Things that make you go hmmm

My ex who I suspect is a dismissive avoidant and I were together 3 years. He lived with me for over a year, engaged for 2 years. He left 2 months ago. He has a LARGE contractors bag full of clothing. 4 lLARGE kitchen bags full of clothes. 7 pairs of shoes, other personal items not from me and mail that he gets here. It’s not just a few things, it is A LOT. I have packed them into another room. I went into no contact with him. He has not contacted me either. He’s still friends on facebook with some of my family and friends which he really doesn’t know much at all or even talk to. When he left me he made a point of telling me he wasn’t going to date anyone because of his grief. I didn’t ask him this, he volunteered it I don’t have a lot of friends out here and don’t want to sit around and do nothing. Every app that I came across to make connections (as friends because that’s all I want) cost money. Money I don’t have to spend in that. So I went onto Facebook dating because it’s free. Made a profile stating I did not want a relationship, hook ups or anything like that and I was looking for friendship ONLY. That didn’t work out too well lol. My co worker told me about bumble because they had a specific option for friends and my coworker said her friend met a lot of people that way. I tried it but it. Glitchy. Then I came across an ad on Facebook called meet my age. I checked it out and they too had an option for friend only. So I made a profile. This was about 2 weeks after he left me. Engaged for two years, lived together about a year to year and a half. So on this meet my age I’m on there for friendship. I’m not in a place to date. I was just engaged. Needless to say, I get matched with….HIM and his profile says he’s looking to date. I doubt he knows I saw the profile. I have unfriended him on Facebook and other social media. So this is the joy in my life.

Hey Notyours, Pff, screw him. You know what I’d do? I’d just message Mr. Grief-a-lot on that dating app and tell him to come pick up his stuff. Can I ask why you guys broke up? Do you know where he’s staying now? If he doesn’t respond, maybe you could drop the things off at his new place? I mean, I get that helping him get his crap back is the last thing you’d want to do in a situation like this, but at least that way you’d have a clean break and wouldn’t be reminded of him every time you walk into or past that room. Maybe he even did you a favor, imagine wasting more years with him, only to find out later, after marriage, that he’d had that dating profile all along and was cheating on you.

We broke up because he said he couldn’t match my energy. Then gave me the whole story about how he was not going to date anyone and just my luck come to find he was on a dating website less than two weeks after leaving a three year relationship where he was engaged for two of them. That was a nice sucker punch. I do know where he is now. Living back with his mom, I believe. I could just take it to goodwill hahaha. I mean it’s been 2 months and like I said it’s A LOT of stuff. What’s even more stupid is that he is still friends with my brother, cousin, some of my friends he barely ever talked to and even my late husband’s mother. The whole thing is strange. I did have to laugh Mr. Grief a lot. Can I ask how you came up with that one, I like it

Oh and told me as he looked me in the eye how he was going to miss me and how his leaving was going to hurt him too. Yah for about two seconds since he jumped right on that dating app.

I've read all of the above and I agree entirely with CN. Narc Alert - Narc Alert!! (We get a lot of victim-survivors, i.e. ex-Primary-Supply (google), here.) 1. They can't be alone (as in, without a partner (emotiomal slave)) for 5 minutes (because their slaves are their emotional dumping grounds/punching-bags/toilets in which to puke their toxins, which is for the purposes of purging, thereby not needing to (whoops-)puke when out, in front of their "public", "fans" and potential fans/replacement slaves). 2. They're usually seeing someone when they meet you and present themselves as single. They're rarely single. How MANY 'other irons in the fire' the have or have set-up, ready to go at the drop of a hat (when they flounce or go AWOL at the slightest provocation (your resistance to their bullying/controlling), all depends on which type and severity they are. 3. They do what only Narcs (or copycats who take this shameful behaviour as normal/acceptable) do: Flaunt their "new love/real soulmate" (whom they've grabbed from the secret wings) on Fakebook et al. NO NORMAL PERSON, MAN OR WOMAN, DOES THAT. It's one of the most telling Narc moves. Decent people, even IF they had the unbelievable luck to have genuinely bumped into the love of their life only 2 piddly 'seconds' (when, WHO FEELS ROMANTIC WHEN HEARTBROKEN?!) (precisely - their heart was never in it) would be TOO EMBARRASSED to advertise the fact, and rather, would keep the new relationship COMPLETELY under-wraps for as acceptably long as possible! For this reason, I suspect Narc-Sociopath - because Sociopaths have No Shame (which behavioural hallmark box the above ticks). 4. It's to make you jealous and even more heartbroken whereby taking back a nasty git seems preferable to the severe agony you're in at the time (better the Devil you know). (If you do take them back, they know they can commit and get away with ANY crime against you, meaning, each time the abuse and manipulation gets WORSE...until you no longer possess the oomph needed to make the break (...until, with any luck, they go "too far enough" that they manage to shock you out of your stupor). 5. They're stunted, horrid, hugely resentful kids in grown-up suits - 4 on a bad day/when having a giant toddler tantrum, 12 or so on an okay day (the good days soon whittle down to nothing). ...I could go on. Narcs (and, admittedly, thoughtless, clueless sheep with crap role modelling) reveal themselves (to anyone NOT under their charm-spell) when they do that. ______________________________________ Here you go (AI overview): https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&sca_esv=a19118979b6bc41d&sxsrf=AE3TifNStSsrUobTGqL8YKitwbS8dHYlwg:1762668351346&q=Narcissist+flaunting+new+love+on+facebook+quotes&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjSjsGns-SQAxXSfKQEHVBVM-8Q1QJ6BAhUEAE&biw=1525&bih=687&dpr=0.9 "Quotes about a narcissist flaunting a new love on social media often reflect that it's a performance for attention and ego, not genuine love. Common themes are that they haven't changed, they are trying to make the ex feel jealous or irrelevant, and the new relationship is a tool to feel powerful and in control. The quotes express that the rapid, over-the-top declarations of love on Facebook are a tactic to validate themselves and hurt the former partner. Quotes and themes It's a performance, not genuine happiness: "Let them perform. Let them post. Let your mutual friends carry their scripted messages." They are trying to make you jealous: "This is still the same miserable, abusive person that was telling you that they loved you like a month ago. It is to: delude themselves. make you jealous. get a reaction out of you." The new relationship is a trophy: "For narcissists, showing off a new partner is an achievement and a way to show everyone they were never a problem in past relationships, or else they wouldn't have found a new partner." They need to win and show you that you lost: "It makes them feel powerful because they need to feel like they're winning the breakup. And two, it publicly humiliates you." Their love was never real: "You're the only one who truly understands me." "You're perfect; I can't imagine my life without you." “I'll change for you.” These can be love-bombing phrases repeated with a new partner. They haven't changed, they've just found a new audience: "Don't let the highlight reel fool you—it's all part of the manipulation to make you question yourself. Remember: they haven't changed, they've just found someone who hasn't seen behind the mask yet." Their happiness depends on your reaction: "What kind of person needs to be seen being happy in order to feel happy?" It is a way to control you from a distance: "They don't want peace. They want emotional captivity. They want you locked in their orbit forever." You are free from their game: "Things are only getting better and brighter without him in my life." " ______________________________________ As to his stuff: That's him keeping a bridge open in-case he needs to come back to you (manipulate you into taking him back - google "Narcissistic Hoovering" - and do thre same for Narcissistic-Sociopathic Hoovering as these severe types switch all the time from Overt to Covert (and even do the two together - the above-table stuff being to stop you spotting the below-table shennanigans - and this flaunting comes under Covert AND Overt for the fact it makes YOU take all the action (ring to demand answers and end-up begging him to come back), which means he doesn't have to (when, to him, that way lies being the Underdog). Sociopaths are all about gaining and keeping power over people (as well as the narcissistic ego-scoring). (Did he move into YOUR place and/or sponge off you and/or outright financially use/trick/exploit you (including, not contributing/carrying his weight enough or at all? And was he ever verbally or physically threatening or aggressive? At 2 years, I imagine he began leaking his "What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine" attitude, e.g., borrowing your things and not giving them back...helping himself without asking...borrowing your car a lot?) So anyway, back to his stuff: What you do is email him to tell him he's had sufficient time to organise to collect his stuff, ergo, you're now giving him 2 weeks to respond and arrange a mutually convenient time (as you're not his free-of-charge storage unit). Meanwhile organise a friend to be with you on the day, AND inform him you'll put it outside your front door for (cough!) his speed and convenience. Keep it polite and businesslike. And refuse to get drawn in if he makes his email in any way emotional or triggering....ignore all inappropriate and off-topic words and sentiments. Or ask us (before you respond) if you need help. PS: Best you go through all of his stuff to make sure none of yours is in there.

"What’s even more stupid is that he is still friends with my brother, cousin, some of my friends he barely ever talked to and even my late husband’s mother. The whole thing is strange." Whether, previously, they were actively "Friends" with him or not - now that he's your ex (and a nasty, vindictive one at that), it's inappropriate of your family not to Unfriend him. Assuming they already know what's happened(?), I would email each of them *separately* and ask them to do the decent thing. Don't be surprised if that sorts the wheat from the chaff for you. But Loyalty is linked to Empathy (which narcs of any severity lack or are devoid of) so they'll be doing you a favour by planting their flag in the wrong territory. Your aim after this should be to stay Narc-free forevermore (as much as poss).

Hi and thank you for replying. It makes sense what you said about his stuff. He hasn’t posted anything on social media about someone or anyone new. Not even hinted at it. I happened to come across his dating profile when I was on the looking for friends version of it. I don’t. Now how we got matched if I was looking for friends and he was looking to date. Either way he lied and it’s really bad. He was never verbally, mentally, emotionally or physically aggressive.

Oh, beg your pardon, NotYours! Where did I get that from??? Probably because it was 6am and I hadn't gone to bed yet. I do apologise. In that case, if it's all being done furtively, under-the-table, he's a Covert. Yes, it IS really bad. You've dodged a bullet. BUT...the fact he's made many more than one bridge (keeping FB contact open with your family) does indicate he intends to try to Hoover you if his attempts to find a "better" Primary Supply (-google) yield no fruit. So let's watch that space, i.e. keep this thread active (you can vent about the fauxlationship to CN and myself (and everyone), it'll do you, AND other victims still trapped with one, good). Meanwhile - what did he mean by, couldn't match your energy? Is that code for, you made him work too hard because you were too resistant to priming and gaslighting (meaning, there are far easier prey out there)? Bet he's looking for someone with her own place again. Tell him (not really) someone in the know, said: He should be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the superhuman, lightning rate he grieved at! That or a specimen jar. (:p) That'd kill two birds for him: a roof over his head and non-stop 'attention'. PS: two whole years before they show their a*se IS another sociopathic-narc trait, though, when combined with, moves in with the woman (rent-free, if they can wrangle it). A covert can keep you from 'firing' them for DECADES because they manage to JUST STAY WITHIN the Dealbreaker zone and dish-out the abuse in SEEMINGLY petty little drip-drip-drips... Death By A Thousand Papercuts is how Coverts are described. Anything going Ping? It just helps to know exactly what type he is so that you know how to keep him away forever and not dare to try to Hoover you.

Oh - forgot to add: Coverts are usually The Neglecters. They emotionally-psycgologically starve you whilst mainly only throwing crumbs to keep you hanging on.

This dude has lost his mind Update over the past week My ex fiance both in our 50’s and I are not friends on Facebook. I have started posting public stories on Facebook. Normally if you are not friends with someone you have to go to their page to even see if there is a story posted. My facebook page is set to professional mode which allow me to see anyone who views my stories. I have noticed that he has been viewing my stories every day for over a week. Views them but never reacts to them. Until today. I never get notifications that anyone reacts to my stories. Again today. I get a notification that my ex has viewed my story and reacted to it with 5 thumbs up. I found it odd because he never reacts to anything I post. So I don’t say anything and just let it be. An hour or so later I check my Facebook notifications and see the one that showed he viewed my story was gone. I found that odd, so I checked and sure enough, after all that. He blocks me. What the heck???

Heya! Not reading ahead...just read this one sentance and that was it... "This dude has lost his mind" (Ohhh, trust me - he never had it. Just acted a character (based on what he could tell you like and wanted in and from a partner - google "Covert Narcissist Boyfriend - Love-Bombing and Mirroring". They're BLOODY convincing actors; they've played the role COUNTLESS times, that's why. And because you Work Right so react and respond right, even though it's not genuine love from his end). "Update over the past week My ex fiance both in our 50’s and I are not friends on Facebook." Got it. "I have started posting public stories on Facebook. Normally if you are not friends with someone you have to go to their page to even see if there is a story posted." Yup, even I - Techie-Duh-Brain from What's-a-Mega-Byte-ville - know that, yup. "My facebook page is set to professional mode which allow me to see anyone who views my stories. " Got it. (And thank-you for going to the trouble to take me through this tunnel to Techieville. :) ...which normally makes me panic a little, but not this time...you could teach tech, that means!) "I have noticed that he has been viewing my stories every day for over a week." EVERY DAY. Noted. Aaand what's betting that he KNOWS you can see every viewing incident including WHO - right? (Dunno, let's read on...) "Views them but never reacts to them." That's RIGHT. Because he's trying to PROVOKE you. Provoke YOOOOOU into laying your ego on the line, provoke you into missing him....etc.. To get you back in your little cage. So that if (WHEN) you have to chuck him again NEXT time, you can't 'accuse' him of having persuaded you back FOR NOTHING! Because, technically (and that'll do him), HEEE...DIDN'T. It was you. He.can.not.be.held.responsible. To be at fault, to be culpable, is what they spend half their life avoiding (or denying). So he's trying to lure you. Secondly, as a 'bonus', trying to work out the precise reason WHY he's looking will drive you bonkers, he hopes. THAT WAY - IF YOU DON'T TAKE THE BAIT AND CONTACT HIM, HE'S ALREADY SET UP HIS REVENGE (for your slavey impudence!). Understand? Google "Narcissist - D.A.R.V.O. "Until today. I never get notifications that anyone reacts to my stories. Again today. I get a notification that my ex has viewed my story and reacted to it with 5 thumbs up." Oh, really? Now he's started giving you actual Thumbs-up? So he's getting desperate, then? And obviously has worked-out that later on, if need be, he can spout, that a Thumbs-up does NOT automatically mean an invitation to contact....so it was STILL you who caused the getting-back-together, not him. (Isn't he piece of work, eh?) "I found it odd because he never reacts to anything I post." Yeah, but now he's desperate. Google something like, 'What does a Narcissist Boyfriend consider the best Primary Supply?' "So I don’t say anything and just let it be." YUP. Even IF he was a normal bloke - WHAT A PATHETIC ATTEMPT THAT WOULD STILL BE, TO ASK YOU BACK. He's not even ASKING! He's just trying to poke your wound...to make you have to get back to him to make the pain STOP! (Yess...crazy.) Well done, in that case. He's following the Narc Playbook already. If you want to fool with him (in a way that'd be harmless to a normal bloke, but, exclusively, not to a Narc) (well, and maybe a nasty weasel of a primary school kid), let me know. (How old is he, anyway?) "An hour or so later I check my Facebook notifications and see the one that showed he viewed my story was gone." HAHAHA! "I found that odd, so I checked and sure enough, after all that. He blocks me. What the heck???" His ego couldn't take being 'precarious' like that, so he started to delete them ....got angry....and angrier...and angrier.....and then tantrumed all over his keyboard (and you). Or maybe even THAT is a ruse, and he just wants you to THINK he's gone - "Ahhhh, feck-it! Who needs her!" - intended to make you panic and hurry the bloody hell UP?! Stay still..... Let's keep watching that space.... But anyway - do you see his behaviour fit with my explanation now?

Oh wait - I missed that! He's FIFTY? Seriously? FIFTY? I was picturing him as late teens, early 20s at most! Well, there we go, then. ("Roll up, roll up, Ladies 'n Gentleman....Come see the Amazing Overgrown Toddler!......Half Grandaaad - half 3-year-oooold!.... Yoou won't belieeeeve your eyes, folks!...") Tell me more about this bozo?

(Moderator's Bump-Up)

What's happening, NY?

Here - this should help... ((me in double-brackets)) ______________________________________________ https://www.quora.com/Why-does-an-ex-narcissist-partner-watch-you-on-social-media-after-you-ve-moved-on "Awais Bilal Behavior Expert6y Originally Answered: Do narcissists watch you (on your social media, your house, etc.)? If they discarded you, why would they go through the trouble of doing all of that? Simple, they can't let go. They are sick to the core and want to make sure u aren't thriving and are struggling and suffering that gives them physocological relief that they are better off. And if they see u thriving and having a normal life and flourishing they die inside and want to do stuff which makes them look better. Even if it means to cross all lines to fix things with their new supply. And the stalking never ends, never. They are always finding ways to know more about everyone they slept with and had an encounter. Forget about Facebook, they'll have every social media platform and application and stalk all theor supplies on daily bases. For them it's way of life. There isn't any moral compass and the poor new supply gets the rage because you are thriving. You should always try your best to save every good thing of yours from the evil eyes of narcassist. Stay low profile. Especially when the narcassist chose to leave. When they leave they basically give you the challenge to show them you can be better of without them. And I have witnessed so many victims of narcassists having such a good life with loving partners and having kids and homes and having everythung where as the narcassists keeps in moving round and round in a downward spiral. Let them stalk and smile you are blessed with a life without a narcassist's in it. What can be better than that. But if you want to piss the narc off then show how well u are doing on social media then sit back and relax the narc will puke all the rage on the new supply lol. But that would be just too mcuh poor narcs little brain. They'll just snap and die inside furthermore. So let them stalk and do whatever. After all you got a life and have much better things to do than pissing a mentally ill person. They are really shallow people , like really." ______________________________________________ Yup - really. But it's not true that they'll stalk you forever (which tend to be the Malignant Narc, especially the Narc-Sociopath as you weren't just ego supply, you were his JOB...his LIVING...whom thereby has FAR more to lose than a 'regular' Narc by letting you go). There are ways (with styles fashioned to suit the type) to ensure they'd rather stick needles in their eyes than ever again come within 10 feet of you, actually. Plus there're the Police and Courts, obviously, albeit - again, you have to know their type so that involving the Law doesn't just 'provoke' them further. _________________________________________ https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-block-their-victims-on-all-social-media-Is-it-the-way-they-discard-you-or-are-they-are-mad-at-you-and-is-punishing-you "Michele Brody · Follow Lives in Long Island5y Originally Answered: After discarding me and finding a new supply, the narcissist blocked me on all social media. Why do they block you on everything? It’s to completely devalue you. It’s also a control tactic. They know you are suffering and want nothing more than closure and to speak to them. By completely blocking you, they are reaffirming the trauma bond ((keeping it alive/keeping the wound open)). This way when THEY are ready to have you back in their life, you will be receptive ((because you've learned that their fake good side can salve you and just want the pain to stop, even more than you want them back (you'll deal with that later)). If you take them back, nothing has changed, they are the same person, the abuse will get worse. ((Ohhh, yes.)) You need to enact no contact now! Don’t stand for that kind of treatment of yourself, you deserve so much better! If you go back to them after this, you are letting them know that you will tolerate them walking out on you, shutting you out, inflicting the worst demeaning, inhuman pain, and they will do it again. The longer you stay with them, the harder it is to leave. ((Understand the size of the feat you have just managed to achieve? Wooooaahrrr - muscles! lol)) Enact strict no contact now and let them know YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE and will not accept that despicable treatment of yourself from anyone. If they come back, it will be lie upon lie to rope you in again. They will tell you they made a mistake, they have now realized they can’t live without you, they love you, they will never do xyz ((they were probably doing the rest of the alphabet as well, unbeknownst to you (or to you at the time)). again and in no time at all you will be devalued & discarded again, but now you will be even deeper into the addiction so walking away is more difficult a and more painful. They keep you on an emotional roller coaster on purpose, it’s a means of control. The way you are being treated now is the way it will only be always, but worse! Save your happiness, emotional, mental and physical wellbeing and get out now with NO CONTACT! No contact is not easy, you will have withdrawal, you will still have desire for them, they make sure of that and did it on purpose. Pure evil! The no contact does get easier with time. Seek a therapist knowledgeable on narcissism and narcissistic abuse. I hope your healing comes quickly! Always remember, this is just a bump in the road, you will get past this and have real love & happiness!" _________________________________________ What exipoos would LIKE is to keep you warm-on-the-side for as long as he likes, IN-CASE his new prey/supply (she whom was previously always kept warm-on-the-side) manages to give him the slip and he needs to come back (they MUST have non-stop supply - it's their oxygen). Narc-Spaths can have up to 15 'other women/men' on-the-side at one time. So, yes - you were supposed to be shocked and panicked when he suddenly blocked you - to switch you psychologically from 'good riddance!' to (if you're not quite ready) a fear of losing him. HOPEFULLY, you haven't gone quiet out of embarrassment because you've given him an audience? Hopefully, still going strong with Zero Contact? If you have had contact - don't let that stop you. Come back and get straight back onto the horse. Mistakes are but the paviours to Success. Plus, it can take victims up to (drum roll) seven - that's, SEVEN! - attempts to escape/dump a 'romantic'-partner narc and KEEP it that way.