The unavoidable conclusion

I apologize for flooding the forum with yet another thread of my own. I feel as though I always devolve my own topics into unfocused ramblings. So, maybe it's best if I do just make separate ones to discuss separate things? In this topic, I want to discuss a theme that has haunted me for a few years now: Inevitability. The feeling that, despite one's best efforts, the end results were kind of impossible to escape. On May 6th, 2019 I posted this response in an old thread I made here, under my old username of Altreal: "The disappointing thing is that I am probably going to have to give up my job, my friend I do have, and any sense of independence I did manage to maintain for the last couple of years because I haven't been able to meet anyone here. I didn't want to be stuck in a dead town with nowhere to go and very little diversity, I didn't want to have few options for work and less tolerance. But I guess all I have ever been able to have in this life is my family, so I should at least be closer to them if the rest of my life is just never going to improve." Re-reading through some of my older posts here tonight, that reply I made struck me because it feels so prophetic. At the time, in May 2019, I was working at a factory job in my old city. I had left behind my longest-lasting job the year before, in November 2018, after a series of negative events that year piled up and I felt like what I needed to do was find a better job. My life wasn't really going anywhere, I was still single and friends were rarely available. Needless to say, the factory job did not improve my situation - it only led to me seeing my friends even less, being awake during weird hours, and discovering that those fabled "good jobs" everyone brags up actually kind of suck. I did make a bit more money, but that was the only pro. In about 2 months after I made this post, I would have successfully left behind the factory job and gotten back my old retail job. This would lead to a period of roughly 4 months where things were looking up. ...Right before they all started to come crashing down. So to recap: 1. I did have to give up that job I was talking about, and that would happen about 2 months later. What I maybe didn't realize was that I would eventually have to give up my other job a few short months after getting it back. Or maybe I actually already suspected it might not work out again, since I made the next mention of my friend. 2. Most of my friendships came back to life a little bit whenever I got my old job back. As soon as I lost that old job, I guess my expectations were rekindled that those friendships would last. My friend I mentioned in that post ultimately has stayed in touch over the passing years. Nobody else has still. 3. I eventually gave up that independence. That was one of the most disappointing things of all. It almost reminds me of that speech Captain Kirk gave to Captain Picard in the movie Star Trek: Generations, about never letting the Federation promote or transfer him because he can still make a difference as long as he's on the bridge of his ship. To be fair, I didn't give up that independence right when I lost my old job those 4 months later. I fought to keep my independence for as long as I could. It was actually about this time of year in 2019 when my retail job terminated me. And it did suck. I had given up on the factory job because I didn't like my coworkers, and essentially ended that job as an option in the process. But I soldiered on for a little while. I can still remember going to Denny's for Thanksgiving that year, and I had been applying to all of these jobs, but I really wasn't sure who I would hear back from or what would even work out. Despite everything, I was still in a pretty good state of mind, and I felt like I was gonna bounce back from this. And I did hear back from some promising jobs. That's a long story which I have probably mentioned bits and pieces of here before, but ultimately my family convinced me to go with a warehouse job at a big company, since they were convinced that was where the money was at. I listened to them. The money was not there. Maybe if you wanted tuition for school and were a young person the job was worth it, but the hours were lousy and the pay was okay at best. I had trouble being successful there. What's crazier is that I interviewed well at an elementary school cleaning job and was really hoping for the job, but when it was offered to me I felt like my family was pushing me away from it, and I also felt like the Universe was trying to tell me to stay at the warehouse job because I was offered slightly more hours and this girl I was attracted to there started showing some level of interest in me. So I turned the potentially nice school cleaning job down. I held on clear through until I realized the female coworker didn't really have any interest in me. Then I just hit this moment where everything around me seemed to be dying in that city, and it felt like my friends had all improved in some ways and found relationships from the time when we first met, so it just felt like it was over. That was when I finally gave in and decided to move back home. And that's the moment when I lost my independence. I've never completely gotten it back again. I've never felt that stable or confident again. It's been eroded at even more. 4. I did wind up stuck in my hometown for a while, without many job options or much diversity. What I knew was that people were rougher there, but I never expected just how bad it would actually be to experience it firsthand. I had been away pretty much for a full decade, after all, and some things there had changed. To my credit, I did try my best to find jobs just outside of my hometown, in more populated areas with bigger cities. Right off the bat, I was able to transfer back home with the company where I worked at the warehouse. Of course nothing worked as well as I had hoped it would. I always tried my best not to accept something I knew wouldn't work out, and to look for work where I felt I might succeed. I reached the conclusion that these problems extended through much of my home state, and figured that moving out of state again might improve my situation. I even tried doing that. I moved across the country, and that was also a failure. And I really didn't feel like people were nice there. In fact, I felt unsafe in a lot of places while I lived there. There was this specific moment in 2022 where I felt like some illusion of safety and order was peeled back and revealed to me to be false. And things actually got much worse. But this was a great blow to my longstanding desires to travel or try to start over somewhere that sounds interesting, even after a year of research. ...And then I was right back in my hometown, again. 5. And here I am still feeling like my family has been the only reliable thing for me over the years. Which is rough, because they are horribly brainwashed and live in a different reality, and they started entering that rabbit hole during (actually a few years before) all of those years where I had moved away. Even just yesterday, I had to go to them again for help. Even though I strongly didn't want to. All because I feel like my girlfriend isn't reliable enough when it comes to budgeting or living below our means. 6. Okay, so I can look at this from another angle and say that in many ways my life has improved. I finally did manage to get a girlfriend. I have probably the nicest house I've lived in so far. I'm at least more aware of things going on in the world, and more interested in politics than I was in 2019. So that's good, I guess. The thing is, my life didn't really improve in quite the way I had hoped. I have never found another job where I've felt as liked as I did at my old retail job, nor have I ever felt as good or experienced at any other jobs. I never got a girlfriend who I felt really strongly attracted to, or who is interested in the same kinds of things as me. My ex-wife kind of was into some similar things as me, somewhat. But most of the time it feels like women don't share my specific interests. Which is weird, especially when ten + years ago a lot of this kind of stuff was popularized in the mainstream. It's like things seldom match up really well. And I've lived long enough to kind of see the bad side of humanity. It's almost like real life is imitating the whole message of The Watchmen. Society keeps being nonchalant and ignorant to maintain peace, despite the ugly secret reality behind the scenes. _______________________________________________________________________________________ So I feel bothered because I remained hopeful and optimistic about my future for years... For most of my life, in fact... And I've never been able to come close to anything remotely resembling the future reality I've wanted. Why does it feel like we're just stuck on this pre-ordained path? Does Fate, ultimately, control everything? Or maybe I just didn't go hard enough to exercise my own Free-Will? (Though honestly, I felt like I tried pretty consistently to meet new women from all walks of life, and to stay in contact with friends.) I guess it's just hard to believe that everything I've wanted has been unreasonable. I feel like I've been a reasonable man with my wishes, lol. Idk. I'll admit that I've never been determined enough to really pursue a career I was passionate about. That takes a whole lot of hard work. And money. And I guess I admit I just never had that in me. I've talked about wanting to learn programming and draw comics for a long time, among other things, but I've barely made any progress. I doubt I ever will make a whole lot of progress in those things. Just as I never did with trying to learn a second language. I think a big obstacle in my life has always been other people. Darn them having their own thoughts and opinions that don't line up with mine. Because if they did, then maybe I would get the things I want most? Idk, it's something I'm stewing over at the moment. Inevitable conclusions and circumstances. Things wind up in ways you don't really want them, despite your best efforts. Does anyone have any feedback or thoughts to add on this subject?

Talking for myself, personally, does this mean I should 'disregard' your prior posts and respond here 'from fresh'? PS: By the way, just so's you know (- I think I'm right in saying I've mentioned this before, but you might have missed it?...perhaps because it was on someone else's thread?): We don't usually encourage ditching still-live threads, merely for new chapters of the same topic/dilemma/problem. Even with dual-directional links, it makes things messy and confusing. I'm allowing you, and only you, special dispensation to do so (if you don't overdo it, of course) for the simple reason that you're not only a return regular but more an advisor than a poster in terms of frequency of output, so please don't keep inviting/encouraging our other visitors to do likewise (- they too would have to put in the hours and earn Brownie Points if they want that level of flexibility from me). Fairenoughski? :)

Duplicate PS: You and CreativeNick both, on Blue_Sky's thread: SSSSSSSSHMO-KINNNNNNN'! Lllllove all the intelligent questioning and repeating their statements back to them in a different way to renew its truer impact. Dat be called Counselling, dat be. :) Take responsibility for being Only Human (Gestalt), and, 'What I hear you saying is' (Rogerian). Toldjas both! :D Now doing my Toldjaso Dance... Twice....

Hey Soulmate, Q: "Bal - cheers for that, but, please would you (on your new thread) tell me why you advise against?" A: Starlink is the satellite Internet service run by SpaceX. It's owned by Elon Musk. I know here in the states, TMobile also partnered with Starlink's satellites and offer the 'T-Satellite' Service. So, you have to be careful which companies you're supporting. Otherwise, you are helping to bring oligarchs who buy their way into everything right into your country's government. But who knows? For all I know, Sirius XM might use SpaceX's satellites, and I am subscribed to them atm. I suppose awful people are capable of buying shell companies and controlling everything, anyway. Who knows which company is really looking out for your interests? All we can go by is the ones that are showing they do not. I am a little concerned that you didn't know this about Starlink. And I have to wonder whether the person who mentioned it... I forget whom now, since I closed that tab... ...Knew that, either. Was it Manalone? I forget, now. Anyway, it's kind of concerning if people in other countries aren't aware of some of these corporate connections, that are at least somewhat known here. Q: "We don't usually encourage ditching still-live threads, merely for new chapters of the same topic/dilemma/problem. Even with dual-directional links, it makes things messy and confusing. I'm allowing you, and only you, special dispensation to do so (if you don't overdo it, of course) for the simple reason that you're not only a return regular but more an advisor than a poster in terms of frequency of output, so please don't keep inviting/encouraging our other visitors to do likewise (- they too would have to put in the hours and earn Brownie Points if they want that level of flexibility from me)." A: I didn't think it would be a big issue, but I understand. I am in crisis mode over a lot of things recently, and I guess I'm not sure how to really reach people who might respond. I type way too much to expect the average person to keep up, so I know that's at least part of it. Q: "Talking for myself, personally, does this mean I should 'disregard' your prior posts and respond here 'from fresh'?" A: That's fine. My previous threads still exist and are out there if you need them for reference. I appreciated CreativeNick jumping in to respond, but I realize my threads are increasingly becoming me talking to myself. I'm sure this one will at some point, too. Q: "You and CreativeNick both, on Blue_Sky's thread: SSSSSSSSHMO-KINNNNNNN'!" A: I really just did my usual thing. I really had been meaning to return to the topic and try to add on to my advice like I'd talked about, but I have no idea when I'm gonna get to that. At least you and CreativeNick are filling the void, and possibly giving better feedback than I ever could have. So lately. Pretty much every day now my girlfriend and I fight. And I feel like I can't get anything done at work ever since I was given my new job detail. My parents had to help me out, again, and I still don't think my girlfriend understands the severity of that. She still goes and buys more groceries like every single day. And I appreciate that, but we only had a little money in our account.... Because of my parents. Otherwise, we would be really far negative in our account until next week, and wouldn't have rent paid yet.

No-no - I've been reading, and you're forgetting all the lurkers, AND those that have lately been posting similarly to you. Re gf: so you mean, because she keeps spending, virtually every day - whenever you try to reason with her ('we can't afford it'), it somehow turns into a heated argument (or bicker)? What the heck is WRONG with her that she can't seem to comprehend that perfectly straightforward, logical, sensible problem she's causing, and your only logical attempts to get her to ruddy STOP? IS she too detached from the real world to properly appreciate it or is it that she just doesn't CARE (mixed with a 'nobody tells ME what to do/not to do' attitude)? It MUST be the later, SURELY. Nobody's THAT learning-difficultied. But here's the million dollar, potentially cutlery-clanging question: Is it HER money she's spending (albeit which she should be spending on serious and important things, like joint rent and rates)? Or is it yours (and she has access to your or a shared account and/or your visa/credit-card)? RsVP? Don't worry (unless they're already hard-up too?) about your parents helping you. (1) It's their for-life job to support you whenever you need it, (2) it's their right and privilege, (3) they know you'd do the same to them, (4) the gratitude you feel will go a long way to you 'building them an annexe' when the time comes, not shove them in a home, (5) they get to feel vitally useful and needed, and 'to be your parents' again for a spell, (6) if you didn't let them, they'd probably just worry all the time and lose sleep....So - it's two-way, even though it doesn't feel like it. Did you know that every (healthy-minded) human's greatest fantasy is - BEING A HERO? You deprive them of that when they offer or agree and they can start to feel ineffectual. Trust me, as they continue to age they're going to need you to do them favours, oh yeah, baby. Oh - and (7), it's actually very bonding for the three of you. It's in a way, like feeding you at your highchair all over again - and making train noises with the spoon, only, this time you can go out and buy it yourself (and make your own noises as you eat haha..."brrmm-brrmm-BRMMMM!" - or, "BEE-bab!" (train into the tunnel)). Let them help while they're still compus mentis enough to... it's kind-of them helping themselves as well, in the process (lack of worry and stress). Don't worry - you'll get your chance(s) to show your appreciation for it. So - back to gf. Is she somehow retarded or just doesn't give one (because she thinks you're her sugar-daddy and she's more important than the fundamental of having a safe and reliable roof over your heads)? What would she do if you ran out of money and could no longer cover her frivolity with money and finances? (...and this is why I don't pigging date any more and would rather stick pins in my eyes than ever again live with anyone! I don't even want to RISK dating someone like that before (oh yeah - the last ex...wanted to drag me down to LOWER than his level by forcing situations where he basically lived off me (zero savings etc., and, oops-another-parking-fine - like I'd believe HE had learning difficulties), in order that I'd become totally dependant on him NEVER LEAVING ME at the drop of a contentious hat, meaning, I'd (he hoped) have to become totally compliant and subserviant (yeah, like threats like that would work on me - NOT; Principles First, People Second). No-no-no-no-no-no-NO!...If you (one) ain't flush enough to fund a relationship, YOU CAN'T START ONE, ain't eligible enough. Same goes for flat-sharing. Anyhoo, don't get me started, makes my blood boil, does exploitation with two fingers up. So - wasting what should and otherwise would be her contributions, knowing you'll fill the breach? Or there's something wrong with her because, no matter any blah-blahs to the contrary, her actions indicate she just doesn't give a shite (e.g. too mentally immature, still a spoilt, demanding, unreasonable kid 'in there')? Which? When you've tried to reason with her then beg her to stop but it makes no difference (and renders you feeling powerless as well as financially insecure) it IS Financial Abuse on her part, though, you realise? It's time to separate your accounts. And ALSO talk to your Landlord about replacing your couples rental agreement with one separate one for each of you. That way, her arrears and risk of eviction are HER problem. Bet THEN she'd be more careful, oh aye. Roger - Over?

'Starlink is the satellite Internet service run by SpaceX. It's owned by Elon Musk. I know here in the states, TMobile also partnered with Starlink's satellites and offer the 'T-Satellite' Service. So, you have to be careful which companies you're supporting. Otherwise, you are helping to bring oligarchs who buy their way into everything right into your country's government. But who knows? For all I know, Sirius XM might use SpaceX's satellites, and I am subscribed to them atm. I suppose awful people are capable of buying shell companies and controlling everything, anyway. Who knows which company is really looking out for your interests? All we can go by is the ones that are showing they do not. I am a little concerned that you didn't know this about Starlink. And I have to wonder whether the person who mentioned it... I forget whom now, since I closed that tab... ...Knew that, either. Was it Manalone? I forget, now. Anyway, it's kind of concerning if people in other countries aren't aware of some of these corporate connections, that are at least somewhat known here.' WTF!!??! Balance is it? Why the hell would you be concerned about what other people know about Musk & his companies?? Oligarchs? Who truly gives a damn unless that's how you're wired.! Supporting companies?? wtf!! I use Starlink as it's the only reliable service available where I live which is in the AU bush. Google it if you don't know where it is. There is no wired internet, there is no mobile phone service (that's cell phone at your dung heap) where I live unless you're connected via phone provider via satellite phone via Starlink. So it's a matter of being able to talk to the world & using it for emergency services etc if needed & I certainly don't have the privilege or the choice of being able to select my internet service provider or even have the need to criticise anyone who has provided a much needed service where successive AU federal govts who for years, have dragged their d**ks in the dirt trying to solve it. Not many Australians gives a damn about the owner & his failures but a hell of a lot of Australians welcome him & his SpaceX as it's solved a need for so many. And I tell you again, it's fast, faster than the service in the AU cities. I guess most of the inner city fools in the country just wouldn't understand as they've always had their arse wiped by someone else. I'm pretty sure that Soulmate is old enough & ugly enough to make decisions concerning internet connections & that's one reason why I recommended Elon Musk's Starlink.

I'm sorry, are you the one they call Manalone? I'm concerned because the richest man in the world is a Nazi, and he is definitely trying to influence elections and shape the world into what he wants it to be. This man was named after a fictional character in a book written by Wernher von Braun, a Nazi rocket engineer, in the book Project Mars: A Technical Tale. His whole life, and his fascination with outer space and Mars, seems to be associated with this. You can take that with a grain of salt if you want. I wouldn't. You live in Australia so maybe you're not entirely familiar with what's going on in other parts of the world, but having the attitude you currently have about where your Internet's coming from is concerning. I would venture to guess you're a white person, and I don't know why you live in the AU Bush, exactly, but if that wasn't your choice then I'm sorry. But the thing is, you come to a website where you give people feedback and help them. You help people, so why would you want to drop the ball when it comes to the simple matter of who gets your hard-earned money and who doesn't? I will say, there are some other options for Internet in the bushlands. SkyMesh is one, though they're working on a project with Amazon so it may or may not be better than what you already have with SpaceX. There's also Telstra, though maybe that isn't as good. Who knows. It's unfortunate that your government sucks and won't give you Internet on their own accord. But giving your money to a maniacal asshole surely isn't a good thing, either. He'll turn around and use his money and power to do whatever he wants to your "prison country" at some point in time. No question about that. Hope it was worth it.

Yes, but, Balance - Manalone helps the state of the world and 'votes with his feet' in ways that are different to your own methods. The world machine needs a whole variety of cogs, moving in different directions and at different speeds. It's like charities... the people who adore animals support the animal welfare charities whilst the people who adore children support the children's welfare charities, because they can't give to ALL of them or they'd be left with nothing for themselves. In the end, all the various different charities get their fair share of support from whichever other cogs belong to their type and position in said machine. We can't all do everything. Also - choice or lack of it. I'm like you and regularly vote with my feet if I disapprove of a company's ethics ('eff-you, I'll take my hard-earned money elsewhere'). But I wouldn't be able to do so were the company in effect my only choice and NOT using them resulted in my being unable to, say, come on here and help people out of emotional pain and horrid situations. You're more a political cog, I gather, looking down from a higher, more expansive viewing spot and seeing what's wrong with the larger picture, whereas Mannie is more involved with the detail/brushstrokes....I guess you could say, micro as opposed to macro. (Sense?) Another way of putting it is - Mannie has x-ray specs when it comes to social and interpersonal interaction, and you have them when it comes to institutions, establishments...commerce, generally... which is GREAT because that means both those aspects of our world get ample monitoring and attention, right? By the same token, I'm sure there are people who regularly campaign and raise funds for fantastic causes but whom meanwhile are ordering from Amazon. No-one can be exerting their influence and protests *everywhere*. (Flippin' 'enry, fellas - is the Super-Beaver Full Moon behind this sudden peak in sensitivity?....is it disturbing your chakras?) (I don't even know what chakras are, actually, but it sounds good, LOL)

Nah I'm no white boy. I'm an Australian Aboriginal & a proud Australian. A Murri man from Queensland. I've been called a bush nigga since I was at primary school but I don't give a damn as I have thick skin. I don't give a rats arse what you personally think of my internet provider as IT'S THE ONLY ONE AVAILABLE to me & I wouldn't change it if I could just because you reckon the service's owner is bad for me & my 'prison country'. "I will say, there are some other options for Internet in the bushlands. SkyMesh is one, though they're working on a project with Amazon so it may or may not be better than what you already have with SpaceX. There's also Telstra, though maybe that isn't as good. Who knows." That's right, you don't know & yes of course I've used Telstra & Optus since I was old enough to hold a mobile phone but their services don't cover where I reside no matter what their coverage maps tell you. I actually live 25 minutes drive from a regional city of 100,000 where they have good inet & phone service & Maccas & KFC etc & that's where I use my Telstra mobile phone. Why do I live in the bush? I grow sugar cane & raise cattle just by myself as I can't afford slaves. The family has cotton properties out west but they don't need slaves either as they use machines to harvest & cultivate their crops. Musk has covered the entire country with his Starlink & left the others in the dust. He's that good that his local Australian opposition (Skymesh) has gone to him crawling on their hands & knees to sub contract to his satellites in an effort to offer their customers a better service. I dumped Skymesh ages ago as I couldn't get any speed out of their 'i'net' but they still took my cash while offering excuses for poor service. They barely get 1 star with their reviews while Musky gets a regular 5 stars..go figure. However, because I have Starlink & I'm an intelligent bloke with a BBus degree, & I have subscriptions from various newsfeed platforms, I certainly do take notice of what's happening all over the world, especially in the USA where I see a champion doing his best for his country...& hang on, I see in the news that Musky's gonna be the world's first trillionaire soon!! geez what an effort!

A big heellooo to you Soulmate. Your opinion is one of reason & just plain common sense. I often wonder how others cope without it. Cheers. chakrahs indeed.

Hellooooo back! Be with you as soon as I humanly can! :)

I sayyyy - Stop Press! Is that a sharing of something rather rare and special I see before me? A Murri, i.e. ORIGINAL Aboriginal? Wooooah. You kept that quiet? (WHY???) Warrior chest-thump! At 12/13, I did a psychological Walkabout instead of a physical one. Same for you? So I was right (ooh, about a couple of years back now, I think?) about you and/or your ancestors having had to become great at fending-off serious Iffies and Niffies? Evidently - YES! One only has to watch Rabbit Proof Fence to know the extent of that! KNEWWW there was something about you, but couldn't for the life of me work-out what (which is unusual for me). I thought - how is it an Australian male* can be very traditionally masculine yet soooo streets ahead in terms of intellect, emotional growth and intelligence, AND intel (sorry to make you blush as per). (* No offence, but, that 80s joke is based on truth, I've heard ex-wives of Aussies still say...the one that goes: Q: What's an Aussie man's idea of Foreplay? A: Dya want the laarghts on or off, Shiela?) Am thinking of changing 'Mannie' to 'Murray' (or Murri) (or Minty), in that case - becaaaause: Watch this advert jingle first (- the first-ever product jingle btw): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0p8DPI1sr0 ...And here are some of the parallels: 1. Now, finally, after all this time, you've cleared-up the mystery of why you've consistently always been so refreshingly different-'tasting' compared to the average bloke (or woman, for that matter)! 2. You can't be hurried....very chillax (cough-usually LOL). 3. You're traditional, including, a part of the British Empire (thus fit-in well). 4. I'd bet a lot of money that you're tastier (better-looking) than avg, too. (You don't have to answer that if you don't want to.) 5- And you keep working/giving, but stay good/maintain a high standard for absolutely aaaaages. 6. Plus you're not trying to hide anything - in terms of what people NEED to know - (via your 'wrapper' - it's mostly clear with just a bit of modest writing and graphics on it, meaning, what you see is what you get). 7. Aaand you're a sweetie (awwwwww...coochie-coo, haha). 8. You never crack or chip, except if/when bitten too hard-cough, even unintentionally-cough, heh heh. 9. You 'shut people up' (palatably) (which is what Murrays do) with your 'a spade is a spade' salient points/judgements... your 'holes in-one'. ...Are you most popular amongst people over 50 too? :D PS: What does the word nigger - or as you put it, nigga - even MEAN? Is it even a genuine word or just a sound? Ah, here we are... https://muse.jhu.edu/article/620987/summary "Recent scholarship presumes that the word “nigger” has always been a racist epithet thrust upon African Americans to demean Black social identity in the United States. But how is it, then, that the word “nigger” emerge as a slur more virulent than other racially coded language from the post-revolutionary period such as “African,” “Black,” and “darky?” This article demonstrates that before 21st century hip hop made popular the word “nigga” with a soft “a,” “nigger” had long been two words with multiple meanings: one for Black speakers and another for white. Using evidence drawn from blackface literary and cultural productions from the 1770s to the 1840s and from the writings, speeches and memoirs of Black activists and authors from the 1820s to the 1860s, this article shows that the violence and power behind the word was based precisely on the fact that African American laborers used the word themselves. “Nigger” had once described an actual labor category. Black laborers thus adopted it into their own vocabulary as a social identity to claim a sense of national belonging, akin to a proto-pan-Africanism. Once blackface theatrical productions gained popularity in the early 1830s, in a trick of ventriloquy, white performers and later their audiences put the word “nigger” into the mouths of Black caricatures to authenticate these anti-Black portrayals. In doing so, whites blamed Black people for using language meant to subjugate them and thus accused African Americans for being self-acknowledged “niggers,” a discursive weapon in the fight for white supremacy that, in turn, buttressed white notions of national belonging. In response, Black transatlantic abolitionists denounced white usage as a great verbal symbol of American hypocrisy." PFFFF.....Racism...What a looad of complete and utter nonsensical COVER EXCUSES! If skins weren't different colours, these bullies of whatever level of the social ladder would just pick on something ELSE. (The Healthy need a hero to look up to, the (Wrong Way Up) Unhealthy need a victim to look down on....diff/all the diff.) Anyway, on behalf of PP, I feel really quite privileged! We're unorthodox and have feathers in our cap enough, but - that just adds yet another exclusive feather: you with your unique genes and securely-grounded attitudes to life, being such a rare presence in terms of setting up residence! Just for other readers' benefit, while we're talking about it: " https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murri_people" Tell me more if you like, about what it's like first-hand - I'm fascinated! And how do you say in Murri - 'Why, but 'Miss' Jones you're BEAUTIFUL without your glasses!'? (...hopefully I'm still making sense haha). Yeah,...wow... feels almost like we've got a celebrity in our midst! PS: See my latest bit of chat with CN on her thread if you want my overall opinion on Bal's Whoops and your Ow. :) Oh, and also see a 'killing time' convo I've started with Marpip if you're interested? PPS: The Murris are the ones who play Rugby league, the Wiki article says. Do you? I've always imagined you tall and muscular/athletic. I thought you had to have been in the Army or some sort of special forces or something! I remember the first time I read you... I though - Cor, he doesn't mess around, but you can't argue with him! :) Here - did you actually do a Walkabout, or did that tradition/rite of passage die out? And did you see Rabbit Proof Fence (talk about 'finally!') when it was released? This forum's a bit like doing a Walkabout in a way (well - a BIT)... Agree? ...in which case, Bal had a Kangaroo jump out at and alarm him and climbed a tree. Hope he'll come down again once he's feeling better. Anyway - sorry if I'm being nosy and you wish to Murray-ly take your time with whatever you reveal (- see what I did there? ;D) Cor...

PPP(whatever)S: "Chakra Khan... Chakra Khan.... Chakra Khan, let me love you, Let me love you, Chakra Khan,... Let me love you, let me squeeze you ((is she a Lemon tho?)), Let me FEEL for you (FEEL for you)." Oui? Non?

Bal, Hope you're okay? Only just now getting to do a catch-up... So - You were Altreal! OHHHHH! (You weren't ever misbehaving so I didn't have a reason to scrutinise you.) Well, hello again a THIRD time, then! (You're still going to pop by for a nosy from time to time, I assume?) Have a good break but come back when you're ready. It was just a simple tread-on-the-toe-style faux pas. It happens. I think, on Mannie's side, one would have expected him of all 'zen-likes' to have reacted more measuredly than that, but - some nerves are more than 'sore' and, too ravaged to heal within the usual healing timeframes. And 'ov awll the woundjsh in awll the woyld, you happen'd tcho wark inchoo mine!' (by which I mean, Mannie's). In simpler terms: It's unfortunate that the toe you unintentionally trod on because of being too over-knackered to be as careful as normal (gaaasp!), just so happened, very unfortunately, to be Mannie's still-healing, war-wound site. ("Ah!" / "Yes, 'Ah'") So the (compared to normal) force of his reaction won't have been SOLELY aimed at you, but mainly at his present and past oppressors (because he too is a victim-survivor in the league of the Jews)....I imagine, because you were suddenly sounding a bit like them (without meaning to or being aware you were). Been on LOTSnlotsnlots of forums in my (getting-) creaky time...seen this type of clash LOADS of times! You two just aren't used to seeing it on HERE! (haha) ...Losing the power of confidence in whether I'm still comprehensible right now (sooo tired - but determined). Meanwhile, I'll keep catching-up, bit-by-bit, in between responding to the "urgents", same as I will with CN, and treat your thread as Read Only on your part. :) (...unless you object and would rather I didn't? Just let me know?). PS: Was just about to post this when I suddenly was overcome with lighthead-ness and nearly puked (just retch a lot)...so I'm going to have to ditch my attempt to reset my timeclock today by staying awake til bedtime, and be more sensible and have a sleep. Wish me luck (if you're there) that I feel better when I wake. Puking's the worst - ugh. And it's always so SLOW and tortuous in the run-up... I'm there going, Oh, hurry-up will you if you're going to?!, and glugging water to simultaneously dilute and encourage it up both. Sorry...TMI. 'Night!' - laters!

This is all AI so it's probably 50% correct. I kicked in a few facts along the way. Murri (Aboriginal man) Geographic origin: Queensland and northwestern New South Wales. tick Cultural identity: Murri is the term used by Aboriginal people in this area to refer to themselves. tick Language: They speak English along with various Maric languages, such as Bundjalung, Djabugay, and Dyirbal. absolute bs - there's 300 plus different lingos & none of us have any idea how to say it, write or pronounce it & don't let any of the activists tell you any different. None of the 300 plus clans have any written language of their own..in other words, the Australian Aboriginal was a hunter gatherer mob with no need for pen or pencil although some of us did ok with rock paintings. There's a few stirrers masquerading as blackfella professors who reckon that the we farmed the land centuries ago but that's just so much bs as well. Just to confuse you; Koori aboriginal (coo ree) "Koori" is a term for Aboriginal people from southeastern Australia, particularly New South Wales and Victoria. tick Yes, both the Murris & the Kooris play rugby league & there's an actual annual competition in NSW called the Koori Knockout. It's a few days of playing some footy, amongst the tribes - quite seriously too, with mostly drinking large amounts of alcohol all paid by the AU taxpayer of course. There's not much else aboot me apart from the fact that I was born with severe hearing deficiency & I have worn hearing aids since I was 8 & I've spent a bloody fortune on them during my life. Of course I'm still as deaf as post but I can lip read with the best of them & I read body language superbly. I also read between the lines pretty good too. I have my degree & I've worked in territory sales for 25 years, for some of the world's biggest snack food companies & soft drink/energy drink mobs out there. Where there's a will, there's a way is my mantra. Oh almost forgot..for years now I've had total strangers come up to me in pubs, in shops, in supermarkets just about anywhere actually to say to me that 'you are a dead spit of George Clooney' to which I've always replied, 'he's a coupler years younger than me so that means he looks like me'...& so, I'm a heavily tattooed version of young George. & there's another Aussie bedroom joke in which a bloke reckons his missus hits the roof in the bedroom when he wipes it on the bedroom curtains after he's finished....& the walkabout is a load of bs as well. They may have done it last century living in the dead heart of the country but not these days when every man & his dog has a mobile phone with reception from Starlink.

Just bumping you up - bear with! :)

Forgive me, mushtie - I'm so bloody short of time - AND bloody ill again, which doesn't help. Forgot for the THIRD time to get a flu jab, didn't I. I'm used to them being in Oct/Nov in UK. Here, they're done in September (which still feels like summer). PS for now: "I also read between the lines pretty good too." YYYYYes you doooo! In fact, you SHOOBY-doobie-do! :)

PPS: Balance didn't mean to offend you (I could tell). You realise that now, yeh?

"there's 300 plus different lingos & none of us have any idea how to say it, write or pronounce it & don't let any of the activists tell you any different" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! PS: George Clooney, eh? Lucky YOU! I did imagine you were that sort of looks type, spookily enough.

This is the only Maori I know. I was the only one at school who could sing it, though (thank-you, fans, haha). Original Rap, eh?... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hchOYs_d_Bw Slowed-down version (presumably for tutorial purposes?) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0n3nVc0Bj0 :D

Here - I should send that link to this woman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkD_fN7lDB8 : "Use These Verbal Tricks To Make Aggressive People Sorry". (Trust me, Lady, mine - or should I say, Quantum Jump's - works FAR better! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!) Or there's my other fave: "Perdoname, no entendiendo...Soy Espanol" (animated Spansh shrug).

Hi Soulmate, I'm pressed for time, so I won't be able to really respond in the way I'd hoped. Last night I was planning on writing you, but my girlfriend would give me zero privacy and also randomly decided she needed to use the PC, so I had to put it off. I'll be frank, I really needed this opportunity to talk with someone because lately things haven't been all well. But I'll try and make due with the half an hour of peace I have now. So I do want to say, I was thinking about no longer posting here. The whole exchange with Manalone made me question whether I even want anything to do with Peoples' Problems. I think I used to respect Manalone's input as a veteran poster here, and I appreciated his different viewpoint on things at times. That's kind of hard to do now when he's calling one idiot a "Champion" who's "doing what's best" for my country. As for the whole "Trillionaire" thing with the other guy... If you think he has actually done One Trillion dollars worth of work, and that any individual should be making that much more than everyone else in society, then I don't know what to tell you. I get enough aggressiveness and passive-aggressiveness from people pretty much everywhere I go in my life now, so I don't really need to put up with that on a website I come to for personal life discussion. Things are kind of starting to get to me on every front of my life all at once right now. And that's not to say there hadn't been moments of relative calm and positivity over the past few weeks, there were some of those. I guess I'm not sure exactly which problems are eating at me the most right now, but I will say that when something spikes with one of them, it sets off this chain-reaction and impacts all of the other ones as well. Not unlike a tooth-pain. Yesterday I had a somewhat lousy day at work. It was yet another instance of being negatively critiqued students and instructors - people who aren't my boss, but still have this unusual obsession with hating on me even though I barely interact with them and just come in and do my job. I guess this one really stung because I already feel inadequate compared to the other guys who have been doing this job for years, and who are more experienced with operating machinery and doing the other parts of the job that we don't do on a regular basis. I almost wanted to just leave work an hour early to get away from the place, but couldn't because I discovered the other guys were still in the midst of cleaning things up. I'd thought for a good while there that everyone was pretty much finished up and hanging out downstairs or something. It really makes you feel like a ****-up, and like you're not a man. And I get that this was one instance, but this kind of thing happens nearly every day in passing with one of these people or another. On top of that, I may or may not have had some random stranger walk past me and say that I didn't deserve to live in the trailer I currently rent, and instead that I should be down in the city. In other words, I think implying that I don't deserve the job I have (to afford that.) But that one I'm not as sure about. My girlfriend and I aren't getting on well, either. It's like we'll go through a few days where it's alright, even though almost every morning she'll throw a fit while getting around for work, but then eventually we'll hit a day where she won't respect my personal space and we start fighting. So she got into a car accident a while ago that was her fault, and her car is still not back from the shop. I've had to drive her to work, and her coworkers have been bringing her back. I wouldn't mind this too much, but then she just wastes more of my morning, and sometimes bugs me to wake up and get around earlier to take her to such and such a place before I take her to work. Today it was to a dentist's appointment and, surprise, they couldn't even do anything for her there so she has to go to another one anyway. She literally just called to bug me and ask me if I'm okay and if I'm mad at her as I'm writing this, even though it disrupted me and ate up like 2 minutes of my time I had to type here. I went off on my family this morning, too. I am still not happy with the way my father included me on his Census for 2020 when I hadn't even decided at that time whether I was moving back to their state yet or not. I'm not happy with their insistence on me coming back here, and how my entire life has been completely falling apart ever since I made that decision to leave my old city. I should have held onto my studio apartment and fought tooth-and-nail for it, and I'm so regretful that I didn't. I never could have imagined how much worse life and people and the world would get the moment I did that. I'm still mad at my friends. I'm disappointed that, at 37 years old, I still haven't found my people. I don't have the same viewpoints as them, they don't live anywhere near me, and they never prioritize our friendship in the ways I'd always hoped someone else would. It all just reiterates this belief I have that we are truly alone, and that the only person you can fully rely on is yourself. There's just too much going on anymore. And I hate that there is no sense of real stability. I am aware that my current circumstances could dissolve like they have before. It could be even worse than when they had previously. Anyway, I don't want this to all be so negative. I've got to get going. I will try to check back and resume talking here more, if I can. How is your new year going??? Til next time... ~ Balance

Hi Balance, I'm new here and not at all familiar with your other threads but I hear your sadness and frustration. I wish I had some magical words of wisdom for you but I often struggle with lots of the same issues you mention and I've never completely overcome them, though I do have strategies I use to combat them. Here's my take: you struggle with feelings of insecurity and failure, which makes you afraid to go after what you really want and traps you in a relationship that isn't very fulfilling. The bad news is, no matter where you go, there you are. You can't run away from those feelings; they're a part of you. The good news? You have everything you need to overcome it - the answers don't depend on anyone else. You are the only person who can help you. This is going to sound hokey but, try practicing this: Take a moment by yourself, when you have at least 15 minutes where you won't be interrupted. Imagine all the things about yourself that you don't like - see yourself at your absolute worst. And then tell yourself that you are still a beautiful, worthy human being that you love (yes, that you love yourself), and if you believe in a higher being, God, the Universe, whatever, remind yourself that God/the universe loves you exactly as you are in that moment - and every moment of your life, no matter what job you have, not matter who else loves you or doesn't, no matter what horrible/scared/selfish/hurtful things you may have done or are doing. You love you. God loves you. You don't have to be better or different. You are enough. Before you can have good relationships with others, you have to have a good relationship with yourself. Start there. I hope the world lightens for you and that you don't stop searching for your joy. You deserve it. We all do.

Hello Playingthru, I wanted to take a moment to thank you for your response. So... Thank you. Things have been hectic lately, and I'm feeling pretty anxious for the weekend. I think you're pretty much right with all of your feedback. Spot-on. And I understand, based off of another response you've made in the forum, that you've been in a long-term relationship for some time. So I appreciate you being able to empathize with some of these things. And maybe I do have all of the tools I need to handle this situation. However, I think it's a bit more complicated than just making a decision and following through with it. I guess I'm still really torn over the whole thing. I appreciate that I even have someone, and I try to focus on all of the good things about her, and how I think she's ultimately a good person. There's the fact of the matter that we're living together, have two cats together to take care of now, and we have all of these bills, loans and accounts together. And even if I could get out of this relationship, there's still the whole matter of not wanting to really live in this area, and needing to find a job and a place to live somewhere else. And realistically, there's a decent chance that I'd be stuck living around here at some less desirable apartment, on my own, for a while until I can get back up on my feet and eventually go elsewhere one day. We've had a lot of moments where I thought it was over and we were going to break up already now, but then we just continue on. I don't know if that is normal or healthy. Anyway, I've got to get going for now. I appreciate your post, and I guess I have a lot to think about. Especially because we somehow can't afford everything we owe every month anymore.

I'm so sorry, Bal (and Hi!). I'm in the middle of a tricky court case at the mo (I'm the case-bringer) so only have time to answer newbies and have to ask you, Aydie, Mannie and CN to please be patient with me. Thanks, mushtie - glad you weren't gone forever.

Bing-Bong-Binnng!.....Message for all the regulars including your good self on the Xmas thread....Bing-Bong-Binnng! And as soon as I get another window, I'll get to your latest. When, not If.

Bumping you up with CN and Aydie....

So the past couple of weeks have been more positive since my last post. My girlfriend did get her car back, and that did help out quite a bit with the situation. I wouldn't say there has been any major resolution, but for now things are fairly tame and content in my relationship. Good, even. So that's a serious plus. I do still feel pretty trapped. In my city. In my state. In my...country. I don't really know what to do about any of that for the time being, and I simply just have to keep riding things out for now. Work frequently puts me in a negative mood, usually because of people more than anything else, but at least by the end of most nights I feel better. Realistically I wish I still had friends like I did a decade ago. Friends who I can hang out with, whenever. Who at least seem like they'll be around for well past whenever I need to worry about them vanishing. And I guess I still do have the 2 long-distance friends who I keep in touch with, but it's not entirely the same thing. And people around here can be so two-faced or awful, I generally just have no desire to get to know new Pennsylvania people anymore. I have to keep my vulnerabilities guarded around most people around here. 1. The Friend Situation There was an unexpected potential breakthrough the other week, with my one friend. So this is probably my longest-existing friend that I still have, and we have spoken since 2008 or 2009 and met in person one time in 2022. One day recently he invited his other pal, who he has known and mentioned for years, to play a video game with us. It went relatively well, and we had fun, but there were.... Unexpected results. And I will foreshadow this by saying I'd never really communicated with his other friend in any way whatsoever. So I now have the impression that my friend's friend may have an intellectual disability. And like I've seen pictures of the guy before. I didn't get the impression that he did. But I definitely do now since we talked in that game over voice chat. It makes me feel bad, because I know this guy is like the person my friend hangs out with the most, usually. But to me this either implies that A) My friend may also be intellectually disabled in some way (!?), or B) My friend is being a good sport and making room in his life for his intellectually-disabled friend. And the latter gives me warm fuzzies about the whole thing, while I guess (?) the former could also somehow be a possibility the more I think about it. He has mentioned before that this friend doesn't drive, so he is always the one driving him around. And then sometimes they go on these fun getaways together. ...Which, I guess is easy, since they live in California and are surrounded by lots of beautiful places worth visiting. I guess what makes me double-take and question my friend's potential do have some sort of mental disability is this weird situation a few years back where he started saying he was born the same year as me, and in fact was actually a few days older than me, when in the years up until that point he always said he was like 1 - 2 years younger than me. To be honest, I sort of chalked it up to him being kind of a stupid guy. And I mean that with every ounce of love. He has always been a really laid-back dude, and smokes pot pretty regularly. So I guess it didn't seem outside the realm of possibility for me that he forgot his own fucking birth year. lol. ...But there is also the possibility that he himself has some sort of disability that he's never disclosed, or else is unaware of. I mean the guy can drive a car on the highway, he drove us both around one day. So Idk. But I also don't think he's ever had a girlfriend, and I'm not even sure if he's had sex. He has lived with his mother for his whole life, and at first this seemed easy to dismiss because, hello?, California is expensive! It's just a bit harder to buy that when I factor in all of this other new information. In a way, maybe my friend being mentally-disabled would give me some peace of mind, because then it might at least better-explain why he was so nonchalant about not voting in 2024, and why he might be somehow influenced to feel that a lot of things in this life are simply outside of his control or ability to change. But I have no idea at this time. For now I am just assuming he's a really spacey guy who appreciates and cares about his mentally-disabled friend who lives close by. I'll end this here for now. Whewboi...

(Bloody finally...) Heya! I'll dive straight in... Question: are you wanting me to be Mediator between you and Mannie? If not, you need to talk to him directly. Otherwise, you're risking starting trouble again via the fact that Mannie could now turn around and say that stating your complaint all over again to me, yet right in-front of him, is just as passive-aggressive (which, in fact, MEANS unwitting; knowingly and deliberately is 'covert') as the incoming stuff at work you feel aggrieved at. (Easily done, huh.) Although, I did think I explained and disempowered things well last time (different cogs in different parts of the great machine and the fact he has no choice). No? Alternatively, the pair of you could impress the pants off of everyone else by having a gentlemanly handshake and agreeing to disagree (due to being situated, tantamountedly, on different planets with wildly differing priorities/areas-of)? To me, it was a a bit like telling an African/Somalian to stop drinking dirty water, when clean doesn't exist but you weren't to know it didn't, but Mannie didn't know you didn't know so came back, basically with, how dare you, we don't have any clean water and I'm not about to stop drinking! He was a bit aggressive...and that made it too hard for you to just quickly apologise. But in terms of logistics - bit of an argument about nothing, really, don't you think? Me, I think I would have said that I was sorry to hear he lacked the consumer choice you were fortunate enough to enjoy and that I therefore took it back. After all, it must make one feel very insecure, to be forced to be completely reliant on solely one provider, don't you think? It would me. It would automatically censor me from being able to assert myself as a consumer in the event of any lack of service quality, for fear of being cut-off! (Oh, look... I just did mediate, haha. Or banged yer heads together - either/or haha!) I'll watch this space, then? But I think you'll both feel much better if you do. And so will I and everyone. You don't have to back down from your respective stances, but you can at least apologise that the lack of eye-to-eye caused hurt feelings/pride? So!......... (English football hooligan voiceover:) "...If eiver ov ya fink ye'r 'ard e-nuuuu-uuuuuff?!" ;) The tooth pain you describe is called, Referred Pain. Yep. I've had that, lately. "Out there" is becoming like Sodom & Gomorrah. What do you Americans think of the Epstein Files where concerns (ex-)Prince Andrew and Fergie? And are the rumours about Meghan's presence on Epstein's party boats, true, do you know? It used to be 'Where have all the Cowboys gone?'. Now it's 'the Adults'. It's since Covid, isn't it. We thought everyone would come out of it even nicer/a lot nicer than before, but - nope. And Narcs and Psychos from bottom rung to toppermost are known for taking advantage/kicking people (even whole peoples) when they're DOWN (or overwhelmed and distracted). I turn to the witty, mickey-taking memes. Black Humour. Take two before bedtime. Works. Doesn't work for the really serious stuff (the wars and genocide), but it at least lightens the load. Plus, plenty of people in RL are REGULARLY pissing me off now - mainly for their lack of consistency. Most people everywhere have their heads too far up their own a*ses and have STOPPED 'checking behind them before pulling out'. (Talking of cars: I'll bet there's a lot more 'driving on Autopilot' going on these days, too.) Too much 'looking inwards'...worrying exclusively about the self....not sufficiently plugged in. When things become harder, that's when you're supposed to engage your Reserve tanks and work even harder, to compensate. If everyone did that, instead of using troubles as their excuses to avoid/be lazy/whatever, then the bad period wouldn't BE so long and drawn-out! In effect, therefore, people have become more stupid (and frustrating). 'This too shall pass" (and The Serenity Prayer...ever read it?). My meme mantra these days is this one: "I need a Leaf Blower, but for People". If that fails, I picture them constipated on the loo. We just have to keep our standards up and know that this is JUST A PHASE. A transition. The whole population in the butterfly's cocoon, panicking and fighting to get back out into the open air, but ALL have 'clean water'. Fair obs? So we just have to grit our teeth and wait for things to calm down again (which they always do...When, not If). But yeah... it gets to everyone, eventually. You have to keep on doing what you're doing - which is to vent - to cope. The alternative is to introduce some Escapism. Can you think of anything? I just think the people at your company aren't your 'same feather'. Just decide to refuse to take it personally when it says more about them than it does you. Load of bloody bossy peckers and bullies. I've worked at places like that. Question, though: Do you think they pick on you because you strike as non-aggressive, and as cowards they only pick on whomever they're convinced won't fight back? Have you TRIED barking at them, or even being cold in your response?...ignoring them? To change their behaviour you have to change your own...change what they get out of it, and turn it into NOT WORTH *THEIR* WHILE. What do you do? Oh, and I relate completely to the bit about wishing you hadn't moved. Overall, I mean (despite there are good bits). That's the point I've hit. So I'm having to put up with the outcome of my past choices (albeit I was definitely misinformed/misled/downright duped), as well. We're all of us stuck in situations, I think it's true to say. Oh! I just broke off for a tick, then scrolled up again via your second, and caught the line about the last couple of weeks being more positive. I'll switch to your latest, then... But whilst I'm at it - this confirms how things are for me (and everyone else, I'm sure) too: *very up-and-down*. So my mood's been going up-and-down, too. Not on here, though......never on here...................(dare I?) (yes, I dare, LOL)..... I'm too professional. (:DDDD Ducks gf's un-put-away stapler, and a lump of dried Kangaroo poo.) Haaaah...sorry. My inner comedy-slut could NOT resist. On swiftly to your second... "So the past couple of weeks have been more positive since my last post." Phew. "My girlfriend did get her car back, and that did help out quite a bit with the situation." Yeah... cos what I read... She WAS taking the piss. A lift is one thing. Chauffeuring - to your detriment - is another. (It's being forced to self-sacrifice when that should be your decision and offer.) Next time, outline the rules and get her to agree to them (or she can bloody walk). "I wouldn't say there has been any major resolution, but for now things are fairly tame and content in my relationship. Good, even. So that's a serious plus." I appreciate that - and it's weight. Enjoy the holiday. "I do still feel pretty trapped. In my city. In my state. In my...country. I don't really know what to do about any of that for the time being, and I simply just have to keep riding things out for now. Work frequently puts me in a negative mood, usually because of people more than anything else, but at least by the end of most nights I feel better." YouTube "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down". :) You're a Weeble. (Moi aussi.) "Realistically I wish I still had friends like I did a decade ago." My sister and I were just saying the same thing tonight on the phone. You learn that nothing either good OR bad lasts in this life. Really simple example: you move to a new area and discover THE BEST Chinese retaurant you've ever tried; get to enjoy it for about 6 months and then the bugger shuts down. By 'you', I mean, me. I ended up going back to my old area for takeaways. Nothing. Bloody. Stays the same. Oh, for a bit of CONSISTENCY! (And breeeathe...) "Friends who I can hang out with, whenever. Who at least seem like they'll be around for well past whenever I need to worry about them vanishing. And I guess I still do have the 2 long-distance friends who I keep in touch with, but it's not entirely the same thing. And people around here can be so two-faced or awful, I generally just have no desire to get to know new Pennsylvania people anymore. I have to keep my vulnerabilities guarded around most people around here." YES. THAT'S PRECISELY WHY MYRIAD TYPES OF SOCIAL ACTIVITY CLUBS EXIST. If you have a passion in-common, chances are you're birds of the same feather! Come on - what do you like doing but would find more fun in company, or have always wanted to try? You have to make even a tiny, positive change to your weekly routine, and that's it! That simple!... there commenceth the Positive Snowball Effect aaaaaaand (in a lot of cases) before you know it - you're off and having FUN again. You lack Fun. Yes? It may not be the cause of your contentions but it's definitely the medicine for the horrid symptoms - yes? In fact, sometimes it IS the cure! Try some Green Eggs & Ham, Sam-I-Am. Actually, in all seriousness: do you know if you could be deficient in Vit D and B? I think maybe you should check because, that would DEFINITELY help get your mojo back. "There was an unexpected potential breakthrough the other week, with my one friend. So this is probably my longest-existing friend that I still have, and we have spoken since 2008 or 2009 and met in person one time in 2022." Yeah, I remember the one. "One day recently he invited his other pal, who he has known and mentioned for years, to play a video game with us. It went relatively well, and we had fun, but there were.... Unexpected results. And I will foreshadow this by saying I'd never really communicated with his other friend in any way whatsoever. So I now have the impression that my friend's friend may have an intellectual disability. And like I've seen pictures of the guy before. I didn't get the impression that he did. But I definitely do now since we talked in that game over voice chat. It makes me feel bad, because I know this guy is like the person my friend hangs out with the most, usually. But to me this either implies that A) My friend may also be intellectually disabled in some way (!?), or B) My friend is being a good sport and making room in his life for his intellectually-disabled friend. And the latter gives me warm fuzzies about the whole thing, while I guess (?) the former could also somehow be a possibility the more I think about it." Well, you got that impression fairly easily from friend's friend. So can you not apply that discernment to your friend, using this new-found different light? "He has mentioned before that this friend doesn't drive, so he is always the one driving him around." Oh, well - no, then. It's (B). "And then sometimes they go on these fun getaways together. ...Which, I guess is easy, since they live in California and are surrounded by lots of beautiful places worth visiting." Noted. "I guess what makes me double-take and question my friend's potential do have some sort of mental disability is this weird situation a few years back where he started saying he was born the same year as me, and in fact was actually a few days older than me, when in the years up until that point he always said he was like 1 - 2 years younger than me." HUH?????? I wonder why he'd feel he needed to 'equalise' himself 'against' you? Were you, without realising, 'big brother-ing' him and he didn't really like it? "To be honest, I sort of chalked it up to him being kind of a stupid guy. And I mean that with every ounce of love. He has always been a really laid-back dude, and smokes pot pretty regularly. So I guess it didn't seem outside the realm of possibility for me that he forgot his own fucking birth year. lol." Why didn't you just ask him why he gave you contradictory statements? Why don't you just ask him next time you speak? Do you and he have honest conversations, do you think? If not, you need to start. You CANNOT bond properly as people if you don't share thoughts and feelings and feel free to ask for clarity. "...But there is also the possibility that he himself has some sort of disability that he's never disclosed, or else is unaware of." Or he's COMPATIBLE with the guy DESPITE his disability?? Gets him? "I mean the guy can drive a car on the highway, he drove us both around one day. So Idk." Not usually, they can't. "But I also don't think he's ever had a girlfriend, and I'm not even sure if he's had sex." Is he Aspergic, too? Just different type? "He has lived with his mother for his whole life," Yeah, that fits with Asperger's and Autism. Or it does if it's because they get on well, versus no other choice. (Do they?) "and at first this seemed easy to dismiss because, hello?, California is expensive! It's just a bit harder to buy that when I factor in all of this other new information." Okayyyy? I haven't dismissed your suspicion, I'm keeping an open mind...? "In a way, maybe my friend being mentally-disabled would give me some peace of mind, because then it might at least better-explain why he was so nonchalant about not voting in 2024," Not VOTING. Ah-hah! That's another point for ASD, but the driving, for Asperger's (half-Autie, half-Neurotypie. At this point, what I'm concluding, is: he's Aspergic too but much far higher up the scale and therefore less self-aware than you. I.e. you're far Higher Functioning and, therefore, he naturally WOULD present to you as less sophisticated than you. Because he is. Because HIS areas of greater sophistication lie elsewhere, unconnected to social rules and mores. Hence, doesn't vote because his mind doesn't appreciate why it matters (it's a social construct, not something natural). "and why he might be somehow influenced to feel that a lot of things in this life are simply outside of his control or ability to change." Yup, could be. Well, why don't you offer to show him/accompany him through these changes? WAIT! WHY DON'T YOU FLATSHARE WITH *HIM*? Or would that level of proximity mean he'd get on your tits too much? "But I have no idea at this time. For now I am just assuming he's a really spacey guy who appreciates and cares about his mentally-disabled friend who lives close by." What if it's this: You.... Higher-functioning than Friend by a good third or more. Friend....Higher-functioning than his more obviously neurodiverse pal. Pal therefore strikes Friend as being a whole third less 'on a different planet' than to you. Sense? I know HF Aspies who find non-HFs ....well.... too cognitively and/or emotionally beneath them (not in a nasty way). PS: Do they both tend to put their Size 9s in things or come out with clangers, saying the unsayable or unthinkable? "I'll end this here for now. Whewboi..." Is that pronounced, Phew, Boy? Or Woohbowie? PPS: I'll finish reading your first just-in-case I failed to address anything that's still an issue.

PS: "And then sometimes they go on these fun getaways together" Why don't you ask if YOU can go along? Just because third matey isn't on your intellectual level, doesn't mean you can't ignore your intellectual side from time-to-time and just have fun making giant sandcastles on the beach or surfing or whatever? ...not unless you're capable of surfing waves while discussing philosophy and politics? I feel intellectually starved here in (S)pain, to tell the truth. So I'm preaching what I'm myself having to practise. It's the only way. I now mainly get my fixes from listening to LBC (bloody just try it will you?)...non-stop fascinating, intelligent conversation on there!...and coming on here, too. I could NEVER be a Narc. I HHHHHATE feeling superior! Feels like I've got no Back-Up. Know what I mean?

"a few years back where he started saying he was born the same year as me, and in fact was actually a few days older than me, when in the years up until that point he always said he was like 1 - 2 years younger than me."" There IS another possibility? People think that all ASDs are like "Rainman" - great at patterns, Maths, dates... Some are extra-great at patterns, but crap at Maths (yet great at algebra or logarithms). And some are crap at remebering dates. They can be 'over' or 'under'; have some traits but not others. So it COULD be that the guy is crap at remembering his own birthdate. Dunno. But you could check? By pretending YOU'VE forgotten and want reminding, and see if he sticks to his last assertion or comes out with another different year? Or if, with the same as the last time, that would be your self-created opportunity to say: How come after I first met you, you told me you were 2 years younger than me? Also, you need to take your own advice and try bit-by-bit deepening and increasing the mental intimacy of your conversations together. The two of you sound like you could be a HECK of a lot closer and happier as friends. You do know that Aspies are known to have problems in communication, initially? Some are over-tight-lipped, barely feedbacking to others at all (which leaves them to have to assume a lot) (misassume, usually), while others are "thought-blurt" in a way that NTs tend not to do ('TOO open and honest'). Re 'pal': There's another possibility there, as well. Maybe he was only 'backwards' that night? Remember, this was over a live game. What if, merely, he'd been as high-as-a-kite on Weed/other? Or would you recognise that? Did he sound like he was drawling? Laughing at things that 'weren't funny' or even apropos of nothing and timed badly?

Hey Soulmate, thanks for responding. I am going to read along and try to respond at the same time here. 1. "Question: are you wanting me to be Mediator between you and Mannie?" No, that's not necessary. I think we're all adults here, and I think as far as offering feedback on Peoples' Problems goes, we're fine. I do think that Manalone and I have some disagreements about big things, but that won't come into play on most threads I'm hoping. I do think different perspectives and opinions are good to have on here. I can imagine what it would be like if it was only me giving feedback here, and it would get chaotic at times depending on my mood, time spent on the site, time spent dealing with each particular issue, and my level of sobriety. Yeah, for the record: I apologize, Manalone. Not here to get into arguments with you or anyone. 2. "Out there" is becoming like Sodom & Gomorrah." So I'm not real familiar with the Bible, but did a quick search to have a better understanding of that term. So they were cities, supposedly punished for being sinful got it. I'm assuming "sodomy" comes from "Sodom", to describe anal sex as being sinful, or something, lol. Well, my parents weren't super-religious when I was younger, but they have always identified as being Christian and were always more religious than I was, anyway. It surprised me a bit when my dad was watching TV a few years ago (either Fox News or Newsmax) and when he was getting angry about something they were discussing he said aloud, "It's just like Sodom & Gomorrah!", so this gives that some more context. It's about what I expected, but I didn't know they were cities, exactly. To be candid, I don't think my parents have ever completely read the Bible, or if they did it was when they were much younger. I could be wrong about that, but just my impression. Do I think they bought the 'Trump Bible' that he sold a few years back? Probably. Anyway, I am thinking it was some talking-head response they've heard said on Fox News before, and he's heard it so much he just sort of repeats it from time to time, or something like that. Gee, it's funny how the things I think are evil and the things they think are evil are like opposites now. 3. "What do you Americans think of the Epstein Files where concerns (ex-)Prince Andrew and Fergie? And are the rumours about Meghan's presence on Epstein's party boats, true, do you know?" The accusations against Prince Andrew weren't surprising, given the punchline that he had become where younger women were concerned. Sarah Ferguson, on the other hand, that was a little bit of a shocker, since the impression was always that she was wronged by her playboy husband. It's really not a good look when you're sending friendly and supportive messages to your friend who was already convicted of sex trafficking minors. I hadn't heard about Meghan, (Markle?) and I'm not seeing anything about her being on Epstein's boats via a quick web search, but I really don't know enough about that news. I will say that Trump has always hated Meghan Markle, while praising Harry and the rest of the Royal Family, and recently said it was "a shame" that Prince Andrew was arrested. A lot of Conservatives here jumped on the I-hate-Meghan train about a decade ago along with Trump, probably out of racism and sexism because she's a half-black woman. That's about all I know about that, though. 4. "It's since Covid, isn't it. We thought everyone would come out of it even nicer/a lot nicer than before, but - nope. And Narcs and Psychos from bottom rung to toppermost are known for taking advantage/kicking people (even whole peoples) when they're DOWN (or overwhelmed and distracted)." The world has been a powder keg for a lot longer than that, I think. I hate to seem egotistical here, but it almost seems like around the time I was born in the late-80's is when a lot of things began to change. There are a lot of people who, if you were to ask them when "Things started to go downhill", they would point to my birth year. And I don't fully agree with that, I think there has also been a lot of progress since that time. A lot of good and bad, alike. Like I keep saying a lot these last few years, "I miss the early 2000's", because while it seemed crappy at the time, in retrospect there were some good things that came out of those years. Sometimes I wish I could relive them, but certainly not as a high school kid. ...And then you sit and think about it, and yeah, there was a lot of bad stuff going on then, too. 9/11, obviously. The Iraq War. I know kids in school back then sucked, already. And we now know that Epstein and many of the world's richest people were sex-trafficking (and possibly murdering) young women around my age at the time. It was dark then, too. We just didn't have a big enough picture of it. While we were talking about the iPod and MySpace, lots of other stuff was going on 20-some years ago. Barack Obama being elected President of the United States was where a lot of things changed. At the time, I guess maybe I was annoyed by it because it started to sound like people only wanted him elected because he was a black man. But he was also a great politician, and apparently also a brilliant speaker. And the reason why there was so much backlash was because a lot of white, Republican men were mad about it. That is what led to where we are now - there are so many butt-hurt Conservatives who are mad that a smart, black man was President of the United States. That was just too damn far for them. So it started the Tea Party, and then Trump, and then MAGA, and everything that has come along with it since then. I still don't know what to think about Covid, this many years on from it. Did it just happen? Was it planned? Did it begin in a lab somewhere, and if so, who was actually behind it being spread? Maybe you can impress me by getting human civilization to last this long and to work as well as it has been. Maybe it's inspiring that people can drive in cars on highways at high speeds and communicate mostly non-verbally and with lights, and things can run as smoothly as they do with how impatient and angry most people are. But Covid proved that people can't behave like good little soldiers in every place, whether that is a good or bad thing. You imagine some ideal society of obedient people who succeed, and you think of someplace like Japan. America is definitely not that, and it shows. You will have people choosing not to wear masks, people wearing masks improperly, people wearing masks properly but later discovering they do little to protect anyone from Covid. You have misinformation flying around. You have people getting vaccines, people who are adamantly against vaccines, people who get vaccines for a little but then stop when it seems like nobody cares about Covid anymore. (Me, basically.) So I think the pressure was building up way before Covid. I think Covid just gave a lot of people some reason to be pissed off. I shared with you the clip from the movie 'Serenity' before, right? The one where it's revealed (spoiler) in that series that humanity was treated with something that made half of them lethargic and the other half super-aggressive. Sometimes I wonder if Covid was something similar, not to stir the pot, or anything. It does seem like people got angrier after 2020. Though I'm not sure if that's a result of Covid or not. It certainly seemed like a lot changed in my old city when 2020 rolled around, though it's hard to say exactly when those feelings began. But something happened, whether it had anything to do with Covid or not. 5. "Too much 'looking inwards'...worrying exclusively about the self....not sufficiently plugged in." I mean, everyone is guilty of that. I had an argument with my girlfriend just yesterday or the day before, and I said, "It's just easier to only have myself to worry about." It's kind of true. I don't know if I have the mental energy to handle my current life for a prolonged time span. Before her, I lived below my means. I didn't buy the groceries I do now, and my apartments were never this nice. I think this is probably better than what I had before, but at the cost of us having trouble making payments. And on top of that now I have dependents (cats) and a girlfriend to have to think about when making decisions. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep this going. Do I try to be considerate of others? For sure. To a point, at least. My problem I encounter more than anything, at least these past few years, has been that people aren't focused enough on their own business, and spend a lot of time judging and gossiping about other people. It's haunted me across several jobs now, and a few different towns and cities. People are always on the lookout for someone to be angry at, to blame for the problems in the world, someone who doesn't fit into their world. It kind of fits with your analogy, in a way. They are too concerned about other people backing up their cars without watching behind them, and not themselves. It's basically what they guy did when he drove into my car while I was trying to park it. Not enough self-awareness. 6. "We just have to keep our standards up and know that this is JUST A PHASE. A transition. The whole population in the butterfly's cocoon, panicking and fighting to get back out into the open air, but ALL have 'clean water'. Fair obs? So we just have to grit our teeth and wait for things to calm down again (which they always do...When, not If). But yeah... it gets to everyone, eventually. You have to keep on doing what you're doing - which is to vent - to cope. The alternative is to introduce some Escapism. Can you think of anything?" This is going to be the last point I can respond to for now, because of time. My dad said before that things are like a Pendulum, that swings one way and then the other every couple of years, and that it's been that way his whole life. That has sort of held true. But it's depressing. It's like people are doomed to repeat this cycle because they just keep jumping from one extreme to the other. (That, or else they try to compromise on issues where there should be no compromises.) And worse yet, every couple of years some new generation of people comes along and gets involved in politics, and they weren't around for all of the stuff that happened earlier on. I blame, at least in the US, the two-party system for so much of the division we see here. We put ourselves into one of two groups without any real alternatives. So it's constantly back and forth. You'll have a Republican President, then you'll have a Democrat President. Get sick of the current President and blame them for problems, people vote for the candidate from the opposite party. If they are a popular enough President, they'll get a second term, but it's almost always back to the other party afterwards. It's like, why do that to ourselves? Why not consistently vote for the better party, or the better candidate? Why is it always a few steps forward, a few steps back? It almost feels like they want it to happen that way so that no one group can be blamed for all of the problems. Escapism is usually video games for me, but even that is becoming more challenging now due to being more discerning with companies I support. It will only get more challenging if these electronics components shortages continue to worsen in coming years, and that may cause whole companies to close and products to stop being made. Even watching TV shows on a streaming service raises some moral questions because most of these huge corporations own so many beloved shows and properties. It's really becoming big corporations versus the common people. I'll have to end things here for now. I'll read and respond to the rest later, when I can. Til next time, Soulmate.

Continuing on... 7. "I just think the people at your company aren't your 'same feather'. Just decide to refuse to take it personally when it says more about them than it does you. Load of bloody bossy peckers and bullies. I've worked at places like that. Question, though: Do you think they pick on you because you strike as non-aggressive, and as cowards they only pick on whomever they're convinced won't fight back? Have you TRIED barking at them, or even being cold in your response?...ignoring them? To change their behaviour you have to change your own...change what they get out of it, and turn it into NOT WORTH *THEIR* WHILE. What do you do?" Honestly most of their confrontation happens behind my back, when they're walking away from me or I'm walking away from them. So that generally tells me all I need to know. I think they do see me as a worthless buffoon, and someone who doesn't know how to do things "intelligently." For the most part, I can't complain as of late. Things have worked out about as well as I could hope. But still, the one dude actually bothers me more by popping up unsolicited at random, and giving me the impression that he's critiquing my work and judging more than anything. I guess as long as all they use is words out of earshot, I can't be too worried. But from time to time it does get to me. Actually on Monday I got frustrated enough that I texted my boss and asked to speak whenever we have free time, but I guess I'm just trying not to rock the boat much if I can help it. There have been a few times when I've snapped back at them a little, especially the aforementioned coworker. If I didn't get the impression he runs me down a lot I wouldn't probably mind it so much. But he seems irritated that some new person came along and does the job about as well as him all of these years on. Now he can't skate by feeling superior to the other two guys who cut corners at every opportunity. But I'm irritated that he has had this job since he was in high school and hasn't had to struggle through the working world like I did. So we're probably, at the very least, even. 8. "Oh, and I relate completely to the bit about wishing you hadn't moved. Overall, I mean (despite there are good bits). That's the point I've hit. So I'm having to put up with the outcome of my past choices (albeit I was definitely misinformed/misled/downright duped), as well. We're all of us stuck in situations, I think it's true to say." Agreed, agreed, 1000X agreed. While I regret leaving my old city, I don't regret the growth I've had in the time since then. I was so focused on myself in the 2010's, and the 2020's pulled away a curtain to show me, "Hey, all of this is going on! And it has a greater impact than you knew!" It makes me wish I had paid more attention to the world around me before, but I also don't regret trying to live a normal life prior to all of this. It is disturbing seeing people get revealed for who they really are. But it needed to be done. I needed to find out that this or that person would stay in touch or have my back, just as much as I needed to find out this or that big-shot company big-wig was doing horrible things and getting away with it for years. And pointing the finger elsewhere at common people to shame them for something else as a distraction. 9. "YouTube "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down". :) You're a Weeble. (Moi aussi.)" Lol. I actually had a 'larger' version of something like that before as a baby, I think I had the Playskool Chime Bird. ( https://weebles.fandom.com/wiki/Chime_Bird) 10. "YES. THAT'S PRECISELY WHY MYRIAD TYPES OF SOCIAL ACTIVITY CLUBS EXIST. If you have a passion in-common, chances are you're birds of the same feather! Come on - what do you like doing but would find more fun in company, or have always wanted to try? You have to make even a tiny, positive change to your weekly routine, and that's it! That simple!... there commenceth the Positive Snowball Effect aaaaaaand (in a lot of cases) before you know it - you're off and having FUN again. You lack Fun. Yes? It may not be the cause of your contentions but it's definitely the medicine for the horrid symptoms - yes? In fact, sometimes it IS the cure! Try some Green Eggs & Ham, Sam-I-Am. Actually, in all seriousness: do you know if you could be deficient in Vit D and B? I think maybe you should check because, that would DEFINITELY help get your mojo back." I don't know about the Vitamin B and D thing. The truth is, I haven't had a regular family doctor in a long time, and that's something I might only just now be getting straightened out. I don't think it's all about fun, either. I miss having more people in my life who I feel that I can trust. I miss having someone who feels like a real friend. The veneer of reliability got peeled off of most of my old work comrades slowly but surely. But to date, most of them have been the closest things I've had to a real friend. My pal across the country might just be the only exception to that. (And my girlfriend, of course. Though, that's not quite the same as just a friend.) Your question about things I've always wanted to do in the company of more people has me thinking. There are a few answers to that. But yeah, it's not all just about fun. It's about acceptance and feeling like I can be a functioning member of this society. 11. "At this point, what I'm concluding, is: he's Aspergic too but much far higher up the scale and therefore less self-aware than you. I.e. you're far Higher Functioning and, therefore, he naturally WOULD present to you as less sophisticated than you. Because he is. Because HIS areas of greater sophistication lie elsewhere, unconnected to social rules and mores. Hence, doesn't vote because his mind doesn't appreciate why it matters (it's a social construct, not something natural)." That is a possibility. I guess, based off of what I have seen, he didn't seem to fit very much with the Aspy mind and mannerisms. But then I have no idea. I guess at times he strikes me as just being... Slow. Slower than me, at least, mentally. Like he gets a lot of concepts that I don't think someone who is typically mentally-disabled would get, and yet at the same time is does not seem to fit the norm for most people. I don't know. You may be on to something here. I guess I still don't have a complete enough understanding of what makes someone neurotypical VS neurodiverse. I still don't know what I am for sure. I will note that he seemed to be disinterested in voting because from his perspective everyone has some role to play and things are just going to play out however they play out. He almost doesn't see himself as someone with any real power, who can make any real difference. But more than that, it's almost like he is some monk that is just passively watching life in front of him and getting a kick out of it, and not really intervening. He's like... Well, he's like those Mystery Science Theater 3000 guys, lmao. He just watches and comments on life, but plays no active part in it. He is total neutral. 12. "WAIT! WHY DON'T YOU FLATSHARE WITH *HIM*?" That isn't really an option. I mean, for starters, I'm with my girlfriend now. And I have the cats. If we broke up it might be an option to throw on the table and consider, and it's something I have asked about before in the past. I remember his first reaction to it was that, when he does finally get a place, he'd like to have a place on his own at first. He'd feel awkward sharing a space with someone and feeling weird about leaving messes and being judged for it. And I can get that. Sharing a space with someone means you could clash over cleanliness, and order, in every aspect of it. And I guess that is what he was most concerned about. Anyway, he is over 2500 miles away from where I live. So it's really just not a feasible option unless shit really hits the fan and falls apart here. 13. "Is that pronounced, Phew, Boy? Or Woohbowie?" Whewboi. When I say it, it essentially means Phew, boy. But, it sounds more like "Wooh-boy" when I say it aloud. 14. "Why don't you ask if YOU can go along? Just because third matey isn't on your intellectual level, doesn't mean you can't ignore your intellectual side from time-to-time and just have fun making giant sandcastles on the beach or surfing or whatever? ...not unless you're capable of surfing waves while discussing philosophy and politics?" Again, because we live at opposite ends of one of the largest countries in the world. I only got to meet him the one time in person because I moved out West briefly, and I still had to drive like 5 1/2 hours there and 5 1/2 hours back the day I met him, and miss out on a bunch of sleep the night before driving there right after I got out of (3rd shift) work. It was a spur-of-the-moment idea that just sort of worked out because we both had the day off and stuff. I have gotten better at putting my ego and my interests aside at times and just having fun with him when we play video games together. It's resulted in some really top-tier gaming experiences, especially these past few months. I take life too seriously and I'm always sort of on edge. He's constantly laid-back and upbeat about everything. So it is definitely a pleasant energy to surround myself with. If the opportunity presented itself, I probably would go and hang out with him and his other friend. No real question about it. 15. " I now mainly get my fixes from listening to LBC (bloody just try it will you?)...non-stop fascinating, intelligent conversation on there!" I added it back into the bookmarks mix. I don't know, maybe one of these days I will check it out. My thing is, I have a hard time keeping up with my own political talk show hosts. I rarely catch much of their shows anymore, and I spend more time reading and liking/responding to their social media posts, anyway. US news outlets are gradually changing to become state-run media, so it is a pretty alarming time for someone like me who listens to progressive shows and used to turn on NPR regularly. The latest news is that Paramount is making a larger offer to try and purchase Warner Bros. If that offer were to go through, then CNN would likely become all-out Right-wing slop. NPR and PBS have already been hit hard and were an early target of the current administration. 16. "I feel intellectually starved here in (S)pain, to tell the truth." Did you feel intellectually contented before Spain? 17. "I could NEVER be a Narc. I HHHHHATE feeling superior! Feels like I've got no Back-Up. Know what I mean?" I think I have a bit of a God complex and a bit of a superiority thing at times. But I don't think it's quite the same as narcissistic tendencies. ...Okay, actually reading the definition of God complex is not doing me much justice, here. Sometimes I think I view the world as this ongoing story or video game in a way, and I'm the character who I'm in control of/following in it. I guess the main difference between me and a lot of narcs is, I usually care and try to have empathy and be considerate of others. I realize that those other people aren't just non-player characters or computer-controller characters, and they all exist just as much as I do. And I care enough to try not to harm them or be a dick to them. I'm not sure what you mean by the back-up thing. You mean, because you have no peers if you set yourself above everyone else? For the most part I want to be real about it, and I do feel that I have a self-centered perspective at times. 18. "You do know that Aspies are known to have problems in communication, initially? Some are over-tight-lipped, barely feedbacking to others at all (which leaves them to have to assume a lot) (misassume, usually), while others are "thought-blurt" in a way that NTs tend not to do ('TOO open and honest')." If I am neurodiverse, then I would say I bounce between the two quite a bit. Guarded, but at the same time I've got to be me. 19. "So it COULD be that the guy is crap at remembering his own birthdate." I still don't have a great explanation for what that was all about. But I guess I buy the story that he actually forgot his birth year. He seemed a little embarrassed about it, and I guess I didn't want to make him uncomfortable by pressing the issue, so I just kind of let it go an accepted it. 20. "There's another possibility there, as well. Maybe he was only 'backwards' that night? Remember, this was over a live game. What if, merely, he'd been as high-as-a-kite on Weed/other? Or would you recognise that? Did he sound like he was drawling? Laughing at things that 'weren't funny' or even apropos of nothing and timed badly?" I can't actually remember how long ago it was now when he had this revelation. It was either somewhere late in the 2010's, or else since 2020. But it's been... At least before late 2024, I think. He sometimes does get high on pot while we're talking, but I don't think that's happened for a while now. I don't think he partakes quite as often as he used to, but he still does from time to time. It is hard to tell where his positive good vibes end and the influence of other things may begin. Of course I'm hardly one to talk, since half of the time anymore I'm drinking while we're talking. He does sometimes comment on or laugh at things that aren't as noteworthy or as funny to other people. But that may just be what he finds funny, lol. Sometimes we both just get a kick out of pointing out the funny and clever screen names that other players have in games we're playing.

I just feel like talking a little more today. I hope that's okay, I apologize in advance for bumping the thread. Well my girlfriend and I are celebrating another year together, I guess we've been together for 3 years now. I wanted us to plan a trip somewhere and stay there for one night, and my initial thinking was: A) It would be good to get out of the area (where we live) for a bit, B) We would stay at one of the hotels owned by the hotel chain we're both fond of, and C) We would maybe visit this one restaurant I like and that she's never been to, and I haven't visited in quite a few years now. Unfortunately we aren't checking any of those marks, so I'm slightly disappointed. We booked a hotel from a different chain that's right in our city, and we'll basically be left with the places around here to visit. I'm ultimately still happy we'll have those two days to celebrate our relationship, and that we are going somewhere besides our house. We'll be able to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, also, since that is right around the corner. I also don't hate the hotel chain we selected, so it could be worse because there is another big chain that I am sort of refusing to stay at nowadays. We also will have a hot tub in our room, I guess! So that part sounds pretty great. I guess after we leave the hotel, we might be able to go out of town a little for the day, and maybe head someplace different. Our county is holding a special election soon, since another state representative stepped down from office. I filled out my ballot and I'm mailing it in today. I feel conflicted about it. The guy is running as a Democrat, but he was raised Conservative and made sure to say he's not fond of the Democratic Party, and I guess is only running because he sees what a sh*t job the Republicans are currently doing. That doesn't exactly inspire confidence, and Idk why we can't just have a Democratic candidate that actually WANTS to be a Democrat. We're so terribly cooked right now. But anyway, I'll try to have hope that the guy is a decent pick. It's pretty much either him or the Republican candidate. Recently our washer started acting up, after like a year and a half of owning it. My parents got it for me, and I appreciated having it, but apparently companies are making appliances really cheaply nowadays. My parents have been willing to help out and get us a new washer, but I'd been trying to avoid that the last few weeks. I tried to reprogram the washer, and for a few days it seemed like it might have been working better, but the issue still remains. The funny thing is, it seems to wash clothes alright enough still, but something is broken in it that causes it to keep running after the load is done. Like you'll have the lid open and it will constantly be draining. So I guess my parents ordered us another one. Mostly I feel like I'll never be able to afford anything and be independent. And I shouldn't feel that way, because my girlfriend and I both work full-time jobs. But we're really not making it, and I am struggling to understand why that is. I sometimes wish we lived somewhere cheaper, that would probably help out, but then most places usually don't allow pets, and a lot of the cheaper places here are deeper in the city around those crazies. I don't especially want to buy a home, because I don't want to be stuck in one place the rest of my life - certainly not a place I'm not totally in love with. I also, more than anything, really don't want to feel constantly indebted to my parents anymore. They are MAGA and always choose the words of one man over literally everyone else, and I feel like I keep proving them right that Democrats are lazy and worthless and incapable every goddamned year. I don't want their money, and I'd much rather have them have their senses about them. I really just wish I could go back a decade and have a complete do-over. I certainly wouldn't vote for the orange bastard again back in 2016, for starters. Anyway, not trying to get angry about things, I actually intended to approach this with more relaxed discussion. Focusing on the positives, I'll have a stay with my gf at a hotel with a hot tub soon, I'm voting (while I still have that ability) and I'm getting a new washer. So those are all good things.

Just bumping you up!...

At the risk of talking too much, I feel the need to write about things some more this morning. This past week hasn't been a favorite of mine. Not worst week ever, just not good. Actually, the beginning of this week might have started off a little better than it's been trending. Some event things didn't go according to plan early on, but it turned into me getting a bunch of work done early in the week. I'm not sure what's to blame, but my usually-annoying coworker has been more bothersome as of late, two of my other coworkers got into a slightly heated debate over politics yesterday, and we had some people stay about 2 hours later than they usually do last evening. There was also the other day, when I thought I heard an instructor gossiping about me to another instructor. And also yesterday, the awareness hit me that I'm rarely in the loop about things, and I rarely get told things that would be useful to know by the people I'm working around. Granted, I do keep to myself and don't go out of my way to engage with people usually, but one would think my work would be appreciated enough that they would clue me in. I don't feel like they do appreciate me. It kind of raised more questions about whether I should even stick around here. After all, it seems like they mostly only care about the people who've been around for a long time. (Then again, I don't even think I have a single work reference worth really using again in the future for applying at another job. My old friend/boss and I haven't been speaking as much lately, and my other former boss hasn't reached back out in any way since I last sent a text one year ago.) I suppose things have been building up throughout the week, and probably stretching back a week or two even, since that was when I was going to try speaking with my boss. But sometimes I feel like my boss is also a part of the problem since I haven't seen him address a lot of issues he's aware of. He's more willing to leave things well enough alone as long as the immediate situation is stable. Outside of work, there's been a general malaise I've been experiencing about feeling stuck here, in this state. I know my old city wasn't perfect, and I went through some really sad and disappointing times there, too. I also know I could go just about anywhere and feel like I was welcome, and like it was okay to be myself and live my life. I didn't feel like I was constantly in someone's crosshairs, and being put down incessantly. And I don't know whether that has changed now, but at least that's how it used to be there. Whatever I've been experiencing since 2020 sucks. People are just angry everywhere, constantly pointing the finger and talking about you behind your back. Nobody seems genuine anymore. And I'm worried because I couldn't escape this when I moved 2200 miles away before. So this is either just completely uncontained and widespread, or else it is highly impacted by how red or blue particular states are. To me that's the only way I can make sense of it. I don't have enough information to go off of, but it seems like purple states aren't typically as good as strongly blue states. In my experience. So I saw where Spain stood up to the US on the Iran War a bit the other day, Soulmate. I did want to applaud that. I'm not in the know when it comes to Spain and its politics, and I don't know what to believe anymore. A quick Google search showed me conflicting opinion pieces on Spain and its leadership. But it was nice to hear that there may be opposition to what's going on here somewhere in Europe. Here we are a week into March, and I started off with good vibes towards it but now I don't even know how I feel about it already. I'm aware that every week is going to lead to more lousy headlines, but there's just too much going on to really feel any sense of lasting ease. I feel like I am long overdue for a good 2-day trip somewhere, at least. Somewhere outside of the middle of Pennsylvania. I'm like this battery that gets drained over time, and occasionally going somewhere with a different energy can help to recharge me. How about you, Souls? Do you get bogged down by your surroundings now and then? I think we could all stand a holiday right about now...

Quick follow-up. Today was actually an alright day. Probably the best day of this work week. I'm happy things concluded on a good note. I have some things to do later in the weekend, but I'll try to check back here tomorrow in case there are any new posts on Peoples' Problems.

Another quick post. I have a few minutes until I need to be doing something else. Well it recently occurred to me that it's been over 10 years since I moved out of my ex's place, and into my old studio apartment. That kind of kick-started some of my better and more independent years in my old city. There have been a lot of times recently where I've said to myself, "I wish I could go back 10 years...", and maybe that's the point I would have chosen to go back to. 2016 is a year I could have stood to have a do-over on. The other day I randomly decided to look up this sports bar I used to like to go to now and then. It had a single location, and my only gripe was that it was just about directly across the street from where my ex lived. But I loved that place, and went there quite a few times over the years. ...Anyway, I was sort of surprised to learn that it closed down in early 2024, after about 10 years in business. It was kind of saddening, because that was one of those places I thought I might like to revisit one day on a potential trip back up that way. I may have even read about it closing down before but simply just forgot, I don't know. Anyway, its owners own a few other really successful restaurants in the area, with multiple locations, but none of them have the same unique menu items that place did. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So that post by Matt95 the other day, it sort of reminded me of my one friendship, with the guy back in my old city. He was the one friend from there who's stayed in touch, or at least made an effort to since 2020. I could really identify with Matt95's friend, and Matt95's perspective reminded me a lot of that friend. I guess if I'm being honest with myself, I feel like that friendship is sort of ending. I mean, I could be wrong, since from his perspective you can be friends with someone and only pop in to say hi every couple of months when you feel like it. But at least from my perspective the guy has always been extremely self-centered, and it gets exhausting maintaining a friendship with someone like that who gives you "crumbs." It almost seems at times like he only does reach out sometimes to instill a sense of hope for our friendship and keep me invested in being his friend. Otherwise, I probably would have noped out a while ago and stopped being the one to regularly initiate any sort of conversation. Actually, in 2021 or so, there was this period of time where I did almost quietly let our friendship drift away, but then he texted me one time and was unusually really revealing and admitted that his then-relationship ending had really hurt him. This was the relationship he's begun with our one newer coworker back in 2018 or so. When I left my old city, it seemed like him and a lot of the other people I knew were just sort of pairing off and had less time to devote to hanging out, but he did still try to make an effort, and I did appreciate that. I think the reality is that it's been so many years now since I lived there, and I'm so far out of the loop now, that he's kind of accepted it and is putting less effort into staying in contact. But really, since late Summer 2024, he has been different. That was when his (latest) ex died. And I guess I tried the best I could to be understanding of his situation, but I have no idea whether that is a key thing that has impacted the changes in him ever since. I was completely taken aback by his perspective on the 2024 election and his opinion that both sides were just as bad. It didn't really align with who I was under the impression he was as a person. And maybe that showed just how much I've changed since 2020, or maybe it took me that long to start to realize he does have some Right-leaning traits I never really noticed, or overlooked. We had been playing this one game together pretty regularly since mid-2022, at his suggestion. And we had a lot of good times doing that, it's been the primary way we've stayed in contact since then. I've even gotten to know his son and some of his other family members better through that game. But pretty much since last December or so, I've noticed it's like... He's avoiding me on there. He will log off when he sees I'm on, or will tell his son they have enough time to play one more round and to finish up before they both bolt. It's been a little odd. We got to play a time or two since then, but for the most part it really hasn't been like it used to be. And I don't know if I should take that somewhat personally or not, I mean maybe he has other stuff going on. But I think we're just kind of starting to go our own separate ways. I have been thinking about ending playing that game we've been playing all this time anyway, for other reasons. I don't even want to own the gaming console I play it on anymore, I just keep it because that's the only way I can play the game. Anyway, just wanted to talk a little about that. I gotta get going...

I know I'm six posts in already, and it's been almost a month since you got to read through and respond to my posts, Soulmate, but I'll post here yet again. If anyone else happens by and has any feedback on anything I've added since Feb 24th, feel free to. I definitely don't expect most people to want to read through all of these entries, though. Largely surprised there wasn't much activity on here over this past weekend. The one, lone new entry yesterday (Monday) seems like it was posted on accident or else is from a user who is very unfamiliar with how this forum works. So I guess my current mindset is that I'm just disappointed by my surroundings, and I miss some of those impromptu sorts of trips I used to take. Sure, going somewhere you don't go to often in your city can be a nice change of pace, but it rarely is a replacement for taking a longer drive to a place you like going, or driving to somewhere entirely new. I also kind of miss the days when I could do something like that without having to consult anyone else. It's been almost 1 year since we took a 2-day trip somewhere out of the way, and it's been about 3 years since I really got to go anywhere out of the state. It's been a long time since I've felt like I have any real sense of security or privacy. On the relationship front, I guess things are okay. Maybe, after spending so much time together with her now, I'm just kind of feeling like... Well, that's it. That's the person I'm with and who I'm going to continue to be with, for the foreseeable future. And I love her, and I appreciate her, and I'm just happy not to be alone here. But I'm still sad about it, because I guess I always imagined myself meeting someone who feels like a better fit for me. But I accept that I am getting too old, and I am too different to just be able to date and meet other people like a normal man. I certainly don't know what the future holds, but I realize I'm not perfect and that I'm not even as good or as promising at anything as a person as I was even in 2020. This is my life now, and there's parts I like and dislike about it, but this is what it is now. I'm at least recognizing many ways I've improved a lot since 2020. I think my musical tastes are becoming much better, and I'm finding out more and more who I am "musically", at least. It's hard not to look back on the puzzle with many of its pieces missing for me several years ago, and kind of cringe because I didn't know enough about music. But I'm happier I'm understanding the things I appreciate about music more now, and I'm finding the artists and the messages and the sounds that resonate for me, and how they're all connected, and where this or that feature originated from. I think definitely my awareness and "wokeness", and political understanding of the world is much better since 2020. I still think a lot of things go way over my head, and I really rely on other people with a better understanding of that kind of stuff to break it down for me and help me get a better grasp of it. But I surely was not looking at the world with the right perspective or an informed view of anything prior to my return home. But of course there's a lot I miss from before 2020. Namely friendships, the sense of confidence and independence I was reaching in my life, and the overall optimism I still had that there was plenty of time left in my life and that I could still be somebody. Who was to say I couldn't get some of those nice things I wanted for myself in my life back then? But with the passage of time, and the bleak reality that's been setting in, a lot of that seems lost to the ether nowadays. I also used to have places I could go, and take long drives or go for long walks, and was surrounded by a more welcoming and accepting society, it seemed. That helped a lot with my mental health, which has suffered horrendously since 2020. And the quest continues to find a place, and a job and coworkers I love as much as I did back there. My girlfriend keeps pushing the issue of me needing to take anxiety medication, or to talk to a therapist again. And she doesn't understand my complete hesitance to take any sort of pills or to communicate any of my thoughts to a professional right now. She sees everything that is going on in the country around us, but the thought doesn't occur to her that any medications could flag me, and anything I disclose to a therapist could be ordered to be shared with groups outside of the therapist's office. I'm aware that even without either of these things, an unsavory police state could still find other ways to make me dead to rights. But I don't want to give them more ammunition or more reasons to work with to find reason to arrest or harm me. There's also the matter that I don't think pills necessarily help, or that the problem is even me and that my own mind is the reason why I need to be on some medication and not unreasonable outside forces. I've been on anxiety meds and other such pills before, and I honestly don't feel like they made much difference. They just cost money, used my insurance, and were one more thing to keep on my mind every day. My family asserted many times how they thought I was "so much better" while I was on one pill, but I did not feel any different, and honestly, it really irritated the shit out of me that they continually insinuated it made things so much better when it didn't make any difference. Maybe it gave them some kind of peace of mind, but for me - the one who they said needed the pills - I felt no different. On top of that some of the pills I've taken may have started giving me weird side-effects, like one gave me a weird facial tick thing that I don't know where it came from, but that sensation went away when I stopped taking it. I also have to watch taking acetaminophen, aspirin, ibuprofen, and alcohol (which I love) whenever I am on certain meds. Which, I don't take pain pills very often, but it's so nice not having to worry about other things yet whenever I do need to take them. It's really annoying when I want to have a few drinks, something that actually does generally put me in a chill mood and I look forward to every couple of days. With the country and the FDA being controlled by illogical maniacs, I am sure it's only a matter of time until going to the doctors gives you wild recommendations that have no root in science. It's just another reason why I am even more hesitant than ever to even go see a doctor, since who knows whether their advice is meant to help or hurt, or where their information is coming from. Okay, well I've talked a lot here, and I kind of need a break to think about other stuff for a little. Anyway, that's some of the things on my mind for today. ...I hope people visit the forum as the week goes on.

Just making a quick post, spending about 15 minutes on this one. I suppose work has been a little challenging for me lately, trying to get down a new routine and learn a new area. I had helped out in that part before, but I'd never done the full process there until recently. So the thing is, everyone has always treated this area as one of the easier ones, and I even thought that based on my experiences so far in that section. But once you're actually there, you realize there's surprisingly more work to keep up on. There are even a couple of rooms that you would easily overlook over the main ones because we hardly go in there, but upkeeping them is part of this section's duties. I'm also trying to do everything on my own to get an idea of how much time and energy to put into each area, and to kind of calibrate myself for the area. While I appreciated my one coworker helping me yesterday towards the end, I really didn't want them to work on my section, (I'm very particular) and I want to make sure I'm giving myself enough time to accomplish everything. I guess I was also a little irritated because I was almost done, and would have had my own stuff pretty much all done, and then he stepped in and took that small victory away from me. ...Functionally, I'm at a place where I accept that my one friendship is probably over. The one I mentioned before. I get that he may be busy with work, or his kids, "adopted" or otherwise. Maybe he's even found himself a new relationship or something. It's slightly strange because he usually still found time to stay in touch even when he had girlfriends before, so I honestly don't know what to make of it. I actually spoke about it a little with my family and they pointed out that it's been quite a while now since I lived in my old city. Maybe everyone has a point at which enough time has passed that people aren't relevant to them anymore. The thing is, I'm not really going to take the initiative anymore. I got sick of doing that with him and other people. And honestly, I'd like to find more meaningful friendships in my life, with people who are more relatable and who want a better world. I do really appreciate that my other friend has come through staying in touch the past several months. I think that has given me more hope for other people.

For some reason I keep comparing 2026 to ten years ago, in 2016. This is something I've been doing with every year since 2020, holding it up to the corresponding year from the 2010's. I can't help finding parallels, though I'm probably just looking for them as I go. I guess the main constant is that both years are (or seem to be) jarring for me. And both years have a lot at stake with elections - 2016 with the Presidential election that year, and 2026 with important mid-terms that may very well decide the future of the USA and the world. I guess 2016 still was a bigger leap from 2015 than 2026 has been from 2025, though the year is still young. Sometime in January 2016, I found a studio apartment by myself after an argument with my ex and her mother. Her mother sort of gave me a time-frame and said I needed to be out by then, and I got out way ahead of that. I guess I realized that my situation with my ex had become toxic, and that I needed to remove myself from those surroundings. ...I guess I still thought for a little while, based off of conversations directly with my ex, that we would remain friends and stay in touch, even though we had broken up. I was under that impression when I moved out. So it was unexpected to find that she cut off all contact after I moved. This was my first real break-up, so I didn't know this is how it usually goes for people. At the same time, my ex and I weren't faithful to each other towards the end of our relationship, in late 2015. She started seeing a professor from the school we were attending, and I started seeing a younger girl from work. I don't exactly know all of the details with the professor situation, but I guess it went on a lot longer than my thing with the girl from work did. I can still remember that almost humorous night at work when I noticed him finishing up shopping there, and he was carrying bags out through the front-end of the store. He was like holding the bags up so I wouldn't see his face, lol. But that also ended after some point, I guess. While I was dating the younger girl from work, I had actually been hoping this other woman from my department would have taken an interest in me instead. I guess it got awkward for me when the girl I was seeing kept trying to insert herself into conversations and things when I was around the other lady, and I shut her down a bunch of times, which led to her distancing herself from me. She did have a boyfriend of her own who she was breaking up with, though how far they were into their breakup was kind of up in the air for me. There were a bunch of times her and some other people from work got together and hung out at a business right down the street from me and my ex, and when I was willing to hang out she went radio-silent. I later learned that's because her boyfriend was probably along with the group. There was a whole big thing where she had some people from work go down with her to his place a few hours away and get her things, since she stayed at his place sometimes. We had still been talking pretty late into 2015, and even had intercourse unexpectedly one day (when I was still living with my ex) but then she pulled away suddenly. My ex and I had this brief period before I moved out where we were sleeping together again for a little while, and I guess that was brought on because the girl from work just kind of stopped wanting to hang out. I guess I thought that if I finally had my own place to live, like the girl and I had talked about before, that it would mean we would get to spend more time together. But she never really bothered me once I got my apartment, so that was weird. What was even weirder was, unbeknownst to me for many years, she attended the school literally right next door to my apartment. It could have been a really ideal situation for having a new girlfriend in my new place, but instead it seemed more like she was this creepy girl keeping tabs on me, or something. I guess I can't fault her too much because she was 21 when I knew her, and I was like 27. Granted, she had been with a lot more people by 21 than I had, like 9, (I hadn't even slept with my ex until I was 22) and she turned out to be extremely immature. I just keep thinking of that period of time, in the early months of 2016, as a weird flip-flop since I now had my own place and was single, but the girl I was talking to had maybe only been interested when I was already with my ex and there was drama. Those early months in 2016 were sometimes depressing. I think music was a big comfort I turned to a lot, then. But if anything, 2016 wasn't a continuation of the early 2010's - it was an entirely new chapter. And I'm happy it was, I needed that. 2016 never led to a fulfilling relationship of any kind, but it did lead me to become much more independent. Just some thoughts I wanted to share today, I guess.

Today was one of the lousiest days for me yet. It was almost like a box of chocolates of crappy occurrences. It had it all. Waking up to my ex complaining I do nothing, about something I usually do most days, while maintenance was outside to hear the complaining and probably assume it was true. Leaving the house early, even though I needed more sleep, because the maintenance people kept randomly coming back to the house to do stuff and then leave, and I felt like I had no privacy really. Getting into a shouting argument with my mother over the phone on the way to work. Hitting a curb after said argument (fortunately there was no tire damage, it seems.) Getting chastised by my coworker for really dumb shit, I guess because they were in a mood or something. (I turn lights off when I leave rooms that aren't being used.) Having everyone just being more douche-y and rude than usual throughout the day. I thought that using some personal time to leave work early and go to a restaurant with my girlfriend would remedy things, but instead I started getting pissed off at an obnoxious person in the kitchen and a customer. Out of nowhere, the friend I've been giving up on texted me and wanted to talk about 2/3rds of the way into the day. I don't know if maybe my other friend bumped into him and said something and if maybe that's what kick-started it. I just don't know. I put it out there that I think the two of us don't really have much in common anymore, but then he came back with reassurance that he likes talking to me. Later in the evening, while at the restaurant, I did text with him some more because it was a rough day on me and I did kind of need it. The thing is, actions usually speak louder than words, and I think this will just lead to more false hopes from me that this friendship isn't dead, while I'm left to navigate difficult feelings over the present. The night ended with my girlfriend once again in a bad mood because I wanted to text my friend, feeling ignored by me even though we were talking at the restaurant and stuff. I guess things softened up a little since I went to bed. ...But obviously I'm still bothered enough that I can't stay asleep. I think the thing is, I just don't want to live here where we are anymore. I don't like the people around here, and I don't like how they generally treat me or view me. I feel like any attempts from me to ignore them are just met with more of the same, and any attempts from me to stand up for myself or confront them is just met with more issues. There will continue to be more issues and more problems, and I don't think we'll ever get on well because we're fundamentally different kinds of people. Do I wish this random conversation with my friend from my old city would spur a new option for somehow leaving and going back to my old city? Most definitely. Although at this particular juncture, I don't think it will. I'm honestly not in a great mood still, and I'm already not looking forward to today. And that's not for any particular reason whatsoever. I think I'm just disappointed with everything right now. Yeah, it was really just a shit day all-around, yesterday.

So I might distance myself from Peoples' Problems for a bit. I'm not sure just yet. I've been having a lot of issues lately. I don't feel as though I've been making much progress with them. Everything is just sort of imploding. I think the simplest answer is I need to find a way to move back to my old city. I don't think I can make things work in my life long-term, being here. I can't take the constant judgment and criticism from others, and it's too hard to live a normal life. I also feel like I just get scolded here on this forum, no matter what I do. Like I come here and try to give advice, and I'm also trying to work on my own stuff. I think I have done a lot to try to respond to people here. But every couple of months here I get, "Explain yourself!", usually over something that I find trivial. And honestly I don't think most people would put up with that, and apologize, and keep coming back here. Anyway, for now I guess consider me on a hiatus here.

Yeah I think I might join you Bal. The place is the pits with advertisements popping up daily & continuously absent administration etc. You've done well bloke but don't let the bastards drag you down. It does seem though that having an opinion on certain subjects here is downright dangerous & one does end up being clobbered because of it. Never mind, be well & stay well bloke.