Please help, I'm desperate, its a long story im sorry

let me just tell you, this is going to be long, i am so sorry but i really need help. This is not your ordinary story. Ok so let me tell you about my story, im a senior in high school, i dont know if this is only for adults but i really need help please, just hear me out. When i was in 9 th grade i met this amazing girl, (lets call her julie) she was beautiful and we started talking and one thing led to another and i started to like her. I liked her throughout my freshman and sophmore, in our sophmore year is when we got really close we talked every day and i felt like this could really happen but there was some things that bothered me about her, there were some other guys that she would also talk to and even flirt with and i am sure that she knew how i felt but she still did it, i tried not to pay attention to it but it was killing me inside, and by junior year i was ready to tell her how I felt, when junior year came by i was talking with one of our mutual friends and we were talking about her and i told her that i didnt like how she flirted with other guys becuase she looked slutyish doing it. What i didnt know is that she was with Julie, julie saw the messege while my friend was in a basketball game, (my friend is also a girl) ok so she saw the messege and she got mad, and when shes mad she really is mad, well not really mad but upset and you see, Julie isnt the type of lovley dovey girl others are, she is cold, honestly, its like if she had no feelings. So she was upset and she told me she had read the messege the day later and i freaked out, i tried talking to her but ahe didnt want to hear anything from me. That happened on a friday and it was the same day that i suffered alcohol intoxication, i was so upset with myself and with all that was going on, here i am thinking that something could happen and i just mess everything up. So next monday i talked to her i told her i was sorry and she said ok but it obviously was not ok. My whole junior year was a blurr, i tried talking to sort of get her trust back and it kinda worked. But i had stopped having feeling for her because i realized that nothing would happen. So senior year comes by and we started talking again, little by little we started getting along again and i started devoloping feelings for her AGAIN (big mistake). On April it was our yearly high school trip and we went to a camp, she had fractured a meniscus slighlty the week before, she could still walk but just not force her leg or anything, it was a week long camp, and surley i saw my chances of getting closer to her, i helped her out with her things every day, i even carried her from place to place. I felt like we were getting close atlast. We came back to school but she didnt for the first day and i was talking to her best friend and she asks me if i liked her again, and i just told her the truth, i told her that yes indeed i did, that she was the most beautiful girl i have ever seen and that i could not live withouf her, she was amazing, and sure enough she goes on and tells Julie that afternoon. Next day, Julie came back with crutches, and in 5th period i asked her bff if she had told julie about what we talked about and she said she had and i asked her to tell me what she said and at first she didnt want to tell me but she did at the end, she told me that she didnt feel the same way, that she just wanted to be friends, that i was super sweet and everythin but she just did not like me. I felt how my herat shattered into pieces, i felt my souls just coming out of my body, words cant describe how awful i felt. I felt horrible and it was noticeable, teachers even asked me if i was ok, so that afternoon i text Julie and just told her everything and she told me it had al been a misunderstanding, taht she didnt tell her bfff that she didnt like me, she just said it was too soon, that we had barley started talking well dueing high school trip, so i felt reliefed, i felt like i still had a chance. Because her fracture had gotten worst, so for the next three weeks she had crutches so i helped her with her backpack, with her books, taking her books out of her locker, walking alongside her to every class, (we had every class together). And she loves cheescake btw so i gave her one on the second week and she did show thankfulness she gave me a hug but i felt her like she was indiferrent, i think thats the correct term, but the thing is that i have always felt her that way. When i see her with other guys she is always laughing and she always tells me how funny they are, i make hel laugh too trust me, but its just that she is totally different with me. Julie has twi best friends that she tells everything too, one is a girl and the other is a guy from another school (we dont get along that well) . And lets say that were talking and everything through text, well at the same time were talking, she is screenshotting our conv and sending it to those two. She makes fun of me constantly and i tell her wow thats mean but shes always like you know its with love blablabla but when i make fun of her she gets really upset. Ok so, tomorrow is our last day of school, its half a day and today i got added into this facebook conversation about a party being held by some sophmores and she was already in the group before i had been added, and i saw the conversation and she was talking perfectly fine and lauging and what not but as soon as i got added she just puts "wow" "woooow" and i put "what is this" and the sophmores are like ohh its a party and what not (my school is small, and since some of my classmates have sibling in the 10th grade, including Julie, the seniors and sophmores get along fine) ok so this guy from 10th leaves the conv along with another one, and both of those guys were the ones who organized it, and as soon as they leave, Julie leaves, so i text her and i say, why did you put "wows" when i joined the group and she tells me "its cause i wanted to invite other girls but they told me not too but then they added you" so i was like "what about me" and she just responds, "well idc if they do or dont invite you" so i just tell her "ok bye" and she does not respond back. I feel so angry and upset right know, who or what did this to her that she is so heartless, i have treated her like a queen i have been nothing but nice to her for the past years despite that stain in my junior year but i have already talked to her about that and she says she had already forgetten about it. Like, what is wrong with her, i have spent so much time, effort and money in her, its like if nothing mattered to her. She would always acknowledge if i messed up or did something wrong but she would never acknowledge all the good things that i have done for her. There is a war going on in my emotions right know, i dont know if wether to cry my heart out or just scream out loud. She is having surgery June 2nd and i was going to take her some roses and a stuffed bear or something but know i just want to forget her. I need help please. I would grealty appreciate it. Sorry for writing a whole book.

Wow...that was long. You don't need to apologise so often, except if you did something wrong. I would forget about her, if anything was meant to happen, it would of already. Why you waste your time, when there is literally billions of other girls that would appreciate your time and effort. You sound very caring and plenty of love to give, just need to find the right person who is willing to return the love. Your still young and heaps of opportunities will come your way...this is not the only one.

I am by no means an expert but I live in the hope that a good relationship is supposed to make a person feel better than that. You sound like you go thru most of it unsure and walking on eggshells. Two people are supposed to "build" each other up in a way. Being in love should feel awesome! If you can, consider letting her go. There is some one out there that will appreciate the effort you are apparently willing to put into a relationship. Open yourself up to that option in your life.