Husband says he doesn't find me attractive anymore

I'm don't know what to do here. I'm more confused than anything else to be honest. I'm an older woman, and as I've gotten older I've been prioritising my comfort more and more, and to that end I recently gave up my more "sexier" underwear in favour of womens boxers. The brand is called Oddballs, and if you google you'll see that they are quite colourful. Last night my husband saw me wearing them and said that he didn't like me wearing them. He said that he didn't find me attractive in them, and that they were childish and that I shouldn't be wearing mens underwear. He has really upset me, I always thought that he's find me attractive no matter what I wore. Should I go back to wearing my old underwear for his sake? I just want both of us to be happy.

Hi RabbitCap43, (43 is not 'older' btw.) Am Googling right now... OH.... Ah.... I see.... They look like men's pants. (Tho-weeeeee!) "I always thought that he's find me attractive no matter what I wore." Yeah, but (no-but-yeah-but).... What if the sight of men's jockey-shorts brings back past bad associations for him? Then what? Wouldn't it be like dressing as a clown in front of someone with a phobia or even just hang-up about clowns? Do you know all about his past? ALL of it? That aside, however - on the pragmatic, problem-solving now-now-now level: If your prettier/sexier pants don't hurt you but the unsexier pants hurt him, then, Yes...go back to wearing the more feminine ones. Or - NONE! Hahahaha, that'd shut him up. :D

PS: Men's jockey shorts on someone else (that he has to interact with), I mean. (Obvs.) PPS: Try to find a traditional lingerie boutique and get measured & fitted with matching bras and pants. They'll last for decades (well-made) AND will be as comfy as the jockey shorts. You'll feel great. If you're not an 'off the peg' gal then you're not an off the peg gal... so don't expect off the peg to be comfy as well as feminine/sexy. Sorry your husband isn't very tactful, though. (Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.)

PPPS: They're not 'childish', however. Manly can't be Childish, can it, because it's a total contradiction in terms. So THERE'S a Scooby Clue, isn't there!

(Haha!...walk into the bedroom wearing a Figleaf - go on - dare ya!) (You could make one cut out of paper and with Green feltpen.)

Here - RabbitCat...just a thought: He didn't happen to have gone to Public and/or Boarding School, did he?

Sorry, but I'm not sure what you mean by "past bad associations" with someone wearing boxer shorts. Getting measured and fitted professionally might be a bit expensive, and I'm not that comfortable with other people (other than my husband) seeing my body (I'm a bit on the larger side and I have noticeable scarring from previous medical procedures). Perhaps I could compromise and start wearing "granny panties"? I really like these boxers though. I have Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle ones :) He did go to a boarding school, though I don't see how that's relevant.

I think it just sounds like a bit much. Idk. It would be one thing if your partner wants you to shave your chin hairs, or likes your hair styled a certain way, or doesn't want you to dress too provocatively. It's kind of not hurting anything that you like to wear these comfy underwear around home. The website even shows that their womens' boxers are a "popular item", lol. I mean, these are clearly even women's briefs, I just looked at the ones you are talking about on the website, so your partner is mistaken for calling them "men's underwear." Heck, neither of the girlfriends I've had have ever worn "sexy stuff", or lingerie, or anything like that. Sounds like his ass has got some serious first-world problems.

They're pretty clearly not women's briefs, I think your looking at the wrong thing. The ones I have are like this https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0353/7249/files/Desktop_4_022ed3a0-98d8-490d-bec6-c539fb571433_465x.png?v=1742239517 (I have that exact pair ha ha)

"He did go to a boarding school, though I don't see how that's relevant." You don't? Really?? Damn - that means I'll have to spell the elephant out, haha. Bear with, and I'll be with you either tomorrow eve or Saturday. Meantime, I'll give you a little clue: Two, Scottish Public Boarding-Schoolboys, and their names were Ben Madoon and Phil MacCaverty. (Well, that's the outside extreme of that well-known issue, anyway.) (Heh-heh...'click-whirr-click'...)

I Agree that it could be an 'ASSOCIATION' issue. It means that, when he sees the garment, it leads his mind to think all different kinds of thoughts that he doesn't want to think. I would accommodate to his request for sure. When the man I love feels bad about anything, it is important to me to help them feel better. Connect light, where there is darkness. Connect truth and love, light, where there is fear, confusion, discomfort,... My true love is my baby My true love is my king

Thanks CHICKADEE. Do you think he would be okay with me wearing "granny panties"? Because I'd prefer them over the more skimpier underwear I used to wear, if I'm going to give up my boxers that is.

My pleasure RABBITCAP43 I wear cotton underwear that is 5 times too big for me... they are very loose, and airy which is very healthy. Our skin needs to breathe. That area needs to breathe. While we are on the topic.... for extra freshness... Try washing with a lemon and baking soda mixture, make it into a runny paste. I like to start by rinsing myself in the shower. Stop the shower Take my time to gently rub the mixture in from head to toe Let it sit on me for a few minutes Rinse it all off I do it once a week for powerful exfoliation and freshness!! I can't imagine life without it!! Life changer!!! Enjoy!!

Wearing underwear that is too big sounds uncomfortable. I was thinking about getting something like these: https://www.target.com/p/jockey-women-s-plus-size-classic-brief-3-pack/-/A-87702977?preselect=1002313860#lnk=sametab Do you think he'd find them attractive?

I couldn't say. I'd bet he'd find them a distinct improvement, though. Trouble is, although they're feminine/pretty, they're a bit....Middle School? Why don't you just ask him? I mean, since it is fair enough not to deal your sexual-romantic partner with a cold shower (said jockeys), why not present him with a list of links for ones you like and let him has his half-say? Obviously, that would then imbue you yourself with the equal-partner right to have a say over HIS pants...but if he's okay with that, then, all you two have done is customise your relationship rather than keeping to off-the-peg. Have you tried Boux Avenue? Tasteful, classy, comfy, just Vanilla enough but decidedly feminine and sexy. Or not. They have loooooads on their website. ...so I'm told (hahahahaha!). Yeah, keep him up all night, choosing between a 100 links, to the point where, after the 50th he goes - AAAARGH, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE, WEAR WHAT YOU LIKE! Hahahah - sorry, couldn't resist. It's nice and refreshing to have to advise over a "1st world" couples clash-ette, for a change. :)

Me, I think it's (silk) French Knickers you need. Like jockeys but so NOT like them. VERY feminine (this is French women's preference we're talking about). Comfort-wise, even comfier than boxers. That'd get his eyes on stalks yet you free of chafing. Whadjafink?

Oh, and on the emotional side: he DIDN'T say he didn't find you attractive any more. He said he didn't find you attractive (meaning, as he normally does) IN THEM. FYI, it's you who doesn't find you attractive any more. Do you have kids? "(I'm a bit on the larger side and I have noticeable scarring from previous medical procedures)" Yeah, you and too many other women (and men) out there. Nobody cares but you. While you're worrying about what this/that person is thinking about you/your appearance, guess what they're actually thinking? This (psyche fact): "I wonder what she's thinking about me?" Now, is that the epitome of irony or what! Or is it, futility? Both, I think? Seriously. Usually, the person is only looking at you because you're monitoring whether they're looking at you, ie., even without realising, you looked first. And (sane, geniune) men don't care about stuff like that, anyway - the slight weight gain (within reason), and especially not scarring. (We talking Caesarians?) Maybe you used to be "too" gorgeous, ergo a few minor battle-scars seem to you like a huge thing in-comparison? Here's a little exercise for you. Get out of a recent photo of yourself and compare yourself, NOT to you ten years ago, but to what you can (if you use your imagination) envisage you'll look like in ten years from now. Try that mind state for size and then report back. :)

Here you go, look, Rabbit - as an example, now I've got a moment: https://es.shein.com/ark/4314?goods_id=54228003&test=5051&url_from=adhub1531443563&scene=1&pf=google&ad_type=DPA&language=es&siteuid=es&landing_page_id=4314&ad_test_id=7855&requestId=olw-4nzvojhkrvgp&gad_source=1&skucode=I04wxvyq2xea&onelink=0/googlefeed_es&gad_campaignid=22060914702&gclid=CjwKCAjwz_bABhAGEiwAm-P8YZultXpeeEH0bMPGwbw_KMYTOQRapy7RA6cwZEKapQ0TtGK0s_NfDhoCJEwQAvD_BwE&currency=EUR&lang=es *So* feminine (AND healthier than skin-tights, let's not forget to mention). What do you think?

Jut while we're waiting for Rabbitcap: Chickadee, I'm going to try that! Cheers! I'm a fan of bicarb anyway, although hadn't thought to try it for exfoliation! And especially salt, salt's my go-to. The two together, gargled or applied topically, are a natural antibiotic, btw. Salt kills and heals everything, including viruses, not just bacteria. My teeth were starting to decay due to stress and Bruxism during Covid. Because you couldn't get a dental appointment for love nor money, I began gargling with it every day, especially just before lights-out, and, literally, the decay (and pain) just stopped dead in its tracks. And then I found out that gargling with it had been proven in tests, either to lessen the chances of catching Covid in the first place or its symptom-severity and longevity (unfortunately too late for me as I got my first attack in Xmas 2019, but I'm convinced my Long Covid wouldn't be half as mild compared to most others had I not, nor strike only during Winter). Little wonder it (salt) used to be more expensive than Gold. Water (comfortably hot works fastest) with lemon and/or bicarb is also fantastic for tummy upsets, nausea and trapped wind (be prepared to burp like a trooper right after drinking it, though, so best NOT to do it in company, haha). All three also lessen insect stings, including mozzie, although White Vinegar is particularly good for that. And mozzies hate lemon and citronella. I also clean only with vinegar, salt, lemon, bicarb. Including the loos (all four, including Fairy Liquid). Oh, and treat the sinks weekly with hot water, bicarb and vinegar, to deal with Drain Flies (I'm in Spain...buggers are everywhere if you're not careful). And vinegar to make ants back-off and go back outside ("Geeert ite of my hise, vermin!"). Yep, I'm with you, natural (and holistic) is best. AND cheaper. Got any more juicy tips? (-sounds rude but isn't, haha). PS: Hmm...I wonder if any of those work on men who complain tactlessly about their women's pants?

It is not YOU that he does not find attractive, it is a piece of clothing. I sure do not look sexy no matter what I put on and I would think the same goes for everyone. I would not take it personally. As far as I'm concerned if you two are intimate they are not suppose to stay ON, are they? I mean he is not suppose to make love to your clothes? If I did not want intimacy I would wear them as a sign that I'm not up for tonight, LOL. If I were you I would not be upset, I would start laughing at the whole thing instead. Do you seriously find him sexy no matter what he would put on? You got to differentiate between a piece of clothing on your body and your body. Not the same thing. You do not have to change a thing about your body, sweetie. I have some body issues myself but this I would not take as a personal insult to my body. If I were you I would make a joke out of it, tell him to wear something himself you do not find sexy so then both of you know by then. I am surprised your husband did not say what he had to say with a sense of humor to it but was dead serious. In my book this should be something you two could laugh at, together.

"If I were you I would make a joke out of it, tell him to wear something himself you do not find sexy so then both of you know by then." (Cheers, G - and I'll get to your post over the weekend. See Balance's thread for explanation. "TA!")

Here, RabbitCap - where u iz? Whassapnin, gal? Don't leave us in suspenders? (*Ducks rotten tomatoes)

Yeah, see, this pain medication is too strong for me to be posting... I completely forgot to comment to your comment. Let me try that again.... "If I were you I would make a joke out of it, tell him to wear something himself you do not find sexy so then both of you know by then." I was GOING to say: 'Yeah! Make him wear your most feminine bra and knickers and then you'll be (scuse pun) standing in his shoes (in fact, you could include your high-heels as well if you liked?) and might- no, actually, probably highly likely will, appreciate what he was saying and where he was coming from. Just a suggestionionio. :) ...Not that I want to start anything or anything. Just a one-off, yeh? I know what you crazy 43-year-old kidz are like...hahahaha! ;)