Marriage in question

Ok, bear with me I'm new at this but I don't have any girlfriends to talk to and very limited family. I am 15 years younger than my husband. We met when I was 19 and he was 35....it took us ten years before getting married because he had been married twice before and had 3 children. Basically all he wanted to do was run the roads and have sex with anyone and everyone, he was the BIGGEST cheater of any man I ever dated. I finally just called broke it off and it was like a light switch went off and he said he wanted to get married wanted to see if I would stick around wasn't sure cause of the age difference and so on so we got married and it was like nothing changed it was ok for awhile but the cheating started again and our marriage has been a roller coaster for a long time, well now my husband is much older as I, and things been pretty quiet for awhile great for me then he starts going thru periods of where he will not have anything to do with me he will not lay with me, cuddle with me, hold my hand and goes through long periods where we don't have sex unless I make a big deal out of it by then I don't even want him to touch me. It has been going on two months since we have had sex or any kind of physical contact so me being a women and our past history I did something that I know was wrong and is something I have never done before I looked thru his cell phone and what do I find a pic of a girl he works with in a VERY little string bikini and some other chic with double D's in a bikini top for someone that is a size B, then the master list of 58 women he has been with which I know a lot of them from his jobs and/or business contact. OMG I was sick, I felt empty still feel sick, well after bring it up to him he said oh well I put that out there to set you up to see if you was going through my stuff and this is your fault cause you going through my phone. REALLY! 27 years we have been together, dated for 10 years and married for 17 and you now out the blue going to put something on your phone email to set me up to see if I'm going through your phone? He said it was because I was acting funny because I wanted to know password to his laptop. I asked for password to laptop cause mine laptop was not charged and needed to print off a document to take to my PCP. but I have no passcodes on my laptop, cell phone, anything all my emails, checking, phone, computer is open to him at any time but EVERYTHING he has, has a passcode, locked, phone always laid screen side down. Again I know I was wrong but when you get those old feelings and then your partner doesn't want anything to do with you what would you have done?

Hi firstly without sounding judgmental your relationship sounds very unhealthy he has complete control of you. Why do you want anything more to do with him? Its sounds like you are living different lives just two people living in a house. where is the love and companionship ??? No where in your post have you mentioned any connection, it just sounds like it has become 'mother and son' he is rebelling against you, he sounds extremely immature and to be honest sleazy. You can do better than this...... Real love never makes you feel like 59 on the list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are going around in circles in his game and it is YOUR LIFE AND TIME that you are allowing to be thrown away and wasted ...... Ask yourself how are you going to feel in 5 years time when all of this is still the same???? You were a kid when you met this older man he has had the best years of your life already. Run sweetheart and find a MAN because you have not found him yet.

After reading your post i have to admit i was frankly floored... almost speachless. And it wasn't that he's an obvious (bad word) It was that you been basically saying through your actions... that it perfectly fine for him to have sex with (as you put it) anyone and everyone. Why are you surprised and confused? 27yrs? For real? what in the world has gone through your head saying this is ok to endure? Have you no respect for yourself? It almost sounds like you did this just for kicks and giggles and to see how you could waist 27yrs and plunge yourself into misery. Ever heard the quote, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me..." How many women did you say he had on his phone? like 30? so... 58x shame on you? If we were gonna go by this quote. AND you feel bad for checking his phone... if i where a Ahole i want to learn from this guy. Now... What i said was harsh but you gotta wake up. Get out, this is insane enough's enough. kids or not outside influences aside. all your doing is staying caught in this fish net so to say that you fell into at age 19.