My best friend giving me the silent treatment..

Hello all. I am looking to share my story, as I don't have many people to talk to and I am looking for some help.. So, I am 33 year old man and I have a best friend with benefits that is a 37 year old woman. We met each other before 2 years and immediately we had such a strong connection and everything felt so real. Our bond became so strong with every talk, text, meeting, with every hug, kiss and smile. I was next to her through her hell, always giving her courage, helping her, sharing her pain, loss and struggle. Last year a man broke her heart, it was the first time she was in love like this. She was devastated, but I cried with her, I was with her always and told her that we will get over this and I am always and forever with her. And she did get better pretty fast and told me it was because of my help. Told me that she can't imagine her life without me and that I am her everything.. We shared so many laughs together, countless memories and always I have felt that our bond is friendship is forever. I have to tell you tho, I fell in love with her after the first few mounts and told her, she reacted really good, told me she loves me too, but mostly as a brother and best friend and I ofcourse loved her like a sister and a best friend too and we continued like this. It was devastating for me when she was explaining me about new guys in her life and especially this one, she loved, but I always was next to her like a true best friend and always helped her. We talked many times that no matter what in the future we will live together and grow old together. This guy tho after broking her heart and using her, without shame continued trying calling her and texting her in the distance of some weeks or months. The last time she texter her past week again with no shame and remorse and she told me immediately and I got mad and told her that I will call/text him and I will go find him and beat the sh*t out of him. She told me:

Hey, just wanted to let you know — it seems like your post got cut off at the end 😅

It's possible that this guy likes your FWB too, but just has had a lot of events/feelings going on. Why is your immediate reaction to White Knight the situation and physically intimidate/attack this other guy? If you really like this woman, and what she wants is multiple lovers in her life, maybe you are just uncomfortable with the idea of sharing her with other people and want her all to yourself? There is nothing wrong with that, but you have to realistically be willing to accept her for who she is and what she wants. The thing you should be asking yourself is why she only looks at you as a close friend or brother. I mean, she is willing to have sex with you so that is a pretty huge plus/green flag, but why can't she commit to you and see you as a partner? A few years ago I had this female friend who I kind of was interested in and wanted to date. She went on and on about these guys who broke her heart.... And all the while she had this older married guy she was sleeping with who she didn't mention to me for several years. Like it's going to be hard to find someone who really loves you when you want to have sex with different people. Not everyone can do that. Not everyone can love more than one person, because it is exhausting and takes a lot of energy. I still don't get why she didn't ever mention this guy in all of these years. Perhaps she just didn't want me to feel bad since I wasn't getting laid all of that time. I can't imagine how women would feel if it was as hard for them to find intimacy with another person as it is for most men. At the end of the day, most interactions with other people are disappointing. At least you really enjoy interacting with this woman. Accept her for who she is, and love her if that's how you feel. But don't hate on some other guy she also likes. You can't control her.

"This guy tho after broking her heart and using her, without shame continued trying calling her and texting her in the distance of some weeks or months. The last time she texter her past week again with no shame and remorse and she told me immediately and I got mad and told her that I will call/text him and I will go find him and beat the sh*t out of him. She told me:" He sounds like your typical woman-using/breaking Narc who's just commenced Operation Hoover. Mika, She's spending all her energy chasing after people who are unavailable. And so are you. She's taking you for granted. And using you as a sexual stand-in (although, 'sisters' don't normally sleep with their 'brothers'). Probably because you said you'll always be there, no matter what, and like you meant it (whereas, you don't have that kind of life events control). She might not even realise it. So you two need a serious sit-down talk to draw up all the boundaries. In future, try this edit: From "and I am always and forever with (you)." To "and I hope to be with (you) always and forever". Feel the difference? No "pre-paying". It also better matches her own sentiment, of, "...I can't imagine my life without you and you're my everything". Because that's based only in the present tense. She's just taking you too much for-granted. Try to be a little harder to get - not as a contrived tactic, but just by putting yourself and your needs/chores first. I mean...37 and still playing the field and chasing after men who dick her around (and still not able to tell during the first few dates whether the guy is a dick)? Personally, I'd stop sleeping with her. Not in one fell swoops, but by gradually whittling it down...and telling her, since you're quasi siblings, it feels too 'quasi incestuous'....see what happens. SHE CAN'T HAVE IT ALL ON HER TERMS, whereby it's hurting you because you don't know where you firmly stand. Whereas the muddied water suits her and only her. So are you her brother or lover - you can't be both (the fact it's doing your head in shows you why). Get her to plant her flag and then together draw up the rules of that particular engagement. Maybe, with realising she'll lose her free perks and privileges, she'll sign up for an actual membership (bf-gf).

"She's spending all her energy chasing after people who are unavailable. And so are you." Nailed it! "Personally, I'd stop sleeping with her. Not in one fell swoops, but by gradually whittling it down...and telling her, since you're quasi siblings, it feels too 'quasi incestuous'....see what happens." Oh snap! You put this into much better words than I ever could, Soulmate. Mika, there is your advice.

Well, thankyouverymush, Kind Sir! :)