He said he was ok with casual. but didn't try anything sexual with me

This guy and I dated during the summer, but we weren't getting along. So we stopped dating and were friends with benefits for a month. That ended in January because, again, we were not getting along. Recently, he and the guy had been texting. He told me he had a "spicy" dream about me. And I asked him if he wanted to have casual sex with me. He said, "That's a complicated question," and he asked me out for a casual lunch. But he said he was ok with casual as long as it's just casual. We went to lunch yesterday he didn't mention anything about sex. He did glance down at my breasts a few times. But probably because my bra was showing as the dress I wore was too big (I've been losing weight). After lunch, he told me it was nice to see me and hugged me. I hugged him back but didn't say anything. He then texted me later, saying it was nice seeing me today. I did reply that time via text. I'm surprised he didn't mention anything sexual. He told me via text (before we met) that he was ok with casual as long as it was just casual. During lunch, he asked me how I've been doing, etc. I mentioned that I needed to find an outdoor sport to do during the summer. He also mentioned pickleball (which is a sport that he enjoys and likes to play). He knows I have never played it before, so I'm not sure why he mentioned it. Anyway, it was just odd. I was expecting him to say something sexual.

Hi Clair, I suspect there might be some confusion over the use of the word "casual", in different instances. I'd venture to guess that this guy is alright with a more casual relationship, but also that he was okay with joining you for a casual lunch with casual conversation. On a somewhat unrelated note, I'd guess that he brought up pickleball since you are looking for something active to do this Summer, and that's something he suggested since he has found it works for him. Maybe he figured you might like playing pickleball together, too? Getting back to the subject at hand, it is odd that he mentioned having this "spicy" dream about you. But maybe since it was something that happened, he figured he'd just mention it since it was on his mind. It seems like you are looking for this purely sexual arrangement with this guy, without and sort of friendship. That's fair, but maybe you have to make it more clear if that is what you are looking for. I will say that expecting someone to be this 100% sexual being that will never let you down is unreasonable, however. Most people are not that person. Most people are human, and aren't perfect - given enough time their flaws will show. Maybe this guy would like to be able to be himself with you and still have something casual. And if you ask me, that's a reasonable request. My biggest question is why, when you've established that the two of you don't get along, that you keep wanting to pursue sex with this man? Apparently there must be things you like about this person. You must at the very least feel comfortable and safe with him as a sexual partner. But really, you should try to get into the habit of viewing people as whole beings, and not just fantasies. I hope this advice is helpful to you.

The way I see it when he replied it was a complicated question that means he does not know for himself yes or no at the time. This guy is someone you have dated but have not gotten along with and I'm thinking there are reasons for that so then maybe you not getting him (or him you?) at this stage is not so surprising either. Could also be he has someone else on his mind and even if he does not have her yet or ever will it could be that he has sort of reserved himself to her. Could be he has not yet gotten to the stage that he has analyzed himself to the point that he fully recognize why he won't do nothing with you at this point is because of her, though. I say this because I have learned much later my husband reserved himself to me way before we ever got to the stage of intimacy, as by his book he said he knew he already loved me. I had no idea he even found me sexy. I thought he only found me to be funny. I too later found out that him turning around like this was surprising to someone else, I should not say anything else about it. I've seen his "ex" and she was radiant, beautiful, beautiful looking woman who I do not think anyone's first guess would be a guy saying no to. I think we have been taught (or at least I have, maybe better if I should just speak from my own experiences) that men are suppose to be these wild sex machines who would say yes to that and no serious relationship but they are just as human as everyone else, the other gender. I would suspect he has someone else on his mind.