Im pregnant, and baby mama is stressing me out
My husband has 1 son with a filipino woman, it was a fling while he was in the philippines for 2 months(drunk n drunk n drunk),
n then he met me and we dated for few months and he find out that she was pregnant, and want to be part of the baby life and be responsible for expenses and everything, and we both decided to get married, n now the boy is already 3years old and baby mama never stop acting out since baby was a newborn untill now,
she demands more money, and keep on being mean, telling me all kinds of lies, i can deal with it before and now that i am prgnant, she constantly reminding my husband dont forget about their son even i have a baby with him, and start txting my husband more n use word like daddy and mommy instead of name n i or you, im not gonna lie i feel uneasy about it, insecure plus hormones, i dont wanna fight n lashed out on my husband knowing it wasnt him who is doing all this, its her, but still, i have a feeling and soon im gonna deliver a baby,
is my baby will have to compete with her kid, its disgust me to think that way, my husband family members r all good people, they accept the boy and want to be part of the boy's life, and the baby mama seems to be shoving it on my face for that, coz my in law use her son pics as fb profile and all that, and constantly asking her how is she, they did that out of respect n feel bad, but at the same time i feel hurt and feeling like there is no difference or special being my husband's wife, coz baby mama seems to get it all, except at night im the one who lay down next to my husband,
but the rest she got it all, im trying to be reasonable, but lately im running out of my sanity, and having a baby wants me to protect my kid,
i tried talking to my husband about it, but his response was just quiet and let me talk n didnt say a word after that, he said he cant change what already happen, that boy regardless who is the mom he still his son, i get it,
but then she promise to give him when he is 7yo to my husband n i told my husband i dont wanna raise him, i know im a prick for saying that, but i dont want her to keep on be in my life, n i dont want to raise her son knowing anything i do will be wrong and im.to blame, so i told my husband i will leave if the boy come n live with us, and my husband didnt say a word n said he just wants him.to get a good life, and i said he could but ill leave with a baby that im carrying now, husband didnt say a word, n guess i will leave one day, its sad, all i want is just a normal life that i will never get, i regret and at the same time im depressed, baby mama was so happy when she was pregnant, she told me 2 years ago that her whole prgnancy was amazing and my husband care about her n stuff, n then i saw it on my own eyes how my husband really was nice to her after she deliver the baby, part of it coz he feels guilty, n now that im pregnant, he just keep quiet when i told him.things..jesus i feel like a bitch for doing this, im really confused and all i do was nothing but being nice to baby mama, should i really leave? I dont want child support or anything, i nust dont wanna hurt my feeling and my baby feeling one day..
Yes, I'm sure your hormones are all out of wack, but dear, you must accept that this 3 year old child is in your husband's extended family and they care about him. Just like they will care about the new baby. You must expect that and rejoice that his family is so loving to all children.
Now about the baby-Mama . . . why do you give her so much power in your life? YOU are with your husband, not her. Focus on that.
I hope your husband is re-assuring you that you are utmost in his life at this time. Perhaps this is what is really bugging you - he is too quiet when you express your concerns. But he is right: there is nothing he can do about the past. He is not a mind reader. Let him know that you need him to show how important you re to to him. Speak up and tell him what you want him to do for you, like take you out, rub your back, bring you flowers. But realize he cannot change the past.
(I also recommend that you not get into discussions with the baby-momma. It does you no good.)
Peace and rest to you.
Thats the thing, sometimes i dont care and dont think about her at all, and happy with my loving husband, and the phone will beep, a message from her saying she needs money coz the boy is sick, and everytime its like that,
they live in the philippines, and then everytime my in law posted pics of me and my husband, there she is will post pic of her son and send it to my in law n my husband,
im not giving her any power, but she somehow manage to squeeze herself in, no matter how.i tried hard not to give her the option,i stop talking to her 2 years ago on fb,
after she asked money to my husband for her mom n her 2 other kids with another guy,n my husband refuse to give and then she texted me and said tell my husband either he wants to help or not, n i was grieving coz my dad passed away n i cant make it to the funeral, so i gave her a piece of advice and a fb removed, and then i met her few months after that, coz my husband visited the boy and she is there all the time, and didnt leave the boy to us, that boy is a spoiled baby too, he scream and scream when he didnt get anything he wants, so she said to me thank god my husband has baby with her coz im not pregnant yet that time..and when i told my husband n in law this, they laugh n said let her be, she is just being mean, u see..i cant be positive at all..there is always something, oh now im throwing a rant
And also susiedqq thank you for your advice, all i want sometimes is probably just assurance, and my husband is quiet m just said he loves me, i dont demand much u know, but sometimes take care of my feeling without me asking..i hope it gets better once the baby is here, im too emotionally drained right now
It's a special time for YOU.
Get your hair and makeup done. Get a massage. Buy yourself something nice.
Don't stress. Your unborn baby feels stress, too.
Try to relax and, like your in-laws say, "let her be." She has no power over you and your husband and your baby.
Hey there. I know you posted this a week or so ago, but I just saw it and wanted to offer some support and encouragement. I can see how frustrated you are and I understand how you are feeling. It sounds like your situation is a bit complicated, but from my angle, I see where there is a lot of hope for you, your husband, and your kid(s).
Congratulations on your pregnancy, first of all! What a blessing. Just being pregnant can make you feel crazy! I have been there, girl, so I totally get it. Those hormones can make you super irrational, so recognize your feelings as real, but remember that the hormones might be making you feel worse than you usually would. I remember someone telling me that exact thing when I was pregnant with my kids.
The good news I see here is this....You have a loving husband. A guy who is so loving that he is wanting to give his son a good life, no matter how much you or he may dislike the boy's mother. He is willing to put his feelings aside in order to make a good, comfortable life for his boy. It sounds like his parents are doing the same. They are embracing this child and, truthfully, what kid doesn't deserve to be embraced and loved? We all need that, as kids and adults. Don't confuse their love for that child with a dislike for you. I don't think that is the case. I think they just want to give that little boy a fair chance at a good life.
I know you are feeling insecure and I understand why, but really what I see is you saying your husband gets quiet instead of loud and mean and hurtful. He is being a quiet strength in your family and he loves you enough to control his emotions even when you might be a little emotional. That is a wonderful thing for you and your family.
Just because he is loving this child and being respectful to the boy's mother, does not mean he does not love you. I think he loves you very much
Not sure if you are open to this sort of thing, but have you prayed about your jealousy and worries? I only suggest it, because when things have been bad for me, prayer has always worked. It calms me like nothing else can. Also, there is a website that offers really incredible resources for blended families, etc. It helps with all of life's challenges. You might be able to find some good articles on there? Just an idea. The website is http://www.focusonthefamily.org.
I will say a prayer for you and your baby-to-be and your family. You are a strong woman and you got this, girl! Love your husband and both of those babies. The one in your belly and the step-son. You can do this. Blessings to you. Merry Christmas!