Torn!!!

I am 47 years old and have been in a relationship with a 42 year old man for 3 years, since just after my husband left. I think I am still in love my husband and I dont know what to do. I love the man I live with, but he is such a rude, arrogant, self absorbed person, I find myself thinking about my husband more and more. I have become a totally different person since I have been with him. I no longer have any friends, I am scared to be myself. He is not violent, but his verbal abuse is really bad. I used to be strong and independent but now I am a coward. I do whatever I can to make him happy and it is never good enough. I think I know what I should do, but I need some one to talk to. I dont have any friends near by to talk to. The only ones I do have are related to my partner and I cant tell them how I feel. Can anyone give me some advice. I have a 17 year old sone that still lives with me and I want what best for him too.

Hi Cookie. First let me start off by saying that even if you are not still in love with your husband, you need to get away from anyone that treats you like that or makes you feel any way other than good. Here's the hard part, you are allowing him to make you feel this way--by staying. If you are not happy, the only person who can change that is you. You can not expect him to change or even for your ex to provide happiness for you. That is something that you must seek out all on your own. You can do it. You don't need a man to make you who you are. I don't know if you work or not but, if not, than maybe you should work. Next, find out what interests you and pursue those interests. Live your life as if it was not going to last forever. Because it won't. And your life is important. Also, think of the example you want to be for your son. Do you want him to be a weak and unhappy person who doesn't realize that he has the power within himself to make his life whatever he chooses it to be? Well, the same goes for you. You have the power, everything you need right inside of you to be and do whatever it is you want to be or do. Don't let a man or any person define who you are. That's your job. Here's the good news; it's never too late. You could begin to enjoy a remarkable life that you make for yourself. Then, when the time is right, the person you need to share that life with will come into your life. It's just the way the universal laws work. But, first, you must prepare yourself and your life for it. By treasuring the life that was given to you and not taking any less than something precious to add to it. Please believe me, you can do this. Start to imagine what you want your life to be like and then start to plan it that way. The things you need to accomplish that plan are available and waiting for you. Stop focusing on and accepting those things of which you don't want--remember, only the things you do want. Make those as much a part of you as your breath and you will see your life change. Look, here you reached out and here, someone is answering. It's the beginning. Now don't let it go at that. Keep moving forward, you already took the first step by asking. This relationship has served its purpose even if you can't see that it had one, but it's time to move on and I think that is very clear to you. Stay strong Cookie and take care of yourself and show your son what true strength and love of self is all about. You can do it!