Marriage breakup

hi i am 41 years old been married for 12 years 2 years ago went to a old friends reunion and met an old flame i havent seen for 20 years felt relly strange there was no attraction there whatsoever but felt excited cos he was giving me a lot of attention brought me drinks all night and talked nothing happened between us he was married too anyway a few days later he sent flowers round my mums house with a note to say his sorry about what happened years ago because he cheated on me gave me his mobile no i did text him back out of politeness anyway i went on holiday and when i got back he rang me and decided to meet up we started a affair he wanted to leave his wife and be with me from day one which he did but i wasnt going nowhere at the time had a child of 5 years old my marraige was dead anyway but i wasnt moving out we was soul mates he wanted to marry me he rented a flat i promised to move in which i didnt i kept stalling stayed with him occasionally then i found out he was thinking about moving abroad he said if i cant do it he is going abroad which he did pay some money into so i know that wasnt lies we then decided to rent a house which i agreed to move into which i did couldnt get settled kept saying wanted to go home give my marraige another chance was very mixed up in the end i went on friday but now im here i miss him very much and dont think i done the right thing i am a total mess i cant sleep cant eat got pains in my insides he wants me to move back i am having councelling at the moment but what im thinking do i feel sorry for my husband to come back i love him but only as a friend i cant think i could get intimate with him after i have been having a affair for 2 years help x