I just found out my partner is in another relationship

I'm so heartbroken, we've been together nearly 7years in October, he returned to his home country in Europe for his best friends wedding over the weekend past. I found out the bride and groom went on a trip yesterday a few hours drive away with also my partner with another woman. Thanks to the bride sharing a Facebook live that's how I found out. He didn't have the decency to end things with me first, after 7 years together I'm totally gutted as I genuinely believed we were soulmates. He has a property here in the UK and I've got the keys, should I report him to benefit fraud and housing? He's on the sick since having an accident at work in January this year. He's claiming child benefit for 4 kids, and also in his own country. While he's got his own property in his home country plus receiving a large sum of money next year from his father's tragic death. His kids left my country back in April to go stay with their Mum. I'm so angry he's done this to me, Now I want to hurt him ten fold. Is reporting this information to the fraud team a good idea, or reporting what you know actually worth it? He will likely get away with claiming out there. I don't think he's coming back to me as he's ignoring me no calls or texts nearly a week ago. I'm soooo heartbroken how could he left me like this??

Hi Curlylocks, "I'm so heartbroken, we've been together nearly 7years in October, he returned to his home country in Europe for his best friends wedding over the weekend past. I found out the bride and groom went on a trip yesterday a few hours drive away with also my partner with another woman. Thanks to the bride sharing a Facebook live that's how I found out." Oh my sodding god!!! Not another giant one?! Poor you... ((((((((((((PARENTAL HUG)))))))))))))) _____________________________________________________ The first and most important thing to know right now, is that YOU'RE GOING TO BE OKAY. And that's the worst-case scenario. The best is, BRILLIANT!...as well as proposing a toast to the git 'because, had I not met him/"it", I wouldn't be here today! So don't panic and waste any precious energy that ought be available for getting through and over this asa healthily p. _____________________________________________________ So the bride's in on it? Wants him paired up with her - what - Bestie? A nice, convenient little foursome for double-dating and dinner parties? Or is she unaware you exist, or just, that you're his girlfriend? Have you ever met these people? "He didn't have the decency to end things with me first, after 7 years together I'm totally gutted as I genuinely believed we were soulmates." Yeah. Seven/eight years - that's when your mind goes, 'Right, this is effectively a marriage'. You must be so distraught. I'm SO sorry? You awake still? I'll go real-time with you if you like? _____________________________________________________ Anyway. He didn't have the decency because he's a romantic long-con scammer. A Narcissistic Sociopath (N-Spath, Narcopath) Join the club! And 7 or so years is SOOO characteristic. In fact, read poor Thea's thread (it's current): https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13538/i-feel-like-my-life-is-falling-apart. Does he himself know the cat's out of the Fakebook bag, though? Does he even know that she's posted that and that you've seen it? Note it wasn't HIM posting it? What specifically did you see, in terms of how intimate he was being towards/with this other woman (OW)? ******************************************** But wait up a cotton pickin minute....not sure if this has occurred to you yet, but.... WHO......THE HELL..JUST-MARRIED COUPLE.... TAKES ANOTHER COUPLE ....AWAY ON THEIR HONEYMOON - HONEYMOOOOOOOON-UH!.....WWWWWWWITH THEM??? HUUUUH¿ Or is he and she the couple's sex toys?! I mean - WHAAAT THE WEIRD WHAT???? You sure they weren't just off to the pub first? Otherwise, where are they all going, anyway? Doggington-on-Sea? Swingslydale? That'd just be bloody weird, that would. Scuse my language - I'm shocked as well! OMG, you must want to hire a contract killer-- no - THREE contract killers ('to be sure, to be sure, to be sure'). Crikey. ******************************************** "He has a property here in the UK and I've got the keys, should I report him to benefit fraud and housing?" You mean he's been claiming housing benefit despite owning a property (house?) in the UK? And did he buy it outright or is he paying rent? How many bedrooms and where roughly is it - or do you know it's market value already? "He's on the sick since having an accident at work in January this year." What kind of accident? "He's claiming child benefit for 4 kids, and also in his own country." OHHHHHHH. GOT IT. What a shister, ugh. And so - you're not the ONLY one he's been scamming, then? "While he's got his own property in his home country plus receiving a large sum of money next year from his father's tragic death." Right. Got that, too. "His kids left my country back in April to go stay with their Mum." Stay as in holiday or resume living? Who's idea and decision was that? His or theirs? Or hers? "I'm so angry he's done this to me," Me too and he's not even my boyfiend. "Now I want to hurt him ten fold." Course. That's a natural reaction. But to put it to the test, you have to sit on it a few days to see if it grows or lessens. And also, give your mind a chance to get over the shock so that any justice you mete out is done cleverly with zero recourse to you and no innocent casualties. "Is reporting this information to the fraud team a good idea, or reporting what you know actually worth it?" You're a victim of a Domestic Crime - call the Police Dom. Crime Unit! One pause for consideration, though. Did this piece of sh*t wait until you were too hooked to reverse out unscathed/agonised, aka 'once he'd got you over a barrel' to let you in on all his scams? Or have you only just discovered them through having done a mad search after seeing the FB footage? "He will likely get away with claiming out there." What do you think Interpol's for? Like I say, let's get you over the worst of the shock and mind-uck first, and then we can see what concrete evidences you have or might find around the house. "I don't think he's coming back to me as he's ignoring me no calls or texts nearly a week ago." That doesn't mean he doesn't intend on coming back (although DON'T YOU DARE let him, it'll just repeat again soon but worse than ever because if you'd take him back after this, what ELSE can he try on and get away with?!). He might be so effing cocky by now that he's banking on you being too desperate not to take him back - PARTICULARLY as he's introduced "competition" (google "Narcissistic Sociopath - Triangulation with other woman/third party" ....although, these evil bozos could triangulate you with a set of golfclubs or a motorbike...the point is to, not just ruin but KILL your self-confidence, self-belief, social life, financial security, trust, faith, joie de vivre, soul - EVERYTHING....and turn into his 'Stepford Wife' of a doormat. Basically keep mistreating you while giving you an outright (irrational) phobia about losing him whereby you will agree to put up with or retro-minimise and forgive ANYTHING....until he starts actually calling you a C-Word, barking orders at you, or even spitting in your face (and I don't mean "Tuh!", I mean "Sniff-Hawk-Spit") upon which, he'll add you to his secret Harem (google Narcissistic Sociopath - Harem) and go get (lure/trap) another fresh one. ...Loads of financially/whatever-way supporting, secret, behind-closed-doors Mummies (and possibly Daddies) come slaves/torture victims/emotional toilets. Meanwhile, out-of-doors, the Primary Supply (which can be ANY ONE of his clueless harem members - up to 15) supports and aids (daren't not by then!) his "Impressions Management", including, to keep up the con to everyone (every potential next victim/target) (these aren't people to him, they're fish in his barrel), that he's just a regular, but special and impressive, full-grown, mature, capable, FULLY TRUSTWORTHY (and rubberstamped by more decent You), Real Manly Man, when the truth is, he's no more than 12 years old, and that's when he's in a GOOD mood! (google, Narcissistic Sociopath - Jekyll & Hyde). They're Bullyboy delinquents, still with a school playground mentality. But anyway - unless the new Supply is a better Supplier than you (by his standards), easier to dupe, more money, all of that and more - you need to be ready for - Google "Narcissistic Sociopath - Hoovering Tactics". If you surprise him by NOT weeping gratefully that His Disgustingness says he wants to come back, made a mistake/makes excuses and explains it all away as 'just your paranoia', he'll probably try to appeal to your sense of pity and "mothering" instinct as a way to disarm your anger and fighting spirit, by playing his violin (NSpaths are the biggest/heaviest users of the Pity Ploy/Play - google). Do I gather correctly that you've somehow resisted calling/chasing HIM Don't move a muscle until you know how these creatures think and operate. I'll find you a link tomorrow, relevant to his size/seriousness. Have a search around the house to see whether he's taken all his important stuff or whether and what he's left behind. That'll give you some indication of whether he intends to try to come back at whatever point, or not. But, REALLY, you should be the one ending it now. And throwing his stuff out. Hmmmm... you have his front door key, you say? I'll have a think about that... "I'm soooo heartbroken how could he left me like this??" Because he's NOT got the humanity that makes humans full humans. He's like a feral kid trapped in a grown-up's suit. That's how. Leaving you, is like leaving a car he no longer needs because someone gifted him another, newer one (they can't resist novelty factor). AND because it'll knock some more confidence out of you - hopefully/worth a try. Come on, Curly. You CAN'T take him back after something as major as this. You KNOW you can't. Talk about Gross Misconduct/Dealbreaker! You'd lose not only pride in yourself, ditto self-respect...you'd end up hating yourself for not having siezed your chance to escape with few as possible injuries. And he'd just try on the next insulting/betraying/nuclear-bombing thing up the list. Maybe he'll conclude he can rape you and still not have to worry that you'll attempt to escape from him? Why not? He's just done the psychological equivalent - Emotional Rape. Can you argue with that? And what would you be advising if it were a female friend of yours who'd written that opening post? 'Dump the Dud, the LITERALLY UNBELIEVABLY anti-respecting, cruel, sadistic, wh*re-boy while you still can' - surely? Here's a thought for you, though. How do you know that the children's mother isn't still his wife, and that he does this (ergo needs a base - that house) every 2-7 years? How much money has he cost you and how much money have you gained or saved him? I imagine his being hitched to you helped him secure those benefits, etc., in whatever way? Thoughts?

Oh wow, I definitely wasn't expecting that for a reply, thank you so much for all your information and advice it's greatly appreciated. This is what I know he has a property and lots of land in his country, he's definitely divorced, she abandoned the kids after their divorce and now he's sending them to live with her so he can be stress free. Yes I have the keys to his house, I'm in the middle of selling everything inside the house, yesterday I went and threw alot of things in the skip and charity shops. He owes me about £10,000 for I gave him 3 years ago to fix his property, my elderly mother and aunt gave him £1000 each to try pay for court and lawyer fees, we haven't seen a penny of it and don't think we ever will. So far I've found his bank details from his home country bank where his child benefit money enters monthly and his father's compensation money will go into. I've a picture of his passport, pictures of there boarding passes on when they left the UK. His UK bank account details. I've his home address and his mother's in Europe. I think that's enough evidence or what more do I need? His property here in the UK is renting from the council/housing association. So he lives there rent free. His sick benefit was sincere at the start but now he's fine, but pretending to get extra money. I've access to his Facebook, messenger, Google account like mail and maps. That's how I knew he went away with his friends and the new girlfriend. I have also access to his Monzo account, he transfers his UK benefit money into Monzo. I secretly created a pot and called it charge% he believes Monzo charges him alot of money to withdraw from his home country. So far I've raised £96 trying to get some money back for my mum and aunt. If he contacts me, I'm playing dumb to everything, if he comes over he'll have no idea he's going back to an empty shell of a home. By then I'll have him reported for benefit and housing fraud. Not giving the authorities the truth about him owning property and land in his own country. I'm that angry the way he's been playing me and my family. All I want to do is hurt him anyway I possibly can. His best friend's wife put up pictures this morning on social media, and there was his new woman I now know what she looks like, of course it's his woman I tracked him on Google maps and his phone was going on the same place as the newly weds, when his best friends wife was streaming a live feed on social media, I could see a woman sitting in the front of the car and the newly weds were in the back. I'm not sure if his best friends wife is trying to leave me clues on what's happening, as it was simple detective work. I wish I could explain everything to you properly, you sound like the type of person I'd be friends with. Thank you so much and any other advice given would be deeply appreciated. I hope he does jail time I honestly do. So 100% no way would I ever take him back. Hope to hear from you again...🙏😘

Hello curlylocks, This is Thea. Feel free to reach out to me if you want. I think we may have quite a bit in common. I am terribly sorry for what you are going through. Believe me I know exactly how it can rip everything you thought you knew right out from under you. Look at the thread and fire away! I haven't made it to the other side yet but I'm willing to help you through the process, as far as I have gotten! You don't deserve this!!

"Hope to hear from you again...🙏😘" HAHAHAHAHAHA! Someone didn't take a stroll around the grounds first... "Oh wow, I definitely wasn't expecting that for a reply, thank you so much for all your information and advice it's greatly appreciated. " GOOD! I'm GLAD you're nicely delighted because, believe it or not, that reverses a portion of your devastation/shock. Good, let's hope I and everyone here can delight and relieve you some more! We don't just go around SAYING we're Nice - we *do* Nice and let YOU remark on it - and we don't flake on you, "not neiver" (see the differencio - despite you've touched on the topic already?...And thank-you very much for your lovely manners and appreciation. :) You speak like a true Lady.) (Let's get 'im! But not not just yet... Let's let him feel SAFE first, shall we?...see how HE likes it (evil-for-the-power-of-good cackle).) Really glad you're releasing your Anger already, that is SOOO helpful. _____________________________________________________ You can't do a snap-shot reply to a snap-shot of the fauxlationship with these horrid beings around! The priming then abuse is drip-drip there, so it's drip-drip back again (albeit, I know how to speed up your recovery without cutting corners and having it surface again later down the line). And I want Narcissism GONE, finally! There's NO EXCUSE. Like the age-old saying before we knew what/why they were and actually how slow-murdering they are, they are 'the few (nowadays not so few) that spoil it (EVERYTHING!) for the rest'. And it's always the Earthly Angels they most go after - I AIN'T 'AVIN' IT! The world would be HORRID without your/our type. WHICH IT'S BECOMING! And if the Govts won't do it - WE SURVIVOR-EMPATHS WILL...particularly the GenZs - they've gottit AND they've got it! How old are you (and he/it) btw? It's not a relationship, anyway, it's a long-con duping, 'behind closed doors' usually (Coverts/Covert Vulnerables/NSpaths in Covert phase) to syphon off your wellbeing (surreptitiously swap positions/confidence etc. levels) whilst never replacing it, or (a knowing malignant) worse - to do that and more, like using you as a tool to get rich off of or even conning you out of your salary/savings (given half the chance). Google "NPD Fauxlationship". Even the Honeymoon Period was just incredible character-acting while Priming (I call it Sliming cos it takes a while to slide/drip off and it smells enough to attract more predators whilst putting off healthier, nicer people not-in-the-know.) (You can read Thea's thread to appreciate, it's not you, it never was you. HE'S the problematic element, using a Relationship as a cover AND prey as in someone to bully his otherwise non-processable/absorbable (forever-) rage out of him. But I will need to get a better feel of him/your situation, what both emotional and fiscal you've invested over these 7 long years (as in, too long to spend with an evil acid-drip destroyer), so that I know precisely which type he is - because the ways of safely dealing with them/the 'dis-ease into diseases' they infect you with, and dumping/escaping from them, varies, depending... So don't hold back - be as lengthy and detailed as you like (but regarding his ACTIONS, including myriad lies...in what ways and styles he duped you and kept you duped. And PS: even top psychiatrists get fooled....because we none of us fall in-love with our brains - it's our hearts (the Cap'n Kirk side of your mind, falls for everyone too soon, even if Spock has been trying to warn him the whole time...We normal-healthies would, let's admit it, do ANYTHING for (what we've been convinced even by actions into believing is) True Love (finally). Fckniznt... _____________________________________________________ Anyhoo... on with the investigation/exploration... Feel free to really space your replies out like I'm doing - makes it easier and faster to cross-reference/revise whenever necessary. ""This is what I know " I.E. THIS IS THE EVIDENCE TABLE: ****************************** he has a property and lots of land in his country, he's definitely divorced, she abandoned the kids after their divorce and now he's sending them to live with her so he can be stress free. ******************************* 1. In other non-lying words (possibly/plausibly): He wiped the floor with her to the extent where she was in no fit state to even THINK of, let alone, care for other human-beings, let alone her own two (typically boistrous/energetic, needful) kids, so did the sensible (but misguided/naiive) thing and let him have them (until he right-on-script, got bored with the work that goes with it). After all, doesn't the fact she's (I'm betting) gotten custody back or just agreed to have them back, prove she did NOT "abandon" them? Rather, she was stuck in Emotional Hospital with her Emotional Legs fractured and in Traction. (You thinking back on and looking closer at his stated "facts and truths" yet?). There's more to THAT than meets the eye! Always is. Unless you know-for-a-fact - FACT - 1st hand seen/heard - different. (Shite - has he been convincing the poor kids that she abandoned them?) 2. Again (please read more than once before replying from now to save time? I realise I have a unique wavelength but you'll find it faster with repeat reading) - does he have a mortgage on it, whereas, otherwise it's mainly paid-off or was bought with a huge cash deposit and comparitively small mortgage as his benefits-scamming tool? 3. Define 'land'. Do you mean, develop-able? 4. How do you know he's definitely divorced. (Alternatively, this 'new' woman could be the one he's been scamming you with?) 5. Yes I have the keys to his house, I'm in the middle of selling everything inside the house, yesterday I went and threw alot of things in the skip and charity shops." ********************************** "He owes me about £10,000 for I gave him 3 years ago to fix his property, my elderly mother and aunt gave him £1000 each to try pay for court and lawyer fees, we haven't seen a penny of it and don't think we ever will." ********************************** THERE IT IS - THERE WE GO - YEP! EFFING KNEW IT!! Twelve Grand. You might (get it back)? IN-TER-POL! - via the Domestic Crime Unit - they're fabulous these days....All of mine were NPD victims-survivors, themselves - and this was longer than 7 years back. THEY GOT EV-ER-Y-THING, didn't have to explain A THING nor fill in any gaps. And impressively empathetic. (And they really, really, really hate them and want them all banged-up/crippled by finings. Understandably. You have NO IDEA how incredibly much they cost the govt authorities and social welfare industry!) DCU will also ALREADY UNDERSTAND why and THAT you were too Cognitively Dissonised to report him before now when he's done did this number on you - whereas Fraud Squad might not, might see it that you didn't care/weren't a decent enough citizen until it impacted onto you...read it as selfishness ergo aiding-and-abetting. Don't know these days but why risk it for a stale biscuit. DCU will deal with the Fraud Squad FOR you. They will know how to handle ALL of it. (Just so's you know - I'm deliberately not reading ahead, just going through it 'with you' in order, so bear with me until the end/my final ID-ing of him. But at this point: definitely NPD/AsPD (NSpath) but haven't ruled-out the Everyday-but-Narcissised Psychopath yet.) 6. HOW MANY TIMES PER YEAR ON-AVERAGE WOULD HE VISIT HIS HOME COUNTRY? 7. Which country's he from? (You're an atomic needle in a (re sum internet users) universe-sized haystack - this is NOT a unique case, is going on all around you, so don't worry about anonymity - you're safe. If you type a giveaway, just yell for me OR (Green Banner up there - Directory...Tech Support...) email Richard and we'll delete the post or offending words. Did I say that already? Sorry for any repetitions - it's too hot, it's just too damned hot here (I'm in Spain). Mind you, you could probably do with repetition - your head must be spinning at a million miles/hr already! Drink more water than normal (including but not exclusively, mineral water and orange juice) - don't delay - your brain needs extra for this extra, gargantuan figuring-out and de-'spaghettifying' task. And more animal fat, too. In fact, get a tub of high-strength multi-vits and mins at the ready, to see any damage off at the pass. 8. Can you breathe okay? Are you shaky? Bumping into the furniture? ************************************* So far I've found his bank details from his home country bank where his child benefit money enters monthly and his father's compensation money will go into. I've a picture of his passport, pictures of there boarding passes on when they left the UK. His UK bank account details. I've his home address and his mother's in Europe. I think that's enough evidence or what more do I need? ************************************** None. Just a glass of Champagne! NICE ONE!!! YESSSSSSS! Ee'z gurn DAAAOOWWWWN! (Houston, we have a Fighter/Warrior-Empath!) ******ACTION REQUIRED********* Right, then. Let's test these out in terms of still-current/unaltered, starting with, you going over to his and seeing if the front-door lock's been changed or not. ************************************** His property here in the UK is renting from the council/housing association. So he lives there rent free. His sick benefit was sincere at the start but now he's fine, but pretending to get extra money. I've access to his Facebook, messenger, Google account like mail and maps. That's how I knew he went away with his friends and the new girlfriend. I have also access to his Monzo account, he transfers his UK benefit money into Monzo. I secretly created a pot and called it charge% he believes Monzo charges him alot of money to withdraw from his home country. So far I've raised £96 trying to get some money back for my mum and aunt. ************************************* Oh my god, I cupboard-love you! You cuh-lever little stick, you!!! Yoooou beauty! That's called, Out-Narc-ing The Narc. Isn't usually done DURING the fauxlationship though - although some types do. Ooooo-hooo-hoo-hooooh, he's ruh-huh-HEALLY under-estimated and over-'trusted' YOU, hasn't he!?! Hello, Curly's Mr Spock! Very pleased to meet you! :))))))) God, what an idiot he is. Albeit, they all are. But it's about DEGREES. Yep, still defo an NSpath... I love that, though. Not WAITING for him to do the right thing - HELPING YOURSELF AND YOUR LOVED-ONES, BEHIND HIS BACK, BY GASLIGHTING HIM! 9. So you realised at the time he was in actual fact beneath you and not just in morals but brains (absence/lack of) and somehow Iffy? "If he contacts me, I'm playing dumb to everything," You go, girl! (What everything though? What you talking about? *I* haven't seen anything....?? ():-) ("I'm a Barbie girl...In a Barbie Wor-or-oorld...". Heh-heh - yeah - short for Barbarian hahaha!)) (I am liking your spirit. He clearly couldn't syphon THAT.) "if he comes over he'll have no idea he's going back to an empty shell of a home." Ooh - bit premature... slow down, Speedy. You can only report him to the Police DCU, you can't just steal even IF it's stealing back. That's a case of "two wrongs don't make a right" and would be taken by him as a proclamation of war. ****but - EDIT To see if the key *still* fits. SUB-CONCLUSION: he must not know that the bride has posted that - OR DOES, but thinks he can Nexsplain it all away to you when he gets back (which will be whenever he feels like it and, as usual, sod you). ************************************* "By then I'll have him reported for benefit and housing fraud." NOPE - HOLD YOUR HORSES - AS I SAY - DCU WILL DO THAT FOR YOU TOO. "Not giving the authorities the truth about him owning property and land in his own country." 10. Why not? "I'm that angry the way he's been playing me and my family. All I want to do is hurt him anyway I possibly can." Yuh, I know...I'm right behind you in the queue! Frankly, I'd like to go first, but....that's YOUR prerogative. So let's get everything in place and plan it PROPERLY. Otherwise, you're showing that all you ACTUALLY are needing right now, but just don't know it (and why would you if you've never been through this before), is a bloody good scream and marathon sobbing session but are (foolishly-prematurely) simply displacing it. Being over-aroused like this, lowers your intelligence by as much as 15 whopping iQ points. And you're going to need your braincells if you're going to go into battle with him. *I'M* going to need your full quotient. AND HE DESERVES YOUR FULL QUOTIENT. (It's not 'revenge' anyway. He stole off your family too. It's justice.) "His best friend's wife put up pictures this morning on social media," More pictures or are you talking about the original ones you already saw? And - my, isn't SHE useful. 11. ...Do you suspect she knows she is or is being manipulated by opportunism (that she'd want to do so anyway) and omission (not being told what it's achieving against you)? "and there was his new woman I now know what she looks like, of course it's his woman I tracked him on Google maps and his phone was going on the same place as the newly weds," 12. Does he know you can track him? " when his best friends wife was streaming a live feed on social media, I could see a woman sitting in the front of the car and the newly weds were in the back." 13. That's a bit back-to-front, isn't it? Or you mean, just for the photos/posing? "I'm not sure if his best friends wife is trying to leave me clues on what's happening, as it was simple detective work." Oh - strike above question! THAT'S A "DON'T KNOW" for the minute, then. 14. But why feature another couple in your post-wedding photos ANYWAY? (You sure it wasn't a double wedding?) "I wish I could explain everything to you properly, you sound like the type of person I'd be friends with." What - nobody's victim? Damn right. And backatcha. You're not half-Aussie, half-Brit, are you? "Thank you so much and any other advice given would be deeply appreciated." As above. :) "I hope he does jail time I honestly do." Well, let's just slow our jets, be sensible, do a thorough investigation and profiling and THEN strike....like a Great White....he never saw it coming ("Swi-yum, Johnny, Swi-yum!"....DAAH-nah.....DAAAAAH-nah!....") I'm gonna rename you, Fear-Gal Sharkey (hahahaha - sorry - it's the heat and the left-brain over-stretch via incredulity at his stupidity AND out-of-this-world chutzpah!) But anyhoo...Since he's been conning nowadays extra-scarce public service resources of all kinds - I'm sure he will! But it depends on his home country in terms of what they'd want to do with him. I know ours don't like it. "So 100% no way would I ever take him back." *I* would....with Fava Beans and a nice Chianti waiting for him. But I know too much, hahaha.

Ooh, sorry, Thea, I didn't see you there! EXCELLENT! You two have a LOT to talk about and compare. Thanks, Thea. :) PS: THREE against one: eezgurndaaaaaooown! Haha, imagine if he knew.

Oops a question fell off! "Yes I have the keys to his house, I'm in the middle of selling everything inside the house, yesterday I went and threw alot of things in the skip and charity shops."" 5. You saying you were cohabiting with him? Or staying-over so much you may as well have been? (5b. What about his car insurance: did he name you as Second Driver to get a discount by-association of your good driving and citizenship record?)

Curly, I've only just realised this here thread and opening post was your re-attempt due to the seeming non-response, so I'm going to paste it in here in-case it contains extra data (haven't read it yet)... ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ "I'm at the end of my tether, foreign partner 'M40' hasn't been in contact with me 'F46' has he left me or playing mind games? Foreign partner 'M40' and myself 'F46' had had a beautiful relationship of 7 years together, until his children moved in with us last year, I tried to do my best but it was never enough for the kids. Now his kids wanted to move back to their own country to live with Mom and they've blocked me from everything. My partner returned and has became so distant, it's breaking my heart as our relationship was solid until his kids moved in and became very demanding. I've tried contacting my partner for 3 days but nothing back. He's got his own home just a 2 minute drive from mine, he left me the keys, now I don't know what I'm supposed to do? He's receiving benefits for his 3 kids but hasn't cancelled anything with benefits and housing, I don't know what to do, he's left me in such a mess. Do I contact benefits and housing on his behalf as they've been gone since April we're now in August, his home is fully furnished should I clear it out? He's been back a few times in the UK since April but not the kids. When I try talk to him he keeps saying he'll get everything sorted but he never has. I'm scared and don't know what to do. Please help. 😔" ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Oh! That's quite a different context, there. 14. So he did actually leave you in April, 3 months ago, yet simultaneously left-you-not - by coming back here & there to visit to 'prove it'? 15. Was that, in hindsight, to visit you, to keep you duped that he was, e.g. just settling-in the kids and having a holiday, before coming back to resume full-time r-ship/biz as usual? ...OR to visit merely his nefarious activities (to tie loose ends and whatever else that he DID give a stuff about?) 16. Noted that you didn't live with him, but that he 'left you in-charge' with the key. So you obviously stayed over a alot. Was this TO wordlessly leave you his crap and anything you could sell (to hopefully compensate/appease you slightly whereby you'd be less likely - he thought - to want to 'grab hold of his disappearing tail')? 17. Tell me what happened with the kids? What were their alleged problems? You saying they were complaining? What about? You sure it wasn't just their way of getting to go back to their mum? Okay, strike question about your ages. 18. Six years younger than you (not French or Eastern European, is he?). 19. So - I see! He had his own housing assoc rental yet lived in your house and then even moved his kids in? Why? So the housing assoc wouldn't kick him out by mis-using a single abode? 20. So - he chose an HA rental just 2 mins from yours? Or other way round (you renting too?)? (I realise that's a lot of questions so - When you're ready, take your time.)

Didn't finish Q18¨: 40 versus 46... Did you ever wonder why a guy his age would want a (due to fairly significant life stage differences) woman older than himself when there are plenty his own age/stage out there? Did you ever ask - and what did he say to justify/minimise it?

Aww, cripes- AND another: (You'd best wait a bit before commencing chatting, gals - there's still evidence to ID and add to the table:) _______________________________________________________________________________________________ From "I think our relationship is breaking down" dated July 25th (2024): https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13742/i-think-our-relationship-is-breaking-down Curlylocks wrote: "My foreign partner returns home often on his own country. I don't mind him traveling without me as his family doesn't speak English and lives in the country where there's nothing to do." I found out recently his best friend was getting married and I felt a little saddened because I wasn't invited to the happy occasion, his best friend lived in my local town in the UK for a couple of years, so I knew his best friend and his partner. Last weekend I found out my partner has been out to a nightclub without me knowing, with two other couples his friends that's getting married, his brother and sister in-law. When I first asked him who all went clubbing, he said it was him and his brother, then after a while he told me his sister in-law went too, then I seen live feeds on social media that his friends that were getting married went clubbing too. When I asked him he said yes they went too he drove the four of them there and back. It wouldn't have been a problem with him telling me his plans to go out as we've always been opened in our relationship. I asked him why the big secret, he replied saying he didn't want to make me feel sad as he knew I was at home alone. I told him I couldn't wrap my head around them all in their 40's going clubbing with kids in their 20's? (Maybe that's just me)? I know in my heart he'd never cheat, we've been together for six years. I don't understand why he kept it a secret? We have never kept anything from each other, many times in the UK I've drove him to pubs and collected him again. Neither of us are jealous of controlling which I love. Since he's returned home two weeks ago he's called very seldom approximately one hour of video calls. I told my partner I felt very hurt he lied and tried to keep his night out hush hush. I told him he and I both need space to think about him not having time for our usual normal catch-up chat since he's been away. It's the lies and keeping his clubbing night hush hush. Which I found out through the girls doing a live feed on social media. If they didn't post there videos I would have never have found out the truth. We haven't spoken or messaged. It's the fourth day and I've heard nothing from him. I'm not so sure if his conscience is eating him or maybe he doesn't care or simply he's too busy partying for the wedding this weekend? I feel like every time he returns home we growing further apart. It's sad as we were so good together. But I just don't understand his behaviour. He doesn't seem to understand how it's hurt me. I don't know if I should stay or should I move on after this?" _______________________________________________________________________________________________ Senior Veteran-Poster Manalone replied thus: "It's not going to be pretty however which way it's set out, but your partner's actions are doing the talking. Yeah, it's all good that your relationship didn't have jealousy or a controlling aspect, but that doesn't help when he's looking in a another direction. It's time to sit him down next time or when you can & get him to help you to understand why his behaviour is hurting you. Whether you get any sense from him is another story as he talks about not wanting you to be sad. hello? Forget about trying to sort it completely, because whatever's happened for the good in your 6 years together, it means bugger all now. Your relationship was open but if he's being secretive now, there'll be a reason for it as sure as night follows day. You're already talking about moving on & it won't be easy if you do, but & going by your post, it's a waste of time trying to be with someone who's actually.. miles away in every sense." Curly replied: "I've honestly tried talking to him about how his behaviour hurts me, I broke down and cried when I was talking to him, he spent most of the time looking at his ceiling. Told me I had nothing to worry about, he doesn't want anyone else just me? But if that was true why lie and keep clubbing hush hush? I don't think he's telling me the complete truth, telling me I've nothing to worry about then why do it in the first place? I honestly don't care if he went clubbing or whatever it's keeping it a secret that is really annoying me. We were always an open book about everything, it's when he returns home to his family and friends is when he changes and usually too busy for me, this time has been the worst of all. If only he'd be open and honest it would make everything much easier." .................................................................................(End of Thread) NEW DATA (and prior questions that can be ignored): The distance, location and language-difference set-up was very convenient for him, in terms of being free to cheat/get another victim. His best friend, who'd been living in UK, near to him, and his gf-now-wife, did indeed know of and know you (but not intimately). So either she WAS aware you'd see that footage* but either knew the true score and didn't give one, or was told it was over in April so is happily in the dark. Q.21. Is that because you were still Friended with him - or just her - on Facebook? "Last weekend I found out my partner has been out to a nightclub without me knowing, with two other couples his friends that's getting married, his brother and sister in-law. When I first asked him who all went clubbing, he said it was him and his brother, then after a while he told me his sister in-law went too, then I seen live feeds on social media that his friends that were getting married went clubbing too. When I asked him he said yes they went too he drove the four of them there and back. It wouldn't have been a problem with him telling me his plans to go out as we've always been opened in our relationship. I asked him why the big secret, he replied saying he didn't want to make me feel sad as he knew I was at home alone." The usual Narc "Word Salad", where, if he'd asked you along, AS A PARTNER WOULD AND KNOWS HE SHOULD - you WOULDN'T have been home alone! (A man who loved you would have told them, either you were invited or he wasn't going to attend, either. So as you can, see, this is neither a man nor one that has even a smidgen of love (thus loyalty and protectiveness) for you. In fact, he doesn't even LIKE you, and to a degree as heavily indicates, nor did he ever! USER. Eventually, BLATENT user! Not to mention, deliberately deceiving you the whole way!) He'd probably already turned them against you, made out you didn't them yadder-yadder. Google "Malignant Narcissist-Sociopath - The Smear Campaign" and "the Narcissist's Flying Monkeys" (or what are flying monkeys?). Plus, the "Oh yeah!...and him too...and her, but that's all" is a form of Minimising. If he'd admitted in one fells swoop to their having been there, the impact might have been enough to make go Ding! your Dealbreaker machine. And he wasn't finished with using/duping/stringing you along yet. So you got it crumb-by-crumb...like that game, Grandmother's Footsteps. (He's done this countless times before. And he's a giant coward of a snake, as well.) The nerve and superior-complexed-arrogance this guy has is literally off-the-scale. Literally tormenting you right in front of you and clearly feeling very satisfied and clever for it. I now think he knew darn well you'd see the footage and what it would do to you. Why did he believe you deserved his revenge? Were you too hard to make roll over and stay chained to the kitchen sink?....a bad and high-maintenance Slave? Q22. Open relationship? How did THAT work? Did YOU have extra partners? Or just him? Love this bit: "I told him I couldn't wrap my head around them all in their 40's going clubbing with kids in their 20's? (Maybe that's just me)?" Nope. All mature adults out of their 20s (or 30s at a push), too. They're - or at least, those with the most peer-influence/pressure - are still teenagers. That's WHY it hit you as weird. *Because it is.* (Next time, if you feel it and you know you're not insane - it's because it's right there to be felt and important enough to be brought to your conscious mind and body's attention! "Pain (and discomfort/discombobulation) is a warning that something is wrong)".) "I know in my heart he'd never cheat, we've been together for six years." Well, THAT speaks for itself, eh. So you, to only a certain extent, knew he was a git, but thought, at least he was YOUR git? "Neither of us are jealous of controlling which I love." Yeah, but, that's because you thought he was the same as you, coming from the same place ("don't crowd me!"). But he wasn't and he wasn't. He pretended to be your convenience too, to 'cake and eat it' level (no such thing btw), as got you hooked for his being utterly perfect for you in every way.........UNTIL ('SUDDENLY') HE WASN'T. This is all to Narcissistic Predator-Parasite script, btw. "Which I found out through the girls doing a live feed on social media. If they didn't post there videos I would have never have found out the truth." Flying Monkeys (regardless of whether duped or willing) - the very definition. Aren't they so useful to him. Just read Mannie's reply. Spot-on as usual. "I've honestly tried talking to him about how his behaviour hurts me, I broke down and cried when I was talking to him, he spent most of the time looking at his ceiling. Told me I had nothing to worry about, he doesn't want anyone else just me?" That's just an irrefutablle demonstration of outright Contempt! ...While his confrontations-avoiding mouth pithily and ridiculously says the opposite. See Thea's, where he says exactly what mine said: "It's just you and me". __________________________________________________________________________ Right - is that everything, now together, Curly? After you've got through my questions, I then also need to know how/where you met him and how long the (seeming) Honeymoon Period was, and whether it'd been preceded by Love-Bombing (and in what fashion). And then we're done and have ample info (phew! haha!).

PS: Now you know the REAL reason why he decided to give the kids back. He no doubt fed their dislike of you, too, in the run-up. And that's why you can't understand it when you gave them your all. Q23. Were they nice kids or nasty pieces of spoilt brat works (or even little sneaky snakes)? Or damaged in any other, discernible way as made them hard-to-like? Okay - that's it for the questions - back over to you...

1. In other non-lying words (possibly/plausibly): He wiped the floor with her to the extent where she was in no fit state to even THINK of, let alone, care for other human-beings, let alone her own two (typically boistrous/energetic, needful) kids, so did the sensible (but misguided/naiive) thing and let him have them (until he right-on-script, got bored with the work that goes with it). After all, doesn't the fact she's (I'm betting) gotten custody back or just agreed to have them back, prove she did NOT "abandon" them? Rather, she was stuck in Emotional Hospital with her Emotional Legs fractured and in Traction. (You thinking back on and looking closer at his stated "facts and truths" yet?). There's more to THAT than meets the eye! Always is. Unless you know-for-a-fact - FACT - 1st hand seen/heard - different. (Shite - has he been convincing the poor kids that she abandoned them?) When I first met him the kids all lived with the mother, he was constantly getting calls from his parents about the kids home alone at a very young age for mum to party, other men coming and going, and mentally and physically abusing the kids. He started filing for custody in 2018 and when they attended court she apparently fainted to get a different court date, that carried on for a good year or more with her excuses and failing to turn up to court. Then COVID hit and everything stopped as you remember. The court case resumed on 2021, he lost custody he went to a tribunal and lost again. One night his eldest son ran through fields to get to my partners grandmother's house, I was there and seen it for myself, we drove to collect the boy, he was badly beaten by the mother and new boyfriend. The eldest son got everything on a recording of shouting and rustle of his beating. My partner called the police and went back to court and got custody because of the son's evidence. It took 6 years to finally get the kids to us in the UK. They arrived last year on June 30th.

Mum was having an affair with her friends husband that took her in and pitied her, when she found out, she was kicked out and left homeless, so she left Romania to join her family in Italy. My partner had all the kids, she took off without saying anything to the kids not even a goodbye. That was 2 years ago, she's never sent them Christmas presents birthday cards nor child support. It was just me and my partner supported all the kids.

2. Again (please read more than once before replying from now to save time? I realise I have a unique wavelength but you'll find it faster with repeat reading) - does he have a mortgage on it, whereas, otherwise it's mainly paid-off or was bought with a huge cash deposit and comparitively small mortgage as his benefits-scamming tool? His house was left to him by an uncle along with many fields and beautiful orchard and a vineyard. Massive!! He has no mortgage.

3. Define 'land'. Do you mean, develop-able? Answered. 4. How do you know he's definitely divorced. (Alternatively, this 'new' woman could be the one he's been scamming you with?) I seen the divorce paper's. I had to get them translated into English for here in the UK along with many other documents.

5. Yes I have the keys to his house, I'm in the middle of selling everything inside the house, yesterday I went and threw alot of things in the skip and charity shops." Yes I've been doing this for the past few days. Not getting too much money for his belongings. Though I have an update regarding this, but will tell you when I finish answering all your questions.

6. HOW MANY TIMES PER YEAR ON-AVERAGE WOULD HE VISIT HIS HOME COUNTRY? In the beginning 2/3 a year. Since he got full custody 5/6 a year, his parents always helped out with the kids. From his father's death 8/9 a year. (Due to his mother not in a good place)

7. Which country's he from? (You're an atomic needle in a (re sum internet users) universe-sized haystack - this is NOT a unique case, is going on all around you, so don't worry about anonymity - you're safe. If you type a giveaway, just yell for me OR (Green Banner up there - Directory...Tech Support...) email Richard and we'll delete the post or offending words. Did I say that already? Sorry for any repetitions - it's too hot, it's just too damned hot here (I'm in Spain). Romania

8. Can you breathe okay? Are you shaky? Bumping into the furniture? Lol no, just fuming about this whole situation heart racing stomach sinks, feel sick, shaking, but know I have to be intelligent about the way I go about this.

9. So you realised at the time he was in actual fact beneath you and not just in morals but brains (absence/lack of) and somehow Iffy? I've been the brains throughout the entire relationship. He didn't know how to drive I taught him, I applied for his passport, I done his Brexit documents, I booked all his flights, I applied for his Monzo and bank account. I set him up with a smart phone he had an old 90's Nokia phone. I introduced him to social media. I drove 4 hours to send his family boxes and boxes of parcels and presents on the European bus from the UK and drove 4 hours back home. (8 hours driving) You name it I done it all for him.

"Not giving the authorities the truth about him owning property and land in his own country." 10. Why not? That was picked up wrong, I meant "him not giving the authorities the truth about him owning property and land in his own country". It's in my intentions to do so.

11. ...Do you suspect she knows she is or is being manipulated by opportunism (that she'd want to do so anyway) and omission (not being told what it's achieving against you)? I honestly don't know?

12. Does he know you can track him? I showed him a long time ago, he couldn't believe it and laughed. But he's likely forgotten about it, that's just his nature no matter what you showed him. Like his Google search I can see his history searching for hotel prices. He doesn't know how to delete history so that's good for me.

" when his best friends wife was streaming a live feed on social media, I could see a woman sitting in the front of the car and the newly weds were in the back." 13. That's a bit back-to-front, isn't it? Or you mean, just for the photos/posing? In Romania some families just have a quiet family wedding in the garden and go a couple of days after the wedding for a 4 hour drive to a romantic place called Loc Ruso means "Red Lake" to walk around the romantic hills and lakes on the rowing boats stay over. (Which is sad as we went there twice, now he's took someone else to the same place same hotel same walks) His friends wife was taking a live video when they were in the car driving of the scenery but kind of tilted the camera so you could see someone sitting in the front seat as her and her husband sat in the back seat. So I paused the video to slow it down and seen a woman with brown shoulder length hair.

14. But why feature another couple in your post-wedding photos ANYWAY? (You sure it wasn't a double wedding?) No this happens a couple of days after the wedding. So the newly weds were in normal clothes. You'd think they'd want to go away on their own without company, drive there own car. But nope there was my partner not taking my calls or messages to drive the newly weds, with a random woman. So that's 4 people makes a double date, double hotel rooms! Thanks to the newly weds doing live videos I remembered the long mountain roads to the Red Lake and that's when I clicked into Google maps and seen where he was sneaking off too.

14. So he did actually leave you in April, 3 months ago, yet simultaneously left-you-not - by coming back here & there to visit to 'prove it'? Yes he lied saying he had to return for his father's court hearing and because there was big compensation money all the family had to be present. It took him 2 weeks to contact me. I was in such a state not knowing what's happened. It was awful. Then he said he can't come back with the kids as the airport security pulled him over told him he can't travel without a new documentation from the judge. He then suggested the older kids would go live with their mother so they could sign for release for two kids live in Italy and two live in the UK. As both parents sign for permission it's simple. Having to go through courts could take up to 1/3 years. So that was his plan to return to me. Him and the younger kids were supposed to be here for next week and they were so excited coming back. More lies.

15. Was that, in hindsight, to visit you, to keep you duped that he was, e.g. just settling-in the kids and having a holiday, before coming back to resume full-time r-ship/biz as usual? ...OR to visit merely his nefarious activities (to tie loose ends and whatever else that he DID give a stuff about?) He returned for a hospital appointment regarding his work injury to his back. And for me to choose clothes for him to go to the wedding.

16. Noted that you didn't live with him, but that he 'left you in-charge' with the key. So you obviously stayed over a alot. Was this TO wordlessly leave you his crap and anything you could sell (to hopefully compensate/appease you slightly whereby you'd be less likely - he thought - to want to 'grab hold of his disappearing tail')? Exactly!!! I have my own home (mortgage) I have three older kids all in their early 20's their father died when they were young, so I raised them myself and this had been the first relationship since his passing. I liked going from home to home trying to make everyone happy, he used to get huffy if I didn't stay with him, and when I did it was always about sex with him. I'm more a cuddly person let's curl up watch a movie, chat, giggle etc... I hated feeling like his sex toy.

17. Tell me what happened with the kids? What were their alleged problems? You saying they were complaining? What about? You sure it wasn't just their way of getting to go back to their mum? When the kids were in Romania they never experienced simple family time like going to parks, amusements, swimming pool, or special occasions like traditional Christmas with presents full 4 course Christmas dinner, Halloween, birthday presents, restaurants, having nights away in hotels etc... I gave them everything in a short period of nine months living with me. They were always fighting, arguing, with each other and everyone else in our small town. The daughter (12yrs) she's such a daddy's girl nothing was never good enough for her, I bought her a 32" TV for her bedroom she told me it's not big enough she wanted a 50" TV instead, she ran after all the boys, demanding new clothes makeup just everything really and her attitude towards me wasn't pleasant. Valentine's night she wouldn't let me sit beside her daddy had her arms around him looking at me smiling if to say he's mine. Very strange behaviour. The boys (9 & 10 years) were urinating wherever they felt like it, neighbours gardens in the street. Shouting sexual things to girls. Fist fighting everyday, it was never ending. The oldest boy (15 years) we were very close, he even asked me if I could adopt him. The kids wouldn't go outside to mix with other kids, they were in the house day and night making a lot of noise. That's when my partner really started to change, he'd let the kids do whatever whenever, he'd lay in bed watching movies after movies, while I was cooking cleaning doing homeworks. I always felt when we got his kids here we'd be such a big happy family, but I felt I was doing all the work and it was unfair. I seen how he was, he didn't care about anything, he kept saying he shouldn't have brought them to the UK as they are all too wild. I really tried but I was definitely on my own with everything.

18. Six years younger than you (not French or Eastern European, is he?). He's Romanian, them big blue eyes his smile. Was nearly eight years with him and every time I seen him, my heart raced. Our honeymoon period never ended, we were over eachother like a rash. We laughed until we cried, we done everything together, our days off we were jumping off to an adventure somewhere. It was always fun when we were together. My family and friends used to envy me, they'd always say I've never seen a man that adores his woman as much as he does you. I honestly believed we were soulmates together forever. Now my world is being ripped from pillar to post gut wrenching!!

19. So - I see! He had his own housing assoc rental yet lived in your house and then even moved his kids in? Why? So the housing assoc wouldn't kick him out by mis-using a single abode? No he lived with me for years until his kids moved over, then I got him a house for him and his kids as I've only got a three bedroom house and my older kids still live with me. I didn't have the space for six kids living under the same roof. Plus big age gaps they all needed their own space. So he had his three bedroom house too, most nights I slept over.

20. So - he chose an HA rental just 2 mins from yours? Or other way round (you renting too?)? It was just luck he got a rental close to my home. I live in a private estate I have a mortgage I don't rent. Our plan was to float between the two houses until all the kids got big and flew the nest. We had everything talked and planned. Then it was gonna be our time to enjoy our life travelling and making more adventures together.

I hope I've answered all your questions, it took a while to float back and forth but got there in the end. Hopefully it'll give you a better insight how life was before the kids came to live with us, and before they left after nine months. I was so gutted when he lied just to take the kids back. When he eventually talked to me he said it wasn't fair watching me do everything when the kids mother gave birth to them and has put her feet up enjoying her life while he's watching me struggle with mine!!

I will give you a recent update on the situation tomorrow as it's getting late here. And I've work in four hours time. Yikes!!!🙈

I've just seen I've missed a couple of questions, but I think I've answered them all in different answers I gave apart from this one, which I really want to address. Q22. Open relationship? How did THAT work? Did YOU have extra partners? Or just him? No think there was cross wires on this one. I meant our relationship was an opened book, we were happy, not jealous, had a tower of trust, we felt comfortable talking about absolutely anything and everything. We never doubted eachother until recently on his part not mine. I believe in staying together working things out, watching our family grow together. Unfortunately that didn't happen for us.

So here goes the latest update. Wednesday evening he sends a hello👋 message, so I kept very calm and send hello back. I did send him pictures last week of his mail when I popped down to his house, but I heard absolutely nothing back until Wednesday past. He decides to call me, I messaged him saying I'll message you when I get back home. I don't want him thinking I'm sitting waiting for his call. An hour later he video calls and I answered with a smile and asked what happened why didn't you call or message earlier. He claims he's been extremely busy, and hadn't the time. He's been busy doing taxi service for the locals making good money. He then told me the children's mother has changed her mind taking the older kids with her to Italy and he now needs to stay in Romania and raise them until they turn 18. I told him he's got an appointment in the benefit office for the 15th of August he said he definitely can't make that appointment as he's got no one to look after his kids. He doesn't have any appointments I'm just enjoying making him sweat. He's asked me to sell everything in his house and for me to inform the benefit system and housing on his behalf, that he won't be returning. (Like his little lapdog, like hell I'm doing him no favours) I was surprised he told me he took the newly weds to Red Lake for them to do their marriage walk through the forest. When I said aww that was nice and was about to ask who all went on the road trip, his phone rang we lost connection due to the call. Twenty minutes later I messaged asking was everything ok, he said he had to go to the newly weds BBQ he'll talk to me tomorrow (which was yesterday) I messaged back stating I was away all of yesterday and last night so I will catch up with him on Friday (today) So far I've heard nothing, I also told him he's got £795 of council tax to pay. (Which he doesn't) I'm just trying to get some money back that he owes. He's always been scared to use his UK bank card in Romania incase authorities would see in his bank statements where he was, so he used Monzo. Remember the secret pot I created on Monzo, I transferred every penny into my Monzo account and shut his down. So he will be panicking about using his UK bank card. I checked his email account last night and what do you know he tried to use the Monzo card but it denied him access to it. No doubt he'll be asking me about why he can't use his Monzo, looking for me to fix it for him. He'll be looking over his shoulder and be very frustrated that he has money but he can't spend it. I also found out about the new woman, it's the brides sister. So I'm not sure if the bride was hinting for me to see things or rub it in my face? I checked his Facebook last night and what do you know she created a Facebook to say hello to him. No further chat, but he enjoys WhatsApp rather than messenger. So far I've drained his Monzo account, I've sold his sofa table and chairs TV stand and kids bunk beds. And if I get the pretend tax money which he can directly transfer into my UK account. I'll be more content. He couldn't really look at me in the eye when we briefly spoke, I suppose that's just the guilt. Oh remember his eldest son wanted me to adopt him well he's blocked me. Strange isn't it? Maybe they see Daddy with a new woman and think awk we've no need for her anymore. It's very very hurtful after all the hard work I've put in over the years. That's my latest update. Any advice what to do with his house, should I tell authorities or let it run for months and let him deal with it. (Or just report him)

Great stuff! I'll plough through that tomorrow (we're all caught-up for now, look!...praise dee lawd). Thanks again for your thread contributions - you're a life-saver! Please keep it up! Night-night. And btw, I haven't read ahead but I've seen and got the gist. That effort, including the format, has literally blown me away, missus. BUH-LOWWWWWN ME AWAY, YOU HAVE! I'm WELL impressed! And, wow, you're energetic and clearly a humungous Doer-Shaker/Giver! In fact, I can feel your power from here! Oooh, you must threaten (thick, feral) men like him wherever you go. Just by breathing/existing! What are you doing with a man? YOU don't need a man? You ARE a man! AND a woman! You're MumDad, like Lily's MumDad but even more of the Dad side than usual (Lily31 - "Parents Split Up" - last third). What's your job? Anyhoo - manana! :) PS: Poor Thea's hit the really low/trough on the ol' recovery rollercoaster-path and (cat person) 'wants to go to the bottom of the garden behind the shed to lick her wounds' (again). SHOULD be a level path but - these are Narcopaths...can make it more like a pigging Cake-Walk at times (too many).

Not for you, I should add. You're a well-practised, well-controlled, confident-as-uck, venter. You're a high-up professional, aren't you. London based?

Poor Thea, I hope she'll be okay. I wouldn't say high up, but yes I'm a professional. I'm a support worker manager for others starting out on their own from young parents,foster children, disabled people, special needs, elderly. I help support their needs in whatever they need. I love my job, it gives me great satisfaction helping others. Looking forward to your reply.

"Poor Thea, I hope she'll be okay." I reckon so. "I wouldn't say high up, but yes I'm a professional. I'm a support worker manager for others starting out on their own from young parents,foster children, disabled people, special needs, elderly. I help support their needs in whatever they need. I love my job, it gives me great satisfaction helping others." Oy. Wash your mouth out, you! You are the HIGHEST-UP THERE IS. ....Skip-hop - HEAVEN! ('gosh I need a lie-down after that hahahaha!'). "Looking forward to your reply." Me too but I'm saving you for when I have a proper, big window so that I can REALLY concentrate on putting his Lego-Self together. My nose is twitching, you see. I just wonder how hard it'd be if you were financially desperate but not desperate enough to cross the channel in a wee row-boat, to keep saying goodbye to a wife as you go abroad to your PERFECT PICKINGS, NICKING-GROUND of a JOB. Better than an Oil Rigger or Lorry Driver, eh...those you have to BREAK A SWEAT for, eh. That it's entered my MIND he could be part of an (amateur) scamming group, and that possibly he has many a closed bank account all over the shop?, says something... I am actually thinking about your Nex as I zip and drip around, you see. :)

PS: Hope this doesn't make you cry, but... You wanted another Angel. ('Partner' means what it says on the tin, right?) But a Dark One stole his seat.

Latest update!!! Remember the new woman is the brides sister, she lives in Italy and guess what my partner told me earlier, he needs to go to Italy to work for three weeks!! He's still no idea that I know what's going on. His calls and messages are becoming less and less. I think I'll leave him for a couple of days, wait for him to contact me for a change, I'm sure he'd be overjoyed with that. It's becoming frustrating rather than him trying to fix his problems over here with his house and claiming benefits, he's happily running to play house with this new girlfriend. The more I see the more sick I feel. I need to plan my every move extremely careful. (The cheating rat)

Hey-hey! "Remember the new woman is the brides sister, she lives in Italy and guess what my partner told me earlier, he needs to go to Italy to work for three weeks!!" Gosh, what a coinkydinky (nnnooot). No, he needs to go to Italy to test-drive his latest prospect (victim) for another domestic long-con-job, using the same plot, screenplay, narrative, dialogue, reactive dialogue....but with a new face. And that's why he hasn't sorted-out his house. You're his safety-net in-case she proves 'untameable' and her brain can't produce enough 'Honeymoon Heroin' (dopamine et all - the natural High) to make her want to believe everything he spouts (lies and fabricates). "He's still no idea that I know what's going on." GOOD! HAH! EXCELLENT. "His calls and messages are becoming less and less." Yeah, he's busy working on her...doing his convincing 'Pepe Le Pew' and 'answer to her romantic-sexual prayers (finally)' act. (Ugh. Do you feel a bit dirty yet? You might want to get an STD test, just to be sure...because trust me, that thought would have occurred to you at some point, but - better now than later so that we can remove even any unconscious worries/weights from your mind.) "I think I'll leave him for a couple of days, wait for him to contact me for a change, I'm sure he'd be overjoyed with that." Haha! (You've got it.)) "It's becoming frustrating rather than him trying to fix his problems over here with his house and claiming benefits, he's happily running to play house with this new girlfriend." See above. You are no longer Primary Supply. You're ready and hooked, kept warm on the side (not via affection but by your own fury...left angry and wanting answers on-the-side). You're Secondary. One of who-knows-how-many. "The more I see the more sick I feel." Uh-huh. Normal. You might get a bit of diarrhea in a day or two. Don't be fooled, though - it's not. It's stress-constipation and therefore only liquid faeces can get past it. Try, in this order: Movicol (powder sachets you stir into a glass of water), or Fibrogel (orange flavour is yum) or any others in that over-the-counter range whereby, you don't need horrid bowel contractions to force things along because these simply soften the blockage by infusing it with what ends its journey as a water-based gel, turning the stools back to perfectly normal and pass-able. "I need to plan my every move extremely careful." (Carefully. Sorry - it's for the kids back home.) WhaddayaMEAN "I". What am I - Chopped Liver? (Listen - I hate him too? Aalriiight? And he WASN'T your boyfriend so that makes us level-pegged. ;)) "(The cheating rat)" For those who haven't been to SpecSavers: THE CHEATING RAT! (Aww, POOR rats...THEY din't do nuffink?) The Cheating Irredeemably-Broken-Brained Android. Trouble IS... You can't try to warn this Italian woman. Either she'll take it as OR BE PERSUADED to take it as 'Sour Grapes from the long-ago, drug-addicted, child-abusing, Him-abusing, conning Ex'. Google "Projection". And now...to give me a bit more time (because I really do want to deal with those answers of yours as a whole, not in bits), I'm going to advise you of what I advised Thea: Search YOUR house, see what you find. Search in weird places and in YOUR OWN places (spare make-up box, memory box, whatever). He wouldn't hide anything in this HA rental in case of eviction in absentia or something. Prescription medication (bought Black Market or stolen first-hand), cash, extra passports....anything. Yeah, you just 'give him the floor', see what he does with it. AND...when finally he calls, pretend that you're perfectly happy...just assumed he was busy...plus you got stuck into some late Spring-Cleaning ...and EVEN CLEANED HIS PLACE for him (and try not to smirk when you say that - don't even smile, okay? - they have Predator-level Senses...don't even THINK of your guilt or picture your clean-OUT...nor feel smug at what a delightful set of surprises he's going to get WHEN...he finds out how feisty and cynical Italian women are (thus, VERY hard work to woo/melt). No WAY can a Romanian out-flirt/woo an Italian man, anyway - WHAAAT? They're bloody Olympians, mate! Italy : 1 Romania: -6 So... Just play dumb ("Iii'm-a-Bar-bie gurrl, la la la LA la...."). I'm-so HAP-PPYY Oh-so HAP-PPYYY In-myy-PIN-NNNY-knee-deep-in-your-MUUUUUCK...(no REALLY I am)... (Finish it if you like?)

It's like this - HOOK! - now find/create reason/opportunity to leave her kept-warm or furious on-the-side (going on a biz trip...we've argued so now I need a break (have to sulk-torture you) for X weeks...my (dead) granny's dying....whadever... Go on the prowl n hunt for NEW sex-slave/secret-mum/full gas tank to syphon.... ...Repeat, repeat, repeat. Google "Narcissistic Sociopath - Secret Harem". (Sounds literally mad, right? Answer: YUH-HUH?) Alternatively, watch THE most visually and everythingly stunning Chinese film, 'Raise The Red Lantern'. Soooo good, you forget it's subtitled (or maybe dubbed as well, now?). And when it ends, you watch it from the beginning again. ...And then you'll get it. I mean, I know you're already getting it. But I mean (deep, booming, voice) really-REALLY get it! It's not about era or origin, is it. Just a style of expressing one's delusional, anti-Nature attitude towards women/the unfortunate/the weakened/children : Might Is Right (-opposite is the truth) plus refusing to change/update your belief system. IOW, dem's dinosaurs...who've been raised/manipulated to hate women (and vice versa the female n-spaths). ...just crazy.

(Teaching you as I go....) Now inspect this typical N-Spath statement of his, while bearing in mind that n-spaths wrap truth around a lie or lies around the truth. And, that they also like to "flash" at you, the real situation ("Sociopathic Tell"/"Reveal"). (If you don't notice or fail to take it at all seriously due to putting it down to an anomylous drop in an otherwise delightful-guy ocean, they feel well smug ("I'm cleverer than even a clever woman, hur-hur" (hawk-spit-fart)... (- they have disgusting-weird-childish personal habits as well, and start doing them in front of you in the Devalue stage). "he needs to go to Italy to work for three weeks!!" That's true! He has a NEW job - on top of his other part-time jobs(-on-legs). You're all of you, his jobs. WITH PERKS. Like...roof over their head, sex on-tap, someone to torture and bullyyyy....you know, the usual office stuff (puke). So he's going to be working very hard in Itality for 3 weeks (minimum). Over to Neneh Cherry.... ..."Wot IS HE LIKE?.... WOT'S 'E LIKE, ANYWAY? Yo, maaaan, what-did you-ex-peeeect? The-guy's a gigolo maaaan.... Knaow wot I meean? Yoooouuuuuu SAY-you wanted money, but-you know it's-never funny When your shoe's worn through and there's-a rumble in-your tummy But you had-to have style, get-a gold tooth smile Put-a girl on-the corner sooo you-can make-a pile ...Committed a-crime and went-in-siide It-was comin your way, but-you had-to survive When-you lost your-babe, you-lost the-race Now-you're lookin-at me to take-her place..." See? Not Rocket-Science when you stop to dissect it all, is it.

Here - when you first started dating him, what sh*t n lies did he tell you about his ex-missus to make you pity him and go all squishy goo-goo with buckets of special dispensation and star treatment ("Why, Ambassadorrr, wiz zeez Toad In Ze 'Ole you arr RILLY SPOILINGGUS?" (name the ad!)

PS: "guess what my partner" Speed-up your detachment (back to cynical and suspicious) - from now on, call him my Nex. Remember/re-realise...he was never your partner. He pretended to be, in order to get himself a very cushy and handy situation. He was your conning parasite who doesn't give a SH*T about love/romance/women/partnership but knows Normals In-Love will do any.thing. for the one they love....who tricked you into falling in-love with his acted character that 'just so happened' to match nearly all of your needs, preferences, perks, future dreams, goals, taste in food, WHATEVER. Mr Ideal, Mr Delightfully Compatible, Mr What Were The Chances, Mr Love-at-first-sight Really IS Real!, Mr I feel like I've known you my whole life already, Mr Ideal Father (HAH!!!), Mr Poor Victim, Mr Just Like Yoooou but with a willy... Or give him a piss-taking nickname. Let's brainstorm some....(this is the fun bit).....Um....let me think... Mr RoMangyian. Nah, that's insulting to normal Romanians. Dad of Chucky 1 and 2 (DOCOAT for short) OR Dad of Chucky Twins (DOCT - or "DOCKED" - how apt)... I'm sure you could come up with something far more scatching and witty?

Well logged on to his messenger account this morning and what did I see... Lots of missed calls from her...? No!!! From her fiancee!!!! Ohhh boy he was extremely angry!!! He asked to meet face to face he's furious!!! Forwarded pictures of the two of them together and about his trip to Italy!!! My partner blocked him in the end, but I'm sure he's gonna be a nervous elk going to Italy now!! I sat back and enjoyed every moment of it. By the sounds of things they deserve each other!! I'm still playing dumb until I get him handed over to the authorities here in the UK. I've searched everywhere and have all that I need. I have all below in my hands including, *His Romanian phone number. *His address, his mother's address. *His bank details of both in the UK and Romanian. *Pictures of his and his kids passports. *Pictures of him and his kids boarding passes from April. *Emails to the schools stating the kids would no longer return to further education in the UK. I don't think I need anything else? Would he get arrested in his country or at the airport or if he comes over to the UK? This is the things I want to know? Would our government let him off with a caution? He'll have well over a hundred thousand next year so he will have the money to pay everything back if needed. What's my best move???

Just seen he's at the airport, didn't realize he was travelling so soon to meet her? I hope they end up hurting each other the way they've hurt their partners. Absolutely disgusting!! I'm happy I can rant on here, rather than letting the whole thing slip!! I need to start planning as soon as possible. Advice needed asap!!

Her partner has messaged me on messenger, I haven't accepted his request nor replied and don't think I should as it'll give the whole thing away??

DO NOTHING. This Doing Nothing is called, lulling him into a false sense of security and giving him - and anyone else shittily involved - enough rope to hang himself with. Either arrest-location options, depending on the situation. The Other Woman's got a fiancee? My advice is to just WAIT a bit before doing anything. There's no fire, here. Just keep watching those spaces. _____________________________________________________ Meanwhile...FIII-nally, can make a start... I am going to have to do it in bits, anyway - dripping hot again today. Post 1: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ Answer 1: "(Shite - has he been convincing the poor kids that she abandoned them?)" When I first met him the kids all lived with the mother, he was constantly getting calls from his parents about the kids home alone at a very young age for mum to party, other men coming and going, and mentally and physically abusing the kids." Well, we don't know what the paternal grandparents' motivation and agenda were, there. But let's not forget they're the parents of your Petty Crim sleazly inhumanly-over-entitled weasley, so... Noted, though. New Q23: lbWhat's a very young age? How old was the eldest? Q24: In fact, also - what ages were they when they landed at yours? He started filing for custody in 2018 and when they attended court she apparently fainted to get a different court date, that carried on for a good year or more with her excuses and failing to turn up to court. Then COVID hit and everything stopped as you remember. The court case resumed on 2021, he lost custody he went to a tribunal and lost again." She was this/that/this, deliberately, but - not one, not two, but THREE custody attempts of his, FAILED. Actions! Pretty indisputable, I think it's safe to say. Doesn't mean she was innocent, just considered a far better bet than HIM. With the malignant, it's never the kids they want, anyway. It's to crush the healthy spouse. (Using kids as pawns, bargaining-chips and weapons.) "One night his eldest son ran through fields to get to my partners grandmother's house, I was there and seen it for myself, we drove to collect the boy, he was badly beaten by the mother and new boyfriend." I feel so sorry for this lad, who asked you to adopt him. And BTW, he'll have been forced to delete you; otherwise, he could tell you what dud's been up to, couldn't he, and bang would go your self-appointed, 'Emperor' Nex's whole campaign to demote you into his already-waiting Harem....which he will just (try to) do all over again to this Italian woman. "The eldest son got everything on a recording of shouting and rustle of his beating. My partner called the police and went back to court and got custody because of the son's evidence." What, supposedly, had he done, according their insane selves, "to deserve it"? (The boy-fiend was the ringleader, I'm betting; usually is). Q25: Got custody of all three kids or just the eldest? "It took 6 years to finally get the kids to us in the UK. They arrived last year on June 30th." That it was by private - not court - agreement is already noted. That it lasted only a year, also. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ Post 2 onwards to come, obviously... It's so damned hot here, I can hardly make it to the kitchen and back for a drink and have just been non-stop dripping, profusely, all damn day. Tomorrow nighttime should be cooler, though. I'll go stand in front of the floor fan and see if I can manage the next, now... PS: Our heatwave is on its way to you guys, after a few rainshowers. 'Brace-brace-brace' or get the lido/beach asap.

He has custody of all kids, I don't understand who will be looking after the kids when he's away playing happy families with her and her 3 kids. No I haven't replied to her fiancee and don't intend to. He's completely fell off the radar since last night at the airport? Maybe he's no Internet or signal where he is? I want to have concrete proof of everything. Anyways please send us some of that beautiful weather as I'm fed up with grey skies and rain.

Curly, please don't reply to answer any 'second wave' questions until I've finished responding to all of your original answers. Just updates. I'll tell you when I'm done and you can start answering Qs 25 onwards, okay? Answers 1b (P.S), 2, 3 and 4: __________________________________________________________________________________ 1b. "Mum ((ex-wife)) was having an affair with her friends husband that took her in and pitied her, when she found out, she was kicked out and left homeless, so she left Romania to join her family in Italy." That sounds typical of a Narc, alright. Never any appreciation or gratitude - none! I mean - what else type would do the dirty on one of her own rescuers AND supposed Friend?? Could have been the husband that tried to do the seducing - but so what? It's called - NO, and if you try to kick me out I'll tell your wife you tried to take advantage of my desperate state by making a serious pass at me (how dya like *them* applies, pal?). So no excuse - IF that's true, rather than just part of his 'the ex was the problem', Projection/Victim-Blaming propoganda and Slander Campaign? Know this: it's also to make you want to do/be "the opposite" of his "nasty ex"...how they set the bar so high (during fake-honeymoon stage) for you until you get so used to that all that 'above-and-beyond' effort, whereupon all their efforts dissolve or are withdrawn under-excuse. We've got to remember, he's WORSE than just a pathological liar. NSpaths lie even needlessly, or even when the truth would benefit or save them. (Ego boosts/false-pride protection literally come before EV-ERY-THING AND EV-ERY-ONE.) That's why you have to focus on the chain and/or cocktail of actions. HE was three whole times refused custody - established fact: three separate Family Court sessions and judges decided HE was the least suitable of the two. "My partner had all the kids, she took off without saying anything to the kids not even a goodbye." Hearsay (his and/or the duped kids)? Or you witnessed it first-hand? "That was 2 years ago, she's never sent them Christmas presents birthday cards nor child support." Again - fact or lying, gaslighting propaganda? Maybe she sent stuff but he hid it, and just TOLD you and the kids she paid no child support (all very common stuff)? Do you know/fact whether she even had a job? "It was just me and my partner supported all the kids." Who 'supported' them the most out of the pair of you? I know you did, and by-far, in physical-practical ways, but what about financially? ___________________________________________________________________________________ 2. "Again...- does he have a mortgage on it, whereas, otherwise it's mainly paid-off or was bought with a huge cash deposit and comparitively small mortgage as his benefits-scamming tool? His house was left to him by an uncle along with many fields and beautiful orchard and a vineyard. Massive!! He has no mortgage." So he presumably is either asset-rich but cash poor, or asset-rich, NOT poor, just greedy. Which, now you've seen his truly nefarious side, would you say? ___________________________________________________________________________________ 3. "Define 'land'. Do you mean, develop-able? Answered." Noted. Not develop-able. QUESTION 26: Do you, again, only have his word for it that he and he alone, actually owns the property - or could it just be a share in, with a right to live or holiday in it, what is actually a whole-family asset? ___________________________________________________________________________________ 4. "How do you know he's definitely divorced. (Alternatively, this 'new' woman could be the one he's been scamming you with?) I seen the divorce paper's. I had to get them translated into English for here in the UK along with many other documents." Q27: You sure you didn't just 'see papers'? Would this translater have known or given a damn if it hadn't been a genuine Divorce Certificate? What about the Court Order - did you see that? Reason I ask this is because, I had this one tried on me (fuh-ail), and because unlike Coverts who rely on words, crumbs and neglect, your abusive NSpath also has a stash of PROPS - fake documents, letters x-rays...extra passports, etc. (I think I mentioned it earlier?). They'll also create messy areas, be it your garage or some drawers, just so they can hide illicit stuff and props among/under it. Part 5 onwards to follow asap....

GENERAL QUESTION: Have you looked into seeking a Police Background Check yet?

Heya again! Answers 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 ______________________________________________________________________________________ 5. "Yes I have the keys to his house, I'm in the middle of selling everything inside the house, yesterday I went and threw alot of things in the skip and charity shops....been doing this for the past few days. (And now conning-ette him back, already noted (and cheered at!). Albeit, ethically, if not legally, you're allowed because it's YOUR money you're taking back. But I doubt very much he'd want to report you for it, LOL.) _______________________________________________________________________________________ 6. HOW MANY TIMES PER YEAR ON-AVERAGE WOULD HE VISIT HIS HOME COUNTRY? In the beginning 2/3 a year. Since he got ((INFORMAL)) full custody 5/6 a year, his parents always helped out with the kids. From his father's death 8/9 a year. (Due to his mother not in a good place) (...or so he said?) Anyway - significant increase in frequency (of 'custody' trips) noted. Q28: I'd have thought Granny would willingly be looking after the kids far more than ever before...to deal with her new loneliess? Wouldn't you? _______________________________________________________________________________________ ANSWERS 7 & 8 NOTED. _______________________________________________________________________________________ 9. "So you realised at the time he was in actual fact beneath you and not just in morals but brains (absence/lack of) and somehow Iffy? I've been the brains throughout the entire relationship. He didn't know how to drive I taught him, I applied for his passport, I done his Brexit documents, I booked all his flights, I applied for his Monzo and bank account. I set him up with a smart phone he had an old 90's Nokia phone. I introduced him to social media." IOW he used you as his P.A. (Chairman level) - for free. "I drove 4 hours to send his family boxes and boxes of parcels and presents on the European bus from the UK and drove 4 hours back home. (8 hours driving)" ...And private Chauffeur. (Bet they sold them.) Q29: Were any of the b-day/Xmas/anni. gifts you gave him, taken 'to use' in Romania and - oops, forgot again! - never returned? "You name it I done it all for him." I will! The challenge is awwwwn!... Free-of-charge, (his monstrous perspective:) high-class prostitute-escort (that he couldn't ever afford or wouldn't want to), Free/unearned respectable reputation via close association with yourself/your social/legal/financial status (and that you believed as well as spread the 'fact' he was GRRRREAT!), Free Cook, Housekeeper, Shopper, Nurse, 'and bottle-washer', Free Launderer (incl dry-cleaning, ironing and putting away), Free House Cleaner (and gardener too)? Free P.A.-Appointments Secretary-Administrator Free Nanny and Babysitter, including doing the school runs? Free Open-All-Hours Cafe Free ATM ("Lend me a Tenner?) Free Jealousy/Triangulation Tool Free benefactor to his parents and family. Does that about cover it or was there more? Q30: What would you say that whole package of skills/services would fetch as a salary - 250,000 in total per annum at the very minimum? More? Plus whatever else expenses halved for him? _______________________________________________________________________________________ 10 - Question immaterial _______________________________________________________________________________________ 11. "Do you suspect she ((the bride)) knows she is or is being manipulated by opportunism (that she'd want to do so anyway) and omission (not being told what it's achieving against you)? I honestly don't know?" I think it's quite obvious, now, that she does, and is enjoying (cowardly-ly, subtly) flaunting it. No doubt, she was told by your Nex you couldn't stand her/whatever, to keep the two of you apart ("Triangulation - controlling the lines of communication" or "- driving a wedge between"). After all, how would he have been able to cheat at nightclubs or, now, with this unknowing, Italian sister, if you'd come too and managed to get close, or at least, to pick-up on the atmosphere, followed by friendlily interrogating her? _______________________________________________________________________________________ 12. "Does he know you can track him? I showed him a long time ago, he couldn't believe it and laughed." Strange. "But he's likely forgotten about it, that's just his nature no matter what you showed him." Memory problems? What - drugs overuse? "Like his Google search I can see his history searching for hotel prices. He doesn't know how to delete history so that's good for me." You SURE-sure-sure he's technically that challenged? I find this hard to believe, especially these days? Perhaps he laughed at how primitive it was? And meanwhile kept up the dumb and forgetful act, only because he was too lazy to do all these things for himself? Romanian men have mobile phones and gadgets, too, don't they?...even if they have to steal them? Nah.... something fishily non-plausible about this. GEN Q: WANT TO GIVE IT ANOTHER MULLING-OVER? _______________________________________________________________________________________ 13. " when his best friends wife was streaming a live feed on social media, I could see a woman sitting in the front of the car and the newly weds were in the back." "That's a bit back-to-front, isn't it? Or you mean, just for the photos/posing?" "In Romania some families just have a quiet family wedding in the garden and go a couple of days after the wedding for a 4 hour drive to a romantic place called Loc Ruso means "Red Lake" to walk around the romantic hills and lakes on the rowing boats stay over. (Which is sad as we went there twice, now he's took someone else to the same place same hotel same walks. So I paused the video to slow it down and seen a woman with brown shoulder length hair." Yes, they do that - take the new target-victim to what you'd thought were yours and his special places. Clearly, it's another hunting/love-bombing prop, to support the illusion that he's artistic, sensitive and romantic...or that he's normally NOT but becauase she's "that special" (nope!), he's put all that thought into it and pulled out all the stops (puke). I suspect all three of them are just his props, too, actually. Also, I reckon the Bride flashed you her sister so that the overall sense would be - 'These are practically married, anyway, so...'. I mean - how incredibly cushy to have your younger sister marry your new husband's bestest friend in the world? That's probably as far those two women know or think this is about. (Well, they've got a huge wake-up call over the horizon somewhere, haven't they!) "His friends wife was taking a live video when they were in the car driving of the scenery but kind of tilted the camera so you could see someone sitting in the front seat as her and her husband sat in the back seat." Yup. Deliberate. After all, how hard would it be if one wanted to 'keep out of it', not take sides, and therefore deliberately NOT reveal the other woman? Q30: For exactly how long has Nex and the Groom been best friends? Or would you say it was more of a 'star' and 'fan' dynamic (and whom of the two would be the star)? _______________________________________________________________________________________ GENERAL QUESTION: have you looked into Romanian law? Mind you, it's probably more the UK govt and certain of its female citizens he's defrauding/scamming, including income- and other tax-evasion. And obviously Italy, too, seeming as how he's so determined to get with Italian women. (Does that include you - British Italian? ANOTHER: I'm presuming that flash motor is HIS car? IMPORTANT PS: Already - I say, let him come back. And be ready for him (having contacted after collecting as much more evidence as you can for the Police). Make the UK Police's - AND the Home Office's - AND the Fraud Squad's - job far easier. Also, from what I'm gleaning as I go, far easier to let them get your justice FOR you. But hold off a bit until you've managed to syphon enough of your money back (and don't forget Interest!), and then, the minute he starts making I'm-coming-back noises or movements (like suddenly phoning more) - that's when you ring and ask for the Domestic Crime Unit at your local Police or, failing that, area Headquarters (usually situated close to the Law courts). In fact, right before that, I would Pity Play him back, pretending something had happened concerning you but which could detriment him, and you needed him to xfer X amount into your account so you can pay it. E.g. your oven or fridge-freezer's broken - or your waterpipes (and neither your house insurance nor Water Provider careplan covers them, plus it's an emergency as your mains had to be shut off, and the cost is nicely expensive to fix so - look into it online). Imagine his face if too soon after he comes 'home' - whammo, on with the cuffs! (Well, cable-ties.) He's clearly done this before so who knows how much the Police and Courts have on him and to throw at him? Anyway - to be continued.... And - well done for keeping your powder (and nuclear-bombs) 100& dry! You've got a right little arm's cache growing nicely, there, eh. And by the looks of it - WITH HIS *AND* HIS FLYING MONKEYS' HELP, TOO!.... I mean - how can someone so poor they need HA housing afford to go on a jully to Italy? Or to afford to fly back and forth to Romania?....Well, GOSH. Oh boy, are that trio going to feel so betrayed and stupid 'when'! (Goes around, Comes around - including Mean Girls & Boy with their OTT egotism, arrogance and spitefulness.) (There's a heirarchy: NSpaths can pick on Benign/Classic Narcissists and NPsychos on NSpaths. I hear it always works out really well.....NOOOOOOT, hahahaha!)

Sorry, that obviously should have read, Answers 5 to 13.

PS: You never know: If fiancee can't for the present time vent away any of his anger - because he can't get hold of you to share, be validated and co-commiserated with - he might well jump on a plane to confront them both. And if he's Italian - I'm betting his beef will be mainly with your Nex. Bloody territorial, are Italian males, still...your agegroup. Maybe he'll take a beefy mate with him. Ooer...watch that space! (Hah...- courtesy only of the DOUBLY-unwittingly useful flying trio.)

"I don't understand who will be looking after the kids when he's away playing happy families with her and her 3 kids" Not his mother? What about other friends or rellies?

Or is Italian fiance already in Italy?...waiting for them? What did he say to you, this betrayed fiance? Note, HE took the hints correctly? You're not BOTH wrong (and with I and Curly, that makes 4 of us). And ditto to your Nex? Equally to the point - what did Nex say back? Any chance you can type out the exchange? I could 'tap' into his and fiance's mentality and emotional states if you could? (PS you can quickly answer these last three while waiting for me to finish.)

Her fiance sent me a friend's request, with a picture of our partners together, asking me was this my husband? I never accepted his friends request nor his message, as if I did the cat would definitely be out of the bag by now. That's why I'm not responding to her fiance I'm trying to be extremely careful. On his maps this morning they're touring around Italy together. I don't know should I take screenshots of his location for more proof?

Hey-hey! Just letting you know I'll be back on tomorrow - cleared everything this week so's to have the weekend all to myself ("haaaaaah") ...not least because - serious heatwave hitting this weekend (the 4th so far this summer in Spain), plus bloody mosquitos EVERYWHERE!...gonna batten down the hatches and stay indoors. Your heatwave starts on Monday, I believe. Good. Unpack the paddling-pool and get some serous Vitamin D rays, gal - it does wonders to counter those low spots, and will contribute to your canny thinking. Are you anywhere near a Lido or beach?

PS: "I don't know should I take screenshots of his location for more proof?" YUP! When it comes to evidence, it's best to have too much than too little. So record or log on here, EVERYTHING. PPS: No, the question was - could I SEE their exchange, starting with the message from fiance to Nex (names edited out)? I want to see how Nex talks. And Fiance (so that I can get an idea of her). I just need to 'HEAR' them. Q32: May I, please?

There conversation is all in the Romanian language, not sure if it would be any use for you to listen to? Unless you speak Romanian? Her fiance talked very nice, calm, hurt, disappointed, but well mannered and respectfully, towards my partner. As for her she wasn't bothered about her fiance finding out, she told my partner to just block him. Enjoy your weekend and I'll definitely be enjoying the sunshine come Monday ☺️

P.s My best friend is warning me not to take screenshots ⚠️ she said I would end up in serious bother if I was found out tracking him?? Also is it true that the government here in the UK allow them to continue receiving benefits in Romania, even if their not living in the UK? That on its own made my stomach churn. So reporting him for fraud, he'll get a quick slap on the wrist and send home with all the benefits? Surely this couldn't be true???

BEST YOU REPLY TO THIS ONE ASAP. Oh, I see, it was a Messenger *voice* message! I'm still confused, though, because you typed it like this: "Her fiance *talked very nice, calm, hurt, disappointed, but well mannered and respectfully*, towards my partner." Presumably in Italian? (So Nex speaks Italian as well as Romanian?) "As for her she wasn't bothered about her fiance finding out, *she told my partner to just block him*." Again - in which language? And presumably this bit was typed-out, not voice message you got to somehow got to tap? So that means you speak or at least understand both Italian and Romanian?? Can you clear that up before I continue, please, as obviously, I don't want to 'run' with a misunderstanding that could affect conclusions; I need clear data. Thanks in-advance? __________________ "My best friend is warning me not to take screenshots ⚠️ she said I would end up in serious bother if I was found out tracking him??" Yeah, if you were also the Perp. It's about WHY you're screenshot-ing and what your role in the toxic dynamic is - or this case, isn't (for which, you have concrete evidence). Plus, you have kids you need to protect (and not just financially). So obviously, to keep safe, you have to know where he is plus when he's likely to try to come back. I not 'stalked' - MONITORED THE MOVEMENTS of mine. Police DCU dept including boss, didn't bat an eyelid, except, said - Well done! 1. It's got to be Intrusive. (Nope.) 2. It's got to cause fear of violence in the 'recipient'. (Nope.) 3. Or serious alarm or distress in them. (Nope. And alarm or distress at being found-out for being a Narc-Spath Scammer, doesn't count.) (And neither did my own MONITORING do either of those.) Stalking - by a perpetrator (or 'Lesser Narc', lower heirarchal status, victim-come-own-worst-enemy) - is VERY different. Didn't she mention that bit? Didn't she even research into it? What does your best friend do? Where did she hear/read it? That was a bit careless and irresponsible of her, wasn't it? Did it cause you serious alarm or distress? Did she say 'would', or 'could'? Is she just trying to be useful and needed? Might she be worrying that if (when) you heal you'll take to the skies and 'leave her behind'? Is she in a bad predicament as well (what's her partner like?). This is why it's best to stick to here/the internet. I - and all of us here - can in no way be affected by any positive or negative outcome imaginable. We have nothing to gain nor lose by your recovery and success. Just a warm glow, including that another decent empath is safe (and conversely, another narc, on the floor). "Also is it true that the government here in the UK allow them to continue receiving benefits in Romania, even if their not living in the UK?" Last I knew, you had to have been granted English Residency Rights by the Home Office for that (certainly back when he arrived/ensconsed himself)? And for that, you have to legally declare ALL income/wealth/assets/assets-to-come... However - I repeat: strange how a poor Romanian that has to rely on subsidised Housing Association digs gets to afford to fly back-forth that much?...and now onto Italy? When you call the Police Domestic Crime Unit - considering you have MUCHO evidence of and in his actions, failure/lack of actions, footage, your own testimony...I very much doubt he'll get to keep his Residency. For all YOU know, he was about to be rumbled by the Police ALREADY, so legged-it (- two birds with one stone: cow you....avoid arrest...find new cash supplier...). Have you not looked at the fact that he could easily be just a Player in YOUR neighbourhood? Or just his? Or just stay WITHIN EUROPE. Why abroad? Usually because the 'Playing' earns him money. "Lend us 20 Quid?"....not much, you think? But now imagine how many OTHER doting Whatever's are doing likewise? And the scamming spoils aren't ALWAYS paid in cash. So he doesn't have a job, then? ...if he's free to back-and-forth like that? Furthermore - No law mandate is going to read: ....with certain exceptions, e.g. (etc), are they. It's aimed at Perpetrators...Abusers (whom, given such an inch would take 10 miles)...not at Victim Self-Defenders ("Reactive Abuse" - go google). "That on its own made my stomach churn. So reporting him for fraud, he'll get a quick slap on the wrist and send home with all the benefits?" Surely this couldn't be true???" No, for you reporting him for fraud, and other women reporting him for fraud, and-and-and, including things like unpaid/overdue credit-cards, parking-tickets, (relative to his declaration of earnings for said digs -) high-ticket purchases...all of that, all lumped together, paints a very clear picture. And obviously, evidence will be requested and shared ('who the hell have we let live in our country?'), courtesy of the Romanian Police via Interpol. He might be a SERIOUS crim over there? I mean - you can already SEE he doesn't have a conscience, right? Do you know/have you read up on what that makes you both incapable of and more to the point, capable of?! Breaking your heart would be the LEAST of it. HOWEVER...if, respectively, you're 'getting the willies', and/or if you think you've got 'cashback' enough, then, I advise you to call the DCU *tomorrow*. This CLEARLY isn't just Domestic Crime - we KNOW that already (HA digs...and no doubt fraudulent letters/statements he got you to type). And...(tra-la-laa)..... 'YOU-know how-much he. was. flash-ing-and spen-ding! ...doncha! (daah da-daah-da-dada)...doncha!....'. :) BEST YOU REPLY TO THIS ONE AND ASAP.

Okay first I speak little Romanian but enough to understand some of the messages. As for my partner he lives in a council house which means he gets all rent paid, he has pre settlement status as he was very late applying for it. He would have his full settlement status next November. He is allowed to work, claim benefits, have his GP and hospital treatment free, kids education, free meals and uniform grant, which he claimed for and the kids aren't even coming back to the UK? As for now he has a telephone appointment this week with UC universal credit, he's missed his hospital appointment he hasn't claimed another fit note last week. He hasn't returned my messages, he's seen them but ghosted me? I want to turn him in this week, I've most of his house cleared out. I honestly don't think he's coming back in September. It's time now to report him, as they will start gathering evidence of him being out of the country, I read the benefits squad has there own surveillance team in all countries ready to monitor the cheating suspects. If it's true are they not better to catch him in Italy at least that way they'll be asking him lots of questions about why is he there when his kids are in Romania and his house is laying empty in the UK? Lastly I'm not sure where my friend heard about spying on your partner? She's the best friend, we've been best friends for nearly 41yrs since primary school. She's a staff nurse and the only person I can actually trust with my entire life. Okay let's move on about reporting him, I'm ready to do this now this week.

What's the best way to report this thief? Do I go print out all the documents and pictures I have and post it off, drop it off with UC, or call them? I've never done anything like this in my life so I'm dumb to knowing what to do? I honestly think it's better that they catch him in Italy. So many questions will be raised if why he's there? I've read also that normally if the benefits cheat agrees to pay everything back they let them go? Another thing will interpol bring him back to the UK or will he go to his own country. Bear in mind, in Romania they is so much corruption he could easily paid off a judge and run free? His lawyer that's helping to get his father's money gets 20% commission from the compensation. So if they return him to his own country, this has all been for nothing gathering evidence. The UK a slap on the wrist. He's received about £8/9000 in benefit fraud since April. Please tell me he'll go to jail for this. I want him to hurt the same way as he's hurt me!! I'm not a bad evil person, I'm just heartbroken that he's used me and my family. He didn't even have the decency to end our relationship before starting another. 8yrs I gave him and this is the respect and gratitude I received.

P.s they all speak Romanian as the brides sister lived in Romania before she got married. She's divorced now has 3 kids to 3 different fathers, she was pregnant at the wedding her fiance was delighted but found out my partner and her went off for her to have an abortion. He is extremely upset. Only found that out earlier today. By a friend.

One last thing. Remember he has told the benefit system he can barely move or walk. He's in constant pain and he means extreme pain. Okay but why didn't you report your kids left in April? Why are you fit and well enough to travel back and forth to Romania on a 3hr flight when you said you can't sit no longer than 5 minutes with such pain and discomfort? Why are you traveling from the UK to Romania now you've ended up in Italy? We can see your working throughout during the week. Evenings and weekends you're fit enough to drive an hour to pick up your girlfriend and drive her around? Your kids are living home alone in Romania. Why are you not with them? You are claiming housing benefit for a house you're not even living in? You've been claiming benefits for all your three kids when they've left the UK five months ago? If they follow him back to Romania then they will catch him running his own private taxi service. Which I will be giving addresses of his house in Romania and his girlfriend's in Italy. So it doesn't sound nor look good for him. You can maybe understand why I feel it would be good to report him now to the fraud squad??? That's hoping they will do something about it? I hope they lock him up and throw away the key!!! Thoughts??

Ops I totally forgot to mention he also told them at UC he has severe depression, panic attacks, anxiety, low self esteem, no motivation, can't eat, can't sleep, he doesn't leave the house, laying in bed is the only comfort he can get for his back. He's receiving medication from his GP. That I found in his house not even opened? He went through a medical interview that he scored zero and he's trying to appeal their decision. I've honestly had that much stuff running through my mind, I completely forgot to put that into my last message. If they track him under surveillance that will be a list of more questions for him to try answer. This honestly doesn't look good when I see it wrote down. He's a scamming thief!!

Update he's been reported this morning, I gave them all the evidence this morning. Going to print out more evidence and send it down to the benefits office where he claims. I don't care if he comes back now or not, or if the investigation gives him a little slap on the wrist and sets him free. The system here in the UK has gotten far too soft over the years, there should be a harder punishment for these scammers, but unfortunately I don't believe anything will be done!! He's ghosted my messages 4 days now. We meant absolutely nothing to him, 8 years wasted of my life. I'm done with it all. Time to start moving on. We'll never get our money back. Hard lesson learned. Thank you for all your help, support and advice Much appreciated 👍🏻

Be with you tomorrow, Curly (it's going to be pouring with rain, so I'll have the time)...bear with!

So much for having the time! Got a window right now, will be available again later this evening. Let me answer all three posts (not read ahead, bar that you've reported him (streamers, balloons, medal....)) before you go and respond. Ta, missus... First post - Aug 11th 23:45 ____________________________ "As for my partner he lives in a council house which means he gets all rent paid, he has pre settlement status as he was very late applying for it. He would have his full settlement status next November." Well THAT'LL be good for Fraud Squad to know, won't it (has the means to be fined/assets-attached heavily). "He is allowed to work, claim benefits, have his GP and hospital treatment free, kids education, free meals and uniform grant, which he claimed for and the kids aren't even coming back to the UK?" So he's allowed to work 16hrs max? DOES/DID HE? PS: Yes, the fact he took an open flight with those kids is obviously recorded. But now you've reported him, he won't have that council house to return to. Nor your place. Or he'll land back in UK and pretty swiftly discover the fact (locks changed*). Either - Or. *CHANGE YOURS - DO IT QUITE URGENTLY. "As for now he has a telephone appointment this week with UC universal credit, he's missed his hospital appointment he hasn't claimed another fit note last week." Yet more evidence (including a strangely cavalier attitude to these lifelines). The lack of securing a fit note - nor advising his surgery that he'd be on holiday/out of the country (because he's too ill/incapacitated to be flying and galavanting!) tells me, he thinks he's going to be living with New Victim in Italy, now. "He hasn't returned my messages, he's seen them but ghosted me? I want to turn him in this week, I've most of his house cleared out. I honestly don't think he's coming back in September." Haha - Snap! But (aside from yourself/the fauxlationship) he's left it so he COULD (and would trying making-up whatever excuses to his GP and benefits office). "It's time now to report him, as they will start gathering evidence of him being out of the country, I read the benefits squad has there own surveillance team in all countries ready to monitor the cheating suspects." Noted, excellent. "If it's true are they not better to catch him in Italy at least that way they'll be asking him lots of questions about why is he there when his kids are in Romania and his house is laying empty in the UK?" Yip. "Lastly I'm not sure where my friend heard about spying on your partner?" Probably trying to feel useful and needed. But it shows she doesn't realise the seriousness of the situation ergo a need for *facts*, not conjecture based on grapevine knowledge. "She's the best friend, we've been best friends for nearly 41yrs since primary school. She's a staff nurse and the only person I can actually trust with my entire life." Cool - noted! "Okay let's move on about reporting him, I'm ready to do this now this week." Post 2 onwards next... I'll read ahead now

Post 2 onwards... Everything noted, only still-in-play, pertinent answers for now... ___________________________________________________________________ "I honestly think it's better that they catch him in Italy." They don't need to catch him in Italy. And I very much doubt those two are the only countries he's flitting to. Cue SPARE MOBILES YOU KNEW NOTHING ABOUT AND DIDN'T TRACK; ...they all have 'em. Explains perfectly why he *seemingly strangely* laughed that time you confessed, Big Fat Eh.) "Bear in mind, in Romania they is so much corruption he could easily paid off a judge and run free?" Yeah, if all he'd done was shoplift. Not with Interpol et al's noses over their shoulders, he can't. And keep bearing in mind that both (at this point, known) 'ports' of his have a vested interest. Whose got the most clout? I'm betting Britain, especially as that's going to be the charging and arresting country (ta-da), but it does depend on what amount and severity of scamming, chaos- and damage-creating he's done in each. PS: Did he take drugs? What about at these nightclubs? Maybe he was more selling, than dancing, eh. Have a thinkipoos... I mean, it's not a huge leap from nicked prescription drugs to any other, eh. In fact, the trajectory usually goes, street drugs, THEN burglarising pharmacies or delivery trucks. These bozos were BORN on 'the back of a lorry'! "His lawyer that's helping to get his father's money gets 20% commission from the compensation." What do you mean, compensation? I thought it was plain inheritance? "He's received about £8/9000 in benefit fraud since April. Please tell me he'll go to jail for this." I can't because I'm not Mystic Meg nor control CIRCUMSTANCES, which can send things off on myriad course-diversions. But my money's on it - aye. :) I'm telling you: HE HAS X OTHER LIVES. He could be a bigamist in some countries - you don't know (yet). I now suspect he's a full-blown, Narcissistic-Sociopathic *Psychopath*. Everyone is a tool, women are their (google) Mask of Respectability as well as, of Sanity... ...his SHOP WINDOW DRESSING. Everything nefarious goes on at the back of the shop, through a hidden door. Or multiple doors in his case. Remember Philip Schofield's poor wife and kids? "I want him to hurt the same way as he's hurt me!!" That's not possible because he's a permanently Out-Of-Order, half-feral animal with Person's Face (mask). Except for in the wallet and in the freedom (air punch!). THOSE HURT, oh aye. Plus Loss Of Control Over Others. And being out-foxed. And-and-and. But those 4 are the biggies. ************ KEEP ACTING DUMB AND INNOCENT. IF HE CONTACTS, I MEAN. BUT 'BE' AS OBSESSIVELY INTERESTED AND ANGRY AS HIM REGARDING 'WHOMEVER IT WAS'....ACT YOUR BEREFT SOCKS OFF....'Come OOOOOON, you must have SOME (beeping) idea who'd have wanted to stuff everthing up - THINK!!......Or, just stuff US up maybe?!' - bursting into tears (that sort of thing). That'll activate his Paranoia nicely. :) He won't know WHO to trust (under-estimate). ************ "I'm not a bad evil person," Oh, aren't you? Thanks for that. Me, I was picturing you with a White cat on your lap, with glass elevator replete with trap door into a shark infested swimming-pool. :p LOL (translation: shaddap, you 'nana) (cats don't sit on bananas anyway haha). PS: Did you EVER, even ONCE, wonder whether maybe he was 'gay'? "I'm just heartbroken that he's used me and my family." Yeah.... I know.... (((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))) You'r doing REALLY well. And by GOD you process fast (up there)!?! ...'Yeah, no, yeah, no - BAM!' :o "He didn't even have the decency to end our relationship before starting another." Why would he need to fire one of his unwitting harem in order simply to spend time with another? You've got to start reading-up on Narcissistic/"Everyday"/"Secondary"/"Lower Functioning" Psychopaths (being a killer is a separate, a dditional, thing entirely) in order to stop projecting how you and I and other normal-healthy people feel and 'see'. You (in the UK certainly) were his Primary Supply/Concubine - or the Wife figure if you like - for whom "the Red Lantern" was "Raised" the most. (Watched the film yet? Raise The Red Lantern, starring Gong Li.) It'll drive you bonkers, trying to apply him to everything you know about how normal people are/see/believe/prioritise/think/want/behave. E.g. now you know, why the laugh, yes? You thought it was mild wonderment or technical ignorance preventing a reply or something, didn't you. "8yrs I gave him and this is the respect and gratitude I received." Eight years you attended the greatest university that ever lived: The University Of Life - including, the Dark Side (Light/Opposite by inference as you've gone). And ALREADY you have your degree (you sat your exam early!) so we're now just waiting for you to graduate and then go on to do a doctorate haha. But you have jigsaw pieces galore inside your memory banks. You wait - they'll now start popping in as your mind starts putting all those past, seemingly innocent, innocuous things into the CORRECT place in the jigsaw picture frame. You'll start going - OMG, I've just realised/remembered something else! Swot Healthies Do. It's called Healing. From constant corrupted and fake data that just wouldn't fit where you tried to put it, no matter if you deluded yourself for the duration of your shop-window incarceration. Psychopaths' partners/wives (Primary Supply) tend not to have a clue. Until they do. So I'm caught between NSpath and NPsycho now. Great, tsk!...haha, which means between his being stupid, ham-fisted, hot-tempered and careless and a cool-as-a-cucumber genius with a polished 'Jesus' face. To settle it: What was he like at starting arguments, how was he during - how long could they last - and in the weeks/months (-specify) after? PS: Oooh, get you, Mrs Multi-Lingual! __________________________________________________________________ Post 3 (not read ahead) "P.s they all speak Romanian as the brides sister lived in Romania before she got married." LIVED IN ROMANIA? Spill? "She's divorced now has 3 kids to 3 different fathers," Could be female sociopath, could be own-worst-enemy type of victim (impregnanted then abandoned)? Do you know? " she was pregnant at the wedding her fiance was delighted but found out my partner and her went off for her to have an abortion." WHAT - WHEN WAS THIS??? "He is extremely upset." Putting it mildly?! "Only found that out earlier today. By a friend." What - Mutual Friend or exclusively yours? To be continued...

4th Post: (Still not reading ahead....don't KNOW why, but there tends always to be a reason so I'll just go with it...) ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ "Remember he has told the benefit system he can barely move or walk. He's in constant pain and he means extreme pain." Yes, I remember (haha - 'what's yer name again?', said the Golfish as he swum the Nth time past the Mermaid sat beside his pretty castle). "Okay but why didn't you report your kids left in April? Why are you fit and well enough to travel back and forth to Romania on a 3hr flight when you said you can't sit no longer than 5 minutes with such pain and discomfort?" Mm-hm. (I'm just reading and 'doing my knitting', haha) "Why are you traveling from the UK to Romania now you've ended up in Italy? We can see your working throughout during the week." Yes - again, info on this 'work', please? Zero Hours and likes it that way, is he? "Evenings and weekends you're fit enough to drive an hour to pick up your girlfriend and drive her around? Your kids are living home alone in Romania. Why are you not with them?" How are you so sure his kids are home alone? And what age is the eldest? "You are claiming housing benefit for a house you're not even living in?" Bolt Hole...Lock-Up....eventual illegal Sub-Let....Cover Postal Address....Shag-Pad.... ? You tell me? What do you FEEL is the reason? "You've been claiming benefits for all your three kids when they've left the UK five months ago?" Ooh, how much is THAT? "If they follow him back to Romania then they will catch him running his own private taxi service." He'll pigging NEED one! "Which I will be giving addresses of his house in Romania and his girlfriend's in Italy. So it doesn't sound nor look good for him." Understatement. Probably your only frustration from here on in, will be, "The Backlog". "You can maybe understand why I feel it would be good to report him now to the fraud squad???" What do you mean understand - I said up there - If X and Y, Then Go-Go-Go - hahahaha! "That's hoping they will do something about it?" Whittle-whittle. Leesten verrey cer-foolly.... At the very least, his secret, alternative lifestyle(s) will be in tatters. THEN what will he do? Meanwhile, 'people' won't get paid and will have to wait until he's released OR becomes 'solvent' again (hope they're patient types, don't you?). "I hope they lock him up and throw away the key!!! Thoughts??" Yip. He's going Inside, even if he DOESN'T go to Her Majesty's Holiday-From-Hell Camp. Psychologically, Functionally, everythingly. This will either destroy his life or present a major obstacle to regaining all the lost ground/reputaton/everything. Forget getting any regular job with a Criminal Record, too. ...On and DON, as Celine sings!

Oops again - HIS Majesty's.

But anyway, yeah - stockpiling medicine and selling it Black Market - either/both UK and Romania (and probably Italy). Swat Narc Spaths Do (unless they're 'Silver Spoon' types). Not-So-Petty Petty Crims. 'It takes an entire community to raise a Son'. Bent, rough-as-uck community ON TOP of Narcissistic family of origin. Nnnnnot a good mixture.

5th post (and then I'll have to see to my other regulars first, tomorrow): _________________________________________________________________________ "Ops I totally forgot to mention he also told them at UC he has severe depression, panic attacks, anxiety, low self esteem, no motivation, can't eat, can't sleep, he doesn't leave the house, laying in bed is the only comfort he can get for his back." HEEE-IZZA-MOOOL-AND-HE-LIVES-INNA-HOOOOLE....until it's time to grab another sex-and-sugar-mummy slave, of course. Cor - new cure for that long list of Usual Suspects: Cheating Holiday/Relocation to Italy! (Who knew?!) OMG, I'd LLLOVE to be a fly on the wall when they intercepted him - wouldn't you? "He went through a medical interview that he scored zero and he's trying to appeal their decision." AH.... Now THAT may be why the skidaddle to start a new 'nest' in Italy. Makes sense, yes? "I've honestly had that much stuff running through my mind, I completely forgot to put that into my last message." No probs - I'm used to it. That's why the long-haul thread rather than a one-off...Gives you time to put said down-n-doity jigsaw puzzle together. (Now you know why people used to keep diaries - especially single young women and men. I recommend starting one whenever one begins dating someone, if one (okay - I'm irritating myself now lol) can't afford to 'hire' a counsellor to play one's Constant.) "If they track him under surveillance that will be a list of more questions for him to try answer." Oh, he'll have had private and commercial CCTV cameras GALORE capturing his movements. I wonder if he remembered to at least limp? Not that that's the point, considering HE said he couldn't get out of bed! ('I can't get out of bed, but bungee jumping and mountain-climbing's okay'.) "This honestly doesn't look good when I see it wrote down." Haha, no sh*t, Sherlock! "He's a scamming thief!!" No, that's just ONE rotten facet of his multi-faceted self. There's so much more. A Taxi company for laundering ("Shell" company), I shouldn't wonder (manipulating the financial records)... Gosh, might get con-fiscated (pun intended). And all because he ain't serf-istee-caytid (so - Yep - NSpath....but we'll see for certain once it all comes out.) Hmm...Somebody might find himself Audited ("Awwwww"). Does he gamble? That's another way to launder. And electronically, of course. And property purchasing. And transferring money a lot...paying in cash... Wonder if his Bestie/the Groom is a nominee purchaser or something? Friends for how long? Is he Romanian too? Met initially in which country?

PS: "She's divorced now has 3 kids to 3 different fathers, she was pregnant at the wedding her fiance was delighted but found out my partner and her went off for her to have an abortion." Persuading a woman (hence having to accompany her, rather than what you'd expect: her own sister (strange)) to abort another man's baby. And why only once they got to Italy, why not the preceding weeks before take-off? Can you IMAGINE what that poor man's going through? Well done again for not having spoken to him, tempting though it is. To Nex, you look like the loyal wife who simply refuses to believe it's true or 'like that'. If you do end up talking to him, I'm afraid you're going to have to keep 100% schtum about your secret involvement in this - yeah?

Thanks for your reply. So he's allowed to work 16hrs max? He was allowed to work and was working full time hours paying his tax and national insurance, until March of this year he went off on the sick. He was claiming, not being fit enough to work since March that's over five months ago. His lawyer that's helping to get his father's money gets 20% commission from the compensation." What do you mean, compensation? I thought it was plain inheritance? In Romania when a family member gets killed on a traffic accident their government pays out for each family member from his own siblings to wife Children and grandchildren. I'm assuming it's like car insurance? Just works different over there. I was there when their lawyer came to my partners home. So I know this much is true. Why am I still calling him my partner??? EX from now on!!! she was pregnant at the wedding her fiance was delighted but found out my partner and her went off for her to have an abortion." WHAT - WHEN WAS THIS??? It must have happened after the wedding, maybe on their way or back from Red Lake?? I'm totally disgusted after hearing about this, it was a Romanian friend told me, she told me she was talking my ex's new woman's fiance he's originally from Romania too, he was in tears about the abortion and her running off with my EX. I genuinely feel sorry for him even though I don't know him. He was so excited having his first child. She took everything away from him, so apparently he's out for revenge??? Like seriously What kind of woman jumps from having a fiance that's she's pregnant with, then jumps to another man in a couple of days, runs off with the new man to have an abortion, takes him over to Italy and let's him stay at her place for three weeks, let's not forget she has sprung her new man onto her three young kids, that never met him before. To me that's a huge red flag on it's own. My EX is gonna have his hands full with her. That actually made me giggle 😂 How are you so sure his kids are home alone? And what age is the eldest? (Remember the bride and groom) Their looking after his kids??? His eldest son is 15, daughter 13, youngest son 10. Yes - again, info on this 'work', please? Zero Hours and likes it that way, is he? He's supposed to be helping his brother working in construction in Rome Italy, but I don't think he is, as maps are showing me he's traveling around where the new woman lives, she lives an hour outside Rome. In Romania he taxis from 6.30 throughout the day and makes a fortune. I'm just wondering, he had his UC telephone appointment today, with him not contacting me for days and being extremely dry for weeks. What would happen if he told UC on the phone he wasn't coming back to the UK? Would they just drop the fraud charges? I won't ever know the outcome of the fraud investigation. I wish I could know. He's been claiming benefits for all your three kids when they've left the UK five months ago?" Ooh, how much is THAT? When you calculate his child benefit, housing benefit and his sick benefit. It's about £9000 And if he didn't tell UC today it could continue on for months until they catch him. When clearing out his house, guess what I found. Payments from his ex wife for the kids, he was receiving money from her through western union and moneygram. Should I report that too? I definitely know my EX was totally against drugs and didn't drink alcohol very often. He was more about making money rather than spending it. Also he's not gay, he could never understand the gay community. I hope I've covered most of your questions. Enjoy your knitting 😁

PS: "She's divorced now has 3 kids to 3 different fathers, she was pregnant at the wedding her fiance was delighted but found out my partner and her went off for her to have an abortion." Persuading a woman (hence having to accompany her, rather than what you'd expect: her own sister (strange)) to abort another man's baby. And why only once they got to Italy, why not the preceding weeks before take-off? Can you IMAGINE what that poor man's going through? Well done again for not having spoken to him, tempting though it is. To Nex, you look like the loyal wife who simply refuses to believe it's true or 'like that'. If you do end up talking to him, I'm afraid you're going to have to keep 100% schtum about your secret involvement in this - yeah?

6th post: "Update he's been reported this morning, I gave them all the evidence this morning." Who's 'them'? He's 'BEEN' reported? "Going to print out more evidence and send it down to the benefits office where he claims." Did you report him to the Police Domestic Crime Unit - or just your local Council's Housing Benefits office? "I don't care if he comes back now or not, or if the investigation gives him a little slap on the wrist and sets him free." What - really? (Uuuuuuck..., how are you so FAST?! Is that because you're more than anything, so incredibly angry? I do say Anger is your Turbo in these NPD situations so, wowzers, you must be white-hot livid!) "The system here in the UK has gotten far too soft over the years, there should be a harder punishment for these scammers, but unfortunately I don't believe anything will be done!!" You think a party that came up with shipping *all* illegal, application-bypassing people in boats straight off to Rwanda of all places - everything and everyone they know, a 'million' miles away, is SOFT? (Psst - don't automatically believe what's fed to you via the nowadays politically-motivated, and/or sensationalising and opportunistic ("bad news sells") media.) "He's ghosted my messages 4 days now." Okay, then. Cease messaging, and if he does contact and asks why you 'downed tools', just say you resigned yourself to the fact that he must be working all the hours so you may as well just get stuck into the kids 'n stuff/school hols, knowing he'd reply sooner or later. "We meant absolutely nothing to him, 8 years wasted of my life." Yup. Mm-hm. Yep. "I'm done with it all." What - romance/relationships? Or you mean, with him? "Time to start moving on." Yes, starting with (now that you have peace and quiet, no more being kept distracted by him plonking practical and emotional sheets in your already heaving in-tray) completing your jigsaw puzzle. "We'll never get our money back." Said who? The Police? "Hard lesson learned." Being learned. "Thank you for all your help, support and advice Much appreciated 👍🏻" Oy, you - where dya think you're going?? ARE you going? *WHY*? Do you think you have to because that's it? Nay. You have readers who'll want to see what happens next (and next and next)...Closure. Including me. That's how to thank me? Future, potential victims will learn a lot from following this and being fore-warned thus fore-warned, with situational as well as personality-based Red Flags. Yeah?

PS: ""Evenings and weekends you're fit enough to drive an hour to pick up your girlfriend and drive her around?" An HOUR away, eh? How convenient. Not the distance for popping round on the off-chance and catching him in whatever act, eh. Oh, you've replied! Okay - hang on....

"He was allowed to work and was working full time hours paying his tax and national insurance, until March of this year he went off on the sick. He was claiming, not being fit enough to work since March that's over five months ago." How long into this job (doing what?) was March? "In Romania when a family member gets killed on a traffic accident their government pays out for each family member from his own siblings to wife Children and grandchildren" Could be ollocks, of course. They're always 'in line' for some sort of pay-out. Then you find out they'd spent it already (credit-cards) and there's none or too little left for him to start contributing/paying you back. But - how and how long ago was he killed? "I was there when their lawyer came to my partners home. So I know this much is true." Really? The Mountain came to Mohammad? Can you prove he was a lawyer and not just some mate/associate pretending to be? And how long before he asked you to lend him 10k was this? "Why am I still calling him my partner??? EX from now on!!!" Because it's long become an unthinking habit. PS: Nex. "she was pregnant at the wedding her fiance was delighted but found out my partner and her went off for her to have an abortion." WHAT - WHEN WAS THIS??? It must have happened after the wedding, maybe on their way or back from Red Lake??" So the trip to Italy sealed the deal with her, then. Plus he's positively ensured fiance knows he was the instigator. Stole his woman and killed his kids. That's what Chimpanzees and other apes do when food gets scarce and there are too many mouths to feed: kill the babies. Wow, has HE got an even bigger problem with men! (Father issues alert!) This young(?) woman's either dodgy like him (but far milder and still heading towards victimhood) or she is going to get one MASSIVE brain-crash when she eventually (inevitably) realises how severely she was duped and manipulated. By then, FOR NOTHING. WOWWWWW. I doubt it but I've got to ask nonetheless: What, based on his Future Faking, was the worst/biggest thing he charmed and persuaded you into doing? "I'm totally disgusted after hearing about this, it was a Romanian friend told me, she told me she was talking my ex's new woman's fiance he's originally from Romania too, he was in tears about the abortion and her running off with my EX. I genuinely feel sorry for him even though I don't know him." God.... "He was so excited having his first child." Aww - don't! I can't bear to look. "She took everything away from him, so apparently he's out for revenge???" You mean, more than herself, his mapped-out horizon, and his baby? Crikey. Maybe Nex will meet with a traffic accident? (I have a past, Polish Nex. I didn't need to do a THING. He got bumped-off. Unlike straight Narcs (who might always have "a" mistress/'mastress'), NSpaths have many, many victims on the go at-once. Like evil Plate-Spinners, come, over-sexed Sailors on Acid. PS: Too much Testosterone is one of their problems.) ...Okay - if you're SURE-SURE-SURE Nex isn't remote-snooping on your gadgets and can't read your FB messenger - and if you're equally as utterly sure that you can keep your dobbing-in completely away from his awareness even - just respond with 'What's your full phone number from UK?. Then tape the conversation (for reference), and let HIM do the talking/informing. You pretend you knew nothing but were wondering why the so scant contact and now 4-day ghosting (and that's ALL you know!). But leave it one more so week to remove any close Timing association. Also, Nex would "ASHOOOOM" (he's a Chav, isn't he?) it would go - speak with Fiance, THEN dob him in. But just add that one more week - OR reply this: "Please excuse delay - school holidays - super-busy! What's your phone number and the minute I get a minute I'll phone you". (God Bless Aug school hols, eh?) (Say a big Thank-You to Fate before you nod-off tonight/tomorrow night?) Anyway, I'm going to have to break off and finish tomorrow. Got contractors so it depends on how 'just checking before I' they are, otherwise, afternoon but definitely by nighttime. Bear-ette with? PS previous self-annoyance: 1 1 was a Racehorse 2 2 was 1 2 1 1 1 1 race And 2 2 1 1 2. :D

PS: Haha, I wouldn't have a clue how to knit, me. Can barely sew! Can you? My talents lie elsewhere. (Except when I'm standing up.) (hur-hur) Night!

One last PS: ""She took everything away from him" She took a future, giant bullet (or nuclear bomb) away with him, is what she took. Better to find out early. Same goes for you. They don't do nurturing - Master/Mastress doesn't. You - slave - do. The minute you'd have started suffering from old age or caught some condition - he'd have been off, faster than you could say, 'Are you off to the shops, can you get me-' (slam). Spaths do that. 'Go to buy a morning paper/cigs' and that's the last you ever see of them. Unless you let them keep a bridge back to you open. You haven't. You've rigged it with booby-traps...just a matter of time til he tries reversing his steps. He won't know it's you. He might suspect but he won't be able to feel sure enough to 'burn you back' and thereby destroy what could still pose as a however-many-weeks-or-years, future-life safetynet. You'd do well now to switch to surfing about Hoovering. Do all Narcissistic Sociopaths attempt to Hoover you?, or, Why isn't my sociopath Hoovering? Depends on the quality and readiness of his harem of reserves or whatever newer, shinier, more promising (kerching) target(s). I'm actually reeling (poor fiance)... There's going too outrageously, shockingly, God-spittingly far, and then there's that.... However, if she hadn't abandoned and aborted, he'd have had a truly shite life and for the REST of his life. (Short-term pain any time, thanks.) Anyhoo - hasta manana!

Ooh - never mind you forgetting to mention!... 1. As well as the family and peer Narcissism and rough/crooked neighbourhood, NSpaths were usually sexually abused. 2. About his key. Have you, in any of your drawers, an old but similar make and shape of doorkey that you can substitute on the keyring for his? Hahaha, if no-one were lying in wait at the UK airport, that'd have him immediately ringing his Housing Dept. to find out why they've changed the lock. Talk about announcing his own return? :D Talk about return-Gaslighting him? :D :D Here - deposit a plastic baby Doll into his loo pan - go on. And ensure to close the lid. He might think Demons are after him, hahahahaha. Or that fiance has many friends in low places. In fact - want to send him Psychotic with paranoia for a bit? :D Really am going to bed now - got to be up fairly early, grough.

I've just received a message from my ex. It said hello 👋 And a picture of UC message stating he's had his appointment yesterday on the telephone and they've gave him a new telephone appointment for the 12th September. Imagine he must think I'm his own private donkey. I know I should act normal what do I say and do. He has no idea I already know he's in Italy, thanks to Google maps!! Seriously why send me a picture of his next appointment?? When he's missed his other appointments like hospital fit notes? What does he expect me to do about it? Oh the nerve of him!!!

(UPDATE) "I've just received a message from my ex." "I know I should act normal what do I say and do." I'm pretty sure I gave you a good idea up there? But it's better you DON'T have a script, just a ROLE (ignorant, still-doting) so that you sound natural and not at all rehearsed (although if you'd be pissed-off at his neglect normally, do so but harder). You'll do fine. Probably already have, yeh? If not - GOOD - LET HIM WAIT A COUPLE OF DAYS! ...You're caravanning at the mo and there's (bum-it!) no signal (- IF you're sure he's not capable of tracking *you*?) ___________________________________________ These questions next/first, please: "When you calculate his child benefit, housing benefit and his sick benefit. It's about £9000" Roger that - thanks! "When clearing out his house, guess what I found." Uuuum...................ECTOPLASM! "Payments from his ex wife for the kids, he was receiving money from her through western union and moneygram." Yeah, that'd be right... Talk about 'to-script'. 1. What amount in Pounds Stirling per month for how many months/years? "Should I report that too?" GOD, YES! "I definitely know my EX was totally against drugs and didn't drink alcohol very often." Oh...definitely because TOTALLY, eh? 2. That over-emphasis is how they put you off the scent. 3. Correction: 'Didn't drink very often' WHEN WITH YOU. 4. Have YOU, by any chance, always drunk alcohol merely from time to time, too? "He was more about making money rather than spending it." Yeah. But you don't know the half of it. I'll be able to explain properly when you've answered these latest questions, please-ta. "Also he's not gay, he could never understand the gay community." 5. And how emphatic was he in THIS instance? In fact, grade him out of 10 (- max emphasis/outrage), both for how totally against drugs and his inability to understand being gay? PS: No, afraid you haven't replied to all of my questions - e.g., most importantly: 6. How do you know the guy was a Lawyer? 7. You also didn't respond re whether the documents you had ((paid to as well as executed, yes?)) translated were verified by anyone in the know as to whether these were genuine Romanian Court docs/certificates? ----------------------- "When you calculate his child benefit, housing benefit and his sick benefit. It's about £9000" Roger that - thanks! "When clearing out his house, guess what I found." ECTOPLASM! "Payments from his ex wife for the kids, he was receiving money from her through western union and moneygram." 8. IN POUNDS STIRLING - HOW MUCH IN TOTAL PER ANNUM OVER HOW MANY YEARS AND MONTHS?

PS: Aye. Personal Secretary as well as everything else Slavey/Mummy-y. "Seriously why send me a picture of his next appointment?? When he's missed his other appointments like hospital fit notes?" Because it lends the lie (or suddenly-arranged-truth), *more weight/credibility*, which is due to your recent decline in chasing for a call, which has been decliningi for- how many days is it now? - which reaction he's experienced MULTIPLY in his scummy lifetime because he's done THIS multiply. He reads it as, you're getting Jaded aka Pissed-Off-on-the-side and likely to over-cool unless he acts fast (which would mean 'hard' work to warm you back up In Reserve). Hence I want you to act normal and make an excuse, like got sucked-into school holiday stuff, "for example" (if he asks), anything he can't check to verify, and, you appreciating he was working all the hours (poor ba-byyyyy). Like nothing's wrong. You're a BIT unimpressed with him, but, not furious 'or nuffin', so your 'barely detectable, resentful tone' disappears in seconds for hearing his lovely voice at-last (puke). I repeat (Plz/ta) - now urgent: 9. MUTUAL OR EXCLUSIVE friend, telling you all about the poor Ex-Fiance?

PPS: Aye. In terms of the NSpath's Over-Entitlement, Regardless Of: 'Too Galling/Too Offensive For Words' is the NSpath's middle name. Most victim-survivors shorten it to plain, 'WTF?!?!'. You literally cannot believe how MOUNTAINOUS that wee hillock has become! Most of it is genuine, but, sometimes it's done deliberately TO SEE if you'll be offended (yup, still in-love with me, still can control her emotional state/actions).....Testing Your Temperature / Dipping His Litmus. But, gosh, why would it outrage you? You? You're oblivious - 'Ting! (halo)' - tum-tee-tum - tsk, why haven't you been ringing me, ya bugger...ya bloody workaholic- ANYWAY, been dying to tell you!...(yadder-yadder at him about something domestic and trivial).

When I attended his father's funeral in Romania. A few days later the same lawyer that fought his child custody case came over to my Ex's house where all the family gathered around, I knew some of the conversation they were having. His lawyer said it's normally a long wait usually it takes around three years for them to receive the money. I met his lawyer a few times before with my ex, once outside the courthouse and others inside the courthouse. As for the court documents a lady from citizens advice in the UK, she was a lawyer in Romania so she translated everything and clarified everything was correct and had to be given to UC along with sending copies to other agencies that requested them to be translated. As for the ex wife I honestly don't know how long she's been sending money? The receipts I found was five different receipts that calculated just over €2000. Her name was on the sender part along with the receiver's name my ex. No I don't drink alcohol, he wasn't a big drinker in the years I've known him. He hated drugs and really didn't like the gay community, on a scale of ten. Definitely ten on both counts. I finally emailed the benefit fraud team tonight with all my pictures and document evidence. I sent about twenty pictures and twelve documents of his utility bills in Romania and his father's court case and compensation money. As for his message I haven't clicked into it, I'll wait a couple of days. I told him last week my phone broke so I'm using the laptop until I can get out to get a new phone. (Which isn't true) My phone is fine I blocked him on WhatsApp so we can only use messenger. Keep a tighter eye on him. He's the lowest of the low!!! I'll keep on gathering some evidence for them. I honestly hope they find him and chuck away the key!!!

PPS: If you remain "not bovvered" but still loving as-usual, he'll see it, either that (a) he can get away with telling you his (cough) work contracts been extended a couple of weeks, or (b) that it's safe to return soon. PPPS: Other important but unanswered questions too - 10. Whom specifically you have reported him to? And then, what did they say and tell you they'd do with that information?

Just realised I duplicated up there - sorry. Long, hard day. Not that sleepy though, not that kind of tiredness. Let me catch up...

"When I attended his father's funeral in Romania. A few days later the same lawyer that fought his child custody case came over to my Ex's house where all the family gathered around, I knew some of the conversation they were having. His lawyer said it's normally a long wait usually it takes around three years for them to receive the money. I met his lawyer a few times before with my ex, once outside the courthouse and others inside the courthouse." Inside the courthouse, doing WHAT? How do you know it was the same lawyer that fought his child custody case? How do you know that same lawyer is a lawyer AT ALL if you've never been taken (as is the usual way round) to his office? Doesn't he have one? What - specialist in both Inheritance AND Family Law, is he? (He must be pigging expensive, then?) Never mind conversation - maybe his whole family plus this family friend knows what Nex is about/does, and benefits from it, because he's now THE man of the family, replacement provider, scamming intensified accordingly? What CONCRETE evidence convinced and still convinces you he was for-real. And how do you know he wasn't a junior court-official or something, hence seen in and around court (hence no public-useable office), but getting big 'chai money' for this impersonation favour? (PROPS! NSpaths use PROPS! Including two-legged ones! Doing this Sting scenario would not be uncommon.) Put it this way: Convince ME. I still think it's strange, given everything now, that Nex seemed so keen to have you to involved to this degree. Also - when is that 3 years up? "As for the court documents a lady from citizens advice in the UK, she was a lawyer in Romania so she translated everything and clarified everything was correct and had to be given to UC along with sending copies to other agencies that requested them to be translated." Whose idea was it to go to Citizen's Advice? Did you see proof that she had been a lawyer in Romania (did she name her past firm, have you checked online? Please note that Spaths set people up to OWE them one and/or have adoring partner-wanna-bes who'd try ANYTHING harder-harder-harder to make him finally commit/pick them!). The woman is Romanian. How long's she been in UK as well as, working for CA? "As for the ex wife I honestly don't know how long she's been sending money? The receipts I found was five different receipts that calculated just over €2000. Her name was on the sender part along with the receiver's name my ex." Thank-you - that'll do. "No I don't drink alcohol, he wasn't a big drinker in the years I've known him. He hated drugs and really didn't like the gay community, on a scale of ten. Definitely ten on both counts." He's a Senior Spath. Course. Comes from Romania. Have you not heard of how many scammers come from Eastern-European countries? This, here, is not a unique nor new, longish-term, ongoing scam by any means. "I finally emailed the benefit fraud team tonight with all my pictures and document evidence." OKAY. Benefit Fraud. But why not Police Dom Crime? You certainly won't get your money back if you don't advocate for YOUR interests in this, rather than just the UK governments. He has been scamming the latter AND YOU - AND YOUR KIN - using you as an unwitting Enabler aka perfectly understandably trusting wife-figure, for all these beaurocracratic clearance steps. He's used you. Abused you (MASSIVE LONG-TERM GASLIGHTING). And stolen and siphoned off you. That's an extra weight for them to add, plus Benefit Fraud's own case adds to YOURS. "I sent about twenty pictures and twelve documents of his utility bills in Romania and his father's court case and compensation money." EXCELLENT, WELL DONE! Now will you phone the Police? Or are you worried about burning the bridge? You realise, there is no way in Hell any DC Unit would let him even get the idea their informant was you? That would be EXTREME Negligence on their part as well as fly completely in the face of their missive: to protect the partner. "As for his message I haven't clicked into it, I'll wait a couple of days." GOOD ON YA! "I told him last week my phone broke so I'm using the laptop until I can get out to get a new phone. (Which isn't true) My phone is fine I blocked him on WhatsApp so we can only use messenger." GOLD STAR! "Keep a tighter eye on him." Damn right. "He's the lowest of the low!!!" I'd say lower than. "I'll keep on gathering some evidence for them. I honestly hope they find him and chuck away the key!!!" With your help, I'm sure they will. I am telling you: this is his lifestyle even more so than your UK NSpath Petty Crims. Ours are small-fry compared to dem Eastern European Narcs/Spaths/Psychos....although learning and catching-up fast. Romania's economy in the last couple of decades or so have REALLY picked up and at quite a pace! Gosh, we wonder how...

I would NOT be AT ALL surprised if his whole family are organised backstreet crims. Oh, and I had that trick attempted on me. I said nothing when the person said, 'Hi, I'm a X', just thought, 'What a coincidence - neither am I!'. I kept my powder dry til the end so that it was a mega explosion (in! his! face!). It's the only language they understand. Words for them are literally just manipulation tools. They even eventually lose the ability to tell the truth or even tell the difference! How does he sound when he talks about his late father? Talked about him fairly endlessly following his death, did he? Or not?

"No I don't drink alcohol, he wasn't a big drinker in the years I've known him. He hated drugs and really didn't like the gay community, on a scale of ten. Definitely ten on both counts." Mm-hmm, yup. Remember...This - including you (and her and her) IS HIS ENTIRE, COMPARTMENTALIZED, CAREER AND SOURCE OF HIS (EARLY) RETIREMENT. I'm thinking you should be in line for a medal. Or ask DCU for a job? HAHA, but why not?! You'd make a great P.I.

...And now you realise why the UK weren't too happy to remain being part of the EU with its free travel for all Europeans. Because THIS started happening/increasing XXX-fold. And I reckon their countries let their dross come over - think about it. We know France was deliberately sending them here instead of back to their native country, yeah? 'Streets paved with Gold', remember? (Not any more!) That's what showing-off, flashing your country's wealth (80s onwards) gets ya. ("Loadz-a-mon-naaayyyyyy!" - remember?) Burgled. Every house I've owned, I've ensured looks nothing much and frankly a little bit tired/neglected from the visible, street side/front elevation...the beautiful aspects kept safely under wraps round the back. Same principle. But anyway...if he failed the medical appeal, then, stands to reason why he'd quickly need to set-up another income source on legs in Italy...TWO new Supply at-once, I reckon - Italian younger sis AND another one closer to work (if there even is work, rather than just THAT work). Ergo - define work, please (ref an hour to drive to collect her). What nature of work was he doing in UK and what, supposedly, is he doing in Italy for these 3 weeks? Why does Italy need his skills and input, anyway? (It's always bloody *three* weeks as well....)

Seriously, though. You should contact Police DCU without any further delay. With Benefits Fraud, although they'll immediately stop his benefits, they'll probably also take him to court, in which case - possibly presenting your evidence as logically leads back to YOU. DCU will ensure your unbroken anonymity, see. To get around that - just in-case - I suggest you have this confession prepared: That you were mid spring-cleaning his place as a nice surprise for him....Then you learned about Fiance (cos he contacted you), which was when you, in shock and rage, just threw all of his stuff away - small stuff including his personal paperwork into his wheelie-bin outside, and the furniture et al to the local dump. Who KNOWS who managed to get their hands on those documents and paperwork from there? Someone undercover, casing the joint already? He might be a loner (bar his family) or he (and Groom) might be part of one or more organised rings. My NSex Pole scammed his visiting best friend since school. EVERYONE is next at some inevitable point, and NO-ONE is off-limits. They'd even scam their own grannies. More like Firms than Families. (Anything pinging?) (obviously I'm not referring to your WhatsApp hahahahahaha! ;))

Snow good - still not sleepy... More loose ends... My fault this time, sorry... "He was allowed to work and was working full time hours paying his tax and national insurance, until March of this year he went off on the sick. He was claiming, not being fit enough to work since March that's over five months ago. He's supposed to be helping his brother working in construction in Rome Italy, but I don't think he is, as maps are showing me he's traveling around where the new woman lives, she lives an hour outside Rome." NOTED (strike earlier reminder). Construction. With HIS 'bad back'? Fabuloso! Beyond your word re your inside knowledge/what you were told, did you have any paper proof that that's what he went over to do? (Here - maybe it's the English pollen - sets his back off but he's fine when he's elsewhere? ;p) "In Romania he taxis from 6.30 throughout the day and makes a fortune." Paid in cash notes, no doubt. (Don't expect their taxis are equipped with card-readers yet.) Wonder if he runs drugs in the boot of his taxi (as in, two birds with one stone)? Has various stops, whereat his customers 'make an enquiry to the cabbie through his window' or indeed, take a short journey as if an orthodox customer. You can imagine how easy that'd to combine, huh. And you need cash for buying drugs, eh. "I'm just wondering," Haha, yeah - we're doing a lot of that now, aren't we. "... he had his UC telephone appointment today, with him not contacting me for days and being extremely dry for weeks. What would happen if he told UC on the phone he wasn't coming back to the UK? Would they just drop the fraud charges? I won't ever know the outcome of the fraud investigation. I wish I could know." Again, you will if you phone the DCU. They know how important Closure is, especially when it enables your ability to know that you're safe as well as HOW safe. If you don't, you're leaving yourself open.

Idea! One of those un-obvious bleedin' obviouses: ""I told him last week my phone broke so I'm using the laptop until I can get out to get a new phone. (Which isn't true) My phone is fine I blocked him on WhatsApp so we can only use messenger." GOLD STAR!"" Take longer. And when he contacts again, whine that you didn't realise the prices these days and can't afford a new one, OMG, what are you going to dooooo? Can he lend you the cost and you'll pay him back next month? (...Noooooooooot-uh!). ;) When it comes to a really decent one - what'll that add to your thus-far monetary re-couping pile?

Okay firstly all the money was in cash I've no proof of payments I gave my ex, so calling the police would be wasting their time. His lawyer is real enough one time we sat in the courtroom waiting for his lawyer to finish his case so my ex could talk to him in a quiet room. I've seen him speak to the judge in his long black cloak. So he appears to be legit. Oh I seen her ex fiance with a new profile picture of him and his ex, yes they are now back together. My ex left her apartment last Saturday. I've no idea where he's at but wonder what he's thinking he's cheating on his partner of 8yrs for a quick cheap fling. Good karma is working. That's made my day hearing that. But honestly how her ex fiance can take her back after such a thing to him. What is wrong with people!! It wouldn't matter if my ex came back being sorry for years I'd never in my life give him a second chance. Nope no one takes the piss outta me and thinks they've gotten away with it. Not on my watch!! Disgusting!!

Be with you later today, Curly - bear with! :) Haha - not read ahead but I just saw 'Disgusting!'. Talk about cliff-hanger... Don't want to make myself ill, though - haven't been to bed yet, just about to go (had to do all my housework and laundry through the night cos daytime in the high heat is impossible now) (roll on September).

Update he's back home in Romania and still in regular contact with the girlfriend in Italy even though she's went back to her ex. This set up is getting weirder by the day? I still haven't spoke to him or messaged, zilch!! I have seen he's been having a little nosey through my messenger story and checking out my new profile picture. Probably knows that I know and is scared to message me. I've not cried one tear since this has happened, I've been so fueled with anger and revenge. I have never in my life felt so much disgust for one person. I really hope he pays for his crimes. I don't think he's that bothered coming back to the UK as his house is still sitting in his name. That makes me sick as a decent family could be setting up a nice family home there, it's a really beautiful modern house, instead of a scammer trying to make money from it. He's bound to get jail time for benefit fraud, housing fraud, planning to rent out his rental house in UK, not telling UC he's left the UK, working when he said he's not being able to with his back and depression, but getting cash wages. having property and land when he said he didn't have any in his home country. Claiming child benefit when he claims CB in Romania too, plus the kids mother sending him monthly payments through MoneyGram and Western Union. Then building an extension in his own country with our money and robbing us. Even though we've got no way to prove the transactions. Surely there's got to be some form of punishment for his lies and being deceitful?? I'm at work thinking about this everyday. While he's away having a luxurious lifestyle. It's so unfair, I wish our government would be more strict regarding this so people would be left petrified to fake claim benefits. My biggest fear is him getting away with everything?? I really needed this rant this morning!!

Here I iz!...finally... (I've been getting these busyness tsunamis (busynamis) since I moved here to Spain; in UK I had all my ducks nicely in a row. Now the fluffy f***ers are constantly wandering off! Right, then, let's have a look at your latest... "Okay firstly all the money was in cash I've no proof of payments I gave my ex, so calling the police would be wasting their time." It's your word against his and you ain't a scammer, let alone a Europe-wide one. What about the cash-point machine withdrawals on your statements? Did you used to have that same pattern before you got with him? If not - there ya go. "His lawyer is real enough one time we sat in the courtroom waiting for his lawyer to finish his case so my ex could talk to him in a quiet room. I've seen him speak to the judge in his long black cloak. So he appears to be legit." Okay. I still can't comprehend why Fingers McCoyski there would have wanted you sitting in on a family meeting that got conducted in fuent Romanian, which, I'm presuming, you at that earlier point couldn't follow? ...unless it was to convince you he was solvent/ligit? What do you think when you review it all from that angle? Because, I repeat, almost right from the off (to present as more eligible and less one-step-up-from-a-bum), they always tell you they're due some or other inheritance or accident/injury pay-out and always either exaggerate the amount or fail to tell you they've pre-spent it already (debts waiting to be cleared) - or gone beyond the projected amount whereby now they're already in the Red. Not that it's vital, but...TRUNKIE WANTS A BUNSKI! Haha. "Oh I seen her ex fiance with a new profile picture of him and his ex, yes they are now back together." Sorry, what? BACK TOGETHER? She killed his kid! Is he that 'under her spell' that he literally would forgive the unforgiveable? Or is he the abusive one (who didn't give a shite but put on a good act for public sympathy)? "My ex left her apartment last Saturday." Righto. "I've no idea where he's at" I'll ask Skippy. (Skippy, ol' fella, where's Cheater von Skamski got to? / Tsuh-tsuh-tsuh-tsuh-tsuh!) Skippy said, with any luck he fell down the well. Seriously, though: isn't that interesting. Pray tell why the tracking intermittenty goes off like that? "... but wonder what he's thinking he's cheating on his partner of 8yrs for a quick cheap fling." No he's not. He's been cheating the entire time. Sorry - did you not realise that, have you not read up on Narc Spaths as Fauxlationship fartners and their secret harems aka fan-clubs yet? "Good karma is working. That's made my day hearing that." I second that emotion! :) "But honestly how her ex fiance can take her back after such a thing to him." Yeah... That's why I'm suspicious. He'd have to not care about the baby, just pretending for effect (and Blame-Shifting + Smear-campaigning). NOW it makes sense, right? "What is wrong with people!!" Nothing! It's *not* "People". There's nothing (much) wrong with *People*. It's.... One word, 9 letters, begins with N (or N, S.) You're going to have to change your vocab or you'll end up feeling that no-one can be trusted...which just isn't true. There are far (too!) many more like you. Check out ABC's thread where I've shown him the stats for male abusees in US and UK (1 in 6-7). In UK it's one in four women. ONE IN FOUR....of the total number of women on that wee island. 32 Million was it? They don't call Malignant Narcissism 'Social Cancer' for nothing (although since I've had Covid, twice, I call it Social Covid...fits better). "It wouldn't matter if my ex came back being sorry for years I'd never in my life give him a second chance." Yeah-No. Just No. Same as Thea said (go check that bit out...halfway down, I think, she starts to 'wake up' to Travis aka Travesty). What we piss-takingly nicknaming yours as, btw? Did we get to that? You wanna go first or shall I? ("You") Okay, I will, I don't need to be asked twice, hahaha.... Peat Stringyfellow Disco Thiever The Floater Mr Flighty Dannski (play on Danny from Grease) ...Don't think I'm in the zone. You have a try! :) "Nope no one takes the piss outta me and thinks they've gotten away with it." Me bloody neither! So what's HE - Fiance - playing at?! I mean, if even THAT couldn't wake him up and snap him out of it - what the hell could?! "Not on my watch!!" Here - that's MY line! Haha "Disgusting!!" (And that, hahahahaha.) It's CHAVVY, is what it is. Jerry Springer 'guest' (fodder more like!) level. Nnnnot a good mixture. A defining characteristic of the N-Spath as opposed to the other malignants who care first and foremost about IMAGE: *No Shame*. And in his (fiance's) case: No pride either (or so we're meant to believe). Reckon he's just luring her back so he can re-lull her into a false sense of security before going, BAM! and dumping, or keeping her but being worse than ever. Because the sense I get about those two sisters is that they're 'just' Benign/Classic Narcs, or even just very high on the normal-person scale. Think about it: Image is everything. ...which reminds me: What's Fiance's Fakebook profile like?

...or maybe he wants her back just long enough to secretly pump her for Intel on SNex for planning his revenge? That's plausible. Hmm............Italian versus Romanian. Interestink. Italian males definitely tend to have bigger egos and greater impulsivity, I've found. (And seemed consistently my whole dating life to find me a challenge...) (idiotas). Here - shall we take bets? :D Can't wait, me. Can you? What part of Italy? Not (gulp!) Northern...? Better not be or Nex is defo in trouble.

"Update he's back home in Romania and still in regular contact with the girlfriend in Italy even though she's went back to her ex. This set up is getting weirder by the day?" Eh?!? Que??? Quoi? Do pigging WHAT? Well, at this point it's looking (emphasis on looking) like she's playing them both off. Silly woman. Whichever one wins her will get revenge on her - and bigger-time than she could come up with! But, listen, it was weird enough those two being in the happy couple's post-wedding shots like that! Maybe they're Swingers? (That would be quite mild for maligs. in terms of sexual perversions. These are the majority of your nighttime Doggers btw.) "I still haven't spoke to him or messaged, zilch!!" Hee-hee! (High Five using one of those giant sponge hands you get at footie matches!) You're good at this. Seriously - think about setting up as a Private Investigator and/or Honey-Trapper. I mean it. You've got a talent, my luv. "I have seen he's been having a little nosey through my messenger story and checking out my new profile picture." Ah-hah-HAAAH, HAS he, indeed. HE'S CLUELESS! But he can't chase you to find out or he'd upset the Master-Slave dynamic. So he's playing Chicken with you. AND YOU'RE WINNING. You're supposed to go: Booo-hooo, why aren't you contacting and why la-la-laaa, and BEG him to come home! (vomit) He's wondering if the phone thing was BS and you've found out. Haha, that'll makes him really nervous about what would await him if/when he did! "Probably knows that I know and is scared to message me." There we go - great minds think alike! "I've not cried one tear since this has happened, I've been so fueled with anger and revenge." Negative Self-Talk Alert: it's not revenge, it's justice. If you were angry and hell-bent on 'doing him over' despite he'd done nothing but said he wished to split up - THAT would be revenge. See the difference? It's not People, it's Malignant Narcs; it's not Revenge, it's Justice, including putting him out-of-action so his harem can have the time/space to wake up and escape, leaving him steady salary-less. Cos you don't miss HIM (because you've realised this - Real Him - is someone you don't even know) so, Justice is what it is. His bed - he can damn well lie on it. It's the only 'sentance' they understand. ...that and what follows, courtesy of Fate/Karma. I mean, it's all very well taking an "I'm Alright (Now), Jack/Jackie attitude, but, if you just walk away, and that's all you do, despite having the power to give their arse a well-overdue spanking of a lifetime - which is what it TAKES to make them finally seek therapy - all you're doing is playing Pass The Rotten Parcel ONTO THE NEXT POOR SOD. And how's THAT sensible or morally and socially responsible? Plus, as I see it (in this particular case), Fate IS rather hinting a lot - in the form of giving you all the power and means - so - hint taken! "I have never in my life felt so much disgust for one person." I know. It's overwhelming, isn't it (, Batwoman). "I really hope he pays for his crimes." Course he will. Goes around - Comes around. Just a case of By When and Whom First (you, the survivor, or Fate). Seriously - if your parents don't teach you, LIFE WILL. "I don't think he's that bothered coming back to the UK as his house is still sitting in his name." He doesn't know, he can't tell... hence trying to find clues on Fakebook... bit like, checking for your lost purse/wallet in your handbag/pocket despite you've already checked there N times and know darn well it's NOT THERE. Sense? "That makes me sick as a decent family could be setting up a nice family home there, it's a really beautiful modern house, instead of a scammer trying to make money from it." YYYYUP!!! (Yeah, re PI-ing, you're definitely an expansive thinker-extrapolator, look.) "He's bound to get jail time for benefit fraud, housing fraud, planning to rent out his rental house in UK, not telling UC he's left the UK, working when he said he's not being able to with his back and depression, but getting cash wages. having property and land when he said he didn't have any in his home country. Claiming child benefit when he claims CB in Romania too, plus the kids mother sending him monthly payments through MoneyGram and Western Union. Then building an extension in his own country with our money and robbing us." There are certainly enough counts there, I'd say! You forgot one, though: Having for 8 long years used and behind-her-back abused an innocent, well-meaning, hard-working, tax-paying, decent...model female English citizen. And I doubt VERY much you're the only one. The main one, sure. In UK, I mean. He could have a Primary Girl in every Port for all we know (but so-far profile indicates)? "Even though we've got no way to prove the transactions." That's for the Police and Interpol to find/trace. (You'd be AMAZED...!) "Surely there's got to be some form of punishment for his lies and being deceitful??" YES. COURSE. TWO-fold! "I'm at work thinking about this everyday. While he's away having a luxurious lifestyle." No, he's *working*. It's *work* for him,....7 days, Open All Hours....and it's boring and tedious and laborious, having to go through a whole 2-year or so romantic charade A-GAIN-again-again-againagainagainagain..... I mean - can YOU imagine doing what he does? Having to day-in-day-out pretend you're in-love (or in-infatuation still) when you're not (because you literally don't grow those feelings) - year-in-year-out your whole life? That you were his Primary means you, he (for all of 'five minutes' initially) genuinely fancied (til his Dopamine self-production too-quickly flatlined), ...also, hated and resented the least, found you least boring, least annoying, etc.! (High Praise indeed, eh!) Didn't you find him too-often irritable as his post-Honeymoon default? Or was he more, aloof? Mind you, you didn't actually live with him/he you so maybe you didn't see that, courtesy of the fact he could keep it away from you and wait til you got home to bitch to the walls about you? ...Which reminds me: You've yet to tell me what would happen whenever you two clashed/disagreed? They can't enjoy things like we can. Which is why they always too soon go off with the next shiny thing (that and their impulsivity). It's McThis and McThat. Nothing that lasts. HENCE, you don't accrue credits in their love bank like they can in yours. It's like everything you thought you'd shared, meant bloody nothing or at best barely anything TO THEM. They should be on the stage/in films. ONLY, THEY DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO DO A PROPER DAY'S WORK! ("An izznit ironic...doncha think?") "It's so unfair, I wish our government would be more strict regarding this so people would be left petrified to fake claim benefits." Which is exactly WHY the deterrent of the boats! Anyway, I hear Sir Kier and his fellow 'Labourvatives' are working on it as we speak. Plus he'll be seen as a 'sloppy second' belonging to the Tory party's reign. Reckon he'll go down spectacularly, actually. But don't worry if it seems a mild sentance. That just means Fate has the real deal awaiting him. (Comme ci, comme ca.) "My biggest fear is him getting away with everything??" As above. "I really needed this rant this morning!!" Hmmmmmmmm..........er...........Not bad? ....6 out of 10? Seven at a push? (Could try harder. See me after class.) ;)

"I still haven't spoke to him or messaged, zilch!!" Trust me: this'll be sending him barmy! We normal peeps hate Not Knowing, enough, right? Now imagine being a 100% Control-Freak who plays the Fat Controller-Spider in the centre of the comms and reality web (Triangulator). BARMY! Well doooooone.... keep it up! Because you're not behaving to usual Victim Script, it'll make him panic and think he's lost his black-Magic touch or something (in which case he'd be DOOMED - think about it - he can't support himself (without the adult skills to do so) so he has to CHEAT and TRICK IT OUT OF OTHER (NICE) PEOPLE via his hynotism and whole stageplay manipulation campaign. Round the twist! He'll lose his Mojo.

PS: If ever asked - you have zero idea who cleaned-out his flat!...'and what do you mean, cleaned-out?...what about your X? ...and your Y?....what EVERYTHING gone? WTF? (etc)'. Or...at whatever point, YOU contact him because you popped to the flat and - 'you bsstd, you've moved-out without even telling me!'. (Nyack-nyack) Let's think about really triggering his innate paranoia into action, shall we? He'll start dropping balls all over the shop and get HIMSELF arrested. Their (already rash/risky/shite) driving 'skills' are the first to go under that circumstance, I've noticed. Is he in a hire car or what?

Actually - before I speak too soon about desperately clueless and dropping balls - What's your new profile pic of? And do you normally update it regularly or is this a new thing for you?

Go on - read Thea's thread. You might spot a lot of similarities (albeit that Travesty is in a smaller scamming pond than your Romanian globe-trotter, despite same sort of shennanigans).

Hiya great reply, thanks!! Where do I begin with your questions❓ Okay firstly I've honestly got no idea if his lawyer is truly genuine, as the more I think about things the more I'm questioning the whole situation. Like I completely forgot about this, one time about 5 years ago his lawyer told my ex if he would pay the judge €1000 the judge would rule in his favor towards the child custody case, so we paid the cash next thing I was told the judge died of a heart attack and our money was gone. I honestly believed it was down to bad luck as Romania is the capital of corruption. It's becoming clearer the more I sit and think about everything. Regarding the cash that's over the period of 8 years? It was a normal thing for me to help others, it's all I ever seemed to do is help him and his kids and entire family. I always felt a pity on his family not having much so I normally bend over backwards to help any way I could. The love triangle between the three of them makes me cringe!! (Boke really) She's definitely playing two brainless fools. They are all Romanian not Italian, the girlfriend and her fiance live in Italy but all originally from Romania. All brainless!! I would love to be a private investigator, how cool would that be. Ohhh I'd have a field day gathering evidence for my clients. (It would be so satisfying) Okay so my cousin's friend was over from Australia back in April when my ex left with the kids. My cousin's friend is a big guy arms like tree trunks he's into weightlifting etc... When my ex left in April he never made contact with me until two weeks after he left, even though I was trying to contact him his kids, his mother everyone as I was worried, everyone ignored my messages. When he decided to eventually call me back in April I told him I was away with a my cousin and his friends for the weekend and couldn't talk as signal was bad. (I was at home by the way) But I wanted him to know I'm not going to sit around waiting for him to call after 2 weeks of silence from him and his entire family. He was quite demanding that I'd go find signal and speak with him. Of course I gave him a couple of days no communication. When he thought I returned from my weekend away, remember he desperately wanted to talk with me, he hadn't anything to tell me. When he seen my cousin's friend on Facebook pictures he said he didn't like him. He said that guy was only trying to trap me into sleeping with him. Anyhow my story with that is, when I changed my profile picture I had my hair done my makeup on best clothes on my bestest friend took me out on a boat trip, and my cousin's friend put a few comments and stickers on, saying wow you look fantastic sweetheart. My ex has been stalking our pages the last few nights, reasons I know this is remember I have access to his Facebook account.😉

"Hiya great reply, thanks!!" Hwhy, thenk-you veray muuuch, Mrs Connorsly-Biggins! What did I score out of 10, though? Haha. "Where do I begin with your questions❓ " Haha! There speaks someone who never watched Mary Poppins. (Reminds me of when I filled in a MatchDotCommie profile (mainly experimental...I like to try everything once....hence just the one kid HAHAHAHAHA!): Where it asked, 'What are a few of your favourite things', I put, 'Whiskers on roses and raindrops on kittens, things that make good sense and sometimes, that didn's...'. Basically my way of warning-off those with no SOH and playfulness. You ever been on a dating site? (just the once, I'm sure?).) Anyhoo... "Okay firstly I've honestly got no idea if his lawyer is truly genuine, as the more I think about things the more I'm questioning the whole situation. Like I completely forgot about this, one time about 5 years ago his lawyer told my ex if he would pay the judge €1000 the judge would rule in his favor towards the child custody case, so we paid the cash next thing I was told the judge died of a heart attack and our money was gone. I honestly believed it was down to bad luck as Romania is the capital of corruption. It's becoming clearer the more I sit and think about everything." Yeah, you see? That's how it works. No more constant, daily sheets (including the stuff that still bugs you because it was never resolved satisfactorily)...ya gets further down the pile, this time with a non-bogged-down mind, and go.........HAAAAANG ON A COTTON-PICKIN' MINUTE...?! Plus the Rose-Tinteds tend to dissolve with the No (or in your case, Lack Of) Contact ...which is why everyone bangs on about it. Nothing to beat a Separation! Everyone's so scared of trying it and yet - it's a God-send and no messing. ("Heisenberg", who dodged a giant bullet and was trying to work it all out using hindsight, was great for that: No way....... (next post)...Hang on a minute?...... (next post)...Actually, yes.) "Regarding the cash that's over the period of 8 years? It was a normal thing for me to help others, it's all I ever seemed to do is help him and his kids and entire family." Which is what Empaths are like and is lovely, when you're truly partnered thus truly their relative too. This is what loving, long-enough partners DO. And Narc-Spaths know that, hence, Romantic Scamming. But know that normal-healthy men with normal-healthy pride don't LIKE borrowing from their women; they find it humiliating and emasculating. Maybe ONCE, if they were truly desperate and you offered, but, otherwise, nope. But we don't change our lovely natures just because of secret nutters. We do what we're SUPPOSED to do for the first 6mths to a year, when dating: watch like a hawk and listen like a ....um...what's something with really sharp hearing? I can't think and I daren't even look at what the temperature is today. "I always felt a pity on his family not having much so I normally bend over backwards to help any way I could." Yeah... The Pity Ploy isn't always just verbal. "The love triangle between the three of them makes me cringe!! (Boke really)" What's boke? "She's definitely playing two brainless fools. They are all Romanian not Italian, the girlfriend and her fiance live in Italy but all originally from Romania. All brainless!!" OHH. Got it. "I would love to be a private investigator, how cool would that be. Ohhh I'd have a field day gathering evidence for my clients. (It would be so satisfying)" VERY. The sort of job you leap enthusiastically out of bed for. Yup. Plus you know your gadgetry. It'd be Super-Hero-ing, that's what it'd be! LOL...and noted that when it came to you considering its benefits on you, you put said need in brackets. That'd be right - sorry - (that'd be right, ;)). I think you need - NEED - to do or buy something just for you and only you. What haven't you been able to get round to doing? Visit to a hair salon?...clothes-shopping?...special summer evening meal out with a friend? Or a family-sized tub, each, of Haagen-Dazs and a great family film, pref. comedy. Feel free! - in both senses of the word! The insane Cuckoo has left the nest. "Okay so my cousin's friend was over from Australia back in April when my ex left with the kids. My cousin's friend is a big guy arms like tree trunks he's into weightlifting etc..." Ew. Not into beefy. But no doubt a very handy friend to have! "When my ex left in April he never made contact with me until two weeks after he left, even though I was trying to contact him his kids, his mother everyone as I was worried, everyone ignored my messages." Oh, did they, indeed. Everyone. Funny, that. He told them all you two had broken up. It was to stop those mice clueing you up while cuckoo-cat was away and only believing you were now well-and-truly in the past would have done it. The fond eldest, on the other hand, was probably emotionally-blackmailed or threatened not to. "When he decided to eventually call me back in April I told him I was away with a my cousin and his friends for the weekend and couldn't talk as signal was bad. (I was at home by the way)" Hee-hee! 'You aaare awful.........BUT I LIKE YA!', hahahaha. (name the 70s-80s sketch/character comedien). "But I wanted him to know I'm not going to sit around waiting for him to call after 2 weeks of silence from him and his entire family." Damn right! "He was quite demanding that I'd go find signal and speak with him." One rule for him - another (and all of the rest), for you. They all have this in-common. It's the Superior-Inferior, getting fed/unpunished, all the way to Master-Slave thing. "Of course I gave him a couple of days no communication." Excellent. "When he thought I returned from my weekend away, remember he desperately wanted to talk with me, he hadn't anything to tell me." Exactly. Temperature Test. "When he ((saw) (sorreeee!)) my cousin's friend on Facebook pictures he said he didn't like him. He said that guy was only trying to trap me into sleeping with him." HAH! No, that's HIS style. (Projection) Didn't want you to have a scary protector come feedbacker. Mine tried that. I retorted, 'Well,..don't ever marry him, then'. It's just fishing for reassurance that you're still hooked ("Oh, I'd never-EVER cheat on you, lover!"). "Anyhow my story with that is, when I changed my profile picture I had my hair done my makeup on best clothes on my bestest friend took me out on a boat trip, and my cousin's friend put a few comments and stickers on, saying wow you look fantastic sweetheart." Good! Excellent. Now keep that one. (That sounds more big-brotherly to me, anyway.) "My ex has been stalking our pages the last few nights, reasons I know this is remember I have access to his Facebook account.😉" Ah-ha-haah! Well, HE'S going to get the surprise of his life when he tries to call to Hoover you, then, eh! Continue saying/letting-on NOTHING. He'll HAVE to fly back if he can't gain a clue any other way! And then they'll have him.

Thing is though will he call me or come back over to the UK?? I honestly don't think so, he's scared to make contact with me. He maybe thinks that I know everything. But at the same time he's in the honeymoon period with her. It's hard to know what he's thinking? 🧐 It's been a week today since he last messaged me. I haven't and will not contact him. It's unbelievable that I've been scammed for 8 whole years. I haven't even as much as lifted a paintbrush in my own home, last time I went to the salon is 6 years ago, I usually cut my own hair as we were constantly sending money to pay there bills, clothes, paid for his mother to put a bathroom inside her home, also for food for all his family. So I actually booked myself into a salon to pamper myself in 2 weeks time, I'm working on me now to the way I used to be before I met him. I've actually had savings since he left last month, it's the first time in a long time. He had me in arrears with the mortgage at one point. I'm actually kind of glad this has happened, for me to wake up and come to my senses. Never ever in my life will I be as blinded by love again. What angers me the most is he's robbed me of 8 years of my life. 8 years I'll never get back.

PS: Thea might not want to talk to anyone else - she hasn't, so far - so don't take it personally if not. Probably won't feel like it yet. PPS: Unanswered questions - to let me get a feel of what he'll be like when he realises you'd already, in your head, dumped him a month back. You need to have a safety-plan. Emphasis on 'have'; you may not even need to use it but HAVING one makes SUCH a difference to your confidence level and sense of power over him in these situations. 1. How does he sound when he talks about his late father? Talked about him fairly endlessly following his death, did he? Or not? 2. Does he have a key - and could he have taken and copied others on the ground floor? If so - have you changed those locks/added any extra yet? 3. How was he whenever there was a disagreement or downright clash of opinions (both, usually cos they're being in-whatever-ways unreasonable so you're standing-up to them)? For how many hours would he make a meal of it? What's his temper like? Volume level? Threw anything? Banged his fists against ktchen cupboards/walls, slammed doors, anything like that? How soon after these little 'arguments' aka intermittent traumas did he switch miraculously back to, as if nothing was wrong and nothing had happened (which I call - And when Bagpuss feels better - all his FRIENDS have to feel better!). New ones: 4. How does he treat the females in his family? 5. Was his father over-dominant and his mother equal in status only to the children? 6. Did he have any weird or repulsive personal habits that should never be done in front of another person, but, if so, would mortify the protagonist? 7. Does he take stupid risks in any areas of his life? 8. What would he keep doing over-and-over despite knowing full-well you hated it and had already taken him to task over (to no avail or where he just did something different-but-similar-veined)? 9. What's his build like? Tall-short, thin-stocky. Is he well-toned on top but with spindly little legs? 10. How rude or highly-inconsiderate is he to strangers, particularly servers (waiters, taxi-drivers, the postman, binmen), particularly women? 11. Did you ever once see him putting anything into a charity box/donating over the phone when he genuinely thought you weren't there to see? 12. Did he borrow things and never give them back? Did anything of yours mysteriously go missing during those years? 13. Bar the Honeymoon-Bombing - did he EVER ask you any interested questions about, say, your childhood, schooldays, first job, anything like that? 14. Does he talk too much or not enough. Is he hyperactive or 'slow-moving'? 15. If you were allowed socially and legally to do whatever you wanted to him to treat him a lesson he'd never forgot - what would it be? Even just as a fantasy (Be as extreme as you like - you've got a lot of banked-up, owed, ego-equalisations in your bonce so, in effect, it won't be extreme at all). E.g. would you do a Lorraine Bobbit? 16. Oh, yes - and did he ever manhandle you? 17. Was he initially AMAAAZING and seemingly so GIVING in bed? ...until you realised it was all sex and no romantic-mental intimacy? _________________________________________________________________ Now to your latest: "Thing is though will he call me or come back over to the UK?? I honestly don't think so, he's scared to make contact with me. He maybe thinks that I know everything." The WARINESS will soon wear off. He has a vested, fiscal interest in UK, hasn't he. All those benefits (including yourself). I repeat, they cannot live with 'Dunno', their brain can't process it away. And his whole self-image is at-stake here, think about it...He was convinced he was cleverer than you (and all women). And think about that, too. Only a woman-hater (which might be him aiming things at mum as dad's scapegoat) would see it that was he was doing - thanks to your Enablement ('He ain't going anywhere, he's practically got a Missus') - was perfectly game. (Cuckoo!) "But at the same time he's in the honeymoon period with her." Not any more, he's not - she's gone back to Fiance, you said? (Remember - she's a Narc Minoris but she's got a back-up whichever way she chooses....She's either just deliberately left Nex in a state of hanging-on/chasing (psychological p*ick-teasing) so that she's got power over each man ("eenie-meenie-minie-mo") OR she realised it'd be a case of, from the frying-pan into the fire ("UGH, NO THANKS?!"). Or just fancied cheating on Fiance to get him to dare not challenge her ever again over anything or everything... "It's hard to know what he's thinking? 🧐" Money-money-money, shags-shags-shags, hit or be hit, I'm too clever for the cops (and her (you))... Next question? "It's been a week today since he last messaged me. I haven't and will not contact him." "It's unbelievable that I've been scammed for 8 whole years." I know. I KNOWWWWW! IT'S A SODDING MIND-UCK OF THE HIGHEST ORDER! It's like there's two of them - Nice Nex and Cold/Hateful/Insane Nex - 'WHICH IS THE REAL ONE?!' - 'he CAN'T have acted that well for that long - surely?!'.... Okay, all people do it to a far lesser degree, but - one puts on a bit of an act in their work environment, right? His is timesed by a 100 but it's basically that ("Don't do anything that could see you fired"). "I haven't even as much as lifted a paintbrush in my own home," AH, THERE WE GO. NSpath. 'And yet he couldn't do enough for me in the beginning!' 'When did it stop?' 'Er....I don't even KNOW! I just know it did!' "last time I went to the salon is 6 years ago, I usually cut my own hair as we were constantly sending money to pay there bills, clothes, paid for his mother to put a bathroom inside her home, also for food for all his family." THERE YA GO. Right you - book an appointment for next week, even if just for a trim, wash, professional style and blowdry. And take the kids for an evening at the pub like that. In fact - what did the kids have to sacrifice? Do they all need a fancy new haircut too? Hey, what about a Spa day for all of you? (Ding-Dong, the witch (him) is dead, the wicked old witch, na-nana-na-na, Ding-Dong the wicked old witch is deeeaaad!) (PacMan, more like.) "So I actually booked myself into a salon to pamper myself in 2 weeks time, I'm working on me now to the way I used to be before I met him." OH YOU DID! I SWEAR I DIDN'T EVEN PEEK! There we go again - you've got ALL the right instincts already! QUESTION: IS this your first-ever rotten rodeo? "I've actually had savings since he left last month, it's the first time in a long time." YES! I was about to raise that too! That's why I'm saying - have a really indulgent family day out! (What ages are yours again?) "He had me in arrears with the mortgage at one point." Yeah, you need to properly tot-up how much money you spent on him - whether because you were feeling so in-love and generous or because he pity-played you over himself and his 'porrrr Rrrrro-mann-ian fam-il-ih (nnnnotd)'. Include gifts. And dental. And every one-off item/thing (lend me a tenner?). Warning: Prepare to be shocked. It's likely to be over 100k Stirling. BUT...it's worth it and, ironically (you paying attention, Alanis?), the experience leaves you capable of quickly gaining it back - or ceasing to care. Costs Uni students - how much these days? 10k minimum per year (plus what the parents regularly donate)? "I'm actually kind of glad this has happened, for me to wake up and come to my senses." GOOD ON YA - THAT'S THE SPIRIT! "Ain't nuthin gonna break-a my stride I'm runnin an I won't...slow..do-own, oh, no I gat to keep on mooo-vin" "Never ever in my life will I be as blinded by love again." EX-actly! All you have to do - is plod a bit, and not get carried away by the Dating then Honeymoon fairies! And you're an expert, now, anyway, because, in time, you'll know every How Not To that there is - which means, every HOW To. Plus, you might well set up as a Private Investigator (of the romantic world). "What angers me the most is he's robbed me of 8 years of my life." Cognitive Dissonance Alert - can you see it? I'm glad this happened / he's robbed me of 8 years of my life. You don't know....You won't have CHOSEN him but you might have failed to dump because instintively you could tell you had an unshiftable Ketchup stain on your lovely white t-shirt, from as far back as childhood, and only a really VIOLENT washing-machine would finally get it out??? However, saying that - Consensual usually means Conscious. So, let's see it like it is: bsstd tried to waste your life for as long as he could get away with, but what HE didn't know was that it would be the making of you (and the end of him). How's that? You wanna watch that Either-Or crap from now on. That's theirs, rubbed-off on you. From now on its this: Would you prefer a Spath or a Psycho? Neither, thanks! Do you want the x or the y? Both, thanks. "8 years I'll never get back." Well, thank UCK or it'd logically have to be spent with HIM all over again! You WILL get them back, actually. You're going to be faster, stronger, cleverer, more daring, confident....nothing much will ever faze you again. E.g., start up own biz with-potential? NO PROBLEMO! - can't wait - lemmie at it! The benefits do outweight the cons. (HAHA - good unintended pun!) PS: You're too cool for school, you are. :)

PS: Answer those questions and there's a reward for ya. :)

PS: "All you have to do - is plod a bit, and not get carried away by the Dating then Honeymoon fairies!" One MatchDottyCommie, when I said I could meet him in 2 weeks' time, said - 'Two weeks? That's ages away!'. I said, 'So.... what? You've only got 3 weeks to live?' There is no better test than to draaaag your feet a bit. They can't afford to be patient. They're looking for another roof over their head or warm body to plonk into the other side of the bed before the 'corpse' goes cold (what I call, Jeffrey Dahmer-itis). Meme: No-one falls in-love faster than a Narc who needs a place to stay. Or in your case, to look as if he's taken ACTUAL ROOT in whichever country, bit-fat-innit...as well as a fallback place to stay "if". (Go....d, I so wish I was going to be there with you to see his face.)

PPS: "There is no better test than to draaaag your feet a bit. They can't afford to be patient. They're looking for another roof over their head or warm body to plonk into the other side of the bed before the 'corpse' goes cold (what I call, Jeffrey Dahmer-itis)." They also have to beat your inevitable catching-on and awakening, to the 'alter'. These bozos couldn't commit to a sneeze. Despite being ultra-convincing.

PPwhateverS: Wait - scratch that about Thea. She already invited you to 'reach out' to her, up there, didn't she. So, then, it just depends on how depressed and angsted she still is at the mo. Forgot to say. If he contacts, bet you he'll try to make light of it or blame it on the sisters, e.g., they USED him to make Fiance jealous, yadder-yadder. Any of that nonsense - just, 'Oh, so you're saying you had no choice in the matter because they - what - held a gun to your head?' Cos (altogether now) - ACTIONS AND LACK OF, SPEAK LOUDEST.

Do you fancy answering any or saying Hi to Blue_On_Blue? Fine if you don't but, neither are the waiting newbies or anyone else. I swear they think this is like Quora (post, wander-off, and wait).

Yeah he was extremely close with his father, he was completely devastated when he passed so suddenly, he couldn't believe he was sitting laughing with his father the night before he died. He has no sisters only two brothers, he does everything for his mother, and grandmother. His mother and father were together from she was 15 years old and they were madly in love, always cuddling and walking arm in arm or holding hands. His father would have came home from work and handed his mother his weeks wages. My ex done the same thing with me when we lived together before his kids moved over last year. But then he would have said his mother needed money to pay bills or his brother needed clothes for his kids as he's a single father. So his wages and mine went mostly to his family every other month. That's why he had to find his own house as I didn't have the room to accommodate his kids too, I have three adult kids in a three bedroom. It wouldn't have been fair on any of them, as they all needed their own space and privacy. He definitely was blessed getting a beautiful house only 2 minutes away from mine. My kids are all in their mid 20's so they usually get there own clothes, pay their keep, or snacks and always offering to help out etc... My three kids all work so I was really raising his family when I should have been saving and traveling. That's the thing before I met him, I loved traveling, my kids and I went everywhere together last place we went before meeting him was Florida done all the parks it was amazing. Then it was back and forth to Romania, I never looked at it as going on a holiday, when I visited I was always taking his mother shopping, and driving everyone everywhere as my ex couldn't drive at the time, so I rented a car when we spent time seeing his family and friends. Funny that, he only had a horse and cart when we met, I pushed him to getting his driving test I even paid for his full driving course. He's got his test now 2 years this November. Before he left he received a lovely big backdated payment from UC and sent a few thousand over to his brother, as his brother needed to buy something for his tractor and farm supplies as his work was slow this year. My ex later admitted it was from him to buy himself a car back in Romania back in April and for what? To sneak off and tour another woman around. I should have said nothing he'd still be trotting around in a horse and cart!! If he was decent he would have at least paid my mother and aunt back the thousands he borrowed. He never in 8 years raised his voice to me, if we got annoyed about anything we always chatted about it, I thought we were always happy together. He always told me he could never ever look at another woman he had everything he ever wanted in me. We done everything together and laughed until we gasped for air. He always promised he'd make me happy everyday for the next 50 years, every year on our anniversary he always told me how many years he had left to love me. He was an early bird loved having my breakfast ready on the table at weekends, we always done Sunday dinners together, cleaned the kitchen together, we made a fantastic team. My ex was extremely shy until he felt comfortable around others, and when you got to know his comfort zone he would have made you laugh. My daughter especially was very close with him and my boys enjoyed his humor and kindness. He would have always slipped £10/£20 into my kids hands when they were going out somewhere, always telling them to shush 🤫 If anyone wanted a hand with anything or a job he was always the first person there already helping. He was always keen to help others and never charged them money. No he doesn't have any spare keys to my home. Only to his own. No he never ever touched me in that manner. He was always respectful funny and loving too loving at times, truth be told he was absolutely fantastic in bed but every night was getting too much for me. That was the only thing that annoyed him, he wanted sex all the time. It got to the point when we'd talk about anything it always lead to him talking about having sex. That ended up annoying me. He's slim build, dark haired, about 5'8, big clear blue eyes, absolutely gorgeous looking. I always felt proud to have him by my side. Thought he had the full package and I was extremely lucky and blessed to have a wonderful man and partner. He was always kind and considerate to everyone, postman, waiter. When he went out with my family he was always buying rounds of drinks couldn't do enough for people. If I was to fantasise about his punishment. Well I've just told you what kind of person he was over the last 8 years so you can imagine how much of a shock this has been to me, him leaving me for someone else. Even though she's went back to her ex but she's still stringing him along with video calls sending pictures etc... It's all kinds of emotions that I've been experiencing over the past month. But it's really pissed me off, it's been like a death for me, it's like the man I knew and loved so much is gone and never coming back. (That would have been easier to cope with) But naw him lying to me my kids my parents my family, that doesn't sit well with me. He's cheated, lied, scammed, hurt me so so so much, I can't and won't let him get away with treating us as stupid people. So the answer is, to lock him up between 7/10 years for his crimes for cheating on me and cheating the benefit system in my country!! Also for him to lose his license and take him back to his horse and cart 😊 I would love him to have LOTS of time to think about how kind caring loving and trusting I was towards him and his family, and for what they have all done to me in return. I'm out to get my justice and I will NOT settle for anything less!!

Okay so ex partner messaged me over an hour ago saying hello 👋. I haven't replied nor clicked into his message. I've got a funny feeling because tomorrow is the 26th of August, that's when I told him he's needs to pay his (FAKE housing tax) of £795 has to be paid no later than the 26th, or the benefits squad could chase him for the payment, then find out he's living abroad. He was panicking about getting caught. I told him this when he came back from his romantic affair getaway to Red Lake, not knowing that I knew, I wanted to get some money back for my family. But I'm only guessing. The benefit investigation team told me to act normal. That's hard too. Should I ignore him again or fish to see what he's looking for?

Okay so ex partner messaged me over an hour ago saying hello 👋. I haven't replied nor clicked into his message. I've got a funny feeling because tomorrow is the 26th of August, that's when I told him he's needs to pay his (FAKE housing tax) of £795 has to be paid no later than the 26th, or the benefits squad could chase him for the payment, then find out he's living abroad. He was panicking about getting caught. I told him this when he came back from his romantic affair getaway to Red Lake, not knowing that I knew, I wanted to get some money back for my family. But I'm only guessing. The benefit investigation team told me to act normal. That's hard too. Should I ignore him again or fish to see what he's looking for?

Ignore-Ignore-Ignore, and I'll be on this evening or earlier!

In the meantime - pretty-please can you go back over those posts of mine as there are important questions you've yet to answere? Ta, missus. And then - said reward: I've got a (positive) bombshell for ya - as in, fall-off-your-chair enlightening (about YOU), that you never realised, that wouldn't ever have occurred to you, no matter HOW much grieving and healing you did. In fact, afterwards and forevermore, you might have trouble getting any hats to fit you and will have to park your cap in the garage, haha!

Ooh, just realised - Thea's answered you!

I done the opposite 🤦 I went to fish see what he was looking for? He asked me what happened with his house in the UK? I replied nothing happened to it. He said thank you and asked was there any mail for him. I told him 795 needs paid tomorrow. He said he didn't have any money. I replied it's not my problem, they will be looking for the payment. He said when he gets money he'll transfer me to pay it. I replied I'm surprised you don't have any money after working in Italy and receiving your benefits. He then said working in Italy, said I'm crazy. I replied ah you must have forgotten that you told me you were going over to your brother for work. He said I went missing for a few days, I worked really hard for my mother to go to the hospital. He sent me a thumbs up and nothing else. I told him he'd need to sort out his house over here and that his keys are under his bin. With a thumbs up 👍🏻 Maybe I done wrong? But I kept very calm, that's exactly what was said in the messages. Regarding your questions I answered them last night (see above) Do you think I messed everything up by replying to him 🤦

I'm still struggling to keep up with everyone, but - reading your latest - you did well, actually! Very incomplete and/or mixed messages - like it! (What does she MEAN by telling me I need to sort my house out and the keys are under the bin???) Excellent. You gave with one hand (reassurance of replying) but then completely took it away with the other! That's Out-Coverting a Narc alright! (Kenny Everett-style Thumbs-Up)

And now he can go round and round in circles trying to work THAT out, INSTEAD! Yeah. Very sneaky. Like it. (This is why they try to psychologically and intellectually keep you chained to the wall and all your usually high mental energy tortured out of you - see? They're not in your scary league (and know it!), precisely because your mind is fully-formed thus high-functioning whilst there's is BARELY....unless they seriously cheat like that.) Good! You don't need coaching, then - just moral support! :)

The bombshell is this (and most, if not all of it, goes for Blue_On_Blue too - I've just invited her over to see: That initial Dream Guy was purely an intense mirroring of you including morphing his Narc Playbook narrative/script into selling himself to you as the uncannily precise shape that he could work-out you so needed 'a dream partner' to be. Fluent in your own Love Language. You felt mega-loved because THAT'S HOW YOU - in your own particular ways - MAKE THE PEOPLE *YOU* LOVE *FEEL*. Google: Malignant Narcissist (or Narcissistic Sociopath) - Love-Bombing - Mirroring" and "Malignant Narcissists - shapeshifters/socia chameleons") Read and ruminate extensively into that aspect and you'll appreciate a very real and perversely-enjoyably disturbing trth: That dreamboat was YOU. You were smack-bang in love with yourself! And you didn't even know it was you! Okay, you weren't the one that was rushing it but - leaving that bit aside...? And the same for the amazing s*x. How loveable/marketable (and sadly, covetable) are YOU, then? (Do you need a manager? :D) (PS: Sorry, no Giant Caps and Hats allowed in our underground car-park, hahaha, you'll have to leave them outside and maybe camp-out in them. :D)

PS: "I'm out to get my justice and I will NOT settle for anything less!!" Is that a rusty pitchfork or a Star Wars light-sabre you're waving aloft there? :D (And what colour is it?) Or a Missile Launcher? In fact, Itching Powder's the best revenge. And you just shoved a handful down his Y-fronts! Did you guage if or when he'll be coming/popping back, then? Obviously soon, but...?

That's the thing he didn't mention anything about coming back over. He thanked me when I said nothing happened his house here in the UK. He maybe thought I would report him and he'd lose his house and get caught. (Yeah I know I did, but he doesn't need to know) It can take months for the investigation to catch him, so he'll believe I haven't done anything until the sh*t hits the fan. 😉 I logged into his Facebook he's searching for local women around his area in Romania. Goodluck to the woman he bags as she'll need to support his kids and his entire family. I don't think I'll hear from him again? I'm surprised he hasn't blocked me and my family from Facebook? Not sure if he wants to sort out his house with me not being there to do his donkey work. My bet he'll either tell UC on his next telephone interview or just let everything keep running. I definitely wouldn't want his problems 😕 So I'll take a backseat and grab the popcorn 🍿

Update* Ex tried to contact me an hour ago with }hello 👋 Then} ???? And just had a} missed video call. He must be desperate to ask me something? No I'm not answering him not replying to him, let him go crazy for a few days. Thoughts? 🤔💬

Haha!...Thoughts just for now, are this: And ANOTHER handful of Itching-Powder! Well, done, keep it up! (Back on this eve)

I'm sorry for always hitting you with questions and ideas, you're the only one that listens and chats to me and believe me I really really appreciate every second. So I do apologize for going off on another rant now 🤦 I've been doing a little research, and totally forgot about Monzo I've clicked into it and there's been a lot of transactions I sent him when he was over in Romania to get child custody, even payments for his home renovation. I have emailed a lawyer waiting for them to get back to me with any advice they might have. I also gave my Monzo card to his mother for a couple of years so I could transfer from my bank account to send her money. I know you're not supposed to do that but it was easier rather than running to a post office paying postal tax every time I had to send his mother money. On his Monzo there should be a lot of my bank details of transactions I sent his Monzo at times too. I can't prove the cash unfortunately unless they would believe me if I showed them cash withdrawals? I have spent thousands on Amazon and eBay over the years for his kids like clothes, things for school, Christmas presents, birthday presents etc.... I'd like to try get my money back (what's mine) I'm wondering to try pull this into the conversation next time I decide to reply to his message, he always said he repay me when his father's money comes through. (But I don't believe anything he tells me anymore) At least if I had him talking about it, I would have the whole conversation in black and white. For extra proof that he owes me and my family thousands. I was calculating it up to a round figure earlier and it's about thirty two thousand he owes me. I would tell him I've all the transactions of transfers to your account and not forgetting my Monzo account also. He'd be fairly bricking it on top of everything else. But I need to be sure there's a chance of hope for me getting my money back.. Thoughts 💬

"I'm sorry for always hitting you with questions and ideas, you're the only one that listens and chats to me and believe me I really really appreciate every second. So I do apologize for going off on another rant now 🤦" Nah, don't worry about it. In fact, I was about to start with thanking you for fielding two new threads (very nicely done, btw - kind and empathetic but pulling no punches - perfect!) because, ironically, doing that is what's given me time to answer you and Blue tonight! Feel free to keep posting, it's a huge help, especially as you're very good at summing-up their situation as well as giving them choices of actions. _____________________________ "I've been doing a little research, and totally forgot about Monzo I've clicked into it and there's been a lot of transactions I sent him when he was over in Romania to get child custody, even payments for his home renovation." EEXXCELLEEENT. "I have emailed a lawyer waiting for them to get back to me with any advice they might have." SUPERB! "I also gave my Monzo card to his mother for a couple of years so I could transfer from my bank account to send her money." Just gets better...! Certainly from the DCU's point of view. Shows how downright hypnotic they are, that they get you acting out-of-character and against common-sense like that - for some, even rules, laws and decencies! Google "Sociopathic/Psychopathic Hypnotic Effect". "I know you're not supposed to do that but it was easier rather than running to a post office paying postal tax every time I had to send his mother money." Every time I *had to*. Not, 'needed to'. Not, 'wanted to'. HAD to. (See? They're excellent dupers and Future-Fakers, aren't they. I call them, Stupid & Self-Destructive in a Clever Way, or, Really clever at being stupid...and other variatons.) "On his Monzo there should be a lot of my bank details of transactions I sent his Monzo at times too." Good! "I can't prove the cash unfortunately unless they would believe me if I showed them cash withdrawals?" Given the situation/everything taken into consideration, plus all the other dupees - including scary English Authorities, Govt Depts and Civil Servants, no less - I'm pretty sure they would. (PS: The DWP (dept of work & pensions) are effing scary and hugely feared. As are Insurance Companies.) "I have spent thousands on Amazon and eBay over the years for his kids like clothes, things for school, Christmas presents, birthday presents etc.... I'd like to try get my money back (what's mine)" Course! Especially as it sounds like you spent way more than 100k on him and his in total. "I'm wondering to try pull this into the conversation next time I decide to reply to his message, he always said he repay me when his father's money comes through. (But I don't believe anything he tells me anymore)" He's not going to cooperate or tell you the truth now. Even if what he promised WAS true - like you've realised, you wouldn't believe him anyway. The saying is: I asked the Liar if he was lying and he said No. / I asked the Liar if he was telling the truth and he said Yes. (Or if they "are" a Covert: I asked the Liar if what he told me was the truth and he said, No, and then proceeded to tell me another 'truth'.) FROM NOW ON - RE. ALL MATTERS - HE IS GUILTY/A LIAR UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT. As asked up there: When DOES his father's money come in? "At least if I had him talking about it, I would have the whole conversation in black and white. For extra proof that he owes me and my family thousands." "I was calculating it up to a round figure earlier and it's about thirty two thousand he owes me." After over 7 years? I don't think so. Let more stuff return to your memory. Like, paying for drinks, paying for meals, lending him 5/10/20 here and there, car-parking fees, offering him petrol money, taxis, public transport...not just the gifts but, the extra mile you'd have gone to on those occasions,...and Easter Eggs. Oh, and ice-creams, cans of pop.... food shopping you'd take round to his - or buy in for him and his kids.. Also - what about the cost of any flights you "had" to shout him whenever he "had" to go back to Romania but was a bit short? Did you remember those? Even YOUR petrol, carting him around/giving him lifts to the airport/wherever? What about days out as a 'family', e.g. your Lego Land and such? Bloody costly they are. Oh, and the pub lunches, of course.... Take-aways, Fish & Chips, MacDonalds.... extra stocks of Kids medicines, plasters.... ditto Washing powder, dishwasher powder, hand soap, Sunday roasts, extra pints of milk, bottles of evening wine... (you getting it?). As Fagin said: I think you'd better think it out again. "I would tell him I've all the transactions of transfers to your account and not forgetting my Monzo account also. He'd be fairly bricking it on top of everything else." Don't ever tell a predator what you're planning. Not even by inference. You just end up being headed-off at the pass OR he learns how to 'do much better' NEXT time he wants to try it on, as well as with future victims. I suppose what you could do (future-tense intended), is, ask him to loan you money for your (cough!) new phone - and if he says no - THEN remind him that in actual fact he owes you for this/that/this and has done for a very long time now so, since you now need a replacement phone, you're afraid you're going to have to insist he AT LEAST pay you back to the tune of a new moby. Or he can give you HIS phone (and nick himself a new one). "But I need to be sure there's a chance of hope for me getting my money back.. Thoughts 💬" Ask the Domestic Crime Unit - they'll know (including any new amendments to Bank Refund policies in these cases - many of them have finally caught-up with the abusive parasite programme, meaning, even if you handed over your card to a third party where you do know not to - THAT'S HOW COERCIVE CONTROL *WORKS*, that's why it's so threatening and dangerous to normal-healthies who are under the OVERLY-convincing influence of mimicked Love. Give your DCU a call tomorrow and ask them what they think? And let me know what they say/recommend? Then afterwards, there's also that new UK firm of Commercial and Personal Fraud Solicitors, called, CEL...No Win, No Fee - all types of fraud and scamming: ___________________________________________________ https://celsolicitors.co.uk/services/romance-scams/ "How romance scams work Dating and romance scams usually begin on dating apps or social media sites. Scammers use these online platforms to create fake identities or impersonate real celebrities to get close to their targets. You may have seen this described colourfully as a catfish romance scam or a pig butchering scam. Days, weeks or months later, once they have gained their victim’s trust, the scammer fabricates a story of needing money urgently. They may need to pay for a flight, a VISA, a hospital bill, an investment scheme or even bail money. To avoid suspicion, romance scammers usually ask for smaller amounts of money first, before building up to larger amounts. By this time victims have invested so much time and thought into the relationship that they trust the person they are speaking to fully. More than any other type of scam, romance fraudsters manipulate the emotions of their victims, playing with their feelings and their trust. Once they have squeezed as much money as possible, they disappear without a trace. ((Or, if they're a long-term cuckoo type, start trying to insult and knock your confidence out of you, like he's been doing, to make scamming you even easier from then on.) When the lie ends victims are left devastated and feeling cheated. They have lost not only their money, but the time and emotional investment poured into the fake relationship. How to spot a romance scam There are relatively few relationships which do not begin life online these days. Online dating is the norm, but there are some simple ways to stay safe. Do they have a suspicious profile or photo? Check their profile and pictures for suspicious signs. Look for stock photos, overly polished images, or inconsistencies in their profile information. Romance scammers often use stolen photos, but you can find the real person by doing a reverse image search. ((while Covert Players wear dark glasses in their pic so that if found out by the missus - or the new, unwilling and unwitting mistress (girlfriend) - can lie and say it's not them)) If the scammer claims to be a celebrity you will notice that they use a different account to the legitimate (and often verified) account. Do not believe claims that this is their private or secret account. Are they currently in another country? ((COUGH!)) One of the most common excuses that romance scammers use is to claim that they are based abroad. They might say they live in another country, that they are in the armed forces, that they work on an oil rig or just that they are travelling. This gives the scammer a great excuse not to meet in person and gives them a reason to beg for money further down the line. ((or - the long-haul live-in scammer - have to keep popping back-and-forth bewteen the two countries.)) Do they avoid speaking face-to-face online? These days everybody has a phone or computer with a camera. There are few legitimate reasons for a person to avoid speaking via FaceTime, Zoom, Discord or Messenger. If you have been speaking for any reasonable length of time, it is incredibly suspicious if the person you are speaking with refuses to show their face. Be wary, however, as advances in face-swapping technology mean that it is easier than ever to edit video footage, even in real-time. Do they need money? ((COUGH!)) All romance scams are designed to steal money or assets. Whether you have been speaking for months and they directly ask for money, or they subtly mention needing money for an important reason, this is a scam. Scammers use the emotions and feelings of their victims to steal money, often using language like “don’t you trust me?” or “I need your help”. ((Remember, decent men would rather ask anyone OTHER than their girlfriend!)) They may pressure and beg for help early in the relationship, or they might lay the groundwork over time. A common tactic is to claim they need money for a flight to visit. Do they claim to have a great investment opportunity? Many scammers use online relationships to promote fake investment schemes. These schemes typically revolve around crypto investments. The scammer casually talks about how they have made money from an investment scheme and says they want to share their secret method. Types of Romance Fraud Pig butchering scams Pig butchering is a horrible term used by scammers to describe the cruel way they treat their victims. In a pig butchering romance scam, the pig (the victim) is fattened up (told to invest more money), before the butcher (the scammer) slaughters the pig (steals the money). Once they have taken as much money as possible, they cut all contact, though some add further insult to injury by mocking and ridiculing their victims. Celebrity scams Celebrity romance scams use social media or dating apps to target accounts that follow a particular celebrity. Then pretend to be a hidden or private account to secretly send messages to their biggest fans. Celebrity romance scams hope to build a relationship over time before inventing a reason to need money. This could be anything from claiming to have restricted access to their bank account or that they have lost their credit card. The scammer – posing as the celebrity – then asks for gift cards or a bank transfer. They lie and promise that they will repay the money once they have access to their money again. Oil worker / Military / International doctor or businessperson scams It is a common tactic for scammers to create a fake profile claiming to live or work abroad. They may pose as an oil worker, somebody in the military, or an international businessperson who is in a different country than their victim. This is sometimes referred to as a military romance scam. The job itself is not as important as the fact that they are in a different country with a well-paying job. The scammer needs a legitimate sounding reason for not meeting in person, while giving confidence that they do not need money. After some time getting to know each other, they fabricate emergencies, such as being stranded without funds for a flight or having their bank account frozen. They then ask or beg the victim for money. ((continues...)) ___________________________________________________ PS: They're UK-wide but based in Liverpool.

PS: This has me wondering: "He asked me what happened with his house in the UK? I replied nothing happened to it. He said thank you and asked was there any mail for him." That's a very misinterpretable question. 'What's been happening/what's happening', maybe adding, 'anything?'. To me it sounds as if he's asking from a place where he already KNOWS something's happened with his house, and wants to know if YOU know. Could he have hidden cameras in his house? Did you check? Or could he have a friend/associate with a spare key who's for whatever reason been round there and rung to tell him all his stuff's gone, leaving it looking like an empty unit awaiting a new tenant? Also - saying thank-you then immediately asking if there were any mail: that's strange too. What did you reply to that?

I will try contact the DUI today if I get some quiet time. No definitely no one has no spare keys, windows are all covered, and definitely no cameras. He's panicking is all, asking was there any mail I didn't answer I only said 795 needs to be paid tomorrow 26th of August. That's when he started saying he had no money blah blah. Always skint even though he's making enough money everyday with his taxi service and the UK benefits. His taxi makes anything between €50/€100 each day. He's receiving about £1,300 every month of UK benefits. He's also getting child benefit in Romania that's €120 every month, then the kids mother sends him €250 every month or €500 every second month. That's considered being a rich man in Romania. His story changed about his father's money, he told me he should receive it around October this year then it's been changed to his father's third anniversary that's three years March 2025. I don't believe anything he's told me, all I know he's getting over one hundred thousand euros. His two brothers get the same amount, the mother gets the most and and grandchildren receive about €20,000 each. Funny how he sneaks off to get rid of me before he gets his money. It's worked out well for him (so he believes) Naw I'm gonna try get all my money back, and yes you're right that's only Monzo and cash payments, Amazon and eBay I've calculated. I haven't added up flights buses to airport, fuel money, the Romanian bus fees of sending his family over boxes of clothes and food etc.... Restaurant meals, hotels, the list goes on. I'll keep on writing down the smaller things over the years. Wouldn't it be wonderful if he received his big money but was ordered to repay me and benefits money back and he was left with nothing. That would make my life complete 😁

Update* Just off the phone, they told me that unfortunately I gave him the money willingly I would need to contact a solicitor for them to write him a letter, but because he's in a different country there's not much they can do. Looks like he's going to get away with my money after all. So disappointed 😔

Eyup! He's NOT in a different country, he's seeking Residency via Settlement Rights process and MEANWHILE LIVING THERE IN A *COUNCIL HOUSE* - *since which*, he has not lived outside of the UK for 6 unbroken months. Was it *not* CEL you rang? Try a firm of international solicitors as well. Prior post: "I will try contact the DUI today if I get some quiet time." You mean DCU at your Police County Headquarters? You don't TRY to call someone, you vow to and either do or don't. What is it that keeps stopping you? "No definitely no one has no spare keys," How would YOU know? "windows are all covered," By what? "and definitely no cameras." Why definitely? Are you including Pinhole Coverts? _________________ "He's panicking is all, asking was there any mail I didn't answer I only said 795 needs to be paid tomorrow 26th of August." Haha - nice one! Sounds like a threat: "Pay it or your mail gets it!" ...which is fair enough when the point IS: he is NOT even behaving like your *boyfriend*, let alone long-term alleged partner...NOT TOWARDS YOU. And yet he is still expecting partner duties/favours from you. Question: How many times did you usually have to nag him to remember to pay this and other bills? ______________________ Back to this: ""He asked me what happened with his house in the UK?" WHAT (HAD) HAPPENED Not - what was happening - anything? Not - Is anything happening? WHAT HAPPENED. Nothing was DUE to happen once he was away, so...? Why on earth would he ask that when ostensibly, he knows Sensible, Diligent You have safe keeping of the (according to you) only keys and nothing has come from you to even suggest anything has or was going to happen to his house (bar a bill that isn't even overdue yet), so.... WHAT ELSE IS THERE? WHY ELSE WOULD HE ASK WHAT *HAPPENED-UH!* WITH MY HOUSE? Happened (already) to my house or with my house - same thing. He certainly WOULD ask that - AND in that way - if being furtive about trying to test whether it was YOU who left it looking uninhabited. ....Sorry. I think he knows and suspects. PARTICULARLY as you didn't reply, 'What do you mean what happened?'. You denied anything had happened but weren't even curious as to why the concern. Sure, he could put that down to a cessation to give a damn right now and refusing to engage. But NOT IF YOU'VE ACCESSED OR BEEN SHOWN FOOTAGE. However, if it WAS a colleague, then, you'd have been long gone. So that would explain why the vague way he put it (so as not to be seen accusing you of anything). Suspects it could have been you..... but soon enough will too-strongly suspect it was the Council under court order to cease his subsidised residency with immediate effect. So just keep playing dumb for a bit longer, like you are (well done). But I think he knows the state of his place already. If he IS part of a scamming gang, thus has associates (and one of them checked and, shocked, immediately texted pics to him (probably on his other-other phone))....well!...... When he's investigated, so will any other Romanian but UK-based/visiting friends/associates of his. Coo...Watch that space, then. And read this: YEAH they're a gang/ring, but note they all claim separately as if NOT associated...may not ever, even be SEEN together!...: (Just quickly: I still think you should substitute his doorkey with one that doesn't work - i.e. fits but doesn't turn, which would take asking a key-cutting shop/booth to leave one vital tooth out or too short/whatever ('It's for a Honeymoon joke, tee-hee!...real key's under the *opposite* door-pot, tee-hee!) That way, his thoughts will turn IMMEDIATELY to the Council, rather than you, even before he tries to contact you, expecting your help....... I think that's what you call, setting up a winning shot - don't you? Anyway - the recent news article.... This was 30 May 2024. Could be a coincidence, but.... Question: What date did he 'suddenly' get work with his brother and book his flight? And look! His ALSO Romanian best friend, his fiancee, her sister ...all skidaddled too?....what date was their flight? That victory was released to the general public via the media precisely TO make other, similar gangs of whatever nationality, feel it was time to piss off for a good while. Yeah? News gets round On the Underground. ____________________________________ https://www.cps.gov.uk/cps/news/members-britains-biggest-benefit-fraud-gang-jailed-combined-total-more-25-years Five members of an organised criminal gang, which falsely claimed more than £53 million in Universal Credit in the largest benefit fraud in England and Wales, have been jailed. Bulgarian nationals Galina Nikolova, 39, Stoyan Stoyanov, 28, Tsvetka Todorova, 53, Gyunesh Ali, 34, and Patritsia Paneva, 27, have all been jailed today (30 May 2024) at Wood Green Crown Court after pleading guilty to fraud and money laundering related offences for their involvement in a multi-million-pound scam on the benefit system. They were sentenced to eight years, four years, three years, seven years and three months, and three years and two months imprisonment, respectively. Ben Reid, Specialist Prosecutor for the CPS, said: "This case is the largest benefit fraud prosecution ever brought to the courts in England and Wales. “For a number of years, these defendants conspired to commit industrial-scale fraud against the Universal Credit system, costing the taxpayer more than £53 million. “Submitting thousands of false claims, the organised criminals enriched themselves from government funds designed to protect and help the most vulnerable people in our society. “This was a complex and challenging case which required close and effective working between CPS prosecutors, the Department for Work and Pensions and our international partners in both Bulgaria and through the UK desk at Eurojust, to dismantle and successfully prosecute the organised crime group. The guilty pleas entered by all five defendants, reflected the strength of the evidence against them. “The CPS Proceeds of Crime Division and DWP will now pursue confiscation proceedings against the defendants, to remove from them any available criminal benefit from this enterprise.” BUILDING THE CASE The CPS successfully prosecuted the five defendants following a detailed and comprehensive investigation by the Department of Work and Pensions (DWP). Over a four-and-a-half-year period, between October 2016 and May 2021, this organised crime group made thousands of false claims for Universal Credit using either real people or false identities. These claims were supported by an array of forged documents, including fictitious tenancy agreements, counterfeit payslips and forged letters from landlords, employers, schools, and GPs. If the claims were rejected, the fraudsters would try again and again until they were granted. The investigation identified three ‘benefit factories’ in London where repeated false claims for benefits originated from. The businesses claimed to assist people with obtaining a national insurance number and benefits to which they are entitled. However, it was found that many of the applicants travelled to the UK for the purpose of making claims for benefits through these sources. After making their claims they returned to their country of origin, leaving their claim in the hands of the organised crime group. The money gained from these fraudulent claims was then laundered as it was moved between a number of accounts through numerous transfers and withdrawn in cash. Arrests of the five defendants were first made on 5 May 2021 and a number of properties were searched. During these searches hundreds of ‘claim packs’ containing forged and false documents were found and seized, as well as bundles of cash stuffed in shopping bags and suitcases, a luxury car and designer goods including watches, jackets, and jewellery. Following his release under investigation, one of the five defendants, Ali, fled the country to Bulgaria. As a result of collaborative work between the CPS, DWP and Bulgarian authorities, Ali was extradited back to the UK on 25 February 2023 so that he could face justice. When faced with the large amount of incriminating evidence which included encrypted messages, CCTV footage, forged documents, seized digital devices and bank statements, the defendants eventually all pleaded guilty. The CPS is committed to continuing to work closely with law enforcement, investigatory authorities and international partners including Eurojust, to bring organised criminals and companies engaged in fraud and money laundering to justice. Notes to editors Ben Reid is a Specialist Prosecutor for the Regional and Wales Division of the (SEOCID) All five defendants received the following sentences on 30 May 2024 at Wood Green Crown Court: Galina Dimitrova Nikolova [DOB: 10/05/1985] was sentenced to eight years imprisonment. On 5 April 2024, she pleaded guilty to: 2x Conspiracy to make false representations 1x Possessing criminal property 1x Possession of articles to use in fraud Stoyan Georgiev Stoyanov [DOB: 08/05/1996] was sentenced to four years. On 22 February 2024, he pleaded guilty to: 1x Conspiracy to make false representations 3x Possession of articles for use in fraud Tsvetka Manolova Todorova [DOB: 20/05/1971] was sentenced to three years. On 22 February 2024, she pleaded guilty to: 1x Conspiracy to make false representations 1x Possession of articles for use in fraud Gyunesh Magbule Ali [DOB: 06/03/1990] was sentenced to seven years and three months imprisonment. On 28 July 2023, he pleaded guilty to: 1x Conspiracy to make false representations 1x Possession of articles for use in fraud 1x Possessing criminal property Patritsia Pancheva Paneva [DOB: 15/05/1997] was sentenced to three years and two months imprisonment. On 27 March 2023, she pleaded guilty to: 1x Entering into a money laundering arrangement 1x Possession of articles for use in fraud Paneva also pleaded guilty to one count of conspiracy to make false representations on 12 June 2023. A benefit factory is a location which has the appearance of a legitimate business but with the intention to conduct benefit fraud. Eurojust is the European Union Agency for Criminal Justice Cooperation, which aims to help coordinate the work of national authorities in investigating and prosecuting organised crime. A Joint Investigation Team (JIT) was established between the UK and Bulgaria. A joint investigation team (JIT) in an international cooperation tool that assists competent authorities of two or more States in carrying out cross-border criminal investigations. ______________________________________________________ Is that a Mona Lisa smile I see on your boat-race? :)

To continue... "That's when he started saying he had no money blah blah. Always skint even though he's making enough money everyday with his taxi service and the UK benefits. His taxi makes anything between €50/€100 each day." Which is 4,300 euros per month at best, 2,150 at worst, per month. Minus petrol, albeit, probably not - the cars n Romania are still syphonable. "He's receiving about £1,300 every month of UK benefits." Sub-Total - at best 5,600 euros, at worst 2,450. "He's also getting child benefit in Romania that's €120 every month," Sub-Total - at best 5,720, at worst 2,570. "then the kids mother sends him €250 every month or €500 every second month." Basically 250 per month. Total - at best 5,970 Euros, at worst 2,820 Euros. Per Month. And then all the conned UK benefits on top! What does THAT bring the total to, pray tell? OMG, he's so going down. "That's considered being a rich man in Romania." In case you hadn't noticed, lately - so is it in UK! But I'll bet it's way more...that there are other pots you have no clue about. ANYWAY....Boo-hoo, he can't afford it. BOO-HOO BACK - I CAN'T AFFORD IT NOW, EITHER! Make up some past Unemployment Benefit or Tax Rebate overpayment by HMRC. In those cases, they don't care if they made a mistake - you've still got to pay it NOW-NOW-NOW. Huuuuge chunk out of your settlement savings, it was! Oh, and the price of school uniforms this Autumn. And my phone, of course....((, ya f**n freak)).

"His story changed about his father's money, he told me he should receive it around October this year then it's been changed to his father's third anniversary that's three years March 2025." Changed WHY? Pff. It's either a lie or gross exaggeration or he's spent that amount via credit-cards/cash withdrawals the minute he found out. (Little known NPD characteristic: they don't WAIT for things, they spend their breadwinning spouse's salary even before they've even earned it and spend (or hide/squirrel away) winnings long before they're actually paid out. Well, maybe he won't pay those debts... Maybe he simply snorted and drank - basically party-ed them. And while I remember! Selling drugs in the loos and/or predating vulnerable young men and women, or looking to cheat on the missus, is usually why middle-aged men who've supposedly settled down, still frequent nightclubs. I mean - bar for the dancing - WHY ELSE DID WE USED TO GO TO NIGHTCLUBS, IF NOT TO SCORE A GF/BF? If you WEREN'T single and looking, after just a couple of dances and having to shout "Whaaaat?!" - it was boring. But anyway. Even if he DOES get that big amount, I doubt very much you'd have seen any of it. You might now - IIIIIIIIFuh-fuh-fuh you phone and ask for these sorts of details from your Domestic Crime Unit. Certainly you have a Civil case, but where it's backed-up by a Crown case - including as a 'witness' of his default character (gaffaw-gaffaw)....and not many civil plaintiffs get to say THAT. But - talk to one of the DCU officers. They're very nice, kind and helpful. Still authoritative, but simultaneously quite squishy-boo-boo and down-to-earth and NORMAL(!), and now experienced as well as trained to the hilt. (You have NO IDEA HOW MUCH STRAIN NARC NONSENSE CAUSES AND COSTS THE UK.) "Funny how he sneaks off to get rid of me before he gets his money." Or get out of range so that you can't discover he's spent his payout. Under Settlement, he's allowed to be out of the UK for up to 6 months of the year but no more. So he's GOT to return by - what of September? - if he wants to 'stay' (haha - indeed...at His Majesty's Pleasure). "It's worked out well for him (so he believes)" Yeah - so he believes! This is GREAT! :D "Naw I'm gonna try get all my money back, and yes you're right that's only Monzo and cash payments, Amazon and eBay I've calculated. I haven't added up flights buses to airport, fuel money, the Romanian bus fees of sending his family over boxes of clothes and food etc.... Restaurant meals, hotels, the list goes on." I've left you a best-worse subtotal so - DO! Seriously! You need to see how much your top-shelf Uni Of Life course cost you per year - and gauge how impossible it's going to be for you to rush or be rushed (same thing - normal blokes can easily slow a woman down if she's over-excited but he likes her that much) into any relationship - even friendship - ever again. AND, of course, how much you ACTUALLY want to hire a contract-killer (although you can't - that's not the point here). How much of a scum-bum out of 10 - put it that way. If you don't get your dosh back now (via human justice), that just means you'll get it in the future (courtesy of Fate) - don't-a wo...rrry, Sen-yor-eee-na!

I think that's everything? Damage-Limitation Time: In the coming days, you can text him this. But do draft it here before you press Send. (No hi, no nothing - cos you're busy-busy, lovely summer, wanna enjoy it, etc. - hence this has only just occurred to you...) _______________________________ BTW!/By the way - meant to ask! Why did you ask me the other night what had happened to your house? _______________________________ Whatever he replied with - check here with me before replying (busy-busy equals big-gaps-in-comms). You game?

Tell you this though: I use myself as a barometer, and right now, I both think he's planning to come back and ISN'T planning to come back. Which means it's because HE is literally in two minds! Doesn't know what to do. So he's hoping to buy himself extra time to work out what's going on by making you feel obliged (as usual) and pay that bill for him. Because obviously, then he doesn't waste that amount - sugar-mummy slaveipoos does. As for as long as you don't ask - when you coming back - he will continue to avoid that topic too (but that's fine...plus it ends up as him getting ANOTHER "I haven't an effing clue!" fistful of itching powder down his pants).

He's f*cked WHICHEVER way you look at this! OOOOH...he'll suddenly have new-found respect for YOU. AND more hatred/jealousy/resentment. And yet, at the same time, he won't. Because he can't prove it! And yet, at the same time, he will....then won't...then will........ No Closure - Cognitive Dissonance for-life - how just-desserts is even THAT, ALONE! And he won't EVER find out THROUGH YOU, aaall the places where he went wrong! So he'll be well paranoid that he's 'lost it'....won't be half as cocky. Like I said: define Prison. Won't it be funny if he ends up banged-up, same as "Travesty".

Thing is I spent 45 minutes talking to such a lovely officer that deals with the fraud investigation, he basically told me that because I gave him the money willingly it wasn't a crime or scam. Said I could go to a small claims court but I'll be out more money paying solicitor fees and might not get anything back as again I gave it willingly and would be his word against mine, to prove it was a loan as he could easily say it was gifted to him and his family. I told him about him claiming benefits and housing benefit, he was disgusted and told me he's believes the system in this country is hopeless and no matter the crime that's committed doesn't get the harsh punishment that they deserve. He said unfortunately that's the law it's our of their control. He said his benefits will stop eventually, but depending what benefits he's on he may be able to keep getting some of them even though he's not in the UK anymore. If he was he'd get a bann for a couple of months up to one year and be entitled to everything again, he said it's not fair that this is allowed to happen. He also said UK residents commit the biggest fraud by lying to receive more benefits and claims. Than foreigners do. Yes I heard all about the Bulgarian gang before and again yesterday from the detective. Ex is going to get away with everything. That's just the way it is. I wish it could be different but unfortunately it's not, this country is too soft gotten. That's way people aren't afraid to do crime. It's so unfair. As for his house here, there is 5 keys he has 3 and I've got 2 keys. He was always quiet and didn't have any friends here apart from my family and friends so he can't ask anyone to go house check. Windows are covered with curtains so no one can see in, I've got a few upstairs lights burning at night and the gas is on a timer, so it all gets paid through his direct debit every month. I have put he keys under his bin as I don't want to go down there anymore. (sends me the shivers) As for messaging him I don't know if I want to do that? What's the point if he's gonna get away with everything? It's very disheartening been told that yesterday. If it was me done this to anyone I'd definitely get caught and end up getting punished, but that's what happens to good decent people. There's an old saying "The devil is good to his own"

Also the answer to your question is... When ex left last time on 16th July, he told me if the kids mother doesn't take the two older kids, he'd come back to clean out the house and hand over the keys, sort out benefits. His biggest fear was getting into trouble with the UK authorities and going to jail. I done all his documents from his pre settlement to housing benefit and his benefits, as he's not very intelligent when it comes to documents of any kind. But because he fell in love at the wedding, he asked me a few times to clear out his house and tell the government he's not coming back. I told ex I can't do that as it's all in his name and he's signed the housing contract etc... So it's had him panicking and stressing, I kept saying that if they found out he'd go to prison for benefit and housing fraud, but sure he's been happy enough spending all the benefits money and making a fortune in Romania, I think it's went to his head and believes he's invincible now. I would love nothing more to hear that he's had to pay back everything with a large fine and 10 years prison time. But that's me dreaming as it'll never happen. Let's just hope and pray karma will get him in many ways.

Update* Ex just sent message asking me to close his contract for him as he can't get back to the UK. Told me to keep everything in the house and throw the rest of his stuff in the dumpster. Said he's sorry he can't be there to help me clear out the house. Then said I'm sorry I don't know why you don't communicate with me anymore? He has such a nerve especially why I don't communicate with him anymore, when he's the one that totally ignored me since he left. Click into his messenger this morning he went to the new woman's place last night and got home at 4am this morning. Messaged her saying he got no sleep and he's been doing taxis runs all morning. So interested to hear your thoughts on this one? And no I didn't click into his messages. I can his full messages he's sent me in his messenger 😉

Noted, everything you said the Officer said. "Ex is going to get away with everything. That's just the way it is." Oh, trust me - he is *not*. There's still Karma. (Fate obviously wants him all to itself.) (*Honestly*, I have seen it a thousand times....I check up, me...(on 'mine' AND OTHERS' sick/evil basstds). I find vays, ya? LOL Hhhhhate loose ends... If yoooooou kneewwwwww J....ST how many Comes Arounds I've seen, merely in the last decade, you'd not only fall off your chair, you'd EAT your chair! If you want to have faith in ANYTHING - do your research and never stop. Remember Roy Castle? Dedication's what you need. You're a Vocational worker - YOU know that?!) Never mind...this will occur to you in its and your own time. It's a far more spiritual Rite of Passage than you realise. Plus, a Mid Life Crisis (or crisis-ette in your muscley-brained case) doesn't always strike from within, Big Fat Eh. So don't be surprised to find at the end of your path, that you've turned into a SuperNova Empath (aka Narc Squisher). I have exceedingly high hopes and expectations for you, missus. :) Oh, and I love your posts so, keep going! :) He is STILL, still going down, whichever way you look at it. "As for his house here, there is 5 keys he has 3 and I've got 2 keys." Who gets 4 copies cut? It's usually, one for you, one for your partner or next-door-neighbour. That's highly suspect itself! "He was always quiet and didn't have any friends here apart from my family and friends so he can't ask anyone to go house check." What are your family and friends saying at the moment? Have they been cheering you on? Or have you yet to surprise them? "Windows are covered with curtains so no one can see in, I've got a few upstairs lights burning at night and the gas is on a timer, so it all gets paid through his direct debit every month." Oh yeah? He pays his own bills, presumably? Out of his state benefits, presumably? Go and turn them all on. "I have put he keys under his bin as I don't want to go down there anymore. (sends me the shivers)" Oh, really - that's interesting? He's creeping you out already. Crikey. You really are very fast at this. Have you had a lot of practise at loss and grief? Or do you just have a natural talent for it? (Were you aware you're fast?) (Were you a sprinter (incl. hurdles) or long-distance runner at school, just out of interest?) "As for messaging him I don't know if I want to do that? What's the point if he's gonna get away with everything?" Fairenoughski. Or would be if you'd rung CEL. "It's very disheartening been told that yesterday." Hold the disheartenment until you've rung CEL. PS: CEL, CEL, CEL, CEL, CEL, CEL, CEL, CEL (gaaaasp!)...not forgetting....CEL. They're Fraud specialists, including Romantic. Let's ee if THEY say there's nothing you can do. "If it was me done this to anyone I'd definitely get caught and end up getting punished, but that's what happens to good decent people." Yes, because they're crap at being Evil (duuh?) but brilliant being good (duuuuh? LOL). That's always one of my points in these situations: Learn to KEEP your normal, natural-human, inner psychopath from now on. I mean, let's be honest here: it's not as if they don't bring your hairier counterpart OUT, is it! "There's an old saying "The devil is good to his own"" Uh-huh. And the flip side to that iiiiiiis.................? (RSvP.) Anyway, I see you've posted more so, let me ketchup, Baby Tomato....

"Also the answer to your question is... When ex left last time on 16th July, he told me if the kids mother doesn't take the two older kids, he'd come back to clean out the house and hand over the keys, sort out benefits. His biggest fear was getting into trouble with the UK authorities and going to jail." Noted. Noted. "I done all his documents from his pre settlement to housing benefit and his benefits, as he's not very intelligent when it comes to documents of any kind." Yes, it's always handiest for NSpaths if they're a foreigner in your country. It all adds to your overall sense of responsibility for him (hostess and representative of UK women). Very cushy. "But because he fell in love at the wedding," PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF! "he asked me a few times to clear out his house and tell the government he's not coming back. I told ex I can't do that as it's all in his name and he's signed the housing contract etc..." Oh, I see - this is how it was left. Him keeping you dangling followed by cutting off only the romantic umbilicus, not the Personal Secretary one. Was that because he fed or let you presume there was hope? "So it's had him panicking and stressing, I kept saying that if they found out he'd go to prison for benefit and housing fraud," Yeah - there's still this, remember? "but sure he's been happy enough spending all the benefits money and making a fortune in Romania, I think it's went to his head and believes he's invincible now." YUP! FEEDING THE MONSTER ......the monster having been well-fed, into over-fed, whereby it all goes to his head.....and then he's top-heavy so inevitably falls over. "Wwwwoila!". Never mind. Maybe he'll find someone who can replace his 'latest love of his life', *inside*. (Pun intentional.) "I would love nothing more to hear that he's had to pay back everything with a large fine and 10 years prison time." Me too. "But that's me dreaming as it'll never happen." Well, if somehow it doesn't, he'll end up bumped-off. Understand: he's on a distinctive, highly well-worn path. Yours is uphill. His is downhill. Because it's easier, isn't it. For his type, who are incredibly lazy. You get the stunning view. He gets mud. "Let's just hope and pray karma will get him in many ways." We don't need to hope and pray, gal. Our type hopes and prays with everything we day-in-day-out *think, feel and do*. Can't get more 'pray' than that. :) (Bit philosophical for a Satdee night but - hey-ho - that's the best time, I find. :)) ...and one more, I think?

Quick PS: It's no doubt for the best if you can't bring a case or suit against him, if you think about it? Fact is, you don't know how big or how well-networked he is (4 spare keys, do what!). However - let's see what CEL says first. If there is something they can do - obviously, any personal case of yours cannot be petitioned until AFTER his Crown Court case is firmly underway. That way, this is merely you (cough!) reacting solely, exclusively, to the shock discovery of what he is (a lowlife conman and romantic fraudster) and therefore never was (your genuine partner). I.e. AFTER The Fact. Before that, you had NO IDEA ("ting"...-"halo*).

"Update*" Shank-you very much, Mish Moneypenny :) "Ex just sent message asking me to close his contract for him as he can't get back to the UK. Told me to keep everything in the house and throw the rest of his stuff in the dumpster. Said he's sorry he can't be there to help me clear out the house." ...That's what HE thinks you are, anyway! My own SNex tried this. I said, 'What do you MEAN, I can close your account for you? Who do you think you are, expecting anything from me?..... You're (this/that), you've done (this/that) and nothing but (that/this), plus, you've just told me WE'RE OVER (.....summing-up what I'd tricked him into indirectly admitting.) Why should I want to do YOU any favours?...or, maybe you'd like me to come over to (his country) and PUT YOUR WASHING on?......Maybe I could even wipe YOUR BOTTOM for you?!' The cheek of them is something else, isn't' it. But it's not just cheek, it's them wanting to test how you'll react or whether you're still 'in the habit' or 'willing to work harder for far less pay' (be his mistress). And indeed, MINE was suddenly in-love, yet seemed very concerned about our staying friends. I said, 'Not unless you have a lifelong prescription to wave in my face as well as proof you didn't nick it because, otherwise....NO!...STRANGELY!....I do NOT want my precious mind rubbing shoulders with yours - yours, it's patently obvious, is crawling with bugs and viruses....Ew, no thank-you?!' ....which was nice?' (Haha - name the 80s sketch show.) "Then said I'm sorry I don't know why you don't communicate with me anymore?" ((Ohhhh, ffffffffffoff!)) "He has such a nerve especially why I don't communicate with him anymore, when he's the one that totally ignored me since he left." I know. I KNOW. If I had a gun I'd 'gimmie' it to you. "Click into his messenger this morning he went to the new woman's place last night and got home at 4am this morning." Cheezuz evileezuz. PS: Hmm...THAT - being left at 3am - wouldn't make a woman feel like a cheap prostitute, now, would it! "Messaged her saying he got no sleep and he's been doing taxis runs all morning." What is he - COMPLAINING TO HER NOW?! Sorry, but those acts kind of snatched my focus away. Tell me - had those two things occurred to you? He's started negging her already! But anyway - have I somehow missed a chunk? I thought you said she went back to her Fiance??? "So interested to hear your thoughts on this one?" As above. "And no I didn't click into his messages. I can his full messages he's sent me in his messenger 😉" OOOH, WELL DONE! Seriously - 10 out of 10 for how you're handling this! Well, it was 9.7 but who's quibbling, LOL. RSvP while you keep watching that space, Gadget Girl!

And now - regardless of what punishment he'll get - I want you to focus on you and have a long, hard think about how many other women and children's lives you've saved (and quite possibly men's and boys' for all we know - whether directly or via those toxic ripples that reach for miles...). Quality of lives - sure. But a life without quality is *worse* than no life. And define 'ceasing to exist' anyway. Just thought I'd mention? :) Lots of good luck coming YOUR way.............'Maybe notch tchoday,...but SHOON...for foy da rest of yoy liyfe'. (Name the famous film!) :))))))))))))

Yeah he's met a local woman from his home town, he lives about 30 minutes away from his town as he lives in the country in a very small village. I've been keeping an eye on his messenger and it makes me cringe the things he tells her. He's sent her pictures of him sitting in the central park saying he needed time out with his kids as they don't respect him always fighting and arguing with one another. New local girlfriend lives near the central park so it was him hinting waiting for an invite from her wanting to call around to see her at her place. Thing is she was with three friends at her friend's house playing some game. He kept making her feel sorry for him at the park alone. She suggested if he wanted to go around to her friends and hang out. He was like yes ok what's the address. (I'd be fuming if I was having a girls night and this strange random man turns up to interrupt our girls night especially when we're playing a board game) He arrived home at 4am (later that same night interrupted the girls night) Ex later that same day took his daughter(13) to the confectionery shop where new girlfriend works, then messages her later saying you were surprised to see me and my daughter. Yesterday afternoon he messaged her to meet for coffee, he took a picture of the shop she works at and says I'm here, gf was a little surprised and replied I'm at home I finished earlier. Then last night he messaged gf asked what you doing tonight, she replied sleep. He said no you're not I'm outside we're going for pizza. It's like he's a creepy stalker vibe I'm getting. I have not told my family the truth, I told them his ex wife wouldn't sign the documents to let the kids come back. It would hurt my family so much as they all loved him so much especially my kids. The only one person knows everything is my best friend of (41yrs) and no one else. Regarding his house keys he's got a 2 keys each for front and back door and 1 key for patio (french) door. That's why he's got 5 keys. I had his spare front and back keys. He had a very modern house absolutely beautiful. It's such a shame as I fought so hard to get them into it. The reason his house gives me the shivers is we were meant to be a family. When I first found out back in July about him running off with the brides sister. Sometimes being down at his house I used to visualise us being so excited about getting the keys painting the entire house, buying furniture, running around the house simple things like cooking and having our meals together getting kids ready for school, putting up Christmas decorations. It was really difficult for me to keep my emotions silent around my family clearing out the house. (But I done it) I wish I could get someone to move into his house, that's the worst fraud that housing would definitely prosecute him for renting out his house which is getting paid for by UC. ((The man I was with might as well be dead))!! This relationship hopper running around I have absolutely no idea who he is. He's so desperate to get women's attention it's very cringey and embarrassing to watch!! Last thing* Should I reply to him? Or keep the no contact rule with him? I was thinking about saying I can't phone anyone as my phone is broken. On the other hand I'm thinking why waste my time on such a scummy liar. I need to make a smart decision which move to take? Thoughts?

Ops I forgot to reply to your question to which movie.... Casablanca 😉

'Play it again, Sam!'. Or in SNex's case: Play her again, Sham. To wit the above two insults/Neggings as acts (aka Covert Narc sudden withdrawal of affection...Basically, he's started De-Valuing her already! She's the Rebound (for now)...the ego tonic. He'll take everything all out on her (poor cow). Going home at 3am - pff. What - because he has a "Good morning, Beautiful' round-robin to text at 7am or something? (Probably.) This is great, though - your monitoring. You can see his Playbook in-motion! "Yeah he's met a local woman from his home town, he lives about 30 minutes away from his town as he lives in the country in a very small village." They're never just a 5 or 10 min maximum drive away - have you noticed? (It's so that the replacement Supply don't and can't - notice, I mean - how often it starts to become, 'Not tonight, Josephine, because they can always blame the traffic and having to be up early the next morning yadder-yadder, whereas a genuinely keen man would just get up eariler in order to avoid the morning rush-hour!) Coverts and NSpaths (whom, having a criminal bent, HAVE to be Covert/under-the-table, and the Overtness/above-the-table (creating chaos or arguments, say) is to stop it even occuring to you to LOOK under that table. You find out increasingly what they were up to behind your back, after they've gone, though. NSpaths are said to be "the gift that keeps on giving". (You didn't cohabit with him, though, so that'll greatly minimise any post-fauxlationship aggro for you, like petty-but-not-so-petty debts run-up and loans taken out in your name, which you had no idea about, that sort of thing - see Thea's thread where she finds out the gifts Travis ("Travesty") bought under her name/contract....new TV system if I recall correctly.) "I've been keeping an eye on his messenger and it makes me cringe the things he tells her." Q1. Do tell? This is a first, I think - seeing a SNex behave in real time and in context! It'll be HIGHLY educational, both for dealing AND avoiding them. "He's sent her pictures of him sitting in the central park saying he needed time out with his kids as they don't respect him always fighting and arguing with one another." Time outside, you mean? Okay... "New local girlfriend lives near the central park so it was him hinting waiting for an invite from her wanting to call around to see her at her place." 2. How many days was THIS after his 3am flit? "Thing is she was with three friends at her friend's house playing some game. He kept making her feel sorry for him at the park alone." Uuuuurghch. "She suggested if he wanted to go around to her friends and hang out." IOW he wore her down, with the aid of said Pity Ploy. "He was like yes ok what's the address." He wants to check she's not feeling too secure and chirpy (after his casual insults) as well as to check the friends out, as well as (potentially) behave in such a way as to put her girlfriends completely off of wanting to share time with him again ("weirdo leech/stalker alert!"), as will be part of his campaign to get his victim alone so as to send her dizzy with his Gaslighting, minus any feedback to keep her grounded. "(I'd be fuming if I was having a girls night and this strange random man turns up to interrupt our girls night especially when we're playing a board game)" GOD, yes! Either as one of the friends in that situaton and also as the 'intended'. But they put it so flatteringly (as well as with said Violin)....'Oh, it's just, I miss you sooo mucuuuh it huuurts!' blah-blah....whinging like a little boy needing its mummy, twanging her Mummy nerves and reflexes. She's obviously a push-over on that score, though. Me, I'd have insisted on a specially arranged evening...ONCE IT WAS *APPROPRIATE* TO BE MEETING MY INNER CIRCLE, THAT IS, not to mention, to be forcing himself on them. PROBABLY what happened (or do I mean, hopefully), was, these galfriends felt the classic Red Flag/lacking regard for social rules situation and eventually told her to go ahead and invite him just so's they could both get a really good look and feel of him in that context. I hope for her sake they saw through him, and that she listened...but, then, I guess soon enough you'll be finding out through their texts. (Seriously, this is great!) "He arrived home at 4am (later that same night interrupted the girls night)" 3. FOUR A.M.????? I thought he'd had his kids with him? 4. And what is it with him and 4am? You have any ideas? "Ex later that same day took his daughter(13) to the confectionery shop where new girlfriend works," WTF?! He just gets worse! Talk about in a hurry to get his hooks in?! (Meme: No-one falls in-love faster than a Narcissist that needs a place to stay.) This woman must REALLY have been dangerously starved of affection, not to notice this is Love-Bombing for the purposes of Isolation? Love-Bombing in treble time, in fact! Where's she been these last few decades, Lockdown especially? 5. How many weeks, exactly, has it been since he leapt to this 'new' one's lilypad? "then messages her later saying you were surprised to see me and my daughter." (I'd have been creeped-out already - wouldn't you? She must be too desperate to 'have her fill', to see it.) I mean - what happened to the basic manners of PHONING her and asking whether IT WAS OKAY AND CONVENIENT?!? ('Surpriiiiise!.....Stal-kahhhh!') "Yesterday afternoon he messaged her to meet for coffee," So how many times is it this last week or fortnight that he's engineered it to see her? "he took a picture of the shop she works at and says I'm here," WHATTTTTTT?????? " gf was a little surprised and replied I'm at home I finished earlier." AH-HAH-HAHAHAHAHAHA! :p 6. Wait - did she invite him round or was that the Full-Stop? 7. But....Taking a picture like that. It definitely smacks of obsessiveness, don't you agree? 8. He wasn't like that with you, was he? "Then last night he messaged gf asked what you doing tonight, she replied sleep." Oooh! Feisty! (NOT a push-over...excellent...let the arm-wrestling begin!). 9. Again - so is this all in the space of a week/fortnight? "He said no you're not I'm outside we're going for pizza." NO YOU'RE NOT? ((F*ck off, fella?!)) Nah, that would definitely annoy me, even in isolation without any of the prior stuff. "It's like he's a creepy stalker vibe I'm getting." SNAP! It's very obvious to us, isn't it. And I think she's getting a bit tired of it already - hence being curt and replying 'sleep'. He's simultaneously trying to exhaust her. You can't be arsed to argue when you're over-tired, eh. AS WE SEE! "I have not told my family the truth, I told them his ex wife wouldn't sign the documents to let the kids come back. It would hurt my family so much as they all loved him so much especially my kids. The only one person knows everything is my best friend of (41yrs) and no one else." 10. Why? They deserve to know the truth, don't you think? They were his victims too, right? Honestly, if they found out you'd kept this from them, when they had the right to know,....well - would YOU be pleased? You need to think about this. Or maybe - as a compromise, just tell them once you can tell they've had enough time to get Over him/adjust, yeah? "Regarding his house keys he's got a 2 keys each for front and back door and 1 key for patio (french) door. That's why he's got 5 keys. I had his spare front and back keys." Oh, I seeee! (Specifics, please/ta.) "He had a very modern house absolutely beautiful. It's such a shame as I fought so hard to get them into it." PFF. "The reason his house gives me the shivers is we were meant to be a family. When I first found out back in July about him running off with the brides sister." Sure. But tears is the norm. Shivers iz shivers. "Sometimes being down at his house I used to visualise us being so excited about getting the keys painting the entire house, buying furniture, running around the house simple things like cooking and having our meals together getting kids ready for school, putting up Christmas decorations. It was really difficult for me to keep my emotions silent around my family clearing out the house. (But I done it)" 11. So he hadn't even had it very long, then? PS: I know.... ((((((((((sibling hug))))))))))))). "I wish I could get someone to move into his house, that's the worst fraud that housing would definitely prosecute him for renting out his house which is getting paid for by UC." It's not necessary. He's committed enough, without that. "((The man I was with might as well be dead))!!" He IS dead. Or - the character-actor playing a warped, gigalo role is. It is a headf**k, for sure. I call it, invasion of the body-snatchers. You just have to be kind and patient towards yourself. That's why I think it's better you tell your fam, so that they know what you're going through (and don't assume you've transformed overnight into a moody, distracted wotsit). "This relationship hopper running around I have absolutely no idea who he is." Exactly. That's why it's known as removing the mask or the mask falling off. "He's so desperate to get women's attention it's very cringey and embarrassing to watch!!" GOOD! That'll speed-up your detachment by miles! "Last thing* Should I reply to him? Or keep the no contact rule with him?" 12. What would be ¡the point in keeping contact with him now? ...unless you still intend on chatting to CEL? "I was thinking about saying I can't phone anyone as my phone is broken." Ditto Q12. "On the other hand I'm thinking why waste my time on such a scummy liar." THERE WE GO. :) "I need to make a smart decision which move to take? Thoughts?" My dear ol' Dad used to say: If ever you're over-aroused, whether negatively or positively - DO NOT ACT ON IT. Wait til you calm down first. So the answer is: no you don't? You don't need to DO a thing! Why not just Ghost him now? That'll put him off his stride with newbie, I'm sure. Might make him behave even less (smirk) subtly and actually Gscare or creep her off? I mean - CLEARLY he's not willing to give the UK, via yourself, any more money, because you tried that one and he said he didn't have any. In other words - why don't YOU suddenly without-warning 'die'? See how HE likes it?! Or don't try to decide yet - see how you feel as the days go on? But, you are getting extra Uni tuition, getting to monitor and check his predatory moves off against the narc-spath Playbook. PS: The Pity Ploy features majorly with his strain so expect to see more of that. What are your own thoughts? ("No - yours" / "Nooo - yours!" LOL) PS: We still haven't named his corpse yet. Hows about.... Jack-In-The-Box (ref. "Surpriiiise!...I'm outside your shop and know what you did last Summer" LOL)

No his kids are always home alone when he's out chasing. When he went to the park the other night, he told gf he needed away from his kids as they don't respect him. Telling sad stories to make her feel sorry for him. Ex has been seeing new local girlfriend a week yesterday, and he's went into the town to see her every night, sometimes twice a day. This morning I clicked into his messenger and there he's thanking her for such a beautiful night at 3am. I remember in the beginning of our relationship he was so excited to see me on the weekends. (As I liked my family time on week days with my kids) He'd be phoning during the week at night, when I was in bed. Took months and months before I left him meet my kids. But nothing to this extreme, if he did it would have waved a huge red flag. That would have creeped me out for sure. Looking back I was very very vulnerable I raised my kids myself, as their father died many years ago. Ex was the first man I got with since his passing. I thought it was lovely to have someone to have by my side. I wish now I never ever looked his way. By reading new gf chat she seems happy enough with his red flags, she told ex I miss having you in my arms. I was like wise up girl can't you see whats happening infront of you??? It's like reading a cringey book, making my skin crawl with how stupid their conversations are. Every message has a laughing emoji. Ex- have you not got any kisses for me 😂 Gf- 😘❤️ is that ok 😂 I'm like seriously are yous 13 or what???? It's so so cringey and stupid messages to each other. I think she's got a son the way she talks about him. I'm like "what" you have just introduced your son to a complete random man within a week of knowing him, that doesn't leave your apartment to all hours in the morning. No matter what age our kids are we need to think about them first. That's way too soon and a bit toooooo much. My thoughts is he's staying over and leaving early before she son gets up? That's been four nights inside a week he's came home 3/4am. His kids are home alone while daddy is out seeking love again. Disgusts me!!! Lastly I don't know if I should tell my family, we have so much going on in our family at the moment, my aunt has found out there is nothing more the doctors can do with her cancer. My other aunt has been rushed to hospital not knowing what's happening with her as she's lost her husband back when ex and kids first left and she's just fading away into nothing. Maybe just a broken heart 💔 Last thing I want to do is put more problems on my family when their already going through so much. Best is ex knew this and never once asked about them, but had no problem taking a large sum of money out of their wee hands. Ohhhhhh God that on it's own angers me so much!! He's evil to the core!!!

Update* Ex tried to message, video call and call my phone earlier today. But I already have his numbers blocked but get a notification if block callers rang. Also he's blocked on messenger, seen his message and missed video call on his messenger. He had a few beers tonight messaging new gf they were chatting about feeling ready to have sex and how deeply they care for each other. (A whole week🤢) Anyways I decided to put in a little message of my own into the conversation from his chat to new gf when she was declaring her feelings for ex. "I'll put in Curlylocks instead of my own name here" So I said "ok Curlylocks 💕" She then said oh you must have me confused with someone else?? Who's Curlylocks?? Ex then said ah she's got into my account I'll talk to you tomorrow. But no way would he know that for sure, he's maybe paranoid now or maybe it's his excuse to gf. Plus he was on the beers. He'd be scared to block me as he desperately needs me to do his dirty work here in UK. Plus what's he gonna do pop up and ask me direct are you on my account when he's got no proof and doesn't want to assume and give the game away!! But I intend to do absolutely nothing. I'll never return his calls or messages!! I hope he was on the beers tonight because he's stressed, I hope I threw a little spanner in the works between them tonight. I know it was a little dangerous what I done but enjoyed it, interrupting their little hot steamy sex talk, and big feelings for each other 8 days in.lol I hope he's left with nothing but panic and stress. Maybe he's thinking ohhhhh shit if it was Curlylocks she's seen my entire chat and knows the truth now, she'll never help me with my house in the UK. Or is big brother watching my every move. Or maybe the benefit fraud. He'll definitely be overthinking now and panicking and sweating with worry.lol Very interested to hear your thoughts tonight Soulmate!!! 😅

Hey-hey! Soz for the lag again. *Sigh*...it bothers me more than it bothers you lot, trust me. Still going to be mad-hot in the forecastable weeks, BUT with a cloudy/rainy day here and there so hopefully I'll be more regular. Right then - nosepeg back on and back down the rabbit-hole I go... (these are inadequately or per-se unaddressed points from your pre-update posts...with a peck of pickled pepper)... Back to: "Yeah he's met a local woman from his home town, he lives about 30 minutes away from his town as he lives in the country in a very small village." Yeah-but-no-but...How on earth did you forget to update about it on here?? I'm quite hurt, actually :( .... going to need to sulk now :(..... Okay - finished! :) (anti-Narc joke ;) But - seriously?? Where was your head at, girl? That was a hugely significant development, don't you think? NOTE: she is NOT new, however. Too fast for new - even for a Narc in a desperate hurry. She's a "left warm (or frustrated and ego-furious) on the side" merchant...one of his 'girls in every port' ("Narcissistic Sociopath's Harem"). Probably, only dated for a bit before/when he targetted you, but he'll have just told her she was the one he really wanted, but wicked you just wouldn't let him go/threatened suicide/couldn't do it to your kids/BLAH-BLAH-BLAH....so now he's back! He was probably 10-timing you or something. But it's not 10-timing. If he were normal it'd be. But he's not. You're all just commodities/utilities/back-scratchers/favour-doers etc. He has no interest in romance - nor (as you've seen and we're now witnessing with you) love full-stop, which not even his own babies can evoke. (Any loony-tune is allowed to sprog. THAT'S the problem right there! Qualifying via Psychometric as well as Means-Testing is soon going to be a Must, thanks to the global financial crisis. I wonder which country will be brave enough to be first to implement it?) BTW - Question: what were his Love-Bombing morning texts like? Can you remember, or better yet, locate in your phone? Did he ever 'abandon' you at 3am in the beginning? I'm thinking, probably not; that this belittling treatment, now, is because she's first and foremost his free prossie plus secret toxins toilet while he's in between Lilypads. Clearly he wasn't banking on the bride's sister going back to her Fiance. 'Curses - foiled!'. But there version is more a full-scale Narc Rage (in private), featuring words like, I'll beeping kill him!...and her! - and going into graphic detail. Which reminds me: what sorts of films was he into? And again - what were disagreements, both contrived and natural/incidental, like? I'm glad he's making you cringe and feel embarrassed for him. That's just a skip-and-a-hop to Acceptance replete with Pity. You're almost over him already! ...Not over IT, the era, the 'waste of 8 years'... and undoubtedly you can be shunted back a foot or two here and there as you monitor developments, but, yeah, overall, you seem to really be feeling this: 'Who ARE you, even?!'. Yeah? In future, a great question to ask yourself at every 6 month point is this: 'If he'd been like he is today, back when we were first dating, would I have wanted to proceed?'. In hindsight, can you feel when that switched subconsciously but palpably (in feelings) from Yes to No? (Continued...)

"No his kids are always home alone when he's out chasing." What are their ages? And what are the Romanian laws regarding leaving kids home alone? Disgusting regardless because....well - you call them Kids, er-GO....Kids dems obviously still iz. (So the Eldest is going to also end up with Eldest Child Syndrome, then? Grrreat.) "When he went to the park the other night, he told gf he needed away from his kids as they don't respect him. Telling sad stories to make her feel sorry for him." Got it - ta! "Ex has been seeing new local girlfriend a week yesterday, and he's went into the town to see her every night, sometimes twice a day." UH???????????? UUUUUHHHHHH?????????? I've never seen Love-Bombing THIS fast and extreme! Wow. He must be in a far more desperate position, abode-wise, than you realise! Or Mask Of Respectability-wise? Or just fowarding address-wise? What do you think is making him rush to this downright alarming level? (And what's WRONG with her? What does she want - a telegram from King Charles, saying, The guy's a predator-parasite - run luv?! Sheeee.......at. Or maybe he's literally drugging her and she doesn't realise?? (She went home early, you said? And was desperate to sleep?) I was going to ask you about this, about whether you felt strange and inexplicably woozy/tired during your time with him? I'm afraid Narc-Spaths are the ones that secretly medicate you, mess with your food...the very severe ones being the poisoners. Anything you can recollect? It's the fact she's not showing any alarm that alarms me the most. You too? I'm gonna break off for a sec and think this avenue through....back in a tick...

Intermission PS: "NOTE: she is NOT new, however. Too fast for new - even for a Narc in a desperate hurry. She's a "left warm (or frustrated and ego-furious) on the side" merchant...one of his 'girls in every port' ("Narcissistic Sociopath's Harem"). Probably, only dated for a bit before/when he targetted you, but he'll have just told her she was the one he really wanted, but wicked you just wouldn't let him go/threatened suicide/couldn't do it to your kids/BLAH-BLAH-BLAH....so now he's back!" And that will be used as perfect justification for his, BASICALLY - REALISTICALLY - *STALKING* HER (and jumping out of the bushes at her) ((feeling circled and watched by wolf-eyes yet, doll?)). ...'Oh-oh', he'll say - 'it's because I missed you so much and-and, now at last we can be together and-and-and I just want to make up for all that lost time and really celebrate our reunion... (puke). She must be near-death with starvation, that's all I can think of. Or planning her own revenge for the abandonment? Just wondering....can't get that very curt 'Sleep' text out of my head. Same for you? Put it this way: never mind what I'd done or was doing - if I were anyone's boyfriend and they said that, it would jolt me majorly. Didn't put him off a jot. Reason being: predators aren't wary of their prey, bit fat innit. Either she's secretly in twubble or he is. Or both? What sense do you get of her via her whole text style and dialogue? How rapidly or otherwise does she respond?

(continued...) "This morning I clicked into his messenger and there he's thanking her for such a beautiful night at 3am." THANKING her. What's wrong with, Last night was wonderful! Thanking her (what instead of cash notes?). ...Lick-lick-lick-lick.... I've noticed they do that. Yet, bar the licking ('I'm such a gentleman, look'), it's not actually logical: you say thank-you when you've been given something or permitted to take something. It doesn't denote a SHARING reaction, now, does it. That would be carried better in a, 'Thank US, aren't we great together!' statement. He's priming her to be thanked. And it's very subtly what you'd say as you left a regular, medium-high-class prostitute. Think about what I'm saying and tell me if you can 'see' it? This is why them thanking me used to rub me up the wrong way. So I'd say - No, thank YOU! GUARANTEED they'd try again. Know why? One of the most effective ways of getting someone to bond to you is to (drum-roll) DO THEM A FAVOUR. So, by doing him 'a favour'.... There you go. Mr Gonzalez is pulling out ALL the tricks, ALL the stops, all at-once. "I remember in the beginning of our relationship he was so excited to see me on the weekends." Yeah. Convincingly like overkeen, innocent, trusting puppies at the beginning, aren't they....wouldn't hurt a fly merchants. "(As I liked my family time on week days with my kids)" So did your ex-husband have custody every other, or every weekend? And BTW, that's (traditionally) why courts make custody for the estranged parent at the weekends....so mum can have some adult fun, while the ex can have fun with the kids (since they love the Fun/One Of The Kids part so much to the exclusion of all else oops I'm starting best stop hahaha). "He'd be phoning during the week at night, when I was in bed." Oh yeah? What ridiculous time until what ridiculous time? "Took months and months before I left him meet my kids." Yup. Very intelligent and sensible. Not that it helps you against these feral pigs, of course. Next time, you'll wait a year. Only non-Narcs truly in-lust and -love can wait full-stop like that. Best early dating test out, that is....PLODDING.....heyyyy maaaan, what's the like, uh,....hurry, maaaan? Bit like Dylan from The Magic Roundabout versus Dougal the Acid-popping, long-hippy-haired dog. "But nothing to this extreme, if he did it would have waved a huge red flag. That would have creeped me out for sure." YEAH - EXACTLY! 'Cold Shower Alert!', defo. SO WHY NOT HER??? What - doesn't she work right? Is she related to Forrest? You see? She HAS to have had a relationship or enough of a sample of one already! Like I say - he's over-keen from their having been 'kept apart'. See it? It may not have been before you, even. But he kept it casual under that 'mad bitch might stab me' nonsense type of manipulation and priming excuses they come out with. It's just another form of Pity Ploy: Aww, your last mummy was meeeeaaaan to you - dis one make it all better for my wickle angel...aww.... (double puke). "Looking back I was very very vulnerable I raised my kids myself, as their father died many years ago." Died? Oh god - sorry! Awwwww....hug time: ((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))) Sh*t. No wonder. (Share if you like?) "Ex was the first man I got with since his passing." ((((((((((((((MORE HUG)))))))))))))))) "I thought it was lovely to have someone to have by my side. I wish now I never ever looked his way." .....Yeah... :( You won't though - I promise you'll thank Them Up There for the degree on graduation day and foreverore after. You're going to be heightening your perimeter fences, installing an entry keypad, carrying a gun.... metaphorically-speaking, more's the pity. (I can see you with a gun, actually, lol.) (And a new, truly lovely fella.) (The two concepts unrelated LOL.) "By reading new gf chat she seems happy enough with his red flags, she told ex I miss having you in my arms." Right. She's been affectionately and sexually starved, then. That explains her. "I was like wise up girl can't you see whats happening infront of you???" I KNOWWW....I WANT TO DO THAT SCENE FROM AIRPLANE, WHERE THEY'RE ALL QUEUING UP TO ONE-BY-ONE, CALM DOWN THE HYSTERICAL PASSENGER! ((WAKE UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!)) Here - maybe if I organise a shout-out on a certain night, it might pop into her mind? She's got a kiddie, right? "It's like reading a cringey book, making my skin crawl with how stupid their conversations are. Every message has a laughing emoji. Ex- have you not got any kisses for me 😂 Gf- 😘❤️ is that ok 😂 I'm like seriously are yous 13 or what????" Well, yes, they actually are! 12/13 is the 'stuntable' age. And like all 12/13-year-olds, they can curl up in the raging foetal position at any point, meaning - good day, 12-14, bad day, 3 or 4 (including throwing their Hotwheels at the wall...or you). "It's so so cringey and stupid messages to each other." Particularly as you know it's so fake. And from both sides, possibly. Plus, it makes it rather obvious that, apart from their sexual attraction, they have bugger-all to talk about, bugger-all in-common. "I think she's got a son the way she talks about him." Oh, right! (Damn!) How old is he? PS: What happened to her own marriage - do you know? But that settles it for me: I'm hoping you'll decide you will continue monitoring, etc. "I'm like "what" you have just introduced your son to a complete random man within a week of knowing him, that doesn't leave your apartment to all hours in the morning." SNAP! "No matter what age our kids are we need to think about them first. That's way too soon and a bit toooooo much." Understatement! Poor lad must feel creeped-out every night, 'just in-case'. I mean - how's HE to know whether the guy's a paedo or not? "Insomnia, anyone?" (Selfish cow. How old is she?) "My thoughts is he's staying over and leaving early before she son gets up?" You can bet your arse Mr THIS Keen would have no problem pushing for an introduction if that served him. So - no. The excuse, maybe. But, given his super-speed and boundary-tresspassing chutzpah disallowing a 'just met' scenario, it's probably more that son still hates him and refuses to forgive him (or just doesn't like him so keeps himself scarce?). Anyway, that reason would be pointless. He's a young human being with accordingly keen senses, not a lump of wood. COURSE he can tell if the guy's stayed over again! (Sorry to be crass but - we're keeping it real here: can probably smell it, eh - or at the least, SNex's aftershave/whatever...hairs in the sink...). Nah, SNex just likes the excuse to get to leave once he's satisfied....probably doesn't even LIKE her. (Either that or he's also shagging the milkman or meeting a married woman wanting an affair, at 7am, before work, as their type do.) You're lucky you didn't catch something, missus. Anyway - whichever... leaving at 3am every night says user skank. I mean - seriously? She's worth stalking daily but not sharing breakfast or even just a morning kiss with? COME. OOOOON. That's a chasmic contradiction if ever I saw one. "That's been four nights inside a week he's came home 3/4am." Yeah. Which begs the question: when does he catch up on his sleep? Important (research) question: Was he this hyperactive with you? "His kids are home alone while daddy is out seeking love again. Disgusts me!!!" Me too, but, let's watch that space a bit longer because...we're not powerless by any means. "Lastly I don't know if I should tell my family, we have so much going on in our family at the moment, my aunt has found out there is nothing more the doctors can do with her cancer. My other aunt has been rushed to hospital not knowing what's happening with her as she's lost her husband back when ex and kids first left and she's just fading away into nothing. Maybe just a broken heart 💔 Last thing I want to do is put more problems on my family when their already going through so much." OH. No, then. Wait Until. "Best is ex knew this and never once asked about them, but had no problem taking a large sum of money out of their wee hands." Beeptard Scum-Bum! "Ohhhhhh God that on it's own angers me so much!!" Yeah, well, I got the gun first so - just wait a sec! ;p "He's evil to the core!!!" You're right. Sod the gun - pass the Syringe.

Come on! We can't call him Jack (in-the-Box) because that doesn't cut the mustard. Unless we liken him to Jack in The Shining, of course? 'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy' (Certainly going by his texts on the job, haha) (I'm presuming YOU were the one who thought up and kept-going interesting conversations?) Just Jack, then? Or what about - Jack Sh*t? Nah. I'm not in the zone. Mind you - he's Romanian which literally is an offshoot from the fact it was under Roman rule for eons? So how's about.... Caligula? Bit extreme? Help me out here! PS: Caesar Word-Salad??

"Update* Ex tried to message, video call and call my phone earlier today." For what pigging purpose, we wonder. "But I already have his numbers blocked but get a notification if block callers rang." Ooh! You KNOW stuff, don't you! What phone do you have? "Also he's blocked on messenger, seen his message and missed video call on his messenger." Wowzers. SO BASICALLY ....we could say he's e-stalking YOU, TOO! WARM-ON-THE-SIDE PLATE-SPINNING ALERT! Yep, this is Triangulation, alright. You're meant to fall gratefully into his arms for "choosing you" (not) and saving you from forevermore feeling that she had something you didn'tzzzzz.... and all that nonsense. UGH. "He had a few beers tonight messaging new gf they were chatting about feeling ready to have sex and how deeply they care for each other. (A whole week🤢)" See! Toldja! F-all to actually converse about! "Anyways I decided to put in a little message of my own into the conversation from his chat to new gf when she was declaring her feelings for ex. "I'll put in Curlylocks instead of my own name here" So I said "ok Curlylocks 💕" She then said oh you must have me confused with someone else?? Who's Curlylocks?? Ex then said ah she's got into my account I'll talk to you tomorrow. But no way would he know that for sure, he's maybe paranoid now or maybe it's his excuse to gf. Plus he was on the beers." Oh. And - Ah. Bit of a show-stopper? How on earth WOULDN'T he know for-sure it was you? Course he'll know! (Damn, wish you'd used a different name!) Okay, he can't prove that without letting her talk to you which ain't ever gonna happen. But - 'Ah (etc)'??? HE KNEW YOU COULD READ ALL ALONG. Indeed, he was relying on it! FURTHERMORE: 'Ah, she's (got into etc)'. SHE. The Cat's Mother. No introduction required. Toldja. He's slandered you to her so that she'll BE A BETTER WOMAN to him and all that manipulative bs. Mind you - Little Miss Sugarmouse there said - with someone else. Why not - with ex? Strange.. She's acting like she doesn't know who you are - or what your name is - while he's acting like she DOES. Any ideas? Right.... leave that with me for a few secs in terms of using that rather drastic move on your part to your advantage.... "He'd be scared to block me as he desperately needs me to do his dirty work here in UK." Yeah. OR...he's treating you ultra-mean to make you ultra-keen so that you'll offer to let him MOVE IN WITH YOU. See how that would be a solution for him if his benefits and housing benefits were stopped but he WASN'T prosecuted (but definitely fined)? (...and PS: take comfort in the fact that the Home Office/Judiciary *deliberately* go for their wallet first and foremost because THAT'S WHAT REALLY HURTS A NARC...and they know this. "Plus what's he gonna do pop up and ask me direct are you on my account when he's got no proof and doesn't want to assume and give the game away!!" He doesn't need proof, because you used your name, whereas if you'd put another, it would have left he himself bemused enough that he'd have spluttered and stuttered in response to her comment. But I'm still thinking about how to turn this round.... (chugga-chugga-chugga).... "But I intend to do absolutely nothing. I'll never return his calls or messages!!" SO THERE! Haha. He's too street-scummy for you, missus! I mean - how many leagues under your C is he? Four? Five? (You're middle-class, right? I'm guessing London or Essex?) (PS: I'm starting to think that big house and estate is riddled with debt.) "I hope he was on the beers tonight because he's stressed, I hope I threw a little spanner in the works between them tonight." Well - YES. WHICHEVER way she looks at it, including, even if it IS you! Why are you disgrunted? How come you did that in a calm, dignified way, rather than the screaming Banshee he'll have described you as being? "I know it was a little dangerous what I done but enjoyed it, interrupting their little hot steamy sex talk, and big feelings for each other 8 days in.lol" Haha, there there is that. Still ruminating and formulating, though - bear with...think I've got a cunning Baldrick plan... (I want to save her kid, don't you?) "I hope he's left with nothing but panic and stress." Well, depends.... what couter-action could he take, Gadget Girl? "Maybe he's thinking ohhhhh shit if it was Curlylocks she's seen my entire chat and knows the truth now," Well - I reiterate: using your real name - who ELSE would it be except for you? So, let's summarise the situation: He obviously WILL know that was sent by you. He just can't confront you about it or he'd be 'emptying his "too soon to be over you" pockets'. That'll make him feel scuppered, foiled, thinking 'oh shit, what now!'. He's going to have to sit down and have a very serious think now. However, I fail to see how he can possibly manipulate himself out of this - can you??? " she'll never help me with my house in the UK." ((YA THINK?!)) "Or is big brother watching my every move. Or maybe the benefit fraud." Well, benefit fraud wouldn't involve themselves in a text like that, BUT....I was just thinking - What if it was Fiance. His putting your name in would definitely be plausible. "He'll definitely be overthinking now and panicking and sweating with worry.lol Very interested to hear your thoughts tonight Soulmate!!! 😅"" True. He will. He'll feel his bridge and buffer has gone up in smoke, MEANING, he will now have non-payment of his rent, PLUS, still not showing up for that appointing - getting added to his case sheet. OO-er. So - how on earth did you join his text conversation? This I have got to know! But anyway...right! So Fiance was the one threw your name into the conversation. So what would Mr Northern Italian (Mafia for all he knows!) Fiance say next, do we suppose? What about (just loosely), something like.... 'Run while you can, Lady! Dude's a lowlife Fiancee-stealer'. Nice and vague? Can't tell if it's you speaking on Fiance's behalf or Fiance speaking on his own. :) Let's manipulate him so much he literally self-combusts! I would rather he switched his suspicion to Fiance, though. No access, innit. Did you say you HAVE changed/altered your Ground Floor locks?

It was definitely a great job at 'suddenly bursting out of their giant cake' though.... Kudos for that. DEFINITELY a 'light fuse and retreat' on her, though, considering she said, 'someone' else (unless she was being subtle and sarcy - as in - your *alleged* ex?).

I've just thought.... "It's the fact she's not showing any alarm that alarms me the most. You too?" ...Could the woman actually BE an independent prostitute???...one guy at-a-time?...Rent-A-(Quick)-Romance? Would that be why she's neither worrying over nor reacting to his obsessing (rushing) and treating her like a prossie by leaving in the night (as well as to avoid her son - because she's been very firm and clear about that rule being a Dealbreaker, perhaps)? ...Just another punter falling in instant love with her? (Whichever and Whether...what she probably doesn't know is that, with the NSpath, just letting them regularly touch and speak to you is enough to find yourself strangely, inexplicably, "all-of-a-sudden" feeling like you've fallen in-love BACK. Sooo many men and women just wanting Casual get caught like that, you wouldn't believe how many...and some prior to that danger point didn't even LIKE the bloke/woman-thing!)

Oh wait up - Just realised I didn't quite catch this bit... "He had a few beers tonight messaging new gf they were chatting about feeling ready to have sex and how deeply they care for each other. (A whole week🤢)"" So....he leaves at 3am after - what? A Tiddlywinks tournament?! Or am I right and she kneels before him and stuff, but, oh, gosh, oh, my - he's found himself powerless not to fall in-love with her??? Or is that BS - she is a prossie - and he's since 'explained' and is getting her to create this ruse that they've not even been to bed with one another? Sorry - 3am says different. Could even be when the meter runs out, eh. Need your input on this one, plizzie? What else can you tell me? Better yet - can you paste in a whole exchange from BEFORE you interrupted their text exchange? If I can 'hear' them, I can tap in (weirdo with weird skills that I am).

Believe me I have tried so many times to copy paste and translate their conversation. Because I'm using a phone flicking through pages back and forth I'm losing the conversation on this page. Be easier to copy and paste it from a laptop but then I wouldn't remember his password to log in from laptop, as his password is saved on my phone. I'm so disappointed I couldn't show you their entire conversation from the other night. I could send you the messages separately and upload each message here but again it's so many messages. Can I upload screenshots to here? I'm not sure if it's allowed on this?? Could be easier to send you rather than copy paste translate copy paste send to you here! Anyhow you can let me know if it's possible? What I have gathered from the full conversation they've been having since they've met. His brother suggested they meet, so they did, their on the honeymoon flirty stage (Like silly teenagers) Then there's the stalking red flag side of it, gate crashing her girls night, sad story night at the park hinting wanting to be next to her. Their conversation isn't a normal chat between adults, they shower each other with silly compliments and send constant emojis. They haven't chatted about anything interesting, just giggy silly things (Like the game "tag you're it") Kinda way! How much they like each other and how tempting it is to give in for sex but gf wants to hold out to tease ex he's stating I can't hold myself much longer for you as you are too tempting, she's sending laughing Emojis saying let's see how long we can last resisting each other. Ex bought her a plant and she sent ex a picture of the plant, she's like ohhhhh guess who got me this, ex ohhhhh someone must like you very much. (I've seen better weeds growing in my garden) I laughed when I seen the picture, thinking there was zero effort when he got her that..lol Honestly they don't make sense of anything, she's definitely blind or mentally unstable if she doesn't see any of the red flags, but I think she's one of them women that thrives on attention, Ive seen pictures of her in some she looks in her late 30's other pictures she looks like in her late 40's. My bestie said the same thing as I thought. I just got home tonight logged on to ex messenger they don't chat on there much from Monday night apart from sending the picture of her new plant. But what you know I've had another message from ex saying hello. No I'm not intending to reply nor contact him at anytime. As my bestie said if I contact ex he's only looking for me to clean up his mess over here then he'd wiped me out altogether without a thought and move on. I'm definitely not giving him any reassurance of any kind. Let him sweat, stress, suffer. I'm not losing any sleep over him, the more I hear and see angers me with nothing but disgust. It's actually helped me deal with this situation so much. If I didn't have access to his messenger and find out the truth myself, I'd be away climbing the walls ripping my hair out with not knowing. But now it's reversed he's the one not knowing. That makes me feel better knowing he's getting what he deserves. I would never ever ever give him a second of my time. Today I went to the salon, had a 3hr pampering session with body and head massage, hair styled was absolutely fantastic, exactly what I needed. Then bestie arrived to take me out for coffee had chat and laughs, we had such a wonderful evening. I'm slowly but surely bouncing back, and when I completely heal I will be stronger than ever before!!

Eyop! "I could send you the messages separately and upload each message here but again it's so many messages." How many so many? Richard (founder-owner) is the techie whizz. Top Green banner - Support - Technical Support - send him an email with your questions. However - here's an idea! Depending on it not being too many shots - send the screenshots to your email addy and then afterwards, copy and paste here from in there? That would work, wouldn't it?

"What I have gathered from the full conversation they've been having since they've met. His brother suggested they meet," Why would he do that? Told you two were over? Or he's similarly a cheating beeptard? "so they did, their on the honeymoon flirty stage (Like silly teenagers)" I realise that, but that doesn't negate the fact they've nothing meaty to talk about in-between their mushy-gushies. "Then there's the stalking red flag side of it, gate crashing her girls night, sad story night at the park hinting wanting to be next to her. Their conversation isn't a normal chat between adults, they shower each other with silly compliments and send constant emojis." (Strike above-last statement) Yup, yup, yup and yup. "They haven't chatted about anything interesting, just giggy silly things (Like the game "tag you're it") Kinda way!" You mean banter (but barely/not really)? "How much they like each other and how tempting it is to give in for sex but gf wants to hold out to tease ex he's stating I can't hold myself much longer for you as you are too tempting, she's sending laughing Emojis saying let's see how long we can last resisting each other." That sounds contrived to me. WHEN WAS THIS SAID IN-RELATION TO YOUR TEXT TAKEOVER EPISODE? "Ex bought her a plant and she sent ex a picture of the plant, she's like ohhhhh guess who got me this, ex ohhhhh someone must like you very much. (I've seen better weeds growing in my garden) I laughed when I seen the picture, thinking there was zero effort when he got her that..lol" Did the rest of the conversation make it clear she was being over-grateful because he'd bought it, rather than, taunting him by letting him know she'd received a pressie from another man/punter (and/or but was playing dumb)? "Honestly they don't make sense of anything, she's definitely blind or mentally unstable if she doesn't see any of the red flags, but I think she's one of them women that thrives on attention, Ive seen pictures of her in some she looks in her late 30's other pictures she looks like in her late 40's." Narcissistic or actual Narc? They might be simply pairing-up to manipulate both of their exes, you know. Alternatively, it's not uncommon (when desperate) for an N-Spath to pick on a lesser Narc or just a Plastique Fantastique type too-high on the natural narcissistic scale, similarly too obsessed with what shows on the outside than what lies on the inside?...superficial. "My bestie said the same thing as I thought." About what's wrong with her, you mean? (To save time, please could you try to be more exacting and specific from now on?) "I just got home tonight logged on to ex messenger they don't chat on there much from Monday night apart from sending the picture of her new plant." So they don't normally comm on a Monday but she's the one who's broken that pattern? Or he is, through the timing of his sending (interflora/amazon and the insta-mailorder like?) that plant? "But what you know I've had another message from ex saying hello." SO THAT'LL BE PRECISELY WHY HE'S TOLD HER MONDAY NIGHTS ARE NO-GOs. (Ah don'-laike Monnnn-days Ah-don' laike..Monnn-day-ays Ah don'-laike Monnnn-days-Ah wanna shoot OOO-OOO-OOOOOH OOOOOH OOOH My ex-es down!) (Don't mind me? haha) Let's name him Weed! He's all big head and stalk (and leaves)! :D Plus it's easy to type. Plus is separates phonetically as Wee and D for Dunce. (Unless you can think of better?) "No I'm not intending to reply nor contact him at anytime. As my bestie said if I contact ex he's only looking for me to clean up his mess over here then he'd wiped me out altogether without a thought and move on." Yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to actually DO it?...you could string him along? "I'm definitely not giving him any reassurance of any kind. Let him sweat, stress, suffer." Absolutely! "I'm not losing any sleep over him, the more I hear and see angers me with nothing but disgust." He's kicked all the love out of you and now he's busy spitting the like out of you, too. Yeah. Think of it as self-harm merely THROUGH you/another human. To take you down WITH him. Either as in, while with you, or as in, simultaneously-but-separately. "It's actually helped me deal with this situation so much." If I didn't have access to his messenger and find out the truth myself, I'd be away climbing the walls ripping my hair out with not knowing." Yes, you bloody would! "But now it's reversed he's the one not knowing." HA and Ha. And, nicely done. :) "That makes me feel better knowing he's getting what he deserves." A smidgen, maybe. "I would never ever ever give him a second of my time." Fairenoughski. "Today I went to the salon, had a 3hr pampering session with body and head massage, hair styled was absolutely fantastic, exactly what I needed. Then bestie arrived to take me out for coffee had chat and laughs, we had such a wonderful evening." EXCELLENT!!! "I'm slowly but surely bouncing back, and when I completely heal I will be stronger than ever before!!" You are BEEPING fast, you really are! And yes - what ELSE would you expect to come out like, after having spent all-day every-day in a High Intensity (Mental) Gym for the last 7 solid years plus another notch up in intensity this last year? Damn...Does this mean you're done and won't be answering any more posts? I was going to ask you if you'd like to become a regular, even just for a limited period? (puppydog eyes with pitiful-sounding meows?)

""How much they like each other and how tempting it is to give in for sex but gf wants to hold out to tease ex he's stating I can't hold myself much longer for you as you are too tempting, she's sending laughing Emojis saying let's see how long we can last resisting each other." That sounds contrived to me. WHEN WAS THIS SAID IN-RELATION TO YOUR TEXT TAKEOVER EPISODE?"" Think about it: "Tick-tock-tick-tock - take my calls, Curly - before I make my having left you, official - tick-tock-tick-tock...". Ah, well. Let him go BOOM, then. And then Little Miss Hundreds-And-Thousands Sprinkles can have Mr Then-I-Took-The-A25, all to herself....won't that be wonderfulzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... Was he this boring and inane, conversationally, with you, too?

He's going for what he thinks is still your Achilles: Sex. ...Meaningful sex. Yep, it's definitely badly-acted pressuring. Hahahahaha! Why don't you intercept again with - "OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, WOMAN - JUST HURRY-UP AND GET ON WITH IT!" HAHAHAHAHA!!! Go on - take the piss.

His ego will NOT be able to take that! And think of all the volumes it speaks (assuming she's innocent but just too easily duped and led). She'll go - WTF?...This woman sounds like she doesn't WANT him!....and worse - like she wants me to take him off her hands!!?! And, secretly, in his head - so will HE. "Hey! (Hey!) You! (You!) Ah don'-like-yer girlfriend No way! (No way!) But, glad that shee's your newww one!..." (OOOH, he'll projectile vomit his Narc Rage Toxins straight into her toilet-self AND spill his arse all OVER her!)

PS: Being 'publicly' humiliated will impact, affect and, more to the hobbling point - EFFECT - faaaar worse than keeping him guessing re the 'home help' - trust me. And then she'll have no choice but to ditch him - and remove him from her poor lad's so-called home. (NO-one should feel unsafe in their home - no-one! Regardless that we healthies can always heal from everything - it's powerfully chronically injurious and disruptive.)

...I don't think he's 'left guessing' anyway. Not even remotely. And nor is he technically unsavvy (a lie they all tell to get you free secretary-ing). He knows it was you intercepted the text exchange He knows you're refusing to call him back 2 + 2 equals So now he knows why, and that, 'forcing' you, will take taunting and time-pressuring you like this. To call what he thinks is, your bluff, whereby you panic, like Ben, in The Graduate, start banging on the church glass doors - "Elaaaiiiine!!" (bang-bang-bang-bang-bang!) Sorry - "Weeeeeeeeeeed!!!" (bang-bang-bang-bang-bang!) Maybe they're actually platonic...two Narcs cooperating (they'll hunt in teams/packs even if they hate each other)? Or she isn't that dumb and so, definitely isn't sure, thus keeping him at arm's length? OR they definitely have slept together but placing that ticking time-bomb (ooh, let's see how long we can hold out, ooh) is part of his lies and manipulation to crank you up so much that you'll NEED to phone him, even just to give him a mouthful? Especially as, then, we have a gift plant. A slightly shitty plant (message: See? Other women are GRATEFUL when I give them crumbs so YOU should be too!). And oh, he can't stay away from her, but, phew, he can't be in-love yet, leaving in the wee hours (as screams CASUAL, JUST SEX). And NOW look....FALLING for each other as well as about to have sex (tick-tock). (Platonic allies would explain her over-copious laughing emojis during that bit, wouldn't it...Can't keep a straight face.) Nah. He knows, and this is all part of his charade since he lost his original tin-opener (Bride's sister). That's why he grabbed at Miss Fruit Salad so fast when 'lent' her by his brother (she's a male panderer). It's clear to me that he *definitely* *NEEDS* to come back to England. Some unfinished or still-ongoing business. And you say you want nothing to do with him now. Ergo - SINCE he *does* know... Your surprise parting gift - humiliation (bad enough, even just in front of his own ego!) and - in response to his typically over-entitled 'will you be helping me, still, considering you're surely still under the spell of Irresistible Me?' - a big, fat, permanent, bridge-burning... 'Compu(t)er sez Nao...'. ??? And that will remove him from this sloppy mother's poor son's life.....two for the price of one.... a BOGOF in both senses. :) ??? What say you, Gunga Din?

I've decided tomorrow I will translate their conversation to pen and paper and type it on here. Might take a bit longer to do rather than copy paste translate then copy paste again. I will get it to you one way or another and you can analyze whatever way you thinks best. Plus another message from ex last night 9pm my time, 11pm his time saying, hello. I know he's panicking as he's got another interview with UC on the 12th of September. I don't think he'll tell them over the phone when he believes he's got a full furnished house in UK and hasn't given his four weeks notice to housing. He's trying to contact me to set himself free. If that's ever going to happen..lol He doesn't understand anything when it comes to documents, he couldn't believe when I started his claim here how much work and detail UC required. He knows UC have a copy of his passport, his ID card, his bank statements account number, his pre settlement status from Home Office, plus Home Office has his address in Romania. He'll be looking over his shoulder every daily. As for GF the Romanian women don't care if men are in a relationship or married, maybe she has a relationship with ex's brother? They are hungry for the attention from men of any kind. We'll see how much ex tries to contact me before the 12th, he may not answer the phone call to UC. And no conversation between ex and gf today, I believe they have started phoning each other rather than using messenger. I'll be back on tomorrow with the conversation between these two.

Here is the entire conversation. Gf- I got home and going to sleep. Gf- Goodnight Ex- You want to chat on camera for 10 minutes Gf- no I have Darius here Ex-ok Gf-I am calling you on the accusi number. Ex- we'll talk tomorrow Gf- maybe Gf- and I don't feel so good Ex-why Gf- I've got a cold, I'm taking my temperature, I can barely stand. Ex- I'm sorry to hear that you have a cold but I hope you're fine tomorrow, I miss you 💕 Ex- I had a few beers this evening. Ex- I'm in the car listening to music. (Ex sends a picture of himself) Gf- you are on the wave 🤣 Ex-yes Gf- but what happened to you? Ex- I am glad in my heart that I met you ❤️❤️ Gf- I will talk the beers out of you somehow 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Ex- it's not about the beers, I'm telling you how I feel about you ❤️ Gf- I was joking and I'm glad to have met you 😊 Gf- I like teasing you 🤣🤣 Ex- what you mean 🤔 Gf- well, I'm waiting for you to tell me to my face when you're awake 😁🤣 Ex- all in their own time 🥰 Gf- now I don't understand why you drank, either out of anger, or out of happiness that I knew you better Ex- but I really like you a lot 😘 Gf- yes, that's why you took advantage of a poor girl who was sick, right? 😁 Ex- luckily I met you Gf- broken again sister 🤣 Gf- you know I laugh at you 🤣 Gf- I'm also glad to have met you, I hope you won't disappoint me later 💕 Ex- I didn't take advantage of anyone, you know very well that we both wanted to do it 😘😘 Ex- trust me Gf- yes, you stupidly put yourself in the position of a good boy, but if I lingered any longer you would rape me for sure 🤣🤣🤣 Ex- 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Gf- well, you stopped, didn't you? Ex- maybe because I couldn't stand it anymore. Gf- neither do I 🙈🙊 Ex- I know and I felt this 😘 Gf- if I resisted, you should should know that I was playing with your resistance. Gf- I despair of you 🤣 Gf-take the plains 😂 Gf- you're lucky I care about you Gf- I closed you because you don't say anything 🤣 Ex- I was sure that you couldn't resist anymore Gf- sure 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Ex- what can I say, you're nice, cute and I want you 🥰🥰🥰 Gf- I'm thinking about it, and so I'm going to hold on, to see you, if you can 🤣 Ex- I don't want you for one night, I want you forever, I miss you. If you agree 😘😘 Gf- stay by my side without doing anything 🤣 Ex- ok, I don't think I can resist that long 😘 Gf- I wanted to say that I resist with you without wanting to, but to see you if you resist the temptation. Ex- I don't know 😘 Gf- I say no Ex- correct Gf- you run to sleep because I'm going to, because you're the one who wakes me up Ex- I want you because you are a very beautiful and diligent woman 😘 Gf- that's all 🤣🤣 Ex- I'm not tired Ex- ok Curlylocks 💕 Gf- I'm good at giving advice, but I think I'm a cabbage in a relationship, you've messed up your business 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Ex- I do not mind Gf- I only noticed your message above, who is Curlylocks. You confused again 🤣🤣 Ex- you see she is still texting don't panic. Ex- she has my account Ex- we'll talk tomorrow, sleep well and sweet dreams ❤️ Gf- ok Gf- see you tomorrow Gf- easy sleep Ex- thank you Ex- good morning Gf- morning Ex- what you doing Gf- at work Ex- what time you finish Ex- do you want to have coffee when you finish work, I'm waiting for a message from you 😘 Gf- finish in half an hour Ex- wait there at work I'm coming in 40 minutes ❤️ Ex- it's ok Gf- ok (4 hours later) Gf- thank you Ex- with pleasure (A couple of hours later) Sends picture of plant Gf- guess who I got it from 😍 Ex- I don't know my dear 🤔 Ex- you can talk on camera? Gf- no Ex- ok Gf- I can call you on number Ex- ok -------------------------That's everything, no more contact on messenger. Over to you soulmate what's ya thoughts now? Told you it's a weird conversation between them -------------------------

Not ignoring you - bear with. Definitely Sunday, hopefully sooner! :) But I want a clear window so I can focus properly...

Heya! :) Sorry about that - got a lower stomach bug, on top of problems with contractors, which has been slowing me right down. Well... It's a bit difficult to understand, what with all the "lost in translation", but the strongest impression I got on reading that, is that she's torn. She seems to be forcing the flirting (to keep him maintained thus open as an option) yet peppering it with little flashes of concern about his character - and, no doubt, the fact he dodges her questions or answers them with something different or too far removed...being cagey, basically. And I can tell she did NOT want to reciprocate this: "Ex- I am glad in my heart that I met you ❤️❤️"...that it made her feel awkward, hence her attempt to blame it on the beer. And then when he presses it, she replies that she was only joking yet still fails to echo the 'mating call'. See what I'm saying? She's not comfortable. Randy, yes, thus not wanting to give him up just yet - comfortable, no. Can't say I blame her. It's too soon and therefore not possible to feel that deeply already. That would make me cringe as well, wouldn't it you? "I hope you won't disappoint me later". Clearly she can see it's entirely possible, the cliched, cheesy way he's behaving. But he wants her to buy into the fantasy that they're an incredible match and made for one another. Because the quicker she falls for it and falls in-love with it, the quicker he'll be able to start manipulating her, including threatening to pull away and/or going hot-cold-hot-cold. Remember - he's in a screaming hurry for replacement Primary Supply (another you) and, I'm betting, to move in with her...rent-free, of course, because 'you don't charge your bf rent'. OH YES YOU BLOODY DO! You don't when you feel it could be the first-and-last straw in one, fell swoop, though - so tenuous is the connection/attachment as it is (pithy, skimped-on foundation). Yeah, I'd sum up with: she's trying to keep him 'on the spot', moving no farther forwards nor backwards - "for now". Shame you can't keep watching that space. (Or can you?) But - no. Nothing to 'soak up', other than minimal on the intellectual side. Which itself feels really strange for a supposedly emotional conversation - see what I'm getting at? Emotionally, it's mostly his trying to get her to commit super-prematurely, and her saying and doing - "Back a bit - back!" and, "oh, hahaha" a lot just to avoid having to answer his ridiculously premature sentiments with a straight answer. She's not a Thinker but she IS experiencing feelings of misgivings from the unnatural way this is all going. TBH, I was bored after the first sodding few lines! A load of mostly repetitive Nothing. He must be a bloody good kisser and/or good in bed, that's all I can say! Probably...he's a Somatic, not a Cerebral...all looks and no brains or finesse, aside from basically his usual, sneaky, repetitive, interactional role-script. She's more intelligent than him, though. Saying that, however, if she doesn't pull out now, she'll get sucked in, regardless, even under her own radar, outside of her own control ("The Sociopathic Effect"), even against her very firm intentions... happens all the time. Did it happen with you? - suddenly in-love yet you couldn't trace WHY when nothing had changed? In the words of Janet Jackson - what DID this cheesy-sleazy street-level gigalo do for you all those 'latelys', anyway?

...It's very young teenager-ish, actually, isn't it. Also - what's this 'can be there in 40' when he lives an hour away? Is this guy just constantly hanging in and around her neighbourhood because, for him, her saying yes is just a formality? That's the impression I'm getting. Yeeesh. He's just a male prostitute as far as I can see! And who's treating her like an escort (shitty little pot-plant of all things....roadside petrol station, anyone?).

PS: Here ya go - you're definitely ready for this. Jennifer Smith's site - True Love Scam (just pasted in some of her site articles for ABCD, as well). She doesn't pull any punches, but she does eroneously lump them all under the label of narcissist. Didn't used to until a few years back, so maybe it's just for expediency's sake in terms of keeping focus purely on their narcissism in-common. However, if one wants to keep it simple, it's easier to say, malignant Covert/C-Vulnerable - want power over your emotional state and ego in order to keep themselves enhanced (including by stealing your personality), whereas a Sociopath with Narcissism as a co-morbid condition (or vice-versa depending upon the ratio split between the two) wants all of that AND to steal your lifestyle or life, wealth, achievements (the latter especially, the narcissism as a tool for achieving it), meaning, for the former, it's an end in itself but for the latter, a means to an end. (Sense?) Read everything in order - (top banner) left-to-right, top-to-bottom (makes it easier to take in). But here's an extract/taster: https://www.truelovescam.com/5-stages-of-true-love-scam/ "It Takes Us Unawares And By Surprise The bizarre hypnotic and stunning effect that comes along with the “narcissist”, the sociopathic user means that very often we do just what they’re hinting at. They aren’t displaying genius in this. We respond as we do in response to an invisible, powerful element they possess. They come out of the box with an inborn quality that results in what can be called coercive control. It’s that thing about them that we might think of or others refer to as “charm”. – Though not all of us see the sociopath in front of us as charming. Sometimes they kind of gross us out. But if they can keep the connection up, at about a two-week-in point, it’s possible we flip and suddenly “like” them. And there we are… Hooked. It has the same result either way. You can probably still recall the feeling of compulsion to do things for them, to give them things, and to make sure things are taken care of for them. This is the natural human response to the effect of a sociopathic user. " Also, Jennifer happens to include the Hypnotic Effect I've just warned this woman's currently vulnerable to, endemic in the condition (not their skill, just their illness's effect on all normal-healthies if you spend too long in their company/interacting), so have this as well (same page and link): "The First Stage of a Love Scam The first sign that we’re headed for a nightmare is found within our emotional reaction to them. The thing is, as normal humans, we don’t realize this is happening… Or that what is happening inside us signals this. When we encounter one of these creatures and we “like” something – anything – about them, we’re hooked. We enter into a spellbound altered state. There’s a sense of being elevated into another dimension. We’re excited, almost in a cliched state of breathlessness. On the hot air of their rather banal or odd compliments float us into another realm. Compliments from a predator range from the quite generic, you’re hot. Odd such as, yah, this will work. Or can be “profound” such as I feel like I’ve known you forever. We’re Tossed Into an Altered State ((It's true - worst luck! I've always called it Honeymoon Heroin - Dopamine and Oxytocin overload, basically.)) As we all know on an intellectual level, no one lasts long if they’re breathless. In this alternate universe we’ve immediately been catapulted into, we believe every word they say even though a lot of what they say doesn’t make perfect sense. Our mind busily makes sense of what doesn’t make sense. – This is normal when we meet a predator. And normal humans need things to make sense. It’s natural to make sense out of things that don’t make sense. This natural human quality is – as are all our natural human qualities – bent to the sociopath’s purpose without any effort on their part, and without our conscious awareness of it or control over it. This is the effect of the sociopath, it’s what we call coercive control. – The realities of coercive control are invisible and subtle. Coercive control isn’t initiated at that obvious threat, if you don’t do such-and-such, I’ll break your arm, nor at, if you do such-and-such, I’ll put those naked photos of you online. However, those threats might come later." And as you know Pot-Plant Woman's phone number - maybe you can get someone he doesn't know and has never met to anonymously text her the link (whoops - wrong number!). Again, not for her sake so much as her poor son's. How you doing today, anyway?

Yip I totally agree. They've been messaging again on messenger. (nothing exciting I can tell you) Ex has been trying to get in touch with me again, with messages and 3 missed video calls tonight. Obviously he's panicking he's got his UC appointment this Thursday. Looking for me to update him regarding his house here. No chance of that happening, I hope his stress levels go through the roof. When ex and I got together he chased me for 3 months before I gave into him for a date, we were together for about 6 months before we slept together, and longer before I let my kids meet him. Our honeymoon period was unbelievable perfect, he knew what to say and done all the right things. He told me he loved me very soon into the relationship about a month in. I just put it down to him having a few drinks. But seeing him spilling his feelings out to gf takes me back. I'm usually quick at picking up signs and red flags, but he definitely blinded me for sure. He knows exactly what to say and do to get his way. Then again I was vulnerable having met someone after so many years on my own. I hope she catches on sooner than I did. I'm likely the big bad wolf now when he talks about me..lol I seen what he said about I told you she has access to my account etc... No he definitely doesn't know that as I've always been very very careful and that was the first time I popped into his conversation, so either it's his way of covering himself or him having a few beers and not being sure maybe I did write that??? Having all that stress in mind, I know he's only guessing and panicking. Anyways how long does it usually take for the fraud investigation team to catch this gulpin? I've his lights and gas turned on in the house so he'll be gutted having to pay his bills by direct debit and his Internet. I should have switched his gas on constant he'd be paying a fortune every month.. Hope you're keeping well I'm sure you're busy running around after contractors and head fried by all of us on here. You deserve a medal for all you do🏅 Thank you 🤗🤗🤗🤗

Sorry about that. Painful sinus-head or what! I feel a bit better now ("dow" haha). "Yip I totally agree. They've been messaging again on messenger. (nothing exciting I can tell you)" Hah! You don't need to! If you take the s*xual element out of it, you basically have this: 'What's your favourite colour?'/'Blue'/'I like Blue'/'Yeah,...it's so Blue-ish'/'Though sometimes it can be Green-ish'/'Yeah...'/Yeah..... What about Red, do you like Red?' ...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (wheeeeeeeeeeeeh, goes the hand-grenade....BOOM!.....Haribos everywhere! haha. Honestly, as I was re-reading it, I was hearing Haribo Kids' voices (the latest TV and Radio ad campaign, haha).) "Ex has been trying to get in touch with me again, with messages and 3 missed video calls tonight." Ah, FLEUGH! "Obviously he's panicking he's got his UC appointment this Thursday." Which means Thursday just gone, yeah? Got an update? "Looking for me to update him regarding his house here. No chance of that happening, I hope his stress levels go through the roof." Yip. But frustrated fury is what he'll feel the most. And paranoia that he's lost his Black Magic mojo (*huge grin*)...that one will do the worst damage. "When ex and I got together he chased me for 3 months before I gave into him for a date, we were together for about 6 months before we slept together, and longer before I let my kids meet him." THERE IT IS! Gave into him. YUP. OHHHH, YUP! (TICK!) Six months. High Fiiiiiive! (That would and should have worked beautifully with a Normal-Healthy. THEY don't want to get hurt any more than you do (diff all the diff).) "Our honeymoon period was unbelievable perfect," TICK! "he knew what to say and done all the right things." TICK: Yeah, cos of all-day-everyday practise and noticing what gets which result(s). "He told me he loved me very soon into the relationship about a month in." UHF! ...TICK! "I just put it down to him having a few drinks." TICK! I just put it down to him being a soppy romantic. (Assumption has a lot to answer for, eh. But at that stage we think they're normal/sane.) "But seeing him spilling his feelings out to gf takes me back." Yeah. Same screenplay, see? TICK! Don't get me wrong, though - they CAN like you (, for a change). But that's just a side-bonus for these Desperados. "I'm usually quick at picking up signs and red flags, but he definitely blinded me for sure." YUP - SNAP! But even Robert Hare himself would get duped. THAT'S WHY THEY'RE SO EMOTIONALLY (etc.) DANGEROUS. You don't fall for them using your intellect and commonsense, do you. They get you by the heart - Cap'n Kirk - ...and you know what HE'S like! Poor ol' Spock doesn't get a word in until Kirk's settled down and had his fill. It's not his Remit unless Kirk's choices turn out to have inadvertently/accidentally set the ship to collide with a meteorite. So - what can ya do? Well, what you CAN do (which pigging spoils what should be the fun of dating!) is, go in as Spock and don't let Kirk out until the person's had enough time and conditions enough to have demonstrated their true colours. After all, you wouldn't buy a car if the test-drive consisted of one, long but straight, smooth, picturesque road, would you. You'd want to know how it cornered...whether it could 'step up' enough to avoid trouble of overtake when the occasion called for it. "He knows exactly what to say and do to get his way." Yup. But only with the aid of the victim fancying them and/or being into them! People that aren't 'enthralled' think, What a cheesy creep! (You wait until, a bit further along this recovery path, in your mind, he seems to SHRINK and seem younger and younger in age. JUST like the film "big", albeit that Tom Hanks' character isn't at all malignant nor with malicious intent (diff all the diff...not that being a kid, emotionally, in a grown adult's body is a good thing either).) "Then again I was vulnerable having met someone after so many years on my own." Then that tells me you didn't enjoy being single - yes? THAT'S the problem right there. Same principle as going food shopping on an empty stomach. You end up buying useless sh*t. "I hope she catches on sooner than I did." Don't hold yer breath. Only if she were pre-self-educated...and we've no way of knowing that. That skepticism of hers is what happens at her stage, but the Spath nutjob knows what to do to turn it around (keep flatteringly hammering away, usually) "I'm likely the big bad wolf now when he talks about me..lol" Awww, der poor babbyyyyyyy. And - nasty mummyyy! Urrch - but, YUP. "I seen what he said about I told you she has access to my account etc..." Uh-huh. "No he definitely doesn't know that as I've always been very very careful and that was the first time I popped into his conversation, so either it's his way of covering himself or him having a few beers and not being sure maybe I did write that??? Having all that stress in mind, I know he's only guessing and panicking." Nah, sorry. It was obvious for the fact you used your name, I'm afraid; so he does. He may not know HOW or SINCE WHEN - hence his badly-disguised, DESPERATE attempts to get hold of you. That'll be (bloody won't :P) one of the things he'll ask you (can't - ha-HA). "Anyways how long does it usually take for the fraud investigation team to catch this gulpin?" Depends on the backlog and how serious/prolific it is. It is a full investigation. Enough evidence on the table, so to speak, and they'll be able to spit him out, back to Roman Mania (they're currently UK's biggest problem country fyi). "I've his lights and gas turned on in the house so he'll be gutted having to pay his bills by direct debit and his Internet." Ex...ce....lllent! "I should have switched his gas on constant he'd be paying a fortune every month.." Yeah. DAMN. You SURE you can't pop back?...take someone with you?...get a friend to do it for you using videophone so you can direct them to the thermostat etc.? I'll do it?! Haha. If I could. "Hope you're keeping well I'm sure you're busy running around after contractors and head fried by all of us on here." Yeah, I've had to fire one. Nearly fired another but he sensed I was distinctly unimpressed and stepped-up just in time (now On Probation in my head..which is good because that vibes, and they have predator-level senses so, sense it they do. That's why you've got to give an unimpressed and/or angry response, not, Boo-hoo, why are you being so meeean to meeee?, that some are used to getting a favourable response from (out of Normals anyway). "You deserve a medal for all you do🏅 Thank you 🤗🤗🤗🤗" Cheers! ...but I'd rather have the money? :D No - thank YOU...for taking us on your journey and showing people that letting your natural, very necessary anger and indignation take the lead (at this stage) makes ALL the difference! There's not usually MUCH one can do or feel like doing when seriously-seriously constipated, is there. (Not Rocket Science.) :) How you feeling now? Did he try again?

PS: This is what I'd be doing if I were you at this precise point: Text him, 'Why do you keep trying to call me?' And whatever he answers with, just reply this: 'Oh.' Or - 'Oh, that's a shame'. Or - 'Oh no - poor you'. And then - no matter what he says/tries next: nothing. Ever. Again. TEE. HEE. What he WON'T know is who dobbed him in - IF ANYBODY! Could be he made some mistake on a form which gave the game away....or any other subtle sign they picked up on. Could have been the housing association manager/inspector ('This guy's out of the house more than he's in it!')...Anybody or anything. (And if he ever confronts about that, solely and specifically, I advise you just say: 'Ohh, feck-off, you annoying little eejit', as if to say, you've got far many more important things to do than be concerning yourself with Tedious Him, and, not to flatter himself. (Out-Narcing the Narc, yeah, baby. It works. IF you can be arsed. If not - Zero Contact. If you can't - Grey Rock. There's more than one hand-grenade in this life, so there is (;). I get 'revenge' by entertaining myself silly, making brilliant comedy fodder out of them. I feel a lot better for it and, THEY, DON'T. God though - have you read 'Mother In Law Anxiety' by "Lisa penny"? She's just gone into more info and detail about the said Monster-In-Law and, OMG, after reading it, I soooo want to slap that sodding vampire's face!....one slap for every admonishment. Or maybe, every word, haha....You (slap) do NOT (slap) treat (slap) your lovely daughter-in-law (slap-slap-slap) like that!) Yours, on the other hand, I want to slap with every syllable. PS: You're STILL not telling me what his temper was like (drums fingers on desk). It's now conspicuous by its absence (ha - bit like him!). So from that, I'm going to presume that either it wasn't good OR he was okay on that score (e.g. because he has way more to lose by losing Convenient You than the average so didn't dare risk it for a biscuit with any obvious, negative Overtness.) You may correct me, haha. ;p (You can run but you can't hide.) (Only joshing. I do NEED to know, though. For yours and your kids' protection and safety, guaranteed. Seriously.)

PPS: thought of a better "Oh" response: 'Have to catch you later - we're about to cut the cake!'. (just pissed meself)

""I should have switched his gas on constant he'd be paying a fortune every month.." Yeah. DAMN. You SURE you can't pop back?...take someone with you?...get a friend to do it for you using videophone so you can direct them to the thermostat etc.? I'll do it?! Haha. If I could." Come on!....that's the way to REALLY hurt a Covert or Spath - IN THE WALLET! Oh, the agony...the white hot fury he can't empty himself of..... his head head might actually self-combust.

Heya, Curly - what's happening? How are you doing?

Sorry I've been busy and crashing out early. Where were we....... Yeah his temper, he didn't have a temper to be honest, when I was giving off he'd sit there and somehow make me laugh and then cuddle me Honestly in the years I've known him I've never seen his temper break. Even when his kids were rude or misbehaving he'd shout at them but never lift his hand to any of them. In the end before he took them back home to Romania he always told me life for them here wouldn't work out as their all wild wolves and would never be able to adapt to normal living, he would have blamed the kids mother for their behavior. That's when he'd lay in bed all day and night watching films and leaving me to attend to the kids, breakfast going to school, make lunches, do homeworks, study time and play time. I was on my own towards the end. Well it's update time... Ex has been trying really hard to contact me through messenger (he's blocked) WhatsApp (he's blocked) phoning me (he's blocked) now tonight I happened to click into TikTok and there's a hi with a love heart. Nope I didn't click into it, then I thought I'd pop into Snapchat (which I never use) And there's another hello love heart. I logged into his messenger and Facebook and no more chat from new girlfriend, he seems to be back on the hunt for more single ladies as he's had 12 new lady friends, he hadn't chatted to them yet, but I'll keep an eye 👁️ I know in my heart if I contacted him, he'd be asking for me to do this that and the other regarding his problems over here in UK. Then maybe block me who knows?? I think cause he'll have no more ties or connections here, so swipe his hands together to get rid of the dust and move on. That's why I believe it's better him not knowing anything is the stresser!! He's maybe just trying to send love hearts thinking I'll fall at his feet and do all his demands, and believe me hell will freeze over before I'll ever do that for him. He can't contact anyone here like my family and friends as he doesn't know what I've told people about him leaving and disappearing. So I'll keep him stressing out until the fraud investigators find him, the longer the benefits money rolls on the more he'll have to repay. I hope it adds up to whatever he's receives from his father's death, so he hasn't anything left, just a stressful life. The man I thought I knew and loved so much, is dead to me... This other person makes me sick, he's a horrible cheat and scammer, I wish karma will get him good for everything he's done!!

Just found ex sent another message on his messenger to me, saying hello honey Seriously what goes on inside that head of his does he think I'm waiting for him to return to me with open arms??? I also seen he tried to sell my grandmother's mirror it's got her little cottage engraved on the mirror and the frame is chunky and weighs a lot, maybe not worth much but it's the fact he'd try do that to my family when they loved him so much throughout the years, but him trying to sell it on Facebook marketplace, really annoyed me!!! I gave him a few things for his home in Romania, as I believed it was our holiday home, as I never dreamed of breaking up. Now I'm cursing at myself I giving him anything. I can't say anything or he'll definitely know I'm on his account. Another thing, I started a bit of Christmas shopping last night, tried using his bank card as I was fuming but it said the card has been blocked and please contact your bank. I wonder what's going on? He'll be so angry and full of panic he's got no access to his benefit money now. Maybe that's why he's saying hello honey or trying to sell my grandmother's mirror?? Him having no money over there now that itself made me smile, stress levels must be shooting threw the roof 😁

Bless you for fielding another thread! And - very well handled (*thumbs-up*)! Here's your reward: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYa6-iNT4TQ Watch the first sketch (if you've never seen Little Britain or this weekly sketch series) and then immediately fast-foward to 5 mins, 10 seconds along. That's your ex, up against you, that is. Hahahahaha! Enjoy. Haven't been to sleep yet, starting to crash myself, so I'll do you tomorrow as in later today (failing that, tonight). Just wanted to say thanks and I ruh-huh-heally appreciate it/you. :)

Scratch that - it's still cloudy. I'll do you now and then have a quick siesta until the sun comes out (usually 1 or 2pm this season)... "Sorry I've been busy and crashing out early." Good, cos I didn't have the time, either! :D "Where were we......." Planning his murder. Or was that just me? haha. "Yeah his temper, he didn't have a temper to be honest," Uh-oh. "when I was giving off he'd sit there and somehow make me laugh and then cuddle me" Disarm you. (PS: You hide your Irish-ness so well, btw. Nnnnnot hahahaha! Northern or Southern (remembering you're still a needle in a vast haystack)? Or do you want me to work it out? I likes a challenge, I duz. PPS: Skinead O'Connor or Alarmist Morrissette?) "Honestly in the years I've known him I've never seen his temper break." Yuh. Worrying. Potentially... "Even when his kids were rude or misbehaving he'd shout at them but never lift his hand to any of them." BAM! HAM! Loada jam! Shouted at them but never at you? How does THAT work, then? Answer: too dependent on using you to risk it for a biscuit. Smarmy, humouring and diverting you type....class Clown act (clearly you're a comedy slut like me, then?)..."don't watch dat - WATCH *DIS*....Dis is de heavy-heavy monster soound....of MADNESS!" (-name the group). What a relief. Cos if you'd said he never 'reared-up' at you OR the kids, I'd have said, actual malig Narc-Psychopath. So - phuh-EW, Shaggy?! "In the end before he took them back home to Romania he always told me life for them here wouldn't work out as their all wild wolves and would never be able to adapt to normal living, he would have blamed the kids mother for their behavior." ...MEANWHILE: "That's when he'd lay in bed all day and night watching films and leaving me to attend to the kids, breakfast going to school, make lunches, do homeworks, study time and play time." Nuff said. "I was on my own towards the end." Not just towards the end, Curly. But - agree in regard to free Childminding specifically. "Well it's update time..." (Coffee - check! Cigs - check! Nibbles - check!)... "Ex has been trying really hard to contact me through messenger" ((LISTEN, MR FUCKOVSKY - DO AS YER NAME SAYS!)) (Sorry!) "(he's blocked)" BIFF! "WhatsApp (he's blocked)" POW! "phoning me (he's blocked)" KAZOW! (miniature birds circling and tweeting his bonce...) GO, BATWOMAN! (Honestly, I'm so damned proud of you, Ah could weyet mah paants!) "now tonight I happened to click into TikTok and there's a hi with a love heart." Or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll LOVE-BOMB your house down! / Not by the hair (which I plucked) on my chinny-chin-chin! "Nope I didn't click into it," (Thlup!) "then I thought I'd pop into Snapchat (which I never use) And there's another hello love heart." Which you never use? Wow. Desperate Is as Desperate Does. K. Now renaming him, Desperate Danski (if Modom has no objections?). "I logged into his messenger and Facebook and no more chat from new girlfriend," What? REALLY?? he seems to be back on the hunt for more single ladies as he's had "12 new lady friends, he hadn't chatted to them yet, but I'll keep an eye 👁️ " Twelve. Doesn't surprise me, but, at the same time - say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? That's only 3 from the largest recorded (15). (Seriously...start imagining what you could be earning if you were doing this (you's thorough AND techie-whizzy!) for a client right now? Eh? How much per hour? Shall I tell ya?) "I know in my heart if I contacted him, he'd be asking for me to do this that and the other regarding his problems over here in UK. Then maybe block me who knows??" Yup/You knows is who knows. "I think cause he'll have no more ties or connections here, so swipe his hands together to get rid of the dust and move on." YUP! "That's why I believe it's better him not knowing anything is the stresser!!" Yes, defo. But still it's the outrage that his personal lackey isn't jumping to it, that he's feeling the most. "He's maybe just trying to send love hearts thinking I'll fall at his feet and do all his demands," Yeah! And they're not even EDIBLE Hearts! Cheapskate. "and believe me hell will freeze over before I'll ever do that for him." I DO believe you. I have total faith in you in case you hadn't noticed? I'm letting you run the show and am thorough and utterly-butterly enjoying seeing a remarkably.still-healthy, barely-scathed, target wipe the floor the cleverest, most Smooth Criminal way possible as makes his own Modus Operandi look like Andy Pigging Pandy on the garden swing where you can plainly see the bloody strings! Haha, you wanna wait 6 months and then contact him to tell him he's a pigging amateur and would he like to hire you for lessons. He should just be thankful you're not a bigger one of HIM!...not evil! (Bet you wish you were, though.) "He can't contact anyone here like my family and friends as he doesn't know what I've told people about him leaving and disappearing." An INVISIBLE counter-Smear Campaign, no less! (Thlup!) "So I'll keep him stressing out until the fraud investigators find him," Yes! By which time, he'll answer their first Enquiry question like this: "Uh....buh-buh...uh...buuuh....". "the longer the benefits money rolls on the more he'll have to repay." YOSSSSSS! (*Air fist-punch*) "I hope it adds up to whatever he's receives from his father's death, so he hasn't anything left, just a stressful life." "What goes-a-round-a comes-a-rounnnd...MAH..bay-ay-beh....") "The man I thought I knew and loved so much, is dead to me..." YES - EXACTLY - IT'S TRUE. And what's still walking around, is his ghost. "This other person makes me sick, he's a horrible cheat and scammer, I wish karma will get him good for everything he's done!!" It already is, so it is (an' do ya hwant a Rotman's witchyur cop o' tea? ;)...Southern, definitely, but I digresss...). You 'applied to' Fate for permission to be its cosh, and it 'replied', Yes, you may ...hence hasn't stepped-in even once, even a bit, to stop you...which it's PERFECTLY capable of doing. (Flattery indeed!) (..., Bloody Teacher's pet haha.) 'Fortune favours the brave', innit.

(Intermission - Ice-Creams....Cinema lights re-lower...) "Just found ex sent another message on his messenger to me, saying hello honey" ((Hello, Lemon.)) "Seriously what goes on inside that head of his does he think I'm waiting for him to return to me with open arms???" Yes. Well...all the previous ones did? Plus, what else is he to do, especially when he knows nothing else save for what's in his well-worn screenplay and script? Not everyone is LIKE you. *Most wouldn't be able to resist 'clicking', even just to hear it from the evil horse's mouth (not that they ever tell you, even when caught Red-handed). Once the blindfold's removed - you're too intelligent, far-thinking, (plus hard as well as soft), to ever be rash enough to throw away your hard-won advantage. Most wouldn't get with the program quickly enough, would stay overly stuck in Disbelief, having to pendulum -swing enough times to lose kinesis and come to a stop, first. *I suspect quite a few will be after this, though. ("Thlup!" for the Exemplar of NOT just effectively, selfishly ("I'm alright, Jack!"), passing the rotten parcel to the next poor target, whomever she may be (or He, since he's a desperado who'd lower himself because sex means nothing beyond a form of currency), but shoving it back with a swift but lethal kick in the jewels to put and keep him out of action. Unplanned vigilanteism but vigilanteism nonetheless. You clearly put the kaibosh on his fauxlationship with Little Miss Pot-Plant. It is sooooooo insulting and Dealbreaking if a bloke who's claimed to be in-love at first sight with you, you're the one for him already (yadder-yadder), accidentally calls you by his ex's name! It's a slow but incremental, unstoppable burner, the sort that takes up residence in your mind and you know you can never forget nor excuse. Unforgiveable. (Awwwwwww, poor him...*foiled/owned* and by a 'mere handmaid'.) "I also seen he tried to sell my grandmother's mirror it's got her little cottage engraved on the mirror and the frame is chunky and weighs a lot, maybe not worth much but it's the fact he'd try do that to my family when they loved him so much throughout the years, but him trying to sell it on Facebook marketplace, really annoyed me!!!" WT Screaming' Fock?! Probably IS worth quite a bit. There again, mine did the same. I felt it was a small price to literally pay to have got rid of him. "I gave him a few things for his home in Romania, as I believed it was our holiday home, as I never dreamed of breaking up." Yup. Same as Thea. Same as me. "Now I'm cursing at myself I giving him anything." Know the feeling. There are possessions of sentimental value I still miss today. "I can't say anything or he'll definitely know I'm on his account." Not worth it. "Another thing, I started a bit of Christmas shopping last night, tried using his bank card as I was fuming but it said the card has been blocked and please contact your bank. I wonder what's going on? He'll be so angry and full of panic he's got no access to his benefit money now. Maybe that's why he's saying hello honey or trying to sell my grandmother's mirror??" Is it a credit or debit card? Yes - precisely why. OR...he blocked it because he knows you're onto him (unless he can sweet-talk you round again) and that using it is what he'd do (even without any provocation) ergo what you might do (with provocation)? Or didn't block it but failed to make the last payment (in this climate, banks are swift to freeze/block when that happens now). "Him having no money over there now that itself made me smile, stress levels must be shooting threw the roof 😁" He's fairly effing scuppered, yeah! :)))))))) He's greedy. Thought he could handle you, but had seriously underestimated you while overestimated himself. Same here. I pulled the rug from under 'mine' and pulled it gooood. It's us Super-Empaths they really want, and us Super-Empaths they aren't remotely qualified to 'drive'. His next Primary Supplier will be back to, down at his own league, you watch. And you'd be surprised... For those not in-the-know, it's surprisingly far more insulting than when your replacement's a younger, fitter, prettier model, when she's one step up from Shrek and thick as pig-sh*t. But actually it's a sign of desperation and loss of cockiness on the nspath's part. Plus - for exploitative malig Narcs - who cares what your 'gardener' or 'cook' happen to look like. As long as they're richer than *you* as well as kind-hearted, generous and giving, the rest is immaterial. Right - falling asleep now - laters!

It's a debit card he has, where all is benefit money goes into every two weeks. Remember I transferred his money from his Monzo account into my Monzo account then quickly shut his Monzo account down. He had no way of spending the money privately so it wouldn't be on any of his bank statements. So maybe he did use his debit card in Romania and the bank as made it as suspicious? I couldn't imagine ex blocking his own card, how would he get his new card? The bank would send it to his address here, but sure he would have no way to collect it? Honestly he trying now every day to try contact me, nope I'm definitely not responding to him the dirty low cheating git! I know it maybe would be the right thing to do but I believe it's too soon I would be scared of exploding and making things easier for him to turn everything back on me. I'm trying to keep busy trying not to think about him and his kids, every time there's a family event and birthday or holidays coming up like Halloween and Christmas, it gets hard, but I get angry and push them to the back of my mind. I keep repeating to myself their not worth any thoughts! They say times a healer I'm determined to get through this nightmare. Anyways rant over 😁 Hope you're feeling well rested today ❣️

Just a quick update to let you know he's still trying to contact me on everything and he seems to be still with the gf and back chatting on messenger, he doesn't seem to be giving so much love her way. Maybe he's getting bored? Even though he's searching for other women on Facebook. That might explain why he's searching? I honestly don't recognise this man at all? I would love to high five him with a spade!!!

"It's a debit card he has, where all is benefit money goes into every two weeks. Remember I transferred his money from his Monzo account into my Monzo account then quickly shut his Monzo account down. He had no way of spending the money privately so it wouldn't be on any of his bank statements. So maybe he did use his debit card in Romania and the bank as made it as suspicious? I couldn't imagine ex blocking his own card, how would he get his new card? The bank would send it to his address here, but sure he would have no way to collect it? Honestly he trying now every day to try contact me, nope I'm definitely not responding to him the dirty low cheating git! I know it maybe would be the right thing to do but I believe it's too soon I would be scared of exploding and making things easier for him to turn everything back on me. I'm trying to keep busy trying not to think about him and his kids, every time there's a family event and birthday or holidays coming up like Halloween and Christmas, it gets hard, but I get angry and push them to the back of my mind. I keep repeating to myself their not worth any thoughts! They say times a healer I'm determined to get through this nightmare. Anyways rant over 😁" Debit card: excellent. I do recall, yes, but I haven't a clue how it's done as I've never heard of Monzo before. Sounds like a foreign dog's name, haha. HERE, Monzo...gooood boy, Monzo... Haha...shut his account down. There still are no words, save for, OMG, BRILLIANT!, etc. Let's hope the refusal was in front of other people. A whole shopful! Or one of the new targets! Humiliation - Kryptonite for Narcs of all types but especially the 'superior', power-obsessed whose fake Normal Good Guy reputation is a vital, PRACTICAL, ACTUAL 'SURVIVAL' tool, rather than just a fake, substitute, ego-boosting one. You don't need to say 'honestly' - I believe you. One of mine (*foiled/owned*) didn't cease obsessively trying to lure me back, then stalking me, for 11 years. Just before I made the move here, he sent me a Fakebook Friend invitation, completely out-of-the-Blue. No doubt had been chucked (again), and/or was looking for someone to be his leverage tool because his latest was finally getting fed-up. I replied with silence. Hasn't a clue whether or whereabouts I am now. (One down, 6 equally old or ancient ones to go... hahahah. I really do piss them off, haha.) My fantasy reply went like this: "Re. Your Friends Invitation: (a) Hahahaha. HAHAHAHAHA. HAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-(CAN'T BREATHE!)-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAH-HA-HA-HA-HA! (b) A Friends Invitation, eh? Now, that's what you CALL an Oxymoron. From an Oxy Moron. (c) Remind me... You were the constantly insulting but whingy one, yeh? (d) Ugh - Sloppy Seconds! (See? It's not WHAT you do, it's the way that you do it) (- name the 80s all-male temporarily-plus all-female pop group!). But I'd decided Custard-Pie then Zero Contact was the way to go. And the fact his ego was desperate for (unentitled) revenge and to "win", for that incredibly long (in one sitting), is justice enough. "I know it maybe would be the right thing to do but I believe it's too soon I would be scared of exploding and making things easier for him to turn everything back on me." No, it's the opposite of the right thing to do. *Unless* it's to shove a custard-pie in his face (whereby he can't reach/touch you to get his brand of closure) and to the degree whereby he'd know bothering you again (for a pigging while unless or until he found another, 'better' lilypad to leap to), were futile because you see him for what he is, completely and utterly (Game Over) and, no, time has NOT made you forgive the unforgiveable (funny, that). Nope...you're doing great. There'd ultimately be no point, anyway. Plus they're WORSE THAN EVER if you take them back, just as soon as you're seen to finally relax again. As you are, Soldier. But - WHY do you feel it'd be the right thing to do? "I'm trying to keep busy trying not to think about him and his kids, every time there's a family event and birthday or holidays coming up like Halloween and Christmas, it gets hard, but I get angry and push them to the back of my mind." Yup. Yup. Good. It's just a horrid-feeling diet, at the end of the day. The rest is tricks of the mind, including to feel like it's how you feel in your heart (bloody isn't; it's 'forced' addiction - fact). Stay firm and you'll end up KICKING yourself (needlessly, I hasten to add) that you didn't Get Rid sooner! The rewards unfold, incrementally, from here. Saying that, you CAN explode. As long as it's like you're Queen Victoria, whom deems him the scum of the realm but is not intimidated in the slightest, just disgusted and barely able to disguise it, despite the tactful wording, 'We are not amused'. Which was said PARTICULARLY if what they'd tried on with her wasn't even intended to be funny. Anyway, the trick is to OVERLAY the past celebrations with new and better ones. And to take someone else to "your places". (You'd be surprised how effective that is, and it beats having to stay away from Your Places, plus foils him again.) Healing is the best revenge. Because they only got you with the aid of the fact you were, at the time, somehow down or not firing on all cylinders (or not plugged-in properly). And then either stopped you from healing and/or exacerbated or reignited your old wounds. Because, otherwise, Situation Normal You or Ticketyboo You would have said, 'Compu(ter) sez Nao'. Bloody emotions are always so slow to catch-up with your intellect, that's all. But feelings are NOT facts, especially not in this scenario. It's just a stiff tap with a delayed reaction. Don't let it fool you for him. Meanwhile, there are other things you can do to out-Narc him. E.g. 'I'll only take you back if first you bank xfer the money you owe me, my mother and my Aunt. And the total amount you unfairly cost me.' And then you book him a flight (but one you can cancel), that you show him by screenshot (which you then 11th-hour cancel). And then, if/when he tries to rage at you, respond with something like, 'Yeah, that's right: I did! Cheers, Teach!'. (But only if he really cannot get at you.) "I keep repeating to myself their not worth any thoughts!" Well, they ARE, actually. Your subconscious (your 'Back Room staff') does need your input here and there, to keep up-to-date with their memo reports as including latest findings. You just need to keep predominantly ranting about it (it's low-grade crying but where anger rules and keeps you convicted, head ABOVE the quicksand). "They say times a healer I'm determined to get through this nightmare." You will. You already are doing it. Super-fast. De-drip, de-drip, de-drip. Your ACTIONS say so. The lingering feelings are just a design fault (out-of-date signalling system with downsides). Could you afford Xmas somewhere hot and beautiful for you and the kids? Or cold but magical? That'd definitely do it! "Hope you're feeling well rested today ❣️" Nope! (Note the time.) Hahahahah. Going to bed in a min. Just hoping I pigged-out on sleep enough Friday night so I won't feel like shite tomorro- er, today.

"Just a quick update to let you know he's still trying to contact me on everything and he seems to be still with the gf and back chatting on messenger, he doesn't seem to be giving so much love her way. Maybe he's getting bored?" Yip. "Even though he's searching for other women on Facebook. That might explain why he's searching?" Yip. They don't like being made to go slowly (i.e. normal-healthy rate). Can't be alone, plus, ain't got time when he's lost his main source of income (you). "I honestly don't recognise this man at all?" NOPE! You got to know the acted character, not the actor. It's the character you miss. Although, she's sat inside you, where she's always been (- I did explain about this bit, yes?). "I would love to high five him with a spade!!!" Haha! What - his palm? Or you mean - accidentally-on-purpose miss and hit his face? (Haha - 'That's how much I dig you, maaaan'.) Or - a spade you've been in the middle of using to shovel up cow-poo? Details, woman, details!

PPS: promised Rant Score: Technical Merit: 6. Artistic Impression: 7. Not bad? Keep going - you'll get better ....and soon enough, for long enough, have more fodder presented or that somehow comes to light: 'Narc-Sociopaths: the gift that keeps on giving' (meant sarcastically). Stay angry and you won't be shocked all over again. You ended on a high note though - with the spade comment. THAT'S more like it! So keep going. Don't cut it short for being worried about being 'in company'. It's like stopping a poo...REALLY bad for you...same with crying... let IT end itself, not you. We've all been there, remember? And you only have to remember to insert asterisks before pressing 'Click once to submit'. Soon as I see one that rivals any of my own, I'll let you know. ;) So...back to the Triple-Axel, ie. 'spade'.... :) Why a spade anyway? A white-hot frying-pan or iron, surely? Here - have you by any chance got new-found empathy and understanding for Lorraine Bobbit yet? Obviously it was OTT, but, he only had himself to blame. I mean, same sort of thing happens if you keep trapped, torture and torment a fluffy little kitten for long enough, eh. Out explodes the 'just sleeping' tiger. I've seen the previously mildest-mannered women and men go APE-sh*t when pushed too far for too long by them. (Laid-Back, my arse. Too scared of fighting mammal with THEIR mammal.) Ah, go aaaaan...Go and turn all the lights on. I mean, 'you felt SURE he was aiming to come back shortly - cos of all the attempts to contact, so, just in-case it was during the night, you thought you'd make it nicer for him, as a favour, and to show 'no hard feelings' - although you did also want him to see how well you'd spring-cleaned the place for him........but, then, you just COMPLETELY FORGOT! ...Same goes for collecting the furniture - and now it's too late!........ What are you LLLLIKE, eh? ...Cuh!......Oh yeah - you remember now: deaf, blind, and stupid, and with a short memory,...like a goldfish.............You like goldfish..., but you prefer fluffy little kittens because.... (etc.). 'Well, anyway, it seems like, without you, Thingumyjig, I'm USELESS, haha! Yours, Dory Girl (in a Dory World). PS: Just keep scaa-mming, just keep scaa-mming.' Stick your nose up at him as you look down on him - or - take the piss for your own entertainment - or - rant your face at him (in a way that rules out 'still in The Game') - or - stay 'dead' to him. Bottom-line point is: making it clear you've well-and-truly got his number and it begins and ends with Six, "ugh, get it away from me!". PS: I wonder how many fatherless kids he's got, scattered around? Assuming even HE knows. Night!

Yeah thanks for all your wise knowledge much appreciated. I'm becoming stronger everyday and it's becoming easier, I'm refusing to reply to him I want nothing to do with him, he can try get in contact with me everyday for a year to ten years I don't care. He'll learn to regret losing a great person and treating someone really cruel, I just hope he meets karma along the way.

Ooops the sh*t must be hitting the fan now, just seen he's been desperately trying to get in touch begging me to reply to his messages and calls as he's got too many problems and needs my help.. Well there you go, if I were to get in touch he'd be so relieved but I'm not gonna do that and spoil all the fun 😊 He's met karma now so I can take a back seat 😁

Heya! "Yeah thanks for all your wise knowledge much appreciated." Good. Because, if it wasn't, I'd be dead boring, haha! "I'm becoming stronger everyday and it's becoming easier," Good! You're on-course for breaking the Recovery Path pace, here!...for your specific tenure/situation/stage, definitely. You have an exceedingly speedy and intrepid jello. Tres handy pour toi. "I'm refusing to reply to him I want nothing to do with him," YEAH - UGH! Nasty, jumped-up little loser no-mark with his Magical Thinking (narc - etc - go google). You definitely know what you DON'T want, because of him, though, don't you...and Do Not's are learned faster than Do Dos (haha, scuse pun). "he can try get in contact with me everyday for a year to ten years I don't care." HE will, though. Oh, yes. "He'll learn to regret losing a great person and treating someone really cruel," Oh, yes, that part's guaranteed! But with them it's wholly about your uses, your conveniences...what you DID for them/their lifestyle and bank balance... It's not the kind of regret we'd have; those things would be firmly secondary to the love and fancying, by a mile. "I just hope he meets karma along the way." Then you have to keep watching. Can you still watch, undetected? Also...Are you getting any strange Friends invitations or suggestions lately?

Ooh - another one!... "Ooops the sh*t must be hitting the fan now, just seen he's been desperately trying to get in touch begging me to reply to his messages and calls as he's got too many problems and needs my help.." 'THEN YA SHOULDA THOUGHTA THAT!' (or got yourself into therapy). (I'll bet he was a school thief or delinquent. Did you glean any clues in that respect?) "Well there you go, if I were to get in touch he'd be so relieved but I'm not gonna do that and spoil all the fun 😊" Ab-so-LUTELY! Dahling, you paid good MONEY for this! "He's met karma now so I can take a back seat 😁" Nnnnnnoooo? Feelings Are Not Facts. How he FEELS about his self-made situation (boo-hoo, save me, Pressganged Mummyyyy!) is not Karma. 'Just keep wa-tching, Just keep wa-tching...'. :) (Fate is no Lightweight.)

"Ooops the sh*t must be hitting the fan now, just seen he's been desperately trying to get in touch begging me to reply to his messages and calls as he's got too many problems and needs my help.." I recommend this reply (IF you give into the temptation): 'Ask your girlfriend, it's her job now'.

Let's place bets for how long he'll keep up with the cajoling and begging (Hoover Phase One). Bearing in mind he began shortly after losing the bride's sister who went back to her fella, AND when realising his shopkeeper was a tougher nut to crack than he'd bargained for, which was beginning September, meaning, it's been a whole month already - How much longer do you reckon? And may I see him pasted in so I can give it an educated stab? PS: after the cajoling and begging comes the tirade - usually. Let's see... They switch between begging/purring, ranting/insulting, and going silent on you....round and round and round. Anything but admitting their despicable crime and begging for the right reasons. I wonder what lie of an excuse he'd come out with? He's morbidly fascinating, isn't he. That's Narc-Spaths for ya.

Oh, btw - found this for you, re his making-you-laugh crap that so easily gets mistaken (in amongst everything else) for caring. It's not caring, it dismissal in a gaslighting stylee: https://www.livewellwithsharonmartin.com/emotional-invalidation-emotional-abuse/ "How others invalidate your feelings Sometimes emotional invalidation is done accidentally by someone who is well-meaning but has a low emotional intelligence or simply isn’t paying attention to your feelings. A common form of invalidation is when someone tries to cheer you up when you’re sad because they feel uncomfortable with your feelings. This can be invalidating because your feelings are being dismissed when someone wants to change your feelings rather than accept them or understand them."

See, though? N-Spaths, what they're up to at any given time, can be REALLY subtle (Covert) and missable underneath the thick & innocent but well-meaning act (Overt).

PS: Anyone can do that - 'tickle you better'. But it's what WHOLE PACKAGE of behaviours it lives with that provide the nuance. Here, it's an Inappropriate response. N-Spaths' middle name (after Shameless) is Inappropriate.

He's given me an idea... Since he loves 'tickling out of it' so much - if he somehow manages to get a hold of you - do it to him. E.g.: Out of money? What - completely? Oh nooooo, what are you gonna do when your shoeeees break? You'll have to wear Litre Coke-bottles?...you know, the plastic ones,..where you crush them flat then insert your feet into the labels, like straps? You could start a new fashion - hahahahahahaha! I wonder what they'd sound like, along a pavement...? Hahaha. ...Early Warning System - HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! - give everyone a chance to scarper! What will you need next, do we think? ....Of course - knickers!...knickers!...you can't do without knickers, HAHA!! Let's think what could you use there, instead...? (...and keep going until he slams the phone down in murderous disgust.) (God...so tempting, isn't it...)

(PS: "Just keep shop-lifffting, just keep shop-lifffting..." - haha!)

Awk thanks for all your information and advice much appreciated. Nothing really to update he's still trying to get in contact with me, I'm still not having it. Been surrounding myself with friends and recently an old friend got in contact with me from years ago, so I've been kept busy between catching up with everyone and work. Things are definitely becoming easier to accept and of course he's uploading pictures of him and his girlfriend to his family on messenger. I'm slowly not clicking into his messages as much as it's getting to the point it's boring me. I'd just love to reach out to ex next year to try get my money back that he promised me, whether he does or not is another thing?? But not holding my breath!!! Anyhow if there's anything else happens I'd log on and update.. Until then stay safe and stay well 😊 Laterzzz!! ❤️

Oh, go on, then - one more before bed (..."azzit's yer Biiirth-dee" - name the Jenny Agutter film!). "Awk thanks for all your information and advice much appreciated." And your appreciation and information is much appreciated too! :) "Nothing really to update he's still trying to get in contact with me, I'm still not having it." Still... OMG... No self-respect, look. But I'd say it's clear he needs to come back to "UK-so-et-ez". "Been surrounding myself with friends and recently an old friend got in contact with me from years ago, so I've been kept busy between catching up with everyone and work." Excellent! Very impressive! From years ago, eh? What's been happening to her, then? Anything similar? What prompted her to get back in touch? Was it seeing your FB status change or something? Or have you posted about git-features on your page? "Things are definitely becoming easier to accept and of course he's uploading pictures of him and his girlfriend to his family on messenger." OH! So, presumably, that going quiet and fishing elsewhere of his, was him givig her a Silent Treatment or subtle sudden Withdrawal of Attention & Affection?.....and it worked?...including to finally go to bed with him? Tsk. Silly girl. "I'm slowly not clicking into his messages as much as it's getting to the point it's boring me." What can I say? Look at how incredibly quickly that happened. And all because you let yourself feel and express your anger freely. (And because you're speedy-brained and a natural-born self-healer, of course.) "I'd just love to reach out to ex next year to try get my money back that he promised me, whether he does or not is another thing?? But not holding my breath!!!" Nah. Won't happen. The ONLY way to get your money back is, as I say - TAKE his call and cite your conditions for return - which is said loans back. (He'll find the money, don't YOU worry. His persistence against all odds and distance says so.) I did this with a valuable vase with sentimental value...Nex had asked me to store it at mine because of his young daughter during custody weekends. I knew it was him planting a bridge as future insurance (to force contact If) (When, more like). Come the end, when I'd had enough to know he was NOT just in a post-divorcal bad place, but another weirdo githead, and STILL hadn't offered to pay me back for something (3 years on at that point), I said - 'Put a cheque for 700 through my letterbox and as soon as it clears, I'll email you to come collect it'. Got my 700 squid back, innit. (When finally you KNOW what they are and are up to, the cowardly Coverts fold and do as they're told. They think they'll get you back in their shackles if they do and just bide a bit of time. (Fail) But you can help them with that delusion by SOUNDING like you do...like it's just to re-level the playing field before you agree to get back on it (fail).) What I DIDN'T tell him, was that I would email to say - 'Okay, it's cleared. Vase is just on the kerb in a white plastic bag, next to the Wheelie Bins. Best hurry cos they collect at 10.' "Anyhow if there's anything else happens I'd log on and update.. Until then stay safe and stay well 😊 Laterzzz!! ❤️" Cool! Equally, though - if you do find you have a spare 5, if you could help us out for a bit longer with a response post or two, pretty-please, be your best friend, you can have my last Red Starburst...???