Crush+academics+stress+family issues=frustrated, what to do?

I am someone who's good at studying, i know how to do it and i have the smarts to do it really well and yet i am wasting away my potential by being overwhelmed with emotions and reverting to just being on my phone instead of doing things that actually benefit. I'm just so frustrated about my feelings too like, at times i wish i didn't feel too much like i do at times and end up distracted. I really want to do well in school and go to a good university but with how i am right now, i don't know, i'm so freaking lost and scared for my present and future both. On top of issues in family distracting me, there's this classmate i developed feelings for. He's been my classmate since freshman year and I've liked him since then and my feelings have gotten so attached to him when i am not even sure if he even likes me as a friend or classmate or even thinks of me as a friend. THE WORST PART? He's all over in my head, in my dreams, my first thought in the morning and whenever i am thinking of doing something, my brain goes like, "oh what would he think of that?" And i even recently started being friendlier to him cause atleast we'd talk more right? But. What am i doing? This is my final school year and i need to do well but here i am, fawning over a guy who doesn't give a damn about me(most probably) instead of studying my butt off..i am so tired of all these emotions And then there is this friend of mine for whom i am just a tool to use cause i am book smart. I am so tired of being used when all i have ever wanted are genuine friendships and it really breaks my heart when i am all alone even when surrounded by people because i have no idea who to trust at this point and my mom's advice to cut off people doesn't help because how can i do that? I'll just be made the villain..because i am on the slightly angrier and chubbier side. "Bullying a frail girl, that fatso is so rude" and whatnot i am so tired. All i've ever tried to give out was help and genuine care and love, whether it be platonic, admiration or romantic but it's all so messed up. i really wish i could just focus on my studies and detach from everything because that would be so much easier that feeling so much and wasting away.

Hey Moonknight, Sorry for the wait. I took some time to think, and now I want to try and give you a bit of advice. First off: I know how you're feeling. I really do. I had a similar phase, during my final years of every school I attended. It was like I had all this knowledge and ability, but I kept getting overwhelmed, emotional, distracted – just stuck. I felt like I was wasting my potential too. All that If's and when's can be scary af. So here's what finally helped me for studying: I made a "contract" with myself. It just said: I will study at least 10 minutes a day. That's it. Not because 10 minutes is enough, but because it's something. After that, I was free to do what I wanted without feeling like a total failure. And honestly? Sometimes the hardest part is just starting. Once you're in it, it's easier to keep going. When I studied, I put my phone on flight mode and hid it in a drawer. Out of sight, out of mind. I also voicerecorded myself reading important things (like vocabulary, dates and events in history, anatomy terms), then listened to those recordings while walking to work/school, doing chores, whatever. It felt weird at first, but it worked. ((Pro tip: If it helps, play music you like quietly in the background while recording – it makes it less awkward to listen to yourself.)) Some days I really couldn’t focus – and that was okay. I just promised myself I’d add 5 extra minutes the next day. On other days, if I studied longer, I gave myself permission to go easy the next day. And yes, I also gave myself rewards. A snack I love, a hot bath, a self-care day, some shopping. Something small to say, “Hey, you tried. Good job.” Doomscrolling: If you notice it happening, the trick is not to hate yourself. Just stop. Right there. No "one more reel." Put the phone aside and do something else – anything. Just break the pattern. You said you’re scared. What exactly scares you? Is it the thought of not getting into the right university? Or is it that everything feels unstable right now – your feelings, your family, your friendships? That’s a lot for one person to carry. Maybe it’d help to write those exact fears down and look at them one by one. And also about what you mentioned regarding your family – if you feel comfortable, you’re welcome to share more about what’s been going on or what’s been weighing on you the most. Sometimes just saying it out loud (or writing it down) can help bring a little clarity to the emotional chaos. And maybe others can relate more specifically or offer something helpful. But of course, you don’t have to share anything that doesn’t feel right – only if you want to. About that classmate: I totally get what you mean. Having someone on your mind 24/7 can be intense, especially when you don’t know how they feel. But your feelings are valid. You’re allowed to have a crush, even when it feels like bad timing. You’re allowed to fantasize. If you feel brave, you can test the waters. If not, that’s also okay. You can live the feelings without acting on them. And the friend who uses you? That hits hard. I had that, too. Someone who only came to me when they needed help. It hurts. Especially when you’re someone who gives love and care so genuinely. Maybe slowly stop doing the things you used to do for them. See what happens. Real friends won't disappear just because you set boundaries. And this part: "it really breaks my heart when I am all alone even when surrounded by people" – oh, I felt that in my chest. I know that feeling too well. But don’t give up. I promise there are people out there who can match your depth. In the meantime: do the things you love. Even alone. Its also a good way to meet new people. Also – what you wrote about being judged or made the villain just because of how you look or how you express yourself, setting boundaries or protect them: I feel you. I've been bullied too. Because of how I dressed, because I had glasses and braces, because I didn’t fit into their mold, because I spoke up against them. And it hurts – it hurts so much. But what I learned is that people who bully are often just projecting their own pain. It's not about you. And I know that doesn't always make it easier, but maybe it helps a little to know it’s definitely not your fault. You’re not too much. You just feel deeply. That’s not a weakness – that’s part of your strength. Use that heart of yours to build the future you want. And always: Breath! Step by step. One day, one choice at a time. You got this :)

Hey CREATIVENICK! It's no worries, i wasn't even sure if i could get any help here at all, i had just heard of forums and i didn't feel like talking to someone i knew so ended up here and to be honest, even without a reply, i felt heard cause my feelings were out there. But, i do appreciate you taking the time out of your day to write up such a detailed reply to my teenage troubles. Often, it just gets disregarded when i try to bring it up sincerely with my mother and ends up in either an argument or just me being scolded for not knowing better even though i'm supposedly the smart kid of the family, the older one too. I just turned 18 in January 2025 and am in the last year of school, how am i even supposed to know when even they don't at times when they have two kids? I just can't begin to explain how i feel every word you've written in the reply because it made me feel heard and i appreciate you for that, so much. Also, i am very sorry that you relate to what i am going through, -1/10 experience, i don't think either of us would recommend! About the study method you mentioned, i do that already!! I atleast open a book once a day and revisit whatever i've learnt from a chapter or two but it's not enough and when i try increasing the time, for some reason i end up all drowsy even when i am having fun doing what i am. It's like my head gets clouded and suddenly i am dozing off, MIDWAY OF WRITING. It's often hilarious to see at the result: chicken feet writing by me but it's not something i am exactly proud of, i mean, it's so discouraging when i see people putting timers and going as far as 7 hours or more while i can't properly even give 2 full hours, it just sucks out the spirit to change for some reason even if i try to support myself with claims of "we're just starting!" "It's okay to find it hard early on!!" And so on. I don't know if i have attention span issues or something because i can be focused but that depends on if i am "feeling" it and that timing is, VERY random. Talk about inconvenience to myself? My second name. And i wish i was kidding. Even as i am writing this, I've switched tabs twice, already because i started feeling drowsy for no reason? I was just trying to write while being focused. Sometimes i think that my Ma is right and i have a phone addiction but no, i can very much not surf the net, use my phone in every situation ever or only study using my phone just fine. I know i want to do well, i know i can do well but it's so hard to not be able to help yourself no matter what you do. One fight at home, one mean comment from My Ma is all it takes for me to be right back at square one. She only sees the big wins and often, it leaves me feeling empty with how often i am the object of her 'misery' while she goes off on me even when multiple times i have told her to be civil with me like she is with other people. She's a perfectly fine daughter to my grandma, mother fo my younger sibling and teacher to her students, quite understanding and loving too but somehow, the same for me? Not a chance. I can't even hate her because i love her and understand that she's struggling too but at times it's too much. TRIGGER WARNING!!! (mention of SH, Su1c1d3) at some point i even started having thoughts about s3lf h4rm and su1c1de, i told her that and she just threw a "ofcourse, what more can i expect from a coward like you" and "don't curse my house with your death" in my face. I attempted once but noone noticed and thankfully they didn't because that would be worse than dying. It leaves me feeling so lost. So unwanted and ummotivated that i can't even carry out simple tasks like just making notes for school. I tried all kinds of positivity related stuff but one word and it all collapses into a heap of total waste of my efforts. I'm so tired of the power those harsh words have on me and yet i yearn for her validation the most. About my 'crush', i think i'll start hating him if this silly crush doesn't just pass on because i even started thinking that his friend is hinting at 'crush' liking me, how crazy do i have to be??? He probably won't even notice if i stopped attending class at all!! But lo and behold! Anyhow, i think i'll really just be friends with him, i'm bound to notice some flaw which will make him appear unattractive, right? I wouldn't know, i've seen the guy pick his nose AND I STILL DIDN'T STOP LIKING HIM??? i was all like, "awww so he's only human too haha hehe haha" ??????? What is up with that?? Where is the disgust??? He's not a kid that i am adoring him like that??? About that kind of friend, i am so sorry you had someone like that in your life. They can easily make you think that your worth is attached to WORK, USE and AVAILABILITY. It sucks how at one point she was all like 'besties' with me but as i noticed over time, her behaviour was so NOT bestie. I mean, she showed me how my crush had texted her first with a smug smile on her face (after i had told her how happy it made me that my crush asked me for help over text), how she'll cherish her posessions but treat mine like she doesn't even know me, as in, carelessly while i've always treated things related to her with respect. She'd also gone as far as telling me she'll "beat my smart work by her hard work" and no, not in a fun, friendly fire way because friends motivate you to be better but don't try to actively out do you because you score more than them. I'm plenty competitive but i've never once felt jealous or the need to put my friends behind in order to feel good so it just kind of stabbed at me to have tolerated such words for myself from someone like her who constantly complains about "people always leave me", oh, as rude as i sound, now i get why they leave, wish i knew sooner. Also, the fact that, whenever i tried to communicate, she'd go silent or just cry. Now i am no tough girl, i am a crybaby myself but she just cries and says "sorry, i don't know what to do" ?????? For one, i ain't doing this for your meaningless sorries over and over. Like i forgave her once, twice, thrice but now i am truly done. I had a thread of attachment due to memories with her but she chooses to be the way she is, every SINGLE TIME and i cannot change a person who doesn't even try. I admit at one time, i ended up lashing out on her but i am only human, for how long can i not get mad at behaviour that disrespects me? still at times, i feel my resolve weakening because i truly, wholeheartedly invested emotions and time in this friendship and all i got was...this. and she doesn't even notice how wrong she has been, for herself, she's right no matter what. And yes, i'm aware how harshly they bully people in school, for literally about anything!! As if me getting good scores or being outspoken is something bad?!?!?!? I'm fat or chubby, however you'd like to say it but not obese or anything and have hormonal acne and this friend of mine(it's the same girl i mentioned above), complains about having one pimple on her face as if the world's ending while she sees me daily, sometimes with cystic acne too, which hurts a lot even when not popped! She's thin and dark while I'm on the slightly fairer side and often she compares us, even the fact that i have friends ?!?!? As if i can control my skin or personality?? I literally got bodyshamed by a teacher and used to be subtly bullied for just being a disciplined kid who obeys teachers and treats them as guides (cause teacher's are like second parents to me and they're cool so it's comfortable to talk to them about a variety of things) and i'd hear whispers or indirect loud claims, sometimes fairly obvious too that they were about me, mean comments and gestures and whatnot. But yeah, i've moved past that, cleared things out with people and improved but somehow, getting into a good college after graduating school with flying colours is something i wish to prioritize. I know my emotions are important but i wish i could be more rational and focus on what needs my focus, instead of stuff like some girl who's not a real friend or some guy that i like, you know? I'm fairly thankful for your advice and i hope what i wrote makes sense..!! Hope you have a good day/night!!

Hey Moon (hope it's ok to call you that way?), Sorry that it took me some time to responde, I can't always get the chance to answer as I would like it. Thank you for being so honest. I know how hard that is. What you said about your mother... that’s really frustrating. You’re 18 – that’s still young. Even if 18 feels grown-up sometimes because of the added responsibilities, it’s completely normal not to have all the answers or still need support. That whole "you’re the oldest, so you need to have it together" thing – that’s something that was placed on you, not something that comes from within. And it’s not fair. No one is fully formed at 18, especially not in an environment that gives so little emotional stability. What you wrote about my reply really touched me – but hey, you don’t need to feel sorry that I can relate. Sure, these experiences aren’t fun, but honestly? These are the very things that shape us. Even if it’s not a 10/10 experience in the moment, it moves us forward. You’re growing through this. You’re evolving. And you deserve to celebrate your strength. Not because others say so, but because it’s real, look at you what you manage to do every day! Thats a lot! Falling asleep while studying? That doesn’t sound like laziness or failure – it sounds like burnout. You’re overexerting yourself. And 7-hour study sessions? That’s toxic productivity. Nobody really works like that – and even if they do, it’s neither healthy nor sustainable. Please don’t compare yourself to internet people who supposedly study 7-10 hours a day, speak six languages and still have a perfect social life. That’s like watching a highly-filtered Instagram story – it’s not real life. If you manage to study for about 2 hours and stay focused, that’s amazing. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. And honestly, maybe the issue with your attention isn’t even about your attention span. It could just be the pressure you’re under. When you always have to perform, your nervous system never truly rests. No wonder your brain taps out halfway through. As for your phone – sure, it can be a distraction. But honestly? What’s way more concerning is how your mom talks to you. This constant invalidation, the emotional yo-yo of feeling like you’re starting from scratch every time there’s a fight – that drains so much energy. I believe you when you say she doesn’t really see you. And I wonder – is the university thing partly about wanting to get away? Get out? Or at least get a bit of attention, a bit of the ˋi'm proud of you cake?´ If so: I get it. And I believe you’ll make it (the way out, honestly don´t know about your mother) And yes, I know you love her. That’s the complicated part: knowing someone is struggling, and still hurting because of how they treat you. But that doesn’t make it okay. Especially not when you open up about suicidal thoughts – and she insults you. That’s not okay. Not ever. I want to be real with you here: if you ever feel like those thoughts are coming back, please, please reach out to someone. A doctor, a teacher, a therapist – anyone. You’re not alone. You can vent here, or anywhere else. But if things get really dark, real help matters. Do you still have those thoughts right now? I’ve also had phases where I hoped life would just... take me out of the equation. I got careless with myself, wishing things would just end so I didn’t have to act on it. But I’m still here. And I’m glad I am. A lot has changed since then – even though it was slow, and even though I slipped back down sometimes. It does get better!! Your line: "I'm so tired of the power those harsh words have on me and yet I yearn for her validation the most" – wow, that hit me hard. I know that feeling so well, even if my family situation was different. And honestly? It sounds like you need out. I think you’d do really well in a space that’s finally yours. Do you already have a specific university in mind? Are you planning to move out? Maybe into a dorm? And hey – you’re always welcome to write here again. No matter what’s bothering you – school, family, your crush, friends, whatever. Vent about it. I’m here. I read, I listen. And I don’t judge. By the way, about your crush... I had to laugh 😄 I’ve so been there. I once liked a boy in 8th grade who picked his nose – and ate it. 🥲 Still had the biggest crush. Love is weird like that, you know? I even wrote him a love letter, sprayed it with perfume, because I saw it in some sitcom. The note probably became unreadable thanks to all the mist, which might explain why he started throwing spitballs and juice boxes at me. I later pretended I didn’t like him at all… but of course, I still had a huge crush. 🙈 Feelings are wild. Sometimes annoying. But also kind of sweet. Now about that friend of yours: oh my god. What a jerk. Saying she’ll "beat your smart work with her hard work" – and not in a friendly way?? That’s not a friend. That’s a rival. You’re right – a real friend doesn’t try to outdo you, they cheer you on. And showing you your crush’s message with a smug smile? Ugh, toxic behavior 101. Treating your things carelessly when you always respected hers? That says a lot about her character. And when you tried to talk to her about it, she’d just cry or stay silent? That’s manipulative. Not in a "mean girl" way, just... emotionally immature. You said it best: she chooses to stay this way, again and again. You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change. Let her go. You don’t owe her anything. You can stop giving her chances. Let her exist – don’t let her provoke you anymore. Honestly? I bet you’ll both go separate ways after school anyway. And something tells me you’ll end up at a much better university than she does! And yes, I’m so sorry that you had to go through being bullied at school too – for being disciplined and outspoken of all things. I know it can feel like anything you do becomes a target. But the beautiful thing is: once you leave school, it gets better. Sure, there’ll still be some jerks out there who try to put you down or reduce you to your looks, but by then you’ll know better. You’ll know they are the ones who feel ugly inside. They need to mock hardworking, beautiful people to feel less small. When I started my job training (By the way, after school I basically just delivered newspapers for a whole year – nothing really meaningful, I just had no clue what to do with myself. Eventually I ended up doing a volunteer social year, kind of as a 'why not' move, and only after that I started my actual job training), I also dealt with drama – I was in a class full of girls and oh boy, the catfights 🙄 But I didn’t engage. I even called them out to their faces for being ridiculous when they made snide comments. After that, they usually backed off. And even if they didn’t – who cares? Not me. 😄 I still had fun and eventually found like-minded people to hang out with. We were close till the end – even if we drifted apart later, like it sometimes happens. And about that teacher who body-shamed you and made you feel uncomfortable: that’s disgusting. And wrong. But it’s totally okay to see your teachers as mentors. If you’ve found some you trust, hold on to them. Maybe one of them can even help you with your worries – about uni, about the pressure, about home. If there’s a school counselor or trusted teacher, maybe consider opening up. They might have more advice or support than you think. You’ve been through a lot. And yet you’re still kind, still thoughtful, still trying. That says so much about who you are. Sending you love and strength!

Hi MoonKnight, CreativeNick is doing a wonderful job responding to your topic, but I'll chime in a bit. I think if I could go back in time, one of the things I would change is that I wouldn't devote so much time and energy to the silly crushes I used to have. The thing is that this crush might be the best option you can find right now for yourself, but they won't be once you get through this college chapter of your life. As you move on into the next stage of your life, you will continue meeting other people. You will meet someone in your field, in the area where you choose to live, who is going the same way you're going. Things will just work out at some point. More than anything, it sounds to me like you're realizing this is the end of this particular chapter, and you're scared of the unknown that lies ahead. So what do you do? That little crush you had since your freshman year, you blow it up and make it into something bigger, because now you don't know if you'll really get to see this person again, and you're stuck on these current surroundings you've been in for the past couple of years. You could really like the guy, but it sounds like you aren't terribly close. It's alright to try to ask him for his number and stay in touch, and maybe he'll make a good friend or colleague if nothing more. But honestly, there will be others. There are billions of people in this world, remember that. I would prioritize your success and achieving what you want to achieve academically. Try your best to focus, and remember that most people only really get this one shot at college, and that you have your career counselors and other such people there to assist you as you move forward into your industry. Use the opportunity to get things down pat, and have a decent understanding of what you will be doing in your field. Ask any questions you still need to ask. And, more importantly, try to position yourself for a job you will like, in an area you're excited about living. Really make this a fresh start after college, or at least as fresh as you can make it. Live a little, and find your next chapter.