Concerned about getting involved with unhealthy boyfriend

I have met somebody for the first time in a long time and we’ve been seeing each other fairly consistently for about seven months. During this time it is become clear to me that he has several health conditions which affects the quality of his life on an ongoing basis. We are both retired, and I am widowed after having taken care of my husband who passed from cancer. Therefore, maybe I’m a little more sensitive about finding a partner who I may ultimately have to take care of. I realize that as we get older, all of us have some health issues, but while he generally can do his daily activities, including swimming on occasion and other types of things, I think that if we were to travel, which is something I really want to do at this point it might be problematic. As it turns out, he has not traveled much during his lifetime and I get the feeling that this was one of the reasons. He actually was very ill when he was very young but at this point in time, there are other issues that have arisen and he takes quite a bit of medication and has to see several doctors. He wants me to move in soon and I'm really concerned about that step. He’s not an invalid far but at the same time he’s made it clear to me that if we were to travel, we would have to go someplace that would enable him to rest in case he was feeling well. Apparently the first few hours of the day are the hardest for him given that we have been getting along and have quite a bit in common he wants to take the next step to live together or at least towards that end. I on the other hand, while I would like to have his company on a regular basis, it seems like he’s always suffering one ailment or the other. In fact many times he ends up not staying with me if we go out on a Saturday night because he’s not feeling well. Do I cut the cord now even though we have a very decent relationship?

Hi Reluctant, You know, what you describe comes down to a choice of which you want more - to travel, or to have companionship. Which one of those things is more important to you at this point in your life? You also have to realize that no partner is perfect, and everyone comes with some kind of baggage. If you and your partner enjoy swimming, then maybe that is something you can have fun doing together. I'm pretty sure my partner doesn't enjoy doing everything that I do, and I don't expect her to because we're each our own person. Finding an ideal partner might not be impossible, but it is very hard. At the same time, it might put serious weight on you feeling like you're taking these trips together and you're the only one really going out and taking advantage of that opportunity and trying to enjoy it, and you'll resent him for having to pay for his added costs while he stays back at the hotel. You wanted someone to talk to while you were on this trip, someone to share experiences with, but it's become a solo and introspective adventure. And that might be fine, too! But maybe it's not what you're looking for? He may even enjoy those nice getaways, even if the only time you share there together is at the hotel and restaurants nearby. Honestly, my partner and I like to book a hotel room out of town now and then just to enjoy being somewhere different for a day, to swim in a pool or relax in a hot tub, and to go eat somewhere different. But I can understand that his health could interfere with a long tour through a museum, or a hike up a trail overlooking a beautiful countryside, or with sitting scrunched-up in a boat for a slow, romantic ride along a river. It sounds like your partner is supportive of your desire to want to travel, he is just asking for accommodations. And I think that is reasonable. One day you could discover you have diabetes, and need to watch what you eat. That might impact what and where you could eat in your travels. Any of us could have to take special considerations into account for a loved one. I'd say it might not be a bad idea to do a test run. Plan a trip together somewhere before you even move in together. See how the experience goes.

You've called it as you see it & if your head, heart & gut line up, then you'll go ahead with this relationship. His quality of life is effected by ill health; it's up to you whether you need to make adjustments to be with him or you go on ahead with your life otherwise. Yes, most of us have health issues as we age, but there's another thing which get's harder for us as we get older & that's finding someone to build & share a successful relationship with. However, if you have reservations about moving in where you'll be sharing his total environment, then your gut is talking to you & it's telling you that you're baulking about going there, as you post. Step back a smidge & see if the guy makes you sing regardless of his health. If he does then all's well. If he doesn't, then move on.

Please forgive me this quick aside with "M'Colleague", Reluctant (and huge condolences whilst I'm at it)... *************************** Hiya Mannie! Same message to you, Balance and CreativeNick... Got vvvvery sluggish internet at the mo., which my contractor said is area-wide, due to an influx of northern European tourists to Spain, in combo with heavy air pressure. Me, I wouldn't know, but - see what I mean?... I decide to post all week and - BAM! - another bloody problem. (AND the water pressure keeps lowering.) Trouble is, I don't know whether it's like blokie says or whether I'm low on both Wi-Fi allowance AND mobile data allowance (even my Hotspot's slow and timing-out or refusing to download photos). So, until I can find out how to know how many days-worth of data I've got left until the 31st - what with my pal coming to stay mid next week, and my having to be in-comms with her the night before plus on the day of collecting her from the airport, I just *daren't* use up what might be the last 'juice' and send her into a panic-attack (she's been suffering financial hardship and anxiety this last year...think I've said?). Please bear with again. Another contractor's coming tomorrow who's techie-brained so I'm going to ask him. If it's not me, if it's just shite connection for everyone around here, lately, then, I'll be able to respond to your posts tomorrow, without worrying. (See what I pigging mean, though?! This place is .......kkkkkk, don't get me started... Just - AAAARGH!!!) Laters, PostieGaters *************************** Thanks, Relucantant. As you were... (And PS: I've got somethings I'm itching to ask/say as well. I've noticed some nnnot-so-good iceberg tips that might well belong to stonking great icebergs (and you're the Titanic). Don't move in any time soon - wait for me. They're missable....Even you've missed it and you typed it! That's all for now, though...not sure if this is too long to load...

(Soz, Mannie - I forgot take out the 'responding to your (thread) posts' bit. Ignore that, obvs. I meant to just insert a thanks for being here and posting this week. :))

Yeah all good, no worries. I live in the Qld bush & use satellite I'net courtesy of a mob called Starlink. It's the only way to get online out here & there's no monthly data caps & the speed's twice of the city..yes it is! They're global, so maybe you should try & hook up with them.