Autism - Who am I?

Dear reader, I'm a 16 yo girl who is very probably autistic (runs in the family and my parents recognised it in both me and my brothers, a psychologist specialised in autism recognised it years ago and this year my autistic family doctor and current psychologist recognised it too. Im currently waiting for an appointment with a psychiatrist to get more information.) Anyways, I've lately been depressed due to school and social trouble and it has come to my attention that my moods have been changing involuntarily way more often. I would like to clarify that I'm not talking about going from happy to irritable. Compare it with a responsible, carrying and worried mom who puts way too much pressure on herself switching towards a 4 yo kid who doesn't realise that they are hurting their friend with saying certain things and who will be overly happy, dragging other around, and not always would I fully remember the details of the times I am like that afterwards. Please note that before this depression I would be usually the too responsible adult (for my age), which also was due to my living situation. Apart from this I am feeling less and less like myself, I don't know who I am nor what I would act like. Ever since I learnt about the ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) I've been doubting a big part of how I acted before, not knowing if I have just been copying my parents and started to act like them or if this is part of my self. I also would like to admit that it is really difficult for me to express my emotions, how to identify them, how to talk about them, etc. Lately I have found a way to express them, but it may be a bit weird.. I would act like a dog. If sad or disappointed I would winge. If I'm almost crying I want to howl. I continuously want to crawl on my boyfriend's and best friend's (who are the only ones with who I'm not too ashamed to act like this) lap. I feel like I can be myself when I am acting like a dog. The thing is, they both have jokingly said that I remind them of DID/MPD/Bipolar. I took it as a joke, but after doing some research I don't really know what to think of it anymore. Is it a joke or are they unconsciously on to something? I told my mom about this and she told me not to worry, but I can't get it out of my mind. I know that you can't diagnose someone over a text, but maybe you could give me some advice? I am too scared to talk with my family doctor and psychologist about it, so my only option would be to wait for an appointment with a psychiatrist, but who knows whether I will trust them enough.. Thank you for taking your time to read this message. Sincerely, Me

Hi 'Me' :D Really sorry you haven't had an response yet, it's because respondents are thin on the ground at the moment and I've been having on-off trouble with my internet connection. I'll be freer tomorrow, if you don't mind waiting a little longer. (We're slow but we're good, haha.) Thanks for your patience. :)

Hi again, You got Me. :) I don't read ahead bar the title and first sentance so forgive me my gut response and audible workings-out as I go sentance-by-sentance... "I'm a 16 yo girl who is very probably autistic (runs in the family and my parents recognised it in both me and my brothers, a psychologist specialised in autism recognised it years ago and this year my autistic family doctor and current psychologist recognised it too. Im currently waiting for an appointment with a psychiatrist to get more information.)" You sound very high-functioning (which is what happens when you have to fit-in with Neurotypicals because you don't know why you're different; you mould yourself). Asperger's, yes? "Anyways, I've lately been depressed due to school and social trouble and it has come to my attention that my moods have been changing involuntarily way more often." Well, of course they have. Who are the Mean Girls and what are they doing/saying? Details? B*tches. You've not enough on your plate as it is. I bet they know that - or predator-sense it. They're scared and jealous of different-in-a-good way that's about to blossom and NOW about to get a helping-hand to blossom double-fast, so they're probably trying to stop you from blossoming by making you too depressed to move, because already you "make" them feel AS INADEQUATE AND BOG-STANDARD AS THEY *ARE* (or think/keep getting told they are). It's always the way... You'd feel SORRY for them if they weren't dealing with it in the worst, most ultimately SELF-destructive way (just using you and other peers as a medium/channel). Take it as the perversely giant compliment it is and then research coping mechanisms. Asperger's and Autistics have just been 'discovered' for their characteristics and amazingly rare skills and talents, are the next big thing, commercially (which will obvs spread to social). This is a caterpillar coming out of the chysallis a butterfly after much frantic gymwork to rip out and take to the happier sky. No need to worry, just to be aware of the fact it's (annoyingly) the way with blessings in-disguise...they feel like hell while they're happening (tell it to the trapped, terrified, claustraphobic and frantically panicked butterflies!). You're a little adult in a kid suit so, that's 'how' you make them feel stupid and boring and silly (which they call annoying). You'd do better with older friends who'd appreciate you. Right Qualities (Yours) WRONG RECIPIENTS! Maybe they're trying to 'bully you normal' because they need your (adult) validation that they are normal...which they can't kid themselves if a (sorry but it's true) far superior model (course it is - you're a born adult!) so it's there way of TRAINING/CONVERTING you to be more like them? Also, their hormones are probably up the creek. Well....Up their bums, frankly. They can stay threatened and jealous forever (which they probably will if they're THAT psychologically and behaviourally stunted, still, at age SIXTEEEEEEEEN-UH!). Their choice. Try to elude them. The less contact with them, the better. Or better yet - report them. But let's wait for your formal assessment first. You're not crippled/whatever. You're a type of superbeing (an evolutionary shunt forward via the increasing blossoming of a hybrid (Neanderthals mating with Cromagnons), so increasingly reckon the US psychiatric/therapeutic industry. Without the facilities and open doors, you're crippled (by cripples). But these days - and with what's brewing (Popularity City), it's easier. So it's SIMPLY a case of too-heavy mental load (luggage) for a kid/teen until your muscles strengthen and you get a handle on it. And then once you do, it's just your normal and there's no stopping you from going even higher from there, and the Mean Girls will be laughing on the other side of their face(s). It's pigging hard work at the top, though, eh - as you're starting to find out. (You'll adapt, no worries, and the advantages outweight the negatives now you lot have been generationally and genetically evolving (all that self-nagging/shaping).) Have you tried Wrong Planet website yet? "I would like to clarify that I'm not talking about going from happy to irritable. Compare it with a responsible, carrying and worried mom who puts way too much pressure on herself switching towards a 4 yo kid who doesn't realise that they are hurting their friend with saying certain things and who will be overly happy, dragging other around, and not always would I fully remember the details of the times I am like that afterwards." Zoning-Out a bit so that your stress-bucket can overflow because if you were fully awake your equally giant Jiminy Cricket wouldn't allow it and yet your inner primitive animal (naked ape) knows it's imperative. Common stuff for a while (you're learning to control your mind and master your tools and weapons - which all teens are...but obviously you have a far greater amount to master in your life-tools cache...they've just been dormant until now). Coping mechanism: sport/athletics, preferably competitive running/jogging, or fun tantruming, otherwise known as, Trampolining. ;) Or just run around the block and back. Your depression will start to lift once you flush out the causal toxins the healthier, faster way. Are you grabbing and pulling at your hair or banging your head against a cupboard door out of injustice-rage and frustration? Don't do it if so, punch a cushion instead. Or fidget including playing with your fingers more (no picking/biting off skin, though!). Try knitting/crocheting as you listen to the radio...the click-clacking's very soothing, as is the fact it's a productive fidget. (I'd like a scarf, please, haha.) Meantime...try Boxing or Karate ('offensive-defensive'). Is there a club near you? You will OOZE Arnie-ness and predators (bullies) are always the first to smell that and give you a wide berth (bar the mega-arrogant maestro ones who love a challenge.....and then vow never to mess with an Aspie/HFAutie ever again, haha). They can smell you could (never mind if you never arrived in that situation) *actually* back/follow-through any threat. And bullies are cowards, meaning, don't pick on people mentally tougher/bigger than themselves at the time of initial targetting. They pick on smaller or the temporarily-situationally depressed/down. They get you "quick!" whilst you're down or mentally distracted/over-engaged. Depression is Aggression locked-in and facing the wrong way and target (normally...until you hit Critical like you just did. Not MUCH of an Aspie 'tantrum' though, by the sounds of it. Maybe just do fast disco dancing for an hour every night?) (There are way more bonuses to this, you realise? You're not about to blossom/manifest into a superhuman, but you ARE going to, into a super-human. Friendly giant but like a big dog: no need to bark, just appear and give 'em a "Paddington Hard Stare", haha.) "Please note that before this depression I would be usually the too responsible adult (for my age), which also was due to my living situation." Oh, look - "snap"! There you go, then. With whom are you in Role Reversal. Your mother? "Apart from this I am feeling less and less like myself, I don't know who I am nor what I would act like." Mm-hm - chrysalis. And nor does the caterpillar - for a while. Our version is just psychological but it's still true. You need feedback...shown your reflection from all angles in the mirror. You've been deprived of feedback. I can feedback for you. You might not even need it through if you're at wing-beating stage because that's when you get the view from the clouds-down and everything goes click. Takes a few good years for the clicking to finish but it mainly does. "Ever since I learnt about the ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) I've been doubting a big part of how I acted before, not knowing if I have just been copying my parents and started to act like them or if this is part of my self." Mostly you struggling under such massive luggage (for your stay on this planet), but also mimicking your family members AND sampling being in whomever's (the issue-ridden or Narc's) (mum's and a sibling?) shoes. Though their shoes are probably permanent ones now. Don't know...you'd have to tell me more. Anyway, Doubting happens in the chrysalis, it's part of the wing-strenghtening/practising phase (so that's where you're at). And if you weren't scared/panicked, you wouldn't beat so frantically, you see. (It's clever and pants at the same time, isn't it!) You just need to start collecting your tools, your uniform, and your particular posse. They're out there. Again - start with Wrong Planet dot com. Also read Jae's thread (about halfway down?) and V6079 (- hey, going by your names - you two might be related!) (haha - joke) (just trying to cheer you up). Both are Aspies. :) Jae: https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13545/what-should-i-do V: https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13650/i-cannot-imagine-a-woman-wanting-to-be-in-a-relationship-with-me "I also would like to admit that it is really difficult for me to express my emotions, how to identify them, how to talk about them, etc." I disagree. You're doing very well. Who told you or made you feel that? "Lately I have found a way to express them, but it may be a bit weird.." A bit Different. Say it 10 times. Or - as you're close to the merely Eccentric segment of the scale, you could be cool about it and say, 'A bit out there' or 'radical'. "I would act like a dog. If sad or disappointed I would winge. If I'm almost crying I want to howl. I continuously want to crawl on my boyfriend's and best friend's (who are the only ones with who I'm not too ashamed to act like this) lap. I feel like I can be myself when I am acting like a dog." Well, THEY clearly don't mind (probably find it cute and endearing) so - where's the problemo? If you collect your posse (starting with those two), all of them won't mind. 'Be who you are and say what you feel because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind'. You have as much right to be Quite Unique You as anyone else. If you're worried about offending people - ASK them if you have/it would. Saying that, you're about to get your ID badge, so to speak, so you can just say, 'Soz if this sounds/comes across weird, it's just, I'm another Aspie' (you're all on the increase btw). Don't say 'an' Aspie as it makes you sound like a minority (not vital - just a tactic that helps). "The thing is, they both have jokingly said that I remind them of DID/MPD/Bipolar." Shows how much they know. "I took it as a joke," I take it as understandable ignorance. (I should rely on the psychiatrist's opinion - and a 2nd opinion to (why not!), not theirs...haha...bless.) Anyway - YOU'RE the expert on you, not them, not the psychiatrist, even. YOU. Keep reading up and you'll feel surer. "but after doing some research I don't really know what to think of it anymore. Is it a joke or are they unconsciously on to something?" Not unless they were very experienced psychiatrists. Are they? Answer: Nao. Well, then. "I told my mom about this and she told me not to worry, but I can't get it out of my mind." You're not supposed to. You're supposed to be anguished and beating those wings. Sorryyyyy. BUT IT'S SOOOOO WORTH IT! You won't mind. Bit like childbirth...you want someone to shoot you to put you out of your painful mind-f**k until - ta-daa - you see your product's little face and realise that your pain endurance got you that lifelong pressie. "I know that you can't diagnose someone over a text," Obviously not. But you can recognise and identify someone. See the differencio? "but maybe you could give me some advice?" Yep, no probs - make yourself comfy. I'm not on every day - although sometimes I am. I'm in Spain and everything's still very chaotic and doesn't work properly (and drives me MAD!). I can't even keep a bloody diary anymore (grumble-grumble)... "I am too scared to talk with my family doctor and psychologist about it," Oh, no - why scared? " so my only option would be to wait for an appointment with a psychiatrist, but who knows whether I will trust them enough.." Er... why wouldn't you? Do you get lied and gaslit to and Word-Salad-ed a lot? "Thank you for taking your time to read this message." And thank-you for taking YOUR time to say thank-you for taking your time. :) "Sincerely, Me" No-no - I'm Me. :D Anyhoo....thoughts on what I've crystal-ball-ed/mapped?

PS: Feel free to say 'Hi, fellow Aspie' at them! - and that I sent you. :) And if you want them to view or input on here - paste them your URL line thingy like I've done so they can simply click themselves over. Not sure if Jae's still 'active' though. But V is.

Hi SOULMATE, Thank you for taking your time and for answering. It means a lot :) I'm gonna try to answer everything, but I might get lost in my own text at some point so I'd like to apologise in advance xD I dont know if I have Asperger, considering that I have never been officially diagnosed. If I'm being honest, I don't read know the difference between the "types of autism", considering that they have all been combined to ASD, considering that everyone has different symptoms and ways of functioning and it got difficult to name every "type". I quickly searched up what some of the Asperger symptoms are, and I can relate with some, but not all. I for example find it difficult to relate to others and I have some difficulties having serious talks with people while keeping eyecontact, but I usually keep my (physical) distance from people (the opposite is described as a possible symptom). I see that the school and social trouble got understood a bit different than I meant 🙈 With school trouble I meant that the past year I have been studying Science and Technology, excellent grades, just lost interest. So I have decided to change to Arts. However, that also meant that my grades from Science are not going to count for anything anymore, leading to me losing motivation and an objective to even attend classes. With social trouble I mean that I have trouble making friends. I can get along with most people if needed and it's not like they treat me disrespectful (nor am I being bullied ❤️), but I will usually stay alone. I cannot easily get along with people my age. Usually I stick with younger kids or with older kids. I had 2 boys from my class I could get along with pretty good, one because he would be serious about the school works and never left me hanging, the other because we had similar interests (Weapons, Middle ages, Wars, Music, etc). I could get better along with them than the rest of my class, yet we don't know about each other and don't talk enough to call eachother properly friends. Then I've got my boyfriend, 1 year older, lovely guy. He has been helping me amazingly and we have been leaning on each other whenever we needed to, even before we got together (We became friends about 4 years ago and have been together for almost a year). He is one of the people who has been keeping me alive (unfortunately a bit too literally.. During this depression I have had quite some suicidal thoughts and did not always trust myself). Via him I also got some new friends, who turned 18 this year. With 3 of them I dont speak often since we go to different schools and I dont really know what to talk about, meaning that with most of my friends contact usually fades (especially via chat), not meaning that we like each other less. The other one can be a bit difficult to talk with, she usually is only online at 3 am, and never checks her chats. So lately I've just started calling her. But with her I'm pretty close, she is the friend I was talking about in the openingspost and is one of the few I would trust with my life. Then I have another friends with whom I initially was really close, but with whom I nowadays barely talk. Tho I trust her with secrets and such, she was more the kind to keep me up to date with the "normal" than with whom I would empty my heart. Apart from this I should probably mention one of the other big reason why I got depressed: Financial trouble. My parents are pretty low on income and that are feeding 4 kids (me and my younger brothers), so due to my "adult state", I pick up on a lot of those worries. "Coping mechanism: sport/athletics, preferably competitive running/jogging, or fun tantruming, otherwise known as, Trampolining. ;) Or just run around the block and back. Your depression will start to lift once you flush out the causal toxins the healthier, faster way. Are you grabbing and pulling at your hair or banging your head against a cupboard door out of injustice-rage and frustration? Don't do it if so, punch a cushion instead. Or fidget including playing with your fingers more (no picking/biting off skin, though!). Try knitting/crocheting as you listen to the radio...the click-clacking's very soothing, as is the fact it's a productive fidget. (I'd like a scarf, please, haha.) Meantime...try Boxing or Karate ('offensive-defensive'). Is there a club near you? You will OOZE Arnie-ness and predators (bullies) are always the first to smell that and give you a wide berth (bar the mega-arrogant maestro ones who love a challenge.....and then vow never to mess with an Aspie/HFAutie ever again, haha). They can smell you could (never mind if you never arrived in that situation) *actually* back/follow-through any threat. And bullies are cowards, meaning, don't pick on people mentally tougher/bigger than themselves at the time of initial targetting. They pick on smaller or the temporarily-situationally depressed/down. They get you "quick!" whilst you're down or mentally distracted/over-engaged." I'm copying it this time so it is easier to respond xD Unfortunately I have to "discard" this first paragraph. A few years ago I went to a couple of doctors with huge pain in my lower back/left hip. Turns out I have a herniated disc (L5-S1). Thanks to this sh*t I have had to stop with almost all sports except for swimming and I am not allowed to run nor jump anymore, and officially (tho this is something I have decided to ignore) not even pick up my brothers.. Luckily I haven't banged my head nor pulled my hair, I do have been chewing on my nails, tho that is something I have done since I was little kid. Luckily for me (a bit less luckily for my boyfriend 😇) I have found a way to reduce that, by chewing on his pinky. Not hurt, bite skin off, etc. Just chew like chewing gum (which is something I don't have the money for), until he pulls his hand away because his pinky has become numb. I'll admit that I haven't knitted for a long time now, nowadays I'm mostly drawing traditional or on my drawing tablet, or diamond painting while listening to music. Nevertheless, I will see where my mom hides her yard and try it out again! This is actually something funny. Before I moved to Portugal (4 years ago per today!) with my parents and brothers I used to practice Krav Maga and Yoga once a week, and see a psychologist once per 2 weeks. This helped me a lot. When we moved to Portugal the money problems started and we moved to a place kinda in the middle of nowhere. For me that meant that I could not continue practicing and I usually let it out smacking dead wood against trees on our property. Tho please note that I never want to live in the Netherlands again. I love living here and purely want to go back on holidays 😊. Since we are living in Portugal, the mentality of most people here is different than mine/my family/my friends, so sometimes talking is a bit difficult. My doctor is very chaotic so it is sometimes difficult to talk to him and my psychologist is even more difficult. Like I can just tell my story, but usually if she doesnt understand something, she will treat me like a regular kid with problems that sound similar to her. For example: I told her a while ago that I had some trouble feeling at home. I don't recognise my parents home as my home anymore. Currently the most "home" for me is in my room with my boyfriend. She understood it as that I don't want anything else anymore but to be with my bf, which is completely normal for kids my age and that I have to do things at home that I like to feel me more at home, what things I have to figure out myself. While what I described to her wasn't that I didn't want anything else but to be with my bf, what I described was that I dont feel myself at home at my parents home anymore, making me feel "homeless" (not homeless as in someone without a roof, just not in the right place). Lately more and more of this "miscommunication" has occurred, and I'm getting criticism on the fact that my family sleeps early, even in the summer, due to cultural differences. Also I usually don't understand her tips, not that she is explaining it poorly, it just doesn't sound logical to me, meaning I can't understand it. For example: Last month of school. I want to bail because I don't see the reason of going to school. Grades won't count for anything. She tells me that I *have* to go to school because otherwise the police will pick me up. My mind: I'll f*cking decide for myself what I have to and dont have to. Plus, how long does it take for school to take action? They know my situation and they will first contact my parents before calling the cops. So as long as I don't overdo it the cops will never know. If someone is sick for 3 weeks (like happened earlier that year) it's not like they will stand at your doorstep. So her tips usually don't work with my kind of logic. The only reason that I'm still having sessions is to say a big part of what's on my mind, considering that she is the only child psychologist in the area I didn't want to ditch her (yet). And trust problems? Oh yes definitely had those. Parents had a friend which spoke Dutch and Portuguese, so she would be out translator so we could buy a property. Slept at her house with my at the time friend (her daughter) for weeks. Turns out she had been lying to us, leading to us losing lots of money. Then we have my bf's sister (with whom I'm currently fine, just don't trust her anymore with sensitive things) who was my best friend for years, who I have told my life story, including the downs, to. Turns out that half of her stories we're fake, she had used me to keep her money, because she wanted to start saving, turns out that that money was mostly stolen from her already poor parents. And these are just a few who have betrayed me/my parents. Combining this all I have some difficulty to easily trust people.. Anyways, thanks again for your response. Even tho your part about bullies wasn't relevant the way you put it still made my heart warm ❤️ I hope that I was able to answer most and give you some more context. I will take a look on the other pages tomorrow/this week. Have been sick the whole day, having to puke every half an hour so I should've been long asleep by now (past midnight) 👀 Goodnight!

"but I might get lost in my own text at some point so I'd like to apologise in advance xD" HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm laughing because you're talking to the world-champion rambler! I can go for REAMS! Anyhoo, it's only writing it down and not worrying about the organisation that you can be reading your thoughts and becauuse of that, next post, order your thoughts and THEN know what you want to say. 'To excel in the Arts and Engineering, a dash of Autism is essential'. I'm guessing, artistic/creative. Artists take in the data, then change its format to THEIR format before recording it on paper/canvas WHEREUPON they gain better understanding of what they're trying to say/express. Self-Feedback. And Engineers take things apart to analyse how they work and why. And Hans Asperger was an Aspergic and Aspergics go 'A or B' when, sorry, but we're too far evolved by now, not to be efficient in our outwards actions for gaining what our mind wants to produce or grab hold of, meaning (gasp!), (told ya), these days, the answer is usually, BOTH! Artistic/Creative AND Analytical to the Nth. BUT...rubbish in = rubbish out. Like a calculator. So we're going to have you learn to be more choosy about who gets to press your buttons. So -Stream of Consciousness awaaayyyyyyy! I can't answer this one yet, however, so I'll have to save it for tomorrow (haven't read past the first sentance yet).... because it's (jayzuz!) 2.30 and I haven't had supper yet! I wondered why I was hungry. (HAHA!) Hasta Manana!

Heya, haven't forgotten you - saving you mainly for tomorrow (er - later today) now because my connection weakened again, then I was busy/out (pre-arranged), and then - lucky me - from Friday late avo I came down with a bad tum and basically slept all day today (er, yesterday...Saturday). Only woke up at 9pm because my 'kid' rang. Feel better for it, though; was obviously just a 24-hourer, symptoms-wise (bar terrible sleepiness in the run-up), as I know precisely who I caught it from. Unbelievably, though, I'm starting to feel sleepy again! But, for now, I'll do a segment: (Still not reading ahead btw) "Hi SOULMATE, Thank you for taking your time and for answering. It means a lot :)" De nada! :) Thank-you for your lovely manners. They mean a lot, too. :) "I dont know if I have Asperger, considering that I have never been officially diagnosed. If I'm being honest, I don't read know the difference between the "types of autism", considering that they have all been combined to ASD, considering that everyone has different symptoms and ways of functioning and it got difficult to name every "type". I quickly searched up what some of the Asperger symptoms are, and I can relate with some, but not all. I for example find it difficult to relate to others and I have some difficulties having serious talks with people while keeping eyecontact, but I usually keep my (physical) distance from people (the opposite is described as a possible symptom)." ASD refracts through your personality as well as vice-versa, and so symptoms can be normal things magnified OR, shrunk. Easier to explain it like humans are Equalizer Boards (buttons/sliders galore for volume, tone, bass v treble, fade-in/out,...) lots of lots of controls making myraid variables (individual cocktails) per individual. E.g. the stereotype used to be the male, who tended to be reclusive and not sociable/talkative, as well as into his routines and rituals, but we now know from retro-diagnosis that Marilyn Monroe was one (hence became close friends with Einstein (she helped him handle the fame/spotlight while he was her dad figure), meaning, you can be unsociable all the way to very sociable. But where NT's dials and knobs only go up to 10, Aspies' go up to 11 and down to minus 1. Then there are the lack of filters that you have to adapt to (Senses Working Overtime), making everything so much more complicated. You can think outside of the box because you live outside of the box to begin with...COME from outside of the box. But you have incredible imagination, meaning, you can empathise just fine if shoes you've never yourself walked in are described and EXPLAINED. But I think if you're not sure, you're probably pretty low on the scale, yet still distinctively "different, but I can't put my finger on it", meaning, you'll have just a few traits (or traits remaining after self-socialising to NT ways). Tried-and-tested tip: Keep prolonged eye-contact by focussing on the top of their nose between both eyebrows; only another Aspie would be able to tell, so - win/win. "I see that the school and social trouble got understood a bit different than I meant 🙈" That was my fault. I was rushing in-case the internet spat me out again. "With school trouble I meant that the past year I have been studying Science and Technology, excellent grades, just lost interest. So I have decided to change to Arts. However, that also meant that my grades from Science are not going to count for anything anymore, leading to me losing motivation and an objective to even attend classes." Oh, NOT being bullied. GOOD, then! Phew! Bloody Nora, though - 'strum my pain with your fingers', why doncha (- 70s Roberta Flack hit or early 90s cover by The Fugees - "Killing Me Softly"): My art teachers actually 'campaigned' on my behalf to get the Headmistress to allow me to give up Biology classes at least, so as to do extra Art lessons. (She said No 'or everyone would want one', but I got A+ in my O-Level anyway.) (That's a bit coinkydinky, ain't it??? Schpoookayyyy. Or maybe it's more common than I'd thought...?) Don't be so sure your prior grades won't count. Your first-ever employer is at liberty to ask for the info from your school file. But I'm with you on the 'now become meaningless' aspect. You'll have to just grit your teeth. OR...you could convert those Lemons to Lemonade by starting to apply what you learn in those lessons into contemporary paintings? "With social trouble I mean that I have trouble making friends." Ohhhh. So do most people, actually. There's a meme that goes something like: If only as an adult you could make friends like you did when you were little, like, go up to someone and say, 'Look at this pebble, it looks just like a potato!', and suddenly you're instant friends!' FYI, no-one makes friends. Friendships happen. Slowly and steadily but starting with genes recognising one another (personal Chemistry) whereby you both have the urge to swap numbers with a view to 'doing this again soon', and self-consciousness goes out of the window. But it helps to know yourself well, first (basically so that your curiosity is now freed-up enough to be directed at other people). "I can get along with most people if needed and it's not like they treat me disrespectful (nor am I being bullied ❤️), but I will usually stay alone. I cannot easily get along with people my age. Usually I stick with younger kids or with older kids." Do you find people your age boring and petty/superficial? In what ways do they annoy, perplex or discombobulate you? Or have you just got too much 'in there' to think about thus find their 'distractions' more interruptions that aren't worth it? Or are you just simply happiest in your own company, playing alone and/or unseen alongside someone? What is it about older and younger aged kids? Is it by any chance that you need a productive purpose and achievement to socialising/conversing, such as Learning and also 'at the same time', passing wisdom and knowledge on, i.e. Teaching? How much younger and older? What about phone texts/conversations? And TV/films/documentaries? Book-wise, are you into Fact and Faction, rather than Fiction? Does fiction feel like a lot about nothing and a waste of time? "I had 2 boys from my class I could get along with pretty good," (Scuse my pedantry but you've picked up a bad habit there and I feel it my duty not to let these spread: it's, along with pretty well.) (Feel free to pick me up on any.) Yeah, that's common. And it would be because in actual fact Autism/Asperger's is strictly a Male-brained condition. So you COULD be considered half-female, half-male, in the same brain but female body, which combo, once mastered, will give you a distinct advantage in life. "one because he would be serious about the school works and never left me hanging," Earnest, sincere, consistently reliable and dependable, you mean? (Probably a touch or more of ASD themselves, I shouldn't wonder.) And presumably that was mutual? Do you hate surprises, even 'good' ones? "the other because we had similar interests (Weapons, Middle ages, Wars, Music, etc)." Weapons and wars - there we go. "I could get better along with them than the rest of my class, yet we don't know about each other and don't talk enough to call eachother properly friends." So how would you - as the 'female' on whom they'd take their social cues (i.e. whose job or superiority it's seen as) - go about getting closer to them? Any ideas? "Then I've got my boyfriend, 1 year older, lovely guy." Excellent. You're either mild or he's touch-of, himself, hence the compatibility. "He has been helping me amazingly and we have been leaning on each other whenever we needed to, even before we got together (We became friends about 4 years ago and have been together for almost a year). He is one of the people who has been keeping me alive (unfortunately a bit too literally.. During this depression I have had quite some suicidal thoughts and did not always trust myself)." Rewind? Why were you feeling depressed and suicidal? When did it start and had anything happened in the run-up years? Can you be specific about having had to be adult before-time? And how long did this black spot last before lovely bf played human step-stool for you and gave you that vital lift? What method(s) were you considering? Did you ever actually imagine it in real-time, step-by-step, in your head, like a preview/pre-sampling? And did it freak you out enough to quickly 'turn the channel off/over'? "Via him I also got some new friends, who turned 18 this year. With 3 of them I dont speak often since we go to different schools and I dont really know what to talk about, meaning that with most of my friends contact usually fades (especially via chat), not meaning that we like each other less." I know what you mean. And it shows me that they considered you Leader thus Arranger, but that you were oblivious to that role-placement. So they took your not doing it for lack of interest on your part. Yeah, we're back to, not getting adequate/any feedback. But the good news is - you could always easily, instantly reignite them. But ask yourself this: do you tend to run out of things to talk about with bf? There's another potential reason as well - that they'd fancied you and were prepared to wait (went through the Platonic Friends Door)...but then when bf entered the scene and as time went on, showed he had no plans to leave it, they lost interest? I mean, at 16, 18, 20... that's (luckily decreasingly) mostly all that girlfriend-less and/or shy/socially a bit inept blokes think about: getting a girlfriend (stamp of social approval) and getting their first sh*g (boy into man) (- their perception, anyway) (never under-estimate the dumbing-down effect of Testosterone). "The other one can be a bit difficult to talk with, she usually is only online at 3 am, and never checks her chats." 3am? So she's a night-owl then? Are you? Or less so? "So lately I've just started calling her." Good for you - that takes huge bravery! "But with her I'm pretty close, she is the friend I was talking about in the openingspost and is one of the few I would trust with my life." Another Bingo, then? So that's two close connections via same wavelengths. Only one more to go! (And if you don't believe me, do the weekly practicalities Maths - you'll see! Friendships take work which takes making regular, quality time for each of them. Any more than 3 and either none will be close or you'll have dirty, unironed clothes and pong a bit, probably, haha, or accidentally Anoretic through having no time to food-shop, cook and eat.) "Then I have another friends with whom I initially was really close, but with whom I nowadays barely talk. Tho I trust her with secrets and such, she was more the kind to keep me up to date with the "normal" than with whom I would empty my heart." A stepping-stone (while you were in the same 'place') but where the umbilicuses are still healthy and intact - got it. You're only one connection short. You are SO wrong about not being good with people! Maybe you used to be? And I guess if you'd had adult crap in your In-Tray, your self-image WOULD be sorely out-of-date! Did your parents (eventually) get divorced, then? "Apart from this I should probably mention one of the other big reason why I got depressed: Financial trouble. My parents are pretty low on income and that are feeding 4 kids (me and my younger brothers), so due to my "adult state", I pick up on a lot of those worries." Ohhhhhh. And they've forgotten that despite intrinsically a born-adult, you still have only your age's knowledge, meaning, unable to handle this one because of lack of EXPERIENCE, but still the point being, you couldn't handle that and nor should you have (so tut-tut to them!). ""Coping mechanism: sport/athletics, preferably competitive running/jogging, or fun tantruming, otherwise known as, Trampolining. ;) Or just run around the block and back. Your depression will start to lift once you flush out the causal toxins the healthier, faster way. Are you grabbing and pulling at your hair or banging your head against a cupboard door out of injustice-rage and frustration? Don't do it if so, punch a cushion instead. Or fidget including playing with your fingers more (no picking/biting off skin, though!). Try knitting/crocheting as you listen to the radio...the click-clacking's very soothing, as is the fact it's a productive fidget. (I'd like a scarf, please, haha.) Meantime...try Boxing or Karate ('offensive-defensive'). Is there a club near you? You will OOZE Arnie-ness and predators (bullies) are always the first to smell that and give you a wide berth (bar the mega-arrogant maestro ones who love a challenge.....and then vow never to mess with an Aspie/HFAutie ever again, haha). They can smell you could (never mind if you never arrived in that situation) *actually* back/follow-through any threat. And bullies are cowards, meaning, don't pick on people mentally tougher/bigger than themselves at the time of initial targetting. They pick on smaller or the temporarily-situationally depressed/down. They get you "quick!" whilst you're down or mentally distracted/over-engaged." "I'm copying it this time so it is easier to respond xD" Thanks! "Unfortunately I have to "discard" this first paragraph. A few years ago I went to a couple of doctors with huge pain in my lower back/left hip. Turns out I have a herniated disc (L5-S1). Thanks to this sh*t I have had to stop with almost all sports except for swimming and I am not allowed to run nor jump anymore, and officially (tho this is something I have decided to ignore) not even pick up my brothers.." Ah! DID you now! Well that's enough to fall into depression on its own! And - OW. More swimming, then. to the power of the now-missing running and jumping. You can't have your body used to operating with certain dials set in certain positions (and Aspies love their routines) and then suddenly go Cold Turkey on it like that. Okay, you found another way (bf's support) but you ought to put it back via said swimming. Here - would that latter female close friend-confidant be up for a regular meeting every fortnight to go swimming together, followed by lunch? And for your system alone - try (available online) purchasing a copy of Calenetics (by Calan Pinkney). Anaerobic (no getting sweaty out-of-breath) exercise using weight-jigging (your own body parts) in positions that do not-CAN not involve your back, specifically designed via years of research and trial-and-error when she herself came a cropper that way. Not only works BUT you end up with a figure-skater's figure (!), all streamlined/longer-legged-looking and 'elegant'. IN ONLY 10 HOURS. And it improves your back by making its lazier cousins carry IT for a change, which, now-newly-pumped, those neighbouring groups of muscles are perfectly capable of doing and happy to do, giving the poor bugger a chance to at least partially recover (you're young). I know because I've done it. And guess what? I got a friend doing it with me once every week (ta-daa), and we'd started running out of things in-common as well. It didn't save the friendship but it extended it for a few more years. (Like I say, they might just be stepping stones aka circumstantial friends; it's matching morals, beliefs and life attitudes that make for-life friendships, fyi....in that order.) "Luckily I haven't banged my head nor pulled my hair, I do have been chewing on my nails, tho that is something I have done since I was little kid." Nervous energy displacement. YOU ARE UNDER-STIMULATED. "Luckily for me (a bit less luckily for my boyfriend 😇) I have found a way to reduce that, by chewing on his pinky." HAHA!!! YOU'RE COOL! "Not hurt, bite skin off, etc." Yeah - obviously, LOL! "Just chew like chewing gum (which is something I don't have the money for)," Oh sh*t - seriously??? "until he pulls his hand away because his pinky has become numb." HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Well, at least we know HE loves you to uckery, don't we?! "I'll admit that I haven't knitted for a long time now, nowadays I'm mostly drawing traditional or on my drawing tablet, or diamond painting while listening to music. Nevertheless, I will see where my mom hides her yard and try it out again!" I presume you meant yarn? Haha. "This is actually something funny." Haha - quite a bit of it is, actually! Especially as now I can't help but keep picturing you chewing bf's pinky! And more to the point - him letting you! (Actually, you're technically a Cat type of human, not dog. More in-common.) "Before I moved to Portugal (4 years ago per today!) with my parents and brothers" Another coinkydinky! I moved to Spain almost 4 years ago! On my own (uck, it was scary!). And - ooh, you lucky-lucky ugger! (And never under-estimate the power of Vitamin D/sunshine as lacking just that, itself, can cause Depression faster than you can say, 'Not rain again?'.) "I used to practice Krav Maga and Yoga once a week, and see a psychologist once per 2 weeks. This helped me a lot. When we moved to Portugal the money problems started" Ah. Or had the money problems caused the need to move to a cheaper country in the first place? If not - whose initial decision and why? "and we moved to a place kinda in the middle of nowhere." AH. NOT good for someone your age and stage, those two together. "For me that meant that I could not continue practicing and I usually let it out smacking dead wood against trees on our property." Outdoors, presumably. Good instincts again. ·Tho please note that I never want to live in the Netherlands again. I love living here and purely want to go back on holidays 😊." Oh, you come from the Netherlands! How interesting that you sound so English. You have better English than most English people now! And I ain't' kidding! And definitely American (*ducks in-case there are any Americans in da house*). "Since we are living in Portugal," ...Apart from that bit (haha, I spoke too soon). 'Since we've lived in Portugal' or 'Since we've been living in Portugal' or 'Since we moved to Portugal' or 'Since moving to Portugal'. Otherwise, your English is a-ma-ZING! Especially as I've just illustrated how CRAP the English-lang rules are! Snot our fault - too many invasions including language interference/take-overs. "the mentality of most people here is different than mine/my family/my friends," DEFINITELY. So how come boyfriend's different? " so sometimes talking is a bit difficult. My doctor is very chaotic so it is sometimes difficult to talk to him and my psychologist is even more difficult. Like I can just tell my story, but usually if she doesnt understand something, she will treat me like a regular kid with problems that sound similar to her." Bar the kid bit - I've got the same problem. Everyday Conversational Spanish, no problemo, but technical (contractors) and medical (doctor) - pff - not a chance! This is, however, par for the emigrating course. It's a HUUUUUGE culture-shock, moving your entire existence to a new country where things work VERY differently when you get closer-up. Well, your assessment will transform all of this difficulty through getting you to the right doctors and consultants. "For example: I told her a while ago that I had some trouble feeling at home. I don't recognise my parents home as my home anymore. Currently the most "home" for me is in my room with my boyfriend." It's not that your needs and developmental changes are different from the norm, because making your bedroom your whole world for a while is standard Teen stuff, but your feelings on these matters WILL be far more intense and debilitating. The epitomising saying, goes, 'After a difficult day at the office, a Neurotypical will feel upset, but an Aspie will feel suicidal'. Then add 16-yr-old hormones, a LOT of self-perception and -intimacy catching-up to now at-record-speed, meaning, your studies, your relationship.... you iz overloaded yet under-stimulated and definitely lacking actual, giggle your face off fun. Too many chores, not enough R&R. Any chance you could get a cash-in-hand, after-school or Saturday job, locally? It's transformative, getting your first-ever job, and a 16-year-old should have some money. Is bf in the same penniless boat? "She understood it as that I don't want anything else anymore but to be with my bf, which is completely normal for kids my age and that I have to do things at home that I like to feel me more at home, what things I have to figure out myself. While what I described to her wasn't that I didn't want anything else but to be with my bf, what I described was that I dont feel myself at home at my parents home anymore, making me feel "homeless" (not homeless as in someone without a roof, just not in the right place). " Yuh. I first-hand get it. You are with-house but homeless. But you do have your bedroom. So have you and bf decoratated and made it your own? Have your parents failed to do that to the rest of the house? Are you sure 'your' depression is even yours and not your parents? They say Aspies are lacking in empathy but that's ollocks, they have TOO much and have to 'just not go there' or can end up 'carrying' the problems and expressing the emotions of everyone around them (super-sensitive radar plus huge empathy of the sentimental variety) (but a mental control switch over that empathy, which is a VERY rare auto-pilot skill/ability, same as Selective Deafness). "Lately more and more of this "miscommunication" has occurred, and I'm getting criticism on the fact that my family sleeps early, even in the summer, due to cultural differences." Criticism from whom? Is your house by any chance located in amongst the 'simple, country folk/peasants'? Well, listen, because - for your supposed age and clearly unbeknownst to you, it takes a good FIVE years to adapt as quickly and positively as you have, so - you're fast! I mean - a lovely bf no less! That's a super-friendship, that is, far harder and more work than platonic. You're actually super-functional. In 2006-7 there were only 11 known super-functional, super-self-aware Aspies in Europe. That's how rare you are. And you get on super-well with, presumably, a Portuguese lad? Then evidence suggests it's more the place. It's obviously so different from the Netherlands (hah, just a tad?!) that you've got a heck of a lot of serious adapting to get through. And it's distressing to Aspies because they're Limpets...happy to stay on the same rock for years so, wrenching it off causes it huge distress...until it's plonked onto another rock where in fact it re-roots and adapts far quicker than non-limpets. Comme ci, comme ca. "Also I usually don't understand her tips, not that she is explaining it poorly, it just doesn't sound logical to me, meaning I can't understand it." Then, course not. "For example: Last month of school. I want to bail because I don't see the reason of going to school. Grades won't count for anything. She tells me that I *have* to go to school because otherwise the police will pick me up. My mind: I'll f*cking decide for myself what I have to and dont have to. Plus, how long does it take for school to take action? They know my situation and they will first contact my parents before calling the cops. So as long as I don't overdo it the cops will never know. If someone is sick for 3 weeks (like happened earlier that year) it's not like they will stand at your doorstep." Yeah, only your typically Aspie transparency has already had you tipping them off, meaning, you now won't be able to pretend you're ill. They'll know it's fake. Plus - I agree with you that it's your life but it's not your societal structure and Establishment so in order to own control over your own life to that degree you'd have to relocate to......er............deepest, darkest Borneo?....Mars? (is it ready yet?)... See the vexing difference? How long do you have left? And what are you planning on doing once you leave? "So her tips usually don't work with my kind of logic. The only reason that I'm still having sessions is to say a big part of what's on my mind, considering that she is the only child psychologist in the area I didn't want to ditch her (yet)." I wouldn't ditch her at all if she works as a listening ear, regardless of not understanding what your words and sentances mean when an Aspie says them. But I think you'll find most 16-year-olds have that thought/feeling. Again, you feel them more deeply (as does Greta Thumberg about the planet) whereby they're protest-campaign-worthy. You can't use your superpowers there, however, for the simple reason that you're outnumbered. Unless you go all the honest way by explaining your situation to your Head Teacher and offering to do office-work for him/her instead? As long as you're ATTENDING/not ABSENT, is what they care about in these last few months. Plus, students leaving early, unable to stomach just a few more months, would reflect badly onto the school via their stats, as could suggest things ominous (abusive culture e.g.). "And trust problems? Oh yes definitely had those. Parents had a friend which spoke Dutch and Portuguese, so she would be out translator so we could buy a property. Slept at her house with my at the time friend (her daughter) for weeks. Turns out she had been lying to us, leading to us losing lots of money." Woah. Narc-Sociopath scammer. However, that is typical for new immigrants. Probably is happening to any foreigners in the Netherlands as we speak. The social predators see them as more prey for exploitation....using and conning them like cash cows. And then discarding them when fresh newbies land. Which is happening all the time. It's been the same here. I've ended up having to pay a second time for things...attempted financial exploitation left, right and centre. Finally got a posse of Keepers in terms of trade and newly-best friends, which makes a huge difference because each of these are safety handrails, anchors and safetynets, the sorts of things that help you take root and feel at home. So it's the locational isolation due to/plus lack of money that are your immediate challenges/goals, then. I'll do your boyfriend's sister onwards tonight as I'm falling asleep at my puter. And then we'll brainstorm about how to make some dosh. HF Aspies are good at that...natural-born entrepreneurs. But you wouldn't have known that before now, having been Girl, Interrupted (as in, delayed by parental/adult crap and inadequacies that has no place being in a kid's In-Tray but these days, unfortunately, still keeps getting dumped there). Also, your Captain Kirk needs encouraging out - you're bit Mr Spock-heavy in there at the mo. Like not being able to marry the correct belief that you should be the captain of your own ship and where it should be allowed to wander versus but if we don't conform to the societal map, the ship will crash! Follow the map but whenever no-one's looking - dart down the side-alleys for a bit. Neither are difficult. :) Especially for a rebel like you. One who's recovered enough power and energy to be capable, finally, of rearing up and yelling - I ain't 'avin' any more of this abusive and neglectful sh*t! Night! (er - Morning!) PS: And how are your parents? And their relationship? Have they consulted with a lawyer about this scamming so-called Gestor yet? Or are they still on the floor?

Hi again! Thanks again ❤️ Glad you're feeling better! Being sick is (almost) always annoying. (Except when you can miss useless classes :)) No worries about the misunderstanding, I like your way of talking. It is easier to answer from top to bottom, unlike most people I know do, it also makes it easier to understand. I'll give a bit more information about the grades: The scale goes from 1-20. 1st semestre I had 17 for Portuguese and philosophy, 16 for pe and biology/geology, 19 for English and physics/chemistry and 18 for math. Way above average. So it would matter if it would drop a bit, because they would still be excellent (my final grade would be the average of the whole year, so my high grades covered for the 8-9's I got on the tests during the 2nd semestre (I was too lazy to finish the tests..)). I ended with a 20 for English, 18 for philosophy, pe and math, 17 for Portuguese and physics/chemistry and 16 for biology/geology. So it would not really have any bad influence on my work xD The problem with people my age is that I usually dont understand them or have any similar interests. Most girls will go on and on about makeup, clothes, boys, etc. I dont use makeup unless I go to a party (then I will use at max some mascara and the thing you "paint" your eyelids with.) And I am almost never sexually interested in boys. I am sexually (not romantically!) attracted to girls. I think there was only 1 guy (apart of my bf) I was sexually attracted to, without having any romantical attraction. Younger kids: I like to take care of others, I have got 3 younger brothers (2, 7 and 10). Usually I can easily get along with kids. It helps that I explain things, like why they can't do X, because I know that is something I need too. I can usually easier relate to them and I know what I would've wanted that others would've done in those situations. Last year I did multiple activities with kids my brothers' ages at school, I volunteered at the summer childcare centre and I got hired to take care of kids during a wedding. It is something I have always done and which comes naturally. Older people: I am talking about a few years older like my boyfriend and some of my friends but also people in their 20s and "proper" adults, and sometimes (depending on the cultural differences) with oldies. Due to my adult behaviour I can easily get along with them and understand them. I usually don't like texting, the only one I feel free to do that with is with my boyfriend. There have been times I wanted to text someone or send an email and that when my parents read it I got told that I was being too blunt/direct. I do not always understand how certain things will appear over texts, or even face to face, so I prefer face to face so you also got the nonverbal communication. I like to watch documentaries, about nature but also about wars. I like very different styles of films and series. I like things like anime but also fantasy, historical, stories about life, cartoons (both things like Lucky luke (like for kids), but also like Hazbin hotel (adult cartoon). Ever since my brother threw tea over the television to get Gargamel away and to save the Smurfs I've never had a TV with channels, but usually I use torrents to illegally download them if someone recommends something. I love reading, and I actually prefer fiction. I love getting into a fantasy world and making and reading such stories. Could you please clarify the bad habit you're referring too, I did not really understand that part 😊 I did not know that autistic women are often more masculine, but that would explain a lot. I always thought that the "violent" interests were because of my dad. I usually watch and play shooters and swordfighting games with him. He is so serious about school because he needs extremely high grades. He wants to (or his parents want him to, idk) study medicine, which is the hardest course to get into. Remember how I said that the scales go from 1-20? In the past years I think that the person with the lowest grade which got into the course had about an 18,3.. And yes, usually we would do the work together while the third person would just watch unless we asked her to do something. Surprises: Depends on what kind of surprise. Presents and such are fine, but someone visiting, even if it is my grandma all the way from the Netherlands I will take a couple of days to adjust. As for getting closer with them, I don't know. I don't really feel the need to. I like that we can just talk about things in a natural way without having the feeling that we "have to" talk. Depression and suicidal thoughts: Last year I had the incident with my bf's sister and I found out that my grades wouldn't count (9th grade, teachers literally said they wouldn't count for the future. Only the highschool grades count), which led to me having no reason to actually do something during class. I always got these high grades without studying, I don't even know to study. So I got bored and lost motivation. On a scale of 1-5: Spanish, Science, Portuguese, English, Chemistry/physics, Geography and maybe I am missing some, but all 5's, only had a 4 for pe. Anyways, the lack of motivation and self doubting caused by the incident led to a minor depression and panic attacks. I started talking to a social worker and that was also when I started my talks with the psychologist and I managed to get mostly out of it. This January I decided that I wanted to change schools and areas (science to arts). I knew that I couldn't change areas anymore this year, only in September, but I did not know that I couldn't change schools anymore. So I spoke with my parents, friends, teachers, had it all planned. Then the secretary told me that I couldn't, only per September. So that was a bummer and I lost motivation and goal. And in my mind, without goal I don't see why I should live and be a burden on others. Everyone was trying to help me, my parents spent money on me. I felt like a huge burden. I calmed myself down with fire, I bought a couple of lighters and I would just stare at the flame. Until my boyfriend took them from me because I was burning my hand and my schoolbooks (but he gave me a candle for my bday so I could still see fire). I have had multiple times that I would be scared of myself. During my previous depression I had tried cutting myself with stones (they ain't sharp so the wound would be worse), never managed to tho, and drop heavy stones on my feet to punish me, which I didn't manage to do either because of involuntary reflexes.. This depression I have had multiple times that I would try to cut myself with pencils (not with my knives (yes I got my own and I brought them to school just out of rebellion until my bf found out and took them during school times whenever I brought them, taking the whole reason to bring them away), because I didnt want them to be taken away). And I have run to school a couple of times because I was about to jump in front of a bus. My family, friends and bf were the only reason for me to live. Not even because I wanted them (after all, I felt like a burden), but because I did not want to hurt them by committing suicide. Over the chat we easily run out of things to talk about, but I dont always feel the need to talk to be happy together, and nor does he, I can just lay in his arms and watch a video together and we're happy, hoping for that feeling to never end. Those other friends all were straight girls (except for one of them who has a double personality, one of them is male the other female), so it never even crossed my mind. The nightowl (she's Ace btw) actually has ADHD and has some insomnia problems. Also due to school she's busy the whole day and only has time around that time. My parents are absolutely fine. Married for 18 years now and still love eachother deeply. They never asked or needed me to take the adult role in the family btw, it is something I did automatically and unconsciously. Same goes for the money problems. I only told them yesterday that I had put money in their wallet without them noticing last year, and they insist on paying it back. They never intended to stress me with any of this, but they also know that not telling me and leaving it up to my imagination just makes me stress more. I will look into the Calenetics! Never heard of it! I have been talking to my mom about the chewing and it might exactly be caused by the autism. Oral fixation/stimming or some such. We are considering buying one of those necklaces to chew on for at home/in private and they might be able to give me chewing gum for when in public, but we only had the conversation yesterday so we did not really get the chance to dive into it. And yes I meant yarn 🙈 You're kidding! To which area did you move? We were actually financially good and we had a good start when we came here, wasn't it for that "translator". We paid her, we had already paid money for the first property (which we ended up not buying) and later for a lawyer. And then we had to still buy another property, but during that time we also had to live somewhere, meaning that we have rented a house for quite a while. The moving to Portugal was my parents decision, but we all knew about it and could think with them about what area, we actually went on a roadtrip from north to south in 2018. On that trip I was the first to say that I would like to live in the area we currently are, and they thought the same but just hadn't said it out loud yet. So even tho I miss some "teen facilities", this is really the area of Portugal I like. It is funny that you say that I sound American. Because my pronunciation is actually British, even tho both my parents talk with an American accent (dad cuz he prefers it, mom cuz she lived in the usa for a year). At school they teach us British English and my boyfriend has British parents, so we always talk in English xD. It is also one of the reasons why he is different btw, firstly because he went through a lot of bad stuff but also because he isn't Portuguese. My bedroom is awesome btw, my parents did their best to make it like I wanted it to and I really like it. Parents are always supportive too and I don't have a lot of chores because I already have a lot to do. Usually just the dishes, and I have to take care of my bird and room ofc. In Portugal they actually have a sh*tty rule that you can only work when you're 16, which I turned about a week ago.. But in this area we don't care so when I was 13 I was helping build a roof for a couple of days during the summer holidays, last year I worked in a bar during the summer holidays and this schoolyear I have been working for an old German guy in the garden on Saturdays. Apart from that I work for my dad's sharpening business, I signed up for a thing from the local government to gain some extra money and I am currently searching for a job for this year. It sounds like a lot, but I get paid about 5/hour.. So at the end of the month I don't have a lot left xD And yes, bf and his family have financial problems too. He actually works for the same German as strong guy, since the German has back problems and I am a girl (yup, he's old..and paranoid. You don't want to know what sh*t he keeps saying). I have always been really sensitive to other peoples emotions and often copy them. My parents feelings have certainly had impact on my depression, but it is not their fault either. This depression is big part also mine. Criticism from my psychologist.. And yes, we live just outside a small village in the country area. School ended for me begin june and I have to go back mid september, so that concern is done. I will start on my new school in the new area. Thanks again for taking your time and I'm looking forward to your next response! ❤️

Just correcting something 🙈 "Way above average. So it would NOT matter if it would drop a bit, because they would still be excellent (my final grade would be the average of the whole year, so my high grades covered for the 8-9's I got on the tests during the 2nd semestre (I was too lazy to finish the tests..))."

Hey again! Not ignoring you, just super-busy at the mo. Be with you asap.

You're next in my Andrex-like queue. :) Thanks again for your patience. And for now, a bit of much-needed feedback for you: You are naturally, automatically witty in a a straight-faced, Observational Comedy way. Prime example, I laughed myself silly when I read this (it was the way you told it as well as the incident itself!): ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ "Ever since my brother threw tea over the television to get Gargamel away and to save the Smurfs I've never had a TV with channels," ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Just from pasting it in, I'm gaffawing hard all over again!!! No bull, that is THE most hysterical thing I've heard all year! That's one of those 'never cease to crease you up quips/jokes'! Like Gary Larson's "The Far Side", or "Cyanide & Happiness" but with a touch of someone else I can't put my finger on (- I did ask but they said, EW, NO!). See? Similar, "image-evoking" SOH, except yours is less Henny Youngman and more deadpan/matter-of-fact like Steven Wright or Rita Rudner. (You'll probably have to Google these comediens' quotes, but do and you'll see the similarity.) Don't answer this post until I've answered yours, but - Have you ever tried writing everyday life stories or a witty, online autobiography to do with your new life in Portugal and your Asperger's? PS: "Was just passing and thought I'd call in!" / "Then you haven't being paying attention and thought wrong!" Why do you hate it? Can you smell the self-importance married with lack of respect for others' time in that - and/or a failure to keep up-to-date with who you are? Or is it, to your brain, just a simple case of 'This feels wrong/not nice"? Explicas, por favor, Senorina? Grassy Arse. :) I mean, I hate it too (the cheeky, over-entitled beepers!) ....and so do a lot of other people but they're usually too paralysed by the awkwardness and lack of frame-of-reference so revert to training (staying polite and giving-in). I used to do halfway house, rush upstairs, pop a turbie-towel on my head, open the window and go, 'Awwwww, you should have RUNG me - I'm in the bath and then I've got phonecalls to make - awwwww?! PHONE me next time, yeh?' (and I'll repeat the Yeh? until they acknowledge it and agree). If they don't - or they do but do it again - they're out. Different if it's a crisis, but you don't want to tell their type that or they'll know to 'have a crisis' next time. Or there's this one for the very persistent: "NO - DON'T COME IN - THERE'S A GIANT SPIDER ON THE LOOSE, I'M TRYING TO FIND OUT WHERE IT WENT AND CAPTURE IT! (etc)...". Define Giant. To an ant it might be giant? (cheesy-guilty grin). Ah well, with so many self-centred, downright rude people in the world, you do what you have to do to protect yourself ("Own Oxygen Mask first before helping others on with theirs"). Be back later today (stayed up all night to catch up while it's cooler because when I tried to do some during the daytime today- er, yesterday, for the first time ever my lappie said "Overheating Warning" (or some such). So now I need to sleep...but I don't mind because the daytimes are just too hot right now to be useable, let alone sit with a hot lappie, so I'm switching to total Night Old mode until it's cooler or I've adapted. Seriously, yesterday- no, Sat and yesterday I opened the door and immediately closed it again ("NOPE!", slam) and closed all the south-facing windows and had loads of fans on. It was like outdoors was a giant sauna! So it was a choice of, stay indoors and be hot n sweaty, or go outside to the pool and DIE before I got there! How's your end? Same? You're just to the left of me, really, aren't you. Shame I don't have Mr Tickle hands or I could reach over High Five you for that hysterical piece of prose, there. I've also been picturing you going outside to find your mum's yard, hahahaha. Anyhoo - later, highly-entertaining 'Gater!

I'm so sorry, N-O - I've had techie/internet problems again. Got spat out of here, week ago, just minutes before I was finished in my response to you and only just got a techie friend to connect me to my moby's Hot Spot (the phone wasn't calibrated/whatever (I'm a techie duh-brain) correctly when I changed mobile network recently, and he suspects the data package from my wifi provider is too low). LUCKILY, I had Copied it as I went, and pasted it into my Word, so I'm waste no time (in-case I get spat out again) to paste-in as far as I'd got and to then post the remainder separately...PS I hate technology...(sometimes) (too often here). PPS: is the internet a bit shite in Portugal as well? Anyway, soz for any typos or repetitions: ___________________________________________________________ "Okie-Pokie - HOFF we go... "Glad you're feeling better! Being sick is (almost) always annoying. (Except when you can miss useless classes :))" Haha! But you get a lot of bugs out here. Hardly surprising when I’ve now seen too many waiters and waitresses as well as Spaniards, generally, coming out of a loo cubicle and COMPLETELY ignoring the sink! WTF?! IN THIS HEAT? ARE THEY MAAD? Can they really be that ignorant over basic hygiene/Health & Safety? "No worries about the misunderstanding, I like your way of talking. It is easier to answer from top to bottom, unlike most people I know do, it also makes it easier to understand." I like my way of talking, as well, hahahahah. Burt Ah find Ah dooo sound farr sex-ee-ur when Ah spick wiz a Frrensh ac-sont. (Can you do accents or silly voices? And does your face come with 'subtitles' - very expressive? Or are you more poker-face? Try practising gaining control of your face muscles or bending your end finger joints only. Aspies have flexibility and muscle control that NTs can't: e.g. being able to raise one or other eyebrow independently of the other; being able to wobble your eyeballs or go crosseyed but sending one eyeball looking in a different direction from the other; wiggling their ears, and nostrils (in-out-in-out), doing an upside-down smile like an emoji, gosh what else have I seen?...um....pulling their thumb back on itself until it touches their wrist...rolling their tongue into a tube or touching their nose with it...being dextrous with their feet/toes...Good at contortions, basically. Start 'exploring' yourself and practising. "I'll give a bit more information about the grades: The scale goes from 1-20. 1st semestre I had 17 for Portuguese and philosophy, 16 for pe and biology/geology, 19 for English and physics/chemistry and 18 for math. Way above average. So it would matter if it would drop a bit, because they would still be excellent (my final grade would be the average of the whole year, so my high grades covered for the 8-9's I got on the tests during the 2nd semestre (I was too lazy to finish the tests..)). I ended with a 20 for English, 18 for philosophy, pe and math, 17 for Portuguese and physics/chemistry and 16 for biology/geology. So it would not really have any bad influence on my work xD" Okay, my head's spinning now...too hot for numbers, but (including your edit up there), I get the gist: you've nothing much to lose and 3 weeks to gain (soz - I typed months by-mistake up there). "The problem with people my age is that" THEY'RE *NOT* YOUR AGE. Berbom. Aspies tend to get on better and hanging out with adults. AND kids, like you said. And blokey women (not talking looks, just thinking/attitudes). "I usually dont understand them or have any similar interests. Most girls will go on and on about makeup, clothes, boys, etc." Not blokey enough. "Girlie-girls". That's their developmental programme and way of bonding, not yours. "I dont use makeup unless I go to a party (then I will use at max some mascara and the thing you "paint" your eyelids with.)" Paintbrush? (hahahaha!) Nah - eyeshadow. "And I am almost never sexually interested in boys. I am sexually (not romantically!) attracted to girls. I think there was only 1 guy (apart of my bf) I was sexually attracted to, without having any romantical attraction." It's called picky. HF Aspies (see yourself as on the scale between outright Autistic and Neurotypical...best of both worlds) aren't very good at 'settling' for the next best thing. As you're different, your target-market is harder to find but worth searching for. Quality over Quantity. Your friendships are very deep and meaningful so 2 best friends is usually enough. PS: When the girlies were discussing make-up, did you ever change topic to something 'meaty' and had schoolfriends react by going, '....Hea-vyyyyyyy?'. ((see double brackets inside your paras)): "Younger kids: I like to take care of others ((yup - check!)), I have got 3 younger brothers (2, 7 and 10). Usually I can easily get along with kids. ((check!)) It helps that I explain things, like why they can't do X, because I know that is something I need too. ((huge empathy in the form this case of considerateness and thoughtfulness, your HF case, unhidden - check!)) I can usually easier relate to them and I know what I would've wanted that others would've done in those situations. ((Aspie 'feelings'-memory/recall - check!) (NT's forget)) Last year I did multiple activities with kids my brothers' ages at school, I volunteered at the summer childcare centre and I got hired to take care of kids during a wedding. It is something I have always done and which comes naturally. ((You're a natural-born leader in-waiting, but at the mo are in the 'baby pool' because that's all that's available so far.)) Well - I've solved the making money problem; this 'baby-to-middle pool' is a No-Brainer: You would make a KILLING (payment is still in cash, too) being a nighttime baby-sitter/daytime childminder for busy or working (or dating, single) parents. Or as a teacher's assistant at your local nursery-schools/kindergaartens (which would get you even more babysitting clients). You'd LOVE it! And it's work that's easy to get for someone like you. What do you think? "Older people: I am talking about a few years older like my boyfriend and some of my friends but also people in their 20s and "proper" adults, and sometimes (depending on the cultural differences) with oldies. Due to my adult behaviour I can easily get along with them and understand them." Yup - check! "I usually don't like texting, ((check!)) the only one I feel free to do that with is with my boyfriend. There have been times I wanted to text someone or send an email and that when my parents read it I got told that I was being too blunt/direct. I do not always understand how certain things will appear over texts, or even face to face, so I prefer face to face so you also got the nonverbal communication." Sorry - WHAT? I haven't seen any bluntness anywhere - you're a really good writer with excellent manners and (naturally witty) self-expressiveness skills (for your stage - you'll just keep getting better) - what on earth are they talking about? And why/how did your parents read it? Do you have any idea how many famous authors and pop lyricists are HF Aspie or retro-diagnosed ones (historical figures)? Questions: do you feel bad when you accidentally step on an insect? Do you rescue drowning bees and flies from swimming-pools before you start swimming (empathy plus a need for cleanliness/neatness)? Do you still have all your teddy-bears? "I like to watch documentaries, ((check!) about nature ((check!)) but also about wars ((check!)). I like very different styles of films and series. ((check!)) I like things like anime but also fantasy ((unusual?..that must be your NT side married with your incredible Aspie imagination)), historical, ((check!)) stories about life ((check!)), cartoons (both things like Lucky luke (like for kids), but also like Hazbin hotel (adult cartoon) ((check n check!)). Ever since my brother threw tea over the television to get Gargamel away and to save the Smurfs ((- I'm wheezy-laughing all over again!!!)) I've never had a TV with channels, but usually I use torrents ((don't know what that is but get the gist)) to illegally download them if someone recommends something. ((HFA determination and resourcefulness plus thinking outside of the lines/box - check!...and all your peers do the illegal download thing so that's a cultural rebellion thing, although, I do suspect a hell of a lot of GenZs have a damn good dollop of HFA by whatever degree))" "I love reading, ((check!)) and I actually prefer fiction ((NT/feminine side)). I love getting into a fantasy world and making and reading such stories." Do the babysitting and meanwhile start writing one! "Could you please clarify the bad habit you're referring too, I did not really understand that part 😊" I certainly can, m'Lady :) "I had 2 boys from my class I could get along with pretty good," It's pretty well. (I get along with - or on with - them well, not good...that's an American 'bastardisation', along with, You did good (you did WELL). !I did not know that autistic women are often more masculine, but that would explain a lot." Yup. It's a male-brained condition, hence why females are (or USED to be) rare, on top of which, are better at hiding their traits and fitting-in thus remaining undiagnosed. "I always thought that the "violent" interests were because of my dad. I usually watch and play shooters and swordfighting games with him." No, your dad playing with you is because he can sense the strong boy/man in you. HF Aspie girls tend to get on better with blokes (or blokey women). So your dad and you are similar, then? Your mum doesn't sound like she gets you quite as much: Don't worry about it. Aspie response: HOW? HOW? WHERE'S THE BLOODY 'HOW TO' MANUAL? Worry is your middle name but ACTUALLY it's just you flushing away the excess energy (your brain's like a dynamo-powered bicycle headlight...it pedals ALL the time so generates yet more energy, ALL the time. PLUS you tend not to have a backburner for pain (aka ability to self-delude/ignore) so want things sorted-out now-now-NOW. "He ((boyfriend)) is so serious about school because he needs extremely high grades. He wants to (or his parents want him to, idk)" Well, you SHOULD know because HE should know, so if you don't...it's probably both, but indicates parental pressure. It's his life, he can do what he damn well pleases. All parents can ask, is that whatever you're doing, you're content or happy. If he purely satisfies THEIR unsatisfied ambitions, as if he's their second chance, he won't be. He needs to have a long think if it's not all his idea and desire or he'll end up hitting a middle-aged mid-life crisis. "study medicine, which is the hardest course to get into. Remember how I said that the scales go from 1-20? In the past years I think that the person with the lowest grade which got into the course had about an 18,3.. And yes, usually we would do the work together while the third person would just watch unless we asked her to do something." Noted. "Surprises: Depends on what kind of surprise. Presents and such are fine, but someone visiting, even if it is my grandma all the way from the Netherlands I will take a couple of days to adjust. ((check!))" Surely she arranges her visits with your parents, even if they somehow forget to mention it (do they?)? If not, then, the woman's hugely over-entitled and a massive boundary smasher! "As for getting closer with them, I don't know. I don't really feel the need to. I like that we can just talk about things in a natural way without having the feeling that we "have to" talk." Fairenoughski if the set-up makes you happy. "Depression and suicidal thoughts: Last year I had the incident with my bf's sister" Oh, yes, let me pop the first bit in again, keep it all together: 1. "Then we have my bf's sister (with whom I'm currently fine, just don't trust her anymore with sensitive things) who was my best friend for years, who I have told my life story, including the downs, to. Turns out that half of her stories we're fake, she had used me to keep her money, because she wanted to start saving, turns out that that money was mostly stolen from her already poor parents." WHAAAAAAAAT-AH?!!!??? So I DID sense and hear right, just the timing was off (you had me worried there - I'm NEVER wrong about this stuff) (no apology necessary tho). You aren't being, but WERE abused (used and exploited...Anormally Used = Ab.used). She sounds like a typical Sociopath (or if she's loud, "too much", too forceful/won't take No for an answer, likes to 'score points off you', and a constant liar/fabricator (and Jekyll & Hyde), impulsive, boundary and taboo-smashing to a degree that comes under Sacriligious (clearly!) - a Narcissistic Sociopath). And it takes a long time to get over that kind of OTT exploitation and betrayal. So I heard right, but you thought it was all in the past when you're still grieving and healing (and trying to get your head around it all, sort the lies from the truth, etc...emotional private-detective jobbie). (God, how must her poor parents feel?! Bet THEY were suicidal as well! Or are they too used to her and haven't a clue how to make their discipline work on her? (it won't - they don't learn even from negative consequences). "And these are just a few who have betrayed me/my parents. Combining this all I have some difficulty to easily trust people.." GOOD (the Trust Dial down a bit; was clearly set too high). So you should be wary after that, it's only natural. Just keep proceeding with any new people (don't rely on tacit recommendations, e.g., just because she's brother's sister, as siblings can be VERY chalk-and-cheese or even with narcissism in their family, perp and victim) but with more caution this time. DON'T give away every bit of information including inner secrets to new friends just because they seem to be doing it to you (it's to make you spill and not for a good reason). Once you regain your confidence you'll be back to normal but better. And once you learn your unique strengths/tools/weapons, THEN you can bravely go in and bare your stomach (and see what they do with it, whether they punch it first chance they get, or not.) HFs are almost too brave for their own good, sometimes. (Did you read the articles about ASD nowadays, in Jae's thread? Her younger brother is/was headed for being a Sociopath - go back and read those bits. He too sees people/friends, even his own kin, as TOOLS to get him what he and his lazy ways want. Does't mean they don't (their version) like or (warped-)love you. But for them, not even their nearest and dearest are exampt from being treated like their MEANS to get something you didn't agree to or have a clue about...you think you're in a normal friendship...UNTIL 'SUDDENLY', YOU'RE NOT.) So I'm betting she's been or still is, the serious thorn in your boyfriend's side. Does she outright bully and torment him? (see double bracketed bits): "and I found out that my grades wouldn't count (9th grade, teachers literally said they wouldn't count for the future. Only the highschool grades count), which led to me having no reason to actually do something during class. I always got these high grades without studying, I don't even know to study. ((Yeah, you do, for you it's called Reading/Living, so - check!)) So I got bored and lost motivation. ((Common stuff)) On a scale of 1-5: Spanish, Science, Portuguese, English, Chemistry/physics, Geography and maybe I am missing some, but all 5's, only had a 4 for pe. Anyways, the lack of motivation and self doubting caused by the incident led to a minor depression and panic attacks." Yes, but wrong order. The NPD-AsPD Abuse is so traumatic that you need to heal. Your brain's taken up too much with these zillions of past events and hidden clues (jigsaw pieces) and because Survival takes precedence over Schooling. So THAT causes the sudden, seeming 'lack of ambition/motivation/direction/goals' and seeming loss of trust IN YOURSELF AND YOUR ABILITY TO PROTECT YOURSELF, which 'merely' contributes to the meanwhile typical post-abuse depression. You're on your way to a full recovery, no worries, and your brain will be PUMPED from that incredible, almost 4-dimensional jigsaw puzzle (that shows you exactly what she is). We need to start with THIS, get it all OUT of your mental In-Tray so that it'll be free to take and focus on the present and future. "I started talking to a social worker" (See? No Social Fear (check!) plus Resourcefulness (again) and Independent-mindedness including self-rearing capability beyond your years (double-check!).) "and that was also when I started my talks with the psychologist and I managed to get mostly out of it. This January I decided that I wanted to change schools and areas (science to arts)." AGREE. Anyway - good. You're MOSTLY healed and getting back to being yourself again. (What did the psych have to say about "lovely" 'sister-in-law'?) Best just check though: did she steal from her parents due to desperation...needs being ignored? Or just willful self-gratification, impulse and greed? Were they depriving her of money *too* much? Are they REALLY poor or just say they are? And - most tellingly - what did she spend it on? Ask BF. What does he say about her, anyway? "I knew that I couldn't change areas anymore this year, only in September, but I did not know that I couldn't change schools anymore. So I spoke with my parents, friends, teachers, had it all planned. Then the secretary told me that I couldn't, only per September. So that was a bummer and I lost motivation and goal." I'll bet. A change is as good as a rest, and all that. "And in my mind, without goal I don't see why I should live and be a burden on others. Everyone was trying to help me, my parents spent money on me. I felt like a huge burden." Tsk, you sound like my son. It's not a parent's burden, it's their duty and privilege. " I calmed myself down with fire, I bought a couple of lighters and I would just stare at the flame." He did that as well (post narc-abuse). Now he's into candles. Staring at a flame taps into your most primitive psychology and, LIKE a caveperson, fire equals sense of safety and security. (Check! - being very in-tune with your inner caveperson as well as being excellent at meeting your own needs - check!) You're actually very, very in-tune with your innards. But the environment and pure NTs have been confusing you and making you feel wrong. Au. Contraire. (Ohhhh, you are soooo HF Aspie ...except on the outside now. Aspies learn to wear a mask, like narcs do, BUT for helping yourself, not hurting and exploiting other people and only do it until they've self-Neurotypified (found ways to fit in and only show your NT-friendly bits. Different intention behind it entirely). If the first or second opinion doesn't say so, I will fall off my chair or have to put it down to lesser knowledge and experience about it, in Portugal (probably). Actually, I will just refuse to believe it.) "Until my boyfriend took them from me because I was burning my hand and my schoolbooks (but he gave me a candle for my bday so I could still see fire)." CLEVER, VERY EMOTIONALLY MATURE AND SENSITIVE LAD! Woah. What a sweetheart. He really cherishes you, doesn't he (and you him, obvs). Oh yeah...he'll have been picked-on my his sister growing-up, I'm sure. You two must make one ucking incredible couple! "I have had multiple times that I would be scared of myself. During my previous depression I had tried cutting myself with stones (they ain't sharp so the wound would be worse), never managed to tho, and drop heavy stones on my feet to punish me, which I didn't manage to do either because of involuntary reflexes.." Depression is anger censored and/or therefore, with no-where else to go but necessary to let out, turned inwards at yourself - and you can't better better proof of that than self-harm. "This depression I have had multiple times that I would try to cut myself with pencils (not with my knives (yes I got my own and I brought them to school just out of rebellion until my bf found out and took them during school times whenever I brought them, taking the whole reason to bring them away), because I didnt want them to be taken away). And I have run to school a couple of times because I was about to jump in front of a bus." Well, that was the correct instinct x 2 because as I said, sport discharges unspent anger/aggression. "My family, friends and bf were the only reason for me to live." Good. Its only ever family and friends that are a reason to live because life mainly *is* people - imagine and really think through, if all other humans on the planet disappeared into thin air tomorrow! " Not even because I wanted them (after all, I felt like a burden), but because I did not want to hurt them by committing suicide. " Good. And you never will, now. Can't anyway...Too sensible... but just needed to 'throw yourself against the walls' for a bit or to feel like you DID have an Exit-door/escape route if it all got too much. "Over the chat we easily run out of things to talk about, but I dont always feel the need to talk to be happy together, and nor does he," Bingo! One of the top signs of being with the right person! Hope you two end up married, but if not - friends (and quasi brother and sister, I'm sure) for-life. "I can just lay in his arms and watch a video together and we're happy, hoping for that feeling to never end." Yeeeaaah, alright...now you're just showing-off (haha). "Those other friends all were straight girls (except for one of them who has a double personality, one of them is male the other female), so it never even crossed my mind." Double personality¿ "The nightowl (she's Ace btw) actually has ADHD and has some insomnia problems. Also due to school she's busy the whole day and only has time around that time." Noted. ((see brackets)) "My parents are absolutely fine. Married for 18 years now and still love eachother deeply. They never asked or needed me to take the adult role in the family btw, it is something I did automatically and unconsciously." ((CHECK!)) ______________________________________________________________________ Right, that's where I got so now (if this posts successfully) I'll now do the remainder....

(YESSSSSS! It did!) Parte Deux: ____________________________________________ (see double brackets within) "Same goes for the money problems. I only told them yesterday that I had put money in their wallet without them noticing last year ((CHECK - little-known Aspie thing in with 'parenting the parents' - through intrinsic 'adult born in kid suit' wiring, not issues)), and they insist on paying it back. ((GOOD)) They never intended to stress me with any of this, but they also know that not telling me and leaving it up to my imagination just makes me stress more." Yes, they know this and that's one of the reasons they're insisting on paying it back. There are two parts to an apology: the mouth PLUS the acts/gestures that 'make it up to you'. So, good. And did they promise not to give you too little data in-future? ...or keep it to themselves - either way? They clearly have had big troubles/distractions as they're showing that they're not up-to-date with who you are today. Obviously, even parents without threatening problems struggle to keep catching-up to 'new & improved baby' all the time, so when you add probs on top it can put the sufferers in stasis. You might want to read Lily31's (massive) thread...not far from the beginning. Her parents - their problem was their marriage...because obviously divorce doesn't happen overnight, there's a years-long build-up. So they were keeping Lils too much in the dark, too. But that's because what her dad had done to her and Lils and her siblings was completely life-devastating and showed a lot of their joint and respective lives had, unbeknownst to them, been a lie. They, too, hadn't noticed how far over the transitional bridge (teen to adult) she'd come, at that point. She lacked the experience of a full adult, but had all the adult mental and emotional skills already (and, yeah, I all along suspected she had a good dollop of (HF)Asperger's too). You ought to read it. It looks long, but, actually, it wouldn't make a whole book as it stands, unless added to with narrative, etc., so don't let that illusion put you off. You can read just her posts, or my replies wherein I quote every sentance of hers anyway. PS: I appreciated she was a masterpiece in development so decided to let her slowly and gradually put '2 and 2' together re what was actually going on (which I confessed to her recently) because it could have proven too much, mentally, due to said inexperience thus lack of any frame of reference. But she's soaring like the Pheonix from the ashes now, oh BOY is she! Go read - I reckon you'll love it... It's her entire recovery path into thriving path. If you like, you can also tell me where you identify with and recognise yourself in her. "I will look into the Calenetics! Never heard of it!" Do! Fastest toning/muscle sleeking exercises on the planet, whether or not one cannot involve their back. I still do them...hence why at my age I'm still shapely and hot (haha!) AND can still smoke a ciggie by holding it between my toes (hahaha!...it's one of my party pieces). No apple or beer-gut on me! Like I say, you get a gorgeous figure-skater's figure, all for no sweat and just an hour per day of getting into a slightly weird position and gently, barely jigging. Once you know the series of exercises by-heart, you can do them in front of the telly. (Just thought...Callan Pinkney should be paying me commission for re-advertising her video/DVD haha. But she defo deserves it because she played thoroughly-testing guinea-pig before releasing it to the public, and that's whatcha CALL Socially/Morally Responsible and 'not doing it solely or even primarily for the money', just to help people, innit.) "I have been talking to my mom about the chewing and it might exactly be caused by the autism. Oral fixation/stimming or some such." Yup. Combined with releasing/displacing that excess mental energy generated from NEVER 'NOT thinking/imagining/inventing/solving/conceiving/re-conceiving...'. "We are considering buying one of those necklaces to chew on for at home/in private and they might be able to give me chewing gum for when in public, but we only had the conversation yesterday so we did not really get the chance to dive into it." Have you managed to do so yet/since? "And yes I meant yarn 🙈 " (Haha! Too late!) "You're kidding! To which area did you move?" Can't say - sorry. I'm here permanently so have to protect my identity from theft via building a profile on me. It's fcknhot n humid, though. I thought the pools here were a luxury. NAH-AH! They're a basical survival tool! It's that or sit in the bath all day. Have you been having these heatwaves recently? Is it slightly cooler in Portugal or hotter? Is Portugal the same, as in, 3rd/2nd World country just with 1st World Sprinkles on top? "We were actually financially good and we had a good start when we came here, wasn't it ((sic - if it wasn't)) for that "translator". We paid her, we had already paid money for the first property (which we ended up not buying) and later for a lawyer. And then we had to still buy another property, but during that time we also had to live somewhere, meaning that we have rented a house for quite a while." In other words, she almost ruined you all. How can anyone do that. I get why/what''s wrong with them, but at the same time, emotionally, I just can't ever get my head around it. How do they look themselves in the mirror? How do they sleep at night? They're totally anti-society/civilisation. If everyone was like them, the world wouldn't work and we'd be quickly extinct. They're broken, unfixable machines (but I won't get started). Still, it's handy being able to remain shockable and appal-able - certainly helps on here with so many targets of personality-disordered Narcissists, 'lately'. Sometimes (yeah, alright, often) (yeah, right, every time) *I'm* more shocked and appalled (and seething) than the poor poster it happened to. Keeps me fresh and unable to get jaded/stymied plus gives them the validation they need and deserve. Which is a lofty way of saying: What a beeping *itch-cow-creep-b***ard!!!!! That's not a woman. Nope. That's a Sociopath (social predator, 2ndary (not natural-born - made by whacko human hands) psychopath equivalent). Didn't they take her to court? Or have they, but it's a slow, still-ongoing process due to so many post-Covid lockdown backlogs? She'll 'get hers', no worries. Been studying Fate/Karma, by following up on known perpetrators, my whole life. Can take years (bigger the crime, the bigger thus longer-to-bake 'custard pie'). But she'll get hers - promise. Keep watching her space from time-to-time, you'll see. I certainly always have. And I do mean without exception. And I see a LOT (cos I'm effing nosy and hate loose ends and unfinished 'stories'...I don't ask, I just find ways to TAKE mine and others' earned and owed Closure). "The moving to Portugal was my parents decision, but we all knew about it and could think with them about what area, we actually went on a roadtrip from north to south in 2018." Wowzers - how long did THAT take?! "On that trip I was the first to say that I would like to live in the area we currently are, and they thought the same but just hadn't said it out loud yet. So even tho I miss some "teen facilities", this is really the area of Portugal I like." Good to know. You/we can build on that. "It is *funny that you say that I sound American. Because my pronunciation is actually British, even tho both my parents talk with an American accent (dad cuz he prefers it, mom cuz she lived in the usa for a year)." For a piddly year? HAHAHAHAHA! She must think it suits her better. Fairenoughski haha. Me, I lived in Africa for a year.... Let me see.... "Jambo! Nd haow AH-yoo TOO-day, Meme-Sa'b? (How was that? :D) My fave accent is zee Freeeenshshsh.....pourquoi eet eez soh sex-EEE, ah, oui! So have you guys got Portuguese genes in you from however-far back? (Have you done a genealogical Family Tree yet? DO, it's fascinating and very self-enlightening, an eQ-raiser.) PS: *Yeah, I'm weird like that. :) Don't ask me why, however, as I haven't a pigging clue. Well, I do...sort-of..., but I'd need a year to explain in a way you could understand. I'm super-super sensitive on all levels, with x-ray and infra-red 'specs'. (And no, NOT lucky me...it's fcknard work.) " At school they teach us British English and my boyfriend has British parents, so we always talk in English xD." Ears it thuhr QWEEEEEEN's Inn-glish? IOW, posh? "It is also one of the reasons why he is different btw, firstly because he went through a lot of bad stuff but also because he isn't Portuguese." Got it! Nice one. :) And what were the chances?! Someone up there likes you. "My bedroom is awesome btw, my parents did their best to make it like I wanted it to and I really like it." Excellent. "Parents are always supportive too and I don't have a lot of chores because I already have a lot to do." That too, is excellent, empathy-based parenting! "Usually just the dishes, and I have to take care of my bird and room ofc." Quite right too! You've enough on your plate at your transitional age, including your studies then the self-pressure of feeling you should all have jobs by now. (Yeh...before Brexit and Covid, not now. Still, it leaves you all available for self-discovery.). "In Portugal they actually have a sh*tty rule that you can only work when you're 16, which I turned about a week ago.." PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTH! to the Portguese govt! "But in this area we don't care" You can't afford to! "so when I was 13 I was helping build a roof for a couple of days during the summer holidays," Wowzers - roofing?! What are you - Bobina The Builder?? "last year I worked in a bar during the summer holidays and this schoolyear I have been working for an old German guy in the garden on Saturdays. Apart from that I work for my dad's sharpening business, I signed up for a thing from the local government to gain some extra money and I am currently searching for a job for this year. It sounds like a lot," GOD, yes! " but I get paid about 5/hour.. So at the end of the month I don't have a lot left xD" That's shite. Ask for a raise. Like 8/hr. Childminding pays more, you know? "And yes, bf and his family have financial problems too. He actually works for the same German as strong guy, since the German has back problems and I am a girl (yup, he's old..and paranoid. You don't want to know what sh*t he keeps saying)." (Bug's Bunny voice)........Nyyyyyeeeeeah.....She don'(t) know me chtoo wew, do she.) YES, I DO. In fact, I shooby-DOOBY-do! :D "I have always been really sensitive to other peoples emotions and often copy them. ((CHECK! x 2, but you mean 'express them'.)) My parents feelings have certainly had impact on my depression, ((Yup)) but it is not their fault either. ((As above - I know.)) This depression is big part also mine." Yes. It is normal and universal, though. Other young adults are just better at hiding it/worse at being brave enough to be a 'speak my feelings' machine. "Criticism from my psychologist.." What is? You mean that the depression is in big part also yours? Sure. But yours is mainly reactive - to your parents' reaction (that's the role-reversal/mutuality kicking in). If your folks won the Euro Lottery tomorrow - do you reckon you'd still be depressed? "And yes, we live just outside a small village in the country area." Noice. Have you been fostering and feeding any feral or abandoned cats? "School ended for me begin june and I have to go back mid september," (Bleugh) " so that concern is done. I will start on my new school in the new area." GOOD! "Thanks again for taking your time and I'm looking forward to your next response! ❤️"" And thank-you for your AMAZING, PROPER ADULT, patience. Which people your still-young age don't normally possess even a fraction of - trust me on that. However, as a wheel, we need to make you a bit more squeaky. :) Easily done, though, when you know how. Like, kick yourself easily. ("Dann-dann-DAAAAN!" haha).

PS: "Ever since my brother threw tea over the television to get Gargamel away and to save the Smurfs I've never had a TV with channels," Still laffin.... :D PPS: Was it his tea or someone else's?

...He's demonstrated in no uncertain terms that he's a natural-born Rescuer, though, look? But, additionally, that is sooo sweet and cute.

Hi again! I'll try to answer a part, I have to wake up in less than 6 hours so I won't be able to answer all now. I'll try to finish tomorrow after work (the governamental project is currently ongoing, so I start at 10 and work for 4h at the pool playing lifeguard). Firstly, thanks again for answering 😊 No worries, internet problems suck. The signal here isn't great either. Got whole zones where no one has any connection at all, unless you're connected by cable. We don't live in one, but to leave we have to pass through one. Pretty annoying.. Secondly, no. I cannot do accents over chat. I read things too literally and too word for word to read through it easily. Simple grammar mistakes like to/too and right/write already get me stuck while reading xD I usually have a neutral expression on my face, or a fake/forced smile. Tho I'll admit that my "neutral" face usually seems either angry or emotionless. And I'll have that same face, sometimes with a slight smile, when someone tells a joke which I find "half funny" or funny, but not funny enough to make me laugh like crazy. On the other hand, usually you can see easily whether I am sad or not (thus the fake smile I put on). Since I was a kid I can cross-eye, pull my thumb back, roll my tongue and touch my nose with it. And when I was younger I could (according to my parents) make the sad emoji. The eyebrow thing I've tried for a while, but never managed to do it 🤣 "Paintbrush? (hahahaha!) Nah - eyeshadow." Yes that, I forgot the name 🙈 To be honest, I barely speak to girls. And when I do the conversation usually ends pretty fast. So no, I don't think I ever changed the topic when they were talking about makeup. I don't think I was ever part of a makeup conversation xD Babysitting: I offered a year ago or so to babysit kids from my brothers' groups during the holidays, but that did not work out since the local governments organise it for free, you only have to pay for lunch :/ Communicating: Well.. I am not annoyed by you 🙈 I dont remember exactly what I was gonna send to my teachers, but I do know that Ive improved over the last couple of years. Because when I would look over those emails with my parents I would know that it was a bit too direct, but I didn't know how to word it differently. I've also had multiple times that I bit my lip to not walk out of my psychologist's or doctor's office because I did not like the conversation, even tho they were trying to help. Speaking of which, I dumped my psychologist. She was too annoying. As for not understanding how something will seem over chat, here is an example: My bf and I usually let the other know when we've gotta go cuz we're being called by our parents by simply saying GTG or brb. One day I sad "Bye, I'm leaving you" and left. When I came back he was stressing and not understanding, because the way I said it made it sound like I broke up with him (who knows why, I dont?). Also, compliments and small talk. I've got no idea what to do with those. I've been talking to a friend who has a similar problem and she helped me to be more open for it, but they are still difficult. Like I dont see the reason of small talk. If I ask someone how they are it is because I am interested in how they are. If I answer that I am good to the same question, then I am good. If I answer fine, I ain't feeling great but I am avoiding giving a full answer. I don't want to ask people how they are if I am not interested in it, because then those words loose its value. The same goes for thanking people for compliments. If I don't believe in the compliment or don't understand how they can think that, then I will say okay and/or ignore it. I don't know what else to answer, because if you thank people for everything it will loose its value. That friend of mine suggested thanking for going out of their way to give me that gesture, so that's what I'm trying now. But it feels weird. Answers: Yes, I rescue drowning animals. Yes, I still have a part of my plushies. When I was like 8 I had so much that we did not have enough space and I had to choose 10 to keep, the rest would go to the red cross. In the end I got to keep a few more, but it still was a big cleanup. A couple of weeks ago we had to throw a soft doll away because her head was reformed weirdly after she came out of the washing (she looked like Chucky..) and it still hurts. I got her when I was a toddler and she went through all my brothers' baby and toddler years. I did keep her clothes tho. When I slept at someone else's house it would be her and Moose that would come with. Lately only Moose, and him I still hug at night and he still travels with me. See it as an ESA. I usually prefer to keep bugs etc alive (it even hurts when my parents kill a moth or some such unnecessarily), except for flies. I cannot handle their buzzing. Same goes for bees, but they get to live (usually) because they make honey. I don't have a big problem with wasps, unless they are eating my meal, then I will drown them. Oh and I love burning pine processionary caterpillars. Torrents: I am not gonna go into technical details, but I actually learnt it from my dad, just like most of the tech thingies. He used to work in the ITC section of a local government and school in the Netherlands, so he's done this for years. My dad and I get along with pretty WELL, indeed. His (dark) humour is more similar to mine and we have similar interests. Me and my mom are pretty good too tho, we used to walk every weekend together so I could talk with her without having my brothers around. "He ((boyfriend)) is so serious (...)" I actually meant the classmate I usually work with 🙈 My bf wants to be an English teacher. Good English teachers (and English speakers) are rare in this region and he wants to change that. His parents want him to go to military school, which he doesn't. Surprises: Not always. Tho we did the same. Considering that she lives in the Netherlands and we live here it is kinda difficult to see each other. Usually my aunts, grandparents and friend let us know beforehand, but sometimes they like to surprise us. Financially it doesn't really matter for us, considering that they usually pay for a big part of the shopping when they are here, so they are helping us out. And luckily our relationship with them is good, so it's not like and unwanted person suddenly shows up and demands a roof above her head 🤣 Last year I surprised my grandparents about a month beforehand by telling them that I was gonna go on my bday to them, to which they cried (happiness :p) and my mom went a few months later, without letting them know, for their bday, to which they cried as well. This year for my bday they surprised me with a trip to the Netherlands, so I could see fireworks and ice skate (something I missed), so in December I'm gonna go on my own to the Netherlands 🤩 Anyways, I'm really gonna sleep now, before my bf gets mad because I'm not taking care of myself :p Goodnight!

Hi again! Finally managed to sit down and answer 🤣 I think I ended by the part about my bf's sister? If I missed something let me know 😊 I did feel exploited. I have an excellent reputation at school and with the teachers and I was used to get her closer to them too. My friends were approached by her too, tho when I told them about my suspicions they said that they never liked her anyways and played along for me, because I liked her. Anyways, I wasn't really sure whether I should say it or not, since it is not my story to tell, but my bf's family has quite some problems and has suffered quite a lot. My bf has 2 older half-siblings, which live in England, and with older I mean about 15 years older. He sometimes speaks with his older sister, tho she does not approve of him dating at the age of 16/17 (making the conversation sometimes a bit difficult) and she doesn't approve of bisexuality either. About his brother, he has no clue where he is. His biological dad left him and his younger sister (the one with which I had the unpleasant encounter) when they were young, leaving both of them pretty broken. My bf got up and became stronger, his sister.. got a mask and used lies to "survive". They both had problems, she just did not get out of those problems in an socially acceptable way. Their mother and her partner are also difficult to deal with. Old fashioned, a bit too in love with alcohol (tho their mother has stopped for a few months now with any alcohol!), soft drugs, smokers, but one of the biggest problems is that they are dictator parents. They get in trouble and get shouted at for the smallest things and punishments usually don't have an end date, they will end when they feel like it. To put it slightly to the extreme side: They are treated like dogs. They get food and a roof and for the rest they have to do as they are told and they are barely shown any love. Nor do their opinions or ideas matter. Apart from that they both lie about a lot of things, even small senseless things, so it is not like my bf's sister got a great example.. (Note that I am not trying to protect her, I am trying to empathize). Their family is actually poor, tho stopping with the drugs/alcohol/smoking would improve it.., so unlike her friends she cannot buy something when she wants it, she cannot buy some candy etc (Speaking out of personal experience as well). So she stole money and a part of that went to candy, which she shared with her friends. Nevertheless, my bf loves his sister and mother, tho as he puts it he loves his mom, but doesn't like her. He knows how his sister is, even tho she sometimes does surprise him, so he takes that into account when interacting with her, but generally their relationship isn't worse than any other siblings'. A double personality is someone who has like 2 different people living inside their body and which take turns on taking control. For the rest I don't really know how to explain, since I dont have it and I dont want to give the wrong idea. So far we did not manage to buy necklaces, but my parents are providing me with chewing gum (about 1 pot of trident per 2 weeks) so I am surviving. And I've always got my (and my bf's) pinky as backup 🤣 I understand that you have to keep your identity private. I was just curious if you lived close, but the information you gave me was enough to figure out that your probably don't 🤣 Past week we had about 40°C every day, today was the first day that it was a bit cooler and that we had some drizzle. I got lucky with my pool job, since I can usually just jump in whenever it's getting to hot. Yes, she basically did. I can tell you that it was not only us to who she did that either. She's been scamming multiple people throughout Portugal, just to get stuff (like a Netflix account, car, AC, etc) or money. She's also a wh ore btw, for the same reasons. Goes from rich guy to rich guy and in her free time she'll serve everyone who pays. She used to get money from the Dutch government, but that was because she didn't register everything she owned and earned. So my dad and some others teamed up and sent proof, like the car she should never have been able to afford, and managed to cut her off of that money. In the Netherlands the summer holidays are 5-6 weeks, so we spent 5 weeks travelling 🙈 About 3 days from the Netherlands to the north Portugal. When we moved here we actually put all our stuff on a trailer, which we put behind our car, and me, my parents, my 2 brothers, our shepherd and our cat would sit in the car. And that is how we came here 🤣 My dad's dad is partially Japanese, but as far a I know for the rest we are Dutch. A brother of my grandpa once put together a family tree, but I did not see anything but Dutch and Japanese. The thing is, 5 an hour is actually quite a bit in this region.. I know adults who work on the land with their own tools, who have to pay for their transport and lunch, and they gain less than me.. Okay well, I once drowned 3 wasps. From that moment on I was a killer, designed by the government and developed through the games they made. Also the US is buying all the land in the Netherlands and once the will do that they will sell it, leaving nothing for the Dutch people and they will kill us all. Also according to him my bf is ignorant, purely because he does not nod and say yes when he is theorising. And apparently the German's only hope is to educate me on what is going on in the world, like the secret society in the mountains of Switzerland which controls all the governments, so that I can live off the grid and survive. And dont forget that my bf and I cannot give each other a hug (just a normal hug like you'd give a random friend) because no s*x in the morning (makes sense doesnt it? Hug=xxx?) Answer to the PPS: His tea. Thanks again for reading. I hope that I answered everything, if not feel free to remind me. I'm starting tomorrow at 9 so I'm gonna have to sleep now 🙈 Boa noite!

Heya! Not forgotten you (impossible!), just bogged-down again - bumping you up for Wed onwards ...or maybe tonight?...dunno yet, but I'll be with you next. PS: do feel free to answer new thread-posters with topics that get you going, and/or just say Hi and sympathise? Unless you're bogged-down too, of course. S'up to you entirely, but I reckon you'll be good at it.

Oh, for goodness' SAKE! I just finished a whole, long reply, thought it'd submitted, didn't look, went straight up and copies and pasted-in your second. (Whaaaaaaah!!!!) Oh, I hate when that happens. Oh dear. Right... Basically, most of what you put shows Aspie traits/thinking - but you're sentimental only for goodly or productive insects (so not as sentimental as the average Aspie...that'll be the HF bit). Other than that - 1. Why did the walks with mum stop? 2. Why doesn't bf cleverly merge his and his parents wishes and get a job in some Forces base teaching English Language or English-as-a-foreign-language 3. I can see you yourself enjoying being a part of the Forces, too, actually... Outdoorsey, very physical and capable, male interests and aptitudes...and the ability to kill hahahahaha! (sorry......howzat for dark humour?) (Nah...useful creatures can stay - and you don't hit first, but do hit back). LOADS of Aspies are attracted to the Forces, not least for the fact that in 99% of situations their behaviour, decisions and comms is pre-scripted for them (more time to invent things in their heads lol). That AND teaching. And Law. Jobs with set routines and rituals. (Food for thought?) You could go as a teaching team. Or you could go as a couple where he teaches English and you meanwhile do Forces' daycare on the same base? Whatever - your Aspie-ness would be a boon for all those Aspie soldiers. And bf must have a good dollop of it as well, to get on so well with you. And you two would get to see the world. While paid for it. What do you think? 4. Liking your rellies' open displays of emotion (thumbs-up). Seriously envious that you have access to a skating-rink as there aren't any round here. Adore tobogganing as well but friends went up the mountains last Xmas hols and there was barely any snow, thanks to the climate change! 5. Are you going to take bf with you to Netherlands? Also liking the fact they pay for food while staying. 6. You don't need them because your self-esteem comes ready-made - and you don't have social fear, but, BASICALLY, the how are yous and small talk are a verbal code for "I am friend, not foe" (because Neurotypicals, unlike Aspies, have innate social fear or wariness), and compliments are gifts aimed at making you feel good as well as shyly letting you know you're that person's 'cup of tea'. All you have to say is, 'Thank-you...very sweet of you to say/notice', and when saying, Fine, thanks - and you?, to keep your patience by seeing it as "Knock-knock" / "Who's there?" / "Someone who cares" / "Good - me too!". They need that so you have to just say it by-rote to put them at ease. I'll add more as I remember. Oh, wait - one more! 7. Tell bf - What does he think this is, if not you taking care of yourself? ("Mleeeugh!" hahaha!) 8. Oh yes, and - a lot of NTs have their original cuddly toys too - that's the parental nurturing instinct. They don't however, normally have 10...so that's the "Aspie dials go all the way up to 11" thing. 9. Condolences over your ruined doll, I definitely feel for you over that one, but - why couldn't you still keep her? Did she look that ugly and disturbing? How many kids do you reckon you want? Clearly boyfriend's gagging as well (without realising, I mean) as he seems to be practising being Dad here and there on you (agree?). 10. But, you don't mean 'mad' as in, angry, literally, do you? Take it you mean, bossy/clucky/fatherly? 11. And do you ever 'mother' him back? E.g., eat your vegetables/cut your toenails? _________________________________________ 2nd post: "Finally managed to sit down and answer 🤣 " No worries - you take your time. I'm too busy as well since I came here. It's a tad too hard if you're single/partnerless (albeit that it was by choice). And the culture around here (and where you are) seems to be more survivalist than prospering and prospering? Would you agree it's harsher, more 'raw' and a bit threatening? A friend was here today (English ex-pat) and, he said he's getting sick of living life feeling constantly vulnerable/wary, like walking Prey (because of the extent of scammers/exploiters nowadays). So I think our chosen countries and cultures are very similar. But would you, like he thinks (and I now), say the Portuguese are likewise seriously lacking in commonsense and initiative? Or is that just because we've settled in the countryside alongside the 'peasants'/farmers? "I think I ended by the part about my bf's sister? If I missed something let me know 😊 " Will do! "I did feel exploited. I have an excellent reputation at school and with the teachers and I was used to get her closer to them too." Narc, type Social Climber. Covert. Trying to associate with you as a short-cut to doing all the hard work herself. Yyyyep. "My friends were approached by her too, tho when I told them about my suspicions they said that they never liked her anyways and played along for me, because I liked her." Ah-hah! But that's really annoying, isn't it, because if YOU were worried, you'd SAY! IN-TIME! That was a bit NT-cowardly, eh? But, saying that, at least they didn't shuffle away from you simply because of her (many do). Hmm...I'd give those friends 7.5 out of 10. Room for improvement. Boyfriend would have told you straight away, wouldn't he...I reckon? "Anyways, I wasn't really sure whether I should say it or not, since it is not my story to tell," If something has a direct impact on you and your welfare (which a bf's welfare does and vice-versa) - it's your business. Let's just get that sorted right now (i.e. know your rights and boundaries). You can tell me A-NY-...THING yooou like. Like I say - you're a boson-sized needle in an Earth-sized haystack. This is your safe place, your confessional, a changing-room with a clear mirror so you can get a better look of yourself (and your insides). And your interactive blog. Total freedom. And if you ever DO say something uniquely revealing, without thinking, you'd just tell me and we would just delete your post for you - or just the 'offending' item from your post. TOTAL freedom. " but my bf's family has quite some problems and has suffered quite a lot. My bf has 2 older half-siblings, which live in England, and with older I mean about 15 years older. He sometimes speaks with his older sister, tho she does not approve of him dating at the age of 16/17" Huh? Why not? And why does she think it's HER job or business to say? He has a mother and father already, right? (Lording-it much, and overstepping the mark (/boundary), anyone?) Is this where he's got his slight bossiness (if that's what it is?) from? " (making the conversation sometimes a bit difficult) and she doesn't approve of bisexuality either." Well, don't be bisexual, then, "Auntie" :p She childless? He might even NOT be bi-sexual - it's FAR too early to know for-sure. Silly woman. She shouldn't advise teens/young adults if she (clearly) doesn't understand or relate to them. She'll just make him dig his heels in HARDER. What does he say backk to her whenever she nags about it? "About his brother, he has no clue where he is." INTERESTINK! Tell me more. Like, why did skidaddle, what or whom was he trying to get away from (or nearer to)? "His biological dad left him and his younger sister (the one with which I had the unpleasant encounter)" AH. Noted. (B***ard!) That explains her a bit. (She trusts no-one now.) And his need to have a bit more than the average control. How old were they when it happened? And how do they both get on with their mum? " when they were young, leaving both of them pretty broken." Mm-hm - you got that right. "My bf got up and became stronger, his sister.. got a mask and used lies to "survive"." GOLD STAR, MISSUS! You been studying up on childhood trauma or something or did you come up with that conclusion by yourself? " They both had problems, she just did not get out of those problems in an socially acceptable way." Yeah, but someone must have role-modelled that attitude and manipulation tactics. Who was it? The abandoning dad? School peers? "Their mother and her partner are also difficult to deal with." Ah. Strike above question. " Old fashioned," (tick!) " a bit too in love with alcohol (tho their mother has stopped for a few months now with any alcohol!)," - potential Tick but let's see if she can keep it up. " soft drugs, smokers," - who started that? "but one of the biggest problems is that they are dictator parents." You mean Authoritarian (Narcissistic) instead of Authoritative (Healthy), yes? "They get in trouble and get shouted at for the smallest things" (sodding Tick!) " and punishments usually don't have an end date, they will end when they feel like it." (MEGA-TICK! - malignant abuse alert! - that is NOT Discipline, that is abusing their power over their children...disgusting!) QUESTION: How was she BEFORE her first husband abandoned her and the kids? And (the alcohol cut-down) is she getting milder over time? "To put it slightly to the extreme side: They are treated like dogs. They get food and a roof and for the rest they have to do as they are told and they are barely shown any love." Right - case closed. How do they behave with each other? And do your parents let bf spend time r stay over at yours a lot? (They're aware, yes?) "Nor do their opinions or ideas matter." (Tick!) "Apart from that they both lie about a lot of things, (Tick!) "even small senseless things," - sh*t! Narcissistic Sociopaths! (What - BOTH of them or is one the leader and the other the beaten-down sidekick not daring to oppose the other?) "so it is not like my bf's sister got a great example.. (Note that I am not trying to protect her, I am trying to empathize)." Got it. "Their family is actually poor, tho stopping with the drugs/alcohol/smoking would improve it..," THERE YOU GO - THAT'S WHY THEY'RE POOR...or why only the KIDS are! (Mega-tick!!!) "so unlike her friends she cannot buy something when she wants it, she cannot buy some candy etc (Speaking out of personal experience as well). So she stole money and a part of that went to candy, which she shared with her friends." So a case of 'Needs must', combined with, not scared of crossing lines. Plus revenge on them both (the fact it's them she's ...actually she's NOT stealing, she's TAKING what she's being NEGLECTED of! But look how she's *SHARING* them! Is that to buy their silence or an expression of nurturing? Sounds like the latter to me! She's playing Robin(a) Hood! Agree? She just needs a beeping mother! Too busy arguing before he walked out, were they? That's sh*t. Unless you know better, I think you need to forgive her for involving you and see it as a compliment that she trusted you as well as felt her booty was safe with you. I think she's okay but refusing to take any more crap, but lacks boundaries. Bf knows more boundaries and is less risk-taking/less desperate. Yeah? So what we have, discernibly at the mo, is they BOTH are seeking out ways to feel needed and important - would you agree that sums them up? Because, he himself was deprived of enough parenting but she was near-starved to-death and has turned into a Rebel. But your boyfriend did manage to get a better example or tuturing (at some point or from somewhere) before the sh*t hit the marital fan - yes? "Nevertheless, my bf loves his sister and mother, tho as he puts it he loves his mom, but doesn't like her." Noted. "He knows how his sister is, even tho she sometimes does surprise him, so he takes that into account when interacting with her, but generally their relationship isn't worse than any other siblings'." GOOD! And I expect brother played 'dad' to his sister (and mother) for a good while, yes? THERE WE GO. That's why he's "bossy/clucky" (but with his heart in the right place, absolutely). What was his father like? Obviously VERY low on empathy and paternal urge to have been capable of abandoning his own babies. Could it be that mum is Narcissist-IC (mild, not as bad as actul NPD), making her (including due to desperation and fear of being a solo woman) too susceptible and influenceable when her partners, twice in succession, are outright Sociopaths, which (too desperate not to roll over instead of asserting herself) has made her worsen? When and with which partner did her drinking problem begin? Is it drinking for her or self-medicating (because her partner's "too much", too often?). "A double personality is someone who has like 2 different people living inside their body and which take turns on taking control. For the rest I don't really know how to explain, since I dont have it and I dont want to give the wrong idea." Yes I know. But (if I recall) I was asking WHO has split/double personality? And how? "So far we did not manage to buy necklaces, but my parents are providing me with chewing gum (about 1 pot of trident per 2 weeks) so I am surviving. And I've always got my (and my bf's) pinky as backup 🤣" OH, EXCELLENT - good on them! THAT'S what I like to see! (What flavour? Peppermint or Spearmint?) (Bloody strong is Trident...you could just chew half a tab at-a-time and make it last longer.) Bet your bf loves being round your place and your fam. What about his sister, tho? Where's *her* refuge? "I understand that you have to keep your identity private. I was just curious if you lived close, but the information you gave me was enough to figure out that your probably don't 🤣" Depends what you call near! Could I ice-skate to yours? Nope. Quick flight? Do you know - I don't have a clue - let me have a quick squiz at SleazyJet (and no, I'm not about to turn up unannounced on your doorstep, haha!)... No, not a short flight. I forgot for a moment how VAST Spain is. (So are the elements! A downpour here, once the dust's finished coming down with it, is like a free car-wash! Same your end?) "Past week we had about 40°C every day, today was the first day that it was a bit cooler and that we had some drizzle." Ooh, I hope we get some? "I got lucky with my pool job, since I can usually just jump in whenever it's getting to hot." Yeah, how cushy is that! My bessie mate's son is cleaning my pool and also doing light gardening cos there are just too many mozzies at the mo, for me, thanks - the uggers love me, ugh/ow/grrrr! Like tonight, watering all my pots (babies heh-heh)...ALL over my ankles. But I love watering and pruning my pots so I've decided tomorrow night I'm just going to mist myself all over with Bloom Extra and then wash it off in the pool with a quick dip. In fact, I've noticed the pool chlorine seems somehow to reduce the itch/inflammation - have you? "Yes, she basically did. I can tell you that it was not only us to who she did that either. She's been scamming multiple people throughout Portugal, just to get stuff (like a Netflix account, car, AC, etc) or money. She's also a wh ore btw," Female N-Spaths always are (pandering and oversexual as a lure, and going too far - mini-miniskirt AND boobs spilling out). Like stereotypical bawdy barmaids/prostitutes...potty-mouthed, usually... tend to drink and AVE-A-LAAARF in a masculine way...something distinctly non-feminine about them that you JUUUST can't quite put your finger on - know what I mean? A bit all-round base and debauched (males too). " for the same reasons. Goes from rich guy to rich guy and in her free time she'll serve everyone who pays." There we go. "She used to get money from the Dutch government, but that was because she didn't register everything she owned and earned." No, because that would be honest and law-abiding, and you have to be programmed right for that (not to understand, but to give a shite about following any rules and authorities). "So my dad and some others teamed up and sent proof, like the car she should never have been able to afford, and managed to cut her off of that money. " OH YEAH? HOW SO? "In the Netherlands the summer holidays are 5-6 weeks, so we spent 5 weeks travelling 🙈 " You lucky barstools! "About 3 days from the Netherlands to the north Portugal." Woah. Was this by car? Bit squishy? Did you stop-off a lot? Where did you sleep? Shame it wasn't a Winnebago (I'd love to have one of those!). "When we moved here we actually put all our stuff on a trailer, which we put behind our car, and me, my parents, my 2 brothers, our shepherd and our cat would sit in the car. And that is how we came here 🤣 " So it was by car, then. And VERY squishy. Oh, you've got two brothers! Right. So you're a full-blown Tomboy, yes? Cor, I bet YOU can fight? Which was the chicken and which, the egg, do you think, then? Your dad responded to your generous masculine side or you responded to his treating you like a boy? Or bit of both, even? "My dad's dad is partially Japanese, but as far a I know for the rest we are Dutch." Oh, wow, what a cool mixture! Now I can see where you get your advanced patience from! "A brother of my grandpa once put together a family tree, but I did not see anything but Dutch and Japanese." So, given that genes are homing-pigeons ("Zippin-up my boo-ooots....Go-ing back-to-my roots...yeah.... To-the place of my bir-irth.....That's dooown tooo ear-earth" - Odyssey hit).... and assuming that was your MATERNAL family tree - do the Portuguese genes come from your dad/his side? "The thing is, 5 an hour is actually quite a bit in this region.. I know adults who work on the land with their own tools, who have to pay for their transport and lunch, and they gain less than me.." Ohhh. Fairenoughski. "Okay well, I once drowned 3 wasps. From that moment on I was a killer, designed by the government and developed through the games they made." Did you throw Tea on them? (hahaha sorry!) "Also the US is buying all the land in the Netherlands" OH, REALLY????? HOW??? "and once the will do that they will sell it, leaving nothing for the Dutch people and they will kill us all." Do you have anything to support this theory? Is it a society-wide one or just yours? "Also according to him my bf is ignorant, purely because he does not nod and say yes when he is theorising." Que? Explicas, por favor? "And apparently the German's only hope is to educate me on what is going on in the world, like the secret society in the mountains of Switzerland which controls all the governments, so that I can live off the grid and survive." WHICH German. Sorry - I'm lost. "And dont forget that my bf and I cannot give each other a hug (just a normal hug like you'd give a random friend) because no s*x in the morning (makes sense doesnt it? Hug=xxx?)" HUUUUH? No, hahahahha - it doesn't! Can I have dat again in Engrish prease, Madam Flutterby? "Answer to the PPS: His tea." Cheers. What a little hero. "Thanks again for reading." Thank-YOU again for saying thanks again (again) for reading. :D " I hope that I answered everything, if not feel free to remind me. I'm starting tomorrow at 9 so I'm gonna have to sleep now 🙈 Boa noite!" Yeah, I think so, but - will do! I would have anyway but I like your amazing level of cooperativeness. You're every therapist's DREAM, you are! I like your own writing 'flow' as well. You ever tried writing a poem? PS: For you and bf to watch together, as after the gum bit, it includes PRACTICAL and CLEVER (and interesting) make-up and self-grooming tips for both of you (life-hacks, basically). I know I found it fascinating! But what I was actually wondering was whether there was a hack for reviving one's chewing-gum (cos it goes non-bouncy too quickly these days, like they've taken out the gum bit - know what I mean?). But all I got there was silly magic tricks with gum packs etc. (...Tsk! Can't get the staff...) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZgYWkbJDow Here's mine: chewing-gum under the short leg of a wobbly restauarant table (holds out cap). Take your time - I'm not going anywhere (never for long, anyway). I'm the "Miss Haversham" of the forum world, hahahahahahaha (just made meself laff).

Jeez Louise - I put something back-to-front again! Corrections in double bracks... "So, given that genes are homing-pigeons ("Zippin-up my boo-ooots....Go-ing back-to-my roots...yeah.... To-the place of my bir-irth.....That's dooown tooo ear-earth" - Odyssey hit).... and assuming that was your ((PATERNAL)) family tree - do the Portuguese genes come from your ((MUM/her)) side?" Better is that. (Yours, Yoda Or do I mean - Adoy?)

Hi! I'm not gonna be able to answer everything right now, gotta go to work in a bit, but when I was reading your answer I did see that I was freaking tired when answering youl. I have no clue why I was talking about Japanese roots, they are Indonesian 🤣 I'll try answering later today, tho before 1.30 am 🤣 Ttys ❤️

No hay problema, Senorina! "Manana-manana" es perfecto! Estoy desapareciendo en mi propia espiral, de todos modos, jajaja! (For any non-latino-speaking viewers at home, that means - you're all left out!, hahahahahahaha!) So I might be busy tomorrow and Friday, anyway...don't know yet...never sodding know yet. Last Minute Dotty Com (Commies) over here (as there too, I'm sure). Plus there are new Threads/Ops still waiting as yet unanswered. Take your time with a Cadbury's Caramel. :) Or a juicy, minty pinkie heh-heh. Indonesian? Same thing when it comes to Zen & Patience (and Graciousness) factors, no worries.. Hasta lluego! PS: I'm an amateur where GenZ text-talk's concerned. What's Ttys short for? 'Thank titties you're sane?' :D (Eff, it's hot!? Today was just incredible! Opened the front door - slammed it shut again! ("Noooooooo waaaaay"))

Hi, Been kinda busy lately, I'll answer as soon as possible 😊

Okie-dokes - no rush! :)