Gets annoyed

I don’t know why my hubby needs so much data on his private phone. He has 13 mb and pays £11 a month. He said he uses it when he is doing his game which is a crossword one and downloading stuff to listen to in the car. I’ve said to get it reduced because it’s s lot of money a month and it would be saving money but he gets all defensive and says he just wants something for himself. Ive been thinking if he uses it to watch porn. he has done in the past so often but he knows I hate him doing it, what it does to my little self confidence I have but still he never stopped. I mentioned about reducing it to save money and looking at ways to save it. He has had no money sometimes and asked me to lend him some until pay day but when I mention to reduce what he’s paying for his data he gets annoyed. He tells me what hour is saving £3 here or £4 there a month going to do but of course when he’s skint that little £3 or £4 he could be saving each month. He thinks he knows best but I know he’s just a prick

This is Grins. I forgot to add that he works full time and we have wi fi at home so he can use his phone at home to down load stuff without using his data. He is a driver out on the road four days a week in his own car. He stops for his lunch for at least 40 minutes and even longer upto a hour. I wonder what he is looking at on his private phone on his lunch break. He does emails for work he says. He does this on his works phone. Can I find out in anyway without him knowing what he is doing on his phone.

Hey GRINS, It sounds like this situation has been eating at you for a while, and I get the feeling it’s not really about the phone or the data plan but about feeling unwanted or unsure of where you stand with him. When that doubt creeps in, every little thing starts to feel suspicious, and that’s such a hard place to be in. But please don’t try to check his phone or monitor what he’s doing. Even if you found something, it wouldn’t make things better, it would just make you feel worse and tear down even more trust. What might actually help is sitting down with him and being completely honest about what’s behind your worries. Tell him it’s not about blaming him, it’s about how disconnected you’ve been feeling and how much that hurts. If you haven’t already, try asking him why he used to watch porn, or if he still does, why he does it. That way, you might understand his side a bit better. And I assume you mean 13 GB, that’s a pretty normal amount of data for a regular plan. If, as you said, he plays online games, checks his emails, listens to music and downloads stuff while on the road, I don’t really see anything excessive about that. It could be that he just doesn’t understand how serious this feels from your side. Some people don’t realize how deeply things like that affect their partner’s confidence. And as for the porn, I know it stings, but watching it doesn’t automatically mean he doesn’t desire you or that something’s wrong with your relationship. It’s usually more about fantasy or habit, not about wanting those women in real life. What really matters is whether he listens when you tell him how this makes you feel. If he can do that and try to meet you halfway, there’s a chance to rebuild trust. If he can’t, that’s the real issue.

Hi Grins! Agree with our CN. However, if you've ALREADY tried to have these talks and got nowhere, I'd respond thus... "I’ve said to get it reduced because it’s s lot of money a month and it would be saving money but he gets all defensive and says he just wants something for himself." Awwwwww....Doesth da wickle babyyyy? Doesth he dust wanth thomething for himsthelf? WELL, HE CAN'T - SO THERE! Because - hasn't he heard? - 'Beggars can't be choosers'! Refuse to lend him money. Why should you facilitate his doing something that impacts on you as abuse by depriving you of the relationship basic of a sense of safety and security in the relationship? 'NO, Little Tommy Tucker, I will NOT lend you the money with which to mistreat me - sozziez, awwww, find another sucker to fund your fix - OR PROVE I'M *NOT* A SUCKER BY EASY-PEASY-SHOWING ME THIS CROSSWORD AND DOWNLOADING HISTORY!....SIMPLES!' Could you just calmly and very firmly state this purely logical, reasonable demand (like any modern, sassy woman) or would he create a humdinger of an argument (or flounce and/or cold-shoulder you)? What would happen?