Don't know what to do anymore

My problem has been growing over a number of years. I'm 20 now but begins with my mothers alcoholism.. she drank heavily my entire life... nobody seemed to know about it though it was kept within our four walls and my grandparents didn't believe me... it really took away my childhood and left enormous emotional scars with me. My mother stopped drinking 4 years ago. Just after my mother stopped drinking my 14 year old sister died suddenly on her way home from school, there was no reason for her death and it was put down to natural causes or sudden adult death syndrome a bit like adult cot death. I was doing my Gcses when my sister passed and from that have been continuously under pressure with a-levels and now i'm in my final year of my law degree. I left ireland where I'm from to go to england to do my degree, I needed an escape from all the hurt at home and thought this was the answer. My mother and father come to it, have never been the most caring, they havent really taken much notice of me, i'm not saying that as the 'injured child' it really is true. I returned home after my first year at university to snide remarks from my mother that I'd put on weight... this has been a constant thing throughout my life with my parents they always comment on weight.. i'm a healthy 8stone 9 or so and have never really been huge. That summer I walked in on my mother in our holiday home, she was having an affair with a man who i'd describe as an idiot and I personally caught them. It was devastating. My mother denied what i'd seen there and then. I called my boyfriends father and he came and took me to their holiday home for the night and the next morning i went to collect clothes from my house and my mother turned so hateful towards me. She locked me out. I'd done nothing wrong. I couldnt stand the lies from my mum anymore... she'd lied throughout my life about how she would get help to stop drinking and never did and this was just another cumulation of lies to me, it was all too much. I stayed with my aunt and uncle for a few weeks.. i was so hurt... I had to tell my Dad what was going on and he blamed me for breaking up their marriage by staying at my aunt and uncles. My mum left my Dad, I have three younger brothers now aged 14,10 and 8- she left the 14 year old at our home house with my dad and moved the younger two three hours away to live in our holiday home with her and her new boyfriend (the one she was having an affair with). This was all in the space of June- November 2004 by the way from the affair was caught and her moving. That christmas I returned home from University to my dad and 14 year old brother. We had to stay in a hotel close to our old holiday house, where my mother now lived permanently, on christmas eve so we could see my 2 little brothers for an hour on boxing day. My mother even made this difficult. She hates me personally and on any rare occasion I have seen her over this past time (once or twice) she has said this. She hates me being near my brothers and I know she is turneing them against me. On that boxing day, she tried to stab my dad infront of me, I jumped infront of him and she kept going, she didnt stop even though her own child was infront of her. This guy shes moved into our holiday house, bearing in mind shes only known him about 2 and a half years and has put this sordid little affair infron of her own children, I can't beleive she has walked out and left my 14 year old brother. Our sisters only dead not very long and this has all been so difficult to deal with. My mother says such hateful things. I have just found out shes due a baby to this new man any day now, shes nine months pregnant. She must have got pregnant right away. I am devastated. She never speaks to me. My Dad has lost the plot a bit got himself a new girlfriend and hardly ever calls to see if im ok. I just battled an eating disorder. I was bulimic for the last year and a half, I think mainly because of all that has happened. I don't feel like I have any family left. I only have one uncle but hes had enough and doesnt want to know anymore. I'm gutted and just needed to get that off my chest.

Hi Patience , This is the saddest story I've seen on here . I honestly wouldn't pretend i could help you , although i feel for you immensely , Try to find the courage to visit a doctor -- print your letter off and make him read it . You desperately need help and someone professional to talk to . He will provide this for you ok . Please sooner than later Hon otherwise you gonna burst . Try !!!