Seeking general life feedback

I don't want to focus in on any one issue, but there are a few different things troubling me as of late. I reckon I used to think I had a pretty good "radar" for sensing out good friendships, and people to consider friends. But some of my longest-lasting friendships have thrown me for a loop lately. I'm starting to think that maybe since I've grown as a person I now value qualities that these friends, while good people, do not possess. I guess a good bit of it was also assumption on my part, that maybe these friends thought a certain way because of their actions and personalities. Mostly, I suppose I'm just disappointed that these people are not more proactive, and they seem detached. So gossip at work still bothers me. I've received some very good feedback on the issue here before in the past, and it continues to be an issue. I was told I should be more of a leader - and I agree with that. I think, mostly ever since I lost that one job almost 6 years ago, I still haven't found a job I really care about enough where I want to be a leader there. Most of the jobs I've had I went into with an open mind, but pretty quickly it becomes clear that it's not going to last and it's something I go to and do to survive. I will say that the people I work with absolutely impacts how I feel about the job, more so than the actual job. The moment I encounter people at a job who dislike me, or are unfair to me, I am already thinking about how long I can manage there before I need to start looking for something else. I will say I've reached the conclusion that I really don't like working with other people, and would prefer to do something that has little or no interaction with other coworkers. I'm happy to have my girlfriend and to not feel like I'm going through everything entirely alone. I love her and I care for her, but we get into arguments almost daily. She is older, but hasn't done a lot with her life. As a result, she makes me second-guess myself about simple things like whether it's too icy outside to be driving on the road. She chose where we live now - more on that in the next 2 paragraphs - and I guess I resent her a little for it because if I'd made the decision alone then I probably would have gone somewhere else. She finally got a new full-time job, so I am happy about that because we've been struggling with money lately. I don't know, I guess during those 7 years where I was single, I always imagined that life would be easier with a girlfriend who could help bring in an income. I guess I'm conflicted about a lot of things in this relationship, but I am thankful for her and everything she does for us, and everything that goes right in our relationship. I suppose the more I dwell on things the more I realize I'm not perfect, either. Our house where we live now is probably the nicest place I've ever lived in. We have sufficient privacy, neighbors don't seem to bother with us too much, and I like coming home to it. The problem is, I'm having trouble affording it, and I still worry about that. Maybe with her working more hours again we will manage, but it's hard to tell. I guess it's hard not to compare my life now to my life a decade ago when I was living on my own in a studio apartment, and living more cheaply. We moved to this particular spot because she wanted to attend a school here, even though it was farther from my workplace at the time. Since things didn't work out with her school and she had to stop going after the first semester, now she wants us to move to another spot closer to where I used to work. My thing is, it takes a lot of money and planning to move. And if we're going to move again, I don't want it to be just a couple of miles away since to me it will be all the same people and pretty much the same area still. Her family said they would help us move last time and did not, fortunately my extended family showed up unexpectedly and helped a lot with that. I don't want to rely on them for that. I don't like the area we live in, as I mentioned above. I don't have a good answer for where I would move to now, if I could. I guess I would want to move out of state, or maybe closer to a big city. I don't really know anymore. I keep comparing my life now to ten years ago. And that even gets depressing because the more I think about it the place I used to live wasn't all roses, either. But I at least liked how people generally seemed more kind and respectful where I used to live, and kept their noses out of other peoples' business and weren't obsessed with gossip. Unfortunately, I've come to realize that gossip can happen just as much in a big city as it can in a small town. So... I don't know. I apologize for this being so long and unspecific. But I could use some feedback on any of these points. I'll have to end the post here. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read, think about, and provide your perspective on my issues.

Hi Balance - nice to have you back! The venue seems to be a tad vacant of late. I'll be with you asap, tomorrow, hopefully, Wed latest.

"I don't want to focus in on any one issue, but there are a few different things troubling me as of late." Sorry, couldn't quite hear that stipulation, Meg Ryan/Sally (- 'When Harry Met Sally')...it sounded a bit like - 'blah-blah-blahblah-blaaah'.... hahaha. Don't worry - you'll live ;) But anyway, I suggest we simply focus on the root-cause, more than the symptoms (bar identifying each, clearly). That's usually how things get 'cured/repaired', yeh? "I reckon I used to think I had a pretty good "radar" for sensing out good friendships, and people to consider friends. But some of my longest-lasting friendships have thrown me for a loop lately." Ah-hah! Join the club! Common problem... Have you, by any chance, turned 50 recently, and lost an awful lot of your prior ability to tolerate and overlook bad/inappropriate/inadequate behavioural packages, say, because it's 'suddenly' all so much more noticeable, as well as, makes it seem like they're 'everywhere'? Or just studied-up a lot during Covid, on "Iffy friends" all the way to downright "Niffy"? Or bit of both, perhaps? Let's have a ganders... "I'm starting to think that maybe since I've grown as a person I now value qualities that these friends, while good people, do not possess." Ah - yes, then (both). "I guess a good bit of it was also assumption on my part, that maybe these friends thought a certain way because of their actions and personalities. Mostly, I suppose I'm just disappointed that these people are not more proactive, and they seem detached." Not more proactive in what way? Regarding making an effort with you and the rest of their friends? Detached, as in, hard to form a bond with?...no discernible progress despite the tenure?...or worse - going slowly in reverse? How long have you known them? "So gossip at work still bothers me. I've received some very good feedback on the issue here before in the past, and it continues to be an issue. I was told I should be more of a leader - and I agree with that. I think, mostly ever since I lost that one job almost 6 years ago, I still haven't found a job I really care about enough where I want to be a leader there. Most of the jobs I've had I went into with an open mind, but pretty quickly it becomes clear that it's not going to last and it's something I go to and do to survive." The Daily Grind...to the Daily Ratrace... (Been there, done that!) If I were you Careers Fairy Godmother/father - what would your dream job be? "I will say that the people I work with absolutely impacts how I feel about the job, more so than the actual job." That's perfectly understandable. Basically, you're saying they've finally kicked the job joie de vivre out of you. "The moment I encounter people at a job who dislike me, or are unfair to me, I am already thinking about how long I can manage there before I need to start looking for something else." Are you suddenly noticing how many 'people' are...Niffies?...and, therefore, no longer worth tolerating (no point)? Common problem nowadays - join the club. So straight away, I can tell you that what you now want to go after is, Quality, not Quantity. Are these large companies? Or tiny and cliquey? Because I'll tell ya this for nothing: your name is your street sign, LOL... you're looking for BALAAAANCE! So it's, medium-sized that's the safest in that regard. "I will say I've reached the conclusion that I really don't like working with other people," Symptom Alert! Edit: I will say I've reached the conclusion that I really don't like working with Narcs and other nasties. DO NOT blame People for the sins of malprogrammed ferals. *People* are automatically nice. And cooperative. And helpful. And-and-and. "and would prefer to do something that has little or no interaction with other coworkers." That could be good as a recovery period-come-holiday, certainly. Back tooo - Fairy Godperson and the wand. "I'm happy to have my girlfriend" Oh, we're switching to Issue 2 - Girlfriend. Okie-dokes... "I'm happy to have my girlfriend and to not feel like I'm going through everything entirely alone." Define 'everything'? "I love her and I care for her, but we get into arguments almost daily." Uh-oh... Is that because you've been increasingly tense or because she/the relationship's making you tense - or, there again, back to 'Iffy behaviour sticking out like a sore thumb', including, she's always tense and always has been but now you lack the 'room' to tolerate and deal with it? "She is older, but hasn't done a lot with her life." Older, but not more mature and wise, then. "As a result, she makes me second-guess myself about simple things like whether it's too icy outside to be driving on the road." OHH, you mean she's small-minded....petty... "She chose where we live now - more on that in the next 2 paragraphs" Okay (I don't read ahead, though). I'll just give a blanket response there - which is, healthy relationship/dynamic/power-share...it should have been, you BOTH chose...together. Didn't previously have room in your overcrowded emotional in-tray to acknowledge or raise your protest, but now have finally reached that 'emotional sheet' in your 'mental In-Tray'? Yeah, you have been learning and growing, haven't you. (I shall re-name you Sir Cramalot, haha.) "- and I guess I resent her a little for it" No shit, Sherlock (says everyone who reads this). " because if I'd made the decision alone then I probably would have gone somewhere else." Or - made the decision TOGETHER, even! So are you thinking this unwanted location affected your job choices? What was it, back then, that you were so distracted with that you had to 'give-in for a Quiet Life'? Do you feel that she struck while the iron was hot (distracted) on that score? Do you feel taken-advantage of? And did you get to 'have it out'/have you say with any of your 'recently deceased' friends? Or are you taking her to-task first before going on to tackle them plus the so-called colleagues? If you lined them all up - which face would you most be tempted to slap? (...if you were allowed to - P.C. yawn). I'm trying to think if there are still any I'd like to..... Yeah - one. Ex-Friend. Wasted 10 pigging years investing in a 'fake bank', basically. (The Investment Principle has a lot to answer for, meh.) Not ACTUALLY a waste, but... Well, actually, yes. And No. Together (- split personality gets split opinion, eh). Definitely a case of tempting-looking Cream Cake that's riddled with Salmonella, meaning, every nibble is a risk, eh. (Expect you can relate to that.) "She finally got a new full-time job, so I am happy about that because we've been struggling with money lately." Okay - good - but at the same time - AHHHHH...I suspect I know what's going on... "I don't know, I guess during those 7 years where I was single," Excellent innings! "I always imagined that life would be easier with a girlfriend who could help bring in an income." That's usually part of the idea, yes. "I guess I'm conflicted about a lot of things in this relationship," Well, 'finally' got a new AND full-time job kind-of says it, really. Would you say, out of the entire relationship period she's spent more time out of work/not contributing, as opposed to in and contributing? PS: contributing or sharing 50-50? "but I am thankful for her and everything she does for us, and everything that goes right in our relationship." Not much about FEELINGS for her, though, let alone, positive, note. We have, suits me on the practical side, irks due to built-up resentment on the emotional. "I suppose the more I dwell on things the more I realize I'm not perfect, either." There's a difference between Not Perfect/Only Human, and, Inadequate Role Holder. If it WERE a job - at your company - would you have fired her by now? Or just demoted her? "Our house where we live now is probably the nicest place I've ever lived in." Roger that. Just wrong location. "We have sufficient privacy, neighbors don't seem to bother with us too much, and I like coming home to it." Okay... (At this point, I can see you literally popping Pros onto the left-hand scale dish and Cons on the other, trying to see which goes Clonk!) "The problem is, I'm having trouble affording it, and I still worry about that." AH. THAT'S not good. You can't get ahead if you can't put some dosh by, each month. "Maybe with her working more hours again we will manage, but it's hard to tell." Why's it hard to tell? She's on a fixed salary, I presume? "I guess it's hard not to compare my life now to my life a decade ago when I was living on my own in a studio apartment, and living more cheaply." More cheaply. Yeah - no...shouldn't be that way, should it. "We moved to this particular spot because she wanted to attend a school here, even though it was farther from my workplace at the time." Back to - too much on your plate to properly assert your own important needs. Was there no college near to it? "Since things didn't work out with her school and she had to stop going after the first semester," Errrr - PARDON??? WHY didn't it? First beeping semester? Seriously? Scuse-me for asking, but - I've gotta: looking back, do you think her 'need to live there' was merely a ploy? "now she wants us to move to another spot closer to where I used to work." What-AH?! She wants-she-wants-she-wants? "My thing is, it takes a lot of money and planning to move." YYYYup! "And if we're going to move again, I don't want it to be just a couple of miles away since to me it will be all the same people and pretty much the same area still." Yup, I get ya. If you're going to go to all that time, trouble and expense - may as well make it a move that's worth it. "Her family said they would help us move last time and did not," WWWWHAT???? Why? More to the point - HOW?! "fortunately my extended family showed up unexpectedly and helped a lot with that. I don't want to rely on them for that." Well...not that this is the point, BUT - obviously - by the fact they made it a nice surprise (which voids declining haha-prrth!) (got your number) - they DO want you to rely on them for (things like) that. See it now? Not Verbatim: 'The intelligent gene vehicle makes appropriate use of the tools that are laid on for them in their environment' - Dicky Dawkins - The Selfish Gene. (Just sayin'.) PS: It's good for your career if you learn to delegate when necessary. "I don't like the area we live in, as I mentioned above." Lovely house - not lovely area/location. "I don't have a good answer for where I would move to now, if I could." Well, if you don't have kids or a mortgage yet - the world's your oyster! " I guess I would want to move out of state, or maybe closer to a big city. I don't really know anymore." Edit: I don't really know yet (because I'm not 'there' yet). (Doesn't that sentance feel so much better, eh?) Patience, Glasshopper. The Recovery into Thrive & Prosper path is too rustic and bumpy for cars, bikes or e-scooters. It's one foot in front of the other, plod-plod-plod. You're obviously 'doing a Billy Crystal/Harry'. ...Well, ALMOST. He knows what he wants. You know what you DON'T want - and so, now, finally, wish to NOT have them, now-now-now. Emotions are sloooooow, though. And unfortunately - 'Spock' (who's raring to go) can't make an independent decision without Kirk's say-so because Jim is the Cap'n of your ship. (Call it a Human Design-Fault and complain to Management.) "I keep comparing my life now to ten years ago. And that even gets depressing because the more I think about it the place I used to live wasn't all roses, either." Haven't you heard? 'Home is where the heart is.' And, if you ask me - there's your problem. " But I at least liked how people generally seemed more kind and respectful where I used to live, and kept their noses out of other peoples' business and weren't obsessed with gossip. Unfortunately, I've come to realize that gossip can happen just as much in a big city as it can in a small town. So... I don't know." Let's sum-up...simplify: Your area, Your job (incl colleagues, friends), Your inability to save/get ahead finally, aka grow, Lack of romance plus over-frequent (clearly non-productive) arguments, are all down to the fact you're (1) with her and (2) she gets her way. Or is it - (1) she gets her way and/because (2) you're with her. "I apologize for this being so long and unspecific. But I could use some feedback on any of these points. I'll have to end the post here." Why - is she creeping up behind you? (Just a wild shot.) "Thank you in advance for taking the time to read, think about, and provide your perspective on my issues." De nada! :) Take your time. Methinks your biggest problem is, you're rushing. There's no fire, though, if you think about it. Plus, slow & steady wins this race. It's called, Properly. :)

(PS: after my first reply, I suddenly realised it was already 'tomorrow' LOL)

Hi Soulmate, thanks for responding again. I started writing up a response to you last night, but it was getting kind of long and maybe a bit unfocused. I'll take a second look at it, but I might start over from scratch. I'll try to expand upon my thoughts within the next couple of days, and do my best to keep it uncluttered.

No, don't do that...that's for me to say. Plus, Stream Of Consciousness 'signposts' WAY faster than pre- and post-edited. This is about cerebral AND emotional as-one, issue(s)-wise, so the more of both types, the better. IF - on reading it, I find-out you're RIGHT and it is a bit unfocused - I'll say so. THEN you can re-type and -submit. THIS way (, Einstein) (haha!), I save you what might well transpire to be, the NEEDLESS effort of typing it anew. INNIT. :D (Someone's bonce is a bit over-crowded and over-worked, methinks.)

You just answer my questions, put your feet up and let ME do the thinking and working-out, yeh? Or would you...'rather not rely on me for that'? (Hahahahahaha-gaffaw-gaffaw, just a friendly Gotcha mixed with Comedy Sluttery...just trying to make you (and me) smile. :) Equally, you may throw rotten tomatoes (but if you could plop a bit of Mayo on them, first, that'd be great.)

On Friendship: I am talking about a couple of friendships, but I guess 3 particular friends. One I've known since at least 2009. Another, since 2014. I've spent the most time around that friend. And more recently, I had started talking to another person in 2023. That last person I don't know as well, and we sometimes wouldn't see each other for months at a time before catching up again. But even so, I was surprised to discover that we disagree on so many basic things. I suspect the person I am now versus the person I was when I met these friends is quite a bit different. (Actually, you made me realize that I was in 3 very different points in my life when I met each of those friends.) I guess one thing I ponder is whether "Old Me" aligned better with those friendships at the time, but as I've grown since then, now they are sort of remnants from a previous chapter in my life. Except, I've mostly held onto them because I don't treat people as disposable, and understand that we all grow and change. What bothers me is how complacent they are. They are stuck in their own bubbles and don't really care about the world or other people. And I guess I thought they were more progressive than they are proving themselves to be. On Work: I don't really think too much about a "dream" job anymore. I apply for jobs that are available, nearby, and that I feel I could succeed at. You make a really good point, about medium-sized companies. The fact of the matter is, I've mostly worked at outfits that were big or small, with not a lot of in-between. You could be on to something, there. I'm over people. They're hypocrites. They complain about others. And they're usually just nasty to others. Have there been coworkers who've been pleasant and helpful? Sure. But I don't think I would go so far as to shower them with pleasantries as you have. Rather than allies, they are more or less neutral parties. I still don't understand the viewpoint others have taken of me that I am lazy. But it's been going on for so many years now that I feel entirely helpless to stop it. I still think part of the issue is that people know other people from other jobs I've had, and rumors follow me around that way. But this isn't always the case. I think a large part of the population sees me and just plain doesn't like what I bring to the table. I think it's a conflict of different outlooks. And maybe if I were surrounded by more pleasant individuals, I would make a greater effort to communicate with them and try to be friends. But I honestly don't have much hope for a lot of these people and places. I have tried being more friendly with certain individuals at my last couple of jobs, and I felt like that only came back to bite me later. It's a no-win situation whether you keep to yourself or open up. On Partner, Backstory: By "everything", I mean going through life alone. Okay, a little backstory here since maybe it will help explain some things better. So all through elementary school and high school, I never dated anyone. I didn't go right to college after school like a lot of people because I had a bunch of other things going on in my life. At a certain point in my early 20's it didn't seem like I was going to meet this perfect partner that I'd always imagined. The truth is, I've never been able to get exactly what I want in a partner. I have a lot of difficulty connecting with other people, and I have struggled most of my life with reaching people. Both of the relationships I've had, while not bad, were just me accepting that I can't have it all and instead just trying to connect with someone who at least is a good partner to me. After my first relationship ended, I was upset, but I was optimistic about meeting new people. I had never really experienced dating, and had never really been with a woman around my age. I guess I had a little higher self-esteem at that point in my life, and I thought I had more value as a person and that more single ladies would be interested in me. What I discovered pretty quickly was that women really weren't into me. And a lot of the people I tried dating... It was more or less embarrassing. I was open to different options. And maybe that doesn't look good to a lot of women, maybe it doesn't make it look like I know what I want. But I didn't care, I wasn't going to limit myself to something really specific and risk missing out on someone great. I was single for 7 years, and none of these attempts at dating ever went anywhere. I would go on a date, keep in touch with the person, and typically it would be over after about 2 weeks and then I wouldn't meet someone new for several months. After the first year and a half, the dating world dried up almost completely. I think that was around the time of #MeToo, so I don't know if that was the reason or not. I will say that the impression I had of a lot of women was becoming negative. But I still kept looking, in the hopes that someone better would turn up eventually. And unfortunately, most of the women I did get to date or meet were not good matches. And none of them really saw me as this special guy, they just sort of saw me as some loser. When my current girlfriend came along, I was just so happy to be with someone genuine. And someone who actually did see me as somebody special. And I guess those are some of the main reasons why I am with her. It's the reason why, even after we broke up for a few months at one point, I went right back to her. I was alone for my youth, I got to spend most of my 20's with my ex, and was alone again for 7 years. I don't have much hope in my dating odds if I wind up single again. ...Okay, I didn't really get to delve into my relationship or living situation and locations here yet, but I have to stop this response here for now. Admittedly, it's been hard trying to get this response written up because I don't really want my girlfriend to know about it. She already gets jealous and bothered whenever I talk to other people over the Internet, and I don't want to hurt her by having her find out I'm asking for advice on our relationship issues. Anyway, she'll be here soon, so I'll have to work on part 2 tomorrow or something. Once again, thanks for reading through all of this. I'm sorry it's still so much to read through.

Still really struggling with getting to the meat of things in my response. I've written a lot, but it is mostly unrelated to the main topic. I'll likely delete it. The thing is, my girlfriend is a good person. I'm just really stressed out about everything right now. I'll work on it more later.

- "Define 'everything'?" By that I mean, it is nice to not have to go through life alone right now, I guess is what I'm saying. When I lived with my ex and by myself in my old city, I never really feared for my life and people mostly left me alone. With the exception of where I live right now, every time I've tried moving into apartments since I moved away from my old city, I've had neighbors talking about me through the walls. Even when I lived with my parents, I heard their neighbors next door talking about me. And whenever I go out in public, I frequently run into people who talk about me behind my back. I thought it was a small-town thing, but this even happened when I moved across the country to one of its largest cities. That still baffles me. On top of that, this extends into my work life. It's gotten pretty bad. I almost had to wonder at many points over the years whether there is some video of me somewhere I don't know about, or some subreddit dedicated to people sharing their negative experiences with me. And, I have some theories. But I really don't know for sure. So I felt at least somewhat safer when I was living with my family since at least I was less likely to encounter neighbors with a beef. And I was reluctant to try moving out alone again for fear that I would be unsafe at home. My girlfriend moving in with me has made recent times more positive in that respect. And she has experienced at least one of my neighbors' behavior firsthand. - "Is that because you've been increasingly tense or because she/the relationship's making you tense - or, there again, back to 'Iffy behaviour sticking out like a sore thumb', including, she's always tense and always has been but now you lack the 'room' to tolerate and deal with it?" We get into arguments over a lot of things. A lot of it comes down to finances, or privacy, or generally hating the situation I'm currently in. But there are probably other reasons I can't think of right now. I would say it's yes to all of those things. But she simultaneously improves the situation while making it difficult. I guess if it were just me, living alone, then there are decisions I would have made that would have kept me well within my means, even though I would probably not be living in as nice of a place. I also wouldn't have wanted to buy a lot of big furniture or get a bunch of loans, because I think about the future and don't want to be stuck in one place. - "Older, but not more mature and wise, then." Mature, sure. Wise, maybe not. And I don't mean to call her not smart, I just mean... She lacks the wisdom that comes from knowledge and experience with a lot of stuff. But on an unrelated note, it can be difficult to really discuss deep-seated topics with her. - "OHH, you mean she's small-minded....petty..." I never knew this until more recently, but even though we live in a place that gets snow every Winter, she has somehow avoided driving in the snow for her entire life. This came as a surprise to me, because her family lives sort of out in the middle of nowhere, where the weather can become not real great during a big snowstorm. She had managed to make long drives out to visit me at my parents' place. I automatically assumed she had some familiarity with driving in the snow, being older than me and living here her entire life, and living so far out from the towns and cities. So when she would express concern about the state of the roads and highways, it really made me second-guess myself. - "Okay (I don't read ahead, though). I'll just give a blanket response there - which is, healthy relationship/dynamic/power-share...it should have been, you BOTH chose...together." So I guess we did, but it was more or less me just wanting to get away from my hometown and the general area I have been stuck in over the past couple of years since I moved back to my home state. I floated many suggestions to my girlfriend about places we could have moved to, including out of state, but she mostly kept us in-state because apparently that is how you get certain grants and loans and things for college, by being in your home state. I think she also wanted to still be close enough to her parents to still see them weekly, and also I wanted to be able to drive to see my family on occasion, though I wouldn't mind being a few hours away from them. We settled on this area because of her familiarity with it, also. I guess I can't argue that there would have been more of a learning curve with a place neither of us were accustomed to. I half-expected this area to not be much different from my experiences with every other part of this state so far. I guess I was just anxious to put distance between here and where I was. But even this doesn't seem to be enough distance, not in the slightest. The only benefit we really have is this quiet area where we live, and there are more jobs nearby than where we lived before. But even these jobs are mostly nothing to cream over. - "Didn't previously have room in your overcrowded emotional in-tray to acknowledge or raise your protest, but now have finally reached that 'emotional sheet' in your 'mental In-Tray'?" Yeah, I guess it was mostly me just giving in because I was anxious to get away from the immediate area. And our old upstairs neighbor. I did raise some protest, but ultimately her plan was better than what we had going on before. I even went along with getting several loans to move away, even though I was uncomfortable with doing it. On the last loan we got, I even had to put a lien on my car, which I am still cross about. Because of that, we have added monthly bills that we wouldn't otherwise. - "Yeah, you have been learning and growing, haven't you. (I shall re-name you Sir Cramalot, haha.)" I think I have, even in my relationship, but maybe not as much as I have in other aspects of my life. - "No shit, Sherlock (says everyone who reads this)." The thing is, I'm not setting out here to just complain about my girlfriend, but these are real issues I am seeing and experiencing with her. I also don't want to make the claim that I'm great with finances, because that isn't true, either. I could probably do better. But having a second person in my household has not made things much easier financially, which was a big hope of mine. - "Or - made the decision TOGETHER, even!" I don't think it was the decision I wanted to make, but as I stated up above, it was better than the situation a year ago. Around the time I moved into my last place, my girlfriend and I broke up for a few months. We had been looking forward to having a place to stay at together instead of paying for hotels, but by the time I actually got my place I was back to debating whether I wanted to be with her. During our time apart, I pursued a different woman for a few weeks before realizing she was a lousy person, and then I spent the rest of the time just being alone. I would get out of work and go for these walks at the park, on these cold late-Autumn mornings. It gave me some time to think. And I started thinking about what my next move as single-Balance should be. Work wasn't going great, but I had a department transfer coming up and figured I could still hang in there for a while yet and save up money towards another move. I had a friend I was talking to outside of the country, who offered me a place to stay if I planned a trip to visit there. So I went and got my passport, and I was going to save for a vacation there. And then the plan was to look for a job in the healthcare industry and to try to get a work visa to move there, if I liked it. But sometime around that point, we got back together again. And then she moved in with me. Admittedly, I was a little torn because I had gotten a little daydreamy about this idea I had before. But I didn't really want to be home alone with my neighbor, and I wasn't sure how realistic the idea of getting this work visa actually was. I'm sure everything would be more complicated than I can imagine right now. At any rate, even if the international move hadn't been in the cards, I still figured I could have saved some money from that job to at least move somewhere else. That's all just what I would be doing now if I were still single. With my current relationship, I can't really make any decisions like that. So I guess it is at least a compromise I've made for us, even if it's not exactly my decision. - "So are you thinking this unwanted location affected your job choices?" There are more jobs here than where we had been living, but I still think there would be many more jobs - and probably even some better ones - somewhere like the city where I used to live before I moved back to my home state. It's honestly kind of depressing when you look around here because while there are a lot of businesses, most of them are grocery stores and restaurants, and a lot of the workers at these places are downright miserable. Like I didn't experience this as much in the 2010's. People kind of suck now. I think the overall 'vibes' of the people here are much worse than the ones of people where I lived years ago. I think this unwanted location affected the types of people we live amongst first and foremost. - "What was it, back then, that you were so distracted with that you had to 'give-in for a Quiet Life'? Do you feel that she struck while the iron was hot (distracted) on that score? Do you feel taken-advantage of?" I know I've already kind of answered this elsewhere, but I'll try to respond. I don't think my girlfriend was trying to take advantage of me. I think she just realized I was desperate to get away from the previous situation, and she really wanted to get a college education, so she steered us this way. I guess I should have been more adamant about moving out of state, or moving closer to a big city metro area, or something. But in the interest of not being alone, I made some compromises. - "And did you get to 'have it out'/have you say with any of your 'recently deceased' friends? Or are you taking her to-task first before going on to tackle them plus the so-called colleagues?" I am at a standstill with my friends. I really don't know what I can say or do with them right now, but we've kept in touch. I don't think it's accurate to say nothing has changed, because something has for me. I can't quite look at them the same way. But I've been stuck on this for months and I haven't figured it out yet. Mostly I accept that I don't control other people. And I realize that I've had trouble 'rallying' people in the past, and really energizing them or making them as excited about or fascinated by stuff as I am. Really throughout my entire life I've never been charismatic, even though I've tried. On a related note, I feel like I don't even get along with everyone who agrees with me ideologically. I tried reaching out to one such person just yesterday, and for the second time now this person turned my olive branch into some sort of attack on them and snapped at me. It's disturbing. And it makes me feel like some idyllic society is that much more impossible to attain. I want to tackle the colleagues situation first. Or at least better it. I'm in the process of trying to get another job, but I suspect it will be tough-going everywhere in this area. I think it's just going to be me trying to survive and find something full-time I can tolerate, until my girlfriend relents and agrees to move farther away. - "If you lined them all up - which face would you most be tempted to slap? (...if you were allowed to - P.C. yawn)." Most definitely coworkers. A good bit of them hate my guts, and the feelings are mutual. There's this one guy I work with who just acts too big for his own britches, and I'm getting sick of him talking about me. Nothing I do impacts him, and yet he is losing his cool over me every day. The thing is, I don't want to get into it with any of these people. None of them are worth it, and there are worse people in my past. I'm more concerned about the people I'm going to be dealing with in the future. For now, nobody has done or said anything directly to me. When we reach that point, things may change. But for now, I just go in and do my job, and leave. I swear, I don't know how to avoid setting people off anymore. I've tried talking to people more, talking to people less, being selective about what I do and don't talk about, Idk. The one job I was at, everyone manipulated each other constantly. I came out of that as the bad guy, too. - "I'm trying to think if there are still any I'd like to..... Yeah - one. Ex-Friend. Wasted 10 pigging years investing in a 'fake bank', basically. (The Investment Principle has a lot to answer for, meh.) Not ACTUALLY a waste, but... Well, actually, yes. And No. Together (- split personality gets split opinion, eh). Definitely a case of tempting-looking Cream Cake that's riddled with Salmonella, meaning, every nibble is a risk, eh. (Expect you can relate to that.)" I've found that I'm someone who usually invests more in friendships than the friend. Actually I had this online buddy for 21 or 22 years, we had never met but we stayed in contact from 2002 until sometime I think last year. Granted, we talked a lot less frequently in recent years, but we still had each other's phone numbers. I was surprised when he came right out and said he had no intention of ever meeting me, and didn't really value our friendship that much. Looking back on it, he was always kind of a lame-duck friend, and I think more or less just bothered with me when he was bored. But I guess I valued him as a person more than he valued me. - "Okay - good - but at the same time - AHHHHH...I suspect I know what's going on..." When we first moved here, she was all about going to that college. She was only working 2 days a week, and I was thankful for that, but I felt like she could have still worked more days than that. She said she was worried about being able to study and get schoolwork done on top of going to school full-time. Maybe, I really don't know. I also know the college I had gone to years ago wasn't a very good one, so even though I went to school and worked full-time, I didn't feel like I was in a great position to judge her outlook on the situation. As far as I knew, it might have been too much to do everything she was doing. ...Of course, right off the bat, she dropped out of her math class because she didn't think she was ready for it. And then she dropped another class because I guess the person that makes her schedule told her she had to lose both for that semester. So she just had 2 classes. And this didn't change that she only worked 2 days a week. So that's how it went for months, until her first semester ended. I'm happy she's getting 40 hours a week now, but it's still frustrating. And I'm not sure if she will want to turn around and go back to school again, or if she will decide she can find a job and make a living without college. - "Well, 'finally' got a new AND full-time job kind-of says it, really. Would you say, out of the entire relationship period she's spent more time out of work/not contributing, as opposed to in and contributing? PS: contributing or sharing 50-50?" She's made an effort, and I do appreciate that. She has tried to have some job the entire time we've been together, even if she wasn't getting full-time hours. She has helped out in other ways than financially. And she has helped financially with other things, but not so much with rent. Pretty much rent and utilities have all fallen on me. She has helped with contributions to rent maybe 3 of the months we've lived together. She also has gotten really focused on always having food in the house, and wants to spend a bunch of money on groceries every week. If it were just me, I would not be buying groceries as often, or spending so much on them. What's more, lately she has gotten on this "I need to eat healthier!" kick, and so we've spent more money on this special stuff she can eat. And even now she's already turning on that idea and says she doesn't like the way a lot of it tastes. We had tons of bottles of Gatorade in the fridge, and she finally decided to dump them out and throw them all away the other day because those weren't healthy enough. Okay, good, they were taking up a lot of room anyway. She started buying less sugary drinks. Now she's decided that these artificial sugars are just as bad as the real thing, which I could have told you already. This morning I found a bottle of, you guessed it, Gatorade in the fridge... What bothers me the most is we have to keep asking our families for help with finances. Especially these last few months, since the Holidays. This is something I don't want to do, and something I shouldn't have to do as an adult with a partner. I was hoping since she got this job we would be able to get by on our own again, but it's not looking like we're out of the hole yet. - "Not much about FEELINGS for her, though, let alone, positive, note. We have, suits me on the practical side, irks due to built-up resentment on the emotional." I do love her and care for her, but I still don't know if this is real love. I can't help but look at some of the women I'm pals with on social media and kind of wonder why I've never been able to find someone more like them. A lot of them are taken, so that's part of it, but some of them are single. I think a lot of them also live in big cities with booming industries, and are well-educated. And there's the fact that I'm very introverted, and struggle with meeting women. But I can't help mentioning that other factor - a lot of women overlook me because I do have physical short-comings and don't live up to their expectations in a partner. I suppose if I was to look for the absolute right partner, I would be pretty picky, too. So I get it. And even if they were to get to know me, they would probably have reservations about me mentally, lol. The little life we've built for ourselves, and the way we (sometimes) get along and care for one-another, those are things I appreciate a lot about my girlfriend. I think we ideologically agree on a lot of things. I like that she is shorter than me. I like how much she cares about other people, and animals. And I think we are a better match than me and my ex were, even though maybe my ex and I could have more interesting conversations. She is definitely not controlling and grumpy like my ex often was, which is great. I don't know. This is a hard one to give a great answer to. I will say that I've always wanted to be successful with women in life, and it's kind of stunned me ever since my youth that I've just never been that guy. Nothing is simple, and there's no great answer for why this or that guy gets certain ladies. I'm just thankful to have a real, live girlfriend. - "There's a difference between Not Perfect/Only Human, and, Inadequate Role Holder. If it WERE a job - at your company - would you have fired her by now? Or just demoted her?" I started going on a rant with this one, but I'm just gonna keep it simple. I think I have a weird dynamic with self-esteem. And I think I care a lot. And those two things make it really challenging for me to make decisions. That's all I'm gonna say. And I'll end this particular post here for now. If I get more time later, or another day, I will respond to the rest of that reply. Otherwise, I have given you a lot more information here, I think.

(Just bumping you up)

Well,....gosh! Having read all of that, Balance - I can quite plainly see (because I'm not the one in the thick of it) that you're virtually SURROUNDED by insensitive and/or obnoxious *a-holes*...of varying degrees - some toxic or downright antisocial. What a difference an area can make, eh? What does girlfriend think about the whole place? Does she hate it too or is she less Spidey-sensitive than you? Your girlfriend may have many good qualities, but, one thing's for certain: she doesn't exactly think things through, comes across somewhat unrealistic and impulsive for her age, which is a lack of a vital adulthood skill, which MEANS in matters such as these (whereas she can be in charge as per her own strengths), YOU should be in-charge. (Short version: she's HAD her turn, now it's yours - Fair's Fair and them's the rules/recipe for relational success.) What are your options? Do you think you should speak to some chains of estate-agents and get feedback from them on which areas are the most friendly and community-spirited? (PS: This was a short post because - I had TOO MUCH I could have pointed-out to have been capable of not going on and ooon and ooooooon and..... 'You are surrounded by An Idiot' (they're all basically the same, note). PPS: This should be your (temporary) song (Elvis voice, please): "Ah'm caught-in-a Nest......Ah caan't-geed out.....Be-cause Ah luurve-you too-much bay-beh...". (Yeah, well - no-one's worth THAT, eh! Think on. It's put yer foot down time.) (See? Can't shut-up...)

PS: She IS also taking advantage of your generosity, financially; any fool can see that. Or HAS been....Hopefully, has HAD to have been... Let's watch her space... Can't hurt...

"Aaand another thing" (haha! - on your behalf: ""Her family said they would help us move last time and did not," WWWWHAT???? Why? More to the point - HOW?!" She is NOT older than you - no pigging WAY, Jose! And her family are WHY. You can't get much more impulsive than THAT - making a promise over something as humungously important as that, only to prove it was a promise (a statement of intent of a kind, in context, that should be un-breakable) they had no business making in the first place! What's THAT if not Impulsive and Flakey? And it's VERY childish for grown adults. (If - IF she has either passively/passive-aggressively/covertly or overtly (i.e. in attitude + actions -v- vocalised) been pulling rank on you because of her on-paper age - just say: You had your chance and proved you weren't very good at it, which means, that age thing no longer counts, PLUS it's my turn to choose, ANYWAY. ...older than you, my arse.)

I don't think my girlfriend is as sensitive/aware of negative things as much as me, but I think she is at least aware of the general demographics here and the kind of people that you'd usually find here. When she started her new job, she at first had me convinced that it was going very well with her coworkers there. Little by little, she has revealed that the person who's supposed to be training her there is rude to her. I think that information has made me more concerned for her than it has her. I want what's best for her, and I think... A lot of people just kind of see the two of us as "grunts" that you can just sort of push around. You hit the nail on the head. She is unrealistic, and doesn't think things through enough. So just yesterday she was talking to me about how maybe 1 year from now she could go to work less hours and start doing this online schooling program offered through her job. It sent all of the alarm bells off in my head. I get that she wants to have a good education so she can get a good job, but I hate to say that I feel that ship has sort of sailed for her. I think anyone can continue their education and make something of themselves at any point in their lives - only if they're driven enough. And I don't feel like she has proven that to me. The fact of the matter is, we need money coming in, we need two full paychecks. She keeps suggesting using "money she gets back" from going to school to help pay bills and rent, but she never even got this money back from her first semester of school that she was supposed to get. I also think lots of other people go to work full-time while attending school, let alone an online school, so I'm not so sure she would need to cut back on her work again to be able to go to school. And frankly, I really don't think she could handle it. She proved to me last time that she struggled with her first semester math class, and that was at a physical school with a teacher she could go to. I don't see her succeeding at all if it's just her doing the online thing, I'm sorry to say. I've sort of expressed all of this to her many times in the past. I still think she is going to want to try to do that when the time comes. You are probably right that I should have a chance to plan our next decision. It's just unbelievably hard to get her to go along with it without feeling like a controlling jerk. So the way it went was, her older sister and her husband agreed to come to our apartment and help us move last year. I had not spoken to them about this since I don't really have their contact info, but my girlfriend had, and systems seemed to be all-go for the day of. I will say that nobody from her family had ever come to see (either of) our place(s) and, at least at our old place, we were much closer to where my family lived. So the thought of her sister and her husband coming out to this town they'd never been to before, to meet us at our apartment and help us move, it seemed a little hard to imagine. But my girlfriend insisted several times over, that was what was going to happen. The morning of, my parents and I woke up early and we got the moving truck, brought it back, and started bringing stuff out. My girlfriend and I were fighting that morning, and she just took off for a while. My brother-in-law and his wife showed up, much to my surprise since that wasn't even a guarantee that they would. And then after that my girlfriend came back to finish up helping us carry stuff out to the moving truck and our vehicles. If my brother-in-law had not shown up, we probably wouldn't have been able to do it. The couch alone was a pain in the rump to move, and I wouldn't have expected my dad with two bad hips to help move that, just me and him. And my girlfriend was the one who wanted that damn couch. My girlfriend ended up explaining, I think in the car ride to our new place, that she had taken off angrily during a conversation with her sister, where she said they wouldn't be coming down. Apparently the sister said it was because her husband had pulled something in his back at work. But this really wasn't the first time they had flaked out on us - once they agreed to join us for lunch at a restaurant, showed up and handed us a gift card and were going to leave, and then they awkwardly decided to stay and join us anyway. I don't feel that my girlfriend has been pulling rank on me because of her age. I think I (initially) assumed she would be more 'together' with things due to her being a couple years older. I have been trying not to be too controlling, and consider what she wants for herself in addition to me. But it's clear that I'm not entirely happy with where we are. Not going to get into it too much here, but I'm also concerned about the current climate of the world, and how that may affect what we can and can't do soon. It might be unrealistic, even, to think that women will still be able to work and earn an income soon. I'm really not sure what to expect, and I am concerned about a lot of things. And where once there may have been a lot to gain from moving to a different state to find better vibes and options, now I have to really ponder whether that will make much difference or not.

God, sorry - I didn't realise you were waiting since the 5th! You're definitely next, then.

Right, then - let me just leap in. Sorry again for the massive delay! "I don't think my girlfriend is as sensitive/aware of negative things as much as me, but I think she is at least aware of the general demographics here and the kind of people that you'd usually find here. When she started her new job, she at first had me convinced that it was going very well with her coworkers there. Little by little, she has revealed that the person who's supposed to be training her there is rude to her. I think that information has made me more concerned for her than it has her. I want what's best for her, and I think... A lot of people just kind of see the two of us as "grunts" that you can just sort of push around." What do you mean when you say, you seem more concerned than she is? What's her mood when she describes this person's treatment of her? Feeling rightfully sorry for herself or, more annoyed at the person? How old IS she? And why on earth would people see you two as grunts? Do you mean, at work or generally, around your area? "You hit the nail on the head. She is unrealistic, and doesn't think things through enough." I do need to know how old she is, though. However, you say you're younger, but you sound as if you've clocked-up a good 8yrs to a decade, work-wise, so do I take it she's late 20s, early 30s? And how much younger on-paper are you? "So just yesterday she was talking to me about how maybe 1 year from now she could go to work less hours and start doing this online schooling program offered through her job. It sent all of the alarm bells off in my head." Jeezuz - mine too (and she's not even my live-in!). "I get that she wants to have a good education so she can get a good job, but I hate to say that I feel that ship has sort of sailed for her. I think anyone can continue their education and make something of themselves at any point in their lives - only if they're driven enough. And I don't feel like she has proven that to me." Definitely not. "The fact of the matter is, we need money coming in, we need two full paychecks. She keeps suggesting using "money she gets back" from going to school to help pay bills and rent, but she never even got this money back from her first semester of school that she was supposed to get." How does she get money back for going to school? Was she supposed to apply for it, rather than get awarded it automatically, but has failed to? Isn't SHE worried about the bills - just you? "I also think lots of other people go to work full-time while attending school, let alone an online school, so I'm not so sure she would need to cut back on her work again to be able to go to school." Correct. "And frankly, I really don't think she could handle it. She proved to me last time that she struggled with her first semester math class, and that was at a physical school with a teacher she could go to. I don't see her succeeding at all if it's just her doing the online thing, I'm sorry to say." At first glance, I'd agree. However, online suits some people better than in-class. I think the thing to do is set her a deadline and whatever other conditions. "I've sort of expressed all of this to her many times in the past. I still think she is going to want to try to do that when the time comes." I see. So she doesn't let you influence her. ...Goes in one ear and out the other. Correct? "You are probably right that I should have a chance to plan our next decision. It's just unbelievably hard to get her to go along with it without feeling like a controlling jerk." No, I'm not - I'm *definitely* right. Controlling jerk would be if you didn't HAVE any causes for genuine complaint. BUT YOU DO. So you're not a controlling jerk. In fact, she's the one being a jerk (irresponsible, over-wilful and dismissive - AND the rest): through her failure to act adequately, she is keeping you down. That means, the one who's being controlled is you. See it now? Be as assertive as you like. Something is VERY wrong if living as a couple increases your monthly living expenses, rather than halves it. Doesn't she know that?! Or is it not her problem. "So the way it went was, her older sister and her husband agreed to come to our apartment and help us move last year. I had not spoken to them about this since I don't really have their contact info," HUH? You're cohabiting. You SHOULD have it! Why don't you? (Pink Flag alert!) Does she have yours? (You sure you two aren't just glorified housemates? Where the hell is the togetherness? See what I'm seeing and saying?) "but my girlfriend had, and systems seemed to be all-go for the day of. I will say that nobody from her family had ever come to see (either of) our place(s)" Again - strange. WHY NOT? "and, at least at our old place, we were much closer to where my family lived." NOTED. (Pink Flag!) "So the thought of her sister and her husband coming out to this town they'd never been to before, to meet us at our apartment and help us move, it seemed a little hard to imagine." I'm with you. "But my girlfriend insisted several times over, that was what was going to happen." IOW, you didn't trust her word. Was that because she'd 'insisted' over something(s) before in the past, that turned out to be BS? "The morning of, my parents and I woke up early and we got the moving truck, brought it back, and started bringing stuff out." So your own fam is reliable then? Good. "My girlfriend and I were fighting that morning, and she just took off for a while." PARDON¿ Fighting? About what? And who started it (or who made it escalate)? You DON'T have an argument on the day of a house-move. It's serious business. So what you're saying is - she flounced off. Gosh, how conveniently labour-saving for her! Came back when it was all or almost all done, did she? PFF...got her number. So let's save time: SHE started it! Sorry, but - don't fancy yours much. REALLY not impressed. "My brother-in-law and his wife showed up, much to my surprise since that wasn't even a guarantee that they would." IOW, my girlfriend is known for spouting hot-air, making false or iffy promises. "And then after that my girlfriend came back to finish up helping us carry stuff out to the moving truck and our vehicles." How jolly decent of Her Majesty. "If my brother-in-law had not shown up, we probably wouldn't have been able to do it." No sh*t, Shelock. "The couch alone was a pain in the rump to move, and I wouldn't have expected my dad with two bad hips to help move that, just me and him. And my girlfriend was the one who wanted that damn couch." And yet she made herself scarce. (WTSF??!?) "My girlfriend" (You sure about that?) "ended up explaining, I think in the car ride to our new place, that she had taken off angrily during a conversation with her sister, where she said they wouldn't be coming down. Apparently the sister said it was because her husband had pulled something in his back at work. But this really wasn't the first time they had flaked out on us - once they agreed to join us for lunch at a restaurant, showed up and handed us a gift card and were going to leave, and then they awkwardly decided to stay and join us anyway." What this brings to mind is this: little sister press-ganging big sister. Big sister says she's try or she'll see. GF tells you it's a done deal. Obviously, it's not and accordingly, sister says they're NOT coming. Little sister throws a tantrum, replete with emotional blackmail. Big Sister is suceptible to such crap so comes...grudgingly, I imagine. (She doesn't even sound like she LIKES your GF!) So your GF is the Spoiled Baby of the family, then, is she? And big sis was stand-in mother? "I don't feel that my girlfriend has been pulling rank on me because of her age." Oh, really? So when she fails to listen to your good advice with-basis, that's just disrespect for you, generally, is it? "I think I (initially) assumed she would be more 'together' with things due to her being a couple years older." Yuh. Like you would. "I have been trying not to be too controlling, and consider what she wants for herself in addition to me. But it's clear that I'm not entirely happy with where we are." What's this phobia with being 'controlling'? Who''s repeatedly told you you're controlling? Is it her? Or someone from your past/childhood? You, matey, are not controlling *enough*! "Not going to get into it too much here, but I'm also concerned about the current climate of the world, and how that may affect what we can and can't do soon." Yeah, well, anxiety is rather indiscriminate that way. Once you're in that mindset, bloody everything gets to you. " It might be unrealistic, even, to think that women will still be able to work and earn an income soon." I agree. Well worked out, Sherlock! "I'm really not sure what to expect, and I am concerned about a lot of things." (As above.) "And where once there may have been a lot to gain from moving to a different state to find better vibes and options, now I have to really ponder whether that will make much difference or not." What industry and job are you in? You're very far-sighted, I've noticed that. And mature for your age. (Do you think you threaten your colleagues...show them up with your rate of work or something?... make them feel their stupidity? (OBVIOUSLY, they're stupid or else they wouldn't behave as they do....WHICH, I might add, is very anti-company - if you think about it?). No, area DOES make a difference. I agree - some whole towns or even boroughs can be full of Niffies! Again - estate agents are fab for that. You just ring them...they don't mind at all. Also the local Police can tell you, including the latest crime rate trends. Is this a big town you're in? It's a just-established fact that large towns and cities BREED an aspect of Psychopathy, even in normal folks. It's the constant non-connectedness ("too many straanguuurs, arr!"). Again - SO sorry for your wait. (I've got Long Covid, meaning, health-wise, I'm up, down, up, down. I'll improve once the weather and temperature does. This whole Winter's been more like England!) (Where in the world are you, btw? You SOUND English?)

I'll take it as a compliment that I sound English, haha. Well, a few quick responses: My girlfriend isn't the "spoiled brat" of her family. There's actually a lot more going on there as I've learned over these past couple of years. Her parents don't seem to be in as good a quality of health as mine are, and I was surprised the time they visited our area where we live now for lunch one or two times. Her older sister had drug problems and fell in with a bad crowd in their small-town area, and my girlfriend and her mom spent a number of years raising her child, until she lost custody of him some years ago. The sister has since kicked the drug habit, I guess, but her and the current partner are kind of odd. Ever since they let us down on that moving day, I haven't really wanted anything to do with them. We are also a little bit older than you're estimating, I think. So since I made my last entry on this post, I've been thinking, I might need time to regroup and refocus, and try to pinpoint the biggest issue I'm having. I need to pinpoint it, and also be able to articulate that thought better. I would almost lock this post manually if I could, and then come back and make a new one when I have my thoughts in better order. But it's fine if you want to keep communicating on this post for now. As frustrating as the situation with my girlfriend can be, I think over the last week or two things have been going alright in that department. The fact of the matter is she loves me and cares for me, and she is probably the person I trust the most right now other than myself. In this weird bit of irony, I just sort of feel like every person I've met in my life fails me in some way. And I guess that keeps me from relying too much on any one person. Not that I haven't put lots of effort into people, and even tried reaching out to people from the past. It very rarely pays off.

Noooo, I don't want quick responses. If you want me to help you, I need you to go back and answer every direct question, please, fangs? And then I won't be capable of mistaking your gf for the trouble-maker. Once you've done that, I'll answer everything in one go. And yes, I do want you to keep this thread. It's all part of the process...the journey.....landmarks "n stuff"... (Plus, once you're sorted, you'll have great fun reading it all back.) Think of this as your psychological Chewing-Ring...."nyang-nyang-nyang" until the new growth breaks through. Chairs, young(ish) Sire! (Compared to me you are. I'm 108.)

PS: "It very rarely pays off." Does on here. :) This is where your type gathers (if you'd been wondering?), hee-hee.... "Boo!".

I was making a response here and going off on this huge tangent about completely unrelated things, but decided it had no place in this conversation. I started talking about the point where I feel like the good fortune in my life started going downhill, and the piling-up of different factors that led there. I guess it was at least therapeutic, on some level. I guess the TLDS (Too Long, Didn't Save) is that I think the period of time between Summer 2017 and Summer 2018 were probably the peak for my time with my old company, in my old city, and that things also kind of gradually changed and fell apart by the middle of 2018. I went into a lot of detail, re-analyzing that time period and all of the changes that happened within and following it. At several points I questioned whether I was to blame for a lot of things... Like one of my bosses leaving because I didn't help him as much as the other, or good coworkers leaving because I fraternized with my bosses too much and made them feel unappreciated. I even thought about the one manager who criticized me to another for refusing to use a sub-par pallet-jack and instead taking a minute to seek out one that worked better, wondering if perhaps there was actually any sort of wisdom in what he had to say. But after thinking about all of those paragraphs I had written down... No, I really don't think I can blame myself. I had quite a few friends just peace out on me over those last couple of years. My sex and dating life sucked no matter what I did to try to change my approach, and I did try. And, after trying to date an alcoholic, I'd reached a point where I was getting drunk or passing out drunk nearly every single day. My one boss aside, the handful of acquaintances left in my friend group never hated me, but they also never particularly liked me or appreciated what I brought to the table and usually left me out of things. Anyway, I'll respond to your last 2 posts, Soulmate: 1. First off, no. I'm not going to answer every single question, willy-nilly. Some things I'm just not comfortable divulging. 2. I will keep the thread going for now, I guess. But I think we need to steer the conversation into other areas. My issues with my girlfriend are there, and they do come back regularly. But I've been thankful that things have been going well, and I really don't want that to overshadow other issues. 3. The subject of control is one I am not comfortable with broaching too much right now. Things like self-esteem, confidence, insecurity, power, domination and manipulation come to mind whenever I think about control. You know, not to go off into a weird territory here, but I guess it's always been intimidating to me these women that MUST have this really dominating partner, that need to feel dominated to feel secure, or whatever. It is one of those things women do that is just emasculating, because it insinuates that certain men who are more rough or more controlling are more of a man, or something. Or that only certain guys could be that, but then other men like me can't, in their eyes. And then there's the whole line where masculinity ends and toxic masculinity creeps in. ...And then, of course, the women who do the dominating, and once again make choices and get the partners of their choosing. The thing is, I think it would be so much easier and so much more enjoyable if I had a partner that could collaborate and lead with me equally. Especially someone who energizes me and I can energize them. 4. I think there's just a lot of people who hate everything I am. I'm not handy like a lot of guys. I'm not Mister Macho or Mister Confident, and I'm weird and introverted. And especially as I type this, I realize I really don't have everything together in my life and I'm not coping with everything that well. We'll end it here, for now.

Heya! Yeah, don't worry. I could tell from the start that you're not Q..UITE ready or in a position to deal with everything that's on your plate. That's fine, we'll still be here once you are. You ARE going to have to move again (get out of that Nest) but this time put your foot down over location, however; you know that. *evidently* GF's Narcdar isn't half as sharp as yours; if she gets to choose or influence the choice too much you could end up in another horrid locale/neighbourhood (and she obviously gets treated badly as well) - nice house or not. In actual fact, when you're surrounded like that, the house can quickly start to feel less like an oasis and more like a gilded cage. Best to leave before that happens. Re these issue-ridden work Nasties: It's not you (- trust me, I'd feel it by now if you were in any way iffy, even merely a whiff(y)) ...other than, they think with you can get away with it because you're polite, kind and gentle, not aggressive. You probably (just by existing/breathing, going about your work) show them up and threaten them somehow. That's usually the reason. If not - just that you're different (gosh, how very dare you). Remember: they're perpetually-seething kids in grown-up suits ERGO, just LIKE middle-school kids at school, feel threatened by anyone who's in any way(s) Different. That simple, that petty. Get out of Toy Town. I know it's a pain in the arse but it's not at all uncommon for young couples to have to move around every few years at-first, before finding "their people". I had to and so did all my friends. You've got to do your research this time, though (especially with this social-ills climate, ye gods!). And then, once you've done that (the Theory) I suggest you two start doing 'pub crawls' (the Practical) to get a first-hand, up-close FEEL of the locals (- good ol' alcohol...really removes people's veils!). Also, the local shops (are the shopkeepers friendly and helpful)...plus the supermarkets at peak hours (are the shoppers self-controlled and courteous in a chaotic crowd). Fetes and festivals, too. ...Have a really good sniff around this time, like a couple of Emotional Detectives. Summer's coming so - pub gardens here you come! It'll be fun. :) Sound like a plan, Stan? PS: Do you need help with what to say to GF? PPS: if she gets picked on too then she probably ain't a Narc. But clearly her family is so I imagine she has a number of their Fleas (hence got taught to flounce impulsively). Get her into better company and a better area and they should start to drop off. Protection is *your*, the male's, domain (that ancient section of wiring of ours doesn't give a shite for mixing gender roles). You da man. Yeh?

PPPS: just come across this on CreativeNick's thread: "I will say that there are a lot of people nowadays who have personality-disorders, of sorts. A good decade + ago, you would hear the term "mental gymnastics" get used a lot, and you would see a deeper discussion of subjects such as narcissism. And I think it's good that people started having these discussions and realizing the negative traits that a lot of people have. It's frustrating for me because I generally have a pretty good family, but they have done unbelievable mental gymnastics to excuse the bad behavior of people in power. No matter what information comes to light, they do this mass mental-reprogramming to put themselves on the right side of the story. You would think after more than a decade that they would stop and think, "Huh, there sure are a lot of famous people and politicians we didn't used to mind, but now they are all the enemy. Weird." Or that they would think, "Gee, there sure are a lot of people that were associated with these people we like that went to jail or got cancelled, or took the fall for them." But these thoughts simply don't seem to cross their minds at all. They just believe everything that is fed to them without much independent thought." WELL BEEPING PUT, MATE! Ohhhh, don't go? ("mew-mew"...puppydog eyes...) You're a reeeally good poster - AND you 'get' NPD (praise dee lawd!). I don't mind begging: Oh, please-please-please-please-please-please-please??? I tell you what, though ("What?") - good question! Being a regular poster is the fastest way known to everyday man for automatically pumping back up your confidence and self-assertion skills, ohhh yesh...indisputable fact. Pwease? You can say no, though, if you're too busy. :)

If you are (too busy), though - at least do me and the world a favour and look into becoming a Counsellor. Seriously. With that seemingly effortless grasp of NPD of yours as well as amazing empathy and spidey senses, AND ability to learn so fast, you'll be like GOLD-dust! So alarmingly FEW counsellors get it like you do, even today (biggest gripe of survivors everywhere). And you could get a really good 'hourly' rate from being so rare. What do you think? What do you do for a job, anyway?

...and your emotional articulation and eloquence, as well, of course. (Sorry, don't mean to give you a big head, haha. But I'm deadly serious. You'd make a KILLING!...even IF you did 'poor person discounts' some of the time. Plus you could work from home (hurrah! - no Niffies & Nasties allowed!). And then the only people you'd have to click with would be your social circie. Ta-daaaaaa!

PS: "but I guess it's always been intimidating to me these women that MUST have this really dominating partner, that need to feel dominated to feel secure, or whatever. It is one of those things women do that is just emasculating, because it insinuates that certain men who are more rough or more controlling are more of a man, or something. Or that only certain guys could be that, but then other men like me can't, in their eyes. And then there's the whole line where masculinity ends and toxic masculinity creeps in. ...And then, of course, the women who do the dominating, and once again make choices and get the partners of their choosing." I agree with absolutely everything you've said - including that bit! It's how they're brought-up/dragged-up. (sigh) You used to need a license to own a dog, but any ol' uck-ups are free to sprog. Pisses me right off. Something that crucial to the ongoing and future survival of our species? Governments must be having a laugh, musn't they!? And/so....Look at the MESS we're in now! The solution is simple, in fact. NOBODY SLEEP WITH THEM FOR AT LEAST TWO GENERATIONS! The genetic tendency to rolling-over into permanently brainwashed-ness (narcissised) (which is what Dracula symbolises) wouldn't then exist...and would, like Cancer, make it a case of: No internal light-switch? - no finger, no matter how ha rd it jabs, can reach in and turn the 'light' on. Here - since you're good with words and, again, if you're not too busy? I want to start a catchphrase to the above effect to spread around the interweb. Do you fancy helping me come up with one? It's difficult because it's got to encompass a lot of information into one short, catchy phrase that basically says AND explains why not - 'Don't shag a Narc', meaning, 'Don't make a baby with one and 'risk it just for a biscuit'!'. Fancy it? (Again - feel free to say No. I won't sulk or nuffin haha.)

Heya matey, I obviously did make you blush (tsk, you're as 'bad' as Manalone, haha), but, never mind - your actions since, in the form of continued (excellent) input on various threads, say the answer is Yes, so that'll do me nicely and - *THANK-YOU*. Gold Star on your brainy forehead ("Thlup!"). :)

Hey Soulmate, thanks for the responses and kind words. I will admit, I was thinking about letting the thread tank while I plan a new one. Honestly, helping out here where I can has been nice. I haven't seen Manalone around in a while, or anyone else who might've been a regular. I know you've been stretching yourself to respond to all of these topics, and it's clear that we're in need of more of a response team. I used to feel pissed-off whenever I went into our chatroom, because most of the people would just bullshit and give lame-ass advice, and really not even try to help people who came into the chatroom looking for feedback. But it has improved a lot over the past few years. I don't pop in there often, however. There's a couple of memorable regulars. They still have fun, but they make a greater effort to actually help people now. I am a Cancer, and I guess in some way I still feel like that means something, even if Astrology is bullshit. I think it means something. It had always sort of fit for me. I have realized over the years that I might be well-suited for a lot of careers. ...But I am also an individual, and not just a concept. I realize I couldn't be a Doctor, because I would probably feel wrong giving other people health advice when I'm hardly a beacon of good health. Likewise, I'm not sure I could do that or be a Therapist because I do recognize this great hatred in my heart for most people, and strongly value some form of solitude. I actually didn't realize if you had responded prior to this morning (you apparently did), so that's my bad. I just carried on responding to other threads in the morning. Your idea for starting a catchphrase about people with NPD is clever, but I'm not sure people on this side of the ocean would interpret "Narc" in the same way as "Narcissist." I could try doing something, but to level with you, I have never been able to "make a splash" online. I don't have the charisma or influence that some people are able to find with other humans. This is true of real life and the Internet, alike. Okay, so... It's time for a little side-story, here. So back in 2004 or so, I made this online friend. She was different than most of the other people I had communicated with over the years. I think right away, I had a thing for her. She had Asperger's Syndrome, and it took me a long time to really even understand what that meant. Some things happened in my life, and in 2006 I started mailing this girl over the snail-mail. I only got a couple of responses back, and then it stopped. But her last letter to me was amazing. She used this really nice stationery, and put an obviously large amount of work into writing the letter. She drew and wrote the lyrics of a song in this big spiral, circling around into the center, that reminded her of me. In 2007, we reconnected a bit. She had gone off to college. I don't remember how long we spoke for around that time. But at a certain point, she introduced me to another friend of hers. And through her, I learned that the girl had a boyfriend, and had been dating him for years. In all of the time we spoke, she never brought this guy up. I didn't really react well with this new information, and we stopped talking. I guess this young woman kind of gave me hope during a low point in my life, and I imagined some brighter future with her after the fact. Our friendship ended. So for several years, I didn't think about her. I finally met my first girlfriend and moved in with her, and my life moved on. After a decade I was once again single and, unfortunately, moving back to my hometown. There might have been a few times where I tried to reconnect with that girl over the years, but never successfully. ...And then, somehow, I did reconnect with her, sometime after Covid in 2020. She was apparently still happily married to that guy from before that she hadn't ever told me about. They didn't have any kids. I guess, Idk, maybe I felt like our meeting again after all of those years had some purpose. Maybe I thought she had matured, and was open to a more "open" relationship, or something. I don't know. But she was very clearly into that other guy, and I kind of walked away from the situation feeling like the more alien one of us. Though it didn't work out, and we once again stopped talking, I broached the subject of Asperger's and Autism more with her. And at the time, it felt like I was on to something. I was starting to suspect that the missing piece in the puzzle of my life was that I have Autism, and just couldn't fully connect the dots until then. I brought this theory up to my mother one time, but she didn't seem to think that was the case. I felt a little crushed. It seemed like I had these answers after all of these years, but then they weren't infallible. For a few months, I was an active member in an online app that was meant for people with autism. I had a lot of trouble connecting with people there, and began to doubt that I did have autism, since their experiences seemed so far off from mine. I did make a friend there, another guy who claimed to be autistic. We kept in touch for years, and mind you, this guy receives monthly assistance for a disability. What I realized pretty quick is that me and him are really different. But he like... Seems to get bored of stuff super-fast? He has like hyper ADD and loses interest in anything and everything really fast. He also had Bipolar Disorder, in addition to being diagnosed with Autism. I guess typically if you have Autism, you also have something else, so I guess it made sense. In the years since, this friend has revealed to me that he reached the conclusion he isn't autistic. He still apparently had the BPD, however. I don't know if he still receives aid for it. I guess I feel kind of bamboozled by the whole thing. I mean, I was questioning for a while whether or not he was actually autistic, but it just kind of left me confused about what an autistic person is versus what he is. It kind of made me question whether I was led astray when signs were still pointing to me having some form of Autism, or maybe Asperger's. It's so many years after the fact now, I don't know. I guess even in 2020 I was sort of thinking to myself... It's so many decades into my life now, I'm not even sure if I can be diagnosed. I probably would have learned to mask pretty well by now, and I have had to deal with so-called "normal" people for so long that I probably have adapted to their ways. Okay, I have to go for now.

Just a quick amendment/addition to the thread, since I had to finish my last entry in a rush. It will be another story that....eventually becomes relevant. So years ago after my ex and I split up, while we were still living together but sleeping in separate rooms, things were over and I started trying to meet somebody new over online dating. I had never dated before. I kind of lucked into my first relationship. So I guess at the time I was kind of excited because it felt like an opportunity to meet women who were different or who I didn't have the courage to talk to until then. I also had a pretty big crush on a coworker at that time, but decided not to put all of my eggs in one basket if she wasn't going to be interested. The experience wasn't positive. Nobody was really responding. I think that was the first time in my life where I started to feel really insecure about myself - my height, my fitness, everything. At some point I also noticed that (a different) co-worker was using the dating website. I purposely avoided messaging her, I believe. So the thing was, I was hoping to meet new people. I also saw this newfound singledom as an opportunity to look for the type of women I had always imagined I was capable of getting, but never had before. And it's nothing unrealistic, really. But this co-worker, I don't mean to sound rude, I just imagined I could find someone a little more my type. She was attractive enough, in a way, but at the time I thought maybe I was capable of being with a girl that was slightly more attractive. Eventually that co-worker contacted me on the service. I felt a little awkward about it, because like I said I was trying to meet people outside of work and who I didn't know, but by that point I'd had such little luck on the website that I decided it wouldn't hurt to message this girl and get to know her. I was just kind of happy that somebody had reached out to me on this website, where I wasn't having any luck. That girl was in her very early 20's. I think she was 21 when we started talking, and I was 27 by that point. I guess one thing I liked was that she was younger, because I had never really gotten to be with anyone younger, (my ex was much older) and also she was shorter than me. ...Which, I'm kind of a short man, so I guess that felt nice. But it just kind of felt like from the start we were kind of in a different age group and I didn't know about any of the bands she talked about or vice versa. She was also really immature. And she seemed to cause drama a lot. I figured out pretty quickly that she had had like 9 sex partners by that point, and I felt kind of uncomfortable about that. At 21, she had been with 9 people. I mean Idk, maybe it's because I was just from a different age, or something. Here I was in my late 20's and I'd only been with one person, and I didn't even sleep with anyone until I was almost 22. She was also seeing this guy when we started talking, that I had never met, but I guess they were also breaking up. He lived in a college city like 2 hours away, and apparently she had (started to?) moved some of her things in with him. He would come up to hang out with her and her friends from work. I had asked to hang out when she was doing things with her friends a few times, but she got strangely quiet when she was with them and I had surmised through talking to my friend that this was because the boyfriend was sometimes present. Later on I realized there were pictures of her with this guy that used to work with us in my department, with his arm around her. I can't really place where or when that would have been, but I'm guessing it was before the current boyfriend she'd had. I felt kind of skeezed out when I realize they had slept together, because the guy was kind of weird. To be honest, I thought he was gay, or at least bi or something. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It was just awkward because suddenly I had this connection to someone I didn't want to have that connection with, lol. I also realized she was going out and doing somewhat promiscuous things, but then turned around and portrayed herself as this really shy, quiet, proper good-girl to her parents. Her parents seemed kind of down-to-Earth, so I didn't get that, but who knows. This one day after our first or second date, I talked to her and explained that I didn't think we were a good match. To my surprise, she said she wasn't initially interested in me either, but contacted me because her friend said she thought we would make a cute couple or something. So I figured it was over, and that we would just be friends or something. I mentioned to her that I liked another person from work, but didn't go into detail. And then from that point on, she would like show up and start talking to me when I was around that woman. It got annoying, and I got short with her and would avoid her. She said something cryptic to me one day about so and so saying something and she said it was true but she lied, but she didn't think it was really a lie... Blah, blah, blah, immature and drama-infused drivel. I never did figure out what she was saying for sure, but I took it to mean she lied and started some rumor about me. I went back to having no luck with dating, and I did reach out to her as a friend and a single person other times over the years. But she would always put on this faux stone-face and change her personality when I was around. I had thought she might have grown up and matured by some point, but the thing is she never did! Okay, so that leads me into the point of...telling that entire story: So years later after I'd moved away, after I'd reconnected with my old pen-pal for a while, after I'd been on the app for Autistic people, I had looked her up again. And she had taken all of these videos and written all of these things on her one social media account, suggesting that she thought she had autism and had just discovered it after all these years. I was kind of stunned by it. And I wondered if there was any truth to it, or if it was just more drama from her. I suspect it wasn't true, but then I don't know because she was kind of odd, and I don't have many other good comparisons of autistic women who've grown up and reached their late 20's. It was even more weird because her journey was sounding a lot like the one I had been on, before giving up and moving on from the thought. I don't think about that woman very often, but when I do anymore I still kind of wonder about that situation. For all I know, maybe there was some sort of connection there because of disorders. I have no clue. Anyway, I thought it was worth sharing in regards to that information. For the record, I still don't think I am autistic. I don't think the evidence has been strong enough for me to make that case. But I do wonder from time to time. At the very least, I suspect there may be something else going on sometimes.

Bear with me a bit. I feel like utter shite. Was out for the whole day Friday - long lunch with friend, followed by our checking-out the best pet shops (she's just rescued a puppy and I've been slowly, steadily, but successfully, domesticating a long-abandoned (sweet and beautiful) female cat - a rare purebreed, no less!), followed by visiting my club. So I don't know where I picked it up from (and so much for my anti-bacterial hand-gel, hmph) but I woke yesterday with a very sore throat and sinuses, and an on-off temperature, making me feel sick on top. I'm starting to think my immune system needs working on...that or the fact that, not even the Spanish waiters and waitresses wash their hands (I've seen them, coming out of the loo!...WHAT CENTURY ARE THEY IN?!)....grumble-grumble. I'll be back on as soon as. Bugs at least tend not to keep a hold of me for more than a couple of days, so... Hmm...I've just realised that means I do have good immunity... In that case, the jury's in: it's definitely that the Spanish around here are (Mancunian accent please) A LOAD O' DIR-TEH BASSTUDS! :p PS: I've just go to say tho - from earlier: Trust me, there is nothing weird or unlikeable ABOUT you (despite obviously certain people have managed to persuade you, verbally and/or behaviourally, that this is the case)! It's so sad and frustrating...: Mate, you're a shiny Red apple at the top of the tree and don't know it! THAT'S why (one of the aspects for which) you're getting picked-on! You're a natural born (think hard about this word) CARER. You should be with other carers (not just us lot). So I'll say it again: Specialist Counsellor. Same for Mannie, btw. PS: he tends to post about once every fortnight or so, but his posts are nowadays shhhmokin! He's grown loads, too, which it's actually impossible NOT to see happen when you become a regular advisor...or, if you like: informal counsellor, in-training. So glad you're starting to feel its effects - that's made my day, that has. :) Gave me the little burst of energy needed to type this, but I'm knacked now, gaaah.... (My theory is viruses are alien lifeforms from space, carried by shooting-stars, metiorites...whatever.) Gonna have a nap now, before my head splits open - "night!".

Tsk. METEORITES. (God I hate this laptop keyboard...Don't tell it I said that, though, or it might commit suicide, haha.)

It's alright, Soulmate. Take whatever time you need to rest and recover. Honestly, this week sucked. And as the cherry on top, I'm arguing with my girlfriend yet again this weekend. I kind of just want to focus on other topics.

Got ya. Try not to take the argument personally or seriously. You've made such immense strides that it's detectable...in fact, I'd go further and say, palpable...a transformation. Like 5 steps up the self-enlightenment/-confidence/-assurance/bravery/etc. staircase. I'm thinking she can sense it too and either isn't a fan of the change or can't cope with such a big/drastic bundle of it in one hit...which may be because the human response is for the partner to be obliged to do some stepping-up WITH you or (paranoia/persecution-complex) see themselves in danger of being 'abandoned' and 'left behind'. Equally, it could be that the raise in confidence has allowed you to finally, rightfully, 'confront' her over a long-held resentment and un-sorted issue of yours? Just...Any change to the Status Quo / a new spring in your step (or as other examples: finally losing weight, smiling more (even laughing again), not walking with your head hung/shoulders stooped...all of that). Certain types can't cope. Try reassuring her - see if that works. Or fake a mini depression wave so she only thinks you've stepped down again and lays-off. Regardless of who started it - don't let it pull you 5 or more steps back down again, okay? Ill or not - I'm here if/when you need me.

Just letting you know I'm awake (if you still are and need to talk?). I virtually slept all day is why...plus I managed to eat - grabbable stuff...slice of apple, handful of cashews, and a Cadbury's Cream Egg. So I've got a packet of energy available if you need me. (Coo...Cream Egg - medicinal - who knew! LOL) I shouldn't joke; you must feel like sh*t-on-a-stick by now. Hope not... Hope it got sorted easily enough. But, if you do - this joke might prove cathartic (secret revenge LOL): Q: Why did God invent women? A: Because sheep can't type. :) (?) ...Damnit, though - now I look sexist!..... I'll have to redeem myself by including its counterpart before I get battered by a load of handbags: Q: Why did God invent men? A: Because vibrators can't mow the lawn. (That one's true, btw...they definitely can't. WHEREAS, sheep CAN type. It might not make any SENSE but they can definitely type. (So can cats, btw.)) (And if me being at my silliest doesn't work, then, nothing will.)

I feel like this website doesn't lend itself well to mobile, since you have to scroll forever to try to reach the bottom of threads. I think it would benefit from pages, and limiting each page to maybe 20 posts or something. I do most of my actual responding on the computer, but whenever I do check mobile I see where it could be executed better. I'd still also like to try beginning a new topic. I'm still not exactly sure what particular thing I'd like to ask feedback on most right now. It might be that I need to just let life happen a little bit before I can determine what the next topic is. 0) The argument the other day is over and done with, and things are going better for now. What is boils down to is I usually want my own space and to do things on my terms, especially whenever there is a noteworthy change in my life. I was okay with the idea of visiting my girlfriend's family the other day initially, the problem is she always makes us get a late start, and then we're out late, and I simply wasn't going to have that when I had to be awake early yesterday. I also wanted plenty of time to myself to just chill and do my own thing before laying down to sleep for the night. That argument ruined pretty much that whole day, and resulted in things being thrown and broken. Yesterday went over a lot better, and we did visit her family, but I'm disappointed that I am still having some pain going on. So this pain came along like two weeks ago, lasted for a couple of days, and then subsided. I thought I was all good. For whatever reason, on the last day of my one job, I started experiencing it again that morning. I was hoping it would work itself out over the weekend, but it didn't. And now tonight will be the real test since it's the first full-on workday and it's still going on. If you don't mind, I'd like to chatter a bit... About whatever here. 1) Well, I had this online community I was a member of for several months there, since sometime in November. After a couple of negative experiences there, I decided to deactivate my account for the time being. I can go back to it whenever, but I need a break from it. Of course, I'm not participating in many other online communities these days, so I am sure I'll reach this point where I need outlets to discuss particular topics but don't really have anywhere to go for that. I guess I have a lot of thoughts about it. Mainly, I worry about being out of the loop for too long, and becoming misinformed about a lot of things. While said space was not entirely political, it definitely was to a certain degree. The thing is, I feel like a lot of the people who are supposed to be on "my side" spend more time looking for ways to make an enemy out of myself and others on our side, than actually appreciating everyone on our side and being united about things. When your whole goal is to criticize everyone and everything for not being enough of an ally, or for not leaning into extremes enough, or for doing something that you feel slights you in some way - even if it isn't a slight at all but you're just a crazy person and perceive it in that way... Well, then you are to blame for fracturing your own side. In general, the whole community is just a bunch of people in their own bubbles. And a bunch of people there are excited that the developers made a feature that prevents anyone you haven't added to your friends list from responding to anything you post. So it's stupid because anything they post can pop up in my feed, but I can't comment on it unless they decided I'm interesting enough among their 1000 followers to add me and let me comment on their post. It's really hard not to just look at these people and feel like, yeah, you are a huge part of the problem. 2) So my one long-distance friend who I've known for years, we'd already been sort of not seeing eye-to-eye for a while, and I thought that situation might improve recently. But some goofy stuff is making me feel like that distance is growing. I don't claim to be a computer and technology expert, but some of the stuff he's saying just isn't making sense to me. Basically he said his email address was hacked, and so he just... Decided to close or abandon all of his online accounts, associated with that email address. Like there are accounts he has spent money on for years associated with his email. And his response is, he's not even going to attempt to communicate with those companies and to try to prove his identity and get his information linked to a new email address. He's just going to make new accounts. It almost makes me feel like maybe there's more to the story, or some other reason why he's trying to shake his old accounts. But I have no idea.

Hi Balance, just noticed your comment regarding having to scroll forever to reach the bottom of a thread on a mobile device. If you click the "Jump down page" button at the top of the thread, you should be transported straight to the bottom of the page. Hope this helps 😁

Richard, Boy, do I feel like a horse's patoot! Somehow I subconsciously overlooked these buttons. Thank you for pointing that out to me.

You're welcome! Pretty sure you're not the first and won't be the last to have overlooked the buttons. They only appear once a thread becomes long enough to warrant them. I have considered implementing pagination functionality as you mentioned, but the vast majority of pages don't get to any significant length and would just mean that the search engines have more pages to crawl.

"Pretty sure you're not the first and won't be the last to have overlooked the buttons." Nope. And it's also because people naturally come here under stress, duress, panic, of a magnitutude now too much to handle on one's tod. Under extreme stress, your peripheral vision can temporarily shrink or feel like "tunnel vision" as your body's fight-or-flight response narrows your focus. All extraneous sensory data gets ignored or kept from your consciousness (so that your already overworked brain doesn't go Ka-BOOM! with sensory overload and instead you can escape or kill the Sabre-Toothed Tiger) (- very ancient, not-since-updated wiring, still in operation and leaving much to be desired). (PS: Eyyyy-op! :)) Balance: for any future techie help: top Green pull-down banner - Support - Technical Support - and send an email. I'm saving your latest for tomorrow eve so I'll be firing on all cylinders. (PS: Horse's patoot... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Are you a Cowboy?)

Heya! I jinxed myself...had a relapse and it went to my lower tummy, including constant nausea (looovely, yeah). You alright? I haven't had a chance to look around at any latest responses of yours on others threads yet so I may not be up-to-date (in which case I'll re-post), but for now (in event order)... "0) The argument the other day is over and done with, and things are going better for now." Good. "What is boils down to is I usually want my own space and to do things on my terms, especially whenever there is a noteworthy change in my life." You mean - you're a 'cat'?...who when injured/discombobulated, needs to slink off to the bottom of the garden, behind the garden shed, to be quiet and still (and sleep a lot) until you feel better/have finished processing? Yep, me too if ever I'm overloaded. It IS a tad unnerving (if that's the word) when you can feel yourself changing and developing (AND catching-up) in such a sped-up way, especially when the midst or coming to the end of being chronically mistreated. So I know how you feel, there. Oh, and by the important way: you might like to know that I 'know' Asperger's and have always, all along suspected you of being (Higher Functioning) Aspergic - either low on the scale (in the Eccentric band where Neurotypical (NT) ends and self-Neurotypified AS begins) OR over the years, have managed to hone yourself even more than that (kudos if so!) to an NT shape. Different from Autistic.. (and I'm very annoyed that they're lumping it together these days (just like they have Sociopaths and Psychopaths), whether or NOT it's to make diagnosis more efficient/faster)...again, higher functioning, like being in the middle with the best of both worlds (imagine a ruler, with Neurotypical on the far left end, Autism on the far right and Asperger's in the middle zone). You tend more to appreciate deep mental connection but NOT NT-level interaction (you get over-stimulated). So you're, MOST of the time, happiest playing ALONGSIDE your partner (in different rooms or sides of the room, each doing your own thing). Does that "ping" with you? In which case, you might (actually - no, you will, haha!) want to take a look at Jae's thread, wherein I posted loads of non-standard information about it, INCLUDING how Aspies, because of their outside-of-the-envelope thinking and problem-solving creativity (not hard when they LIVE outside the envelope, eh) and a multitude of other highly-business-compatible ways of being.... HF Aspies are about to become in demand, basically...the next big thing. (For starters, they're as obsessive over their work as any out-of-hours interest(s).) Here you go. Here are the pertinents, pasted-in. See what you think and report back: ((My double parentheses in amongst the articles, as per)) ______________________________________________________________________________________ https://www.metiscenter.net/news/neurodiversity-high-functioning-autism-aspergers-syndrome/ "" Higher Functioning ("self-neurotypified") Asperger's" Difficulties with: -Reciprocal conversation ((Not always. Depends whether and by what degree your base personality is sociable. E.g. Einstein and Marilyn Monroe were both Aspergics, however, and despite the fact, that Marilyn's personality was highly sociable/pack-orientated while Einstein was your most common Aspie Male (different to females)...non-communicative, recluse type, "an island" mentality...)) -Answering open-ended ((presume the word 'questions' fell off?)) -Recognizing bullying or when peers may be unwelcoming ((Yup. OR...not realising the degree/gravity of it; things that bother NTs don't bother you, and vice-versa.)) -Sleep (e.g., persistent difficulties falling asleep, seemingly reduced need for sleep) ((Apropos of this bit: I've researched all the way back to the etiology of ASD and basically it goes like this: Cro-Magnon (our main descendents) 'cavepeople' co-existed (but didn't mix) with Neandertals. The latter were NOT thick. They were the opposite - far advanced of Co-Mags. They were first to invent tools (oh, yyyes, you betcha!). For some reason (disease?), at some point Neanderthal women were thin on the ground so the N's helped themselves to the Cro women and took them to their camps. Neanderthals had Red hair so it's very common for Aspies (or parent-carriers, which I call Cuspie - ask your mum about her mother or father) to have even hidden Red in their hair. Unlike Cros, Ns didn't have social fear (they weren't scared of anyone...they were da scariest MFs in the village if they had to be!). Neurotypicals (non-Aspies) all have social fear to a natural extent (a survival need, a pre-defense) (which is why they "bother" saying Hello/How are you/Fine - you/Yeah, fine...it's basically code for I'm Not Dangerous, I'm Friendly. HF/self-trained Aspies are made to be BOTH. They'd have made CRAP nightwatchmen/pack-supervisors/playground monitors if they hadn't - think about it! And they're much, much braver than NTs when it comes to the things that scare or intimidate NTs). Now you imagine you're the hybrid offspring of a Cro mother and N father - a half-caste if you like. You feel different from the other 'kids' and look different, think and relate differently...from different angles (so they're too much like hard work, emotionally), so you feel "shy" and prefer to watch the other kids play - from up on a little hillock with a clear view of the whole camp (self-Neurotypified Aspies are superb and avid people-watchers)..... You're more comfortable mixing with the adults because they're obviously more civilized. Now you're 15...20...and still watching the others (even as you play your own games). From your vantage point, and with your natural, developmental-based growth in self-confidence, you can see trouble coming a mile off....and see trouble brewing ("Oy, you two, play nice, stop that or I'll tell!) and, not needing as much sleep plus being predominantly a Night Owl...what a great and wise Pack Supervisor / Camp Police Officer / Nighttime Security Guard you are!........Wise and above-avg knowledgeable, because you've been studying a lot of everyone else's and their situations ALL AT ONCE, rather than one-at-a-time were it solely your own experiences you were involved in (childish self-centredness).................. And so are your babies and their babies, babies, babies.................................................................................................... HELLO, JAE! And what I have gathered from my obsessive (Aspie trait!) studies is that any form of abuse - be it circumstantial/Life or at trusted human hands - exerted onto a small, developing child in whom those traits might have remained dormant (where others are born with it because their ASD genes were stronger to begin with) will bring that ASD trait howevermuch more to the fore. Not having that NT social instinct (unless you're born with a highly sociable personality to begin with and tend to learn bloody quickly!), you often aren't even aware you're being abused; in fact, deep down, although you'll appreciate cognitively that it was serious stuff, secretly, you still won't get what the big deal is. Because, being howevermuch Neanderthal, you're far, far harder and tougher than the NT and what people do tends not to bother you. You don't need people and you deep-down know it....hence have the 'bravery' to be 100% honest (except where trut could hurt someone - you're a protector, not attacker, you would never punch first). You do 'need' them, however, if you've been being bullied and oppressed for a long time. You feel "lonely". Only it's not loneliness at all. It's the toxins coming out (as your brain puts itself, all its 'wires', back into proper place and order....it hurts and discombobulates), doing a too-convincing impression (we have overly limited psycho-physiological sensations). Good news is - no-one could forcibly mould you into the habit of behaving like then becoming a Narcissist if their lives depended on it. What makes your type Superman to Lex Luther's Narc villain is because your wiring comes out fixed, too. But, but unlike the NPD (theirs is concreted), yours is still pliable - *if* your inner wisdom rubber-stamps as it as welcome into your precious brain. You don't swallow what you haven't examined as being logically Truthful or Useful. It's an Independence thing. (Aspie kids get described as Little Professors or Little Adults.) NPDs, particularly the bullies among them (*Malignant* Narcisissistic Personality Disordereds), just don't have that much strength and patience to KEEP going on and on and on and on AND ON at your type.... your mind is too set to natural-healthy with a HUGE sense of justice, social responsibility (obviously, ref Ns)...training you into a Slave position isn't possible; only the Carrot works on Aspies....what doesn't make sense/tally with the world evidence isn't allowed, gets thrown. The NPDs (yawn, eventually) realise their campaign to dominate you completely is futile and (to avoid their failure into shame...the fact they didn't "win") jump ship (which is what she's done). I've over-simplified it greatly or it'd take me a year(!), but, you're one tough M-er F-er but don't *consciously* know it because you've grown up, being sat on. Not only are you mentally tougher (and more sensitive) than the average, but, you're working on more sophisticated, more energy efficient cylindry - and you're talented at 'making tools' (highly resourceful! - solutions are everywhere for you). This is because you also have the incredible ability to hold a vast number of mental thoughts, images and concepts in the air, simultaneously - like an evidence table with all the evidence clearly and spaciously spread out in front of you....you see through things quickly. (Moi aussi - I have some of these amazing Aspie traits and I DO know how to use them to mine and others' advantage.) You KNEW the way she was treating you and your friendship was weird and wrong and iffy. You just didn't mind too much because it wasn't a great enough pain to affect you all that much. But if she'd ruined something dear to you (you attach very deeply, including to things), like put a virus in your computer - you'd have torn her limb from limb! Having predator senses TOO, she knew that and that's why she basically kept stroking your fur to keep you docile. You're a FRIENDLY, KIND, LOVING, GORGEOUS monster. You background-feel the monster potential bit and feel background-ashamed/guilty for it so try to be even nicer than nice - to compensate. She's an unfr- actually, downright hostile, nasty one....treats people like objects and tools or stepstools/ladders (social climbers who chet their way up). But you're not related. Their cousins are the Neurotypicals. You're a Hero/Rescuer (in-the-making) - yes, exactly. But a very self-contained, private one, not a showy idiot who wears their pants outside of their tights (:p). You'd make perfect Street-Vigilante or Special Forces material. Your Kryptonite - or rather, your challenge, is, to CEASE making yourself last in the queue as a default, given when the situation has changed and you're the one in need. OWN OXYGEN MASK ON FIRST should be your mantra (and everybody's, but, Aspies especially because they care TOO MUCH...about EVERYTHING! And can be prone to sentimentalism. .....except when pushed too far.) Think about Superman..... He's not nasty to Lex. He just takes away his power, undoes his evil, frustrates the uck out of Luther again and again and again (relentless - Aspies literally are relentless - just ask Einstein and Socrates!) until Luther's head explodes (not literally LOL). In my opinion, Aspies are like a cross between a Cat and a wild Stallion. You CANNOT. enslave. a self-trained/Neurotypified Aspie. End. OF. And if you spook them hard enough, you'll get knocked-out by a massive hoof on your bonce, haha. 'Spooked' is the Aspie version of a Neurotypicals Anger. Any of that pinging? It does depend on your innate personality, though. ASD isn't a personality type itself, it's a de-magnifier or magnifier. So if humans are Equalizer Boards, featuring zillions of knobs and dials - the Aspies' go up to 11 and down to Minus One. So unlike NTs, your points of Balance have to be five-and-a-half where only 5 and 6 are marked....bit like having to tune your radio just outside the normal Band Frequency. (Sense?) Meanwhile, some dials have to stay at -1 or 11 or other dials can't be adjustable. It's about getting acquainted with You (because you got distracted/preoccupied by your dad and the divorce and whatever else when you should have been exploring yourself in relation to your Kiddie world). Let's think about luring your 'outdated' and heavy dad, happily off your back, shall we, so that you can unfurl to your intended 'size' now, rather than later? As for Empathy: Aspies do not lack empathy, Aspies have *too* much. (This was the same-vein misunderstanding as when doctors thought coffee, red wine and chocolate caused migraines, simply because study subjects were known to reach for them beforehand, when in actual fact, those sufferers could unconsciously feel a migraine brewing BEFORE any pain started to register, so those foodstuffs were an attempt (they works!) to self-medicate, not the causes themselves). So Aspies instinctually turn if Off for emotional shielding (e.g. being overwhelmed with other people's heavy feelings)...until the stage - or at times when - it's safe to turn it on and start mastering that particularly fiddly dial. They have that in-common with Psychopaths, that On-Off button...hence why Malignant Psychopaths can be perfectly normal and wonderful to their wife and family while nightly going out and killing one or more female strangers (ref Peter Sutcliffe, the Yorkshire Ripper)*. And duress really brings ASD out! You have more, and more accessible, control buttons in your brain cockpit than NTs, too. If you practised enough, you could become fairly telepathic (no bull...it's an ANCIENT, PRIMITIVE skill, not a mystical, superhuman one---for when grunts and gestures couldn't cut the mustard ("Sabre toothed Tiger coming at you from behind - run!!!") and speech hadn't evolved yet. As soon as it did, we forgot to keep using it and it 'sank to the bottom' of our brains...however, Aspies have much longer mental arms so... :)). You might want to look into that? So not even psychopaths can 'succeed' with an Aspie. They abandon ship - or if they don't have a ship to jump to, waiting, go half-mad (hahahahaha!). E.g. - argument between a malig. Narc (be it socialised-in or innate like the psycho). This follows the stage where the howevermuch Aspie has laid out their damning evidence but the NPD is trying to deny the sky is indeed Blue (it degenerates to this type of thing): NPD: Is ASD: Isn't Is Isn't Is Isn't... (five minutes later, the psycho gets BORED (Aspies don't GET bored!, aspies are LITERALLY relentless; they've won before they start!)... NPD: Effing is ASD: Isn't NPD: It is, it is, it is ASD: Isnt............ (fifteen minutes later)... NPD: AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! (storms off) ASD: (Isn't) NOBODY is going to get you or even force you to swallow theirs or any MIND-CRAP! And that sums you up. Oh, and you THINK you can't fight but if pushed hard enough to YOUR incredibly patient and distant breaking-point, you go into an Aspie Rage...and that beats any top bad-monster (Sociopath/Psychopath) rage HANDS DOWN! NPDs are attracted especially to HF Aspies. Because they're stupid and even too arrogant to pay heed to their own predator sense to RUN from 'this one'! They see it that Aspies don't have a breaking point. Wrongggggggg. So NPDs set about trying to mind-f*ck the Aspie like they do with NTs, but end up mind-ucked themselves...REALLY confused, REALLY made to feel wrong and powerless, and foie-gras-ed with The Truth, The Whole Truth, and nothing BUT The Truth...IN THEIR FACE! If you - YOU, Jae - were to study up on them, I reckon you'll in no time become a top expert as leads to new discoveries/knowledge/theories, trust me on that. And then maybe you'll be able to slowly-but-steadily alter your culture as allows that kind of parental and cultural over-dominance aka Human Abuse (Oppression to point of Incarceration). You scare them. Even before Hello. :) If they pick on you they`re either desperate for a manipulation tool against someone else, come, adorer-giver, OR they're bored with their one-trick-pony life-script (Groundhog Productions) and fancy a challenge (OR so arrogant as to think they can tame even YOU). Or they're super-arrogant AND plain stupid. They get off on huge risks, though...hence, challenge. That's what's been sat on. To stop it naturally emerging. But you know what happens when champagne is shaken too hard/too long in its bottle? You don't 'sit on' someone who's docile and compliant/easy to cow and control and brainwash/mould into a puppet, do you. Where would be the need! Now transpose that to a super-controller, the Narc. They get bored of TRYING to sit on you....you wriggle and struggle too much and even bite their bum!....and even if you DON'T openly retaliate - these personality-predators can sense what you're feeling anyway. But you can do that too - and way better. AND you can read them through their eyes! NTS or NTs forcibly moulded into rotten and malignant especially - they can't. They only have their snouts. You have a third eye - and later, eyes in the back of your head AND a super-sensitive nose. Plus you're not issue-laden. Plus you can think far faster than them (IF you aren't upset too much, nut even then, your type can out-argue through your tears). Your tyrannical papa had better watch out...you can't sit forevr on a tiger cub because it grows underneath you regardless. (But we can help him with that - perfectly nicely and painlessly...in fact, he'll like it.) (What about your step-mother? Does she join in or just fail to intervene when he gets over-arsy and -entitled?) (...I mean, does he think he's Yul Brinner from "The King And I" or something? :P) Basically, YOU COME OUT ALREADY TRAINED JUST FINE - but beyond being sociable for sociability's sake - AND READY TO WATCH/PROTECT/LEAD/SUPERVISE/NURTURE, THUS 'TOO HARD TO TRAIN' COMPARED TO THE NEUROTYPICAL. You're not meant for 'playing with other kids'...not much of the time, anyway....thus are not affectable by their approval and opinions - you have brains, accessible control panels, realism, objectivity and critical thinking enough FOR TWO when it comes to self-appraising, critizising and improving yourself, YOURSELF. You CAN team play but as there's two of you in there, you don't NEED to. But...that post-traumatic sensation that mirrors loneliness can, as you see, make you come down off your hillock and, whoops, bump into the village delinquent. IF there's nobody around - which there wasn't...because you're a loner who SELF-isolates most of the time...you Isolate yourself FOR the NPD...come that way. Next time you make a friend, DON'T admit your friends are mainly or exclusively online at this phase of your life. They're not entitled to know that information, it's none of their business until you've become steady friends or lovers (6 months earliest?)...or until you feel comfortable enough to admit it. Predators go after those pack individuals who are isolated from the main herd. Ber-bom. This means, you didn't attract a Narcissist. Your circumstance did. Because it suited her. To gain the constant upper hand (for OTT self-protection purposes) over her new boyfriend. She now has him under control. He's probably seeking power back through picking on you rather than taking her to task (because he daren't). Or she's made him think you'r'e threat. Whichever.... he's said, It's her or me! or something... that's what's happened. And because you're "a Narcissist's Nightmare", that by now suits her. (She'll find another, 'better' human tool to control and manipulate him with/through, don't you worry. He's in for a rough ride.) Anyway....Watch this (one of my faves...it's so true!) to see what I mean (because Gen Zs are full of (watered-down/socialised-up) Aspies and just generally, more self-assured, self-rights-protective individuals!).... I call this - Curses - Foiled!... It's the first/top one in the list of Shorts - TheManniiShow... https://www.youtube.com/shorts/G98sdYGAmM4 Back to your being too independent-minded and born mostly 'oven-ready' already...a mini adult...: Alternatively, you can be word-gaslighted for a BRIEF period but your skin is mostly impermeable (again, unless you choose to let the experience in) so their slime falls off you too rapidly (takes NTs a LOT longer). Having no social fear, you're (under natural, freewill, non-needful circumstance) not afraid to just calmly and logically confront an issue/person. Note she took off right before you could?...having sensed it coming? She was scared of you. Of your mind, all that still-dormant-just-waiting Neanderthal power. Probably didn't have a clue why, but, still... Now back to the list... __________________________________ ..."-Sensory sensitivities (e.g., becomes upset at certain loud noises or bright lights, dislikes tags or seams in clothes) ((perpetual wind...being misunderstood...certain tastes....everyday things getting messy/jumbled-up (you've got enough going on in your bonce all at its own instigation, for that crap)...LYING (for a non-good reason).... an HF Aspie knows what they like and what they don't or won't like, far more than NTs..... dirty/chalky/sandy/muddy/sticky hands.... having to wear shoes....the list goes on and on, so, as you can tell....you don't have ROOM in your bonce, let alone the motivation to do so, for social 'pettinesses' and pretenses)) -Maintaining friendships or recognizing elements of friendship (e.g., refers to someone they barely know as their “best friend,” rarely requests play dates)[this sounds just like the real me on a daily basis] ((Yes, but if someone is the best friend you have, it's logical to describe them as your best friend. It's not socially-EMOTIONALLY fitting, though, that's all. PS: Forums have always attracted Aspies as well as NPDs, but for Aspies it's for social closeness of connection whereas for NPDs it's to DECEIVE/CON people by avoiding in-person, unconscious/subconscious sensory signalling for truth-checking/tallying (- verbal is only 17% of human communication, hence - "As opposed to the impression he was painting, I just had a feeling/got a feeling that he/she - etc. - and for a successful business person, he/she didn't exactly dress like one....etc....")). They can avoid gut misgivings in the victim-to-be until its too late (e.g. will meet you only once they can tell you're too attached already to reject painlessly.......And other fun n games...)) -Anxiety (e.g., “odd” phobias, difficulties controlling worries, paranoid thinking, dislikes large crowds or gatherings, perfectionistic, “shy”) ((Yup...but perfectionistic in a different way to NTs...it's Aspie tenacity/stubbornness to quit - ask Einstein again!)) ____________________________________ ((Tell you what though... Everyone should be reading this because psychiatrists, particularly in the US, have concluded that HF Asperger's (see it like, half NT-type-Eccentric, half Autistic, but still without the wiring to become infected with NPD or affected by bullsh*t...walking Truth-Detectors, Aspies are) - are an evolutionary foward shunt...the future "Normal" - for ALL humans. Well, of course they are...it's only logical, Captain: Aspies can't even inherit NPD or AsPD - not unless they've been positively tortured their whole life, but even then, the Aspie half is still too strong thus dominant for anything or anyone. So the more HF they all are (by social pressuring) 'forced' to become, they more they'll date, marry and reproduce, INNIT....and the NPD gene will become drowned, basically.....RIP (rest in pieces)...the faster way is not to sleep with them in the first place - they'll die out in just 2 generations!....hence, meanwhile, I LOVE GEN Zs!!!!) ____________________________________ ..."Tendency to: -Gravitate towards the same few type/s of activities for play or leisure (e.g., plays in a similar or repetitive manner, re-reads the same books or re-watches the same movies) ((That's because they're 'deep-sea divers' not 'surface swimmers'...they watch layer-by-layer (I have this trait), like peeling an onion, hence why they notice things deeper-down that other human beings can't reach or don't have the staying-power to reach, and therefore they know to keep swimming downwards...but yes, you can tell who they are amongst your HF males by the fact they can recite the dialogue of whole episodes of comedies or sci-fi dramas - which reminds me: elephantine memory, starting from an unusually early age. :) )) -Limited interest in creative or imaginative play, especially with peers (e.g., does not have action figures “talk” to each other, does not have tea parties for stuffed animals) ((B*llocks. Depends on the child's base personality...again, Marilyn Monroe was Aspergic and was bessie mates with Einstein because they both had Special Interest Obsession/Relentlessness in-common, just in different fields: entertainment -v- science... until Einstein got made famous (which he hated, hence needed Marilyn's advice on how to handle it because she was obsessed and relentless at HER special interest, meaning, became THE most famous person in the world and is still known/familiar, even amongst/to your GenZs) (not so, Elvis :p)). "-Becomes frustrated by having to explain themselves (e.g., acts as if others should automatically know what the individual knows without explaining)" ((Not always...depends on the base personality, whether they were born with patience or had yet to learn it as they went. Many have super-patience, even as babies- hence 'Mini Adult/Professor'.)) ((Also, Aspies are natural (so-called) "tittle-tattlers". It's because they're the opposite to an NPD who is a (nasty) kid in an adult suit, WHEREAS, their opposite, the Aspie, is an adult in a kid suit. Diff/all the diff. And that's another reason why the Aspie makes the malignant Narcopath/Sociopath/Psychopath, effing nervous (but which their over-arrogant, risk-taking ego makes them read/interpret as Exciting...a challenge...)). __________________________________ "There is so much more but THESE stood out the most." Actually, there is even more so much more than the so much more you think there is! Check out the website Different Planet and ponder that title. (Different Universe, actually, if you're self-Neurotypified too, because then you've become a Hybrid-Hybrid, think about it...) Books: "Alien In The Playground"; "The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Nighttime"; "Do Cats Have Aspergers". "Supernova Empath" -When the narcissist threatens to ruin the empath's reputation by sharing secrets to keep them dependent ((the "Narcissist's Slander/Triangulation Campaign" aka Gossipping behind your back or (if you're "over" them) not quite ENOUGH behind your back as a form of punishment for you not becoming their fan)), the super empaths will share their secrets first. Although empaths feel shame and guilt, they will take the narcissist's power away at every opportunity. And that will destroy the narcissist." ((There's a meme, that goes, "A Narcissist's worst nightmare is an educated Empath". So, with that the case - what would you call an educated Aspie Empath, then? Getting it now? You're not the Reliant Robin with the wonky wheel that you have been convinced to believe (worry...suspect) you are through having been treated and spoken to as if you are. You're a Lambourghini or a Bugatti Veyron...but the most vital parts haven't all been put together yet, they're still mostly spread around on the floor, removed from your view with blankets and tarpaulins....sense?)) "-The traumas that Empaths take on usually mirror their own to the same intensity or capacity.However, this mirroring can attract even more trauma if the one they're empathizing with is an abuser. But even then, the Empath learns to push back and set themselves free. This pushing back against the abuser or constant oppression births what is called the Empath Supernova. ((Not quite: Empaths push back. The Supernova super-pushes back and puts the Malig Narc super-out-of-action, in the super-foetal position (Narc Collapse) or falling down the plughole (Narc Petit Mort), for a good year or more or possibly forever, Amen; .the supernova out-Narcs - even out-mind-ucks! - the Narc....BY JUST BEING THEMSELVES! For Narcs, it's like living with an expert barrister with 50 pairs of eyes and ears!..."You can run, but you can't hide!". It's therefore hardly an extra effort for the Aspie, AT ALL....plus the Aspie loves a challenge even more than the NPD... An Aspie Supernova could - if they were capable of being that way inclined and put their mind to it - make all the Narcs of the world their adoring "bitches"! Jesus was an Aspie. Don't know about Allah, etc., but I wouldn't have thought any NT could be that obsessively dedicated so - probably all the other "Jesuses" as well (including Mother Theresa). But Aspies have come on A LOT...since way back then! They're finally learning how to harness and master their latent powers....starting to bite back - and their jaws are HUGE. HF Aspies are the ones who will kill off the social disease that is actual Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Type Malignant (Benigns can improve if they want to). Aspies are Angels. Only Angels fight Dark Angels, innit....same as you wouldn't ever pit Woody Allen against Arnold Schwarzenegger in a boxing-ring, now, do you. (PS: sorry if I'm making your brain hurt - take your sweet time with this, it's all a huge revelation and no messing.) But basically, from what I've studied and observed - Aspies aren't scared of other beings. But they do fear themselves and fear starting their engine. You have to change your attitude and see it like this: Sometimes only Tough Love is the socially and morally, self-sacrificially responsible thing that works. And ALL of the time, Tough Love is the only thing that works on your malignant NPDs. Berbom. They're so stuck-fast in living a life of delusions, it takes a huge slap in the face to wake them up from it. Therefore, by NOT enabling them, NOT keeping them from hitting rock-bottom, you're thereby 'forcing' them to admit they have a problem and should seek help. They can't be trained out of that length and amount of brainwashing and reptition....maybe a tad...but they can self-control BY ROTE on prescribed medication(s).) Basically, HF Aspies' egos are the opposite to an NPDs: UNDER-developed, UNDER-active....often unaware they've been insulted or mistreated (or just not that interested in noticing haha). NON HF/educated Aspies, however...those that are still more plugged-in to their internal environment than external...sadly do make perfect Narc Num-Nums (for a while.....It's called, Opposites Attract Then Repel....they have creativity in-common but as soon as the sun goes in - TOTAL OPPOSITES (fight to the near-death for a lie versus fight-to-the-death for Truth - Aspie wins hands-down....they can argue longer than just all night...they can go for days, weeks, years...."They will not 'let it lie'....Aspies don't know how to quit and leave anything unfinished. And Aspies HHHHHATE Chaos, whereas Narcs bloody love it and need it.).)) "...-Empath Supernova is what the Empath becomes when they are triggered by too much stress on the senses, the psyche, and the soul, to the degree of which the Empath will instinctively protect itself by taking on their more Narcissistic traits." ((The ones they should have had active in them already but which were sleeping/redundant - "Natural Narcissism"....just means sensibility and ability to self-protect/defend/preserve and comes out to do so when you're threatened and/or injured.... appropriate self-focus. The Narc goes through life like that PERMANANTLY. The "temporary/reactive" version turns off as and because the healthy person has the ability to HEAL. We normals 'get over' things. Narcs never do...they have to exact revenge for that to happen.)) "They now not only have their Empathic traits available to them, but they can also embody all of their suppressed and learned Narcissistic traits and use these traits against the abuser or cause of their oppression, pushing them far enough away often scaring the other, ((- there we go!)) for the Empath’s survival and escape. -Once the Empath is safe, the Empath Supernova retreats into its state of being Empathic, and the Narcissistic traits become somewhat dormant again. An Empath can’t become a Narcissist, but Empaths must learn to integrate their darker aspects with their lighter ones for survival and energy protection. ((HF/self-neurotypified Aspies don't ever 'start it'...but they WILL 'finish it'. If they or any other type of Supernova don't make an effort not to revert to gentle, loving type (friendly, lovely, soft-furry angel-monster)), what happens is they fall prey again and again until they concede that they're going to have to become more "Lara Croft-like" (haha, even the blokes - actually, especially the blokes!...they're usually far softer and more pacifist than the females!)) "So, basically, Supernova Empaths are somewhat "heroes-turned-villain" after getting hurt/used then turned into a somewhat an experienced samaritan." Nearly! Supernova Empaths are heroes. And like any powerful hero, they have big weapons. This is what happens, IMO: The undiagnosed Aspie kid feels background-shame for sensing their inner monster's presence (e.g. storybooks: "Monsters Are Bad"), not realising it's really friendly and saintly, not horrid and devil-ish (think, BFG - "The Big, Friendly Giant"). They sit on themselves (to be more like other kids) (Aspies are talented mimics despite do so purely by-rote, not necessarily understanding what they're mimicking). But the "Neanderthal"/BFG is too strong to repress so it pops out here and there. So the parent - if they're a Narc - sits on the kid as well ("Don't you dare show me up with your superiority and make me face my inferiority!"). But "that's not allowed". Only an Aspie is allowed to sit on themselves (because they're the boss of them - and should be of everyone - not anyone else). So that makes them spooked and the monsty pops out again. The parent (or maybe a sibling) sits heavier ...etc.... until the monsty reaches the end of its tether and BURSTS OUT aaaaand finally dominates the entire ship (because they're the only adult, including, that can steer straight). It's called, "Don't wake my monster", and, "The Credible Hulk" (because he has facts and figures to back up his case LOL). "They are Empaths but with a much hidden dark side..." It's not dark. It's incredibly over-protective and responsible (and over-empathetic). It's Blinding White. "I personally don't think its power, but more of a survival instinct that kicked in a tad bit later than most." Nearly! The survival instinct is primitive and brings out its equally primitive side (the powerful Neanderthal). The survival instinct UNLEASHES the (ignored/sat-on) power. "In conclusion though, they are scary when the situation calls for it." (HAHA - Just a bit!) "Interesting...But then will people's view on us just change drastically?" What do you mean? "They will start judging us based on the "new" us..." 1. They won't fckn DARE, mate! 2. They won't see the sense (unless they're a malig Narc) in doing so anyway because their lives get enhanced by the SuperNova's emergence ("Finally...someone who sees straight, knows what they're doing (and busts a gut to do it perfectly)!"). "However, Empaths can somewhat lead a much comfortable, emotionally and mentally safe lives?" YUP. Plus their natural disposition (un-bullied/recovered) - once they come into their own - is positive and happy - and they're infectious that way. They're natural-born Angels...what can I say? But they ARE still Soldiers....Warriors.... "Am I understanding it in the right way? The time where I need your help has come SoulMate! Talk to you soon^^" You're bloody clever and speedy-brained, I know that much! I didn't even expect you to get a 'nearly!'. So!.........shoves microphone under Jae's chin: How does it feel to be an human evolutionary shunt....a human from the future as well as the past? ..........and all because a bunch of Neanderthals shagged a load of Cro-Magnon females! (I'm betting the women recognised the differences and went willingly, actually! HAHAHAHAH - but really!) ________________________ Just in case this is too much in one go - antidote is just to sleep more/longer for a few nights (when your brain can process it all for you in peace and quiet...if you're lucky, you'll 'see' it happening - in your dreams). ______________________________________________END OF PASTE-IN_____________________________________________ Back to you... This symptom that you've gone as far as to express (it's all about degrees, innit), is a GIANT clue of HF Aspieness: "I was okay with the idea of visiting my girlfriend's family the other day initially, the problem is she always makes us get a late start, and then we're out late, and I simply wasn't going to have that when I had to be awake early yesterday. I also wanted plenty of time to myself to just chill and do my own thing before laying down to sleep for the night. That argument ruined pretty much that whole day, and resulted in things being thrown and broken." Who did the throwing and breaking, btw? I'm guessing it was her? "Yesterday went over a lot better, and we did visit her family, but I'm disappointed that I am still having some pain going on. So this pain came along like two weeks ago, lasted for a couple of days, and then subsided. I thought I was all good. For whatever reason, on the last day of my one job, I started experiencing it again that morning. I was hoping it would work itself out over the weekend, but it didn't. And now tonight will be the real test since it's the first full-on workday and it's still going on." Describe the pain for me? PS: Are you a freelancer, or sub-contractor? "I'd still also like to try beginning a new topic. I'm still not exactly sure what particular thing I'd like to ask feedback on most right now. It might be that I need to just let life happen a little bit before I can determine what the next topic is." Naaah. Cop-out, haha. You just need a rest. Winners know that if they feel like quitting, what that ACTUALLY means is, they just need a rest before continuing. "If you don't mind, I'd like to chatter a bit... About whatever here." Yeah, sure! "1) Well, I had this online community I was a member of for several months there, since sometime in November. After a couple of negative experiences there, I decided to deactivate my account for the time being. I can go back to it whenever, but I need a break from it. Of course, I'm not participating in many other online communities these days, so I am sure I'll reach this point where I need outlets to discuss particular topics but don't really have anywhere to go for that." Here? "I guess I have a lot of thoughts about it. Mainly, I worry about being out of the loop for too long, and becoming misinformed about a lot of things." Fear Of Missing Out, eh? That IS an especially Millennial thing... "While said space was not entirely political, it definitely was to a certain degree. The thing is, I feel like a lot of the people who are supposed to be on "my side" spend more time looking for ways to make an enemy out of myself and others on our side, than actually appreciating everyone on our side and being united about things. When your whole goal is to criticize everyone and everything for not being enough of an ally, or for not leaning into extremes enough, or for doing something that you feel slights you in some way - even if it isn't a slight at all but you're just a crazy person and perceive it in that way... Well, then you are to blame for fracturing your own side." So, in other words - in the process of being so desperate to impress everyone with their cleverness, they don't know how stupid (self-destructive) they are? Yeh. See? They're everywhere (including those falling under their influence as we speak). It's just about Degrees Of. "In general, the whole community is just a bunch of people in their own bubbles." Echo Chamber, it's called. "And a bunch of people there are excited that the developers made a feature that prevents anyone you haven't added to your friends list from responding to anything you post." HUH?!?? " So it's stupid because anything they post can pop up in my feed, but I can't comment on it unless they decided I'm interesting enough among their 1000 followers to add me and let me comment on their post." So they're trying to become Fakebook, by the sounds of it? "It's really hard not to just look at these people and feel like, yeah, you are a huge part of the problem." Haha. You're just describing the feelings of practically all Empaths. "2) So my one long-distance friend who I've known for years, we'd already been sort of not seeing eye-to-eye for a while, and I thought that situation might improve recently. But some goofy stuff is making me feel like that distance is growing." Do you want to the describe the goofy stuff? (Otherwise, for me, it's just the visual equivalent of White Noise, I'm afraid.) "I don't claim to be a computer and technology expert, but some of the stuff he's saying just isn't making sense to me. Basically he said his email address was hacked, and so he just... Decided to close or abandon all of his online accounts, associated with that email address. Like there are accounts he has spent money on for years associated with his email. And his response is, he's not even going to attempt to communicate with those companies and to try to prove his identity and get his information linked to a new email address. He's just going to make new accounts." YUH - RIGHT! RED FLAG, RED FLAG, RED FLAG (of a Narcissistic Sociopath!) (they're big on props, whereas Overts and Coverts don't tend to need need them because they're too good with words, and twisting them). "It almost makes me feel like maybe there's more to the story, or some other reason why he's trying to shake his old accounts. But I have no idea." JUST A BIT?!?!! It's very characteristic. Spaths are the ones that literally cut 'n run when cornered, bang-to-rights. (Whaddathink of THAT, then?)

(...Told ya you were surrounded, didn't I. Happened to me as well (realising I was)...had to go through the whole address book with the Tippex brush.) Anyhoo, me, I'm probably not going to be posting until Sunday, and here's why (as I'm not comfy about re-typing it, soz): https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13848/am-i-wrong-what-should-i-do#jumptobottom Hope you're okay and making 'disgestive' progress?

Hey Soulmate, Sorry I haven't responded recently. It's been a little hectic, and I've been trying to adjust to some things lately. I wish I'd have logged on here earlier today because then I would have more time to catch up on things and absorb everything, and to respond. I made it through most of your 4/9/25 post about Asperger's, I got to the part where you added the Youtube link, but didn't get to watch that or read any further. So I will be responding here to the beginning half of that post, exclusively. There is a lot to chew on here, and I've been digesting as much of it as I can over the last half an hour or so. It is true that I really enjoy solitude, and I don't get bored easily at all. I think I have decent empathy, at least for animals and most people, but maybe not all people anymore. I think after a certain point it's hard to really give a shit about certain people. I'm not sure it any of it confirms or denies anything for me, but it's good to hear more on the subject when apparently you have done some studying on it. (I will throw in the tidbit of knowledge that my blood type supposedly carries the Rh gene, and that I am hopelessly attracted to gingers.) In the part where you were talking about the woman I mentioned, I assume you are referring to the Aspie pen-pal I used to have. And I don't know. I don't blame her for anything that happened. I don't blame her for the problems in my life. I wish we could have gotten along despite everything, and would have stayed in touch at least since 2020. I think for her, as with a lot of people, she just decided at a really young age that she wanted this one person, and she felt secure in that relationship. I overstepped her personal barriers because she loved him, and that was the line for her - it was unthinkable for her to be with anyone other than the same person for life. I don't even know for sure if I was in love with her. Maybe I was. Maybe I was in love with what could have been, but it certainly wasn't the reality of the situation. The funny thing is that she wasn't 100% my type physically. I appreciated her mind more than anything, her personality and her style. And maybe a big part of that was the neurodivergence. I really don't know. You have me wondering right now whether she would be an ally in present times, with everything going on. But I honestly have no idea how to even get ahold of her. And it would be kind of weird to even try to do so when I have my girlfriend, who gets suspicious and jealous of anything I do. It's just kind of nice to imagine some alternate reality where that person and I are on the same team. But I guess we just never fully got along, or clicked in the way that I thought we would. And it's been that same story with a lot of people in my life - love interests and friends, alike. There is a lot going on in the news involving Autism right now. Clearly, the issue is making some people in power disturbed. Maybe they fear people will stop being servile.

Also Soulmate, sorry to hear about the passing of your friend. Take all the time you need. I will have to come back here and do more catching-up soon, maybe this weekend.

Heya! You mean you got to the second link (I posted two), the YouTube Short? (Do watch it - it's too funny, how it nutshells the 'issue' malig. psychos and spaths have with victims that turn out to be 'the right amount' of HF Aspie. (PS: background: in case you don't know Dahmer poisoned all of his victims with food and drink.) And my fave line is: 'I just love the taste of nothing, you know?' :D Play it - you'll see. :D) But - "Hey Soulmate, Sorry I haven't responded recently. It's been a little hectic, and I've been trying to adjust to some things lately. I wish I'd have logged on here earlier today because then I would have more time to catch up on things and absorb everything, and to respond." No, no, no, (no-no) - this is big...and this is you getting to know and learn about yourself better. You take as much time as you like, mate! And thanks for your condolences. :) I will respond to your latest, though: ___________________ "...So I will be responding here to the beginning half of that post, exclusively. There is a lot to chew on here, and I've been digesting as much of it as I can over the last half an hour or so. It is true that I really enjoy solitude, and I don't get bored easily at all." Don't get bored easily? When was the last time you were bored - can you recall? "I think I have decent empathy, at least for animals and most people," Yep - as proven on here. "but maybe not all people anymore. I think after a certain point it's hard to really give a shit about certain people." Spoken like (lately) a true Empath! Even an empath only has a finite amount, so what with so many decents, today, needing them, they no longer can AFFORD to be so generous with their fairy-dust or they'll get empathy-exhaustion...And this, therefore, is something that's forcing OUT the hidden toughness of HFASDs (where your GenZs have that vital ingredient already (as per the Short). Because 'needs must'....no luxury of choice any more, meaning, no more wasting it on idiots. Empaths are finding out that Empathy is actually, like anything, a finite resource....especially if it's not getting replaced via human, normally-natural, RECIPROCITY. No more wasting it. Which means, now people have to spend the TIME it takes to PROVE they're not Narcs. And THEN they'll get the fairy-dust. "I'm not sure it any of it confirms or denies anything for me, but it's good to hear more on the subject when apparently you have done some studying on it. (I will throw in the tidbit of knowledge that my blood type supposedly carries the Rh gene, and that I am hopelessly attracted to gingers.)" Ah-HAH!... ...For everyone else's benefit (my Asterisks): ____________________________________________ https://www.thetech.org/ask-a-geneticist/articles/2023/why-is-rh-neg-so-rare-in-the-united-states/ "Neanderthals carried a rare Rh (Rhesus) blood group, specifically an RhD variant, that was not found in most modern humans. ***This rare Rh variant was unique to Neanderthals*** and was incompatible with the Rh types found in Denisovans and early Homo sapiens. Interestingly, this rare Neanderthal Rh allele has been found in the DNA of one member of Australia's Western Desert Aboriginal people and in 80 individuals from Papua New Guinea" ____________________________________________ "In the part where you were talking about the woman I mentioned, I assume you are referring to the Aspie pen-pal I used to have. And I don't know. I don't blame her for anything that happened. I don't blame her for the problems in my life. I wish we could have gotten along despite everything, and would have stayed in touch at least since 2020. I think for her, as with a lot of people, she just decided at a really young age that she wanted this one person, and she felt secure in that relationship. I overstepped her personal barriers because she loved him, and that was the line for her - it was unthinkable for her to be with anyone other than the same person for life." No, I wasn't referring to her. But I've forgotten what 'part where I was talking', you're referring to? It would help to paste me in? "I don't even know for sure if I was in love with her. Maybe I was. Maybe I was in love with what could have been, but it certainly wasn't the reality of the situation. The funny thing is that she wasn't 100% my type physically. I appreciated her mind more than anything, her personality and her style. And maybe a big part of that was the neurodivergence. I really don't know." Royal Autistic Society reckon that if one is an Aspie, chances are, the people who rate you but don't have to (i.e. not family) probably have traits themselves (Cuspie, I call them). "You have me wondering right now whether she would be an ally in present times, with everything going on." Haha - I din't DO nuffink!? But - okay... "But I honestly have no idea how to even get ahold of her." Facebook, Instagram - that lot? (Is Friends Reunited still active?) "And it would be kind of weird to even try to do so when I have my girlfriend, who gets suspicious and jealous of anything I do." OH, DOES SHE. NOTED. What about you. Do you get suspicious and jealous of anything she does? I already know the answer's No, but - WHY not? FYI, you're allowed to have female friends if friends is all they are. She cannot control your life and its contents, including which people you mix with. You are not her possession. NOR her child and a minor. Suspicious and jealous. It's called Controlling. :( So no, it's NOT kind of weird. It's only weird if the acter has the intention to be 'weird'. If not, if it's just that you wish to be friends with *A PERSON* then (1) it's entirely appropriate and your right, and (2), WHEN all they are is a friend, gender ceases to factor or matter. This worries me. It smacks heavily of Isolation. "It's just kind of nice to imagine some alternate reality where that person and I are on the same team." Oh, well, mate - this says it all, doesn't it? "But I guess we just never fully got along, or clicked in the way that I thought we would. And it's been that same story with a lot of people in my life - love interests and friends, alike." Common Aspie complaint. Especially from HFs (because the never-'trained' Aspies can seem too self- and world-unaware compared to you). Hybrid-hybrid. So your quest is to find 'your posse'. And you ain't gonna find them there, where you are. So everything's still pointing to 'move location' as your first step. "There is a lot going on in the news involving Autism right now. Clearly, the issue is making some people in power disturbed." YEAH - HAHA! "Maybe they fear people will stop being servile." You're a CLEVER bloke, aren't you, eh?! I should cocoa! :) But PS: GenZs already have! :) :) :) Anyway, do not feel time-pressured, take all the time you need.

Oh, wait - I've just realised what you meant! No, that bit where I'm 'talking about the girl' was addressed at the time to Jae! I just pasted-in my post to her in its entirety. Sorry to confuse you. But, hey, at least the misunderstanding led to my having established something else, confirmatory, about your gf. And you. You definitely need (not right now, but at some point) to start asserting yourself more. Not all-at-once - that's too noticeable and jarring. Just very slow, baby-steps. See how she handles it. Handles you growing, developing...evolving, basically. Like everyone is designed to (and ditto with handling it). I understand the situation you're in vis-a-vis her feeling like she's the only person you can trust and only source of company, lately, however, so this is about setting some boundaries to make the relationship better and for both of you in the longer run. PS (for next time): what's she like towards your male friends? And does she have any friends? Do you two go out as a couple and get to mix with other couples?

PS: Let me repeat this part and my comments (from my main post), and then I'll tell you why. (I don't normally spoonfeed processing to this degree but you're knackered already so - needs must): "((There's a meme, that goes, "A Narcissist's worst nightmare is an educated Empath". So, with that the case - what would you call an educated Aspie Empath, then? Getting it now? You're not the Reliant Robin with the wonky wheel that you have been convinced to believe (worry...suspect) you are through having been treated and spoken to as if you are. You're a Lambourghini or a Bugatti Veyron...but the most vital parts haven't all been put together yet, they're still mostly spread around on the floor, removed from your view with blankets and tarpaulins....sense?)) "-The traumas that Empaths take on usually mirror their own to the same intensity or capacity.However, this mirroring can attract even more trauma if the one they're empathizing with is an abuser. But even then, the Empath learns to push back and set themselves free. This pushing back against the abuser or constant oppression births what is called the Empath Supernova. ((Not quite: Empaths push back. The Supernova super-pushes back and puts the Malig Narc super-out-of-action, in the super-foetal position (Narc Collapse) or falling down the plughole (Narc Petit Mort), for a good year or more or possibly forever, Amen; .the supernova out-Narcs - even out-mind-ucks! - the Narc....BY JUST BEING THEMSELVES! For Narcs, it's like living with an expert barrister with 50 pairs of eyes and ears!..."You can run, but you can't hide!". It's therefore hardly an extra effort for the Aspie, AT ALL....plus the Aspie loves a challenge even more than the NPD... An Aspie Supernova could - if they were capable of being that way inclined and put their mind to it - make all the Narcs of the world their adoring "bitches"!" So now you can understand why those (cough!) "people" at work are either scared of and/or discombobulated by you, yes? This explains it perfectly. It's because you're the rare type that could 'kill' them. Narcs, the whole lot of them, are very heirarchal (own rules, incuding Might Is Right). You're not just an Aspie, you're an HF Aspie. You're not just an HF Aspie, either. You're a very self- AND WORLD-aware HF Aspie. You outrank them BY FAR.... They recognise that deep down BUT HAVEN'T A CLUE WHY when, at the same time, you APPEAR to be "a Mushy" (sap). They don't know how to classify you because (to Narcs/in LaLa Land) you're a Walking Dichotomy. Too grey for these polar viewers/Splitters (- google). Being intimidated by you, wary of you, etc., without knowing why, for super-controllers, would be an HIGHLY uncomfortable place to be in, day-after-day. It's like a load of Hyenas having to roam the prairie with a giant-sized Alpha Lion constantly eyeing them up (like it's only a matter of time before they're his dinner). See it all fit now? HAHAHA, BRILLIANT! Supernova High Five!

Hey, stranger - all okay?

(Just keeping your thread active for you, since you're still debating whether to close this and start another.) PS: Message on SunnySarah's thread for ya. Reply here if you like?

PPS: Pssst! Wanna know a secret? "It's just kind of nice to imagine some alternate reality where that person and I are on the same team." I burst instantly into tears back when I read that. The pen - well, YOUR pen, specifically - is mightier than the sword, indeed. Don't worry, though. I'm not worried. She's not that bad. Not compared to G's (JFC!). And I could see where you finally realised that. So there ARE solutions and ways to make your own relationship stronger, workable, pleasing, and then to see how you go. ALSO, you have to factor in, that you're a late blossomer. Diamonds all grow and develop their facets at our own rates, especially if we go down side alleys - or are pushed down them - rather than, a straight line. Add to that the fact that HF Aspies are more complex diamonds, ergo, take even longer to properly launch (because *their* launches are bigger and higher so take much more preparation). So you have plenty of time and opportunity to go to for 'training' her bad habits out of her. (I know how, have had to do it repeatedly throughout my life and can have them eating out of my hand if I need to (ugh). Point is, it's pigging easy when you know how....just constantly knackering and time-taking...spends your energy and lifeforce needlessly/avoidably...and relationships shouldn't ideally be that hard.) So that's how I managed to go nearly 20 years with my son's other parent (Covert mainly but, definitely malignant Sociopath level when stressed/threatened). It's no way to live, so, once their affair then repeat affair came to light - as soon as my gorgeous son reassured me that he was ready, genuinely, for me to start the divorce (said he WANTED me to!) - I did (he realised I'd been misguidedly staying only for his sake and said the other parent was actually having to step up for the first time ever, so, the separation was an improvement for him). I was very relieved...because I got sick of having to work too hard for my rights and rightful, normal, bog-standard spousal expectations (counter-manipulate, sidestep, dodge, send it back, feed their ego..). 'If I can't have ((me)), I don't want nobody, baby' and 'I'd rather be a-lone than un-happ-y'. Tra-la-bloody-la, lol. (Just chatting back.:)) PS: Am I to presume you're not keen on doing you-know-what?

(Note to self - r on SS's)

I was late with a lot of things in my life. One thing I was good at when I was younger was drawing. I really loved cartoons and animation as a kid, and I grew up in the perfect time for cartoons. I feel like we were at this great crossroads where cartoons from all of the 1900's were still accessible at the same point in time. I guess to a certain extent, the Internet has made it easier than ever to learn about any cartoon, but maybe that was the last time when everything seemed relevant. I guess by the time I entered high school, I was realizing that my artistic ability had plateaued while my classmates' was getting better. I would see the pictures they had drawn for assignments, and it was clear that it was just no longer my game. And it wasn't just drawing, either - in graphic arts class my peers were surpassing me in working with Photoshop and 3D design alike. I have never liked competition, and sometimes I feel like other people can ruin things that I would enjoy on my own. People can also make things better too, sometimes. But I guess maybe that's where hipster culture originated from, this realization that other people ruin things that you once adored. And I have no ill will towards these classmates for being better at drawing and computer art than I was. I actually thought some of the things they were doing was pretty cool. One guy even made a functioning video game, which is something I'd always wanted to do, but maybe I just never had the drive for that I should have had. I felt like I could never really match or exceed what they were doing. At least not at that time. And so I felt like I'd been surpassed at one of the few things kids had known me positively for in elementary school. I was no longer "the kid that could draw." In a way - going full-circle, here - I suppose that pen pal was better at a lot of things than me. She had been exposed to much more music growing up, so she knew about a lot of eclectic artists and their back-catalogues of work, thanks in part to her groovy mom. Her husband, I surmise, was the one who taped and sent her stuff from his home country years ago, giving her exposure to a lot of foreign TV shows and movies and things that I had no way of knowing anything about 20+ years ago. I think part of my problem is that, yes, I do procrastinate and I'm not driven enough to do some of the things I'd like to do. But I also don't look at existence the same way as most people. The fact of the matter is everything in my life is slow to develop, and I simply don't feel that there's enough time in the span of a human lifetime for me to ever accomplish things. Here I am, entering my late 30's, and I'm still learning things about music groups from the 80's. It might be a lifelong journey for me to find contentedness in my life. And I think a lot of it also stems from my feelings that everything could be better than it currently is, as impressive as it is that mankind has accomplished what it has so far. I will always notice the things in serious need of improvement, I think. I want that better world. Friendships have eluded me for most of my life. I don't think that's ever going to change. Nobody can really be everything to me, and there will always be some problem with our friendship. I am grateful that I still have two friendships that have lasted over a decade. One of those has been nearly two decades. ...Even if I'm not so sure about what the futures of both of those look like. I'm also learning a bit more about your situation here. I used to think, especially when my ex and I were drifting apart, that it would be unthinkable to completely sever contact with people you cared a lot about and to never have them in your life anymore. But life usually shows you again and again why you didn't get along with these people in the first place, and you realize that they were mostly in your life to learn from. I don't think our souls have to cross paths again if we don't want them to. At least you got an experience and a story out of it. And in your case, a son! I apologize for not responding to any of the other threads yet today. I'll try to get on that sometime this week. Til then, thanks for your responses, Soulmate.

I'll probably get around to responding to some of these other threads in the coming days, or at least by the end of the weekend. Not gonna lie, I'm not sure how I feel about most of the ppl in my life lately. The one friend of mine who I had been agreeing with on a lot of issues, I think I've lost respect for him. I already suspected he was still getting disability, even though he probably doesn't need it. It was the way he answered that he doesn't feel bad about it - he doesn't feel bad that he's bringing in $3k/month alone while only working a couple hours a week, while there are ppl he knows who struggle to survive on 40 hours' pay. I just...kind of see him as a worthless piece of shit who uses others, and also makes people like me look bad. He is part of the problem. My girlfriend also had a random fight with me this morning, after she asked me for $100 in cash, and lunch - and I went and got her both. I guess she's stressed, and it might be...that time... ...Even still, that seemed uncalled for. But strangely, my one pal I've felt kind of distanced from for a while seems to be cool lately. I still don't really look forward to visiting my family. I'm kind of dreading it. And it might even go okay but I probably still won't feel grand about it. At least, maybe listening to songs on the radio on the way there might help. Uh, anyway, that's just a quick personal update. Work life isn't perfect, but has its pros. Catch you later.

(Same message to Creative Nick) Eyup! I've been fighting to find time to log-on but, life kept getting in the bloody way again - including, I overdid it and injured my whole left arm AND LEG, fnuckisifibugAAAARGH! So this, typing, is a bit painful. Plus I'm on serious pain medicine so not quite with-it and would probably go off on tangents and muck about, LOL. However, the weekend is mine...ALL MINE, D'YA HEAR (*shakes fist at the sky*)!!! Cheers as always for your patience and understanding, mateys. Oh, and PS just to you, Balance: Richard must likewise be disappearing up his own spiral, as he hasn't responded to my email re your trial appointment yet. (Hmm...Everyone, everywhere, is having to have patience, aren't they...I've just realised!...Someone is always waiting for someone else (who's waiting for someone/something else, in a box, in a box, in a box. ...Since Covid, isn't it... Hmm...) PPS: Ow. LOL/sob

Just seen your response to Claire: COR....! That was a blinder! (*giant thumbs-up) (Now you're reminding me of Manalone. :)))))))))) (I lllllllllove being right, I do. (So I ensure to do the requisite work beforehand to ensure I am, to-be-sure-to-be-sure-to-be-sure. "Innit, tho")) (This medicine is "good sh*t, maaan", heh-heh) (Night!)

...Seriously, my response after reading all of that would have been this (genuinely, but doubling up as a way to make my point): "Er.................................................................................................."

Hey Soulmate. Sorry to hear about you hurting yourself and the pain and such. It's alright, and I also apologize for not really staying on top of things. I can only really come on and do this full clean-sweep of all the threads every so often, but I still try to pop on and stay current with ongoing threads and offer advice where I feel I have something to add. Like I mentioned in Geelives' thread, I should have more opportunities coming up to visit and respond here semi-soon. I will try to respond to Geelives' thread when I get more time. Actually, I had started responding once already, but I just didn't have the time to delve into it that day. I usually have to get myself into the right mindset for posting here, too. It's surprisingly not too difficult to do, once I sit down and have at it, but sometimes I'm in bad moods or whatever. I will add, that I started deleting that one friend in a bunch of different places. I still have his number in my phone, at present. The guy just makes me furious. He randomly texted me asking me how things are going with a hobby of mine that he has zero interest in, I guess because he read things I wrote about it elsewhere. And probably because he was bored, because he doesn't work very often and gets bored whenever all of the people he knows are actually away working, or God forbid, trying to do their own thing and enjoy their days off without having to interact with him. I went off on him, and I still don't know if the guy fully "gets" it. I think he does, but he does mental gymnastics to prevent himself from feeling any shame over taking advantage of disability. Instead he simply shifts the subject over to, "Oh, you're mad at me because I'm disabled." No, he doesn't have a disability and he knows it. What he calls a disability is just him being impulsive and rude and selfish and taking zero responsibility for everything in his life. It's just wrong, because when someone that bold comes along and takes advantage, it just takes away credibility from other people who might actually really be struggling and having problems, but get called lazy. I feel like this is the kind of person society really needs to put the pressure on, and I don't know why he can get away with being like that. I take shit from other people all of the time, and I don't think it's even deserved much of the time. I kind of have to wonder if people actually do give the guy shit, but he's just so pathetic that he just doesn't feel any shame, or the need to actually stand up for himself. Anyway, it's all good. I guess things are ok with my other friends, but at the same time I've never really had friends who were into the same things as me, or as passionate about those interests as me. It's made it difficult to get into a lot of things I've had some interest in over the years. I get that everyone's older now, and that's part of it. Even still, it's weird that it's so difficult for me to find anything I want to find in life, especially in this age of technology. Lol. You gotta put yourself first, that's the message I keep coming back to for myself. It's kind of hard to make it in life if you don't. Anyway, going to go for now. Until next time.

I think it's better for-now that I just read everything you type and only comment where I feel duty-bound to (say, you've got a meaning upside-down or something...or a narc flea in your bonce that needs plucking out), because, you seem to be self-healing as you go already (:))))))) and I'd like to properly get to know you (for obvs reaons) and to super-concentrate on what you're saying. So here's one that's just hit me in the face: "I do procrastinate and I'm not driven enough to do some of the things I'd like to do." All humans can procrastinate. Only WHY you proscrastinate is important. There's an ad/meme going around at the mo., pushing the idea that Procrastination means you're Depressed. Sometimes, in some cases, yes. But they're selling it as if that's the ONLY reason. Procrastination - the whole problem with it in terms of dealing with it and how it makes you feel - is not easily in one's control. So it's your inner animal, wresting one of your control-levers from you, taking you over. Sometimes, it's because it knows better...wants to hold (insists on it!) you back from crossing the road because a big fat truck's careening towards you both in the distance). Sometimes it's scared/wary, itself (e.g. fear of success or failure). Sometimes, it's because you need a rest. Trouble, that rest turns out painful (oh god, I've still got to do X, ach...guilts-guilts-guilts, heavy-heavy-heavy). Various reasons and possibly only one element in a whole cocktail. So make SURE it's Procrastination before you whip yourself with your cat-o-nine-tails like that, and insultingly name-calling your inner animal in the process, yeh, whom might only be trying to get you back in-synch with the world/your correct little traintrack. Be KIND to yourself with a Capital K by watching out for unsubstantiated self-criticisms like that. K? (groan) I have not seen ANY procrastination from you since you started posting again. K? (groan again) :) (SORRY. I'm very protective over my M'Colleagues. No self-harming allowed, not even a teensy bit.)

And this: ". I usually have to get myself into the right mindset for posting here, too. " Oh, DEFINITELY! AB-SO-BLOODY-LUTELY! (Like I said: You carry on as you were and are and - just be you and do what you can and don't do what you can't do (bee-dooby-doo) ....I'm perfectly happy with you. :) I'll tell you nicely if ever I'm not. No wozziez at all, matey. (Soz Richard's so busy at the mo. We've both been for quite a few months now. Both been going, 'Oh, sorry I've left it so long to reply...`. Same as on here, haha!)

In other words: have faith in yourself and your some-time 'procrastination', and just try to work-out what your Innie is trying to tell you. Let the guilt go and, e.g., accept that it means your brain is too full with its current workload hence there's no spare cylindry for anyone/anything else (or 'that tassk, specifically'). And then, by waiting and seeing, you might see that once you DO "all of a sudden" feeling like getting on with it, by-then you find out that - 'Oh, wow - thank god I dragged my feet or else THIS brilliant thing wouldn't have had a chance to happen!'. Own Oxygen Mask First (Before Helping Others On With Theirs). Cos without your mask on first - you can't. Cos you're dead. From lack of Oxygen. S'funny how that works, innit. But likewise, Selfishness is not always a bad thing. TOO MUCH of it is. Or too little, even. "Never too much, never too little". (Did you ever read any Dr Seuss 'Cat-In-The-Hat' books?)

Nope, it's no good - I couldn't do it! I got stopped in my trcks and have too much to say - I'm too happy for you!... Maybe I'll do the reading everything first thing next time, but not when it's Champers Time!.... "I will add, that I started deleting that one friend in a bunch of different places." You're lucky you don't have to use Tippex like us wrinklies(ish) did, haha. I'm joking. Because I'm laughing jubilantly on your behalf. Wooooooar, you've got big muscles, haven't you?! And you move like Lightning as well, doncha! HAHA, SLOW DOWN, SPEEDY!? :D Oh, listen, EVERYBODY (sane) would expect you to put yourself/this issue first with something as 'big' as this. Ya silly nana, haha. Right! I'll shut up for a bit and read on! (So ACTUALLY, the reason why you've been (pff) Procrastinating on here is because you *HAVEN'T been Procrastinating*...quite the opposite! (and aren't an Octopus)...HAHAHAHAHAHA!) Nah..I'm only teasing for a laugh. You're a true Gent (aka a professional apologist lol) and it's lovely. :) "I still have his number in my phone, at present. The guy just makes me furious." Mee toooo and I'm not even his friend! "He randomly texted me asking me how things are going with a hobby of mine that he has zero interest in, I guess because he read things I wrote about it elsewhere." (Oops, he's not been chasing me....better give him a fake lick-lick-lick to fire him back up again) "And probably because he was bored," They're "Pathologically Bored" (oogle) "because he doesn't work very often" Narcs don't like working for their perks (including making their own living) when they can just diddle or bully it out of someone else, like they're their personal secretary. Or have a trust-fund (but no love). " and gets bored whenever all of the people he knows are actually away working, or God forbid, trying to do their own thing and enjoy their days off without having to interact with him." What you're saying is - in his eyes, you're an 'extra'. A Secondary source of Supply. A convenience. And yes - FYI - Narcs don't HAVE interests/hobbies....except, short-lived, just to dupe/impress. They're ALL ABOUT surviving existentially and socially (don''t have TIME for hobbies!), so it's Society (their pool of potential prey - other healthy empaths) they're fixated on. Yeah, well. 'Nobody puts Baby in the corner!?'. (Dirty Dancing...sh*t film, good soundtrack) (gonna get handbagged-to-death now, gulp!) (I do love When Harry Met Sally tho! :D) "I went off on him, and I still don't know if the guy fully "gets" it." He either doesn't or is pretending he doesn't. (Sometimes you have to hold a number of hypothetical theories/etiologies in the air at-once to work out the precise truth. And to complicate things further - sometimes they only THINK they've got it, when they haven't, meaning, even their pretence at getting it is pure BS and nothing to do with reality/events! I'll keep reading, see if I can see the clues...) "I think he does, but he does mental gymnastics to prevent himself from feeling any shame over taking advantage of disability." Yeah... that sounds more like it. " Instead he simply shifts the subject over to, "Oh, you're mad at me because I'm disabled."" ((OH, F*CK-OFF, LITTLE LORD FONTLEROY, UGH!)) Let's name him, Tiny Tim Not-Nice-And-Dim. (I'd have replied: "You're WHAT? ARE YOU? SINCE WHEN?!". And then when he said, 'What you talking about - stop being stupid!', I'd go - "Sorry, I just...buh-WHAT? NO! You've NEVER told me you're disabled! WHY didn't you!...that's what friends are FOR! ((switching focus back to him)).....and basically taken the piss with my own outrageous denials, denying him HIS experience, 'mind-f***ing' (for hours if he'd let me, haha). "No, he doesn't have a disability and he knows it." Scammer. That's Sociopath territory, Balance. He's a Narcissist-IC Sociopath. "What he calls a disability is just him being impulsive and rude and selfish and taking zero responsibility for everything in his life." Being a (variety of) Narc. "It's just wrong," A Sociopath-narc is a PARASITE! Like a Tick. " because when someone that bold comes along and takes advantage, it just takes away credibility from other people who might actually really be struggling and having problems, but get called lazy." Absolutely - ABSOLUTELY! (MP, MP, MP, MP, MP, pleeeeease think about it?) (or whatever you guys call your version...I've forgotten. Is it just Councillor?) "I feel like this is the kind of person society really needs to put the pressure on," Yes. YES. YYYYESSSS! Yes... It's like no-one's got the balls. Narcs could be put in a place where they're USEFUL and even HAPPY! NOTHING is intended or allowed to be waste-able in Nature/Life. NOTHING. Just, get. them. away. FROM. US. HEALTHY-DECENT. TYPES. Fuh-fuh-fuh-FINALLY for fuh-fuh finally's sake!!! "and I don't know why he can get away with being like that." Not enough Empath-Warriors calling/being called to arms! Most being not being HALF as brave as types like you and I and others here in Empath-Warrior Land (aka Reality). And right now/lately - TOO BUSY/OVERLOADED! Too much to get back in control, create, fix, piss-off (voters).... That's how Narcs (cripples) get ya. They get you (or get you back) when you're (in whatever way(s)) down. Or not looking (because you're overloaded). (exhales) "I take shit from other people all of the time, and I don't think it's even deserved much of the time." Probably not ever. "I kind of have to wonder if people actually do give the guy shit, but he's just so pathetic that he just doesn't feel any shame, or the need to actually stand up for himself." EITHER of those are plausible! You'd have to tell me more about him. OR to fast-track, let me see an email (suitably censored for anonymity) so I can (ugh) plug-in. Here - if you buy Sandra L. Brown (expert) - How to Spot a Dangerous Man *Before* You Get Involved, you'll find it a huge future weapon because, she 'categorises' *every* *single* type of male (which goes for female too) Narc, even the so-called most Benign of Benigns (pff!), according to severity and lethal toxicity, yet stresses that some narcs can be EVERY TYPE, combined ("Combo Man"...narcissism co-morbid with LOTS of things, "yay"-not). All men should read that too. I mean - as you're right now illustrating - men have to deal with these uggers just as much! Friend, Boss, Uncle, Father, Teacher, Preacher, Son, whatever. Sooooo many Hunting Grounds (relationship types/roles) to choose from... Feeling it's purely mainly women's and children's problem is nonsense. Like wondering whether a Wolf prefers chicken to turkey. Well, I know the answer to that one: MEAT! They prefer MEAT! (I'm feeling woozy now (the meds again) so I'm going to pause for a bit, go out and see if Fluffster's hungry... Bit Laters!)

Wait - just quickly.... (don't worry - we've got all the time in the world (SAID, NOT SUNG, haha))... ((My comments))... "How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved Paperback – April 15, 2005 by M.A. Sandra L. Brown (Author) 4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 615 ratings See all formats and editions This savvy, straightforward book pairs real women's stories ((because they were most comfy talking about it)) with research and the expertise of a domestic violence counselor to help women of all ages identify Dangerous Men—before they become too involved. Brown describes eight types of Dangerous Men, their specific traits and characteristics. In separate chapters, she explores victim’s stories that tell how they came in contact with this type of Dangerous Man and their outcome. Brown then shows readers how to develop a Defense Strategy—how to spot, avoid, or rid themselves of this type of Dangerous Man. ((Or Woman...-man-thing-"it")) Brown explains women's innate "red flag" systems—how they work to signal impending danger, and why many women learn to ignore them. With red flags in hand, Brown then guides readers through their own personal experiences to develop a personalized "Do Not Date" list. With these tools, Brown shows women ((and men)) how they can spot and avoid patterns of engagement with Dangerous Men ((/Women)). " https://www.amazon.com/How-Spot-Dangerous-Before-Involved/dp/0897934474 Not expensive at all, now, given how genius and spot-on it is. (Warning: nearly imposs to put down.)

(PS: G's not nearly ready. Sorry, but she's not. She could even unintentionally pull you back into that paralysis. I've told her.)

"but at the same time I've never really had friends who were into the same things as me, or as passionate about those interests as me. It's made it difficult to get into a lot of things I've had some interest in over the years. I get that everyone's older now, and that's part of it. Even still, it's weird that it's so difficult for me to find anything I want to find in life, especially in this age of technology. Lol." You CAN'T get passionate about your passions while you're surrounded by Narcs! That's the point of why you must leave them. They use you up before discarding you (Coverts can take decades and dupe for decades) and leaving you like an empty teabag (a dribbling one). If after they fake Discard you and you've had adequate separation and solitude to de-slime, they can see you re-expanding back to health, then they'll suddenly appear out of the woodwork and try to Hoover you back in. So that they can suck the life out of you all over again. They're addicts. To your oxygen. Coverts always always manage (unlike Spaths) to stay .02cms within the perimeter detection system (your boundary lines) to avoid setting off the alarms and auto-shutters (hence can manage to remain your parasite/passenger for decades)...never doing QU----ITE enough to get Fired. Until all the tiny little things (outside of your awareness) suddenly maketh your buckete overfloweth and you BLOW (oopth...stand well back)... like YOU'VE just had happen and done. Did you manage to give him a full run-down of his Rap Sheet or did he switch to Dim-Tim almost immediately (to make you stop OR YOU'RE A HEARTLESS COW/BSSTD, whaaah, mummyyyy!)? (Covert Vulnerable, he is. Google "Martha Stout's The Pity Ploy/Play". Spaths over-use it...cos they're the laziest of the lot.)) You must feel great after that! Or are you sad? Or both together? Unless he did indeed steal the microphone too early-in - do you think he'll correct any 'habit' you complained about?

Hi Soulmate. Thanks for your posts. I just read them, and I'll try my best to respond to them here. 1. On "Procrastination" - You know, I don't know. Maybe it isn't all procrastination. I'm sure a fraction of it can be depression-related. Lately I have been falling behind on house chores, to be quite honest. I don't have a great reason for it. Maybe I'm a little overwhelmed by things and just want to retreat. I usually don't mind doing dishes, but I haven't in a while. My girlfriend usually dirties most of them, but there were a few pots and pans I used to cook with a while ago, and they'd just been sitting there... Today she went ahead and did most of the dishes. I also haven't done any laundry in a while. I generally hate doing laundry, and putting it away, but that is something I definitely have been contributing dirty clothing to. Maybe I can make up the favor by doing some laundry soon. I did mow the lawn for the first time of the year last week, or thereabouts, and it's due to be mowed again. I might try to do it tomorrow morning. At least I've been mostly on top of that. My new job, I have all of these different accounts with for different benefits, and different communications and things. And aside from getting that all set up I haven't messed with it much. My brain gets a headache every time I try to figure out if everything's all in order. I guess I don't see the point. And I haven't necessarily needed to really check up on it so far, to be honest. I think my coworker hit the nail on the head tonight when he said he thinks the main purpose of our work email is to give them a megaphone and let everyone in the building be aware of things that were overlooked, or to have a record of mentioning it. It just seems so unnecessary for what we do. Well, I guess maybe I also have let things go around the house some because my girlfriend has had a pile of junk on our living room floor for months now, and it's always there, and sometimes she moves some of it onto the couch and back whenever we both want to sit down on the couch. Not trying to make this about my girlfriend, but I think that ties into me feeling powerless to really keep up with stuff. I'm not saying I'm the cleanest guy in the world, I'm not, but I generally don't have to hop over piles of random everything when I'm living on my own. But you're right, I've got to answer once I'm good and ready. Maybe lately I'm just not so...ready. 2. On "Oxygen Mask" - This is a very fair point. I will admit to you that, despite agreeing to help out more here, I'm not sure I'm in such a great place right now. And I guess maybe I was doing a little better when I said that, but tonight was a stark contrast from the other day. I still stand by my offer - if you think I'm capable enough to continue providing feedback to others, and be made official, then I will. ...Just maybe my responses to others on here aren't going to happen as regularly as I had hoped. I'll share some things with you while we're on the subject. So tonight was kind of a double-whammy, and I'm not sure how I'm feeling right now. I'm all over the place, and have been for about two hours or so now. For some background, I may have mentioned before that I use this one social media app. I generally don't do social media, but I made an exception for this app last November. I have used it regularly since then, but did stop and delete my account and the app for a few days a couple of weeks ago. I started to feel overwhelmed with the app. And I encountered other users who made me question my whole decision to change my political party from "non-partisan" last year. But like I said, I have been using the app again, fresh start and all that. While I have been following high-profile accounts that I'm politically-aligned with, I haven't really been interacting with those accounts as much this time around. I also haven't been adding ordinary people as much, instead opting to be more careful who I follow on the app. But I've been leaning into using the app to talk more about games and things I have a particular interest in. I basically got yelled at by other users there because I pay money for micro-transaction content in a game a certain company owns. (This company supplied Israel with some technology, and they liken that to genocide since Palestine had the living shit pounded out of it. The situation's terrible, I get it. I still don't think my chump-change purchases in this game are really helping or hurting anything, to be quite frank.) The guy who threw a fit plays the game, too, but feels superior because he only plays the game but doesn't give money to that company. I just said I will continue to buy that stuff because I'm enjoying the game, and that it's impossible to completely avoid giving your money to greedy corporations who have their own negative interests. The guy had another user chime in and call me an asshole, and talk about how only people like them really care and are gonna change the world, blah, blah, blah. (For the record, they're doing a pretty lousy job of changing it thus far.) So for that point, I feel like I can't even enjoy the one of two games I play in my free time without it being made into a political issue where I'm made to be the problem. Meanwhile, I had to question whether these people still buy things through Amazon, or whether they voted. I refuse to believe any of these sorry people actually know 100% what they're talking about, either, or have some foolproof way of getting all of their goods and entertainment in Western civilization without supporting some evil cause. One other thing happened tonight. I went outside to check the perimeter of my workplace. It's something the other workers have usually done, but I went last night and again tonight. I called my girlfriend and talked to her on the phone while doing it, because it's dark outside and we have some crazy people around the area. Yesterday went fine. Tonight, not entirely. When I was about halfway done checking the building, I turned the corner and some unfamiliar person off in the distance to my left started saying aloud how, "That guy doesn't know it yet, but he's a dead man...Tired of seeing him around...", while I was walking and my girlfriend was on the phone. Of course she couldn't hear that over the phone, it wasn't loud enough to be picked up, but the person said it loud enough so I could hear it. I immediately got anxiety, and it put me back into a mindset I've gone off and on into for the past several years. I thought about it in my head, and talked about it with my girlfriend even. But I couldn't think up any reason why not to believe this person was talking about me. It was just me there, alone. It doesn't matter whether this person was talking to someone else standing there with them, someone over the phone, or even themselves. Who else in their vicinity could they possibly be talking about? And it could be a drug-addict, or a crazy homeless person. But I've heard this kind of thing so many times now in so many ways, from so many different people, it sure felt personal to me. When I went to leave in my car, there was a guy in a red jacket walking on the street up above me, coming from the opposite direction of where I'd heard the voice like 15 minutes before. I doubt it was related, but it got my fight-or-flight going a little bit, and I anxiously tried to get my car door unlocked and get into it so I could drive away. The problem is, my driver's side door doesn't open with the key fob, and I have to take the key out of it to open the door manually. And I have never done this before, but I freaking bent the key, as I struggled like hell to get the door to open. For a few moments afterwards, I wondered to myself if somebody had done something to my car, or messed with the keyhole on my door, and that's why I had a hard time opening it... But I figure I was just stressed and in a hurry, and that's why I couldn't get it open and bent the damn thing. On the drive home, I just kind of wondered aloud to myself...., "Well, why don't you kill me already, then? If I'm a dead man walking, just get it over with and stop with these elaborate theatrics!" Again, I've heard this kind of shit from a lot of people, usually random people, for about 5 years - especially for the past 3. Things had been relatively calm for a few months, but it occurred to me that I have thought I've heard people say things about me from somewhere up on that street in the daytime when it's busy before, but I could never really place it with any particular person. But seriously, if they really wanted me dead, then I think I would already be dead by now. I don't get why they so strongly think I ruin things for them, but never stop to consider that they ruin things for me day after day. Between those two things occurring tonight, it doesn't have me in the best mood. And really, none of the relationships in my life are what you would call ideal at the moment. But I digress: 3. On "Narc Ex-Friend" I had to look it up, but Tippex is what we call White-Out here in the States. Liquid "Wite-Out", to be exact. People here usually have a habit of calling things by their brand name, and not what they are. It's why we call them "Band-Aids" and not bandages so much. Actually there is another brand of correction fluid, an older one, called "Liquid Paper." That was, interestingly, invented by the mother of Michael Nesmith from The Monkees. Just a fun little story. You're absolutely right. I was a "secondary source" of supply for this guy. I was like that for a couple of different "friends" in my life. You also are very right about this guy never having hobbies, and looking at society as a means to an end. For as Left-leaning as this dude claimed to be. I can't tell you how many different times this guy wished he could make a living off of posting stupid videos on YouTube, or TikTok, or some other such source. (Sorry if mentioning those apps/services here by name is frowned upon.) But he was also just terrible at getting views. It was kind of funny, lol. He would usually post some video trying to make some edgy joke that just fell flat, and came across as cringey. He used to talk all of the time about not wanting to work, and wanting to buy a van, and to travel everywhere and somehow get power to his van to sit there and make videos or do other dumb stuff for attention or whatever. But IDK, anything he showed remote interest in, just turned out to be some fleeting thing with zero passion behind it. It was usually something that had become popular. But look. I don't mean to just turn this into me running a guy down over and over again. The thing is, for a length of time there, I considered him a friend. I am angry and sad and happy, and everything else about this development. For the past few months while I've felt a growing disconnect with my two closest buddies, it was nice to have at least one friend who I felt like I kind of saw eye to eye on things with. And I still have my girlfriend, in that regard, but otherwise I feel a bit lost right now. This was the best my "side" had to offer? Someone who uses the system and takes advantage of people? Someone who doesn't feel bad for doing that, in the slightest? Apparently a lot of the alternatives on that app might not be much better than he was. It feels like this startling defeat not just for this friendship, but for the ideals I've stood up for. 4. On "G" I have not gotten the chance to look and read over any of what has been said yet, and now I'm kind of curious what your referring to from that thread. But as I've stated in this response, I'm not 100% sure how well I am at the moment. I feel like it's one thing after another with this life shit. Sometimes, helping people with their issues can be helpful to me, too. But not always. I will say, it's good to have Geelives on the site. I hope her situation isn't in a really bad place right now. I am hoping I'll still get the right circumstances to catch up on everything in the coming week or something. For tonight, I'm still not going to venture out into the other threads. I think maybe I'm more calm than I was when I started writing this, (which, wow, I think was like 2 hours ago now) yet even still, I think I need to get some things sorted out and be in a little bit better of a mindset before I go trying to give feedback. Going to end this here for now and go lay down. My girlfriend is probably wondering why I'm not in bed yet if she's gotten back up at all.

Oh, and I see now that I have been given the Assistant Moderator title, after all! I just want to give a thanks to Soulmate and Richard. I'll try my best to help people on here.

HURRAH - Thanks Ricardo! :X You're very welcome. And I know you will, but I'll be looking after you all the way, plus, you're welcome at any time to say, Nah it's not for me, Smatey, so no worries at-all at-all at-all. :) I did ask Mannie, couple of years back, but his life was too hectic so he had to decline, but as you can see, that was no problemo, either. :) I'm preparing for guests at the mo (ie spring-cleaning inside and out like Taz of Tasmania...got a pal helping me, tho (phew!) so I MIGHT be a bit scarce tonight, but tomorrow I'm going to rest as my arm and leg are still a bit iffy so I'll no doubt see ya tomorrow! There again, I always say that and then find a window somehow. I'll see you SOON...that's better.

...and - OOOH, I SAYYY!... you're all blinding-White, look...very classy :D (And since I'm Black - that suits our Good Cop-Bad Cop arrangement hahahaha!)

PS: Re-read my reassurance message (was it Sunny's thread?). You don't have to change a thing from how you've been. I repeat, I'm giving you recognition of how you've been - including the days you didn't post (the FACT you didn't...it was sensible and shows you can pace yourself and rest when necessary (to avoid burn-out)). Even if you can't post for a few days, then can, then can't - that's fine. And that's the thing with mental paralysis (as too-closely mimics Depression and Ennui/laziness): you'll have good days and bad days and find you have to give and NOT struggle or feel guilty on your 'Don't feel like doing ANYTHING' days, but really cash-in on your Good or Okay days. If anyone asks you why you're being so lazy lately, say this: You're only saying that because you can't see my heaving In-Tray in my bonce... I'm busier in there than you could shake at stick at, mate!...no energy LEFT for outside stuff. (ORRR, say - Just to irritate you - is it working, then? ,P) Anyway, I'm still going to be 'working on you' on here/this thread, as we both on-off answer others (and Mannie's back for a bit - did you notice?) (Say Hi, if you like? He's our longest-running veteran, bar Richard (and another who eventually left); was here long before me. :) Or he might say Hi to you? Dunno, you're both a bit shy, aren't you. Me, I'm thrilled to have ya. Been needing an assistant (colleague) for a good 5/6 years now but never had time to do anything about it. LATELY-Lately, tho, since moving to Spain, I just can't cope during those periods where medium-long-haulers are all done and dusted and leave again (waah!). As I say - chillax and speak soon(er). :))) (Haha, I thought *I* was the biggest Worrier in the world! You tryin'a take my Trophy or something? :D) PPS: Richard chose that Yin & Yang symbol. Well done him!....perfect!

Oh wait - no, he didn't - that was yours already, wasn't it? The White's confused me, from how much it's transformed your 'look' (...PMSL!...time to take a wee Siesta...GOD it's hot out there!)

Oh! And now you're Grey (and, amusingly, in this years' very "in" hue of accent-Grey! Hey, has Richard given you a colour-changing LED one?? S'not fair - I want one! What colour are you going to be next, we wonder? HAHA!

Hey Soul :) Yeah, I am liking the grey nameplate for me. I think for some people, things are very cut-and-dry, black-and-white. I've never been able to look at the world entirely that way - maybe some things, but not most. I think there are a lot of areas where things get grey, and you have to admit that opinion and personal ethics plays a big part in it. So this is highly-appropriate. I've always liked cool colors, blues and greys. I also grew to quite like tans and browns, earthy colors. And greens, a very neutral, different color palette. I also really like orange, though maybe that can be categorized in with earthy colors sometimes - it is also strikingly surreal. But hey, black and white can be pretty cool, too. They definitely have impact, and contrast. Yes, I did have the Yin-Yang symbol beforehand, but it does pop quite nicely now. I'm happy to be working with you, too, Soulmate. I think you bring a bit of fun and ease to the moderation and responder role that is very consistent. I'm moody as hell sometimes, so I really appreciate having that anchor. I think we...ahem...balance each other out in that way. XD Good cop, bad cop - maybe we could try the Hugh Honey and Vic Vinegar tactic on our visitors: https://youtu.be/N0XWBTMt0QA?si=Xp-XgBk37Bkm3Ewj I did notice Manalone popped in! I also see Openleaf responded to a couple of topics - they give some great advice, also. I saw that Geelives might have left. I feel bad about it, but at the same time there wasn't much I could do. My timing hasn't been phenomenal lately. But, hey, I have had more going on lately, and I'm not always feeling 100%. I'm doing the best I can for now. At least I think she left the forum in a better space than when she had joined us two months ago. *toasts a glass* "Partners!"

Hey, Ballsy! ;D Just letting you know (if anyone asks), I haven't had a chance to do a thing for myself these last few days (got guests) but I'm determined to go on-strike and log-on in the next day or two. I haven't bloody stopped! ...Shopping, cooking, fetching and carrying, cleaning-and-tidying-up-after...and repeat. Still...mustn't grumble...keeps me fit. PS: Excellent observation about the Grey being appropriate. And yes - there's the emotional/subjective influence in with the objectivity or ideal, so the trick is to find that (drum-roll, haha) balance, especially so that all parties win or at least don't have to lose anything. I'll respond more fully asap. :)

Heya! STILL can't find enough time for myself, it's ridiculous - I am SO sorry, you must feel a bit abandoned in the deep-end? Last visit they just wanted to hang around the house/pool but this visit they want to do everything; it's just been non-stop running around like a mad waiter/cleaner/cook/bartender, etc. I'll leap on as soon as they've left, which is Saturday avo. You okay?

It's okay, Soul. I haven't gotten to really log on and visit here to respond to things myself. It isn't all going well. And, I should have dedicated some time last Saturday to coming on here when I had the chance. I just don't get that kind of privacy any other day. I'm continuing to have ongoing issues with my relationship, and with my job. I could be close to a breakup, or a breakdown at some point in the near future. It sucks when day after day turns out lousy, and I feel like I have limited control over my life. We had a fight last night and I just about went to stay with family. I was about 15 or 20 minutes away on the highway when she convinced me to come back and that she'd let me sleep. (I'd just come home from work.) It didn't help that yesterday my coworker was a rotten crunt. And now again today, here I am - being victimized by my girlfriend because she is needy and doesn't understand anything. One day her tires are okay to drive on, the next it's some big issue and she needs to borrow my car. And on top of having to leave an hour earlier for work now, today I had to leave an hour earlier than that... So she could come to a job interview she's already decided she won't take, while I sit here and feel miserable and awkward in this big, public hospital dining area. And I'm concerned I might be late for work, since her pea-brains gsve no thought to how lobg the interview would take, or that I need to be 10 or 15 minutes early to work usyally. Just so over stuff. I'll try to catch up later.

I apologize, I was pretty moody earlier today. The day has been going better since then. It was a crappy past few days, so hopefully we're on an upswing...

Bumpety-bump (just getting you ready :))....

(Pre-S (I'll be back on soon): I just wanna say, I LOOOOVE your posts - you are sooo incredibly smooooth. How do you do that? I'm more like Mannie - IN YER FACE, BOOM!, haha. Hey, are you an MP already? You're clearly used to talking to VIPs? Oh, go on - give's a clue? :))

Hello-hello!... I did my sh*t yesterday and have taken today and tomorrow (and some of Friday) off (yussss!) so there's no pressure now, I can take my time and get really engrossed. Right, then...Before I respond to all of the above, it might be an idea to tell me what, if anything, has changed since you typed it? For example: has she managed to tidy away that 'moveable' pile of stuff of hers yet or is it still playing Musical Chairs? And how you are you feeling, generally? Have you noticed any changes?

PS: Absolutely no rush whatsoever - you take your sweet time, you've clearly been very busy. :)

I'll do one anyway, since I'm the zone. Tell me after, what's changed (if)... "I was late with a lot of things in my life. One thing I was good at when I was younger was drawing. I really loved cartoons and animation as a kid, and I grew up in the perfect time for cartoons. I feel like we were at this great crossroads where cartoons from all of the 1900's were still accessible at the same point in time. I guess to a certain extent, the Internet has made it easier than ever to learn about any cartoon, but maybe that was the last time when everything seemed relevant." I know what you mean, yep. "I guess by the time I entered high school, I was realizing that my artistic ability had plateaued while my classmates' was getting better. I would see the pictures they had drawn for assignments, and it was clear that it was just no longer my game. And it wasn't just drawing, either - in graphic arts class my peers were surpassing me in working with Photoshop and 3D design alike." You were supposed to take that as a sign to just change your medium. PS: a heck of a lot of Aspies are artistic... 'To excel in the arts and engineering, a dash of Autism is essential' - Hans Asperger. How's your graphic design if you're at heart a cartoonist (basically the same thing)? Ever tried any other media? ...Photography, sculpture, pottery, woodwork. Better and more obvious yet, as a Wordsmith - poetry? Ever written something funny, like a Limeric? "I have never liked competition, and sometimes I feel like other people can ruin things that I would enjoy on my own. People can also make things better too, sometimes. But I guess maybe that's where hipster culture originated from, this realization that other people ruin things that you once adored." Do you compete against yourself (e.g. trying always to beat your last record)? "And I have no ill will towards these classmates for being better at drawing and computer art than I was." Well, that would have been pointless anyway. "I actually thought some of the things they were doing was pretty cool. One guy even made a functioning video game, which is something I'd always wanted to do, but maybe I just never had the drive for that I should have had." Or maybe you wanted to guard your hobby against becoming drudgery? My dear 'ol Dad (him again) said, never to make your passion your career. You can always get another career... Makes sense, right? (PS if she still hasn't cleared up her mini-volcano of stuff - make a sculpture out of it - go on - dare ya! HAHA! Or just mould it into a mountain shape and stick a flag in the peak!) "I felt like I could never really match or exceed what they were doing. At least not at that time. And so I felt like I'd been surpassed at one of the few things kids had known me positively for in elementary school. I was no longer "the kid that could draw."" Again - change of medium. Your TRUE medium - you'll naturally be astounding at it ('to *excel in the arts*'). "In a way - going full-circle, here - I suppose that pen pal was better at a lot of things than me. She had been exposed to much more music growing up, so she knew about a lot of eclectic artists and their back-catalogues of work, thanks in part to her groovy mom. Her husband, I surmise, was the one who taped and sent her stuff from his home country years ago, giving her exposure to a lot of foreign TV shows and movies and things that I had no way of knowing anything about 20+ years ago." Well, to be realistic about it - I'm sure you had skills and talents that she didn't, even if you never explored those? "I think part of my problem is that, yes, I do procrastinate and I'm not driven enough to do some of the things I'd like to do." You ARE, to be fair, busy, trudging (or being dragged haha) across the major developmental bridge, transitioning between one state and another. "But I also don't look at existence the same way as most people." Me neither. "The fact of the matter is everything in my life is slow to develop, and I simply don't feel that there's enough time in the span of a human lifetime for me to ever accomplish things." Don't be daft. "Here I am, entering my late 30's, and I'm still learning things about music groups from the 80's." Well, I'm older than you and SO AM I! That's just normal. (Either that or I'm WUH!....WUH!...bleugh!-blubbady-weird? (*twitches*)) "It might be a lifelong journey for me to find contentedness in my life." Nope. I repeat: major developmental bridge. It's all going to be vastly different before you know it. "And I think a lot of it also stems from my feelings that everything could be better than it currently is, as impressive as it is that mankind has accomplished what it has so far." Oh, yeah, what's that, then? And how come no-one told ME aboudid?! "I will always notice the things in serious need of improvement, I think. I want that better world." "Snap!" (timesed however many visitors we've had here to-date). "Friendships have eluded me for most of my life. I don't think that's ever going to change." Pray continue 'don't think'-ing, but, trust me, it will? "Nobody can really be everything to me, and there will always be some problem with our friendship." Depends on what 'everything' consists of? Are your standards and expectations too high...or in the middle?...or too low?? What are the compoents of this, your 'everything'? I'll start you off The To Be List -------------- 1. Tidy and orderly. (Not unreasonable) "I am grateful that I still have two friendships that have lasted over a decade. One of those has been nearly two decades. ...Even if I'm not so sure about what the futures of both of those look like." Well, if you're headed up a floor or three and they're not, your new friendships will be of a much higher quality to-suit (like attracts like) (opposites attract then repel, denotes narc fanxulationships). Certainly true to say, Calibre attracts Calibre (if both parties are their honest selves, obvs). "I'm also learning a bit more about your situation here." DAN-DANN-DAAAAN, haha! "I used to think, especially when my ex and I were drifting apart, that it would be unthinkable to completely sever contact with people you cared a lot about and to never have them in your life anymore." It's when care becomes weakened/eroded by less-in-common, too often clashing, etc. Usually because the friendship has for too long no longer fitted (such as, you've 'outgrown them' or vice-versa). FYI friendships that last are not struck-up or maintained by circumstances and situations in-common, but by MORALS. They're in your Blueprint so are very hard to change or veer from (meanwhile convinced you've changed them) for too long. Your morals are like homing pigeons (or you are). Connecting via morals therefore is likely to yield the most powerful, lifelong-lasting friendship/lovership. "But life usually shows you again and again why you didn't get along with these people in the first place, and you realize that they were mostly in your life to learn from." Exactamundo! 'Stepping Stones'. "I don't think our souls have to cross paths again if we don't want them to. At least you got an experience and a story out of it. And in your case, a son!" Oh, yeah. I don't believe anything is a waste of time. You live, you learn. Plus, I think I just fancied their genes. "I apologize for not responding to any of the other threads yet today. I'll try to get on that sometime this week." You don't have to apologize for anything. WHATCHATORKINABOUT? "Til then, thanks for your responses, Soulmate." De nada, Senor! I'll get onto the other later (I'm trying to be sensible and take decent breaks between postings to ensure I don't get visual migraines; it's migraine weather at the mo. Fcknot as well!...sweat-sweat-sweat...)

Right, then - if nothing's changed, I'll make the rest my first call later today, probably tonight (sun's coming out, daytime's are already too hot to have electrical equipment on, kid you not). Hasta lleugo!

Hey Soulmate. I just read your response here. I will say that while the piles of stuff in the living room have moved around a bunch, and changed shape, they are still right there. I get that she is trying to get through it, and shred old documents and things like that. It's kind of difficult for me to talk about things I was talking about so many weeks ago, now. Too much has happened just in the past couple of days. Okay, so I'll share a little of it with you. Not gonna go into too much detail, but I'll give you the gist of the situation. I kind of need to vent about it/need outside perspective: So the other day I got paid, and my girlfriend needed me to get some money from the ATM to give to her for a bill, and the closest place to go and do that is the convenience store down the street from us. So, a few minutes before I had to leave for work, I hopped in my car and she hopped in her car, and she followed me down the street to the convenience store where I was going to go to the ATM, and then leave for work. I was even planning on stopping for a coffee or something real quick after going to the convenience store, though that didn't happen. When I was parking my car, I noticed all of the spaces up next to the store were taken, but several spaces back away from the store were empty, so I decided to back into one of them. (You know, so I didn't have to back out later.) So I pulled forward to back into the space, as you do, and then put my car in reverse and was getting ready to back into the space behind me. And then the guy in front of me decides to back right into my car, even though he could have clearly looked into his rear-view mirror and see that somebody was behind him. I parked my car and immediately got my registration and insurance documents from my glove compartment, then got out of the car. Other guy gets out. I try exchanging information with him, and he refused, instead repeating that there was "no damage" and criticizing my driving and trying to blame me for what happened, trying to make it look like I drove into his car or something when he was clearly in the wrong. My girlfriend had parked and gotten out of her car and come over by this point. It turned into a big scene. The guy came right up to me and stuck his fat belly against my belly, and I did not like that - it was a complete invasion of personal space.. He was trying to intimidate me. I shoved him away from me and told him I didn't want him touching me. I think he was just trying to get me to strike him or something, since he knew he was in the wrong. I was on the phone with my insurance company trying to submit my claim, and he was just trying to bully me the entire time and I couldn't listen or concentrate, and I was completely flustered. Not helped at all by the guy talking, our surroundings, or my girlfriend talking. He said he was a former cop, as if that mattered or somehow made the situation better. I really didn't know whether or not he was telling the truth. The guy was so pudgy. I wasn't physically intimidated by him at all, he just looked like a stupid hick. I was threatened by his rudeness and overall demeanor, however. I couldn't really believe this shit was happening, and all he needed to do was exchange information and we could have been on our way. Guy then got in his car and tried to leave. I hurried up and ended my call with my insurance company and took a picture of his license plate, and several of him. Then he backed out, hit my car again on the way out, and drove off. I was completely flustered by the whole exchange, and I was stuck there at the store for like another hour trying to talk to the cop, talk to the store employee, and file my claim with my insurance company. I was late for work, and to make matters worse there was confusion when I called my insurance company and when I got to work about who hit who. I reached the conclusion that this guy was still lying and trying to tell people that I drove into him, when he backed into me. Now since the other day, I come to learn that this guy really might have been a former cop. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like I should pursue things because I feel very wronged. At the same time, my girlfriend is pressuring me to let things go and move on with it. Either way I feel like what's done is done and now I'm not sure how local people are looking at me. I feel uncomfortable going back to the convenience store now, and I felt like somebody outside of the store was looking at and talking about me when I stopped there to get gas late last night. The whole situation has me debating whether I should just give up my driver's license and/or move away. I shouldn't feel like the embarrassed one here, but I do. What if this guy and his former cop buddies make life hell for me? What if they call me a pussy if I drop things? What if they call me a problem Liberal for pursuing things? It shouldn't even be a political issue, but it's starting to feel a little like one. And more than anything I'm just sad that this is the caliber of person that could have been wearing a badge and upholding the law. I'm also still mad at my girlfriend because she urged me to go to the convenience store in the daytime, when I very rarely like to stop there because it gets so busy. Generally I like to go there late at night after work, when much less people are out and about. I don't blame her for what happened, obviously, but why couldn't we have taken care of her bill the night before?

I'm going to respond to each post/point regardless of what's changed, actually, as there may well be lessons for the future... Again, things that struck me: "On the drive home, I just kind of wondered aloud to myself...., "Well, why don't you kill me already, then? If I'm a dead man walking, just get it over with and stop with these elaborate theatrics!" Again, I've heard this kind of shit from a lot of people, usually random people, for about 5 years - especially for the past 3. Things had been relatively calm for a few months, but it occurred to me that I have thought I've heard people say things about me from somewhere up on that street in the daytime when it's busy before, but I could never really place it with any particular person. But seriously, if they really wanted me dead, then I think I would already be dead by now. I don't get why they so strongly think I ruin things for them, but never stop to consider that they ruin things for me day after day. Between those two things occurring tonight, it doesn't have me in the best mood. And really, none of the relationships in my life are what you would call ideal at the moment." All social predators, regardless of degree of serious, swoop when you're down/mentally over-engaged. They also PICK ON YOU when they can tell (predator senses) you're down because - HERE'S THEIR EGO'S RARE CHANCE TO PICK ON AN ALPHA. Now that's what you CALL an ego-boost! Understand? (All these GENUINE "real men" (and women) being convinced by these psycho-emotional cripples, down to seriously psychologically disturbed loons, that they're worthless. It's laughable.) Thing is, they CAN feel you're suppressing your anger and aggression, that you aren't comfortable with it. You realise if you took up some karate class it'd completely and utterly transform your life for the better? I mean - what is this? 'Nice Boys Don't Yell'? Maybe in a world without Narcs and 'the results of them'. But that's not what we've got these days, is it. Think about it? It makes sense. Obviously, your inner healthy pycho/animal is VERY visible to them ANYWAY - but locked up. I repeat: here's their chance to take down a stallion! So since he's not hideable - WORK WITH that and show his face a bit...Bring him up from too-deep-down. It'll show in the way you walk, talk, carry yourself - BREATHE, even! And then, when they clock you, they'll just keep schtum and/or skidaddle. Because 'the beast' is NOT on such a strong leash and could WELL pulverise them (which, if that's on the cards that only they create, is going to be on their control-freak terms as well). Agree with you re the politicising nonsense and that they should analyse their OWN alleged squeaky-cleanness.... COUGH! - Inappropriate Behaviour (the realm of the overly narcissistic all the way to actual NPD). Oh - and not thinking things through beyond their present, usually impulsive agenda...which, amongst other ways, leads to their famous Gross Hypocrisy. All you have to do is unwittingly threaten them some way. And it can be a really petty reason. But I repeat: if you hhhhhhhhate Arab Horses (because you'll never be one, despite your lies that you are), and you see one one day and it's 'down' - you're going to take a swipe/kick, aren't you (if you're a Narc). It's really THAT IRRITATINGLY SIMPLE and senseless (e.g. they can become determined to get you even just because you've got a nicer briefcase or car - or gf..or anything they covet but will never be able to reach, despite the bluff and posturing). It is weird, though, to imagine...You're having a crap day, feel terrible, and so you accost/pick on someone else, make them in whatever way miserable...and now you feel SOOOO MUCH BETTER. Normal-healthies of whatever diversity would feel WORSE. Opposites Day Land!... what should make them feel worse makes them feel better - and vice-versa re what makes them feel worse when it would make normal-healthies feel better....and 'what' should make them proud (e.g. impressive partner or kids) makes them jealous and resentful...and the biggie (your case): In La-La Land, THE RUNTS PICK ON/PECK AT THE ALPHAS. It's all back-to-front. Since it IS, secretly, such a giant (if perverse) compliment - these days I almost feel sorry for anyone who HASN'T been targetted, haha! (Haha!....'I hhhhhate you!" / 'Really? Fabulous - how much do you?...out of 10?'. Or as I always put it: 'Good, I'm GLAD you hhhhate me! If someone like (ugh!) you, rated me, I'd be in serious-serious trouble!'.) "3. On "Narc Ex-Friend" I had to look it up, but Tippex is what we call White-Out here in the States. Liquid "Wite-Out", to be exact. People here usually have a habit of calling things by their brand name, and not what they are. It's why we call them "Band-Aids" and not bandages so much. Actually there is another brand of correction fluid, an older one, called "Liquid Paper." That was, interestingly, invented by the mother of Michael Nesmith from The Monkees. Just a fun little story." Was it? Wow! She must have been minted! You're absolutely right. I was a "secondary source" of supply for this guy. I was like that for a couple of different "friends" in my life." ...........But imagine if you'd been his Primary. ("Awww-wayzz look-onnn the briight sii-iide of life (dee-doo...dee-do dee-do dee-do)") "You also are very right about this guy never having hobbies, and looking at society as a means to an end." (Well put.) "For as Left-leaning as this dude claimed to be. I can't tell you how many different times this guy wished he could make a living off of posting stupid videos on YouTube, or TikTok, or some other such source." Get-Rich-Quick schemes. And (oogle), ("Narc -") Magical Thinking. "(Sorry if mentioning those apps/services here by name is frowned upon.)" No? I don't think so? Unless you work for them and are merely taking an incredibly extreme and convoluted route for trying to get free advertising? :D "But he ((Tim-Dim)) was also just terrible at getting views. It was kind of funny, lol. He would usually post some video trying to make some edgy joke that just fell flat, and came across as cringey." (Cough! Detached from reality, no objectivity, no shame.) (Yep - mild Narc-Spath, I reckon.) "He used to talk all of the time about not wanting to work, and wanting to buy a van, and to travel everywhere and somehow get power to his van to sit there and make videos or do other dumb stuff for attention or whatever. But IDK, anything he showed remote interest in, just turned out to be some fleeting thing with zero passion behind it. It was usually something that had become popular." Impulsive. He is BEEPING IMMATURE! "But look. I don't mean to just turn this into me running a guy down over and over again. The thing is, for a length of time there, I considered him a friend." Well, what you call running him down is actually you getting the bad feelings OUT. The ones HE put there. The ones that are actually HIS to feel (he picks on you, even with inactivity, so that he needn't). So if you keep them in - he's 'winning' (trying to be superior to you and to leave you 'less and less Alpha' so that ANOTHER threat/show-upper has been removed from his view/awareness). "I am angry and sad and happy, and everything else about this development." In that order? What about Relieved?... having finally 'done right by yourself'? "For the past few months while I've felt a growing disconnect with my two closest buddies, it was nice to have at least one friend who I felt like I kind of saw eye to eye on things with. And I still have my girlfriend, in that regard, but otherwise I feel a bit lost right now." I know. It'll slowly get better, though. And then, once you're up-to-speed with the new You, you'll attract a much higher calibre of potential friends. No more than 3, though. Doesn't work if you water them down more than that. "This was the best my "side" had to offer?" No. You see? It's worked. You think you're attracting dross because you must be dross. No. You're attracting dross when you're over-distracted and not seeing that their 'advertisement' to be your friend is a load of hot-air BS or deliberately short-lived in effect. A swamp monster has managed to act his socks off and convince you he's your same grade when, AS YOU NOW SEE (because they can't keep the act up forever - so this always happens) - HE IS NNNNNOTHING LIKE YOU! And isn't fit to lick your boots. In fact, isn't he your complete opposite? "Someone who uses the system and takes advantage of people? Someone who doesn't feel bad for doing that, in the slightest?" Proof. (You wouldn't complain if you were incapable of 'casting the first stone'...you'd put-up and shut-up (and suffer for it)....see how that works?) Just live with your 'loneliness' (it's actually the sensation of recovering and realising you haven't been your own best friend for decades or possibly ever). It does amazing things to your allure (in any arena) when you cross the chequered flag. "Apparently a lot of the alternatives on that app might not be much better than he was. It feels like this startling defeat not just for this friendship, but for the ideals I've stood up for." I know - but it's not. Put very simply, you're in despair because no matter how many times you've been to the shop, they've not had any bananas (and you need the potassium). But it's because you're in the completely wrong shop. It doesn't sell ANY fresh produce. You were duped into believing it did, and that they were always just out-of-stock or delay in-delivery-transit... Because there was a crate-space labelled 'Bananas'. Your ideals aren't ideals, they're normal expectations. Other people ARE as pleasing and nutritious, soul-wise, as you....You're not the only one. Narcs aren't the majority...they're just the noisiest and exhibitionist..and drama-loving, chaos creating, anger-flinging (again - can't process it like can healthy, functional humans, have to kick or screech at someone(s) else to feel better). You just have to play Lucky Dip for a while in order to find them ("Nope - neext!...") and learn to Dump The Duds faster (if life allows) so that you increase and/or speed-up your chances. Sense? At least you now know what kind of friends you DON'T want; that speeds it up, especially if you learn all (ALL - there're loads) of the Red Flags. It's all good in the hood. Just makes you feel wretched for a while. Your brain is working very, very, very hard - you don't realise. And because it's an existential/spiritual issue, you naturally feel that you have to solve it all now-now-now. You don't. You're supposed to whinge and struggle and grow into it (butterfly breaking from the chrysalis). Suffering is JUST....GROWING PAINS of the whole psyche...a massive growth spurt. Trust me, you're going to LOVE what you end up as once you're through this. Sooo many people are experiencing what you're going through lately. Well, you can see from on here, can't you. "4. On "G" I have not gotten the chance to look and read over any of what has been said yet, and now I'm kind of curious what your referring to from that thread. But as I've stated in this response, I'm not 100% sure how well I am at the moment. I feel like it's one thing after another with this life shit." Yes, that's part of the recovery and growth journey - that 'life refusing to give me a break' phenomenon. Consider it a slightly over-firm MASSAGE inside that Life Gym (where Narcs are the deluxe equipment....dumb belles/bells - geddit?). "Sometimes, helping people with their issues can be helpful to me, too. But not always." That's normal in your transitionary stage as well, no worries. GROWTH SPURT. Dim-Tim-the-Little-Scammer-Boy was a pair of comfy jeans...once. You've outgrown him AND he's been increasingly showing his real character, simultaneously. In fact, he was probably revealing himself, as in, treating you more and more shoddily, *to keep you down with him*...because he could see you were 'expanding' and would have upgraded your friends eventually (bye-bye Tim-Dim) and, being huge other-control-freaks yet lazy as hell...easier to peck at you (with shoddiness) to keep you down with him. Sense? "For tonight, I'm still not going to venture out into the other threads. I think maybe I'm more calm than I was when I started writing this, (which, wow, I think was like 2 hours ago now)" Yeah - see? You had a damn good vent and VVVOILA, you feel better! It's OKAY to "dump" on someone else if you've asked (or warned) them nicely beforehand AND are offering it (and braced for it) because it's what they do. It's only distinctly NOT okay when you SNEAK and FORCE it on someone and they'd no idea it was coming. See the chasmic difference? You're in a Whinge Shop. "yet even still, I think I need to get some things sorted out and be in a little bit better of a mindset before I go trying to give feedback." I know it's a moot point now, but - no, you didn't. You can keep performing no matter your mood. But, yeah, you just post when you feel like it and/or when the queue starts to give you the Guilts haha. "Going to end this here for now and go lay down." Very good plan. More sleep required... let your 'Backroom Boys and Gals' work everything out as you sleep and, meanwhile, you just check their work in the morning or over the coming days and, if necessary, come here and vent or solidify it all. Talk Therapy is the original and best. Before therapy it used to be called, 'A chat 'n a nice cuppa tea' (and before that, 'Mead' with the wise man or woman in the woods. Which was free. Because they all scratched each other's back in their community...which is how a community thrives (etc., etc., etc.). And that's what you're doing, lately, just by typing (it's expressing the thoughts themselves, not whether they make sounds or clicks as you express them). It's ALSO the only opportunity in life to get carte blanche to talk endlessly about yourself; you can't do that in any other situation, not even at the doctor's, think about it! So - whinge and rant away! It's not like you haven't got good cause, eh. In fact, I'd like to see MORE ranting. (I know he's in there...and animals love me so - you may as well just save time and give in, and let the poor ugger out for another run-around, hahahahahaha!) (Which, saying that, you might already have done...Dunno, not read ahead to your latest-latest yet; that's next on my To Do list after I get some supper in me. It's too hot to eat during the day.) (How's your weather in Tulsa?)

Hey Soul, I take it to mean from the first part of your response, that you were giving feedback on the post you quoted, but also that you maybe read ahead to my latest entry some. If you didn't, it's scary how well that feedback still applies to both posts, lol. You're absolutely right, it is "Opposites-Day Land" with a lot of these folks. Your misery is their joy, and vice-versa. And they are happy when misery befalls others. Purely in regards to my last post here, I still haven't decided my course of action. My girlfriend is kind of persuading me to drop things and just let it go, but I don't know what the right decision is. I was hoping to talk it over with my two buddies at some point this weekend, but I haven't so far. But at the same time, I guess I can't rely on other people to give me the answer about what I should do. I just don't want to rock the boat. At the same time, if someone can just come along and ruin my day and make me feel like crap the way that guy did the other day, I can't have that happening, I simply can't. I want to stand up for myself, but I'm not out to just cause misery for other people. I don't live in Tulsa, but I'm guessing that may be a saying around your parts. Weather's been..... Pretty good lately, actually. Warmer. I guess I don't like that I can't leave water in my car since it gets warm, but I like most things about this kind of weather, otherwise. I do kind of wish I could have lived somewhere with hotter weather year-round, but our cold seasons are essentially b!+@h Winters, anyways. Sometimes I really like the cool, too. 60's and 70's can be nice. But anyway, I tried living somewhere with 100-degree weather and it didn't work out. Not because of the weather, but because that sort of climate seems to attract asshole transplants from other places. You know, think I realize the "Shop" I keep visiting doesn't have any bananas. I think maybe the way the shop advertised things, I thought I would be able to go there and find some. I find plantains or some shit, lol. But all I really want is a true-to-life banana. Idk, I'm not sure how anyone really befriends anyone on that app. Like I want to like it, it is probably the best alternative I have as far as apps go. But I don't see eye-to-eye with anyone there, especially not the people who are supposed to be on my side of the political aisle. It's like a lot of these people on there are just extremists, only able to really empathize with people from their specific camp. Soulmate, I actually had somebody take offense to me telling them it seemed like they were getting too upset over something they made several irritated posts about. And then they criticized me as, "not knowing how to talk to people over the Internet." It's a complete load of shit, lmao! And probably the reality is the opposite - that person has no idea how to talk to people, and only wants to peddle their own anxiety-ridden posts. I hate to say it, but while I don't like Conservatives, I don't really seem to get along with most Liberals. At least not the ones I've talked to online, or the ones I've worked with in recent years. Many of the LGBTQ+ people and minorities I've met in my daily life seem somehow to be just as big of assholes as the wealthy and hicks. I support their causes and the rights they fight for. But maybe the simple fact of the matter is that a lot of them are just shitty people. It's possible for someone to be right about some things, and be a piece of shit at the same time. The majority of everyone in the world seems to be assholes. Everyone is just unhinged, and opinionated, and the popular opinion becomes like the only opinion for whole swathes of people. I really miss the days when people were more centrist and moderate, but it's like everyone's going crazy and flying off the deep end to opposite ends of the personality-disorder spectrum. Before you know it we're all gonna end up like we did in the Firefly/Serenity universe: https://youtu.be/U-NVs68X_S4?si=5AwWZKd8z8ZYr3Q7

I got waylaid again...so to your Parte Deux... "I will say that while the piles of stuff in the living room have moved around a bunch, and changed shape, they are still right there. I get that she is trying to get through it, and shred old documents and things like that." Tsk. How long does it TAKE to sort through documents. She's procrastinating. Must be a job she hates. I suppose you could always offer to do it with her (and she can owe you one)? "It's kind of difficult for me to talk about things I was talking about so many weeks ago, now. Too much has happened just in the past couple of days." Oh yeah? "Okay, so I'll share a little of it with you. Not gonna go into too much detail," Why not? "but I'll give you the gist of the situation. I kind of need to vent about it/need outside perspective:" Okay, well, let's hope you've given me enough to go on... "So the other day I got paid, and my girlfriend needed me to get some money from the ATM to give to her for a bill, and the closest place to go and do that is the convenience store down the street from us." Bill for what? Why you and not halvesies? "So, a few minutes before I had to leave for work, I hopped in my car and she hopped in her car, and she followed me down the street to the convenience store where I was going to go to the ATM, and then leave for work. I was even planning on stopping for a coffee or something real quick after going to the convenience store, though that didn't happen. When I was parking my car, I noticed all of the spaces up next to the store were taken, but several spaces back away from the store were empty, so I decided to back into one of them. (You know, so I didn't have to back out later.)" Yup, I'm with you... "So I pulled forward to back into the space, as you do, and then put my car in reverse and was getting ready to back into the space behind me. And then the guy in front of me decides to back right into my car, even though he could have clearly looked into his rear-view mirror and see that somebody was behind him." OH FOR FFFFFFUH'S SAKE! I see what you mean...about one thing after another. It is weird but this is how things go for a while for all post-abused peeps (they start thinking that someone up there's got it in for them and it's proof somehow that they take whole or part blame). And you don't even have to have been abused by one person, it can just be a whole collection of drip-drips here, drips there (definitely including your work so-called colleagues)...but, post that point where you decide you've had enough of having enough. I think you just, without realising, become more sensitive to any negatives so feel their impact more. But for a while you feel like you can't get a breath or a break. Does that describe it? "I parked my car and immediately got my registration and insurance documents from my glove compartment, then got out of the car. Other guy gets out. I try exchanging information with him, and he refused," HUH? "instead repeating that there was "no damage" and criticizing my driving and trying to blame me for what happened, trying to make it look like I drove into his car or something when he was clearly in the wrong." Gimmie the gun... "My girlfriend had parked and gotten out of her car and come over by this point. It turned into a big scene. The guy came right up to me and stuck his fat belly against my belly, and I did not like that - it was a complete invasion of personal space.." Just a bit?! "He was trying to intimidate me." Just a bit?! "I shoved him away from me and told him I didn't want him touching me. I think he was just trying to get me to strike him or something, since he knew he was in the wrong." Oh GOOD, I'm glad you did! The nerve of some (er) people, eh? He was testing you...It was worth a punt, you know? (And from that collosal Red flag - we know what that makes HIM, DON'T we, children!) "I was on the phone with my insurance company trying to submit my claim, and he was just trying to bully me the entire time and I couldn't listen or concentrate, and I was completely flustered. Not helped at all by the guy talking, our surroundings, or my girlfriend talking. He said he was a former cop, as if that mattered or somehow made the situation better. I really didn't know whether or not he was telling the truth." Doubt it. Someone who crashes through taboos like that isn't exactly likely to be an honest person - think about it. "The guy was so pudgy. I wasn't physically intimidated by him at all, he just looked like a stupid hick." He certainly was behaving like one. "I was threatened by his rudeness and overall demeanor, however. I couldn't really believe this shit was happening," Yeah, I know what you mean. "and all he needed to do was exchange information and we could have been on our way." He probably was driving without insurance. Or a license, even! That would explain it. (Well, for a narc, anyway; decent peeps wouldn't DARE try that or act that way towards a total stranger in public!) (No propriety - no shame.) "Guy then got in his car and tried to leave." Woa-ho-ho-ho-hoooah! "I hurried up and ended my call with my insurance company and took a picture of his license plate, and several of him." WELL DONE, SECRET SQUIRREL! ("Thlup!") "Then he backed out, hit my car again on the way out, " NO WAY!!! That was deliberate. Wow. WOW. "and drove off. I was completely flustered by the whole exchange, and I was stuck there at the store for like another hour trying to talk to the cop, talk to the store employee, and file my claim with my insurance company. I was late for work, and to make matters worse there was confusion when I called my insurance company and when I got to work about who hit who. I reached the conclusion that this guy was still lying and trying to tell people that I drove into him, when he backed into me." Yup, I reckon (typical Narc) he ensured to get in there first ("Hit or be hit"). "Now since the other day, I come to learn that this guy really might have been a former cop." Learned from who? And learned what? 'Might' isn't good enough. "I'm not sure what to do. I feel like I should pursue things because I feel very wronged." He is no longer a cop. He is now just a normal citizen. "At the same time, my girlfriend is pressuring me to let things go and move on with it." Not her call. "Either way I feel like what's done is done and now I'm not sure how local people are looking at me. I feel uncomfortable going back to the convenience store now, and I felt like somebody outside of the store was looking at and talking about me when I stopped there to get gas late last night." Well, yeah, but they were undoubtedly just talking about it because it was the only drama they've had there for years! Bored people love drama. "The whole situation has me debating whether I should just give up my driver's license and/or move away." Ah, I seeeeeeee! It was a sign, as in, a prompt. A wee shove. " I shouldn't feel like the embarrassed one here, but I do. What if this guy and his former cop buddies make life hell for me? What if they call me a pussy if I drop things? What if they call me a problem Liberal for pursuing things? It shouldn't even be a political issue, but it's starting to feel a little like one. And more than anything I'm just sad that this is the caliber of person that could have been wearing a badge and upholding the law." I think you should see a solicitor. Or you have the equivalent of the UK's Citizen's Advice (Bureau)? "I'm also still mad at my girlfriend because she urged me to go to the convenience store in the daytime, when I very rarely like to stop there because it gets so busy. Generally I like to go there late at night after work, when much less people are out and about." Yeah, a lot of people do. (I know. Because I'm there to see them, haha.) "I don't blame her for what happened, obviously, but why couldn't we have taken care of her bill the night before?" Because she's not Army material? She might have done you a favour- sorry - should be more precise: Fate might have used her (AND him!) as a pawn. To bring it home to you how you don't like the people and culture around there ...and I'm not surprised if that's the low-calibre of resident it features! Have you started checking out any areas' pub gardens yet? Do. The positive action and taking-control, alone, will help. (What a merchant-banker tho. Not so much 'brought up' as dragged up.) (Should have offered him a banana.) What about the store's CCTV? Why not pop in and ask the manager for help? I seriously doubt you're this gorilla's only target/victim. Maybe time to get yourself a car-cam? Whatever... It could so easily have been a positive sign (to stay) that day. But (Scottish accent) et warz'ne. PLUS the fact he's (possibily) connected to the very institution that's supposed to make one feel SAFE, and yet clearly he was a BENT copper (abusing his power/station). Too in-yer-face obvious if you ask me. I mean - seriously!...Fate may as well have just left a note under your wiper that read: Don't forget you want to move - and why. Yeah? Time to pub-crawl and time to speak to agents from nearby areas. You never know - there may be a number of pockets of delight in your county(?).... little hamlets dotted here and there that are keeping well away from his type/your area?

PS: "The guy came right up to me and stuck his fat belly against my belly, and I did not like that - it was a complete invasion of personal space.." If ever that happens again, you wanna say: 'Is this how your specie Make Love?'

Still catching up but my laptop's too hot on top of already too hot in here. Gonna log back on a bit later when the sun starts to lower. Laters Mystical-Sign-Spotting-Gater! (Do you get those often or is it a new and recent thing?)

"Hey Soul," Hey again! And I like that nickname. Am I allowed to nickname you Bally? (To explain: there is always-always method in my madness... Bally shoes are my lifelong fave make. Being deceptively heavy and with extra-wide feet when stood up, they've been the only make of shoe that ticked all my boxes, especially when it comes to proper quality thus longevity ("Buying cheap is expensive") (plus I detest shopping). I still have all the Bally shoes I bought since the 1980s(!). They still look current, classic/stylish, in good nick, comfy as uck, still get complimented...fabulous make. Yes, their outlay cost at the time was a lot, but when you consider I haven't had to replace them for all that time, I must have saved myself THOUSANDS over the decades! If they get dusty, all I do is wipe them with a Baby Wipe and they're back to good-as-new. Highly reliable.) (Which is your fave brand - do you have one?) So do I have your permissionio? :) "I take it to mean from the first part of your response, that you were giving feedback on the post you quoted, but also that you maybe read ahead to my latest entry some. If you didn't, it's scary how well that feedback still applies to both posts, lol." No, I hadn't. Which bit you talking aout? "You're absolutely right," When it comes to this stuff, I'm always absolutely right - even if it's 'wrong tree', it's always 'right forest', meaning, I still find the correct tree in the end. And this is why Narcs hhhhhhhhhate my guts in particular (they can't stand truth-seers, especially not ones that can see it in depth and detail). (Sounds like a brag but actually it can just as equally be a curse - so it's a whinge-brag haha. Plus, there's still plenty I CAN'T do....put up shelves, for example; I have to rely on contractors and handymen.) "it is "Opposites-Day Land" with a lot of these folks. Your misery is their joy, and vice-versa. And they are happy when misery befalls others." EXXXXXX-ACTLY. Sick, isn't it. But - they are sick so... (shrug). "Purely in regards to my last post here, I still haven't decided my course of action." No. But you're now in a position (on here) where your course of action will decide/find *you*. It'll float down onto you in slo-mo like gossamer veils, one-after-another...little Ping here, little Ping here (maybe a few major ones) until - "Eureka!". :) So - fine - don't try to decide anything, just enjoy this new aspect of your life (your secret society haha). (Which reminds me: since she's of a mind to try to find out, do ensure to delete your History here each and very visit, yeh? Better safe than sorry.) "My girlfriend is kind of persuading me to drop things and just let it go, but I don't know what the right decision is. I was hoping to talk it over with my two buddies at some point this weekend, but I haven't so far. But at the same time, I guess I can't rely on other people to give me the answer about what I should do. I just don't want to rock the boat." Why don't you? You worried it'll capsize? In that case, rock it slowly and gently; THAT way it'll just change your course and no-one will get wet. "At the same time, if someone can just come along and ruin my day and make me feel like crap the way that guy did the other day, I can't have that happening, I simply can't. I want to stand up for myself, but I'm not out to just cause misery for other people." Well, next time you're being accosted by a stranger, try just holding your phone in view and yelling, 'I'm calling the Police!". You're not powerless, you just need to think about all the hassle-free ways of nipping these incidents in the bud (prevention rather than cure). Also, carry weapons-not-weapons (metal (finger)nail-file, for example) - not with a view to using them but just for the confidence-boost, knowing you have them if you really do need them. Also, try practising a death-stare in the mirror. Loads of tricks 'n tips. But, getting accosted by strangers (when I worked and commuted to London) was precisely why I took up Shotokan Karate (the most offensive defensive via all limbs equally) (shut-up *kick*-boxers - the clue of limb-skill inequity is in the sodding name, duuh?) (ignore me - it's ref age-old competition over which is the most (efficiently) lethal). It was like I was 'suddenly' encased in this forcefield. Literally NEVER got accosted again. Plus it was bloody good fun. (And my famous deathstare - which I call my Paddington Hard Stare - came automatically with it. My stare can make Narcs (whom instrinsically are aggressive cowards, hence pick on smaller/weaker (in their estimation) cross the road. While I was waiting for the classes to start, however, I visited an old-fashioned tobacconist's in Leicester Square and (from the back room) bought myself a JS38 handgun modified into a lighter (rather than your normal lighter made to look like a handgun). That worked too. Still got it, but it no longer works as a lighter (boo!)...the lighter itself was handy because you could turn it up to Bunsen Burner degree (as back-up haha). I just had to flash it at them and that was it - 'whoops, is that the time!' - they'd literally turn on their heel and hurry off (and one aggressive drunk who accosted me on my way back from a nightclub (- that probably didn't help LOL), actually froze and wee-ed himself). It's not called Confidence Trick for nothing. But the karate ISN'T a bluff. ESPECIALLY Shotokan because it works in application in reality...more natural/instinctual moves. It makes YOU the gun. And there's the diff that makes ALL the diff. And here's the irony: in all the decades since, I've never ONCE had to use it 'off the mat'! Not once. I would, like lightning, take the stance (including the vocalisation to engage the stomach muscles ("Hhhurh!") and that was it - they were off! (giant thumbs-up and grin). If it were up to me - EVERY Empath would take up Shotokan. And DEFINITELY every daughter (that or for society to cease teaching non-aggressive girls and boys to suppress their ability to self-defend). (I taught my son myself - and, ditto, he's too automatically physically intimidating for anyone to dare try it with him.) Seriously - I CANNOT recommend it enough in terms of life transformation. (That or Territorial Army training, anyway.) That or just kick 'em in the crutch (either 'gender'). If they're taboo-smashers (Narcs) then why should YOU uphold any, including that one? People say not to lower yourself to their level but, sorry, often they leave you no other option so why be stupid about it when the *reality* is you're never going to win if you expect them to come up to YOUR level (they literally can't - they're cripples). You'll just end up with ravaged ankles. "I don't live in Tulsa, but I'm guessing that may be a saying around your parts." Am I going bonkers? I thought you said Tulsa? Que?? "Weather's been..... Pretty good lately, actually. Warmer. I guess I don't like that I can't leave water in my car since it gets warm, but I like most things about this kind of weather, otherwise." You can if you leave it inside one of those plastic, insulated freeze boxes. "I do kind of wish I could have lived somewhere with hotter weather year-round, but our cold seasons are essentially b!+@h Winters, anyways." Is at least snowy so you can have fun with it (and free days off work)? "Sometimes I really like the cool, too. 60's and 70's can be nice." So you do have a decent amount of muscle, then? "But anyway, I tried living somewhere with 100-degree weather and it didn't work out. Not because of the weather, but because that sort of climate seems to attract asshole transplants from other places." Ahole transplants? Que? "You know, think I realize the "Shop" I keep visiting doesn't have any bananas. I think maybe the way the shop advertised things, I thought I would be able to go there and find some. I find plantains or some shit, lol. But all I really want is a true-to-life banana." Yyyup - you gottit. "Idk, I'm not sure how anyone really befriends anyone on that app. Like I want to like it, it is probably the best alternative I have as far as apps go. But I don't see eye-to-eye with anyone there, especially not the people who are supposed to be on my side of the political aisle." Then it's not 'your app'. Find another or find another medium. Dump The Dud Dungeon. "It's like a lot of these people on there are just extremists, only able to really empathize with people from their specific camp." If they need to have lived an experience to empathise, then that's still only Cognitive empathy (plus self-centredness), which proves lack of empathy and, accordingly, a lack of imagination plus ability to extrapolate (empathy it has to be Affective too - it's a two-part mechanism, neither part can function independently of the other to any useful effect) when it comes to the definition of Empathy: putting (imagining and calculating) yourself into someone else's shoes. "Soulmate, I actually had somebody take offense to me telling them it seemed like they were getting too upset over something they made several irritated posts about. And then they criticized me as, "not knowing how to talk to people over the Internet." It's a complete load of shit, lmao! And probably the reality is the opposite - that person has no idea how to talk to people, and only wants to peddle their own anxiety-ridden posts." Can you type out the exchange for me and let me hear/feel them? I'm able to get their number that way. "I hate to say it, but while I don't like Conservatives, I don't really seem to get along with most Liberals." Start your OWN club, then. That's what I've always done. "At least not the ones I've talked to online, or the ones I've worked with in recent years." You don't even know if they're genuine Liberals or just using liberalism as a disguise and cover from which to enjoy angrily throwing missiles at undeserving, innocent people; that's the problem with online (unless you know how to see through the fog as well as their disguises). "Many of the LGBTQ+ people and minorities I've met in my daily life seem somehow to be just as big of assholes as the wealthy and hicks." Narcs- (and the highly narcissistic) and Sociopaths-in-disguise infiltrate EVERY club... they're social predators so accordingly they hang-out in every single setting where decent peeps are drawn to. They are the few that spoil it for the rest of us'. (Did you ever hear your parents come out with that saying?) And they love the dark and long grass of the internet (for all the wrong and bad reasons). There's a meme going round at the mo with a pic of a bloke sat atop a mountain, admiring the panoramic view, that says something like, 'The Internet used to be an escape from Reality. Nowadays, Reality is an escape from the Internet.' "I support their causes and the rights they fight for. But maybe the simple fact of the matter is that a lot of them are just shitty people." YUP. Who don't know how to treat other people decently and don't even WANT to (dump-dump-dump). "It's possible for someone to be right about some things, and be a piece of shit at the same time. The majority of everyone in the world seems to be assholes. Everyone is just unhinged, and opinionated, and the popular opinion becomes like the only opinion for whole swathes of people." Ah, but there's a difference: you tend to forgive someone who's a bit of an ahole if all they're speaking is the truth. When they're NOT - they're a waste of your time entirely. "I really miss the days when people were more centrist and moderate, but it's like everyone's going crazy and flying off the deep end to opposite ends of the personality-disorder spectrum." YUP-yup-yup-yup-yup! ALL decent-healthies are feeling this (whilst letting the Empaths do the worrying). *Increasingly*. "Before you know it we're all gonna end up like we did in the Firefly/Serenity universe: https://youtu.be/U-NVs68X_S4?si=5AwWZKd8z8ZYr3Q7" Nah! I can tell you're the age you say. You haven't seen this sort of disruption and chaos before. I have. I call it the Pendulum Swing... Something comes along to disrupt the societal/global status quo and soceity goes over-reactive, like a Pendulum that's been swiped violently into activity. They spend the next decade swinging wildly until they lose kenesis (and the situation becomes incorporated into their way of being). Then the pendulum is static (the new status quo). Then (usually a decade later) (the Chinese were right about total recovery taking a decade), suddenly, ANOTHER disruptive thing comes along aaaand we're off again. (Can you picture it?) It makes me laugh my face off because it's always been said to be Aspies and Auties that are black-and-white thinkers-reactors. Not from where I've been sitting it's not. You should be starting a club/leading, not joining/following - that's the problem. But your having had your natural male aggression too deeply repressed during childhood (strict parents?), followed by continuing it yourself after you left home (self-suppression), you lack - and understand - ALL. you. lack. now, is Self-Confidence and -Assurance (and above-explained Insurance in the self-defense lessons). That's the SOLE element you're lacking. Gain that and there'll be no stopping you. You'll positively blossom. Your natural self is ucking big and scary. Unleash The Beast a bit. If you have the braun as WELL as those brains - you'll be complete. You won't NEED a partner, you'll WANT one (diff/diff). You won't NEED a thing (beyond the basics). You'll have constant (quiet, still) company: the inner bouncer you were born with...the one your parents and society shamed into a cage. Know how I know it's in you? One clue: "Oooh, ooh, er, er" and other lack of confidence noises, VERSUS, 'Yeah, got a few concerns but I'll be assistant moderator, no prob - watch me go!". SEEE? It's just PHYSICAL self-confidence you're lacking. Ain't wocket-science, izzit. :)

OHH, I see what you meant by ahole transplants. Here, we call them Tourists, haha. Actually, I like tourists (if they're not Narcs). I like diversity/foreigners - more intellectually stimulating. ...Yeah. We defo need to up your confidence and alter your vibe. It's obviously a very strong vibe (you have a strong presence but sans the confidence). This place'll do it automatically for you, though - no wozzies. It's just the scenic, slightly slower route. This and the karate TOO, however, aaaand..... (wiggles eyebrows enticingly).... A third option is to study up on all the bodily pressure points so that you can just simply give their, say, shoulder a squeeze and dig a finger into the 'wrong' place that has them instantly going, 'AH!-AH!-AH!', as they literally crumple to the floor in abject agony and yells of mercy. JUST for a second or two until you release them. ('Don't uck with me pal - I could dislocate your joints'). SHOULDN'T have to be having this conversation, of course. But needs (these days) must, while we're waiting for the nations to cease penduluming so wildly (adapting). Evil never wins. Never has, never will. Problem is, you see, it never can. You only have to study History to know that. We've all just got to grit our teeth and, meanwhile, focus on making ourselves our own private bodyguard. It's in us anyway (albeit, sleeping) so - why waste such a precious-precious, 'God'-given resource? That's just silly, isn't it.

Another (additional) idea is for you to join any (non-extreme, intelligent) activist campaign groups in your area. E.g. against Police corruption? Just knowing you're DOING something (which naturally converts you in your own mind from victim to survivor/world-betterer) is a huge load off. AND you'll make friends of your own moral feather. Solutions are everywhere, mush. But they all start with 'the man in the mirror'. Meantime, if you ain't ready then just wait until you are, knowing that the solution is there and waiting (that light at the end of the tunnel). Or alternatively, join them before you're ready ("faking it to make it" as opposed to making it to make it). Or ask if you may sample a group meeting and see how you feel? Just start investigating and trying things. *Outdoors*. For starters, the graphics are better. ;D PS: message to your gf: Since you seem to think you're so good at persuading - why don't you put that to the test and see if you can persuade *yourself* to tidy up *yours-and-only-your* sh*t that you're infecting the living-room and discombobulating your bf with? :p Want to know what I and my karate would do and, actually, DID DO? I HID their shit. Sometimes in a bin-liner down the bottom of the garden in a hole in the flowerbed. And then played "Hot And Cold" with them ('...warmer...warmer....ooooh - cooold!'). Have FUN with idiots! AND MAKE IT NOT. WORTH. *THEIR* WHILE. (to be uncooperative all the way to feckin antisocial). That's the secret. Not. Worth. THEIR. While. Selfish people only do things - or cease doing things - for THEIR OWN benefit. (Use THEIR weaknesses against THEM.) Another idea: glue the pile into a tower. Make it artistic. Not insoluable glue (you're not after a Divorce haha). But hey!...you can trample boundaries - *I* can trample boundaries! Out-Narcing The Narc (or just-tolerably selfish).

Another tool for you is one I recommended to Lily before realising she already regularly listened to it (with her Mum): listen (online) to LBC Radio. It's The Truth Station...most successful station for it. NOT an echo chamber - all the presenters have their own political beliefs and views. But it's all THE TRUTH (and they prove it). LOADS of foreign listeners. And it's phone-in (the callers set the conversational agenda). No topic out-of-bounds.... Serious yet highly entertaining and mentally stimulating. AND, more importantly, it keeps you grounded and SURE. Look at how intelligent, sensible and capable Lily was, even though still so young. If you think LBC had nothing to do with that, you're wrongee-wrong-wrong. You'll find LOADS of Yous on there - presents and callers, both - and that alone will be VERY comforting. Try it, Sam-I-Am, you will definitely like proper-coloured Eggs 'n Ham (5-Star). All these suggestions and more will help to re-calibrate your psyche (towards Happiness and self-Power) (other way round actually) (psyche fact: it's having zero options that makes human-beings miserable - because they have no basis for Hope). Lots more menu choices required! One *short-(but legit) cut* to massive self-belief and confidence and getting things in proper or 'shrunken' perspective, is to do a parachute jump - or absail - or bungee jump (in that order) - whether accompanied by a trainer or not (like you're gonna trust ANYONE in that situation!). Or the Pepsi Max. (Is that still considered the scariest rollercoaster or am I out-of-date?) Or tobogganing down a lenthy, scary run. Anything like that, that shocks you out of your 'rut' while instantly making everything else seem PUNY and suddenly easily-dealable-with in-comparison. I've seen for myself how effective 'shock therapy' is. It seems no-one is immune to it. No doubt because these things ARE (to the extent of negligible) moreover safe FOR YOUR mind, but your inner animal doesn't understand it's 'just a game', and is convinced it's just survived near-death...which there's nothing scarier than - hence - everything else goes TINY while you feel like a giant. Ever wanted to try anything like that? Oh yeah - forgot: the Kamakaze at your Aqualandia and co. I did that one. Literally wee-ed myself all the way down. But it was back in the 80s so I imagine the water's clean again. And then laughed all the way back to the top again ("Again-again, Telly-Tubby Again!"). Honestly, there is SO much one can do to heal themselves, it's unbelievable. Even looking at your diet. Even changing nothing but your DRINKS (if you ain't got time for that). This is what I do when I'm stuck in the dumps. I STOP thinking, and attack it from every. single. angle. possible. - simultaneously.... BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM! (- including the above-described Dennis The Menace/Minnie The Minx stuff haha). I ain't got TIME to be out of action! Once I realise what's what, I get angry and haughty, you see. It's this attitude: Eff THIS for a game of soldiers! *I* am *not* going to be beaten by a piddly (insert obstacle). USUALLY what happens once I do that, though, is that Fate joins in and makes something happen. It CLEARLY expects partnership before it'll come to your assistance. One giant leap or baby steps - doesn't matter. Just one foot in front of the other and reaching a different place is not just inevitable but unavoidable. You're on your way already so that's great! Try these and you'll speed up. If you WANT to speed up, that is. PS: Maybe also try persuading your gf better than she can persuade you. Make a list in your mind of all the BENEFITS to her and then sell it to her. Another alternative is, you find the dream rental in the lovely locale first and then bribe her on a viewing? (Maybe she needs to see things before she'll understand or believe them.)

Oh and another by the way: "Either way I feel like what's done is done and now I'm not sure how local people are looking at me" Normal-healthies: 'Good for him - refuses to take sh*t lying down!'. Narcs: (self-delusion) 'He shoulda just socked him one - what a pussy!' - (deeper down reality) 'Best not ever mess with him - he's not scared to blow the whistle'. Question: Why - what did you think they'd be thinking?

I AM serious, btw. I used to think "Fate, Schmate!" and that I was solely responsible for my own destiny, too. Until it literally forced me to believe in it - IN FRONT OF WITNESSES, I SHOULD ADD (which it has done loads of times since). And not just any witnesses. Experts in their field (as was pertinent). And they STILL can't explain it. It left no room for any other explanation by ANY of us. That car-bent ex-copper incident was Fate's way of telling you it's on-board...'Ready when you are!'. Trust me - I speak Fate-ese. *TRANSPORT* AKA PERSONAL PROGRESS TOOL THREATENED/HARMED. PEOPLE SO SCUMMY EVEN THE COPPERS CAN'T BE TRUSTED. And a favourite place turned 'foreverore' negative. (Suddenly, out-of-the-Blue: Fate's calling card.) Patently obvious translation: Commence Operation 'Investigate moving area/abode'. And that's probably because you bravely went 'Gnnnn!' and took action despite you were feeling crap - action for others/to make the world a better place (via the positive, counter-negative Mexican waves and after-ripples this place creates) - action for yourself *purely in the process* (the definition of a true Good Samaritan). You proved yourself a good egg - caught its attention.... I would strike while the iron's hot, meaning, the job will be easiest/luckiest, and start to check-out some flats/houses (plus the pub crawls).... Easiest because it's shared by two - you and Fate. After all, if, fast-forwarding a couple of years from now, you're finally happy, sorted and settled - are you going to look back at this horrid incident and still think of it as horrid? (Answer NO...you'll raise a glass to it!). So it'd be worth a pranged car and betrayal by a betrayer, wouldn't it. But, honestly, I'm just pointing-out, not trying to persuade. It's simply that, Slow and Steady wins the race, sure. But one CAN be fast as well as thorough...Fast and Slow at the same time. I'm fine with whatever map route you decide. Because as we speak, you're on your way there anyway (you've already started, have completed Lap 1). It's not a reversible path nor a quittable one. So your choice is simply - which route. PS: Cheers for the compliments (blush-blush-grin)!

PPS: I haven't seen any moodiness from you. I'd comment on it if I had (ask Mannie, he'll tell ya, haha - I don't do holding-back/hinting) Ooh, which reminds me. I do have a quick heads-up for you. Try to have a rule which says, 'No reading the whole thread - no making comment'. As you've seen, your attempt to help has too high a chance of going Pleugh if you don't have the entire picture/story. You don't have to meet some number quotient in terms of responses; this place is all about Quality, not Quantity. :) And whenever you have read - it shows. Other than that - at this point in the game, you are the most problem-free employee I've ever had! (Where were you in the 80s when I needed ya in London, eh!)

Hey again, Soul. So since the other day, the cop who wrote up the police report (and my girlfriend) kind of convinced me not to try to pursue things further. I was bothered that the cop couldn't really give me this assurance that the other guy admitted fault, or that he wouldn't still try to come after me for something he caused, but from what I can tell my insurance company has worked things out and knows I'm not the one at fault. I will be angry if things change and I find out my car insurance company has incorrect information about the accident again. I'm not sure I like "Bally" so much, but you can't really control what nicknames other people make stick for you. It could be worse, probably. Actually, Bally is/was a fitness center chain here. Uh, well I'm not big into expensive sneakers. I try to keep it to like $80/pair tops if I can. My friends in my old city used to laugh at me and say I wore "dad shoes." At first it seemed like you could have very well been giving feedback to the whole accident situation, when you were responding to the earlier post about the person who said that threatening thing. "Am I going bonkers? I thought you said Tulsa? Que??" Not at all. I have never even been to Tulsa, though I did stay in Oklahoma City once. I kind of like to leave my personal information a little cryptic, but basically I'm on the East Coast. "You can if you leave it inside one of those plastic, insulated freeze boxes." We call them coolers. :-D Well, we have these insulated bags from the grocery store that you can put things in with an ice pack, so sometimes I do that, and sometimes I'll bring some waters into work with me to keep in the refrigerator. I was going to just re-use this metal water bottle we have, but it would be a pain to wash it every night after work, and unfortunately we really like buying cases of bottled waters. I am part of the environmental problem, and I apologize. "Is at least snowy so you can have fun with it (and free days off work)?" I don't love the snow, but Winters have been mild over the past several years. Snow doesn't usually impact work, you still have to get to work. Actually with my current employer, it might be even more paramount that I show up on snowy days. "So you do have a decent amount of muscle, then?" Lol, yeah. So around these parts, most of us can walk around in t-shirts and even shorts if we wanted to until it gets really cold. It could be like the 20's or 30's by that point, I really don't know off the top of my head. It's not like I imagine it would be in Alaska, or Vermont, or North Dakota or something. Those places probably get really cold in the Wintertime. I really can't fathom how some of those people in Russia manage when it gets so cold that their eyelashes are frozen. But I'm guessing that's how people from warmer climates must look at us, lol. For the record though, again, I can also handle hotter weather just fine. A lot of people here would complain about 90's and 100-degree-plus weather, but I would enjoy that too. As long as it's a dry heat. What gets me is humidity. I don't think I could handle some place like Florida where it's absolutely muggy heat. That would suck. "Ahole transplants? Que?" So certain parts of the United States that get nicer weather, usually people from colder states will move away to when they get sick of the cold and the snow. I'm not saying all of the "transplants", as we call them, are awful people. But a lot of them are. What I've found and experienced is that places with sunny weather attract not-so-sunny people. Angry outdoorsy types, shallow folks, and criminals love these paradise cities because they don't have to contend with the snow. The homeless, too, flock to warmer areas - not that I can blame them. But it's a bit more complicated than what I'm explaining, even. It's like all of the evil and malice of mankind is kind of amplified in places like this. It's like Hell on Earth. I'm still a little jealous of my friend who lives in California, however. "Then it's not 'your app'. Find another or find another medium. Dump The Dud Dungeon." You're correct about that, too. I think I just want to keep that app because a lot of reliable Progressive personalities, reporters and news sources use it, and I want to have access to that information if...things get much worse... I might just interact on that app less and less, but "lurk" there. "Can you type out the exchange for me and let me hear/feel them? I'm able to get their number that way." This would have been a good opportunity to showcase what I'm talking about, but I blocked that person after our interaction. I don't have access to anything I posted there anymore, I don't think. Basically what it amounted to was, this person created a "Feed" for a particular topic, and I joined it for a little while. They posted a bunch of things, criticizing a popular fan-run news-source related to the Feed's topic. I didn't jump on them at all, I just said, "I think you're letting (sic) issue get to you too much" and finished it off with another thought, saying that I got my news from their Feed, so maybe that would make them feel better since I wasn't getting my news through this fan source. Then they retaliated. It's like a reflex for them. "Start your OWN club, then. That's what I've always done." For real. I guess I just gotta align myself with the people who've proven themselves to me, and trust that they'll do the right thing when the challenge befalls them. I'd much rather have them on my side than that "user" friend, anyway. Still, it sucks feeling like I'm not really heard. "You don't even know if they're genuine Liberals or just using liberalism as a disguise and cover from which to enjoy angrily throwing missiles at undeserving, innocent people; that's the problem with online (unless you know how to see through the fog as well as their disguises)" This is also a good point. There were more than a few times on this app where I had to question whether this person was really THAT dense, or was possibly some kind of foreign plant there to sew doubt. It's hard to tell where disagreeing people on the same side begin, and where trolls end. All I know is, I can't in good-conscience take shit from people who didn't even vote for the opposition candidate. I don't care how bad the situation was in Palestine, you weren't going to fix things if you didn't vote against the guy who was good friends with Israel's leader. "Narcs- (and the highly narcissistic) and Sociopaths-in-disguise infiltrate EVERY club... they're social predators so accordingly they hang-out in every single setting where decent peeps are drawn to. They are the few that spoil it for the rest of us'. (Did you ever hear your parents come out with that saying?) And they love the dark and long grass of the internet (for all the wrong and bad reasons)." No, they never said anything like this. The closest thing they've said is, "eVeRy LiFe MaTtUrZ!" "There's a meme going round at the mo with a pic of a bloke sat atop a mountain, admiring the panoramic view, that says something like, 'The Internet used to be an escape from Reality. Nowadays, Reality is an escape from the Internet." I really think I was around for the prime years of the Internet. Message Boards, Chatrooms, those 2000's years before a few massive websites took over the lion's share of Internet traffic... The Internet was still hopeful, even though it was all destined to eventually become commercial... "I can tell you're the age you say. You haven't seen this sort of disruption and chaos before. I have. I call it the Pendulum Swing... Something comes along to disrupt the societal/global status quo and soceity goes over-reactive, like a Pendulum that's been swiped violently into activity. They spend the next decade swinging wildly until they lose kenesis (and the situation becomes incorporated into their way of being). Then the pendulum is static (the new status quo). Then (usually a decade later) (the Chinese were right about total recovery taking a decade), suddenly, ANOTHER disruptive thing comes along aaaand we're off again. (Can you picture it?) It makes me laugh my face off because it's always been said to be Aspies and Auties that are black-and-white thinkers-reactors. Not from where I've been sitting it's not. You should be starting a club/leading, not joining/following - that's the problem. But your having had your natural male aggression too deeply repressed during childhood (strict parents?), followed by continuing it yourself after you left home (self-suppression), you lack - and understand - ALL. you. lack. now, is Self-Confidence and -Assurance (and above-explained Insurance in the self-defense lessons)." My father has described the "Pendulum Swing" before, but it didn't seem to have much merit then. It's hard to give it much merit when the pendulum has swung in the direction my parents and their generation faced twice in a row now. You know, every time I hear the song "Land of Confusion", my blood boils. No, Phil Collins, your generation did not "put it right." (Much respect, you were an alright musician.) But they just made promises. Then they turned right around and became the very thing they were revolting against. ...Just like that big speech Austin Powers gave to Dr. Evil at the end of International Man of Mystery. The Boomers, and I know, not all of them - the Boomers led us down this road. They had their share of hardships, I know. I get it. But instead of wanting better for the generation after them, like all of the generations before, they wanted to blame us and laugh at us even though they raised us to know right from wrong. Generation X is just as guilty in my eyes, because being the older sons and daughters of the Boomers, they sought to appease them and make them proud, rather than stand up to them and question everything. I do not think Aspies see the world in Black and White, either. This bothers me, because I can see the Grey areas, and I imagine anyone with empathy could! You are probably right, Soulmate. I should be a leader. But people do not follow me. And I don't know what in the Hell to do about that. "Here, we call them Tourists, haha." No, when I say Transplants, I mean people who permanently move to warmer cities/states. Tourists happen in big cities, too, but transplants don't go away. They change the makeup of the state to have a higher Asshole Percentage. "This and the karate TOO, however, aaaand..... (wiggles eyebrows enticingly).... A third option is to study up on all the bodily pressure points so that you can just simply give their, say, shoulder a squeeze and dig a finger into the 'wrong' place that has them instantly going, 'AH!-AH!-AH!', as they literally crumple to the floor in abject agony and yells of mercy. JUST for a second or two until you release them. ('Don't uck with me pal - I could dislocate your joints')." I actually don't think I even need to take up any form of self-defense to be a menace for these people. I actually think I could take some of them just fine with good, old-fashioned fists to the skull and stomach. My problem would probably be that I'm not a speedy, zippy guy, I am kind of slow, and it might take a minute or two for the adrenaline to kick in so I can start throwing the truly damaging punches and kicks. (And bites.) But I also know how to fight dirty, and use the environment to my advantage. As long as I can have endurance, I think I could win. Even being short. The problem is that a lot of these supposed "Alphas" usually have to travel in packs to actually present a threat. Alone, they would be much quieter and pose much less of a problem. "Evil never wins. Never has, never will. Problem is, you see, it never can. You only have to study History to know that." Hopefully you're right. Even if they take us down, dissenters will rise up in their new society to eat them from within. And honestly, it's fun to think about how humiliating that will be for them. They spend decades blaming a group of people for society's shortcomings, and then the problems magically still happen long after they're eradicated! Guess that group wasn't the problem, huh? "Another (additional) idea is for you to join any (non-extreme, intelligent) activist campaign groups in your area. E.g. against Police corruption?" I'm gonna level with you. My county is pretty Red. I have thought about pursuing gun use/safety courses before, and maybe that is still an option. It looks like most of them are offered many hours away in my state, but it's something I can consider. "PS: message to your gf: Since you seem to think you're so good at persuading - why don't you put that to the test and see if you can persuade *yourself* to tidy up *yours-and-only-your* sh*t that you're infecting the living-room and discombobulating your bf with? :p" That is getting old. I see that she is making progress with it, so that's probably why I haven't pushed the issue much. Still, her one job closed down and she has a lot of free time now, so maybe I should try talking to her about getting that done so I have the fucking space in my living room back. "I HID their shit. Sometimes in a bin-liner down the bottom of the garden in a hole in the flowerbed. And then played "Hot And Cold" with them ('...warmer...warmer....ooooh - cooold!')" Oh shit. I... love this idea, lmao. If it goes on much past July, I may have to start taking advice from you. "Another tool for you is one I recommended to Lily before realising she already regularly listened to it (with her Mum): listen (online) to LBC Radio. It's The Truth Station...most successful station for it. NOT an echo chamber - all the presenters have their own political beliefs and views. But it's all THE TRUTH (and they prove it). LOADS of foreign listeners. And it's phone-in (the callers set the conversational agenda). No topic out-of-bounds.... Serious yet highly entertaining and mentally stimulating. AND, more importantly, it keeps you grounded and SURE." I may just check out LBC Radio. Up until a few months ago I was listening pretty regularly to the Progress shows on Sirius XM, some of the big names include Thom Hartmann, John Fugelsang, and Dean Obeidallah. I still check in from time to time, but I get stressed out listening as things grow more bold and brazen. I used to even listen to The Daily Show and John Oliver Tonight, but I get so fucking depressed with everything, I can barely bring myself to keep up anymore. "Even looking at your diet. Even changing nothing but your DRINKS (if you ain't got time for that)" Listen here, I enjoy my beer. I usually go a week or two without, and then need it again. Soda is a hard one to quit. "That car-bent ex-copper incident was Fate's way of telling you it's on-board...'Ready when you are!'. Trust me - I speak Fate-ese." I don't really know if this is the straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back for my current situation. It likely isn't. Thing is, everything was going better lately. I am in no rush to try to re-enter the modern dating world, and I just started my job at this new place so I'm really not in a good place to try to apply for jobs 4+ hours away. I was single for seven fucking years. It was hard enough to find someone kind. I don't even know if it's realistic to hope for someone beautiful, smart, and into the same things as me anymore. I'm fast-approaching 40. And there's a lot I like about my girlfriend, even if she doesn't tick all of the boxes. Otherwise, I'll be waiting around for years and years, trying to find a pretty ginger or an Asian with no kids. "PPS: I haven't seen any moodiness from you. I'd comment on it if I had (ask Mannie, he'll tell ya, haha - I don't do holding-back/hinting)" I am absolutely moody sometimes. It probably doesn't come up as much on here. I think as years go on, my threshold for bullshit is plummeting. "Ooh, which reminds me. I do have a quick heads-up for you. Try to have a rule which says, 'No reading the whole thread - no making comment'. As you've seen, your attempt to help has too high a chance of going Pleugh if you don't have the entire picture/story." Yeah, Sunnysarah is starting to throw me for a fucking loop. "Other than that - at this point in the game, you are the most problem-free employee I've ever had! (Where were you in the 80s when I needed ya in London, eh!)" Probably not quite born yet. Lol. But you and I, we make a great team, aye? I'm glad to have you, Soulmate. And I hope we're helping these latest people in need of advice. I'm still not sure I agree with you in Colorado Dad's thread. And it' okay, I guess we'll always answer to the best of our ability, based on our own experiences. It sucks that I can only really come and comment here 1 day a week. Maybe 1.5, if my girlfriend falls asleep one night when I'm feeling ambitious. Love you, hope you're having a good weekend, Soulmate. Thanks for all of your input! :-)

I will follow up my last post by noting I was a bit drunk yesterday. I'm glad I got around to my usual weekly catching up on here, but I wish I would have been more focused. This weekend has been okay, but it's been one of my least-productive to date. I keep procrastinating with returning recyclables. and have been feeling a little stir-crazy at home but also don't want to go anywhere I don't have to. We spent most of the one day going a bunch of places to get things to take to her parents, and then there was this weird miscommunication where her dad was taking her mom to the emergency room and they kind of shooed us off, and I still don't get why they didn't just go and reschedule us visuting, instead of letting us sit there and eat supper with them and then leaving late at night to go to the ER. It wasn't all bad. It was nice to get out of the house, and we got to eat a couple of places out and about. But it's basically a day I put aside for her to have engagement with her family. Today I have to go visit my family now. And I'm not particularly in the best mood for that, but it's another thing I've promised to do. And, again, I had my "free day" by myself yesterday. I kind of wish I had done more with it, bit it went by fast. Maybe once it's all said and done, today won't be so bad and will help make up for Saturday. I think I kind of see you as "online family" now, Soul. I've been talking with you and doling out advice so much here this year, it's kind of been like this new familial contact that's replacing some of my decayed friendships and a bit of my connection I used to have with my parents. My family and I are still alright, and I guess hearing my dad ask questions and show concern after that guy hit me with his car showed me that he does care. But I know me and them don't fully see eye-to-eye on things and haven't for at least a decade. And I like my personal space from them, and miss the independence I used to feel that I had in my life. I keep worrying my situation with my lease ending is going to lead to that moment of the shit hitting the fan in this relationship. Maybe it won't, but it potentially could. We'll likely go month-to-month for a while if we can. But I don't think we're on the same page with things here and she will want to make us move. And, somehow, that's gonna force me to have to ask my parents for more money and I don't want to. She's already making me feel like I'll need to roundabout ask them for cash tomorrow, to help with evening our finances out for July and making it so we can do something with my vacation days in a few weeks. I just wish she wouldn't make me feel like I'm asking them for help with a loan we have and delayed for a month and a half, which goes active again on the 1st. I'd rather it be me asking more for spending money for the little trip we want to take, and even then not asking for a particular amount. Not trying to make my gf sound bad here, either. We are doing okay this week. But man.... I really hope she finds another job soon. The unemployment pay she's getting helps, but it's much less than what she had been bringing in. I get that she isn't sure she'll succeed if she asks to go fulltime at her other job. At least her former coworker might have put in a good word for her at the job she went on to, so that's inspiring hope. Alright, I'm gonna go get a bit more sleep. I hope your weekend is going well, also. Thanks for listening, Doctor Crane. 8-)

Heeeelp meeeeeeeee! It's UV10 and, I daren't even LOOK at the mercury! I'm sat with a floor-fan on top speed, only 4 Feet away, and drinking ice-cold mineral water and a cold, creamy coffee (breakfast lol), meanwhile, red-faced, sweating buckets and breaking out in heat rashes (mmm, attractive). The laptop isn't helping, either - it's like a hot water bottle (handy only in Winter). I need one of those trays on legs. How is it your end? PS: Sunny's bf is just WEIRD, isn't he? And very pettily so (clue?). That AND bloody-minded (UK meaning: deliberately uncooperative). He's even irritating me, now - is he you? He should date a blow-up if he's that intent on never being open to influence by a gf. (Bit of another worrying narc symptom, tho, that...not allowing partners to influence them (yet expecting to influence the partner). Me, I wouldn't stand for that nonsense....'cease and delete or eff-off, pal' or 'you're too weird for me, mate'.) ___________________ "So since the other day, the cop who wrote up the police report (and my girlfriend) kind of convinced me not to try to pursue things further. I was bothered that the cop couldn't really give me this assurance that the other guy admitted fault, or that he wouldn't still try to come after me for something he caused," OH, COULD. HE. *NOT*? That sounds like he knows what this ex-cop was like, doesn't it! " but from what I can tell my insurance company has worked things out and knows I'm not the one at fault." PHEW! "I will be angry if things change and I find out my car insurance company has incorrect information about the accident again." Nah. And anyway - what ABOUT the CCTV footage? Or the bystanders? ___________ I'm not sure I like "Bally" so much, but you can't really control what nicknames other people make stick for you. It could be worse, probably. Actually, Bally is/was a fitness center chain here. Uh, well I'm not big into expensive sneakers. I try to keep it to like $80/pair tops if I can. My friends in my old city used to laugh at me and say I wore "dad shoes." Whaaaat? DON'T BE DAFT. It's *your* name?! What can make out of Balance that you like, then? What about Lance, as in, Sir Lancelot? Or just Bal? Or B? Or "buh"? :D (...'the artist formerly known as' hahahaha!). "At first it seemed like you could have very well been giving feedback to the whole accident situation, when you were responding to the earlier post about the person who said that threatening thing." Did I? Have I been white-witchy/wizardy again? I'll go up in a min and have a ganders. "Am I going bonkers? I thought you said Tulsa? Que??" Not at all. I have never even been to Tulsa, though I did stay in Oklahoma City once. I kind of like to leave my personal information a little cryptic, but basically I'm on the East Coast." Who said Tulsa, then? East coast, east coast.....er.......(my geography is CUH-RAP...I'll have to look on a map). "You can if you leave it inside one of those plastic, insulated freeze boxes." We call them coolers. :-D " So do we but I couldn't recall. Seriously, this heat-with-high-humidity fries your braincells - or puts them under, anyway. (What's my name again?!) It's like the sun goes down and suddenly you have brainpower again. I'm okay at the mo but I'm probably going to copy Fluffster and go back to sleep soon and stay up all night again (thank GOD for nights!). She's in the North-facing garden at the mo, inside a bush. Have you ever had a cat or other pet? I fcknlove cats...grew up with them AND lived next-door to a Cattery. And I do identify more as a cat than a person tbh. (No need to call Matron, though, I'm not that bad.) Poor ol' Scopes, though, haha (have you read?). He must be a dog person. "Well, we have these insulated bags from the grocery store that you can put things in with an ice pack, so sometimes I do that, and sometimes I'll bring some waters into work with me to keep in the refrigerator." (UK: fridge.) Don't they have one of those water-dispensers? (Cheap basstds :p) "I was going to just re-use this metal water bottle we have, but it would be a pain to wash it every night after work, and unfortunately we really like buying cases of bottled waters. I am part of the environmental problem, and I apologize." Yes, but so do I. They're recyclable. And it's not like you even have to rinse them out first with water! Anyway, the difference we domestics make is but a drop in a vast ocean (created by commerce and industry); they're the ones that need to 'tighten their belts', not us. Still, at least plenty of the billionnaires are inventing stuff to reverse it, like that guy who modified a dredger to collect all the plastic from the sea beds.... 'n things 'n stuff. ""Is at least snowy so you can have fun with it (and free days off work)?" "I don't love the snow, but Winters have been mild over the past several years. Snow doesn't usually impact work, you still have to get to work. Actually with my current employer, it might be even more paramount that I show up on snowy days."" Ah! Scooby Clue as to what you do (I'm a poet 'n I know it)....'click-whirr, click-whirr'.... okay, I think I've got it. :) Splains the email thing. ""So you do have a decent amount of muscle, then?" Lol, yeah. So around these parts, most of us can walk around in t-shirts and even shorts if we wanted to until it gets really cold. It could be like the 20's or 30's by that point, I really don't know off the top of my head. It's not like I imagine it would be in Alaska, or Vermont, or North Dakota or something. Those places probably get really cold in the Wintertime. I really can't fathom how some of those people in Russia manage when it gets so cold that their eyelashes are frozen." No, me neither! "But I'm guessing that's how people from warmer climates must look at us, lol." Like the Innuit tourists in London in our so-called Winter - shorts 'n t-shirts. "For the record though, again, I can also handle hotter weather just fine." You can have it! "A lot of people here would complain about 90's and 100-degree-plus weather, but I would enjoy that too. As long as it's a dry heat." Oh, sure - me too. But it's not, it's really humid here. Never used to be - except August and maybe April. "What gets me is humidity. I don't think I could handle some place like Florida where it's absolutely muggy heat. That would suck." I wasn't aware Florida was muggy. Oh, that's good to know, then, cos I've got an ahole ex lives there now, hahahahaha. ""Ahole transplants? Que?" So certain parts of the United States that get nicer weather, usually people from colder states will move away to when they get sick of the cold and the snow." Yes - I've seen Midnight Cowboy. (:D) " I'm not saying all of the "transplants", as we call them, are awful people. But a lot of them are." Yeah... Not their 'house', they don't have to 'clean it up'. "What I've found and experienced is that places with sunny weather attract not-so-sunny people. Angry outdoorsy types, shallow folks, and criminals love these paradise cities because they don't have to contend with the snow." Yeah, thinking about it - you're right! "The homeless, too, flock to warmer areas - not that I can blame them. But it's a bit more complicated than what I'm explaining, even." Yeah, no, I do get what you mean. "It's like all of the evil and malice of mankind is kind of amplified in places like this. It's like Hell on Earth." You get a lot of crims and other scum flocking/fleeing here, too. "I'm still a little jealous of my friend who lives in California, however." Is that the jewel in the American crown, climate-wise? _______________ ""Then it's not 'your app'. Find another or find another medium. Dump The Dud Dungeon." You're correct about that, too. I think I just want to keep that app because a lot of reliable Progressive personalities, reporters and news sources use it, and I want to have access to that information if...things get much worse... I might just interact on that app less and less, but "lurk" there." Good plan, Stan! ""Can you type out the exchange for me and let me hear/feel them? I'm able to get their number that way." This would have been a good opportunity to showcase what I'm talking about, but I blocked that person after our interaction. I don't have access to anything I posted there anymore, I don't think." Awww, booooo. In future, save screenshots. (They keep you anchored in vindication and validation.) "Basically what it amounted to was, this person created a "Feed" for a particular topic, and I joined it for a little while. They posted a bunch of things, criticizing a popular fan-run news-source related to the Feed's topic. I didn't jump on them at all, I just said, "I think you're letting (sic) issue get to you too much" and finished it off with another thought, saying that I got my news from their Feed, so maybe that would make them feel better since I wasn't getting my news through this fan source. Then they retaliated. It's like a reflex for them." So they were so enraged that they were then blind to the 'equalizing' compliment. Oh, well, then... Hot-head scanning for insults and always up for a fight. ""Start your OWN club, then. That's what I've always done." For real. I guess I just gotta align myself with the people who've proven themselves to me, and trust that they'll do the right thing when the challenge befalls them. I'd much rather have them on my side than that "user" friend, anyway. Still, it sucks feeling like I'm not really heard." Yeah, but you're heard on HERE, aren't you. So what's up with that? Answer: Right Qualities (yours), Wrong Recipients (but not on here). Tip for next time: piss on their firework and say: Hey, I'm on your side here! See what happens. If they still attack, say: Hey, you've just changed my mind here! (:D) ""You don't even know if they're genuine Liberals or just using liberalism as a disguise and cover from which to enjoy angrily throwing missiles at undeserving, innocent people; that's the problem with online (unless you know how to see through the fog as well as their disguises)" This is also a good point. There were more than a few times on this app where I had to question whether this person was really THAT dense, or was possibly some kind of foreign plant there to sew doubt."" (Sow) ('sowing seeds of doubt') (sorry lol...it's for the kidz at home) Usually, anyone 'that dense' wouldn't be on such a site in the first place. We get plants here, trying to change survivors minds. (That's why I wanted G away from you...think about it...she wasn't after help/influence so what on earth WAS she here for? Answer's obvious.) ""It's hard to tell where disagreeing people on the same side begin, and where trolls end."" That's why only I deal with them (here). I can spot the characteristic whiffs a mile-off. My mind is always on 'what's the objective here' and the actions and aim(s) primarily... WHAT'S THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS, PAL?! Go re-read - you'll maybe see. ""All I know is, I can't in good-conscience take shit from people who didn't even vote for the opposition candidate. I don't care how bad the situation was in Palestine, you weren't going to fix things if you didn't vote against the guy who was good friends with Israel's leader."" Yes, but, we aphids don't have all the Gen. Only the ants (the ants that constantly milk us). Look at Brexit - the Referendum. I thought - DO WHAT? What do *I* know about what Brexit will or won't achieve?...as if the media are a reliable source of the truth and anything to go on?!? What you asking ME/US for?! James O'Brien - breakfast presenter on LBC saw and said it all, though....from A right to Z. (His sense of validation must be HUUUUUUGE!). He says he has no bitterness towards Brexit voters because THEY WERE DUPED. YES THEY BLOODY WERE. Count me out, thanks - you're not making ME an aider & abetter. IOW, I correctly identified the woods, but relied on James (journo/author - very plugged-in) for the specific, specialist trees. Talk about trying to escape ministerial responsibility and make any bad consequences OUR OWN fault?! Give a load of angry (comparitively-speaking -) toddlers a load of machine-guns, why doncha! So I refused to vote. Wasn't arrogant enough to, I guess. "Narcs- (and the highly narcissistic) and Sociopaths-in-disguise infiltrate EVERY club... they're social predators so accordingly they hang-out in every single setting where decent peeps are drawn to. They are the few that spoil it for the rest of us'. (Did you ever hear your parents come out with that saying?) And they love the dark and long grass of the internet (for all the wrong and bad reasons)." No, they never said anything like this. The closest thing they've said is, "eVeRy LiFe MaTtUrZ!"" They said what? Every life matures? That's a bit non-committal and at-a-distance, isn't it? It's not about maturing, is it. It's about whether someone(s) can only mature at our expense. Plus - Narcs CAN'T mature - that's their whole prob (kids in grown-up suits - and nasty, and with adult tools (machine-guns), with it). ""There's a meme going round at the mo with a pic of a bloke sat atop a mountain, admiring the panoramic view, that says something like, 'The Internet used to be an escape from Reality. Nowadays, Reality is an escape from the Internet." I really think I was around for the prime years of the Internet. Message Boards, Chatrooms, those 2000's years before a few massive websites took over the lion's share of Internet traffic... The Internet was still hopeful, even though it was all destined to eventually become commercial..."" Oh, yes - the Year 2000...the end of civilisation as we knew it (before this one) due to missing computer programming, haha. That was a good money-spinner, wasn't it. ""I can tell you're the age you say. You haven't seen this sort of disruption and chaos before. I have."" I stand corrected. ""I call it the Pendulum Swing... Something comes along to disrupt the societal/global status quo and soceity goes over-reactive, like a Pendulum that's been swiped violently into activity. They spend the next decade swinging wildly until they lose kenesis (and the situation becomes incorporated into their way of being). Then the pendulum is static (the new status quo). Then (usually a decade later) (the Chinese were right about total recovery taking a decade), suddenly, ANOTHER disruptive thing comes along aaaand we're off again. (Can you picture it?) It makes me laugh my face off because it's always been said to be Aspies and Auties that are black-and-white thinkers-reactors. Not from where I've been sitting it's not. You should be starting a club/leading, not joining/following - that's the problem. But your having had your natural male aggression too deeply repressed during childhood (strict parents?), followed by continuing it yourself after you left home (self-suppression), you lack - and understand - ALL. you. lack. now, is Self-Confidence and -Assurance (and above-explained Insurance in the self-defense lessons)." "My father has described the "Pendulum Swing" before, but it didn't seem to have much merit then. It's hard to give it much merit when the pendulum has swung in the direction my parents and their generation faced twice in a row now." I know. Anyone would think society had an inability to learn, even from experience/bad consequences (like spath-narcs). Isn't the War Machine a huge money-making one, though? "You know, every time I hear the song "Land of Confusion", my blood boils. No, Phil Collins, your generation did not "put it right." (Much respect, you were an alright musician.)" (I've got their albums - that one was my fave, bar 'Follow you, Follow me'.) 'But they just made promises.' Yip. " Then they turned right around and became the very thing they were revolting against. ...Just like that big speech Austin Powers gave to Dr. Evil at the end of International Man of Mystery. The Boomers, and I know, not all of them - the Boomers led us down this road." But who was leading them. ""They had their share of hardships, I know. I get it. But instead of wanting better for the generation after them, like all of the generations before, they wanted to blame us and laugh at us even though they raised us to know right from wrong. Generation X is just as guilty in my eyes, because being the older sons and daughters of the Boomers, they sought to appease them and make them proud, rather than stand up to them and question everything." WELL PUT! Not enough Critical Thinkers. Me, I realised that to the hilt when the TV advertisement voted as the winner of the whatever-awards, was, "I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight!". I suddenly felt like that fella from that film (or the name I never bloody remember!) who wakes up in the future, surrounded by idiots, making him a genius to point of a god in their eyes. What was it called? Auto-something? "I do not think Aspies see the world in Black and White, either." Course not - they're about details.... pixels...atoms*. If anyone can see and separate the black pixels from the white out of grey, it's them. (BtW, IMO that's the difference between HF and non-HF Aspies. HF's can see the atomic AND the bigger picture, simultaneously (or side-by-side in their head).) "This bothers me, because I can see the Grey areas, and I imagine anyone with empathy could!" There you go, then - precisely! "You are probably right, Soulmate." (I've decided I'm gonna have that put on my gravestone, haha.) "I should be a leader. But people do not follow me. And I don't know what in the Hell to do about that." Play all by yourself, in front of them all, and be seen to be having a GREAT time! People will think: I want summa that!, and amble over. ""Here, we call them Tourists, haha." No, when I say Transplants, I mean people who permanently move to warmer cities/states. Tourists happen in big cities, too, but transplants don't go away. They change the makeup of the state to have a higher Asshole Percentage."" Ohhhh - got ya. Well, I guess I'm sort-of one of those. However, the only thing I'm imposing is my standards and, if not met, voting with my feet and walking away from commercial as well as personal dross, as in, 'Then you can't HAVE me' and 'Then you can't HAVE my money!...bye-bye'. I'm only a control-freak when it comes to myself. I only compete with myself as well. Twins could probably compete in the true sense of the word, but otherwise, it's like trying to decide which is superior - an apple or a banana - when the whole point is supposed to be FRUIT SALAD! If you can't cooperate with other people then eff-off from other people! Simples! ""This and the karate TOO, however, aaaand..... (wiggles eyebrows enticingly).... A third option is to study up on all the bodily pressure points so that you can just simply give their, say, shoulder a squeeze and dig a finger into the 'wrong' place that has them instantly going, 'AH!-AH!-AH!', as they literally crumple to the floor in abject agony and yells of mercy. JUST for a second or two until you release them. ('Don't uck with me pal - I could dislocate your joints')." "I actually don't think I even need to take up any form of self-defense to be a menace for these people. I actually think I could take some of them just fine with good, old-fashioned fists to the skull and stomach."" Oh, well - GOOD, then! Yes, I did notice the pushing-him-away bit (Mr Tubby-Tum-Nee-Naw) and wonder. Maybe NOT so locked-in, then. Good. So the difficulty lies in having the magic words and quips come to-mind at the time? ""My problem would probably be that I'm not a speedy, zippy guy, I am kind of slow, and it might take a minute or two for the adrenaline to kick in so I can start throwing the truly damaging punches and kicks. (And bites.) But I also know how to fight dirty, and use the environment to my advantage." ARE YOU? That's interesting! So it's TRANSITIONS you have probs with, not the change itself, but if forced to switch rocks, you quickly adapt to the new one? As long as I can have endurance, I think I could win. Even being short. The problem is that a lot of these supposed "Alphas" usually have to travel in packs to actually present a threat. Alone, they would be much quieter and pose much less of a problem. Hah! - 'and bites'. Oh, yeah, you're definitely an HF Aspie, haha! GOOD, I'm glad you're unlocked and loaded. But then that means, you're NOT down and pick-on-able. It's because you're A CHALLENGE (to the *antisocial* narcs and narc-spaths I mean). ""Evil never wins. Never has, never will. Problem is, you see, it never can. You only have to study History to know that." Hopefully you're right."" No, I'm 'probably right', after which 'it turns out I was right (after all)'. ;D It's funny, isn't it. You've got the normals wishing they were special (and the warped normals making sh*t up). And then you've got the specials wishing they were normal. :D ""Even if they take us down, dissenters will rise up in their new society to eat them from within. And honestly, it's fun to think about how humiliating that will be for them. They spend decades blaming a group of people for society's shortcomings, and then the problems magically still happen long after they're eradicated! Guess that group wasn't the problem, huh?"" (clears furniture) WELL OBSERVED AND PUT! That's right - HUMANS are. Well, a certain cough!-type, having managed to get into positions of power, anyway. Bstds are even complained about in the Bible. That's why, even from a very young age, I gave up looking at surfaces/facades (taking things at face value) and now always peek around, under, over, through, beneath. ""Another (additional) idea is for you to join any (non-extreme, intelligent) activist campaign groups in your area. E.g. against Police corruption?" "I'm gonna level with you. My county is pretty Red. I have thought about pursuing gun use/safety courses before, and maybe that is still an option. It looks like most of them are offered many hours away in my state, but it's something I can consider." Shurrrre iz! Although - what was Sergeant Spare-Tyre's reaction and response when you pushed him and his pot-belly away? Maybe you don't need to? Maybe you just need to practise being able to think under shock and disbelief? Actually - scratch that - learning fast reactions is what shooting would teach you. Yeah, then - try it! Just try *something* new if you don't rate your brew. Alter the cocktail...that's all you can do. (- Dr Seuss Wanna-Be) Aka, if you can't take stuff out - put stuff in. "PS: message to your gf: Since you seem to think you're so good at persuading - why don't you put that to the test and see if you can persuade *yourself* to tidy up *yours-and-only-your* sh*t that you're infecting the living-room and discombobulating your bf with? :p" That is getting old. I see that she is making progress with it, so that's probably why I haven't pushed the issue much. Still, her one job closed down and she has a lot of free time now, so maybe I should try talking to her about getting that done so I have the fucking space in my living room back." Making progress with it... Jeezuz, it's not like it's bloody Ben Nevis. Aww, mulch it down and make a papier mache vase out of it - go on! ""I HID their shit. Sometimes in a bin-liner down the bottom of the garden in a hole in the flowerbed. And then played "Hot And Cold" with them ('...warmer...warmer....ooooh - cooold!')" Oh shit. I... love this idea, lmao. If it goes on much past July, I may have to start taking advice from you."" HAHA - oh, no, won't that be terrible. That'll mean YOU'LL have great fun with idiots instead of getting angry, too - oh, no! Trust me - their comedy value is huge and never-ending. Plus, they won't make a fuss if it exposes the fact (which it would) that they seriously lack their own and/or genuine Sense of Humour (you need enough empathy for that, plus the definition of true SOH is that one can laugh at oneself first and foremost). Just make their nonsense hard work for them (whereas you gain: a giggle and lifelong anecdote, your usual sense of power, and satisfaction). Sure, they'll at some point 'get you back for that'. But that just means MORE comedy fodder for you! (That's why that troll Banks on Marpip's thread pissed-off.) Win/Win! They ARE ridiculous (and by choice). So ridicule them. If they don't want to end up ridiculed every time, then..... (uh, duuuuh)..... (quick aside... I can smell cooking...must be coming from one of the neighbours' houses (it's very windy today)... who the hell would want to cook in wet heat like this!..... Smells like seared pork.....(no, not your policeman haha)..... I couldn't eat in this heat if you paid me! It's fine tho, I ensured for pudding last night I had a whole family sized (-not really...small family) tub of Haagen-Dazs, Belgian Choc flavour (phwooar!) in readiness, whereas last Summ, the heat rendered me looking pretty skeletal.) ""Another tool for you is one I recommended to Lily before realising she already regularly listened to it (with her Mum): listen (online) to LBC Radio. It's The Truth Station...most successful station for it. NOT an echo chamber - all the presenters have their own political beliefs and views. But it's all THE TRUTH (and they prove it). LOADS of foreign listeners. And it's phone-in (the callers set the conversational agenda). No topic out-of-bounds.... Serious yet highly entertaining and mentally stimulating. AND, more importantly, it keeps you grounded and SURE." I may just check out LBC Radio. Up until a few months ago I was listening pretty regularly to the Progress shows on Sirius XM, some of the big names include Thom Hartmann, John Fugelsang, and Dean Obeidallah. I still check in from time to time, but I get stressed out listening as things grow more bold and brazen. I used to even listen to The Daily Show and John Oliver Tonight, but I get so fucking depressed with everything, I can barely bring myself to keep up anymore."" Do. It's 'you'. Plus, being constantly award-winning, they manage to get ALL the best (, truthful) experts on there! James O'Brien is your guy (10am GMT to 1pm). But so is Nick Ferrari (early morning). And so is Shelagh Fogarty (1pm) (but you can listen again at night), as she basically talks about all things Narcissistic/heartless/selfish, including battered husbands as well as wives. And then there is the giant Comedy Slut himself at 10-midnight: Nick Abbot. He sends everyonen to bed, gaffawing at all the problems and problem-causers of the world. He's a hero of mine. :) Second to Nick is Iain Payne (on during the wee hours) - he's been getting more and more playful and outside-the-envelope lately, it's great (I suspect a number of them are HF Aspies....don't tell them, though, haha). It's funny, isn't it. People used to shun Aspies because they told only the truth, whole truth and nothing but the truth, yet suddenly, these days, people can't get enough of their truth, whole and nothing but the truth. (Amongst others, you have Trumplestiltskin to thank for that.) And that's why Aspies are about to become VEEEERY popular in both the 'playgrounds' AND 'classrooms' (offices). ""Even looking at your diet. Even changing nothing but your DRINKS (if you ain't got time for that)" Listen here, I enjoy my beer. I usually go a week or two without, and then need it again. Soda is a hard one to quit." No-no, beer's good for you - especially Guinness, Stout and other real, dark ales. (Send off for a tester pack of Olde English or Belgian beers - they're amazing! My faves are Bishops Tipple and Old Thumper or 49-er. And Guinness.) But you might mean Lager so - alright then, don't take Lager out - PUT GUINNESS IN. It's beaut with a shot of Tia Maria in it, if you find it too bitter. ('Listen here'.... hahahaha - hwhart's thairt, Lord Fortisque-Smedley-Brown? 'I say!') ""That car-bent ex-copper incident was Fate's way of telling you it's on-board...'Ready when you are!'. Trust me - I speak Fate-ese." I don't really know if this is the straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back for my current situation. It likely isn't."" No, the point was - I'm here and ready WHEN YOU are. Meanwhile, it might spot, grab and sling something majorly handy onto your path. Watch that space. I've seen it happen a hundred (thousand) times....the protagonist thinking either they have to do something or the other person/entity does or nothing will change, and then as soon as they become more accepting of the idea of getting moving/tackling it - BAM!... Fate outdoes it/them with something even better and more transformative! And then you feel silly (and rescued). Can you recall any situation like that from your past? ""Thing is, everything was going better lately. I am in no rush to try to re-enter the modern dating world," Don't blame ya! ""and I just started my job at this new place so I'm really not in a good place to try to apply for jobs 4+ hours away."" No, but you can start so that you're prepared. It'll give you a greater sense of escape options if or when you need them. That's the main point. The self-re-empowerment. Plus, as illustrated - often, doing that, makes Fate intervene (if it disagrees with your own potential plan). "I was single for seven f*cking years." (Asterisk the u, please) (yes, I know, but...nosy little kidz...). Me - coming up 9 years. It's buh-RILLIANT! Kicking myself for not having done this before. " It was hard enough to find someone kind. I don't even know if it's realistic to hope for someone beautiful, smart, and into the same things as me anymore. I'm fast-approaching 40. And there's a lot I like about my girlfriend, even if she doesn't tick all of the boxes. Otherwise, I'll be waiting around for years and years, trying to find a pretty ginger or an Asian with no kids." Yeah, but I'm not talking about your gf, I'm talking about you and she moving again because your first choice of location sucks. (But - no, you wouldn't. If you stayed like you ARE, you might. But you're not staying as you are - it's impossible, and already you're changing....in front of my very eyes, in fact - that's how fast you're growing and self-re-programming.) ______________ ""PPS: I haven't seen any moodiness from you. I'd comment on it if I had (ask Mannie, he'll tell ya, haha - I don't do holding-back/hinting)" I am absolutely moody sometimes. It probably doesn't come up as much on here. I think as years go on, my threshold for bullshit is plummeting." Good. Me, I'm at Zero Tolerance now. I can understand - even sympathise/pity (with the fact it's not their fault they're d*cks) - without that meaning I have to tolerate, let alone suffer...instead, entertaining myself at their expense by taking the playful piss (playful to everyone but them). ""Ooh, which reminds me. I do have a quick heads-up for you. Try to have a rule which says, 'No reading the whole thread - no making comment'. As you've seen, your attempt to help has too high a chance of going Pleugh if you don't have the entire picture/story." Yeah, Sunnysarah is starting to throw me for a f*cking loop."" That's American for 'confusing me', isn't it? It's quite simple: In our Loveseat, Boyfriend is making me sit on drawing-pins. Either he removes them (because I can't) or I'm off. But she has to be the magic word: Ready. Usually it's when fear of staying becomes greater than fear of leaving/being alone. Or they suddenly (having got over-cocky because you failed to dump them for x/y/z) do something too big NOT to dump them for. Or, alternatively, matey does NOTHING else wrong, even everything else right, in which case you do put up with it (what I call the overall Dark-to-Light Ratio). Keep watching that space... But I don't like him because he's now said more than once, 'you're overthinking' (so it's obviously a stock reaction). (No, pal - it's obvious now that the thing I've overthought is YOU!) ""Other than that - at this point in the game, you are the most problem-free employee I've ever had! (Where were you in the 80s when I needed ya in London, eh!)" Probably not quite born yet. Lol."" HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's NO excuse! ""But you and I, we make a great team, aye?"" Defo. " I'm glad to have you, Soulmate. And I hope we're helping these latest people in need of advice." Ahhh, thank-you. You too. And course you are. Just having someone there and involved - the moral support - is the most helpful thing. Just BEING THERE. Anything else is just us showing-off haha! "I'm still not sure I agree with you in Colorado Dad's thread. And it' okay, I guess we'll always answer to the best of our ability, based on our own experiences." Which bit - what? "It sucks that I can only really come and comment here 1 day a week. Maybe 1.5, if my girlfriend falls asleep one night when I'm feeling ambitious." Shove some Medised in her coffee & Tia Maria (would you like a cocktail coffee, darling?)...nah, I'm only joshing, don't want to get you into spiking, haha. Shame you can't, though. I suppose you could always bore her with some long work story? Or 'develop IBS' and have to spend hours in the loo? Haha. "Love you, hope you're having a good weekend, Soulmate. Thanks for all of your input! :-)" Ooh, I say! Steady-on there? I can't afford a wedding just now. :D No - I'm fine with 'What little of you I know, I love', so, "backatcha". And Mannie. And Lils and Scopes, of course. And WT.... (See what you've started? ;D) PS: I know! I'll nickname you Tulsa! ??? Balance is just so... formal. Have a think.....

PS if it helps: I'm frisking and litmusing him (because his focus seemed abnormal). Just keep watching... But do tell me which bit(s).

PS: I've noticed Sundays seem to be the best day for me to post. Probably because the RL folks all shut-up. Which tends to be yours?

"As long as I can have endurance, I think I could win. Even being short. The problem is that a lot of these supposed "Alphas" usually have to travel in packs to actually present a threat. Alone, they would be much quieter and pose much less of a problem." Oh, I missed this! Yes, don't they just. Fffffunny, that. ...unless they're 'protected' behind a windscreen or computer screen....(which, they're not, but they're the biggest self-deluders on the planet). I've just noticed it's got a tad cooler. :)

PS: """I'm gonna level with you. My county is pretty Red. I have thought about pursuing gun use/safety courses before, and maybe that is still an option. It looks like most of them are offered many hours away in my state, but it's something I can consider." You could take the missus and make that a great day out! Stuff like that is definitely bonding. And if there's a themepark on the way - get her on a scary rollercoaster....might make her braver.....('Oooh noooo, just leeave iit'. Don't think so, luv. If everyone just left it we'd be....IN THE STATE WE ARE, OH, LOOKIE AT THAT, WHAT A COINKYDINKY). (Bring back Critical Thinking and Bravery.)

(Back soon for Parte Deux)

Greetings again, Soulmate. I'll attempt to respond to your posts here. "How is it your end?" - It's been hotter than usual. Yesterday things cooled down some, but things have generally gotten warmer. It makes sense since it is pretty much officially Summertime now. It's been in the 80's and low 90's, mostly. But inside (where I've been most of the time) has been fine. I usually just turn on the standing fan, or the ceiling fan, or both, and I'm good. If it gets too hot, I fire up the A/C. My gf tends to like to open the windows - I don't care for doing that so much, but it does likely help. "PS: Sunny's bf is just WEIRD, isn't he? And very pettily so (clue?). That AND bloody-minded (UK meaning: deliberately uncooperative). He's even irritating me, now - is he you? He should date a blow-up if he's that intent on never being open to influence by a gf. (Bit of another worrying narc symptom, tho, that...not allowing partners to influence them (yet expecting to influence the partner). Me, I wouldn't stand for that nonsense....'cease and delete or eff-off, pal' or 'you're too weird for me, mate'.)" - I'm honestly not interpreting that situation the same way as you are. At first it was sounding like her bf is still stuck on this old flame, but it keeps sounding more and more like Sunny is getting a bit paranoid and seeing communication and mind games there where there isn't any. Either way, I think we can both agree that she needs to break up with him. She is just never going to feel comfortable or secure with this guy and will constantly think he is talking to that ex. It is going to get bad for her mental health. "And anyway - what ABOUT the CCTV footage? Or the bystanders?" - The CCTV footage from the store was apparently handed over to the policeman, when he was putting together the police report. It does make me wonder if the store still has their own copy - they absolutely should if they don't. But, that should be going to my insurance company too, I'd imagine. The one witness who stayed around and spoke to the officer talked to him briefly, but then I don't know if he took down his information or anything like that. For my own sanity, I am moving on from this issue for now. I'll only bring it up again if it becomes relevant again. "Or just Bal?" - Bal is fine. "Is that the jewel in the American crown, climate-wise?" - I would say yes. California seems to get some of the nicest weather in the country, the obvious downside to that being forest fires and bad air from time to time. It also doesn't get as hot as some of the hottest parts of the country, usually staying nice and sunny but also not burn-your-brains-out-hot. Or at least that's my interpretation of it. "(Sow) ('sowing seeds of doubt') (sorry lol...it's for the kidz at home)" - You're right, I guess that is a word I keep spelling wrong. I think where some of the confusion comes in is that the word sow also means a female pig with piglets, pronounced differently. "We get plants here, trying to change survivors minds. (That's why I wanted G away from you...think about it...she wasn't after help/influence so what on earth WAS she here for? Answer's obvious.)" - I'm not really sure I agree with you about G, either. She came here to talk about her situation. My interaction with G went fine, and I'm still not seeing whatever it was you were seeing there. But at any rate, she decided to stop posting here. "So I refused to vote. Wasn't arrogant enough to, I guess." - I'm not saying you were wrong to look at things that way, but I feel like your vote is going somewhere so you'd might as well choose where it's going. I'm not entirely sure if voting matters anymore, or if it is rigged. I guess it's best to at least try to fight for the side you think is correct. "They said what? Every life matures? That's a bit non-committal and at-a-distance, isn't it?" - No, they said every life matters, whenever they heard "Black Lives Matter" and wanted to devalue that phrase and its meaning because they were too dense to get it. It doesn't have much to do with your original subject, which is to say that no, they didn't have sayings about social predators. My family confused the Hell out of me with where to place caution and with whom. My mom spent my Kindergarten year of school praising my teacher, so that made me think, "Oh, that's a nice lady!", even though she was very impatient with me and kind of mean. Years later I brought that teacher up and she was like, "Oh, she was kind of a bitch, wasn't she?" ... But in general, she was always pretty down on teachers, who she feels get overpaid in our area. Maybe that's true, Idk. "Oh, yes - the Year 2000...the end of civilization as we knew it (before this one) due to missing computer programming, haha. That was a good money-spinner, wasn't it." - All I can really think is, wow, what a great time the 2000's were. And it's kind of crappy to feel that way. It's right that we critiqued what people in charge were doing, it's right that they expected better of our leaders and of our country. Everything from that time just seems so simple and so quaint compared to now. And honestly, I don't like a ton of what has happened on either side of the aisle in politics since then. "But who was leading them." - That's honestly a good question. I haven't been able to fully wrap my head around it. Perhaps I just missed too much due to my age. I really don't know. "WELL PUT! Not enough Critical Thinkers. Me, I realised that to the hilt when the TV advertisement voted as the winner of the whatever-awards, was, "I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight!". I suddenly felt like that fella from that film (or the name I never bloody remember!) who wakes up in the future, surrounded by idiots, making him a genius to point of a god in their eyes. What was it called? Auto-something?" - Yes, the critical-thinking thing. I actually started using that term in one of these other responses, but ended up changing that part. I actually had a much longer response to something, but it was getting rambling. The movie you're referring to is Mike Judge's film, Idiocracy. He also made another classic years prior, Office Space. The guy is pretty smart, and can really observe society and people and nail things about them in his movies and shows. "Which bit - what?" - I don't know off the top of my head now, it's been a few days since I read things last. I generally give people more the benefit of the doubt, and try to understand where they're coming from. I felt like maybe you were going on the offensive a bit too much with Colorado Dad over the situation, and his responses helped to show that. It's alright to call people out on things, but at the same time the guy's daughter probably does need to learn some independence and be more grounded. There's a lot of factors to consider with peoples' problems, and I don't want to scare off people who come to us for help. "Ooh, I say! Steady-on there? I can't afford a wedding just now. :D No - I'm fine with 'What little of you I know, I love', so, "backatcha". And Mannie. And Lils and Scopes, of course. And WT..." - Oi, sorry, I guess that did sound a little off. It was a little embarrassing. Nothing weird was meant by it, but it probably didn't help that I was drinking while responding to topics last weekend. On the thing about Balance sounding formal, I guess I like formal. I guess 2 or 3 syllables doesn't seem like too much for a name for me. "I've noticed Sundays seem to be the best day for me to post. Probably because the RL folks all shut-up. Which tends to be yours?" - Oh, most definitely Saturdays, today. "You could take the missus and make that a great day out! Stuff like that is definitely bonding." - Realistically, none of that is in the cards right now for finances. It is something I've given thought to a couple of times over the years, though. Right now we're more concerned with having enough in the bank to pay bills, and taking this little trip in a few weeks to this other town, for a little getaway. Uh, it is now thunder-storming pretty good here. I will try to check out other threads later on if I can.

To Balance and Manalone (and any regular visitors/thread-owners) (and the next-door-neighbour's cat), Heya! Just a quickie to apologise to you guys, and other helpers, for my recent no-show (when WAS it - I can't even recall!), but lately, for the last fortnight, really, it's been Hell-on-a-stick. Not even the nights offer respite now, meaning I have only 4-6 useable hours/day (and my landscaping contractors are working evenings as well)...And the amount I've sweated, I think I've solved all of Cambodia's problems! Everything is a supreme effort, taking three times as long - and mistakes are meanwhile happening all over the place (contractors) - because the heat is turning our brains to mush! I'm not even sure this is coherent but, here's hoping? Anyhoo - doesn't sound like much, probably, but Friday onwards is going to be about 2-3 degrees cooler (AND - specifically/vitally - less humid, PRAISE DEE LAWD!) so...I'll just have to make it up to you guys and let you take a rest if you need to. ....My wocks, you guys are... My wocks. :) ...especially cos you're bolder than most. ('Boulder' - get it? :D) (Still got my SOH - not dead quite yet, haha.) How are you two each? (is that English?)

@Soulmate I responded to this in the other thread, but it's cool. I wasn't on much last weekend, and pretty much after that thunderstorm I never got around to coming back and checking out everything else. Things are ok. I'm mostly gearing up for the little trip me and my girlfriend are taking next weekend. It's kind of startling how far into the Summer we are already, and it probably won't be long until we're back into the Fall and another year passed by. I've been all over with pretty much the same issues. Girlfriend, finances, friends, coworkers, family, locale, etc, etc. Our neighbors were kind of weird and introduced themselves to us again the other day, even though we've lived here for like a year. I'm just so over everyone, it's really not even funny. We're coming up on the 1-year-anniversary of when my one friend's ex died. I feel like we've started drifting apart more lately, to be honest. I don't know whether that has anything to do with it or not. His motives haven't made much sense to me in the past year, but I really can't tell if any of it is related. Maybe it has a little something to do with me letting go more and more from my old city, which he is the only remaining connection I have to that place. I still check out the Reddit for that city every once in a while, and occasionally visit their news website for articles from the region. The consensus online seems to be that most people from that city spend most of their time running the area down, and being negative about it, and really don't appreciate how good they have it there. I have to agree. They're also so stuck in their own world and their own ways, no wonder why they are miserable - they don't accept any outside opinions. I don't really expect much from that friendship or the other friendship I have anymore. If I'm being honest, I think they've peaked. I don't think I'm on the same page as either of these guys anymore, and they become harder to relate to or learn new things from because neither one has the soul I have. The friend from my old city is basically all, "Me, me, me. Yeah this is what I think, and this is what I like. And everything else is dumb to me." The other friend is essentially a goldfish - friendly and without an ounce of conflict, but with about as much going on in his mind every 5 minutes. And I know that sounds mean and harsh, but essentially that's what it comes down to. One is all ego, the other one is attention deficit disorder. If you've read my other responses from today, then maybe you're noticing a trend - I'm caring less and less. I'm getting older. And I don't think I really set out with that viewpoint in mind when I was responding today, but I'm realizing that's kind of where I'm at. I'm getting real sick of other peoples' shit. Anyway, the forum is staying afloat. Clear skies ahead. No storm we haven't weathered, yet.

Heya! Less humid, my arse. Prththhtth! I've just had a swim in the pool so for as long as that holds out before I need another, I think I can manage to post without short-circuiting my laptop (literally, my head has turned into a constant watering-can - you'd have to clock me to believe it...people are commenting on it...I've never sweated so much IN MY LIFE, what the beeping beep is happening to the planet!?). My hair's been constantly wet for a month now and I've got a sweat rash all under my jaw and neck. NOT fun. And we're not even properly into July or August yet. I'll be honest - I'm very concerned and thinking seriously about whether I'll be able to stay here or have to move to a cooler climate. (Got any suggestions?) Grumble-grumble, including head-to-toe mozzie bites, etc. But Fluffy seems to be coping okay (she's a Norweigen Forest Cat so has TWO coats). And since no-one's going anywhere or meeting-up (we tried to meet at the beach last week but even there was too humid and 'mozzified' so we aborted mission for-now), that's about the size of my goss... me and my glamourous life, haha. ___________________________ Which other thread did you respond in? I'll check but if you could please name it next time to save me the troub.? Cheers m'dear. Was it a huge storm? Trip where? Anywhere exciting? How long for? You mean abroad/proper holiday? "It's kind of startling how far into the Summer we are already, and it probably won't be long until we're back into the Fall and another year passed by." Speak for yerself - here, I reckon Summer won't end til October! But, yeah, I know what you're saying. It's called, getting older - time starts speeding-up (and I ain't kidding). I've been here coming-up 5 years already. My response to that is - eff-off NO I HAVEN'T! Two or three at the most! "I've been all over with pretty much the same issues. Girlfriend, finances, friends, coworkers, family, locale, etc, etc. Our neighbors were kind of weird and introduced themselves to us again the other day, even though we've lived here for like a year. I'm just so over everyone, it's really not even funny." That's interesting? Had they got you two wrong (i.e. couldn't see the trees for the pr*cks) and have only now realised? "We're coming up on the 1-year-anniversary of when my one friend's ex died." Ex-gf or ex-wife? What tenure? "I feel like we've started drifting apart more lately, to be honest. I don't know whether that has anything to do with it or not." Then what you're actually saying is - HE has started to drift. Away. Probably, though. (That's negative anniversaries for ya.) Inform him of that and then just ask him? Don't you feel able to directly ask him things like that? "His motives haven't made much sense to me in the past year, but I really can't tell if any of it is related." Can you describe them? Maybe I can work them out. "Maybe it has a little something to do with me letting go more and more from my old city, which he is the only remaining connection I have to that place." Again - ask him. (Do you ever ring him just for a catch-up chat? Or could you start?) "I still check out the Reddit for that city every once in a while, and occasionally visit their news website for articles from the region." Well, THAT'S incredibly revealing, then, isn't it. Tell me again why you and the missus can't move there? "The consensus online seems to be that most people from that city spend most of their time running the area down, and being negative about it, and really don't appreciate how good they have it there. I have to agree. They're also so stuck in their own world and their own ways, no wonder why they are miserable - they don't accept any outside opinions." Or maybe they're just the type that prefer to whinge endlessly, over taking any action (eek!). Or love a good whinge. But I know what you're getting at ("If you don't like it - g'is it here, I'll have it!"). "I don't really expect much from that friendship or the other friendship I have anymore. If I'm being honest, I think they've peaked. I don't think I'm on the same page as either of these guys anymore," Undoubtedly not. (PS 'realising' is proof of having grown/changed/covered a load of ground on your life path, because realising is looking back.) "and they become harder to relate to or learn new things from because neither one has the soul I have." Nope. You're deep. You need to be with other deep people. Ooh - that reminds me of a joke! Is this an inappropriate moment? Probably. I'll PS it, then, lol. (Sorry - it's just come to me and it's a stonker.) "The friend from my old city is basically all, "Me, me, me. Yeah this is what I think, and this is what I like. And everything else is dumb to me." Thank-you for citing four major characteristics of all forms of narcissism, be it normal-but-high or NPD. I was right - you've been utterly, utterly *surrounded*. And now you're 'unsurrounding' yourself. Are you going to do those village-and-pub-crawls I suggested? I mean, your place IS out there, but you do have to put in the effort to find it, and visiting the locals when they're their most relaxed...on their territory...and inhibitions lowered ("hic!") is, I've found, THE fastest way to sort the wheaty villages from the chaff.... e.g. decades back, I found a house I utterly adored, went to the one, local pub (it was a tiny Hamlet)...no-one was in there and (because) the landlord was horrible..SO 'NYO, I DYON'T THYINK SYO'. And then over time had it confirmed by those who had or were still living there. Bish-bash-bosh, no messing, it's worked every single time. "The other friend is essentially a goldfish - friendly and without an ounce of conflict, but with about as much going on in his mind every 5 minutes. And I know that sounds mean and harsh, but essentially that's what it comes down to. One is all ego, the other one is attention deficit disorder." No, it sounds funny! :D (Don't apologise. This is your secret diary. You're ALLOWED to opine reactively in your secret diary. It's called venting and is a coping mechanism for letting out stress...like a pressure cooker - "peeeeep!"...stop ya going mad...(-der, haha). "If you've read my other responses from today," Nope - not yet. Came straight here. CN's next (I think?...I don't even know the order of queuing now). "then maybe you're noticing a trend - I'm caring less and less. I'm getting older." No, you're Recovering (from all things shoddy and unworthy of you as pose as obstacles/delays). And Maturing. (My version sounds better than yours so - I win. :D) "And I don't think I really set out with that viewpoint in mind when I was responding today, but I'm realizing that's kind of where I'm at. I'm getting real sick of other peoples' shit." Haha! Zero Tolerance here you come! Welcome to Normal-Healthy People world. They don't tolerate people's sh*t, either. They just go, 'Ugh!' and walk off (or just the latter). They ain't got TIME for other, badly-programmed 'people's' nonsenses. "Anyway, the forum is staying afloat. Clear skies ahead. No storm we haven't weathered, yet." Fabulous. Thank-you. I owe you a holiday. Your trip: from this weekend, is it? And returning roughly when? And why doesn't someone invent a properly waterproof laptop? I could do this easily from in the pool. Right - PS - joke: Two Grandiose Narcissist 'friends' are taking a piss down into a river, side-by-side, from the bridge above... First N exclaims - 'Hey, this water's COOOOOLD!' Second drawls back - '...Yah...and DEEEEP, TOOOO'. :D

HA-HAAAH!....I've just found-out that you and CN - right now - are stood on the EXACT SAME SPOT on the Recovery Path: check this out (note asterisks): https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13848/am-i-wrong-what-should-i-do#jumptobottom

"I'm very concerned and thinking seriously about whether I'll be able to stay here or have to move to a cooler climate. (Got any suggestions?)" - I guess I'm mostly used to the sort of weather you probably would get in the UK. I'm actually noticing that the countries I've wanted to visit most all sort of have a similar type of climate. I also like warmer places, but again I guess this is just what I'm more used to. So that would be my recommendation. "But Fluffy seems to be coping okay (she's a Norweigen Forest Cat so has TWO coats)." - Okay, so I think I know Fluffy is someone here, but I haven't quite memorized the nicknames yet, I guess. I'm also not on my PC right now, so it's a bit harder to navigate on mobile. "Was it a huge storm?" - Moreso than usual. Wehad a pretty decent thunderstorm going on the other weekend. It lingered for a while, but I think the worst of it was going on when I'd been on here typing that day. "Trip where? Anywhere exciting? How long for? You mean abroad/proper holiday?" -It's nothing too impressive. Just a couple hours' drive away, to a town I've never visited but my gf has. We're only going to stay 2 nights, and won't get there until evening the first night, but it's the best we could do this year. I have only been out of the US once, on a trip to Canada when I was a kid. I was really close to Mexico, like less than an hour, but I've never been. Anyway, I'm looking forward to it. I'm more concerned about what we'll be able to afford to do there. I want it to be a good time, but it doesn't feel like a proper trip, you know? "That's interesting? Had they got you two wrong (i.e. couldn't see the trees for the pr*cks) and have only now realised?" - My gf never really spoke to them, so I've been the one who's interacted with them the handful of times we've crossed paths. I guess they did that to meet my gf, Idk. I mean for the most part they haven't bothered with us and I've loved that. I love it when people mind their own business and don't bother me unless they have to. But we've said hi when we see them and stuff. Which, fortunately, isn't too often. We keep to ourselves. "Ex-gf or ex-wife? What tenure?" - It was his ex-gf. I never got to meet her. He had been dating this other person we knew for a year or two when I left the city. They split up at some point, then he met that woman. I dunno. I guess her death came up pretty fast, about a year ago like I say. My gf and I'd just moved out of my last apartment and I hadn't even started working here yet, when he broke that news. Stuff usually doesn't seem to impact him the way I'd expect. Or at least, he just never talks about things if/when he does get emotional about it. I feel like he's been acting a little strange since then, but again, I can't tell if anything's related to her or not. Well, I have to end this reply here for now. I'll try to remember to respond to the rest another time. May or may not get to visit here this weekend.

I'll attempt to breeze through the remaining responses: "Again - ask him. (Do you ever ring him just for a catch-up chat? Or could you start?)" So this may sound weird, but he has always hated talking on the phone. A lot of people from that region were like that. I used to think that was more of a younger person thing, but he's older than me. And I don't mind talking on the phone sometimes. It could be like an insecurity thing? "Well, THAT'S incredibly revealing, then, isn't it. Tell me again why you and the missus can't move there?" I'd made a few attempts to move back and it was unsuccessful. One time a job had hired me, but it was a big company and they wouldn't give me any proof to show an apartment complex that I had the job until after I started the job. It would have been rough to do that, I lived over 4 hours away. I could try to stay at a hotel to land a different job, if we did decide to move elsewhere. It's just a lot of moving parts, especially with planning out moving and having money for rent, a security deposit and so forth. My girlfriend has been scared of moving somewhere like that because she's unfamiliar with it. She has lots of concerns, some reasonable and some she's making assumptions about because she can't fathom something potentially better. To be fair though, it was surprisingly hard to find a good job there, too. I could kick myself for turning down this one job years ago - that might have been the key to me being able to keep living there, originally. Taxes were also higher there, I think. Gas was cheaper. "Or maybe they're just the type that prefer to whinge endlessly, over taking any action (eek!). Or love a good whinge. But I know what you're getting at ("If you don't like it - g'is it here, I'll have it!")." I think a number of those people have lived there their whole lives, so they focus on the negatives and don't realize how much worse it could be. Buddy mentioned above has lived other places, including a really big city. I think he has still never found himself in situations where there is much less hope and support, and people don't take well to him. Even people who dislike him, it's almost as though most of them were more like some Saturday Morning Cartoon villain, than some real threat that could ruin his life or destroy his confidence. "Nope. You're deep. You need to be with other deep people." I'm not sure where to find people like that, and I'm not so sure that too many exist. The reason I have the friends I do have now, is because they've proven themselves more important to me than most people have in my life. That really might only amount to 2 people now, or 3 if I count my girlfriend. There were so many people that I thought were going to matter more, but they just didn't. Especially the people from my old city. I thought the boss/coworker I had when I moved back to my hometown and transferred with my old company was going to be important. He gave me someone surprisingly different from the overwhelming majority of people in this state. ...But then, Idk, he didn't really stick up for me, or believe in me. I chalk it up to most things not really needing to have some point, whenever I look for one. "Are you going to do those village-and-pub-crawls I suggested? I mean, your place IS out there, but you do have to put in the effort to find it, and visiting the locals when they're their most relaxed...on their territory...and inhibitions lowered ("hic!") is, I've found, THE fastest way to sort the wheaty villages from the chaff." I don't recall you suggesting this atm. I also don't have the resources for it right now. And I have few places closeby that I really even want to go. I would rather be a recluse than have to deal with most of the people here. I can't stand them. Mostly, I think there are people I would like somewhere, but they're the minority. You might call this a path to recovery, and maybe you're right. Maybe I am getting tired of dealing with bs from other people. You hear so much about your own supposed bs, but hardly ever theirs. Then again, I might just be running out of energy. Or running out of care. Or maybe the fact of the matter is, some chapters are ending and others are starting, and that's that. On a last note, I don't mean this to sound rude, but I really don't owe anyone crucial details about my life. I'll share what I feel like sharing, and keep private what I want to keep private. I'm not looking to fall for some ingenious social engineering tricks. You're right, it is a coping mechanism. But I don't feel obligations to anyone but myself where my business is concerned.

Heya, just bumping you up. I'll be Bach on Saturday, maybe earlier.

Balance, I've read both of your above posts and - before I respond to anything else in them - can you explain what you mean by this, please, because it's fairly baffled me but sounds concerning? "On a last note, I don't mean this to sound rude, but I really don't owe anyone crucial details about my life. I'll share what I feel like sharing, and keep private what I want to keep private. I'm not looking to fall for some ingenious social engineering tricks. You're right, it is a coping mechanism. But I don't feel obligations to anyone but myself where my business is concerned." Which crucial details? And what do you mean by ingenious social engineering tricks and falling for them? It sounds as if you're saying you think I'm trying to manipulate you for intel??? Que?? And - for what purpose? Just - "huh?". Explicas, por favor, Senor, including what on earth brought that on?

I'm just saying, I don't owe anyone anything here and I'm not looking to be manipulated or coerced by anyone here, in any direction. I'll share what I'm looking for feedback on, or bring things up if it seems useful for relating to others and giving feedback. You have this habit of pressing people for information you don't need, like exactly how long my trip was and when I was coming back from it.

I'm not trying to be rude. Maybe I'm coming off that way. Anyway, I don't have time for a full-on update, or to reply to anything here today. But I figured I would mention something. I think the one narcissist friend I mentioned before... I suspect we really are drifting apart. And I guess the more that becomes a reality, the more too does the idea of me never going back to my old area again. At this point it's been 2 years since I last visited, and I guess the more I sit and think about it there really isn't anything I would want to go back there for anymore. I want to find a new place, some new area. But I don't know where or when that will be. It certainly doesn't look like it will happen in 2026. I think I am overdue for reexamining my friendships, and not just keeping people in my life out of habit. Though I'm not really sure what has been going on with that friend over this past year, it's not really my business. And his weird behavior doesn't really change anything about his sometimes self-centered and off-putting behavior the entire time I've known him. I've had enough trouble with friendships over the years, and I feel like I've devoted more resources to this one than it's really deserved. So for now I guess I'm viewing this friendship as one that has sort of run its term. I'm not really sure how to deal with the eventual day where he might reach out to me again. I suppose I'll just treat him like he's always treated me.

In all honesty, I'm not in the best place right now. I'm pretty resentful at what life is now, and I just sort of accept that it's never going to get any better than this. I ended up watching this Youtube video last night posted by a Gen-Zer, and it talked about how Millennials got to experience this period of relative ease and optimism during the 2010's, and it described how that sort of went away for the Gen Z that grew up into a constantly crazy world. And I sort of had to agree with it. I was fortunate that I got to experience the 2010's because so far those have been the years I've enjoyed the most. It wasn't all perfect, but nobody really appreciated at the time just how valuable those years were and how much lousier things would soon get. I can't really imagine how much more bleak things would feel if I didn't get to experience those years in my life. It's depressing to imagine where I would be and what mindset I would be in right now if I never got the chance to leave my hometown and move in with my ex. I'm not sure if I would still be here anymore. I can't help feeling bad for Gen Z because they're basically a nervous wreck. They were brought up with the cumulative knowledge of all these prior decades, and yet it still couldn't prepare them for the unknown world they face. Coming back from my little vacation has been depressing. That was basically the highlight of my Summer, two days in a little nothing town, but at least it was away from here. And it broke the damn bank, just to have that little excursion. It's sad to think that my finances would simply be in a better spot now and I might not be that much further in the negative, if I had just gone nowhere and spent nothing. It doesn't really pay to take any sort of vacation, until you figure in the cost of gas, food, hotels and spending money. Returning to my job this week has made me regret my decision to return. I don't know what it is, but these older guys just have to be right about everything, and I have to be the stupid idiot and the butt of the jokes. Anytime anything comes on the radio, they have to know more than me about the song and the artist, even if they're sometimes wrong. What they don't realize is that I had a fairly large CD collection a decade ago, and that I have spent various amounts of type hyper-focused on certain bands and artists over the years. They keep talking about me as though I'm young and they're old. The one guy is like 5 or 6 years older than me. The other one is very early 50's. So talking as though they're really old and having health problems due to their age is kind of laughable. I got laughed at when I did something to my back at one job, and nobody there ever believed me about it. But everyone has all of these health issues, so why is it so hard for them to believe? At any rate, I always valued morality and never did stupid shit to my body as a kid. I don't care if that makes me soft or boring. Apparently that paid off if doing stupid shit leads one to have all of these constant aches and pains by their 40's. Things are just kind of starting to get to me again. It bothers me that in all of these decades and with billions of people on the planet, I have had so many struggles with love and friendship. It bothers me that I couldn't do any better, and that a lot of the times it seemed like I was the only one really extending my feelers to find people, or meet other people halfway. It just kind of sucks that what I offer as a person isn't sought-after. And I have accomplished what I have accomplished, all the while having so much difficulty fitting in and knowing I'm not this perfect and ideal person. And I fully accept that things were just over and done with in my old city, and that's probably the reason why I've never been able to successfully go back there. I am pretty sure I've said it here before, but I've said it many times, about how there was this incredible dread in the air and it just felt like things were over. All of the signs were there. I've just always tried to remain hopeful, despite the evidence to the contrary. And, I simply didn't want to just give up all of that progress I'd made as a person over the last decade, and appreciated what that environment had provided me with to be a fairly happy person. I guess I just thought if one door was closing, others would open. What I never realized is that I got lucky for a decade, and most of the world apparently just sucks. Time and time again, I just seem to get shown that there is no real point to anything and that everything is chaotic and random. I will go through these times where it seems like there is some lesson to be learned, or some message being passed on to me, and it will seem like some arc in my life that is leading me forward to help me grow as a person. And then it was for nothing at all. I am constantly returning to square one and having to start over again, and I constantly get made to feel like I have to prove myself to some brand new cast of jerks. But I have been bending over backwards for other people for years, and I am kind of over it. I really don't care thatttt much what they do think about me anymore. I am really just going through the motions so I can get on with my life.

I guess this weekend has been a positive one so far. Things are looking like they could be on an upswing. I think financially, the outlook for the rest of the month is looking a bit better now. I'm still not in the best mood, but I never expected to be. If I'm being honest, I do feel some discontent with my love life and friendships right now. But what can you do? Such is life. Only person you can 100% rely on and control is numero uno. Best you can do is love yourself, stand up for yourself. I guess Scotland friend comes up in my thoughts more than I'd like to admit. I'm still disappointed that we've lost contact. I suspect we could have been good pals, and stayed on good terms, but I really didn't know how to weather our great political divide in opinion. He moved farther Right, I moved farther Left. We lost contact. In a few months it will have been a full calendar year since we last spoke. It probably bothers me because I've had a soft-spot for Scotland and the UK for a while now, and have viewed it as some special place where I could go if the fates aligned. Japan was too farfetched, but the UK always seemed somewhat reasonable. It still seems so challenging to me to be able to find some other friend from Scotland. It's been a challenge to me for my entire life to make friends. In a way, I kind of feel like I screwed up and missed my shot. But at the same time, I don't blame myself for that particular guy just being an idiot and not realizing I was grade A friendship material, and that he actually screwed the pooch on that one. Two years ago, and the turning-point therein, will probably continue to be something of a sore spot for me. I had found a connection and a possible option for moving abroad. And I abandoned it because I didn't want to hurt someone, or be alone. And there have been a lot of good moments since 2023, but I can't help wondering where I might be at the moment if I'd devoted my time to working in a field where I might now be eligible to earn a visa and travel somewhere new and exciting. I guess I'd like to imagine some more outgoing version of myself that is adored and has a bunch of pretty lasses to hang out with at various pubs. ;-) Maybe I am too entitled/expect too much/will just never be happy. I don't know. I kind of get the sense that I just don't care about most of the dumb shit most Americans seem to obsess over with every waking hour of their lives. I have so much trouble identifying with/understanding them. And most of it seems to be some knee-jerk reaction to the latest news, or something they do out of tradition and expectation because that's what all of the people they grew up around did. They seem more worried about what other people are doing than what they are doing, and are so. damned. judgy. Like I really don't gaf. As long as you aren't chopping up your wife into itty-bitty-bits, I don't care what the fuck my neighbors are doing. I don't care what they do as long as they mind their own fuckin business and don't fuck things up for other people. But the funny thing is, they look the other way whenever it's somebody they idolize that is at the top. They judge people who are easier targets, rarely ever harder targets. They antagonize people who they are convinced are getting off light, but never the people in charge of all of the bullshit. I honestly don't know if things would be much different now anyway, if I were somehow now able to pack up and move to Edinburgh. If one guy who smokes pot and listens to Joe Rogan can be convinced that everyone's gone nuts moving to the far-Left, then maybe there is no place safe from Fascism and Conservative manipulation. I just like to imagine that somewhere I'm not scatterbrained. And none of these politics were ever up for debate 2 years ago. I was just... Simply wanting to go to Scotland. At this point I can't remember how long it's been since I last spoke to my one US friend, the narc one. It may very well have been a full month already. And look, don't tell me "I told you so!", but if I'm being fully honest here... I'm not so sure I see a lasting future with my girlfriend. I'm not trying to end things, and I'm not trying to waste her time, I'm simply just trying to enjoy being in this relationship for as long as it will last. I don't feel that I have the power to do much else right now. And I have to look at things from an unbiased perspective and ask myself whether I am being too picky wanting more from the person I share my life with. Am I really in any position? Am I really that great of a guy to deserve more? I'm really never in the best mindset anymore, and hardly have the energy or motivation to aspire to more than this. And to compare the past 2.5 years to the 7 years before that, I think I would rather take the ups and downs of being in this relationship than the uncertainty and depression of being alone and unwanted right now. I saw a girl working at the store today, and all I could think to myself was, "Wow!" She had a lot of the physical features I seek in a potential partner. She looked a little younger, but maybe I'm confident enough now to believe that I could attract someone like that, within about 10 years of age younger than me. It's frustrating, and one part of me thinks I have a lot to offer, while the other half is convinced I'm never good enough and need to lower my standards. Granted, I know nothing about this actual woman, but I guess it just got me thinking about who could be out there, I guess. I hope your weekend is going well. ...I guess my mind is all over the place today.

Woke up pretty early this morning, not having the best time with sleep. Had some thoughts. So I think my biggest peeve right now is that I realize I felt more optimistic for the future a few years ago. There was still more possibility for what might come, or hopefulness. Watching videos on Youtube about Gen Z has actually brought me some revelations about my own life as a Millennial. There are some things I can relate to the newer generation on when hearing and reading about their experiences through their lens. The concept of Anemoia is something I've felt in my own life, but could never really put a word to until today. In other words, a familiarity with and an attachment to a period of time preceeding one's own existence. I guess I have experienced that myself as someone born in the late 80's, and growing up into the remnants of that decade, and then growing up with a child's view of the 90's. I could never really understand Gen Z's perspective on that until more recently. Here they were, born following that time and growing up surrounded by the remnants of old stores, shopping malls and dated things that still hung around in the late 90's and early 2000's. They never got to experience as much of that time as I did. And in a way, neither did anyone much older since they didn't share my generation's young perspective in the world at that time. But every generation has likely felt this about ones that came before. Gen X, I can imagine, felt some degree of this about the 60's. The Baby Boomers, certainly, about the WW2 years and the effects of that time. I wonder where it transitions into nostalgia for me? Where is that line? Maybe, since anemoia can even be a little fantastical, it's something we also experience throughout our lives as we constantly fantasize and dream and imagine things. Maybe our whole experience is partly this.

I'm going to continue posting some general thoughts here. Maybe someone will have their own thoughts to add at some point, but I guess for the time being I just have a lot of things rumbling around in my brain and want to discuss is, examine it and organize my thoughts a bit. Also this functions as a regular update. First matter. How have you been, Soulmate? I see that it hasn't been quite a week since your last visit to Peoples' Problems, but I guess the week has been dragging somewhat. ...Even though it also hasn't? If that makes sense? I think the constant stream of news has gotten to be a bit much, again. I apologize again if my comments from the 9th were a bit harsh. It wasn't all directed at you, it was more of a general thing. I am careful about what I say on here, generally. I don't actually know who all stops by to read my posts on here. Richard might on occasion. I'm sure lots of random people at least stumble by here, even if they never chime in. I guess my big conflict I'm realizing and putting into words is that I don't feel represented or supported by the people who I expect to be there for me. People don't have your back. And my family, even while they haven't been entirely supportive of my decisions or my viewpoints on things, have helped me out with money and things like moving whenever push came to shove. The unfortunate dilemma is that the people who I expect to be more politically-aligned with me, or even apolitical, are the ones who never really help me or stick up for my interests. I feel like it's all just going to boil down to a race and sex thing, instead of a culture and class thing. And I really don't know what to do about any of it.

Hi Balance, Apologies for the lack of posting, still. It is just too humid and hot to function, which is causing problems for the house (eg. three burst beeping pipes), which means, dealing with nightmare contractors (they have too much power over here), when it's just. too. hot. Slightly cooler night tonight, though, so - without further ado - this "cutlery-clatterer" has to be dealt with and cleared-up, mate, because not only was it completely unfair, untoward, and - yes, rude - but, could make this forum and its forum moderator-senior poster (me) and their assistant (you) look very bad and off-putting to first-time visitor-posters. So let's rewind a bit, because - noooooooooo, we don't allow anyone to gloss over an out-of-nowhere bomb-drop, sorry. We fix - and properly. I'll read the rest of your posts as soon as we've put this happily to bed... _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Me (Jul 15 2025 at 06:34): Balance, I've read both of your above posts and - before I respond to anything else in them - can you explain what you mean by this, please, because it's fairly baffled me but sounds concerning? (Quoting you, post Jul 9 2025 at 04:58) "On a last note, I don't mean this to sound rude, but I really don't owe anyone crucial details about my life. I'll share what I feel like sharing, and keep private what I want to keep private. I'm not looking to fall for some ingenious social engineering tricks. ...But I don't feel obligations to anyone but myself where my business is concerned." Which crucial details? And what do you mean by ingenious social engineering tricks and falling for them? It sounds as if you're saying you think I'm trying to manipulate you for intel??? Que?? And - for what purpose? Just - "huh?". Explicas, por favor, Senor, including what on earth brought that on? _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ You: I'm just saying, I don't owe anyone anything here and I'm not looking to be manipulated or coerced by anyone here, in any direction. I'll share what I'm looking for feedback on, or bring things up if it seems useful for relating to others and giving feedback. You have this habit of pressing people for information you don't need, like exactly how long my trip was and when I was coming back from it. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ You're normally highly polite and 'kid-gloved' to everyone, no matter your RL stressors - which your thread replies lay testament to in terms of demonstrating high self-awareness and -regulation skills - but which therefore makes my believing you when you say you 'don't mean to be rude but "maybe" that's how you're coming across' - all on the back of what you've levelled at me, just-prior-to - rather difficult. Can you appreciate that? I'm not so concerned about me in terms of being offended, however. Because, no matter my 'getting down with the gang' and being playful, I'm a professional and therefore am not "me" - I'm a ROLE and representative of this forum and of Richard. So I'd like a purely objective response, please, as this conversation isn't personal, it's business... Here's what a still-traumatised, narcissist's ex-victim is going to see from everything you've put: 1. I'm the Advisor-Moderator - and you're my Assistant (probably should have included the word 'Trainee' - my bad) AND YET you don't trust me a jot, let alone feel safe enough to confide in me - the one whose help & feedback you on-the-other-hand simultaneously soliciting - whereby you'll let me control my own hard-earned expertise and tried-and-tested methodologies regarding helping another to identify & fix their problems, be they practical or emotional. (It can't work like that. You were IN control of your problem and sorting it before you came, but weren't getting anywhere - right?) 2. That I'm - what? - linked to some marketing company whose paying me to find-out stuff- OH, COME ON, NOW - I'm not dignifying that - that's rubbish. Well you know, Balance, from your last stay and now this - I haven't evem got time to fart. Plus I'm (supposed to be) early-retired after decades of over-work, and (this forum and my house development aside) taking it easy. Notwithstanding, look at what it suggests: this forum is NOT free, your details are secretly collected and passed-on. Ergo, this is not a safe place. 3. The Moderator is a Manipulator (ergo this forum is a narc den, pretending to be angels, like they do). 4. Ergo, the owner must be, also. 5. OR (if they scroll up and read the lead-up)... 'The Assistant Moderator is paranoid and persecution-complexed and seemingly can't simply say something nicely, like, "Sorry, Soulmate, I'm not yet comfortable answering questions like that on a public forum". Plus he's acting like he's allowed to be rude to his forum boss'. 6. ....Or - he's not in a good state. So this place must be in a state... And so on and so forth. So that's why I can't just let this go and have to ask you again - and for a spelt-out response this-time: What on earth triggered all of that? You've since cited the fact of my asking your return date and that sort of thing, but I DID TELL YOU we'd have to get to know each other better as we went along. Regardless - in this specific instance that you've taken umbrage at, it's called, Taking An Interest while Making Conversation, and (return date) wanting to know roughly if/when the forum would be overly un-manned. (*shrug*?) However, you've also (subtly) cited that you were having a bad time. Which brings onlookers to this: 6. Cat-Kicking (like my ex did to me all the time) is allowed here - because even the Assistant Mod is a cat-kicker - whom justifies, rather than admits fully and apologises. Listen - Balance: if it doesn't become a habit - a pervasive pattern - and remains a one-off because you deal with it another way next time - then there's no problem here and I can accept that *everyone* - even the most self-controlled on the planet - has a breaking point. But I still NEED to know - for the good of the forum and everyone-here's understanding of what that up there was - what the pigging hell set you off. ?? RSvP. _________________________________________________________________ Sorry matey, but it's me job (this case, not to permit leaving elephants in the room). I do, on a personal level, take some responsibiity, however, because since the start of your trial, I should have been training you - including about Narcissism so that you too can see the missable, atomic subtleties of it - BUT!----the premature heatwaves.... (June is the new August along with July and September). Tell me if you'd like a break from posting?

PS: I haven't even had a chance to go over the roles and rules of your job-trial! You've been bumping around in the dark, basically. Oh, for a crystal-ball (or correct forecasters). I'm truly sorry for that. :( PPS: Forgot to ask: what size shoe do you wear? ;D (snigger) (I'm a 9 btw)

...Can I interest you in Life Insurance? (HAHA - sorry - Black Humour - ignore me.)

...You and Marpip....RIGHT couple 'a clams.... ;p

(It's too hot to be angry. I'm not anyway. It's just important.)

So honestly, I think I should just be a regular user here and not a Mod or Trainee or w/e.

Yes, I think you're right. You've got too much going on at this juncture to have enough room for the full shebang, so let's get back to getting your ducks in a row. And then, if you're feeling overloaded, you can break off whenever you need to without feeling guilty and remiss. Do take on-board what I've said about being careful not to kick the cat, though, as that applies to anyone posting. Or at least warn the person in a preamble that you're under pressure and feeling a bit irritable so that they can be ready and braced, instead of flummoxed and taken unawares. Never mind and no wozzies at all. It least you gave it a go - so well done for that because that'll have been good for you. (Not as easy as it looks, is it. But rewarding. :)) Got a plumber coming round soon - unless he's coming tomorrow instead (here, you can never pin the uckers down sufficiently) - and he'll be here for a good few hours, but I'll get on with reading and responding to your latest posts straight after CN. Apparently Thurs is rainstorms and only 26 degs., meaning, no landscaping work possible, so that'll be perfect. I haven't had a day to myself for...can't even remember. My plumber and landscapers are complaining of the same... 7 day weeks now, even working on sacred Sundays (umm!...). Life has definitely got steadily harder and busier since Covid, hasn't it.

I'll be with you at some point today. Meanwhile, FYI - here's one you can relate to: https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13937/what-should-be-my-next-step-in-my-worklife

I guess we've still got almost 2 months left of Summer. I'm happy about that, it is kind of starting to feel like it's almost over already, so it's reassuring we're not rushing ahead of that. (Stupid AI that comes up with my search engine tried to tell me Summer starts Sept. 1st.) Had been hoping I would find better opportunities to visit here lately, but fortunately it... Hasn't been super busy. I'll probably be around at some point on Saturday, as usual.

Re-reading my first post in this thread from February, I find myself comparing the situation a few months apart: - The two closest friends I have seem detached as ever. As I think I've mentioned more recently, I suspect the one friendship may have run its course - it is kind of feeling that way on my end, anyhow. The other friend is around, but it seems like he is from another world sometimes, which is funny considering that he lives right by LA. And of course, I've had the third friendship end because that person time and again revealed himself to be someone who takes advantage of the system and doesn't care about that fact. I do have that fourth friend who surprised me by remembering my last birthday, and while we don't catch up often has kept the lines of communication open. Ultimately my girlfriend is the best friend I have, and the only one local to me anymore. - My current job, which I got a few months after I started this thread, has some of the same problems as many of the others. I still think it is a huge upgrade from the last job, since I have less coworkers, and have opportunities to work on my own more - also the pay is better. Still, I find myself in this situation where I have older coworkers looking down on me for my age and personality, and treating me like I'm lazy when I regularly try harder than they do much of the time. They also regularly complain about the job, though they make it clear they don't want to lose the job, since they likely realize how good they have it. They also frequently rush through things and complain about not getting enough help from everyone else, only to get things done and then just sit around the rest of the night. I can't tell if things have gotten better or stayed about the same at this job. Sometimes I'll feel like they're getting used to me, and then I'll overhear them run me down or say something negative about me again. I'm not sure how I feel about the people on the lead shift, since at first they kind of presented themselves as being the ones "in charge", but they seem to do less work and spend a lot of time scrutinizing my coworkers' work. My boss is alright, but doesn't seem to stay on top of things, and seems distracted by a side-business he is also running. I doubt it's a forever job, but I'd like to make it last and put in at least a few years there, and continue to gain work experience in this field. I sort of doubt I will be in a good position to leave this area anytime soon. - My girlfriend and I still argue regularly, and the situation from February is repeating itself since I'm once again waiting around for her to help bring in a steady source of income to help me afford all of our monthly bills and expenses. Her previous job lasted a short while before that company closed down, and I've been waiting for another month or two for her to find a new job, which she is slowly starting now. She still regularly deflects and makes me feel like I don't recognize her contributions to groceries, and sometimes other things. But the fact stands that most of the money for bills, loan payments and rent comes from my paychecks. And we have to keep asking for help from our families now and then, which we shouldn't have to do. Furthermore, a lot of the money she spends on groceries goes to waste because she buys too much and a lot of it goes bad before we can eat it, and she continually grows determined to buy "good food" because everything she eats disagrees with her and she keeps wanting to buy more expensive and healthy foods. (I say this and I realize I just threw away some chicken she cooked the other day. And I feel bad about it, because she did a good job with it, but I don't think it was any good anymore.) I have to keep hearing her arguments about how I get lucky and always have the "good jobs", and honestly I am thankful for what I've got right now. But I feel like she never hears me or understands when I explain the downsides of my job and my coworkers, and how I still don't really feel like a whole person in the way that I did 6 years ago. I think if she were to have this job and to deal with similar kinds of coworkers, it would be like an, "Oh, I get it." moment. I also think she makes things harder for herself at her current job than it needs to be, and uses paid time-off and calls in late way too often. She doesn't look at jobs the right way. I still don't know if this is the person I want to spend the remainder of my life with. I love her, I appreciate her, and I'm fortunate I should even have a girlfriend after the preceding years where it was rare to get a date or a hookup. With as uncertain as the future and my own fate is right now, all I can really do is live in the moment with the best friend I've got. I just wish things were easier, and felt more natural, and felt deserved. I think the past couple of months, between national events and this relationship and living together, I really have gotten a lot lazier and have difficulty caring as much. I don't have the energy or enthusiasm I had even in 2023. It's hard not to think about some of my old apartments and how it was pretty much only things I bought (unless family gave me something I didn't particularly want or need that just took up space) and my living space was much easier to maintain. I had a routine down and would go to do laundry weekly, and would go and get regular exercise at places I really enjoyed going to. Anymore I hardly keep up with anything, and I don't have the optimism I used to have about the future. The future honestly seems pretty grim now. And it was difficult enough to keep my life together before all of this. - The housing situation is one where my girlfriend might eventually win out here. I am fine with this place, but I am tired of listing and re-listing reasons why it is cheaper to just stay where we are than to move. Our neighbors still mostly leave us alone, but are a little weird whenever they do talk to us. Admittedly, as much as I don't want to move closer to this city, maybe not having to drive as far to work in bad weather would be nice, and save on gas. It would even shorten the drive to visit either of our families. I'm still not sold on the idea, but she is eroding away at my determination to stay here. The main thing probably is, whereas before the idea of moving away from the area altogether sounded grand, I accept the reality that leaving here right now probably isn't going to happen. So I'm going to continue to live here, and continue to be with this woman who is unhappy about where we live, and I guess at this point it just seems easier to move to one of these other places and hope that the neighbors there are at least as good as they are here, or better. - And I touched on it a bit in the original post, but another thing that's changed is I no longer look upon my old city as favorably as I did a few years ago. That dissolving friendship has kind of forced me to look and look again at that place and those years and to see it with less bias. I still learned a lot from that place, and long for another place where I could fit in at least as well as I did there. It is one thing that gives me hope. As other places have shown me that most places are generally the same and suck, I can still point to a lot of things from that experience and say, "...But here, it wasn't like that..." I just realize that maybe I was very lucky or naive to have the experiences I did have there. And I am better for it.

Heya! The very next proper window I get is yours (and WT's - she's completely out of her F.O.G. now and has just posted a synopsis of her TOTALLY transformed and happy life, now - new best friend AND boyfriend(!) AND passed exams AND an expedition - have a read). I won't say when because, as you know, Spanish life doesn't allow for keeping plans and schedules. But - (Rick from Casablanca voice) "shoon!"...jusht as shoon as I can. :)

Just a quick post today, since I have a few thoughts to add: - This week has been all over the place so far. Monday wasn't great. Tuesday was better. I think Wednesday has been productive so far, as I've managed to get some things taken care of over the phone. I guess I can't complain too much about Monday if the week started on a low note and is going to gradually improve as the days go on, but I had the realization that it can really suck whenever your week begins poorly. It starts you off on a negative mindset. I guess the ideal time for a low point is if it were to occur mid-week, with highs at the beginning and end to make up for it. But then again, I'm not so sure one could be entirely fussed about their week going good until the end, and I guess that would also be lousy. I guess more often than not you can't really measure things that way since days don't typically have this nice, clear-cut gradient from highs to lows. And most days aren't all good or all bad. - Success. Success is a word that keeps popping up in my head this week. As I continue to try to find the words to explain my situation and my thoughts, that is one that really stands out. Do I feel successful? Am I successful? What is successful? What is success to me? These are all valid questions, I think. I've never really felt that anyone is "better" than anyone else in this world. But some people are very clearly awful and horrible in comparison to others. I guess I get caught up in comparing myself to others, or others to myself, when at its core I don't think you can really compare success in that way. I guess it's finding out how to be successful for me, is that big, million-dollar question. I know I am not successful right now. I think I am doing much better than a lot of unfortunate souls. But I think there is room for improvement. I think I can fulfill my greater purpose, potentially. Still, it's hard not to look back through the years and think about the people I've met who seem more successful, more liked, and more respected. And some of it is probably deserved, but I don't think that all of it was. I have a boss right now who is 5 years younger than me. I didn't actually realize that until recently, or maybe even put much thought into it. I guess I've always just assumed that Gen X and the Boomers are in charge of everything, for most of my life. It still kind of feels that way, even as my generation has reached middle-age. But here it is, proof that people around my age are running things, neigh, people younger than me. And I mean physically, this guy looks and acts fairly professional and fits the image of a career professional. I have tried over the years to present myself as more professional, but it usually doesn't go over real well. I think as far as resumes and paperwork, I probably do better than a majority of folks. But when it comes to social interaction and composure, I am horrid at being professional. Something about me just doesn't click with most people. I guess I figured out at least within the past 6 years that I can't ever be someone like that. I can't be successful in that way, I don't think. But I don't think I am this failure, and I also don't think my worth is determined by something other people or a religion dictates. Well, just some things I'm stewing over. That's all for now.

At the risk of getting too far ahead of anyone willing to respond, I had another thought tonight that seemed to trouble me a lot, and thought I might share it. So on the way home I made a quick pit-stop at the gas station. While I was sitting in my car, checking my phone before going inside, I heard that "angry" tone of voice I hear all too often from men around here. There was a group of young guys, I'm guessing mid-20's to 30, and they all walked past my car into the store. I got that familiar sensation that I was being talked about based off of bits and pieces of what I heard them say. I went inside and found what I was after, then made my way to the cashier. On the way, I passed by a large group of young people. There were several college-aged girls standing around talking to each other and their (I assume) boyfriends, in a large group of 8-12 people. Some of the guys from before may have been a part of that group. One of the girls had made some comment about their "cat" that doesn't like people. I went and paid for my stuff. At the cash register, while I waited on a clerk to come to the counter, some of the guys behind me (from before) kept throwing F-bombs and acting angry about something, but I guess played it off like it was something they did wrong at the self-check-out. It seemed to me like he was just looking for some excuse to angrily yell the F-word and be aggressive. On the way back past the group of people and the college girls, I think the same girl kept commenting on her cat "not liking people", but by this point her comments seemed to be less about a cat, and more a thinly-veiled insult upon me. Before I reached the door, I even heard one of the guys say about "beating him up", and took it to mean me. It was pretty obvious that they weren't talking about a cat, but rather, a person, by this point. I got in my car and left for home. ...I share this little encounter because this is pretty regular stuff for me to come across, and has been since about 2018 or 2019. But it also made me reinforce a thought and have a realization: I don't like young people. I don't like old people. I can't stand mean people. But I certainly don't like younger people, either. And I think this is valid, because I have always thought the point was for each generation to strive to be better than the last. But it makes me even more pissed-off to see people younger than me behaving just as badly as people from the older generations. It's like they've learned nothing. At least with my parents' generation, at least you could blame dementia or something. But there's literally no excuse why the "new batch" is so crappy already. I just don't see the point. Is the point so I can see more young women grow up to be immature hypocrites and bang jerks? Is the point so I can see more young men grow up to be complete assholes who travel around everywhere in packs and pairs like a group of girls going to the bathroom? Why? I think it's disappointing to see that nothing ever changes. People are just content to go around and around in their little echo chambers and never grow or change a thing about themselves. They all want a repeat of 100 years ago. I really don't know what more to say.

Hey, matey, You've crammed-in a heck of lot of data there so I'm going to need a proper, protracted window, which means Friday night now. Won't forget, though.

Hey Soul, Well, it's fine. I actually think I'll retire this particular thread for now, and maybe start a new one at some point. For the most part, things are going alright for me right now. I'll try to go through and respond to some of these other threads if they need it today.

I'm suffering...trapped inside some giant sauna, ugh! - so this is going to have to be quick-ish (for me, I mean)... 1. Sensible decision to re-read this from your opening post. Contrasts and comparisons, indeed...nothing to beat 'em. 2. "- The two closest friends I have seem detached as ever. As I think I've mentioned more recently, I suspect the one friendship may have run its course - it is kind of feeling that way on my end, anyhow. The other friend is around, but it seems like he is from another world sometimes, which is funny considering that he lives right by LA. And of course, I've had the third friendship end because that person time and again revealed himself to be someone who takes advantage of the system and doesn't care about that fact." Yep. Tough Times means even the okay or nicer friends can become too self-centred and too pressured to care. It's happening everywhere. Bad enough we empaths have actual Narcs to contend to, without THAT. And the govts aren't helping. Au contraire, they're enjoying instilling fear and division everywhere...makes their populus easier to control. Boom. Plus, we have the fact you're in a mental developmental shunt, giving us the 'outgrowing them' element. A couple of my ex-pat friends are starting to do Narc-impressions too - be it cat-kicking (taking moodies out on you) or neglecting and getting flakey. It's just NOT a good time for the usual status quos at the mo. But I'm getting fed-up with it. Fed-up with being "the strong one", as bloody usual. Trick is to use the time to focus on other things and on yourself. Waste not - want not, and all that. ("Al-wayys look-oon the briiight sii-iide of life - dee-doo, dee-doo-dee-doo-dee-doo!".) If there's nothing you can do about it, your only option is to change your attitude or be (typical empath skill) *resourceful*. OR shuffle away. It just depends on degrees-of, which I call the Dark-To-Light ratio. Normal/Normally-Strong-but-injured/weakened animals will steadily recover and improve again (and apologise for their past behaviour) Time Tells, basically. But basically - yeah, I'm with you. ALL Empaths are. ("Yoou-aaare noot-a-lonnnne (HEE-hee!)"). ...(cynical LOL) I'm even thinking seriously of returning to UK. Basically, because the people in the Surrey belt of UK, evidently, are made of stronger stuff than those from Essex and further North, and Spaniards. Friends there are feeling the economic and infrastructural crises too but they've still got self-control, morals, manners and etiquette. Go figure... The selfishness and thoughtlessness here has become STAGGERING. But the main point is - I reckon if I stay, thanks to the scarcity and unreliability of all types of contractors, I'll just remain running to stand still...never actually getting to finish all my planned enhancements because, a house this size, there's ongoing maintenance and repair. It's gone from Slow to Ridiculously, Laughably Slow here. I'm a Get It Done, and Now, And Properly (including properly finished) merchant. Too dynamic for Costa Del Snail. We're just going to have to grit our teeth if changing our situation isn't possible or, not yet. And then there's the fact that - I never knew I could sweat this much! Love the house/environ, love my cat, have TWO strong, reliable friends here, still. But the top reasons for my moving here, basically, no longer exist. Nothing ever stays the same, eh. ...except ONE thing: the fact that nothing ever stays the same (groan). But anyway, I forgot that rule. Still... if I do sell and go back (some small seaside town) at least I'll have given it a fair bash. So - I've got options. Have you got alternative options/plans? If not - I thoroughly recommend you think of some. You'll feel so much better (less pressure, more chance to suck-and-see in-case some positive world influences occur from left-field and give people more hope for the state of their future). Tip: When I was freelance, I'd be offered permanent contracts that paid more. I'd accept them, but what I wouldn't ever do was, cease going on job interviews. Just one per month. Made a huuuuge difference to how I was treated, than previously when I'd been incarcerated on their PAYE, (people pick-up on your default vibe), PLUS, it kept me sharp. Other Options. Always-always. Especially in today's climate. 2. "My boss is alright, but doesn't seem to stay on top of things, and seems distracted by a side-business he is also running." Good GRIEF! Is that even contractually legal? Doesn't that mean he's basically partially moonlighting on his employers' time and money? WHA-tah?! They're not paying him to start-up his own business ffs?! Wow... What new level of chutzpah is this? PS: crap manager - staff become like Lord Of The Flies. Ringing any bells? Any dots suddenly joining-up? Same as the siblings of a neglectful mother will spend too much time, bickering. Innit. Surface-Nice or not - he's the Mother Ship. Hopefully, understanding WHY the What is going on, will make the What easier to bear in order to clock-up some decent CV time (2 years) (at your age/level, anyway - the GenZs stand for zero shit so jump ship (and blow the whistle) as frequently as required). 3. "My girlfriend and I still argue regularly, and the situation from February is repeating itself since I'm once again waiting around for her to help bring in a steady source of income to help me afford all of our monthly bills and expenses" Well, you know how I feel about all of that. I don't suppose you have (or can create) a second bedroom you could rent out, do you? Or space for someone's caravan in your garden, say? Or a much-needed parking-space you could rent (e.g. near a train station or bus-stop)? Otherwise, her having the privilege of being a live-in girlfriend will no longer be viable. What youthen choose to do with or about that will be up to you once you 'meet your line in the sand'. So it's all about Endurance, then, for the time being? "Something about me just doesn't click with most people." The Asperger's? Maybe get an actual diagnosis (via your G.P.) so that you can 'warn' people to expect 'different from the norm'? Like a Hall Pass? That would render all their gossip null & void, wouldn't it. (And if they have any shame - leave them feeling like total sh*tfaces and wanting to make it up to you.) Going to continue in a few mins...just have to feed the pusscat and "boidies" before it gets light and the mozzies come out (the little basstuds).

"- And I touched on it a bit in the original post, but another thing that's changed is I no longer look upon my old city as favorably as I did a few years ago. That dissolving friendship has kind of forced me to look and look again at that place and those years and to see it with less bias. I still learned a lot from that place, and long for another place where I could fit in at least as well as I did there. It is one thing that gives me hope. As other places have shown me that most places are generally the same and suck, I can still point to a lot of things from that experience and say, "...But here, it wasn't like that..."" Yeah - agree. You want to go forwards, not back. Re what I've been saying about Spain-Not-Spain - the place has probably changed too much, anyway. You'll still need to phone the large-chain estate agents, though, to learn which areas have the people and culture you're seeking. (It's part of their job, they have to do it all to the time for overseas seekers that lack prior experience of a country or area.)

"I still don't know if this is the person I want to spend the remainder of my life with." Well, unless you were already in a position to propose to anyone (which, you're not) - why WOULD you know yet?

" I don't have the energy or enthusiasm I had even in 2023. It's hard not to think about some of my old apartments and how it was pretty much only things I bought (unless family gave me something I didn't particularly want or need that just took up space) and my living space was much easier to maintain. I had a routine down and would go to do laundry weekly, and would go and get regular exercise at places I really enjoyed going to. Anymore I hardly keep up with anything, and I don't have the optimism I used to have about the future. The future honestly seems pretty grim now. And it was difficult enough to keep my life together before all of this." Again - the sentiment of the masses. E.g. - 'What's the effing point if the climate change is going to kill us all, anyway!'. (It's not. Solutions and counter-measures are popping up all the time now.) (The mainstream media has a lot to answer for.) " Our neighbors still mostly leave us alone, but are a little weird whenever they do talk to us. " (Damnit, I've forgotten my numbering! The above were 4 and 5 so...) 6. In what way, 'weird'? 7. "I have tried over the years to present myself as more professional, but it usually doesn't go over real well. I think as far as resumes and paperwork, I probably do better than a majority of folks. But when it comes to social interaction and composure, I am horrid at being professional. Something about me just doesn't click with most people." Because it's a pretense. A pretension. And Aspies can't do pretension because it falls under 'A Lie'...or 'Fakery', or just 'A Non-Truth'. Aspies walk the Truth Path. 'The Emperor is NOT wearing any clothes!'. Again, do yourself a favour and get diagnosed. It'll set you free, and give you a new lease of life.

"I have to keep hearing her arguments about how I get lucky and always have the "good jobs", and honestly I am thankful for what I've got right now. But I feel like she never hears me or understands when I explain the downsides of my job and my coworkers, and how I still don't really feel like a whole person in the way that I did 6 years ago. I think if she were to have this job and to deal with similar kinds of coworkers, it would be like an, "Oh, I get it." moment. I also think she makes things harder for herself at her current job than it needs to be, and uses paid time-off and calls in late way too often. She doesn't look at jobs the right way." Point 5 PS: This young woman is simply NOT in your league. She's mentally AND experientally YEARS behind you on the life path. Remains to be seen whether she can step up. But if you're fed-up of saying, then, write it. Write her a letter/email. It'll prevent her from being able to keep failing to take you seriously and forcing you to have to keep repeating yourself (which creates resentment in you for being forced to become 'a nag'). If we step right back, though... She manages to influence you over things - even big things. Yet she seems intent on not letting you influence her. And that just translates to - She gets all the say. How is she getting to hold such massive power if she's so far beneath your level and league? She ain't qualified for that position, is she. Have you thought of trying Couples Counselling? (I'd get the ASD diagnosis first, though...horse before cart and all that.) Well, the point is, you're not powerless and paralysed - you have these measures, coping measures, options if you so desire (or when you do).

I don't like the way she puts your so-far success down to pure luck, though. And by the same token - or 'so that' - her situation isn't down to her, either, just her BAD luck. ((Nah, gf, it's because you're too immature to be an independent adult and play house/handle a job.))

Just breaking-off to water the plants. Back soon...

"I don't like young people." Woah - really? So that begs the question, then, doesn't it (since you've yet to finish attaining fullest self-awareness): which is the chicken and which is the egg? You've REALISED you do not (- present tense - ongoing) like their agegroup. Are they spidey-sensing it and reacting to it? Do you tense up and, say, come across "all stand-off-ish, superior and snobby" or anything (and/or they're reading you wrong)? And could this same misinterpreted (because it's not a (neuro)typical one) vibe be responsible for the actings-out of your colleagues? What do you think? I mean - GENERALLY, people decide they like people because those people are seeming to like THEM.... And if you're unaware of your intimidating presence (just a strong one) as would make your whole vibe remarkable - come across somehow as, say, disdainful and disapproving, or anything like that? You're deep aka intense. Of course that'd produce a powerful vibe and have heads whipping up as you entered a room. Have a thinkipoos with a drinkipoos and see if it fits. NTs *always* misinterpret HF Aspies from ignorantly viewing them through the NT lens. VERY common HF Aspie complaint.

There again - you ARE quite mistrustful and vigilant of late, let's not forget (ref mistrusting why I was asking so many questions (which is normal for me)). So if we add THAT into the pot as well... it'd just exacerbate it ten-fold, wouldn't it. You obviously discombobulate sensitive types or types at a sensitive age/stage... or maybe even everyone? That's a rare attribute, that is - attracting eyes/attention that much. You could use that... But meanwhile, I think you need to harness it, hone it, learn how to use it to your advantage... Mental-Emotional Recovery and self-enlightenment-wise - you're still level-pegged with CN, look! (or do I mean, Luke, haha). Apparently, she can't even pass someone on the stairs without attracting unwanted attention and comment (have you read yet?).

I do think your present area is where Narcs and the narcissistic gather, however. They all seem to behave like inbreds or (as we call them in UK) 'ASBO jobs' (Anti-Social Behaviour Order - court issued). ...And that ex-copper - and now these kids - and the weird neighbours.... They basically have all behaved Anti-Socially - right? It's still up to you but I still say it'd improve matters - GET OUT OF DODGE! Write that letter.

PS: I love young people. What I *don't* like, are young Narcs. Please finally acknowledge the crux problem and distinction. Don't tar all young people with the Narc brush. Non-narc kids/teens/young adults just DON'T BEHAVE LIKE THAT. So move to somewhere non- or less-narcy. OR!... just ignore the town...see your house just as your base and - any free time - you and the missus go OUT of town. And make friends out of town. Yeah... Try that first (baby step) and see if and how quickly you feel a difference.

"I think it's disappointing to see that nothing ever changes. People are just content to go around and around in their little echo chambers and never grow or change a thing about themselves. They all want a repeat of 100 years ago." Spoken like a true HF. "I really don't know what more to say." I do. And it goes like this: AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH!

Heya! How are you diddling? ...anyway (following-on from the above) - Again (nag-nag) - it's NOT "People", it's the Sub-Humans (that lack empathy aka humanity i.e. the Narcs and other Antagonist Personality Disordereds). Yeh. THEY don't change. Can't/Won't/Can't. Lack the vital brain parts or working ones (or are concreted-in to their lifelong habits and would need a good decade to correct them all - and a brave therapist because you ARE, if you're not very careful, going to get them falling-in-love with you - which 'programme' then of course flips too soon to hate for no good reason - and...stalky-stalky... *People*...are Nice. And Kind. Cooperative and Helpful. And AVOID upsetting or harming other People. I mean - you're a People, right? So am I? So is Richard? So is CreativeNick?...and everyone else here - right? And we're all Nice and Kind and Helpful, yes? Because we're People who came out of the womb, not crippled, or, nor got made crippled during our childhood (no matter if 'attempts' were consistently made). Maybe call them Iffies and Niffies, instead? Otherwise, it's an insult to People. LOL _________________________________ PS: Have you seen my messages to you (18 Aug and again recently) on CN's thread? :)

Reminds me of a joke (since I owe you a giggle): Therapist to Narcissist patient: "It seems to me, that you tend to fall in-love, rather too quickly" Narcissist: "What's that, Babe?"

Another: Therapist to Narc: "I suspect you're projecting onto me there" Narc: "NO - *YOU'RE* PROJECTING!" (...it takes a few minutes :))

From Lily's thread: "Also, I guess Soul has been busy lately. *They* were" :) Thank-you. Mucho appreciato. (Thumbs-up)

Hi Soulmate, I'm eating some lunch, so I figured I'd sit down and try to respond to this thread. I have kept popping on to check up on threads every so often. Mostly, I haven't had a lot to say, or else have just been focused on other things. Do whatever feels right about your living situation. I know you've been struggling this Summer with the heat there, but I can't say I'm knowledgeable enough about Spain and the UK to say for certain where the better place is to locate to right now. I'm probably going to be relocating soon, albeit, only a short drive away from where I am now. I'm nowhere near ready, but probably over the next couple of days I'll start the process of packing and cleaning house. This has been a hell of a year, and if I can live somewhere a little nicer and a little closer to my job then I'll take it. I don't know of any safer place to be right now, anyway. "I don't like the way she puts your so-far success down to pure luck, though. And by the same token - or 'so that' - her situation isn't down to her, either, just her BAD luck." She doesn't entirely. In that same token, she has also been supportive and said, "They wouldn't have offered you that promotion/hired you/given you praise if they didn't think you do a good job!" I guess maybe it made her sound a lot less supportive but it wasn't intentional. It is more or less something she says with a smile, "This is bullshit, how do you always get these good jobs but I don't?" And honestly, I think it just comes down to having more job experience and always trying to make a good impression with my resume and interviews. People can tell I'm courteous and will come in and do the job, and not come to work with some ulterior motive like making friends. ...I realize that might conflict a bit with what I said about not clicking with people, but both things are true. I think after I make that first impression and get into the job, then it is very difficult to fit in and maintain my social balance there with coworkers. It doesn't help that this 'older' coworker and I frequently have misunderstandings, and don't get the way the other words things. "This young woman is simply NOT in your league. She's mentally AND experientally YEARS behind you on the life path." I don't know. I've gone round and round on this for a few years now, and I think we even each other out to some extent. Would I have appreciated a more financially stable and successful partner? Sure. But in terms of actually loving and caring for me, she has surpassed everyone else in my life so far. She always thinks to buy me something when she buys herself something, she gets us groceries often, she doesn't mind that I have my own stupid hobbies and pastimes that make me happy, even ones she doesn't care for like beer. And as importantly, she seems to be doing alright with her newest job so far, and is actually bringing in a little more than me now when you count her second, once-a-week job. Me in 2018 or 2019 was a different person. Stronger in some ways, weaker in others. Happier and feeling more safe, yeah. As much as I hate to say it, those days are gone. Most of my thirties came and went with a horrible gaggle of years where I lost much of my faith in humanity. And along with that, I had to recalculate my potential possibilities in this depressing new existence. Maybe it's just my mood as of late, but I think the Universe just keeps telling me that this person is the best I can do. And I love her, and I am very grateful for her, even if I do sometimes feel heartache over this hypothetical woman I never got to meet. But I really and highly doubt I will ever be able to be the person I wanted to be in this life, anyway. "I do think your present area is where Narcs and the narcissistic gather, however. They all seem to behave like inbreds or (as we call them in UK) 'ASBO jobs' (Anti-Social Behaviour Order - court issued).?" So the sad thing is my state was a part of the Union during the Civil War. In fact a great and decisive battle of the war was fought here. But a good portion of the people who are born and live in this state act like they would have rather wanted to be a part of the Confederacy. We have two big cities, neither one I've ever been to, though I have been on the outskirts of one of them. They are the only Left-leaning areas of our state, and while that is a significant portion of our state's population, the rest of the state - pretty much the entire area of the state in-between these two big cities, is rural towns and "cities" that lean hard-Right. Growing up, I never gave a flying fuck about tradition. Dumbest shit ever, only useful for remembering how to do something so your culture or species survives. All people here care about is tradition, or more commonly put now, "Heritage." They care about the Bible, but only because that's what Ma and Pa taught them to believe in and follow. They're pretty much just followers and are incapable of thinking for themselves. But then they also think they're so cunning and smart, and everyone else is stupid. They really just have massive penis-envy and throw tantrums over anyone who they perceive as having more freedoms or gifts given to them. Hard work is good and all, but you should be able to enjoy life and be your own person. These are concepts these people will never grasp in their lifetime, because they are copy-and-paste images of their family members. I'm ranting now, and I'm done with lunch. I'll end this here for now...

" And as importantly, she seems to be doing alright with her newest job so far, and is actually bringing in a little more than me now when you count her second, once-a-week job." Ah-hah! Hence your increase in positivity towards her. Well, GOOD, then! Excellent, in fact! It signifies the wind direction has just changed and is going to be a lot warmer. And yeah, if she's smiling when she says it warmly - course that's different. Good again, then! " People can tell I'm courteous and will come in and do the job, and not come to work with some ulterior motive like making friends. ...I realize that might conflict a bit with what I said about not clicking with people, but both things are true." Nope, that's not a contradiction. There's a huge difference between (a) taking a job just to make friends, and, (b) starting one for the sake of the job, as a serious career man, where making friends (even just when on office hours) is supposed to be a standard side-bonus of virtually any job... the whistling while you work. In my own working experience, it's the people that make or break the place and, ultimately, one's job satisfaction AND optimum performance capability. Try turning it on its head by saying, your colleagues aren't clicking with YOU. And they sound ruddy unprofessional! AND immature. And cowardly. And BORED. They sound like *they're* the type care more about being 'popular' than furthering the company, if you ask me. And look on the bright side: by their NOT being your cup of tea, you aren't wasting time/money and energy (unlike them) gossiping so are bound to be more productive. And that's the bottom line (or should be if the company owner-runner is a professional). "Maybe it's just my mood as of late, but I think the Universe just keeps telling me that this person is the best I can do. And I love her, and I am very grateful for her, even if I do sometimes feel heartache over this hypothetical woman I never got to meet. But I really and highly doubt I will ever be able to be the person I wanted to be in this life, anyway." Try to have faith. Maybe she's a stepping-stone relationship, rather than the other side of the riverbank itself? And vice versa for her? It wouldn't be much of a stepping-stone (or practice/revision relationship if you like) if you *didn't* love her. It would just be an acquaintanceship with bells on. Your rollercoaster is obviously the type that dips for a decade then soars again for the next decade (or thereabouts). And an improvement has just happened (her job), which is the first sign of the upturn. This isn't You the finished article by any means. And you might ADORE your new abode! (What's it like, anyway? That was bloody quick, I must say!) Doesn't care for beer? Has she ever tried it? What about the real stuff - Ye Olde Ales? Try her with ice-cold Lager with a shot of Tessiere cordial (Forest Fruits/Fruits de Bois) stirred in (ze Frensh one...bloody delicious). Way better than Lager & Lime. All my galfriends love it...? Also - Black Velvet, which is Guinness with a shot (or two?) of Tia Maria. Sssshlurp! So do you Home Brew your own? "So the sad thing is my state was a part of the Union during the Civil War. In fact a great and decisive battle of the war was fought here. But a good portion of the people who are born and live in this state act like they would have rather wanted to be a part of the Confederacy." Very diplomatically put! "We have two big cities, neither one I've ever been to, though I have been on the outskirts of one of them. They are the only Left-leaning areas of our state, and while that is a significant portion of our state's population, the rest of the state - pretty much the entire area of the state in-between these two big cities, is rural towns and "cities" that lean hard-Right." Hah! Like the geographic, "Difficult Middle Child". (Asterisk your swear-words please - remember? Or try 'flying duck'. The kiddes at home, still, and all that.) "Growing up, I never gave a flying f*ck about tradition. Dumbest shit ever, only useful for remembering how to do something so your culture or species survives. All people here care about is tradition, or more commonly put now, "Heritage." They care about the Bible, but only because that's what Ma and Pa taught them to believe in and follow. They're pretty much just followers and are incapable of thinking for themselves. But then they also think they're so cunning and smart, and everyone else is stupid. They really just have massive penis-envy and throw tantrums over anyone who they perceive as having more freedoms or gifts given to them. Hard work is good and all, but you should be able to enjoy life and be your own person. These are concepts these people will never grasp in their lifetime, because they are copy-and-paste images of their family members." VERY well put! Less diplomatically, but, still that way with words of yours. Certainly, that lot wouldn't understand it ("Eh, wassee talkin' about?!"), HAHA! Yup. I've got that problem all around me, too. Peasant country and too soon after Franco, innit. No ability to think for themselves, let alone critically or self-critically. But again - what you're describing up there, are Narcs. Your only problem is, NARCS! They ARE stuck stubbornly to the past! Because NPDs *cannot change*. They stopped developing at the age of their trauma (or when the drip-drip 'petty' traumas finally hit critical level, and didst overfloweth). So they don't want their environment *forcing* them to change. Or they'd fail miserable and thereby be exposed as Dysfunctionals. Bit Fat Innit. Nooo (yawn), you're still not, what I'd call 'Ranting'. You're Grumbling. Why are you so worried about having a damn good rant when I've told you it's really good for you? Go for it! Seriously! Don't stop next time. Get it OUT. Puke, damn you! Hahaha! (You keep swallowing it back down again.) It's good therapy, maaaan. Beats Lager. (:p)

...although, therapy WITH a pint - *now* you're talking! PS: Do you know what (free) counsellors USED to be called? Bartenders. :) It was an accepted part of the job! (You owe me an interesting fact I don't know, now. :D)

Hey Soulmate, I apologize, but it's been difficult to keep up with Peoples' Problems as of late. It takes far too much time to go through and read responses, think about them, and try and respond to individual points within the posts. A lot of Saturdays I would sit here for a few hours trying to catch up on everything. I can't do that all of the time. And when I don't have a good response or don't know how to respond, or just feel tired of trying to read and think and respond, I usually let things go and the topic becomes outdated anyway. I have been on here trying to respond whenever I haven't had hours to sit and do it lately anyway. The past couple of days haven't been going at all like I've wanted them to. I keep procrastinating, even when I'm not trying to. Everything is happening so fast, and I don't feel like I have enough time to really do it. Or at least do it well. I'm even trying to set smaller goals for myself to break things down into chunks, and it's still not going great. (While I'm in the middle of writing this, I walked off and did a couple of things. ...I still didn't get as far with today as I'd planned on, but it's something I guess.) Yesterday I sort of reached the weird conclusion that I'm going to miss this place we've been living in. We haven't been here that long, only a little over one year, but there was quite a bit I liked about this house. More than anything I'll miss the knowing - I know what we had to deal with in this neighborhood, and I don't fully know what we will have to contend with at the new place. Hopefully the new place is better, and it seems like it could potentially be, but we simply won't know until we move in there. I'll also miss the extra room this place had, the cheaper rent, its distance from the city and the proximity to the coffee place right down the street. (I didn't go there often, but every other week or so I looked forward to that.) And yes, there are a lot of pros the new place will have. But it's those unknowns. I actually became a little sentimental over the whole thing yesterday. I guess maybe not entirely about the house, but also about changes in general over these past few years. I didn't always love living at my old studio apartment, but there were things about it I really did like, and it afforded me the opportunity to live a more well-rounded lifestyle than I've been living since. I guess I opened up this can of worms and thought back over the past two decades, and things I could have done differently. Maybe my brain has always thought in terms of what-ifs. I grew up with video games, and maybe I've always looked at things with the idea that if you lose one "life" you keep trying to go back to the drawing board to strategize, and come back to the table and try to win the next round or match. The problem is that I've tried making changes and adjustments so many times over the years, and I didn't wind up much better for all of my adapting. I guess I'm like that player everyone wants to avoid in matchmaking because I have connection lag, or my wins are inconsistent, or something. Anyway. Tata for now.

The forum has been pretty dead lately. I'm happy there's been some activity, but no new threads or anything of that nature. At least we're not being overrun by bot posts, though. Since my last post I made some good progress at things I've been working on, over my days off. My girlfriend made some the one day, and had yesterday to make more, but opted to drive far away and do other stuff instead. I'm not intending to make this post mainly about my girlfriend, but that was irksome. She also put in for a day off later in the week a while ago, but cancelled the appointment she'd had scheduled and is keeping the day off to try to get more done. I'm displeased that she is missing more work, but I really can't be bothered with that right now since there's so much else to be focused on. Hopefully she really will use that day to tie up loose ends. We'll need it. I think I would still be more energized each morning before work to tackle little things leading up to the move. But I'm sort of running out of cares about trying to make everything perfect due to her behavior. I don't see why I should be the only one taking things seriously and putting in the extra effort to get things done. ...Meanwhile, I have sort of been taking stock of my two remaining friendships and how they're holding up. I think my prediction about what would happen has been holding up - my IRL friend from my old city grows more distant and harder to like, while my long-distance pal and I are talking and bonding more. I'm trying not to act like I know it all, however. People have surprised me before. I have thought on numerous occasions up until now that my friendship with that friend was ending, and then a positive moment will come along and inspire hope for a little bit longer. It's also been about exactly one year since his ex died, so I'm not sure whether that's having any impact on him. All I know is, I don't really like him as much as I once did. More of the jerk keeps showing through than the intelligence. Mostly I'm optimistic about my current situation, even though I can't help wishing there'd been some alternative outcomes that would have led to a more desirable present for me.

"I apologize, but it's been difficult to keep up with Peoples' Problems as of late. It takes far too much time to go through and read responses, think about them, and try and respond to individual points within the posts. A lot of Saturdays I would sit here for a few hours trying to catch up on everything. I can't do that all of the time. And when I don't have a good response or don't know how to respond, or just feel tired of trying to read and think and respond, I usually let things go and the topic becomes outdated anyway. I have been on here trying to respond whenever I haven't had hours to sit and do it lately anyway." Pff - don't apologise to ME - gawd strewth - I've never been so non-stop busy and hassled IN MY LIFE! I'm doing something about it though. Not today because I feel quite poorly...caught something at the airport (don't we always), but... Found a miniature version for-sale of this over-big finca (or it will be when I've put my own stuff in) so am going to organise a viewing, but meanwhile, I need to be spring-cleaning and fixing all the niggly things asap so as to get a good valuation from the agents. I'm not ready, either, IOW. But - when ever are we? Life has it's own schedule and forces these things on us prematurely, whether we like it at the time or not...including my argricultural pump and pool pump deciding to do a Thelma & Louise. These are 'big ticket items' so I'm Thousands down right now as well. I'll have to sleep when I'm dead. BUT, the point is - this new house (not far from this one) is in better starting condition; I need a less high-maintenance property so that I have time for myself, including this forum. Hard to believe I used to post daily/nightly, isn't it...but then, I had my ducks in a row in YUK, didn't I. Nowadays, none of them are in a row or, keep wandering off whenever I'm not looking. Only been to the beach a handful of times... "WHAT" Summer?! I'm waving the White Flag (from on the floor, steam coming off me, LOL). (Mutual apologies and grumbles over, haha.)

"(While I'm in the middle of writing this, I walked off and did a couple of things. ...I still didn't get as far with today as I'd planned on, but it's something I guess.)" Yeah-no, just do what you can WHEN you can. Sometimes, something's *got* to give, even if your only option for finding space wouldn't be your choice if you had the luxury of choosing. Regular and visiting posters will step in and step up to support and answer one another, no worries. Psych fact: you don't have to succeed in doing your best, people just have to see that you're trying your best, given your constraints. Really, though, if you're moving house, you'll need to be sensible and take a forum holiday (which doesn't mean you CAN'T post, just means anything you do post is just a bonus). Haha...seems I've met my match, though, in terms of The Dreaded Guilts. :) Over-Socialised much? I know I was...albeit, I did it to myself...and as you know, I can be a very hard task-master. In which case, should it be - Masochists much? Reminds me of another joke (trying cheer myself up): Masochist to Sadist: Beat-me, beat-me! Sadist: Erm.....................Nno. Masochist: Oh, THANK-you!

"Yesterday I sort of reached the weird conclusion that I'm going to miss this place we've been living in. We haven't been here that long, only a little over one year, but there was quite a bit I liked about this house. More than anything I'll miss the knowing - I know what we had to deal with in this neighborhood, and I don't fully know what we will have to contend with at the new place. Hopefully the new place is better, and it seems like it could potentially be, but we simply won't know until we move in there. I'll also miss the extra room this place had, the cheaper rent, its distance from the city and the proximity to the coffee place right down the street. (I didn't go there often, but every other week or so I looked forward to that.) And yes, there are a lot of pros the new place will have. But it's those unknowns. I actually became a little sentimental over the whole thing yesterday. I guess maybe not entirely about the house, but also about changes in general over these past few years. I didn't always love living at my old studio apartment, but there were things about it I really did like, and it afforded me the opportunity to live a more well-rounded lifestyle than I've been living since. I guess I opened up this can of worms and thought back over the past two decades, and things I could have done differently. Maybe my brain has always thought in terms of what-ifs. I grew up with video games, and maybe I've always looked at things with the idea that if you lose one "life" you keep trying to go back to the drawing board to strategize, and come back to the table and try to win the next round or match. The problem is that I've tried making changes and adjustments so many times over the years, and I didn't wind up much better for all of my adapting. I guess I'm like that player everyone wants to avoid in matchmaking because I have connection lag, or my wins are inconsistent, or something. Anyway. Tata for now." COURSE you'll miss it. EVERYTHING has pros as well as cons. Just different ones. So it's about finding a place with pros that SUIT you. You're on the start of the upturn so - I reckon your new place is going to be MUCH better. ...But we can always place a little wager on it, if you like? I bet 20 Quid. Is there no coffee place near to your new place? Well, if there isn't, what's to stop you still visiting your existing one? How far is the drive? Has it got a garden or balcony or any outdoor space you could make into a little oasis with potted palms and a cosy chair and rug? Then all you'd need is a Dolce Gusto machine and pods...best effing coffee I've EVER...EVER...tasted..and I'm including 5-star restaurant coffee in that - no bull! Well anyway...if the missus is starting to bring in an income - proportionately (or is it 'relatively'?), the rent ISN'T higher, right? "I actually became a little sentimental over the whole thing yesterday." Women love a man who can get sentimental. Most of the time, they're whinging that men aren't sentimental AT ALL. Only real men allow people to see ALL of their facets. Bet loads of them read that and went Ahhhh and had the overwhelming urge to cuddle you. (...Likewise - the REAL women would.) (Just saying) "but there were things about it I really did like, and it afforded me the opportunity to live a more well-rounded lifestyle than I've been living since" Nah. You're passing through a standard existential phase for your upbringing. It hadn't begun while you were still there, that's all. You'd have just become 'lost' there, instead of your current place. The trick is to just keep trying things....taking ANY action, is imperative for wellbeing. It's NO action that's perilous....you can fast become as helpless in reality as your negative-feeling phase convinces you you are - and THEN you're in trouble. (Not you, though. :))

"Maybe my brain has always thought in terms of what-ifs. I grew up with video games, and maybe I've always looked at things with the idea that if you lose one "life" you keep trying to go back to the drawing board to strategize, and come back to the table and try to win the next round or match. The problem is that I've tried making changes and adjustments so many times over the years, and I didn't wind up much better for all of my adapting. I guess I'm like that player everyone wants to avoid in matchmaking because I have connection lag, or my wins are inconsistent, or something." Nope. You're Aspie. Neurotypicals only have to grow up. Aspies have to CHANGE SPECIE as they grow up! You're a late developer because of that, let alone any past and ongoing, environmental disrupters/delayers. Your mountain path is twice as wide and high. Seen 'you' a THOUSAND times! Haven't you been studying-up on Asperger's to get better acquainted with yourself? ...Probably haven't had time, eh (stupid question). Well, that's something to put on the To Do list ("note to self: read own User Manual").

...But OHHHH YUP! to the Level video games. Tis but a subconscious outward expression of what we all elusively sense is how our minds in conjunction with life/our environment works. And they're quite correct. I still play Angry Birds. And Mah Jong. These games all teach you (like surfing) that doing your best is never enough because there's a third player deciding whether to join you or not (do ITS best). Fate.... Monday: play your best, still can't win. Tuesday: play your best, are allowed to win. If you're not in the water, ready TO catch the winning wave as matches your particular winning ways, however, then obviously that Success window might pass you by. I consider the games that 'won't let me win' as mere practise sessions. (Ya gats to be philosophical in this life.)

"But - when ever are we? Life has it's own schedule and forces these things on us prematurely, whether we like it at the time or not...including my argricultural pump and pool pump deciding to do a Thelma & Louise. These are 'big ticket items' so I'm Thousands down right now as well." The fact they're both brand new (that ALL the big equipment is, now) will add huge brownie points to the valuation, though. And yet, before I'd spotted this house, I was all - Aaargh, why now when I'm already overloaded and it's too hot to fecking move and I've got guests coming, aaargh! ...Who feels silly now? (tiny voice: meeee) It's so easy to forget: Blessings In Disguise. (I have a love-hate relationship with them.)

"The forum has been pretty dead lately. I'm happy there's been some activity, but no new threads or anything of that nature. At least we're not being overrun by bot posts, though." Everyone's been hotter and busier everwhere, so I'm not surprised. "Since my last post I made some good progress at things I've been working on, over my days off. My girlfriend made some the one day, and had yesterday to make more, but opted to drive far away and do other stuff instead." I was pre-typing in my mind - oh, good, progress on her part too! - but then read the last sentance and went, Uuuuuh...Meh... "I'm not intending to make this post mainly about my girlfriend, but that was irksome." Yeah, but she's not nearly as strong and capable as you. (Aren't you older than her, anyway?) As long as she's taking steps - even just baby steps - she's still Progressing, so....give her time and more practise to step up, yeh? "She also put in for a day off later in the week a while ago, but cancelled the appointment she'd had scheduled and is keeping the day off to try to get more done. I'm displeased that she is missing more work, but I really can't be bothered with that right now since there's so much else to be focused on. Hopefully she really will use that day to tie up loose ends. We'll need it." Yyyyeaah....she's not taking her work life seriously enough yet, is she. Is that because you keep picking up the tab??? Food for thought? Or just her natural immaturity compared to the lifestyle she's prematurely living (your age). Tip: start (cough!) tidying *her* stuff "for her". She'll soon be pushing you out of the way to do it herself. (Sometimes passive-aggression IS appropriate. It's ABUSE (wrong time/no right to) of passive-aggression that counts as Abusive. E.g. my father was always, always late. My mum used to nag (sigh)...it drove her mad. So I took over and started telling him the time we (or they) had to leave MINUS an hour. ....Voila...never late to a dinner party again (and none the wiser). Easy-peasy-foot-dragger-squeezy. And no harm done. PS: worked just as well at work, too, haha...they probably still haven't a clue they were (minorly) played, to this day, haha!) "I think I would still be more energized each morning before work to tackle little things leading up to the move. But I'm sort of running out of cares about trying to make everything perfect due to her behavior. I don't see why I should be the only one taking things seriously and putting in the extra effort to get things done." Refer to question about how much younger and less mature she is? Also - are you both Morning Larks? "...Meanwhile, I have sort of been taking stock of my two remaining friendships and how they're holding up. I think my prediction about what would happen has been holding up - my IRL friend from my old city grows more distant and harder to like, while my long-distance pal and I are talking and bonding more." That's how it goes. Same for me. Maintaining friendships these days is like play Whack-A-Mole. One minute, the person you'd THINK would be there for you, isn't/can't be, but another - whom you wouldn't have expected to be - is. Sends me barmy, I can't keep up! I need consistency, maaan. But this is why it's so important to enjoy your own company and have lots of little hobbies... be able to entertain yourself. Periodic Loneliness is actually a Job Hazard of Adulthood (proper adulthood). Stepping Stones galore just means you've yet to reach those who are your final destination - the opposite riverbank. (I sound like Confucious now hahah!) "I'm trying not to act like I know it all, however. People have surprised me before. I have thought on numerous occasions up until now that my friendship with that friend was ending, and then a positive moment will come along and inspire hope for a little bit longer. It's also been about exactly one year since his ex died, so I'm not sure whether that's having any impact on him." WHADDAYAMEAN you're not sure? *I am*?! YES!, INEVITABLY!, is the answer. ...unless he's a heartless machine? "All I know is, I don't really like him as much as I once did. More of the jerk keeps showing through than the intelligence." Examples? "Mostly I'm optimistic about my current situation, even though I can't help wishing there'd been some alternative outcomes that would have led to a more desirable present for me." Join the effing club, mate! :D In fact, I'm pretty sure you've just spoken for EVERYONE here! ...well, not Lily or Creative Nick... not now. And that's the beauty of long threads...it dispells the fear for those in your same predicament but miles behind you, that things get worse for a bit and then get better....and then they might get worse for a bit and then get better. Depends on the size of your particular (invisible) rollercoaster, how long the peaks and troughs last. Do you like rollercoasters, btw? What about the missus? (She just needs a firework up her bum.)

Tsk - let me retype that blather... "well, not Lily or Creative Nick... not now. And that's the beauty of long threads...it dispells the fear for those in your same predicament but miles behind you, that THIS PHASIC STATE OF MIND IS THE NEW PERMANENT, *whereas* the truth of adulthood is: things get worse for a bit and then get better....and then they might get worse for a bit and then get better....rinse and repeat. Depends on the size of your particular (invisible) rollercoaster, how long the peaks and troughs last. That's all. Life is intended to be an roller-coaster of an obstacle course. Keep your eyes on the prize. Welcome to true adulthood. GREAT!...duzzn't it. ;D

OMG, you gotta see this! Whole thing or OP's second message, down. https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13957/widowed-friend-obsessed-with-daughters-life#jumptobottom Makes your gf look like a SAINT!

Greetings, Soulmate. I hadn't really gotten the best opportunity to catch up on things around here until now. I must say, though, reading through some of your responses has been intellectually stimulating. There's a lot to ponder over here, and I'll try my best to. Even though it is somewhat late and the timing isn't ideal, I'll try my best to give my thoughts on some of your responses: 1. "Found a miniature version for-sale of this over-big finca (or it will be when I've put my own stuff in) so am going to organise a viewing, but meanwhile, I need to be spring-cleaning and fixing all the niggly things asap so as to get a good valuation from the agents." - I don't necessarily believe in fate, but sometimes I think there are moments where things just 'click', or things align just right. In this case, I think we're both turning the page to another new chapter. I know you've regularly informed us about the hassle with your current home. I also know you'd weighed the idea about possibly going back to the UK one day. Maybe it's like how I've wanted to eventually go elsewhere, but ultimately I opt for a more practical move to somewhere less far-away than I might like, but with the pros of being able to keep my job and not have to restart from scratch. If you do wind up with this new place nearby, then maybe it will be a second shot at making things work out in Spain. Maybe you'll have a better situation with air-conditioning in the other place, and next Summer will be more bearable? The reality might be that there's just so much going on that everyone is rethinking their plans and making educated adjustments. 2. "You're on the start of the upturn so - I reckon your new place is going to be MUCH better. ...But we can always place a little wager on it, if you like? I bet 20 Quid." I think you're right and it is an improvement. Even with the few downsides, the positives seem to outweigh the negatives for me. I'm not even sure what the conversion would be between Quid and Dollars, but I wouldn't have taken that bet anyway since I'm rooting for the same outcome... And in general I usually just don't like betting or gambling. Besides, what good would my Yankee play-money be if we eventually enter another catastrophic economic depression? There are other coffee places nearby, though not quite as close as what I'd had at the old place. That original coffee shop is so far from where I am now, it would be impractical to go out of the way to stop there. It's just a small thing I looked forward to at the old place. Really, the plethora of options I have now are much better - I mostly just miss how quiet it sometimes was at many of the places I used to live near, compared to my new area. Things cost more here, but other things went down a bit, like fuel expenses. Maybe it will sort of even out a bit. I guess we'll see in due time. Anyway, finances are going good so far and I hope it keeps up. 3. "Haven't you been studying-up on Asperger's to get better acquainted with yourself?" Not recently, no. I think I've heard and read so much over the years, it's hard to sort out fact from everything else and to really have a good grasp on what it all means. I at least have some novice understanding of it, but then if somebody asked me point-blank to explain the differences between autism, high-functioning, aspergers, bipolar disorder and many of these other things I would have trouble. Every now and then there's something that I think back over, or something new I hear and I might go back and look for more information on it. But for the most part, all I can really do is try to understand myself and be the best version of myself I can be at the current time. And like I've mentioned before, I'm really not sure if it would help much or change much to confirm that I am on the spectrum. If anything, it actually might be best to keep it to yourself since there have been discussions about what to do with people who are diagnosed with it these past few months. 4. "I consider the games that 'won't let me win' as mere practise sessions." It's funny that fate came up again, when I mentioned it there earlier. I think luck always factors in to some degree. And I think every new match/session is a constant learning experience. If you won every game, you might start to think that something is rigged, or that it's too easy, or that everyone else is really bad at it and how can that be? If you lost every game, you still might think something is rigged, or that it's too hard, or that everyone else is really good at the game and the good players stick together to wipe out less-experienced players. I try not to even think of it too much in terms of wins or losses, but whether or not I'm having fun, and finding those memorable or noteworthy moments during matches where I shine. Now and then I might not mind a steamroll match, but it's most enjoyable when the majority of players take things seriously and try their best, and it is a legitimately good match. But back to the analogy... I think certain things in life are simply just not fair. I keep coming back to my difficulties when I was trying to date as a good example of this. Even still, it feels like a lot of things out of my control can have a tremendous impact on my success at attracting women, like height or race or.... Well, even just tangible success that I can point to. 5. "Yyyyeaah....she's not taking her work life seriously enough yet, is she." I don't want to get too long-winded on this one, but basically I keep coming back to this same line of thinking - this relationship I have with her is fair. It is fair, and things mostly even out. I don't always take things as seriously as I wish I did sometimes. Do I wish she was less of a hassle and easier to get along with? Of course. I have asked myself countless times since we met a few years ago what a cruel joke it was that I couldn't just end up with someone super attractive, or smart, or driven, or at the very least just someone who feels more normal and put-together better. And that is still a sore spot sometimes. But at the same time, she does a lot for me, helps out in other ways, and probably even keeps me focused on some things I overlook. She cares about things more than most people. And I doubt I would be eating as healthy without her, and I'd probably be more depressed and negative than I have been thanks to having her in my life. Little things like that will continue to bug me, but there's a definite line where things become inexcusable, and she hasn't crossed that, I don't think. We're alright. And I am just thankful to have a real, live girlfriend and one who loves me at that. 6. "That's how it goes. Same for me. Maintaining friendships these days is like play Whack-A-Mole. One minute, the person you'd THINK would be there for you, isn't/can't be, but another - whom you wouldn't have expected to be - is." The ironic thing is that friend I spoke of who I continue to become distanced from did catch up with me sometime after I made that post. ...Of course, I don't think that changes things a lot, but at the very least I guess maybe I'm assured that he isn't purposely just trying to avoid me now. Idk. I do not like roller coasters. Actually, I probably seem boring at amusement parks and people might wonder why I'd want to go to one, but there are other rides and things I like to do at them. Analogy-wise... I get that life has ups and downs, but it can get obnoxious sometimes. I don't necessarily think having those highs and lows be on a set pattern would be better. I'd just much rather be in control of the ride, than be on some track and at the mercy of machines and some operator person. 7. Some additional thoughts... One of the things that spurred me to revisit here was this sort of revelation I'd had, in regards to that friend. It was about "what bothers me most" about the situation with him. I'd pin-pointed something. ...Unfortunately, I went and completely forgot what I was thinking about earlier today when I came to that revelation. But I mean, I guess I don't know what I can say or think about the situation that I haven't already. He's never around when it counts most. He doesn't really show he cares deeply. He seems like he doesn't have strong morals or a great caring or consideration for other people in his life that are close to him. He can be rude and thoughtless with how he reacts and responds to a lot of things, if he finds something stupid. And he never really seems to fully open up. It's like there's this whole other side to him that he keeps locked up, and I'm not gonna press him for more information. I guess I don't really know how I rank as a trusted friend in his world anymore. But then I don't even know why he bothered sharing this or that piece of information with me years ago. Supposedly when he was younger he was really famous in the art world, but was anonymous, and wanted to keep it that way. People even started thinking some other guy was making the art he made for a while. But he was content, supposedly, to just kind of let that part of his life die out and then move on to... Something less stellar. The thing is, he never really shared any of his acclaimed works of art with me. I don't think any of them. He once had a younger coworker of ours who was interested in him and she forwarded a few pictures she came across to him that she thought he'd made, and he said most of them weren't his, but she actually found one of them, but again he didn't show me which one or even admit to her that she had been correct with that guess. I would ask him questions about different artists I'd read about from his city from that era, and some of them he'd be like, "I think I knew that guy." He even seemed to personally know an adult actress I brought up one time, so I really don't know what to believe. There have been several times where my mind brought up this comparison between my friend and John Travolta's character in the movie Wild Hogs. If you've never seen it, it was basically a movie about older middle-aged guys who have a mid-life crisis and decide to buy motorcycles and go on a road trip together. In that film, Travolta was the mysterious member of the group who was really living the biker life, and leading them to take risks and live life on the edge throughout the movie. ...Or at least supposedly, since late in the movie it's revealed that Travolta's character is a poseur. I'm not sure if the situation with my friend is exactly the same, but at the very least I can't help but think a lot of it is just some sort of front. Anyway, these are just some late-night rants at this point. And I still don't remember what that particular revelation was that I'd had. I ought to end this here for now. Later.

Heya! Sorry again for the delay (and the fact I've had to make this message a 'Round Robin', so short of time am I). Am aiming determinedly to log on this weekend. See you then!

Bumping you up - am going to continue catching-up tomorrow (whole weekend off - hurrah!), starting here...

PS: sorry about last weekend's no-show - I only came down with a really stinky sinus bug, didn't I. Kkkkkkkkk...(spit). (That's to denote my annoyance at getting too ill to fulfil my promise, BTW, not the nose & throat noises I'm making, LOL.)

At long last.... "Greetings, Soulmate." Greetings, Earthling :D "I hadn't really gotten the best opportunity to catch up on things around here until now. I must say, though, reading through some of your responses has been intellectually stimulating." Oh! Good! Which ones in particulicular? Here's a brain-twisty question for you, though? Have they always been, but, untii just lately, your brain cylindry was too overloaded with your own stuff to make itself properly available (including being outright accosted in the car-park by an ex-Copper of all highly intimidating things) (ps: what's happened since, btw, you spotted him anywhere?)? ORR (here's another possibility), your mind has finally found my wavelength, meaning, understands my way of expressing and explaining things? (wiggles eyebrows 'challengingly') And thanks for the pos feedback. :) "There's a lot to ponder over here, and I'll try my best to. Even though it is somewhat late and the timing isn't ideal, I'll try my best to give my thoughts on some of your responses: 1. "Found a miniature version for-sale of this over-big finca (or it will be when I've put my own stuff in) so am going to organise a viewing, but meanwhile, I need to be spring-cleaning and fixing all the niggly things asap so as to get a good valuation from the agents." Oh, you're responding to my own, practical 'issues'? Excellent, what a nice treat! :) "- I don't necessarily believe in fate, but sometimes I think there are moments where things just 'click', or things align just right. In this case, I think we're both turning the page to another new chapter." Fate is about having a pre-drawn-out destiny, meaning, no matter what route or side-routes to your final destination you choose - that 'station terminal' is still where your final bus or train-ride is going to ultimately arrive at. ...in which case - how can there be a page to turn or any chapter, or book itself, if Fate DOESN'T exist? Page to a book about *what*? Ergo - are you SURE you don't believe in it? Well...it believes in you, regardless, so that's what matters. Usually, it's people who've hit middle age-plus and/or been through trauma, that concede to its existence. So you've got that to look forward to. (Admitting Fate, not facing a trauma, I hasten to add, haha!). "I know you've regularly informed us about the hassle with your current home. I also know you'd weighed the idea about possibly going back to the UK one day. Maybe it's like how I've wanted to eventually go elsewhere, but ultimately I opt for a more practical move to somewhere less far-away than I might like, but with the pros of being able to keep my job and not have to restart from scratch. If you do wind up with this new place nearby, then maybe it will be a second shot at making things work out in Spain. Maybe you'll have a better situation with air-conditioning in the other place, and next Summer will be more bearable?" Do you know what? That is EXACTLY what I conclusively told myself the other day - about the second shot at it, almost a start-over! Well deduced, Homes! However, I'd rather stay here if I can so we'll have to see what's what once UK friend arrives to be my helping hand (and have a holiday together). The flight's booked (next month), with the return date left open in case they want to stay longer than the usual fortnight, so... I'm really looking forward to it...haven't seen them (they couldn't afford the flights) for four whole years (just lots of phonecalls)... so, like your good self, I'm feeling more positive about things. :) However, it IS a lovely, lower-maintenance house so bestie and I will be doing a viewing. I'll keep you posted! "The reality might be that there's just so much going on that everyone is rethinking their plans and making educated adjustments." Yeah-yeah, I think so too.... Certainly everyone I know. Covid, and all the ripples since, really did knock everything and everyone for-six. ""2. "You're on the start of the upturn so - I reckon your new place is going to be MUCH better. ...But we can always place a little wager on it, if you like? I bet 20 Quid." I think you're right and it is an improvement. Even with the few downsides, the positives seem to outweigh the negatives for me. I'm not even sure what the conversion would be between Quid and Dollars, but I wouldn't have taken that bet anyway since I'm rooting for the same outcome... And in general I usually just don't like betting or gambling. Besides, what good would my Yankee play-money be if we eventually enter another catastrophic economic depression?" It would only have been virtual/pretend dosh, but - fairenoughski. (Last sentance: Christ, don't even go there!) "There are other coffee places nearby, though not quite as close as what I'd had at the old place. That original coffee shop is so far from where I am now, it would be impractical to go out of the way to stop there. It's just a small thing I looked forward to at the old place. Really, the plethora of options I have now are much better - I mostly just miss how quiet it sometimes was at many of the places I used to live near, compared to my new area." Earplugs? (Hah...There's ONE reason for looking forward to Hearing Aids. You can turn the uggers DOWN, hahahahahaha!) "Things cost more here, but other things went down a bit, like fuel expenses." Yeah, I heard something about that. Phew, eh? "Maybe it will sort of even out a bit. I guess we'll see in due time. Anyway, finances are going good so far and I hope it keeps up." Gooood - excelleeent! "3. "Haven't you been studying-up on Asperger's to get better acquainted with yourself?" Not recently, no. I think I've heard and read so much over the years," Nah - understanding has moved on a great deal recently. That and ADHD (a 'neurological cousin'). "it's hard to sort out fact from everything else and to really have a good grasp on what it all means. I at least have some novice understanding of it, but then if somebody asked me point-blank to explain the differences between autism, high-functioning, aspergers, bipolar disorder and many of these other things I would have trouble." Well, there you go, then - argument For, wins! Maybe you just haven't had time and headspace for it yet, but will in the not-so-distant. (Keep ME posted.) "Every now and then there's something that I think back over, or something new I hear and I might go back and look for more information on it. But for the most part, all I can really do is try to understand myself and be the best version of myself I can be at the current time. And like I've mentioned before, I'm really not sure if it would help much or change much to confirm that I am on the spectrum." Well, if it didn't, it would make you a distinct minority! "If anything, it actually might be best to keep it to yourself since there have been discussions about what to do with people who are diagnosed with it these past few months." Oh, sure, you can keep it to yourself - that's your right and prerogative. But there's no denying that knowing how you tick and how that differs from NTs and others, would improve your life no-end. ""4. "I consider the games that 'won't let me win' as mere practise sessions." It's funny that fate came up again, when I mentioned it there earlier." (Shpookayyyy!) "I think luck always factors in to some degree. And I think every new match/session is a constant learning experience. If you won every game, you might start to think that something is rigged, or that it's too easy, or that everyone else is really bad at it and how can that be? If you lost every game, you still might think something is rigged, or that it's too hard, or that everyone else is really good at the game and the good players stick together to wipe out less-experienced players." I can't comment on online gaming - that's my son's expertise. I'm just into one-on-one with "the machine" while competing against myself, trying to get more scores higher and higher...pushing the barrier...I think I want to see if the game eventually explodes or something, hahahaha! But as far as Angry Birds (on the iPad) (whereas Hexa is laptop - MSN) goes - put it this way: recently I saw a message flash up, that called me a 'score wh*re' or something?...(haha - gee, thanks)...only spotted it fleetingly. But I thought - how are they getting away with that when kids play this game?! "I try not to even think of it too much in terms of wins or losses, but whether or not I'm having fun, and finding those memorable or noteworthy moments during matches where I shine. Now and then I might not mind a steamroll match, but it's most enjoyable when the majority of players take things seriously and try their best, and it is a legitimately good match." You a sportsman? "But back to the analogy... I think certain things in life are simply just not fair." Yup. "I keep coming back to my difficulties when I was trying to date as a good example of this. Even still, it feels like a lot of things out of my control can have a tremendous impact on my success at attracting women, like height or race or.... Well, even just tangible success that I can point to." Maybe you're not supposed to live an average life?? In this life, you may not always get what you want (which at the time feels unfair, certainly), but, uncannilly, you'll realise you do, consistently, get what you NEED, as then leads to wanting/appreciating it. Conscious Us think we're in-charge when we're not. We're neither the driver nor the navigator. We're just the 'race commentator'...one that's a bit jumped-up. "We" are the neocortex; the new kid on the block (and kids always are arrogant know-it-alls at-first). (Hope I'm making sense btw...still got this ruddy sinus bug with its virtually non-stop headache, making it a bit hard to think.) "5. "Yyyyeaah....she's not taking her work life seriously enough yet, is she." I don't want to get too long-winded on this one, but basically I keep coming back to this same line of thinking - this relationship I have with her is fair. It is fair, and things mostly even out." Well, Coolio Iglesias, then! I ain't complaining if you ain't. :) "I don't always take things as seriously as I wish I did sometimes. Do I wish she was less of a hassle and easier to get along with? Of course. I have asked myself countless times since we met a few years ago what a cruel joke it was that I couldn't just end up with someone super attractive, or smart, or driven, or at the very least just someone who feels more normal and put-together better. And that is still a sore spot sometimes." But she IS 'younger' than you - right? So I guess you just need to be patient until she catches up to you. Aspies are 'born aged 40', see. In a way, they're not really children ("mini-adults/kidults", little professors..."). Did you used to hate having to play Dressing-Up Boxes?...felt it was 'just silly and pointless'? I guess that's another way to describe the Aspie attitude, in fact. 'Is there a point to it? Otherwise, forget it.' E.g., small talk, phoning just to say hi despite no news/info to pass on - they're out, LOL. "PS: that weird mixture of taking something seriously yet simultaneously feeling 'Ah, pleugh, who cares really!", is an Aspie thing. You're *grew-up* in Cognitive Dissonance (I'm human/no I'm not....nice place this/no it's not, it's sh*t, etc....this is huge/no it isn't, it's petty...), so it's your normal, what you'll have learned to function with and not really notice (usually - well sensed and worked-out, you!). And this state of having 'two minds' is another way describe and explain your inability to stay "slimed" (gaslit/brainwashed). You're a pro at functioning perfectly through Cog. Dissonance, where others/NTs can't; it howevermuch paralyses them. So ultimately, you just frustrate and foil the sh*t out of manipulators, make them feel powerless and like they've lost their evil mojo, meaning, they have to leave you (run away, disturbed to hell). Makes me laugh. "But at the same time, she does a lot for me, helps out in other ways, and probably even keeps me focused on some things I overlook. She cares about things more than most people. And I doubt I would be eating as healthy without her, and I'd probably be more depressed and negative than I have been thanks to having her in my life. Little things like that will continue to bug me, but there's a definite line where things become inexcusable, and she hasn't crossed that, I don't think. We're alright. And I am just thankful to have a real, live girlfriend and one who loves me at that." Good. :) (PS: A real, live girlfriend - HAHAHAHAH! What - as opposed to an inflateable one?....pmsl) ""6. "That's how it goes. Same for me. Maintaining friendships these days is like play Whack-A-Mole. One minute, the person you'd THINK would be there for you, isn't/can't be, but another - whom you wouldn't have expected to be - is." ((Playing. My Ing dropped off.)) "The ironic thing is that friend I spoke of who I continue to become distanced from did catch up with me sometime after I made that post." Woah. Another Shpookayy! "...Of course, I don't think that changes things a lot, but at the very least I guess maybe I'm assured that he isn't purposely just trying to avoid me now. Idk." Why did you put 'Idk' when you've just shown you DO know? Yes, it DOES reassure you that. (...unless all he did was ask you to loan him a Tenner.) "I do not like roller coasters. Actually, I probably seem boring at amusement parks and people might wonder why I'd want to go to one, but there are other rides and things I like to do at them." Like what? My all-time fave fairground ride is The Merry Mixer (The Switchback in America?). It looks like a food-mixer/blender. Know the one I mean? Because it's multi-directional rather than perpetual (puke)...could never do swings and roundabout in the playground... the slide and monkey bars/climbing-frame, yes. And definitely the zip-wire if there was one. What were yours? "Analogy-wise... I get that life has ups and downs, but it can get obnoxious sometimes." Definitely. Ohhhh, definitely. Sometimes it's just too hard. That's why learning to just take a rest, so's not to have to quit, is so important. "I don't necessarily think having those highs and lows be on a set pattern would be better. I'd just much rather be in control of the ride, than be on some track and at the mercy of machines and some operator person." Like most men would...because it was erroneously drummed into them growing-up that they were the masters of their own ship. Plus, you're assuming you even COULD control it yourself? On what basis? (eyebrow wiggle) "7. Some additional thoughts... One of the things that spurred me to revisit here was this sort of revelation I'd had, in regards to that friend. It was about "what bothers me most" about the situation with him. I'd pin-pointed something. ...Unfortunately, I went and completely forgot what I was thinking about earlier today when I came to that revelation." Awww, whaaaaat? HAHAHAHAH! Well, if it comes back, let me know. "But I mean, I guess I don't know what I can say or think about the situation that I haven't already. He's never around when it counts most. He doesn't really show he cares deeply. He seems like he doesn't have strong morals or a great caring or consideration for other people in his life that are close to him. He can be rude and thoughtless with how he reacts and responds to a lot of things, if he finds something stupid. And he never really seems to fully open up. It's like there's this whole other side to him that he keeps locked up, and I'm not gonna press him for more information." Maybe he means well but is socially inept compared to you? Maybe he's neurodivergent too, but in a way that doesn't gel with yours plus your more self-aware and -introspecting personality? (News for you: most blokes your age, don't, you know. GenZs do, on the other hand. They're hot on protecting their optimum mental welfare (own oxygen mask on first - yussss!)). So you have more in common with GenZs really. That - getting on with younger than you AND older than you - but not so much, same age as you - is another little-known Aspie feature. It's because you want THE POINT of the friendship (not the be-all-end-all, just the point-of-it ASPECT, that Aspie-vital element) to be, either, SENDING information (teaching) or RECEIVING information (learning). Does that ping with you? If it does, then, your frustration might well be that the guy refuses to learn from you or teach you anything. Again - any ping? But if he's the grieving one then - I'm surprised he's remembering to put his knickers on in the morning, let alone being rude and dismissive!...so, best give him a Hall Pass for longer...see if he emerges out of it a new man once he's no longer in so much pain and despair? ...Bear with a thorn in his paw, and all that - bound to be incapable of keeping a lid on his moodiness? I can't really say unless you go into specifics and give examples. "I guess I don't really know how I rank as a trusted friend in his world anymore." You don't rank full-stop if you've been popped back into the oven for the next stage of your personal baking process. You'll have to wait until you can 'hear' your oven door go Dingggg!/Beep-beep-beep. "But then I don't even know why he bothered sharing this or that piece of information with me years ago. Supposedly when he was younger he was really famous in the art world, but was anonymous, and wanted to keep it that way. People even started thinking some other guy was making the art he made for a while. But he was content, supposedly, to just kind of let that part of his life die out and then move on to... Something less stellar." Was he making it all up, trying to impress you or something? Sounds highly unrealistic to me - doesn't it you? I mean - how can one be famous if their identity is unknown? Yeeeaaaah... I don't believe him. "The thing is, he never really shared any of his acclaimed works of art with me. I don't think any of them." Couldn't provide any evidence, in other words. Yeah...I believe him even less. "He once had a younger coworker of ours who was interested in him and she forwarded a few pictures she came across to him that she thought he'd made," That she THOUGHT he'd made. " and he said most of them weren't his, but she actually found one of them, but again he didn't show me which one or even admit to her that she had been correct with that guess." Pfffffffff - yuh, right. "I would ask him questions about different artists I'd read about from his city from that era, and some of them he'd be like, "I think I knew that guy." " THINKS he knew that guy. What a sh*t liar. Sorry - fantasist. Yeah...trying to impress you and keep your attention. The time for getting THAT sort of far-fetched porkie-pies malarchy out of your system is round-about 8 years old max. "He even seemed to personally know an adult actress I brought up one time, so I really don't know what to believe." Yeah, ya do. You just don't wanna. Is he STILL like this? How old was he at the time, anyway? (Don't say 8, hahahahaha!) "There have been several times where my mind brought up this comparison between my friend and John Travolta's character in the movie Wild Hogs. If you've never seen it," No, I haven't, actually! How is it out of 10? "it was basically a movie about older middle-aged guys who have a mid-life crisis and decide to buy motorcycles and go on a road trip together." Zzzzzzzzzz.................. "In that film, Travolta was the mysterious member of the group who was really living the biker life, and leading them to take risks and live life on the edge throughout the movie. ...Or at least supposedly, since late in the movie it's revealed that Travolta's character is a poseur." Oh, okay - THAT woke me up! "I'm not sure if the situation with my friend is exactly the same," With the aid of not having any attachment to him, unlike you - I think so. But again, has it stopped now? "but at the very least I can't help but think a lot of it is just some sort of front." Yuh...you can't get close to a front. Hmmmm..........If I asked you if you felt he were 'meltable', would you agree? "Anyway, these are just some late-night rants at this point." Your rants are VERY calm, aren't they. "And I still don't remember what that particular revelation was that I'd had." It'll come back to you. Here's how it works. By becoming bothered/agitated that you can't remember, you're engaging cylinders that the 'memory bank clerk' needs for locating, grasping and handing you this data. Go off and do something else and it'll suddenly occur to you all by itself. (10p, please/thank-you) "I ought to end this here for now. Later." K - cheers for the update...very positive...good progress.... You'll probably finish baking a lot sooner than you think, thanks to this thinking and these (non-ranty) rants. But then, be aware that what follows next is an hour or so on the cooling rack, where you just sit there, doing nothing, as you wait to be decorated. :) Here - if you were actually a cake, what cake would you be?

Hello, Soul. 1. "Oh! Good! Which ones in particulicular? Here's a brain-twisty question for you, though? Have they always been, but, untii just lately, your brain cylindry was too overloaded with your own stuff to make itself properly available (including being outright accosted in the car-park by an ex-Copper of all highly intimidating things) (ps: what's happened since, btw, you spotted him anywhere?)? ORR (here's another possibility), your mind has finally found my wavelength, meaning, understands my way of expressing and explaining things? (wiggles eyebrows 'challengingly') And thanks for the pos feedback. :)" It's entirely possible that this has more to do with me being less distracted right now than usual, as a matter of fact. But Idk. I guess I "vibed", as the kids say, with your last post. Well, let's be real here - there is a lot of sh#% going on in the world right now - in my country right now. The past full year has been a crazy-ass fever-dream. (I'm gonna be real with you, I'm not so sure we can take 3 more years of this, let alone 7 more, let alone the remainder of my lifetime.) Between dealing with my own stuff and trying to process everything going on DAILY in the news, it has been absolutely nuts. But that's what they wanted, "flooding the zone", as Steve Bannon once said. I have not heard a peep about that former cop. Hopefully I never will. Hopefully if I do, it's, "Ah, I remember that guy...", followed by me looking at some headline showing that he was arrested and detained for blowing up on someone and doing something really bad. Their "homegrown terrorist" kind have been doing that lately. (The real homegrown terrorists, that is. Not the ones that oppose them that they want to see killed or imprisoned for disagreeing with them.) 2. "Found a miniature version for-sale of this over-big finca (or it will be when I've put my own stuff in) so am going to organise a viewing, but meanwhile, I need to be spring-cleaning and fixing all the niggly things asap so as to get a good valuation from the agents. Oh, you're responding to my own, practical 'issues'? Excellent, what a nice treat! :)" Our situations really are mirroring, here. Granted, yours is the more mature one involving home ownership and realtors, while we just rent, rent, rent like idiots. (I guess because I'm still kind of scared to actually try to buy property/a house and wind up "stuck" somewhere I don't want to be for a long period of time.) But hey, everyone has issues. And I like getting to know you better and hear about how your life is going as well. You spend so much time listening to and thinking about my whining, after all. 3. "Fate is about having a pre-drawn-out destiny, meaning, no matter what route or side-routes to your final destination you choose - that 'station terminal' is still where your final bus or train-ride is going to ultimately arrive at. ...in which case - how can there be a page to turn or any chapter, or book itself, if Fate DOESN'T exist? Page to a book about *what*? Ergo - are you SURE you don't believe in it? Well...it believes in you, regardless, so that's what matters. Usually, it's people who've hit middle age-plus and/or been through trauma, that concede to its existence. So you've got that to look forward to. (Admitting Fate, not facing a trauma, I hasten to add, haha!)." My favorite television show of all-time is LOST. It probably always will be that show. That was really the moment where I saw that a TV program can be so much more than canned laughter and hospital dramas every week. And one of the philosophical discussions in that series is Fate Vs. Choice. I will always believe in Choice. It's just who I am. I think we all make our choices every single moment and that changes the future. We make our future every day. Granted, I still think there is some room for Fate to exist, in some weird way. But I feel more strongly that we control our own destiny. 4. "Do you know what? That is EXACTLY what I conclusively told myself the other day - about the second shot at it, almost a start-over! Well deduced, Homes! However, I'd rather stay here if I can so we'll have to see what's what once UK friend arrives to be my helping hand (and have a holiday together). The flight's booked (next month), with the return date left open in case they want to stay longer than the usual fortnight, so... I'm really looking forward to it...haven't seen them (they couldn't afford the flights) for four whole years (just lots of phonecalls)... so, like your good self, I'm feeling more positive about things. :) However, it IS a lovely, lower-maintenance house so bestie and I will be doing a viewing. I'll keep you posted!" I think you owe it to yourself to give things more time/another shot. Sometimes I suspect I was a little bit rash in giving up on the Southwestern United States so quickly. You know, it still reverberates in my head, what my one old boss said back in 2007: "I feel sorry for anyone who dies in the same place where they were born." ...I have always sort of agreed with that sentiment. Life is about growth, and change, and becoming this more mature, learned version of yourself. Too many people spend their entire lives in this little bubble and never truly live life. My family is that way. And honestly, I have been disappointed in myself for years for never accomplishing more in that respect. But I also understand that I am a little introverted, and it's really difficult for me to find my way or to be a successful person. 5. "Well, there you go, then - argument For, wins! Maybe you just haven't had time and headspace for it yet, but will in the not-so-distant. (Keep ME posted.)" I honestly think the only thing that will drive me to try and better understand Autism and other disorders at this particular point in time is if I were to meet and interact with someone important in my life who is diagnosed with it. It's not even on the backburner right now, it's packed away and tucked neatly in the back of the freezer. 6. "I can't comment on online gaming - that's my son's expertise. I'm just into one-on-one with "the machine" while competing against myself, trying to get more scores higher and higher...pushing the barrier...I think I want to see if the game eventually explodes or something, hahahaha! But as far as Angry Birds (on the iPad) (whereas Hexa is laptop - MSN) goes - put it this way: recently I saw a message flash up, that called me a 'score wh*re' or something?...(haha - gee, thanks)...only spotted it fleetingly. But I thought - how are they getting away with that when kids play this game?!" My middle-aged gaming habits are so strange. I play two free-to-play games with microtransaction content that rely on other players to play. Those are the main games I play anymore. And I barely ever mess with AAA games developed by acclaimed teams and published by big companies. I also really like indie games made by solo people or small dev teams. So I have a bit of the modern and a bit of the retro in my tastes. Every now and then though, I just want to login to an MMO and play it by myself, and escape from everyone and everything, lol. 7. "Maybe you're not supposed to live an average life?? In this life, you may not always get what you want (which at the time feels unfair, certainly), but, uncannilly, you'll realise you do, consistently, get what you NEED, as then leads to wanting/appreciating it. Conscious Us think we're in-charge when we're not. We're neither the driver nor the navigator. We're just the 'race commentator'...one that's a bit jumped-up. "We" are the neocortex; the new kid on the block (and kids always are arrogant know-it-alls at-first). (Hope I'm making sense btw...still got this ruddy sinus bug with its virtually non-stop headache, making it a bit hard to think.)" I have had probably the same sinus thing going on, so I can dig. And damned if you aren't making it sound like I'm doomed to be locked in to Fate instead of Choice/Free-Will. 8. "But she IS 'younger' than you - right? So I guess you just need to be patient until she catches up to you. Aspies are 'born aged 40', see. In a way, they're not really children ("mini-adults/kidults", little professors..."). Did you used to hate having to play Dressing-Up Boxes?...felt it was 'just silly and pointless'? I guess that's another way to describe the Aspie attitude, in fact. 'Is there a point to it? Otherwise, forget it.' E.g., small talk, phoning just to say hi despite no news/info to pass on - they're out, LOL. "PS: that weird mixture of taking something seriously yet simultaneously feeling 'Ah, pleugh, who cares really!", is an Aspie thing. You're *grew-up* in Cognitive Dissonance (I'm human/no I'm not....nice place this/no it's not, it's sh*t, etc....this is huge/no it isn't, it's petty...), so it's your normal, what you'll have learned to function with and not really notice (usually - well sensed and worked-out, you!). And this state of having 'two minds' is another way describe and explain your inability to stay "slimed" (gaslit/brainwashed). You're a pro at functioning perfectly through Cog. Dissonance, where others/NTs can't; it howevermuch paralyses them. So ultimately, you just frustrate and foil the sh*t out of manipulators, make them feel powerless and like they've lost their evil mojo, meaning, they have to leave you (run away, disturbed to hell). Makes me laugh." My girlfriend is not younger than me. She is about 4 or 5 years my senior. And..... I may exhibit cognitive dissonance? I guess trying to Google it just now, I was under the impression that autists wouldn't have it since it would be highly contradictory? 9. "Why did you put 'Idk' when you've just shown you DO know? Yes, it DOES reassure you that. (...unless all he did was ask you to loan him a Tenner.)" That particular friend hasn't made complete sense to me since I moved away from them in 2020. At that time, they had a girlfriend of 2 or 3 years that they really seemed to be into, and then that ended and they were interested in this other conventionally-attractive lady and wanted to "make that happen." ...And then it didn't, but they wound up with another, more mature woman for the next several years. I never got to meet her. She died of Lupus, or something else, almost exactly 1 year ago. I don't know everything that's going on in his mind, and all I can really do is speculate. I don't know if he was avoiding me, and then thought about things and decided to just let that go for now. Who knows? He does not share everything with me, so I can only try to fill in the blanks. Regardless, I'm having trouble understanding how he has changed so much politically, when less than a decade ago he was the one voting for Hillary Clinton when I voted for the Troll Bastard. How did he move to the Right? And does it have something to do with Joe Rogan??? 10. "My all-time fave fairground ride is The Merry Mixer (The Switchback in America?). It looks like a food-mixer/blender. Know the one I mean? Because it's multi-directional rather than perpetual (puke)...could never do swings and roundabout in the playground... the slide and monkey bars/climbing-frame, yes. And definitely the zip-wire if there was one. What were yours?" The one amusement park my family went to every year has Bumper Cars that are rated some of the best in the United States. And they are fun as hell. They also have a Log Flume I can be convinced to do, and a few other notable things like this Bingo game you can do with these big rubber balls. I also look forward to the indoor restaurant they have whenever we do go as a family. The thing is, I would be considered boring as hell by any sort of adrenaline junkie. 11. "Like most men would...because it was erroneously drummed into them growing-up that they were the masters of their own ship. Plus, you're assuming you even COULD control it yourself? On what basis? (eyebrow wiggle)" I just mean, I'd rather not be on the ride than have to stay and be at the mercy of some operator. 12. "Awww, whaaaaat? HAHAHAHAH! Well, if it comes back, let me know." I still can't remember that epiphany. It's weird how that completely vanished from my mind. 13. "Maybe he means well but is socially inept compared to you? Maybe he's neurodivergent too, but in a way that doesn't gel with yours plus your more self-aware and -introspecting personality? (News for you: most blokes your age, don't, you know. GenZs do, on the other hand. They're hot on protecting their optimum mental welfare (own oxygen mask on first - yussss!)). So you have more in common with GenZs really. That - getting on with younger than you AND older than you - but not so much, same age as you - is another little-known Aspie feature. It's because you want THE POINT of the friendship (not the be-all-end-all, just the point-of-it ASPECT, that Aspie-vital element) to be, either, SENDING information (teaching) or RECEIVING information (learning). Does that ping with you? If it does, then, your frustration might well be that the guy refuses to learn from you or teach you anything. Again - any ping? But if he's the grieving one then - I'm surprised he's remembering to put his knickers on in the morning, let alone being rude and dismissive!...so, best give him a Hall Pass for longer...see if he emerges out of it a new man once he's no longer in so much pain and despair? ...Bear with a thorn in his paw, and all that - bound to be incapable of keeping a lid on his moodiness? I can't really say unless you go into specifics and give examples." I have wondered about this before. If he is neurodivergent, then he might be a major case-study for neurodivergent peoples, because he is very well-liked by a lot of people. And he has social skills that I don't. But I won't completely rule it out. He could be. I think I feel incredibly overlooked as Gen Y/Millennial Gen. Maybe it's good they're ignoring us, though, idk. I also think it does ping with me. He is very spontaneous, whereas I seek out meaning and purpose in things. 14. "No, I haven't, actually! How is it out of 10?" It wasn't a great movie, but it was sort of alright. It had its moments, or at least I remember it that way. John C McGinley even makes an appearance, so that's cool. I get the impression that Tim Allen had a lot of pull on that set, since he got this fancy motorcycle for his character that was nicer than what the other actors had. I think the whole Travolta twist is what I remember best about it, though. 15. "Hmmmm..........If I asked you if you felt he were 'meltable', would you agree?" I'm not sure what this means. 16. "It'll come back to you. Here's how it works. By becoming bothered/agitated that you can't remember, you're engaging cylinders that the 'memory bank clerk' needs for locating, grasping and handing you this data. Go off and do something else and it'll suddenly occur to you all by itself. (10p, please/thank-you)" Maybe concerningly, it has not come back to me. I had this epiphany about the friend... And then it all just kind of got sucked out of my mind the other day. Maybe I thought I was onto something big, but arbitrated with myself and determined it wasn't that big of a deal, and then just flat-out forgot? I'm at a loss. I don't think the epiphany was comparing him to John Travolta's character in Wild Hogs, because that is actually not a new comparison for me. I feel like it was something I noticed about his behavior, or the way he treated me. But I can neither recall, nor put it into words anymore. 17. "Here - if you were actually a cake, what cake would you be?" Oh, if you're asking me literally, then definitely ice cream cake! 18. So to finish, I guess just a few random things, off of the ol' noggin... Well, I'm gearing up to celebrate my girlfriend's birthday. I want to do something for her and make it memorable, get her a nice gift and some kind of cake or pie. I also tried to write her a little 3-page review of our time together and the fun moments we've had over the past couple of years. I'm not sure if it's my best work, but at the same time I put a few hours into it and typed it up, and I guess it's okay. Though, I worry it may be too machine-like and too much of an outline rather than a warm and fuzzy celebration of us. I gave it a try, though. On the way home tonight, lo and behold, I stopped at the local gas station and saw yet another "woman of my dreams." I feel good and bad about it, both at the same time. She had these dark, blue eyes, and beautiful ginger hair. Her personality almost implied to me that she was warming up to me, at least as a customer. And I just feel so conflicted, and like such a crappy person. I feel better for having interacted with someone so charming, and yet I also feel like a shit boyfriend right now for being so interested in this random woman. I really don't know what to say. I guess I am not a perfect person, and this has always been a major low-point for me in relationships. Maybe I'm not entirely devoted. The thing is, I can't help but fantasize about what it would have been like flirting with that girl and asking her out on a date, and getting to experience being with someone like her. But under normal circumstances, I would never do that in a relationship with someone else. If the world fell apart tomorrow, what would I do? Good question. At the same time, my girlfriend went and got us supper somewhere, and that was nice, too. And she probably won't like that I've stayed up responding on this forum for a while, but she probably won't make a huge deal of it. Maybe my mind is pre-emptively looking for alternatives, should this current relationship cease. Okay, that is enough thinking for tonight. Thank you for your time.

...And once again I'm feeling like a bastard for having that thought earlier. I don't know why. It's not like I knew anything about the mystery gas station worker. For all I know she has a boyfriend, or kids, or does drugs. Sorry, that post veered towards the end there. I'm not sure why I'm like this. For the most part things have been in an upswing in my relationship, though there are regular arguments. I guess that is normal? The other day wasn't real great for us. Maybe this is some subconscious reaction to that. Or maybe I am overthinking it and I just fancied a pretty woman, nothing more.