I'm a survivor of domestic violence and I am ready for the next stage

I am new to the forums: Hello and thank you for having me. I'm going to jump right in here and say that I have an urgent request (not asking for financial assistance). I don't know how to talk about my situation without the urge to going into my long "sob story" but I'll try to make it brief. Haha. I live with a narcissist and addict. I've known him all ofy my adult life He was my first intimate partner and I honestly had no idea that the situation I was in was toxic. It didn't look or sound like the abusive childhood I had so it didn't raise any red flags. He was that good. If I was able to prove what's happening now it would make international news and all I'm stuck with is poverty, having no support, carlessness, no job and the good possibility of sounding paranoid or delusional. I didn't know that I had poor boundaries. I didn't know that I was a people pleaser in ANY way. And worse of all, I didn't know how much I lacked independence. I had no idea that narcissistic abuse made me gave up so much of my autonomy it was crushingly embarrassing to realize it. I put all the effort into the fake relationship that was only CONTROL. I didn't realize that I was manipulated. I didn't realize that I was accepting an unhealthy environment. Well, unfortunately, I'm still living with this *WORD SUBSTITUTE* and I am ready for my next stage in life. I have two pets whom I adore and won't give up. They. Are. Mine. My narcissist father already fooled me into giving in and giving up my right to live in that house and the abuser I'm talking about had taken my cockatiel (RIP) under HIS care. Yes, my situation was that insane. It was trapped on all sides and I'm not being poetic. No one is going to do it to me again. If I was selfish I could have abandoned everything including them and leave but believe me when I say it wouldn't have made a difference. He came up with a way to network with other toxic people. It wouldn't have freed me and I would have convinced myself to do what I "though was best." You see how sadistic he is? That careful? Cruel? I'm telling you if you heard him talk on the phone you wouldn't suspect him. If he showed up at your house to do pest control and home inspections, you wouldn't suspect him. I want a better future. I want a fair chance at this job application. But I can't get to the next step in the hiring process. I can't get to the background check. I don't have the references. None. I'm imploring you to consider being a personal reference for a job that could change my life. I have already applied to other jobs. I have already sent in volunteer applications and I have been ignored (not kidding). I have been donating blood plasma twice a week to barely cover the bills. The abuser I'm stuck with is suffering physically from his lifelong substance abuse and I don't know how long he has. He's not a young person anymore despite what his personality disorder wants to delude him with. These people are so toxic they are happy to lie to themselves about very important matters. Like, oh, their health. If I can find enough personal references I would at least get a chance to move on to the next step in the hiring process. My application hold has a deadline so I'm trying to get going on it. Thank you so much for your consideration. 😊🙏 Holly

Hi Careerminded, I did a quick Internet search and came up with a few links that you might find useful. The third one (Resumehead) seems especially informative: https://www.reddit.com/r/jobs/comments/r0owfy/i_have_literally_no_references/ https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/finding-a-job/i-don't-have-any-references-for-job-application https://resumehead.com/blog/advice-when-you-dont-have-references It is best not to add random strangers as job references, and instead add someone who you do actually know or have some history with. The first link does mention that there are people on Reddit's Antiwork subreddit who will offer to serve as a job reference for you. But I don't think I would do this unless you can find no other options.

It's honestly that bad assistant moderator, and thank you for taking the time to look into it. If I had the references I would have probably found out by now what the background check looked like. 😏 I would probably have moved on to the next application and waiting game. Thanks again.

Bumping the thread, so maybe Soulmate, Manalone or some of the others might notice and respond.

Writing a character reference for someone you don't know is dishonest and therefore immoral, so I doubt you'll get any takers here. Your doctor could write you one. Alternatively....Which country are you in?