I sent nudes to strangers and regret it

Let me begin by begging you not to judge. This is something I will probably never talk about with anyone besides this forum. Forewarning that this might be kind of gross to read, and it's probably worse than the title makes it seem because I wasn't quite 18 when I did this (yes I regret it) Hopefully I don't sound like a weirdo but here goes. When I was 16 and 17, I exhibited the classic traits of a teenage boy, I'm sure you know what I mean. But I quit porn after a bit (around 15 or 16), and I thought that was a good thing. But I realized that my supposedly ended "addiction" had morphed into something worse. I now craved interaction, and I had a thing for older women (yes I'm weird, I know). I began to search, and through discord servers and omegle-like sites, I found them. Obviously, since I was a minor, all of them were pedophiles, but I was fully aware of what I was doing. To be honest though, that's not what my problem with it is. The problem is that I sent nudes to a couple of these people (after they asked of course) and I feel like shit because of it. I'm not worried about them leaking, I highly doubt it, and I never sent nudes with my face. But that's not my worry either. My worry is the effects that it's had on me. First of all, I feel like it's only taken to the extreme the effects that a porn addiction would have. Unrealistic expectations, etc. I feel like in a real future relationship that might create an issue. Of course, I don't know, but I feel like it's messed me up a bit psychologically in that sense. Also I just feel like I've lost a part of my innocence to the wrong people, random strangers. Even if I was an adult when I did this, I think I would still feel the same. It's the exact same feeling as like losing your virginity to a prostitute or something, just less extreme. I just feel like shit and I feel like I'm now like not fully intact. I've heard the term "used goods" before, and obviously it's a terrible and degrading term, but it's what I feel like. I dunno what "advice" would be helpful here, maybe just something to let me know that it's all just in my head or whatever. Honestly feels a bit better already just writing this.

seriously, that took guts. What happened doesn’t define your worth, and you're not broken. You were young, looking for connection, and others took advantage. The shame you feel is understandable, but it doesn’t mean you're damaged. You're still whole, still worthy, and you can absolutely heal from this. You're not alone.

Agree with OpenLeaf (thumbs-up! :)). In fact, SuperOriginal, you just sound like most, normal, teenage boys, to me! HAH-HAH. Nah. I get it. But let's break it down to pinpoint the itchy, painful pimple so we can bring it to a head and pop it (tho this method doesn't necessitate cleaning the mirror afterwards lol) (ps: I used clingfilm :D)... You didn't do anything wrong by seeking out a woman because that's the (highly-sexed) (- lucky you!) teenage boy fantasy of all-time. No bull! It was the 'supermarket' you went to, wasn't it. Instead of the normal (scuse pun) avenues, you went to a "dive", situated in the dark, back alleys. And now you feel like you'd indulged a load of (*blood-curdling scream*) icky paedos - correct? Any one of those women (or, if that's what they'd been rather than stunted and possibly even younger than you(!)) (think seriously - what GENUINELY grown-up (thus sensible, responsible, sane and decent) women would do that! Can you picture any of your friends' mums doing that?!)...any one of them were more than capable of doing the right thing in refusing your request ...and denying themselves (yuh, right!). And as (technically) the adults, that's exactly what they should have done. ...Only, they can't. Because they're not grown-ups. (Probably the ones you slept with were about 12...making you the paedo, hahah (joke).) And NO, sorry - at that age you are NOT fully aware of what you're doing because the part of your brain/mind responsible for that, hasn't nearly finished developing (until 25-ish) enough to give your full consent (even to yourself!...see how that works?). HAD it - you wouldn't now be getting the after-effects (guilt and feeling slutty and sleazy). See how that works too? It was very intelligent of you to not send your face, though - phew! What do you mean 'lost a part of your innocence'? What innocence? Can you explain? Or do you mean, your ignorance (now knowing what sex is like(ish) (not normal women, remember)? If that's the case, then, I can't wait until love gets ya. Because then it is a COM-PER-PLEEEETE-LY different experience. When there's no Love playing a vital part, it's like you're only getting a mechanical sample. It'd be like getting to lick a 5-star Menu photo or, to be more fair, the sauce left on another customer's empty plact, as opposed to actually eating the entire delicious meal, including its texture and temperature, etc., etc., itself. And THAT is when you, all open-mouthed, think/realise: I've only just right now lost my virginity! Completely different ball-game (scuse pun). You're normal and worrying about nothing/something too irrelevant - especially as you RUE the event(s)! (See how THAT works?) Ironically, however, the fact you're worrying about nothing much, is something else that makes you normal as well. :) Sense?

IOW - sex with someone you're in-love with (AND like/admire/respect) is like (but better) riding The Pepsi Max. Without: like the school-playground horsie-thing on a giant metal spring. (What are those called, anyway? Does anyone here know?)

....and then you spend the next few days singing Madonna's "Like a Virgin...touched for the very first tiiiime" whilst looking like you sleep with a coathanger in your mouth....and confiding to your mates: Iiiiiiii thought as a teenager I'd had sex... I bloody hadn't. That's why the best version isn't called Sex, but, Making Love.

Thank you guys so much, I feel a lot better now

Goooooooood! Although it was mostly OpenLeaf. I just translated and went into lengthier detail for you. Anyhoo, on her behalf, you're very welcome (and you're very sweet and conscientious....you'll make someone a lovely boyfriend). Thank-you for thanking us and come back any time you like. :) ...unless you have any other worries or queries or anything?

Wait!!! It's really important!... Before you go - what IS the horsie (or chicken) on a spring called? PS: try the clingfilm on the mirror trick. Works for your kitchen backsplash as well, when you're cooking something 'spitty', like bacon n eggs. (That's your Going Home pressie, haha)

Soulmate: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spring_rider Hi Superoriginalname96, Honestly, I think you just move on and leave it in the past. It's likely a lot of those people on those sites weren't aware you were underage, they probably had a thing for young (legal) guys. If you had encountered them in person, then they probably would have realized you were pretty much still a teenager and young & immature. I guess even though you were underage when you took those photos, you're over 18 now, and while that might not change anything about the illegality of those photos, at least now you could kind of give consent. I don't know, I think it's just something I would move on from before too long. People end up seeing thousands of nudes at some point or another. I wouldn't feel devalued in any way because of it - people make mistakes. And I mean, hell, there are people out there with more photos and videos of them nude and doing various sex acts than there are normal photos and videos of them. It's just a couple of pictures, and it's probably not the most embarrassing thing you've ever done in your life. So it should be pretty easy to put behind you.

Spring Rider! THANK-YOU (oh, sweet relief haha!)!