me." Yeah, I know, don't worry. (This isn't my first time... hahahahah, sorry, couldn't resist) (PS: "Lllike-a (forum)-vir-gin...Touched for-the ve-ry fiirst tiiime", haha) "Also I kind of wrote this in a very emotional episode so I know it's really confusing!" A bit, yeah. But that's probably more cos I'm a Techie-duh-brain. "I should've probably mentioned Christopher/Chris was an online friend. It probably only adds to how chaotic it was." Ah - ONLINE! Now I get it. (Thanks) "Also I should've realized not a lot of people here are going to know what these words are. I understand how hard it is for some to keep up with terms from communities they're not a part of, so I have some further definitions" Uh-oh (hahahaha!).... ____________________________________ "Vocaloid is a singing voice synthesizer software product originating from Japan, although it is now an international software. It uses synthesizing technology with specially recorded vocals of voice actors or singers. There are a total of 92 different vocaloids created by different companies. Vocaloids are often accompanied by character mascots, typically drawn in a manga/anime style." If that last phrase means, like a cartoon, then I've got that (!) (well-explained!). "The software enables users to synthesize "singing" by typing in lyrics and melody and also "speech" by typing in the script of the required words." OHHHH! And so - if you've chosen to be, say, Eric Clapton, your speech or singing comes out as THEIR voice! Clever. (It's really not good for your health (or your neck, chin, whole posture, eyes) to spent too long on your devices, though. Your human nature needs daylight, countryside, beaches, woods, lakes, rivers, mountains, etc., not just Oxygen.....sorry, my inner parent made me type that..'cluck-cluck-cluck' haha...But it's true. Twenty mins minimum per day. Keeps you more intelligent and fortifies your senses grounded in reality and your human nature, as well - fact - which, as a constant mental setting/backdrop/frame of experiential reference, is very handy for being less dupeable. (Hmm..I wonder if Farmers, therefore, are less manipulable??...should look into that, whether there're any stats). But yeah. The alternative is to fill your house with potplants like indoor palm trees, ferns, and other low maintenance plants that keep your air 'countryfied' and open all your windows every day, even just a slit (I do it at 1-2pm, the warmest part of the day here right now) for a min. 10 mins. (Parental lecture over LOL - assuming you're eating your Greens?)) "It's basically like singing robots lol. It surprisingly has a HUGE community, mostly made up of teens and young adults. Some companies have collaborated with nintendo and sega to make their own video games based on their vocaloids. Hell, there are even companies that have live virtual concerts for them." Woah...! "The most iconic vocaloid Hatsune Miku had been on world tours." WTF? (Crikey! It's like your generation and mine are from or are living in, different WORLDS! Yeah, you DEFINITELY need to take a quick walk through nature every day!...or turn on your local Chat radio station! STAY WITH US, PONKA, STAY WITH US!...DON'T GO TO THE MOTHERSHIP!, lol but quite seriously actually. Are you getting out and socialising in bars and whatnot with any real-live friends?) "Even though everything is electronic, it can get pricey and storage-consuming. Vocaloid itself is downloadable for a minimum of $135 USD, depending on which version you get. Some Vocaloid synths cost up to $200. There are now free vocal synth softwares but they're of much lower quality and still take up storage. There's so much I can dive into but I think that's enough of my nerd rant now." That wasn't a rant (you weren't angry); you mean 'ramble' or 'lecture' or 'spiel'. But actually, you have a talent for explaining in Lay Talk cos (even) I got it! IN ONE! Remember that - it's a very valuable work skill! "Roplaying is just a term used to describe acting out or performing as a person or character." So a shortening of role-playing; got it (or do I mean, 'git'? HAHAHAH! Naaah, you GenZs can't have that one, 'git' means nasty ahole/Narc.) "Cakey and Crispy/Christopher Pierre," (Right, okay - I just wasn't sure if there were a second Christopher or a Christian.) "as I mentioned, are characters from two different songs by a semi-popular English vocaloid producer GHOST/Ghost and Pals." Okay. "Now I also probably should've mentioned another term that we both identified with. Later on, after the whole past life conversation, we both started to identify as Fictokins." (Aww my gaaaaad, heeelp, LOL) "A Fictokin is someone who actually identifies as a fictional character, which are referred to as kins. Some people have multiple kins, and not all kins are aligned with its canon (Canon describes being aligned with the main media." K, you've lost me, gaah. "Take Batman being an orphan, that's canon. The Joker born in Arkansas? That's not canon.) I'm not sure if fictokins are actually a valid thing or not, but it certainly wasn't for me." Nope, that didn't help. I think I'm going to ask our returning regular, Heisenburg, to join in because he's 'up' with technology 'n puters 'n stuff 'n things, buuuuuuh...(dribbles and goes cross-eyed*).... I've sort-of got the gist, though (which is an huge improvement, trust me, haha). I'll continue on a new page...

"Now some info about me. Yes, my father is a suspected narc." There we go, there it is. The ORIGINAL Mother Ship. Covered and re-covered you, over years and years, in Narc slime (which you have to learn how and using what in order to remove), whereby all slimers ("Narcissistic Priming") in your environment were drawn to you (could 'smell' it) because, their otherwise A-Z workload (A being healthy, Z being narcissised) had been howevermuch been done by another, prior Narc. You might have managed to de-slime back to G, but that's still more attractive to a typically lazy-minded, and cheating-in-all-senses, Narc, than having to start from A when out and about, hunting for new prey to 'marinade' (prime). Therefore, these lazy abusers tend to see as unsuitable, all those whom DIDN'T grow up in a narc family (cult, actually) and therefore - first sign of abuse, tend to say/think - 'Ugh, no you can NOT have a second date with me, ugh!...weirdo!', finding them obnoxious, weird, creepy, cheesy... But then, those 'lucky' once-kids aren't 'coming to the table' starved half-to-death, thereby literally incapable of fighting their survival instinct (to 'eat', now-now-now!) in order to have the presence and strength of mind to REFUSE the (false) promise of a feast, let alone to risk disbelieving the implicit (or even explicit) invitation, IN CASE it's GENUINE. Chris offered you a feast. Sliming = Priming. You get primed, same as a Paedophile primes their, usually emotional- but also physical-, needs-neglected (raised by Covert(s)), kiddie victims. Can take 2-5 years to slide off (with ideally no more exposure to these contagious aholes or when wearing your new-found, narc-proof, mental shield). "He mistreated my sisters and I, especially me, throughout my whole life." You're called The Scapegoat (in healthy reality, The Rebel, Truthsayer/seer...the healthy specimen, tough AND empathetic! - the Alpha...but unable to grow at their normal rate due to being (Narc LaLa-Land = Opposites Land (by 180 degrees)) outnumbered or intimidated, JUST CONSTANTLY KEPT DOWN/SAT ON, by what are actually the Runts/Betas/Deltas, with the Narc playing The Wizard Of Oz behind the screen, pulling all the levers. "Narcissistic Family Dynamics". (So one of your sisters would have been the Golden Child, then. The one that DIDN'T challenge the Narc's false (but still skewed) persona and skewed world rules (and no doubt became the Mini-Dad (or -Mum)). But that would mean you're either (a) primed to go for your uncomfortable Comfort Zone (a man like Dad and all who sailed in him,...your being used to atrocious behaviour that others would see as relationship Dealbreakers, thus putting up with it as if it's unavoidable part-and-parcel of all human relations, something one just has to tolerate if they want lovers, friends, employers, colleagues, etc.)... ________________________ Here you go - you read this; you'll find it fascinating, and very eye-opening and liberating: The Narcissistic Family: Structure, Traits, & Roles Extract ((my double-bracketed comments and asterisks))... Intro: "I didn’t realize I grew up in a narcissistic family until I learned about narcissism and narcissistic abuse. At first, I only focused on its impact on me. It wasn’t till later that I started considering how it influenced my family as a whole. "Narcissistic Family Roles and Effects In a narcissistic family, various roles often emerge as a way for family members to cope with the dysfunctional dynamics and abusive environment. However, other than the narcissistic parent, most of these roles aren’t fixed. Individuals might take on different roles at different times or exhibit a combination of roles. Narcissistic Parent At the center of the family’s universe is the narcissistic parent. They are the one who exhibits narcissistic traits and behavior. The narcissistic parent seeks to maintain control over all aspects of the family and family life, often through manipulation and dominance. Family members typically revolve around the narcissist, putting their own needs, desires, and well-being on the back burner. The narcissistic parent is typically extremely entitled, believing that all members of the family exist to serve their needs. As a result, they demand constant attention, validation, and obedience from the family ((...and may surreptitiously cause the rest of the family to argue and fight, just for his (or her, if the N is the mother) entertainment (because narcs are "Pathologically Bored" as well as childishly hateful and bitter thus getting power kicks out of manipulating/puppeteering (but with, gulp!, adult power and power-tools including a now adult body - worst luck)). Enabler/Codependent The enabler/codependent plays a critical role in actively or passively supporting and reinforcing the narcissist’s behaviors and needs. Often taken on by the partner or spouse of the narcissist, this role may stem from a combination of ((LIFE-THREATENING LEVEL)) fear, a desire ((DITTO SURVIVAL-LEVEL URGE)) to keep the peace, and a dependence on the approval and validation of the narcissist. ((And especially, total financial dependence, i.e. none or no adequate access to the marital finances and assets - google "Malignant Narcissist - Financial Abuse".)) ((TRAPPED - IN SLAVERY! So sod 'critical role in *actively or passively supporting*' - The Spouse is THE Primary Victim and in actual fact - MASSIVE KUDOS AND A GOLD MEDAL to them that after non-stop DECADES of THE most intensely abused role-holder/family member, they can even remember to put their KNICKERS on in the morning, let ALONE still function adequately - even just on the practical level - as a parent! Active implies freewill choice and therefore could be misconstrued as "Narc-Victim Blaming"....TUT...TUT! Google "Coervice Control". The so-called Enabler parent 9.9 times out of 10 is POWERLESS to protect their kids all the way and psychologically and/or fiscally powerless to escape (with the wee bairns)....SO THEY TRY TO MAKE THE BEST OF A BAD-BAD SITUATION for themselves and the kids. They're OLYMPIANS. But brainwashed (which ruins anyone's ability to be their true, otherwise loveliest, highly-functional, self. Sorry, but that had to be tidied up; most web info is still lagging behind the clinical research findings and first-hand experience with victims and unasked-for victimhood. NOBODY "chooses" an Abusive Narc and nobody "chooses" to STAY, EITHER! ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, INDUSTRY-ESTABLISHED FACT. That's WHY their known as Emotionally *Dangerous* (duuh?) This is the psych version of where, in Silence Of The Lambs, you see the kidnapped victim trapped down an indoor well, but where the dog is "the kiddies"...."Save me mummy/daddy - make him/her stop!". HOW??????????? What sometimes confuses the now grown-up, post-abused kid, is merely the fact of the effects of abuse on victim parents, i.e. after long enogh in Guantanamo Bay, VICTIMS TEND NOT TO BE/BEHAVE ALL THAT PRETTY and lack the strength for patience PLUS the all-important freedom to deal with things/deal properly....to be allowed to override the Narc, or not in a way that lasts more than 5 minutes before reverting. Haven't read ahead so I don't know whether you apportion any blame to your mum, but even if you don't, others reading this might...so it's good to explain. Back to the article...)) "The enabler often ((has been forced to always)) protects the narcissist from the consequences of their actions, allowing ((WHICH 'LAW' ALLOWS)) the toxicity to persist. They may make excuses, cover up the narcissist’s actions, or downplay their abuse or manipulation. ((Only because, encouraging the kids to play it down IS ALL THE HEALTHIER SPOUSE CAN DO and is supposed to minimise the crime's impact,...soothe them....albeit, that assumes the other parent IS intrinsically healthy and non-narc themselves, of course.)) They also often prioritize maintaining the family’s facade of normalcy or the narcissist’s approval over addressing the issues at hand. ((Impressive house and interior, always neat 'n tidy, kids' uniforms, haircuts, etc., up-to-date/pristine....Shiny-Happy..nothing wrong here, folks, we're actually the SUPER-functonals (not)... I think they need to change it to Forced Enabler or Head Slave-come-Torture-Victim. VICTIMS are NOT to blame for being kidnapped by a malignant narc. Not even one drop! If there WAS a drop - they could only blame their primitive, caveman-era wiring, i.e. HUMAN REFLEXES.)) "Enablers may not be fully aware of the extent of the narcissist’s manipulation. Or they could be in a state of denial. ((OR TOTALLY ENSLAVED & POWERLESS, including powerless not to put blinkers on themselves and the kids ("don't look!")). Either way though, their role perpetuates the dysfunctional dynamics within the family." ((Yes - THEIR *ROLE*...THAT THEY'VE LITERALLY TRAPPED IN, with "Do it or the puppy gets it!" - a loaded gun constantly held against their temple AND MEANWHILE, THE ABUSER BEING THE CONSTANT CONTROLLER OF ALL FORMS OF THE FAMILY FOOD/SUSTENANCE! Since the Narc deliberately 'lets all the air out of the spouse-victim's tyres - they lack the mental and physical energy and confidence, the requisites for escape. The longer you stay, the less chance you have - UNLESS the narc delivers a shock/trauma too far or starts (really badly) on the 'babies'.)) Hope that's cleared that up for everyone. Back to the article...)) "***Scapegoat*** ((YOU))...usually incudes, And The Responsible One ((- clearly...for starters, you came here, eh)) In a narcissistic family, the scapegoat is typically the family member who is blamed for everything that goes wrong within the family. ((And being Autistic or in any way neurodivergent gives them a lazy and untrue (and outdated) "reason" to justify their scapegoating of you. Different if you were so severely autistic you were DISABLED, but "Narcs - black & white thinking/Splitting - use the over-broad brush (lazy).)) Usually assigned to the least favorite child of the family ((because you're the most intelligent, hard-to-dupe, thus scary one)), the scapegoat is often the target of constant criticism, emotional abuse, and unreasonable expectations ((to kick all of those special but them-threatening skills out of you...you have the tools to burst their delusional oxygen bubbles that they live in - and that, to them, feels dangerous, makes YOU dangerous to THEM, and you especially threaten the Perpetrator...only, victims never know this at the time. (PIGGING WILL NOW!...HOPEFULLY.) They CON you that you're powerless...but the brainwashing doesn't 'take', or take for long enough, with independent-mindeds like Aspies/Auties. So that means you'll recover faster than NTs too. :))). This role serves to divert the narcissist’s own issues, creating a convenient scapegoat they can project their negative emotions and shortcomings. ((A bit like this - youtube real-live vid from years back: Narcissistic, stupid 'father' to late-toddler son: 'I've beeping told you, a thousand beeping times, not to keep swearing, ya little beep!'. Nuff said. Or 'You're so selfish!' when the kid won't let them get their way despite it's their turn to choose...and other examples.)) The scapegoat exists to keep the family’s focus off of the narcissist and onto the scapegoat instead. They often bear the family’s burden of dysfunction, constantly feeling inadequate and rejected. ((Hope you didn't/don't? Even if you're hard to socialise, including negative and evil socialising, some still gets in?)) Golden Child The golden child is often the narcissistic parent’s favorite. They receive excessive praise, attention, and privileges. However, the favoritism often leads to unrealistic expectations. The golden child is often placed on a pedestal and expected to fulfill the narcissist’s unmet desires and aspirations. So while they may appear to have a “better” life compared to the other family members, they have their own challenges. They usually face immense pressure to live up to the unrealistic expectations of their parent. They also have to bear the burden of maintaining the facade of a perfect family. The golden child may struggle with their sense of self-worth being tied to their performance. They are also often enmeshed with their parent, finding it difficult to establish their own identity and boundaries. ((And they can be 'enlisted' (pressganged seemingly sweetly) by the Narc bully as second-bully-in-command so that the lazy grown-up Narc can delegate THAT 'chore/responsibility' of his along with all others.)) Lost/Invisible Child The lost child tends to withdraw from the family dynamics to avoid conflict and dysfunction. They often become invisible to avoid drawing attention to themselves for fear of being caught up in the chaos. They may become introverted, daydream frequently, and develop a rich inner world as a way to cope with the turmoil within the family. While the coping mechanism may offer temporary relief, the lost child usually ends up neglecting their own emotional needs, identity, and personal growth as a result. They become skilled at suppressing their wants and emotions. In a way, they learn to live in the shadows, giving up an identity so they don’t have to deal with confrontation. This role often results in an extreme sense of isolation and difficulty forming meaningful connections outside the family. Mascot/Entertainer/Clown The entertainer typically uses humor and amusement to deflect tension and create a sense of relief in the family. They use wit, charm, or comedic antics to divert attention away or mask the family’s underlying dysfunction. While the humor may serve as a temporary distraction, the entertainer often struggles with their own emotions and needs. They tend to suppress their feelings, focusing on making others laugh or feel better as a way to manage the discomfort caused by the narcissist. ((Now you know where most comediens come from, especially stand-up performers.)) As a result, the entertainer may end up believing that their worth lies solely in their ability to make others laugh. This makes it challenging for them to express their own vulnerabilities and needs. ***Caretaker/Responsible Child*** The caretaker child takes on the role of an adult at a young age. They take on responsibilities that aren’t age-appropriate to create stability within the family. The caretaker child often becomes the reliable problem-solver and emotional support for both the narcissistic parent and younger siblings. Bearing the weight of the family’s dysfunction, they attempt to minimize conflicts and maintain order. Their caregiving frequently comes at the expense of their own childhood and needs. The role can lead to a sense of overwhelming responsibility and trouble prioritizing their own wants and needs in future relationships. The caretaker child typically has trouble forming healthy relationships. Their identity becomes closely tied to being a dependable caregiver so they tend to end up being a selfless caretaker and people-pleaser in their relationships. Martyr/Victim The martyr perpetually takes on a victim mentality. They may seek sympathy and attention by highlighting their own suffering. The martyr may use their struggles as a way to gain a sense of control or manipulate others into meeting their needs, all while avoiding responsibility for their own actions. They typically manipulate using guilt and portray themselves as helpless to maintain this position within the family. In other words, they act helpless in order to seek attention and ((SOME)) control. ((The Perp can take on this role, along with (self-appointed but badly qualified) Pack/Cult Leader.)) This role in the narcissistic family can vary. It’s not typically assigned to a specific family member like the golden child or scapegoat. Instead, multiple family members may take on the martyr role at different times or in various situations as a means of gaining attention, sympathy, or control within the family. ((Yes, but they learn it from watching the Malignant narc whom employs it if their confronter is gaining the jury's sympathy, so to speak...making too many truths make most sense over the attempted lies/excuses....which is making me think you must be Aspie as opposed to Autie, because you've got those early-learnt communication/speech skills - DEFINITELY got them if you can laysplain to me and I immediately understood! haha!...Auties have trouble and delay with speech/reading expressions but Aspies are wordsmiths/poets as well as analytical and so read/pick up on (literally) anything that literally MOVES.)) The role can also be adopted by anyone seeking to manipulate or divert attention away from the narcissist’s behavior or the family’s dysfunction. Lasting Effects of Being in a Narcissistic Family ((Lasting until you can see and deal with them, i.e. KNOW what they are, that they exist, and where the Off Switch lies. With you low on the whole ASD scale, however (which Aspies are), and fairly/adequately slime-proof, yours will be only surface level - google "Narcissistic Victim - Narcissistic Fleas".)) Growing up and being in a narcissistic family can have significant and lasting effects on the people involved, such as: Emotional and psychological trauma Anxiety Depression Difficulty setting boundaries C-PTSD Self-doubt Codependency Low self-esteem Distorted identity Relationship difficulties Isolation Emotional numbness Perfectionism Feelings of guilt and shame Continuing patterns of dysfunction The effects of being in a narcissistic family can vary widely among individuals. It depends on factors such as the severity of the abuse, the specific roles the person falls under, and individual differences like how they cope. Healing and Moving Forward It’s important to recognize that the roles in a narcissistic family are not inherent personality traits. They are responses to the dysfunctional dynamics within the family. But over time, these roles can become ingrained patterns of behavior that impact the person’s self-concept and relationships outside the family. Breaking free from these roles and healing from the effects of a narcissistic family is crucial. If not, it’s something the individual might have to live with forever. The journey to healing and how complex and difficult it can be will look different for each role. But an earlier post I wrote, How to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse by a Parent, can hopefully guide you in the right direction. The healing methods discussed in the post about the Golden Child and Scapegoat may also be helpful. (article continues - SUPERB, bar the accidental, inadvertent victim-blaming as above-highlighted)) ((BASICALLY...if you'd never encountered NPD over a lengthy period - the MINUTE he'd 'thrown the ball in your face' a SECOND time - having warned him never to do that again or you'd stop playing with him - thereby having proven it was no mistake, but deliberate - you'd have "done a Cartman" - "Screw you, guy - I'm gurn hurm!" - AND GONE. He would have had to have persuaded you back - possibly ONLY by agreeing to from now-on, actively respect and appreciate your newly written rules and safety regulations (boundary lines) - or NO DICE, FELLA... I am NOT playing Catch with you until you swear you can control yourself and thereby never, EVER do that again! IF you do - you'll never see me again. (WHICH *AS THE VICTIM* IS YOUR RIGHT TO DO.) Now google "Narcissists try to convince you that your reaction to the abuse is the problem" (rather than their abusing you itself) - and - "Stealing The Victim Cloak" - and - "Narcissist - D.A.R.V.O." (all of which, ALL malignants do).)) ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Back to your posts: "He mistreated my sisters and I, especially me, throughout my whole life.)... However, he was abusive to mainly my mother, until my parents separated, which was absolute chaos." (There we go.) "With my mom gone, he started to abuse me to a worse degree." Hang on though! Your mother abandoned ship, leaving you three behind??? Why? Had she no money? Was she that stressed, she couldn't cope with herself, let alone you three? "Eventually things were taken to far," Can you specify and describe, please? "and I spoke up about it" TO WHOM? "and got myself out of the situation." Describe. "He stills has some custody of my sisters," Define 'some'? Where and with whom are they living? "but I haven't interacted with him outside of court since 2022." You took him to Court? Or were made to stand witness in (presumably Family) Court? "My mom, though I love her and she tries her best, is neglectful." Unwillingly? Helplessly? Knackered and worn-down? Starved of spousal love, i.e. not fed enough? Literally hasn't got the normal, usual, human levels of energy, both mental and physical? Was she good mum one day and bad mum the next? Did she come to you later to apologise? "One of my sisters hates me because I don't want to see my dad." She wants you to stay worshipping him so that she can feel validated and vindicated for 'staying'. Staying and having afternoon tea all the time, with her psycho-emotional rapist. How lovely. If you can do it - excise or quarantine him - and you're supposed to be the Weak, Lesser Functional one - then what would staying say about HER?! Got it? Very threatening to her, by-now, entire anchor on life...anchor made out of nothing but self-delusion. Self-delusion is your mind trying to protect you from a type and weight (truck-load) of HORRID REALITY - switching lifelong lies for truth - because it knows you will explode and it with you. TOO WEAK-MINDED. Kids can be excused, though. (You don't need to be. You're rare. Plus you were practically (or actually?) the ONLY non-runt in that sibling village!) What made your mum meet her line in the sand and escape? "My family says I exhaust them because I am autistic, have depressive disorder, and, despite ongoing efforts, am susceptible to developing PTSD." I exhaust *everyone*. So I stick with equally strong-minded, brave ones. And they stick with me. ('Birds of a feather, flock (/stick) together.') ...Empath Nova/Empath Supernova Rescuers-Whistle-Blowers-Warriors-Fighters-Rebels-Vigilantes, whom only ever need to get their (bigger) (because they're healthy & fit) (ain't rocket-science, just a mental block that has to be overcome) weapons out to protect other people from loony bullies. That re-acquaintance happens when the victim, having been pushed too far, to animal survival mode (Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn) and seen for themselves they TOO have an inner psychopath (the animal), does NOT, once the danger is over-Amen, PUSH THAT PERSONAL SECURITY GUARD BACK DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THEIR PSYCHE. They say, Hi!, get to know it, TEAM UP for all future use...."Supernova Empath".... Narc-Slayer... PS: Have you got any Red tinge to your hair?) "About the group Chris was in. They're all teenagers, so all they have are YouTube accounts and perhaps a Spotify or apple music account if they are lucky. " Is Chris a Teenager? How old are you both? "They use Vocaloid explained above and other instrumental synthesizing software. Unfortunately, I have a lack of supplies and money to really indulge in some of these softwares like they can. Yet there was still a lot of what I do think of as unintended pressure to ditch the free tacky softwares and spend bucks on higher quality." OH, UNDOUBTEDLY. (Well spotted/worked-out! - Gold Star on your forehead - "Thlup!" Maybe not as unintended as you think, though...unless you meant, inadvertent?) "Chris was also sexually groomed online by another person" Bet he wasn't. "(by an 11 YEAR OLD, YES IT WAS CRAZY) and met me shortly before cutting him off." Bullied by an 11-yr-old. What - this Chris? The one whom demonstrated to you that he was perfectly capable of bullying in a way that NO ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD could have defended/shielded against?....what THAT Chris? 'I asked the Liar if he was telling the truth and he said Yes' 'I asked the Liar if he was lying and he said No'. (Where the eff does THAT leave one?!) Malignant Narcs are Pathological Liars (google). They lie even when telling the truth would save them or serve them better. MNarcs don't throw water on the fire (contentious-issue fight), like normal-healthies. They throw more fat....make the 'confrontation' worse...and worse...and worse (punishment for having complained/called to account, basically, confronted. You 'beseech' them to help you feel better about the unacceptable situation/event but, being willfully anti-cooperative, they leave you feeling FAR worse....so that you wish you'd not bothered - SO THAT YOU WISH YOU'D NOT BOTHERED....AND FROM THEM ON, DON'T (get it?). Funny Meme: How do you know when a Narc is lying? Their lips are moving. That "so outrageous/ridiculous it had to be true" story was to convince you he was HARMLESS...the very opposite to what he was. AND IT'S A MAIN HALLMARK OF A NARCISSISTIC SOCIOPATH aka SOCIOPATHIC NARCISSIST (depending on which disorder's the most prevalent) AND HOW HE/SHE LIES/FABRICATES! Gottim! He's dangerous, alright. Plus he'll be (so-called pettily) criminal. And dangerous for (secretly) being violent and a hot-head (as opposed to a cool-cucumber psycho - whom they aspire to be!). STAY AWAY. (New) Thoughts? "Excluding his past life, (again, don't actually know if he was genuinely serious or not)" Just GENUINE or not. "he does not have any familial trauma, contrary to me." Ollocks, doesn't he. "Chris is also transgender." Bet he isn't. (They infiltrate and take on personas and persuasions in ALL areas of life...anywhere that us normal or aspie/autie-healthies hang out). They find Aspies the tastiest Narc nums-nums out. (Sorry.) But because they misidentify and thereby misassess them as a perfect victim. THEN GET THE SHOCK OF THEIR LIVES....haha, I'll get to that later. But, you are a prime candidate to turn into a SuperNova Empath-Warrior, doncha know. :) (HAHAHAHA - You must have driven your Dud CRAZY(IER)!) (Excellent.) "When I had met him as originally going by Gio, and then later changed it to Christopher to align with his past life." Had to play HIS game, not any of yours, eh? Pff. "I want to note that some of his story does align with the character Crispy." What does? With what? "So according to Chris, in his past life, which he said had taken place in a completely different universe," What - just his character? Or he himself in real life? "he was born in 1904 as Charlotte Pierre to a wealthy abusive family, and then later transitioned to Christopher in his teens (coincidence?). He had actually described himself as being manipulative (he claimed he was different now)," In brackets: Well, he would, wouldn't he. To get that 'second date'. "and in his early twenties, he had convinced a friend to commit suicide with him using cyanide. His friend had agreed, but did not follow through." Awww, Mr Pretend Fluffy Bunny wath BE-TWAYED, look! (And with blurred lines between actors and merely their characters - that would have fortified the I'm Harmless gaslighting job.) (I see 'im. Ohhhh, I see 'im.) I imagine, presenting as a woman (in either 'world') would help, too. "Now this is the crazy part." No, I've HAD the crazy parts - this is the CRAZIER part. Geddit right? ;D And I suspect he's using the web and this domain/industry to hone his manipulation and all-round psychological abuse 'skills' (angry toddler skills). "He came back to life as an undead, more so a ghost, with the power to distort and cause illusions within his home." Power. Cause illusions (non-realities that convince as real)... How convenient and how aligning. Eff-me, you were desperate for a friend/sibling-substitute? Understandably, I should add. I'd now like to go round to your dud's house and 'syringe' him. Unfortunately, I have neither a syringe nor what I'd put in it, nor wings. But as soon as I get them.....(grrrr!).... The point is, how desperately hungry you'd been kept! It LOOKED like a banquet. Until you got up-close. Where suddenly you noticed wriggling going on, and colours being 'off'. And then got closer, still, whereupon a snake sprang up at you, and you went, Waaaait a cotton'-pickin' minute?! - and sat and thought, then came here. Correct? A shock too far. FACT: UNLIKE GENUINE COVERTS WITH HIGH FINESSE AND CAMOUFLAGE, NSPATHS ALWAYS OVER-SHOOT/GO TOO FAR. HE....burst the very bubble he'd created for you. *FAIL* And so now you're 'spitting him back out'. "He was alone for most of the century," ((Awww, boooshjie-booshjie-boooo, dere-dere wickle boy-girl-whatever - Thinggggg.)) I'm gonna try that. "Oy - Chas 'n Dave-I mean, Camilla! Turns out I was royalty in my previous life, so I'm gonna move in to Buck Palace - shift over?!" He's cuckoo but I imagine he filled your days and was entertaining (at first). "until I ((character-You)) came along in the nineties. Apparently my mother had inherited the house after a relative who had owned the property died, and had decided to move in. My mother was abusive, so Christopher killed her" Underhanded (conning) message (whilst you weren't quite sure which You you were): I am your Knight on White Charger, come to rescue you! "and then took me under my wing." Under HIS wing, you mean? Or that was a Freudian Slip because, truth is, he made you do all his character's relationship-building workload, too, meaning, you were back to having to self-parent/self-family yourself - correct? "He knew I was his distant cousin but had kept that from me. He said I was only three when this happened. I lived to be 18, before dying in a tragic accident. He then told me that after I had died, God took him to heaven and rebirthed him as punishment for "breaking a promise." Oh, so he'd learned his lesson, meaning (underhanded/brainwashing message) - wouldn't ever-ever-ever hurt you or allow you to be hurt, AGAIN. (Puke) (He's so slimy, ugh) "You know, writing this all out is making me realize how bats--t crazy it was." DOESN'T IT JUST! Ta-daaaaaaa! Old-Fashioned Forums rule! Thank-you, faaans (no - let me, haha) - autographs after! And, WASN'T it just. See why they're dangerous? All anyone HAS in this life is their brain. What - you think these puny bodies are what got our specie top of the tree by hundreds of miles (dominant specie). Nope. Our brains and minds. And Narcs are 'sent' to topple or violently knock us off because they haven't got a hope in hell of ever reaching/climbing that high (crippled), and THAT'S SNOT FAIR/I HATE YOU ALL - YOU'RE JUST PRETENDING TO BE NICE AND HAPPY ANYWAY - I'LL SHOW YOU!.....and so on and so forth. And that's why you're tasty num-nums. He's your Golden Child sibling in another body. NEWS FOR YOU (might find this on the web now). The very worst, longest-lasting - normally (but you's Aspie) - abuse in the world is - ..... (drumroll) (it's been kept under the rug for eons).....SIBLING! SIB. LING. One only has to sit and think it over to realise why. "Thinking about Chris being a sexual predator is a little unfathomable to me," Sexual?? "however him being a narcissist doesn’t surprise me honestly." HAHA! ME NEITHER! He's a Sociopath (conman) (Anti-Social/Antisocial Personality Disorder) who's got Narcissistic Personality Disorder on top. ...LOVELY. "Although I knew him from just being online he was never hesitant to be loud for attention," TICK! "and had a super short temper." TICK! "He was super affectionate with me," TICK! " and I am a clingy person." How could you NOT be? (give me your Dud's phone number and the gun)... "Maybe he was more sinister all along." Maybe the Pope is Catholic. :) _______________________________________ I appreciate that was a very long one, so - NO RUSH - IMPORTANT TO RE-READ AND SIT WITH IT before you respond. And then read it again..... Plus I've got guests and the up-down bugs, so that suits us both. You can meantime give me your REACTION, though. You really did dodge a bullet, though. This extra-lazy one wants to see if he can do the ENTIRE Narc Brainwashing, Isolating and Abuse Campaign ONLINE. And do more than one person at a time (hence practising dual roles/stories with you - but oops, making boo-boos - time for a new guinnea-pig.) Keep going and we'll see if we can identify all his tactics so that you could report him to the domain-holders (is that what they're called?) as a *Social* Predator. Although - really..... for all YOU know, this guy is doing all of this from his prison cell! More new thoughts?

PS: "I understand how hard it is for some to keep up with terms from communities they're not a part of, so I have some further definitions"" Look at that far-reaching imagination (putting yourself in our shoes). RIGHT THERE. Look at that giant empathy (*not* fearfully keeping it buried in the cupboard like Auties can). RIGHT THERE. Look at that brilliant parenting attitude (let me help you). RIGHT THERE. Look at that super-generosity (taking EFFORT to help us to do OUR half - there IS such a thing as Google?). RIGHT THERE. Not the Runt. The Alpha-with-Aspie-Bells-On. So the Runts ganged together. You was Gang-Bullied in the worst style known to man (NPD) but instead of having folded/rolled over, you managed to do the greatest Rebel Yell and escape! You resisted/fought-off (using your clever mind) not one, not two, but THREE bullies at-once! (Ironically,...VERY ironically... you can thank your "Famine-ily" (my word, means narc so-called family, spread it round) for that.) So in fact, your childhood experiences - for you - thanks to being Aspie (hard to influence unless it makes perfect sense) - ...those posed more as a VACCINE...an ongoing antidote...especially as the thought- and belief-poison is administered in a drip-drip way, married with the fact you only let tiny amounts in anyway (until you've got your bunsen-burner and tester-kit out and tested whether it's safe to 'swallow' all the way or not) - am I right again? ...So those two, married together, make - tinier amounts taken in than an NT, of the tiny amounts (attempted-) administered - which makes, Semi Slime Proof + Not Scared Of Arseholes plus Strong Grip On Reality (that alone is ENOUGH of a workload, eh!), makes, Warrior-fixer-rescuer with huge empathy - makes - SUPERNOVA. Got it? Tell me no if not. But - have you? But - have you shoved your private security guard back in the basement again? You realise it can't hear you from down there?...not unless and until you SCREAM VERY LOUDLY? Want to try taking it out again and making it your best mate whose bedroom's on the same floor as yours? But anyway - why aren't you in the Army (any form of Communicatons)? You like thus want SIMULATION, not, just an illusion ("oooh! ooh! ooh!-ooh! AAAH-ahhh - ill-uuuu-sion!" - name the 80s hit- no wait, you're too young: Imagination (coinckily enough?)). Ever considered it?

I forgot the article extract link: " https://hopefulpanda.com/narcissistic-family/" - The Narcissistic Family: Structure, Traits, & Roles

PS: "He cut me off because "we" were starting to feel like too much for him to handle." Yup. As an ideal Slave (emotional and eventually otherwise) goes - you were really-really SHITE at it! HAHAHAH - Bad Slave-BAAAAAD SLAVE! He had to throw you in the bin and go find a 'better' one, hahahah. He won't ever want to try to Hoover you back, then. Nice one (*thumbs-up*). Now (when you're ready), let's go get Dud. Yeah?

Hi Everyone, First off I really wanna say sorry for such a late response. Life got really busy there, and at the very same time seasonal burnouts were a b**ch. Hopefully when spring rolls around I'll get out of my depressive hibernation. I wanna thank everyone for the support given to me at this time of chaos. Not only has it opened my eyes to how my situation really was abusive, but also to how abusive my ACTUAL family is to a degree I never thought of before (my situation on that will more than likely end up being a different thread if anything.) When I started this thread, it was meant to be more of a confession. I felt like my identity crisis was all on me, and I felt guilty for thinking I was the one who completely gaslit HIM. Turns out, in reality, I was more of a victim than him if anything. This very hard for me to say, as a part of me still thinks I'm at fault, but I'm starting to realize how I was played is just an ugly truth. It's been what, 4 months since? This is probably the most help I've gotten for this particular situation, and boy was it a LOT of help. Again, my appreciation goes out to both soulmate and songbird. Thank you guys for all of your support :) - Ponka

Heya again! "First off I really wanna say sorry for such a late response. Life got really busy there, and at the very same time seasonal burnouts were a b**ch. Hopefully when spring rolls around I'll get out of my depressive hibernation." SNAP! So no worries. I'll be with you asap!

Hey againagain! "I wanna thank everyone for the support given to me at this time of chaos. Not only has it opened my eyes to how my situation really was abusive, but also to how abusive my ACTUAL family is to a degree I never thought of before (my situation on that will more than likely end up being a different thread if anything.)" Yup. I expect everyone here can relate to that. It happens either with enough distance OR by reading-up/having it all explained. "When I started this thread, it was meant to be more of a confession. I felt like my identity crisis was all on me, and I felt guilty for thinking I was the one who completely gaslit HIM." How on earth could you have been? "Turns out, in reality, I was more of a victim than him if anything." Not just MORE of - THE. "This very hard for me to say, as a part of me still thinks I'm at fault," Yeah, virtually everyone feels like that at your early stage. " but I'm starting to realize how I was played is just an ugly truth." Utterly conned, more like! "It's been what, 4 months since? This is probably the most help I've gotten for this particular situation, and boy was it a LOT of help." Well, well done for having digested and processed it all so speedily! Warning, however: Four months isn't a long time. It could have been a fake Discard - to frighten/traumatise you back into line (and meanwhile, use the time to Prime someone else in-case the manipulative ruse fails to work on you). So keep this thread open, in-case. Or gen-up now on how to deal with (google) "Hoovering". Or both. Equally, you can use this thread as a diary/blog, present or retrospective (your Farter), which will prove highly eye-opening and validating once you reach the Recovery Path chequered flag and can have a read back. :) Also, feel free to become a respondent, using what you now know. Gotta pass the warning on, huh. :) The more we blow the whistle, the more the long grass will be kept mowed, whereby these slippery snakes will have nowhere left to hide.

this is a lot of discussion. you were being initiated into a cult and your first and only _real mistake was lying to yourself. (lies breed mental illness) the fbi has been studying and profiling people like this for decades because they're systematic and effective. something within cuktists broke and might be identified for treatment. forgive yourself because this isn't on you and it's been done to thousands of others, and give yourself permission to be happy again. how about positive self affirmations where you repeat to yourself a phrase that builds you. repetition and over time it becomes true. don't punish yourself, 'they' did that.

Hello Again, I don't think he would ever go back to me as he has a decently-sized friend group/fan base of a people when I had been cut off, so he'll have plenty to go around. I'll still heed your warnings, Soulmate, just in case I decided to search up the Youtube channel he runs, just because. All the songs and other stuff he had put up seem to be privated, but his Topic channel is still open and has plenty of new songs. I left it at that. I honestly don't want anything to do with him now. To some degree, I can definitely see how it could've been cult-ish. He and a lot of people are very chronically online (nothing inherently bad about that, at points I am too, but it just got to a point where it was isolating). He does have a history of being cut-off or cutting off like he did to me. When he did this to others he usually didn't share with me why, and when I had the chance to talk to some of his former friends, they were also very vague. Keep in mind we're all teenagers/young adults. He's YOUNGER than me. Only by a year and a half but still younger. Honestly that doesn't really He's a very disturbed nonetheless and I genuinely hope he'll get the help he needs. I haven't been online as much as I used to be lately, just because I'm a bit wary of my safety, but for now I think I found a great place. I'll probably be active here a decent amount. I'm already working on a response to yet another thread. I like it here, it seems chill. Thank you - Ponka

Honestly that doesn't really matter to me much*** Sorry for the sudden-cut off lol

he's done here. discard is the final pang to your weakened ego, recurring damage may come from steps taken in his 'devalue' stage. thanks for teaching me new terminology. i may have just caught your reply mentioned. i love how thouroughly i understood your description of the narcissistic cycle. i'm learning new terms for old pains which helps a bit. thanks for sharing your story and helping others. i've been feeling disillusioned and despondent lately until i found 'here' both active and helpful. see ya around. :-)

You're learning fast, too, Ricky! Keep posting - you're doing great already. :) And Ponkan, you too! Couple of Speedy Gonzalezes! Here's a truthful mantra for ya (the capitals): MY 'PROBLEM' (why I get targetted by these evil barstools) WASN'T EVER BECAUSE I WASN'T GORGEOUS ENOUGH - BUT THAT I'M *TOO* GORGEOUS (and therefore, super-tasty Narc num-nums) (Take-takers need Give-Givers aka Empaths, and Self-Aggrandisers need someone with Je Ne Sais Quois, big-fat innit). World Machine would literally come to a grinding halt were it not for us Empaths. Facety-FACT. (Let's all look smug haha.)

PS: the previous target-victims are probably too intent on not provoking him...don't want you quoting them, especially if you went back to him, in case he came after them. Yeah, well, if he comes after you I'll talk you through how to squish him and squish him gooood, and whereby he wouldn't even suspect it were you (we can all be sneaky and counter-manipulative, eh...we just don't ever bother, normally, because it doesn't occur to us because we're upfront and honest plus don't expect to end up dating a nasty nutter). No (the help he needs). He's pathological. Means incurable. They don't even WANT to be cured. They LIKE things that way (cuckoo!). And no he's not just a bit younger. He's a disturbed, gobsmackingly hateful, jealous, resentful KID trapped in a still-developing body (kid in grown-up suit). You, on the other hand, were undoubtedly an ADULT in a kid suit. That's the chasmic difference that makes ALL the difference. Plus, thanks to him, you've come out of a super-intensive mental gym and are now RIPPED...Well, once your injuries have all finished healing (next week, probably, at YOUR rates, haha!).

Yeah, well, if he comes after you I'll talk you through how to squish him and squish him gooood, and whereby he wouldn't even suspect it were you (we can all be sneaky and counter-manipulative, eh. soul if i wasn't concerned for the weaponized me as (insert personality disorder here) i'd be asking how to do that. but really instead if you know ways i can bolster my defenses using that information i'd onboard that. i try to avoid new things i could abuse until i know and agree i can handle it. (on my thread and as your time permits, any response at all is accepted) (we can all be sneaky and counter-manipulative, eh...we just don't ever bother, ok, i understand. i'll leave the response here for its tellingness. lol they LIKE things that way it starts with damage that causes insecurity and a need to control as means to meet needs. my mental health really does come down to 'did i internalize or externalize' i could have easily been somewhere in this dark triad that i'm laying here shivering in memory of. and that i'm giving and not taking, that was CHOICE which formed good habits and now ...compulsion. hahaha, compelled to help. f me, get me inpatient because that's nuts they like it, and chose it. and that's truth. and like that i've rationalized to further understand myself, and the world i'm in. thank you all!

(Ricky - am transferring this here above post addressed to me, to your thread, ready for answering, as well)

( https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13857/end-of-the-proverbial-world-with-the-best-vantage-point#jumptobottom)

Heya Ponkan, sorry for the delay ("both ends" virus - see Marpip's thread). Let me waste no more time, and dive straight in... "I don't think he would ever go back to me as he has a decently-sized friend group/fan base of a people when I had been cut off, so he'll have plenty to go around. I'll still heed your warnings, Soulmate, just in case" Definitely. Because - HAH!...Not like YOU, he hasn't. CLEARLY, from the constant-constant engagement back then, you were his Tastiest target. And still will be. But like I say - it's hard to call, for the fact that you showed/vibed that you were starting to see through him. "I decided to search up the Youtube channel he runs, just because. All the songs and other stuff he had put up seem to be privated, but his Topic channel is still open and has plenty of new songs. I left it at that. I honestly don't want anything to do with him now." Good! :) And you're the lucky one out of the two of you because - him?....he has to constantly LIVE with the basstd! (Yeah...didn't think o' that, did ya, haha.) "To some degree, I can definitely see how it could've been cult-ish." Yes, if you substitute real people for plenty of (cuckoo-)imaginery characters. "He and a lot of people are very chronically online (nothing inherently bad about that," Yeh there is. "at points I am too, but it just got to a point where it was isolating)." Eeex-ACTLY. In real-life, they do everything they can (while you're smitten and pliable) to Isolate you (google "Narc - Isolation Campaign"). But those who 'live' in virtual reality like that have already done that hard work FOR the Narcs. (See it now?) Seriously - they can't believe their luck if they see an Alpha who's SELF-isolated, even perfectly happily-willingly, from the main pack! "He does have a history of being cut-off or cutting off like he did to me." Yeah. "When he did this to others he usually didn't share with me why," YEAH. "and when I had the chance to talk to some of his former friends, they were also very vague." Yeah. "Keep in mind we're all teenagers/young adults." ('Cept for you.) "He's YOUNGER than me. Only by a year and a half but still younger." No, only on paper. Maturity-wise, probably around 11/12? And when tantruming, about 4? "Honestly that doesn't really ((matter to me much.)) He's a very disturbed nonetheless and I genuinely hope he'll get the help he needs." Nope. Not unless and until it becomes so bad it's then HIS problem, rather than everyone else's. (Well-known anti-Narc meme (not verbatim): Narcissism is where everyone BUT the patient needs to seek treatment!) "I haven't been online as much as I used to be lately, just because I'm a bit wary of my safety, but for now I think I found a great place." I was just about to say, yeah. Here you're okay. No Trolls Allowed or they get duffed-up as well as banned. Basically. Not even any Iffies ('Niffies'). This is a Respite from all that shite (....first two lines of a poem, look..... How I do it, I just can't hook, haha). "I'll probably be active here a decent amount. I'm already working on a response to yet another thread. I like it here, it seems chill. Thank you" It is USUALLY, yes, haha. (Haven't looked yet haha. Anyway, regulars come first. We're British - We Queue.) Anyway - very happy to have you on-board, shipmatey.