Lying or not

So my husband has had an account with LinkedIn. He set it up for jobs but told me he had not used it for a long time. Now he gets emails from LinkedIn to say he has messages in his account. He told me he has not used it in years so I’m worried he has been and getting messages from people who know him. He said it’s not a dating app and it’s for work. When you type in his name it comes when we were living abroad but it is still his sane email address he has for it. I told him I saw it in his email and he said he had not been on it but it’s showing in his mail. I cannot remember if it’s in his inbox or spam box. It worries me because anyone who might know him, like women he knew before me or when we took our kids to school when they were young and he chatted to other mums there. There was one woman who used to be there at football all the time and my husband would see her there when he took our kids to it. She had a fella herself but I’ve always thought if something has gone on between them right under my nose. He has denied anything ever did when I asked him. I don’t trust him that’s the real issue and how can he be getting messages if he is not on it so he says. Can you get messages if you don’t use it. He has had the account over 15 years and if he has been using it all that time yet lied to me then who knows who he is contacting, or who is contacting him. I know it’s not a dating app but I wouldn’t be surprised if people do search for people they knew and get in contact with them. I don’t use it at all. This has all come about because he gets phone calls from recruiters. He is looking for another job and I said to him are they getting his information from LinkedIn and he said he is not on it but I told him I saw a email from them in his email. He seemed surprised but don’t know if he is pretending or not. Can I contact LinkedIn to find out if he has been using it

Did you know that once you have a LinkedIn account, it's just keeps on vomiting emails to you saying that you were mentioned in two searches in the past 7 days or that you were mentioned by so'n'so recruiter company. It's all designed to keep you in their loop. Of course you can hide your activity, turn off notifications, and adjust the visibility of your profile when ever you want or need to, but if your husband is looking for a career change, then he's on one of the best websites to being successful securing a new role. You're correct, the real issue is that you have no trust in your marriage & if you reckon that your husband is out there having fun with others, then you best stump up the evidence before you sit your husband down & show it to him. Otherwise you need to ask yourself why are you insecure? why are you married to a man & yet you feel insecure? have you guys had issues before? do you guys communicate well? do you know each others language of love? does your husband do the little things for you? You don't need to contact LinkedIn, all you need to do is sort your head out & then you'll be on the way to sorting your marriage out. Get your head, your heart & your gut lining up & it'll be all good but if you can't, then you'll need to make some hard decisions as you can't just keep on wondering whether your husband is lying to you because it'll just come back to bite you every time with no answers.

Thanks for the reply. I think I was surprised because he said he opened another account up when we came back from living abroad. He said he opened it years ago but he has not used it but it’s weird how he gets emails still and he showed me the account and it was saying things he might be interested in after your recent activity. He says he had not been using it and it’s all crap. He said he could not remember the password of the one he used abroad and this was the one I thought he was getting the messages from but it was his second one is getting them in. On his profile it says his name and where he lives and he had put London but we have never lived in London ever. We were living really far away from there so it seemed strange to me why he said he was living there. I asked him why he put that and he says he could not remember and it was so long ago. He did get all worked up and said I think of him as a cheat and nothing else. He travels to London a couple of times a month and he told me he would never live there and only goes because of his job. He said LinkedIn is the only one to find customers for his work. He is a rep. I told him there must be other websites that he could register on and I did find a couple. He ignored me when I said that.

To add again to my topic. I think it’s feeling that he lied to me when he must of known he opened one again, unless he was playing the dumb fool and pretending he forgot about it to not show himself up. I know he must of seen the emails in his mail box because he checks it as soon as he gets up and throughout the day

Any replies please?

Hi Ninny, Sorry - it looks as if everyone is mad-busy at the moment. I don't think you have enough tangible or intellectual evidence at this point (it's all too Grey area-ed, not decisive enough), but you obviously feel it in your bones. My strong advice is not to question him from this point-on, because if he IS cheating, you'll inadvertently tip him off to be more careful, as well as, teach him how to better hide his tracks (common suspicious-wife error). Say nothing and report and discuss it here with us. We're no strangers to being cheated-on. Secondly, if he isn't cheating - Manalone's advice to say nothing until you're sure (so as not to damage your relationship) is very sound and sensible, too. Thirdly, by going quiet ("tra-la-laaa, nothing to see here, folks, everything's normal again!"), you lull the cheater into a false sense of security whereby he relaxes too far and slips-up more and more, and bigger and bigger - until you've gottim...i.e. 'give them enough rope and they'll hang themselves FOR you'. Does that help?

It's the Not Knowing, especialy, isn't it. Drives you crazy. Talk and vent it out here, it'll help you cope. You're not alone, okay? (((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))

PS: Tell us more detail about his visits to London - everything you know. In fact, just tell us more - I or Manalone or other respondents here might spot something you've missed. (Your head must feel 'spaghetti-fied' at the mo.) We're not fast, BUT WE'RE GOOOOOD. :)

PPS: ...although, the first place I'd take MY evidence would be to a Family Law Solicitor's, and only THEN, on appointing him/her, tell him. Again - and I cannot-cannot-CANNOT stress this enough where the spouse has taken up position of Your Enemy, as makes him yours - 'KEEP YOUR POWDER DRY'. Don't let HIM suspect anything. P.I. Ninny - Ace Detective (& Assistants). ;)

Oh - and it would help us out if you could tell us what he's like the REST of the time (as a husband, especially). And in particular - compared to what you originally had in your hopeful head when you said, "I Will".