I'm married, but kissed another man
I'm 5 years married to my best friend. We are together 12 years altogether and although I had boyfriends before him, it was never serious, and he is the only man I've ever slept with. He is a good person and a good husband and I love him very much.
For the last few years we have been trying for a baby and are currently going through tests to try find out why it's not happening.
A couple of nights ago I went out to a work function. It was a real dress up affair, and the drink flowed freely all night long. I hadn't been out drinking for about 3 months beforehand, so think the excitement of the night, constant glasses prosecco and wine, and the buzz of just being all dolled up all mixed together to see me very giddy and tipsy.
All night I chatted and joked with a group of maybe 10 people, mostly women. I was enjoying myself and loving the chats and laughs.
When the night was over one of the women said we could go back to hers for drinks, and I was happy to go. Three women and one guy went back. When we got there the drinks flowed again , and more laughter and story telling. I had text my husband so he knew where I was and that was ok.
I'm not sure how long we were there when one of the women decided to call it a night, and left in a taxi.
Then the women who owns the house went upstairs and never came down. She had gone to bed.
That left just me, the man and another woman.
Myself and the man were sitting next to each other on the couch, and the other woman was sitting on another couch at the other side of the room. We were chatting when we realised the other woman was snoring. I put a blanket over her and sat back down next to the man. He's a work colleague by the way, and we would get on well in work but have no contact outside of work).
Some song came on and it was a soppy song and we were both singing along. I noticed him kinda touching my hand a bit but I didn't pull away. I felt a mixture of excitement and flattery and nerves. Then he kissed me, and I kissed him back. With the other woman just across the room! We kissed for maybe 5 minutes, or maybe less, I don't know. It didn't feel real. My eyes were closed and my head was spinning. I was very drunk. I felt disorientated. I knew this was wrong but my brain wasn't working properly. I remember saying 'no, no, this is bad' in the middle of it, and he said 'I know but I really like you and I have done for ages', and he kissed me again, but this time only for a second because I said ' I really can't do this, I have no excuse, I'm married and he's lovely, it's not like I'm unhappy, he's a good person' then he kinda just stroked my arm and said 'I know, your right, it's just I'm really attracted to you and couldn't not act on it, I'm sorry, you're right'.
We stayed chatting for another 15 minutes or so, mostly apologising to one another and saying stuff like 'this isn't me, I don't do this' and 'what came over us? That was crazy' and other awkward things. Then I ordered taxis, woke up the other girl and we left.
When I woke up yesterday I still felt drunk but the reality of what happened hit me like a tonne of bricks. I felt sick!
I rang the guy and said ' oh wow, so last night, that really happened, what the hell where we at? ' the guy has a long term girlfriend who he lives with and he said she was really angry with him for coming home so late, then he said, look, I think we're good people that completely lost our minds for 5 minutes, and are suffering major guilt for it now, but it will never ever happen again, and I'm not going to say a word to anyone' to which I replied 'neither am I' and he said 'ok, look I'll see you on Monday but this is going to be ok, don't worry, we can move on from this'
To be honest, my stomach is sick with the thoughts of the whole thing. Not just what I did but the fact I work with this person and have to continue to work with him.
He's a nice guy and we get on, but I don't know how I'm gonna face him talk about normal work things. This feels huge to me.
I'm asking myself all sorts of questions like did I like him, is that why I did it? Or does it mean something bigger in terms of my own relationship? What does it mean for my marriage?
I've never gone to a counsellor before, but I'm going to see one next week to talk through it. I'm so confused. I'm disgusted with myself to think I would do that after just the tiniest bit of attention and flattery. I'm mortified. I feel like I like myself down and my husband down. I can't stop playing it over again and again. And it's weird, but it's like I need the guy to tell me what I did was ok and I'm not a bad person. I don't know why I need that so much, but I do.
I feel horrible. I feel like my husband deserves so much better, but can't tell him because the guy isn't some stranger, he's a person I see 5 days a week, and I know if tables were turned and I was in my husbands position I would wonder what interactions were happening between the two in work everyday. I'd be obsessed with it. I wouldn't want him around the person. But I can't leave my job.
I think my husband could maybe forgive the kiss, but the doubt would be there, he would wonder if this could happen again, and he would be so hurt.
Any help or advise would be much appreciated.
So you went and MARRIED someone who was your best FRIEND, not your already Bam!, Pow!, "oh my god there is a god!" lover.
You're going through tests BY OTHERS to find out why you can't fall pregnant. Biological ones.
And now you - who finds trust difficult - have been tempted to do your OWN test (already commenced...whilst drunk), approached via the psychological end. Even despite it included you having to become whatever degree of a low-down doity adulterer. Yet obviously (action of posting on a forum after having pulled the snog plug) you don't like that bit.
"I really can't do this, I have no excuse, I'm married and he's lovely, it's not like I'm unhappy, he's a good person'"
But not good enough and you not happy enough to exclude fore-foreplay (open-mouthed kissing) with someone (*ugh) other than him as per the for-life contract? Evidently.
(*'I know, your right, it's just I'm really attracted to you and couldn't not act on it, I'm sorry, you're right'. Translation: Stuff moral taboos, my wanton self-gratification urge is more important than any implement for world peace...but I'm a nice guy, no, really I am.)
Wow, you really do want a baby, don't you. But there's a psychological ingredient missing as naturally affects the optimum biological conditions......
You went and MARRIED someone who was your best FRIEND, not your Bam!, Pow!, "oh my god there is a god!" lover. And then continued behaving like friends as if the mere certificate would do the work and promotion parts for you (or, alternatively, continued accepting the fact that ONE friend couldn't quite dare up his friendship ante to where you felt sated in the affection and attention worthy of marriage department)...
Whoops. Unforeseeable consequence.
...Hence - two aims for the price of one act: psychological fertility treatment + attention and affection.
"what the hell where we at?"
Translation: I believe I wish to say, what the hell, what were we doing only I have a competing urge to chose a phrase that could be taken two ways, to ask, where are we at aka what happens with we two now?
People who are qualified to label themselves good don't keep secrets from the one person in the world they tacitly vowed never to keep secrets from, particularly when the information is the victim's right to know (in order to continue to emotionally protect themselves, particularly whenever their partner's showing they're currently unable to execute their duty of helping them do so... 'right to know' because where there's a problem in the relationship as, with the mere aid of the pigpen gate-unlocker called alcohol, causes behaviour counter to the relationship's chances of continued success, then - AS a team - it takes both members' addressing it together for the solution/outcome to possess any real authenticity or permanent efficacy.
NOT telling your partner is not protecting your partner and your marriage, it's self-protection against having to do the work called, Atonement, so you can ignore likeminded proponents whose choice from the excuses menu is that (yawn) telling your partner is a selfish act geared towards offloading some of the guilt when actually, perfectly logically, if the marriage is half theirs then so is the responsibility over the fact it degenerated to that point in the first place (excluding the choice-of-unilateral-action part, obviously)...because that's how it works.
"but the fact I work with this person and have to continue to work with him. "
No, you don't. Changing jobs or departments and without delay, those things that aren't rocket science, is definitely what I as a fractionally betrayed partner would call you putting your rueful money where your rueful mouth is - enough to help reassure permanently. Wouldn't you?
Team spirit is this:
Houston, we have a problem.
Houston, this team needs to identify then agree over what's causing it.
Houston, this team needs to rectify the causes or agree to seek outside help in it whilst this one team member needs to atone for having almost embarked on a hurtful and potentially damaging test unilaterally without her teammate's consent.
....Houston, you and I have now strengthened our bond (whereby attention and affection follow) by together having conquered a potential crisis which can now longer be called a problem rather than a PAST godsend of a dual warning (not enough attention/affection worthy of marriage) merely in problematic clothing.
Houston, despite we started out as just friends, we now have PROOF that we have utilised a mechanism for cultivating love and respect, enough to now remain together til death do us part.
Houston, well, whaddayaknow - I'M PREGNANT! / Houston, turns out I/you/I+You can't have kids the natural way after all, which is no-one's fault; let's try IVF / adopt / foster / console ourselves with the fact we'll always have each other, and the babies of people we know to borrow, and the freedom and greater financial means to please ourselves.
Life's a bleedin' mystery, ain't it?
It's not the crime that counts, it's the time. True mistakes get owned and rectified. And if you're not confessing - to the victim - you're dodging doing time.
Your choice, as ever.
What are you going to do, then?
Wow! That's a lot to take in.
What am I going to do? I'm going to be the best wife I can be going forward. I'm going to regret what I've done for the rest of my life. I'm going to keep my distance from my work colleague and I'm going to ensure nothing like this ever happens again.
I work in hospitality, so I can't change departments, but I can change my shift pattern. I made that call today and will move from lates to early starting Monday 16th feb. I'll still cross over with him at times, but it will be minimal.
I recall an incident years ago, we were very young, just teenagers, and a girl planted a big kiss on my hubby (then boyfriend) on a night out. I wasn't there but news travelled fast and I knew about it through friends by the next morning. I was heart broken, and even though he said he immediately pulled away, and we stayed together and over time forgot about it, I remember feeling so uneasy every time I knew he would be in that girls company. We lived in a small town at the time, and it felt like avoiding this girl was nearly impossible. I'm not condoning what I've done, and it's a totally different set of circumstances, but I remember wishing I had never known about the stupid kiss, as it tainted things for a while afterward.
in all the years we are together I have never ever done anything like this before, and I can say with confidence I will never allow myself to end up in any situation that could lead to anything even close to this again.
I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me, I can see you feel very passionate about infidelity, however, on this occassion I won't be taking your advice. I don't see any good coming from me confessing, only hurt and upset and doubt, and think my time would be better spent working on my relationship, and working through the issues that are putting so much pressure on us at the moment.
(No, I'm very passionate about fidelity.)
Well, that's all fairly laudible but...
You reap what you sow. So if your planting includes a blight (guilty secret), please don't moan if it affects the crop yield.
For starters, your husband, even when supposedly immature, didn't kiss HER. Other way around. You knowing you can trust your husband to do the right thing when faced with temptation is all it takes for him to remain blight-free when blight (whether or not wearing fishnets) threatens.
Saying that, however, I note you wrote:
"and even though he said he immediately pulled away"
"and though he immediately pulled away".
= I'VE ONLY GOT HIS WORD FOR IT.
Houston? I was correct, she struggles with trust. (I wonder why.)
So your crop had already been carrying a blight, hadn't it. I wonder how that struggle with trust might affect bonding within a romantic relationship contex- oh, wait - could it, would it, on a train in the rain with a fox in a box, Sam-I-Am, possibly always communicate to your husband a sense that you don't fully enough trust *him*, in which case that must mean you're judging him by YOUR standards ergo he'd better hold back a bit just in case? .... like, by not investing his heart too much via (wait for it) an optimum amount of kisses and cuddles, etc? Nooooo, surely not.
But I'll let you off because that was a MacResponse whereas 'a lot to take in', i.e. Egon Ronay-level Petit Degustation, requires the corresponding amount of TIME in which to do so.
Have another little thinkipoos (with or without a little drinkipoos).
Or run away?
Again - your choice.
I mean, *I* don't mind if your relationship continues slowly but surely remaining on the skids, do I. Or do I?
I'm not sure if you are trying to be helpful, or just entertaining yourself with your responses. Either way, I've noted your comments, I've already decided what I am going to do, and I'll deal with the consequences, whatever they might be.
I'm going to suggest that you:
Not tell your husband or anyone else.
You forgive yourself for this drunk-kiss with this guy, lapse of good sense and overdrinking.
You accept his apology/explanation for what happened: "I think we're good people that completely lost our minds for 5 minutes, and Are suffering major guilt for it now, but it will never ever happen again, and I'm not going to say a word to anyone"
You change shifts so you don't run into this guy.
You watch your drinking.
You decide you are not going to let this one incident define your marriage or yourself.
"I'm not sure if you are trying to be helpful, or just entertaining yourself with your responses."
Well, then, let me enlighten you. And note, you don't HAVE to take my advice. But I do have to state it or I'm failing to do this role properly as well as my innate compulsion to be unwaveringly socially and morally responsible - meaning, if you don't want to respond, don't. At least I'll know I've done my bit to the very best of my capability. If it in the meantime hits a nerve and makes you uncomfortable or even gets you all het up, that's your problem, not mine. I'm not going to let that or any insulting aspersions, subtle or otherwise, put me off. So - no - if I feel like entertaining myself, I only have to think of my favourite joke about, what do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? / Dyathinkhesaurus? (works every time :-p)
I'm trying - with the utmost seriousness and sincerity - to advise you to keep your relationship rap-sheet completely squeaky clean. What you're doing might FEEL easier, but that's you making the mistake too many others make, which is paying heed only to the *short* term, meanwhile risking leaving that bud to grow unseen into a thorn bush...
What if your husband ever found out? You just never, ever know. You don't have control over these things. For starters, you've no way of knowing whether this other woman *was* genuinely asleep or whether she might gossip to someone who goes and gossips to someone else, etc.. Plus, you don't know what this bloke might choose to do or whom he might blurt it out to the next time he gets drunk (back and forth male posturing on a lads' night out, for example)! If your husband *did* get wind of it thus realised you'd kept it secret from him - despite he told YOU when someone made a pass at HIM - he'd then have A NUMBER of major beefs with you:
 you didn't foresee and avoid being in that predicament. That's alright, that's a common mistake. What isn't, is...
 ..you showed you don't think of he and you as a team by sharing all information pertinent to the relationship;
 you couldn't extend to him the same courtesy he'd already extended to *you* (i.e. he set the standard of how he wished this relationship to be conducted in such scenarios yet you failed to follow it... WHY did you?). And the tricky piece de resistance...
... WHY would you have kept it secret? For what possible reason? His imagination could go haywire over that one.
NOT mentioning it could make you come across guilty.
But fine, then... 'It's not what you do, it's the way that you do it': give him the truth *cleverly*. Drop it in CASUALLY, as part of general chit-chat, like it's no big thing (because if it's no biggie to you then that must mean it isn't and wasn't any threat to him), and in such a way as draws similarities with his own past incident. You can even introduce is as you 'having something to tell him that you're very proud of yourself over and wholly expect will make him proud of you too'.....such as:
"...then the cheeky ugger only went and bloody kissed me, didn't he! I did for a second *start* to kiss him back...but only because I was so completely off my head at that point (I'm talking room starting to spin) ...as was he, actually, which is probably why it occurred- well, NEARLY occurred in the first place, so don't worry about that bit... but the second I did, I came to my senses and told him NO WAY JOSE!!! Thankfully, he immediately and apologetically backed right off (which was when we woke this other woman and they both left), and, luckily, put his apologetic money where his mouth was by phoning me the very next day to say how stupid and guilt-wracked he felt, assuring me it would NEVER happen again so could I please forgive him and just forget it ever happened. I do believe he was genuinely as shocked as I was, but, still... I am NOT looking forward to spotting him in the corridor at work...HOW EMBARRASSING!. Anyway, I just thought I'd mention it out of respect for that other time with that girl and to show you that, despite I'm not as quick thinking as you, especially when I'm blotto, I can still handle myself in these situations [grin]."
This is what I'd do because my relationship with my husband is stellar and we both want to keep it that way, and it's such precisely BECAUSE we're this 24/7 honest and transparent with each other (Speak-Your-Thoughts machines). Thus it's what I *DID DO* - back in September when at an Indian restaurant with friends (I mentioned it on this forum as apropos to someone's thread) and some bloke tried to come onto me. I sent the guy packing with a friendly piss-take (whilst deliberately flashing my ring), and then told hubbie the minute I got home. I practise what I preach, me.
But, again, it's never what you do, it's the way that you do it, meaning I was careful to be sensitive in the telling. Plus, I *was* moreover affronted, meaning the guy got off lightly, because  I hadn't even caught his eye,  my wedding band is very thick thus too noticeable even from a distance, meaning his chat-up attempt was both un-instigated and unwanted, so  what sort of person did he think I WAS, just from looking at me?! Ugh, basically. So this was the whole tone in which I recounted it to hubby, ergo, he thought it was amusing (the event and my comeback), flattering to him *and* reassuring. And I know him...had it made him feel the slightest bit threatened and worried, either he'd have said so there and then, or, if for some reason hadn't felt capable, would have shown in his behaviour at some point (I was watching for it regardless).
It happens, in other words. Not just to you. It how you deal with it that makes the difference. So if life hands you lemons, don't HIDE them where they could one day trip you up or cause a rotten stink. Make lemonade out of them.
Hubby had a similar experience when we were in our first year - with his ex. She emailed him out of the Blue, and he proudly showed me both her smarmy email and his polite yet nonetheless "on yer bike!" response. So this was me subconsciously- not *setting* the standard but showing my maintaining it as per our agreements over only having eyes for each other and always, ALWAYS being 100% honest with each other no matter WHAT. So if for some reason he'd got funny about it, I'd have just dealt with it.
That's what it takes to have a Grade A romance that never dies. WORK. Not work you put off until 'tomorrow' - TODAY.
Just, why leave yourself open if you don't have to. Better safe than sorry. And a stitch in time saves nine.
(As you were...)
It happened to me,too last Jan.31,2016, and it happened again in the following days. I feel so bad since then. We were not drunk. I feel like I am hypnotized by the guy. He is my workmate also. Damn, my husband is such a good person and we were together for almost 7 years now. What should I do. I think my husband will not forgive me.
HIKARI, you can't take up an obsolete thread as your own, no matter any similarities, so if you want feedback and advice it's best to start a new one (and copy and paste that post into it as your opening post), okay?
Bad things happen.Yes.but wat i d recomnd u is NEVER EVER tell him ! I dont know which country u belong from but where i live I don't think men here like us to talk to strangers , men are our protectors and the bread earners, men on the whole are possessive of their females all around the world specially in case like yours if you have been too much loyal to each other,however if we assumed both of u to be flirt or too outgoing-means in case of slping wid ppl etc then u could share an event like a normal secret،but remember this is not merely a secret its equal to CONFESSING A CRIME/yes disloyality is a crime another man can not touch u after u r marryd to sombdy-if i take myself into account i can never allow any guy to touch me its only my hubbys right to see and love me even he says my loyalty is his most precious asset
so if u do confess then he forgives or not for ur crime is his decision- I would recommend you should avoid telling him n you should change your job or timings as soon as possible because he that boy may try to exploit the situation tell your hubby though it has little chance but still you should be careful. If I ws on ur place I would never have told him because he loves me so much and respect me so much and really trust me like anything and if you are guilty and try to relieve ur guilt by telling him still doesn't prove to be beneficial for you and other than that it creates a doubt in his heart that would be very mych lowering The respect he has in his heart for you. However for the next time please be careful and never do such a blunder because he's a gem and you should not lose him just for your stupid or foolish acts .i mean any sophisticated or a ONE MAN WOMAN (a proud title for me
and hopflly for u too ) wont like to stress her relatn or leave a man whom she loves or take him in a position where he might leave ? Becoz misunderstanding happn somtym and do miracles/ And ya most imp if u both want kids u shud adopt one. I think it is a better idea for both of you good luck.do share progress
SOULMATE (moderator), is this seriously your job? You're the worst! Way to make someone who, already understands and feels terrible guilt for what they've done, feel chronically worse. I also could not fathom if you were ACTUALLY being serious or just having a laugh at her expense.....alone in your tracky bottoms in your living room.
IAMHIM (person claiming to be an unregistered passer-by),
For your information, I have only the *one* bottom and and it doesn't ever tend to leave tracks (- speak for yerself!)
. You're quite correct, though, I did forget the typical-forum rule of only ever responding with whatever would leave me super-popular, particularly amongst the most naive and dupe-able who 'can't tell' quite a lot.
Allow me show you for future ref what someone who hates feeling guilty looks like:
Try-it-on, cheating sleazebag makes pass at loyally-married woman;
Married woman slaps sleazebag's face and leaves.
Oh, and FYI again: so drunk I didn't know what I was doing tends NOT to be so plugged-in she 5 minutes beforehand notices the sleeping other person needs a blankie and a tucking-in.
Pointer much appreciated, though. I'll inform the vicar, you cancel the cake, yeh?
(By the way, dwahling, am loving your tu-tu and Toys R Us tiara!
Hey its really grtt to hear tht u really care n lot of emotion for ur hubby...v only come to kno abt our loyalty only when things like this happens.u kissed him thn u realised that u hv done mistake bcoz u really love ur hubby n dnt want to cheat him.but since commuting mistakes is a part of human nature n being human it happened but determined urself for not to continue or commit such mistake is the real proof of being loyal
SOULMATE is totally right and we all know it. Most people don't confess- You ask for advice of what you should do- you got the RIGHT advice. Needing to hear this guy tell you it was OK- It was not OK.
Own your truth- You did not expect to hear the REAL TRUTH and the RIGHT ADVICE. Most people would never confess that's the reality. However most people don't have a commitment that SOULMATE has with her husband that they will be 100% Honest with each other NO MATTER WHAT!
In the end we all do what serves us best But don't shoot the messenger..
Righd AWN, sistah!
(...and more like her as well, please, Bartender!
Truth-seekers are never popular. Except with other truth-seekers. (That'll do me nicely!
Back too Ya My Sistah from another mother!!
Ah cawlled *you* 'sistah', dun't mean Ah iz wurn too, ...'kayyy, shugah?
(Awlthough, dang naace trah, they-yer, at tryin-a git' me ter disclows mah gendah.
Sentiment accepted, though.
I'll stand by my original post.
I don't know how old ya all are, but after 68 years of age, married, divorced, remarried, widowed, mother of 4, grandmother of 5, and now in the dating world, I'd say that she can get through this and it won't be the worse thing that will ever happen to her and her marriage.
And I'll wait for the medical exam of both of them before commenting on their struggle to get pregnant.
SOULMATE: I accept the ASSuming Award.
I too stand by my post as well-doing what is right as it relates to this issue is hardly ever the path taken.
I also agree with SUSIEDQQ that is won't be the worse thing that will ever happen to her or her marriage. It was important to hear the argument for doing what is right. 99% of us in this situation would do exactly as SUSIEQDD posted.
Nah... Don't say a word about it. You were drunk and you kissed - One of those long young people type kisses too <shrug>.
The planet won't stop revolving around the Sun if you don't tell him. I'm sure you'll survive if you don't tell him and I'm certain that he doesn't need to know. There's a difference between sex and kissing.
Not sure how anyone can say they're "certain" he doesn't need to know, given the fact that he made his own standards and expectations perfectly clear on that score, back when he himself was the 'victim' of a come-on. Other than that, I've said everything that needs saying so...you lot carry on if you want, but I'm sat back, counting the money. ;-p
(SK, that award doesn't exist. For the fact that I'd have to go into mass production, LOL. What you *can* have is the Biggest B*lls on the Block award.
SOULMATE: Meant as in the universe of sisterhood (wrongly) To award Biggest B*lls on the Block Award -comment never was to imply same race- so on behalf of the Academy I accept
(Good stuff. PS: Don't ever drop it, will you.
Amazing how long this subject has carried on.
I guess it's the nature of the topic - emotive yet one of those Grey areas. However, if it doesn't close itself through sustained inactivity soon then I'll probably close it myself (as the actress said to the bishop).
Before you close I'd like to say that I totally agree with you. Kissing is the gateway to sex or part of sex. If I were the husband and some how found out through a second party my trust would be broken. I myself have had issues in the past months but I won't elaborate.
Marriage is about trust not tryst.
Well I guess that's it then..
No, if it's sensible debate, based on *facts* rather than wishful thinking, that's fine. On which note - "Marriage is about trust not tryst": I like that saying. Sums it up nicely.
As for what we believe about kissing being the gateway to sex (specifically foreplay, which itself is the main gate): if anyone believes it *isn't*, then...well...All I could say to that is:
Then you must be doing it wrong.
Ahhhh you're back! Well as far as my experience with sex,I would definitely say I'm not an expert. Actually I really don't have any experience at all. However from what I've read passionate kissing lead to touching, petting,etc. So as far I doing it wrong I wouldn't know.
BTW lips are also very much a part of foreplay that's what I've read.
And what Simone Bienne said on the love line.
What did she say? (...although, I'm not sure how this counts as a debate if you and I are in total agreement, lol)
Oh there really isn't any disagreement actually. Just trying to keep the pot stirred,the fire burning. Simone was telling a caller how satisfy his girlfriend. The caller wasn't experienced (like me). So she told him for starters to kiss her well you know where.
Oh, I see. I thought we were talking, in context of the above-type scenario, about mouth-to-mouth kissing being a 'gateway to sex' for the fact of it sparking physical arousal, ergo, whether delayed or in-the-moment, counts as foreplay, ergo, infidelity (albeit, granted, at the thin area of that whole wedge). Certainly, that's what I myself meant and expected you to quote Bienne as more or less echoing. So it looks as if we're suddenly at crossed-purposes, then.
You mentioned foreplay as being the main gate. I merely stated from the above that lips are a part of foreplay. And yes I do still believe either directly or indirectly, mouth to mouth, tongue swapping French kissing caressing lead to sex. After all she did say that the kiss lasted for maybe 5 minutes. That's a long time for kissing. As far as crossed purposes,hmmmmmmmm not following you. I agree with you about her being straight forward and telling her husband about the kiss and not holding back any secrets.
I did say gateway to sex at first didn't I. Lead to or gateway to, I guess there's a difference
Y'know what it all boils down to the lips. It's where the lips have been and where they're going.
Yup. In that sort of scenario, where the kiss (or any intimate contact) lingers for more than half a second - or, put more simply, isn't the kind you'd feel comfortable giving/receiving from your own parent or grandparent - it's an opening of the door, whether or not you subsequently recover your senses and slam it shut again.
(PS: These 'recent issues' of yours. Feel free to start your own thread if you finally find you've a need to.)
Thank you soulmate,but I'm getting over those issues. As one young man said " time heals" and he's so right. And as for our original subject, who knows maybe she told him. Though somehow I think there might have been trouble in the marriage. Personally I don't believe in marriage. I'm not married nor have I ever been married.
Now then,you and hubby should do some summer travel. Like stateside, maybe southern California or San Diego?
I have to be honest, I have never once had the urge to visit America. Mr S lived there once (San Fransisco), but he hasn't any urge to return, either. It's South of France for us this year, holiday-wise, and then in about a year-and-a-half's time we're off permanently to Espana (por favor). But, listen, I don't want to turn this thread into a general chit-chat one. Best to start your own thread, like I say, if you want, where you could 'whistle while you work' to your heart's content.
As for this one, I think it's safe to say it's run its course for now. "Soz".
SOULMATE NO URGE :-8 I'm sensing nose in the air LOL You must see The Grand Canyon, New York- Theater/Art so much raw talent,
New Mexico sunsets flat lands breathtaking. California coastal beeches will leave you saying -America not too shabby.. Can't take anything from South of France-doesn't everybody go there?
The problem is soulmate if I mentioned some of the things that happened in another in another thread. A certain someone might read it.
(SK: no, it's just one of those places that's never appealed, holiday-wise, no doubt exacerbated by the fact I don't like long-haul flights for how they literally do my head in (think it's the aircon gas plus oxygen deprivation (don't get me started)) often lasting for a whole week afterwards, which isn't exactly what I call having a nice time.)
Scopes: okay, although the whole point of forums is  that they're anonymous and  people's problems aren't ever remotely unique enough for the poster not to potentially be literally from anywhere in the world thus unidentifiable. Unfortunately, even these last few asides are tantamount to a forum no-no called thread mutineering.
Right,undoubtedly you didn't say what Tillybops wanted to hear. So she left after a couple of replies. This of course over a year ago. I've gone to a couple thread's here recently. They say don't tell the wife or husband about the infidelity, because it would cause more hurt. I could go on about a lot of things here. Social media, the Internet, texting and so on. They need to hold people more accountable to commitment. Not just, here's your marriage license good luck.
Well, now, that little lot *definitely* counts as 'debate fodder' relevant to this whole issue, rather than pure chit-chat. Where were you hiding it - up your sleeve? LOL
Take it away, expand if you please! To tell versus Not to tell (and everything that has a bearing). I myself will have to comment tomorrow, now, although maybe SK and anyone else would like to join in in the meantime?
Tell your husband. Secrets have no place in a marriage. I've been cheated on just recently and I cannot imagine how awful it would be if he didn't own up and tell me. Yes it hurts.. But living a lie would be so much worse.
He deserves the right to make the decision on whether he can forgive you and move on with you. You're denying him that right and being selfish.
Just my thoughts having been a victim of cheating. And I have never cheated myself.
For the last two years have read a lot about infidelity. The playing field is even now according to statistics. It's not just a guy thing anymore,women are in it too. Ashley Madison helped things along with extramarital affairs. I guess what really bothers me a lot is when kids get involved. It's not fair they didn't ask for it. Again I could go on with this subject,and I undoubtedly will. Food for thought, Michelle Langley.
Oh, I'm sure he'd be able to forgive her, LOYAL GIRL. It's one of those cases where keeping it a secret would be worse than the transgression itself, especially since it'd be a case of 'the pot calling the kettle black'.
(Sorry you got cheated on.
Feel free to start a thread if you need to vent it all out.)
Scopes: Yes, the kids are the real victims. And, of course, cheating always tends to increase during a recession. Me, I can't believe committing adultery isn't an actual crime yet. Still, now that the courts are coming down wider and heavier on emotional abuse, I'm sure it's just a matter of time. I mean if a person can't rely on their own strength of character and self-discipline to stop them from crossing that line, they obviously NEED an outside deterrent.
I have posted a vent and been waiting for your scathing reply. Lol
I mean that in a funny way.
Loyal Girl sorry to hear about your situation. Something like that changes almost everything in a marriage. It's good that you're willing to forgive,most women would divorce. If a man or woman were genuine in asking for forgiveness. Such as crying,begging that would be enough for me to give them a second chance. Of course there would have to be a lot of transparency in the marriage there after. Cell phones, texting, emails etc. It takes to heal the wounded trust again.
Sorry Soulmate I know I need to stop,but it's hard to. If I some how knew which thread to follow to I'd go
Soulmate I guess as long as you stay at this site I'll find all of you. I've noticed that other threads here haven't lasted very long. This one by far has lasted the longest. I guess kissing another when married, with or without the other knowing about it is a sore subject. Which probably makes you wonder why I came here in the first place. "He's a great kisser" what she said to me. Then (my name) I NEED SEX!
This was a relationship BTW not a marriage. I know, I need to start a thread.
Sorry, you two, I'm not ignoring you, just super-super-busy at the mo. Should find time to respond tomorrow.
Oh no worries soulmate, yes we do miss you We'll talk tomorrow.
Hi Scope! My thread is called Hurt and Confused.
Oh yes he has cried a help of a lot. And has also started crying for no reason when things are going well between us. I know true remorse when I see it. You can't fake that .
I'm taking it day by day.
Anyway I'll get off this post now.
Have a happy day every one.
Now is that thread on this site (people's problems)?
Yes, that's what I was going to advise - that you two continue any discussion on LG's own thread. I'll see you over there.