Am I overreacting or being unreasonable?

I’m looking for outside perspective on whether my reaction is disproportionate or whether the dynamic itself has become unhealthy. I’m in a relationship where I consistently try to communicate and work through issues, but my partner tends to withdraw instead of engage. One way this shows up is by blocking or removing me on social media during conflict rather than talking things through. This has happened more than once. A major shift happened after a third party reached out to me claiming to have ongoing contact with my partner. She sent screenshots of conversations that, on the surface, were not flirty or inappropriate — but the issue was that the contact wasn’t supposed to be happening at all. Those conversations were taking place on Snapchat, which is why that platform specifically became uncomfortable for me. Because of that incident, and because communication tends to shut down instead of staying open, I started paying attention to indirect indicators of activity (like a snap score). This wasn’t something I did before and isn’t something I want to do — it started because I felt uncertain and shut out after seeing boundaries I thought were in place weren’t as clear as I believed. When I asked about the snap score, things escalated. Instead of reassurance or discussion, my partner: • Deleted posts and photos of us • Blocked me on additional social media platforms This part genuinely hurt. Not just because of the blocking, but because social media was something we bonded over — sharing reels, sending things back and forth, and seeing posts of us that felt affectionate and intentional. Having those posts removed made me feel erased rather than reassured. I did tell him that I started monitoring because of the earlier incident and that removing me and cutting off access only made my anxiety worse, not better. That was framed as me overreacting rather than addressing the pattern itself. At this point, I feel stuck in a loop: • Boundaries with others feel unclear • Communication shuts down when I ask questions • My reactions are treated as the main problem • The behaviors that caused the insecurity don’t change I don’t want to monitor anyone’s activity. I don’t want to feel hyper-aware or anxious. What I want is clarity, consistency, and a sense of being protected and considered in the relationship. What I’m trying to understand: • Is blocking or removing a partner during conflict a reasonable boundary, or a form of avoidance? • Does monitoring behavior always equal insecurity, or can it be a response to broken trust and lack of communication? • At what point does explaining your feelings become over-functioning when the other person doesn’t change their behavior? I’m open to honest feedback, including criticism of my own actions — I just want to understand whether this is something I should keep trying to work through, or whether the situation itself is contributing to how I’m feeling.

At the end of the day, if your relationship is solid then nothing gets a look in as to coming in between you & your partner. Your post is basically telling us that you’re doing it hard on your own as you're not getting the support from a loving partner, rather you're getting the short shrift while being shafted for your troubles at the same time. Your partner can well be the type to withdraw from conflict, but they have no right to cut you off from anything. A true relationship which flows daily rarely needs boundaries as the people in that relationship understand & respect each other. They instinctively know what's taboo & what isn't as there is no secrets. Communication comes to the fore because they know that without it, they’ll eventually just have an empty shell of conflict & finger pointing. Sure, your partner may have reserved the right to do what they reckoned was right to preserve the relationship but all that has achieved is confuse you & isolate you further not only from them, but from the whole issue which kicked it off. Why is your partner talking with others behind your back?…& reacting like a bitch when you ask what the actual is going on? Why are your SM posts being deleted without your permission? are they punishing you for daring to ask questions? blocked you? controlling you? Is this unhealthy? damn right it is. Take your thoughts further & realise that it’s no good trying to repair a relationship when it’s broken. It’s like an antique vase; you can glue back together however carefully but it’ll never be the same…nor will it have any value whatsoever. Choose a partner who shares your values & standards. Look for qualities that stand out in a ‘crisis’ & look for the one who will stand beside you, not in front of you or behind you & will remain in step with you through thick & thin. Ask yourself do you trust your partner? & why have they pushed you to question that trust through their own very actions? You haven't mentioned any love for your partner in your post, so maybe you already know that above all else, you need to listen to your gut rather than your heart.

Curious, he sounds like a Grade A Narcissist. Have you studied-up on them yet? Your whole post (part-) describes a Narcissist's typical traits and behaviours.

Just to be clearer: "What I’m trying to understand: • Is blocking or removing a partner during conflict a reasonable boundary, or a form of avoidance? • Does monitoring behavior always equal insecurity, or can it be a response to broken trust and lack of communication? • At what point does explaining your feelings become over-functioning when the other person doesn’t change their behavior?" 1. NO. (Unless you're both only 2-years-old and copying a scene from a cheap daytime soap you got to clock as you were playing with the Dressing-Up Box whilst your mums weren't looking.) Neither is it Avoidance. What he did was TAKE action, not avoid it (- that one's called, Doing Nothing). It's action KNOWN to PUNISH you and/or Prime you... hence tiny humans whom haven't been civilised yet, practise. (Google "Narcissist - The Silent Treatment" and "Narcissistic Rage via social media") 2. A response on your part to his refusal to play by the rules of sanity, normal relativity, and good intentions, and therefore a case of him keeping you in-the-dark about where you stand with him and whether he's genuine (nope). You're entitled to that information for self-protection purposes. If it's withheld (by the person who should mutually be your emotional protector), then the duty to save you (investigate your suspicions/find out if you're in emotional danger) falls to you. Needing to know where you stand (given the r/ship title and role) is a foundational FUNDAMENT AND RIGHT in any relationship, but especially one where your very heart is exposed. Self-Defence - type, Pre-emptive / Proactive / Avoidant (-in this context, avoidance of injury and a good thing). 3. Known Red Flag: If you find yourself feeling as if you're having to regularly (or just too frequently) explain to another grown adult how the world and romantic/any relationships are supposed to work - RUN! You're not going to get "your lovely guy" back because he was an acted character (for as long as it took to hook you). Google "Narcissistic Love-Bombing" and "What happens when a Narcissist removes the mask/starts to remove to the mask" and "Narc - how does the Devalue stage look in reality"). If you have no luck with any of the above searches - ask me to label/describe/explain.

PS: You're NOT 'stuck'. You're 'embroiled'. Different thing entirely. You KNOW what you have to do, what must be done, but you fear doing it because you think it'll damage you, make you unhappier, than if you just stay. People (at first) prefer horrid certainty to The Unknown aka Change. And the reason you fear it is because you're embroiled. It's a form of serious addiction (in perversely healthy reaction to how these lunatics behave towards and around us). These feelings they evoke/provoke in you are cocktail mixes, never before experienced, yet all you can therefore find to describe them are words for sane people and feelings. Have a surf and understand how these brain-damaged people function (fail to function). And then tell us your thoughts. Condolences, btw. We remember how it feels. Survivors rarely ever forget how nightmare-ish it all was/seemed at the time. Just the FACT of them brainwashes you! Hence they're called Toxic.