Ex wife & step child problem

Where do I start.... Ex wife is a psycho & hates me, youngest child told her a pack of lies, which led her to come to our home & attack me.. eldest child lives with us & has done for nearly 2 years now. Eldest child is turning 18 soon. Ex wife now thinks she can organise a surprise 18th birthday for son that lives with us & expects us & my partners family to go! Partner hasn't told me about it, I've heard from his sister! He knows how I feel about his ex wife & until I get an apology from her, I want nothing to do with her. We, as a family are already organising a meal for his 18th on his birthday weekend. She wants the weekend after to throw a surprise birthday bash & wants my partners family to attend as well. My partners family hates her as much as I do, but would probably say yes, just to keep the peace, so as not to offend 18 year old. The question is, what would you do? I'm livid that my partner hasn't told me. He knows where I stand with that evil bitch, however I can't bare to be anywhere near her, let alone be in the same vicinity, just to save face for an 18th birthday. We know full well that my stepson doesn't even want a party, let alone a surprise one. My partner has no balls, so won't stand up for himself where she is concerned.

She wants, you want, my son wants, my partner has no balls. Geez, sounds like a complete circus. Your stepson is 18 & a consenting adult..let him make his own mind up what he needs to do to celebrate his birthday. His mother, regardless of who she hates, is still his mother & it's his choice whether he celebrates with her & her mob. You guys don't have to hang around & watch it or attend it just to keep the peace because they're won't be any as you 1. can't stand the evil bitch & 2. can't bear to be anywhere near her. Why ruin a perfectly good birthday party. mmmmm? At the end of the day, your partner is the guy that you are leaning on after his marriage has ended & his ex wife still isn't over it. Her behaviour & her actions are doing all the talking here, regardless of what the youngest one has said. Yep your partner indeed needs to grow some & put his foot down but you are with him are you not? What do you expect from a man who lets his ex walk all over his new relationship. What you need to do is sit down & figure out what & who you NEED in your life rather than want. Once you do that, life will be easier.

If you don't want to go, don't. Your spouse and stepson can comply with ex-wife all they want, that's their problem. If you actually can't even bare to be in the same room as her, then going might not be the best idea. Communicate with your partner about this, and if he throws a hissy fit then that's his problem as well. Obviously, in a respective way, your spouse and stepson have no backbone when it comes to this woman, and you have absolutely no obligation to "save face" for that whatsoever. -Ponka

If you don't want to go, don't. Your spouse and stepson can comply with ex-wife all they want, that's their problem. If you actually can't even bare to be in the same room as her, then going might not be the best idea. Communicate with your partner about this, and if he throws a hissy fit then that's his problem as well. Obviously, in a respective way, your spouse and stepson have no backbone when it comes to this woman, and you have absolutely no obligation to "save face" for that whatsoever. -Ponka

Agree with the guys, there, but - I'm confused about a fundamental. Help me out, please, WhenLifeGivesYouLemo? (PS: haha, reminds me of a graffiti joke from the 80s: picture a thin brick wall that left-to-right reads - "Plan Ahea" (PMSL!)) What I'm confused about is, why you and he (your new life-partner) EACH ...HAVE an Ex-Wife? How's that, then? Did you both 'come out' late or something?

To Soulmate I think there's just a singular ex-wife, Lemo's Partner's ex. Partner and Ex-wife had at least two children together, the youngest child and the oldest (aka Stepson). I think that's what they're saying, so far I can't seem to find any mention of Lemo's bio-family besides Partner. Hope that helps -Ponka

Oh, no - hahahahaha! SORRY, Lemo! It was this: "Where do I start.... Ex wife is a psycho & hates me, " I thought you meant YOUR ex-wife, ergo you were two blokes! Hahaha- sorry-sorry. Cheers, Ponka! :D PS: If a 17-year-old doesn't have the nerve to put their put down about not even wanting a party, then HIS FATHER should be apologietically and respectfuly be explaining and refusing on his behalf. If (as they do) the pushy, problematic ex wants to accuse you both of 'poisoning his mind', then, that's HER delusion and problem. It's his 18th. Let him do what he damn well pleases. What's the point of a birthday if you can't have everything (within reason - which this is) your own way? This is one of those instances where kids come first. The more a lad is forced to feel helpless, even over his own most basic, mental comfortableness, the more he will be deprived a portion of rightful power and control over his own life. We don't say, Right, Baby Johnny, today you're switching to solids, do we. Baby leads, we (all hassled and peed-off that we've only just got with their latest developmental-phase programme and now it's bloody changing again!) follow. 'Now that you're 18 - YOU get to say what you do on your pivotal day, and if you want me and your stepmum to back you up, we will, son.' Fairenoughski? Meanwhile, Lemo, I've got my very beady eye on your fella. Hmmmm......

PS: Clearly his ex-wife has deaf ears when it comes to the word No. But (almost) equally, had she organised it and NOT invited your side - you two might have had a few things to say about that, as well. Obviously it's NOT equally because exipoopoos has been underhandedly, downright furtively, over-controlling, as well as bloody insensitive to her own first-born's personality and/or wishes, to the point where hubby sees it as the dirty secret it is/was (actions/lack of actions, innit), knowing you'd blow up about it. I'd go! I wouldn't talk to her apart from 'Hello, thanks for inviting us, looks great' (, Vicar). But I'd go to support him so that he knows his mum DOESN'T have power over absolutely everybody whom otherwise should be his staunch (ACTIVE) allies. You (husband - it's his remit) can't on the one hand bandy around the claim, like parents do, that you'd take a bullet for your kids, yet in the next breath, refuse merely to face a silly dragon (drag-on) for him, can ya. (*owned* ;)) Anyway.... Keep your friends close but your enemies closer (proximity- or beady-eye-on wise). If you're not there, she has the freedom to badmouth you both....starting with, 'Oh...the loving parents couldn't even be bothered to attend your 18th, party, look'. Don't play into her hands. Oh, and on your way out, surreptitiously shove a load of vol-au-vents into your handbag, haha.