He used chatgpt to connect with me

So I'm in a situation which I'm not too sure how to handle. I'm in a long distance relationship which is hard enough as it is. We originally had a plan that he was going to start the process to live with me. So he started saving money for that process. And then 2 months down the line of making that decision. He started making comments that he was "cheeky" and had treated himself to some things. Those things probably cost around $1000. And I wasn't too upset at the time. 1) because its his hard earned money. 2) I trusted him enough that he was somehow still saving. I did lightly question him and he did say he was saving. A few weeks after that conversation,he asked me to come visit him in a neighboring country next to his(I won't say where because I want to be as anonymous as possible) And it threw me off guard and I said i would think about it. But probably not because I'm saving up for a house and I wanted to start the process the beginning of this year. I'm also very scared of travelling alone, the country isnt exactly the safest and its a 25hr flight. He knows my concern about this too. When I say scared, incredibly anxious. And we've always met halfway if we can. It's all these differnt layers that im battling with. I feel like a headless chicken. Anyway, it was then Chrismas and then work was insanely busy with projects and I was more worried about what I'm going to do next in life. Which in this case is where to live and the house and telling family etc. Just basically having a quarter life crisis. After new years, we had a video call which was nice until the end. He basically was like "you didnt give me an answer about visiting me" and then called me a bad word (not sure if i can swear here but he called me a DH) - I did answer but it wasnt the answer that he wanted Following that, he got more and more distant with me. He wasnt asking anything about myself. No flirting. It began to feel like I was interviewing him. And the final straw was when I was upset because it was the first time seeing family since my grandad passed and he didn't console me at all. He just spoke about himself and that was it. That was kinda the final straw for me. Now I must say, with the distance I had time to reflect. And I realised he never really flirts with me, or even takes an interest in me as a person. I don't have that emotional security with him, which is why I'm probably even more hesitant to travel so far to see him. Because things are so hot and cold with him when things are not on his terms. Last week, I made a comment that he doesn’t Have an interest in me as a person. And it just unravelled all the issues we have. The main thing being the trip. In return I said to him "how am supposed to do these things if you don't meet me at the basic level of connection" During this big conversation he used chatgpt to organise our issues and how he would talk through them. I did notice some of his messages when we were having a debate on things were a little well structured and a bit too nicely worded to be coming from him. But, I was writing my issues in word to read through and make sure what I was saying was fair, made sense and covered everything. I thought maybe he too was just being careful. We put our big conversation on hold as we had work for the rest of the week. And on one evening I told him how hectic work was. And then he replied with a message which again was too structured and too nice. Last night, I said the same thing again that I was just working overtime. It was a passing comment and I wasn't making a big deal out of it. His reply however was making a big deal out of it. A way to structured, overly nice paragraph with ; Then i KNEW he was usung Ai. So I confronted him. I asked nicely and was gentle about it. He over explained himself and said yes. But, he had written out a rough message and asked chatgpt to put it in English. And I then mentioned the ; being in there. And he said, the position hes been covering at work has required him to level up his English. He speaks perfectly good English. I'm not mad if he used it as a tool to help him phrase something. But I'm so sure its a plain simple Ai generated message. And I feel so icky that ive asked this guy to connect with me on a honest, emotional and basic level and he has used Chatgpt to do it. The texts feel so empty and generic. He told me it was a lot of effort to put it into chatgpt because he wanted to get it right. I told him, that it doesn't need to be right, he just needs to be him. I want to feel him behind the messages. It may sound dramatic but something in my has switched up and I can't look at him the same. I don't know what to do now.

LDR’s are extremely hard & they need extra dedicated communication to survive. They need the extra yards at all times. Your ‘man’ using AI says it all & while it’s the generic words which leave you feeling empty, it’s his actions of actually using it which tells you just where you stand in the scheme of things. You’re reluctant to travel in normal circumstances but you certainly won’t now & your gut is warning you that all’s not well between this guy & yourself. If you’re feeling like a door mat then it’s quite likely that you are. It’s your instinct kicking in. And to think that he’s come out & stated that he put so much effort into his chat response to you when any genuine guy would have just said it straight up, no matter how badly he may have mangled it & despite speaking good English. In any event, why do want to exist in a miserable vacuum when you can find perfectly decent guys out there who will flirt with you to your face & be hands on as well. This LDR bs is so yesterday that it creaks with age. It used to be the new relationship vibe but countless people have found out that it’s just so much marketing blather. The new generation is so overloaded with tech & new ways to use it that when human emotions & feelings do get bruised & hurt, they find out the hard way that they really do hurt. What you need upfront is an upfront guy who will respect you & treat you like his ‘forever’. Your current guy is failing going by his latest actions, regardless if he’s hours of flight away. Life’s too short to let others keep you on a leash & you really need to get your life in order to be able to live it happily & successfully. Be true to yourself & ask yourself if this guy is going to do it for you? Take your thoughts further as you no longer have emotional security as you post, so just what is actually left of your relationship?

Thank you very much for your reply! Me and this guy have been talking out this problems for about a week now and we keep going round in circles. With the whole Chatgpt thing, he said he had basically used it as a tool. Which I don't think I 100% believe to be honest. I don't understand why he had to use chatgpt in the first place and why he couldn't send me a voicenote instead. And the icing on the cake, he said chatgpt was more of an effort because it took longer for him to use chatgpt, so him doing it this way in more caring. I'm a bit frustrated because he keeps moving on from the problems I bring up and how I'm feeling and going on about the things I don't do and how it effects how it treats me. It's been very hard to explain to him. That i just want him to be interested in me as a person. To joke with me, have deep conversations with me etc. I think thats its the very basic foundation of a relationship. But he kinda uses it as a reward system. He wants me to tell my parents about him, he wants more spontaneous phone calls (we have a 5 hour time difference and both work full time so I struggle to do this sometimes) he wants me to visit him. But as I said, for the whole of January, hes been cold with me and I began to feel like i was interviewing him. How can I take those steps when he shuts me out? Its just been very difficult. Ive tried so hard to be fair, acknowledge how he's feeling. He wants to move on from feelings and emotions and move onto logic and action. And also, he keeps making it like I'm the main source of the issue. No matter how hard I try to explain to him, I just don't think he sees me.

He's playing with your emotions & your feelings & of course, any issues in your 'relationship' with him is all your fault which is typical behaviour of a cowardly individual. If you can't reason with him, then go off radar for a smidge & see how he reacts. How much more peaceful would your life be without his coercive bs? If there's no warmth coming from him & God forbid, he's thousands of miles away, why do you continue to jump through his hoops & just keep going around in circles as you post. Do you think the guy wants to resolve anything? It's obvious what your needs are in a successful relationship & it's obvious that he's not the guy to deliver them, nor is the environment (LDR) any advantage for solving the issue.

Sorry? He speaks perfect English, but needs the help of Chat GPT? And he wanted you to meet him in an unsafe country? WHY, if it's just next-door to his own?...why not just go one stop further and be done with it? That is highly suspicious to me, and this guy sounds like he's insulting you - to see how much bad behaviour you'll take - which is the mark of a Narcissistic Sociopath, especially after having spent a very long time on best behaviour in the relationship run-up (they usually start showing behind their mask to see how much and what sorts of things you'll take, around the 2-year mark as they're aware that a man being unable to keep a relationship going longer than 18mths is a long-known, Relationship Guru's number 1 Red Flag (as indicates a complete wrong-'un)). He was testing-out your boundaries... what you would turn around and do IF HEEE DIIIIIIID.....THIS! 1. Tormented you (he ain't Forrest Gump) by DECIDING TO TELL YOU that he'd spent 1k of his saving-up-to-move fund. 2. Insulted you BY THE FACT OF HAVING spent 1k of the fund in the first place. (So that's a double-pincer "fist in the face".) 3. Made you feel unimportant by making you do the lion's share of the effort and expense to meet up. (Did he offer to pay the fare? Bet he didn't.) 4. Made you feel at-threat, via said suggestion of meeting in a threatening country. 5. ...I'm bored now - aren't you? There's a lot more insults and test-outs in there than that (typically) (they're against the clock...been patient and bided his time for a year or two, needs to now get scamming, and capturing and dominating. Thank GOD for your ability to sense when things are seriously odd/wrong/back-to-front! You've dodged the worst "everyday"/domestic-abuser-user-batterer there is! That's what I see. Does that hit the spot for you? PS: here - maybe no voice message because he was busy on the phone at the time with another woman/potential-victim that you don't know about? Does ChatGBT translate, whereby he could stop a foreigner he was with from reading what he was typing to you by typing it in his language?

Also (ref 'there's a lot more') - as you yourself can see, he's giving you lots and lots of Narcissistic "Word Salad" (google). Just one example: "he said chatgpt was more of an effort because it took longer for him to use chatgpt, so him doing it this way in more caring." Nobody but a toddler of 2 would agree to that illogic. If you could bond with typeface characters more deeply than you could via his far-more-personal-and-affecting voice, you could just date a Chatgbt thingumy! What utter, utter NONSENSE! Anyway - what's he saying? ...that if he married you and - came the time you were on your deathbed, he'd go off and play golf but leave you a lovely 'There-there' and 'See you in the next life' note???? My vote is, he was in a position where he couldn't speak. Were the third party no threat to you - or vice-versa - he could simply have said so in his Chat. He couldn't say it. Because the third party WAS a threat to you - and vice-versa.

Or he WANTED you/any confidante of yours to dawningsly suspect that whilst in actual fact he was on his own? Either - doing it or making you suspect he is - are Narc-Spath tactics and neither (nor any of the rest) are dateable. PS: "But he kinda uses it as a reward system." This and the testing-you-out is called Priming. (I call it Sliming - like in "Ghostbusters".) Carrot & Stick in the earlier, love-bombing/honeymoon years, morphing almost imperceptibly - or in some cases, all-of-a-sudden (bigger shock value = you struck dumb) - into All Stick and No More Carrot after the 2+-year-mark. PPS: Mannie is right - LDRs provide the perfect cloak for a Machievellian 'with a girl in every port' because obviously you can't ever see what's going on behind your back. Saying that, you can notice their manifestations - in their actions/lack of actions and refusal to cooperate/play Equals. Which you did. Well done again! What flavour cheesecake? :) ___________________________________________________ Mannie: I see a trend post-Covid: people losing patience and either countering or dumping the duds far more early-on/sooner. (giant thumbs-up)

Should mention that his type might have shortened the 2-year period of best-behaviour (amid subtlely highly-insulting test-outs like his) out of desperation. They're definitely finding it harder to find enough dupeable/long-lasting victims these post-Covid/post "Me Too" days so are probably suffering rejection-after-rejection and therefore are in more of a rush. So don't set too much store if your fauxlationship's harmonious period was less.