Feeling like a yoyo

Hi guys and girls, This is my first ever post so ill try and be as precise as possible. Over 2 months ago I found out a girl I have fancied from a far liked me. One night we was having a drink after work ( I am a chef in the pub and she is a regular customer, she is also a friend of a former work colleague). We have a great night of chatting and getting to know each other yet neither one of u knows we fancy each other. The next day i take my nephew to nursery and get a text from my former colleague asking if "Angel" can have my number. i got excited and said yes. I then played the waiting game. i eventually got a text and found out we have a lot in common. I stupidly told her for ages I have fancied her and how stupid i felt for telling her because she had a bf. She told me she fancies me too. We carry on talking for a couple of days and then she comes round my house on the friday night. We sit on opposite sofa and flirt, i try impressing her with playing guitar, magic, impressions the usual geeky way i go about things. We then kiss. She still has a bf. We talk loads more and then her friend invites me and her round her house because she can see we like each other and although she is cheating it turns out she isn't happy with her bf. We sit cuddle and kiss and then as i leave we passionately kiss. The next day she tells me she cant do this. We carry on chatting like normal until she tells me one day she has dumped her bf. I be as supportive as possible but cant help but think there is nothing stopping us now. She tells me she needs sex and i get instantly jealous that she is just going to go out there and find it so tell her if that is what she wants she can have me. (i know this is stupid and probably a rebound but i cant help but want to be with her) We have sex and it was amazing. we then carry on a secret relationship for a week until she says she cant do it (again). Once again we go back to being friends but that lasts a couple of days and we back together again. this time it lasts 2 weeks and the same happens again, couple of days pass and yet again we back together. this time we feel really strong but yet still a secret. I cook for her, we watch films, snuggle on the sofa, do everything a couple does and it feels amazing. we write poems for each other, sing songs together. its perfect. Until... We find out we are pregnant, she decides we cant keep it so goes and gets a abortion. I don't hear from her in fact her friend tells me everything which annoys and "Angel". 2 days later i get invited round her house to stay the night, so i pack my work bag as well as a overnight bag turn up at hers and her friend is there. next min her best friend turns up and this little private evening we were meant to have to try and re kindle what we had was gone. I manage to kiss and cuddle "Angel" but she look at me and says this is weird and she needs to get use to it again. I sit next to her rub her leg and everything seems good until i get up to get a drink and her friend takes my seat. eventually "Angel" taps on the empty seat, i sit next to her and she places my hand on her leg. her friends eventually leave and i get told "Angel" just wants to be alone so i leave as well after a kiss and a cuddle. The next day I finish work and get a text from "Angel" saying once again she cant do this. i wrote her one more goodbye poem and deleted everything i every had from her. Got drunk and woke up hungover and went to work. Found out she was at my work and couldn't believe she had the nerve to not even give me some space. Told her via text I'm not ready to see her so left it at that. I finished work and had a drink at the bar until my dad turned up to take me to pick up my son. As i go to leave "Angel" runs up to my dads car and gives me a massive hug in front of everyone telling me she cant live without me, seeing me hurts too much. I asked her what does she want then? she said she would text. On my way to getting my son i get a text saying she wants to give us another go and she now realizes that when i play like i don't want her she want me more. After a couple of hours she changes her mind and says she just wants to be friends I say OK and leave it like that. The next day i wake up to a phone call from her telling me she is in a lot of pain because of the surgery she had to go through, the conversation eventually got onto us and i said after everything we been through do you really think we can only ever be friends and she said no. Told her i doing nothing all day the weather was rubbish so me and my son just playing at home, she came round and cuddled me and kissed me and played with my son. She left and said she would be back later because i promised her dinner. She stayed the night and it was amazing. My next day of was Tues this week so as a surprise she turned up at mine on the Mon night and stayed with me until weds afternoon. During this point i slipped a vertebrae in my back and she helped me. I now haven't seen her since and we have hardly text. She isn't very good with sympathy and told me she doesn't like hearing i miss her or love her although that is how she feels too. I invited her round my house last night and rather than say no she ignored me. This morning she sent me this text. "I just don't want to spend my time in. No I'm not good with sympathy I know but i do try. Sorry I don't text much I just don't know what to say when your telling me you wanna see me and miss me and so on. I do want to see you obviously but don't know how to be. As you know sometimes I'm just like this. I need space and time away from anything serious. that just happens to be you. I'm not doing it all again, I just want and need you to know that at the moment we are unlikely to work as I'm so set in two minds. Still we can see where it leads. But i cant handle the seriousness if it all. I cant handle being the only one that you have and that cares" is that her dumping me? but she says we can still give this a go? I wouldn't mind but on Tues as i was having a shower and she was lying on my bed and she sent me this. "Hi you, hope your okay. Just a little message to let you know how grateful i am for knowing you. you are extremely sweet and generous. SO thoughtful and loving. Attentive and caring. it's almost unbelievable your a straight male. Lol. Too good to be true. I'm sorry if i ever make you feel sad or treat you badly. I am a very messed up individual and in the process of changing my life and attitude around. you have been here through it all since we met. nothing has scared you or made you want to run off. And that's heart warming and relieving to know there not a lot I could do that would make you leave. Not that i would ever chance it. I'm happy i have you in my life. I am extremely lucky to have met you and to have kept you in my life. I feel a lot for you even if i don't say it often and always want you to know that. I'd always be honest and try to do the best for you. I'd never want to be the one to hurt such a impassioned person. Your sentimental, admiring, appreciative, loyal, considerate, awesome!! And completely incredible. thank you for being who you are..... Please help me someone I am so confused. If you have any questions please do not hesitate to ask and please be nice

She's not bi polar she suffers with anxiety problems and with me being a "former" sufferer of depression i understand what she is going through. I cant give up on her because when we are together its amazing its just when we not its hard. She is only 21 and i am 29. Shes a mother of a 9 moth old and i have a 4 yr old and a 8 year old. We talk everyday but sometimes she is so distant it makes it hard for me. We have chatted on and off today and i told her that if she wants to talk to me she can text me but i am not holding my breath. if i dont her from her i will just be honest and tell her exactly how i am feeling but when this girl makes me so happy and sad at the same time its hard to know whats right and whats wrong. We have been official for only a month and a week tomorrow but its difficult because i care for her so much