What are we??

Hii i'm here because i don't have anyone to really talk about this to.. So there is this former classmate i had (he left for the states last year) we weren't friends or anything at that time. But he started DMing me around the beginning of 2026, at first i knew he was joking and shi cuz i said like why are you messaging me and like i barely know you etc etc, he told me he wants a gf and stuff. we got a bit close but he always kept 'joke flirting' with me and i always said no and stuff but then on valentines he asked to be my valentines (idk if it was a joke or not) but i said sure after he asked me like 3 times, after that we message each other a lot but we never call, we send like freaky reels or like texts (as a joke i think?!) but i keep catching my self smiling when we talk. like i think i like him and im always waiting for the reply and waiting for him to wake up and reply (17hr difference). but i feel like hes just joking around.. what are your thoughts?... BUT WHAT ARE WE ARE WE JUST FLIRTING? DO I LIKE HIM? I DONT KNOW

Hi Starhigh, Right now, no, what you have doesn't seem serious. When the way you describe your situation with this guy includes the word "joke", either you or else both of you aren't really that deep. ...But with time, maybe you could be? The question is, does it seem like he is really trying to get to know you, and showing actual interest in you? Or does it seem like he just wants "freaky" stuff only from you? Another question to ponder is why this guy moved somewhere very far away (17 hour difference!) and is now trying to "get in your DMs", as the kids say? Look, I'll give your old classmate the benefit of the doubt, just for the sake of dissecting this problem. Let's say he is serious. The fact of the matter is, moving around the world is a pretty big, life-changing experience. And maybe he has found himself alone and alienated in a strange, new place. Maybe that gave him some time to think, and you're his "something nice back home", the one he let get away when he actually was around you. I've been there, and I'm sure lots of other people have - given enough time and space to think so many years on, you do begin to wonder about certain people you never really gave the time of day back when, and wonder what could have been. At the same time, I can see how a woman might feel off-put by this behavior, especially when he's coming on hard and looking for a "Valentine" and a "gf", and maybe he's rushing things too much instead of just... Getting to know you as a person before making that decision. I think it would have a better impact if he had simply just opened a dialogue with you and tried to get to know you, instead of diving right in and wanting something with you without really knowing you. And it makes it seem like this is more physical attraction, or taboo, or comfort, or something other than feelings and genuine interest in you in particular. I would think about how much better you know this guy now than a month or two ago. If you think you do like him and want to give him a chance, then be more serious and have those real conversations with him. Get to know him, and tell him more about you. Talk about how you are feeling now about this whole situation - the good and the bad. Worst that can happen is he turns out to be not very serious, and then at least you'll find out sooner than if you just let this be a big "What are we???" for many more months. And only the two of you can really decide what you are, if there is anything there or if it's just a bit of fun and distraction. I hope this is helpful.

"Look, I'll give your old classmate the benefit of the doubt, just for the sake of dissecting this problem. Let's say he is serious. The fact of the matter is, moving around the world is a pretty big, life-changing experience. And maybe he has found himself alone and alienated in a strange, new place. Maybe that gave him some time to think, and you're his "something nice back home", the one he let get away when he actually was around you." BOOM! (Superb, Bal!) That's exactly what I was thinking and what I'd put my money on, too. That and the fact it's bound to grow, the longer you chat-bond-chat-bond (as long as you realise that he could suddenly make a RL friend in the meantime and drop-off or wind down a bit) But set a limit on any freaky stuff... keep him within his limits, and meanwhile, as Bal suggests, deepen the chat topics.

In fact, just ASK him: How come you didn't try to befriend me at school/college? PS: If he asked you three times to 'be his Valentine' (gf), I really don't think he's joking. Once is a joke. Thrice is a serious proposition (as much as can be, given the pen-pal distance of it), maybe just dressed-up as slightly tongue-in-cheek (to save face in-case you'd responded badly). Heads-up: that's pushy in a positive way (dynamic and determined). But don't let him 'nag' you over and over when it comes to negative stuff or things you're not comfortable with. Try to enjoy it and go with the flow, but stay cautious at the BACK of your mind. Just proceed with the usual caution, I suppose. Oh, for a crystal-ball, eh? :)

PPS: Feel free to keep updating us (on the good as well as the bad) so that we can help you monitor and stay in-control (your rightful amount) of the whole situation as it progresses. We'll keep our beady eyes on him for you and give him the odd frisk, haha.