I have lied to my work colleagues

I started a new job around 8 months ago, it’s a small group of people who I work with, I was very apprehensive about discussing my personal life with these people when I first started working with them, in my previous job I had a really hard time with being judged about my relationship ( my partner is a lot older than me ) and I found that some people didn’t except this and made cruel comments and really hurt my feelings. So when I started my new job my guard was well and truly up and I didn’t want to let anyone in I just wanted to have a professional work relationship, In the first month the question did arise where I was asked about my relationship and how old my partner is, I panicked I lied saying that he was ten years older when he is actually 19 years older I don’t know why I said it I just wanted to shut the conversation down. I feel really bad as I grown to realise what a bunch of kind and caring people they all are and I feel so guilty for lying about my relationship and I feel I should come clean but I’m worried that they will think bad of me and it will change the way things are between us all .

Hi Yogibear99, First question is, why were you expected to discuss your personal life so soon into your acquaintanceship with these colleagues? Were they pressing for information? Were they doing the 'they spill their beans first to make you feel obligated to do likewise' thing? Maybe your partner ISN'T a lot older than you ("on-paper, on-schmaper!"). Maybe you're as mature as him or he as you? Did that not occur to you? Plus - do you have trouble holding conversations? If not - he is evidently NOT too old for you. What sort of cruel comments? "I panicked I lied saying that he was ten years older when he is actually 19 years older I don’t know why I said it I just wanted to shut the conversation down" So would I have under that kind of coercement! (Specifically, Peer Pressure plus being put on the spot. And they're not retards, they should have picked-up on your shocked face and awkward hesitancy.) It's too soon to deem them kind and caring. And what use is that if they lack it's partner: knowing not to be so invasive so premature in your acquaintanceship. Eight months is not enough time to sum them up as anything. So with that little Red Flag, I would proceed with caution. GOOD. I'm GLAD you lied. It's none of their bloody business yet (or ever!) and they should use that spare energy better, like, to finish what their parents clearly failed to finish - growing-up..thereby knowing what's appropriate and distinctly inappropriate, including When. You were FORCED to lie. End Of. Bit better? :) Anyway, come the time when it DOES become their business you can simply say, 'I was so taken aback at the time, and had been 'punished' for telling the truth at my last job, so I'm afraid I blurted in panic (say it triggered you) and shaved 9 years off of him to be safe'. OR NOT. Again - it's not their business and neither is it their concern. Except for: you have a partnership you're perfectly happy with! What else matters?

When someone asks me about my ‘True Love’ My life LIGHTS up inside of me My life wants to pour out what I BELIEVE My life wants to pour out what has filled me and what flows within me My life wants to pour out the truth My life wants to pour out the beauty That I connect in his name My heart and mind wants to CELEBRATE him!! What you share That you truly believe Can be believed Can be grown Blessing the person you share with With those connections I think that the mistake we all make on repeat in our lives is that we are not understanding ourselves enough in order to be free to be ourselves. What ARE your CONNECTIONS? What IS in your LIFE? What intentions, thoughts, words, actions, feelings, beliefs, experiences live within you in terms of your relationship with him? You get to choose what you share with people. You get to light them up with any belief you want to. Really the sky isn’t the limit!! Remember that truth and love is LIGHT that lights you up and lights up people around you. Remember that lies disconnect the flow of life, disrupting your peace, disrupting their peace. Have you seen and understood the film STEP MOM with Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon?

WITH SOME EDITS.... When someone asks me about my ‘True Love’ My life LIGHTS up inside of me My life wants to pour out what I BELIEVE My life wants to pour out what has filled me and what flows within me My life wants to pour out the truth My life wants to pour out the beauty That I connect in his name My heart and mind wants to CELEBRATE him!! What you share That you truly believe Can be believed Can be grown Blessing the person you share with With those connections I think that the mistake we ALL make ON REPEAT in our lives is that we are not understanding ourselves enough in order to be free to be ourselves. What ARE your CONNECTIONS? What IS in your LIFE? What intentions, thoughts, words, actions, feelings, beliefs, experiences live within you in terms of your relationship with him? You get to choose what you share with people. And remember to ABC, always be closing, securing experiences. You get to light people up with ANY belief you want to!!. And then move onto what is on the table that you 'should' be doing with your time at the office. Remember that truth and love is LIGHT that lights you up and lights up people around you. Remember that lies disconnect the flow of life, disrupting your peace, disrupting their peace. Have you seen and understood the film STEP MOM with Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon? Have you seen THE NEVERENDING STORY? In the last scene's, when Atrayu (Bastian) meets with the Empress and she is holding the tiny light, that he needed to grow with wishes, with truth and love in his heart to reform Fantasia, the world? Those lights (secured connections of truth and love) live inside of us wanting to grow inside of us. We are always giving people those lights or we are giving people 'holes', 'the nothing' to have to manage and make sense of. Have you seen Tom Hanks THE GREYHOUND? We NEED truth to be alive within us and around us, leading us.

Almost a month ago since you made this thread but for what it's worth I'm gonna give you my answer here. We lie when we are afraid etc. As nice as they are you can't guarantee they have not lied to you. Some people put up a great mask at work and then they are something else at home behind those four walls. Some buy into it that what the present about their private life is them telling you it all, but I always think what are they not telling me, because we all go through things in life. We just shut our mouth about it for different reasons that is of nobody else's business. I would not say anything about the error of age you said. If and when they meet him they can't exactly say out loud that My God you lied! He's 20 years y our senior and not 10! Some people are hard to tell the age of. Besides you could have just said the wrong number and your head could have been somewhere else at the moment. I know mine can be and the patience people have with me when I'm like that is just amazing, but it still don't change the act that I could very well say yes to a no question at the intense moment, not because I meant to, but because I was just distracted. You could of course tell them the truth and then tell them the background story of why you did lie, but in order to do so I would have to be 100% sure that these are indeed not just nice people you are working with but people you can bet your life on are not going to gossip, perhaps even come in contact with these previous co-workers of yours. To my understanding you were pressured to say his age. This was a sensitive topic of yours. I never pressure nobody for questions. I have learned that people tell me what they want to tell me in their own time when they trust me enough to do so, and if they don't that's fine too. It's their choice. I would understand if they did tell a white lie if they were pressured.

Plus they can use this against you later on when it is about something else completely saying they can't trust you. I would place an invisible wall between work and private if I were you as nice as they may be.

I never got around to responding, sorry for that Yogibear99. Are you still around? I completely get the whole thing about not wanting to share personal information with coworkers. I'm the same way, and in my experience the more other people know about you, the more they'll just put down your life, your decisions and all the things you like. I have coworkers now who keep kind of pressuring me to learn more about me. At least it sounds like your coworkers are trustworthy and are good friends to you. You should keep your business your business, and don't feel one bit bad about feeding them white lies and half-truths. It's not like they need to have that information, anyway. You can be "in the closet" on that issue, no harm done. I think sometimes we know more about some people than we really need to, anyway. I will say that 19 years is a pretty big age-gap. My ex was 11 years older than me, and I guess initially that didn't seem like a huge deal, but I think it kind of bothered me a lot as time went on. I guess in my personal opinion, it is more desirable to be with someone close to your age. (I always kind of wished I could pull the younger ladies, too, but I seem to get along with more mature women, which tend to be a few years older.) But you know what? If it works for you, that's all that matters. Even if one day it eventually doesn't, it does for now, and that means something.