Stuff all gone

Years ago, Myself, husband and children moved abroad 17 years a go. We had some boxes with our personal stuff in like our marriage photos and videos from it, our children’s school stuff and photos. our children’s scans when I was pregnant and locks of hair and there charts when I used to go to the clinic to get there weight, height check done etc. It’s all gone. We gave the boxes to my husband’s brother to look after. We moved back from abroad and my husband had fell out with his brother. I cannot remember why. His brother said to our daughter on Facebook when he got in touch with her, that my husband had 3 weeks to get the boxes or he would throw them out. My husband didn’t think his brother would stoop so low to do that and did not get the boxes because he did not want to see him. I think if I recall my husband told his brother to send them to us but he didn’t. So all our stuff from the Children’s scans to our wedding photos and videos and the Children’s school stuff etc have all gone forever. I cannot believe someone would stoop so low in life to do such a thing and be so evil. If we have looked after his brother’s stuff we would have sent it to him and be done with it. Stupidly our son got in touch with his brother not so long ago. Our son was living by himself at the time and I think he was lonely and was thinking of people to contact. I do not see any of my family and my husband only has 1 brother. I think our son wanted someone from our families to contact. If he had contacted any one from my family I would if hit the roof and probably have nothing to do with him, my family are all horrible and nasty people. The brother got in touch and told our son he was thinking of getting in touch but I think this was a lie. Our son must of told him all the latest news and when he told us he had contacted the brother, I was so annoyed and shocked. How could he contact him after all he had done with our things. Our son said that everyone is getting older and we should move on. We told him what the brother had done and our son is to me, immature still. He is 28 and we said everything had gone what we had. I think he wasn’t annoyed himself because he was only a child when we went abroad and it’s not personal stuff for him because it’s my husband’s and mine stuff mostly when we started out. He does not understand that it’s all sentimental to us snd we can never look back and look at photos or videos of our wedding again and other stuff of our earlier life. It’s all destroyed and gone. I know it must be gone and destroyed because his brother was nasty and to even say that he would get rid of it shows you what a horrid man he is. This all happened with the boxes years a go and I’ve never asked our son if he is still in contact with the brother because myself and husband have washed our hands off his brother long a go. To this day I still cannot believe what his brother done with our stuff. It was not his and all he had to do was send it in a van to us but no, because he is a nasty b…..d. He could be dead for all we know but I would not care if he was.

Hey Sassy xx, Wow, that’s honestly heartbreaking. Losing things like your wedding photos, baby scans, and school memories would be devastating for anyone. I can completely understand why that still hurts after all these years. It’s not just stuff, it’s pieces of your life that you feel were taken from you. But from what you wrote, it sounds like you don’t actually know for sure that everything is gone, only that your husband’s brother said he would throw it away. That uncertainty must be incredibly painful, not knowing whether those memories still exist somewhere or if they truly were destroyed. I can also see how painful it must have been to hear him say something so cruel. You have every right to feel hurt and angry about it. But I can’t help but wonder if what happened between your husband and his brother back then came from a place of deep resentment or pride on both sides. Maybe his threat to throw everything away was an awful and impulsive reaction to that conflict rather than pure malice. It doesn’t make it right, but sometimes people lash out when they feel shut out or disrespected. It’s sad to think that things might have turned out differently if emotions hadn’t run so high. Maybe there could have been a way to have the boxes collected or sent without seeing him in person. But of course, that’s always easier to see in hindsight. Still, maybe it’s not too late to find out what really happened. You mentioned your son has been in contact with him again, perhaps that could even be an opportunity to ask, gently, if those boxes might still exist somewhere. It doesn’t mean you have to reconcile or reopen old wounds if you’re not ready, but sometimes just knowing the truth can bring a bit of peace. And even if forgiveness still feels out of reach, maybe your son’s renewed contact could be a small bridge, whether that leads to recovering what was lost or simply understanding how things got to this point. At the very least, letting him have his own connection with family could ease some of the heaviness for everyone.

"Stupidly our son got in touch with his brother not so long ago. Our son was living by himself at the time and I think he was lonely and was thinking of people to contact. I do not see any of my family and my husband only has 1 brother. I think our son wanted someone from our families to contact. If he had contacted any one from my family I would if hit the roof and probably have nothing to do with him, my family are all horrible and nasty people. The brother got in touch and told our son he was thinking of getting in touch but I think this was a lie. Our son must of told him all the latest news and when he told us he had contacted the brother, I was so annoyed and shocked. How could he contact him after all he had done with our things. Our son said that everyone is getting older and we should move on. We told him what the brother had done and our son is to me, immature still. He is 28 and we said everything had gone what we had. I think he wasn’t annoyed himself because he was only a child when we went abroad and it’s not personal stuff for him because it’s my husband’s and mine stuff mostly when we started out. He does not understand that it’s all sentimental to us snd we can never look back and look at photos or videos of our wedding again and other stuff of our earlier life. It’s all destroyed and gone." Even if your young-adult son doesn't feel the "emotional rape" that you and your husband feel, he can still appreciate why that would hurt majorly. So I don't believe him. I suspect he's doing what a lot of sons/daughters of victims of narcissists do - wanting to investigate it himself, independently and without you knowing and trying to influence his investigation (hence his lie that it's old news). And also because he doesn't want to be seen by you to deliberately, mercinarily trick and "use" his ahole Uncle because he's a Nice Person and Nice People don't do that (oh, yes they do, actually). I think you birthed a Secret Squirrel. Very common stuff. In fact, my own son did the same. Because there's knowing something second-hand, and then there is EXPERIENCING AND FEELING IT FIRST-HAND. Nothing to beat it. Maybe in time he's going to come to you and say - Ta-daaaa, the jury's in: he's definitely a nasty ahole because (detail, detail) - like mine did? Or is even trying to play family rescuer and reconcile you all?...albeit, he'd undoubtedly only attempt that if he found out his Uncle HADN'T thrown anything away? Meanwhile, have you consulted with a solicitor to see if you can sue for damages?