Before we resume our relationship should we lay all the cards on the table?

I have been with my partner for almost 7 years. We are both only in our early 20's so we got together at a very young age. We recently had a rocky moment, and currently are no longer together. I made a very big mistake that I regret deeply, and I do not want to be attack for what I am about to divulge I am aware of the mistake I made and am punishing myself. I kissed another guy while still with my partner, that is when I realized that there was either something was wrong in our relationship or with me. So I ended it with him, explaining that i needed some time, as my university work was building up and i was very stressed at the time. In reality my ED was getting worse and I generally was not coping under the academic pressure and it reflected on us. He had spent the last 2 years ignoring the grief he was feeling over losing his mother and i was not helping with him running away from his feelings. So it’s true, i ended it because i kissed another guy, but it was more because i realized if i could do that to him then there must be something wrong (particularly with me). My original plan was not to tell him, but he read my diary so he found out (not the first time he has read it). I am aware I have no right to be angry at him for reading my diary because of what I did to him, though it does annoy me that I know can’t keep a diary. He told me he still wants to be with me in the future and just needs some space, but still wants to work through this and then “ran away”. Over the past 5 to 6 weeks before he admitted to me that he read my diary, he spent the 5 to 6 weeks denying he had read it, and saying he just has this feeling I have cheated. We communication and seeing each slowed down; before I was not sure why but now I am aware (yes I know when you break up you are not meant to see or talk to each other, but he was such a big part of my life and it was never a good bye forever). In that time and actually about a day after he and I original broke up, a new girl came onto the scene. He told me quite quickly about meeting her saying “a fit girl asked for my number”. Since then, he has been spending a lot of time with her and two other friends. Having sleep overs (yes mid 20’s having sleep overs), texting frequently but he has deleted the text messages, in my presence he would refuse to answer her calls, and she would continue to ring him and ring him, he just would not answer, he would normally answer phone calls from me. We were hanging out at that time occasionally but that has stopped now. The last time we saw each other was when he finally told me he had read my diary, to which he told me he couldn’t talk about it because he had to go home as his dad was making him dinner, but as this girl was continuous ringing him I knew he was going to see her. (Not irrational a few weeks before he said he was going home because his dad made him dinner, when he later admitted he was meeting her and his other two friends for dinner and she did ring him before he left and he ignored the call). Furthermore, he even cancelled on a family member for her which he wouldn’t do for me. He has told me that he does not like this girl, and I know I do not have the right to judge or complain. I strongly believe he does, and perhaps this is because I feel so guilty, though he has emotionally cheated on me in the past and I only found that out because I found the evidence on his phone. Is it my guilty consciousness making me jealous or do these behaviours sound like he may like her? My true question is, if I decide (because it’s not just about him wanting to be with me) that I want to work on me and him, would it be sensible to lay all the cards on the table. Tell each other everything, before we admit to move on, and before he “runs away” again because he can’t cope with his emotions. Would it be fair if I asked him if I could read his conversations to her, because I know he will not tell me the truth. And if he is telling me the truth, at least I can know that I am the one with the issue. Thank you for reading this. Yes I am aware that saving the relationship may not be the best thing, but if I want to try I just want to know what the best moves would be.

You seem to know what your doing. You do have a right to be made that he read your diary, I know you have done him wrong but just because of that doesn't make it okay for him to do u wrong (read ur diary). You have every right to be mad but with all of what has happened it sounds like there has been a lot of dishonesty, I almost can't keep up with it. I think you were on the right track when you said 'should I lay all the cards on the table.' Talk to each other and it will make sense. It may just be that you are wanting to see other people and you have lost the spark. Honestly when I read this you seem more like friends to me than you do partners. I think that is the reason you kissed another man and he is seeing this girl, I believe that he has feelings for her and you both are starting to part. I don't think there is an issue with you or him but you just want to see other people. To confirm this try and picture a future with him, do you want to be with him or not. When you decide, lay all the cards on the table and tell him what you want, I'm sure he will do the same. If you don't then you may always have questions. I understand that you want to read his text because there has been a lot of dishonesty but in that moment when you are coming out with the truth then you should trust him to do the same. I don't think it will not be the best thing if you don't save the relationship or not, what matters is if you want to because if you want to then it will work out. Don't forget to keep an open mind.

One of the basic requirement of a relationship is trust. In your case its missing both ways. He lies and cheats so you need to look at his messages to know the truth and he needs to sneak on you by reading your diary secretly. If still you decide to continue the relationship, you both will have to be transparent with each other. If you are not comfortable being transparent, it means the relationship has still not reached the maturity and depth it requires to survive.