Partner constantly letting you down

Hi I have been in a relationship for 18 years we have 2 children, my partner has had a drug and alcohol problem in the past and after treating me really badly munipulating me, lieing, controlling me, not treating me with respect, not helping, supporting, being abusive etc etc and nearly 4 years ago he finally admitted it all and i chose to forgive him and try and move forward, we have to some degree, however both his parents have passed in the past two years, and I am left feeling lonely, he shouts at me all the time, I cant tell him how I feel, he constantly says he will leave especially if I try and talk about my feelings, he has moved out but I still see him and we have agreed to go to councelling he was making a significant change although only been two weeks, and he left me to tell the kids, but he chose to drink again the other day he did tell me but never said sorry just said i feel so much better like i should be happy that he has constantly been letting me down for 18 years, I just said you cannot choose to drink when life gets tough so that you can cope with life its no way to show our children how to deal with there problems, he seems to think this is ok cause they wasn't there my problem is i feel like im constantly waiting for him to let me down and feel like i cant get on with my life because im constantly thinking he will let me down because hes not choosing to be responsible, he also arrived late by 2 hours and, walked out on me after i explained how i felt, after he promised to take thekids out to get a suprise birthday present for me, im the one left picking up all the pieces all the time just dont know what to do anymore dont feel i can live like i have another kid to look after, I need someone to look after me too, and think i deserve more, what does anyone else think?? please reply

YES! It's time to move on! It sounds a lot like what I'm going through. I'm sure you love him, there's no doubting that seeing as it is such a difficult decision. But you must think about what this is doing to the children, and what would happen if the children are exposed to the behavior. They're not stupid, they pick up on the vibes of the house. You also have yourself to worry about. There is absolutely no situation where a man should treat a woman this way. NEVER. Find a gentleman who will respect you and your feelings instead of shunning them away. Find the inner strength to get out of this. There is only so much you can do, the rest is up to your partner, who doesn't seem willing to change. Just because his parents died does NOT mean it is okay to let the abuse continue. Best of luck Paula! <3