Love tangle

There was someone I liked very deeply, but I never told him. I always felt insecure and not good enough, and I used to wonder why someone like him would ever love someone like me. He already had a girlfriend at the time, and later, he married her. He always treated me kindly and helped me a lot, especially in a professional way. At first, I thought my feelings were just a crush, maybe because of how much he supported and cared for me. But when he left, I cried—not just a little, but with real emotion. That’s when I truly realized that I loved him. We shared space for around 3–4 years. I’m a very introverted person, and I tend to overthink everything. Still, some of his actions confused me. Sometimes, it felt like he may have liked me too. But because of how I felt about myself—my looks, my self-worth—I never had the courage to respond or show how I truly felt. I know he had a flirtatious nature, but I didn’t take that seriously. In fact, there were times I even avoided or ignored him when I felt he might be flirting, pretending not to notice. I was afraid that it might heart me. But the truth is, I really did love him. Even knowing the kind of person he was, even knowing he belonged to someone else, my feelings were real and deep. Now, that love is causing pain. I haven’t been able to let go or move on. I don’t even try to meet new people, and when someone shows interest in me, I just pull away. Deep down, I know I should give myself a chance to heal and move forward—but it’s been very hard for me. Now he’s living his life, fully enjoying it, and I’m truly happy for him. He deserves happiness. But I can’t bring myself to look at his pictures or see his updates. I still have his number, but I don’t want to call him. Not because anything bad happened between us—but because I love him so much that talking to him hurts. There was no fight, no reason to cut him off. Yet, I chose silence because holding on started hurting more than letting go. I wish I could erase all those beautiful moments we shared, just to make this easier. But they stay with me, and that’s what makes it so hard to move on. I used to be such a focused, study-oriented girl ambitious and driven, always clear about my goals. I enjoyed my life and never believed I could fall into something like this. It feels so unlike me, almost foolish in a way I never thought I could be. Even now, my friends still see me as that same strong, focused person—but they have no idea what I’ve been carrying inside.

Hello Hustle, It's funny how feelings can change, isn't it? You can't blame yourself for that because it's a natural reaction. People need time to get used to other people, and make decisions about what connections they do and don't want to have with them. And even then, circumstances can change and things can happen out of the blue that show people in a different light. I would be surprised if there are many people who want the same thing as a child that they want as a teenager, as an adult, as an old person. You will probably always wonder what could have been, if you had just realized your feelings at the time and told him how you felt. And while I'm sorry for your situation, I think it is a very good learning device - don't let opportunities pass you by if you really want them. I know it can be difficult to weigh things and try to answer the question, "Am I _______ enough?", but you can't let what-ifs impact your decision to go after what you want. I had someone say to me the other day that, "Going to a bar alone is weird. Imagine what the other people there must be thinking about you." I honestly must not worry about the same things as that person, because that thought has hardly ever entered my consciousness. It's negative-thinking and it has its survival purposes, but it shouldn't dominate your psyche. I will say that books and studies can't explain away everything about mankind. If you're living your life and planning out this ideal future for yourself, that's usually not how it works. Life happens. People change. There may be some things you know are important to you, but several factors could change in your life from start to finish. You can study history all you want, but you can never fully predict people. And life goes on. You will, too. A good portion of my time spent visiting Peoples' Problems since ~ 2015, I've been a little stuck in time myself. But a decade on, I can say that as the years pass you gradually move on with your life. It might take you a while to find where you're going next, but eventually so much time will pass that the people you once idealized will lose some of their luster. You'll realize it wasn't all roses, and learn from the experience ways in which you could possibly improve things the next time around. Follow your own path in life, and recognize who is there for you along the way. And stop worrying so much about who's good enough for who. We're all filthy animals, lol.

" I still have his number, but I don’t want to call him. Not because anything bad happened between us—but because I love him so much that talking to him hurts." If you're truly happy for him and he deserves happiness - what about the fact that he's happily married to his childhood sweetheart and, if you rang, you could cause him real and needless trouble through no fault of his? Doesn't that feature in your reasons not to? Surely that should be your No. 1 reason? Just wondering...

Let it go u will only cause harm to yourself and him. A lot of unneeded emotional pain. Rather than worrying about what he is doing maybe you need to focus on what you are doing?