My boyfriend the cuckhold?

I am 22 and my boyfriend is 29, we have been together for about three years. I love my boyfriend and would like to someday marry him because he has been so supportive and wonderful since the day I met him. When we first met I was still dealing with a lot of trauma from physical and sexual abuse as a child and he really nursed me back to health. But in the past two years he's begun to tell me about his 'fetish' for cuckholding (he wants to watch another man have sex with me). I have told him it makes me feel really uncomfortable and I had a lot of trouble understanding it, why would he want to take that intimacy out of our relationship? He's explained that since I'm attractive he likes watching men fawn over me (because he knows they want me but I'm his?). We talk about it a lot. He tried to stop, but every single time we are in the moment he reverts back to talking about it and when he drinks he begs me to call someone and have sex with them while he listens. It's a compulsion for him - and I feel really guilty denying him of what he wants so badly. About a year ago I caved and we did it a couple of times - each time I felt really disgusted with myself. I told him I couldn't do it anymore, because mentally it was taking too much of a toll on me and it was destroying my recovery. He said he understood and was very sweet about it for a while, but now his pleas are even stronger now then they were before. When I refuse to let him talk about it he is just silent during sex and closes his eyes while I know he's thinking about it. It seems like and all-or-nothing situation so we agreed that SOMETIMES we can talk about it, but it's restricted to talk. He's broken this a couple times by sending guys on my phone sexy pictures of me (it's embarrassing and those guys never respect me again because they think I just sent them nudes out of the blue while having a serious bf whom I talk about constantly). Now I find myself liking the attention because not only is my boyfriend very happy with me, but these guys are so flattering even weeks after the fact. But I know it's not genuine flattery, and when I wake up from the game of it all I have a lot of self-loathing. I've never been a promiscuous person, it's ironic I become one once I meet the man I love. I ask myself a lot if I'll ever be worth more than a sex object. I shouldn't feel this way, I am kind, loving and in law school seeking a respectable profession. I don't know what to do. He's promised me so many times he'll quit it but he's set in his ways & I honestly don't think he knows how to be sexual without it. It seems like the only solution is to end the relationship but every other aspect of our relationship is something out of a dream. He's so wonderful to me in every other way. I can't seem to leave him because of all the good, but the bad has just destroyed my self-worth. What do I do?

Your body is your own, he has no right to choose whether you will have sex with different men if it makes you uncomfortable. He also has no right to send pictures of you without your permission. Tell him that you love him, but do not feel comfortable having sex with other men. Remember its YOUR choice, not his. Only do what your comfortable doing, otherwise you could be mentally scarred for the rest of your life, and be left with a terrible reputation. Good luck, hope he manages to stop so you are happy :)

Thank you so much for your response! I truly appreciate you taking the time and effort to thoughtfully help someone else - especially with a problem so...unique. But I was wondering on what you would do in this situation? Would you end the relationship, or is there another solution? He will likely agree to stop, but if past actions can predict anything then he will continue to talk about it the minute he has an excuse (ex. tired, drinking, etc.).

Its my pleasure to help. If i were you i would probably have to end the relationship, but thats just because i would hate sleeping with other people. You could also try to find someone who can help him get rid of his problem. Just do what feels right to you

Being honest , He has issues , No matter what they say he always will . Think about it like this . In 30 years is this what I want ? You sound way to Smart to not know , sometimes it's best to move on . Sex is great but a hug with meaning is sometimes better .?