I feel I am at an absolute low-point in my lilfe

Hi all, I could really use some input and advise from you. Thank you. Long story short - I feel I am at an absolute low point in my life right now, and I feel I need to do something about it. I know that to some people the text below might sound like I am overly sensitive and self-pityful - so feel free to tell me if that is the case :-) I am 53 years old. I have no kids. I have no wife. I have no friends. I am in a long-distance relationship with a woman - a relationship that is not going that well. We have talked about moving to live together, but she has kids, so there are things that need to be settled first. The relationship to my only sibling, my sister, is not that great either. Let me give you an explanation of why I feel I am at a low point in my life. 4 Months ago my dad died after 3-4 months of illness. My mother died in 2021. Being "parentless" hit me MUCH, MUCH harder than I thought it would, even I am not a kid anymore. I was very close to my mother, and not that close to my father. However, due to different circumstances in my life, I have lived on my dads farm (there are 2 separate buildings, I lived in the one of them) for the past few years. So I always had someone to talk to, whenever I wanted to. Of course I am still sad that my father died, even though I was not that close to him. What makes me even more sad is that in his last 2-3 months before he passed away, he turned more and more disrepectful towards me. Like I sometimes felt he had to get out his anger about his illness, and then I was the person he did it on. Don´t get me wrong: He was not a bad father - but he did not always treat me and my mother with the necessary respect. That is maybe the reason why it bothers me so much that he turned into an even more negative, semi-angry and disrespectful person - towards me - at the end of his life. I DO know that he / we knew - probably 3 months before he died - that he would not survive his illness. That must be EXTREMELY tough from a mental perspective - to be "Terminal", and it sends a person through the full spectrum of emotions: Sadness, being afraid, being angry etc.. However, that did NOT give him the right to turn his anger towards me. I was NOT responsible for him getting sick. It still makes me very sad. Me and my sister are now in a process of trying to figure out what to do with the estate after our father. I am not in ANY way money-fixated but the positive aspect is that our father owned an old farm house and farming fields, so the estate has a certain value. The farming fields we want to sell. We still did not agree about the old farm house. We have already had our heated discussions when talking about how to split up everything. Because I lived at my fathers house for some years recently - and also earlier in my life - until I was in my late 20s - my sister is VERY sensitive about us splitting up the estate 100% equally - which is not always easy in all aspects. She is that very sensitive, because she thinks I got everything for free when I stayed at my parents house. But she always forgets that I did a LOT of work for my parents too when living there. It was always me - and not my sister and brother in law - who did the hard work here. The things that are on my mind now and that make me feel afraid, stressed and overthinking are: 1) I am starting to feel lonely now - being all alone on the farm. I am an introvert, and I really don´t have any close friends. I have some good colleagues at work though. Even I was not that close to my father - we could have some good talks. That is over now 2) I have to make a BIG decision soon about if I want to buy the farm house. That includes finding out how much I have to pay my sister for her half of the "estate" / the farm house and buildings. Her husband, my brother-in-law is interfering massively - even though he is not the one inheriting here. I have asked him more than once to "turn it down a nudge" - because I felt he was interfering WAY too much in things about the estate that were not his business. After all it was not his dad that died. The decision to make about the farm is big in several ways: First, it needs a LOT of work to be put into a 2025-standard. It will be very expensive. The house was originally built in 1856 - and the last big renovation was in the 1960s!!!! So a lot of costly work needs to be done. I would REALLY love to keep the house that was in the family for 3-4 generations - but I dont know if this will get too much for me. In addition, even if we are going to contact a real estate agent and making him value the house, I just know for a fact that me, my sister and bro-in-law, will end up in big debates, arguments and having difficulties agreeing on anything. I honestly feel I am very "accomodating" trying to make this fair for everyone - but I will NOT tolerate being told by my bro-in-law on what to do and what he thinks is fair. 3) There are problems in my long-distance relationship too. I dont want to make this a long novel. But long story short: I am almost 100% sure that my partner is having a lot of secrets towards me. Not that she is cheating on my. But the secrets are in financial terms etc. It would be too much to go into detail here. I just have a feeling that the right thing to do is to break up with her. But I also feel that she is one of the only close people I have in my life right now. I can not make up my mind if what she has done is enough to break up with her. It is difficult for me to think rationally. It is almost driving me insane. Finally, before this gets too long: I DO know that I need to be more outgoing and find friends etc. I can not live the rest of my life having no friends and being lonely. Like I said, I am an introvert. However, I don´t feel like I am rejecting people, but I should have nurtured my previous friendships more. Pleeeeease don´t get me wrong, I do not want you to feel sorry for me: But throughout my life I have always tried to help people, to be there for them. I have made a GREAT effort to be respectful towards people and treat them like I would like to be treated. I have attended each and every funeral of family-members (aunts, uncles etc.) even if that meant cancelling other very important things, I have always remembered their birthdays and congratulated them. I just feel I have tried to be a good person, so I don´t really know why I have no friends, and what I am doing wrong. I don´t think I am a weirdo or a nerd and I am not trying to get friends in an awkward or desperate way. It is just difficult for me. So there are a lot of things on my mind now. But most of these things could end up being negative for me. Breaking up the relationship with my girlfriend. Getting an even worse relationship with my sister - maybe even totally losing contact with her. And finding friends can be a LONG process too - and I just don´t feel I have the energy for that right now. Where to start? Any suggestions?