I've made someone I love cheat on his partner

I met this man 9 years ago. And I've loved him ever since. He was my former boss. Like literally my boss, I was his assistant. I know he has been in relationship since we met for the first time. Time flies and my love for him grows deeper. He didnt care of me at first, but since 1,5 years ago we've gone differently. He told me he's attracted to me. He told me I've changed to be someone alluring. We did casual at first, like texting almost every single day. But things're moving into something more physically. We make out. Honestly. Like we have this schedule, we meet once or twice a week at night to spend time together. I asked him clarity like he wants to do this, or what exactly happens to him. I know I'm wrong. Not only to him, but also his partner. I asked about his exact relationship status: dating, engaged, or marriage. He doesnt want to answer it cleary: just in relationship. This situation makes me feel two different feelings at the same time. I'm happy because we can have something (honestly, I hate myself for having this feeling), but in the other hand I'm scared it will just destroy him in the future. He has always been here with me, through thick and thin. When I feel everyone leaves me at my lowest point, he's with me, being someone who supports and relieves me. He told me that I become his relief through all his disappointments. He's rooting for me, hugs me when I can't even cry anymore. Even when I don't ask for it, he meets me when I need someone to sit together in silence. I try to do the same thing to him. But yea, he doesnt want to end his current relationship. I feel like I'm a bad person because I make him cheat on his partner. I drive him to be a jerk or bad person by betraying his partner. I hate myself for it, I feel so sinful for him, but to be honest we don't want to end everything we have.

You need to bottle it up, and put it away > Forget about it - let it be - it is still there but other things are more important Get a hobby, this might sound strange but - go to church just turn up at church, go through the motions - it is not about religion keep your church active - god will forgive you once you have been, you will be glad you did